i will never regret loving you

I don’t think I could love you so much if you had nothing to complain of and nothing to regret. I don’t like people who have never fallen or stumbled. Their virtue is lifeless and of little value. Life hasn’t revealed its beauty to them.
—  Boris Pasternak, Doctor Zhivago 

On reflection, Danny was, as always, just otherworldly with his acting talent. When Aaron cries, we cry etc

But Ryan. It always amazes me how Kate Oates lot ALMOST reduced Robert to a ‘villain’ (I’m rarely bitter but I am bitter about that). A legacy character with a wealth of history and emotional ties and he was almost lost and rendered a 2D caricature. But no, Ryan has always added humanity and a depth to Robert and tonight he killed it.

Robert Sugden doesn’t give up. He gets what he wants, fights for things and never EVER stops till the end result is his. It’s a character trait that has been there since the beginning and last night we saw the opposite of it.

Ryan’s ability to play “cocky, arrogant, flirty, charm the pants off you” Robert then to play “dead eyed, mess with me and you’ll regret it scary intense” Robert then “heart eyed I love you and want to marry you soft voiced genuine” Robert then “I’m going to bury you with my words, acid tongued, I don’t have time for you idiots” Robert…

He plays them all perfectly and sometimes a few in one scene but tonight we got “quiet, subdued, I am exhausted and heartbroken and don’t know what to do" Robert and it was amazing and sad and so new.

Ryan is amazing and such a subtle actor who embodies such a really VERY complex character. Last night proved it again. I just want to hug him for all his gorgeous talent.

By the end of this year I want to be free of this pain, because I honestly don’t know how much longer I can carry it before it crushes me.
I’m not saying I don’t want to love you or think of you anymore – I’m just saying I don’t want it to hurt like this forever.
I want to achieve a state of peace within myself where I can accept that it’s over and be grateful for all that we had together…
I want to be able to look back on it with only fondness for the memories we shared without this terrible pain and longing.
I don’t regret anything and I never will.
I don’t want to hate you or forget you or pretend we never happened… I just want to be free.
I just want to be happy again

to be fair i always regret having certain fandom phases except for 2 things; world of warcraft and pokemon. you know why? because i never leave them i have loved those things all my life

anonymous asked:

hey sammi have u ever gone through a period of having no friends?? what was your school situation like social wise??? love you!

i’ve never had like zero friends but i’ve been thru a lot of periods feeling extremely lonely and feeling like i had no rly close friends… i hated the social scene in hs and i kind of gave up trying to be rly social senior year which i actually regret. i feel like i ended up feeling bad for myself a lot of the time even tho i could’ve just pushed myself to be social and have fun.

I’m not a steady person. When I get angry I don’t yell, I give a cold shoulder. When I’m mad at myself I treat other people poorly. When I’m upset I push everyone away and regret it. I can’t stay mad at people who do me wrong for too long and I have way too much love to give. I can treat someone I love like I’ll never see them again or like my love for them never existed. No, don’t get me wrong, I love them, I really do. I just have an awful habit of destroying things I love because that’s what I learned from my parents.
OKAY WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

Yuri on Ice Episode 9:
- most important thing first!! Makkachin is alive and well and we can all be happy again!!!!! :)
- Yurio’s grandfather actually combined Yurio’s two favorites?!?!? (pirozhki and pork cutlet bowl)
- Sala and Michele “broke up”
- Sala and Mila (love them)
- OUR BABY BOY YURI HUGGING EVERYONE?!?!?
- YURIO HAIR UP FUCKING BRAIDED AND THE COSTUME my little precious son has evolved into a beautiful butterfly
- Yuri missing Viktor and going through memories of him while skating
- YURIO BEING SUPPORTIVE SON TO HIS DAD YURI
- JJ being the king… again (Yurio hates him)
- Yuri speakin russian (a little bit)
- Yakov being suprised by Yuri’s performance
- YURIO BEING FRIENDS WITH YURI AND GIVING HIM A FUCKING BIRTHDAY PRESENT?!?!?!!?
- Yurio calling Yuri “pork cutlet bowl”
- Yurio being so proud of his grandfather, so squishy and smol!! just look at his smile!! so proud
- Emil being worried cuz Mickey screamed
- All of them blushing while being nervous (or in love *cough*)
- THE SCENE AT THE AIRPORT LIKE WTF!!!? Viktor and Yuri running while looking at each other and then the hug and hand kiss and the proposal and the proposal AND THE PROPOSAL?!?!?!!?
- “Please be my coach until I retire!” LIKE BITCH WHAT
- AND THEN VIKTOR’S ANSWER “I wish you’d never retire” BITCH YOU GONNA BE HIS “coach” UNTIL YOU BOTH DIE?! THAT SOUNDS A LOT LIKE MARRIAGE TO ME and of course that made Yuri tear up

a hundred random starters 

below are starters based on/inspired by various sources. change the genders as you see fit ;)

  • ❝ why do you keep lying to me? ❞
  • ❝ have you ever considered the idea that maybe, this world doesn’t revolve around you & your problems? ❞
  • ❝ love is love is love is love. ❞
  • ❝ marriage is an absurd arrangement. one is sold as a fifteen-year-old child and makes a vow one does not understand and then regrets for thirty years or more, and which one can never undo again. ❞
  • ❝ why are you crying this time? ❞
  • ❝ you will never escape. ❞
  • ❝ this isn’t what I wanted! ❞
  • ❝ everything has its consequences. ❞
  • ❝ this face bears the mission of heaven. ❞
  • ❝ no, you shall dismantle the house of lies, but build the temple of the divine. ❞
  • ❝ one copper coin for a bowl of noodles! ❞
  • ❝ that one has the heart of a lion. ❞
  • ❝ I needed to be summoned. ❞
  • ❝ there’s no reason for this hostility! I come in peace. ❞
  • ❝ they died screaming. ❞
  • ❝ why fight anymore? what’s the point of fighting against destiny? ❞
  • ❝ how long have you known? ❞
  • ❝ I can only speak for myself. ❞
  • ❝ the law can be changed. ❞
  • ❝ are you sure you’re not pregnant? ❞
  • ❝ your child is adorable! ❞
  • ❝ you gave him a riddle for his birthday? ❞
  • ❝ you have no fucking right to treat me this way. ❞
  • ❝ your ambition blinds you. ❞
  • ❝ he adores you. ❞
  • ❝ I feel like I should be shocked that you two had sex there, but I’m not anymore. ❞
  • ❝ she’s going to kill you. ❞
  • ❝ have you ever tried the cakes? they’re actually quite delicious. ❞
  • ❝ you’ll need to be punished. ❞
  • ❝ you should learn to lie better. ❞
  • ❝ sometimes I wonder if you’re real. ❞
  • ❝ I will take back what is mine & kill anyone who stands in my way. ❞
  • ❝ then kill me. ❞
  • ❝ there’s no such thing as love. there is only lust. ❞
  • ❝ you’re selfish. you never think about anyone but yourself. ❞
  • ❝ i’m sorry, but they’re gone. ❞
  • ❝ death is just another adventure. ❞
  • ❝ stop! ❞
  • ❝ let them watch. ❞
  • ❝ you have no shame, do you? ❞
  • ❝ I can’t believe we’re talking about this right now. ❞
  • ❝ I need advice. sex advice. ❞
  • ❝ alright, tell me the truth, is he good in bed? ❞
  • ❝ she is the best thing in my life. ❞
  • ❝ you love him? ❞
  • ❝ do you love me at all? ❞
  • ❝ do you believe in soul mates? ❞
  • ❝ please, you have to believe me. I didn’t kill anyone! ❞
  • ❝ history is written by the victorious. ❞
  • ❝ at least she has a heart! you have none. ❞
  • ❝ isn’t it more important that they told you? ❞
  • ❝ the king is displeased. ❞
  • ❝ long live your majesty! ❞
  • ❝ can you stop talking for just one moment & listen to me? ❞
  • ❝ no matter how hard I try, they just won’t stay dead. ❞
  • ❝ he’s a gold digger. he’ll screw anyone & marry them as long as they have money. ❞
  • ❝ o! how sweet love must be! ❞
  • ❝ do you really think that? ❞
  • ❝ quick, you need to hide before they see you! ❞
  • ❝ you taught me to never trust anyone. ❞
  • ❝ this is extreme, even for you. ❞
  • ❝ you guys were pretty loud last night. I guess it was good? ❞
  • ❝ that wasn’t an apology & you know it. ❞
  • ❝ are you a virgin? ❞
  • ❝ I’m married. ❞
  • ❝ best thing I ever did was marrying you. ❞
  • ❝ red roses won’t erase the fact that you broke my heart. ❞
  • ❝ stop taking all the ice cream! ❞
  • ❝ has anyone told you that you’re sort of a little bitch? ❞
  • ❝ it’s deep dish pizza. ❞
  • ❝ do you want to fight for your land back or not? ❞
  • ❝ I never realized how much of a coward you are. ❞
  • ❝ there’s nothing worse than someone who isn’t willing to try new things. ❞
  • ❝ haven’t you ever wanted to escape? to leave this place & explore the world? ❞
  • ❝ i think you’ve had enough to drink. ❞
  • ❝ your ancestors would be ashamed if they saw you. ❞
  • ❝ one of the dolls is missing! ❞
  • ❝ are we going to die here? ❞
  • ❝ well looks like we’ve found ourselves in a bit of a dilemma. ❞
  • ❝ I am no longer a child! ❞
  • ❝ the baby won’t stop crying! i don’t know what to do anymore! ❞
  • ❝ what if something happens to them? ❞
  • ❝ once upon a time, I gave a damn about what people thought about me. ❞
  • ❝ if he can get away with this, then so can i! ❞
  • ❝ the dark shall come & take everything you love from you. ❞
  • ❝ it’s the same story over & over again. you’d think people would know better by now. ❞
  • ❝ there’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. ❞
  • ❝ you are what is wrong with this world. ❞
  • ❝ shattered dreams can drive anyone mad. ❞
  • ❝ I am a phoenix. burn me & I shall return, rising from the ashes. ❞
  • ❝ this is my home. ❞
  • ❝ home is where the heart is, where you feel safe & warm & loved. ❞
  • ❝ running away has never solved a damn thing! ❞
  • ❝ fuck me. ❞
  • ❝ oh the things I’d do to you if we were alone. ❞
  • ❝ stop, he’s not here, remember? he’s gone & he can’t hurt you anymore. ❞
  • ❝ your husband/wife – is he/she good to you? ❞
  • ❝ stop & think a moment, you have to stay & rest. there’s a child who needs you now, you can’t just run & be a fucking idiot. ❞
  • ❝ once, I drank a whole bottle by myself. ❞
  • ❝ what do I want? I want to kiss you a thousand times before undressing you & kissing every bit of your flesh a thousand more times. ❞
2

You know those 3am thoughts..?
Welp yesterday I had one aaand I couldnt let it go.
I never was the one to join the HAAAAPPY WHEEELS “train”.
Since I subscribed I was a picky viewer if I do say so, now I’ll watch about anything.Yesterday and today I watched 99episodes of Happy wheels.
I regret that I was SO picky xD
Even though I didn’t join the amazing hype train at the time I still loved the series! Amazing that it dragged on to 100episodes!

Every episode had a facecam so…
Now I have 100+pictures of Jacks face ;)

And yes I do know that this was late (Had to finish it today though and SPEED IS KEY!) and that there is one picture that repeats itself.
I tried fixing it but it didn’t work out, it was 3repeated or 1repeated picture.Not really my fault that I got distracted by that magnificent face and screwed one facecam shot up.

Now I’m off to see the 100th episode :)
BOOPER DOOPER AND SPIKEFALL STEVE (god, I know I have a flu but all the 99episodes within 6hours really made my brain a smoothie..don’t imagine that)

@therealjacksepticeye Hope you enjoy even though it’s not an amazing fanart ^-^

4

IN LIGHT OF WHAT HAPPENED RECENTLY WITH AMY IN THE STREAM CHAT

IF YOU THINK IT’S OK TO TELL AMY TO GO KILL HERSELF OR THAT SHE SHOULD DIE BECAUSE HER DATING MARK IS “RUINING YOUR SHIP” THEN YOU ARE NO LONGER A VALUED PART OF THIS COMMUNITY

IF YOU THINK IT’S OK TO TYPE IN CHAT SAYING THAT THEY SHOULD RAPE AMY OR THAT THEY SHOULD FUCK AMY ON CAMERA OR THAT MARK AND HER SHOULD MAKE BABIES ON STREAM THEN YOU ARE NO LONGER A VALUED PART OF THIS COMMUNITY 

IF YOU WERE ANY PART OF WHAT HAPPENED IN CHAT THEN YOU ARE NO LONGER A VALUED PART OF THIS COMMUNITY

WE DO NOT NEED YOU NOR DO WE WANT YOU

LEAVE AND NEVER COME BACK

IF YOU TRULY LOVED MARK THEN YOU WOULD BE HAPPY ABOUT HIS CURRENT RELATIONSHIPS AND YOU WOULD RESPECT HIM AND EVERYONE HE LOVES

YOU DO NOT BELONG HERE, AND YOU NEVER WILL

 I HOPE YOUR ACTIONS BURN INTO YOU UNTIL YOU FINALLY REGRET ACTING THAT WAY.

YALL ARE GOING TO HELL FOR THAT

PLEASE NEVER LET ANYTHING LIKE THAT HAPPEN AGAIN

IT’S CHRISTMAS FOR GOD SAKE, AND THAT WAS ON A CHARITY STREAM

AND FOR ALL OF YOU THAT DON’T THINK THIS ACTUALLY HAPPENED OR THAT IS WASN’T AS BIG OF DEAL AS PEOPLE ARE MAKING IT OUT TO BE,

IT DID HAPPEN, AND IT WAS FUCKING TERRIBLE, I WAS THERE WATCHING THE CHAT AS IT FUCKING HAPPENED, IT WAS AS BAD AS PEOPLE ARE MAKING IT , YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TYPE OF SHIT THEY WERE SAYING IN CHAT

I wish I could be better for you. God, please make me better for you.
—  another-broken-hello

“I think about you a lot,” she told him. “Every now and then, you’ll cross my mind, and I just can’t seem to shake the thought of it all… I let go of something that had so much potential to be so beautiful. Just like that.”

His heart started thudding so loud that it echoed in his ears. “You can’t say this to me here,” he said. “Not now. Not after all this time.”

She looked down, embarrassed. “It’s selfish of me to say, I know.” She looked up and met his eyes. “But you were so sweet to me. So kind. And I let the thought of missing someone else drive me away from you.”

He shook his head. “You weren’t ready for love again,” he told her. “Don’t blame yourself for the scars that someone else left on you. It was never your fault that you couldn’t be with me, it was the reminisce of him, still holding you back. Just when you were ready to jump in, he would pull you back. And that was no one’s fault but his.”

She watched him closely as he comforted her. He was always so good at soothing her broken heart — something that was never his job to do, but he did it anyway. “It could’ve been us, you know,” she said quietly. “You and me against the world. And I’m just sorry that it didn’t work out like that.”

Then, in the corner of her eye, she could see his fiancé returning with their drinks. She turned to leave him, but before she did, she heard him say it. It was soft and hidden under his breath, but it was there.

“Sometimes, I am, too.”

—  excerpt from an unfinished book #129 // You were Prince Charming but I sent you away because I was busy missing a toad
My heart knew it was home the first time it heard
your name. It knotted itself up like a cherry stem
and I’ve been fighting off tangles ever since. Even
with my eyes closed, in the dark, with an eighteen
hour drive between us. There’s no mistaking the
sound of hatching butterflies. I don’t think you’d
recognize yourself in my poetry. You’re always the
slowest metaphor. I wrote you in the softest light
to show you that I never noticed your sharp edges.
Even now, after getting stuck in all the bramble
and thorns, I still don’t regret getting close
enough to touch the petals. I know what you
sound like in the dark, when you’re trying not to
cave in on yourself. When the whole world comes
to a standstill, you’ll still have me spinning in place.
Call this love dizzying, gravity defying. Even if I take
whiteout to my poems, I can’t hide the fact that I’m
always moving in your direction.
—  HIDDEN LOVE POEM, angelea l.

I’ll tell you to take care of yourself when I can’t even force myself to eat or get any rest


I’ll tell you that life is so important yet I’ll constantly contemplate it 


I’ll tell you to be open about your emotions when I keep all mine bottled up inside


I’ll tell you to love yourself even though I’m full of self hate and regret 


I’ll tell you that the bad days can be overcome when it’s been 6 years and I still can’t get over them


You see I tell you all these lessons yet I can never seem to take my own advice. I’ll tell you to put yourself first but yet somehow when it comes down to who to take care of, you always seem to come ahead. I wish I could care for myself, the way I care about you. I’m sorry that I’m such a liar and that all the things I say to you I don’t believe are true. I’m sorry that I can’t take care of myself but insist I can take care of you.

—  I wish I wasn’t so hypocritical 
But if I hold your hand,
I’ll never let go
and if I look into your eyes,
I’ll never look away.
So I warn you to stay away
And I try to push you away
Because you just might
leave me one day.
Then I’ll be left wishing
I could’ve held you
for one more day,
Playing the lyrics that
remind me of you on replay.
And then I’ll blame
myself for letting you stay
Only regretting that I
didn’t beg you to stay,
Only regretting that I
that I let you slip away.
—  I.m.
@drowning-at-3am
I understand if you hate me,” he says quietly. I look up at him and see it in his eyes, see that he really does feel some regret. I fight back the urge to hug him and tell him that it’s okay.

“I don’t hate you,” I reply. I could never hate you. I love you, still. I don’t want to, but I do.

He blows out a breath. “Well, that’s a relief. I was hoping we could still be friends.”

I know that that won’t work, know that he’ll still be hurting me, even if he’s not aware of it. Those words set my temper on fire, but I somehow turn it to ice. It numbs my heart momentarily, and I know I am about to break it myself. I meet his eyes, my glare cold enough to freeze him.

“I said I didn’t hate you,” I say slowly, carefully.

“I never said that I’m not mad at you. Because I might not hate you, but every time I look at you my heart breaks all over again, and that infuriates me.”

“So we are not friends. We are nothing but two embers of an old flame.”

—  two embers of an old flame.