i will probably never wear this in public

Victor: ah yuri, here, I brought you some medicine

Yuri: what medicine?

Victor: for your fever of course!

Yuri: … I dont have a fever

Victor: are you sure? you’re looking pretty hot to me ;) 

Yuri: *blushing* victor I-

Victor: probably because YOU SHOULD BE BURNING WITH SHAME AFTER WEARING THAT GOD AWFUL TIE IN PUBLIC I STILL CANT BELIEVE ANYONE LET YOU OUT OF THE HOUSE LIKE THAT HONESTLY YURI I EXPECTED MORE FROM YOU!!!!

8

When we first met, when your partner was sarcastic and said, “yes, ma'am,” you instinctively reached for your detective shield, as if you were protecting it.
That tells me you don’t like him disrespecting the chain of command. But you’re also loyal, so you didn’t say something to him. I’d say you were military, probably an officer. Praise in public, censure in private, right? You’re right-handed, but you have two different color pen marks on your left hand. I’d guess you have a toddler at home just learning how to draw. You don’t wear a ring. And you were quick to flirt with me, so you’re happy to let people think you are a player. But if i took you up on it, you would run for the hills, because you love your wife and you would never actually cheat on her.

***

Profiting off of and encouraging other folks to walk around wearing the image of someone else’s mini person who was probably never meant to be this far into the public eye is not really my jam, so no, I will not be turning that drawing into wearables.

I’ve also chosen to ignore the last line of this message.

Remember a couple weeks back when I was ranting about how we never have female characters like Hancock? It’s okay if you don’t. My crazed rants are easily forgettable and should probably be ignored. Especially when they’re full of typoes at 3 in the morning.

I said I was tired of female characters never getting to be bad girls with good hearts. I also said that Isabella (DA2) was almost ideal for the kind of character I was describing, only she failed for me because they haaaaad to make her wear her underwear for ten years in public.

I realized today that Cait is yet another female character who alllllmost fits my ideal of a perfect female badass. Only like Isabella, Cait is also selfish. But at least she’s wearing pants with her corset …?

Characters like Cait and Isabella might be Neutral Evil at best, if they had an alignment. They are out for number one, plain and simple. And every other “badass” type female character I can think of (Jack from Mass Effect also comes to mind) is some kind of obnoxious, self-centered bitch.

Why can’t a woman be a badass without being selfish or a total bitch? Why does being a badass woman require meanness??? My character Freckled Nora is a badass, but she’s still out helping settlements and risking her life everyday for other people. She will blow your fucking head off if you’re doing wrong, but at the end of the day, she’s still a good person and not a bitch at all.

I find it really frustrating that there is basically never a female version of Hancock in the video games I love. I wanna see a bad girl with a heart of gold. Hancock is a “bad boy” type but he would never be a slaver (Isabella) and he would never be selfish (Cait) and he wouldn’t bite off your head or mock you or call you gay for trying to be his friend (Jack does all of that to FemShep). Hancock is basically Chaotic Good.

When a female character is a badass, she’s depicted as selfish and/or a bitch. When a female character is good, she is usually sweet and nice and/or generally polite, basically Lawfully Good (Josephine and Cassandra from DAI, Curie, Piper …)

Leliana might be the only Chaotic Good female character I can think of. In Origins, she was arguably Lawful Good, but by Inquisition, she has become Chaotic good, and I really enjoyed the change. She was no longer playing sweet and nice. She was a badass mofo and was still a professional, polite person. She was a badass woman without being selfish or mean or over-sexualized. it was perfect.

I want more Chaotic Good female characters like Leliana. 

A female character who is “bad” without being a selfish bitch.

Can we have more of that please?

Yesterday something truly awesome happened. For the first time since I was 16 I wore a bikini. I’ve been suffering from my psoriasis for so long I still never had the courage to wear a two piece and expose my abdomen to the general public. This probably sounds weird considering my modeling, but shooting with someone one on one or a small team is a lot easier to handle that anxiety and comfort level than hundreds of people you don’t know… It’s a strange insecurity to have but I feel like I got over it yesterday. (I also went in the water a little bit which is horrifying for me) !

So it’s been a month since I started Bootcamp and I wanted to do a non official comparison from some point last year to now. I looked through all my photos on Facebook and Instagram and could not find one photo of me in a bikini (except a semi one from a few weeks ago). It made me really think about how much I have actually hated my body for the past two years, probably longer. I only found this photo to the left on Facebook as it was in a private folder for my friend to see from our trip to Bali one year.This makes me feel so good about myself, I not only look better than what I did but I am happier, oh so much happier. I’m not only getting rid of excess baggage on me but I’ve been getting rid of it from my life as well. I’m more confident, I’m wearing clothes I would never even considering wearing in public like a year ago, I’m doing things I’ve only ever imagined doing, like booking a last minute trip to Europe and losing weight, and I’m welcoming new people in my life. I’m letting myself have fun every weekend, unlike I use to, I use to be at home by myself on the weekends by like 9, I’m actually going out and creating new memories and meeting so many people. I know I’m not only feeling the excess fat going away, I am feeling so much fitter and healthier! I don’t run out of puff after a busy waitressing shift at work, or walking up the stairs, or having to jog a bit through the rain, I feel like everyday activities are getting easier and it makes me feel so happy about it! I’m still honestly not 100% happy with what I see but I’m starting to get there and I’m happy with my results! And just cause I’m not 100% happy with what I see now, doesn’t mean I still don’t love my body 100%, I just know I can do better and be a better version of me! I do not give a fuck any more what people, think or say, I’m so carefree! No boyfriend, not anywhere near as many bills, no study commitments, just the responsibility of me and I effing love it!

I tried these pants on in a Goodwill dressing room back in October 2014. I was really frustrated because, going by the size on the tag, they should have fit me. But I couldn’t even get the zipper closed in the front! 

I decided that these would be my “goal pants”. They aren’t very nice….I paid $5 for them and will probably never actually wear them in public. But non-scale victories are important and I’m amazed to see how my body has changed over the past 6 months. Sure, I track the number on the scale. But that number literally doesn’t matter. THIS is what matters, how I look and feel. 

My body is changing and I’m excited about it! I can’t wait to see where I’ll be in another six months!

ZAYNGATE2K15

The amount of people who are celebrating the possibility of Zayn cheating on Perrie disgusts me. I don’t care if its a girl dating your favorite member of a band that you’re convinced you’ll marry. NO ONE DESERVES THAT. To say that this was “probably a mutual breakup Zayn did nothing wrong!!” is so dumb. Perrie was wearing her ring FOUR days ago. Even if they had broken up in that four day period, to have moved on that fast is equally insulting. This isn’t a fake relationship for publicity. They wouldn’t have taken it as far as to have them engaged, lets get real. Don’t get me wrong, I’m as far up One Directions asshole as the next girl, but cheating is never okay. ever. In the start of it all, I DESPISED Perrie. However, after seeing the work that Little Mix does, and the music they create, and the shows that they craft, I became a fan and anyone can see that they deserve respect and not to be hated on for every move that they make. I hope that we get some sort of answer to this whole mess because in all honesty I’m actually genuinely upset by it. To have a parent who was cheated on, and to have seen the look of utter heartbreak in her eyes, I truly hope that the pictures aren’t what they seem to be, and that he didn’t cheat on her.