i will do more at night and also i will do a tag for my edits of this show lol

1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment.

Did you know that when you
push someone so far off a ledge,
their heart stops beating for minutes at a time
because they’re scared you’re gonna
push them all the way off?

Did you know that when
you decide you’re not going to push them
all the way off that ledge,
they’re not going to want to stay with you
any longer; they’re not going to want to
stick around to see if the next time,
you will push too far?

I push people so far away from me,
arms length isn’t in my vocabulary.
This is bodies of water worth away;
the Pacific Ocean has nothing on me—
I’ll push people so far,
they won’t be able to see my face but
when they finally decide they need to leave,
I will swim the length of the ocean to
pull them back to me.

Did you know that it doesn’t matter
if you swim oceans worth of water
to make it back to the person you don’t want to lose
because you almost killed them when you
teased them, holding them off
that ledge; do you realize that
they aren’t going to want
to stay, no matter how much you wheeze
from the trek to and from where
you left them?

2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.

Touch me on the shoulder and
push my hair behind my ear and
whisper to me that you love me and
tell me I’m beautiful and that you
need me and need me and need me and
I will never stop loving every inch of you


one morning you wake up and you
leave too early or you
forget to say goodbye or
you just exist as you are but
don’t remind me that I’m okay and
I decide that you’ve begun to hate me
and in turn I hate you right back


I remember that I love you and
if you leave me I will never be able to breathe again and
I love you and I love you and I love you and
it feels like you’re ignoring me and
I just want you to love me


I realize I have to leave you before
you leave me; and you, inevitably, will leave me so
I decide you no longer mean a thing.

3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.

Laugh and I’ll laugh with you,
cry and I’ll cry too.

Say something cute and I will
say it again later when you’re not there and
tell me your favorite color and
it will be my favorite color too.

Not only will it be my favorite color but
I’ll paint it on my apartment walls and
I’ll buy a whole new wardrobe with nothing
but clothes that color and
tell me that you love high heels and
I’ll buy 60 pairs and when you dye your hair,
suddenly I’ll do my hair the same way.

Laugh and I’ll laugh too,
cry and I’ll cry too.

Hate someone and I’ll hate that person with you and
love a celebrity and I’ll love her too and
I’ll paste her posters all over my apartment walls and
I’ll watch all her movies and
listen to all her music and

you’re gonna think we are just
/ so, so alike / when really,

you make a move and I mimick you;
you make a move and I say JINX in my head
as if we moved at the same time and
you’ll owe me a soda even though really
I owe you a personality but
I don’t have the capacity to afford one.

4. Impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging.

When I drive to therapy I am running late
because I am always running late and
I drive my car too close to the side where
the parked cars sleep for the night
and I hit a side mirror with my own and
drive away so fast I drive through a stop sign
right next to a preschool and
at therapy she asks me why I am being
so reckless and impulsive and I say,
“What are you talking about?” because
I can’t understand that my behavior
is at all impulsive
and reckless.

I don’t eat all day because I want control until
night comes and I eat and
I eat and I eat and
I eat
and the toilet bowl calls out to me and
I vomit until the veins in my eyes
streak red lines in their white and
I look like the monster that I feel I am.

5. Recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self- mutilating­ behavior.

In a moment of absolute and utter hopelessness I think to myself,
“If I kill myself she will feel so fucking bad,”
and I swallow bottles of pills because
I think I want to die and I also want
the people who did me wrong to feel
the same ache that I have in my chest because of
what they did to my heart.

I am angry with my friend and she
thinks that I will cope the same as any
normal person and I go home / after our / fight / and /
I take a blade / to the soft flesh of my wrists ///
and slice ////// until the bathtub fills with red
and /// I think to myself,
“that will fucking show her.” ////
(I don’t tell her what I did. I want her
to know but the pain calms the anger;
the blood is enough.)

6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood

I sit in my apartment with Friends
playing on the TV and I laugh along
with the annoying laugh track and then
I drop an empty cup on the carpet and
I scream out with rage as if
the cup was filled with acid and
it burned through the carpet and hard floor
even though the fucking cup
was fucking empty.

7. Chronic feelings of emptiness

Do I even have a heart
beating in my chest?
How can I be alive when
I’m nothing more than
an empty shell?

8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger

As a teenager, doctors were desperate
to explain away my emotions;
they would say that I was just
an angry girl and that
sometimes kids are angry
and when I punched holes in the walls
and sliced open my skin out of pure rage
it was okay because I was just
The Angry Girl and
it simply didn’t matter what was causing
that severe emotional response.

9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.

These are not my hands.

You can’t help me heal
when I don’t
actually exist.

I swear
you can’t see
me when
I’m like this.

Can you see me?
I can’t feel my limbs.

I’m scared. Please,
look at me so I can
know that I exist.

Letters: #1 Open now [NCT Yuta scenario]


I’m glad people are liking the series! Hopefully you’ll continue to enjoy the series - I promise it won’t get as angsty as the last chapter again but there will be angst scenes again lol. This hasn’t been edited but I’ll go through it tomorrow!

Anyway, please don’t expect too much from this chapter! It’s kind of like a filler chapter that I can’t exactly leave out otherwise nothing will make sense :))))) There’s also some little things you’ll probably overlook now but actually play some significance in the future chapters! Keep your eyes out but also good luck :) also Yuta cries in this, pls don’t tell me oh he cries too much or stop putting descriptions of him crying. bitCH he’s just lose someone and this is set on the same day it happened - chill

also between the  ❝ ❞ is the letter. sometimes i might close them to explain something, or mention a thought or something thats happened!

Word count: 2506

Originally posted by icetaeil

if u find any gifs of yuta being serious, pls tag me in them bc every single fucking gif i find of him has him either being extra as fuck, smiling or some caption where he says something savage

Letters series {read from the beginning otherwise other chapters won’t make sense lol}

  • Letters: #0 The crash
  • Letters: #1 Open now
  • Letters: #3 Open when you miss me
  • Letters: #2 Open when you feel like giving up
  • Letters: #4 Open when you need some optimism
  • Letters: #5 Open when you’ve achieved your dreams
  • Letters: #6 Open when you need a reminder of how much I love you

Keep reading


Okay before I start this I just want to say something I came onto tumblr just a few minutes ago and I’m about to go and start to write right and then bts is just like lol we dropped a mv and I honestly feel so ??? like um okay I didn’t allow this but whatever side note my bby my love was in a tie and it was all loosened up and they all looked so good and I’m so ready for the album and now Vixx released their mv I’m done goodbye I refuse but back to the AU, it is time for our precious angel, half of the Busan line, the one, the only, Park Jimin aka chim aka he just looked so so good in the mv like he’s always beautiful but it was top quality really

  • I think Jimin would take his channels in a few different directions
  • He wouldn’t really stick to just one thing
  • Like Namjoon kinda just does whatever he wants, films whatever type of video he’s in the mood for, etc.
  • Jimin’s quite similar in that aspect
  • He doesn’t branch off quite as much but if he feels like making a video that’s not exactly on the same path as his others he’s okay with doing that
  • He would post a lot of covers
  • Even in his normal videos, he’s singing between questions or topics or during the outro bc this kid loves music
  • Yoonmin trash speaking but he would get Yoongi to play the piano for him when he did covers
  • It would take the promise of a free lunch to get Yoongi over but it always worked
  • The viewers love them together though??
  • Like every now and then, he’d film a vlog right, on the more exciting days where he did something special
  • Like go to an amusement park or travel something out of the norm basically
  • They just love the contrast in personalities
  • The thing that gets them though is that even though they bicker a lot and yoons all sarcasm while jimin just giggles at the jokes, at the end of the day, they know they love each other
  • Like there will be those lil moments where yoon actually offers a bite of whatever he’s eating to jimin after overhearing him say something to the camera about forgetting his wallet in the car  
  • He’d always always always have Tae, Yoongi or Jungkook with him
  • He and kook live together bc Busan boys
  • The viewers see a lot of kook, definitely more than the other two, purely bc they share an apartment
  • They’ve actually made a few videos together
  • Kook often helps chim edit
  • Jimin normally films all day and then edits at night and bc he does other things after or before filming, he’s like exhausted at that point
  • So even though he gets most of the editing done, he still ends up falling asleep with his head on the desk
  • Jungkook takes over after that bc he knows chim doesn’t like to miss his upload date
  • So he just finishes up the editing for him and then sets everything up for Jimin so he doesn’t have to stress about it the next morning
  • On top of covers and the occasional vlog, Jimin also does dance videos
  • They’re not too common but they’re not as rare as the vlogs
  • Like its not a weekly thing but also happens at least once a month, maybe two
  • It’s like a hey I really really really liked this song and I wanted to show you guys the way I personally connected with it type of thing
  • He l o v e s filming with Tae
  • He loves doing pretty much anything with Tae bc best friend but filming is fun !!!
  • Tae just has this natural humor to him and Jimin’s v v comfortable around him so they can both just have fun and make a video and be silly
  • Jimin does a lot of tags with him bc that’s tae’s forte
  • They’re both lowkey competitive without overdoing it
  • You were actually another youtuber
  • You’d seen one of Jimin’s dances and immediately fallen in love with him it
  • You mentioned him in a video or a tweet/post, praising his skills and of course his subscribers were like dude you gotta see this
  • Plot twist, he’s actually watched your channel for quite some time after kookie had shown him one of your videos
  • So when he sees you, his secret youtube crush, talking about how you loved his dance, he flips
  • He tries to play it cool and lowkey flirt in his reply bc he can’t resist the opportunity
  • You two start flirting over social media
  • It’s actually really cute bc all of your subscribers and his get to like slowly watch this love story begin, day after day before it kinda goes quiet for a bit ??
  • Like they even ask both of you like hey what happened you two were being all cute
  • There’s a solid month of silence when it comes to each other before surprise you’re in his video
  • You two confirm you’re friends (even though at that point you’re already calling him your boyfriend but you two wanted to take it at your own pace and not have to worry about the internet)
  • But the way he says it definitely leaves it open to interpretation
  • “We met about a month ?? ago and we’re very happy around each other and we get along great and this lil cutie is definitely one of my best friends”
  • He doesn’t confirm anything, he doesn’t really give out much information and that’s pretty much it he leaves it at that
  • You two appear in each other’s videos constantly  
  • He’s a v v affectionate man so sometimes you have to cut some things out
  • Like you were filming a q&a and you said something he found cute so he just leans over and kisses your cheek 
  • You two decide to announce you’re together on your anniversary bc cute
  • At that point, you can both easily say you’re madly in love and are ready to go public with it
  • Everyone’s just like lol we know
  • When they say everyone, they do mean everyone
  • Neither of you are very subtle when it comes to complimenting the other or looking at each other with love filled eyes like literally everyone could’ve guessed it
  • But they’re all v v happy for you both
  • Youtuber!Jimin is just a total sweetheart who’s very close with his subscribers and just kinda does what he loves to do which is make people happy, whether it’s by singing or dancing or just talking to them
english covers by kpop artists,,

created: 08/17/2015
edited: 08/19/2015; splitting the update bc there are so many songs i missed lol, might have another update in a few days to get the rest!! i put more songs in every section :) also more groups :)) (used this playlist as a guide for some songs)
edited: 08/22/2015; this is actually really fun to do lmao

// i literally decided to do this on a whim.. lmao what is schoolwork

songs are mostly sorted by groups/alphabetical order and/or oldest-to-newest, plus three extra categories(??) at the end. if theres a name in front of a song, then only that/those member(s) sang it. members who aren’t apart of groups OR groups that have disbanded will still be a part of this list, since the cover was during their time as an artist. if you have more to add, or see a mistake anywhere, feel free to message me!! i’m sure i messed up & left out a lot!!

this is under a [[read more]] bc its suPER LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG – i apologize for decades if ur on mobile – BUT ANYWAY OKAY HAVE FUN LISTENING

(also my personal favs will be ☆ so make sure to give those a listen)


THE LINKS DONT ACTUALLY WORK SO EVERYTHING IS ON THIS GOOGLE DOC (https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-4VBxVKBqHUGARtTV5GBq8VEngM2d-lhH1cwkBc-bag/edit?usp=sharing) NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YEAH!!


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more dogscourse™

I am a huge fan of head canons and imagining Larry with pets is awesome. If it turns out that I’m wrong and Clifford is their dog, I will happily admit it. I’m not trying to shit on people having a good time, but it sucks that bloggers feel like they can’t post their opinion and say that they think Clifford isn’t Louis’ dog because they’re afraid of anon hate. Fucking insane. Tumblr is such a bizarre fucking combination of assholes and cool people and, of course, people like me who are both simultaneously. I’ve discussed this with some other people, I won’t tag you, but you know who you are and you’ll see some of what we talked about here. The point of this post is that I’ve had some people anon/message me about this, asking to hear my thoughts. So, here they are:

My thoughts in unorganized bullet-point form:

Keep reading

I Helped An Autistic Child Today

I’ve figured at least one of the two kids I nanny for is on the spectrum since I started. But the more I learn about my own stuff, the more clearly I see it in him.

I have also started seeing how enormously much it helps me, to learn about stimming and how I stim and what it does for me, to learn about sensory overload and what it looks like when I am in sensory overload and what I need to do around that, about which things are my “autistic obsessions”, etc. And noticing how much he needs that.

Like, on Monday I figured out after several hours (!) that he was in sensory overload and wrapped a scarf around him (with his permission first!!) to see if it would help him focus enough to finish his homework. And it let him focus enough to do his homework for the first time all night, after something like three hours of trying SO HARD. Boy, do I know that feel.

So, he’s been battling with his parents for ages over “screen time”. He’s 12 and several of his biggest passions require the computer – Minecraft and video editing especially. And he will do ANYTHING to be able to use it. And his parents and grandparents think he’s too focused on the computer, think he spends too much time on it, think he’s addicted to it, think he needs to limit his time with it. Most of you probably know what that’s like.

Today I made a list for him. I wrote:


There are 2 kinds of brains:




ALLISTIC brains are:

* Good at reading the expressions on people’s faces and their body language.

* Good at picking up subtext without having to consciously learn it.
* Tend to have more broad but superficial interests; can enjoy many things but does not tend to explore them deeply.
* May have a hard time understanding the emotional subtext of online communication without emoticons or “mood” tags.
* Often say inaccurate or untrue things in conversation in order to make others happy or to seem smarter or better.
* Frequently have a hard time challenging their own ideas about the world; rarely research or change their beliefs.
* Tend to be physically coordinated and hav an easy time following physical instructions, but are less aware of physical input from their bodies.

AUTISTIC brains are: 

* Great at finding patterns in everything.
* When interested in something, set out to learn as much as possible about it and tell anybody they can about it.
* Tend to be very precise and take things literally.
* Often do not understand the rules of social situations right away, has to learn things like how to make small talk, or how to keep talking to people even if you’re bored.
* Can be very sensitive to light, sound, temperature, texture, & taste.
* Often easily distracted.
* May have a bad short-term memory: info like people’s names, what they told you, or where you just put your backpack just disappears from your brain. (Can have amazing long-term memory though!)
* Likes repeating sounds, words, sentences, songs. (This is called echolalia.)
* Likes repeatedly looking at, touching, tapping, playing with stuff – it calms the nervous system and feels good.

Some people have brains that are all one of these two types, or mostly one of them. Some people have more of a mixture.


I asked him which type of brain he thought he had. He said he thought he had the second one. We talked a little bit about how we both had the same kind of brain, and about how, guess what, people with our kind of brain really NEED time to explore our special interests, and that we also really need time after school or work to sit down and relax and do something calming. I.E., two more reasons he ought to get to use the computer without all these limits. (I wrote these down for him and added that the calming thing has to be something that we’re interested in so we can focus on doing it!)

But what blew my mind and made me SO happy was that right away, he started to see how different things he did were because of his autistic brain. And then when his mom came home and yelled at him for things that were clearly because of how his brain works (like dropping boxes and stubbing his toe and yelling really loudly about it, which she thought was mostly him clowning around inappropriately), he immediately stood up for himself!

He told her that it wasn’t fair of her to yell at him for things that are just because of how his brain works. He showed her the list I made (actually he basically waved it in her face, lol). And he stuck with it even when she didn’t believe him.

When he showed her the list, she backed down a little. But she said it was an explanation, not an excuse, and that maybe the list would be helpful in showing them ways that they could help him be more social and change this stuff. Don’t worry, everybody: I’m going to introduce him to Tumblr next time I see him. So that should take care of THAT. By next Friday I am confident that he will be quoting large chunks of all your posts to her and radicalizing the entire household. <3

Feel free to reblog if you like the handout, or for any reason. I ran out of room, I wanted to say a lot more about communication stuff and physical stuff – I know that that list doesn’t even scratch the surface for a lot of us. But at least it helped him get started!