i will make a conscious effort

Pairing: Niall/Harry 

w/c: 2.2 k

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Watched Bright Star with my sister.

Cried like a heaving hormonal mess. Had to make a conscious effort not to hurl myself to the floor and weep into the nice, new rug. Let me tell you, I wanted to hurl myself to the floor and weep into the nice, new rug. I wanted to drag myself across the nice, new rug while wailing my own requiem mass because 

  1. I am an insufferable drama queen and find a cathartic sort of pleasure in amateur theatrics and 
  2. Oh, God, John Keats, why weren’t antibiotics a thing, and why do social conventions ruin everything, and why does society continually insist on following the “practical” path when everyone is perfectly aware that human beings are the most impractical animals in existence, and why does money suck so badly unless you have an excess of it? 
  3. …I totally feel you on that last one, man, because I, too, just want to pick violets and frolic in cowslip meadows and be the hippie that I am deep, deep down beneath all these neuroses and this indigestion and I want to write poetry and read poetry and act and sing and dance and paint and essentially live in a happy little fictional delusion wherein bills do not exist and judgment does not exist and neither does Donald Trump.
  4. Actually, if we’re going to try to be positive about the whole untimely death thing, Keats, that’s probably a perk–you weren’t around long enough to witness the walking, bewigged poo depository that is Donald Trump. Not that you would have lived that long anyway–I mean, you might have. I don’t know what you were capable of. I’m not all up in your business. But trust me–you’re not missing much. 

The TEARS.

WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF? 

WHY???

BECAUSE KEATS, THAT’S WHY.

so how much do you think rose’s ‘manic pixie dream girl’ image in story for steven is just the way her behavior reads on a surface level, and how much do you think is her making a conscious effort to project that image?

rose herself said: i’m not a person. you don’t WANT to get to know me. she knows what humans like: the idea of her as a magical, transient presence in their lives. alien in all the right ways – no, they don’t want to hear about war, about caste hierarchy, about interstellar conquest, about the lives she’s taken. no, she should be whimsical and free-spirited, free from the constraints of human society, a little quirky in her cute inability to 'get’ human habits and sayings right away, and just ditzy enough to give them that ego boost of explaining simple concepts to her while always cluing on before it can become a hassle.

do you really think rose, who had lived on earth for five thousand years and intermingled with so, so many humans throughout them, would not understand the concept of album titles, or figurative speech? do you think she genuinely believed greg was going to launch himself into space in human technology he obviously wouldn’t have access to, never to return? or is it simply that asking would ensure his curiosity was piqued? after all, she doesn’t even sound mildly distressed when she says it – a perfectly calm 'but this is your home, that’s so sad’, spoken with a slight frown.

do you think that, unlike the rest of the crystal gems who adapt their outfits according to more-or-less current fashion, rose simply has no idea what regular humans wear? or has she insistently stuck to her trademark gown, flowing around her as she glides barefoot across the ground, exactly out of knowledge that the sight will catch people’s attention and stick in their memories?

is rose just endearingly oblivious of her surroundings, or is it that she’s rather all too aware?

26435) This disorder has made me such a bitch because I’m bitter and starving and I make a conscious effort to try and be nice and reasonable but I can’t help getting irritated at everything and everyone and it kills me.

anonymous asked:

What do you think would be a turning point for each one of the guys in a friendship with a girl for them to want to be in a romantic relationship with her? (she and him are already very good friends)

I did something like this already for 3 of the members but I’m too lazy to find it HAHA.

Mark: When he sees her hanging out with his family, especially his nieces. Mark is very close to his family and you can totally tell. I think it’d be very important for his future girlfriend to be very family-oriented, respectful to adults, and good with kids. I think once he sees her naturally conversing with his family, he’ll see her in a new (appreciative) light.

JB: When she gets along well with the members. Not so well that he ends up worrying she’s getting too friendly with them, but friendly enough to tell that she’s making a conscious effort so that he doesn’t have to worry about her feeling uncomfortable or awkward around his closest friends.

Jackson: When he sees her crying/upset. I think this would make Jackson especially want to protect his friend, not as just a platonic relation, but something more. He’ll have this desire to be your protector and want to be by your side constantly, whether he does so comically or not.

Jr.: When he sees her passionate about her interests. Whether it be constantly reading or running a non-profit organization, he’ll admire her dedication to her interests and it’ll make him realize that someone who loves their work, knows how to love someone else ,as well.

Youngjae: When he catches a glimpse of her natural self in-the-moment. I can imagine Youngjae really falling for a friend when he sees her genuinely laughing, tears forming in the corners of her eyes, and her smile as wide as can be. it’d almost happen in slow motion for him, like in the movies, and the feelings will just hit him like a powerful wave of emotions.

Bambam: When they’re playing around and he can tell how much she enjoys life and sees it positively. I can imagine him messing around and tickling her on the couch and she’s just laughing carefreely, and that’s when he’ll see how simply she takes everything, just going with the flow.

Yugyeom: When he sees her subconsciously acting cute around him. She won’t be doing in on purpose but she’ll be so used to doing aegyo to get what she wants, that when she does it to Yugyeom, he’ll have no choice but to gain some feelings for her after being exposed to it. 

10 facts about me tag

tagged by booksfrommyshelf​ *squish*

nickname: bec
eye colour: brown
hair colour: naturally brown, god knows what it is right now tho lol
one fact about you: i’m tiny
favourite colour: red
favourite place: my bed
favourite celebrity: lana parrilla
favourite animal: owls
favourite song: the hills by the weeknd
favourite book: poison study

tagging: (random tags!) sardothiened chainsaw-assassin anabelsbrother queen-levana sobforsirius manikinfear eternal-books katwinkennedy

honestly, the clique is only bad when drama breaks out. otherwise, it’s lovely. but when people take sides on whatever issue is at hand, they can’t seem to accept that other people might actually have a different opinion. I think a lot of the fights break out because opinions are presented in a violent way, i.e. “ur stupid if you dont agree”. it’s perfectly fine to present opinions, but I think we should all make a conscious effort to do it in a more respectful manner so that the clique is a good place to be all the time, even when there is a controversial topic. I don’t want anyone to feel unsafe or attacked in the clique. suppørt each other. |-/

since i’m on an “colin spacetwinks talks very earnestly and sincerely” kick right now, i wanna share about the way i approach a lot of creating things, or just doing stuff. i hate, i hate i hate i hate, being locked into being defined as one kind of creator, or more specifically, a creator of one kind of specific thing. most evident of this is comedy, and i’ve talked multiple times about how i’ve made a conscious effort to talk about different kinds of subjects - from my various hobbies and interests (superhero comics, bizarre old cartoons, spelunking through internet history, etc) to just being very upfront about my depression and anxieties and shit - so people wouldn’t just think of me as the “comedy guy”. because that’s a miserable fucking place to be. suddenly everybody expects you to be making jokes all the time, about everything, and you don’t get time to be something other than the comedy guy, and people are pushing you to joke about some shit you really don’t wanna joke about. sometimes you even start turning into a malicious shithead all because you’re chasing after that laughter and you won’t let anything get in your way. awful.

but this also applies on the other end of what i do, with my serious stuff. i do write about depression, or just dealing with all kinds of internal shit, or in general write about “serious subjects” - and i don’t like being defined as just that either. hell, i don’t even really like letting those things be 100 percent serious all the time, unless it really does call for it. to think of it this way: i’ve dealt with depression and all sorts of self-loathing and the shit that goes with it for all my adult life. and i very often made jokes about it - still do - to deal with it, to talk about it, to just give myself relief, even.

i don’t like myself being defined as doing one particular thing. especially when the serious and comedic seem to intertwine so much in my personal life. and i don’t like presenting an image to the world, to an audience, that can be solely just “they do ____”, because then it’s self-perpetuating and it traps you in that corner and it’s harder to fight out of it over time. i do something serious, some sort of psychological horror? something funny or lighthearted is my next project. pop out something long and funny as hell? i try to tackle something that’s not purely comedy next. or, often, i’ll write some serious shit but make sure there’s still jokes along the way. and why wouldn’t there be? like i said, that’s how we do shit in our own lives anyway.

to be the “funny guy” all the time or to be “the important, serious person” all the time are both miserable, but just in different ways.

so, i make a conscious effort to try and do lots of different things, when i create. it’s not just fun, getting out of your own zones, writing something totally different than what you have been for awhile, it’s not just great for developing your skills, but it helps me present myself as an actual human being as-is to people.

love y’all and take care.

LIST 10 FAVORITE CHARACTERS FROM 10 DIFFERENT FANDOMS THEN TAG 10 PEOPLE

Tagged by chainsaw-assassin and a bunch of other people I can’t even remember.

In no particular order:

  1. Celaena Sardothien/Aelin Ashryver Galathynius (Throne of Glass)
  2. Yelena Zaltana (Poison Study)
  3. Maggie Stevens (Disruption)
  4. Penryn Young (Penryn and the End of Days)
  5. Rose Hathaway (Vampire Academy)
  6. Liraz (Daughter of Smoke and Bone)
  7. Rudy Steiner (The Book Thief)
  8. Maxon Shreave (The Selection)
  9. Fiona Maxwell (Tomorrow When the War Began)
  10. Macey McHenry (Gallagher Girls)

I tag: has anyone not done this yet? If so, I tag you :)

anonymous asked:

In Rajeev Masan's interview with Sonam in late Jan of this year, something Sonam said really impressed me. While I didn't necessarily agree with Sonam's wording on her discussion of sexism- re women don't respect themselves etc- she seems to be the first actress who's saying that the industry's objectification of women greatly promotes sexism and rape culture, and how her own professional decisions reflect a conscious effort not to promulgate sexism. Did you see her statements the same way?

(in case anyone is interested in watching it, it’s here)

It’s hard because the main problem with Sonam is that she’s not the most articulate person, so even when she makes a good point, it doesn’t always come off very well. And issues like the one she’s talking about are difficult to condense into two minutes.

There’s obviously a knee-jerk negative reaction whenever someone says something about women needing to respect themselves first before they can earn respect from others, for obvious reasons. Women deserve respect just for being human beings. But I think what Sonam is getting at, and what is an infinitely more complicated problem, is the idea that women (especially those in a position of influence) need to be held accountable for the part they play in upholding the patriarchy. There’s a subsection of feminist literature that talks about the fact that as women, we don’t stick together. We do what’s best for each of us individually and not what’s in the best interests of all women. So to put that in the context of the film industry: it might be beneficial to you as an individual to do an item song, but in the grand scheme of things, it doesn’t benefit other women. It contributes to their objectification. And even outside the film industry, on a societal level, women are raising misogynistic men. They’re either teaching them these things directly, or not correcting their behavior. When we say that we don’t hold men accountable for their behavior, women are part of that “we”.

Where I disagree with Sonam is when she says she’s never been objectified. I think she’s tried to make career choices to avoid being objectified, and that’s really important, but you can’t escape that completely. Again, what might seem empowering to you, like her recent Vogue shoot, could be objectified just because it’s being released to a patriarchal society and the majority of films/photography are seen through the male gaze. In that interview, she also talked briefly about how people forget her performances and focus on her looks, which is itself a form of objectification. 

This is probably why you shouldn’t expect celebrities to be spokespeople for feminism/any important social issue, really. They very rarely get it completely right and unless they’re part of a panel discussion or social initiative, they don’t have the platform to really get into the minute details of these things. But I do understand what she’s trying to say, even if I don’t love the way she said it. Actresses are influential people, there are a few of them that could make real changes for the better, but very rarely do they make the effort. And in some small ways, Sonam’s choices do help women, whether it’s just making movies aimed at young girls or acknowledging the fact that the industry contributes to sexism and rape culture. I just wish she would learn not to expect people to read all that context into small soundbites about ~women respecting themselves~.

A Modern Showcase of Africa

By: Benjamina Dadzie

Ezi Exchange is an impressive, new service Ezibota will soon be launching!

It’s an important platform operating with the conscious effort to raise the profile of young African artists and entrepreneurs by giving them the chance to showcase Africa to the world, in a modern, refreshing and juvenile key.

You’ll soon discover that this platform is compact and easy to navigate, because everything, from food to clothing to accessories, is in one place and well organised. I particularly love ankara and to see it on the marketplace transformed into accessories and integrated with ‘western’ clothing makes me extremely happy and proud to uphold my heritage in such subtle ways.

I think I’ve found my new favourite online store.

Receive promotions, sales, discounts, and updates at eziexchange.com

I bolded the important part so you don't have to read a bunch of crap

Hey everybody, if you hadn’t figured this out yet I’m trans– nonbinary more specifically– and I’m still trying to figure out what that means but I think what that means for me right now is going by Jamie and using ne nem/they them pronouns. It would be super helpful for me if you guys could be like extra supportive and positive and most of all making a conscious effort to try to call me the above things. I cant expect everyone to get it the first time especially people I have known for 15+ years and people who have never dealt with people who are using different pronouns but its really all in that you are trying for me. While all are inevitably going to make mistakes the fact that I have a network of people I can rely on to not like attack me for this is so fucking remarkable and something I’m so lucky for. (also a discalimer I’m still feeling things out so things might change but idk I don’t think they will… hopefully!)

WIW - Reality Check

Today: 204.6

It hurt my soul to see a 2 this morning. I’m not shocked since the last time I weighed myself a few weeks ago I was like literally 199.9 and I haven’t felt comfortable in my skin (or clothes) lately. 

I could lament about how I made a conscious decision to let the weight creep on the past 6-8 months, but why harp on the past. 

I have my marathon training plan in motion. For me running is only part of the training, it’s also nutrition and tumblr. I need to be in the space and holding myself accountable. 

  • Run 2/71 is today
  • I recommitted to protein shakes for breakfast
  • I plan to try to make my summer lunches jar salads and ½ of a sweet potato. 
  • I will make a strong effort to limit myself to drinking 1x a week
  • I’m back on the tumblr scene - looking for new people to follow, send some my way!

So here I am 204.6, but  4 months from now as I embark on my 3rd marathon, I hope to get down to the low 170s or 180s again. It will just be more pounds that I dropped to get me where I know I can be. 

anonymous asked:

How to get over heartbreak? It's been 2 months, they've moved on, and I'm trying but I still think about him everyday even though I'm making a conscious effort to do the opposite.

Focus on yourself. Keep yourself busy. It sounds like generic advice, and it is, but it’s all about how you go about it. If you’re doing something for the purpose of keeping him off it wont work. If you’re doing something for the purpose of self growth/progression, then you’re set. 

Keep busy. But keep busy by making your life more enjoyable for you. Not less torturous. Does that make sense?

Some of you “socially conscious” black people who claim to be “woke” need to stop. You pretend to be down for the people but your efforts fall short due to your hypocrisy. While the Raechel issue does bother me, I am not pressed to drag her through the mud because honestly, there are more pressing issues going on in the black diaspora here in America and globally.

It’s funny because you spend so much time defending this woman and then you rant about privilege and colorism without making the connection that she she benefited based off of those two things. You want to really talk about something, talk about the racial cleansing going on in the Dominican Republic. Talk about racial gentrification. Talk about how black and brown people are disenfranchised globally. Talk about institutionalized racism. The list goes on and on.

But I digress…while you sit behind your computer screen with your phony black activism and pretend to be awake, I will be out here supporting the people out here doing the real work. Your not “woke”, your just sleep walking…

anonymous asked:

So I like your post, but can't reblog them because you have blocked me...

I block users who crosstag their hate, spam tags, dogpile on our posts with Anti-IH vitriol, or who I see constantly bashing IH and Orihime. Cam and I both make a pretty aggressive effort to keep our noses out of shipwar-related nonsense, and additionally, I’ll block it from view if I happen to see it. We also make it pretty clear that Pro-IH ≠ Anti-IR, and Anti-IH ≠ Pro-IR (in terms of speaking about fans– have you ever seen us refer to “Anti-IHs” as “IR Shippers”, or use the terms interchangeably? Probably not. Because we don’t, and make a conscious effort not to).

I don’t like making posts on here only to see them either dogpiled by Anti-IHs, or having someone link me to a post where an Anti-IH has screencapped and mocked me and my shipmates for being “delusional origos”. Cam and I don’t make posts on this blog with the intent for them to be constantly torn apart and debated by detractors (who honestly have no business being in our space in the first place…), nor do we make them with the intent of “sheltering our delusional fantasies”.

Cam and I make posts on this blog and keep it a fairly positive space for IchiHime fans to enjoy themselves, and to generate a positive and upbeat attitude in a fandom where shipwars are a constant, where a huge percentage of the fandom violently and consistently bashes Orihime and has been for last decade, and the subject matter of the series can be very heavy and emotionally draining. I don’t see a problem with me blocking someone with the intent of wanting to keep peace in this small corner of the fandom, especially when we’re so non-intrusive in fandom tags and fandom presence anyways.

But if you think I’m mistaken for blocking you, send me your url and I’ll message you privately and discuss the matter. I’m not unreasonable or unforgiving, and I’ll concede that it’s entirely possible I made a mistake.

-Tierney

lowinhibitions asked:

pretty sure you run the chicanisma account and I just wanted to say "thank you" will never be a word accurate enough to describe how much your blog and voice and changed my life. Your level of intelligence is so admirable and just fucking badass. I'm dissecting my roots and consciously educating myself on what they tried to make ME feel stupid/bad about. it feels so empowering, and I don't know that it would've happened if I didn't find your blog. Gracias ✊

This is beyond sweet, thank you so much. I can’t take that all that credit tho. You being socially conscious is something you put effort in yourself and that makes me happy. Again, thank you. I’ve felt (I still feel) like deleting that whole account many times. It means a lot. 💜💜💜💜

so i saw a few artists i follow have been posting things like this! and i wanted to make one with the drawing i remember being most proud of back when i drew it. lil tiny annber before her life went to shit. good times.

that much improvement after only 4 years is just. wow. I know my art isnt amazing and im still improving, learning, and practicing, but if I had shown 12yr old me what my art looks like now, i think i would have cried lmao

so just remember; practice does make a difference. practice does make you improve. you’re only going to get better if you make a conscious effort to do so.

Sometimes I feel like I am being collectively ignored by groups of humans in this massive conscious effort to make it like I don’t exist.

Sometimes I think I am probably insane for thinking I matter enough for people to ignore me on purpose.

Summer Reading List

With lakeside and beachside weekends on the horizon, I’m looking forward to getting in some reading. I love reading but sometimes I can’t find the time or like right now, can’t find my kindle, but I’m making a conscious effort to check these books off my list, they aren’t all that new and have been on my radar for a while.

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