i will shred myself

Originally posted by fandomnationwhore

Originally posted by barkji-min

A/N: requested

Warning:fluffy and one swear word

**********

“My sister? really?” Edward questions with a slight protective tone within his voice only the man you loved that was able to feel and control others emotions was able to pick it up, but to everyone else it was calm.

“Can’t really control who you love Edward, you know that more than anyone here” is Jasper’s reply, causing you to try and hide a shit eating grin and laugh from your brother.

“You maybe part of the family but don’t think for a second that if you hurt her that i won’t rip to shreds” Edward puts on the role of the protective big brother.

“Well get in line because if I hurt her i’ll be sure that i’m ripping myself to shreds as well” Jasper says looking at you the whole time, only displaying sincerity in his eyes and voice.

What Rises From the Ashes (A Tamlin Ficlette)

**This fic is exploring the Tamarantha headcanon from Tamlin’s perspective*

Summary: Tamlin confesses that he and Amarantha were incompatible mates- and the role that played in destroying him.

Originally posted by willow-s-linda

Thank you to the amazing and wonderful @feyre-archerons-scrapbook // @the-other-sam for beta reading this!!! She’s amazing and, as I always say, you should all be following her!!!!! xoxoxoxoxoxox

All comments loved & cherished!

Contains ACOWAR Spoilers

Keep reading

✰ * º ❛  new girl sentence starters.  ❜

‘  i don’t know which fork to kill myself with.  ’
‘  damn it! i can’t find my driving moccasins anywhere!  ’
‘  i’m really bad at making decision.  ’
‘  if i had a dollar for everybody i couldn’t hang out with because they hated you, i’d be so rich.  ’
‘  i just want to listen to taylor swift alone.  ’
‘  pink wine makes me slutty.  ’
‘  i’m like a mailman, except instead of mail, it’s hot sex that i deliver.  ’
‘  i don’t mean to be laughing, but are you okay?  ’
‘  i had figure skating lessons since i was thirteen and then my mom sobered up and realized i was a boy.  ’
‘  i don’t think it’s fair that women have an excuse once a month to act irrationally angry when the rest of us have to keep it together all the time.  ’
‘  this plan is officially the worst!  ’
‘  don’t pretend to know my pain.  ’
‘  you misspelled the word ‘rhythm’ 38 times.  ’
‘  i’m as mad as a dad in traffic!  ’
‘  i could do this all day, son!  ’
‘  you sons of bitches ready to party?  ’
‘  i’m dealing with a dingus.  ’
‘  you’re the most throat-punchable boy in all the world.  ’
‘  that’s like the president and the vice president not being best friends.  ’
‘  oh, goodness gracious! what are you, a sorcerer?  ’
‘  i can buy my own pizza! can somebody please loan me $15?  ’
‘  i gotta tell my best friend i’m in love with her.  ’
‘  i’m– i’m pregnant. i mean, you’re pregnant. we’re pregnant!  ’
‘  what kind of taco meat do you bitches have?  ’
‘  i think you need me too much.  ’
‘  i’m gonna be fine. i am. you know why? cause i met you. that’s why i’m okay.  ’
‘  i’m the voice of reason, that’s why you brought me with.  ’
‘  we didn’t bring you with. you followed us there in your car.  ’
‘  saturday is a day for sleeping, and damn it, you will not take that away from me!  ’
‘  i’ve seen his penis like… a million times.  ’
‘  he’s my best friend. what if he gets into an accident? what if he’s horribly disfigured and i have to identify him and all that remains are his private parts? and i’m standing there and i’m saying, ‘no officer, i can’t help you because no, i haven’t seen his penis’ and then boom! he’s buried in an unmarked grave.  ’
‘  people are the worst.  ’
‘  hey, do you have any snacks?  ’
‘  it’s a weird life, but it’s where i’m at right now.  ’
‘  i was put in an awkward situation and i reacted poorly.  ’
‘  it is perfectly fine to watch tv all day!  ’
‘  i am not a successful adult! i don’t eat vegetables and/or take care of myself.  ’
‘  as a matter of fact, i am tired and i am hungry.  ’
‘  if i don’t know what’s gonna happen, i don’t do something. ever. i don’t care how much i want to do it.  ’
‘  i’m gonna hit your ass with a ski.  ’
‘  i want to cover everything up on my body with bubbles.  ’
‘  how cute am i?  ’
‘  i’m a color-blind american citizen and i can’t do puzzles.  ’
‘  what’s your problem? don’t you want me to have a good night?  ’
‘  maybe if we get drunk then magically everything will just happen.  ’
‘  anything beautiful is worth getting hurt for.  ’
‘  every prank you do turns out either too big or too small.  ’
‘  it burns! it burns!  ’
‘  why does your hair look so baby soft?!  ’
‘  how do you get this thing off? get it off of me!  ’
‘  everyone drinks midori sours! it’s a melon liqueur!  ’
‘  what do i think the puzzle will look like? the pictures on the box. it’s a japense garden!  ’
‘  what the hell is wrong with you, just waving that thing around like an idiot?  ’
‘  give me the spot or i’ll kill you all!  ’
‘  i will shred myself! i will shred myself in the shredder!  ’
‘  that tastes disgusting, i don’t like it.  ’
‘  sometimes i feel like you’re in one of those weird man-dog body-switch movies.  ’
‘  where are your nipples, man?!  ’
‘  stop being so mean to me or i swear to go i’m going to fall in love with you!  ’
‘  i want you to get off my farm!  ’
‘  i don’t have a vagina!  ’
‘  this is my only face! i don’t have a lot of faces!  ’
‘  i refuse to pay for the wifey.  ’
‘  i don’t like it! it’s too much responsibility!  ’
‘  shall i compare thee to a summer’s day? no, a summer’s day is not a bitch.  ’
‘  gave me cookie, got you cookie! you gave me cookie, i got you cookie, man!  ’
‘  back off, i’m starving!  ’
‘  your job could be done by a vending machine.  ’
‘  i thought god just didn’t give me abs.  ’
‘  what you’re doing is illegal.  ’
‘  i’m not taking advice from you. you pronounce the ‘g’ in ‘lasagna’.  ’
‘  and i’m taking this remote because you always hit the info button by mistake.  ’
‘  are we all just living in the mind of a giant?  ’
‘  i don’t trust fish. they breath water! that’s crazy.  ’
‘  do i regret it? yes. would i do it again? probably.  ’
‘  i can’t work under pressure like this. you know i get nervous. i am just a man. i am not a god.  ’
‘  first order of business: we eat their food.  ’
‘  can i get an alcohol?  ’
‘  if you are for one second suggesting that i don’t know how to open a musical, how dare you!  ’
‘  the bees are back!  ’
‘  i haven’t gotten a non-text message in two years.  ’
‘  the only acceptable pet for a man to have is a saltwater fish.  ’
‘  the point of dating is just to keep on dating and then never stop. it’s like burning fossil fuels or seeing a therapist.  ’
‘  you ever wonder if someone in here has killed someone?  ’
‘  you realize i say ‘goodnight’ to you every night and you never say ‘goodnight’ back? what is your problem? do you not want me to have a good night?  ’
‘  i’ve made out with half of the people in this room.  ’
‘  i’ve had nightmares about making out with two of the guys in this room.  ’
‘  ah! son of a bi– …penis. that wasn’t better.  ’
‘  someone’s personalized condoms just came in the mail.  ’
‘  i just found a groupon for hypnosis lessons. think about what you could do with that! sex stuff.  ’
‘  has anyone seen my good peacoat?  ’
‘  hahaha. what a dumb idea. do it!  ’
‘  this is the coin i had in my pocket the first night we kissed. and i always have it.  ’
‘  i feel like i want to murder someone and i also want soft pretzels.  ’
‘  i hate doors!  ’
‘  suck it, mr. krabs!  ’
‘  no, i don’t dance. i’m from the town in footloose.  ’
‘  are you sure you’re okay? you’re walking like a disney witch.  ’
‘  he asked me if i wanted to watch planet of the apes. i didn’t know he meant right now.  ’
‘  would you eat your damn sandwich?  ’
‘  when you see a dog cage for sale, you buy it.  ’
‘  you know… i don’t get what’s going on here.  ’
‘  hey, you made a difference. how does it feel?  ’
‘  do you have a tank top i could borrow? you look about my size.  ’
‘  cheers to unemployment!  ’
‘  i was about to catch you but then you fell.  ’
‘  there are tampons hidden all around the apartment.  ’
‘  i think somebody had sex in my bedroom last night. i think that because they’re still in there having sex, i think.  ’
‘  please take that thing off. you look like a homeless pencil.  ’
‘  we are gonna make it!  ’
‘  i’m not ready to lose you. i just got you and i’m not letting you go.  ’
‘  i can think of five reasons why i wanted to be your friend: boob, boob, vagina, butt cheek, butt cheek.  ’
‘  actually, that’s not fair, she might be a really nice ho.  ’
‘  i’m not doing squats or anything. i’m just trying to eat less donuts.  ’
‘  you’re gonna be fine. you’re gonna meet somebody and you’re gonna fall in love.  ’
‘  who’s gonna… lay down a flag on this sweet, sweet continent?  ’
‘  i like to improvise with my body. i’m like a sexual snowflake. each night with me is a unique experience.  ’
‘  you can run away from your problems, but you’re just gonna find new ones that pop up.  ’
‘  i hope you like feminist rants ‘cause that’s my thing.  ’

Franz Kafka for the Signs
  • Aries: "Nothing holds me. Let me say that I myself have torn myself to shreds."
  • Taurus: "Last night I dreamed about you. What happened in detail I can hardly remember; all I know is that we kept merging into one another. I was you, you were me. Finally you somehow caught fire."
  • Gemini: "I’m always trying to convey something that can’t be conveyed…to explain something inexplicable, to tell about something I only feel in my bones…"
  • Cancer: "I need all the time and a thousand times more than all the time and if possible all the time that exists, for you, to think of you, to breathe in you."
  • Leo: "By believing passionately in something that still does not exist, we create it. The nonexistent is whatever we have not sufficiently desired."
  • Virgo: "By your side I’m most quiet and most unquiet, most inhibited and most free."
  • Libra: "I mustn’t look at you too much, or I won’t be able to take my eyes off you at all."
  • Scorpio: "I never wish to be easily defined."
  • Sagittarius: "Once I enjoy a person, that joy knows no bounds."
  • Capricorn: "I am not actually tired, but numb and heavy, and can’t find the right words. All I can say is: Stay with me, don’t leave me."
  • Aquarius: "Don’t despair, not even over the fact that you don’t despair. Just when everything seems over with, new forces come marching up, and precisely that means that you are alive. And if they don’t, then everything is over with here, once and for all."
  • Pisces: "Please, consider me a dream."
Nobody understood how I felt
Because I hid it from everyone
The older I got the worse it became
It was a battlefield in my mind everyday
Heavy sadness
Self loathing
Emptiness
The anger I felt
I would snap so easily
I would make up the worst in my head
Situations that hadn’t even happened would cripple me
I was such a mess everyday
It exhausted me
I was burning out
Slowly but surely
I was ripping myself to shreds everyday
Then trying to tape back together the pieces in the morning
But it never quite fit back together
Anxiety breaks every part of you
No matter how hard you try to fight it
—  Chapters from my life
I HAVE FINISHED ACOWAR. OH MY GOD.

Spoilers. 10/10 recommend. Also there’s a huge spoiler at the end end of the book. *evil cackles* Seriously. Read it. REEEEAD IT. NOW FOR YOUR VIEWING PLEASURE::

- Perhaps when my task here was done, I’d burn this manor to the ground, too. Starting with those roses.

- But it was the vines—the thorns—that had made it unlivable. My old bedroom had been overrun with them. They’d curved and slithered over the walls, entwined themselves amongst the debris. As if they’d crawled off the trellises beneath my windows, as if a hundred years had passed and not months.

- To see Ianthe. And at last decide how I was going to shred her into pieces.

- Healing. Alive and healing. I reminded myself of that every day. Even when I still heard their screams, smelled their blood.

- That was my first step: make Tamlin believe, truly believe, that I loved him and this place, and everyone in it. So that he would not suspect when I turned them on each other.

- Not to demand the whereabouts of the two sets of wings his father had kept as trophies after he’d butchered Rhysand’s mother and sister.

- I let my glow spread, until it, too, rippled from Lucien’s bowed form. A knight before his queen.

- I was the nightmare. Preying on what Tamlin had feared from my very first days here. I had not forgotten that long-ago fight he’d picked with Lucien. The warning he’d given him to stop flirting with me. To stay away. The fear that I’d preferred the red-haired lord over him

- “What have you done,” Lucien breathed, and Tamlin’s face was the picture of devastation as Lucien shoved him aside.

- And if I could have painted that moment, I would have named it A Portrait in Snares and Baiting.

- Alis squeezed my hand. “Blood rubies or no, you will always have one friend in the Summer Court.” My throat bobbed. “And you will always have one in mine,” I promised her. She knew which court I meant. And did not look afraid.

- “I’m going with you,” he said again, face splattered with blood as bright as his hair. “I’m getting my mate back.” There was no time for this argument. For the truth and debate and the answers I saw he desperately wanted. Tamlin and the others would have heard the shouting by now. “Don’t make me regret this,” I told him.

- Cassian had taught me to always have a second escape route. Always.

- “But I think letting his court collapse around him is a better punishment. Certainly longer than an easy death.”

- JESMINDA

- “Tell me about her—about Elain,” Lucien said quietly.

- Closer and closer to the shore, to the awaiting party of sentries that winnowed in out of nowhere. No, no, no—A shadow slammed into the earth before us, cracking the ice toward every horizon. Not a shadow. An Illyrian warrior.

- “There’s no such thing as a High Lady,” one of Lucien’s brothers spat. A faint smile played on my mouth. “There is now.” And it was time for the world to know it.

- And as those violet eyes met mine, as that familiar half smile faded … My face crumpled. A small, broken noise cracked from me. Rhys was instantly moving, but my legs had already given out. The foyer carpet cushioned the impact as I sank to my knees. I covered my face with my hands while the past month crashed into me. Rhys knelt before me, knee to knee.

- Lucien said nothing while Rhys spoke. Or when I continued with my tale, Cassian often chiming in with his own account of how it’d been to live with two mated-yet-un-mated people, to pretend Rhys wasn’t courting me, to welcome me into their little circle.

- “And you love him. And he—he truly does love you.” Lucien dragged a hand through his red hair. “And all these people I have spent my centuries hating, even fearing … They are your family.” “I think Amren would probably deny that she feels any affection for us—” “Amren is a bedtime story they told us as younglings to make us behave. Amren was who would drink my blood and carry me to hell if I acted out of line. And yet there she was, acting more like a cranky old aunt than anything.”

- “I hadn’t realized I was a villain in your narrative,” Lucien breathed.

- “As far as I can recall, Cassian,” Rhys countered drily, “you actually said you needed a reprieve from staring at our ugly faces, and that some ladies would add some much-needed prettiness for you to look at all day.” “Pig,” Amren said.

- “I’ll never forget it, you know,” he said, blowing out a breath. “The moment when he spoke to us all, mind to mind. When I realized what was happening, and that … he’d saved us. Trapped us here and tied our hands, but …”

- “Why should I be scared of an oversized bat who likes to throw temper tantrums?”

- Again, that dry, quiet smile. “Why do you think Illyrians are so fit?” “Why did no one warn me about this cocky side of yours?” Azriel’s mouth twitched upward.

- “Nesta,” the Bone Carver murmured. “Nes-ta.” I squeezed Cassian’s hand. Enough. It was enough of this teasing and taunting. But he didn’t look at me. “How the wind moans her name. Can you hear it, too? Nesta. Nesta. Nesta.” I wasn’t sure Cassian was breathing.

- But Rhys rubbed his jaw, weighing, thinking. Then he said simply, “Only Nesta would not just conquer Death—but pillage it.”

- They outright gasped as Rhys simply perched on the arm of the throne, smirked at me, and said to the Court of Nightmares, “Bow.” For they had not. And with me seated on that throne … Their faces were still a mixture of shock and disdain as they all dropped to their knees.

- Cassian was halfway to Mor when she whirled on Rhys and said, “Why?” Her voice broke. And something in my chest cracked, too, at the tears that began running down her face.

- Cassian casually slid Nesta behind him, his fingers snagging in the skirts of her black gown. As if to reassure himself that she wasn’t in Amren’s direct path. Nesta only rose onto her toes to peer over his shoulder.

- Elain was staring at the spymaster now—unblinkingly. “We’re the ones who need …” Azriel trailed off. “A seer,” he said, more to himself than us. “The Cauldron made you a seer.”

- I caught Cassian glancing at me for the third time in less than a minute and demanded, “What?” His lips twitched at the corners. “You just look so …” “Here we go,” Mor muttered from where she picked at her red-tinted nails against the stair banister.

- “Welcome to the court,” he said to her. “You’re about to have one hell of a first day.” And to my eternal shock, a smile tugged at Nesta’s mouth.

- as Kallias opened his mouth—And then my friend squealed. Squealed. Both females hurtled for each other, and Mor’s squeal had turned to a quiet sob as she flung her arms around the slender stranger and hugged her tight. The female’s own arms were shaking as she gripped Mor.

- VIVIANE IS BADASS

- “She is Fae.” “No shit,” Viviane muttered under her breath, and Mor’s snort was cut off as Kallias raised his brows at them. Helion ignored them.

- “I rescind the blood rubies. Let there be no debts between us.” “Don’t expect Amren to return hers,” Cassian muttered. “She’s grown attached to it.” I could have sworn a smile tugged on Varian’s mouth.

- But Viviane nodded, chin high, and rose. “I will fight with you.” Cresseida stood a heartbeat later. “As will I.” Both of them looked to the males in their court. Tarquin and Kallias rose. Then Helion, smirking at me and Rhys. And finally Thesan—

- I let my gaze dart through the room, half paying attention to Helion’s musing on the wall and how to repair it, then dared study the High Lord for a heartbeat. Look at him. The nose is the same, the smile. The voice. Even Lucien’s skin is darker than his brothers’.

- Nesta was watching me carefully. I admitted to her, “Sometimes … I have problems with small spaces.” “I can’t get into a bathtub anymore. I have to use buckets.” I hadn’t known—hadn’t even thought that bathing, submerging in water…“ Nesta said.
- Nesta stepped forward. Then another step. And another. Until she was in front of Graysen, faster than anyone could see. Until Nesta smacked him hard enough that his head snapped to the side. “You never deserved her,” Nesta snarled into the stunned silence as Graysen cupped his face and swore, bending over. Nesta only looked back at me.

- Run, the Suriel mouthed once more, blood dribbling past its withered lips. That was pain in its eyes. Real pain, as mortal as any creature. And if Ianthe took it alive to Hybern … The Suriel knew it was a possibility. It had begged me for freedom once … yet it was willing to be taken. For me to run. Its milky eyes narrowed—in pain and understanding. Yes, it seemed to say. Go.

- Amren found me within twenty steps, a wrapped bundle in her arms. “Every time you lot leave me at home, someone manages to get gutted.”

- Amren and Varian didn’t even bother to join us. No, she’d just wrapped her legs around his waist, right there in front of us, and he’d stood, lifting her in one swift movement. I wasn’t entirely sure how Varian managed to walk them out of the tent while still kissing her, Amren’s hands dragging through his hair, letting out noises that were unnervingly like purring as they vanished into the camp.

- “I CAN’T love him like that.” “Why?” “Because I prefer females.”

- “What?” she asked, coming to my side. “I was just thinking,” I said, smile growing, “that whenever you’re ready … I was thinking about how much fun I’m going to have playing matchmaker for you.”

- And then Nesta began screaming. Not in pain. But a name. Over and over. “CASSIAN.” Amren reached for her, but Nesta roared, “CASSIAN!” She scrambled to her feet, as if she’d leap into the skies.

- “He named his three personal ships after them,” Drakon said with a smile. And there, sailing at the front … I beheld the names of those ships. The Feyre. The Elain. And leading the charge against Hybern, flying over the waves, unyielding and without an ounce of fear … The Nesta. With my father … our father at the helm.

- The talons came first. Replacing fingers and feet. Then dark scales or perhaps feathers, I couldn’t get a look at them, covered his legs, his arms, his chest. His body contorted, bones and muscles growing and shifting. The beast form Rhys had kept hidden. Never liked to unleash.

- threw herself to her knees before Cassian. “Get up,” she sobbed, hauling at his shoulder. “Get up.” He tried—and failed. “You’re too heavy,” she pleaded, but still tried to raise him, fingers scrabbling in his black, bloodied armor. “I can’t—he’s coming—”

- Nesta didn’t stop him as he leaned up and kissed her—lightly. As much as he could manage. Cassian said softly, brushing away the tear that streaked down her face, “I will find you again in the next world—the next life. And we will have that time. I promise.”

- “Don’t you touch my sister.”

- Rhys’s face was battered—bloody. His hands were still tipped in talons, his canines still elongated. Barely out of that beast form. “You—you freed her—” He was stammering. Shaking. I wasn’t entirely sure how he was even standing.

- It took me a moment to grasp it. What I saw. Rhys was sprawled on the rocky ground, wings draped behind him. He looked like he was sleeping. But as I breathed in—It wasn’t there. That thing that rose and fell with each breath. That echoed each heartbeat. The mating bond. It wasn’t there. It was gone. Because his own chest … it was not moving. And Rhys was dead.

- “Be happy, Feyre.” Tamlin said quietly.

- “Someone fish out dear Amren before she catches a cold.”

- “Hasn’t anyone told you? You’re disgustingly rich.” “Just because I have money doesn’t mean I need to spend it.” He squeezed my knee. “Good. We need someone with a head for money around here. I’ve been bleeding out gold left and right thanks to our Court of Dreams taking advantage of my ridiculous generosity.”

- A gift. All of it.

- There are more tales to be told in the land of Prythian … THE SERIES WILL CONTINUE IN 2018

(HOLY SHIT YESSSSSSS)

why tamlin (in my opinion) is the worst character in acotar.

Worse than Ianthe? Yes. Worse than Amarantha? Yes. Worse than Hybern? Totally. Obviously, objectively speaking, the things that Tamlin has done aren’t as bad as the things that Amrantha has done. Tamlin didn’t imprison an entire group of people under a mountain for 50 years and strip them of their powers. Tamlin did not torture a human girl. Tamlin hasn’t murdered a human girl. 

However, Amrantha and Hybern were always set up as the villain characters. As readers, we were always predisposed to hate them. And Feyre, Rhysand and co. were also always going to hate these characters. They have always been evil, and evil is always going to be expected of them. They are not characters who have complex morality- rather, they are “dark” characters who are in direct opposition to Feyre’s goodness and complex morality. Finally, and most importantly, neither Amarantha nor Hybern ever loved Feyre. Of course I hate that Amarantha tortured Feyre, of course I felt so much pain for Feyre over her PTSD. But it was, in a way, expected, based on Amarantha’s character. Similarly, Hybern’s actions at the ending of ACOMAF are completely evil and disgusting, but they are in keeping with how both the reader and the main characters expect him to act. There’s no sense of these characters betraying their morality or making a mistake or being evil despite their good inner character. They are just evil, through and through, and they suck, but they suck in the way that Sauron and Voldemort suck- little complexity. The reader is not compromised over their morality and neither are the main characters.

Tamlin, however, presented himself to Feyre as being utterly devoted and in love with her. Tamlin was supposed to protect her and keep her safe. Tamlin, for Feyre, represented safety, happiness, and love after a long life of hardship and feeling abandoned by her family. But when faced with helping Feyre UtM what does he do? He begs for her life rather than attacking Amarantha. He uses his moment of freedom with Feyre to fuck her rather than to help her escape (this breaks my heart more than anything). And then, when Feyre and he return to the Spring court, does he do anything to help her recover? Nope. He doesn’t empathize with her, he won’t even comfort her when she’s puking from nightmares. He ignores the situation because he’s too consumed by his own issues. However, Tamlin’s issues are related to Feyre- and his inability to protect her Utm. He doesn’t really experience the same level of torture that Feyre and Rhysand do. He has to suffer through watching Feyre be hurt. And so it’s ironic, really, that once Tamlin has the ability to make Feyre happy again, he doesn’t. And it’s ironic that Feyre’s experience UtM is, in a way, Tamlin’s fault. He failed to help her escape. He didn’t use the opportunities he had to save her. He didn’t intervene when Amarantha fucking murdered her. So Tamlin’s issues post UtM are really selfish and based in wallowing over his own inability and faults. Whereas Feyre…poor Feyre is dealing with being high fae and the fact that she killed fae, and the fact that she was you know..tortured until death and then reborn. Tamlin, who is supposed to be her protector, fails both UtM and post UtM. He neither saves her nor does he help her heal. In fact, he makes her PTSD and depression worse. She has an eating disorder. She wallows. She no longer speaks up for herself strongly. She begs him to give her space and a job to do and something to occupy herself other than planning fucking parties with Ianthe- and Tamlin refuses. Tamlin doesn’t see what is right in front of him because he is so consumed by guilt and his own failings. So consumed by them that he fails her again. That he abuses her. He locks her up. He destroys a room out of anger. He puts himself and his needs in front of his partner’s. Feyre is so abused and beaten down at the spring court that she subconsciously cries out for help. She is incapable of helping herself essentially, and Rhys and Mor have to take her to a safe house. Tamlin is consumed by his own grief- grief over not being able to keep feyre safe (partially his fault)- so much so that he turns it against the one person he wants to love and protect the most. Which is so many levels of fucked up. Finally, any argument for why Tamlin’s actions are understandable in invalidated by the fact that Tamlin abused Feyre, and domestic abuse is not understandable and should not, under any circumstances, be normalized. 

Look, when you’re in a relationship with someone, you don’t hold anger and grief against them. You don’t use it against them. You don’t…blame them for your grief. Like, it sucks for Tamlin that he had to watch Feyre be tortured and couldn’t protect her. It sucks. But who is the person who actually WAS tortured? Feyre! So Tamlin should have been doing everything in his power to help her heal and instead he does the opposite. 

So for me, Tamlin’s abuse and ignorance and fucking emotionally manipulation (making Feyre think his abuse is her fault when it’s not) are so much worse than anything Hybern and Amarantha did. Because Tamlin was the person who Feyre trusted. She went UtM to save him! And he repays her by abusing her. He repays her by locking her up. The enormity of what Feyre did for the fae is recognized by everyone. She is, in a way, revered and honored as “Feyre Cursebreaker.” She sacrificed her life to save people who weren’t even hers. So for Tamlin to abuse her after she makes this great sacrifice not only for him, but for his entire race is just horrific and unforgivable and nauseating. 

Finally, I hate Tamlin so much more than any other character because Feyre fought for him with her life and he didn’t fight very hard for her. That’s the worst way to betray someone you love. That betrayal hurts more, to me, than anything Ianthe or Hybern or Amarantha does, because it’s a betrayal I’ve felt. A betrayal millions of women have felt- when you love a man and he claims to love you back but he doesn’t fight for you or that love. 

You wanna know who fights harder for Feyre than Tamlin does? Nesta. Cassian. Rhys. Azriel. Elain. Mor. Amren- fucking Amren, who isn’t even fae and is hard as nails- Amren loves Feyre and fights for her. Basically every character in the book, aside from Ianthe and Hybern and Amrantha, fights for Feyre. Even the young human queen betrays the other queens to help Feyre and co. Tamlin does nothing- nothing of import to fight for Feyre. Rhys makes himself the villain in the eyes of his mate- his mate- just to save her life. Rhys endures rape in order to help Feyre. I just…hate Tamlin so fucking deeply. I hate abusers. I hate men who think women should be locked up like prized jewels, who take the love women give them freely and throw it back in their faces, who refuse to fight for a women who has fought until her last breath for them.  I’ll just leave you with this quote, which sums up completely why I am team No Redemption Arc for Tamlin Because It’s Impossible For A Heaping Pile Of Shit To Ever Be Anything Other Than A Heaping Pile Of Shit: 

I had done everything – everything for that love. I had ripped myself to shreds, I had killed innocents and debased myself, and he had sat beside Amarantha on that throne. And he couldn’t do anything, hadn’t risked it – hadn’t risked being caught until there was only one night left, and all he’d wanted to do wasn’t free me, but fuck me. And when Amarantha had broken me, when she had snapped my bones and made my blood boil in its veins, he’d just knelt and begged her. He hadn’t tried to kill her, hadn’t crawled for me. Yes, he’d fought for me – but I’d fought harder for him.

FANFIC * NESSIAN * PART TEN

Originally posted by costumetalk


Nessian Part Ten by L.J. LaFleur 

Azriel stared at me for a moment longer, silently calling bullshit to my lie.

I crossed my slim arms, glaring up at him–waiting for him to say it out loud. I dared him with the subtle crack of my lips.  

He shook his head in defeat before undressing his hidden weapons from his scaled armor. Accepting the fact that I didn’t want to discuss the topic further, at least he knew when not to press for information.

Azriel set his shiny blades on the painted table. “Let’s begin then. I have somewhere to be after practice,” he noted while cracking his neck to each side. Azriel held up his scarred finger, forgetting his favorite dagger.  

“Elain?” I bluntly asked, pursing my lips. I watched his muscular back harden then relax.  

He peaked over his armored shoulder, “no.” Azriel replied calmly, closely studying the obsidian hilt of Truth Teller before setting it down.  

I steadied my shaking hands, clenching them tighter to settle them. Egging on Azriel about my sister did nothing to distract me from the chanting whispers. Memories tugged at my heartstrings, memories of the cauldron. Loosening a shallow breath, I moved to the center of the room.

Azriel shifted in his stance, taking on the defensive position. “Strike,” he challenged.

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The Choices We Make - Part Four

The Choices We Make
MadaSaku

Part one
Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Miscarriage…

The word echoed hollowly in Madara’s thoughts. For the first time that he could remember, he couldn’t grasp the concept, couldn’t wrap his mind around the notion like water slipping through his fingers. It was so foreign, so strange, and he rolled the syllables over as he tried to comprehend how and why.

And who.

Keep reading

Lost in a Book, but this time it’s an Even Better Book.

This is part two of lost in a book, where they are at a con and the reader is teased for losing track of time.

10 points to you if you can figure out what book i was using the quote from.

Originally posted by allmyshipswillbecanon


Going to cons was one of your favorite things to do. You got to see all the cast members, you get to meet fans, and you get a lot of reading done because of the long plane rides. You had already done your first panel with Misha, now the only panel you had left today was the gold one with Jensen and Jared. But that wasn’t until later this afternoon, so you decided to go find a place to sit down and finish the book you were reading. Sitting down in a quite area you plugged your headphones in and started reading. 

“So i hear you guys are fans of Supernatural,” Rich yelled out into the crowd. He got loud cheers and screams as a reply.

“Well if that’s the case i think we should bring out some friends.” Rob yelled over the screams. “Alright people put your hands together for Jensen Ackles,” Jensen ran out on stage, “And Jared Padalecki.” Rob and Rich said at the same time, Jared running out on stage and high fiving Jensen “And the one and only y/n l/n!” they both screamed together. Except instead of you coming out, nobody came out. Everyone looked at each other waiting for you. 

“And the slightly late y/n l/n!” Rob yelled, still nobody came out. “Okay what did you big oafs do to y/n, where are they?” 

“Why do you think we did something to her?” Jensen said giving Rob a look.

“Most likely she’s off in her own world.” Jared said looking at Jensen the both of them starting to laugh. 


“I stepped out of Tamlin’s arms and kissed him softly. Tomorro-there would be tomorrow, and an eternity, to face what i had done, to face what i had shredded into pieces inside myself while under the Mountain. But for now…for today…”Let’s go home,” i said, and took his hand.”

What an amazing ending to an amazing book. You sighed knowing the next books wouldn’t be out for months. You were tempted to start rereading it, it was so good. You picked up your phone to stop the music playing. 2:15 you jumped up, that couldn’t be right it was just 10 in the morning, crap your panel started fifteen minutes ago. You bolted running to where the panel was at.

“There you are, we have been looking for you forever!” you sighed, but didn’t stop running to the panel. 

“Sorry Kim i just lost track of time.” you breathed deeply, man you were out of shape.

Spotting Rob behind the curtains you ran up to him, “I’m so sorry i wasn’t paying attention to the time,” Rob just laughed telling you to go out, you were already late enough as it was. Bursting through the curtain, you heard everyone scream, cheering for you. Grabbing a microphone you stuttered out a hello and went to sit down on the tall chairs. 

Keep reading

2

CINDERELLA TWO WEEK SHRED 

So this is a little resource I made for myself to keep myself accountable for my goals over the next two weeks, and since sharing is caring, I thought id share it with you lovely people and maybe even some of you will join me! 

Ive posted above a ‘decorated’ version (Using pictures from pinterest & tumblr, if your image is used here let me know and I will be happy to credit you!) Which has pictures that inspire me all over it. This isn’t just about health & fitness this is about all over lifestyle. There are things featured on this list such as brushing teeth and eating breakfast that are normal self-care things that can sometimes be missed in the busy-ness of day to day life. 

The idea of this is to help you (well, me!) develop healthier habits that can be put in place in the long-term. Im probably gonna continue using this for longer than the stated two weeks but thats when my birthday celebrations start so! 

Let me know if you start using it and i wanna see what you guys do! 

Just a note too, where it says gym/workout/swim 4x that means 4x per week not day! 

It’s Going to be Okay

Request: I’ve got a request, you’re the Winchesters sister (older than Sam but younger than Dean) and she sold her soul when she was about 16 to save John, she didn’t tell anybody and 10 years later the hellhounds come to get her, she tries to be alone when she dies but it kinda failed and the boys have to see it happen (I hope it’s not too much information!)

Word Count: 2818

Warnings: some swearing, a little bit gorey when she’s getting ripped to shreds by the hellhounds, just a heads up I almost made myself cry

A/N: ok so heads up I made myself want to curl up into a ball and die on the floor so im almost sorry for writing this but I couldn’t help myself its probably not even that emotional but still and whatever you do make sure that you do not listen to Brother by NEEDTOBREATHE bc I did and now im dead wow im making such a big deal out of this its probably because its like 1am but still
I hope this is what you wanted and sorry that it came out so late, but I just kind of got caught up in other stuff and couldn’t think of what to write soo yeah (btw I got the info for how to treat stab wounds from here and here should you guys ever feel the urge to know what to do in these scenarios)

I reposted this because some people had difficulties getting access to this. Hopefully it works. hmu if not!




“Dad!” Y/N heard Dean scream as the werewolf snuck behind John. She watched as the blade sank into his stomach, one hand stifling his grunt of pain.

“No,” she whispered. “No!” Quickly, she shot the monster in the back, running over to where Dean was trying to support his father.

“Y/N,” he snapped. “Bring the car around back. We’re taking him back to the motel and stitching him back up. Go,” he added when she didn’t move.
Nodding slowly, she ran to the impala. Not wasting any time, she swung open the door and opened the driver’s door. She had to hurry, had to be fast. They could fix dad, he’d be fine. Otherwise…

No.

He’d be fine.

“Open the back door,” he grunted, helping his father to the car. “Sit back there with him. I’m going to drive.”

Quickly they moved, wary of the precious time they had left. Y/N had barely sat down on the seat beside John when the car lurched forward. She gasped, closing the car door and glaring at Dean.

“Y/N,” her father’s voice sounded pained. She checked the wound. It was bad. “Y/N.”

“Yeah?” she responded, not paying much attention to his words. She was too busy trying to figure out what to do while they were driving.

“Don’t…” he coughed. “Don’t let the boys do anything stupid, okay?”

“You’re going to have to hold me to that,” she grunted, ripping off her flannel to use it to stop the blood flow. “You’re not dying on me. Not now.”

“Y/N-” he tried again.

“Dean,” she interrupted. “Step on it. He’s bleeding through everything I can give him.”

“Got it.” The car accelerated, blurring the lights of passing storefronts and homes as they sped towards the motel.

Y/N closed her eyes, pre-planning the next steps. She’d have to first get him inside without shifting him so he’d bleed harder, and then find gauze to stop the bleeding. Once that was finished, she’d clean the wound, sterilize it, and-

“Y/N!” Dean called back to her. “We’re here. Get Sam!” Y/N scrambled to get out of the car, racing inside.

“Y/N?” Sam asked, standing up from his position on the bed. “What-”

“Dad’s hurt,” Dean interrupted, half-carrying him through the door. “Y/N, what do we do?” Sam and Dean looked to her, awaiting orders. She had always been the one to stitch them all back up, even when she herself was injured. It was like they all had a role: Dad was the leader; Dean was the soldier who made sure all the orders were carried out; Sammy did the research; and Y/N was the medic. Together, they kicked ass.

Until now.

“Y/N!” Dean yelled at her, shaking her from her thoughts. “What do we do?”

“Lay him down on the bed,” she ordered. “Sam, apply pressure. Dean, sterilize it. Do not touch the knife. Leave it in. It’s stopping most of the blood flow, and any movement could cause further damage.”

They all scrambled in haste to attend her orders. She tore his clothes to further inspect his wound.

“Y/N,” John coughed. She immediately shoved a pillow beneath his head. “Y/N, remember what I said-”

“No,” she said sternly, looking him in the eye. “You are not dying. I am not becoming an orphan, not today. Sam! Where are you?”

“Coming!” he called rushing over to the bed with his cloth. Y/N scrambled back, letting Sam fill in her spot. Dean followed close behind, following the procedure that she had drilled into his brain from the numerous times she had performed them on him.

She turned to the bathroom, washing her hands and splashing some water on her face. Come on, Y/N, she thought to herself. Dad’s… face it. Dad’s dying, and you don’t know what to do. How can you save him?

Then it hit her.

She vaguely remembered seeing a crossroads on the way here. She knew the moment the knife had plunged into her father’s abdomen that she wasn’t nearly well trained enough to deal with this; not with the supplies she had. There was only one way to save him at this point.

Y/N ran out of the bathroom, snatching her jacket and racing out the door.

“Y/N!” Dean screamed for her, but she kept sprinting. “Y/N, get your ass back in here! Dad’s-” his voice broke off. He was unable to say it. She had to act fast.

Y/N always knew this day would come. That was why she carried a premade box around with her, inside her jacket when they hunted should the occasion ever arise. Quickly she made her way to the gravel road, stopping dead center in the parking lot. Checking to see she wasn’t being followed, she planted the box. Scooping the dirt back over it, she stood up.

“C’mon,” she tapped her foot impatiently. “Come on, you stupid son of a-”

“I’d watch that tongue, sweetie,” a voice from behind her. She whipped around, coming face to face with a young woman. She had dark features and wore black clothing. Not that it mattered to Y/N.

“Save my dad,” she practically yelled. The demon raised an eyebrow. She collected herself, taking a deep breath. “Please.”

“You know the terms, I assume?” the demon asked slowly. Too slowly for Y/N’s liking. “Ten long, good-”

“Yeah, yeah,” Y/N said, striding over to her. “Ten years. I know. Now shut up and take my soul.” With that, she planted her lips on the demon’s. She was shocked at first, but quickly responded.

“See you then,” she smirked before leaving Y/N to walk back to the motel, still in shock from what she had just done. She had barely walked back inside the motel room when Dean was in her face.

“What the hell, Y/N?” he nearly shouted. She frowned, confused as to why he wasn’t screaming, until she saw her father. His chest was gently rising and falling, as though he had just taken a nap and not been stabbed. The blood was hardly flowing, and he was… snoring? Y/N didn’t think that she’d ever heard her father snore before.

“He’s fine.” She shrugged him off, going to sit on her bed. She put her head in her hands.

“He wasn’t when you left!” he spat at her. Sam didn’t even look at his sister.

“Y/N, he could have died, and you left. Next time you decide to bail on family, go ahead and stay away.”

“Dean,” she whispered. “Please. I was-”

“I don’t want to hear it,” he snapped. “Now that no one is dead, I’m going for a walk. Because I actually tried to help, so I deserve that.” With that, he left.

“Y/N,” Sam said after a minute of silence. “You did know… you did know that dad was going to be okay, right? Before you left?” She smiled wearily, trying not to memorize every feature of her little brother’s face. She attempted to not memorize his soft eyes, his optimistic tone, his mussy hair and innocence.

“Of course, Sam. I had it all under control.”


Ten Years Later

Y/N drank down the last of her whiskey as she glanced at the clock on her phone. It flashed 11:56pm in the faint light the screen provided. She sat down on the curb, watching as the cars drove by. She waited, ever so calm and patient, for it to come.

For them to come.

She had been experiencing the symptoms recently: visions; sounds; the whole shebang. Y/N thought she had done a fairly good job at hiding them from her brothers, but they weren’t totally convinced. That was why they were watching her from far away. Not that she knew.

It was ten years exactly. Ten years since the deal. Though Sam left and dad did die eventually, she didn’t regret it. There was some sort of a calm washing over her. She was going to die for a good cause, and her brothers wouldn’t see it.

A twig snapped behind her.

She didn’t even turn around. She sighed, standing up.

“I’ll come into the alley. Make it easier to clean up.”

Silently she walked into the alleyway, taking one last swig of alcohol before setting it on the ground. She reached into her pocket, pulling out a letter. She laid it by her canteen. A single tear slipped. I love you, Sam and Dean, she thought to herself. I love you boys.

“Take me away,” she whispered. Then hot breath blew against her neck, and she was knocked to the ground. She didn’t put up a fight.

“Y/N!” Dean screamed, sprinting towards her. Sam was close behind. “Y/N!”
She turned her head around, a sad smile plastered on her face.

“Sam, Dean,” she coughed out, body being torn to shreds by some invisible force. “I-”

Her throat was slashed. She spoke no more.

After a moment, the slicing stopped.

The boys ran to her side, tears streaming down their faces. Sam clutched her jacket front, sobbing openly into her chest. There was no heartbeat, no warmth, no nothing expect the cold and metallic scent of her blood and body tissue that made him want to throw up.

“Y/N!” Dean screamed. “No, you selfish- how could you- why?” His body wracked with cries, leaning his forehead against hers, trying to will her to come back. It was nearly an hour before either of them saw the flask and folded paper beside it. Sam moved to it first. He read it, fresh tears springing to his eyes.

“Dean,” he croaked. “Dean.”

“What?” his brother snapped.

“She… she left a note.”

“… What?”

“Here. Read it.”

He thrust the paper out to Dean, who hesitantly took it. Taking a shuddering breath, he opened the letter.

Dear Sam and Dean,

I know I should have told you, but when I tried it couldn’t come out. There were so many times when I tried to memorize your face, your voice, your everything, that I figured you shouldn’t be burdened with it. It was my weight to carry, and I have never welcomed a trouble more.

Remember that hunt we went on, ten years ago to this date? It was a werewolf case. It got dad. I just couldn’t let him die. So, I sold my soul. I suppose it doesn’t matter much now that he’s gone anyways, but I’m glad I did it. He lived so we could have a parent an adult to watch over us. I did it so Dean wouldn’t have to be the oldest, watch out for his younger siblings. I don’t regret it.

Dean, after reading this and thinking about our argument, I know you’re going to blame yourself. Please, try not to. I know you will anyways, but I love you and don’t want you to go through that. God, I can’t say that enough. I love you. I love you. I love you. Don’t you dare ever forget it or think otherwise. I will kick your ass from beyond the grave so help me. All I ask is that you accept this, don’t do what I did, and move on. Don’t forget me, but accept what has happened and move on. I don’t want you to suffer. I love you. Accept my passing and move forwards. Don’t be afraid to cry. Don’t be afraid to fear. To be afraid to experience emotions. Taking care of yourself takes care of more than yourself. I love you. The only thing I ask you to be strong for is Sam. I know he can take care of himself, but I still worry about the kid. I love you. More than you’ll ever know. I’ll miss you. I’ll miss your stupid jokes and the way your jaw sets when you’re trying to hold in your emotions and I’ll miss your eyes that remind me of second grade when I climbed up in the tree and played with the leaves after the bully pushed me to the ground and you sat with me, saying that you loved me and that nothing would ever happen to me. Nothing ever did. Know that. You couldn’t have stopped me, even if you wanted to. I love you. I love you so much.

Sammy, my not-so-little brother. You never gave up on me, even when I gave up on myself. I can never repay you for that. Please, I know you are going to find some way to blame yourself, and so will Dean. I just need you to be there for him. Remember all those times where the world was trying to tear us apart, and remember how we said, “Screw you. We’re a family.” I know you’re going to hurt, and I know you’re going to hurt bad. And that’s okay. It’s okay for you to want to cry, to scream, to break everything until there is nothing left and your knuckles bleed. It’s okay for you to fall to your knees, as long as you get back up again. Please, know I love you. I’ll never tell you enough. I never told you enough. I love you. I love your long hair (don’t tell Dean, but it always made me happy when you let me run my fingers through it). I love your eyes that I can never quite describe, the way they always seem to change colours but never fail to turn back to my favourite shade of sunshine through whiskey, copper against sage and honey and when they glow I never fail to smile because even when I felt like calling the hounds early, you always carried me forwards. You never even knew it. I love you. I’m going to miss your quirkiness and love for learning and the way that you always would light up when you knew the answer to a question or saw that we were proud of you. I’ll never stop being proud of you. I’ll never stop loving you.

All the way through hell, I’ll remember you boys and be okay. I’m going to be okay. I’m going to remember how much I love you two, how much I love the way that you’re always bickering to make me laugh and the way that Dean smells like gun smoke and whiskey that I can call home, the way that Sam always tries to look for the best in things, the way that even though life has thrown him every curveball it has that he still hasn’t backed down.

I’m going to try to stop writing how proud I am of you boys before I tear up and ruin this page like I did with the others. Please, be there for each other. Don’t drink away your pain. Remember me. Know I love you. I love you so much. God, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to stop writing it down. I love you. I love you. I love you. You two have always been there for me, so I ask that you be there for each other. I know you’ll both want to take the impala and drive away from each other and not speak about this incident for days, weeks- hell, probably not even years if I know anything about you two- but please, stay with each other. That’s all I want for you two. I love you. Please, help each other. Be available for each other. Don’t go through this alone. Always keep fighting for me. I love you both so much. More than I can say, more than I can write. I’d do this all again if I knew it meant that you two would at least grow up off the streets, with some sort of food in your stomachs on a somewhat regular basis.

I love you both. Please, carry on. I love you. Don’t worry. Hopefully, we won’t see each other anytime soon. When you go to heaven, think of me. Think of our family. We’ll be alright. You’ll be alright. And don’t bother trying to save me. I made sure with the demon that you two couldn’t bring me back.

I love you. So, so much.

Love from your sister,

Y/N


There was a short funeral.

Bobby showed up. Rufus showed up. Every single hunter they’d met showed up. Y/N had impacted a lot of people. She’d saved a lot of lives.

The body was up in flames before the sun set. Sam and Dean were at the front, where no one could see the tears on their faces. Not that anyone would have the audacity to mention it. Not when there were streaks on their own.

“I love you too, Y/N,” Sam whispered. His voice cracked, even though he barely was heard.

“More than you’ll ever know,” Dean finished. He looked to the sky. “I love you. We all do. I promise, no one will ever forget you. You have my word, sister.”

cleverbast  asked:

Do you have any Star Wars fic recs? Personally, words cannot express how much I love Obi-Wan, but I'll read almost anything. Also! I hope that you are having a wonderful day, and I really appreciate all of your hard work! Please keep it up and have all of my hugs!

Obi-Wan is a perfect amazing man and should be protected. I definitely have recs.  💕

A Star to Steer By

Negotiator

the family amidala

Reprise

The Princess, the Smuggler and the Sith Lord’s Son

Wake the Storm

Immutable, or, Five Times Obi-Wan Kenobi Compromised His Jedi Ethics for Anakin Skywalker

Soldier, Poet, King

I’ll Be There For You

Second Chances

starbird

On Ebon Wings, Ere I Breathe

Tano and Kenobi

Return to the Point of No Return

Beekeeping and Husbandry

Ad Utrumque Paratus

I myself have torn myself to shreds

The World Ender (as a caveat, this is Kylux, but it’s an amazing fic and Obi-Wan does play a large part. Also, all asshole characters stay assholes, which is awesome)

who cares about your lonely heart

The Wisdom of Cats

Ashnar Urcir

Kind, Sober, and Fully Dressed

Light Unending

There Goes The Atmosphere

Intertwine

Show Me, Tell Me

Take Seven

Waking Up Dead

Though I Never Dared Dream

Realign the Stars

Grumpy.

I hate feeling like my life is at a stand still even if I know it’s only temporary. My internship got boring pretty fast and I HATE living in fucking Pittsburgh. I just want to be successful and if I don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere I will rip myself to shreds. For the next month until school starts all I will be doing is updating my portfolio and making it as good as I possibly can. I vow to do all I can to get myself the best job I can after I graduate ✌️