Maleficent is a dragon who cursed an infant because she wasn’t invited to a christening, this woman CANNOT raise a child.
Queen Griemhilde is a conceited, vain witch who killed a 14 year old because she was prettier than her, this woman CANNOT raise a child.
Jafar hypnotised the sultan, got himself turned into a magician, a genie, just for power and forced a 15 year old to be his slave girl, this man CANNOT raise a child.
Cruella DeVil is a mentally ill woman whose affection consists of derogatory comments, blowing smoke in your face and never taking no for an answer, this woman CANNOT raise a child.
So, let’s say Evie, Carlos, Mal and Jay grow up on an island without magic, surrounded by murderers, thieves, people who did bad things, people who are proud of these things. Let’s say, they don’t teach them to be evil. Let’s say, they teach them ‘don’t let anyone keep you from what you want, you are a queen, a dragon, a genie, you are magic’. Ben has dreams about a girl with green eyes and lilac hair, of a girl who is different, something fae, and he remembers the fairy who cursed his father because he wasn’t kind, so he asks his parents to let some of the villain’s kids stay in Auradon. Show them goodness.
When they arrive, they don’t arrive in a tumbling mess. They don’t even get out of the car, and when the chauffeur opens the door, there’s a stick thin girl with long blue hair staring at her hands, a muscled boy who almost isn’t a boy anymore, rubbing the bands on his arms, the girl from his dreams, eyes glowing, a little boy dressed in fur curled up in their laps.
They aren’t used to magic, even though it is in their very cores. So they take time to get used to it, to learn to live with death and power under their skin.
They weren’t sent to get a wand for world domination. They were sent to get a wand for freedom. So it takes them longer to realise just what their parents did. It takes talks and family day and Queen Leiah screaming at the top of her lungs (‘Get away from here, do not touch my grandchild, my daughter will never be mine because of you, how dare you, how dare you?’) for Mal to realise that this isn’t about invitations and pettiness. It’s about a woman with hair as yellow as gold and lips that shame the red red rose, growing up poor, in a cottage, falling to her death at the touch of a spindle, this is about her mother talking about the raven with more fondness than her, this is about all the things her mother did, no matter the reason.
Evie still studies with Doug, and she hasn’t been taught to score a prince, she’s been taught to use her beauty, it is all men want, get rid of them before they get rid of you, do NOT die. So she meets with Doug at his house and Dopey stares at her and then he gets Snow White, who breaks down crying at the sight of this thin, beautiful girl with hair in a colour that has haunted her sleep ('what did she do to you, was it not enough for her to kill me, what has she done to you’) and Evie realises that her mother’s stories are not about men, they are about this woman, about her sister, who was 14 and beautiful and dead. And this is about her and all the bones she can count when she looks in the mirror.
Jay befriends the only other Arabian speaking children he can find, plays gurney, ruthless and self centered and for him, and one day Aladdin picks his children up and Jay does one of those backflips where he stays in the air for too long and it knocks the wind out of him. Jay doesn’t understand because of Aladdin, he sees a thief, who is like him, but it isn’t what makes him think, tourney does the trick because they are a team and the world does not revolve around him, he is not the center of the universe.
Carlos knows that his mother is wrong from the moment he is old enough to master critical thinking. She shrieks and hits and worships fur and he spends his days begging for scraps. There’s no magic in him, no rush he gets from crossing the barrier, so he helps his friends. They have always been his lifeline, so maybe now he can be theirs.
Wait a second - if Star Wars is in the past (”Long time ago, far, far away, etc, etc”), and we’re in the present, and Star Trek is in the future… does this mean we could have one of the Star Trek crews running into the ruins of an old jedi or sith temple or something?! Like, not even necessarily saying that that’s what it is, just a bunch of vague “The inhabitants seemed to be some sort of spiritual order,” “But also training areas for battle,” “The decayed remains of some sort of crystal-based technology” comments, just enough to have everyone flipping their shit because hell yeah, dramatic irony, we know exactly what’s going on!
Or, oooo~ running into SW civilizations, but it’s WAAAAAAAY in the future for them compared to what we’ve previously seen, so stuff is REALLY different, who knows what the Jedi Order looks like now, if it’s even still called that, like holy shit, imagine THAT first contact encounter! Imagine how much world-building you could do with both universes! Or throw in time-travel - ST LOVES time travel, and SW loves weird jedi shit (and has a fandom that loves time travel) and just- (flapping arms and uncontrollable excitement). IT WOULD JUST BE SO COOL, OKAY?!? Dang, what if Earth turned out to be some lost colony from the SW area of the galaxy and everything we thought we knew about history before a certain point turned out to be wrong, every single cryptid and fantastical being in our mythos could be based off some real species that got warped and misremembered over thousands of years of retelling like some insane game of telephone-
Hey, everyone! I was walking home late last night and I just felt like I needed to say some stuff. Yes, it is inspired by true events.
Dudes, let me give you some advice on how to interact with women walking alone late at night. This advice is intended to help you make them feel comfortable and safe from…yeah, you. And also for you to avoid getting your dick kicked into your chest cavity. My females, I’m putting out some tips that I learned from my daddy (who was a cop) that have helped make me feel safer while walking home. (Obviously subject to editing if people have some reliable source they’d like to share that contradicts what I’ve said. It’s about being safe, after all).
If you see a woman walking alone late at night, don’t walk behind her. If you’re going the same way as her, try crossing to the other side of the street, or making it really clear you are not paying any attention to her. If she looks back at you, politely say that you are keeping your distance and wish her a good night. If she stops to let you walk by her, it’s not an insult. It’s for her safety, because she has been trained not to trust men late at night. She is protecting her six, and if you’re a decent guy, you will let her. Don’t ask a woman you see walking late at night for a cigarette, a dollar, or to use her phone. Don’t say shit to her unless it’s to tell her to have a good night and be safe. If you see a woman being harassed, loudly offer to call the police, or just go ahead and do so. Don’t offer to walk her home, because that’s a familiar line and will put her instantly on the defensive. Instead, ask her if you can call her a taxi or contact a friend. If a woman gives you a dirty look when she’s walking home at 2 AM, please don’t call her a bitch. She’s protecting herself, and if you think she has that right, then just take it with an understanding nod, instead of acting like a fucking baby. If you’re a professional driver, don’t follow beside her slowly, like you’re casing her. If she needs a cab, she will make that obvious. If you’re a bouncer, and she is leaving your protection, give her advice on the safest ways to walk. If a woman asks for your help, and you consent to giving it to her, please be respectful of boundaries and make it clear you are not helping her for any reason other than to make sure she is safe.
Firstly, I know how fucking obnoxious it is to have to tailor your entire life to the sexual urges of predators. I know you just want to say “Screw this” sometimes and go out for a walk because why should you have to stay cooped up? I also know that sometimes, you can’t help it. Sometimes your ride ditches you and you don’t have cab fare. i am not going to lecture you, because you know what you’re doing.
So maybe instead I can give you some things you maybe haven’t thought of before.
1) Take off your high heels. If that grosses you out and you don’t want to carry spare shoes, carry a pair of socks in your purse (or your bra. Come on, they make great hoists) and wear them over your bare feet. I’ve seen those little rubber shoe things too, that look like flats…those are dope.
2) Avoid dark places. Even if it means you have to walk a little out of the way. You need to be able to see everything around your for at least a hundred feet, because a man can clear 100 feet at a dead run, very quickly.
3) Always look around, constantly. Predators want an easy mark, and if you’re paying attention, you cannot be an easy mark.
4) Pass by as many ATM’s as possible and look directly at them. They have continual activity on their cameras, so if you are snatched, the police can document your movements.
5) Only carry cards. If the place you’re going only takes cash, then have a specific amount and no more than that. The idea is to minimize incentives to rob you. If a man approaches you to rob you, and you have nothing to give him, he will likely leave at once, because he is usually nervous and doesn’t want to be identified, so be prepared to empty that bag out on the road and show him you have no valuables.
6) Should you have a weapon? Only if you know how to use them and are willing to do so, otherwise they end up being taken from you and used on you. Long range weapons like pepper spray are better.
7) Don’t talk on your cellphone in the standard way. I know you think that it’s a good idea, but the fact is, it distracts you and holding it can block your line of sight. A man can grab you and smash it and no one can track you. Instead, put it on speaker, tuck it in a pocket, and give constant location updates, if you feel threatened. Or prearrange a text appointment with someone who can call authorities if you don’t reply.
8) No music. Do not be that girl, walking in the dark, with her phone on a loud song to take her mind off the scariness of it. Music draws attention to you and distracts you. It can also mask noises of a confrontation.
9) If a man walks behind you, you have two options. You can put your back to a wall and allow him to pass by you, or you can cross the street. If he follows, find a public place immediately. If this isn’t possible, the fact is, he’s a threat. If it were me, I’d look him right in the eye and make sure he can see that I’m willing to kill. Don’t ignore a threat, and ladies, walking alone at 2 am means every man is a potential threat. Run, if you feel threatened. Who the fuck cares if he isn’t “actually a bad guy” or thinks it’s weird? Just ask yourself, “What if he is a bad guy?”
10) Be willing to drop everything in your hands. If there’s something you don’t want to leave in the street, shove it in your bra or your pocket.
11) There’s a lot of debate about how to deal with an attacker if it does happen. Some say to do what you’re told, and some say to fight like hell. I can’t make that decision for you, but you have to be aware, and try and understand the attacker. Ask questions. If you think they aren’t listening…it’s up to you. Personally, a guy better not try to put his dick in my mouth, because I will bite it the fuck off and see what happens, but thats me. Don’t go with him. If he has a weapon, then he is willing to kill you. So make the choice. If you go with him, you stand a much higher risk of never coming back, because in solitude, with no threat of discovery, he can do whatever he wants. If he wants you to leave where you are, it means that place is safer, so stay in that place.
12) Do learn self defense. If a man can hit you once, he can win. Learn how not to get hit. Learn how to get out of suppression holds. Learn what to do if grabbed from behind.
13) Minimize physical risk. Take off all jewelry, Ponytails are just convenient handles. (I had a friend get grabbed from behind by her ponytail and lifted off the ground, with a knife to her throat. She couldn’t get free because he had all her hair in one hand. Hair is VERY strong. So take your hair down, because if he can only get a handful, you can usually tear free, but if he has all of it, you can’t go anywhere.) Same with loose clothing or clothes with strings. Keys are weapons, rings are weapons. High heeled shoes can kill a man.
14) The cops will not be angry with you if you call them because you feel threatened, and it turns out nothing is wrong. They just won’t. In fact, I can think of at least ten famous cases where a woman called the cops because she was being followed and it turned out the guy was like some horrible rapist or murderer they finally caught.
15) You have the right to defend yourself. Better to be alive and dealing with assault charges than dead in a gutter.
One time I flipped a jogger upside down because he came up behind me really fast while I was walking home from work at midnight. He laid on his back looking up at me like “WTF DID I DO” and I just said to him, “Hey man, I am really sorry, but you scared the shit outta me.” And helped him up.
And you know what? He was totally cool about it. Said he completely understood and asked me what martial art that was. I told him it was Aikido and then offered to pay his cleaning or medical later if he needed it. He shook his head and goes, “No, ma’am, we’re good.” and jogged on.
I’m not telling you that so that you kick every man you see at night in the balls. Men have to walk home at night sometimes, same as us. I’m telling you that because women have been taught they have no right to be fierce. And they absolutely do. It’s better to defend yourself first and ask questions later, to run first and feel silly later, to strip down or button up first and let loose later.
Be safe. Women, be smart. And dudes…don’t take this personally. If you agree that women should be equals, then treat them with respect.
As much as I love Ellie and Joel’s and relationship - slightly unhealthy co-dependency and all - part of me can’t help but wonder what would have happened if, instead of killing Sara off for manpain, she’d been the one to survive, and Joel was the one who got shot that night.
There’s just so much potential in a tough-as-nails, thirty-two year old Sara, who was forced to grow up way too fast in those years following the collapse of society, tasked with escorting a 14 year old girl who reminds her just a little too much of herself (before everything went to shit that is). And she comes to care about her in spite of that, maybe as a daughter, or a younger sister, or a protege, or even just as a projection of her own lost youth, trampled underfoot by a world that isn’t kind to little girls, even before everything falls apart.
Like I’m a big fan of the current trend of sad dad’s passing the proverbial torch to their murder daughters, but you know what’s missing from pretty much every AAA game? Mother-daughter relationships. I can’t think of a single game off the top of my head with two female characters that share a relationship that is in any way comparable to Ellie and Joel’s. And that’s a huge fucking shame, because there’s a massive untapped market of brutal, angry momma-bear protagonists who’ve been through hell, and will claw their way through it again to make sure their girls never have to end up scarred and hardened like them.
I’m not saying the Last of Us would have been better if Sara had been the primary protagonist, but it would have been an interesting departure from a tired and frankly, kinda patronizing formula. And the more I think about it, the more I feel like we missed out on something that could have been absolutely incredible.
If all video games are going to go the MMO route, and we’re all doomed to play some version of Overwatch/Destiny/SuperMegaShootingBattle for the rest of time, can we PLEASE have a Clone Wars MMO?
LIke, I know that SWTOR is a thing that exists but I don’t want to play EA’s extended KOTOR Part 3 Now With Even Less Logic AND New Sith Villains That You Never Knew Existed!
I also know Star Wars: Battlefront 2, Imperial Boogaloo is coming out and while that’s going to have Clones and maybe Jedi (and apparently Darth Maul shooting down Yoda? WTF?) that’s not totally what I want.
I want something simple. You pick Republic or Separatist. Jedi or Clone. And I’m sure there are variations that go from there from like ARC trooper, to medic, to I dunno. Stuff! *hand waves* Jedi can borrow from KOTOR or add shadows or whatever. I’m not picky.
And then you go out and you fight the goddamned Clone Wars.
You shoot an endless barrage of droids. You fight and fight and you try not to let the others in your party get killed. You protect your clones with all your might because they’ve got ammo and numbers (and they’re YOUR MEN, damnit.) and you have one tiny plasma chainsaw and some very nice linen for armor.
I want to be a part of the assault on Geonosis or Umbara. I want to be in the skies trying to lay down cover so General Crazypants and his sidekick General Nutjob (now with Adorable Mascot Commander Takes-No-Shit-From-Anybody) can pull of another ridiculous attempt to save the Republic from Count Dooku.
I know that I won’t get something like this because the people in charge of Star Wars want to make money and the Current Generation That Has Money has a serious boner for All Things Original Trilogy and Ewww! Prequels but this is what I want.
kim: i promise you right here right now that i am going to fight like hell to make you like me
adrien: i already do??? you don’t have to fight for anything
kim: FIGHT. LIKE. HELL.
nino, marinette, and alya have warned kim in advance about how overbearing adrien’s father can be but kim’s got his bases covered. when he shows up to adrien’s for their first date, he hands gabriel three letters of reference, a printed itinerary, his phone number, his mother’s phone number, and his student ID as a form of insurance. gabriel was too gobsmacked to say no
spoiler alert: his three references were nathanael, nino, and alix, and max was the one that made the itinerary for kim after copying all the date ideas kim had written on his arm during history class
kim goes to every single one of adrien’s games. every. single. one. fencing. basketball. lacrosse. he’s there with a big sign that says “CHEER FOR MY BOYFRIEND” and he’s screaming the loudest out of everyone.
he got into a little bit of trouble when he did this at adrien’s piano recital and he was asked to leave the auditorium, but it made adrien crack up so hard he forgot about his stage fright
adrien has heard about how much of a romantic kim is and how he showered his crushes with gifts whenever he could, and he’s determined to one-up him. so kim’s always opening his locker to find flowers, cards, sweets, movie tickets, and restaurant menus stuffed inside that make kim stick his head inside while he smiles and giggles like an idiot
for his birthday, adrien got him these really expensive track shoes and kim lifted him up and spun him around in front of the entire class he was so happy
sometimes they just straight up have dates in adrien’s room bc there’s a half-pipe, a basketball hoop for doubles matches, arcade machines, and DVD sets of dozens upon dozens of shoujo animes, and to kim it might as well be heaven on earth
they’re constantly working out together. adrien’s not much of a gym rat, but he’s happy jogging with kim in the mornings before school, even though he knows kim is slowing himself down so that adrien can keep up.
there was one day that adrien ran up behind kim and jumped onto his back to scare him, but instead kim just immediately grabbed adrien’s legs, hoisted him up until he was riding piggy back, and started bolting down the hall screaming something about where the emergency was.
adrien doesn’t ever let kim forget it and he constantly embarrasses him when he tells others the story. but the good news is that it becomes a habit for adrien to just jump on his back for a piggy back ride while they switch classes.
the sappiest couple you will ever meet hands down. huge valentine’s day nerds, gigantic PDA fans, will declare their undying love for each other from across the courtyard for everyone to hear, and will not let anyone forget how much they mean to each other
I just realized that there is absolutely no reason for Jason to walk past poor Billy, give him that lusty gaze, and bite his lips like that. What was this exchange anyway? Billy doesn’t even really acknowledge/understand it so its hardly a mutual ‘ha we’re secret superhero friends’ look. What purpose does it serve? Other than confirming this boy is gay and has plans for Billy tonight. Jason Scott is that thirsty boyfriend who has no chill in public.