i will forever get nightmares

3

1 am doodles

dream

Before I go to bed for today, I have to write the dream I had last night.

I was always against getting married and I’m the youngest of a lot of cousins. Finally after so many years, I guess my family found a person for me and I was arranged to get married. Apparently I didn’t care in my dream about the arranged marriage until the day of. What does he look like? Will he be nice? I never met him before.

My mother dressed me up in a beautiful white wedding dress. (although a short style for my figure). Then my aunt comes in and tells me to change, that the dress wouldn’t be right. I have no clue why, but I change and I’m confused. Now I get concerned because who is this person and why do I have to change out of a dress?

I’m changed into this white tux, and it looks great. I’m nervous and I have to go the church/room. Before I go there are two doors labeled “husband” and “wife”. I’m super confused and I almost bail because what the crumbs is this hetero nonsense? I joke that I probably should go through the wife door but I get ushered into the husband door. (I don’t care, but certainly still surprising.)

(the door you go through actually doesn’t even matter because it leads to the same room/church)

When I enter I see the person I’m going to marry and she’s the most beautiful person I’ve seen. We’ve never met before and both families are hitching us together. I’ve fallen in love with this woman who I don’t even know. AND I’M ALSO GOING TO MARRY HER. I’m all a flutter and I forget about the families at the pews and I don’t even remember hearing the vows.This woman is so beautiful, I’m in love, and I’m marrying her.

I suppose the reception went alright and she also found me to be of good company. For the rest of the dream, we had been married for a couple of years and we hadn’t had a single fight or argument. She was soft, kind, and funny. I was absolutely in love that she loved me too.

Fast forward to a road trip we’re taking and I seemed to have gotten lost. She isn’t mad though and is enjoying the view. I get out to get some fresh air and I just enjoy being here with my wife. 

Then I wake up. I miss her.

KBTBB- MC and Bidder Break Up


After the Break Up

Ota Kisaki
You knew that Ota had been mad at you when you had refused to go out with him and Baba that night, but you were feeling sick, you’d been in bed all day while Ota had been in the studio, and you didn’t want to get anyone else sick.

He’d said he’d be back about midnight, and unable to sleep you’d decided that you would sit up and wait for him. Now it was nearly three o'clock in the morning and he wasn’t back, and you now worrying, couldn’t sleep, you were running so many scenarios through your head, so worried that he had somehow injured himself while drunk.

The door suddenly slammed open and standing there in all of his glory was Ota, you jumped up, almost running to him in fright.
“Ota” You looked over to look at him, with a girl…

He had his arm wrapped around her waist as he swayed slightly,
“We’re through (Y/N), I found someone better” Ota slurred out. The girl next to him, just smirked at you, before grabbing a hold of his hand and tugging on Ota’s arm, pulling him to the bedroom that you had previously shared.

Tears slipped from your eyes, and you let a sob break through, you found yourself a pen and a scrap of paper,
‘I’ll come back next week to collect my things’.

The door to the bedroom slammed shut as you glared at the door through glassy eyes, another sob escaped as you left the apartment, refusing to look back.

Eisuke Ichinomiya
Eisuke and you had been at each others throats for weeks now, he was a possessive and jealous man, you had always known this. He had made it more than a little bit clear to you. He had seen you and you cousin out, your male cousin.

You’d told him you would be out with your family, but seeing you laughing with this other man, being so close to him, touching him, he didn’t trust you.

Today you had fought again, while the guys were in the penthouse, the two of you had kept quite, but just one sly comment escaped from Eisuke and the two of you were again at each other’s throats. But for you, this was it.

You had stormed off crying, the tears pouring down your cheeks, this really wasn’t what you wanted anymore. You didn’t want to fight, to be on edge, to be walking around on eggshells with the man that you love.

You looked over at the picture from your one year anniversary, the ring he gave you for two years, no this is the moment that you were completely done with everything, you couldn’t be with him anymore, you didn’t want all your memories to be covered up with crying and fighting, not when you were so in love with Eisuke.

You shot up and began packing your bags.

Half an hour later you had two suitcases all packed with your clothes, the photo from your anniversary and the ring on one of the dressers. You dragged your coat onto your shoulders and took in a shaky breath. You’d have to walk through the penthouse to leave.

You rolled your suitcases down the stairs and saw that Eisuke’s head snapped up in your direction along with everyone else’s,
“Where do you think you’re going?” He asked grabbing hold of your wrist, you couldn’t look at him, not yet,
“Answer the question” He growled out, and you shook your head, pulling yourself out of his grip, moving to meet his gaze, his cold eyes matched his voice,
“I’m leaving” Nothing changed, his eyes, his cold glance. There was no movement at your words, you sighed, and carried on towards the door, as if coming out of a trance Eisuke stopped himself from grabbing you again and turned his back.

“Fine. Leave”

And with his cold words the door was slammed and you were out of the door.

Mitsunari Baba
Mitsunari had been acting weird recently, it was’t so much what he’d do, it was more how he’d treat you, the sweetness that had leaked from his words seemed to have faded, he seemed to avoid touching you when he could, even now as you sat at opposite ends of the sofa instead of next to you, tangled in you.

You couldn’t even remember the last time his lips has met with yours, or he’d shared your bed, always opting for the sofa, or staying out of the apartment.

Hearing the alarm bells wasn’t enough for you.

Ringing sounded throughout the room, and turning you found Mitsunari sending his phone that same smile that you missed. He sent you a nod before heading off towards your bedroom, not answering the phone until the door was shut.

He was missing for a good hour before he strolled back in, a nervous smile gracing his lips as he removed his hat, running a hand through his hair as he took his seat on the sofa again, glancing over at you every few moment,
“Mitsunari, are you alright?” You asked him, reaching over to try and place your arms around him, but finding you gripped nothing but air as he’d moved standing up, that same nervous look featuring in his eyes, causing you to flinch as you moved to stand, again attempting to touch him, reaching out to take his hand, but he pulled his hand backwards.
“We have a lot to talk about” You felt your heart stop due to the severity of his words. You could feel that you didn’t want to know what he was about to say, just from the look on his face.
“What’s going on?” You asked him nervously, the alarm bells ringing louder than ever,
“I think we need to break up” The bell stopped sounding, the world stopped spinning, a ton of bricks seeming to drop onto your chest,
“Why?” You asked, trying to keep your voice even as you took another step back, taking in a deep breath,
“I love someone else”

His words rang in your ears, he was your one, but you weren’t his.

Tears building in your eyes, you didn’t know what to do, turning you ran for your coat, he tried to grab you, but you spun your hand meeting his cheek,
“Don’t touch me, I don’t want you to touch me. I wish you well Mitsunari, but I can’t, I love you, you love someone else, this is goodbye” You stated, grabbing for your coat, and pushing your hand in the pocket, pulling out your key you tossed it onto the table, tears falling down your cheeks as you walked out of the door.

Soryu Oh
Walking into your shared house, you felt nerves overrun you, normally, in the doorway would be some of Soryu’s shoes and jackets, hacking on the hooks and resting on the racks, instead you were met by nothing.

Standing for a moment you took in the sight of the entrance way, shaking slightly you shook your head, this was nothing, he’d probably just moved it all into the wardrobe or upstairs or somewhere else, and yet somehow you felt that wasn’t right. Calling out for him, you heard no response, and then trying again, there was again no response, and you found yourself continuing this behaviour throughout the house, hoping that at some point he’d call back telling you where he was, bringing you back making a smile cross your face, settling every fear and nerve.

Yet, as you walked into your bedroom you felt your heart smash into a million pieces, resting in the centre of the bed, a note. Ignoring the sheet of paper resting upon the navy sheets you rushed to your closet, slamming the doors open, you fell to the ground, any sign that he had ever been seemed to have been removed. Glancing around the room again, you took note of how the pictures were gone from your dresser, only empty frames remaining. You continued your tirade, rushing throughout the house you couldn’t find any sign he’d been there, more empty frames scattered, it hurt that everything you loved had gone, and he’d taken the memories and simply disappeared.

Finally, sliding onto the bed, you took the note in your hands, gripping it tightly, scared to unfold it, terrified to read his graceful handwriting, wanting nothing more than for this to all be a simple game, a simple, horrible game created to smash your heart into millions of pieces.

'Remember how I love you (Y/N), how I care for you, and I’ll never care for another woman the same way I’ve care for you. But we can’t stay like this forever, and I’ve enjoyed this brief paradise but it’s not for me anymore.

I’ve seen the fear in your eyes when I leave, and I think I need to let you get over me. It’ll forever haunt my nightmares, imagining you heartbroken over me, over this letter, but I want you to find someone new, someone who will be there every moment.

There’s so much I imagined we’d do before it got to this point, but I couldn’t watch that pain in your eyes anymore, I couldn’t risk you getting hurt.

I never meant to hurt you (Y/N), I would never want to hurt you, but this is what’s best for you, for me to bow out silently, wishing you all the best, missing those ruby painted lips for the rest of my days.

I love you (Y/N), and nothing will ever change that, but please try and forget about me, find someone new, who can give you everything that you want and more, go and search for your ever after’

And, there your heart broke, the paper now resting on the floor as tears flooded down your cheeks, heart smashing into millions of pieces as you re-read the letter, imprinting his final words in your mind.

Mamoru Kishi
There was nothing left to say between you and Mamoru, you’d grown too far apart, it happened right around the time he simply stopped referring to you as sweetheart, and calling you kid, it felt as though everything you did simply angered him. After that, everything got worse, you both seemed to ignore eachother, no longer sharing that same pure romance, seeming to just cross out everything that had happened.

Throwing away all the times you’d recovered one and other.

All it left you thinking about is how you must be unappealing to him, after all, if all he can call you is kid, well, who wants to be with someone they view as a child, then he stopped sleeping beside you, you no longer woke up with his arms around you, finding him out on the couch each morning, leaving you to drape a blanket over him and head out to work, as you became two people who were just staying with eachother for the sake of it, and you didn’t want tit to be like that, not after everything you and he had shared, not after the love the two of you had shared for so long, you’d cared for him more than you’d ever cared for anyone and now to watch him, ignore you. The both of you stopped speaking after a while, sharing nothing with eachother, leaving you to feel ashamed realising that nothing was going to make this better, that you were forever going to be trapped in the same kind of story book romance with him, the kind that doesn’t lead to a happily every after.

You couldn’t bring yourself to speak to him about it, you lived with him, and yet you slowly began packing up your things, moving them out quietly, getting yourself a new job, and a new place to live, handing in your resignation to Kenzaki but begging him not to put it on file until the day you left, wanting to walk away in simple silence, wanting to leave, and hoping someday maybe he would understand that you do love him but that you can’t do this anymore.

Knowing the love you held for him was making this far harder than it should be, leaving you sorry for making the same mistakes as you moved the final pieces from your shared apartment, not knowing how long it would take for him to notice you’d left, maybe it would take a lifetime…

Yet, as you walked out the door for the last time, posting the key through the letterbox you knew how you’d miss it all, moving your bag to a more comfortable position, you walked away, leaving even though there was so much left that the both of you had to say to eachother…

Hoping one day Mamoru would understand…

Masterpost: http://jessyurahara.tumblr.com/Headcannons

I wanted to draw the physical difference in age between Ed and Al in CoS.

#Ed probably felt guilty that Al’s body was not the right age #but he probably felt even more guilty that a part of him liked it #because he can watch Al grow up #yes i believe it because older siblings are saps i know because i’m one #ps drawing hairlines is a nightmare

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Drawpile fun from the first session ever! <3 Also my first time drawing with other people holy smokes--I decided to post because I can’t seem to stop laughing every time I look at it xD

Thanks again for joining! I only know @vivielaxy‘s tumblr but there were a few others who joined as well : )

Edit: @ammadridg was there too! : D

TG: hey
TG: how are you doing the ass feeling any better
CG: I THINK IT’S PRETTY FUCKING APPARENT THAT MY ASS WON’T BE DOING ANY BETTER FOR ANOTHER WEEK AT THE EARLIEST. I MEAN FUCK, IT MIGHT EVEN BRUISE THIS TIME…

Had an rp with this guy about a catholic schoolstuck kinda thing so i drew a shit
they get in trouble a lot

forever 21 is so big i have nightmares about getting lost in there and not making it out before closing and i have to spend the night with all the broken necklaces and bracelets these discount accessories all know my name and say that i belong there with them i slowly turn into a necklace with a bent clasp that no one will ever buy i scream and i wake up wondering what the fuck is wrong with me