Love Is Not Your Friend (Tom Holland x Reader)
*gif not mine*
Author’s note(s): THIS has been sitting in my drafts for three months!! I’m so glad I finished it though. Its definetly the longest piece I’ve ever written (so long that when I emailed it to myself my computer had to cut off the message). I worked so hard on this, so I hope you enjoy it! Lemme know if you want a part 2 :)
Warning(s): S W E A R I N G, mentions of the N A S T Y, major angst, heartache, cheating, basically fuckboy!Tom
(lol shirtless!tom is my aesthetic)
Love is that bubbly feeling you get when you fall for someone for the first time. Your heart races whenever they’re near and your palms grow sweaty with nervousness. Love is the soft pink tint that rises on your cheeks as you make eye contact across the room, neither of you daring to look away. Love is alluring, Love is precious but most of all, Love is evil.
Love is sneaky, deluding, much like a fox, capturing your heart unexpectedly. At first, you’re happy, on top of the world at most. You finally feel worth your while, perhaps like you have a purpose. Then at your highest peak, Love sinks it’s venomous fangs into your heart, tears it from its place in your chest… holding it out for you to see.
With a cruel grin, gracing it’s lips, Love rips your heart to pieces, stomps on it, crushing it into the ground before setting it ablaze. Only then does it offer the ashes back to you, in their broken and worn out state. You don’t want it, you never want it back but love is mean, and forces the pieces back into your chest without a question. Now there are no smiles, no blushes, no bubbly feelings. Your only feeling is pain, every time you breathe, blink, think, all you feel is pain.
Love was never made for the faint hearted, if it was, everyone would have found their happy ending. People would not fear love for its outcome. Love is not fair, it never was, it picks its victims like a lion prowling on its prey. You are but a mere pawn, a piece in Love’s game of chess. Love is not your friend, it is your enemy.
Love was not for everyone, especially not (Y/N) (L/N). Unfortunately for her, she had been carefully selected as a victim in Love’s cruel game. It put a target on her heart, making her vulnerable to deception and heartache. Her poor heart had been stolen, too many times and broken too many times. Its broken form ripped out and shattered before being put on display underneath shimmering lights or on the fronts of glossy gossip magazines.
Blame was her biggest enemy. Guilt being her best friend. To her, it was always her fault. Together they tore down (Y/N) (L/N), stripping her of any human will to love. She avoided love, looked it in the eye and landed her own checkmate. She was no longer going to fall a simple pawn in Love’s game. She built thick walls around her heart and shut down anyone who tried to catch a glimpse of the tattered organ.
She begun to focus on herself, shutting out any ideals of the perfect relationship or future aspirations to have a family, perhaps even settle down. She’d been let down too many times to fall victim again. Love was no longer her friend, but instead, a sworn enemy.
Love was not for everyone, especially not (Y/N) (L/N), granted that was all about to change.
Tom Holland had always been a charming boy. With tousled chocolate hair, falling over his deep hazelnut eyes that could stare into your soul and soft pink lips along with a jawline that could cut diamonds. He smelt like earthy pinecones and fresh mint, or so they said. He was Lucky, Tom Holland was, born with the silver spoon of love slipped between his perfect lips, his ego fed with the promise that he’d be ‘a good looking lad’ or a ‘lady killer’ when he grew up. He was praised by all, actors he’d worked with, fans of his movies - some might have even called him an angel.
If only they knew
He never fell victim, he never was a chess piece in Love’s game, oh no. He was the player. Tom knew all the little tricks, how to lure them in. His heart was clouded with the delusional need to see someone in pain. Not physically but emotionally. He was a murderer, killing any last hopes of love.
Everyone wanted him, no matter who they were and even if they didn’t, he would find a way around it. He would break them.
Maybe that would explain Tom’s situation tonight.
Stumbling out of a dark closet, the plastic-y taste of bright red lipstick on his tongue, stains dotting his neck the overwhelming scent of flowers emitting from his skin. He wiped his mouth clean of the lipstick with the back of his hand, grabbing a chalice of bubbling champagne from a passing waiter to rinse the taste of fake from his mouth.
He winked at a group of passing girls, who eyed his slightly dishevelled form. His crisp, previously, ironed white shirt was untucked, his overly expensive silk tie hanging loosely from his neck and his hair, ruffled. A smirk graced his lips as he spotted a cute girl in the crowd, his mind telling him to make her his next victim, he begun prowling edging his way into the crowd, energetic music pumping above their heads before he was grabbed by the wrist and spun around.
A harsh slap collided with his supple, pale cheeks causing him to stumble back, his brown eyes snapped up to meet the infuriated gaze of his girl-I mean previous girlfriend. “So that’s it?” She screeches, eliciting curious stares from the partying crowd. “You’re just gonna shag me and then break up with me in the same night?!”
A cruel smirk twists on his plump lips, his eyes lighting up with an evil glint. His face quickly shifts, an expression of ‘remorse’ and ‘guilt’ graces of features, whilst in his mind her celebrates his victory, another broken heart. “I’m sorry, baby” Tom murmurs, straightening himself and his clothes out. “It’s not you, it’s me”
The grey-eyed girl steps back, mouth agape in shock. “Bullshit!” She cries. “I should have never been with you, I should have listened to them when they said-“
Tom visibly smiled this time, taking her chin between his fingers and tilting it up so they could lock eyes. “But you didn’t darling” he dropped his voice by an octave and leaned into her ear. “And here we are”
She swatted him in the chest before letting out a shrill cry. “You’re insufferable, Thomas Stanley Holland!”
“That’s not what you were saying just now, when we were-“
That last sentence earned him another harsh slap before she stormed off, flicking her hair over her shoulder. Tom let a sigh of relief, glad to be over and done with her. Now he could focus on his next item of prey. Tom quickly slinked into the bathroom, fixing his shirt, wiping away any reminisce of lipstick, any traces that he’d been with another girl before sliding over to the bar where he’d seen that cute girl from earlier.
Luckily enough, she was still there, sipping on a freshly made Martini, chatting with some other celebrities. A warm presence behind her back, gently pulled her out of the conversation she was engaged in, she jumped back in shock when she realised Tom was behind her, sipping on his own drink.
“So, what brings a pretty lady like you, to a place like this?” Tom questions her lightly, a mischievous smirk painted across his lips, she absentmindedly rolls her eyes at Tom’s attempt of charming her before she sips her drink. She places it on the table that they’re leaning on, swirling it around by the flute of the glass.
“Same reason as you, Thomas” he can tell she’s not impressed by the way she almost growls his name. “I’m here to celebrate Jacob’s birthday but it seems like you had other ways of celebrating”
The British actors brown hues widen in surprise , but the smirk never leaves his face. “You saw that? You know who I am?”
She rolls her eyes again and Tom wonders how they haven’t popped out of her skull yet. “Myself and around 50% of the party, Thomas” she comments, sipping her drink quickly. “And of course I do, it’s me, (Y/N)? We’ve met before?”
Of course Tom doesn’t remember her, he’s met and been with too many girls to count. He assumes she’s a friend of Jacob’s and nods along with her. She frowns at him, picking up her drink and pushing herself off of the table. “Look Tom, I know who you are and I’m not interested. Have fun with the rest of your night” She quips with a monotonous expression, looking him up and down with a raised brow.
Before the young actor can respond, she’s gone and he can only catch a glimpse of her sashaying into the crowd.
If there was one thing Tom Holland liked the most, it was a challenge. It was clear to him that (Y/N) (L/N) wasn’t easy game, and he was prepared to do anything to make her his latest victory. It was now his mission, his mission to find out every single detail about her. Her favourite book, movie, hotel, secret hide out. Anything that would make it easier for him to break her down.
He spoke to cousins, friends, anyone who could give him the information he needed. He’d learned that you’d had your fair share of heartbreaks but he knew how to work his way around it.
There was one day where he walked into a Starbucks before he was due to run over his script for a new movie. He’d ordered his coffee and slinked off to the side to wait for it, when he noticed her. She was sitting by a window, her cute nose buried into a tattered old book that had been tapped at the spine. Tom couldn’t help but watch as her (eye colour) hues slipped over the pages and he was tempted to call out her name. So he did.
He quickly mentioned to the barista that he would be going to sit at her table, before he shuffled over to the window seat and sat opposite her. The British actor lightly cleared his throat, capturing her attention. He didn’t know what he expect from her, a polite hello? Or a small smile. He was wrong.
“How did you find me?”
“How did you find me?” She questioned again, emphasising every syllable. Tom furrowed his brows, clearly gobsmacked. He wasn’t expecting her to snap at him.
“I swear, I just came in for a coffee, I saw you over here and I wanted to say Hi”
“Oh” she whispered, her cheeks flushing at her outburst. A cool silence swept over the pair as Tom eyed the cover of her book.
“Naughts and Crosses” he’d come to learn that it was her favourite book and couldn’t help but let the title slip from his lips. Her eyes visibly widened as Tom recognised the title of her favourite book. She couldn’t help but let an excited smile tug at her lips.
“You know this book?” She gushed sweetly, doggy-earing the page as Tom nodded with a smirk. Of course he didn’t really know the book, not like she did at least but he’d skim read it just in case it ever came up in a conversation, he even remembered her favourite quote. If he was going to play his game, he was going to play it properly.
“Callum McGregor taught me, that it’s worth fighting the world if it means you can protect those you love”
They both recited at the same time, Tom couldn’t help but smile, one that would have appeared endearing to some, but was really dark and decieving on the inside. (Y/N)’s lit up so brightly, you could say the whole room had been lightened, her (eye colour) orbs shone beautifully under the sunlight pouring through the window. The pair sat in silence as (Y/N)’s small fingers traced the many creases on the cover of her old book, a few minutes later Tom was called up to the counter to get his coffee. Two shared a quick goodbye and as (Y/N) watched him go, she shot up from her seat and called his same without a second guess.
“Tom!” She’d called out, rushing over to him, she handed him a napkin with her phone number scribbled across it in bold digits. She smiled at him as she passed him the crumpled tissue, noticing his shocked expression. “Maybe you’re not so bad after all”
And with that she headed back to her table, Tom watching her go with the traces of a smile on his face.
He thought it would be easy after that, getting to her heart. He was in her good books now, that was for sure but it seemed that she had so many walls surrounding her heart, so Tom knew it would take a long time to get there.
Usually he would have given up at this point, it was a year down the line and he still hadn’t budged from the friend zone but it was something about her, that drew him in. It wasn’t Love? He wasn’t catching feelings? Tom wasn’t in this for a relationship, no… he was in this to watch a heart shatter.
He’d decided a long time ago, that it would be no use trying to ask her out in the early months but instead he tried to make her his friend. The young Brit would invite her for regular coffee dates, ask her to go on walks with himself and Tessa, have regular movie nights with her hoping that she’d eventually break.
One night, the two had been cuddling (platonically much to Tom’s dismay) whilst watching an old Disney movie, blankets wrapped around them her head laying on his chest, when he decided that enough was enough. “Hey, (Y/N)?”
She didn’t budge, her attention captured by the movie bursting across the screen. Tom shifted as she hummed absentmindedly against his chest, he rolled his eyes before poking her side and pausing the movie. “(Y/N) it’s important”
She sat up with a pout, her (hair type) locks splaying across the bare skin of her shoulders. She quirked a brow, as Tom skilfully moved it behind her shoulders, shivering lightly under his touch. He smirked, liking the effect he had on her. “(Y/N), I like you” The actor whispered into the silence, finding it hard to meet her (eye colour eyes). It was quiet, for a long time and Tom couldn’t help but feel nervous. Despite his notorious reputation, he was only human and feared the feeling of rejection too.
(Y/N) let a small smirk paint her lips before she laid back down on Tom’s chest, grabbing the remote and playing the movie. “I know Tommy” she stared blankly, letting the movie steal her attention again. Tom sat dumbfounded, the encounter not being mentioned after that night.
A few days later, the British male found himself spewing out his complaints over a beer with his mate Harrison. The blonde sat across from Tom, an amused smirk playing at his lips as he watched Tom drone on about how he was getting bored. “Sounds like you like her” Harrison slyly commented, quirking a brow as he sipped his golden liquid from the cool glass.
He watched as Tom almost choked on his drink, using a napkin to mop up the spilled liquid. “That’s impossible” the brunette countered, matter of factly. He could never, he would never.
“Think about it” Harrison stated, tracing the rim of his glass. “The longest relationship you’ve had is six months, right?”
“You’ve been, ‘just friends’, with this girl for over a year…usually you would’ve give up by now” The actor’s friend reasoned, as Tom thought it over in his head.
“She’s different because you feel something for her” Haz commented, but before Tom could respond, Harrison had headed to the bathroom, leaving his friend to ponder over his thoughts.
A few weeks later and the pair were hanging out again. (Y/N) had invited Tom over, resulting in him spending the night. As the soft orange, pink hues of the sky faded into a deep alluring midnight blue, (Y/N) had begun to get restless, fidgeting under the warmth of Tom’s muscled arms as a musical flashed across the screen. The brunette Male turned to his friend, eyes furrowed in confusion at her sudden movements. “Tommy?” She sighed and the brunette swore he felt a light shiver tickle his spine at the nickname, he brushed it off as he looks to (Y/N) expectantly. “I-“
She cuts herself off, a pout forming on her deliciously pink lips as she tries to think of what to say. Tom shook his head, as if to rid the thoughts of how attractive she looked tonight from his head because he doesn’t like you, he shouldn’t like you and this is all just a game to him.
His eyes ghost over her face for a second, as her lips twitch up into a small smile and before Tom can register what’s happening, she’s kissing him. Her lips melding perfectly against his and his hands weave their way into her hair. (Y/N)’s hands press themselves into Tom’s chest as she moves to straddle his lap and Tom smiles against her lips because she’s finally let her guard down, and now he can weave his way into her heart before he tears it to pieces.
When the two pull away, (Y/N)’s soft (eye colour) orbs are glistening with excitement as her gaze locks with Tom’s. “By the way” she mumbles, moving in for another kiss. “I like you too”
Now that her guard is down, Tom makes his move, claiming her as his girlfriend as he pulls her into a trance of affection. Cute dates and small kisses to the neck unexpectedly are calculated with such precision to make her, (Y/N) (L/N), fall deeply in love with him.
And for the most part, he doesn’t feel the slightest bit of guilt towards the fact, that at the end of this, she’ll be but another broken heart in the jar that he’s collected over the years. Sometimes, it would sneak up on him like a fox, guilt would, and it confused him. Tom had never felt guilt towards what he was doing, he was used to heart breaking, it was almost a second nature to him. Maybe what Harrison had said all those months ago was true? Maybe Tom did have feelings for (Y/N)? His thoughts dissipated as quickly as they appeared with a simple shake of his head and he’d be back to his normal self, making it his mission to break her heart.
It wasn’t until a particular night, that the emotion hit Tom like a tonne of bricks. It’d been around six months into his ‘relationship’ with (Y/N) and they’d moved into an apartment in downtown LA so she could be closer to her music studio. Tom could tell by her sheepish and nervous mannerisms, when she had asked him to move in with her, that she loved him. It was obvious. He had her exactly where he wanted her and he loved it.
But that night, a sick and nauseating feeling lodged itself into the British actor’s chest, making him feel weak and helpless. His brown hues swept over his, ‘girlfriend’s’ form, her face innocent and peaceful as she slept soundly beside him. Tom caught his bottom lip between his pearly whites as he looked on. She didn’t deserve this. She had walls up for a reason.
His mind started to wander into an abyss of thoughts. Maybe he didn’t have to end things with her or break her heart? Maybe he could stay with her and be happy for once? Suddenly disgusted at his sappy and romantic thoughts, Tom slid out of bed and had a quick shower before heading out.
He didn’t want to feel for (Y/N), than wasn’t his goal or his mission. Instead, Tom called up Harrison and went clubbing into the early hours of the morning. He didn’t come back until late afternoon, when he did he knew he smelt like a different woman, after spending the night with her.
“Tommy?” (Y/N) asked when said actor tried to sneak into the house unheard. Her eyes were bloodshot as she rubbed the sleep out of them, a tired pout painting her lips as she gazed over at her boyfriend. “Where did you go? I stayed up waiting for you to come home”
There it was again, that pang of guilt that hit Tom in the chest unexpectedly. He ran a hand through his chestnut locks, approaching his fake lover with a forced apologetic smile. “I’m sorry love” the young actor whispered with all the emotion he could muster. “Haz needed me, an emergency”
He pulled her in for a hug and smirked over her shoulder as she inhaled. The British man, knew that (Y/N) could smell the scent of another woman on his cotton shirt, but she chose to say nothing, staying close to Tom despite the haunting fact. Tom grinned deviously to himself, today it had begun.
A year of friendship and a year of dating. He didn’t know how he pulled it off, but Tom’s plan had been going on just fine. On every date he sent a lingering glance at female waitresses, Actresses and singers alike that stole his attention from her on red carpet events. Every touch and glance and whisper in another girl’s ear was computed to ebb away at her very being and at her heart.
Confessions of love came easily, they were sitting together on the couch when the three words had slipped past her lips after Tom had made her laugh. All sounds were silenced after that, as they watched each other with curious eyes. Tom smiled, allowing himself to say ‘I love you too’.
Tom knew he had gotten to her, when he came home from work on set the other night. Desperate yelling sounding throughout the house, shaking the building to its very core. The brunette with the charming smile and alluring eyes moved silently through his apartment, listening in on the conversation, although it wasn’t hard to miss.
“You shouldn’t be with him, he’s bad for you!” A voice which he identified to be (Y/N)’s best friend snarled with such ferocity. He heard a crash, presumably from a vase before her voice interjected into the tense atmosphere.
“Bullshit!” (Y/N)’’ snapped back with a hiccup, Tom knew she was crying. “He said he loved me and I believe him, he wouldn’t do that to me”
“You’re fucking delusional!” Her friend countered, clearly angry. “Look at the pictures (Y/N), he’s kissing another woman and she ain’t no celebrity. Everything you’ve told me, it adds up!”
The was a silence, a pause and Tom stood tensely by the doorway, waiting for the reaction of the girl who was his latest pawn. “No!” She sobbed desperately. “He wouldn’t”
It was a weak defence, but it was enough to send her friend into a fit of rage. “Fucks sake (Y/N)” her friend growled. “You’ve been in a position like this before, had your heartbroken before and here you are again. Call me when you get some sense knocked into you”
Tom pressed himself against the wall as his girlfriend’s guest stormed out, slamming the door to the apartment as she did so. Frowning, moved towards the entrance of the bedroom, finding (Y/N) curled up on the bed in tears. “Baby…” he whispered from his place in the doorway, she didn’t look up, continuing to let her tears flow freely.
“You’re not cheating on me, are you?” Her question in bold and Tom has to fight down the urge to smile. He knows he’s winning his game, by the broken and defeated look on her face.
He shakes his head, moving over to her so he can pull her into his chest. She hiccups as the brunette gently hushes her. “I’d never”
She nods, her sobs almost completely silent now. “You’d never, you love me right?”
Tom smiles down at her, and to anyone outside of their relationship it would seem that he was smiling cruelly. “I love you”
When you pictured a relationship with Tom, you never expected to see yourself like this. Broken, tired, worn out from the countless nights you stayed up, waiting for him to come home. You knew where he was, what he was doing. It was obvious to anyone with a nose and a pair of eyes. When he came home, he always smelled different to how he did when he left you. The pungent smell of sex and other women etched into every stitch and fibre of his clothing.
You felt sick, horrified and stupid all at once, all the time. How could you stay with him? Knowing what he was doing. It was breaking you, breaking your heart, leaving you empty and soulless but you stayed. Why? because you loved him. That much was obvious. You loved him, you loved him, you loved him. Tom knew that and yet he still wanted to hurt you.
You should’ve known, he had a reputation and you promised yourself that you wouldn’t fall for guys like him anymore. You’re hurting and the pain is endless and you just want it to stop because, fuck, you should have known.
You’re not angry at Tom, you’re disappointed. You’re angry at yourself for giving him every piece of you. For letting yourself love him and thinking that he loved you too. You knew that love was never on your side, so why was it that you could never take your own advice?
The house is eerily quiet when Tom comes home, for most, their house would be quiet at 3 AM but he knew different. He knew (Y/N) would be waiting for him, wide awake and huddled in one of his sweaters, listening along to the gentle hum of the movie she watched. There was no hum of the TV tonight but in his gut Tom knew something was wrong.
“You’re home” a voice sounded from the couch as Tom flicked on the living room lights. His brown eyes widen at the sight of his girlfriend sitting there, staring blankly at the wall ahead of her. Her (eye colour) eyes are dull and tired, her hair is messy and her skin paled. It’s the first time that Tom gets a good look at you, what he’s done to you. He should feel proud, he’s wrecked another heart so why not? but instead a crash of guilt consumes him to the point where he’s almost suffocating.
“Baby?” He croaks out, confused towards his feelings as he advances towards her. He lets a hand touch her shoulder and she flinches under his touch. Tom quickly retracts his hands, never had she reacted to him in such a way before. “What are you doing up?”
(Y/N) sighs, shaking her head with a bitter laugh before catching herself and biting her bottom lip. She chews on the dry skin there, looking up at her boyfriend with piercing (eye colour) hues. “I know where you go Tom, every night. There’s no need to lie anymore.”
“W-what are you talking about?” The actor stutters, he knows what (Y/N)’s talking about, but all of a sudden, he doesn’t want to break she’s heart. Realisation dawns on him that his little game is coming to an end, but this time he doesn’t want it to.
A shaky breath tumbles past her pink lips as she grabs a duffle bag that she had resting on the sofa. Looking at Tom with heart broken eyes, she inhales deeply as if she’s pondering over her words. “You’re cheating on me Thomas” he flinched at the name she uses, it’s not endearing like Tommy or babe. Instead it reminds him of the time that he decided he wanted to play his game with her. “You have been for months and I don’t want to hurt anymore. I’m leaving you”
The words come out as a broken whisper and Tom wants to beg her, plead for her to stay. “I gave you everything I had to offer, every piece of me and it wasn’t enough. I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you enough but I’m broken and tired and I don’t want this anymore”
Tom knows he’s fucked up, he knew it all along because he never wanted to break her heart. Fuck, no. He wanted it, he wanted to be able to call her his. But love is cruel, making his realise these things a little too late. Tom loved her, he knew he did deep down but he was too blinded by love’s game to realise that he had been a pawn in it all along.
“Just know Tom” she adds as she moves to the front door. “That I loved you, and I’m sorry that we couldn’t make this work and that I couldn’t give you what you wanted”
He wants to reach out and tell her that he didn’t mean it, that he really did love her but he stays planted in his position by the couch. His dark hues flicker up to meet her tired and empty ones and she stares at him so intensely, it’s as if she’s looking for something. (Y/N) sighs when she doesn’t find it, whatever it was, offering Tom a small and genuine smile. “ I know I couldn’t give you a what you needed, but I hope you find it” She looks down again. “I forgive you by the way”
And with that; she slips out of front door, gone like the wind. She doesn’t come back and Tom knows that she won’t. He stands in the middle of their, once shared apartment, chest heaving and heart clenched. He feels numb, like a part of him has gone missing and for the first time in his life, Tom realises something
Love is not your friend, it is your enemy.