i wish i could blame work

For a while, you were my every poem. I knew I couldn’t draw,  so I tried to write you down instead. I don’t think any of those pieces did you justice. No metaphors or similes I could pen could actually encompass what it was like to experience you. I wonder if you ever came across any of them, if you smiled or laughed or maybe even cried, depending on the content. They weren’t always happy pieces. I never did feel right seeing a sunset without you. Your voice was the only song I would never think of skipping if given the option, so when I was no longer allowed to hear it, I longed for it. I guess that’s how it goes when someone you love leaves. You wish you loved them harder and held onto them tighter when you had the chance, as if somehow the fault is in the strength of your muscles. Some would say that Shakespeare got it wrong, that the fault really is in our stars, that they just weren’t meant to be. I don’t know what to say about us. Maybe fate had something to do with it, but what about free will? You didn’t have to go. You could’ve stayed, we could’ve tried to make things work, but you decided to walk away anyway. How could I blame the stars for that?
—  The fault in ourselves. // Maxwell Diawuoh
{RP Starters} Coldplay X&Y Album

❝ You’re in control. ❞  
❝ Is there anywhere you want to go?  ❞  
❝ Is there anything you want to know?  ❞
❝ The future’s made for discovering.  ❞  
❝ You just want somebody listening to what you say. ❞ 
❝ It doesn’t matter who you are. ❞ 
❝ What if there was no light? ❞ 
❝ What if there was no time? ❞ 
❝ What if you should decide that you don’t want me there by your side? ❞ 
❝ Let’s take a breath, jump over the side. ❞ 
❝ Every step that you take could be your biggest mistake. ❞ 
❝ I want to feel like that. ❞
❝ Maybe you’ll get what you wanted. ❞
❝ I cannot hear, you’re breaking up. ❞
❝ An answer now is what I need. ❞
❝ Oh come on, love, stay with me. ❞
❝ Could it be worse? ❞
❝ Lights will guide you home. ❞
❝ I will try to fix you. ❞  
❝ But if you never try, you’ll never know just what you’re worth. ❞
❝ I promise you, I will learn from my mistakes. ❞
❝ I can’t get through. ❞
❝ I’ve been trying hard to reach you, ‘cause I don’t know what to do. ❞
❝ I can’t believe it’s true. ❞ 
❝ I’m so scared about the future, and I wanna talk to you. ❞ 
❝ In the future, where will I be? ❞ 
❝ Are you lost or incomplete? ❞ 
❝ Tell me how you feel. ❞ 
❝ Nothing’s really making any sense at all. ❞ 
❝ Let’s talk. ❞ 
❝ I’m diving off the deep end. ❞ 
❝ You became my best friend. ❞ 
❝ I wanna love you, but I don’t know if I can. ❞ 
❝ I know something is broken, and I’m trying to fix it. ❞ 
❝ How long before I get in? ❞ 
❝ How long before you decide? ❞ 
❝ Where to, where do I go? ❞ 
❝ How long am I gonna stand with my head stuck under the sand? ❞ 
❝ I’ll start before I can stop. ❞ 
❝ If you could see it, then you’d understand. ❞ 
❝ Some things, you have to believe. ❞ 
❝ All those signs, I knew what they meant. ❞ 
❝ You don’t have to be alone. ❞
❝ Your heavy heart is made of stone. ❞    
❝ I’m not gonna take it back. ❞ 
❝ You’re the target that I’m aiming at. ❞ 
❝ Got to get that message home. ❞ 
❝ I’m nothing on my own. ❞ 
❝ I love you, please come home. ❞ 
❝ You see the world in black and white. ❞ 
❝ You think you’ll never get it right – but you’re wrong. You might. ❞ 
❝ You mean more to me than any color I see. ❞ 
❝ All you ever wanted was love, but you never look hard enough. ❞ 
❝ I feel low. ❞ 
❝ The hardest part was letting go. ❞
❝ I could feel it go down… ❞ 
❝ I wish that I could work it out. ❞ 
❝ You really broke my heart. ❞ 
❝ I tried to sing, but I couldn’t think of anything. ❞ 
❝ You left the sweetest taste in my mouth. ❞ 
❝ I wonder what it’s all about. ❞ 
❝ Everything I do is wrong. ❞ 
❝ Everything I do, it just comes undone. ❞ 
❝ Everything is torn apart. ❞ 
❝ That’s the hardest part. ❞ 
❝ I can only blame myself. ❞ 
❝ You can only blame me. ❞ 
❝ That’s where I belong. ❞ 
❝ You belong with me. ❞ 
❝ You cut me down to size and opened up my eyes. ❞ 
❝ What good is it to live with nothing left to give? ❞ 
❝ Don’t fight for the wrong side. ❞ 
❝ Say how you feel. ❞ 
❝ If somebody made it, someone will mess it up. ❞ 
❝ It belongs to all of us. ❞ 
❝ I feel my time – my time has come. ❞ 
❝ Let me in. Unlock the door. ❞ 
❝ I’ve never felt this way before. ❞ 
❝ I don’t know which way I’m going. ❞ 
❝ I don’t know which way I’ve come. ❞ 
❝ I need someone who understands. ❞ 
❝ For you, I’ve waited all these years. ❞ 
❝ For you, I’d wait ‘til Kingdom Come. ❞ 
❝ Just say you’ll wait for me. ❞ 
❝ I wouldn’t change a single thing. ❞ 

Christine and Chloe eventually convince Michael to tell Jeremy how he feels
Michael decides to do it over text since he doesn’t think he could handle doing it in person

Michael: Hey Jeremy can we talk? 
Jeremy: sure whats up
Michael: This is gonna be hard for me to say but
Jeremy: hey its ok take your time
Michel: I have a huge crush on you and I’ve had it for a few years now.  Sorry.
Jeremy: shit im sorry michael but I dont feel the same im sorry
Michael: Oh right yeah sorry dude didn’t mean to make this awkward haha
Jeremy: you ok
Michael: I’m sure I’ll be fine 

Michael’s crying at this point 
Both Chloe and Christine had convinced him to tell Jeremy because they thought he felt the same
But obviously, they were wrong
Of course they were
Why would anyone like Michael
He was annoying
Loud
Stupid
A loser 
A stoner
And to top it all off now he didn’t even have a best friend 

When Michael tells her, Chloe is all ready to fight Jeremy but Michael tells her to let it go
Over time the group splits
With Michael, Brooke, Chloe, Jenna and Christine in one grou[
And Jeremy, Rich and Jake in the other
Over time the two sides of the group lose most contact
Though Chloe and Jake still talk from time to time 

In his second year of college, Jeremy works out that he is definitely bi after a few nights at a club 
In his last year of college, Jeremy realises that he was actually in love with Michael 
But it’s too late to do anything about that 

Chloe invites both sides of the group to her and Brooke’s wedding  
Everyone shows
Except Jeremy
Michael tries not to let it get to him
But it does
He’s just so angry that Jeremy allowed all of this to become so awkward between them
They were meant to be a team
Player 1 and Player 2
Who cares if it’s platonic or romantic?
He just wants his best friend back

Rich and Jake’s wedding? No Jeremy 

When Brooke has her first kid? No Jeremy 

When Jenna gets promoted to head of her newspaper? No Jeremy 

When Michael is half asleep on his sofa with a glass of wine in his hand after looking after Christine Lohst all day? Of course that’s when he shows up 

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK 
Ugh they’re gonna start to shout soon
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Oh hell yeah I’ll open it soon
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
It sucks Chlo left me here alone
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
Here in this toddler’s battle zone
CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG
I feel a headache coming up
BANG BANG BANG BANG
Is Chloe ever giving up?
Splash splash splash splash
Throw some water in my face
Now I’m in a better place I open up the door and - 

“JeReMy!" 
"MiChAeL!”
“Wait why are you surprised? This is my house”
“Christine said it was he- oh shit”
“Christine said what?”
“NOTHING”
“You’re a terrible liar Jeremy”
“But she didn’t say ANYTHING”
Michael raises an eyebrow
“Really?”
“Ok fine well she may have told me that this was her new apartment and so I was stopping in to visit her like I usually do”
“…you usually visit Christine?”
“…yeah”
“So are you two…”
“NO NO NO she’s not my type”
“Oh”
“Yeah”
“Why are you still here Jeremy? Christine’s not here.  Unless you wanted lil Christine in which case she’s sleeping in the guest room”
“Right yeah sorry.  I’m bothering you aren’-”
“You’re no-”
“I’ll jus-”
“You don’t ha-”
“By-”
“COME IN FOR A DRINK”
“Uh what?”
“Would you like to come in for a drink?”
“Oh I…”
“You don’t have to Jeremy, it was just an idea”
“No it’s ok I’ll come in”

Michael finds another wine glass
“Red ok?”
“Red’s perfect thanks”

“So Jeremy how’s everything? What are you doing now?" 
“Oh I’m a games developer”
“You don’t look particularly excited about that? That was like your dream job”
“Oh well normally people get really bored when I talk about work”
“Jeremy you’re talking to the guy who was tempted to play apocalypse of the damned with his adopted niece this morning”
Jeremy looks at up that
“Apocalypse of the damned huh? We never did finish it did we?”
“Never too late to continue”
Both of them look at each other and then there’s a quick scramble to the living room

“I don’t know how well it’s gonna work cos I obviously haven’t played it in years" 
“Dude the console doesn’t have a speck of dust don’t lie to me you probably played this yesterday”
“Shut up Mr Games Developer”
“Touché”
The loading screen comes up and it’s just like high school again
Just the two of them
Michael presses start an-
“UNCLE JEREMY”
Lil Christine comes in
“Uh hey Chrissie”
“Uncle Michael why didn’t you tell me Uncle Jeremy was gonna be here”
“I didn’t know myself”
“Mom’s gonna be so happy”
Both men look at each other
Michael speaks first
“Uh why?”
“Because mom is always talking about how you two should have been together and now you are!”

Jeremy and Michael both go bright red and neither of them speaks
“OH NO I BROKE YOU!”
Michael manages to get some words out  
“Nah Chrissie it’s fine.  Why don’t you back to bed and I’ll come in and see you in a moment”
“But I want to talk to Unc-”
“Christine Lohst - bed now”
“Fiiiiiiiiine" 

"I’m sorry about her”
“She’s not the one who’s apparently been telling her three year old that we should be together”
“Chloe has very strong feelings about what happened in high school”
“So do I”
Michael stares at him, saying nothing
 "I shouldn’t have let your feelings get in the way of our friendship and I’m so sorry that I did.  It was stupid and I hate myself for it"
“Wait shit no don’t say that.  I’m just as much to blame as you are.  It’s not like I really tried to keep our friendship together.  I thought it’d be easier to just let it fall apart.”
“So we’re both sorry and stupid and wish we could be friends again?”
“Definitely”
“Then I’m glad to be your new old friend Michael Mell”
“And I’m glad to be yours Jeremy Heere”
“I should probably tell you something though”
“What?”
“In my last year of college I worked something out - I was an idiot in high school.”
“We already said this”
“For another reason.  I was an idiot because I didn’t realise I was head over heels for you" 
"WHAT”
“I’m sorry Michael.  It took me so long to figure it out and I just rejected you in high school even though I felt the same”
“What about now?”
“What?”
“Do you feel the same now?”
Jeremy takes in Michael
His scruffy hair, his glasses that need to be pushed up, the oversized hoodie he still hasn’t gotten rid of and looks into his eyes
“Yes" 
"Oh”
“Oh?”
“Oh”
“Well, what about you Michael? Do you still like me?”
Michael doesn’t even hesitate
“YES”
“OH”
“OH”

tbh i feel like everyone that knows sebastian stan is like lowkey in love with him. anthony mackie spent the entire press tour for cacw complimenting him on how good he was looking, on how good he was in catws, on how much funnier he was this press tour. chris evans is like “i love sebastian he’s just the sweetest kid in the world, i wish you could all know him”. don saladino in literally every work out video he posts, is yelling at everyone else there, but the moment he has to motivate Seb he’s like “i’ll help you man, you got this” and then when he does something well he’s like “seb is smashing it! good boy Seb, amazing work”. like everyone that knows him is lowkey in love with him and i don’t blame them even slightly

Each lion loves their Paladin. They admire how brave their Paladins are, and want to do the best they can.

“My Pilot,” is how Blue calls her Paladin. She is proud he is her Paladin. His type of flying is fun, and it brings her joy. He tells the most wild stories of his home pack, of the other Paladins. Sometimes he misses his home, but he is proud to stand and do his duty to help defend the universe.
“My Pilot, can we do that spin again?! It’s been so long since I’ve done flips!”
“My Pilot, you’ve brought a friend! Oh, is she a friend? That does not look like how you hold a friend.”
“I will not call you Sharpshooter. You are My Pilot.”

“Idiot Cub,” is how Red originally thinks of her Paladin. He is quick to act, he panics internally and is quick to make decisions. She does not initially take to her Paladin, but when he protects her, “Idiot Cub” becomes “My Cub.” She would go to the ends of all universes to protect her Paladin, because his fiery passion is a perfect match for her own. It matters not he is part Galra. She loves him all the same.
“My Cub, as upset as you are, we must continue forward. Do not worry. We will exact revenge for those lost.”
“My Cub, your heritage does not mean you are bad. There was a time I knew many good Galra. Perhaps your mother was one of them…”
“LET’S GO GET THEM, CUB! WE WILL LIBERATE THESE INNOCENTS!”

“My Bird” is how Green calls her Paladin. Hearing her Paladins friends call them Pidge, she learns Pidge could be short for pigeon, a subtype of an Earth species called bird. She loves to amuse her Paladin, letting them tinker with her mechanics, helping to make her stronger. She listens to her Paladin talk about their family, about how they hope to find them. Green vows to help search the universe for “Matt” and “Dad”
“My Bird! My Bird, you can look at my panels now! Look, look!”
“My Bird, tell me about ‘Dad’ again. Can 'Dad’ be my friend too?”
“My Bird, you have to sleep! You can’t continue working if you are dead on your feet! That’s it! I’m shutting down, and you can’t stop me!”

“Friend,” is how Yellow refers to his Paladin. His Paladin can be very anxious, but he is so brave he will push all his fears aside to help those in need. Yellow loves to hear his Paladin talk, loves to hear about Earth mechanics and mathmatics. Humans seem to be a little behind technologically speaking, but Yellow is consistently impressed with his paladins ability to build, create, and repair with things he has only just started to use as tools. Yellow’s Paladin is kind, he cares deeply for his friends, cares deeply for his lion, so Yellow calls him “Friend” in return, because he cares about his Paladin too.
“Hello, Friend! Have you come to work on your 'Make-shift’ human objects?”
“Friend, you can breathe. There is air around you, open your lungs…”
“Who is this Balmeran girl you think of? Is she nice? Is she a friend? Any friend of Friend is my friend!”

“My Paladin,” is how Black refers to her pilot. She calls him this often, but he always seems to forget. She feels guilt, mourning for her corrupted past paladin, all the while mourning for the loss of innocence for her current Paladin. Her Paladin is too forgiving, in her opinion. He constantly blames himself for things he has no control over. She tries her best to ease his pain, tries to prevent nightmares and occasionally he gets a dreamless sleep. She loves her paladin, maybe more than she ever has. He is brave, and strong, and too self-sacrificial. She will keep him safe.
“Good work, My Paladin…”
“My Paladin, you did what was necessary, dwelling on the past will not ease your heavy heart. How I wish I could remove this weight off your shoulders…”
“Rest, My Paladin, I have you…”

Drabble Prompt: Isak and Even Sitting in a tree...

This work of crack fluff mess can only be blamed on @softestisak who has been hounding me about it for like 2 weeks. Here you go, dearest :P

(now i really wish I could draw because I want the two of them up in a tree more than life)

———————————

If there was ever one thing Isak could say about Even Bech Naesheim, it was that he was never boring.

“What’s the weather like down there?”

And Isak is dumbstruck with his hand over his eyes to block the sun but even the bright rays aren’t doing anything to cloud the sight in front of him.

Isak chokes out something of a laugh. “What the fuck are you doing?”

Even leans back, feet dangling unassumingly as his back hits the trunk of a giant oak tree. Only Even is not a normal person who would just oh-so-casually be sitting in front of the tree.

No.

He has to be the idiot who climbs the sucker. Who climbed the tree and is now sitting contentedly on a branch a good 10 feet up from the grass, looking like he hadn’t a care in the world.

That was Even Bech Naesheim.

“When I got your text, I was assuming a picnic or maybe that you were going to sketch something out here.”

“Ah Isak,” Even tilts his head back and closes his eyes for a few gentle moments. When he opens them again- well he has never looked so free, “You should know by now to expect the unexpected.”

“Are you stuck?”

Even laughs, but doesn’t reply.

What he does do, however, is kick his shoe at Isak; nearly nailing him the chest (thank god for quick reflexes,) Isak holds up the offending shoe in victory.

Even pats the spot next to him, “Let’s go.”

“What?” Isak looks around, “Me? Up there? No?”

“Why not?”

“’Why not,’ he asks,” Isak says, pitching his voice lowly, “Um- because I don’t want to die?”

“Come on, baby. If I can get up here so can you.” Even pauses and the corners of his mouth tilt up, “Unless you’re too scared?”

Isak rolls his eyes, “No- I know what you’re doing. You’re trying to psych me out; make me feel like I want to go up there to prove something.” 

“Oh,” Even leans his head back and shuts his eyes again, pulling down a pair of Isak’s sunglasses down from the crown of his head, “Suit yourself down there.”

Well then.

Isak stands there for approximately a minute and a half.

“Fuck.” And he throws his backpack down, making for the trunk of the tree. The climb isn’t too bad; really it only takes like five moves maximum before he’s slinging himself onto the same branch. 

Even grins and slides the sunglasses back up, “Look at you.”

“I’m going to die,” Isak looks down and shuts his eyes, “Can this branch hold us?”

“I guess we’ll find out.”

“That’s comforting.” Isak takes a breath and leans back against the trunk, turning his head ever so slightly to look at his boyfriend, “Halla. Why are we in a tree?”

Even shrugs, “I planned a picnic- the food is down there on the other side- 

“I knew it.”

“-but then I just wanted to feel like I was above the ground for a little while. It’s weird to explain.”

Isak lets out a small puff of air through his nose, “Not it’s not. Makes sense.”

“It does, doesn’t it?”

Isak scooted over the tiniest bit, barely holding in undignified squeaks when the branch shakes a bit with effort, but finally stops when his thing is pressed firmly up against Even’s.

Even glances at Isak’s face. “Hi.”

And then something passes over his face and he’s laughing hard enough to shake the surrounding branches. Isak clamps down on the trunk, “What the fuck?”

“Sorry, sorry,” Even inhales, “I just though- you know that children’s song? The one about kissing in a tree?”

Isak looks at him like he’s crazy, “What?”

“You know,” Even hums, “Isak and Even sitting in a tree…”

He trails off and waits for Isak to fill in the blanks…

“Oh that one,” Isak laughs a bit too, stopping when the branch moves again, “K- I- S-S-I-N-G.”

Even’s eyes are bright as he reaches out a hand to smooth down Isak’s cheek, before cupping the back of his neck and pulling him in a bit. Just enough to brush his lips across Isak’s.

When he pulls back, Isak is soft and smiley. “Wasn’t that just adorable? Eskild would be melting. We should Instagram this.”

Cherry Lips (Negan x Kimi)

Word Count: 2,762
Genre: Smut
Fandoms: Negan, The Walking Dead, Jeffrey Dean Morgan
Pairings: Negan x Kimi (Original Female Character)
Rating: Explicit
AO3 Link: http://archiveofourown.org/works/10910652
Warnings: Language. Confrontation. Firearms. Shooting guns. Near car accident. Inappropriate erections. Writing on skin. Oral sex. Blowjob with teeth. Vaginal Sex.

Summary: Written for Ash’s Negan Writing Challenge. Negan picks up a haul from Alexandria and is then held at gunpoint by a rival group. He meets his match in their bold red-lipsticked leader, Kimi, who demands a private meeting to negotiate a naughty trade.

Negan and his men were headed back to the Sanctuary from Alexandria after a very successful pickup. Negan didn’t need to be there but he went along to indulge in his favorite pastime of antagonizing Rick. Driving along the wooded path, his truck first in the line of vehicles, he smirked to himself and tapped the steering wheel to the beat of a song that only he could hear.

“You’re in a good mood today,” Simon said, side-eying the boss man a bit. Of course, while there was respect between the two men, Simon didn’t think of Negan as his boss, but more of an equal. For the most part, Negan felt the same, and that was why their relationship went on so smoothly compared to the way things were with the other Saviors.

Negan whistled and slapped the steering wheel. “You’re damn fucking right I’m in a good mood, buddy boy! There is nothing I love more than getting under Rick the Prick’s skin.” He laughed, picturing what the scene back at Alexandria must be like after he left Rick emasculated once again. “Did you see him squirming back there? Fucking priceless.”

“That I did, boss. That I did. I think we got ourselves the ideal whipping boy.” Simon nodded his head with satisfaction and took a swig from the can of orange soda that he had pilfered from their haul, wiping the neon liquid from his thick mustache. “Goddamn, life is good.”

Just as Negan was about to agree with him, the front tire of the truck was shot out. The truck skidded and came close to wrapping itself around a tree before Negan could get the brakes to do their job. “What the shit? Lucille, give me strength!”

In front of them, partially concealed by the dense growth of the woods, was a band of survivors outfitted with a respectable arsenal. Negan’s men were already out of their trucks and aiming their weapons at this new group when Negan stepped out and commanded them to hold their fire.

“Weapons down,” he said assuredly, directing his words to both his men and theirs, approaching these newcomers without apprehension. “If you wanted us dead, you would have shot us by now. I’m a man who likes to negotiate. What is it that you’re after?”

Keep reading

Dear Cat,

I’ll be there as soon as I can.  I am as impatient as you are to spend my time on more pleasurable things.  I wish I could blame my delay on a heroic rescue or precautionary quarantine or world-ending crisis.  But the truth is, I have to work.  


We poor stringers are paid by the word and I’m already on thin ice with Snapper having stretched the deadline of my last two assignments.  He was as relieved as anyone to hear you were alright and I think he gave me a pass on some of my slacking off, but I do need to keep my job, waiting lips notwithstanding.  And now he seems to be punishing me for my absence.

I had hoped to address the concerns of your previous letter in person, however since we are once-again forced to be apart, pen and paper will have to do.  So… Sit down and pay attention.

Whether you are recovering or sleeping or running an empire, you are stunning and perfect and breathtaking and how many times am I going to have to tell you this before you own your beauty?  Even without a speck of fancy makeup or an ounce of hairspray, you are everything I could ever want in a woman, so stop fretting and just get better.

You’ll always be safe with me.  And I know we talked about impossible promises, but this one I’m sure of.  When you are in my presence, not a curly hair on that brilliant head will come to harm.   You are mine, just as much as I am yours, and I take care of what’s mine.

I know none of this will be easy and I know we still have much to discuss.  We’ll wait until you’re feeling stronger.  Having you drift off mid-sentence while lecturing me on the complexities of what we’re facing was enough to tell me we have to take our time.  But being accustomed to superspeed makes ‘taking it slow’ a bit of an extra challenge for me.  On top of which, I can feel you beginning to talk yourself out of this, out of some kind of misplaced altruism or societal ageist insecurity.  Don’t.  I’m a big girl, Cat Grant.  Don’t make my decisions for me.  Hold onto that jealous streak, if that’s what keeps you with me, but I won’t let you push me away without a fight.

If anyone should be feeling completely out of her depth, it’s me…

You asked me what I’m sure you think was a rhetorical question.  It’s funny you should mention superpowered kisses.  I do have one, little-known, little-used power tied to my kiss.  Clark had to use it on Lois once, years ago, and he’s warned me of its danger too many times to count.  You have my word I won’t use it on you, unless you ask for it, but if there is ever something you’re desperate to forget, I may be able to help you.  I hope you know what you’re getting yourself into.  Nothing about being with me will be normal, even though that’s all I’ve ever wanted.

Yours and ready to shout it from the rooftops,

Bold Gryffindor

We are Gryffindor.
We are red and gold.
We are the roar in the wild.
We are ashes and smoke.

We are loud jokes and pub crawls with our mates. We are tough but we don’t care.
Sometimes our mouth is faster then our mind.
Sometimes our wand is faster then our thoughts.
We might apologise.
We run before we walk and ride into the sun. We are the spark of the revolution and the kids from yesterday.
We are the legends of tomorrow.
We are the firework in the sky.
We bloom and sparkle and shine.

And fade.

Lights only shine in the dark.
And sometimes the dark is stronger then our glow.
Sometimes the cold is harsher then our flames.
Sometimes we grit our teeth and try to hold on.
And sometimes that doesn’t work.

Sometimes our adventures turn into disasters.
Sometimes our pranks hurt.
And you blame us.
And so do we.

And we are sorry.
So sorry.

Sometimes my friends turn away.
And I am left.
Alone.
And confused.
Then shocked.
Then angry.

Sometimes I wish I could be more like them.

But then they are back.
My friends.
My family.

And we laugh together.
Live together.
Write stories together.
And I know we can make it.

We are forever.
We are the lions.
We are the kings of our world.

As long as we are one.

{So please, don’t leave me}

It’s weird how something as mundane as someone jokingly bumping into me can trigger a shutdown or a meltdown. Happened to me yesterday, while i was trying to maintain my “Neurotypical mask” at work.

This person kept ramming herself against me, because i told her that she represented an “obstacle” between me and the person i needed to talk to (i was trying to crack a joke like NT tend to do, in order to fit in a little bit better.). Needless to say, i wasn’t really productive after that.

I left my work crying, barely able to walk or to think, and i went to my bed for the rest of the evening, curled up, tired and yet unable to sleep. This kind of thing tend to happen to me at least twice a week, for the most mundane reasons.

Yes, it’s frustrating. Yes, i often wish i could be stronger, more resistant. Yes, sometimes, i hate myself and i think of me as weak. Do I blame my autism for all of that ? Do i wish that my autism could just go away ? No. Absolutely not.

I blame society for its ableism. I blame this system for making me afraid to say the words “Please, don’t touch me like that, i’m autistic and it upsets me”.

I blame society for making me not being able to be upfront about my diagnosis, without risking to lose my job, my independance, my right to vote (i saw a documentary recently about autistic people in France. And yeah, one of them clearly stated that he was not allowed to vote…), my freedom.

Relatives of autistic people, ask yourself if the problems your autistic relatives are facing, and your own issues, are really due to their autism or if the real problem is the way society is shaped.

Society is putting a deep pressure on those who are deemed different (because of their disability, sexuality, skin tone and so on) and being “out” and proud about who you are and your difference is shameful and should be repressed, by society’s standards. 

Support your autistic relatives. Help them. Love them. Try to understand them. And, most of all, listen to them, whatever way they’re using to communicate with you.

And you, my dear autistic readers, here’s a reminder to you : you’re awesome, you’re so strong to handle everything that society is putting up on us and you’re definitely worthy of love

9

I hate that they had to say this I feel so bad about the outcome. They worked so hard for this album and they honestly deserve to be appreciated more THEY DESERVE THE WHOLE DAMN WORLD. I wish there was more I could do for them but there’s only so much I could do I love them so much and I seriously hope they don’t beat themselves up over the outcome honestly I blame jyp for the unecessary ass dating scandal 😑

So FYI to all the Reddit fanboys, and for the tumblr antis who decided to join forces with them. Specifically for one man in particular, who decided it would be a great idea to leak my private chats, doctoring conversations where he implicated me in something I did not do, and forcing me to leak details on my private life.

Remember how I said I had issues with being called a rape fetishist on a gate-kept reddit forum:

^My private chat

^The gate-kept subreddit

Remember how I explained in very clear terms that I would not have issue with this anti if she simply left me and the others alone?

^My private chat

Remember how—when you fed us receipts from their chats (of an extremely personal nature)—I said that I planned to avoid public beef, unless my hand was absolutely forced? That I didn’t do personal dirt? Remember how I wasn’t the only one who said this?

^My private chat

And remember when I was trying to explain why I found personal dirt so goddamn uncomfortable, this was your response:

^My private chat

Remember how you told the reddit fanboys, and Dremora specifically (through your doctored receipts) that a group of reylo shippers were stalking her? Specifically how you implicated me?

And yet when I was explaining to you how uncomfortable I was with personal dirt and I did not doxx, this was what you said. That you were stalking her. (And how like a man, to say he’s stalking a woman and to bring up her kids):

^My private chat

Remember how—when her snagged tumblr handle came to light—I was very clear that I had nothing to do with it, multiple times (but was still angry and unsympathetic towards her)? Remember how I explained my reasons why?

^My private chats

Remember how—when you lied about what I said, and I called you on your lies—I still forgave you, even though you didn’t deserve it? 

^My private chat

And how, when I confronted you about the lies, and asked you to be truthful to me, multiple times, you weren’t? 

^My private chat

Do you remember how you told your reddit cohorts you were harassed, and forced from the chat? Do you remember how this is a straight up lie, because I was the one who offered to leave?

^My private chat

Remember how I said that playing a double agent had consequences? That sending private reylo chats to the reddit fanboys and vice versa would get you in trouble? How you might want to rethink your strategy?

Remember how you fed those receipts to us without prompting (except for one time, where I demanded to know about the rape fetish), when we were often not discussing the sub at all?

^My private chat

And how you tried to goad those in the chat into personal attacks? How you flat-out asked us to do your dirty work while you preserved your peachy golden-child status on reddit?

^My private chat

Remember how I said I receipt everything? How I’m good at collecting data? How I would not be kind if I found my stuff in the hands of antis? How I have no problem nuking my personal chats from orbit if you tried to box me?

@vulpeculavincere: earlier on today you messaged me as a reddit mod, trying to get to the bottom of this. I deeply appreciate the gesture, and wish we could talk privately and under better circumstances. I hold no ill will towards you as a person. Unfortunately I cannot complete this request, as my faith in the reddit mods’ neutrality is utterly absent.

Your fellow mods have known about this escalating debacle for days now, and instead of approaching this in logical fashion, or reaching out, they have decided it best to work with completely baseless accusations and make posts like this, where they decide to blame tumblr (see: dog-whistle, women) for stuff that reddit fanboys started. You know, when they’re running a spec sub devoting to slagging us:

If you want to come on here and start spitting vitriol or hate and not acknowledge and respect other people’s ideas and opinions, go back to your tumblrs and blogs and fanfic sites - we don’t want that here.

There are an overabundance of insulting, degrading, and harassing comments and posts being made of the last couple of months here. A part of this can be blamed on the influx of new members into the sub, especially those from other sites such as Tumblr

Tell the other mods that I know they have the doctored receipts, and that it’s not my responsibility to make reparations for a conflict that men started. Next time I drop receipts I won’t be so thorough in redacting names that have no business in being redacted.

Music Series: Tell Me How by Paramore

How appropriate that the next request in my inbox fit perfectly into a sequel for the last imagine I posted!

You can read part one, HERE

This is “Tell Me How” by Paramore. You can find the song on my Spotify playlist called Gloomy Poops, HERE. Thank you, Anon!

xo

Shelli

**********************

I can’t call you a stranger

But I can’t call you

I know you think that I erased you

You may hate me, but I can’t hate you

And I won’t replace you

Harry was devastated.

He may have been drunk, but he remembered every word that was said. Every emotion that was felt. And the look on your face the entire time.

He knew he hurt you when he left you, and he hated himself for it. He knew he deserved everything you said to him.

Harry hadn’t thought it out when his “image” needed to be protected and redirected, as the powers-that-be insisted he go along with the “new girlfriend” scheme to deflect a growing situation involving Harry. Although initially looking like a cheating boyfriend, they knew they would easily be able to clean it up later with the “truth”. They insisted it best to keep you in the dark at first, that you would understand why he couldn’t tell you right away, so that your reactions if seen in public would be genuine and honest…believable.

You hated him, and it was all his fault.

Tell me how to feel about you now

Oh, let me know

Do I suffocate or let go?

Harry didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know how to fix this. He didn’t know how to repair what he did to you, or even if he could.

He didn’t know how to feel anything for you, but love.

But he knew where he had to start.

“What do you mean, you’re not gonna do it?” the man said as Harry spoke with his team who had put the entire rouse together. “You’ve already done it! It’s already out there, H.”

“I know,” Harry said boldly. “And I should never have agreed to it. I want out of it.”

“How are we supposed to do that?” he asks.

“S’what you get paid for, isn’t it? Figure it out. I’m done.”

Harry must have been a fool for agreeing to such a thing. But he knew that these things always magically worked out when the time called for it. He was just calling time on it early.

I think I’m tired of getting over it, just starting something new again

I’m getting sick of the beginnings and always coming to your defenses

I guess it’s good to get it off my chest. I guess I can’t believe I haven’t yet

You know I got my own convictions, and they’re stronger than any addiction

And no one’s winning

Harry felt like he was becoming a stalker. He tried many times to talk to you, but you refused to answer his calls, didn’t reply to his texts, and you blocked him on all of your social media.

His closest friends tried to tell him, maybe he just needed to accept it and give up on being with you again. He made a bad choice by agreeing to the plot, and this was the repercussion of his actions. But Harry didn’t want to get over you. He didn’t want a relationship with anyone other than you. He wanted you.

A few times, trying to make him feel better about himself, friends would tell Harry you were being impossible and should at least give him a chance to work it out, and if not, he was better off without you. But Harry always defended you, making sure nobody thought you were at fault for any of it. He was tired of defending you, not for any other reason but that he hated for people to think badly of you for something he did.

“Have you tried talking to her again?” his sister asked him.

“I have!” Harry insists. “I’ve tried so many times, but she refuses to have anything to do with me.”

“Can’t say that I blame her, brother,” she says, shaking her head.

“I don’t blame her,” he admits. “But how can I come clean to her about everything, try to explain why it happened, when she won’t even let me talk to her? I feel horrible about this, and the more time that passes without her knowing the truth, the more I worry it will only be worse when she finds out.”

“Definitely nobody wins in this situation,” she says, laying her hand on his arm. “You hurt her, and you hurt yourself in the process. I wish I could help, brother, but I think you have to work this out.”

You keep me up with your silence, take me down with your quiet

Of all the weapons you fight with your silence is the most violent

Tell me how to feel about you now

Harry watched from his car as he saw you leave your apartment building and walk in the direction of your work. Your silence toward him was killing him. Maybe he deserved it…he knew he did. But he was determined to talk to you, even if it pissed you off. You were going to listen. Then if you still hated him, he would deal with that next. But he wasn’t going to do nothing at all.

As he watched you walk down the sidewalk, Harry put the car in drive and pulled up in front of you as you were about to cross into the street, making you abruptly halt your steps and catch your breath. You look at the car in shock, then see who is driving it and begin to walk around it.

“Please, love, wait!” Harry yells, jumping out of his car and running to catch up with you, leaving his car in the street. “Please, I just want to talk to you!”

He steps in front of you and doesn’t let you pass.

“Please, sweetheart,” he says sweetly. “I know you hate me, and I don’t blame you for it. I was stupid, and I led you to believe something that wasn’t true, and I want to explain it.”

You look around at the passing people who are staring, and hear the horns honking around Harry’s abandoned car a short distance from you in the traffic.

“Please, just…” Harry starts. “Let me take you to work, and let me explain everything to you. Then if you still hate me and want nothing to do with me…well, I’ll try to…accept it, and move on.”

You hear the horns blaring at Harry to move his car, and see someone across the road holding their phone up in front of them, most assuredly filming the entire scene. You look at Harry’s pleading eyes, then turn and walk toward his car, with him following quickly behind you. He opens the passenger door, closing it behind you, then quickly pulling the car away from the small traffic jam he caused.

You don’t have to tell me if you ever think of me

I know you see me dancing wildly in the fog of your memory

You don’t have to tell me

I can still believe

“Thank you for letting me try to explain,” he says to you, seeing you staring out the window of the car. You say nothing as he continues. “I know you hate me for what happened, love. I’m so sorry I hurt you. But…I didn’t cheat on you.”

You look down at your hands, then back out the front glass, still not speaking.

“There was a…a situation…that happened,” he tried to explain. “I know I don’t need to explain all the details. We’ve been together long enough for you to know about these situations and how they are dealt with, right?”

Harry looks at you as you swallow, closing your eyes for a moment, then looking out the glass again with your jaw set.

“I was stupid to agree to it,” he tells you. “And I was stupid to not tell you about it. Stupid for listening to them. I was…”

“Stupid,” you interrupt without looking at him.

“Yeah,” he says with a slight grin, happy you talked to him, even if you were calling him stupid. “I know I can’t apologize enough for all of this, love. But I needed you to know, that I did not cheat on you. I never have. I have always loved you, and I’m sorry I hurt you and went along with all of it.”

You take a deep breath, still not looking at him.

“Okay,” you simply say.

Harry parks in front of your office building and is relieved you don’t immediately jump out and run.

“Sweetheart,” he says, with all the love he has. “Is there any way at all that we can work this out?” He looks at you as you sit in silence. “I think about you all the time. Please don’t ask me to just forget about you and move on.”

“Like you did?” you ask, looking directly at him.

“I did, didn’t I?” he says, ashamed and lowering his head. “I was horrible to you, and I hate myself for it. And the silence you’ve been giving me…not answering my calls or texts, and blocking me online, not talking to me…that’s been harder than when you yelled at me.”

You look back out the front glass of the car, still with a sad look on your face and unsure of how you feel, even knowing the truth of what happened. As relieved as you were that Harry never cheated on you, he allowed you to be hurt. He hurt you. And you weren’t sure you were ready to just forgive and forget.

“Please say there’s a chance for us, baby,” he says, sniffing back a tear, causing your throat to tighten and chin to tremble as you try to hold back your own emotions. “Don’t you ever think about me? About us? Hoping we can get past this and mend it and just…be together again? If you don’t want this anymore, then…tell me how to feel about you. I don’t know how to feel anything for you, other than in love. And I never want to feel any differently. I’ll always love you and want you.”

You feel yourself close to breaking and quickly open the door of the car and stand, beginning to walk away. Harry jumps out of the car and stands, looking at you in panic.

“Sweetheart…” he yells toward you, as you hear the shaking of his voice.

You slow and stop and turn around, looking at him, seeing the desperate look on his face. You take a deep breath.

“I still think about you, too,” you say, nodding and seeing a tear drop from his eyes as he grins slightly. “How could I not?”

anonymous asked:

Real people can queerbait. If someone famous clearly hints more than once that they may not be straight knowing for sure they are that is queerbaiting. Celebrities are brands too. People using all Harry's support towards the community is obviously inaccurate and no one should listen to larries ever but if someone queer feels like certain things Harry has said about himself feel like queerbaiting then that's how they feel like and they're not so wrong that people should invalidate their feelings.

Just as a starter, I don’t think that larries are uniquely (or even predominantly) the ones at issue in how people address Harry’s sexuality, it’s a pretty fandom-wide issue. But beyond that, feeling disappointed that Harry (or any other celebrity) is not openly LGBT because you felt like he indicated he was and it would mean a lot to you if he came out, and blaming Harry/accusing him of queerbaiting for it, are two completely different things. People will react how they react to what Harry does and says. But it does not make Harry blameworthy and it is not queer baiting. 

I think many people are putting hugely unfair pressure on Harry. Sexuality is really complicated for a lot of people. Putting a label onto how you identify and saying that label and formally “coming out” and all of that is really hard for most LGBT people. To take myself for an example, like the fact that I am ~not straight literally never occurred to me until I was 18 and in college. Like I can look back and identify signs now, but truly, the realization hit me like a bus in a (no kidding) intro Women’s and Gender Studies class, when I realized I had a crush on this cute sophomore. I’ve since then had approximately 9,456 mini-crises. I’m on the board of my school’s LGBT organization, have four (five if you count the Lisa Frank rainbow unicorn) LGBT-related stickers on my laptop, and regularly wear pride shirts. But if you ask me how I self-identify, I will drop a smoke ball and run away, because it’s hard and it makes me nervous and I dunno, I just don’t want to! Like my parents probably have suspicions, but I’m not “out” to them. There’s no reason, like they’d support me and all that, I just… haven’t done it. The thought of any formal sit down or whatever just…. stresses me out? Like I said, I dunno! I’ll make some jokes and have ~indicators of my sexuality all around, but I’m not really “out.” And who knows, maybe I’ll end up with a guy and will have never really “came out” and people won’t really know how I identify. But does that mean I was baiting anyone? No. It means things are complicated. 

And one of my best friends definitely identifies as straight. But she’s on the board of the LGBT organization too, and worked at Lambda Legal, and has pride stickers too. Lots of people probably think she identifies as LGBT too. But she doesn’t. She’s just an ally who actually shows up and does stuff for the community. She doesn’t constantly declare her sexuality, because that’d be weird! I’m skeptical of allies who need to constantly reaffirm their straightness. Someone thinking you LGBT is not a bad thing. Reaffirming straightness while claiming to support the LGBT community isn’t really helping, it’s continuing to perpetuate that it’s bad to not be straight. So is she queer baiting anyone? No.

Think about how messy all my feeling are, which just exist in a small vacuum of my life, and then put it onto the stage of literally millions. Harry has 20 million followers on his social media account! People track everything his says and does. If I find the idea of addressing my sexuality stressful and complicated, imagine what it might be like for him. So if he does identify as LGBT (and loving women doesn’t make him not LBGT! there are more identities than just gay or straight!), and he feels comfortable making jokes and waving pride flags, because it’s reaffirming to him and also reaffirming to LGBT fans, then great! It means a lot to me and I’m glad he’s comfortable doing it. If he’s not comfortable saying “I’m not straight,” for any reason, I respect that! And I get that like holy crap, I can’t imagine the stress he’d feel.

And if he identifies as 100% straight, then he’s actually done what I want allies to do. He’s reaffirmed the validity of LGBT people and supported causes and been there during the bad times and the good times, and made tons of fans feel more welcome, loved, and safe. And he did it without making it about him, without making it “I’M NOT GAY BUT.” He did it just to do it.

One more final note, before I wrap up this essay: I also think the idea that it is bad that Harry could be choosing not to come out for career purposes is really, really harmful. It may be that Harry/his team/those close to him came to the decision that at this point in his career, explicitly coming out wouldn’t be wise. There is still so much homophobia out there. I could blame him 0% if he made that decision and it was largely a strategic one. It doesn’t undue the constant support he’s shown in ways that are still explicit, but don’t involve “coming out.” And people make the decision to not be out at work all the time. It’s shitty and I wish it wasn’t the case, but it is. LGBT people have to make active choices about whether or not to be “out” all the time. The world’s more welcoming than it used to be for LGBT people, but it’s still… not all that welcoming. There is ample evidence for that. I would never expect Harry to come out just to make me happy, if he didn’t feel it was the right decision for him at this point. Everyone can have their own feelings and that is allowed, but you can’t project your feelings onto a real human making decisions in a landscape of potentially complicated feelings and difficult situations and get angry when they’re not following what you want them to do. Life is tough, and I really do think Harry is doing his best to be here for the LGBT community, whether he is explicitly part of it or an ally. 

anonymous asked:

for sunday blurbs: YN wins her first Oscar,and Seb(and their fans) go crazy on social media

i know you said for seb to go crazy on social media, but i changed it up a bit i hope you don’t mind!


when your name was called, your heart literally stopped and you could not move. everyone around you jumped up and applauded and you just sat there in disbelief. your best friend, whom you brought along as your date, nudged you and you turned to look at her. she nodded at you to go on stage, mouthing to you that you had won.

you jumped up and smiled at everyone around you. you couldn’t believe that leo fucking dicaprio was standing up and applauding you when you should probably be kissing the ground he had just walked on.

you quickly hurried to the stage and hugged and kissed the presenters on the cheek. you held the oscar and stared at it, let out a slight chuckle. you could not believe it.

the music and the applause died down and you began to talk into the microphone. not before letting out a profanity which sent the audience into laughter and the technician’s backstage a frenzy. it was live for the east coast, after all.

“sorry,” you winced, letting out a laugh yourself. 

you thanked the director of the film, the producer, your cast mates, your manager, your publicist and everyone in between. you saved the best for last. your family, friends, fans, and sebastian. he wasn’t able to make it to the show since he was off in another country filming.

“sebastian, i wished you couldve been here tonight to share the moment with me,” you grinned. “but since you’re not, i guess you’ll just have to watch on tv like the rest. i just want to thank you for always believing in me and pushing me to be better and bigger. i wouldnt be standing here on this stage with this award in my hand if it weren’t for you. thank you. i love you.”

you finished your speech with something a bit more cheesy before walking off stage. you took pictures with the presenters and then you were told that your actual statute was going to be at the after party, where they would engrave your name on it.

the award show soon ended and when you were outside waiting for your ride, you took out your phone and quickly noticed all the notifications on your lock screen. chuckling you replied to all the texts and emails from people congratulating you. going on your social media was even crazier. all of your fans were spamming your old posts with congratulations.

but there was one person that was missing in the midst of all the craziness - sebastian. he had sent you a long text message that you would save to read in the car.

once the car showed up to take you to the after party, you hopped in and quickly opened his message.

(y/n), i am soooooooooooooooooooooo proud of you. and i too, wish i could have been there. but like the rest of the human race, i did watch it on television just for YOU. not like i needed to watch it to know you were going to win, but it was nice to hear them say it and to see you holding the damn thing. God, I wish i could put into words what i’m actually thinking, but this text message would go on for days if i did that.

i guess, in short, what i want to say is that you deserve this award more than anyone else in that room. ok, maybe im being a bit dramatic. can you blame me? but, seriously, you do deserve it. everyone fucking gave you a damn standing ovation!!!!!!!!!! god, i wish i could’ve been there!!!!! stupid work. 

anyway, i love you and i’m so damn proud of you. i just wanna go on the top of this hotel roof top and scream it, but i’d probably get kicked out and my publicist wouldnt really enjoy fixing that, but who cares. YOU WON A FUCKING OSCAR!!!!!!!!!!!

thank YOU for being YOU. 

i love you, (y/n). ❤️😍😘

p.s: i want to be the first one, other than any one else around you, to see your statute with your name engraved on it. 

itssciencefitz  asked:

64 or 98 + Fitzsimmons please??? 😊

Hi! Here’s “It’s two sugars, right?” and “Take a deep breath.” Prompt list here if you want to send me one!

Hospital AU. Specifically, an alternate universe in which everything below is medically accurate :)

“It’s two sugars, right?”

Fitz turns to see her, the doctor who couldn’t be real. And yet, there she is, sitting down at his table, offering him a cup of tea. He reaches out and is almost surprised when he can touch the handle. His eyes flick up to hers, and he wonders why she seems so expectant before he realizes that she asked him a question.

“Um, y-yes.” He takes the mug in both hands, thankful for the warmth. Is every hospital cafeteria as frigid as this one? When he dares to look at her again, she’s beaming at him.

“Good,” she says. “I mean … I just happened to notice. I’m a big fan of yours.” She offers her hand with such excitement that Fitz finds her absolutely radiant. “Dr. Jemma Simmons. I’ve been fascinated by your work in non-lethal weapons.”

Fitz frowns, trying not to look at her hand, or her face, or anything at all. In the end, though, it’s the sound of his mother’s voice in his head that makes him suck in a breath and go for it. He doesn’t shake her hand as much as he puts his open hand in hers, but she pumps it up and down as if he had. She doesn’t even know that this is his good hand.

“Sorry,” he says, “I just … I …”

“Have hypoxia?” she supplies, then grimaces. “Sorry. That’s—I probably shouldn’t have said it that way. But I did read the article about your accident. I’m thrilled to see how well you’ve recovered.”

Fitz looks down at his rumpled shirt, and he’s just about to ask her what she means when the tremors start in his bad hand. He sucks a breath through his teeth, and as the pain makes his eyes close, he sees a glimmer of her face.

She’s horrified.

And why shouldn’t she be? He’s not the engineer she thinks he is, and if his progress continues to plateau, he never will be again. He rubs his bad hand and wishes he could just shrink until she couldn’t see him.

“Are you alright?”

He’s in so much pain that he can only shake his head, trying his best to stay calm.

“Th-this one’s … worse,” he tries to explain, and when he hears the scoot of her chair, he honestly doesn’t blame her. Who would want to have tea with someone so broken? So when her hand lands on his shoulder, he almost jumps.

“Dr. Fitz,” she soothes, “I’m not a medical doctor—I just work here in the research wing—but I have been reading up on therapy techniques and I … do you mind?”

He looks up at her through the tears in his eyes and nods, willing to try anything. 

She smiles, taking his hand in hers. “Take a deep breath,” she says. 

He does as she says, and he swears that his heart stops before she even starts massaging his tendons. The tears dry as he stares at her, this doctor just as old as he is, more beautiful than any woman he’d ever seen. He almost doesn’t notice that the pain has disappeared until she offers a triumphant smile.

“Better?”

He looks down at his hand, utterly amazed. “How, how did you—”

“It’s a simple technique, really,” she explains, looking at him through her eyelashes, “but it does take two hands. If it helps, you can always ring for me. I’m happy to offer my services.”

He furrows his brow, more than slightly overwhelmed by how close she is. “I’m—I’m not st-staying here. I’m just …” He winces as all words fail him.

“Killing time between appointments? Well, then you can ring for me when you’re here, I guess. You might not live here, but I might as well.” She offers him a kind smile as her hand falls on his knee. Even if his brain weren’t broken. he’d have no idea what to say.

“J-jemma Simmons?” he manages, flooded with relief when she smiles in response. He points to his chest. “I’m, uh, Leopold Fitz.”

Somehow, her smile feels like a laugh.

“I know,” she says.

Chapter Sixty-Two

Emmy sat down silently beside Zara, hands gently pressed to her bump, and she listened to the conversation surrounding her. She was at Buckingham Palace, where Elizabeth was hosting a meal to celebrate Beatrice’s birthday the day before. Beatrice was sat beside her grandmother, smiling and remembering to laugh while at the same time looking half asleep. Emmy knew why – she’d heard that Beatrice had at a raucous night at Boujis the night before, and she was sure that Elizabeth would not approve of her married granddaughter acting like a single woman.

“So, how’s Harry?” someone asked. Emmy, who’d been lost in her thoughts, started back to the present to see Peter smiling across the table at her.

“He’s…okay,” she said, nodding. “I think he’s loving Brazil. Every time I speak to him he’s got to go give out some medals or something.”

“Bet he loves that. Mister Important,” Mike said, grinning. “Watching the beach volleyball.”

Peter snickered. “He always did like volleyball.”

“I think he described it as ‘the less clothes, the better’, am I right?”

Emmy finally realised what they were saying, and her eyes widened slightly in horror. Had she really just let Harry fly across the world on his own, where lots of perfect female athletes were waiting for him?!

Keep reading

Richard Siken Quote Starters
  • I woke up in the morning and I didn't want anything, didn't do anything, couldn't do it anyway.
  • I say I want you inside me and you hold my head underwater. I say I want you inside me and you split me open with a knife.
  • Vanity makes you say things like "I deserved a better life than this."
  • I sleep. I dream. I make up things that I would never say. I say them very quietly.
  • Your world doesn't make sense.
  • Someone once told me that explaining is an admission of failure. I'm sure you remember, I was on the phone with you, sweetheart.
  • A man takes his sadness and throws it away but then he's still left with his hands.
  • I've been in your body and it was a carnival ride.
  • Tell me about the dream where we pull the bodies out of the lake and dress them in warm clothes again.
  • Love always wakes the dragon and suddenly, flames everywhere.
  • You're in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won't tell you that he loves you, but he loves you.
  • Is that too much to expect? That I would name the stars for you?
  • To them he is a mirror, but to you he is a room.
  • You want a better story. Who wouldn't?
  • Let's admit, without apology, what we do to each other.
  • If you love me, Henry, you don't love me in a way I understand.
  • He was pointing at the moon, but I was looking at his hand.
  • I am more than one thing, and not all of those things are good.
  • Fairy tales have rules. You are a princess or you aren't.
  • You wanted to think of yourself as someone who did these kinds of things. You wanted to be in love and he happened to get in the way.
  • We have not touched the stars, nor are we forgiven.
  • If this isn't a kingdom then I don't know what is.
  • Your body told me in a dream it's never been afraid of anything.
  • You swallow my heart and flee, but I want it back now, baby. I want it back.
  • Sorry about the blood in your mouth. I wish it was mine.
  • Everyone needs a place. It shouldn't be inside of someone else.
  • I'm sorry I came to your party and seduced you and left you bruised and ruined.
  • Everyone could see the way his muscles worked, the way we look like animals, his skin barely keeping him inside.
  • I'm pulling you out of the burning buildings and you say "I'll give you anything" but you never come through.
  • Dear Forgiveness, I saved a plate for you. Quit milling around the yard and come inside.
  • You wanted happiness, I can't blame you for that.
  • I swear, I end up feeling empty, like you've taken something out of me and I have to search my body for scars.
  • Oh, the things we invent when we are scared and want to be rescued.
  • I do believe his mouth is heaven, his kisses falling over me like stars.
  • He had green eyes, so I wanted to sleep with him. Green eyes flecked with yellow, dried leaves on the surface of a pool. You could drown in those eyes, I said.
  • Damn if there isn't anything sexier than a slender boy with a handgun, a fast car, a bottle of pills.
  • The entire history of human desire takes about seventy minutes to tell. Unfortunately, we don't have that kind of time.
  • You play along, because you want to die for love, you always have.
  • You're trembling, but he reaches over and he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist.
  • Moonlight making crosses on your body, and me putting my mouth on every one.
  • I wouldn't kill your pony. I'd like to believe it, anyway.
  • Imagine a story where everything goes wrong, where everyone has their back against the wall, where everyone is in pain and acting selfishly because if they don't, they'll die.
  • You're a train and I'm a train station and when I try to guess your trajectory I end up telling my own story.
  • The way you slam your body into mine reminds me I'm alive.
  • I'm just a writer. I write things down. I walk through your dreams and invent the future.
  • I couldn't get the boy to kill me, but I wore his jacket for the longest time.
  • Imagine a story, not of good against evil, but of need against need against need, where everyone is at cross-purposes and everyone is to blame.
  • You looked at me long enough to see something mysterious under all the gruff and bluster. Thanks.
  • In the wrong light anyone can look like a darkness.
  • You just wanted to prove there was one safe place, just one safe place where you could love him. You have not found that place yet.
  • This is not harmless. You are not breathing.
  • Lesson number one -- be sneaky and have a plan.
  • I know history. There are many names in history but none of them are ours.
  • You know that a boy who likes boys is a dead boy, unless he keeps his mouth shut, which is what you didn't do, because you are weak and hollow and it doesn't matter anymore.
  • Tell me how all this, and love too, will ruin us.
  • Sometimes you get so close to someone you end up on the other side of them.
  • When someone is trying to ditch you, kill you, never go back.
  • All wars are the same war.
  • We are all going forward. None of us are going back.
  • I'm not suggesting the world is good, that life is easy, or that any of us are entitled to better.
  • I wanted to be wanted and he was very beautiful, kissed with his eyes closed, and only felt good while moving.
  • Okay, so I'm the dragon. Big deal. You still get to be the hero.
  • Actually, you said Love, for you, is larger than the usual romantic love. It's like a religion. It's terrifying.
  • You take her out into the rain and you fall in love with her and she leaves you and you're desolate.
  • Sorry about the scene at the bottom of the stairwell and how I ruined everything by saying it out loud.
  • Someone is digging your grave right now.
  • There's a niche in his chest where a heart would fit perfectly.
  • Your co-workers ask if everything's okay and you tell them you're just tired.
  • Here is the repeated image of the lover destroyed.
  • At this point in the story so many things have gone wrong, so many bad decisions made, that it's a wonder anyone would want to continue reading.
  • Eventually something you love is going to be taken away.
  • I wanted to hurt you but the victory is that I could not stomach it.
  • Tell me we're dead and I'll love you even more.
  • I take the parts that I remember and stitch them back together to make a creature that will do what I say or love me back.
  • I am sad and angry and I want everyone to be alive again.