i will tell you the story about why i got this case in a second

Someone else on tumblr pointed out that PASSENGERS might have been a more meaningful movie if it was about just THE ONE person dealing with being alone on the ship for the rest of their life.  And if, to cope, they go through and make it a point to learn everything they can about all of the other people on the ship.

And I just keep thinking about this idea.

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I had promised a KiriBaku kid something like months ago, and tbh most of the reason why it took me this long is because I couldn’t pick between these two so?? In the end just have them both I guess - some info about them under cut, in case you wanna know more!!

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i’ve been getting a lot of messages lately (and unsurprisingly, considering how unrepentantly i’ve been reblogging stuff from them) from followers asking me for podcast recommendations - and i love getting those so thank you, guys! - and i thought i’d make a masterpost of what i’ve both a) finished and b) enjoyed since i’ve started bingeing them.  and, as an extra added bonus, what has canonical lgbt+ representation (since i know what you guys are into [waggles eyebrows]).

1. the bright sessions

canon lgbt+ is a ✓.  this is definitely the first podcast that i’ve fallen in love with as hard as my original gateway podcast: welcome to night vale.  it’s so well-written, the characters well-drawn, the premise fascinating - atypicals, or people with some sort of special ability, in therapy - and it’s such a positive story and experience that i can’t help but feel better on days i listen to it.  it really believes in humanity and that’s such a wonderful thing in this day and age.  plus, the voice acting is killer.

2. eos 10

canon lgbt+ is a ✓.  i don’t think it’s been officially confirmed that dr. dalias is, at the very least, bisexual (in fact, the official channels seem to be dancing around it, possibly so as not to spoil anything in the upcoming season), though it’s been hinted at plenty in story.  especially as i don’t know how else you can explain a supposedly “straight” male character getting called out on repeatedly thinking about a naked man during a group mind-link experience.  that aside, it is freaking hilarious.  the premise is doctors in space, one formerly drug-addicted doctor helping to stabilize a currently alcoholic one with amazing side characters including nurse jane johns and levi, a hypochondriac alien and deposed prince who seems to have a personal vendetta against wearing pants.  it’s well-acted, cleverly written and a freaking joy to listen too.  so funny and so smart, i can’t recommend it enough!

3. the penumbra podcast

canon lgbt+ is a ✓.  so much queer representation it’s bananas.  this ask the creators got is actually pretty representative of their approach to the show, slyly funny and very gay.  our main character is a genderbending queer private investigator who’s lost his heart head over a sweet-smelling thief with a heart of gold and more aliases than jennifer garner, all set against a noir backdrop.  oh, and on mars.  yeah, you read all of that right.  there are a few awesome side stories as well, including a couple of horror ones (that have no effect on the main juno steel story line, so can be skipped - and the creators are VERY GOOD about warning what’s to come in the episode notes), as well as lesbian outlaws and a disabled knight.  there’s literally nothing not to love.  EXCEPT FOR HOW JUNO STEEL WON’T LET HIMSELF HAVE NICE THINGS.

4. the black tapes

hey, hi, if you’re into horror, suspense, creepery or demons, this is so very much for you.  the premise is that alex reagan, our host, begins a podcast to interview people with interesting professions.  she starts out with dr. richard strand, a paranormal investigator whose mission statement is to debunk all things paranormal.  he even has an institute that offers a one million dollar prize for proof of the paranormal, which he has never even come close to having to part with.  while alex is interviewing him, she comes across a handful of black vhs tapes: the only cases that strand hasn’t been able to definitively solve yet.  the technology to disprove these incidents simply hasn’t come far enough, in his opinion.  needless to say, she never moves on from dr. strand and the mystery of the black tapes.  each episode, alex investigates another of the black tapes and much later on realizes it’s possible that they’re all connected.  oh my god, i almost got chills just writing that, it’s so good, it’s so real, because dr. strand is such a good anchor to reality.  alex will occasionally lose her skeptic’s perspective; dr. strand does not.  and once alex starts experiencing intense insomnia, making you realize your narrator might not be so reliable?  things somehow manage to get even murkier.  i really, really adored this one.  it’s paranormal set in the most normal of normal worlds, only making it that much spookier.

5. wooden overcoats

canon lgbt+ is a ✓.  okay, well, if you’ve ever watched black books?  this is kind of like black books, aka one of my all-time favorite shows.  rudyard funn is just as incapable and universally disliked as bernard black, which was all well and good when the village of piffling vale (which is very nearly a town, you know!) only had one funeral home to choose from.  unfortunately, that’s not the case anymore.  eric chapman has moved his funeral home right across the street and stolen all the business from rudyard, his embalmer (cum part-owner) and twin sister, antigone, and georgie, their assistant.  to add insult to injury, he’s charming and universally adored by everyone except those at funn funerals.  very british, very ridiculous, and very funny!  WE GET THE BODY IN THE COFFIN IN THE GROUND ON TIME.  (well, like that one time they did.  [coughs])

6. ars pardoxica

canon lgbt+ is a ✓.  i listened to this one pretty slowly, for me.  it’s very much plot over character, at least in my opinion.  which is fair since there’s quite a lot of plot and set dressing to establish.  we’re following (dr.) sally grissom, a scientist from the twenty-first century who accidentally creates time travel and ends up stuck back in the 1940s.  think a bombs and eisenhower.  it was always interesting, and the paradoxes created by the time travel experiments they kept doing were fascinating (i love time travel stuff because of the paradoxes it creates) but i didn’t get really ravenous for it until season two, which is when i really felt it picked up speed.  you’ve got anthony stuck in a literal CAGE - a “blackroom” bubble set outside of time, sally trying to garden (oh god), a gang consisting of a veteran, a (former) widow and time doubles trying to bring down ODAR (the company sally used to work for, and that anthony still does) and esther sliding down the ladder of morally unsound one determined rung at a time and it makes for a REALLY grabbing audio drama, eh?

7. the strange case of starship iris

canon lgbt+ is a ✓.  i’m already in love with violet liu, all right?  she’s a science officer on starship iris–well, what was starship iris.  when we first join violet, every single one of her crew mates has just died in an explosion on the pod they were traveling off ship with and the starship iris is in its last throes as well.  luckily(?) a passing ship comes along with a plan to get her to safety.  this has a real illuminae vibe to it (which is an amazing book btw) and all the characters are already so freaking likable.  it’s only on episode two and already shaping up to be a favorite!

8. the orbiting human circus (of the air)

canon lgbt+ is a ✓.  if there’s a more heart-warming podcast out there, then i haven’t run across it yet.  first of all, julian koster’s voice is so vulnerable and soft that i would use myself and everyone i know and also puppies as a shield against everything terrible in the universe for him.  second, the rest of the cast - leticia especially - is just as freaking talented.  the premise is that julian is the janitor at a radio show that broadcasts from the top of the eiffel tower and has strange and impossible acts every night, from tale-telling crickets to singing saws to the orkestral, a bird that can play every orchestral instrument (except that it refuses to play the viola, because reasons).  it’s fun and cute and breaks your heart with happiness regularly and often!

9. alice isn’t dead

canon lgbt+ is a ✓.  this is a horror podcast about a truck driver who is looking for her missing wife.  jasika nicole has to have one of my favorite voices around and having it be so heavily dependent on that makes me ridiculously happy.  throw in the story-telling of joseph fink, the depth and cohesiveness of his writing, and there is nothing not to love here.

10. within the wires

canon lgbt+ is a ✓.  this is really sufficiently creepy considering it’s not often overtly creepy.  this is set up as a series of relaxation tapes, which progressively get more and more interested in helping the listener break out of the facility in which she’s being kept.  super chilling at times, because the voice is so calm and the action so dangerous.

11. welcome to night vale

canon lgbt+ is a ✓.  okay, well, what more can be said about this at this point?  if you’re not listening to it, you’re wrong.  why wouldn’t you want to visit a town that can’t be visited and where every conspiracy theory is real and a part of everyday life?  yeah, everyone knows about the vague yet menacing government agency, steve carlsberg, you’re not hitting on anything new there.  there’s a dog park that doesn’t allow dogs, angels that are never to be identified as angels, mountains that aren’t real, a glow cloud that–ALL HAIL and a love story so complete and perfect that it can and will utterly steal your breath at times.  go, listen, inhale.

Peep is a hearing aid. It is still getting used to this, because it used to be a regular dragon. And now it is a full-time employed hearing aid dragon, all two inches of it, perched on its sorcerer’s ear.

The sorcerer is named Vigil, which is short for Vigilante. Peep tried to point out to its hapless human that being named after their secret identity is a terrible way of keeping it a secret, but Vigil continues to be named Vigil. (It is ridiculous, in Peep’s eyes, how often its good advice goes ignored.) Vigil’s often-changing gender was another surprise to get used to, since dragons don’t tend to have genders.

“What’s a gender for?” Peep had questioned Vigil on its first day of work as it tried to find the best position to stay hidden behind her ear, while holding onto her piercings for balance.

Vigil hummed thoughtfully before answering, “Decoration, I suppose.”

That might have been a joke, but Peep wasn’t sure.

But being genderfluid was a feature of Vigil, not a problem. No, it was the vigilante thing that was the problem. Every night after the labs had been shut up for the day the other apprentice sorcerers would head off to eat dinner together, or watch some shark jousting at the Oceania, or do other normal activities like flying. Meanwhile, Vigil would murmur a few words under their breath to shield their face with a spell, tuck the lab’s resident firekeeping dragon into their sleeve, and go out to foil evil.

It was a terrible hobby, which Vigil would know if they ever took Peep’s advice.

The root of the problem, Peep had decided, was that Vigil was so caught up with how they could that they never considered whether they should. Yes, Peep’s human was remarkably clever, anyone could see that. Vigil didn’t let the fact that they were only an apprentice sorcerer get in their way— they dyed their hair to look like it had been turned blue by frequent exposure to magic, had Peep sit behind their ear to make the quiet world more understandable, and coaxed the lab’s firekeeping dragon to stay in their sleeve and breathe fire on command. With their face hidden, Vigil passed admirably for a fully grown sorcerer.

But they weren’t one, and that was going to get them in trouble one day if Peep didn’t figure out a way to help them.

“You’re going to get hurt,” Peep informed Vigil as he piled boxes into his arms.

“What are you talking about?” Vigil muttered, balancing the pile with precision. “Nothing in the back room is dangerous.” He sidestepped another apprentice coming into the storage room and emerged behind the counter.

“Not in the back room. You’re going to get hurt while out foiling evil if you keep it up. This woman says thank you and keep the change, and the rude guy next to her is trying to get your attention by snapping.”

Vigil dropped the change into the floating tip jar and turned to the man.

Shifts at the lab’s storefront, where anyone could purchase potion ingredients and charms prepared by the apprentices in the labs, were Peep’s busiest times as a hearing aid. Vigil could hear well enough if it was one well-enunciated person alone speaking, but the chaos of the labs, with everyone talking at once, meant he relied on Peep the most.

“He wants one mud-repelling charm,” Peep reported as the man talked, “and make it quick because he’s an asshole, or because he got mud on his very expensive shoes, something like that.”

Vigil made his thoughtful face while listening, one of the many ways he filled the pauses before he could respond in situations like these. “Sorry, we’re out of those. Can I get you anything else?”

The man did not want anything else.

“He said a bad word at you,” Peep said virtuously, because it considered cursing very terrible unless it was done by someone it approved of.

“I could tell,” Vigil muttered, watching the man storm out.

Peep itself was watching someone else enter the store— a rather short knight-in-training in a very unfashionable cap. Peep considered itself an expert on fashion, as well as on poetry and Vigil’s safety. It was because of its expertise on that latter subject that it noticed the knight-in-training. It watched them go right to the shelves of magical candy on the other side of the room, and approved.

“This little kid at the counter wants ingrediants for a stink potion,” Peep repeated absentmindedly as it mulled over the newcomer, and Vigil went back into the storeroom.

He mumbled the ingredients to himself as he found them on the shelves. “Glass eggs, spider eyes—”

“Gross,” Peep commented. “You need friends.”

“—black-spotted mushrooms. Friends would make this less gross how?”

“They wouldn’t. But they might keep you out of trouble.”

“And that’s exactly why I don’t need any. I like trouble.” Vigil went back to the counter and put the ingredients in the girl’s basket.

Peep took the opportunity to notice the knight-in-training again (they were still examining the candies) before turning back to its duties as a hearing aid.“She says thanks, and also that you need friends.”

“Quit it,” Vigil hissed, and greeted a regular customer who signed their request for a fever-reducing charm.

Peep quitted it for all of ten seconds before Vigil was searching the dusty back corners where the healing charms were stored. “You’re only a baby sorcerer, you can’t go around foiling evil all by yourself. Eventually evil will foil back.”

Vigil objected strongly to being called a baby sorcerer. “I hired a hearing aid, not a babysitter.”

“Wrong,” shouted Peep, who loved being right. “You hired a dragon, and a dragon always knows best.”

“Dragons also always live with several nest-mates, which you don’t have, so you’re one to talk about needing friends.” Vigil snatched a fever charm from where it had fallen on the floor with more violence than necessary and straightened up. There was a guilty pause. Dragons are excellent at telling when pauses are guilty. “I mean…” Vigil said quietly.

“Everyone needs friends,” Peep said, trying not to sound like it was going to cry. Unfortunately, dragons are as terrible at not sounding emotional as they are excellent at discerning guilty pauses.

Vigil stroked the tiny ridges of Peep’s back with one finger. “Hey, I didn’t mean that.” His voice was soft.

“I could have nest-mates if I wanted,” Peep said, still sniffling. Dragons’ lying abilities fall squarely between their skills at recognizing guilty pauses and not sounding emotional.

“Of course you could,” Vigil soothed. “You’re the best dragon I know.”

“Including Crackle?” Peep asked, wanting to be sure. “Crackle isn’t even that great of a firekeeper. I’m much better at being a hearing aid than it is at making fire.” Crackle had three nest-mates and its very own nesting hallow in the chimney over the lab’s fireplace, and was very conceited about it in Peep’s opinion.

Vigil abstained from passing judgement on Crackle. “You’re the best hearing aid a sorcerer could have. I’m sorry for what I said.”

Peep blew its nose on a lock of blue hair. “Ok.”

Vigil winced but didn’t comment on that. At the counter he gave the customer the fever charm and they exchanged a few words in sign language that Peep didn’t need to aid in, giving it time to search the room again for the knight-in-training, who was now carrying over a jar of blue candies to purchase. They looked at the apprentices behind the counter, all busy— and their eyes slid right over Vigil’s face without recognition.

Peep frowned to itself. They would never recognize Vigil as the hero who had saved them the other night on their own, not when Vigil had hid his face so well. Clearly, Peep had to intervene, for Vigil’s own good.

Pushing Vigil’s hair aside, Peep stretched itself out as far as it could without falling off his ear, and flapped its green wings urgently. The knight-in-training, not looking, didn’t notice. Humans were oblivious.

Peep flapped its wings some more, and puffed out some violet smoke. On the other side of the counter, the knight-in-training’s eyes flicked to the fading puff of violet in surprise, and followed it down to the tiny green dragon preening with victory, and then to the sorcerer it was perched on.

“You!” Kit shouted.

Peep quickly returned to its hearing aid position. “That knight person over there says ‘you!’ very loudly,” it told Vigil.

“Fuck,” Vigil whispered, trying to avoid the knight’s glare. “That’s the squire I helped the other night! How did they recognize me?”

“Big mystery,” Peep said unhelpfully.

The knight-in-training pushed their way closer to Vigil’s section of the counter, not to be ignored. “You’re that vigilante!”

“They say you’re a vigilante, and probably good friend material.” Peep gave the knight-in-training a wave. They waved back.

Vigil batted at his ear. “Stop that, stop being friendly! I’m a masked vigilante, people aren’t supposed to know who I am.”

The knight-in-training raised an eyebrow, looking at Vigil’s name tag. “In that case, why is your name literally the first half of the word vigilante? Doesn’t seem very masked to me.”

Peep crowed victoriously. “New friend! Can we keep them?”

the other stories about these characters can be found in my tag here. thanks for reading!

Let’s start it off with the one and only, the canon pairing of a sad sk8er boi and his tiny baker: Jack Zimmerman/Eric “Bitty” Bittle!

Ice Crew Please!

THE FIC THAT CHANGED E V E R Y T H I N G u don’t even KNOW oh my god

u read this and u r like: “ice crew au…?? wut” but U GUYS. READ IT.

I AM. BEGGING U. its so fucking funny but also so fucking meaningful and abt CREATING A Fa mILY !!!! and LoVe!!!! and frieNDShIP!!!

p.s i don’t want to spoil it but if u read it message me and ill talk to u abt the part that made me cry like actual tears bc thank god for friendships and acknowledging that shit is hard

the messes of men

this was… in it’s own way.. a hard fic to read (which makes it the best fic to read! pain! i love it! help me!) it’s very very very beautifully written and i hold it very close to my heart….how it portrays jack by himself and how hard it must’ve been…it also manages to weave in how mental illness plays its own role, even once you get together with the person you’re pretty sure is it for you. somewhat painful but cathartic and achingly tender.

until it got the best of you

umm bitty has a big dick. that’s it.

BUT then there’s feelings! and angst! and misunderstanding! (the best type too! u know when one is like so crazily in love with the other and thinks its shockingly obvious but surprise, it’s not!) it’s just fantastic!

i never saw the signs

imagine a world where jack jumping over the snowbank, bringing bitty coffee, going on long walks classifies (in jack’s mind) as dating. so when bitty gets asked out, jack cannot believe the b e t r ay a l! we’re dating bitty! just read this and be happy :)

left the city, my family, my precinct

oh my goodness this fic.

jack accidentally sends bittle a dick pick.

:0  ;)  <3 ___ <3 = summary of the fic

mixing it up

this is just….so cute?!??!?! and funny?!??! and 1!!!!!

bitty is contestant at a baking tournament for the falconers where jack and tater are the judges. at least, thats where it starts off.

tater is fucking hILARIOUS this fic in general made me laugh a lot.

strawberry

if u about that dom/sub life well…….just know that eric pins jacks hands to the bed and there’s v intense blushing that boi turns red like a tomato and i live 4 it.

eric is a tad too southern for me but it’s the only thing this fic doesn’t do perfectly :))))

something like this

considering how popular this fic is it actually sat open in a tab for a looong loooooong time just bc…well… it’s 285,748 words. im an all or nothing girl as in i once read the entire maze runner trilogy in one night so i had to find the right time

first of all: angst. second of all: angst. third of all: ….. u guessed it… angst. BUT don’t worry, for every drop of angst there’s a metro-fucking-ton of smut and sweetness :)))) ;))) what this fic does brilliantly is create an OMC that is at the forefront of the story and do it seamlessly. this is a pretty iconic fic and tbh im definitely not one for fics longer than 100k but this was a fuckin’ beaut man

rake the springtime across your sheets

oh god this was P A I N F U L but in a very beautiful way??? (that’s how u know the writing was siCK) ambiguously happy ending but tbh in the end this fic is really just abt the unspoken quiet truth of being in love, of loving, of being human just lke Fffffffuck me up

Phone, Please!

listen. i’m not a fluff person. idk i get bored. BUT. BUUUUUT. BUT. this fic.

AMAZING. this fic is all about the details and the little moments that make Bitty and Jack  ~*BittyandJack*~

Bonus favorite line: “Thank god there are pancakes to serve. Pancakes are also very nice, and something he can actually have.”

Winter Clothes

Chowder POV so this is both hiLARIOUS and surprisingly touching. Jack and Bitty help Chowder buy clothes for New England winter. As a person living in New England, I approve this message.

WIPS: *Hate That I Love You plays in the background*

medic, please!

so if u ever played world of warcraft u r gonna love it and if you’ve never played world of warcraft u r gonna love it

this fic is just SO CREATIVE?!?!! like the format of it is B O M B. its just. so good. oh ym god.

(also the name is “medic please!” get it? cuz eric’s a medic in the game.? and check..PLEASE! ugh I’m a nerd 4 this pic

Fainting Psychics and Pessimistic Demonologists

ghostbusters au except not bc copyright

at first i was like…ghost hunters au?? rlly? but now I’m like GHOST HUNTERS AU? B R I L L I A N T.

characters are on point, its funny (an actual line of the fic “Jack sat down at his computer, pulled open a tab, and googled “How to encourage a teammate”. lmao what a mess)

but also theres some mystery and intrigue and suspense and in general this is a Good.

baking is punk as fuck

this is another AU that i was like…punk band u ….rlly? but then i was like PUNK BAND AU FUCK YEAH im a sucker for asshole Jack. i’m not even into punk?? but im into this fic U ___ U

This Don’t Even Feel Like Falling

filed under “praise kink mmmm”

honestly? porn..? “Bitty is the one to tie Jack’s hands for Hazeapalooza; afterward, he ties Jack’s hands for their own private enjoyment. “ like?? I’m not sorry.

but also not established relationship more like fwb but u know and i know and ngozi knows that ain’t the game we’re playing here

around the green and blue

not usually a big fan of soulmate aus but what i love about this fic is the pacing and even tho soulmate aus where seeing your soulmate = seeing color for the first time isn’t totally new this felt super fresh and original!

shine for you

aw MAN this gave me the feeeeeels. established relationship but jack is not out, it’s a bit angsty but the jack perspective is just so gooood

EXTRA: It all started with a big Russian hockey player calling a small cat-loving hockey player a rat. You either h8 it or u luv it. In my case, I Love it, capital L, so enjoy: Alexei “Tater” Mashkov/Kent Parson

careful the tale you tell

Kent has been telling himself a story, ever since the Q. It’s the epic story of Parse and Zimms, and he’s in love with it. // this fic is specifically meant for patater newbies and this fic does an amazing job of showing why kent and alexei just make sense. its honestly a Blessing.

kick on the starter

lmao im gonna be 90 years old and still reccing Febricant’s fics…for real when i saw they wrote patater i was like…no..im dreaMing…or im dead? is . is heaven?? rlly unique approach to how she gets them together and gr8 build up :)))) Bless Febricant

i need to wake up, i need me some love…

honestly? shameless fluff. established relationship (they’re ENGAGED FOR GOD’S SAKE) short but Good

Driving Miss Daisy

Star Wars’s Daisy Ridley and Adam Driver dish on the epic franchise and beyond in V Magazine.

“I had no sense of what I was getting into. No sense of what was really going to happen,” confesses Daisy Ridley of her first-ever role as Rey in 2015’s Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Currently, Ridley is on location in a remote forest a few hours outside of Montreal for Chaos Walking, a 2019 sci-fi release costarring Tom Holland. But it’s this December’s Star Wars: The Last Jedi, the follow-up to The Force Awakens, that is shining a blinding light-saber-tinged spotlight on Ridley. The Force Awakens was the first movie since 1997’s Titanic to sell more than 100 million tickets in the U.S. 

It isn’t typical for a young actress’s breakthrough film to have the biggest domestic opening weekend in history, raking in $238 million, but Ridley isn’t all that typical herself. As the face of the nearly $10 billion franchise, Ridley has ushered in a new era of Star Wars. Following Carrie Fisher’s untimely passing last year, Ridley’s character, a fiercely independent heroine, serves as a particularly strong female voice in a galaxy far, far away. However, a far- flung galaxy isn’t Ridley’s only on-screen locale this season. 

In November, Ridley appears opposite Johnny Depp and an all-star cast in Kenneth Branagh’s Murder on the Orient Express. The suspenseful tale follows 13 passengers, played by the likes of Penélope Cruz, Judi Dench, and Willem Dafoe, stranded on an opulent passenger train with a murderer on the loose. Aside from blockbuster films, Ridley also produced and narrated the documentary The Eagle Huntress, which follows a teenage girl in the mountains of Mongolia as she becomes the first female eagle huntress in the sport’s 2,000-year history. 

Ahead of The Last Jedi’s release, Ridley catches up with her Star Wars costar (and “bestie”), Adam Driver. 


Daisy Ridley Hey Adam, it’s been so long.

Adam Driver Hey Daisy, how are you? When is the last time that I saw you?

DR Well, I don’t know because you don’t come to all the fun things that I go to. [laughs] Last July? It’s been like a year!

AD Oh, yeah, I guess. I’m much taller now.

DR How has your life changed? [laughs]

AD Oh, just in little ways. So, where are you now?

DR I’m in Canada, two hours outside of Montreal in these creepy woods. We feel like we’re going to be killed at any moment in this cabin. We’re shooting a film, Chaos Walking, with Doug Liman, Tom Holland, and Demián Bichir. It’s fucking cool.

AD Did you guys have time to meet each other before? Or did you just kind of jump right in?

DR I had met Tom Holland twice very briefly—for, like, 30 seconds—and I had met Doug Liman once and we spoke a bit, but it was very much feet first, it was super quick.

AD So, is it hard for you to meet people and just kind of go? Or do you prefer it?

DR [laughs] I mean, as we discovered, Adam, we became besties last year, but we had met some years before. It really takes me a while to relax with people. I don’t think I’m very good at meeting people: I feel awfully uncomfortable. So, I find meeting people very stressful. But it gets easier, and I think I’m getting better at being okay with that, you know?

AD Yeah, you always seemed very open, but I feel the same as you. When I meet people, I don’t know how to small talk very well, so it’s always like two back-and-forths of like, “Hey, how are you? How’s the weather?” And then five seconds later, I’m like, “So, what’s your relationship like with your mother?” It always goes really deep really quickly.

DR [laughs] I think you’re really good at it.

AD Oh, thank you. So, this is about Star Wars: If Rey was a color…I’m kidding.

DR No, oh my God. [laughs]

AD What were your initial conversations with J.J. [Abrams] about your character? Did you know the character’s name was Rey?

Keep reading

I don’t even know. I was taking a walk today and this idea popped into my head. I swear I’m still writing the bookstore AU, too. Also, *pops confetti*, I hit 2k followers today! Who ARE all you guys? Anyway, this fluff/ridiculousness is for you. ~1.6k words, rated G. Sterek, of course.

now also on AO3

The whole thing starts with Stiles really, really craving a meatball sub from the place across the street.

“God, someone shut him up,” Erica groans. They’re all kind of at their breaking point by now; they’ve been camped out in this meeting room all day, brainstorming. “He’s been talking about the same goddamn sandwich for seven and a half minutes now, and it’s making me hungry.”

“If only our ad campaign were about sandwiches, Stilinski would have it in the bag and we could all go home,” Isaac sighs.

From across the table, Derek rises abruptly to his feet and storms out. (Or maybe it’s just that Stiles always interprets everything Derek does as stormy. With those eyebrows, it’s hard not to.)

Stiles assumes he’s just gotten so fed up with them all that it’s either storm out or kill someone, and he’s just grateful Derek chose Door Number 1. It’s a good day not to get killed by Derek Hale.

Only, fifteen minutes later he comes back in. With a paper bag from the deli.

As soon as he gets within grabbing distance, Stiles practically collapses across the table in his haste to reach for it. “Oh my god, is that what I think it is?”

Derek holds it up over his head. “Who says this is for you? Maybe all your talk inspired me to go get a meatball sub of my own.”

“Oh, please. Like anyone with your abs eats meatball subs.” Stiles leaps to his feet on his swivel chair—because screw safety, Derek will catch him if he starts to topple over—and snatches the bag out of Derek’s grip. Derek doesn’t fight him for it very hard.

“Why don’t I get a meatball sub?” Erica whines, thumping her head down on her notebook. “Doesn’t anyone love me?”

Derek shrugs and takes his seat again. “You didn’t ask.”

“You just like Stilinski better,” she grumbles, and Derek just shrugs again.

Meanwhile, Stiles rips into the bag and takes a huge bite out of the gloriousness that is this sandwich. He can’t help throwing in a few theatrical moans just to taunt Erica, and she suitably rewards him with a glare of death across the table.

“Mmm,” Stiles says. “Derek, I love you so much, dude. Marry me.”

Instead of the grumpy eyebrows he expects, Derek meets his eye, leans back smugly in his chair, and says, “Okay.”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Please bombard me with Pining Sherlock fics. I need some.

You asked for it, you got it Nonny! This is literally my favourite trope in the entirety of existence. I have a tonne of fics, and I’m still sorting all of my bookmarks, so I probably still have more to add. I had SO MANY TO PUT ON THIS LIST, that I had to remove links to the authors, because Tumblr kept deleting all my links. So yes, over 150 fics here below, all from mostly Sherlock’s POV (@holmesthesociopath, this should help with your ask as well until I finish the list of Sherlock POV fics for you)!

Because I’ve been working on this list for over 6 months, please advise me of any broken links and I will do my best to find them again for you!

Get ready to have your face ripped off 🙃

Keep reading

The Void Inside Me (NSFW 18+)

A/N: This idea was sprouted by one of those ads we’re the two people are texting about something really agnsty or suspenseful and you have to download the app to see the whole story. I loved the idea so much and thought no one would be more suited for it than Void. I want to thank @writing-obrien for seriously helping me out with this when I was completely stumped. Also @celestial-writing because this fic would not be finished if it weren’t for her motivating me to push through up until the very end. And @sarcasticallystilinski too for all her feedback. I think they all edited this at some point too so thank you beautiful babes, I love you all more than most. Lastly, Koneko is Japanese for kitten so says google translater. I’m sorry if I got that wrong.

Warnings: Smut; choking.

Word Count: 6860

|Masterlist|

Originally posted by teendeucalion

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Hey everyone!! I’m finally posting my Dralentine’s day fanart/fanfic

@drvcopotter got this (hello!!) hope you liked it! *hides shyly*

‘Enough, that’s- that’s enough… Draco!’

'I’m sober!’ Draco lauched himself forward, blindly trying to snatch the Firewhiskey bottle from Harry’s hands.

The crowded pub made it easier for Harry to just get up from their table and pull Draco with him without getting much attention from their coworkers, most of them already as drunk as Malfoy. The blond fidgeted in his arms, mumbling something Harry couldn’t understand or barely hear.

We’re going home’ the unintelligible words shushing Draco immediately. He’d learnt parseltongue was useful for those times Draco wouldn’t listen to him. Harry hooked one of Malfoy’s arms around his shoulder, doing his best not to bump into too many people on his way to the door.

'Harry!’

Fuck. He turned around with some difficulty, Malfoy breathing on his neck while trying to balance his weigh on his legs without bringing both of them down.

Ron walked towards him, his expression quickly changing into one of concern as soon as he recognized the blond head.

'Where are you going?’ Ron squinted  his eyes suspiciously, darting them from Harry to Malfoy, who hiccuped and giggled, the sound muffled by Harry’s hair where his face was now buried. Ron didn’t even bother to hide his disconfort, his cheeks a dark shade of red Harry knew couldn’t be blamed only on Firewhiskey.

'Home’ Harry rolled his eyes, giving Ron a small smile to try and ease the tension a bit.

'Why? You’re not his mother! Just leave him here, I’m sure he can-’ Ron gesticulated towards an almost unconscious Draco like he was trash Harry was taking outside.

'And then what? I’ll have to open the door for him later anyway.’

Ron sighed, searching for help and noticing no one cared if they were leaving or not.

'It’s friday and you’ve just finished a fucked up case. You don’t deserve this, Harry’

It’s not that bad, Harry thought, the words now common in his vocabulary when talking to Ron, Hermione, or any of his friends. Being paired with Malfoy after their Auror training two years ago may have angered him a bit - quite a lot, actually - and finding out they’d have to share a flat, which was protocol for new partners in order to 'strengthen the bond’ didn’t sound like the best of options, but after all, it really wasn’t that bad. Malfoy was organized and surprisingly quiet. He could be nosy, childish and bossy but most of the time, it was manageable.

A drunk Malfoy, however was another story. Needy, cuddly, demanding. It shocked Harry the first time the blond got himself pissed on a Friday night and let his head fall on Harry’s shoulder in the middle of the bar.

'Let’s go home, Harry’ he giggled in his ear, Harry’s own name resonating in his head.

After that he’d tried his best not to let Malfoy drink too much.

Malfoy hiccuped again and Ron let out an exasperated sigh.

'It’s fine. See you Monday, yeah?’ Harry turned around before Ron could say anything, his own mind a bit dizzy from the alcohol and the noise.

***

'Harry’

The cold breeze hit them square in the face the moment Harry opened the door. He let it close behind him, the noise gone the second it clicked shut. Malfoy shivered against him, curling himself on Harry’s side. The sooner they reached their flat the better. The safer, Harry thought.

Harry’ Draco breathed in his ear. Fuck, Harry hated how Malfoy always said his name, how could Harry mean something completely different than Potter coming from the same person?

'Yeah?’ Harry stopped, his mind still too slow for him to remember where was the nearest apparition point.

'I’m hungry’ Draco nuzzled his nose against Harry’s dark locks, inhaling like that was the most natural thing to do.

'What? No, we’re going home, Draco’ He said firmly, deciding for a random direction.

'Please, I’m really hungry…’ Harry let out an exasperated groan, the weigh and the cold doing nothing to improve his mood. He took a look around, spotting a small convenience store not far from them on the other side of the street. They had no food at home, he was tired and, if Draco was indeed that hungry, he woudn’t be too picky about it.

They crossed the street, Harry sitting Draco on the closest bench outside the store as soon as they reached it.

'Stay here. I mean it, Draco, stay

’’m not a dog, Potter’

Potter. Good, he was not that drunk.

Harry turned around, rolling his eyes, and opened the glass door.

Water, some noodles. An aspirin since Draco forgot to brew hangover potion. Hmm, chocolate, since Draco would be in an awful mood tomorrow-

Harry stopped shortly. Merlin, they sounded so… domestic. Harry shivered, avoiding the cashier’s eyes since he knew his cheeks were probably bright pink.

He headed for the door noticing through the glass that Draco wasn’t where he’d left him.

'Fuck’ He stormed out of the store, his wand already firmly secured in his hand.

'Draco?’

'Hmm?’ Harry jumped, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Malfoy was stading not far from him, his hand placed on a huge cabin right by the door.

'A photobooth cabin?’ Harry’s voice startled the blond, who darted his eyes towards him.

'Photo what?’

Harry remebered the first time Dudley got home with one of those stripes, his ugly face splashed in tiny squares all over it. When he’d asked aunt Petunia if he could take one too the woman told him those things were for people with friends. And Harry had none.

'You take photos in these’ He stared at the ground, the grip on the plastic bags tighter than necessary.

'Let’s go’

'I wanna try it’

'What?’ Harry stopped, not believing what his ears were telling him.

'Come on, Potter, it can’t be that bad’ Draco took a step forward, lifting the black curtains and peering inside, curiously.

'You’re aware this is a muggle thing, right?’ Harry said, taking a step forward. He had no idea why a muggle photobooth cabin was standing outside of a convenience store on a wizard neighborhood. He checked the money entry, noticing it was modified to accept wizard money. An image of Mr. Weasley appeared in his mind instantly. Right, there were wizards who collected stuff like that.

Harry dropped two knuts inside the machine, Draco already getting inside.

It was small, smaller than he’d expected, with only one old black stool. Harry sat awkwardly at the edge, almost falling while doing his best to avoid touching Draco more than needed. The blond seemed too distracted with a big black screen in front of him to notice or even worry himself about it, letting his knee touch Harry’s carelessly.  Harry pressed the only button under the screen, the countdown starting in front of them.

'What’s happening?’ Draco reached for his wand but Harry stopped him before he could take it out of his pocket.

'Look there, and…’

The first picture was taken, Harry only having a few seconds to pull a funny face. He couldn’t help laughing when he realized Draco was just frowning at the camera.

'Are you stupid, Potter?’ He turned to stare at Harry, reminding him of how close they were.

'Why?’ Harry gulped, looking everywhere but at him.

'That’s your idea of a funny face?’ A crooked smile formed in Draco’s lips, paired with something wicked in his eyes. Before Harry could stop him, Malfoy reached out and grabbed his glasses, putting them on his own face.

Another picture was taken while Draco tried to impersonate him. Harry couldn’t help bursting out laughing, Malfoy so unrecognizable wearing his glasses the whole thing seemed too absurd to be taken seriously.

Tears still streaming down his face, Harry opened his eyes to find a small smile on Draco’s lips. The black old frames constrasting with his bright grey eyes and blond hair looked almost… innocent. Harry shouldn’t be thinking that, he shouln’t even be there in that small cabin with him, but the second the blond burst out laughing too, the sound covering Harry’s loud heartbeat, he forgot why Draco Malfoy couldn’t be something else for him.

Another picture was taken before Harry pulled the man towards him and kissed him on the lips.

It took Draco a few seconds to kiss back, his eyes falling shut and lips opening to allow Harry to deepen it. It was, in some way, like a first kiss, the wamth radiating from Draco’s mouth reaching the bottom of Harry’s belly, warming every inch of his body.

They parted, eyes still closed.

‘Harry’ Draco whispered, his tone low and needy.

Harry gulped again, licking his lips which were still millimiters from the other’s. ‘Let’s go back to mine’

‘Did you forget we live together?’

‘I’m trying to flirt here, you git’

Harry chuckled, holding Draco’s face between his hands and kissing him again, softer this time.

‘Let’s go home, Draco’

The tragic story of too much info about the sexual relationship of your best friends or why Alya will forever regret trying to kill Adrien

HAPPY BIRTHDAY @lunian !!!!!!! Remember when we talked about this? Well, I couldn’t resist writing it. I hope you’ll like it. Crack ahead. And if the title wasn’t a dead giveaway, this has some sexual references in it. Nothing happens, but many are said.


“ADRIEN FUCKING DEAD AGRESTE!”

All the people who were still in the courtyard of the Collège Françoise Dupont run for the hills (or in this case, the school building) as Alya Césaire appeared and walked towards her best friend’s boyfriend with all the might of a storm.

“Dude, I think she means you.” Nino stage-whispered to his best friend as his girlfriend made a beeline towards them.

“But my middle name is Bartholomé.” Adrien argued.

Nino rolled his eyes. His best friend really needed to set his priorities straight. “That’s what worries you?”

Adrien gulped. “Burry me in a polka dotted coffin, please.”

Nino was under the impression he wasn’t kidding in the slightest. “Sure, if there is anything left to bury.”

“There won’t be!” Alya snarled as she lifted Adrien by the neck.

Well, this morning is certainly bound to be interesting, Nino thought.


One day, Marinette will be on time to school. One day. Today wasn’t that day. As Marinette speed walked through the school yard she couldn’t help but notice what a beautiful day it was. The sun was shining, birds were singing, Adrien was being strangled by Alya… wait a second.

“Alya!” Marinette shouted, rushing towards them. “Put him down.”

Her best friend was obviously not happy to have to delay her murder. Meanwhile, Nino considered if he should stop filming the whole thing. If Marinette was here, then maybe there won’t be need of proof for the police for a murder. Though, let’s be real, he would never turn his girlfriend in. He would have just posted the video on YouTube in his collection of An Infinity of Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Piss Alya Off. If he was recalling correctly, this video would be number 2749.

“Alya, what is going on? Why are you strangling my boyfriend.” Marinette questioned crossing her arms, while Adrien was gasping for air on the ground.

“Marinette,“ Alya’s tone was regretful and the sad look in her eyes indicated something bad was coming. “I’m sorry to say this honey, but he is cheating on you.”

And in that moment, Marinette felt her whole world crashing down. “What?! With whom?”

Marinette was dying to hear that answer. Who? Did Adrien really cheat on her? Was it some rabid fangirl who jumped at his bones and Alya just got the wrong impression?

Alya sighed. “With Ladybug.”

Marinette blinked. “Damn.” both her and Adrien whispered maybe a little too loudly. Thus Adrien choked, cause he still didn’t regain his proper breathing.

“That’s… unexpected.” Marinette managed to say, trying to think of something plausible to get them out of this situation. She knew it was a bad idea to make out when only one of them was transformed. Damn Adrien and his filthy thirst for her spots. “It isn’t a problem, though, cause… um… this is… an… open… relationship.”

Oh well, not the worst excuse she could have had come with. Alya crossed her arms obviously expecting an explanation while Nino muttered a ‘dude’ under his breath. That’s when Adrien decided to be a supportive boyfriend.

“Yeah. Marinette has her fun times with Ladybug too,” he said, raising his index finger as if that would help him make a point while he was still laying on the ground.

Why is he like this? Marinette sighed internally.

Alya turned to Marinette with an expression that was a mix of shock and anger. “You are hooking up with Ladybug and you didn’t tell me?!”

Marinette glared down at Adrien, who looked sheepish. “Yeah. And don’t forget about Chat Noir.”

“Chat Noir?” both Alya and Nino screamed simultaneously.

“Yeah,” Marinette stated, looking at Adrien, who finally picked himself off the ground, with a mischievous look. “Why don’t you tell us about your escapades with Chat Noir, Adrien?”

Her boyfriend laughed nervously. “What escapade do you mean?”

Marinette smirked. “Well, you did tell me that Chat Noir found you wearing cute yet sexy Ladybug lingerie.”

At this point, Nino had to turn off his camera, unable to hold his phone anymore. “Dudeeeee.”

Alya, to everybody’s surprise, was silent until now. But there was as much as the shock could keep her from asking. "But what about Ladybug?”

“Oh, she thinks the same” Marinette replied calmly while analyzing her nails.

“No, no, I mean, I thought Chat only loves her.”

“Oh that… well, who can resist this model ass?” she asked rhetorically while slapping Adrien’s ass for emphasis. Nino nodded vigorously as well. Honestly, wasn’t it universal knowledge everybody loved Adrien’s ass?

Adrien glared at Marinette. Not for smacking his ass, mind you. He loved getting his ass smacked by her. But for making fun of his taste in lingerie. Well, if this is how she wanted to play, so be it then. “Of course. So if we are discussing this topic, why don’t you mention that time when Chat caught you wearing lingerie inspired by his outfit?”

’Well, don’t try hiding the fact that once you begged Ladybug to tie you with her yoyo.“ Marinette scoffed, trying to hide her blush. That had been an interesting night.

"I need a bucket,” Alya muttered, not sure what to think of her friends and her idol anymore.

“YOU CALLED CHAT NOIR’S DICK AS A BATON!” Adrien shouted louder than necessary, while blushing.

“I guess, I need one too” Nino said, wishing he will just forget everything that had been said so far. And from now on, because apparently Marinette and Adrien weren’t done.

“Remember when you told Chat Noir that you want a collar with a bell too?”

“Oh, really Marinette, should I remind you that one time when I walked on you and Ladybug and you were blindfolded?”

Nino glanced at Alya. “Are we kink shaming them now or later?”

“Then you asked us if you can be blindfolded instead and, I quote ‘used as your little sex toy’.” that had been a strange day. She had an urge to blindfold herself, Adrien came over unannounced and things escalated quickly and she discovered some new kinks of her boyfriend.

“I guess, if we die right here, right this second, they wouldn’t notice it.” Nino states, but Alya was unable to reply anymore, not sure what to make out of this whole conversation.

“You begged Chat Noir to slap you with his tail belt.” Adrien argued back, while his face was putting any ripe tomato to shame.

Marinette screeched. “YOU WERE WEARING MY FAVORITE PINK STOCKINGS.”

“THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH WHAT WE WERE TALKING ABOUT.”

"I’m sure it totally does.”

Adrien scoffed, crossing his arms. “But you can deny they suit me.” he knew she liked them. She even said so that night. They had been a little tight, but she had made him a matching pair better fit for his height.

"Jesus, how many moments like this do they have?” Nino questioned, clearly shocked by how kinky his bro was. And he was sort of afraid fo the answer, if he had to be honest.

“What’s more important, why are we still listening to this mess?” it was Alya’s turn to ask questions that will never get answers. “I’m not even sure if I want to use this thing as blackmail or just erase it from my brain forever.”

“To be honest, it would be much better if Adrien really just cheated on Mari with Ladybug,” Nino said hesitantly, obviously scared of Alya’s reaction. “I mean, I wouldn’t have forgiven him if he ever did that, but at least, in that case, us, innocent bystanders wouldn’t have to be traumatized for life.”

Alya could only nod. Honestly, the mental picture fo Adrien in Ladybug themed lingerie left her with brain damage.

After what seemed like an eternity Adrien and Marinette finished their not so little argument, both huffing and as red in the face as the surface of Mars. Not that anybody would say that out loud, given how much of a nerd Adrien is, he would come with some science facts about the color of the surface of Mars.
.
“So yeah, we have an open relationship.” Marinette concluded, the two of them finally turning to their best friends.

“We got it after the reminder about Chat Noir, thank you.” Nino said, sarcastically.

“Now get outta of my sight, my poor brain had dealt enough with your kinks for now and forever.” Alya ordered waving her hand desperately while rubbing her temple with her free hand.

“Well, if you didn’t want to kill me, none of this would have happened.” Adrien said with a smug smirk.

Alya snarled. "Next time neither Marinette or even fucking Ladybug won’t stop me, Agreste.”

Adrien gulped. Marinette slapped him compassionately on the ass.

Try to rip people off with shady flipped houses? Watch me flip your bank account.

So I don’t think this is entirely pro, but this just happened and I’m quite pleased with myself. Sorry for how long it is, I’m a wordy person.

Background: my girlfriend and I have been trying to buy a house for a month or two. Housing market where we live is tough, we don’t have a huge income, most houses sell within 24 hours, etc so it’s been a struggle. About a month and a half ago we found a house that was PERFECT. In the neighborhood we wanted, 2 bed 2 bath, at the very top of our price range but still doable, etc etc. Best part is that it’s beautifully renovated, new roof, everything is new and gorgeous! We put in an offer, but get outbid by someone else (which is crushing, if you have yet to experience that).

We mourn and then continue searching for other houses….until we get a call from our agent saying that the other buyers backed out and the seller is offering it to us first before putting it back on the market.

A quick important note here: the seller is the owner, but is also acting as his own real estate agent, and he runs his own business buying foreclosures and flipping them. This is important later.

Keep reading

✧ ( SHAMELESS SENTENCE STARTERS.

warning: triggers apply. adult language, sexual themes, violence, offensive subjects, offensive behaviors. please read & reblog with caution.

❛ And what exactly does “hooked up” mean? ❜
❛ It’s like a car wreck… you can’t not watch. ❜
❛ What’s that smell? It’s either vomit or fancy cheese. ❜
❛ There is no God. We’re all gonna die. ❜
❛ The hell? You’re supposed to negotiate! ❜
❛ If you’re looking for money, I don’t have any yet.  ❜
❛ How do you feel about metal splinters to the eye? ❜
❛ Are you up-to-date on your rabies shots? ❜
❛ I don’t like that you’re getting hurt on purpose to make money. ❜
❛ You’re kidding me? You’re actually serious about this shit? ❜
❛ You’re kinda growing on me. ❜
❛ Wanna see how fast I can unhook your bra? ❜
❛ You make my life a living hell and I want you out of here now. ❜
❛ Half of the world has penises, why do people get so upset about seeing them? ❜
❛ You’re nothing but a warm mouth to me. ❜
❛ I think I’m depressed. I’ve been feeling kind of funky lately. ❜
❛ I never said it was yours. You just wanted it to be. ❜
❛ Wouldn’t be the first time somebody’s disappointed me. ❜
❛ I don’t mean to be an asshole. It’s just… genetic. ❜
❛ Fuck you is what you were invited to. ❜
❛ I can’t even begin to imagine what kind of pussy you’d be in juvie. ❜
❛ I want normal people problems. Like, am I getting enough fiber? ❜
❛ Hey, I think I just insulted myself. ❜
❛ Hey! What the fuck man! He’s/she’s dead! ❜
❛ Oh, could you be a little more vague? ❜
❛ You came all the way down here to talk about my pubes? ❜
❛ How the fuck do you not have a gun? ❜
❛ Sure you’re ready to pop your armed robbery cherry? ❜
❛ You should have seen your face. ❜
❛ You don’t know who you messed with, bitch. ❜
❛ You fuck with the bull, you get an ass full of horns! ❜
❛ I’m not used to having people yell at me all day long. ❜
❛ I have this friend. I think you two might really hit it off. ❜
❛ I’ve seen you put out after the first drink. ❜
❛ You know, I’d hug you but neither of us would like that. ❜
❛ I don’t get why just don’t use her/his face for target practice. ❜
❛ I want a fucking lawyer motherfucker! ❜
❛ You’re covering your own ass and you know it. ❜
❛ You know I used a condom. ❜
❛ Do you know where I can buy a gun? ❜
❛ You think you scare me? Bring it, bitch! ❜
❛ I’m starting to get fucking homicidal. ❜
❛ I will make this kitchen my bitch. ❜
❛ They’re having a party for kids across the street. No booze. ❜
❛ A shrink at school says I’m one of God’s mistakes. ❜
❛ I believe the answer to that question, like the answer to most questions, is fuck you! ❜
❛ Did the two of us finish an entire gallon of box wine the other night? ❜
❛ I can’t handle anything up my ass without alcohol! ❜
❛ I’d be crying right now if I wasn’t so high. ❜
❛ I’m not my dad. You hear me? I’m not my fucking dad! ❜
❛ I would never do half the shit that you’ve done to us. Why are you even here? ❜
❛ Even the homeless get better stuff than us. ❜
❛ I am just as likely as anyone of this family to make something of myself. ❜
❛ You want to get shit faced in the middle of the day.  ❜
❛ You have no money yet you’re going into a grocery store. Interesting. ❜
❛ Let’s go get drunk and buy a gun. ❜
❛ It’s a shame when someone you love gets taken away, isn’t it? ❜
❛ If this is a relationship you wanna save, then you gotta fucking save it. ❜
❛ Off to deal drugs on a Saturday morning? ❜
❛ I’m probably biased, you deserve better than him. ❜
❛ If you don’t get out right now, I will shoot you. ❜
❛ Still don’t want your family to know? ❜
❛ Did I mention that I’m falling in love with you? ❜
❛ You can’t feel a persons headache by touching his head. ❜
❛ Are you robbing me with my own fucking gun? ❜
❛ How can you tell when you’re in love with someone? ❜
❛ Is that supposed to be some kind of insult? ❜
❛ I’m done living the way other people want me to live. ❜
❛ I think I was trying to prove something, not to you but to myself.  ❜
❛ If it wasn’t sex then what was the problem? ❜
❛ What do you want me to say? That I’m self-destructive? ❜
❛ Random destruction makes you think of me? ❜
❛ I haven’t abused marijuana like the rest of you, so yes I remember. ❜
❛ Your turf? What is this West Side Story? ❜
❛ All I’m gonna be thinking about while you choke me out is how much I love you. ❜
❛ If I don’t invest in myself, no one else will. ❜
❛ It smells worse than a dead hooker’s ass in there. ❜
❛ I don’t wanna be me anymore. ❜
❛ Why would anyone go to the zoo sober? ❜
❛ I’ve had so many abortions the next one is free. ❜
❛ I’d trade my left nut for one more hour of sleep. ❜
❛ How do you do that? The nice thing? ❜
❛ I’m sick of living in your shadow. ❜
❛ I never thought I’d say this but you were right. ❜
❛ Where can I get knives and blunts? ❜
❛ I can’t share a room with someone in constant state of arousal! ❜
❛ I’m sneaking antibiotics into his toothpaste just in case. ❜
❛ I got tasered for like a second and I crapped myself. ❜
❛ I’ve never seen you put on deodorant before. ❜
❛ I haven’t had a drink for two days…well granted I was unconscious. ❜
❛ I’ll be in the bushes across the street stalking you. ❜
❛ Is there anything more enjoyable on earth than humiliating your peers? ❜
❛ I need to buy a gun. For protection. In case there’s a shooting here. I’m scared. ❜
❛ It’s my job to tell you when you’re making a huge mistake. ❜
❛ Have you ever woken up naked in the street with no idea how you got there? ❜
❛ You’re either boning or you’re waiting to bone. ❜
❛ Doctors are thieves, they just have degrees to keep them out of jail. ❜
❛ You want me to be realistic? Okay, I’ll be realistic. ❜
❛ I confided in you and you told everyone. ❜
❛ I have no idea what that means but I’m enjoying trying to picture it. ❜
❛ I never made any fucking promises to you! ❜
Writing Is Hard

Summary: Dean finds the blog you use to read smutty fan fiction. And of course, he decides he can write a better story about himself. You help.

Warning: Smut, some dirty talk, mutual masturbation, all kinds of fan fiction clichés

Word Count: 4350

A/N: This is all written with love for fan fic. I’m teasing, not putting it down in any way. And thanks to @littlegreenplasticsoldier​ for being a great beta and being generally flawless. Hope you enjoy! XOXO


No. This isn’t happening.

This is one of those moments you’d had weird nightmares about, dreams that left you embarrassed and feeling all icky the next day until you finally convinced yourself that it wasn’t real. And just like those moments, this one will end any second now. You’ll wake up in some motel bed, Dean will be in the next room with Sam, asleep or showering or eating or anything but standing over your laptop with that look on his face.

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{PART 16} I Won’t Stop You // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU

Originally posted by jengkook

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Vampire!AU, Fantasy, Angst, Smut

Summary; You begin to regret revealing all the details about your painful, tragic past to Jungkook. Meanwhile, Jungkook, Taehyung and Jimin share their knowledge with each other in the hopes of figuring out what intentions lie behind Yoongi’s actions.

I update this series every Tuesday evening, 9pm-10pm (UK Time)

{Part 1} // {Part 15} {Part 16} {Part 17}

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broken rings & queens and kings | kth

summary: to make a long, long story very, very short, you and kim taehyung have been sworn enemies ever since childhood, that is, until you find out that you’re betrothed to each other for the good of your kingdoms, and everything comes crumbling down.

{a long (and quite frankly, unnecessary) mixture of enemies to lovers!au, royalty!au, and arranged marriage!au}

pairing: taehyung x female reader
word count: 24k (ahhhhhhhhH!!!!!!!!)
genre: fluff, light angst, light smut
warnings: hate sex and strong language (when will i ever stop w/ the hate sex)
a/n: u guys don’t know how much this took out of me. dedicated to the one and only @guktwt, without whom i wouldn’t have even written this. this one’s for u, lara!! 

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On Fanfiction Commenting

I have been both a consumer and a producer of fanfiction since I was probably far too young to be doing either, so here are some of my tips on commenting on fics:

  • Comment. Please. Comments motivate authors to write.
  • Incoherently rambling is okay. One word comments are okay. Smiley faces are okay. I guarantee getting a notification that someone commented AAAAAAAH :D on a fic will make a writer smile.
  • Really long comments are awesome. You want to talk about your favorite scene? Go for it. You want to talk about how much you like a character? Please. Explain how well you think this writer fits within canon, or is better than canon, or gave you a new headanon.
  • Talk about how it made you feel.
  • If you read something a second time, or a third time, or a fifth time, tell them. Writers love to hear that. Tell them when you stay up all night to finish a fic. Tell them that you cried. Tell them that you laughed.
  • Be careful with critiques. Some authors are cool with them, some aren’t, but regardless, if you have a critique of the story, be gentle, be kind, compliment them too, remember that they wrote this and provided it to you for free, and consider not sending it directly to them.
  • If you think they got something particularly touchy (sexuality, gender, race, ethnicity, religion, etc.) wrong, first check to see if they say they are that thing that you think they got wrong. If they are, don’t say anything. People are allowed to interpret themselves however they want. If they aren’t AND YOU ARE, you can consider gently letting them know, preferably with thanks for attempting representation and maybe a link to a resource that might help them (unless they’re being malicious or have a particularly egregious error, in which case don’t thank them for representing you).
  • If there is one typo or mistake, let them know. if there are five, don’t. Most writers don’t want to go searching through their story to fix every typo they made at 3 am, but one thing is wrong–particularly if they wrote the wrong name–it’s not that much work to fix. They might not fix it, but you’re not putting much of an extra burden on them by letting them know.
  • If you read 50k words of a fic and then comment a dissertation on all the reasons you hated it, maybe consider just…stopping reading it, instead. You didn’t pay for it. You are gaining nothing from the cost of time of reading it. Go away. Also I will tell my friends about how ridiculous you are, and we will laugh about you.
  • Don’t share your life story. 9 times out of 10, we don’t care they you are uncomfortable with the idea of polyamory because your SO cheated on you and you think polyamory is like cheating and you don’t judge anyone else for participating in polyamory but you wouldn’t do it personally, so please, don’t tell us. (Fun fact, that’s a true story.)
  • “I would love to read more (of this story/of this world/of your works)” is fine (unless they explicitly say they won’t write more). “Have you thought about writing more” is also fine. “Hey, it’s been a while, I love your story and hope you post more” is pretty okay. “You need to write more” is a little iffy. “UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE UPDATE” is kind of aggressive. “Why haven’t you updated, you terrible person” is way out of line.
  • Don’t be mean.
A Lesson in Love (Emergency)

Summary: (College!AU) In which you’re assigned to write a story about romance, a subject you know nothing about, and Bucky, a hopeless romantic, offers you his assistance.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 3,048

“A Lesson in Love” Masterlist + Soundtrack

@avengerstories - thank you, as always, for editing this for me.

Originally posted by charlestonchewbacca

The thought of what it must feel like to be an astronaut has crossed your mind on countless occasions, thanks to the astronomy class you’re currently taking. How does it feel to be that detached from the place you call home? To see the earth floating in the never-ending expanse that is space? To know that there’s a whole world of people residing on that large green and blue planet, but having no way to reach out to them?

Unexpected circumstances have transformed you into the astronaut that you never thought you’d have the chance to be. The news that Bucky is in the hospital, his condition unknown, has acted like a spaceship, catapulting you out of the atmosphere. It’s left you hurdling through space, unable to reach out to anyone, no matter how hard you try. T’Challa and Sam are calling out to you, but you can’t hear them. They’re far away, too far away, waiting on earth while you continue your journey. One without any gravity to keep you from floating away.

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