i will pee on you all


Louise - What did you do to yourself?!?

Sybok - Humans at times require their mate to be visually appeali…………

Louise - WAIT! You did all of this while I was using a bush to pee in!!!?!!!!

Sybok - You urinate for 1 minute and 30 seconds at most. Enough time to acquire a more agreeable hair arrangement.

Louise - Surak give me strength. 


Sometimes you’re just running heroics with some friends and all of the sudden Theron decides to get all clingy and forget about little things like personal space. Which is hilarious because from some angles it looks like you’re making out, but from others he’s just looking at you intensely like a dog telling you it needs to go outside to pee. And then Corso gets all lonely and decides to get in on the action.

Meanwhile, @aearyn​‘s poor viking smuggler is just all “this is the last time I go into an abandoned building with these freaks.”

anonymous asked:

Part 1/2 I'm going on a really long road trip, which normally (for me) would be great since I'm kind of like an excitable dog about car rides 😜. But I'll be with extremely hateful & homophobic extended family, so I'm hoping to just focus on music.

Part 2/2 Can you rec some music that’s good for road trips? As many as possible, please. I’d really appreciate it.

I’ve got your back, my friend. The playlist I’ve compiled for you takes tracks from several of my driving/road playlists, and is packed with a large variety of genres (I have no idea what you’re into), artists, styles, and emotions. It covers all the road bases–songs to dance to, songs to sing to, songs to sleep to, songs to make you feel adventures/free, songs to make you feel inspired, songs to enhance gorgeous scenery, songs to make you laugh, songs to distract you from how badly you need to pee, oldies/classics, soundtracks, etc. Enjoy!

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Tagged by @the-secret-ginger​ ! Thank you so much!

1. morning rituals:
 Groan, roll around, pee, get ready, leave

2. biggest fear: Failure, being hated/disliked, people

3. cloudy or sunny: Sunny pls

4. a band you didn’t like at first but grew on you: I can’t think of one right now, but I’m sure there is one.

5. song stuck in your head: Surprisingly, nothing is stuck in my head right now.

6. unrealistic dream: Achieving world peace, finding a way to make all of my mutuals happy forever, riding on the back of a dragon, being able to sing well…

7. dream superpower: Teleportation because that way if one of my friends was sad or something no matter where they were I could just pop over and hug them for as long as they need it and also traveling would be really easy. - @the-secret-ginger​ (I’m going to keep this answer because same.)

8. any regrets?: Many but what can you do? Just keep moving forward.

9. superstitious?: To a degree, yes.

10. something that makes you feel alive: Hiking, going somewhere new

11. favourite genre of film: Fantasy

12. favourite movie: Princess Mononoke

13. favourite season: Summer

14. favourite colour: Black, blue, and purple

15. favourite foods: Pizza, mexican food, chinese food, cake

16. worst habit: Worrying about EVERYTHING

17. how many countries have you been to?: Outside of my own, none. :( Hopefully that changes!

I’ll tag @scarsoftheshatteredsky @gipsyspirits @corpse-drummer @sinkingintothevoid @sinister-and-unmerciful @chaptersofadream @william-shakespeare-jr @theonepunman @solrift @nyx-nightshade @coasttocoastlikebutteredtoast @beatasticband @moonaswitness @into-the-cosmic-sea @minhyriath @thecolombianviking @ashesofthepaleserpent @livelikeanangel-dielikethedevil @yes-iamthemadhatter

anonymous asked:

I can't talk on the phone with my long distance girlfriend because I share a very small room with all my siblings , my mom thinks I'm straight, and I just feel bad, it's frustrating for both of us.

Why don’t you try to speak to her when you are not at home? Or use whatsapp to send her voice messages so you can hear each other at least …and there’s always pee time to sneak out a bit…you can discover yourself as a great toilet user really…

blahberry-pancake  asked:

👊, 💭, 🍇 ^_^

👊- people who leave pee drops on the toilet seat hahahah

💭- pasta 🍝, pizza, Mashed potatoes and eggs (BEST FOOD EVA), lemon pie, frozen yogurt I LOVE ALL FOODS ♥️

🍇- apple, banana, strawberry, pineapple

… and same to you! 😊

Things I wish had been in Dragon Age Origins
  • Wardens of any origin other than Dalish being mildly uncomfortable with having to suddenly live out in the wilderness.
  • “What do you mean I should just go pee behind the bushes!”
  • “The stories I was told as a child were lies, there’s nothing nice in bathing in muddy lakes during midnight.”
  • The dwarven origins being surprised after seeing mabaris for the first time.
  • ANY reaction at all from the dwarven wardens about the sky and being above ground.
  • Dwarven wardens complaining about getting sunburnt.
  • Really though, the whole Ostagar experience is like a giant warning sign about getting the Blight sickness. The wounded soldiers, the darkspawn corpses and those instructors talking about the dangers of touching darkspawn blood or of getting scratched or bitten by them.
  • The Warden, Alistair and Shale are the only ones who are resistant and can face the darkspawn with no fear. Everyone else is in major danger.
  • The Warden realising this and having mild panic attacks whenever they spot one of their companions coming to blows with a darkspawn.
  • Hurried checks after a battle, their breath catching in their throat and their heartbeat banging in their ears.
  • “Did it bite you? Do you have any scratches, anywhere?! We should burn that wound just to be sure!”
  • Having to keep from petting the mabari after it has just licked all the darkspawn gore from the Warden’s armor, not until they get to a river and wash it.
  • The Cousland Warden’s heartbreak in Ostagar after their mabari, the only surviving member of their family gets the blight illness while hunting for darkspawn blood. Being extremely angry with Duncan for not warning them and the worried race through the Arbor Wilds to find that precious flower.
  • Their fear this could happen to their companions and they know of no flowers to fix people instead of dogs.
  • Especially after Tamlen.
  • Especially after Tamlen finding them after he has become a ghoul.
  • Their worst nightmares are no longer those of the Archdemon but of their friends’ faces, grey and without hair, looking at them with filmy eyes. They wake up sweating and yelling, clinging to their mabari for comfort.
  • Any mention about the Lords and Arls of Highever resisting Howe when he claims Highever as his own.
  • It’s known that the Cousland family and especially Bryce Cousland were highly respected by the nobles of Ferelden and the Lords and Arls of his Teyrn should have been sworn allies of his. There’s no way they would silently watch as the man who murdered almost the whole Cousland family was given the very seat Bryce used to have.
  • An actual resistance trying to drive the Howe soldiers out of Highever, the Warden hearing rumors that it is lead by Fergus Cousland himself.
  • Fergus trying to reclaim his anchestral home instead of “roaming the Arbor Wilds for a year”.
  • Tabris being able to actually say ANYTHING to Anora about how shitty her treatement of the alienage elves is.
  • If she’s the true leader of Ferelden, why the hell were elves being taken from their homes and raped in the very capital of Ferelden where she lives. When she says she cares about Ferelden, she’s only really talking about Ferelden’s humans and I wish a Tabris could have been able to call her out for that.

Our 5e D&D group was battling an undead priest that was ridiculously strong and our bard, who had a magic instrument that allowed him to fly, was floating above the battlefield flinging vicious mockeries over and over at the priest because he had no other long range attacks. Eventually he gets bored and this goes down:

Bard: You know what? I pee on him.

DM: Y-you what?

Bard: I’m tired of vicious mockery, I drop trow and pee on this fucker.

Fighter: Does he have to make a dex roll for that? I mean you gotta aim and stuff…

DM: No, but I will have the priest make a will save to see if it does anything. *rolls a nat 20*

DM: …

DM: Well not only is he not bothered by this, he in fact looks straight up into your stream and opens his mouth to gargle it.

All players lose their shit laughing.

Bard: *after calming down from the laughing fit* You know what, I voluntarily take 1d4 psychic damage because that just mentally scarred my character

100% scientific grading of all (most) Dragon Age companions/advisors


Alistair: Is a sweetheart who does his best and is a fantastic tank and has great hair, great sense of humor, I just want to hug him, rating: A+

Dog: Faithful, loyal, pees on things, (Happy bark!), rating: A+

Leliana: looks like a cinnamon roll but can actually kill you, likes the way you do your hair, is a sweetheart, rating: A+

Morrigan: will put a spell on you (and now you’re hers), #1 witch, becomes a great mom even though her own upbringing wasn’t that great, rating: A+

Oghren: goes into the Deep Roads to try to find his wife, doesn’t give a flying nug, rating: A+

Shale: is a giant rock, great voice, great backstory, rating: A+

Sten: so Qunari he makes the Arishok look small-time, learns over time to respect the Warden, rating: A+

Wynne: #1 Grandma, great healer, is playing the long game so she can troll everyone in Asunder, rating: A+

Zevran: Best accent, beautiful hair and skin complexion, “for you I would march into the Black City itself, never doubt it!”, rating: A+

Loghain Mac Tir: honestly you don’t have a daughter like Anora unless you’re kicking ass and taking names yourself, rating: A+


Anders: is fucking adorable, will save all cats, ~Anders’ spicy shimmy~, #1 healer but seriously make him an Arcane Warrior for a good time, rating: A+

Justice: Fade spirit just doing his best, wants to help everyone, looks good in plate, rating: A+

Nathaniel Howe: Loves Amaranthine, defends his family but also learns to see their faults, is definitely gonna bang my Cousland on top of his dad’s grave, rating: A+

Oghren: “You joined the Grey Wardens?  Really?”  “You said it would be hot!”  “WE WERE ROLEPLAYING!” rating: A+

Sigrun: oh my god she’s so cute but also smashes darkspawn in the face, DESERVES A BETTER ENDING for sure, rating: A+

Velanna: Goodnight shemlen b/c Velanna is coming for you, doesn’t give any shits, is prob. one of the biggest badasses in the series, rating: A+


Anders: WAS RIGHT, fuck the templars, how can one feathermage be so pure, has loved Hawke for three years oh my god? voiced by Adam Howden who donated money to a GoFundMe for my sister’s sick cat (true story), rating: A+

Aveline: WILL TANK ALL OF THEDAS, do no harm but take no shit, will beat Hawke’s ass if necessary, “real nice night for an evening!” rating: A+

Bethany: who’s the best BETHANY’S THE BEST, Hawke’s #1 biggest most supportive fan, definitely best haircare routine and the most pure, rating: A+

Carver: does his best, actually secretly loves Hawke deep down inside, they probably built pillow forts together as kids and were def. best friends, rating: A+

Fenris: best spiky broody elf in any franchise, prob. the smartest individual in the entire Kirkwall Crew honestly, trying his hardest to move on, voiced by Gideon Emery and everything that guy touches turns to gold, rating: A+

Isabela: #1 pirate queen, has a heart of gold and loves Hawke, she just loves Hawke so much????? she’s going to let the Kirkwall Crew live happily ever after on her pirate ship I’m so proud of her, rating: A+

Merrill: dESERVED BETTER in every respect, just wants to help everyone??? Loves Mahariel and Tamlen so mucH?? Merrill/FHawke is such a pure ship omg, rating: A+

Sebastian Vael: definitely tries his best and wants so hard to live up to his name, will shot you with bow, makes that outfit look honestly stylin’, #1 accent in all of the Free Marches, rating: A+

Varric: Actual #1 Bro™, there is no bro who has ever bro’d harder, HIS FRIENDSHIP WITH HAWKE IS honestly, probably the best friendship in any game, like this if you cry every tim, rating: A+


Blackwall: Can we discuss that beard tho, just doing his best, honestly the best banter, “What can a grey warden do?” “save the fucking world if pressed”, rating: A+

Cassandra: holy shit is htere a bigger badass in Thedas no there is not, did you guys watch the anime holy shit.  if she met Aveline it would be the unstoppable force meets the immovable object honestly, rating: A+

Cole: pure spirit child, “he’s only 12 years old and already more psychic than his dad” - dril, dies a lot when he’s in my party i’m sorry Cole, rating: A+

Dorian: actual most  styling man out there, had to leave Tevinter because he was so damn stylish he was putting the rest of the Imperium to shame, oh my god he’s just like, best friends with your Inquisitor and it’s so?? pure? rating: A+

Iron Bull: lmao it’s over for you if you get in trouble with this guy also the Chargers are basically? great? and he’s so good to Krem?? voiced by a guy who loves this job and loves video games, rating: A+

Sera: is gonna throw bees at your head and is looks good in plaidweave, deserves better, most unique accent in the series, has good taste in ladies, rating: A+

Solas: it was Egg who caused the trouble but honestly he’s doing his best, gets approval anytime you’re nice to like anyone, GREAT artist, i heard there was a secret chord that david played and it pleased the lord but you don’t really care for music do you? it goes like this the fourth the fifth the minor fall the major lift the baffled king composing hallelujah???  rating: A+

Varric: guess who’s back, back again, Varric’s back, and tbh he’s just so good and he helps everyone and is helping the inquisitor b/c he cares so much, rating: A+

Vivienne: WOW has anyone ever looked so goddamn gorgeous, probably not, way too stylish for you plebeians, i only wish i could raise myself to her level, but i also don’t want her to ever lower her standards which she would have to do to even talk to me, rating: A+

Cullen: has been through a lot of shit and come out surprisingly chill, admits his mistakes, loves dogs like all good Fereldans, definitely got that lip scar from Hawke though, rating: A+

Josephine: honestly the best fashion sense in Skyhold, those ruffles though, is very pure?? I just want to cuddle her on the couch forever, make her some rice krispy treats and then take her on a vacation because she deserves it, rating: A+

Leliana: Murderpope best pope, rating: A+

it’s 3 am and i should be sleeping yet here i am making klangsty videos lmao ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  

from the first 2 chapters of HGAPFY.


They couldn’t think of something to say the day you burst
With all their lions

and all their might

and all their thirst
They crowd your bedroom like some thoughts wearing thin
Against the walls

against your rules 

against your skin
My beard grew down to the floor and out through the doors

Of your eyes, begonia skies like a sleepyhead, 



Do we turn you on? (Muke threesome)

Summary: Your best friends pick up on the fact that the both of them make you insanely horny (i can’t do summaries okay i suck)

Word count: 3k

Warnings: This is smut! Luke assumes ‘dom’ position and they all have a threesome ;) 

There’s a little bit of NSFW above the ‘keep reading’ line!

A/N: I’m such a slut for muke I’m surprised this is my first threesome with them? Let’s just say I let my imagination run pretty wild haha :) enjooooy!

Originally posted by ariana527

Michael’s warm fingertips trail across your upper arm, the heat causing goosebumps to pebble across your sensitive skin. As you’re sitting so close to the boy, you can smell the deep musky scent of his aftershave and feel a tug of desire to lean across and smash your lips against his.

You would if you weren’t in a room with your other best friend.

Luke’s leaning against a white wall, his blond hair tousled into loose curls. You take a moment to admire his wide stance before your attention drifts to his fingers curled around his phone. So many night you’ve spent - in the crowd at one of their shows - watching his fingers work magic on his guitar.

You’ve always wondered what they’d feel like inside you.

You imagine they’d be nimble: Luke always brags about his ability to twirl his fingers at perfect angles. But at the same time, there’s no doubt in your mind that he’d move quickly, immediately establishing his dominance before proceeding to bend you over a table.

“Did you just moan?”

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stilesandderek  asked:

Isaac!!! <3 Hope you've been well buddy! I saw you have prompts open so I have to ask! What are your thoughts on werewolf!derek who wears glasses but merely for the sake of appearing human. One day he's picking up his little boy from preschool and his glasses fall off his face and teacher!stiles picks them up and realises 'oh, the lenses are fake?' I can only imagine blushing derek ensues~ :)

Ruebin my friend!!!! I hope you like this lil thing I wrote ^^ It’s kinda short but sweet too, you feel? 

(Thanks to @drgrlfriend for making this ficlet SO MUCH BETTER)

Also here on AO3 

Title: Make Me Go Blind

Stiles likes to think that he is, in general, a professional. Sure, he has moments where he gets frustrated – whenever one of the kids gets into a fight again, or pees in their pants – but he usually keeps his calm. Kids are, after all, child’s play (pun intended) compared to some of the adults in Stiles’ life. Toddlers are generally more likely to follow Stiles’ orders than adults, in any case.

There’s just one teensy thing that always throws a wrench in Stiles’ professional facade – Derek Hale.

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Clingy (Grayson Dolan Imagine

Word Count: 650 

I loved Grayson, I knew that for a fact.  He was also a very good boyfriend to me, loves me, compliments me, makes me laugh. But there are some things about him that annoy me, for example he is very clingy.  All my past boyfriends weren’t very affectionate with, but Grayson is a whole new level, don’t get me wrong it’s cute and all; he just needs to know that I need my own space.

When I woke up, I couldn’t move, a hand was reaching across my body, holding onto me tightly as if I was going to leave and never come back.

“Grayson,” I murmured attempting to move his arm.  "Grayson.“

"Yes, baby,” his sexy morning voice whispered in my ear.

“Can you move your arm?” I asked him, attempting to sit up, but he just pulled me back down. “Grayson, I need to pee.”

“Just five more minutes’ baby,” he pressed his lips behind my ear.

“I’ll pee on you,” I warned him, and he sighed releasing me so that I could nip to the bathroom.

After peeing and brushing my teeth and leaned against the doorway, admiring Grayson from his bed. He was shirtless, on his stomach, obviously waiting for me to come back to his bed.

“Has anyone told you how sexy you look?” he smirked, looking me up and down.  Of course, sexy, me? I was wearing one of Grayson’s old shirts that reached at the beginning of my thigh, my panties, bare feet and my hair tossed into lazy top knot.  "Come back to bed Y/N..“ he groaned resting his hands on the side of his cheeks.   I made my way to him, leaned slightly down, kissed the tip of his nose and left the room, telling him I’ll be in the kitchen.  When I did reach he kitchen, Ethan was already sat in there eating some cereal.

"Hey Y/N,” he smiled, his brown hair all over the place, “How’s Gray?”

“Clingy, per usual,” I sighed, pouring myself some cereal as well and coffee, just as I was about to grab a spoon from the draw I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist squeezing me tightly. “Gray, can I eat my cereal okay,” I sighed.

“Okay but then we can cuddle, yeah?” he asked.

“No because I’m meeting up with Y/F/N at the mall today.” Now usually it would only take me 45 minutes to get ready, but since Grayson was being a little shit, it took me nearly 1hr 15.  "Gray I’m late, I have to go now,“ I shooed him kissing him on his lips harshly.


Today had been a lovely day, apart from the fact I was half an hour late, but I caught up with my friend, bought some clothes and makeup, it was a wonderful day.  When I got back at Grayson’s place, I places all my things in his room and made my way to the living room where Grayson was sat, scrolling through his phone, I sat on his lap sideways and placed my hand on the back on his neck.

"Hey baby how’s your day been?” I asked kissing his neck, no reaction he was still scrolling through his phone, eyes glued to it, he grunted.  "Gray what’s up?“ I asked,  placing my hand on the side of his face making him face me.

"I don’t know, maybe I’m too clingy for you?” he told me, his eyes staring into mine.

“Grayy…” I sighed, Ethan had said something.  "I love your clingyness, the way that you feel the need to touch me,“ I placed his hands on my waist. "Kiss me,” I kissed his cheek. “It’s just that sometimes when I’m trying to get something done it gets annoying.  But ignore Eth, just because he doesn’t get some,” I grinned.  

“God I love you,” Grayson smiled tackling me to the ground, peppering kisses all over my face.

Dog Days Are Over

Summary: You were already having a bad day, and then in walks Mr. Perfect and his best friend’s puppy. Oh, and he needs you to hurry because he’s got a blind date tonight, and he’s really nervous.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Word Count: 2,993

Author’s Note: Do you know how long this has been in my drafts? Anyways, here’s more fluff. Sorry I’ve been the Ebeneezer Scrooge of fluff, but I can’t help it that I’m a cynical, angsty bitch who likes to make people suffer.

Originally posted by thespoilerwitchblog

There were certain rules to being a veterinary technician.

Number one, waterproof mascara and eyeliner always! When the customer cries, you cry. Number two, carry a lint roller on you at all times; it’s best to get the pocket-sized one, because Mr. Twinkles sheds a lot! Number three, iron your scrubs! And it’s probably best to keep an extra pair in your car, because Mrs. Comier’s Jack Russell likes to pee on people.

Even though you knew these rules by heart, and you followed them every single day of your work-life, today was an exception. It was just one of those days that absolutely nothing- no matter how hard you tried- was going right. You were covered in fluffy cat hairs, Mrs. Comier’s Jack Russell peed on your leg twice, and you had run out of waterproof mascara; so when Mr. Langley brought in his thirteen year old Labrador to put her down, he cried, and so you cried, and in the end you looked like the raccoon that liked to sneak into the office dumpsters at closing.

Today just wasn’t your day.

Keep reading

  • Someone: Donald Trump is an asshole. I wish he wasn't the president of the USA.
  • Me: Yes that's true.
  • Someone: Donald Trump is going to round up the LGBT people and put them in gas chambers, he's going to go in a tank and murder all the pee oh sees, he's going to shoot disabled people and rape all the women and get rid of abortion and America is going to become North Korea and we are going to die and I want to kms-
Strip Part 4

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin

Strip part 4

Jimin x reader

Genre: smut,mystery,romance

Warnings: strong language, smut

{ Previous } { Next }


(this is a message for my sister who reads the fic): Abigail do not read this chapter im like dead serious. Just come to me and i will tell you what happened okay! You won’t like the kind of stuff i wrote in this i already know.


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Pisces & Scorpio
  • Scorpio, walks into the living room holding dog toys and a blanket: Hey baby, have you seen-
  • Pisces, giggling as puppies lick her all over her face: Scor- Scorpio, h-help me!!
  • Scorpio, stares for a moment:
  • Scorpio, smiles warmly: One of the puppies are peeing on your head by the way

wanna hear how shitty the juvi i went to was when I was a kid, and it wasn’t even a bad juvi. lmao okay so first things first, its strange fucking adults who watch you, a minor shower, pee, etc. pretty much every time you do it.

they blasted music all night, loud music, all night, so the workers wouldnt get “bored” your cell was single and had a light on at all hours of the day, so you have to try and sleep with a bright light on you all the time, if you don’t wake up up at 6am to eat they take away your bed padding and pillow from you until you wake up at the right time, so you have to sleep on concrete.

if you don’t do what they tell you to do [like wake up at 6am after having music and bright light blasted at you all night] they’ll take away your only solace: books. You’re locked in a cell by yourself for the majority of the time you’re there. 

You didn’t have a roommate, so you were just alone, for the majority of the day with nothing to do. It was torture, I don’t care what you say, children don’t deserve this, and I shouldn’t have even been sent to juvi in the first place because it literally wasn’t even my doing that got me there I had to take the fall for someone else the first time, and so on. 

They torture children in juvi, don’t fucking think they don’t, they absolutely do.