i will take no shit and i will hold my head high

Though She Be But Little She Is (Not) Fierce

A little background, I’m a halfling ranger with a high elf wizard, half elf druid, and a couple others. We had just finished our mission and were picking stuff up on the way back. We came upon some prisoners we had left tied up and decided to take them back to our employer. Our strongest players were holding dragon eggs which left two of us to carry the two unconscious prisoners. We were also super low on health from fighting. 

Me: I roll strength to pick up this guy.

*rolls critical failure*

DM: You, a 4ft halfling who weighs 70lbs, try to pick up a 6ft and 180lbs man. You lose your balance and crack your head on the floor, killing yourself.

Druid: Alright, I’ll pick her up and carry her back so the town can heal her.

*rolls critical failure*

DM: Uuhh, fill in two of those failure bubbles.

Wizard: I’ll heal her with my med kit.

*rolls critical failure*

Me: *flabbergasted* Oh my God.

DM: *delighted* Oh my God!

People are still Tumblr screaming for people to stop watching the Cody /Tyler videos😂

It is not that deep fam, y'all act like they sent the videos through backroom channels,that not even homeland security or the CIA could hack.

lol I’m sorry it’s too funny to me that y'all think sending nudes to someone is a binding contract that prohibits anyone from sharing them.

Honestly we’ve all been in this situation where personal pics got out(I know I have) the situation sucks ass, but the difference is they have lawyers and PR people to remove them from the internet. Like send sympathy to regular people who have to hold their heads high and take the L when their shit get out

P.S. They’re grown! They knew the risks of sending nudes, we all know the risks! And we know the real reason Cody is mad but I’m not going to say it 💁🏽

Plus I’m not unsympathetic to their suffering but stop acting like they deserve extra privacy because they’re famous. They don’t!

Originally posted by openmindeddating

That's how you kill a sea monster

Context: I’m DMing for our group playing Demon Hunters: A Comedy of Terror. The last sea monster (think creature from the black lagoon) just saw 30ish of its kin die to the Demon Hunters and makes a break for it. I’ve set a random difficulty to stop it.

Android from the future: “I run up to it and electro-punch it.”

*miss*

Me: “You swing to take its head off and it dodges out if the way.”

High Tech Fisherman: “I shoot a net harpoon to tangle it up”

*miss*

Me: “You slip on a rock and your shot goes wide.”

Monster Trophy Hunter that’s never really used a gun until now: “I think I’m going to try and shoot at it.”

*crits*

Me: “As you take aim you remember that holding a gun sideways improves accuracy and damage and you blow the things head off.”

The table dies laughing for the next ten minutes and the character’s player always makes it a point to say he’s holding his gun sideways.