i will do all the art for it i swear to god

anonymous asked:

pls expand on your ridiculous experiences during one semester at a fake college

okay I got a few asks about this so let me see what I can remember right now. These might not all be in chronological order

- At orientation, they were talking about the reservation near campus and all these pretty sites and this kid in the back of the auditorium goes “So uhh…heard this place might be built over a Native American burial ground?”

- The speaker: “…Let’s not think about that, okay?”

- The freshman were on campus alone for like a week and a half (other than the RA’s) before the other students and I just. The parties. Were out of control. An ambulance was called basically every night.

- I walked into the bathroom the first night there to find a girl literally dying because someone slipped something in her drink and she was having a Very Bad Reaction

- Sting- you know, the singer- ‘s son lived in my residence hall. This boy almost accidentally killed me on three separate occasions (while I was just trying to do my laundry)

- I told my family about this at Thanksgiving. Everyone in the room advised me to seduce him

- I ate breakfast in the dining hall exactly once. I got scrambled eggs. I noticed no one had brought out ketchup with the condiments and politely asked about it. I received glares from at least ten different people. Apparently people there don’t believe in ketchup on eggs.

- There were these two boys in my English class known as “The Lumbard Guys”. They didn’t live in my residence hall, but they would come over almost every night, start a party, and destroy part of the basement.

- At orientation this one kid got mad and set his shoe on fire to prove a point

- Also at orientation like??? My roommate disappeared???? And I never saw her again???

- Listen like…this campus just looked like the perfect setting for a horror film, but none of the people from the area got that. They all thought I was crazy until some comic from Comedy Central did a stand up act and said “Why the hell is this campus so creepy? I feel like I’m gonna leave here with someone else wearing my face!”. I felt way too validated.

- ALL OF MY CLASSES WERE SO FAKE

- My “math” class was actually a disguised home ec. course???? All we had were word problems that were incredibly detailed recipes or instructions on how to fix things. The teacher, who I swear to GOD was actually my Mr-Rogers-Wannabe guidance counselor from high school in disguise, spent more time trying to come up with names and backstories for the models in the text book than actually trying to teach

- I had to take a class called “first year seminar” because neither of my parents went to college. It was supposed to be teaching you about how the school works and stuff but SUPRISE BITCH WE’RE JUST GONNA YELL ABOUT RACISM AND PRIVELGE FOR AN HOUR.

- Literally that’s all we did. Just the whole class bonding over all these struggles we had gone through and getting fired up. Like, it was great, but I also ended up knowing very little about campus and school stuff bc that was the class that was supposed to be teaching me lmao

- My Psych teacher was fucking hysterical for the first few classes but then he just. Vanished. I had to drop the class

- My Fine Arts teacher just. Couldn’t stick to a teaching plan. Her entire wardrobe was scarves. She was very passionate about African masks. She had a flapper haircut. She spoke quietly, but with a marvelously forced tone of voice that I’m certain was her trying to sound impressive and hide a Boston accent. She didn’t seem to understand the year was 2014. She took us into the city to go to the Art Museum and we lost her in there, never to be seen again

- I’m not even kidding

- My “writing” teacher was my absolute fav omfg. She was this long grey haired hippie lady who worked as a nurse for the Grateful Dead and was still stuck there. She may or may not have hooked up with my uncle. I was her favorite student because one day I came in wearing a “HAIR” shirt. She wanted to take the class to England for the sole purpose of going on a Beatles tour

- But like…she did not teach a writing class omfg. She taught a social justice class. All we did was have informed debates about The Issues and listen to music and occasionally watch the Breakfast Club. Every time there was a big paper due on the syllabus, she’d just sit on her desk and go “I mean, I don’t have to cover anything, right? You guys know how to write!” Like I genuinely don’t think she knew what class she was teaching

- There was a boy who sat next to me in that class. He was deaf in one ear and used that as an excuse when he got caught blatantly not paying attention. It worked every time. But I was right next to him. I saw him playing Yu-Gi-Oh on some website on his phone under the table. One time we started talking about model cars and he pre-cummed.

- There was a boy who roamed the campus in a long black trench coat and a weird hat. I never saw his body and started to suspect he might not have one, just the theory of one. He took interest in me because I was the only person in class who ever got his Doctor Who jokes. He’d come up to me at dinner and blast quiz me on various nerd culture before running off and disappearing into the shadows. Just as I was starting to grudgingly accept I was probably going to have to eventually hook up with him for the greater good, I apparently offended him by saying I like Picard more than Kirk. He didn’t stick around to listen to my reasoning. Whenever I saw him after that he would loudly start talking about how great his girlfriend was. Everyone knew he was lying. I wonder if Kirk ever sucked his theoretical dick as well as I would have.

- I gave a football player a shout out on Yik Yak. He really appreciated it, and gave me some fries laced with weed as a thanks. That was such A Night ™ , I watched the Lorax and left the dimension.

- Every time we had dances, this creepy guy named Horace would find me and use my obvious discomfort to make me dance with him. He’d hold my wrists and shove his crotch on mine while vaguely swaying to the beat. I had to escape to the bathroom every few minutes. Finally the security just banned him from the events altogether. I can still see his face clearly in my mind.

- One night, I walked into the bathroom to find a perfect, untouched pizza laying on the floor…but not in a box. Someone literally just took it out of the box and laid it down. I’m still fuming.

- One time I was in the mostly empty library when I smelled something. I walked down the rows of shelves before rounding the corner, and found the President of the college hidden there, sitting on the floor, smoking, a bottle of vodka in his hands. We held eye contact for a solid minute. He slowly shook his head at me. I said “Sir, your house is like…literally across the street.” He shook his head more vigorously. I left the library.

- One night, I heard screaming. I looked out the window to find a girl in a giraffe costume scaling my building. People were throwing water bottles at her. I was concerned. I didn’t know who to talk to for answers.

- I was in line trying to pay for dinner. One of the lunch ladies climbed on top of the ice cream machine and refused to come down. Her friend came over and they started recreating the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet. Very few people acknowledged it.

- Someone jacked up the soda dispenser so it was only dispensing beer. None of the staff cared enough to fix it.

- I caught my RA in the middle of a drug deal so she gave me a coupon for free ice cream

- Also side note: The soft served ice cream machine on campus was actually a frozen yogurt machine. I had no problem with that, but like, advertise correctly, you know? Nobody else seemed to understand my confusion. Nobody else seemed to understand that froyo and ice cream are two different things. What the hell.

- There were just…so many moths all over the campus. A terrifying amount. When it started getting colder I was like, finally, I won’t be attacked by moths anymore! Only for even more moths to appear. I asked a local about it. “Oh, those are the winter moths!” What the fuck are winter moths? What the fuck, Massachusetts? My friend back home grew convinced that Mothman was in the area. I was inclined to believe her. Sometimes I close my eyes and all I can see are moths everywhere, waiting for the moment to strike.

-  I’ve encountered deer many times in my life. I know how they act around people. But the deer on this campus were just weird. They’d run out at people all the time. One almost shoved me into traffic.

- My roommate gave my phone number out to literally anyone she found who mentioned they liked to read or liked Doctor Who. She was concerned I had no friends. No one ever called.

- I met a small Greek girl in my Fine Arts class. Our first day of talking, she made me climb a mountain with her so she could get to tutoring, even though I had no reason to be in that building. Her roommates kept mysteriously disappearing. She was late to everything. She’d call me randomly to get food at 1 in the morning. She kept somehow breaking phones and tvs and other electronics. When I asked her how they kept breaking, she waved it off with “Oh, I have OCD. You wouldn’t understand”. I have OCD, and I still don’t understand. One time she invited me out with her friends from high school. I waited outside her building for two hours, while the other friends waited in the parking lot for two hours, because we didn’t know how to find each other. She eventually came outside at 10:30 pm. We went to Friendly’s. She made us stop at her house so she could grab something. We pulled up a long, winding driveway and stopped in a parking lot. At the end of the parking lot were stone stairs that lead up to a mansion on a hill. She ran inside and the rest of us stayed in the car, listening to High School Musical and talking about Supernatural. When she came out 40 minutes later we decided to try and prank her. It went wrong. We almost ran over her friend’s sister with the car. They invited me to a pumpkin patch. When I started complaining about my roommate, she asked me to move in with her. I thought about the other three girls who had seemingly gone missing. I politely declined. Six months after I left the school, I received a text from her asking for notes for an exam, and radio silence after that. I can’t find her on facebook. I fear she might have gone missing too.

- One night, as I was standing outside huddled in the cold, a boy came up and offered me a cigarette to help me stay warm. I turned it down, but he stood around talking to me for a few minutes afterwards. I felt absolutely no awkwardness at all. He was a musician from Colorado. He sang a bit of one of his songs. He was dropping out of school to go to California the next week. He told me I had beautiful eyes, but his were the most alive eyes I’ve ever seen so I couldn’t believe the compliment. We talked for about ten minutes and I fell a little bit in love. He had to rush off to a club meeting, but he told me he’d rather keep talking. He gave me the sweetest smile before he left. I didn’t get his last name or number and I never saw him again.

- There was a dance on Halloween. I couldn’t think of a sufficiently slutty yet classy costume, so I just went as Osgood from Doctor Who. When I got there there was a huge crowd, but people quickly grew bored and started leaving. There ended up being six people left (myself included). We stayed because we could see the upset faces of everyone who had planned the event, but actually had one of the most fun nights of my life. We- myself, the girl from across the hall, Trench Coat Boy, his tiny friend who never spoke, and a boy and girl I didn’t know who seemed to be professional dancers- danced nonstop for almost three hours. The strobe lights and poppy music solidified an unspoken bond. I had never and to this day haven’t felt as free as I did that night. The tiny quiet boy’s smile could have lit up a city. It’s etched into my mind. We all left the dance talking about the surreal feeling in the air, as if something had shifted. None of us ever mentioned the dance again. It’s still one of my fondest memories.

- For a solid month, there was someone in a gorilla costume running around campus.

- There was a rash of sexual assaults on campus. A gang of boys kept jumping girls in the woods. The only thing the school board did was give out free rape whistles at lunch one day. I missed that day, making me one of the only students on campus without a whistle. Later that night when I ordered pizza, the delivery guy tried to start up a conversation with me about all the assaults. He blamed the girls. I took back my tip.

- Sometimes the showers just…filled up with black sludge. No one knew why.

- The girls in the room next to me were very bizarre. They always shot me odd looks and whispered to each other constantly. I couldn’t figure out if they were sleeping together or not. They never washed their hands when we were in the bathroom.

- The doors to each dorm were thick and heavy and required effort to push them open. My roommate and I made sure to lock ours every night, and would triple check it. It swung open by itself almost every night. The channels on the tv would change with the remote equidistance away from us. Sometimes I heard humming in the showers when I was the only one in there.

- My roommate…deserves a whole separate post dedicated to her, honestly.

- She would call her mother and have her do her homework for her. She blasted music constantly, and it was either country or hard rap, nothing in between. She sexiled me constantly. I once walked in on anal. She’d meet guys on Tinder, fall in love with them after a couple of days, and then bring them into the school and into our room like it was no big deal. One of them made it clear he was a budding serial killer. She was in a new drama every week. One time someone called her a dilf on Yik Yak. She was firmly convinced her cousin was blonde because her aunt dyed her hair when she was pregnant. She tried her hardest to get me laid by a football player. She was the loudest drunk I’ve ever encountered. Honestly there’s just too much about her for this omfg

- John Zaffis, the famous paranormal researcher, came to the school on my birthday. I went because I’m a loser who’s been watching shows with him since I was a kid, and I was having a bad day so I decided it could be a treat. I sat in the front row. He held an uncomfortable amount of eye contact with me the entire presentation. He was impressed with my questions. He lamented about the fact he’s always cut out of movies or replaced by priests that look like him. He apparently came to the school every year around Halloween to do a ghost tour around the campus for the students. A girl allegedly killed herself in my floor’s bathroom. He apparently always got a lot of activity around the campus. Everyone in the freshman class started wondering if the rumors about the Native American burial ground were true.

- One time in “writing” class the teacher gave us a number and then whatever song came up as that when we put our music on shuffle we had to play for the class. I ended up with “Touch Me” from Spring Awakening. Midway through the song, the teacher from another class came to complain that they could hear everything. My teacher tried to defend that all music has an important message. “Molly, dear, tell her the message in this song!” I looked around the room and at the other teacher. “It’s about sex,” I said quietly. She stormed out of the room while the class started laughing.

- There was this girl that just had the natural ability to make anything boring. I feel bad saying that, because she’s such a sweet girl, and she’s smart, and she’s gorgeous, and she’s talented, but just…every time she says anything, it’s boring. I’m still friends with her on facebook, the talent transcends to writing as well. You could be having a fun, lively conversation and she could say something completely relevant to the point and yet it would still just be boring. It’s a baffling talent, I still don’t understand how she does it.

- There was a boy who’d come into my room. He lusted over my s’mores poptarts. He kept trying to hit the high notes in Broadway songs. He didn’t understand my sense of humor at all, so we both were constantly worried we were offending each other. He cried about Selena Gomez a lot.

- The dining hall only offered horrendous food. I had pasta almost every night because it was the only thing remotely edible. If you wanted good food, you had to go to Late Night, which was between like 10:30 and 1 I think??? They set it up specifically for stoners and people leaving parties. I was frequently the only sober person there. Except for the moths.

- The chief at the pasta place found out I like theater and got like…weirdly passionate about it. He kept telling me about different theater groups in the area and wanted to know if I was in the school musical. He asked me every time I went up for food.

- There was a disproportionate amount of large black birds to trees. It wasn’t hard to figure out why we so rarely saw smaller animals

- When I told my advisor I was thinking about leaving (mostly for financial reasons but also the fake classes were preventing me from getting an education I wanted, you know?), this little old man looked around his office as if checking for people listening in, then put his hand on top of mine, leaned in close, and whispered “Oh, you sweet little girl. Run as fast as you can.”

There’s definitely more but listen. This school was weird and fake and vaguely surreal and off-kilter. I am fully afraid that one day, years from now, I’m going to be driving through the back roads and pass the place where the campus should be, only I won’t find anything there at all, and won’t be able to find any trace of it ever existing. I won’t be able to find any record of it. I won’t be able to find a record of any of the people. Every time I think about this place I just get a weird feeling, like I somehow managed to escape the Twilight Zone but left a part of me behind in the process. Be careful when applying to college, kids.

the main difference between male and female

Aries: a female aries is lovely and charming, she has a spark to her that makes her determined to accomplish what she sets her mind to. She’s extremely erotic and open about her sexuality.

a male aries is very serious at first glance, almost shy but once they feel comfortable around you they get all weird with their drugs and anime fetiches

Taurus: a female taurus is down to earth, she appears to be quiet and softspoken but omg this girl has the craziest things going through her brain, and she will always to be hungry, is not always expressive about emotions but she gives the best gifts and hugs.

A male taurus is always really fucking strange, he’s super quirky, a gamer, addicted to game of thrones and always uses cartoon references. Funny sense of humour (borderline offensive) says love isn’t his thing, is the first one to fall.

Gemini: a gemini male almost always seems to be super attractive, either bc he’s the cute nerdy type, or the popular hot guy. really smart, likes to laugh a lot. Can be a real douche 

a female gemini is adorable and always in the mood to goof around, so freaking versatile, if she feels betrayed will spill out all ur secrets and call u out on everything bitch watch out

Cancer: cancer boys are huge babies, they are party guys, it’s all about fun and games until someone mentions ‘’love’’ and they will sit u down and ramble about what their perfect girl would be like. is always waiting on the ‘’one’’, has high af expectations but likes the simplest and most boring girls.

cancer girls are moms, they always hug you, but omg these women are so jealous with their friends, it’s like you can’t even co-exist in a room with their bestie bc they will give u the stinky eye, i can’t

Leo: leo girls are the funniest ever, end of story. they’re divas and vulgar ass men at the same time. Fashion on fleek, always looks high but it’s just their face. belongs in the 70′s.

male leos are friends with everyone, most popular guy ever, nice, likes to act all mean but it’s all playful. has a hard time settling down, deep down always wants more in a girl

Virgo: virgo women are fierce, they are softies on the inside although they always look anxious  on the outside, stressed 24/7, loves sex so much low-key addicted to it, organized but a big ass mess

virgo guys are intelectual but stubborn mofos, say a lot of dad jokes, god complex, act like they don’t know shit about trends but really loves buying clothes and dressing nice.

Libra: libra boys are guys who look like angels, so friendly and innocent, BUT BAM BITCH they hit you with their sass, they are flirty af but SO FUCKING OPINIONATED, will flat out say ‘’i don’t like girls who ____’’, expects for you to chase after them, they are actually explosive and get moody easily, really dirty jokes

libra girls are airheads, so nice and giggle all the damn time (it’s cute srry if i sound mad), they always laugh at what ur saying even if it’s dumb and not funny at all. always has a young face, most likely not very open about sexuality, modest, easily corrupted, ——–if u have a scorpio moon u are the devil regina george— :)

Scorpio: scorpio guys are psycho, 60% are sociopaths i swear, they never laugh but when they do it’s loud and crazy and no one knows why the fuck. always walk like they’re in a hurry, STARES, is a child 4ever

scorpio women are extreme, she will not shut up for hours and the next day will not speak at all. is sexual but probably a virgin, knows everyones secrets, jealous with friends, jealous with stranger guys, jealous with mom, jealous with pet, jealous with self. stalks crush and writes poems about him but will never admit it

Sagittarius: sag guys are soooooo cheesy romantic, i swear they’re the fourth water sign, literally so many emotions, likes art, falls in love so easily it’s ridiculous, IS ALWAYS FRIENDZONED OMg hilarious but with partner, lasts 4ever

Sag girls are the ones who friendzone, will forget ur name in a second, flakey, says she’s down to go out with friends and guess what, bish fell asleep.loves to gossip with u, will always wanna hook u up with her friends or find out details about ur crush. does the dirty work for everyone

Capricorn:  cap girls are outspoken, bitchy but if she likes you she will defend u till death (she’s still gonna be a bitch to u but a softer one), confident AF, always looks ready to go to a club, boys everywhere like girl where’d u get these bruhs from. everywhere you go, guys will flock them, will make u feel like a potato bc she’s so perfect. has a hard time making decisions and letting go

cap male is competitive, ambitious, smells gooooood, style on fleek, the funniest guy ever, dark humour, smart with money, is probably gonna be a CEO, mommy’s boy, loves whiskey idk, eats SO MUCH like more than anyone, is a puppy on the inside, fuckboy but diehard romantic deep down.

Aquarius: aquarius guys always look cool, bad boy, they look like they dont care (spoiler alert: they don’t) has like 219 ex girlfriends and another hundred friends with benefits, smart ass, feels superior to everyone, thinks he’s so deep, he probably is but can never show it so no one believes him.

 aqua girls are always popular, the quirky one, the one who likes things ‘’no one else likes’’, a huge hipster, simple but attractive, has so many guys who wanna be with her and she acts like she doesn’t even notice. has so many guy friends (theyallwannabangher but ok) probably artsy, has good taste in music

Pisces: pisces men walk so fucking fast, probably because of their fucking long ass legs, has a serious face almost like he’s analizing the situation but in reality they’re thinking about memes (has amazing memes), never follows his heart, has strong feelings but rarely ever acts on them. is in love with someone they dont know, always has that little shine in their eyes

pisces girls are always the cute girl, the baby, the good one. deep down these girls will say dirty shit and has that evil side that always wants to come out and play, easily makes friends, is a disney princess and loves warm things. 

one cannot have enough of cute and random aus so here have some more
  • “You’re the cute and quiet customer that frequents the coffee shop where I’m a barista and also where my rival barista works and we’re both fighting for your attention in increasingly creative and inconspicuous ways (making foam art, writing cheesy pick-up lines on your napkin etc. etc.)” AU.
  • “You’re my roommate who’s super cute and it’s the middle of the night and you’re cramming for your exams in your flannel pajamas and disheveled hair and it’s becoming increasingly hard for me not to kiss you” AU.
  • “You’re an Art student and I’m an English major and you keep stealing the papers for my assignment to doodle and I would kill you but you’re really cute and hey that’s actually a really nice sketch” AU.
  • “You’re the perpetual frowner in class and one day as I’m answering the teacher I intentionally make a very cheesy pun and I can hear crickets but you’re laughing out loud and that makes me feel very much accomplished” AU.
  • “The manager says the only reason the restaurant where we work at is popular is because people enjoy eating while watching our relentless flirting with each other but I swear to God we’re not flirting???” AU.
  • “I ditch prom to attend a local poetry slam and you’re also there and I never really noticed what a cute smile you have and hey do you maybe want to bond over our mutual love for ‘Howl’???” AU.
  • “You’re new in town and you seem very intimidating but as it turns out you have an awful sense of direction even with a map and you’re actually adorkable so here let me help you” AU.
  • “It’s Valentine’s Day and I’m single and you want to cheer me up but you can’t cook nor bake to save your life so you make me hot chocolate instead and it is delicious and I think I love you???” AU.
  • “It’s gym class and we’re playing volleyball and you spike really well and you manage to hit the ball square in my face and I think I’m bleeding and you’re apologizing profusely and it’s okay but you’re really cute so I guess I’ll take you up on that offer for coffee” AU.
  • “You’re the jerk-face customer that keeps on thumbing through their phone while ordering their drink so I exact revenge by spelling your name wrong on your cup and drawing phallic pictures on your coffee” AU.
  • “Our mutual friend invites us to go shopping with them and it’s kind of awkward and now you’re pushing them around the mall in a shopping cart and you’re both screaming like excited children and I’m paying the cashier and pretending I don’t know either of you” AU.
  • “Our mutual friend invites us for Thanksgiving dinner with their other friends and now there’s a full-fledged food fight going on with potatoes and turkey flying everywhere and we’re both seeking refuge under the table whilst sharing a bag of chips that you brought (just in case)” AU.
  • “You and I are both baristas at a coffee shop and one day I step out of the café to take a break and walk in on you gleefully drawing phallic pictures on the chalkboard outside that no one pays attention to so what are you doing?” AU.
  • “You and I go out to a sushi bar and the sushi chef yells at you for being allergic to a particular kind of fish and now you’re crying and I’m trying to comfort you” AU.
  • “You and I are at a sushi restaurant and you’re continuously snagging sushi off the belt that I have to pay for and you don’t seem to be going to stop anytime soon but you look so cute when you’re eating with that smile on your face what the hell man” AU.
  • “The mailman constantly mixes up your home address and mine together and keeps on sending me your letters and packages and I’m sorry I look through them but your life seems very interesting as well as those books on black magic in one of your packages so wanna talk about it over a cup of coffee?” AU.
  • “We’re both strangers sitting in the same booth at an eatery because all the other booths are full and you’re drawing smiley faces on your plate with ketchup and wow your concentrated frown is cute” AU.
  • “It’s our mutual friend’s wedding and they keep shoving us into each other because we’re the only ones at the ceremony who are single” AU.
  • “You’re my roommate and it’s way past midnight and you’re talking about how Charles Dickens inspired prison reform and how the moon must feel insignificant because it borrows light from the sun and this is all very interesting but will you please shut up and go to sleep” AU.
  • “You’re actually a really friendly and chill vampire and at night you float around outside of my bedroom window to talk with me about the universe and stuff” AU.
  • “You’re going through my sketchbook and giving questioning looks and I swear to God I’m just a deranged artist and not a serial killer” AU.
  • “We live next door to each other and I can see you through the window while you’re dancing to your iPod in your flannel pajamas and disheveled hair and God you’re a dork” AU.
  • “I’ve been standing in line at the coffee shop for hours and you casually cut through for your drink but also buy me my favorite blend and now I’m not so sure what to make of you” AU.
  • “I’m sick so you make me chicken soup and I’m really grateful but I’ve also seen you read books on magical spells and potion-making so I’m not sure if I should drink your soup in case it turns me into a toad” AU.
  • “There’s a scrawny black cat in our neighborhood that hates everyone and everything but follows you around for some reason and I see you pet it and feed it fish fries are you a witch” AU
  • “I’m a perpetual frowner and most certainly not a morning person and I work part-time at a breakfast bar and your disheveled hair and content smile as you eat my waffles and scrambled eggs is the only thing that can get me to smile” AU.
  • “You’re the one in class who has tattoos all over their arms and piercings and everybody’s scared of you and one day I catch you watching cat videos and doodling in the middle of a lecture and wow you’re a dork” AU.
  • “I work part-time as a cashier at the local corner store and you come here regularly to shop and bond with me over the microwavable chicken bites so how about I take you out on a proper date instead?” AU.
  • “I’m the owner of a magic shop and you discover my magics one day when you walk in on my cat flying around inside the shop on a broom and now I have to take you in as my apprentice or turn you into a toad” AU.
  • “You’re the health-conscious med student and I’m the chain-smoking art student who’s also your barista and you leave me notes on smoking and lung health on your napkins and also a 20-page essay on lung cancer tucked under your saucer” AU.
  • “You’re a tea-lover yet you come to the coffee shop where I work at just to see my foam art and you give me hefty tips regularly so I’ve taken it upon myself to master the art of tea-making just for you” AU.
  • “I’m a fashion major and I’m working on my illustrations and maybe I’ve had too much coffee but I swear I just saw one of the mannequins move so here I am calling you in the middle of the night please help I’m scared” AU.
  • “You work at a fast food restaurant and as you hand me my food you lecture me for ruining my health what is this hypocrisy” AU.
  • “I’m egging a random person’s house to relieve stress and you join me and as it turns out the house belongs to your ex and now they are chasing us as well as the police and now we’re both in jail waiting to be bailed so um you wanna talk about it?” AU.
Practical Shakespeare Quotes

Do you want to quote more Shakespeare in your life but never find opportunities to say “brevity is the soul of wit”? Do you rarely hang below balconies exchanging love vows with the daughter of your enemy? This is just the list for you.

“What an ass am I!”
Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2

“I am not a slut,”
As You Like It, Act 3, Scene 3
(Not that there’s anything wrong with that.)

“Hell is empty and all the devils are here,”
The Tempest, Act 1, Scene 2

“Commit the oldest sins the newest kind of ways,”
Henry IV Part 2, Act 4, Scene 5

“This is the excellent foppery of the world,”

King Lear, Act 1, Scene 2

“Making the beast with two backs,”
Othello, Act 1, Scene 1

“The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool,”
As You Like It, Act 5, Scene 1

“To tell thee plain, I aim to lie with thee,”
Henry VI Part 3, Act 3, Scene 2
(Works great for courting hot widows.)

“I would rather hear my dog bark at a crow than a man swear he loves me,”
Much Ado About Nothing, Act 1, Scene 1

“I wasted time, and now doth time waste me,”
Richard II, Act 5, Scene 5

“Marry, sir, in her buttocks.”
A Comedy of Errors, Act 2, Scene 5
(No judgement here.)

“My horse is my mistress,”
Henry V, Act 3, Scene 7
(Uh, there might be something wrong with that.)

“Thou dost infect my eyes,”
Richard III, Act 1, Scene 2

“Better a witty fool, than a foolish wit,”
Twelfth Night, Act 1, Scene 5
(“Wit” is Shakespearean slang for penis.)

“[Wine] provokes the desire, but it takes away the performance,”
Macbeth, Act 2, Scene 3

“I had rather live with cheese and garlic in a windmill, far, than feed on cates and have him talk to me in any summer-house in Christendom,”
Henry IV Part 2, Act 4 Scene 1

“Now, gods, stand up for bastards!”
King Lear, Act 1, Scene 2

“Villain, I have done thy mother!”
Titus Andronicus, Act 4, Scene 2
(This means exactly what you think it does.)

“And thou unfit for any place but hell,”
Richard III, Act 1, Scene 2

“The first thing we do, let’s kill all the lawyers,”
Henry VI Part 2, Act 4, Scene 2

“Heaven truly knows that thou art false as hell.”
Othello, Act 4, Scene 2

“Out, dunghill!”
King John, Act 4, Scene 3

“This is too long.”
Hamlet, Act 2, Scene 2

Art School Stereotypes I’ve observed*

Animation

  • N e r d s
  • Unhealthily obsessed with video games, anime, Disney, or some sick combination of the three
  • One of the most sleep-deprived majors, but also surprisingly chipper (there are exceptions)
  • Instantly recognizable by their triforce t-shirts or Pokemon Go snapbacks
  • In spite of everything, they have the highest population of straight-edge asexuals
  • If you weren’t straight edge and celibate before, then prepare to be, because you’re about to disown all bodily urges and dedicate your life to drawing cartoon animals

Illustration

  • Like Animation majors, but cooler and much better taste in fashion. A little less tech-savvy, though
  • Comic book nerds

Painting & Drawing

  • A friend of mine once said, “People who love animation go into animation. Then they realize it’s a ton of work and switch to illustration. Then they realize THAT’S a ton of work and switch into Painting & Drawing.”
  • Highest percentage of colorful hair and weird tattoos/piercings
  • grunge
  • Listen to music you’ve never heard of
  • Smoke a LOT, asthmatics beware

Ceramics

  • Kinda stereotypical stoners or high level artsy kids, but not that pretentious 
  • Somehow even more conceptual and indie than P&D
  • Behind the ceramics building, there’s a sculpture garden of all the sculptures of students past. Every night, the campus closes at 4AM. They say it’s for security, but I say it’s because the sculptures all come to life at that point. I mean, think about it. The whole “spooky midnight hour” is so cliche, I don’t know anyone who DOESN’T stay up till midnight at least once a week. But 4AM? That’s the true witching hour. The hour that belongs only to the living sculptures (and architecture majors I guess)

Glass

  • Frankly, the least hygienic major
  • All the males and most of the females have a rank odor after being sweatily hunched over the steaming hot forges for too long
  • Might be stoners, but the chill, easy-to-hang-out-with stoners
  • Probably the most like a real family. I always walk by the Glass Studio at night and feel the breeze of warm air from their fire, catch a riff of tasteful classic rock, and hear the echoes of genuine laughter from within. It must be nice to have a home.

Jewelry

  • I dunno, I’ve never met one. They put on some sick gallery shows, though.

Graphic Design

  • In spite of Graphic Design as an art not being super emotional or indie compared to, say, Painting, the GD majors are probably some of the most tortured souls I’ve met
  • I used to be best friends/date a GD major and watched before my eyes as she was crushed by the world around her from Freshman to Junior year. Honestly I’m not sure if she still goes here. We don’t talk anymore, it’s too painful. I miss her, or rather, I miss the person she used to be. The person she used to be before Graphic Design.
  • I’m now roommates with a poor little GD Freshman, and I worry about her every day. Not as a lover like with the last one, but as a parent. What will happen to her? How long will she last? Cheyenne, if you’re reading this, run away while you still can.
  • Gets excited about fonts and kerning.
  • I don’t really know what kerning is.

Photography

  • Outdoorsy and nature loving hippies
  • The chillest major, I envy them
  • Photography IS hard work, don’t get me wrong, but come ON! You travel to a beautiful mountain spring, snap a few pictures, and call it a day
  • Never need to pull all-nighters
  • Seriously, I deeply respect Photography as an art and all BUT

Film

  • Some of them are also outdoorsy and nature loving hippies, the rest are hipSTERS
  • “I don’t watch ‘movies.’ I watch Films.
  • Apparently they have something of a drug problem, i.e., half the class comes in stoned
  • My friend Chris said one of the film teachers plays Porno he made in class, I’m not sure if he was messing with me or not

Architecture

  • Oh boy, Architecture
  • The coldest hearts of any major
  • The only nice Architecture majors are the first years. After that last final, something inside of them breaks. At that point they either crawl to a different major in submission, or become as sharp, straight, and lifeless as the buildings which they spend so much time designing
  • They literally do not sleep
  • Seriously, I was pulling an all-nighter last week (since the Architecture place is the only place open 24/7) and I swear to god there was an entire CLASSFULL of the Architects up and jamming from 10pm to 7am. I tried to sleep, but the Architecture majors just wouldn’t quit. Also, it was so cold there. So cold. Cold from the hearts of fifth-year Architects. I’m bringing my winter backpacking sleeping bag next time.

Industrial Design

  • Mostly foreign exchange students, especially Chinese, Indian, and Korean
  • I don’t speak Chinese, Indian, OR Korean so I can’t say much else
  • Vaguely like Architecture majors, only they appear to have a normal spectrum of human emotions 

Interactive Design

  • What is Interactive Design? Honestly I don’t really know. Like making Apps or some shmuck.
  • Tech
  • Graphic Designers who love themselves

Fashion

  • Mostly female
  • Obviously they’re very very VERY nicely dressed
  • Calm, confident, but also have fun sides

Textiles

  • Most of the textiles students I’ve met are just stop-motion loving Animators
  • I think the ones that aren’t are probably like grandmas that love knitting or something

Furniture

  • Honestly I didn’t know this was a major until like last semester
  • The only furniture major I’ve met was this Norwegian dude who looked like a greek god 
  • We were once assigned to do a group project together but then he blew me off to go surfing so I had to do it myself. Seriously? Surfing???? Like I’d be mad but that’s a cool reason to blow someone off. Hell, I’d blow people off surfing if I had the easy life of a non-animation-major

Writing

  • “We have a writing program?”
  • They’re cool though
  • Get really excited about books. I’ve read only about three or four books so I kind of just smile and nod while they talk
  • Seem genuinely interested in other people’s stories

Community Art

  • I’m not entirely sure what this is
  • Passionate about social justice and teamwork

Disclaimer: No offense to any of them (except architecture majors)

*At California College of the Arts from my relativley limited perspective as an animation major who frankly has only had minimal interactions with the others

1. About this Journal Page: I usually add this on the first page, it’s sort of like the alpha because it explains the things that i plan to do w/ my journal. I add “Dear reader,… Love, Me” and script my name + heaps of doodles.

2. Birthday Special and Etc. Bonanza: This page is a list of people’s birthday and other special occasions where either list it down or make huge tables similar to a legit calendar. Doodles make this 10x better.

3. Favorites of the Month: I love doing this because it feels like I can actually reminisce the things that i love about the month. I do this in sketches and paint it with watercolors because watercolor makes everything 100x better.

4. Things I love about the season: Frankly speaking, we only have 2 “seasons” in my country so that’s practically just rainy and dry. And since I am desperately in love with summer, I dedicated a list of things I love about it.

5. The Huge Movie list: This movie list is meant to be a sort-of “reacts” and “ratings” kind of thing because i always love rating the movies that I’ve binge watched.

6. The Moody Playlist: I shuffle my tunes and seek for beautiful tracks and turn them into themed playlist. I think this is perfect if you have a spotify account because you can later on make a legit playlist.

7. Tick it off: This is quite typical tbh: the to-do-list page. The page which makes your journal a bona fide journal. I often times write down my to-do-list with boxes so that i can just tick off when i’m done.

8. Bucket list Version 2.0: Also a classic, you can add a little twist to your bucket list by turning them into sketches instead of the old, lame bullet-ed list sort of thing. Bonus: you can add how old, how you want to look, etc.

9. Thoughts in a Bullet: I do this to write down with ease the bothersome thoughts. I just write it down either in phrases or sentences. Thoughts in a bullet is perfect for calming down and easing the anxiety.

10. The Sunday’s best: Sunday’s best is actually the page i dedicate for when I’m chilling. I practically just let my thoughts wander and write it down in a page. I either make a playlist for sunday, how i want my sunday to be, quick sketches of my bedroom, and tv series i binge-watched that day. Sunday’s best is practically just a chill page and you’re free to do whatever you want to do with it.

11. This Week’s Bake, Blend, Stir and Fry: I honestly just call it that way because it sounds cooler but the gist is that page is meant to be your Recipe of the week sort of thing. If you’re a person with a heart for cooking, then this page is for you.

12. The Featured Pet: I love making this  page because I can actually add my pets in my journal!! I’ll sketch them and describe them and just list down the reasons why I love them. Some of the stuff i write are: name, age of description, color, animal, breed, favorite food, behavior, personality, when it barks, etc!!!

13. Quick Urban Sketches: This journal page idea is something to do when you’re feeling the sun and you want to go outside and bathe yourself with it. You practically just sketch heaps of beautiful buildings, strangers, shrines, etc and paint it using a watercolor (i do it this way, you can do it in your own way too). And then describe it in a short phrase, sentence, or maybe even a paragraph. This is perfect if you’re an outdoor person who loves the sun ~

14. This Week’s Highlights: This is quite similar to favorites of the month however it’s for the week plus it’s not only your favorites. I actually like doing the highlight page because i want to remember all the things that happened to me for the whole time i was having this journal.

15. Dear Elle,: Elle does not exist. I don’t even know anybody with the name Elle. I just dedicate a page for her because I feel like I’m talking to a friend. No, she’s not an imaginary friend. I think the things I write in my dear elle page is mostly directed to me. In dear elle, i write down with all my heart the things that I'am afraid of, my flaws, insecurities, anxiety and I usually just sum it up with a nice positive reminder.

16. The Botanical Garden Dream: Actually this is just a page dedicated for my favorite flowers that I’d love to have and plant in my garden one day. I usually just make this in a garden-looking way so there’s not much words but sketches and doodles. And then i color it using my colored pencils because it’s easier to work with pencils for botanical tbh.

17. 100 Resons to be Happy About: I made this on my first journal (that’s when I was 11) and every time i read it, i still can’t help but smile. This page is a major help for struggling people out there. Honestly, it’s just a page filled with heaps of things i love and i write them down in different sizes, orientation and fonts so that it looks sort of like a mess but not really.

18. *insert TV Series*’s Lessons: I did this on Modern Family and I swear to god this is like the most favorite thing I do about the lesson sort-of thing because I just !! I often times divide it in characters like: Here’s for Haley, Alex, Luke, Phil, etc. And I’ll apply them to myself and it helps out trust me!!

19. 17 Things I’ve Learned Before Turning 17: This is perfect because I can actually look back and see how much I’ve grown. You can do it too but you can use your age instead like if you’re 12 it can be 12 things I’ve learned before turning 12. Something like that.

20. The Dreamy Backpack Adventures: The Dreamy Backpack Adventures is actually just the list of places that I want to visit before I die!! I often times get my inspo from tumblr and do a mini research and write it down on that page too.
21. 10 Things That Make Me Happy: This is quite similar to 100 reasons to be happy about but this time it’s more of a me. I just write this down when I’m totally feeling myself and stuff like that. I got the inspo from the anonymous chain message going on in tumblr so yep.

22. The Ultimate Road Trip Guide: I make this page because I’m one heck of a huge fan of road trips! I often times just make a playlist, write a to-bring-list, make my outfit ideas, and food list kind of thing that i shall do for the whole trip. I also sketch my pillows hehe!

23. Other Versions of Sunshine: I actually made something like this and posted it here, can you remember? It’s just a bunch of lovely little things that remind you of sunshine. I write this down when it’s a sunny saturday and it’s the golden hour (4-5pm).

24. Little Things to be Happy About: I also made this and posted it in here. It’s quite similar to Other Versions of Sunshine but this time, it’s more like a little bit of less descriptive. I suggest making this before doing the Other Versions of Sunshine. This will honestly pump you up a bit.

25. Reminders to Myself: These are cute little positive things that i write down so that i can sort of just read it when I’m having a sad day. I add cute little doodles around too. To make this 10x cuter, i add little animal or cupcake or plant doddle with this bubble reminders and stuff. You can also scan this and post them in tumblr.

26. Sketches: I don’t really think I need to explain this. These are just cute sketches of everything: your house, neighbor’s house, your friends, strangers, etc.

27. The Pressed Flowers & Leaves Page: I’m pretty sure your journal will be a thousand times better if you press some flowers on another book and tape it using washi on your journal. You can dedicate a whole page with captions (what’s the plant, where is it from, when it was picked and pressed, initial color, etc) for your pressed flowers. Perfect for future gift ideas.

28. The Ultimate Picnic Guide: The Ultimate Picnic Guide is also quite similar to The Ultimate Road Trip Guide. I sketch my little cute picnic idea and add colors (using watercolor, still) and then i label it and point it out. Like, the sort of food I will eat, the colors of the blanket, the books I will read, the outfit that i plan to wear, the basket i will bring and stuff. It’s honestly better to sketch it than just write it down. But you can always just do it your way.

29. Paint and Palette Test: I think most artists use a separate sheet of paper for this but honestly the palette test is one of my most favorite thing about painting and making art. I keep it in my journal and test the colors that might match. This is really perfect for future art references and also nice if you’re having an art block + don’t know the heck what you should do. This palette test page could help.

30. A Love Letter: A love letter is sort-of a self-project i made because i love to write letters to people. I will make letters for my friend, my crush, my mom, my dad, and other relatives when i feel the urge to do so. I usually never give them out because well, that’s the sole purpose of writing it- never giving it out. So yeah, a love letter is perfect for when you just want to pour out your feelings over someone and you don’t want them to figure it out. EVER.

31. What I Want To Be: This one is just a goals of the day sort of thing. You can also do it in a goals of the week or month. :-)

32. Things I Love About *your favorite artist*: This can either be a singer, painter, dancer, etc. I honestly just do this to express my love for my faves.

33. The Skin Care Guide: Every time I purchase new things to spice up the softness of my face, I’ll sketch the cute little bottles and facial stuff that i purchase and describe it and write my reviews.

34. The All-time Page (fave books, music, etc): This is a little classic. I basically just write down my all-time favorite books, art, painters, movies, and more.

35. The Book Trip: You can google up some nice book recommendations or from good reads and then you write it down. You could also try to write your expectations and stuff.

36. The Movie Binge: This is quite similar to the Book Trip but this time I write down cute movie recommendations for future binge-watching. Yay!

37. Dear Future/Past Me: I’m not sure if this is classic but I actually like doing this. I wrote a letter for myself 5 years ago and I opened it today and just wow, I was so surprised with how much I’ve grown. So if you practically like those things, you can add this to spice up your journal.

38. Dreamy Date: Practically just a list of things/quality that i want my future significant other to be. Or how my dream date will go. Or just practically the “date a person who..” kind of thing. 

39. To Be Or Not To Be: It’s just a cute list of all the inspirational quotes i gather from everywhere. At times, I’ll sketch the figure/portrait of the person who said it and add a little thought bubble with the quote.

40. The Grocery List: Honestly, I just make a grocery list kind of thing because i love drawing goodies and food!! It’s more of a favorite page kind of thing but this time it’s filled with canned foods. You can also do this in bullet form.

41. The Fashionette 101: In other words: outfit page. This is where I sketch my #ootd or just the outfit inspos i get from tumblr. As you all know, i have a tag #ootd_insp. I sometimes sketch nice outfit ideas from there. 

42. Cut It Out: The Cut it out is page is practically dedicated for magazine cut-outs. I have a lot of old magazines and art books that I’ve finished reading so instead of throwing them, I’ll just cut ‘em and paste on my journal.

43. Little Flaws I love About Me: This is also inspired by the chain anonymous message about loving yourself. You just practically just list down the cute little things you like about yourself.

44. List of Pets and Plants + Name Ideas: This is sort of like a keeping track page for all my pets and plants. I will also sketch and draw them when I feel like it. This is perfect with watercolor, jsyk. :-)

45. The Space Page: The Space Page is one of my most recent page where i just draw a lot of space stuff and all the planets and add cute little facts about it. I sometimes add glitters instead of painting them because planets are fab as heck.

46. Mini-Comic and The Everyday Adventures: Literally just a little comic strip about your everyday encounters. I made a similar one entitled “The Homey Adventures” and you can find it somewhere in my blog. You can divide it in four squares or depends on your own liking.

47. The Brunette and Grainy Pictures: If you have a lot of vintage, european-ish sort of stickers and cute little goodies, you can make a vintage page for that. You can fill it out with nice doodles of buses and pins and stamps, too.

48. Doodle page: This is entirely different from the sketch page because doodle page is a lot more chill and adorable. You can fill up a whole page or just half of it or maybe a quarter and add other sections if you want.

49. Poems: Yep, quite obvious, guys.

50. The “Why I love” Section: Some Why I love suggestions: tea, coffee, ice cream, your dog, color, food, etc. You can add a lot of details and images because the more detailed the better honestly.

5

Strap in nerds because have i got a long post ahead for you

So me and @sassycsap​ (bless her soul. she’s like my first friend here) talked about the nyoom nyoom post with how Rich would totally cart Jake around in a wheel chair like madmen on a chariot race because Rich is a Fast Boy™ and somehow we accidentally gave birth to this beautiful thing called the *drum rooooolll*

BMC Incredibles AU

So here’s each of the Characters

  • Rich is Dash (super speed) u can’t argue with me. have u seen the nyoom nyoom post
  • Jake is violet (invisibility and force fields)
  • Michael is Frozone ya’ll (Ice powers)
  • Jeremy is Bob (Super strength)
  • Christine is Helen (Elastic Body) (because we’ve all universally accepted that she’s the Mom of the Gang)
  • Jenna is Jack-Jack (this guy has a lot of powers that I’m too lazy to type in)
  • Chloe is Edna (She makes the costumes!!!!)
  • Brooke is Mirage (That really pretty girl who’s a spy)(don’t worry, we we’re made her good)
  • Squip is Syndrome (Bad Guy™)

=(The HCs are under the Cut so I’ll spare u the mess)=

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

How do the Rogues get along cooped up in Arkham?

the gotham rogues in arkham is so wild lmao…. all the normal rules of engagement are OFF

*

edward isn’t allowed puzzles or that many games in arkham and the ones he is allowed he finds SO BORING so he starts finding new ways to keep himself occupied.

like literally ivy will walk past him in the cafeteria one day shoving straws up his nose and be like, “what the fuck are you doing?” 

and edward will just turn to her with like a dozen straws shoved up either nostril and a deadly serious look on his face and say, “challenging my intellect, dear.” 

*

harley: i wanna watch adventure time!
harvey: tough shit, cutthroat kitchen is on next!
harley: give me the remote, fryface!” *trying to wrestle the remote out of two-face’s hand
jonathan: why don’t you just read a book-
harley + harvey: NO ONE ASKED BITCH

*

if something goes missing in arkham it’s most likely some asshole has taken it. harvey just barrels into the rec room one day seething

“RIGHT WHERE IS IT?” 
“where’s what?” 
“MY COIN YOU JACKASSES I KNOW YOU HAVE IT”
snickering but no one owns up, orderlies/guards looking kinda worried but also kinda amused. 
“WHERE IS IT?!?!”
“I’LL GO TO THE WARDEN, I SWEAR.”
suddenly stops yelling, gets an evil smile on face and narrows eyes, “they’ll take the TV away.”
harvey starts walking towards the door and like four rogues tackle him to the ground at once. biting, kicking, scratching and punching ensues. 

after it’s all over ivy just walks up calmly to him and drops it in his hand, “you dropped it on the floor of the cafeteria this morning.”

*

harley and ivy are gay as shit all the time, not even subtle about it. just like holding hands and staring longingly into each others eyes and all that soppy shit. it’s infuriating for anyone who’s third wheeling. 

“so guys i have a plan to bust out- guys? guys…. guys please - guys, stop being gay for like 5 min and listen to my plan.”

*

art therapy is a mess.

doctor: draw something that represents ur innermost feelings

obvs ur gunna get the really dark shit but:

  • joker draws himself in a wedding dress being carried off by batman. 
  • edward draws himself in question mark speedos and a Hawaiian shirt sitting on a pile of money on a beach with the words I AM THE BEST over the top.
  • ivy draws the rogues and batfam dead at her feet, flowers growing out of the bodies while she stands on top of the pile triumphantly holding hands with harley.
  • harley just draws some kittens and puppies and a bunch of love hearts and jester diamonds. 
  • jonathan draws a scarecrow in a dark field surrounded by a bunch of crows with sharp teeth in the beaks and the words might as well be dead. no one is surprised. [harvey voice] why you gotta be so emo crane?
  • victor draws himself and nora on their wedding day and harley bursts into tears and tries to hug him.

*

doctor: edward, please can you call jonathan over for me?
edward: sure
edward: JONAAAAAATHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNN
doctor: for gods sake
jonathan: WHAAAAAAAAAAAAT?
doctor: i don’t know what i expected 

*

gotham rogues: [are arguing in group therapy as per usual]
doctor: excuse me, who’s the doctor here? 
jonathan: me
harley: me too
ivy: i am as well
victor: technically i am too
edward: i have multiple doctorates, i’ll have you know
doctor: [face palming] i don’t get paid enough to deal with this shit
gotham rogues: we know

{PART 17} I Won’t Stop You // Jeon Jungkook, Vampire!AU

Originally posted by jengkook

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: Vampire!AU, Fantasy, Angst, Smut

Summary; As Taehyung finally reveals his creation to you - you find yourself sharing soft, tender and heartfelt moments with both him and Jimin; before being reunited with Jungkook - The Prince and Princess of the Ball.

I update this series every Tuesday evening, 9pm-10pm (UK Time) 

{Part 1} // {Part 16} {Part 17} {Part 18}

Keep reading

Ok ya know that blessed image of Yurio serving pirozhki to Lillia and Yakov??

What if that’s not the only thing he knows how to make?? What if the time he’s not busy skating (or being super emo) is spent in the kitchen ? 

Imagine Victor calling him with an SOS saying “Yurio I’ve had nothing but katsudon for breakfast, lunch, and dinner for weeks. Now don’t get me wrong I love it and I love Yuuri but the next skating season is about to beg–”

“I’m on my way.” 

Yurio slams open their door to their apartment less than 10 minutes later to with a kit of knives and assorted cooking utensils shouting “STEP ASIDE PORK CUTLET BOWL" 

He’s been in the kitchen for over 2 hours now doing GOD KNOWS what, clattering around with the occasional swear 

"Yurioooo we’re hungry" 
"You cannot rush perfection old man" 
"I’m pretty sure my stomach has begun digesting itself" 
SHUT UP KATSUDON. I NEED ABSOLUTE AND COMPLETE FOCUS" 

He then calls them to the table, which is covered with a silk runner, a beautifully decorated candelabra, and cloth napkins folded in the shapes of swans (Yurio brought all of this along)

 "Alright folks tonight we have a nice al dente pasta, so that it has a bit of a firmness when you bite into it. Now that’s covered with an exquisitely seasoned crushed tomato topping and orbs of pulverized beef. And for garnish we have some fresh picked basil. Enjoy“ 
"Yurio, darling.. I’m pretty sure this is just spaghetti and meatballs" 

Yurio begins fuming, screaming absolute nonsense about "not knowing art” and “ungrateful washed up pricks” as he shoves his things back into his bag (plates of spaghetti and all). He storms out with both his middle fingers extended towards the couple before slamming the door behind him

been reading a lot of klance fics lately so i thought i’d share it w you guys!! here’s 14 of them and definitely my favorites. comes with the title (duh), description, a review by yours truly, and link to the fic. the writers of said fics also have some gorg other masterpieces so be sure to check those out!

1. ) Smile for the Stars by maIikcutie

description

Though he’s been dealt many bad cards, Lance isn’t sure he can handle this one: winding up stranded, a million lightyears away from home, with only Keith to keep him company.
The universe is cruel.

review

amazing a+++ fic but i strongly advise not to read this unless you are willing to live the rest of your life broken hearted and Sad. i promise ur heart will be wrecked but in the best way possible!!! a buncha artists on tumblr made art for this so be sure to check those out & also there’s a epilogue-ish thing for this that dulls the pain a lil less and its called The Stars Smile Back in case yall were interested

2. ) Dirty Laundry by Gibslythe

description:

“Two whole months of free laundry in exchange for two weeks of being my fake boyfriend. Deal?”
Keith hesitated for a moment. Was this really worth it? Hardly. Lance was an asshole, and he wasn’t sure what fake dating would entail. But, free laundry was free laundry, right?
“Alright, it’s a deal.”
Or: Lance makes the mistake of telling his Mom he has a boyfriend coming home with him for Christmas. Keith makes the mistake of agreeing to be Lance’s ‘fake boyfriend’.

review:

if u love slow burn then BOY ur gonna love this !!!! mama lance is so warm i luv her !!! fake dating aka one of my fav tropes so 11/10 and i just rly love this ok im in tears

3. ) call me, beep me by safra

description:

(00:31) Do you think she gave me the wrong number on purpose?
(00:31) Or was it a genuine mistake?
(00:32) Like maybe she writes funny and I misread it?
(00:32) Some of the numbers do look a little dodgy…
(00:33) Cause, you know, her threes couldvery easily be poorly formed eights? And maybe she writes her sevens like her ones?
(00:45) What
(00:46) The
(00:46) Fuck??
(00:47) Oh good, you are awake!
where lance messages the wrong number and things kind of snowball from there

review:

i love through-chat fics therefore i am so in love with this!!!!!! your everyday "wrong number” trope but so so so much better!!! cute and happy

4. ) Seasons by fairietailed

description: 

“Do you think we’ll be together, still, by the time we make it home?”
Lance is quiet for a moment, thinking. Then he says, “That depends. Do you plan on going somewhere?”
Keith laughs, threading his fingers through Lance’s hair.
“No, I suppose I don’t.”

review:

their relationship is just SO PURE AND SOFT and so well written i’m in luuuv but the open ending will shatter and will most likely rip u apart

5. )  Don’t Break Connection, Baby by princedeadend

description:

Keith works part-time as a phone sex operator and receives a prank call from Lance. This does not go as planned for Lance. Thus begins the adventure of our dear sweet idiot continuing to call Keith to fuck with him (but not like fuck fuck with him…at least not yet). And y'know, eventually having legit conversations with him and getting attached and growing on Keith.
aka the phone sex operator fic no one asked for

review:

this is soooooooooo cute and adorable and wow i luv ittttt!!! made me smile so hard it hurts

6. ) He Who Fights Monsters by magisterpavus

description:

In a world where monstrous dragons terrorize humanity daily, the Garrison trains valiant Knights to slay the evil beasts and defend Earth. But when Knight cadet Lance Espinosa is kidnapped by a strange red dragon who kills its own kind, certain truths are revealed…and so are the true monsters.

review:

oh my god the buildup may be slow but i promise it’s worth it like everything just falls perfectly into place !!! and its so adorable and creative and just wow not ur usual klance fanfic and that just makes it 1000x better and also,,, dragons !!

7. ) Bonding Time by magisterpavus

description:

“Shiro, I fucked up,” Keith blurted, wringing his hands.
Shiro paused mid-punch, shooting him a quizzical look. “What? What happened?”
“I think,” Keith whispered, “I think I accidentally roofied Lance. With my dick.”

review:

galra keith will always and forever be my fav au so this is a definite fav for me !!! i love the other 3 sequels it comes w too!! and nsfw content too dont even lie ik u guys are thirsty for that

8 .) Just Static by Jessadilla

description:

–Static—-
-iro, Hunk, Kei—, nybody? I’m—-
-static–
–I’m sorry guys. This is all my–
–static–cc–
—I found my coordinates. They’re–
-stttcc-
-guys. I hear something—
–scccc-
-end transmission-
Alone on a hostile planet, transmissions aren’t getting through. How did it come to this?

review:

this fic got me sad and crying in the middle of the night )’: wont leave u too sad tho the ending is pretty nice

9. ) What a Healing Pod Can’t Repair by Remember_Me

description:

The compromised wormhole was ripping apart at the seams, sending everyone spiraling away in completely different directions. Lance could feel himself being pulled and bent in ways he was definitely not supposed to be.

Stitching the team back together after everyone is separated is difficult, and for one Paladin rescue wouldn’t be coming for a very long time.

review:

no words. literally no words. this was so painful and just wow the buildup will shatter u i swear )’: also poor bb lance i sob. comes with cool-looking art which makes it a whole lot better

10. ) Seen: 5:29 by SpeedOfSins

description:

AU where Keith is some important guy who has a business suit, and lance is a good housewife. (tha ts a lie, i honestly dont have a summary but this fic hurts, i have been told by at least 3 people)
Written in text format

review:

will wreck u, beware!! may be short but enough to bring u to tears honestly

11. ) On Thin Ice by Minadora

description:

Once upon a time, two Canadian nerds decided to start a figure skating au about their two space sons and their wonderful misfit friends. Ten pages of headcanons later we finally put electronic pen to electronic paper and created this monstrosity. This multi-chapter fic chronicles the lives of a hockey player named Keith who gets forcibly enlisted into figure skating lessons by his brother, Shiro, to “work on his footwork”. There he meets a pompous - yet talented - figure skater named Lance and gets swept away by both the sport and the skater.
Enjoy the ride because it’s only just started.

review:

the description says it all !!!!! a fic beloved by the vld fandom and gosh whats not to love honestly???? also the whole gang is so happy !!! (sidenote: this is unfinished and its killing me)

12. ) I bet you look good on the dancefloor by xShieru

description:

“So like in 'Step Up’?” Allura shrugs. “Now that you put it like that - yes. I guess it’s just like in 'Step Up’.” The smile that she sends Shiro’s way - followed by a shy wave, eugh - is sickening to say the least, and Lance still doesn’t believe in dance camps.
-
Lance McClain’s dancing career begins and ends with Keith.
Keith just wants to find out what Lance’s deal is.

review:

if u love step up ur gonna LOVE this !!!! i love it so so so so much can i just say and wow keith is so hot ffs

13. ) thunderstruck by xShieru

description:

Lance doesn’t pine for anyone ever, Keith’s never been to a dance, Hunk tries his best to be supportive, Shiro is very done, and Pidge steals a car.But hey, it could’ve been worse.

review:

space prom!!!!!!! and cute pining gays!! whats not to love about that?

14. ) In English, Please

description:

Lance thinks he can get away with flirting with Keith if it’s in Spanish. Lance thinks if he says the words angrily enough no one will catch on to the ruse. Lance thinks his secret crush is safe. Lance, my friends, is very…very wrong.

review:

two words - too. cute. i can’t even with this fic

anonymous asked:

Hey sorry do you know any ‘being a couple for a case’ fic ? Thank you'

I CERTAINLY DO. It’s one of my favourite tropes of ALL TIME. Like, I reread these fics ALL THE TIME. I am just SO SAD that there’s no long-fic really strictly from Sherlock’s POV. Like I would LOVE for a fic where we see Sherlock’s thought processes about trying to get John to be his date / partner / whatever. 

FAKE RELATIONSHIP 

ANYWAY. I added a few onto this list here, but here’s a full list of the ones in my bookmarks.

  • Wars We Fought, Things We’re Not by blueink3 (M | 55,126 w.) Five months after John’s world has fallen apart, Mycroft sends the consulting detective and his doctor on a case that neither is prepared for. [[**FAVE. You have to check this one out!**]]
  • I can’t pretend by Salambo06 (E | 7,692 w.) - They had arrived more than a hour ago, and the moment they had walked inside the hotel reception, John had understood why Sherlock hadn’t wanted to come. Two men, posh suits and expensive watches on their wrists, had come to greet them with sharp remarks and badly hidden mockery, and John had seen red. Sherlock hadn’t said anything, mostly ignoring the two men entirely, and without thinking twice about it, John had slid an arm around Sherlock’s waist and introduced himself as his husband. [[AHHH so much pining John, I love it. Sherlock is so good to him!!]]
  • A Hundred Thousand Ways to Say the Name John by Jberry (E | 16,825 w.) John Watson and Sherlock Holmes must solve a case on a cruise ship. To get close to the crew and passengers, they must get married for the case on the Baetica. However, their relationship hits rocky seas both due to the case and internal conflicts. Part 1 of Baetica [[FAVE!!! MUST READ!!]]
  • Twelfth Night by yourdykeinshiningarmor (E | 15,139 w.) - John is invited to his aunt’s Twelfth Night ball. Sherlock offers to attend with him as a friendly face among strangers, but John’s family force him to address his true feelings for Sherlock. [[this one is cute]]
  • Till Death Do Us Part by prettysailorsoldier (M | 15,390 w.) - When Sherlock links a recent spree of murder-suicides to a psychologist who specializes in marriage counselling, there’s really only one thing to do: Go undercover as a couple in hopes of drawing the killer out. Faking a relationship seems easy enough, but things take a turn when their real issues start to creep into the sessions, and, all the while, a killer is watching, waiting in the shadows for their chance to strike. Part 12 of 25 Days of Johnlock [[OH GOD this one is lovely. Lots of pain but happy ending]]
  • That Partitioning of the Things of Youth by wearitcounts (Sher_locked_up) (E | 35,353 w.)Victor Trevor is in town, and nobody’s happy. [[I really like this one. Jealous John AND Sherlock and lots of Angst]].
  • What I Hide By My Language, My Body Utters by PixChuu22 (M | 9,047 w.) - Based on a prompt from Tumblr user thetwogaydetectives - “fake relationship that ends up being so real, they finally realize they are in love.” (I like this one. They end up together because of a case).
  • The Case of the Made-Up Case by DoubleNegative (T | 2,394) - Sherlock takes John to a club. For a “case.” Yes, John, a case. Part 1 of The (Secret) Adventures of Sherlock Holmes [[CUTE!]]
  • The Newlywed Game: Johnlock Edition by patternofdefiance (E | 9,020) - John and Sherlock pretend to be married in order to be contestants in a Newlywed Game. Of course it’s for a case. Of course it doesn’t stay that way. Part 8 of I Blame Tumblr [[LOVE THIS ONE. It’s so cute!]]
  • A Case of Identity by jkay1980 (T | 91,009 w.)John and Sherlock have succeeded in rebuilding their friendship after Sherlock’s fake suicide, but an unusual case puts their relationship to the test. They pretend to be engaged and attend a marriage counseling workshop. Under the pretext of the case, Sherlock turns out to be a master of seduction, and John finally learns he might like Sherlock more than he thought. Slowly, John discovers that he loves Sherlock not only in a friendly, brotherly way, but both men have to fight their own demons before they can think of taking their relationship to a new level… [[I love this fic. It’s a really great long-fic!]]
  • A Bit of Indulgence by beltainefaerie (NR | 3,364 w.) -  A case leads John and Sherlock to fake being boyfriends and John runs into an old acquaintance. [[This one is so domestic and cute GUH I love it.]]
  • The Norwood Love Builders by flawedamythyst (T | 47,798 w.) - Sherlock and John go undercover to solve the murder of Joanna Oldacre, but things are complicated by the many feelings John has been repressing in the wake of Sherlock’s faked death and return. [[OMG this is like my FAVOURITE fic in this genre ever. It’s SO good and well characterized]].
  • Hitting the Water at Sixty Miles an Hour by what_alchemy (E | 30,568 w.) “You love your mother, Sherlock?”John watched the muscles in Sherlock’s jaw jump. He nodded in one sharp jerk.“Then we’re going to her party and making her happy.” John let out a resigned sigh. “As a ruddy couple, you bastard.”
  • Once More, With Feeling by cellard00rs (T | 21,178 w.) - To put off his meddlesome, matchmaking mother, John convinces Sherlock to play the role of his significant other. Unparalleled awkwardness ensues. [[nice amount of fluff and pining!]]
  • Hope Springs Eternal by QuinnAnderson (T | 4,054 w.) - John Watson and Sherlock Holmes go on holiday, and Sherlock has romance on the brain. [[Another cute one!]]
  • Five Times They Kissed for a Case, and One Time They Kissed for Real by fleetwood_mouse (M | 32,406) - A stolen ring! An artful blogger! And many more adventures for your enjoyment.
  • Disguises are always a self-portrait by yellowteapots (NR | 6,223 w.) - They were headed to a Pride Fest for a case-triple suicide/murder- which, of course mean they had to pretend to be couple. John had a suspicion Mycroft took a fairly sadistic glee in booking them a (single king-sized bed) room at the most romantic B&B in town. (I LOVE THIS ONE SO MUCH)
  • A Silver Sixpence by doodle (E | 16,400 w. LIVEJOURNAL) - John and Sherlock have to get married for a case, and learn some things about each other. I LOVE LOVE LOVE this story, though its only fault is that it’s on LiveJournal… (PITA to read on mobile)

AMNESIA:

Here are a couple where either John or Sherlock have amnesia and they think that they are each other’s husband or partner.

  • Among the Secret Things by Kate_Lear (E | 26,073 w.) - Sherlock would be the last person to describe himself as given to flights of fancy, but at the look on Lestrade’s face he could swear that something inside him curls up and dies. Part 1 of Among the Secret Things
  • What Meets the Eye by worldaccordingtofangirls (M | 8,251 w.) Amnesia is just another case to solve. Piece together unfamiliar faces, reconstruct the old identity, the lost reality. A challenge that Sherlock could even enjoy. He can read people like books. The man with the silver hair is his boss. The tottering old woman, his landlady. The girl with the worried look in her eyes…infatuated. And as for John Watson? His husband. Obviously.

“FOR A CASE” TROPE

So these aren’t necessarily relationships, or weren’t tagged as such, but contains some other “for a case” fics!

  • Midnight Blue Serenity by BeautifulFiction (E | 151,907w.) - When Sherlock infiltrates a club in order to track down a serial killer, his altered appearance is enough to make John question his assumption that Sherlock is beyond his reach. However, is he the only one who appreciates his flatmate’s charms, or is Sherlock at risk of becoming the next victim? [[THIS IS ONE OF MY FAVE FICS OF ALL TIME. tw for gore-ish type things near the end.]]
  • It Isn’t Strange Until You Think About It by ivyblossom (T | 4,596 w.) - John tells the truth about how it happened. For some reason, “it’s for a case” always seems to do the trick.
  • The Case of the Vanishing Pants by SwissMiss (E | 44,025 w.) - Five times John and Sherlock lost their pants for a case. [[there are some angsty bits in this, but I did giggle at a few scenes]]

OTHER SORT-OF RELATED FICS:

Here are a few that aren’t REALLY “for a case” but they end up together or the Johnlock is strong in it because of cases or because of situations.

  • Rescue by missilemuse (T | 2,574 w.) - If this was the way Sherlock Holmes loved, it was no wonder why he had avoided the damned emotion for over half of his life. Part 6 of Reichenbach To Return [[this isn’t really Johnlock, but it is… it’s non-ad10ck ad10ck. You have to read it to understand. It’s SO good and painful, trust me. Sherlock!Whump and pining]].
  • Five Times John Noticed But Didn’t Really by ScandalousMinds (T| 6,383 w.) 5 times John (thought) he noticed something peculiar about his and Sherlock’s relationship but really missed the obvious.
  • A Need To Know Basis by mattsloved1 (K+| 964 w., FFNet) - As the cab door shut firmly, the DI had yelled out they were to make an appearance at Scotland Yard the next day. It was while John watched London pass by that it happened. (short and sweet!! I love it!!)
  • Hallowed Eve by EventHorizon (T | 14,750 w.) - It probably wasn’t the smartest idea to let Sherlock choose the costumes for Halloween, but John never considered himself the smartest man in the room, anyway. (It’s a couple’s costume thing!)
  • Equine Arse Anonymity by Kayjaykayme (E | 3,834 w.) - Sherlock needs to speak with suspects at a fancy dress ball. He chooses a couple’s costume for himself and John. It is logical, practical and well thought out. John doesn’t agree and exacts sweet revenge.
  • Maybe This Christmas by feverishsea for leopardwrites (T | 6,021 w.) Anthea has given up her life, her own desires, even her name in service of something greater than herself. But that doesn’t mean she can’t see when someone else wants something – even if she doesn’t happen to care overmuch for that person. And it doesn’t mean she isn’t willing to help. (Anthea gets the boys together)
  • You Can Imagine the Christmas Dinners by ardenteurophile  (T | 23,584 w.) Sherlock takes John along for Christmas dinner with Mycroft and Mummy (And “Anthea”, too). Over the course of the evening, John realises that everyone in the room - apart from him - seems to think that he and Sherlock are a couple. Part 2 of Xmas Dinners Verse (I LOVE THIS ONE)
  • The Sexual Awakening of Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson by suitesamba (M | 24,579 w.) Sherlock owes Mycroft a favor. Mycroft calls in that favor by offering Sherlock’s consulting services in a charity auction. Sherlock and John soon find themselves at the country manor of Mrs. Ives-Patton Smarmington III - not very coincidentally a long-time friend of Sherlock’s mother - where they are reluctant participants in her Murder Mystery Weekend. It’s a play within a play for Sherlock and John, and their roles for the weekend event bleed over into their real lives, waking the sleeping dragons within. Or In which John learns that Sherlock owing Mycroft a favor is very suspect, and Sherlock has a very bad idea.

Hope those satisfy! Alex also has a list that has some ACD Holmes on the list too!

Study buddy (Smut)

I often imagine Sehun being the Flirt Master who can get any girl… 

Originally posted by fy-sexo-exo

Pairing: Sehun x Reader

Genre: Smut

Word count: 5543 words

Warning: Rough sex, Public sex, Dirty-Dirty talk, Voyeurism

AU: College!AU


Study buddy

Four standard assumptions of perfectly competitive models – One. Economies of scale are… small relative… to the size of the… market. Two. Output… is homogenous. Three. Information… is… soft- and… fluffy. Four. I want to marry you… sweet, cuddly turtle-bunny-cushion. Something hits the elbow you’re leaning your head upon and you shoot up, slightly panicking. Shit. You had fallen asleep. It was only for a minute; you defend yourself in your mind. Nobody saw you, right?

You lift your hands to rub your eyes but stop yourself in the nick of time. You have almost forgotten that you are wearing black eyeliner and mascara. Thank God you remembered just in time – It would have been a catastrophe if you didn’t.

You look around, pinching your eyes a few times instead and examining the endless array of tables that is populated with college students and their college books, notebooks, markers and pencils. During the exam periods, it’s difficult to find a spot left empty. Outside the College library, there’s typically a line of students waiting to claim a seat, even at this unholy hour of nine pm.

Keep reading

Slippery When Wet

Reid x Reader

“You had sex in the Museum of Modern Art ? Oh my gawd..” Penelope’s hands were clasped over her mouth and she was almost shaking with laughter.

You all were. What had started off as a nice meal cooked by JJ, had quickly escalated into a full on girls night in. You were all strewn about her living room, wine bottles in various places. You were lying on her couch, your feet placed in Emily’s lap and you were all discussing the various strange places you’d had sex.

You were tipsy, pleasantly on your way to being hammered and you were having a brilliant night in with your female colleagues. Garcia was sat in the arm chair with her legs slung up over the side and JJ was sprawled out on her floor, her head propped up on her arms and a half empty bottle of wine next to her. She’d taken to swigging directly from the bottle as she’d smashed her second wine glass an hour ago and you’d all berated her for wasting alcohol. You knew where your priorities were.

“Yep! I used to date one of the security guards when I was eighteen. He snuck us in after hours,” Emily told you, her face pink with laughter.

“God…” JJ said. “The most adventurous place me and Will do it is in the shower, he loves it in there.”

You giggled, “Spence loves it when we fuck in the shower too, although I’m always scared we’ll slip over.”

The three girls stopped laughing and all turned to look at you incredulously.

“Spence?” Emily asked.

Your eyes widened as you realised what you’d said.

“OUR Spencer?!?” JJ rearranged herself into an upright position, crossing her legs and leaning forward.

Oh fuck.

“Y/N? Really? You and Reid?”

“Errrrm.”

JJ crawled across the floor and pulled out her handbag which was stashed at the side of her couch. Taking out her purse, she handed fifty dollars to Emily.

“Penelope, I believe you owe me fifty too?” Prentiss told Garcia.

“In a minute. I still…. Really?” She was leaning forward in her seat.

“You can’t say anything to the guys. Please. We’re not ready for people to know yet.”

“OH MY GOSH, IT’S TRUE!!” Garcia squealed and you caught JJ rolling her eyes and making the motion of covering her ears.

You took a big gulp of wine and nodded, readying yourself for the questions.

“When?” Penny demanded to know. “No no no wait.. I bet it was at Morgan’s party? Am I right, am I right?”

You shook your head. “We were together by then.”

“THAT WAS THREE MONTHS AGO, Y/N.”

Emily and JJ just looked amused, watching the exchange between you two. You gave them all a sheepish look.

“The time we went on that outward bounds team building thing? I remember you two lagging behind on the trails. Did something happen then. Wait… You two got back to camp a good thirty minutes after the rest of us. It was then wasn’t it… Oh I can see it now; you trip and Spencer reaches for you to stop your fall. You end up in a pile on the floor and stare into each others…. ”

“Pen, no. We were already together then too. Although something definitely happened in those woods.”

JJ interrupted her just before she was about to launch into another convoluted guess. “When exactly did it happen?”

“Erm…. You remember that case where I was really ill and Spencer ended up escorting me home and spent the weekend looking after me.”

“Hahahaha,” Emily laughed. “So you played a little bit of Doctor Reid and patient then.”

“Weeell not exactly. I was too ill. But that’s when we discovered that we both liked each other.”

“Girl, we could have told you that.” JJ sipped from her wine bottle, grinning at you.

“So wow… That was… ” Garcia thought back in her head, “Seven months ago.”

“Yep.”

“What’s he like, you know, as a boyfriend?” JJ asked.

“Perfect.”

All three awwwwed in unison. You weren’t lying either, Spencer really was the best partner you’d had.

“Does anyone at work know?” Garcia wanted to know.

“Only Hotch. And that was because we felt he ought to. He’s fine with it as long as it doesn’t effect our work. Which so far, it hasn’t.”

There was a moments pause before Emily cleared her throat.

“I’m just gonna ask what those two are thinking. What’s he like in the sack?”

“I can’t tell you that!!”

“Yes you can.” They urged, almost as if they were a practiced chorus.

“No, I can’t!”

“You’ve gotta give us something here.” Garcia begged.

“Look, all I’ll say is that he’s definitely picked up a thing or two from all the things he’s read, and that he makes me extremely happy.”

Another trio of awwws.

“I never really imagined Spencer to be a shower sex kinda guy though,” Emily piped up.

“Oh he definitely is. I swear, the amount of times one of us has nearly slipped over.”

…Monday Morning…

The girls had promised not to say anything and you were trying to find the right time to tell Reid that you’d let it slip. You’d decided that when you were ready, you’d tell everyone together.

You were sitting across from each other around the circular table in the meeting room with Hotch, Derek and Rossi, waiting for the other three.

Strolling in with smirks on their faces, they handed Reid a wrapped package.

You looked at them curiously.

“A present? What did I do to deserve this?” He asked them excitedly, ripping it open at their urging.

“An anti slip shower mat? I don’t get it?” He looked at them confused.

You were going to kill them. All three of them, together.

“Y/N was telling us the other night how you sometimes have problems staying upright in the shower,” Emily told him as the other two tried to keep a straight face.

“Y/N?”

“I’m sorry…… I’m so sorry!!”

He started to chuckle as did the other men. Standing up, he quickly walked around the table and pulled you out of your chair, wrapping his arms around you.

“I kinda let it slip too, last weekend when we were at Rossi’s.”

“Thank God!” Derek exclaimed loudly. “I thought we were gonna have to pretend we didn’t know forever. You have no idea how hard this last week has been for me, wanting to make jokes at your twos expense. Although… The shower mat. I don’t get it?”

Penelope whispered something into his ear and he grinned, nodding approvingly.

“Slippery when wet, eh.”

Here Are My Colors

Anthony Ramos x Reader

Requested: anthony x reader where reader is anthony’s longterm girlfriend who stuck with him through him never being home, missing out on date nights for rehearsals & performances, & really through everything together. when the show hits broadway, anthony starts staying waaay later than he has to @ the theatre & on readers 3 year anni with him, he insists he has to stay late at the theatre when they already had plans together & reader discovers it was just bc he wanted to hang out with jasmine

Words: 6,149 (i get it man, I’m so extra)

Warnings:  swearing, cheating, AND angst, SO much angst, I’m sorry

A/N: I WANT TO DEDICATE THIS FIC TO THE MOST AMAZING PERSON, ELL @lookaroundlookaroundhowlucky. THANK YOU FOR LOOKING OVER THIS & FOR LITERALLY MAKING ME LAUGH & SMILE EVERY SINGLE FUCKING DAY. I LOVE YOU & I APPRECIATE THE SHIT OUTTA YA GIRL. Y’ALL GO CHECK HER OUT, SHE SLAYS THE GAME EVERYDAY.

ALSO, I have no words as to how PROUD I am of this fic, it’s UNREAL. It took me so long to write and I love it, it’s basically my child. PLEASE ENJOY.

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Dark Souls’ Kings And Lords

Gwyn: I will raise this son as a daughter and in general take a whole diarrhea on him regardless of his merits and accomplishments because he was born aligned to a different aspect than me. I will also disown my other son and erase any records of his identity and history. I embarked on genocide of dragons for possibly very shady reasons, and was fully on board with a dangerous project to recreate that which cannot be replicated, resulting in a catastrophic failure that mutated a wise and peaceful civilization into murderous beast. You are supposed to feel bad about having to kill me, as the sad piano that plays while we duke it out suggests.

King of Oolacile: Dude, what if we totally dabbled in the forbidden arts with our golden sorceries (read: utility spells) as our only back-up and tortured this ancient conglomeration of twisted existences that we revived just to satisfy our sick curiosity? That’d be RAD, I hope nothing about this bites us in the ass down the lane, am I right.

The Four Kings: Man, it was really a challenge, but we finally got this whole New Londo jimjam going strong and steady! *phone rings* GUYS, THIS SNAKE THAT ANTAGONIZES EVERYTHING WE STAND FOR PROMISES TO TEACH US THE 120% ILLEGAL ART OF LIFEDRAIN, LET’S ROLL, I MEAN, WHAT’S THE WORST THAT COULD HAPPEN?

King Vendrick: *playing the harmonica off-note in his shitty crypt* I married this really hot chick but she turned out to be, like, a literal aspect of darkness hell-bent on the obliteration of civilization, so, hey, whatevs, man, you gotta compromise in marriage, right? *takes a swig of a black label Johnnie Walker* she then was like “honey, you gotta murderize that entire civilization of peaceful giants”, so we did! It was GREAT, we lost over half of our population, I redefined the concept of “war crime”, it was mad cool, man, well, except for the part where I realized what I had done, engaged full pussy mode, and locked myself in a crypt, where I took to wandering naked and afraid while my bodyguard protects me, despite the fact that I am insanely strong and immortal and wise. WHATCHA GONNA DO *LIFTS ARMS IN MOCK SURRENDER* *LAUGH TRACK PLAYS*

Duke Tseldora: SPIDERS

The Sunken King: Whew! That took a LOT of time, but we finally did it! We built a whole city around this slumbering dragon, our object of worship! This is, in no way, a dangerous idea at all. You know what is also not dangerous? Why, those famed Dragonslayers coming over by yonder, the Drakeblood Knights, led by Sir Yorgh, famed Dragonslayer! Let’s see what they want!

Old Iron King: LOOK AT ALL THIS METAL, HOMIE. LOOK AT MY COOL ASS SAMURAI MAN TEACHING MY KNIGHTS TO BE SAMURAI, HOMIE. LOOK AT THIS BITCHIN’ FUCKIN’ FORMER DRANGLEIC KNIGHT, RAIME, WHO CAME TO SERVE ME, HOMIE. YEAH BABY, WE GOT IT ALL IN THE IRON KINGDOM, WE GOT THESE CROSS-CULTURAL SAMURAI KNIGHTS PIMPING UP THE PLACE WITH PLATE ARMOR AND IAI, MAN, AND WE– H-hold on, Alonne, baby? Where you going, man? Baby, no, I can change, I swear, please come back, baby, NO, BABY, ALONNE *SHANKS ALONNE* aw fiddlesticks well I guess my kingdom goes to fuck now ‘cause I will throw the biggest, meanest tantrum in the history of big diaper pissbabies LET’S GO

Ivory King: Hello! I love you! Yes, you! Whoever is reading this, I love you! I really do! And while I love you a lot, there’s someone I love even more, and that’s my beautiful wife, Alsanna! God, I love my wife, she’s so beautiful and kind and smart, I just want her to be happy forever. I know, she’s a literal aspect of darkness who came with evil intentions and zealous desire to raze my lands, but, I know that anyone, anyone, is capable of redemption, and my love has confirmed that. I love my wife, and I love my kingdom Eleum Loyce, my capable knights, my beautiful tigers, my kingdom of snow and peace! Wanna know a secret? I built my kingdom right on top of the Old Chaos to contain it, to keep it in check, so it wouldn’t rampage across the world. Ah, I’m really sad to have to cut this short, but my soul, well, it wavers. After so many years of fighting it, my very fabric is yielding to the overwhelming chaos. As an ultimate act of sacrifice, I will give myself to the Flame, contain the whole essence of the Old Chaos within my body, and keep it wrested to the ground, so it can never harm anyone evermore. I am glad to have met you, but I must go now. Please live a wonderful life! Shout out to my beautiful wife!

Yhorm the Giant: *hands you the one thing that can kill him* I AM HONESTLY TRYING TO MAKE THINGS BETTER, PLEASE TRUST ME. AND IF I GO COO-COO, USE THAT TO KILL ME, AND ALSO, I AM PUTTING AWAY MY GREATSHIELD SO IT IS EASIER TO HIT ME IN CASE I GO BAD, BUT PLEASE, I AM JUST TRYING TO BE GOOD, BRUSH YOUR SEATBELT AND FASTEN YOUR TEETH.

Oceiros, the Consumed King: *spams your Facebook feed with photos of his invisible baby*

Nameless King: Funny story, but I am actually not a king. Anyways, check out these delayed attacks and these FPS drops.

Prince Lothric: What If Stay Home Instead

shawnalovesanimeutgfmore  asked:

Coming out/ revealing that they were in a relationship fics?

This fic rec is also for @go-to-helvetica who also requested some stories where Harry and Draco out their relationship to their friends/the public. Hope you guys enjoy! 

  • Being a Master at Ignoring the Obvious - by sockpuppet82 (4k)
    “Look,” he said, pointing somewhere behind Malfoy’s head. “Something expensive.” Ron’s a fellow master at ignoring the obvious, Hermione’s easy to distract, and Draco…Harry’s not sure if Draco’s just humouring him, or really really dense
    (An absolutely hilarious story where Harry distracts his friends so they don’t find out about him and Malfoy. Harry is such a tease, Ron and Hermione are so hopelessly oblivious and Draco wishes Harry had a better sense in fashion. A really good read just for the laughs!)

  • The One Where Ron and Hermione Find OutEruditeWitch (13k)
    When Harry is injured, the secret is out. Will their relationship last such a startling revelation?
    (The love between Harry and Draco is so strong and lovely. Summary says it all tbh)

  • Secrets - by Vorabiza (395k)
    Beginning with Draco’s unexpected arrival at the Dursleys, Harry’s summer after sixth year becomes filled with activity and many secrets. As his summer progresses, Harry generates several unexpected allies as he finds himself actively becoming the leader of the Light side
    (A total classic! It has one of the best plots I’ve ever seen, and the Drarry relationship is so realistic. The long length of the fic won’t matter because time will honestly fly when you’re reading it!)

  • 5 times Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter weren’t dating (and 1 time they definitely were) - by Ingi (6k)
    These times, at Hogwarts, the most asked question is “Are Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy dating?” The answer is usually no, until it isn’t.
    (This story had me giggling like a madman! It’s where everyone (and I mean everyone) think Harry and Draco are dating, but the two boys are fervently denying that they’re not. Such a fun read!)

  • All Our Secrets Laid Bare - by firethesound (149k)
    Over the six years Draco Malfoy has been an Auror, four of his partners have turned up dead. Harry Potter is assigned as his newest partner to investigate just what is going on. 
    (Draco and Harry are assigned to be auror partners and violate about 17 ministry laws when they start secretly dating. Oh well, when has Harry ever cared for rules anyway?)

  • Love, Secrets, and Quidditch - by ElectricBlueLilies (1k)
    “‘Potter, you oaf.’ He grumbled to himself.
    They were supposed to be keeping their relationship a secret, for obvious reasons, but then again, the Golden Boy could never do anything subtly, could he.”
    (This is such a lighthearted and cute story! Basically summary says all, but it truly was adorable)

  • Right Hand Red - by lumosed_quill (73k)
    Harry felt Malfoy’s breath on his lips as they came together over the bottle, hands firmly planted on the floor as though they each needed their familiar soil, refusing to cross into enemy territory.
    Except that Malfoy no longer felt like his enemy.
    Malfoy felt inevitable.
    (Loved every minute of this fic! If you haven’t read this story, then you’re honestly missing out on so much! The high levels of UST will kill you, but don’t worry our boys later fix it ;) It has party games that help Harry and Draco progress in their relationship. And the art! Oh my god the art that accompanies this story is brilliant!)

  • Everybody’s Secret - by leontina (3k)
    Harry and Draco are both professors at Hogwarts, and in a relationship with each other. They think they’re doing a good job keeping it secret — they’re not.
    (This is such a cute, funny and adorably fluffy fic! There’s so many hilarious moments and scenes, you’ll definitely love reading it!)

  • I’ll Tell You A Secret (Just Don’t Tell) - by nerakrose (18k)
    Harry and Draco are living a fairly normal life with a fairly normal relationship, except for the part where it’s, well, secret.
    (Harry and Draco have been in a secret relationship for 4 years - and then the secret suddenly gets out…whoops? Draco as a model is the best thing ever. Oh, and I also loved how realistic Harry and Draco’s relationship was. Pure perfection!)

  • Hiding with The Silk Shirts - by attackonomelas (5k)
    Five years in a secret relationship is enough. Draco and Harry come to the realization that they have to come out.
    (I was instantly hooked right from the start with this fic! Everything I could ever need was in this fic - 8th year, banter and a snarky Draco. It’s an amazingly hilarious story!)

  • You blew your cover for what?! - by la_choo (melonbutterfly) (3k)
    Draco gets almost killed, Snape is pissed, and somehow in this whole mess a rather shocking secret is revealed.
    (This was incredibly sweet! Honestly, there’s nothing more to this story than to say it’s the sweetest thing ever!!)

  • 9 times Harry kissed Draco and the 1 time Draco kissed Harry - by  LockWhoSuper (4k)
    “Harry grinned, Draco fell into his trap perfectly. Surging forwards, Harry wrapped his fingers around Draco’s tie and pulled him forwards until their lips met over their cauldron. The pressure lasted for three seconds, Harry’s eyes shut and Draco’s wide in surprise. When Harry let Draco go, he slid back into his seat slowly, eyes still wide, tie crooked and a blush painting his cheeks.”
    (You’ll be suffocating in fluff if you read this fic! Harry doesn’t like it when Draco swears, so he kisses him whenever he does. Ugh, it was just too cute <3)
Haunting Me: Chapter 1

A/N; Eeeeek! Here it is guys, chapter 1! This story has me so pumped and i’m so happy you guys liked the intro. I hope you guys like this chappie, cuz it’s a bit of a giant relief haha. ENJOY! - Delilah ❤️

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x POC Reader

Haunting Me: Y/N is a normal young adult living in New York, but little does she know that she’s a reincarnation of the long lost Bucky Barnes’ fiance from the 1940′s. What happens when she runs into Steve in 2012? Most importantly, what happens when she runs into The Winter Soldier?

Warnings: Swearing. Slight angst. Mild violence. Hella feels. 





2012

You focused on the pencil in your hand, shading the paper as carefully as possible.

New York was beautiful in the summer time, especially once the sun hit the right spot in the sky. It wasn’t a cloudy day by any chance; in fact, there wasn’t a single cloud in sight. You sat in the metal chair, your legs crossed beneath you as you focused on the sketch in front of you. You reached for the pastry on the plate next to it and took a small bite out of it, chewing slowly.

You enjoyed your time alone, as you always did, especially when you got to sketch the totally gorgeous Calvin Klein model sitting two seats down from you.

Okay, he probably wasn’t a model, but he sure as hell looked like one.  He was built like a brick house and those eyes. Jesus –you could get lost in those ocean blue orbs of his. From what it looked like, he was drawing as well. He could draw and look super-hot while doing it? He was a rare gem. However, as you cocked your head to the side, curiously studying his features, you couldn’t help but notice how sad he looked. It made your chest ache just seeing him brood like that.

“Another brownie ma’am?” the waitress asked with a smile. And by the grace of god, the total hottie looked over at you. You blushed, looking up at the waitress with a timid smile.

“Um. No thank you.” She gave you a quick nod before walking away.

When you looked back over at the mysterious blond, you expected him to give you a small smile and continue throughout his day, but boy were you wrong. You looked back over and to your surprise, he was openly staring at you, his blue eyes widened with an odd mixture of fear and shock. He blinked rapidly, his eyes focusing on your face shamelessly.

Immediately you felt so self-conscious. Was there something on your face? Did you creep him out?  Oh god, did your eyeliner smudge. You had a habit of rubbing your face whilst drawing and you did forget you were wearing makeup sometimes.

After a few minutes of being stared down by the man, you had quite enough. You hastily packed your sketch book into your bag and placed a few dollar bills onto the table before standing. You swore you could feel the burning of eyes on your back as you stealthy maneuvered around the sea of people.

Before you could take another step, you felt a tight grip on your arm stop you.

“What are you doing?” you exclaimed, turning around with a scowl. You reached in your pocket for your pepper spray.

“I-I’m sorry!” The man sputtered, his eyes softened once he peered around at the many people watching the two of you. There was a small crowd surrounding you now and you felt so embarrassed, yet relieved. He wouldn’t dare try anything in public.  

You yanked your arm back, holding it in your wrist. “Why are you following me? Do I know you or something?” your last question caused him to frown. You could practically see the wheels turning in the man’s head as he chose his words carefully. He sighed heavily, before his eyes travelled down to the bag in your hand.  

“I uh…noticed you drawing earlier and I wanted to say how nice your shading technique was. That’s all.”

You blinked, your eyes widening. He did all that for a damn compliment? Who was this guy?

“Thank you,” you replied, which came out more as a question. Soon, the people around you began going about their day once they realized there was no harm being done to you. Leaving the two of you standing in the middle of the busy sidewalk.

“My name is Steve,” he smiled, holding out his hand for you. “Steve Rogers.” You raised your eyebrows. That was a bit of an older fashioned name, but you weren’t complaining. Your mom tried to name you Jane once before your birth.

“I’m Y/N,” you replied, gently taking his hand and shaking it.  

“Y/N Y/L/N.”


As the next couple years went by, you and Steve became two peas in a pod.  

Wherever you went, he went. At first, you found it sort of creepy that your best friend was following you around town all the time, showing up at your apartment in the middle of the night when the Stark tower got too much for him and he needed a place to sleep properly. After a while, you just assumed the man was a bit lonely, which was fine by you considering you were, too.

There were times where you two would just stay up all night watching old movies from his time. His favorite was My Darling Clementine, which you had seen so many times that you now knew the entire film’s script by memory. 

Soon, Steve began accompanying you on your trips to art galleries for school. It was a win/win for you as he always attracted so much attention being the hot shot Captain America he was, also, he eased the storm of anxiety that you struggled with your entire life. Steve was your wing man.  

But there were some times when you felt that maybe Steve wanted to be more than friends. 

You always thought of him as a brother figure, but the way he would look at you whenever he thought you weren’t noticing, it had you a bit confused. It happened when you were watching the old movies. He would look at you from out the corner of his eye, watching your reactions closely. You figured it was because he had a thing for you, which you didn’t return. 

You had a couple boyfriends here and there, but nothing special. And Steve, bless his heart, had completely unapproved of them all. 

But whenever you would sing along to your favorite song, Over the Rainbow by Judy Garland, you would see the look even more. You couldn’t put your finger on it, but something about that song probably caused unpleasant memories for him. You wondered why. 

Another time you got The Look, was when you smoked. It was a habit, yeah, one that you’ve had for far too long. Every time you would be out and about with him -which was always- and you lit up a cigarette, he would immediately scold you until you put it out. You loved Stevie, but you were a big girl. You could make your own decisions. 


You were lounging on your couch, watching old reruns of Seinfeld, when a loud banging on your front door causing you to nearly jump out of your skin. You looked over at your phone. 

Five O’clock. 

Steve was currently on a mission, or so you thought. Who on earth could it be? 

You sighed, standing up from the couch and made your way towards the front door. You flung the door open, expecting to see Steve standing there with a box of pizza like always, but instead you got something way, way more complicated. 

“W-What is going on?” you asked, eyeing the two other Avengers beside your best friend. 

Steve let out a sigh, giving you a guilty smile. “These are my uh…coworkers.” 

You blinked, staring at him with wide eyes. Coworkers? Really?

“May we come inside?” Natasha asked as she clutched her shoulder tightly. Her face was twisted into a grimace as she tried to cover the obvious gunshot wound in her shoulder. Your eyes widened. 

“Of course!” you jumped, reaching forward and gently placing your hand on her back, and guiding her into your apartment. She let out a groan when you touched her shoulder. 

“I think I’m gonna need a new shoulder.” she said. 


You placed the cotton swab on Natasha’s shoulder, gently dabbing the fresh stitches you had applied. She was lucky to be alive, the bullet barely missed a major artery. A couple more centimeters and she would’ve bled out in seconds. 

“So are you guys gonna tell me what the hell happened?” you asked, turning around in your chair to face Steve, who was seated on your couch, his body bruised and battered from the obvious fight. 

Whoever they ran into managed to put up on hell of a fight. 

“His name is The Winter Soldier,” Natasha chimed from behind you. She avoided your eyes as she spoke “He’s Hydra’s top assassin. He’s killed over a dozen elected officials and other people as well. We ran into him earlier.” 

Steve continued to stare down at the floor, his face in a distant frown. 

“What does that have to do with Steve? What happened?” you asked eagerly. 

“We just found out that this so called Winter Soldier is actually Steve’s best friend, Bucky Barnes.” 

Your eyes widened. You were so confused. Steve never mentioned anyone else in his life except for his mother and father. He always told you he was on the lonely side, but…he had a best friend apparently. An old best friend from over seventy years ago. 

“Who the hell is Bucky?” you chided, furrowing your brows at Steve. How could he have not told you? You and he told each other everything. 

“Bucky Barnes was considered KIA in 1942 when he fell off a locomotive during a mission to capture the evil scientist Arnim Zola.” Sam informed as he reloaded his pistol. 

“And now, he’s alive. And brainwashed, completely wiped of his memories of Steve.” Natasha finished, taking a sip of the glass of orange juice you poured her a few minutes ago. 

You felt your chest ache. 

Why couldn’t Steve feel like he could tell you about Barnes? You guys were so much closer than the average friends. 

You turned back to Steve, only to find him on the couch with his face buried in his hands. His breaths coming out in short huffs. 

You made your way over to the blond, bending down until you were eye level with him. He looked so broken, yet you had no idea what he was going through. You’ve never lost anyone before. You had no idea who this Winter Soldier was, but if it meant reconnecting two old friends, you were more than wiling to help Steve. 

You gently pulled Steve’s hands from his hair and brought them down, revealing his tear stained face. You smiled up at him, hope shining in your eyes. 

“Whoever this Bucky guy is,” you began, looking down at your entwined hands. “He must be a special kind of man for you to go these lengths. We’ll get your friend back, Steve. If it’s the last thing we do.” 

Steve felt his heart shattering even more as you spoke. Nevertheless, he offered you a false smile, hoping to distract you from the internal pain he was facing. To his relief, you bought it. 

He watched as you went back to Natasha and began placing the bandages onto her wound, your face set in a concerned frown. 

‘Oh, Y/N’ he thought to himself. 

‘If you only knew the truth.’ 


- Fin!  ❤️

Tag list of super awesome people! 

@sebbylover24 @softwintersoldier @amrita31199 @jezzula @jenna-luke @harrisbn @ifoundlove-x0vanessa0x @ballerinafairyprincess @gingerbatchwife @callmeoncette @bellaballanda @sebbyismyking @abigailredgrave @chou-maitresse @twinklingstarlight @abovethesmokestacks @dracu-ma-bucky @persephone-is-here-omg @i-write-tragedies-and-sins @melconnor2007 @nenyakj @watergirl1996 @marveloussssworld @ihavetwobuckystomyname @megandrawsspace @wintersoldieressiam @fridabarnes @abovethesmokestacks @mizzzpink @diana-daydreamer @meganlane84 @adrianabribiescacortes @r3stl3ss-minds @queen–valeskaxx @winterboobaer @addictivewriter @tatortot2701 @supersoldier-buckybarnes @the-winter-avengerrrrr @the-witching-hours12-3 @netflixa @kaitskennedyy @witheringblooddemon  @lostinspace33 @nottheopera @beebossinner @ktrivia @4theluvofall @the-lazy-leprechaun @behindthesehazeleyes27 @38leticia @davinaciaire @cry-me-a-fkin-river @buckyshattergirl @raeintheusa @helloitsgrc @icedragoncred1763 @sebbeanstan @shieldagentofthemonth @amillionfandoms-onlyoneme @sheriwallace123 @permanent-lines @hellstempermentalangel @answer-the-sirens @badassbaker @mrssgtjamesbuckybarnes @therealgoldenbookworm @buckyappreciationsociety @dream-equine @munsurieya @feelmyroarrrr @learisa @stephie-senpai @vindictivegrace @valynsia @saffreelove @say-my-name-assbut @feelthemusicfuckwhatheyresaying @alucialunn12 @bad-wolf87 @such-a-common-girl @yknott81 @frolicsomefawkes @svetlanaabril @hellahornyvirgin @mirkwood—princess @amour-quinn @tirednwired05 @obsessed-with-book-boyfriends @harleycativy @crazinessgraveyardsandcartoons @deathordesire

Ok so I kind of lost my tag list thingy so if I didn’t tag you on the list pls let me know or if i tagged you on the wrong fic, pls also let me know!

Tags are open for this series!

Intro

pandasubaru  asked:

AU Ideas: 4 (with Artist Steve?? that'd be amazing) or 13 or 15

  • 15: My friend made me a grindr/tinder profile without me knowing and you liked my profile and then sent me a message which just said ‘Bees?’ and I’m a little confused but intrigued.

— —

Steve’s phone buzzes.

“If this is another Grindr notification, I swear to God—“ Steve starts.

“That you’ll answer it and go get laid?” Sam says. Natasha snickers.

“That I’ll kick your ass,” Steve says.

Sam raises an eyebrow. “Will you?” he asks.

“Yes, I will!” Steve says.

“He’s very scrappy,” Natasha says. “He once managed to scratch me.”

“Check your messages,” Sam says.

Steve sighs, rolls his eyes, and pulls out his phone. He reads the notification from wintersoldat3255. It says, Bees? and nothing else.

He holds the phone up to Sam. “See?” he says. “See the weirdos who message me because you made this profile?”

Sam takes the phone from Steve, reads the message, and snorts. “Okay, well, maybe they’re not all winners. Let’s see what he…” he trails off, eyes going wide. “Shit, those are some pectorals.”

“Oh, pass it here,” Natasha says, taking the phone. Even Natasha — who is rarely impressed — raises her eyebrows. “Maybe you should see what this guy has to say,” she says, passing the phone back to Steve after a long moment.

“I’ve seen what he has to say, and what he has to say is ‘bees’, apparently.”

“It was a question,” Sam says. “You should change your intonation.”

Steve exhales. “Bees?” he asks, exaggerating the raised end of the question. “That better?”

“Very,” Sam says. “Now let’s look at your other prospects.”

Steve gets up to get another round of drinks.

— —

He doesn’t know why he goes back to Grindr that night, after he’s back home and has had a few drinks. It’s not that he wants to get laid — honestly, he doesn’t want to get out of bed — but he’s sort of curious about who saw his photos and thought ‘yeah, I’d hit that’.

He scrolls through a few generic messages, then sees the one from wintersoldat3255.

Bees?

What the fuck.

So he types out, what the fuck? and sends it back to the guy.

He doesn’t expect an answer — the guy messaged him hours ago — but it only takes a minute or so before he gets a response:

You say save the bees in your profile, which is noble and everything, but I know for a FACT that you’re allergic to bees.

First of all, Steve is a little heartened knowing that Sam knows him well enough to include the fact that the bees need to be put on the endangered species list and should be protected on his dating profile. But then he realizes that this guy… somehow knows that Steve is allergic to bees, which is creepy as hell.

No I’m not, Steve lies, calling the guy’s bluff.

No, you are. I’m the one who shoved an Epipen in your thigh after you got stung during Gilmore Hodge’s birthday party and his mom was too freaked out to do anything about it.

Steve stares at the message, then shakes his head. It can’t be right! The person who stuck the Epipen in his thigh during Gilmore Hodge’s birthday party was Bucky Barnes, and this guy can’t be Bucky Barnes.

Can he?

Steve quickly clicks over to his profile. He scrolls through the pictures, but there aren’t any of his face, just abs and pecs, which makes Steve roll his eyes a little. When he goes back to his messages he has another from wintersoldat3255:

Yeah Steve, it’s me.

Steve’s eyes go wide.

Bucky? he asks.

Long time no see.

Can’t actually see your face, so I don’t really know it’s you.

A photo appears. It’s of Bucky Barnes, mugging for the camera with a toothy grin.

You wanna catch up? Bucky writes.

Sure. Where are you? Steve asks, heart beating fast.

It’s Grindr. The whole point is that you can see.

Steve rolls his eyes, they make plans to meet-up at a local 24-hour diner in a half hour, and Steve saves the photo that Bucky sent him, just in case.

— —

Bucky is already sitting in a booth when Steve walks in. He perks up, grins, and waves. “Steve!” he calls.

Steve straightens up a little, takes a breath. He shouldn’t be so nervous; it’s not like there’s anything riding on this. He’s just seeing his childhood best friend for the first time in over ten years. No big deal.

Doesn’t help that Bucky was Steve’s first crush, but no big deal, either.

He walks over, and Bucky’s just grinning at him, like he’s the best thing he’s seen in years. “Hey Buck,” Steve says.

“Steve,” Bucky says, kind of breathy. “Wow, you look fantastic.”

Steve shrugs. “I look like me,” he says. “Don’t have abs like you do, apparently.”

Bucky laughs, ducks his head. “I’ll be honest — my friends made that profile for me. I thought Peter was taking pictures for his art class of me at the gym.”

“Why didn’t he include his face?” Steve asks. “It’s not like your face is a bad one.”

Bucky laughs. “Thanks for that, I think.” He pauses, starts playing with the edge of the plastic menu on the table in front of him. “And it’s because I’m out but I’m not out out.”

“Okay?” Steve says, a little confused.

“Anyhow, what have you been up to? How’s life? Do you still like pancakes? Because this place has the best pancakes.”

— —

It’s weird how easy it is, reconnecting with Bucky. Steve never spent much effort trying to find him after they lost touch. He just assumed that Bucky thought he was too cool for him when they got to high school, and it was almost a relief when he moved away during the summer before their junior year, just so Steve wouldn’t have to be reminded of the best friend he lost.

He wants to ask Bucky about it, but he doesn’t have to. Bucky just opens up during their second round of milkshakes.

“I’m sorry,” he says.

“For what?” Steve asks.

“For when I stopped talking to you during high school. I know that it must’ve made you feel like shit.”

Steve fidgets. He doesn’t want to answer that.

“You know my parents were in a bad place.”

“They got divorced, right?” he asks.

Bucky nods. “But the last two years were… really bad.” He pauses, clears his throat. “I wasn’t hanging out with a great crowd. And I think I justified not talking to you because I didn’t want you to get involved with that crowd. But I more just think that I didn’t want you talking me out of the bad shit I was doing.”

Steve remembers the way that Bucky walked down the halls with his friends, rolling his eyes at Steve when he tried to talk to him. Of course, Steve tried to talk to him, tried having a showdown of some kind, but Bucky would just… walk away. He never bothered listening.

It hurt.

“And then my parents got divorced and my mom and I moved in with my Uncle Pierce, and…” He trails off.

“That’s the uncle who I met that one time, right? Who said I should be sent to a pray away the gay camp?”

“We had no money,” Bucky says.

“How was it?”

“I joined the Army as soon as I could,” Bucky says with a weak smile.

“Shit,” Steve says.

He shrugs. “I’m out now, and I’m doing pretty well for myself. Got my issues, but everyone else does.” Steve nods. “And besides, I’m free to do whatever I want now, so.”

“So you’re spending your time on Grindr?” Steve asks.

“You are, too!” Bucky says.

“My friends made me a profile!”

“No, Steve, you can’t take that excuse. I already used it.” He’s laughing, and Steve kicks him underneath the table.

“It’s true!”

“Yeah, yeah, Steve Rogers.” He stops laughing, just smiles. “Steve Rogers,” he repeats, quieter.

“That’s my name,” he says. The ‘don’t wear it out’ is implied.

He glances down at his shake, and stirs it with his straw. “I wanted to find you again for a while,” he admits, still looking down. “I debated about sending you a message for about an hour before I did.”

“I’m glad you did,” Steve says. “I’ve wondered a lot about what happened to you.”

“Do you think…” Bucky starts, looking up. He clears his throat. “Do you think that we could meet again sometime? I just… I feel like this is a second chance, and I don’t wanna mess it up.”

“I’d like to see you again,” Steve says, stomach tingling, and not from the milkshake.

“Cool,” Bucky says, and Steve feels his foot shift against his. He doesn’t move it away.

Steve doesn’t mind, just presses his own foot closer to Bucky’s, and looks forward to their future together.

its au time you sons of hecks

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