i wish adam could keep ryan with him all along the show

Fragility – A Hiddleswift Short Story

He can hear soft chatter and movement going on downstairs, the air now void of the laughter and music that has been so prevalent the last few days.  The guests started slowly leaving this morning, giving warm hugs and grateful thank you’s to Taylor as they went.  He smiles to himself, thinking about the amazing weekend this woman, his woman, just put on for those nearest and dearest to her.  How unbelievably perfect the entire time had been, everyone lost in the joy and happiness and ignoring the outside world.  Perhaps he had gotten lost himself, allowing himself to get lost in the moment, and lost in her, and experience a joy and elation that he doesn’t remember feeling ever in his life. 

It’s been like that since he met her, every day bringing forth feelings and emotions that he has never felt before.  He ignored them at first; forced to since she had a man waiting for her at home.  But even then, he knew she felt the spark to and that eventually it would lead them together.  And when it did, it was like kismet.  Like perfection.  Like destiny.

He runs his hand through his messy hair before he heads down the stairs and into the kitchen.  He smiles and nods at Ryan as he sees him throwing a couple pieces of fruit into his bag.  “For the road,” Ryan laughs before patting Tom on the back.  “It was awesome chatting with you this weekend.” 

“Yes,” he says with a chuckle.  He had crossed paths with Ryan before but had never formally spoken with him.  Over the past few days though, they had shared several conversations over glasses of wine and beer, mainly marveling over their ladies unabridged happiness at that time.  But Ryan had also dispelled some advice to him that has remained in his head since.  “Don’t let anyone else tell you how you’re supposed to feel about her.”  Powerful words from a man who had previously tossed an I love T.S. shirt at him and told him it was his initiation into Taylors squad.  He smiles at the memory and at Ryan’s sincere advice. 

“Can I talk to you for a second,” Blake’s gentle voice breaks him from his thoughts and he turns to her and smiles. 

“Of course,” he says, as he holds his hand out gesturing toward the living room. 

He has gotten to know Blake well over the past few days, as Taylor catered and nurtured the mom to be, always on the lookout to make sure she was comfortable and happy.  He realized quickly that Blake and Taylor share a bond unlike Taylor’s bond with others.  A different sort of bond he assessed was due to Blake and Ryan being so prominently involved in the industry and perhaps knowing at least somewhat about what Taylor goes through on a daily basis, even though on a much smaller and less hostile scale.

Blake takes a seat on one of the oversized couches and grabs a pillow to prop up beside of her.  She smiles gently, somewhat knowingly, at Tom.  “She’s so incredibly strong,” she says softly, “because she has to be.   Because she has no other choice but to be.”  Tom takes in each of her words carefully, nodding ever so slightly as he stares at her.  “But I think you know that she’s also quite vulnerable and quite human.” 

“Yes, I know,” he says as he continues to nod at her words. 

Blake takes a deep breath and turns her head toward the window that overlooks the beach.  He knows Taylor is out there.  He knows that just prior to his coming downstairs, Blake had been with her.  She waits a few seconds before she turns to face him again.  He instantly notices the concern in her eyes.

“There are going to be days when she’s not so strong.  If you love her the way I think you do, you need to make sure you are strong for her on those days.  Strong for the two of you.” 

He allows himself a bit of time to process her words, his heart knowing exactly what she means.  “I will be,” he says firmly as he stares at her.

She smiles.  “You think you will be.  And perhaps you will even want to be.  But this isn’t going to be easy.  You’ve already seen that.”  He simply nods, knowing she is not done speaking.  It takes her a few more moments before she lets out a deep breath.  “Don’t run.  Even if she tells you to.”  

With those words, Blake gets up and walks to him, wrapping him in a warm hug before she walks back into the kitchen.  He sits for a few minutes, his mind mulling over her words again and again until he hears Blake and Ryan yell goodbye and the front door close.

The house is eerily quiet now; the circle of comfort and support Taylor had placed around them over the past few days is gone.  He feels a slight twinge in his heart as he already knows what this will bring.  The vulnerability and uncertainty likely already setting in again in his girlfriend’s mind. 

He pushes himself up from the couch and out the door, glancing around briefly until he sees Taylor sitting in a lounge chair near the edge of the property, her eyes glued at the ocean waves before her.

He makes his way to her, grabbing another lounge chair and sitting it down beside of her.  As he sits down, he instinctively reaches for her hand and rubs his thumb along her warm skin.

“It’s a beautiful day,” he whispers, staring out at the waves gently washing upon the shore as seagulls fly in the distance, “it’s been a beautiful weekend.”  She nods and smiles gently but doesn’t say anything.  “What’s wrong, darling?”

She takes a deep breath before turning her head to face opposite of him.  “Nothing.  Just life.  Reality.”  She shrugs her shoulders softly.  “I had let myself forget about everything the past few days.  Lived in a little bubble I guess.  And now it’s back to the real world.” 

His eyes remain on her as she turns back to him.  “Tree called.  Everything is a mess.  Apparently Adam’s releasing a song that is about me cheating, everyone thinks this is all for PR, which I don’t understand why we would even do that, everyone thinks that I’m ruining your career or that you are using me or vice versa.”  She is talking so fast that he struggles to make out all of her words.  “Tree asked what I wanted her to do.”

He squeezes her hand tightly.  “And what did you say?”

She shrugs one shoulder and plants her gaze on him.  “Nothing.  I told her I didn’t want her to do anything.”

“That sounds like the perfect response to me.”  She smiles at his words and he pulls her hand, prompting her out of her chair and into his.  They lean back into the chair, Tom wrapping her tightly in his embrace as he places a gentle kiss on her forehead.  “I don’t care about whatever song Adam releases, he can say what he wishes.  So can the media.  So can our fans.  There is nothing impure or not genuine about the way I feel about you and I know that you feel the same.”

“But what if this does hurt your career,” she whispers, her voice muffled somewhat against his shirt.  Her question is one he has heard before, primarily from Luke and his family and, admittedly, it’s a question that has weighed on his mind more than he would like for it to. 

When he doesn’t answer after a few seconds, Taylor adjusts her gaze to look up at him.  He shakes his head.  “I don’t have all the answers to that, Taylor.  I wish I did.  But what I can tell you is that right here, with you, is exactly where I want to be.  I am madly, passionately in love with you, Ms. Swift, and I’m willing to risk all that I need to risk to see where this goes.”  She rests back into his chest as he speaks.  “But the way I see it is that if we keep on living this life together and loving each other the way we do, eventually all truths will be revealed.  Perhaps we were meant to live out this Shakespearean level of hatred and animosity to make our love stronger.”

He feels her laughing softly against him.  “I’m not sure Shakespearean level is where I’d like to be.”

“Me neither, love.  However, this is what we have.   And I cannot, will not, change my heart because others think that I am supposed to.  I am strong enough to love you through this.  That I can promise.” 

“But if you change your mind.”

“I won’t change my mind,” he says firmly as he tightens his embrace around her.  “I won’t run.  Not unless you run with me, love.”

She rises up on her elbow and looks at him.  “I love you.  I am madly and passionately in love with you.  And I’m here for this too.  All of it.”  He leans forward to kiss her, pulling her as close to him as she can get.  She reveals in it for a few while before she breaks back, resting her forehead against hers and glancing toward the sky.  “There is probably a drone recording this.” 

His lips find hers again instantly.  “I don’t care.  Let them see what real love looks like.” 

They remain this way for some time, lost in each other as they have been so many times before over the past few weeks.  After a while, their lips break apart and they settle back into their embrace, staring out at the ocean as the sun begins to set before them.

“Can I tell you something,” he says and she nods against him, “after the gala, after I went back to the hotel, I kept reliving every moment of that night.  How amazing you were.  How surreal everything seemed.  I couldn’t sleep.  So I ended up watching videos of your interviews and shows just so I could get another glimpse of your smile and hear your laughter again.  But one of them stood out.  I think it was from a Grammy Museum performance.”  He lifts her hand up and kisses it before continuing.  “You spoke of a relationship based on anxiety and fragility.”

“Yes,” she whispers, her voice breaking a bit, “out of the woods.”

“Yes.  And when fate and destiny delivered you to me, I continued to remember your words from that performance.  And I decided that whatever I gave you in this relationship, it would not be anxiety and fragility.  I would hold your hand and face every road block with you.  I don’t ever want you to feel that I won’t face those with you.  For as long as you will allow me, I will be right here beside you, facing everything straight on.”

She lifts her hand up and he places his against it before they thread their fingers together and he pulls their intertwined hands to his lips to place a gentle kiss upon it.  She does the same, kissing their fingers before she places their hands close to her heart.

“Forever,” she whispers, “I want you forever.”

He chuckles.  “Then you shall have it.”

They rest back into the chair, no words needing to be spoken between them.  And he remembers another thing she said in one of the videos he watched the night of the gala.  When she spoke of a time in her life when everything was magical.  She was referring to a tour then but he can’t help but think that she, that they, are living that right now.  Even with all of the negativity and hatred around them, they still feel the magic.  The passion.  The love.

And he knows that he never wants that to end and he will do whatever he has to do to make that happen every day.  Even if he has to face the wrath of the media, the naysayers and those who claim to love him. 

Because she is worth it.  Because they are so very worth it.   He has never been so certain of anything in his life.

AND ITS A WRAP...

Well guys, I can assure you that this is the post you have all been waiting for and it will be the hardest thing that I write because I know that a lot of you are not going to be happy after you’re done reading it.

Let me touch up on a few things before I get to the main subject: Chris.

The reunion was terrible.  Like I had said in my “Reunion Pre-Game” post, it was the first time I was going to be seeing what they were going to air—well, they cut away so much and honestly, I think the reunion should have been at least a 2 hour show.  But hey! We were the pilot season and MTV doesn’t really give a fuck about its guinea pigs (I say that in the nicest way possible).  I am sure you guys will be in for a treat for the next season.

To those who are asking for advice about how to get on next season: be yourself and don’t try to one-up any of us that were in the house already.  Remember, we are the OG’s.  If I see someone trying to pull another Chris and me, I’m going to fucking break every single TV in my house and then I’ll proceed to run around my neighborhood screaming at the top of my lungs and punting random objects.  Mark my fucking words.  BE ORIGINAL.  BE YOU.  Simple as that.

Anyway, for those who have been keeping up with Are You The One, you should all know by now that Adam is my perfect match.  According to the matchmakers I guess we matched up almost perfectly on all of the scales that we were tested on—all I remember was that one of the scales was a behavioral scale.  Blah, blah, blah.  Bullshit, bullshit, bullshit.  Adam and I are the same fucking person.  He’s a douchebag and I’m totally the female version of a douchebag.  I get that we would be able to tolerate each other and keep each other in check, but other than that, being an actual perfect match does not make sense to me.  We honestly would not be able to maintain a long-term relationship with each other.

Don’t get me wrong! I love Adam.  I think he’s the greatest thing since sliced bread but he is literally the epitome of all my fratty ex boyfriends who cheated on me.  Don’t get me wrong again, I never said that I think Adam would cheat on me…he just reminds me of everyone that has.  AND DON’T GET ME WRONG AGAIN, I still really love Adam and he’s one of my closest friends from the show.

Moving on from Adam…HOW ABOUT THAT ENGAGEMENT!?

Congratulations to my two little nuggets Amber and Ethan.  I wish nothing but rainbows and butterflies and all the happiness in the world for your future together.

With that being said, I was completely and utterly shocked when Ethan proposed.  I know that the two are madly in love with each other and can’t see themselves with anyone else (at the moment) but I think it was a little too early to be pulling out the ring.  That is just my opinion.  I would have done things differently BUT THAT’S JUST ME.  I am not saying that they are wrong for moving as quickly as they are, so do not get it twisted.  If Chris had pulled that shit on me on global television, I would have both shit my pants and shut him down real quick.  This bitch isn’t getting engaged unless I’ve been dating someone for at least 2 years and I’ve lived with him for at least 1 year.  I see too many people getting divorced all around me so I want to be sure that the person I marry is going to be the person I will want to spend the REST of my life with (and the only person I’ll want to have sex with until I die.)

Whatever, whatever.  CONGRATULATIONS TO AMBER AND ETHAN! YAY *throws confetti and blows in noise makers*

If I hadn’t made it clear enough to why I dislike Paige and Kayla, I’ll try to make it translucent now.

After we finished filming, rumors were circulating that while Paige and Chris were in the honeymoon suite and after Kayla had joined them, Kayla offered Paige $100 to get Chris to hook up with her.  Mind you, Paige denied it and Chris wouldn’t have let it happen anyway, but to know that Kayla is conniving enough to pull a move like that…well, I think it all speaks for itself.

A few people from the cast made plans to go to Nashville for New Years Eve with each other.  A lot of us agreed but the majority of us backed out after Kayla and Paige hopped on the NYE train.  I’m sorry but I wasn’t going to be spending my New Years Eve pretending to like two people that I can’t even stand being in the same room with.  Anyway, another rumor was circulating that all Kayla could do when Paige left the room was talk shit about how materialistic and annoying that Paige was…hmm, best friends much? 

Let’s continue with the fakery.  MORE RUMORS HAVE IT that, when Paige came to visit Kayla in Alabama, she met some hockey player or some other athlete (if you guys haven’t heard about it already, both Kayla and Paige are the biggest jersey chasers on the planet—Paige dated Brett Lawry, some baseball player, and Kayla fucked Marc Gasol).  Long story short, Paige visited Alabama again, without telling Kayla, to see this athlete that she had just met (is it Alabama or Mississippi..? I forget where Kayla is from) Kayla caught wind of it and was super butthurt…SUCH SWEET BEST FRIENDS!

All this was happening while they both were calling MTV to tattle on me for the “mean” tweets that I was tweeting.  I did not think that talking about giving a blowjob on global television was mean because everyone else was witnessing what I was witnessing at the time, but to each their own.  I wish they would have just blocked me (maybe that have) like they do when other’s tweet mean things at them.

ANYWAY, the whole point of this is that when we all went out after the reunion, Kayla and Paige both cornered me at one point, literally begging me to change my mind about them.  I think Paige said something along the lines of “Shanley if you would just get to know me, I am just like you.”  I laughed.  Kayla was crying about how her hometown dislikes her and her family after seeing how she portrayed herself on global television…I don’t know.  I wasn’t really listening to either one of them.  THE WHOLE KICKER IS, that Paige pulled me aside to tell me this:

“Kayla is fucking crazy.  I know that she is.”

I don’t know if she was trying to impress me or what, but I’m pretty sure that if you’re best friends with someone you do not talk about them to your mortal enemy.  Girl code.  Sweet Ryan documented pictures of this incident so I have proof (i’ll post them at the end).

Okay, I’m done ranting about them.  I just wanted to explain to you why I think they are fake people and prove to you that they are fake people.

Here’s the frosting on your guys’ cakes.  You’re about to read the most exclusive, personal news that you will ever see about anyone on the show.  I’m going to apologize beforehand because you might not like me as much after you read this, like for real.

Chris and I are NOT together.

With that being said, that does not mean that I never loved him or that everything that you saw on television was fake, because it sure as hell was not.  I said in my previous post that living in that house was the perfect world for us but when reality hits, it’s a completely different story.

What you did not see on the show was that I did not like Chris right away.  I was actually very bothered with how into me he was after the first night and I would jokingly refer to him as my shadow during my interviews.  What you guys do not understand is that being in a situation like we were, you are forced to get to know someone.  You are forced to look past the things that may bother you to get to know all of the good that someone may hold.  One week in that house felt like one month in the dating world—you are literally spending/living with someone 24/7.  I did fall in love with Chris.  Chris was my source of happiness in that house and it was refreshing to be able to look up in a crowded room, to see him smiling at me.  I was overwhelmed by how much I allowed myself to care about him but I was excited to see what the future would bring for us…

That’s when reality and distance hit us.  We both crumbled beneath its weight.  Chris became very possessive, jealous and overwhelming with his feelings.  I work in a bar and if you work in the restaurant business, you will understand where I’m coming from.  I had these two older men come in two times one day and ask for me to wait on them, tipped me about 100 bucks and asked if they could buy me drinks after I got off.  I agreed.  I mean, they dropped 100 bucks on me alone and spent more on booze a food.  What I did was harmless—they bought me a few shots and all we talked about were the Colts and the Bears—and during the whole time, I was texting Chris to let him know what I was doing.

Well, he freaked out on me basically and I wasn’t having it.  I’m notorious for holding grudges and I need my space to actually be able to let shit go.  We kept bickering for a few weeks and I kept asking for space, but he never gave it to me…until he decided to take a different route and break up with me…on Christmas.  With that ensued the “falling out” which lead to him asking for pictures from Paige.  I had heard it through the grapevine that he and Paige were talking, but he never actually told that they were and I never asked.  Whatever.  After a while we tried to make things work again but we could never make it onto the same page.  Chris is not a bad guy.  He has a big heart and means no wrong, but he definitely was a douche for asking for that from her.

We both were pretty at fault for the failure of our relationship. I am a very physical person (I need to have the person there to be able to work things out) and he’s a very vocal person (he needs constant reassuring, affectionate words, etc…and I’m not like that).  The matchmakers said that we would eventually end up tearing each other a part, and well, that’s what happened.

Ugh, I’m tired of writing this entry.  It’s all over the place.  Let me wrap this up.

I love Chris.  I will always love Chris and he will always have a special place in my heart.  When we see each other, most of the time its good.  There is definitely a magical connection between us.  Do I want to with him right now?  No.  We both have a lot to work on.  A LOT.  Am I saying that there isn’t a future for us?  No but I am not saying that there is either. I will say that we do talk almost every day and our feelings are still somewhat mutual. I’m sorry to disappoint all of the Chranley fans out there but things change, especially when you have other factors that come into a play in such a “perfect” relationship; i.e friends, family, work, distance, life.  I hope you all understand that.  Never give up on love but don’t force love either.  If things are meant to be, they will work out.  If not, you have to get up, brush the dust off your pants and keep on keepin’ on.

Seriously.  Just keep on keepin’ on.

I love you all and I hope that you can stand by me even after the hearing this news.  It doesn’t change who I am…I’m just not in a relationship anymore (and I really haven’t been in one for months now).  I considered this experience as a learning one and I’m growing as a person from it.  I have big things planned for the future so definitely stay tuned!  

Also, I promise to try to make it out to toke up with everyone that’s been asking me to…hahahahahaha MWHAAHHAHA BWAHAHAHA EVIL LAUGHTER YESSS WEEEEED YEESSSS.

Also here’s the proof I was talking about:

Check out my evil smirk though. BWAHAHAHA.

anonymous asked:

Could you do a drabble where Bill is in town and is helping Scully move into her new place and Mulder unexpectedly shows up with her stuff that she called for? I just wish we had more of the Scully siblings interaction and what happens when Mulder is in that mix.

“Um, that one can just go…” She looks around the sparse apartment, wondering if it will ever feel like home. “…Living room.” She points and Bill grunts as he finally puts the box down.

Her arms and back ache from carrying boxes up and down the stairs all day. Her heart aches from the uselessness of it all. She’d been sure she could do this. That she could leave him, that she could take some time. But Bill had shown up for an unexpected visit this morning and her resolve had nearly crumbled.

Her brother stands in her new apartment, hands on his hips in the gathering darkness. She’s realizing now that there’s not a source of light in the living room and rubs her forehead wearily.

“Please don’t tell Mom,” she says, sounding like she’s eleven and asking him to keep the secret of where she went instead of Sunday School.

“I won’t,” he says, but it’s a warning. If you don’t, I will. They’ve played this game a thousand times before. “Are you sure this is everything?”

“Yes,” she answers, although she looks around and can hardly believe it herself. There are two boxes in the kitchen, four in the living room, and another four out of sight in the only bedroom. She left all the furniture, except for a rocking chair they’d bought antiquing in North Carolina. “Yes, this is everything.” It has to be now.

There’s a knock on the door and her heart drops; only one person knows she’s here, and she can’t imagine that her brother would take kindly to seeing him again. He’d barely been able to keep the hateful words from flowing this morning when he’d learned that his weekend of anticipated fun with his kid sister would instead be spent moving her into her new apartment.

“I’ll get it,” she says wearily.

She opens the door and he is standing there with a slightly battered shopping bag from the outlet mall. “Figured you’d need these,” he says, handing the bag to her. The synthetic rope handles cut into her fingers, already shaky from gripping heavy boxes.

“Thanks,” she says tightly, glancing down inside. Her toothbrush, her robe, a half-used bottle of conditioner, her vibrator, and two bath bombs. She doesn’t know what to say. She wants to make a joke. She wants to scream. She wants to burrow away somewhere, maybe in the pile of sheets that will have to serve as a bed until she orders a mattress. He isn’t wearing a jacket, even though it’s cold outside. He looks so solid beneath the cotton of his dark blue shirt.

“Well, if you’re ever in the middle of nowhere look me up,” he says, scratching along his jawline and giving her a sad smile.

“Mulder…” She tries very hard to not laugh or cry.

“I know, I know.” He waves a hand in defeat and she wants to say fight for us! Make me stay! but she knows that’s not fair.

“Thank you for letting me find some things out,” she says. Even standing here in this torturous pain is better than standing in her empty apartment, answering to her brother for the last twenty years.

“If you ever need anything let me know,” he says. “I’ve got a knack for finding things other people don’t seem to think are there.”

Her heart breaks then, really, and she is about to hug him when Bill opens the door. “Dana?”

“I’ll be right there, Bill,” she says testily.

Even though she’s not looking at him she can see the expression on his face just from the disdain in his tone. “Look, pal, you’ve hurt my sister a lot, why don’t you just leave her alone.”

“Bill.”

“No, Scully, he’s right,” Mulder sighs.

“He’s not–”

“You’re a grown woman, Dana, you don’t have to–”

“Goddammit Bill, treat me like one!” she snaps suddenly. “I will be there in a minute.”

Her brother stomps inside and slams the door.

“Sorry,” she says, and then she cries, one hand wrapped around her waist, the other covering her face.

He hugs her so tightly that she breaks and then he puts her back together again. When her whimpers have quieted and her body has stilled, he kisses her softly on the forehead like in the old days, and squeezes her arm, and says he’ll see her soon. She is left wondering what on earth she expects to find when everything is walking away down the hall.