i will continue in my happy place and it will be

Happiness Can’t Be Arranged, Chapter 2

So, I intended Happiness Can’t Be Arranged to be a one-shot; but after I wrote it, I couldn’t get it out of my head. And then @stick-to-the-lasagna-lady@x-wishes-on-fallen-stars-x, and @mearcats didn’t help by encouraging me to continue. So here, we are… chapter two.

In this chapter, Regina grapples to figure out her place in her new husband’s household; and can’t help but be touched by Robin’s kindness toward Henry.

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laurenjauregui: Second year in a row I get to celebrate next to yo ass(: HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY MY LOVE!! @lucyvives we had so much fun yesterday I didn’t get a chance to post anything🙈that’s when you know a 21st went well. Thank you for being alive and continuing to stand by my side. No matter what this crazy world ever hands us I know that in each other we’ll always find a safe place. Thank you for the countless hours of advice and mind probing conversation and love and sanity. You are such a beautiful light in this world and I’m so grateful to have you close. May the universe continue to bless you and guide you into sharing that light with everyone you meet❤️ thank you for the laughs and the tears and the growth and the unconditional. You’re my favorite forever☺️ happy birthdayyy❤️❤️

My little space

• low key bouncing. Constantly.
• “nonnonononon no no no” to myself
• *picks up my cat and dances with him*
• Big me: no thanks I don’t like sweets Little me: YAAAAASS 👏🏻👏🏻 bring it onnn
• boUNcing
• “woah woah woah”
• uncharacteristic giggles
• my bed is my happy place
• whips out the magic sand
• *shakes my head just to hear my collar jingle*
• swingy feeet (even though I have to hold my thighs up cause I’m tol)
• “omG cute!!”
• the physical representation of ’!!!’
• “yuckyyyy”
• everything in the same cup because I love my sippy cup
• *almost walks around my family with my collar/binki/ears*
• mesmerized by marbles
• “fuck” *gasps and stops as if someone heard me (or cared)*
• “i am a little boy. A small guy. A Mini man. A petit dude.”
• “ok but even I know I am too small for that”
• portion sizes/small snacks are super cute!! *eats entire box of cheese its*
• *hops around*
• sweaters and boxer shorts and socks

(No context really needed here, other than the fact our Fighter had to split from the group due to his cover being blown in a Bandit Camp. This takes place afterwards. Same session with the mace-happy Tiefling Cleric)

Ranger: Are there any animals nearby?

DM: It’s very early morning, but there is a few songbirds flitting around you.

Ranger: I cast Speak to Animals, and begin to talk to one of the songbirds.

DM (In a high-pitched voice): Hello hello! You can speak! No-one can speak! But you can!

Ranger (Taken aback): Yes hi, could I get your help?

DM: Of course! I’d do anything to help people who can speak!

Ranger: Could you look for our friend? *Proceeds to describe the Fighter*

DM: Shall do! See you soon!

DM (ooc): The songbird flies off, and you continue on your way.

*The DM proceeds to have a conversation with the fighter about what he’s doing, before getting back to us*

Bard: Anything new?

DM: A small bird flies up to you. You think you recognise it, but you’re not sure.

Ranger (ooc): Oh! It’s the songbird! What does it have to say?

DM (grinning): The bird dances around and tweets very excitedly and very expectantly. You can’t understand a word.

Ranger: What.

DM: Speak to Animals only lasts five minutes.

Ranger (OoC): And that was my last spell of the day.

The ranger proceeds to hang her head in her hands while the three of us (Bard Fighter Cleric) start laughing incredibly hard.

Of course, right after I make a happy Jazi’s Adventures in Dog Training ™ post, there comes a sad one.

Today, I had to recommend a dog be rehomed. He is not happy with this family and they are not a good fit for him. For the past several weeks I have had to watch this dog’s behavior continue to worsen because, although the owners were able to recognize that he needed help, they are completely unable to provide for his needs.

T* is actually a fairly normal german shepherd puppy. He is a young, energetic idiot that has been allowed to get away with doing whatever he wants with zero consequences, is completely unexercised and undersocialized, and in honest if any of my followers reading this are around Southern Maryland or can reach us, I will do my best to vet you and place him with you. Otherwise he will be in rescue likely by next week.

His owners brought him in because he “has a mind of his own” and “something’s wrong with him”. They have some disabilities that make them unable to provide the physical stimulation he requires, and they did not expect him to grow larger than their last dog which was 45lbs. They also did not realize just how much training is required to have a mostly sane working breed puppy, and wanted me to train him for them.

He is a smart dog. He listens well, within just two full sessions he can reliably sit, down, walk nice on leash, and stay on command with me. He is biddable and eager to please. He is polite and mindful and wishes very strongly to follow the rules I have set in place for how he can interact with me.

His owners, however, are not able to do the same with him. He jumps on them and nips them when they ask him to do something he doesn’t want to. He will redirect and throw a complete tantrum if he self corrects while they are walking him on a flat collar. He has a history with them- he has been with them for 5 months and the majority of that has been spent in his crate or in his yard. If they ask him to do something, he has learned that if he jumps and pushes them down, or nips at their hands, that they will become afraid of him and let him resume whatever it was he was doing. That they get frustrated easily and give up, instead of taking a breath and trying again.

His owners are convinced that he is “not right in the head”- because he is so different with me than with them. He is wrong, defective. They got a german shepherd because they wanted a big protective dog, but they did not want to get an adult german shepherd because big dogs scare them, so they got a german shepherd puppy because he was small… and now he is large and untrained and they are afraid of him. They have learned, the hard way, that just because you want a specific dog does not mean that you should get a specific dog.

To say that this has left me frustrated and disappointed would be a massive understatement.

T is a 7 month old longhair GSD. Dark sable, looks to be WGSL, was purchased off of craigslist at 8 weeks from someone who bought him from someone else and didn’t want him anymore. He needs a lot of work with his obedience training, but I think he could make a nice pet for someone willing to satisfy his energy and intelligence needs. He probably should go to an only-dog home as he shows some fear based dog reactivity while on leash, but he is a giant mush with people and loves to be affectionate. I do not think he is a good candidate for bitework. He is in a bit of a fear stage- he startles at some typical things like automatic doors and loud bangs, but recovers quickly. He is a sensitive boy and cannot take harsh corrections- a foundation in +R is an absolute must for him. Those interested in adopting him should contact me and I will begin the interview process to make sure he would be a good fit for your home.

Simmer Pot Spell to Make a Home Feel Welcoming

You will Need:

  • Large Pot
  • Water
  • Cinnamon (preferably sticks but any kinds work)
  • Orange Peels
  • Cloves
  • 2-4 Bay Leaves


  • Fill your large pot with water and place it on the stove and set it to a medium heat. Into it add your orange peels, cloves, bay and cinnamon. 
  • Stir everything clockwise: “I welcome you to my home, please feel comfortable” and repeat as may times as you feel necessary
  • Cover the pot and let it boil. Keep an eye on it so it doesn’t boil over
  • Once boiling you may remove lid and let it continue to boil until house is filled with the scent and positive energies
To everybody who messaged me via chat and wrote notes on last post about the voice acting thing...

Thank you so much for your nice words lovely people!!

Definitely this place is better than others, you can realize which people deserves my gratitude. Thank you so much guys, I’m so happy and glad because of your support. 

I’m sorry for filled this blog with unnecesary thoughts. I know where I want to go, and who listen to: You guys. You all are the best people I met, and I’m so glad again for your words ^^.

Let’s just the X-Event continue, okay? OKAY!!! :D

Carl Grimes Fluff

I felt the sun beating down on my back as I continued trudging through the fallen leaves. Even with the sun at its highest peak, there was a chill throughout the forest. My hands were shoved into my hoodie attempting to find warmth. I had to make due with what I had after being unable to find winter clothes in all the summer-stocked stores. Carl was a couple steps ahead of me with Judith placed on his shoulders, his hands were wrapped around her feet, ensuring no part of her was cold. Every few minutes or so he would put a little hop in his step, sending Judith into a fit of giggles, soon followed by his own. He would always take every chance he could get to make her laugh, whether it was making a funny face, or just bouncing her around. He was determined to make her childhood as happy as possible since she didn’t have the same opportunities as other kids in the past.
“Maggie do you want to take Judith for a little bit? I think she needs a diaper change and you’re the only one who can figure out her jacket.” With his hands now free, Carl immediately wrapped them around my waist and pulled me in front of him, us both walking in sync now. My arms rested on top of his, and my fingers interlocked with his much bigger ones, ensuring he wouldn’t take away my new source of heat. This was our usual position when we didn’t have time to rest Occasionally if he was up for it, I could get a piggy back ride from him, which I would use as an opportunity to braid his hair in as many ways possible. He never seemed to mind, after a while he even started carrying hair ties around his wrist for whenever I was satisfied with the finished product.
A content sigh escaped me, I took the chance to look up and admire Carl from my angle. His forehead didn’t have the usual crease in it, and his lips were slightly parted taking in small puffs of air. It was nice seeing him so calm. I’d grown used to seeing his face screwed up into a frown with his hands clenched by his side. On the rare occasion that he would let a smile slip, I tried to lock the image into my head not knowing the next time I would see it. He must have noticed that I was staring, because he looked down to meet my gaze. A small smile took over his features and he turned his head slightly to press a small kiss to my lips.
“Are you wearing my chapstick?”
“My lips were dry cause of the wind, and yours smells better than Dads…” A red tint brushed over his cheeks as he spoke. It wasn’t the first time he’s stolen some, I’d noticed him on multiple occasions pulling the small tube out of my pocket then shoving it back when he thought no one was looking. The topic never came up until now, and I planned on taking the opportunity to tease him.
“Aw, you wanted to smell like your girlfriend! I didn’t think you loved me enough to want to be like me.” My hands were on his cheeks squishing them as I talked; also giving them some much needed warmth.
“Oh shut up. I think its actually you who wants to be like me. More often than not, you’re wearing my clothes instead of your own.” To prove his point, he unzipped my hoodie slightly, revealing one of his old t-shirts. Not wanting to give him the satisfaction of being right, I pulled his arms back around my waist and continued walking. I took every chance I could get to have physical contact with him, with us constantly on the move, we didn’t have much free time to sit and cuddle. It could be something as small as us holding pinkies as we were out on a run, as long as we knew the other was around. The rest of the group would constantly tease us for needing to be by each other’s sides, but that was how we functioned. He watched out for me, and I did the same for him. Glenn stated on multiple occasions that he never saw love as sincere as ours. I guess the end of the world brings out your true self.
There were a couple sniffles from behind me, soon followed by a cough. I knew it was Carl, the past couple of days he had been whining about his throat hurting and not being able to breathe through his nose.
“Did you take the pills I gave you this morning?” My hand came up and reached behind me to run my fingers through his hair. He mentioned to me a while ago that his mom used to do it when he was younger to help him fall asleep, ever since then I would use it to calm him down. I felt him nod and lean into my touch. My fingers continued untangling his hair, since he never seemed to worry about it himself.
“Hey lovebirds, there’s a house up here, come help us clear it.”
After setting up camp for the night and assigning watch, there was a quiet hum throughout the house from multiple conversations. Carl and I claimed the living room couch since it meant we had a reason to be close to each other without the adults teasing us. Judith was blabbering on about something from her makeshift bed on the floor. We were currently on babysitting duty; something about ‘we wouldn’t have time to do anything else with her right next to us’.
“I found some NyQuil in the bathroom, that should help you sleep tonight.”
“You’re too good to me.”
“I can’t use you as a pillow, if you’re coughing and sneezing all night. So drink up” The bottle landed on the pillow next to him. I could already hear him whining in my head about the taste. Thankfully, I had a Gatorade in my bag that I managed to find under a shelf during last weeks run. I threw that to him too.
“Judy looks pretty sleepy, I say we sing her lullaby then call it a night?” It became a nightly tradition for us, singing Judith her song till she eventually fell asleep, then just talking about anything that popped into our heads until we eventually fell asleep. Sometimes it was nice to pretend it wasn’t the end of the world. Just forget what’s going on outside and live life like normal.
“I think that sounds perfect.” Both bottles sat on the floor half open, wrappers just thrown about near them. Daryl had brought us a pillow and some blankets a couple minutes prior, Carl already had them spread out along the couch. I looked down to Judith to see her already staring up at me, her eyes were slowly closing then snapping back open again.
“Come here sleepy girl.” It only took a few seconds of us humming to her for her eyes to fall shut for the night. Most nights she didn’t even need us to sing, she would instantly be out when she was in Carl’s arms.
I could sense Carl getting sleepier, his hands were moving slower up and down my back, and his replies were getting shorter. Our conversation slowly faded into comfortable silence. My ear was placed on Carl’s chest, listening to the steady rhythm of his heart. The sound was a constant reminder that he was here and alive in front of me.

Its the imagine no one asked for! I recently started watching The Walking Dead, and I’m already on season 6. So feel free to send in requests about that as well!

anonymous asked:

Jess are you going to share your thoughts about what happened yesterday? if you think they are together or not after all of this. I know some people will continue to ship after that, other won't, other will watch from afar..It's alright. We have all our place here.

I’ll continue to ship because it’s fun and it makes me happy but I’m not going to explain this away and turn it into something it’s not, even though I wish I could. I think because I was away from here for so long it’s easier for me to deal with it when shit hits the fan. I’m not interested in turning this into a big conspiracy theory (and that doesn’t mean I’m bashing the ones who are. You do you!!). If they’re with other people then fine, not my problem or my place to have an opinion on it really, just stop with the games. They can still give us shippery material without acting like they want to rip each other’s clothes off every five minutes. They can push that friendship that they claim to have down our throats as much as possible but I think they should stop with the behaviour that makes them look like they’re a couple. There’s no need for it, and there was no need to start it all back up again at the beginning of the year if it’s not the truth.

Also, I’m not putting the blame fully on them. I know we read into things that aren’t there and we overreact a lot of the time, but they do have to take some responsibility. After all, we’re not shipping for no reason. It’s their behaviour that led us all here to the top deck. Own your truth Sam and Cait. Shippers are a pretty understanding bunch (for the most part). We’re not going to come to your doors with pitchforks and demand you be together if you’re not. Be happy. Stop the games. Is this continual madness in the name of privacy really worth it? No one needs to know the ins and outs of your relationships, but being honest about the people who you’ve chosen to spend your lives with wouldn’t hurt. Show a tiny bit of PDA at the next event and I promise we’d all get the hint. 


Hey everyone, it’s HT here! 2016 was a wild year with its ups and downs and it’s finally drawing to an end. I’ve been all over the place as I’ve passed my IB diploma and took an internship and got into architecture at university, but this year’s been lots of fun despite the struggles and I’m glad I made it through, and I couldn’t have done it without your continuous support love and support. This blog’s also hit 8,000 followers and I’d like to say a huge thank you to all of you, regardless of whether you’re a distant follower or a close friend. I wish you all a very merry Christmas if you celebrate it and a happy new year! Stay warm, safe, and happy. ❦❆

Bold = friends, faves, my FAM (one does not simply escape from the box)

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Some people just aren’t meant to be.” She said as she looked sadly at the ground. Her eyes suddenly got dragged back to reality, back to me and she continued, “You see, you can have two people who are perfect for each other but even something as strong as that can be destroyed by something as weak as a feather. If the future doesn’t want it; it doesn’t last forever. It can last for as long as it can but at the end it will all die.” Her words stinged, they left me the feeling as if she wanted me to feel what she was feeling… And it worked. I could feel the waves of sorrow pushing her away from happiness and the present. I couldn’t hold it in for any longer. I had to ask her and before I knew it I had spat my words all over the place.
“Is that what happened to you?” She paused for 2 seconds and sighed,
“It’s what happens to everyone.
—  Somewhere in the paper
( just a little something )
( via @midwintrblood)
Would Never Call It Love 5 | Calum Hood

It’s finally here! Again I’m writing this off of the top of my head, so this could or could not be the last part of the story. I’m so happy all of you still love this story and continue to tell me your reactions which bring me genuine happiness. So thank you. Enjoy.

1 2 3 4

(not my gif)


After days of sitting in bed with Ashton at our current venue, I decided getting up and at least showering would help wash my sorrows away. Ashton carefully helped my weak physique off the indented bed, his arm on my waist for balance, and sat me on the toilet and turned on the shower head. 

“Just wait until it warms up. I’ll set up your clothes in here as well, and we’ll get going after that. We’ll get some breakfast yeah? Any place you like.” And he grabbed the back of my head bringing it to his lips for a subtle kiss of comfort, and left. I sighed and shredded off my 5 day old sweatshirt and my stretched out black leggings, and felt the water temperature. It was perfectly warm.

I stepped in and immediately it hit my skin with a sizzle. I hoisted my hair back as my face was now drenched in water. My hands rested on the back of my neck, my eyes fixated on the shower wall in front of me. It had been a long time since I was left alone, by myself, with my thoughts. I could hear the pounding of my heart get deeper, thinking of Calum and how he was holding up as well. Was he crying? Was he sat in bed every minute he could get because the outside world was too much to bare for him as well? Or was he laughing like he never laughed with me before, was he happier than he ever felt, looking at someone else with a different light and different intention in their eyes than what I had? I hadn’t even realized I was crying at this point. The water being poured out onto me was intertwined with the water pouring out of me, and I couldn’t tell which was which. I could feel the sinking feeling hit me in my gut and chest, making it hard to catch my breathe. My hand shot out in front of me to catch my body from falling and smashing into the beige tiles. A sob escaped my mouth, loud enough to alert Ashton, who was now inside setting up my clothes. The cry lasted a few seconds, and was loud enough to crack glass. Ashton’s heart leaped out of his chest as he pulled back the shower curtain, just in time to catch me as I fell to my knees. The strength in me was gone, my everything was gone.

Ashton got on his knees on the bathroom floor, not even caring that he was getting wet, and just held me close to his chest just like he did the night Calum left. I continued to cry into his black t-shirt, clutching onto it. His hand reached up to my head and brought his mouth to it, he knew it brought a sense of protection to me. “You’re going to be okay, you’re going to be okay. I’m so sorry, I don’t know when but…you won’t have to hurt much longer in my presence.” 

After a few minutes, Ashton turned off the water and inside filled the tub for a bath. He squirted some soap into the water so it bubbled up, and brought the soap up and down my body. In reality, it was just him giving me a bath, but in my mind, he was scrubbing away any last bit of Calum lingering behind. I knew Ashton was waiting to be with me, it was killing him inside to see me worked up over someone who hadn’t been done anything good for me. But he was being patient; any other guy who would’ve been in his shoes would’ve quit by now. I was silently thanking and praying for him not to give up on me.

He brought me to a small brunch place that he claimed had the best breakfast burritos in the area, or so he read online. We sat down inside near the back corner, the furthest away from outside and people as we could. I hadn’t spoken a word since we got out of the hotel, only nodded and hummed as a response. I was just afraid of the crack in my voice from crying and yelling so much that I just decided to keep my mouth shut. Ashton’s hand snaked it’s way to my own from across the table and held my left in his right, slowly rubbing his thumb over my tense knuckles. “Anything you want okay? But I really would recommend the burrito, or you could just half it with me.” I sucked my lips in and only nodded once again, earning a quiet sigh from Ashton’s side of the table.

After ordering 1 breakfast burrito, 2 blueberry waffles, a whole stack of bacon and a plate of hash browns, we began to eat. Ashton completely inhaled his burrito within minutes while I struggled to scarf down the waffles. No doubt everything tasted and smelled delicious, but the continuously growing lump in my throat blocked anything from getting down, even water. Ashton looked up at me as he finished the last chunk of his burrito, cheeks full like a chipmunk and crumbs of egg and tortilla all over his cheeks and lips. For the first time in a while, I let a small chuckle out at this facial expression. He gave me a questionable look, before I leaned over the table and shook my head.

“Hold on lemme clean you up.” I brought my napkin up to his cheeks, softly swiping to remove the mess. He laughed, feeling like he was a little kid again, a sense of home coming back to him after being so far away for so long. I looked into his glossy eyes, a sense of home coming back to me. He was protective, comforting, loving, and warm. His aura provoked those feelings you get inside your own house. Ashton exuded feelings I had been missing for a long time now.

However, our moment was ruined when the bell on top of the restaurant doors opened up causing both of our heads to naturally turn toward the noise. The two lovebirds came walking in, hand in hand with smiles on their faces. The brown-skinned boy’s head settled on us, and his smiling mouth fell onto his girl’s head, planting a small kiss on it. She blushed and began speaking to the waiter that there was 2 of them.

Without hesitation, I hands dropped the spoon and napkin I was holding, causing a loud clinking noise, and I scooted my chair back enough to cause streaks to appear on the floor and stormed out of the restaurant, Ashton following behind me. All Ashton could do was hit Calum on his free shoulder which almost sent him back. Calum’s bottom lip sucked into his mouth letting out a ‘hmph.’ 

I slammed the door to Ashton’s car on the passenger side and just cried into my lap. After hearing the driver’s side door slam, the car’s atmosphere fell to a bitter heaviness. He just listened to me sob, for the second time today, calming down his own breathing. My hands flew to the dashboard ahead of me and I started slamming my hands against it, hitting the middle console and the sides of the door also. Ashton grabbed my wrists in his and yanked me to look at him.

“Stop letting him do this to you!”

“I can’t! I can’t! Why! Why does he get to do this to me!…” He couldn’t answer. He couldn’t tell her that he only wanted her for sex, he couldn’t tell her that he likes Nia genuinely, he couldn’t tell her that he never cared. Of course, that’s what he wanted to say because he honestly believed it was all true, but in Calum’s mind, it was the exact opposite.

Calum’s POV / before they saw Y/N and Ashton…

I laid there in the newly made hotel bed, the sheets stained in newly made tears. I let a few slip out of my eyes, the only thing on my mind being her. Seeing her underneath Ashton in lust, watching her break down in his arms, remembering her walking away from me that night when we realized we were done for. 

I’m Calum Hood for crying out loud. I don’t cry. I rarely show emotion. I’m either stone cold or happy go lucky. There’s no in between. I never cry, I never get heart broken, because I never get attached. I guess that was my mistake this time around. I lied to myself, I lied to her, now I’m lying to Nia.

“Cal! Get dressed, I’m taking you out for breakfast so you’re energized before soundcheck let’s go!” She cheerfully skipped into the room, me wiping my eyes as fast as I can pretending that I was just now waking up. She kissed my cheek before throwing a random graphic tee and black jeans at me and shut the door. I flopped back onto the bed with the tee and jeans over my face, telling myself that today was a new. I was going to get out of bed, spread a fake smile on my face, and conquer the day.

And then I laughed because that surely wasn’t going to happen, and hopped in the shower.


I was now time for the show, and I sat next to Ashton and Michael, who were both brushing their teeth and trying to speak to each other in mumbles. They knew I thought it was comical, so to get me to finally smile, they kept over exaggerating their sentences, slightly spitting toothpaste on me. I shielded myself, getting up from the couch trying my hardest not to smile and stood outside their dressing room.

After spitting and washing his mouth, Ashton appeared at the doorway and placed his hands on my cheeks.

“Sorry beautiful, was just trying to make you smile.” I bit on my tongue while looking up at him.

“Well I appreciate you guys trying. For a minute there I thought it would work but you guys aren’t that hilarious.” I crossed my arms and he scuffed at me, draping his arm around my shoulder.

“Come here you little shit, I need to talk to you before the show, seriously.” I gulped at the last word. Instead of running away in fear of what was to come, I nodded my head and followed him to the side of the stage where you could see fans walking around, finding their seats, and sitting and watching the stage with anticipation. Ashton took my hands in his before looking out into the growing crowd with a blinding smile.

“These guys,’ he gestured to the fans, ‘are the most important thing in the world to me, next to my family.” I smiled at the girls and boys with tears in their eyes, as they realized they’d be seeing and connecting with the 3 fantastic boys I knew, and Calum. “I never imagined that you would be up there with them.” I turned back to him, my eyes practically bulging out of my head. My hands started sweating in his, my mouth also becoming dry. I didn’t expect to mean this much to him, I thought that we’d have a best friend relationship come out of this, but I didn’t see this coming. He stepped closer, so close I could feel his hot shaking breathe on my forehead and nose.

“I know you’re still hurting over Calum, I get it. And I know you’re not in any shape or form ready to commit to someone again like you did him, even if it wasn’t an official thing. But I promise you, if you let me be the guy for you, I’ll mend you and help bring you back to the happy girl you once were, the one who didn’t feel broken everyday. We’ll go on more breakfast runs, and I’ll sing you new songs I write, and I’ll leave little notes for you around the hotel room to make you smile every chance you get. Please, will you be mine?” 

I didn’t have time to react or comprehend any of his words before we heard a large sigh come from the side of us in front of the hallway. I looked up quickly to see my devastated Maori boy with a bouquet of deep red roses in his hands. His shoulders slump and lips in a pout. I pulled my hands back from Ashton’s, an appalled look in his eyes.

He cleared his throat and said, “Calum, who are those for?” Calum’s eyes shot back to the flowers in his hands, and he shook his head, jutting out his chin.

“They’re for, uh, they’re for Nia. I was looking for her right now.” His face instantly read as stone cold, and his collarbones and veins in his arms were clearly visible. Ashton shook his head confused and irritated, “Ok then, go look for her else where.”

Calum pursed his lips letting his head hang low, and jogged off behind Ashton. Even though he was out of his view, he wasn’t out of mine. From the corner of my eye, I saw him stop at the silver waste bin, and angrily chucked the flowers into it, before walking to the other side of the stage. I bit my lip trying to hold back the furiously hot tears, as Ashton turned back to me.

“Now, where were we?

Calum’s POV / before seeing Ashton and Y/N…

I walked backstage toward the boy’s and I’d dressing room, hoping Y/N would be in there relaxing like she usually does. I carried about 8 roses in my hands because the flower shop I went to didn’t carry 12 rose bouquets and the next number up was 20 which in my opinion was too many at this point. I figured I wasn’t doing anything helpful for the situation her and I were in. It was only making our group hangouts uncomfortable, and every time I saw her, my chest caved in and I suddenly couldn’t speak. So, I thought about buying her some flowers as a forgiveness token, and rehearsed telling her my true feelings for her instead of yelling them at her last time. 

As I approached the room, I peered inside to see only Michael and Luke and Luke’s girlfriend. They all sat on their phones, all eyes staring up at me when I entered.

“Oooooo Cal, who the flowers for?” Arzaylea spoke up. I let out a chuckle and looked down at the beautiful set of carnations.

“Please tell me they’re not for who we think they’re for?” Luke said, Michael nodding and agreeing with him.

“It’s just a piece offering. I still love and care for her Luke, I just want the old girl I had back…” He sighed, going back to scrolling on his phone.

“She went down the hall to the side of the stage.” Michael said, and I nodded my head at him before striding off.

I could start to here voices down by the side of the stage and making out figures of bodies. I then realized she wasn’t alone. Ashton was there, hands in hers and my blood started rushing through my veins, picking up my adrenaline. 

My stomach cramped, my ears turned red, my chest felt like it had the wind knocked out of it, as I heard the dreaded words come out of Ashton’s mouth.


It all was in slow motion. His words, the crowds chatter, my own heart beat. It felt like the world had slowed down, letting the pain linger in my body and letting the pain hit me hard and slow, the worst way possible. My hands clutched onto the paper surrounding the flowers, making her head snap in my direction.

I’ll never forget the look in her eyes, the same look she had when I caught her sleeping with Ashton. She was petrified, she was heart broken, she knew she was in the wrong. I guess this was the moment in time when the universe is telling us to stop trying. To stop thinking we’d ever make it as a couple, it was all a fantasy, a dream that slowly was turning into a nightmare. 

I wouldn’t have ever called this love, if love hurt this bad.

Omg ok so obviously this is a sorta cliff hanger so if y’all want a part 6, request it! Also read my other stories in my masterlist and await the next part of Gotta Go My Own Way! :)

dating with benefits │c.h



“Have you seen my panties?” You scratched your neck, glancing around the room with furrowed eyebrows.

“No.” Calum sighed, laying down on the bed again after putting on his clothes. The room smelt like sweat and old cologne - just like every other room smelled like after sex.

“I swear to God, it’s the third time I’ve lost them at your place.” You gasped and continued trying to find your underwear in the mess that was Calum’s room.

It wasn’t until recently that you and Calum began messing around. And you messed around a lot. It was every other night, every time one of you got bored.

“What are you doing this Tuesday?” Calum questioned while you were sticking your ass out in the air, trying to find your underwear.

“Tuesday? It’s Valentine’s Day, isn’t it?” You said with your back facing Calum as he fiddled with the cluttered sheets on the bed.


“Well, then I’m gonna get drunk on my own while crying to romcoms.” You answered with a smirk, turning around so fast that your skirt was flaring in the wind. Your hair looked like a mess, you just knew it, but you felt like you had this power on Calum. Like you could command him to do anything.

“Can I cry with you?” Calum chuckled, shifting between looking at you and staring at your feet.

“That’s a lame way of asking someone on a date.” You cocked your brow, wanting a more clear invitation. Calum coughed a couple of times before re-arranging his question to fit your preferences.

“Can I take you out on a date?”

“Is that another booty call?” You joked, tilting your head to the side with a grin.

“You are impossible to talk to!” Calum laughed, jumping around on the bed and grabbing your wrist to drag you onto the bed with him.

“Calum!” You squealed as you were laying on top of Calum, his heart pumping against your chest. “I’ll go out with you if you plan it.”

“Deal.” Calum nodded before smashing his lips into yours.

Overhearing a confession

Hi! First, I wanted to thank everyone who takes the time to read my One Shots. It makes me so happy! :) 

This is a One Shot about Harry being your best friend and falling asleep on top of you. Unfortunately, that’s the exact time your friend decides to talk about how obvious it is that you have feelings for each other. 

Picture is not mine, I found it in the depths of Tumblr. 

It would be accurate to say that Harry was exhausted. Filming a movie taking place during world war 2 had really began to take it’s tool on his strength - physically as well as mentally. When him and the band had first started to think about taking a break, he hadn’t imagined feeling more emotionally drained than when he was touring. But then again, becoming an actor had been more something than he’d stumbled upon and not something he had planned.

When it was announced that filming wouldn’t be continued for two weeks, Harry was quick to decide that going home would do him good. He bought a plane ticket and the same evening he was back in my tiny apartment in England. I had been very surprised at his sudden appearance, given that I hadn’t heard from him for a few days and when I did, he had always claimed that he couldn’t wait to go back to America. But instead of his sunny porch in LA, he stood on my doorstep in ever rainy London. After ushering him in, Harry apologized profoundly for interrupting my quiet night in with my friend Mary, but unaware to him, seeing him had been all that was missing to make me happy.

“It’s fine, Harry,” I’d assured, stopping his ramble with one finger raised, “Perfectly fine, actually. I’m always happy to have you here, you know that.”

What he couldn’t have known was that when my eyes had found his, my heart had speed up and beat so fast I’d feared it’d jump straight out my chest and to his feet. Self-consciousness crept up on me and I wished I would’ve worn something more flattering than thin leggings and a white t-shirt adorning my torso. I wasn’t even wearing a proper bra but a simple black bralette I’d gotten for £7. Luckily Mary was quick to step in and invited Harry to join the two of us for a glass of wine on the couch.

As soon as I’d settled down comfortably, Harry moved closer and lay down beside me to rest his head in my lap. His face was nestled against my stomach and my body tensed upon feeling his warm breath against my thinly clothed skin. My friend’s raised eyebrows didn’t go unnoticed by me, but I couldn’t be bothered. It wasn’t unusual for Harry and me to cuddle and to be genuinely more comfortable with each other than other friends were, but normally no one else was around to whom it could’ve looked odd.
Harry didn’t care about that though. All he cared about was how at ease he felt since he had entered my apartment. He sighed in content when I carefully laid a blanked over him and his arms around my waist squeezed me gently after I loosely placed my own arm over his shoulders. Harry didn’t engage much in the conversation Mary and I carried and after feeling the rhythm of his warm breath slow, I knew he had fallen asleep.

Me and Mary still sat with each other, talking quietly. At some point I subconsciously began stroking my fingers through Harry’s smooth hair. It still felt strange to touch the soft strands and have them end so close to where they began, but I loved it either way, long or short. My hand gently caressed his cheek every now and again and I smiled upon remembering how nervous he had been when he had first revealed the newly short haircut. There hadn’t been any reason though. Harry was effortlessly beautiful. He always was, as well as was so warm, soft, gentle and kind. Mary knew of my feelings for Harry and smiled when she noticed my hesitant touches to his face.

“You do know that he fancies you, right?” she asked. “At least as much as you do him.”

I looked up at her with a small smile and shook my head. “Don’t make fun of me, Mary.”

“I’m being serious,” she assured, “He looks at you and his face lights up. When he has news, you’re the first person he calls. Filming is interrupted, yet he doesn’t go to his family or to his home in LA. He comes to you. Those are pretty obvious signs, honey.”

I quickly shushed her when her voice rose slightly. “Why does the time you find fit to have this conversation when he’s right here?”

She rolled her eyes. “Relax, he’s asleep. You’re just trying to escape this conversation, as you always do.”

I shook my head and focused my attention back on Harry. His forehead was wrinkled and I gently smoothed it with my thumb. His pink lips were slightly open and I admired how his long eyelashes rested on his soft cheeks. He looked vulnerable and innocent. My heart swelled at the sight and I could practically feel myself fall even more in love with him. All I wanted was to cuddle him and shield him form any harm.

“You love him,” Mary continued in a cooing voice.

“Pst!” I scolded and shot her a glare. “He’s right here, for crying out loud! Are you trying to ruin my friendship with him?”

She threw her arms up and sighed dramatically.

“I’m sitting here, observing two people completely unaware of how smitten the other person is with them and you expect me to just keep my mouth shut?”

“What I expect is that you don’t take the piss out of my feelings for him. Feelings I’m sure he doesn’t return,” I muttered harshly and focused my gaze back on his flushed cheeks. “He told me about some model from Spain he was thinking about going out with,” I admitted quietly. “He wants someone he can sleep with for a while and go on crazy adventures with, without her getting her hopes up. And that’s not me. He just has to look at me from across a room and my hopes shoot up into the sky.”

Mary giggled and shook her head. “You would sleep with him, though.”

“Shut up.”

“I think you don’t quite realize how he sees you,” she continued in a more serious manner. “Maybe you should just tell him and see how it goes. It could be worth it.”

My hair shielded my vision when I shook my head and I quickly pushed it back. Harry’s grip around me had slightly tightened and I shifted to adjust myself.

“No way I’d risk loosing him with a weak attempt at getting him to want me, Mary. I’d rather be stuck by his side as a friend than not be with him at all.”

“Well,” she took a long sip of her wine glass, “the fact remains that his head is in your lap and nobody else’s.”

I giggled and urged my heart to stop jumping so badly. With his face pressed against me I feared the sound could wake him from his slumber.

While we quietly conversed some more, my fingers found their way back into Harry’s hair, from there to his neck and from there to his shoulder. His peaceful expression brought me joy and set me at ease. Harry released a long sigh and cuddled closer to me. He even moved his legs up to completely rest in a fetus position.

“I’m gonna get going,” Mary decided as she got up and I moved to do the same, but she quickly stopped me. “Don’t. Stay like that. It’d make a lovely picture. One that you could send everyone as a christmas card when you celebrate as a couple for the first time.”

“Text me when you get home safe,” I asked her quietly, ignoring her comment and she nodded. She waved one more time before she left the room and shortly after I could hear the front door shut.
I sighed in content and focused my vision back on Harry. With him cuddling me like that I could almost pretend that he loved me. That he was mine and had returned to me because his heart had ached from our separation as much as mine had. My fingers were in the middle of drawing a pattern against his temple when Harry suddenly pursed his lips and blew out air. I shrieked at the tickling feeling and tried to move away, but his arms held me still and he continued his playful torture, only stopping to laugh.

“Harry,” I cried and pushed at his head. “Please stop!”

He didn’t move away though and I felt like a bucket of ice water had been dropped over my head when I felt his lips press against my tummy in a kiss. Or maybe it was steaming hot water.

“I thought you were asleep,” I stuttered and he moved into a sitting position next to me. My lap felt cold and empty already.

“I wasn’t really,” he shrugged, a smile gracing his lips. “Just enjoying a snuggle and hearing the newest gossip.”

My rapidly jumping heart jumped straight down to the very pit of my stomach while all the blood shot up to my cheeks. Harry still looked at me with a confident and wide smile, his eyes sparkling and my brain went through every possible scenario of how I could possibly talk my way out of this. He couldn’t have heard what Mary and I had discussed, right?

“Did you get some rest?” I asked and he frowned. “Are you hungry?”

I moved to get up but was stopped by his hands reaching forward and clasping my wrists.

“Where do you think you’re going, love?”

“To fetch you something to eat,” I answered and freed my wrists from his hold.

“I don’t want anything to eat. Come here.”

He sat up straighter and opened his arms. Though part of me wanted to leave the room and hide from his suspicious gaze, I had never been able to resist him. My still burning face was buried where his neck met his shoulder and I inhaled his familiar scent. Harry sighed and wrapped both arms around me, pulling me up so I was sitting in his lap.

“You have no idea how much I missed you, Y/N,” he whispered against the shell of my ear before pressing several kisses to my cheek. “I hate being away from you.”

Not as much as I hate being away from you, I thought, but decided to only answer by pressing myself closer to him. Harry moved his hands down and cupped my thighs before wrapping both of them around his waist. A harsh breath escaped my lips at this sudden closeness and when I felt him press more kisses to the skin of my shoulder, moving up to my neck. I shuddered. He knew. He was always cuddly and affectionate, but he might as well have kissed me on the lips and taken me to bed. He acted as if he was about to.

“Stop it,” I muttered and pressed my hands against his chest.

“What’s wrong?”

He stayed sat but his eyes followed me when I stood up in front of him and I cleared my throat.

“What is it that you were just doing?” I asked, my voice quivering. “You heard me and Mary’s conversation, didn’t you?”

Harry swallowed hard, but continued to smile, not looking guilty at all. “Yes, I did.”

I didn’t give my stomach time to knot itself and continued to speak. “And now you think that just because I have feelings for you, I’m going to share your bed?”

“What?” Harry seemed surprised at my sudden accusation. “No, of course I don’t think that.”

“You were practically kissing me!” I almost shouted.

Harry reached up to smoothen his messed up hair and got to his feet too, the smile had been replaced with a serious frown on his face.

“Y/N,” he spoke, reaching for my hands, “You don’t have to be scared, okay?”

His green eyes stared into mine and the grip on my hands tightened in a gentle squeeze. The black cross on his knuckles stood out against the pale skin.  "I love you.“

I shook my head in denial. If I allowed myself to believe him now, it’d hurt more later when he was done with me. I had watched him parade his lovers around one too many times and wasn’t willing to suffer the same end as they had. Always pushed away and to the side by him.

"Don’t say that.”

“Oh, I’m going to say it many more times, because it’s true.”

He reached up and gently caressed my cheek. “I love you and I know that you don’t believe that I mean it and that you think I’m just looking for something easy and meaningless, but I’m not.”

“You said you were,” I protested. Wasn’t that the reason why I had laid awake so many nights, thinking about what girl he was with for that night? Because he had said that he wanted to have an easy and no strings attached kind of relationship with someone who didn’t even understand his mind or care for his heart?

“Only because I was certain that I could never have you,” he swore. “When you are all I ever wanted.”

My breath hitched in my throat when he moved closer, both hands resting against my jaw and neck now. His lips looked impossibly soft and inviting and I had to bite my own in order to restrain myself from kissing them. He seemed to feel the undeniable pull between us, too, because his breath was uneven.

“Please,” he muttered, “Please let me.”

A nod from me was all he needed to lean forward and close the distance between us. His lips pressed against my mouth, feeling every curve. He moved them slowly but in a way it felt like he wanted to mesmerize every detail about my mouth. My breathing got irregular and I wrapped my arms around his neck, holding him down and closer to me. A low moan escaped his throat and my entire body froze, but his roaming warm hands eased my tense muscles and soon I melted into him. One hand fisted his hair, the other moved to hold him by his cheek. When I felt him smile and pulling away, my head instantly followed in search for another kiss. The laugh died in his throat when I pressed another needy kiss to his full lips, one that he returned willingly. His hands gripped my hips and he squeezed the bare skin there. When I did finally allow him to break the kiss his face had transformed into an even bigger smile than the one that had graced his features earlier.

“Does that mean you’ll go out with me sometime?” he asked, his voice husky.

My brain still had it’s doubts, but my heart couldn’t be more confident. This man in front of me, this insanely handsome and good person had owned my heart for longer than I cared to think about. He was my best friend and though I didn’t know how we would transform our friendship into a relationship yet, after kissing him all those doubts seemed to have been thrown right out the window.

“I’ll think about it,” I giggled and cuddled myself closer against his chest. He rolled his eyes with a playful huff before connection our lips once more. After kissing some more he moved his head and pressed several pecks down my neck and to my shoulder. 

“I want you to be my boyfriend,” I confessed before I could stop myself. I felt his lips stretch into a smile and my heart squeezed in relief. He squeezed me tightly and nodded. 

“That sounds like something I’d like very much.” 

Thank you so much for reading! I hope you like it and as always, feedback and requests are always very welcome. :) 

I Need a Break

Tumblr is no longer the happy place it once was for me. I’m tired of being torn down but people who think they’re justified in their hatred and continually act entitled to their abusive ways. You have become everything you preach against. 

I will be reading and reblogging all of the fics from the amazing authors who participated in my challenge and posting the master list. I will be finishing all challenges I am signed up for, as well as a couple of fics I have on the burner. After that, I don’t know. What I do know is that I’m done.

I’m tired of trying. I can’t take it anymore. I guess that means you win.

December 17th

Hanging Lights

Summary | Dec 13th | Dec 14th | Dec 15th | Dec 16th | Dec 17th | Dec 18th | Dec 19th | Dec 20th | Dec 21st | Dec 22nd | Dec 23rd | Dec 24th


5 years ago:

“Why did you have to pick a house with so many freaking windows?”

“Are you honestly complaining about how many windows my house has?”

“I am,” Lorcan grumbled. His brows were pinched together as he pinned in place a section of light. “And I’ll continue to complain as long as we’re stringing lights around every freaking window on your house.”

“Just be happy we finally have the roof done.”

“What a surprise,” Aedion rolled his eyes, holding the lights so they wouldn’t get tangled up. “Lorcan’s being pissy.”

A snowball suddenly flew towards Aedion, hitting him in the arm.

Aedion rubbed his arm as if it hurt. The glare he sent Lorcan was full of pure hate. And Rowan could tell that Aedion was getting ready to fight back.

Sighing, Rowan butted in before a full on fist fight broke out. He just really wanted to get this house done. Thanks to Aelin and her love for Christmas, they had to outline every window, door, the roof and basically the whole house with white lights.

“Elide still mad at you, Lorcan?” Rowan pinned more lights in place around the window as he spoke.

“Why are you asking?”

“Because you’re being more touchy than normal.” Rowan gave Lorcan a sideways glance, watching as he huffed.

“She’s always mad at me.”

“Probably because you’re an idiot most of the time.” Aedion said before Rowan could say anything.

Lorcan turned towards Aedion. “Do you value your head on your shoulders, Ashryver?”

Rowan sighed. He finished pinning the lights in place and plugged them in, so they were connected on the same cord as the others. Just a few more windows left. Thank Gods.

“Move down,” Rowan nodded to the next window over. They moved farther down, towards the end of the house. “I want to get these done before it gets dark.”

They picked up the next string of lights and got to work. Silence fall around them for a few moments, for which Rowan was grateful.

“So,” Aedion spoke up, glancing at Lorcan with a side-eye. “What do you have her for Christmas?”

“What?” Lorcan’s narrowed eyes turned to Aedion.

“Elide,” Aedion crocked his head to the side. “What did you get her for Christmas?”

Lorcan simply snorted. “Why don’t you ask Rowan what he got his Queen for Christmas.”

“Because I already know what he got her for Christmas.”

“You didn’t get her anything, did you?” Rowan watched Lorcan work on the window with a wary eye.

“Nope,” Lorcan shrugged without looking up. “I haven’t thought of the right gift yet.”

“You should probably get on that, mate.” Aedion shook his head slightly.

For a moment, Rowan was certain that Lorcan wanted punched a hole in the front of his house, he was just considering how much it would hurt his fist if he did hit the building.

“I’m going to take pleasure in ripping you apart.”

“Well, something needs to get you off.”

Rowan groaned. He was in no mood to deal with this right now. He tuned out Lorcan and Aedion as he worked away at the lights, mentally kicking himself. He knew Lorcan and Aedion didn’t get along, so he didn’t know why he thought it would be a good idea to get them to help him with the lights.

Hours passed. Or at least, that’s what it felt like to Rowan. And, somehow, between all the fighting (Rowan actually had to pull Lorcan back from Aedion at one point), they finally managed to finish putting the lights around the house.

Night fell across the sky, and just as they plugged in the last set of lights, a car pulled into the driveway.

Rowan watched as the girls piled out of the car, home from their day of Christmas shopping. He also couldn’t help but smile at the breathtaking smile that overtook Aelin’s face as she stepped out of the car. The Christmas lights reflected off her bright eyes as she gazed up at the house.

“Wow you guys,” Nehemia smiled as she walked around the car. “You did such a good job.”

“I freaking love it!” Lysandra clapped her hands together, smile on her face. “I want to do my house like this!”

Aedion groaned from next to Rowan. “But I already have the lights up on our house.”

“Not this year,” Lysandra rolled her eyes. The girls made their way towards the guys. “But next year? Definitely.”

“Sucks for you,” Lorcan smirked at Aedion, giving him a hard slap on his back.

“It really looks great guys. I love it.” Elide gazed at the house for a moment before turning toward the guys. To Lorcan. There was a glint in her eyes as she smiled a devil’s smile, arms crossed. “And lucky for you, Lorcan. We don’t have our lights up yet.”

The smirk on Lorcan’s face fell at Elide’s words. Rowan could hear Aedion say something, but he didn’t care about them right now: he was watching Aelin. Her eyes were still bright and the smile was still on her face. She slowly made her way over to Rowan, her gaze on the house.

“Do you like it?” Rowan asked. He opened his arms when Aelin reached him, pulling in her as they both looked at the house.

“It’s wonderful,” She said. “We need lights on the two trees in front, though.”

Rowan couldn’t help but laugh as he kissed the top of Aelin’s head. They stayed like that for a few moments, the others chatting behind them. Then, after a few moments of standing out in the cold, Nehemia suggested they all head inside to warm up.

“Picture first,” Aelin waved her phone with a smile on her face. “This is the first time we’ve had Christmas lights on our own house. I want a picture.”

Lorcan groaned while they all made their way over to Aelin.

“Really? A picture?”

“Shut up, Lorcan” Elide rolled her eyes before wrapping an arm around Lorcan’s waist, bringing him in close for the picture.

Everyone crowded around Aelin as she held out her arm. All of them – even Lorcan – smiling up at the camera as Aelin took the picture. The Christmas lights shining in the background.


“The Right Tree” - coming tomorrow, December 18th

I send my love and remaining strength to those out there who are forced to live with their abusers or see them on a daily basis. Whether it’s at school, home, or work. You don’t deserve to live in constant fear. You don’t deserve to be reminded of all they have done to you, or the worry of what else they will do. I know how hard it is but please keep hanging on. One day we will all be surrounded by safety, love, and peace. I’m waiting for that day too. And as I imagine that place I can’t wait to breathe a sigh of relief and say “I made it.”

But we will continue to fight. Even after we are safe, sometimes the memories flood back. But we will fight. No matter how long or hard it takes. In those times remember that you are not alone. We’re in this together.  We can find moments of happiness again.


I spent some time looking back at my content here from about half a year ago, and made a quick comparison to what I’ve been putting on the page for the last month. The delta isn’t pretty. I don’t see a lot of funny or light out there right now, and therefore I’m not creating a lot of it, either. (Whether I ever succeeded at that is another debate I’d rather table.)

Whatever this blog has been, I think it’s fair to say it’s been an honest reflection of how I feel. That’s sure to continue until he shuts down the Internet. Ergo, this isn’t going to be a Happy Place for the foreseeable.

So here’s an STM to everyone reading this: I’m giving you a free out. This probably isn’t what you signed up for. If this little corner of the Internet is too negative for you right now, there will be absolutely zero butt-hurt on this end if you need to avail yourself of the unfollow button for your own self-care. I really do understand. Namaste.