i whine a lot :

Danes to Danish people: I hate Denmark. Our weather sucks. It’s so cold, our coffee is never warm. It’s always raining. So much snow. I hate it. 

Danes to everyone else: once we were Vikings. We’re the happiest country in the world. We drink a lot. We’re strong. Our country is tHE BEST ONE

Me: Uugh god I’m so boreddd

Me:…

Me: Nope. Not gonna do it again; not gonna watch that shitfest again I cannot possibly be that bored while waiting for new content–

Me: OH GODDAMNIT

tumblr is honestly so full of hate there’s literally no pleasing a lot of you on this site

when elodie yung was cast as elektra i saw a lot of people whining about how they picked an asian actress for the part that involves martial arts and how that was supposedly racist because it’s playing on a stereotype
(even though being good at martial arts is literally a huge part of elektra’s character so don’t claim to me that you care about the character and then whine about the martial arts? if elektra weren’t good at martial arts it wouldn’t be elektra)

and now there’s all this shit about iron fist and how it’s “whitewashing” because of white guy and asian culture blah blah

you guys are literally never happy no matter what side the casting is on

My revenge on Loony Lucy, contender for World's Worst Roommate.

Bring your popcorn, because this is a long one.

Loony Lucy is a slovenly, food-stealing, clothing-destroying waste of carbon. I dealt with it by keeping my space clean and ignoring her areas, storing my food at work or my boyfriend’s place, and installing a lock on my bedroom door so she couldn’t “borrow” outfits that “looked like she could fit into” when she had 30 pounds on me.

All that made Loony Lucy a bad roommate, but I had my work-arounds and she had the one saving grace of being Quiet At Night. So I put up with it.

I put up with it, that is, until she broke our Cardinal Roommate Rule: no one gets a key to the apartment without both roommates agreeing. The rule was sacred; I couldn’t even give a key to my boyfriend of more than a year.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

*coughs* svt reaction to their s.o secretly being really kinky ugcfugiglhjdufog k bye

Seungcheol 

you already kno daddy s.coups would fucking LOVE that shit okay he’s not even lowkey about it either he’s so kinky deep down inside

Originally posted by beautifulcarats

Jeonghan

i deadass think he’s secretly kinky too ok,,,like behind all the angel ish, he’s really kinky and loves to be in control

Originally posted by snowonwoo

Jisoo

OKAY YOU MIGHT ALL THINK OH THE GENTLEMAN OF SEVENTEEN AKA JOSHUA but i really think he’s kinky. i think he’s  a sub & likes to beg a loT AH

Originally posted by scoupy

Junhui

???? you already know this little shit is kinky as FUCK, why are you reading that? he’d eat sleep & breathe for that shit dAMN u found the right guy 

Originally posted by 12fools

Soonyoung

i really don’t know, i think he’s like joshua; a sub who whines & begs a lot buT WAIT I JUST READ A SMUT ABT HIM BEING A DOM WHATS THE TRUTH HERE HOSHI

Originally posted by visual-17

Wonwoo

another one i don’t know abt, i highkey feel he’d be confused but still willing to try some of the stuff you liked

Originally posted by visual-17

Jihoon

sUB SUB SUB I THINK HE’D LOVE HOW KINKY YOU ARE but he’d hide it by just like laughing at you pretending that he wasnt turned on by this but bitch he was

Originally posted by cutiepatoodie

Seokmin

dom ???? he’d probably lowkey be into this too i see him as a manly dom fuCK ME UP BITCH

Originally posted by ldks

Mingyu

like jun, this cocky little bitch will LOVE this shit okay he’s just as kinky as you

Originally posted by wonwoossshi

Minghao

we’ve already learned that minghao is a fucking savage right ??? so don’t you think he’d be cocky in  bed? i also think he’d enjoy this factor of you

Originally posted by mystarsandmoonhao

Seungkwan

he’s grossed out but turned on at the same time

Originally posted by dank-svt-memes

Hansol

listen ok i can’t decided if he’s a jsub or dom prolly just vanilla asf hansol would probably be turned on, but he wouldn’t know how to express it properly

Originally posted by vernon---baby

Chan

listen buddy i feel he’d be exactly like our boy vernon; turned on, but too shy to express it.

Originally posted by jeonfhan

reaction requests are open for; seventeen, 2ne1, exo(o12), bts, got7, and blackpink. 

jinxiebat  asked:

Father Ren's delusional ass thinks he's gonna give up sex for Lent. RC decides to give her temptation muscle some exercise and starts by ordering expensive lingerie addressed to him just to remind him of what he's missing

((I used our canon for this, because… uh… I can. OTP.))

You sigh, staring at Kylo from across the room, his ankle propped up on his knee, the Bible in his hand. He wants to give some sort of homily regarding the beginning of Lent, most likely, not that you particularly care. You haven’t been to church since he’d bound himself to you, and you haven’t missed it.

But Lent is a problem. It’s been four days, now, since you’ve fucked, and he’s been more stubborn than usual. In his insistence to maintain some sort of moral superiority, he’s rebuked you at every possible opportunity. In bed, you’d reached for his cock, danced your fingers around his soft shaft–but he’d swatted you away. Enough, he’d grumbled. In the shower too, you’d tempted him, slipping in when his eyes were closed, then watching him gaze at the rivulets of warm water running over your breasts. You could have sworn his dick had twitched, then–but you weren’t for certain, because he’d shooed you away.

“You’re fooling yourself, Kylo,” you’d called back to him, but he hadn’t said a word. His mind had been just as blank. He had been hiding from you.

A few more rejections following that, and now, you’re fracturing. It isn’t like you to feel embarrassed, or humiliated, or–what’s the word–rejected. If anything, you need to be the one rejecting him.

So you huff, throwing on a pair of shoes, and grab his keys. “I’m going out.”

Kylo’s eyes flick to yours–something underneath the amber glass of his irises. But he’s silent, and nods his acknowledgement. This only irritates you further–you storm out, knowing exactly where you need to go next.

When you return home, he’s still in the same spot, those full lips pursed in thought as he reads. You escape to your bedroom, changing quickly–sheer, dark stockings, black garter belt, black lace up to your barely-covered tits, thin black straps over your shoulders. Everything is tight and tempting and fleshy and raw. You slip on a pair of black patent heels and saunter into the living room.

The click, click of your footsteps has already caught Kylo’s attention, his eyes darting to the floor first when you enter. The shoes have his attention, his brow tightening as he spots them–but then his eyes wander up, over your legs, over the lace and straps on your thighs, over the black panties and sheer top, stopping at the lace hiding your nipples. Your breasts are full, bouncing softly with every step you take, and he shifts.

His throat bobs as he swallows. And finally, finally, you hear him–

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

His eyes rake over your body, the Bible looking limp in his hand, and he meets your stare. “What are you doing?” he asks, as if he doesn’t know the answer.

“Me?” You spin, so he can see how round and soft your ass looks in your panties. “Nothing.”

Fuck.

Kylo spits out your name like a warning. “I’ve already told you about my penance.”

“I know.” Grinning, you drop to your knees in front of him, running your hands over your body. “I’m not touching you.”

“You know what you’re doing. Stop.”

Pouting, you squeeze one of your tits. “Stop what?” you say. “I’m not interfering with Lent.”

He pauses, watching your fingers bury into your own flesh. Just a small touch… “Yes.” Recovering, he rolls his eyes. “You are.”

“Really?” Your fingers dip low, grazing over your cunt, and you release a shuddering whine. “What do you mean?”

“Stop it,” he growls–and even as he does this, he drops the Bible on the couch and uncrosses his legs. “Now.”

You feign shock, sitting back on your heels, letting him get a better view of your tits. “I can’t believe you’re being so callous, Kylo.”

His eyes are stuck on you. He wants to move them, but he can’t–and the longer he stares, the more rapid his thoughts become, spilling out as his control wanes.

Just a glimpse of your tits. Let me see. That won’t hurt anything. Or maybe if you just touch me. A little. Just a taste…

With that, you know he’s cracking, and you inch forward, dragging your pointed nails up his calf. He swallows again, but doesn’t kick you off, doesn’t even ask you to move. All he does is watch, his breath slow in his chest. When you glance between his legs, you see the evidence of his fading resistance–his erection is straining at his trousers, and his hands rest on his thighs, centimeters away.

“What’s this?” you say, your hand crawling up his thigh. “Kylo… am I turning you on?”

Of course you are. “No.” Climb on top of me. Let me sink my cock into that sweet little cunt. “You’re not.”

You grin. “I think I am.” Pushing his hand aside, you stop, hovering over the tent of his cock. “We could test it and find out.”

“Don’t.” Yes.

His eyes are dark and desperate, pleading with you for relief in either form, and his hips inch forward, as if to entice you. Not that it isn’t working–you’ve been dreaming about wrapping your lips around his cock, about riding him until he passes out. Your brain has been busy with thoughts of his panting breath, his flushed cheeks, his broad shoulders, tense with movement–thoughts of his hands, strong and firm on your hips, and his mouth, pressing eager, hungry marks into your throat and your tits.

But you remember your thought earlier–you should be denying him. So when he jerks his hips upward in attempt to graze your palm, you jerk your hand away, grinning wickedly, and he collapses back onto the couch in a frustrated, embarrassed whimper. You’d broken him.

“You know what,” you say. “You’re right. I think your penance is definitely the most important thing. Wouldn’t want to walk into mass as a hypocrite, tomorrow.” You pause. “Well. A bigger hypocrite, anyway.”

Kylo grumbles your name, but says nothing, his mind blank again, and he sits up again, snatching the Bible and ripping it open.

PART ONE:
Rating: PG


When we were younger, Luke and I would hide from our parents in the tree house that was in my backyard.

We would sneak off after filling our plates with food climb up the wooden ladder to the top. We would always get in trouble because we knew we had to eat at the table. That would result in luke getting sent home but we would do it again the next day.

That was also the same tree house luke fell out of when we were 8 while racing to the top. I was the first person to sign his cast when he got home from the hospital.

Luke and I have been best friends practically since birth. It was weird being grown up and living on our own. Luke was going to a university close to his apartment while I just finished my program for the art.

Calum, Ashton and Michael who Luke and I met in secondary school were another one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. They knew how to have a good time, we were constantly getting into trouble. It was the kind of trouble that made you feel like you were really living.

None that really got us in trouble. Except for the time we all snuck into the aquarium and quickly set off the alarm. Michael took the fall for that one, he got arrested while all of us had already ran blocks away.

“Hello?” Someone waves their hand in front of my face.

I snaps me out of my thoughts and back into reality, which was Ashton’s basement with the boys.

And Arzaylea. Who was standing in front of me.

“Do you have any mascara with you?” She asks me.

I can hear Michael chuckle and I look at the other boys.

“No. Sorry.” I say shortly.

I wasn’t the type of girl who wore make up. I could never get it right and I just didn’t see the need for it. It’s not like I didn’t keep up on my looks. I plucked my eyebrows obsessively and always make sure to do my hair but that’s about as much effort as you’re getting from me.

She clicks her tongue, frowning slightly before take a seat next to Luke. They have been dating for almost two months now. We were friendly with each other because she is dating my best friend and Luke wouldn’t let her be any other way. But her and I have never really connected.

I slightly feel like it’s that was with all the boys as well but Luke. If Luke ever leaves the room, even for just a second it’s very awkward when she is in here.

“Can I borrow some lipstick.” Calum leans over to me, using his high pitched voice to mock Arzaylea.

I laugh quietly before smack his arm. Michael and Ashton are playing FIFA while calum and I make conversation trying not to pay much attention to Arzaylea and Luke who are bickering about going out to dinner tonight.

“I’ve got a big test tomorrow. I can’t be out late tonight.” Luke says annoyed.

“Yeah, why would I even think we would do something nice like that. Whenever we hang out it’s always with your friends. When are we going to have spend some time together. You know? As a couple!?” She says back to him.

I can’t help myself from listening in to their conversation. Luke and I never really talk about her. They haven’t been really getting along lately but none of us really mind because she isn’t the best to be around.

“We will. Just not tomorrow.” Luke looks like he’s paying more attention to the game then her which would make me upset too.

“Whatever. I’m going home.” She gets up and Luke sighs. He looks like he’s about to stop her but we make eye contact and I shake my head. “Bye guys.” She says to all of us before walking upstairs.

“God Luke! I just feel like, you don’t even like me anymore!” Calum uses the same voice to mock her again.

Saying it just loud enough so I can hear. I try to stifle my laugh but like notices and glances at me. My face turns red as he raises his eyebrows in confusion and I shrug.

The boys and I hang out until it gets dark. Calum and Michael end up staying the night while Luke and I head home. I offer to give him a ride back and he gratefully accept.

“So you’re coming to my first art Debut right?” I ask him as I drive the winds back to his apartment.

“Of course.” He smiles at me. His blue eyes taking my mind off the road until I feel the shaking of the divider under my wheels. I redirect my car back into my lane and he laughs.

I apologize embarrassed but he just blows it off. We learned to drive together, I think we have both seen the most embarrassing moments we’ve had.

A few short minutes later I pull up to his green apartment building that catty corners an old market we use to spend all of our money on candy at.

“Do you have time to come in?” He asks and I look at the time. It’s not even dinner time yet and I love spending time with Luke.

Lately we haven’t really gotten best friend time because of the other boys and Arzaylea. I nod and pull into a parking spot.

His apartment is just as I remember it. The living room and kitchen were very neat, almost untouched. As soon as you stepped foot in his bedroom it’s like a bomb had gone off, dishes and clothes everywhere.

I smile and pick up a picture of us from graduation. His arm is hooked over my shoulder and our smiles are real. His blond hair is peaking out from his cap while I complained that day about how I looked bald. He has just gotten his lip pierced and loved how it looked.

We went together to the shop, I got my nose pierced while he got his lip.

Things seemed the same but they were also much different. Luke changed a lot after he met Arzaylea, he took out his lip piercing and was a lot quieter. I almost feel like he is unhappy but then I’ll see him and her together and he will look like he is enjoying himself.

I set the frame down and Luke shoves a controller in my hand. I smile at him, “Why even try Hemmings? I kick your butt every time.” I smile before jumping on the couch and taking a seat. He puts in the FIFA soccer game that he can never quite seem to beat me at.

“Let’s just say I’ve got a good feeling about this.” He sits next to me.

After while of playing I have to stand to me feet because the restriction of standing is too much with the pressure.

“No. No!” I yell as he gets a penalty shoot-out which will win him the game. He makes it and jumps up in joy, I fall to my knees.

He laughs while standing over me, I glare at him playfully before trying to kick him. He grabs my foot and I try to wiggle it free. He just watched in amusement as I flop like a fish out of water.

I finally give up, my hair sprawled all over my face. He still holds onto my leg, a last attempt to make sure I don’t kick him. I just lay there, attempting to smooth out my unruly hair.

I start to feel a bit uncomfortable when Luke’s eyes are locked on me. He seemed to be in his own little world but his gaze was fixed on me.

I wiggle my leg, “Can I have this back?” I smile.

He seems to return to present day before letting go of my leg.

“For now.” He smiles, almost flirting with me.

I shake that idea out of my head. He doesn’t see me that way. He told me he really likes Arzaylea. We haven’t talked about her in a couple weeks but he sees me as his best friend. Nothing more.

I wish I could say the same. Since grade 10 I started thinking Luke was attractive. We were each other’s first kiss in grade 6 but that was just to get it over with.

I started really liking him the grade we graduated. I started seeing qualities in him that I wanted in a boyfriend.

He met Arzaylea a couple months after graduation and by the way he looked at her I knew. It got even worse, seeing how good of a boyfriend he could be broke my heart.

So I let it go. Tried to just see him as a friend and not make it obvious. I guess I wasn’t doing as good of a job as I thought be the other boys found out soon after.

He kicks me lightly, still leaning over me. “Get up before I spit on you.” He jokes.

Spit dangles from his mouth and I open my mouth jokingly.

He starts laughing and I move out of the way just on time. The spit hits the floor and i quickly stand to my feet.

“Lucas!” I gasp at how close he actually was to spitting on me.

He doubles over in laughter. His hair, that has gotten quite a bit longer, falls into his eyes. I smile, his laughter is very contagious. I start laughing as well.

“What’s so funny?” I question even my own laughter.

He looks over at me, taking a deep breath of air in before laughing again.

It’s impossible not to laugh with him.

I push him over and he lands on the couch. Soon enough he pulls himself together, swiping a tear away from the corner of his eye.

“Come on. You know my spit has been in your mouth before.” He chuckles again.

“Not on purpose. You do have a habit of spitting when you talk though.” I cross my arms.

“Oh yeah. What about grade 6?” He brings up our first kiss.

I scoff, “Please. That barely counted, it was closed mouthed and lasted like half a second.” I try to play off how much that actually meant to me.

Luke and I kissed, he wanted to kiss me.

He shrugs and stands to his feet, yawning.

“You’ve got a test tomorrow. I’ll let you study and get some good sleep.” I start gathering up my things.

“Agh, I don’t want to study. I want to hang out with you.” His whining makes me smile.

I know I mean a lot to him but I worried when Arzaylea come into his life that another girl would be put in front of me. It sounds selfish but it’s really relieving to know he didn’t want to go out to dinner with his girlfriend but wants me to stay and hang out.

“Goodbye, Luke. I’ll see you tomorrow.” I smile, putting my hand on his shoulder before exiting his apartment. The air outside is cool but it’s light and easy to breathe.

I walk out to my car and glance back up to his apartment while unlocking the door. He is standing in the doorway, leaning against the doorframe.

His eyes are watching me from across the parking lot. He smiles widely and waves at me. I start my car and wave at him while driving away.

PART TWO IS COMING OUT SHORTLY! ❤

i want a scene where anakin’s kickin it at padme’s and he’s fiddling with some piece of machinery and padme’s having some girl talk with a fellow senator who’s complaining about how she’s been getting beard burn from her lover or whatever, and anakin, without looking up, just chimes in “have him trim it to medium length and use beard oil on it every night. works like a charm.” and the senator is like “oh. thank you. i’ll have him do that.” and padme just side-eyes the fuck out of anakin like “yes, thank you anakin. though since when have you, my clean-shaven friend, been an expert on beard care?” and anakin’s like “congrats i played myself”

ravenreyamidala  asked:

Wait shit what's the problem with Vicks vapor rub? My mother swears by the stuff whenever someone in the family has a cold and she rubs it directly on our chests. As a kid, I used to whine a lot about it because I absolutely hate the smell, and she'd always try to put some on the skin right under my nose but I'd usually wipe it off. I don't think my sister did though and she's sick right now and I know my mother put on her skin directly earlier

Utterly nothing for adults other than you might feel a bit lightheaded/sick if you use it too much. 

It’s when parents slather it on young kids that you can get bad shit happening and that’s because vicks uses camphor, eucalyptus and menthol oils, all of which are natural cough suppressants which is just fine and dandy, except menthol has been linked to seizures and breathing difficulties in young children, (if you look back at my earlier post I list all the symptoms) and camphor if ingested can cause seizures in kiddies, even if it’s only small amounts, which is why it’s generally not a good idea to stick it under their nose on their top lip. Kids lick things yo. 

It even says on things like vicks, not for use under a certain age, and yet I know plenty of people who do it or add things like menthol oils into their babies humidifier and just aaaah, no (I am a tad zealous when it comes to this, I had a friend who lost her youngest daughter due to this and it just, the terror that goes through me when I walk down baby aisles and see mentholated bath oils is real). And the thing is, vicks doesn’t even help you breathe, if just helps you relax and tricks your brain into thinking you can breath (it produces a cold feeling which tells your brain “hey we are less angry and inflamed, we can relax a little now and stop trying to expel this gunk”) easier and helps you sleep which is what really helps you feel better in the long run. You’d honestly be better off steaming up your bathroom and letting it get into your lungs so you can cough it out then get yourself to bed and try to sleep it off. Unless you’re using a medicated spray or a saline thingy, inhaling vicks isn’t going to do shit.

It’s why any reputable pediatrician will tell you to use a sucker thingy to get the snot out of a babies nose to help them breathe, rather than slather them in things like vicks. There’s no proof it actually works, and there’s a whole lot of emerging evidence to the contrary.

Also re the mustard thing: I could believe it.

One of my dad’s cures for a sinus infection was to take us to the local whiskey distillery and let us inhale the hops. I’m pretty certain my inner ear melted and never recovered after that but gods dammit I could breathe again.

0.24% of people who read one of my fics on Sunday left a comment. On Saturday it was 0.51%

Please, if you like a story you are reading, tell the writer. Even something as short as ‘thanks!’ from a guest account can mean the world to someone.

SugarDaddy!Cal Pt.11

A/N: Hello, beautiful people. This chapter lowkey had me feeling dirty lmaoo, plus I could’ve ended it better. I do include racist actions I guess I can say into this chapter. Me and my friends have personally experienced situations like this so I decided to incorporate it into the story, so don’t try to come for me. You all know I need 100 notes and feedback for the next chapter. Hope you enjoy💕

**WARNING**: smut; racist actions?


One/ Two/ Three/ Four/Five/Six/Seven/Eight/
Nine/Ten/Eleven/Twelve/Thirteen/Fourteen/Fifteen
Sixteen/ Seventeen/ Eighteen/ Nineteen/Twenty{END}


“My name is Tammy and I’ll be your waitress for today. What would you like to drink?”

“The best wine you have to offer.” Calum smiled up at the young girl and she nodded her head.

“Would you like a salad with your rolls?”

“Want a salad, babe?” Calum turned to you with furrowed eyebrows. The boy had known you for nearly three months and had taken you on countless dates, yet he’s not sure if you even like salad.

“Do you have Caesar dressing?”

“Yes, ma'am, we do.”

“That’ll be fine then.” You agreed whilst Calum declined the offer, deciding to just eat the buttered rolls.

Your eyes were scanning over the spacious room, taking in every white table cloth and every fairy light in the building. You couldn’t help but to notice  that most people here were middle aged and dressed as if they had millions of dollars without a clue on what to spend it on. The ladies had pinned updos or perfectly curled hair along with flashy diamonds and the men were balding and dressed in thousand dollar suits. A couple of the younger people were dressed the same way, most likely born into families that already had fortunes. Sadly, you also realized that you were the only person of color, other than Calum of course, in the fancy restaurant and you soon began to feel out of place. It was only when Tammy came back and slid your plate in front of you did you finally snap out of your trance.

Keep reading

The Big Nintendo Crypost

Since the past couple days have been ‘whine about Nintendo’ days and the NX will probably be outed in a month or so and everyone will be starstruck by the shininess, I might as well get out in front and much like The Gaming Brit, get my own crystorm about the company out. And while I’m sure I’ll get 100 people with nintendo-related names and icons of incidental Nintendo characters yelling at me as some CoD playing dudebro regardless, I’ll still point out that I have bought every single Nintendo platform, usually at or close to launch. For most of my life I was one step below Bob “Empty My Nine On The Halo Line” Chipman in terms of Nintendo fanboyism.

And Nintendo, for the past.. whoof, six years? Has sucked.

Nintendo Pricing

Nintendo’s pricing is bullshit.

The HD Ports of Wind Waker and Twilight Princess were priced about twice as much as they should have been. Every other company under the sun established the pricing pattern for HD Remasters about halfway through last gen when all the PS2 remasters started hitting, but Nintendo seems to have this idea that overpricing their stuff boosts their 'brand’ or something. It doesn’t really matter that they made some gameplay changes to the titles, either - that isn’t uncommon for remasters or HD collections and they don’t charge full price for decade old games for it. Nintendo games are good, but so are a lot of other games, and they don’t deign to charge me forty to sixty dollars per HD port.

But this doesn’t just apply to those games. Nintendo games stay at or close to full price forever. Hell, it was only recently that Nintendo added a bunch of games that had been out two years or more to their 'Nintendo Selects’ brand, reducing them to an actually reasonable price. Nintendo games stay too high for way too long, which again seems to be a deliberate decision made for branding or PR purposes rather than the realities of demand.

Amiibo Is Stupid

Oh god, Amiibo is so stupid.

The idea is sound - Skylanders and Lego Dimensions and Disney Infinity are popular, and people like them. But in all three of those cases, the figures exist to support the game. The game that Nintendo doesn’t have, and doesn’t seem interested in having.

I keep waiting for Nintendo to announce the Amiibo game, that actually uses all these toys for one unified purpose, but I don’t think it’s actually coming. They seem content to hock these figures and never have any game use them more than for an occasional easter egg or bonus. Also, most of the purchasers seem to be adults (I mean, and scalpers, but let’s get there in a second.)

Without a game that seriously uses these figures and the constant pipeline of releases, including special and limited edition Amiibo, the entire product line comes off less like something Nintendo seriously wants to use, and more like a scheme devised to pump their adult fanbase for money. It feels like the equivalent of the floundering comic industry announcing more and more 'variant covers’ and the like, perpetually trying to squeeze more revenue out of a stagnant if not shrinking fanbase.

Forced Scarcity

This is more of a minor point, but Nintendo has this serious issue with Forced Scarcity. They always have, from back in the NES days when they were the only place for publishers to get carts, and routinely underfilled cart orders for… some.. reason. This continued with the DS Lite and Wii, when they deliberately kept them scarce, in the Wii’s case for YEARS, for again, some.. reason…

I guess the logic is that it keeps demand up, and produces the impression that your product is highly desirable which is  beneficial for public perfection, but in the modern era all it really does is empower scalpers. While it’s stupid for hardware, at least most stores will not allow a scalper to buy up an entire stock of consoles. They make no such restrictions on Amiibos, so Nintendo’s bullshit forced scarcity enabled scalpers to take advantage of people. The only mercy was that, in a stunning display of compassion (or, in reality, probably oversight or technical impossibility) amiibos are not region locked, which considering Nintendo is a company that has literally designed the faces of their portables slightly differently in each region to have REGION LOCKED FACE PLATES, is a real amazement.

Anyway that’s not the point - Forced Scarcity is stupid and only benefits scalpers and Nintendo is stupid for continuing to do it.

Region Locking

Region Locking is stupid and pointless. People import games that don’t get released in the US, and reverse importing isn’t a massive issue with games the way it is with Anime DVDs. Region Free hardware gives consumers more freedom and enables developers to make games available to markets they lack the money to release in, or face legal hurdles in, like the recent series of Gundam games having english subs despite being only released in Asia.

Stop it.

The Treehouse Sucks

Nintendo Treehouse is a bad localization division. I’m not gonna get more into it than that since people like to raise their hackles in conversations about the treehouse and I’ve talked about it more and this is about Nintendo as a whole.

The eShop Also Sucks

Oh my god, the eShop sucks so bad. It has a bad UI, it’s a pain to navigate, and Nintendo is still weird about their releases. Especially Virtual Console. Nintendo’s slow trickle of titles on the Virtual Console is dumb. I can only imagine they believe a slow trickle of titles will make people more likely to buy games that they otherwise wouldn’t; like if they release all the games at once, people will only buy the 10/10 games, but if they do it slowly, people might buy a lot more games than they would otherwise.

Also, why do eShop titles not just, y'know, instantly have crossbuy? If I buy a PS1 game on my PS3 digitally, I just get it on my Vita as well. A lot of actual games do that, too. Why are they separate products on Virtual Console? 

It sucks they aren’t on PS4 yet, but when they inevitably ARE, they’ll almost certainly be the PS3/Vita purchases.

Nintendo’s online Infrastructure is STILL half a decade or more behind, and that’s inexcusable.

Spark

Okay, this is a hard one, but ever since about halfway through the Wii’s lifespan, Nintendo’s soul has pretty much died. This is a very hard thing to explain, but I’m going to do my best to articulate it anyway, although I’m sure a lot of people will disagree with me.

The best way to describe is that spark a game has when it feels like 'someone WANTED to make this.’

Nintendo games have lacked this spark more and more. In the best cases, it produces something that is technically sound and highly polished, like Super Mario 3D World, or Link Between Worlds, which are good games even if they feel very 'safe’. In the worst cases it produces things like Triforce Heroes and New Super Mario Brothers Iteration 46 which feel like a robot made them. All of Nintendo’s output has been very safe, with very little divergence from formula. And as they did that, they’ve sort of 'turtled up’ and refused to step out of their most comfortable comfort zone even a little bit. I’ve mentioned this on twitter, but we haven’t had a 2D Metroid since like, 2004.

Since 2011 or so, Metroidvania has become, essentially, the dominant 2D Platformer Genre, with dozens of entries. Valdis, Guacamelee, Strider, Cave Story, Shadow Complex, two going on three Shantae games, Dust, Ori and the Blind Forest, Momodora, Rabi-Ribi, Axiom Verge, Knytt, Odallus, hell, even old doujin games in the genre started getting STEAM RELEASES, like Bunny Must Die.

And nothing. Nintendo let a resurgence in a genre named after ONE OF THEIR FRANCHISES happen, and didn’t make a single game. While they slowly make every franchise they have a 2D Platformer. (Please be excited for the Pikmin 2D Platformer.) Hell, no Wario games either, which was their 'soft’ Metroidvania series with lighter versions of those elements. They let an entire trend pass them by solely because the franchises that could take advantage of it weren’t one of their handful of mega franchises.

Nintendo used to be the company that consistently made wholly unique games, even within their own franchises. And they funded a hell of a lot of second party games that were totally unique, too. Now it feels like all those 2008-era /v/ shitposts about 'rehashes’ are true as they release samey game after samey game, slowly declining in quality as we get further in the lifespans of the 3DS and WiiU. And I’m sure we’ll see a bump in quality when the NX lands, but the question is if Nintendo can keep that going. They’ve kind of been on a downslide for a while now, with these brief spikes of improvement, but it’s still a noticeable downslide. Hell, the only games in the entire WiiU library that I’d call 'classic Nintendo’ are Splatoon and Wonderful 101.

Paper Mario went from TTYD and Super Paper Mario to Sticker Star and Color Splash.

3D Mario went from Sunshine and Galaxy to 3D World and NSMB.

Xenoblade lead to Xenoblade Chronicles X, which feels very rehashy of Xenoblade and lacks a ton of the charm.

Smash 4 feels more generic than either of the previous entries (hell, it doesn’t even have a subtitle, why?)

Are these games bad? No. Most of them are at least 'okay’ (not sticker star). Some are great (Smash 4, 3D World). But I’m pointing out that there’s a very clear and visible homogenization of Nintendo properties, and considering how fervant Nintendo’s fanbase is and how much consumer loyalty they (inexplicably still) possess, it’s disheartening that they’re playing it so safe when they really don’t have to.

I’m not saying re-invent the wheel, but they could definitely step outside the box more than they’ve been lately, with absolutely zero risk.

I want Nintendo to be good. I want them to go back to making tons of amazing games that I’ll happily fill my ‘’Best Games Of The Year” list with over and over. But they aren’t that company right now, and I don’t think I should pretend they are just cause they USED to be good.