i am fire
i am the brightest of flames
i can take down anything
that dares to get in my way
i am powerful
i am strong
i am passionate
i am a force to be reckoned with
i am captivating beauty
and paralyzing fear
don’t try to drown me
for i will rise
and rise again
and should this flame go out
like the phoenix
i will find it within me
to be reborn
just as beautiful
as i was to start with
Anonymous said: Can you write something about self love? (cc, 2017)
be honest- how would you rate your drawing/art skills? (ic & ooc)
Dark’s brow twitched, only slightly, but enough to reveal some wicked form of self amusement.
“My drawing skills? Well, I’m known to be a rather excellent animal drawer, purely wolves usually. That is about as far as my talents go, unfortunately. Attempting to draw a human would be a dastardly process, I’ve never attempted to draw a hand in the entirety of my existence. But there is something about lupine creatures that entices me to bring them to paper. Here is a piece in regards to a story that I have tortured myself into writing. The tales of a father slowly going insane and murdering the entirety of his family. Wife and all five of his children. A chilling tale, of course, but I do have a certain love for drawing such unsightly scenes.
I mean, it’s funny — particularly doing Falsettos on Broadway recently with Christian [Borle, who played Tom Levitt on Smash], it made me realize how often I quote that show. And then I became really self-conscious about doing it front of someone who was actually on the show. When we got into tech I said, “Dev, I’m in tech!” [Laughs.] I’m not sure if you recall, but when Karen gets proposed to, she says that.
A couple of weeks ago after we filmed the episode, I realized, “Oh shit – it’s actually going to be on television.” I was nervous about how my friends in musical theater would feel about me doing it. But so far the response has been good. I haven’t heard from Megan [Hilty, who sang the song as Ivy on Smash] actually, but I’ll reach out to her later today. I hope she was pleased and pleasantly honored by our tribute.
lich!Barry about his coming embodied, amnesiac self: I’m pretty stubborn, so you might have a hard time convincing me of anything. amnesiac!Barry, three minutes later: This talking coin that says it’s me seems 100% legit and I feel in my heart that I should trust you guys implicitly, so I’m going to do that. What’s the plan?
Today was my first day at the beach since top surgery. At first I was self conscious, thinking people were staring at me as I stood there shirtless for the first time ever in public. I came here to get away from the staring and the feelings that I don’t fit in. So at the beach I was plagued with that feeling of people not accepting me.
But, after a few minutes, I let loose. I ran down the beach, sprinting in the waves and going as fast as I could by people playing in the water. This has only been my third time ever at a large body of water where you couldn’t see the other side. I felt like a little kid rushing about. All the worries fell off my shoulders as I ran, looked for sea shells, and let the waves knock into me as I walked farther and farther away from the shoreline.
It was freeing; exhilarating even. The water might have been chilly but a flame that burned inside me kept me warm. I was myself and no one got in the way of me being actually shirtless in public for the first time. It gave me new hope for the future. I no longer feel trapped for forever like I had. There’s life for me.
This time, I probably will be pretty in-and-out. I still have a migraine from yesterday morning, and it was worse throughout the night and pretty intense this morning. It’s seemed to back off with food and medicine for the time being. Sometimes, I do just get like this. I’ll have months where they’re not very intrusive, and then months where they seem to dominate my life.
Gym: Name of the game this week is probably just going to be getting up. We usually go T, W, Th. So, at least today was a planned rest day. The intensity of workouts obviously depends on how fatigued I am later on this week. I think the weather is supposed to get better, so perhaps I will as well. The air pressure is already starting to go back up so that’s a good sign.
Finish Push Up Challenge: Guys. We’re there. Just a few more days! My headaches have been clearing up in the evening, so as long as that’s the case again today I’ll be able to do mine today and finish the challenge.
Bits and Bobs
Well, I usually write a lot here, but I really am just minced meat. Soon as I hit “post” on this I’m going to go dump myself in the shower.
I guess this could be interesting. My migraine journal entry?
Things That Make Me Smile
So, I renamed “100 push ups” to 100 because after this month I want to see how long I can do a streak of doing 100 of whatever I feel like. 😆
Well, I know that was a bit low energy but I really wanted to just do something today, lol.
Fic Request: “Would you mind writing a super Ethan fluff where he’s really self-conscious about his body/acne and the reader picks up on it and kisses him and general super partner body positivity.”
I’m really self-conscious of my body as well. So I understand where this all was coming from.
You picked up on the little things Ethan did. The way he hid his face when he laughed. The slight frown every time he moves by a mirror. Small things, you knew, meant something big was going through the blue-boys mind. After a sharp refusal to go swimming, you finally sat Ethan down to talk about what was bothering him. “It’s nothing,” Ethan said a little too quickly. “I just don’t feel like swimming.” You gave Ethan one of your sharp glare. “I know there is something bothering you, Ethan.” You said firmly. “You can tell me.” Ethan didn’t meet your gaze. But he sighed and wrung his hands together. “I’m…just not feeling good…about myself.” He told you. You waited for him to continue, seeing the next sentence forming on his lips. “I mean, compared to you, I’m nothing. These pimples, the acne will never go away! And my body..ha, let’s not even go there.”
You felt surprised, shocked even. This man, your boyfriend, was self-concious? It didn’t seem real. But here he was. Watching your reaction, his arms wrapped around himself as if shielding it. “Ethan, you have nothing to be ashamed of!” You blurted out. “You’re amazing! Beautiful! My god, everything about you is perfect. So what if you have acne? Everyone does at some point. There’s nothing wrong with it.” Ethan looked away. Shuffling uncomfortable, “Why are you even with me? You should be with someone better looking.” If you were that type of person, you would have slapped him. But you settled with turning his face to you, and kissing him. You made sure to make it slow and passionate. Running your hands over his body, feeling his arms, his chest. “I love everything about you,” You told him between the kiss. “Your eyes,” You pecked his closed eyes. “Your nose.” He chuckled when your lips pressed against his nose. “And yes, your acne!” You kissed his cheeks, sliding your arms around him in a tight hug. “Please don’t think down of yourself,” You told him. “You’re amazing. Don’t forget I love you for the way you are.” Ethan pulled you into his lap. Hugging you so tight he was almost crushing you. “I love you too.”
for nonbinary folk looking to present a bit more masculine/androgynous, how would you go about that? I can dress as manly as i please but my facial features are sooooooo feminine and I never read as anything but female, a friend of mine suggested contouring but makeup makes me rly dysphoric and Ive never liked not being able to rub my face
“hey my voice is androgynous to male (i very rarely get assumed female over the phone) but i have no way to masculinize my regular self? my features are too feminine to “disguise"”
***** (I combined these 2 asks to answer as one)
*Sigh* we’re in the same predicament, it seems. It’s like no matter how masc I think I present, I still get assumed female. I have a higher voice and fem facial structure. And I feel very fem sometimes, so I act very flamboyant I guess, even though I express my gender as masculine. Does that make sense?
I do makeup daily, because I have to to feel ok with myself; so I can’t help if that makes me look more/less fem just like you not wearing makeup can’t help that. I’ve been able to validate myself more lately, since other people aren’t going to do it for me. I use single-person restrooms whenever possible, and I almost always use the men’s one now. Since they’re single-person I don’t feel threatened but it just boosts my confidence a bit. Also, when people don’t use any pronouns on me (and I mean anyone who doesn’t use a pronoun), I tell myself that they saw me as who I am. I convince myself. Maybe they did, maybe they didn’t; it’s important for me to believe that they saw me for who I am regardless. When I get gendered incorrectly (like at work, because there it is frequent), I validate myself any time I can. When I’m alone I look in a mirror and call myself handsome. Sometimes I whisper “he” under my breath. I know all of this might sound silly, and sometimes it’s really hard to be your only advocate, but it is so important. You are the only person who knows what and who you truly are. I don’t have any tips for how to physically look more masc or more andro, but these emotional tips will hopefully make you feel a little more confident in yourself. Do your best not to rely on other people to see what you want them to see. As long as you know it and you see it, you can validate yourself any time.
i just got diagnosed with bpd and i'm so scared i'm ging to lose all my friends
ok ive said this once and ill say it again: bpd does not mean all the relationships around you are going to end. You can choose that, maybe not right now, but you choose who your friends are, not your mental illness. I’m also getting heaps of asks asking if bpd = ____ (for example losing your friends.) And my dudes, the criteria for bpd is
frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.
a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterised by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g. spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). This does not include suicidal or self-harming behaviour.
recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behaviour.
affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood - intense feelings that can last from a few hours to a few days.
chronic feelings of emptiness.
inappropriate intense anger or difficulty controlling anger.
transient, stress-related paranoid ideas or severe dissociative symptoms.
BPD doesn’t mean your abusive nor does it mean you’re going to lose your loved ones. BPD equals the above symptoms, and nothing else.
If I could go back to my 15 year old self, i would tell myself to enjoy high school, join clubs, and make as many friends as I possibly can. Now that I’m older, I miss my youth a lot. My advice to you guys who are in high school or soon-to-be… Let loose and have fun! I’m pretty sure the idea of growing up and graduating quickly is on everyone’s minds, but you should enjoy your youth while it lasts.
I feel like I’ve been lying to you all, and this is really starting to become a heavy burden for me to carry. I just can’t keep quiet anymore.
tl;dr . I’m going on hiatus for as long as I need to. I will only be online during the nights and activity will be really slow on both my main and multi blog. You can contact me on S/kype [ wiifanita_spears ].
So I have my Ryder! Her name is Emma and she is currently very, very confused by everything that’s going on. There’s a story behind her scars and tattoo (they kind of go with her twin’s), and she used to wear her hair like in the last picture to hide most of the scar because it made her self-conscious, but in a last-minute act of defiant confidence to hide how nervous she was about going into space, she got it cut so that she can’t hide behind it.
For anyone who’s been playing longer than me, is there really no HUD, or can I just not find it? Having to fight live is good for maintaining the confusion and pants-wetting panic shared by my Ryder, but it is literally killing me.
Day 22/90: 3:29 AM - up and getting ready to do legs and abs. Normally wouldn’t get up this early, but I have to take care of something before I go to work.
So, I have two choices: 1) get up earlier or 2) skip the workout. Working out after work just isn’t an option. Too many possible distractions at that time.
But at 3 am? Not to people need my help at this time. :)
Saw this quote and it reminded me. Although I want a better me for my kids, truth is, I gotta do this for me. For pride. Self-esteem, energy, confidence, strength, determination–all of it. A better “me” that I will bring to every situation in my life.
And when a better me shows up, better things happen.
How about you? Who are you doing it for? What is your “why”?