i will ride on this one day

Is anyone out there in internet-land healthy? Like, truly healthy? No mental or physical ailments? A perfectly functioning body and mind?

I am unsure if I know anyone that doesn’t have some health issues. I know a few people who have sporadic illnesses. They get to live most of their lives without too much trouble. I used to be healthy in grade school and most of high school. I got really sick my senior year. I didn’t know it then, but that is when my narcolepsy began. I try to look back on those healthy times and remember what it was like not to be tired. Sadly, I can no longer imagine it. It’s like one of those memories you can almost visualize, but the closer you get, the foggier the image becomes. It’s like your dad saying he likes that movie… “Ya know… with that guy that does the thing. THE MOVIE WITH THE GUY! C’mon, you know the one!” All of my memories of health are exactly like my dad’s movie recollections.

I have no idea what healthy feels like anymore. I wish someone could describe it to me, but I’m not sure it can be expressed in words. What does running full speed feel like? Or trying to jump as high as you can? What about chasing your dog around the yard and actually catching him? (Although Otis is surprisingly quick for a loaf with stumps and Usain Bolt would have trouble catching his wiggly butt.) What does energy feel like? What does waking up refreshed in the morning feel like? What does thinking without brain fog feel like? What about adding two numbers together without a calculator? What does driving feel like? What does meeting a new person in a public setting feel like? Or being nervous talking to a pretty girl you’ve never met? Telling a joke in front of a crowd and getting a laugh? What about taking a group of friends to Denny’s at 2am because it is the only thing open? How does it feel to live? What does a boob feel like? 

I probably shouldn’t have ended on that one. 

Being ill for over 15 years has robbed me of remembering these sensations. I can’t even properly miss them anymore because it feels like they never happened. I know they are all things I’ve done. But if I still have any memory of them, I can only see them like scenes in a movie. The sensation of actually experiencing those things is completely lost. 

A long time ago my fantasy was being a famous comedian with a loving wife, living on a farm where I raised corgis. My best friends and parents would be my neighbors and we’d eat waffles and bacon every morning. Vegan bacon for Katrina. 

Now my only fantasy is just being healthy again. Sometimes I play this cruel game with myself where I think about what I would give to be healthy. A foot? An arm? My hearing? My vision? A boring life where none of my dreams ever come true? 

Sometimes I think about what I would give to be healthy just for one day. And if I was healthy for a day, what I would do with that privilege. 

Most of the time I imagine I would catch the first flight to Florida and spend the day with my best friend, Katrina. She is my favorite person. The most loving platonic relationship I’ve ever had. I haven’t seen her in person for quite a while. We skype every week, but it isn’t the same. If I had one healthy day I would definitely head straight to her. 

In that day, after the world’s longest, squeeziest hug, we would go to Disney World and ride all the rides. See all the attractions. Eat all the junkfood. And as the sun sets, we would rush to the beach so I can see the ocean for the first time. I’d put my arm around her and watch the sun dip beneath the horizon. 

Since Katrina is a lesbian, she knows all the best gay clubs. I know I’m straight, but I’ve been told that gay clubs are far superior to the straight ones. I’d probably have a much better time dancing with all the bears. Bear and bear enthusiasts seem to really love me. They’ve been some of my biggest fans ever since I became popular on tumblr. I sometimes wish I wasn’t so hopelessly straight, because no single group has made me feel as pretty and desired as the bear enthusiasts. I’ve had trouble meeting ladies in my situation but there seem to be a gaggle of gays ready for me if I ever stop being pegged at 0 on the Kinsey Scale. 

I digress. 

As my day of health begins to wear off, I figure I would just snuggle with Katrina and watch episodes of Brooklyn 99 on Netflix. We both really love that show and I can’t imagine a better way to wind down from Disney World, sunsets, and bear dancing. 

I know I’d have to come back to reality, but I feel like with this new experience fresh in my brain, I would be able to refresh my memory on what being healthy is like. I could go back and live in those memories when times are tough. Maybe I could just imagine that day right now. Pretend those are actual memories. Use them as some sort of placebo memories. I don’t know. 

I usually like to wrap up everything I write with a bit of optimism. Sometimes that is harder than it seems. If you are one of those blessed with health and you are wondering what to be thankful for tomorrow, perhaps tell people you are thankful to be illness-free and full of energy. Run really fast and chase a dog. Use your jumping skills to hop a fence. Drive to Denny’s and order mozzarella sticks. If you have a partner, maybe (with consent) squeeze a boob. Report back to me and tell me how it went.  

I will be thankful for Katrina. She is a huge light in my life. Her smile is infectious and whenever I see it I end up smiling as well. She always makes me laugh. We can talk for hours and it’s never enough. We usually have to force each other to end the skype calls and return to our regularly scheduled lives. And even when I am a huge bummer, she still loves me just as much. She accepts me at my happiest and at my bummeriest. So many friends have faded away. Not understanding my illness. Not wanting to put up with the sadness that can surround me at times. In the years that I have known Katrina, our friendship seems to only grow stronger. In sickness and in health less sickness. I can’t imagine my life without her in it. Friendship seems too small a word to describe what we have. (It’s possible we even invented a brand new word to describe our relationship. Which is super corny and mushy and no I will not tell you what it is.) And to all those men out there who think you can’t have a platonic friendship with a woman, you have no idea what you are missing out on. Best “friendzone” ever.    

I am thankful for my friend Ryan. I sometimes go into hermit-mode and may not talk to him as much as I should, but he is always super understanding and doesn’t make me feel guilty for being absent sometimes. He’s always awake at the same weird times I am, and is great to talk to when things are lonely. Our love of technology and scifi has bonded us. He is amazingly generous and my parents love him like another son. He is family as far as I am concerned. I hope that I start feeling better soon so he can visit once again. 

I am thankful for Otis. He was such a serious puppy. I called him my little emo-corg. He was still cute as a button and I loved him to bits, but I was worried my little moody corgi would mope around forever. But eventually his ears perked up and he grew into this wonderful, mischievous, goofy dog. I know I don’t play with him as much since I’ve been in declining health, but he always comes downstairs to check on me. Thankfully my dad is more than happy to throw his fox for him to chase around all day. I can’t prove it, but I sometimes feel like Otis knows what’s going on with my health and does his best to take care of me in his own way. 

And I am super thankful for my parents. They have supported and loved me from day one. They always believed me even when some of the doctors had their doubts. They took me back in when I had to drop out of college. They have never seen me as a burden and they enjoy my company even when I am at my brain foggiest and can’t speak. I’d probably be dead without them and I’m not sure a thousand thank you’s could adequately show my gratitude for that. I love my parents very very much.   


After seven days in the hospital for my gender confirmation surgery, I am home. I am feeling so much better already. The last few days were rather horrible as I was battling nausea so I did not post until now.

My mom needed a break due to poor sleep so I spent two nights and a full day in the hospital on my own toward the end. I knew my mom really needed the break so I did my best to tough it out without her. I am not ashamed to admit that during that time alone I cried at least 3 times. My body was under insane stress from the procedures and with the nausea and prolonged stomach issues it was just too much.

I had amazing nurses and care technicians though. The housekeeping lady (a woman likely in her 90s) heard my crying at one point and she came into the room and soothed me out of it as if I was her young daughter. I am crying a little right now as I think about that.

The ride home with my mom today was extremely difficult due to Chicago traffic on the day before Thanksgiving. It was 1 hr 45 min .. very uncomfortable with lots of stop and go traffic complete with potholes :(

I will be in recovery for many weeks to come yet. I am exhausted, and emotionally spent, but also so very grateful to be where I am right now in this moment.

Thank you to those who were encouraging me during my hospital stay. I read all of the messages but muscle relaxers and exhaustion made it difficult to even hold up my phone for very long.

I will increase my post frequency again now that I am home. Time to eat and rest for now.

Love you all,


Stranded On A Lonely Highway 

ft. My life saver @angel061290

It was the day before Thanksgiving. I was on my way to my parents home to spend the holiday with them.  My car ended up over heating and I saw smoke coming from under the hood so i pulled over and opened it. Water was spurting from one of the hoses and it was smoking. I thought to myself, what am i going to do now and it was getting dark fast. I was about to cry when I saw something coming down the road so i walked to the back of my car to see what it was. To my surprise it was a cute guy riding a motorcycle. He slowed down and pulled over to the side of the road and asked, “Do you need any help?”. I looked at him and smiled answering him “Yes , i sure do, my car over heated and there’s not a shop for miles”. He smiled back and said, “Hop on the back and i’ll give you a ride to the next town”. I jumped on the back and held tightly onto him, never had been on a motorcycle before. It was loud so we didn’t talk the whole ride and it was like 30 minutes to get to the next town. I just enjoyed hugging his body tight and feeling his warmth radiating onto me. He smelled of cologne, i couldn’t stop rubbing my nose on him. We arrived to the next town and it was late and the automobile shops were already closed. So he asked me’ “Would you like to spend the night with me at a motel, and in the morning i can help you get your car to the shop?. I had no other choice and he seemed nice and smelled good so i said, “yes, i’d like that”. We drove to the motel and he got off the bike then reached for my hand to help me off. I couldn’t stop smiling and thanked him as he continued holding my hand as we walked up to the motel door. I felt him close behind me like almost riding my ass as we walked, but i didn’t mind…

To Be Continued..

@imvueliteagency @lusuper123 @mrkingcasey @mrbigbearvu @mzpvssiluv @mollyvu @momosecr3tz @butt3rcupdoll @bbullgod @vatoimvu @vibfalcoknight @grafikalglitch @leakyproductions @lowlifeent-vu @avianoelle @apeshiit @sweetclitseason @kellyshaw8 @breaker-imvustripper

music for your moods part 2

a live band is playing in a bar, you haven’t slept for two days
we aren’t strangers when we hold champagne chutes in our hands 
white bedsheets and spilled hair 
the lights casted on the ceiling are spinning just as we are
the 10th person i’ve slashed my sword against
theres a big tree in the middle of the room
windows rolled down, sharp sting of the wind against my hands
here comes… another one of them 
locked in with moving rides and flickering lights 

part 1



We love Ji Hansol here, but unfortunately, he is no longer part of SMRookies and our blog is dedicated solely to NCT & Rookies-
It’s been a fun ride with our boy and you can bet you’ll see more of him on our side blog, so don’t worry!

《Anyway, I had no idea there would be a 200 day Yukhei poster or a Chenle bday one there as well, but here they all are~ I can’t believe I stood where boy stood- And pls ignore my friend’s reflection in the Chenle pic-》

Turkey Lurkey Time

Happy Thanksgiving to those you to who celebrate it! I hope you all have a wonderful day. I also hope you enjoy this Bechloe family Thanksgving fic. You can find this story and all of my other ones right here. Happy holidays, everyone!

Deciding to take a two-hour plane ride from their house in New York to visit Chloe’s family in Tennessee for Thanksgiving was a very bold move on Beca and Chloe’s part. The brunette was already an anxious flyer, but throw in an unpredictable 5 month old and that’s adding about ten more layers of anxiety. The couple decided to buy the extra seat for their daughter, opting to not have her sitting on one of their laps. When they boarded the plane, Chloe sat in the window seat holding Frankie while Beca and the flight attendant hooked up the car seat. Once it was hooked into the middle seat, Beca carefully took the sleeping baby and buckled her into her seat. She then sat down in her aisle seat; silently praying their bundle of joy wouldn’t cause any problems.

Keep reading


Here is today’s new dress.  I had to take a headshot because the damn phone was in the way of the damn enormous bow.

yes it is festooned with tiny Buckingham Palace guards riding scooters and bikes, it’s sincerely one of the strangest concepts for a dress I’ve seen.

legoboywonder  asked:

yo danny! you're one of the few peeps who i knew all the way back in middle school. we may drift in and out of touch but i'll always have your back at the end of the day, im ride or die till the end. im also hella proud of you for coming as far as you have and owning up to your mistakes and learning to do better, given ive known ppl way older who wont. love ya! <3

hey robin i love u too!! im glad were in touch again 💕


Some fun shirts I’ve seen while at Harry Potter World/Universal Studios+Islands of Adventure

I wonder if anyone can guess what Grindeldouche’s outfit (excluding the t-shirt) is from?

One day, a knight in shining armour may find my daughter, and offer to save her from her life, her problems, her troubles. In that situation, I hope that I have raised such a girl that she smiles coolly and tells him, “No, thank you. I’ve very much got this.” Then puts on her armour and rides off into the sunset alone to save herself.

Nikita Gill, Merida’s Pledge

The Minyard-Josten Pros’ Coming Out

Or, That Time Andrew Got Pissed And Posted The Video That Broke The Internet

  • Years down the line, our boys are both pros and Neil is getting annoyed at all the press conferences that get derailed by either the Josten-Minyard rivalry or whether he is or isn’t in a committed relationship as some gossip magazines have been implying
  • he’s not allowed to deal with it, though
    • he’s actually not allowed to say anything to the press that his coach and PR team haven’t approved of
    • he calls it bullshit
    • he only ever antagonized a dangerous yakuza criminal once
    • people really can’t let anything go, in this sport

Keep reading

“You know how when you see a group of geese in a field, and there’s always one with its head up, looking around? That’s me. I was always afraid. Just anxious. It’s like my mind was a heat-seeking missile, always honing in on what could possibly go wrong. My first daughter got the brunt of it. I was so worried about everything. Her first plane ride. Her first day of school. Her first sleepover. I thought if I anticipated every little thing that might go wrong, then maybe I could fend things off. But that’s never possible. Things will always go wrong. The best you can do is give your kids self-confidence. But I’m afraid I passed on my anxiety instead. Because when Mom is always afraid of the world, the world becomes something to fear.”

fabric study with luffy

you wanna run that by me again
Final Fantasy XV
you wanna run that by me again

Prompto: Hey Noct. Why don’t we sleep there? 

Noctis: They got something special?  (・о・)

Prompto: Ahhhh, a safe place to spend the night? The daemons will be coming out any minute!  (゚´Д`゚)゚

Noctis: As long as we keep moving, we’ll be fine.  (´ー`)

Prompto: AAaaAAwWWwww but how can you be sure?  (´;Д;`)

Gladio: What? The monsters got you scared?  (≖ᴗ≖๑)

Prompto: Nahh. Monsters don’t scare me. I ride with one every day.  (๑ ́ᄇ`๑)

Gladio: You wanna run that by me again?  (╬ Ò ‸ Ó)

Things I realized working on my Nano today:

1. Write the scene you don’t want to write.

I know you don’t want to write the boring bridging scene and you think 1300 words is a pretty good word count for the first day and you don’t even have any ideas for that scene because you had ideas for the scene before and you have ideas for the scene after.
Screw that, write it anyway. Yes, it might be bad, yes you’re really not inspired and it feels very bland right now. Write it. WRITE IT. Get to 1700 words with a boring filler scene that is needed for context.
Because honestly, if you’re not into writing that boring scene now, you’re not gonna be happy to have to write it on day 25 with 8K words to catch up.
Nano isn’t about writing your best novel, you cannot always write your best, Nano is about writing the whole damn thing. Then you’ll edit and rewrite until you make it good, make it best.

2. Pay attention when you read.

I’m not saying read everyday, nobody got the energy for that, but when you do read, pay attention to the words. If the way someone blended dialogue and descriptions together flows well, write it down for later. There is only so many times you can use “As for”, “But her eyes”, “When she”. At some point you get really tired of the way you write things, it doesn’t feel like a style anymore but just the same bits of sentences, simply reorganized with different words.
So pay attention to others’ words. Being able to use a phrasing you liked in your own writing will suddenly make you feel a whole lot more talented than you felt ten seconds before. Ride the highs when you can.

3. If you’re inspired to write more, write more.

Don’t settle for the 1667 words, if you’ve got a snippet of scene teasing at you, write it, a writer’s brain is a fickle thing and we don’t want you to forget why it had to happen this way, or this amazing dialogue you made up. If you write 2K today, that’s 200words you won’t have to force out on a bad day. Do it for future you.