i will do this one day to a kid

anonymous asked:

phan prompt! Dan or Phil have a secret kid from a past relationship that they’re keeping from the other. The kid one day calls their dads phone but the dad isn’t around so the other answers! (Please I really love parent!phan)

Phil was out for the day, running errands, and Dan was at his computer, doing the same from inside. It was quiet in the house, quiet that he wasn’t used to with Phil tripping down the stairs every other day, so he tried to call Phil.

The ringtone went off from somewhere in Phil’s room, and Dan chuckled slightly. Of course he’d left his phone behind. Dan didn’t worry too much- Phil was responsible enough on his own.

While checking emails, Dan heard Phil’s phone go off again, and sighed, standing up to check the number, when he frowned. “Who’s… Ivy?” he mumbled to himself, before answering. “Hello?”


“What? Who is this?”

“Um… is my dad there?”

“Who’s your dad? Is this a fan?”

“No. I’m looking for Phil. He’s my papa.”


Phil was sitting quietly while Dan paced angrily. “So in the nine fucking years that we were together, it never occured to you to tell me that you have a daughter?!”

“It was a long time ago,” said Phil softly. “Before we even knew each other. The girl I was dating, Melissa, got pregnant, I got scared, and so I kept it a secret from you. I knew you’d react like this.”

“Maybe I wouldn’t have if you’d fucking told me!”

“Dan, calm down.”

He let out a hysterical laugh. “Calm down?! Oh, I’d like to see you calming me down, Lester!”

Phil started to cry, and Dan’s anger deflated slightly. “Phil?”

“She called because her mother died, Dan,” cried Phil, wiping his tears with his hand angrily. “Are you happy?! She’s dead, you’ve got no threat.”


“She’s… she’s been sick. I was taking care of her, that’s why I’ve been going back up north so much. But she died, and Ivy was just calling me to tell me. She… she needs a home, Dan. I’m her legal guardian.”


“That means you’re her legal guardian, too. Yeah.”

Dan shot Phil a glare, before storming away to his room, slamming the door.


“Here’s your new room, darling,” said Phil gently. Ivy looked up at him and nodded, looking back at the room.

“It’s bigger than my old room.”

“It’s our gaming room office, but it’s okay, you can stay here. Do you want to decorate?”

“Phil, we’re out of-” Dan stopped as he saw the little girl. She gulped slightly, but stared him down.

“Dan,” started Phil tentatively. “This is Ivy. She’s-”

“I know who she is. I’ll go get us a few pints of milk.” Dan left in a huff, and Ivy looked up at Phil. 

“Is he okay?”

“He’s fine, sweetie. He’s just a little mad at Papa right now.”

“What do I call him? Do I call him Dan?”

“Call him Dad or Papa as well, sweetheart. He’s your dad, too.”

“Okay.” Ivy set her suitcase down, before looking at Phil. “Papa, do you miss Mama?”

“Mama didn’t like me very much, sweetheart.”

“I know, but… do you miss her still? I miss her a lot.”

“I know, darling. I know.” Phil hugged her tightly, then let go. “I reckon we should have pizza for dinner tonight. What do you say?”

“Okay. I love you.”

“I love you, too.” Phil stood up. “Call if you need anything, okay?”

“Okay, Papa.” She smiled slightly, before sitting down on the bed with a sigh. Phil gently closed the door, then turned around and walked straight to the kitchen, where Dan was making an angry bowl of cereal. 

“What do you want?” snarled Dan.

“I’m going out.”

“To do what?”

“Buy her a new book, maybe some pencils and stuff. Her mum was really stuffy about ‘frivolous things’, so I’d spoil her a little whenever I could. I’m gonna leave you to take care of her. Play nice, Daniel.” Phil gave him a stern look, before leaving.

“Play nice, hurr durr,” mumbled Dan under his breath. “Stupid motherfucking asshole.” He sighed, grabbing the TV remote and turning on Animal Planet. He heard footsteps down the stairs, before seeing Ivy sit down on the seat opposite. 

“Sorry. D-Do you mind if I watch? I like this show.”

“Nah, it’s fine.” Dan turned up the volume slightly, and Ivy watched him silently.

“I like your hair.”


“How long have you known Papa?”

“A long time, now. We’re married.”

“I know. He talks about you a lot.”

Dan looked at her. Her eyes were just like Phil’s, but more feminine, almond shaped. Her skin was pale, too, and her hair was a dark, rich brunette colour. She was beautiful- she was Phil’s daughter after all. “What’s he like?” asked Dan. “As- as a dad?”

“Mama hated him. I never knew why. She’d hardly let him come over to our house, and when he did come, she wouldn’t talk to him. I really love him though. He cares about me a lot. He always comes to see me at Christmas, and he’s so goofy and funny.”

“Are you the reason he doesn’t swear in videos?”

“Yeah. I love watching his videos. They’re so funny. Your videos are funny too.”

“You watch my videos? My videos aren’t appropriate for you!”

“I don’t really care, to be honest. Your videos are funny, so I watch them. Mama never really forced me not to. She let me watch Papa’s livestreams, too. It always felt like he was talking to me.”

“I get that.”

Ivy bit her lip, then looked up. “I, uh- I know you paint your nails sometimes. I have loads of nail polish. Do you wanna do your nails with me? Mama never let me because she was a professional lady who couldn’t have her nails done.”

“What kinds do you have?”

“I have all sorts! I have glitter, and bright ones, and blue, and silver, and pink-”

“Woah! Could you teach me?!”

“Yeah! I’ve always wanted to do someone else’s nails! Come on, come on!” she said, standing up and dancing to her room.”


“Dan? Ivy? I have pizza,” called Phil, unlocking the front door and not hearing any noise. “Dan?”

He followed voices up to Ivy’s room, and heard Dan talking. “As the snake slid swiftly past him, Harry could have sworn a low, hissing voice said, “Brazil, here I come… . Thanksss, amigo.”

The keeper of the reptile house was in shock.

“But the glass,” he kept saying, “where did the glass go?”

The zoo director himself made Aunt Petunia a cup of strong, sweet tea while he apologized over and over again. Piers and Dudley could only gibber. As far as Harry had seen, the snake hadn’t done anything except snap playfully at their heels as it passed, but by the time they were all back in Uncle Vernon’s car, Dudley was telling them how it had nearly bitten off his leg, while Piers was swearing it had tried to squeeze him to death. But worst of all, for Harry at least, was Piers calming down enough to say, “Harry was talking to it, weren’t you, Harry?“”

He was using voices, voices that made Ivy giggle, before she said, “Dad, I’m sleepy.”

“Alright, my love.” Dan kissed her forehead. “Sleep well, okay? If you get hungry, just call for us and we’ll make you something to eat.”


Dan tucked her in gently, before standing, and opening the door to see Phil. He froze. Phil blinked, then looked at his hands. “Nice nails.”

“Shut the fuck up.” 

Phil chuckled softly. “Alright. Well, it’s not late, she’ll probably wake up again soon. We can eat pizza when she wakes up.”


Silently, Phil took his hand, and they went down to the living room together, and Phil kissed his cheek. “You guys bonded a little?”

“She said Melissa didn’t really like reading to her, so I told her I would read all of Harry Potter to her.”

Phil bit his lip, then sighed. “I didn’t love her. Not really. She was a one-night stand, a bad decision. When she got pregnant, she was furious. Blamed me for her life not going to plan. When she had Ivy, we went to court a few times, and she got full custody. I was allowed to see Ivy every now and again, but I couldn’t keep her. Then I met you. You made me happy again, and I was so scared that you’d leave if I told you I had a kid that I just… never told you.”

Dan was quiet, staring at his sparkling nails, and Phil said quietly, “She looked like you.”


“Melissa. She could be your sister, she was so similar to you.”


“It’s part of why I fell in love with how Ivy looked. It’s like we somehow had a kid. Like, actually ours.”

“That would be a breach of the laws of biology.”

Phil squeezed Dan’s hands. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. But…”

“I love her, Phil. I really do. She’s sweet, and I mean, I’ve always wanted kids.” 

“What’s mine is yours. You’re her dad as much as I am, okay?”

“Good.” Dan kissed him. “I’m still mad at you.”

“Fair enough. Love you.”

“Love you more, asshole.”

send me prompts!!

“He’s an art kid, just like I am. I remember admiring his art knowing I’ll make art out of him aswell one day. It won’t quite be as beautiful as our memories though because how do I perfectly describe the way I felt when we watched the sky together. When I first felt comfortable with my natural hair. When I held his hand and kissed him in between the silences of our conversations. When I felt home. How I didn’t ever want it to end because I finally found a place on earth where I belonged — but it ended. And I am homeless. And the palms of my hands are bleeding because I cannot stop making art out of him.

— about him. 2amfilm.

Steve with a small partner



Originally posted by katylol

 He picks you up a lot, swinging you around like he’s god damn prince charming (because he is)

He still has to stoop to kiss you, even when you stand on your tippie toes

Kisses on top of your head
Wrapping himself around you
He’ll accidently on purpose count you as one of the kids when he’s doing a head count
Dustin calling you hobbit
So many kisses, ‘they’ll help you grow sweetness"
“I don’t think that’s how it works, you idiot”
Being in the shorty squad with will and being personally offended when he grows taller than you

Have a great day and be safe

anonymous asked:

There’s that one military commercial where a couple’s Skyping and when they hang up the woman sprays his cologne on his side of the bed and then she‘s able to sleep. I know Clarke and Lexa are never apart for long, but I could totally see these soft kids doing this for a few days while the other is away.

Yeah omg they’re so dramatic I could see it

did I ever tell you guys about the Fresno Nightcrawler doll body

back when I was seeking a body for Renata, a French fashion doll head I’ve had around since last Christmas and just completed, I would frequently trawl eBay looking for suitable options. nothing was ever in my budget or the right size. but one day, I found this

now, at first glance, two things are apparent about this doll body

1. it is in remarkably good shape. the kid leather barely seems to have yellowed, as is common with these sorts of bodies, and I don’t see any leaks. also, gusset-jointed knees are always a bonus

2. it has no arms

no arms would not be an insurmountable obstacle. it might take time, but antique arms of an appropriate size could be procured. even a head would be difficult but not impossible to find. they do come up on the market, even if they tend to be ruinously expensive

(pretty much everything about these dolls is ruinously expensive unless you get extremely lucky. I have thus far been extremely lucky. also I know how to repair them, so I can buy the really damaged ones for relatively cheap and fix them up)

but there’s something else wrong with this doll. see, FF torsos are generally less…stumpy. they are what auctioneers trying to sell things without regard for how creepy they might sound describe as “shapely lady bodies”

the white lines above show the shape of a normal FF body. pardon the shakiness; I don’t have a tablet

those long things at the shoulders are strips of leather that go around the bisque shoulder plate to make in integrate into the body with a smooth line

in this picture, you can see the line of the shoulder plate under the kid and how the leather is smoothly glued over it

so even without arms, that body has some serious bits missing

and the seller makes no mention of the missing arms or torso bits in the listing. they only describe it as “nice” and in “beautiful condition!”

leading me to assume that this listing bled into our world from an alternate universe where the Fresno Nightcrawler is the dominant life form

~Permanent Starter Call~

It’s about time I made a new one of these for all my new followers (and loss of old ones). So by liking this post, or reblogging if you have a side blog, you are allowing me to:

  • Invade your inbox
  • Message you to talk about our babies, ideas, or just to lay on you
  • Tag you in rando starters
  • Send you memes, mutuals or not
  • …..idk Youtube and chill? Is that what the kids do these days?
Papa’s Home

Okay, so at this rate, I’ll get only 3 or 4 stories posted by Christmas Day. Another long one (2300 words), written in my universe. I’ve got lots of stories about Mary Grace, but this is the first that spends times with the twins I introduced in a story I wrote for Klaine Advent 2014 that you can find on AO3 under Bring on the Dancing Girls.

Blaine enjoys time spent just doing the domestic thing sometimes.

Day 2: Bucket

They were good kids, REALLY good kids, Blaine thought as he came into the house an hour later than planned to find the 11-year-old twins at the dining room table, books and tablets and homework scattered about, their afterschool snack of apples and peanut butter close at hand.

“Hey, guys,” he said, kissing the top of Sammy’s close-shorn head as he slipped by to find their housekeeper Hannah in the kitchen. “I’m here, Hannah dear. Thanks so much for getting them started.”

She turned from the cutting board. “They’ve been angels. I do love the first few Decembers after they stop all that Santa stuff, when they know where the power of gift-withholding REALLY lies.”

He laughed. “Isn’t that the truth? But let’s face it, that power lies more with Kurt than me or you.” He stole a slice of green pepper from the pile by her elbow, then crossed to the fridge to get a glass of juice. “I thought I was cooking tonight?”

“You are, baby. I was just making myself useful being your sous chef while I watched the kids.”

Now who’s angling for Santa to remember them?”

“Well, I’ll just say that if Santa notices that the catalog to Kay Jewelers is on the sideboard opened to a certain page, that would just be a coincidence,” she laughed.

He shooed her out of the kitchen and lingered in the doorway while she said goodnight to the kids and headed to her apartment downstairs. Then he took his juice and sat at the table with his scholars. “Gracie home?”

“The Princess is studying in the Kingdom of Calculus,” Sammy intoned, lifting his snub nose in the air in an attempt at royal disdain. “We lowly elementary school folks are too much of a distraction.”

“I can’t imagine how that could be,” Blaine replied.

Lizzie snorted but didn’t look up, instead focused on hastily jotting down ideas on a paper covered in tiny sketches and what looked to Blaine like an outline of some sort. He was impressed; Lizzie was notoriously hard to keep on task.

Keep reading

Concept: a small child whose imaginary friend is Superman. He talks to “Superman” all the time, completely unaware that Clark can in fact hear everything he’s saying. The child and associated adults are infinitely surprised when reply letters from Superman start appearing in their mailbox

Idk how people actually get out of warrior cats hell because let me tell you I went 3 years without touching or looking at a warriors book or any sort of warriors related content and STILL managed to think about how pissed off I am about Hollyleaf’s death every single fucking day


The story about his mom squeezing his hand 3 times to say “I love you”  when he was a kid, and then him squeezing her hand in the hospital - he  hadn’t told any of us that story… [Taylor] was not scheduled to do our show today. But we wanted something special for this first show back, so we asked her on a complete whim, since she had been in town doing  SNL. She said yes with zero hesitation. She sang “New Year’s Day.” No one had heard it. Suddenly she sings the line, “Squeeze my hand 3 times in the back of the taxi.” I nearly gasped. Tears. I think everyone in the audience started sobbing.

If this is good bye.

As you have all probably seen net neutrality might get taken away from us the American people.

I don’t mean just us bloggers on Tumblr, Twitter, or the parents enjoying minion posts on Facebook. though our voices are all of value in this, but the school’s, handicapped and the way we communicate with each other will take the biggest blow.

Even though I am not very good with the English language in it’s written form, and I’m just a small voice in a ocean of people skreaming about this problem. I still said something!

I know that if we work together that anything is possible,we are American’s and when we are passionate about anything we do everything we can to fight for it

So I ask you to help in this fight that we are in to help save our blogs, our fanfiction, the fandoms, our way of communicating with echother, and those after us who will inherent this web we have built together.

I know alot of us have found many things through the internet. Our sexual orientation, our genders who we are…but what I see more than anything is people getting help from others.

One time a kid told me they chose to give life another day because of something I said on this website.

If net neutrality didn’t exist that kid could have been gone, and so would the many others who have found help through the internet. Alot of friends and family would be lost if it wasn’t for stranger’s online.

So I once again ask you all to fight in whatever way you can.

Text 50409 to write a letter to an official

Fight! Fight for net neutrality

But be prepared to fail….and if that happens… fight again till we take back what belongs to us!

It has been my honer to be online with all of you.

transcription of all of arin’s stories in the battle kid finale

2:11 - “rasputin.. is.. ready.. i don’t know what i’m doing, i have a hard time keeping my cool in situations of stress”

3:50: “this battle is for real. i have a good feeling about this one, i’m bringing it downtown, y’know? right? i’m- i’m playing music on the street, i’m getting a noise complaint but y’know what? i don’t even care! because this is my art, and no- FUCK

4:16: “one day i was walking down the street and i met a guy named carl. carl was nice because he gave me some ice cream, and- AUGH DAMMIT

4:37: “mark mistakenly ordered me nine pizzas. i wasn’t sure if i should keep them or not because i really enjoy pizza, but when i opened them up, it was pineapple and ham. and i don’t like ham, and i’m allergic to FUCK

5:08: “rocket the hedgehog was a lonely young hedgehog in the sonic the hed- DAMMIT

5:25: “i knew a guy named jesus. i asked him, ‘hey, isn’t your name pronounced jésus?’ and he said, ‘no, my mom is very religious.’ and i said, ‘wouldn’t that have prevented you from having the name jesus?’ and he said FUCK

5:56: “radical republicans really wreck my… rectal reAAAGH

6:14: “purple plants make me feel uncomfortable when i walk towards them. they say ‘hey arin, how’s it goin?’’ and i say, ‘it’s goin’ okay,’ but it’s not really going okay, i just didn’t wanna share my emotions with the purple plant! cuz fuck, i don’t know him! he’s not dAMMIT

6:52: “jerry wrestled bears for a living, but he wasn’t happy with it, so instead he changed his profession to golfing. he wasn’t happy with that either. he just realized he was an unhappy dude in general. so he saw a psychiatrist and the psychiatrist- fUCKING GOD DAMMIT

7:21: “jennifer dumped me”

7:38: “recklessly, i touched a car that didn’t belong to me. it was a very nice car, a 1978 bugatti. that’s not even a real car model! i made it up! and i dAAAGH! DAMN

8:06: “register now at your local supermarket for the rewards card. it will save you 10% on FUCKING GODDAMN BULLSHIT FUCK

8:27: “my mom’s a nice lady, but sometimes, y’know, UUUUGHH

8:42: “i was caught murdering some man named steve. i talked to the police and i refuted i had anything to do with the murder. the police said, ‘wait. wait. then why are you stANDING ABOVE THE DEAD BODY GOD-

9:09: “my dad really likes that i’m doing music right now. but he’s kinda disappointed that i’m not good, at it, because, he spent his whole life writing music, and i’ve only spent a couple FUC- GOD- I- I. AM. NOT OKAY.

10:08: “as a child i always wanted to be on who’s got-”

10:25: “legends of the hidden temple was one of my favorite shows of all time. i always wanted to be on it. kind of a considerissive- continuation of the last story, however, i have to say, i am very close, TO BEATING THE GODDAMN PLANT MONSTER! but he’s not dying! and we’re not stopping! this is happening! i’m so,, close! i’m like a god damn jiggalo, ready to burst, and she’s saying, ‘no, three more minutes, at least.”

11:26: “why is there a plant here? what is he doing? what’s his purpose? why did he have to open up when i showed up here? he coulda just been hangin’ out and then i coulda just shot ‘im in the fuckin’ butt! it woulda been fine! nip it in the bud, they say! that’s the term! i’m getting close! why do i have to point that out?! it always makes me worse! aah! haah! FUUUCK! i was so, goddamn close!

12:03: “ 🎶 gerrymandering politicians always get their way unless you veto their vote in a voting booth! 🎶 you have the power! as a citizen of the united states! register to vote! at your local dmv! so that you can control the fate of your country, at least somewhat, i mean there’s the electoral college and everything, but i don’t know! i don’t know much about how politics work! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT I’M DONE! I’M FUCKING DONE! THIS IS BULL SHIT! RED PLANT, PURPLE PLANT, BLUE PLANT, THIS IS SOME… [ross comes in]”

[All of this happened because I wanted to write something about Stiles not being able to sleep without his pillow. Spoiler alert: his pillow is Derek.]


Derek tries not to look too hurt when Stiles says he’s going back to Washington, but when the Sheriff claps his back and Scott offers him a friendly hug, he knows he failed. But after everything, after the other night - it just doesn’t feel fair.


“It was a nice road trip, wasn’t it?” Stiles had said after they’ve won, after everything was done, their friends were alive and fine and Derek finally got his loft back. “I mean, we had some fun, right?”

Derek smiled without looking away from the flowers the Sheriff got him as a housewarming gift. “Yeah.” He answered, finally turning around. “It was nice to spend time with you.” It was more than nice and he cursed himself for not being able to say it, still, after everything, after the nights spent driving and talking and fucking in deserted roads.

“Yeah.” Stiles agreed easily. He was the one who started it after all, always showing up to save Derek - despite Derek saving him back plenty of times - always being there, trusting him, smiling and laughing like Derek makes him happy. “What will you do now that you’re a free man again?”

Derek shrugged. “I always wanted to start a farm, maybe raise some sheep?” When Stiles blinked at him, surprised, Derek let out a snort.

“Fuck you, I almost believed it!” Stiles said, punching his shoulder.

“You’re ridiculous.” Derek shook his head, still smiling. 

You’re ridiculous.” Stiles stressed, his hand still on Derek’s shoulder, touching, teasing. “I’m -“ Derek didn’t let him finish then, turning around and just pressing their lips together.

He didn’t want to listen then - and in hindsight maybe he should’ve - but without the haste, the guilt of having a nice time whilst their friends could be dying, Derek couldn’t wait, he just wanted to worship Stiles’ body, just wanted to kiss all the places he couldn’t reach before when they were squeezed in the backseat of Stiles’ car. 

And so he did, he made Stiles moan his name the entire night and he moaned Stiles’ own just as louder. Just to have his heart crushed the morning after.


“I’m gonna miss you.” Stiles says, his Jeep packed and ready to go. To leave everything behind.

It’s unfair, Derek knows. Stiles didn’t make promises and neither did he, but he can’t help how he feels. He understands Stiles doesn’t want to be in Beacon Hills anymore and that’s his choice, but Derek made his own and he’s tired of running away.

He’s never felt closer to his family than when he’s here, he’s already lost enough and he doesn’t want to lose his home. But somehow, as Stiles drives away, he feels like he just did.


I miss you, Derek thinks every day, staring at the black screen of his phone and wondering if he should actually write those words and send them to Stiles. He decides against it and despite the fact he was joking before, on the third day after Stiles left, Derek buys a farm.

He tells Lydia first during lunch at her favorite restaurant - she was adamant they had to become best friends and Derek enjoys her company so he lets it happen easily - and she tells him he’s not allowed to wear plaid around her. Then he tells Scott and two days later, he shows up at Derek’s front door with all kinds of seeds - “We need pumpkins for Halloween, Derek. Make it happen!”.

It’s something to do with his hands, something to work on. Create life, instead of ending them, build things, instead of destroying. He feels good, better and healing. Cora says he’s calmer now and Derek smiles, despite knowing she won’t be able to see him, and tells her he is.

Some days Stiles texts him, others he doesn’t. Derek reads the ones he has every night before going to bed, but he never answers them.

Keep reading

"Mom! I need a HUGE Dr. Pepper NOW!" Sure thing, kid.

My teenager is getting mouthy and demanding. One day, he demands for me to get him something to drink. So I get him water. He hates water. We keep going with me getting him buttermilk, diet soda, that watery stuff from a yogurt container, etc. All stuff he hates till he finally gets it himself.

Next day, he tries demanding the largest Dr. Pepper I can pour. I gave him a dirty vase full of Dr. Pepper.

He gets his own drinks and snacks now. Sure, I had to do extra leg work in the beginning but now he gets his own crap and when he does ask, he says please with a polite tone. All without me yelling at him.