i went to the cinema

Two years ago today

Mad Max Fury Road was released.

I, and I suspect most people, went to the cinema expecting an action movie starring Tom Hardy. What we got was a complete surprise. A two-hour car chase starring more women than men, some of the women OLD, none of them relying on men to rescue them, but co-operating to save themselves. Or not, but refusing to back down or be cowed by male power and corruption.

And it was GORGEOUS.


It repaid multiple rewatches.

It swept the Academy Awards.

It enraged “men’s rights activists”.

It is GLORIOUS and we’re watching it again tonight.

9pm EDT, in the Inception Slack chat room. Come and relive the glory.


“Baka Bukas” (2016) Trailer (with eng subs)

For those who don’t know what my previous post was about.

“Baka Bukas” was a film in competition for the Cinema One Originals Film Festival 2016. This film won the Best Actress Award (Jasmine Curtis, Alex), along with Best Sound and Audience Choice Award. I was able to experience the overflowing support for the film. It was very hard to buy tickets for this movie as they always seem to run out before lunchtime. That’s why I went to the cinemas the moment they open. Yes, I was that desperate hahah Luckily, I got to watch it and I am glad I did. Just the fact that this movie was being shown in cinemas in our country, is already a great feat on its own. Story wise, it’s very relatable especially to all “Millenials” whether you are gay or not. Along with the plot that the girl is in love with her best friend. Who wouldnt be able to relate with that? not gonna spoil you guys some more but I just want you to know that this is a must watch movie!!

As reportedly earlier, “Baka Bukas” will be shown in cinemas this March! Be sure to watch it!


Romy Schneider + Playing Queer Characters

Manuela von Meinhardis in Mädchen in Uniform (1958)
Odette in L’Enfer (1964)
Emma Eckhert in La banquière (1980)

Scars and kisses - Old Man Logan/Wolverine x reader

Yes please ! I’m gonna use the movie Old Man Logan, not the comic version. I went to see “Logan” twelve times in the cinema (don’t judge me…ahem) and I still have so much feels about it…anyway here we go, hope you’ll like it (though maybe it’s more a bit “sad” that “fluffy” at times…) :

(My master list, by the way : Right here )


After days of running away from Transigen and its goons, without stopping once, Charles finally convinced Logan to calm down and take a breather.

Of course it was dangerous, but if you kept going, the ex-professor was pretty sure he’d die of exhaustion. After all, he was freaking 90 years old ! With many groans and curse words, The Wolverine found a motel that wasn’t too crappy, and after making sure the place was somewhat secure, that you had easy and fast exits out, you all fell heavily on almost comfortable beds.

Charles and Laura were sleeping in the room next door, and you were laying in bed beside Logan, enjoying his body pressed against yours.

It had been so long since you two had a moment of intimacy. Just you and him. Together, with no one else in the World. It felt great.

He had just made love to you, and you were enjoying each other’s closeness…Contrary to popular belief, Logan loved to just cuddle.

It started out really sweet.

Tender. Delicate. Caring. Thoughtful. Cheesy as fuck.

Caresses on each other’s body. Calloused yet gentle hands running lovingly up and down your back. Smooth fingers tangling threw his hair. It was just a perfect and amorous moment between you and your Wolverine, just like you used to have before…Before the World went to shit.

As you did a thousand times in the past, you grabbed his hand to kiss his now scarred knuckles, and immediately realized your mistake.

The moment was gone.

Keep reading

We have a no cellphone policy in our theatres. Like all theatres in this year of our Lord 2017 should.

Anyway someone called the theatre phone from INSIDE THE THEATRE and here’s how it went

Me: “[cinema name], how may I help you?”
Me: “the previews are louder than the actual movie, but our theatre has a no cellphone use policy”
Her (sarcastically): “Yeah my phones off right now”
Me: “yeah if you could turn that off that be great” *hangs up*

Like what the fuck, had she walked less than 10 feet out of her seat she would have found all the employees without being an asshat to everyone else in the theatre by screaming on her phone????

QUARTET NIGHT LIVE Evolution 2017 - 2017/02/12 - REPORT Part ①

Do NOT repost
You can post the link but not the content.

As usually, not 100% accurate with the order, especially the talks, so much happened but I’m surprised with how much I remember.


I went to the Live Viewing at Saitama.
They sold goods at each cinema during their open time.

My cinema opened at 8am and I got to the the place just after 7am, there was already about 60-100 people lined up.

There were Shoutan fans!! They wore the PRISM long Tshirt and had the bags, I briefly acknowledged them. I had my PRISM Itta bag with me too (and a tiny Ai-chan itta bag).

We started moving a few minutes before 8am.

I kept thinking how they are selling the goods, do we tick what we want from a sheet? Do we buy at the till and tell the staff what we want?

I was too distracted while walking in, my eyes briefly glanced at the goods on the table to my left. I kept walking on.


I realised you just pick up what you want along the way and quickly snatched the pamphlet!
The next thing, oh the clothes…  It’s pretty dark grey, hmm, just one left…
Picks up to look at, about to put it back
I quickly held it close to me tightly.
THE LAST ONE!! 。・゜・(ノД`)・゜・。
Most things were gone already! 😭
Only one Live towel left, I think there was 2 bags, I’m sure there was tshirts, but again my mind was somewhere else and never picked them up 😭
The next thing I picked up was Ai-chan’s brooch, there was some left along with Reiji’s, barely any character towels left.
Some light sticks

The charms were all gone too, but I wasn’t going for them.

There was quite a few fans left, Ai-chan’s had the most.
I made a last minute decision to get one to make up for not being able to get the other goods I wanted.

So, I got the pamphlet, cardigan, brooch and fan.
Plus 2 random keychains for spending over a certain amount
*Will upload pics later*

I opened the first random packet, Ranran came out, not too bad, next one was Camus.
Ai-chan~~~~ 😭

I went to the crowd of fans to try and exchange for Ai-chan, and if possible the QN logo

I seen the Shoutan fans again, they obviously would want Ai-chan, skip.
Where’s Ai-chan~~~

Ah!! Ai-chan!!
I asked the girl who she was looking for and she said “Camus-sama” SCORE!
Put Ai-chan’s one away, kinda still want the logo~

I stood for a while holding Ranran’s one
And then a girl came to me asking if they can get Ranran for the logo
Mission complete 💜
And now to roam about for 6 hours or so before the live (omg I was SOOOO bored! 😩)

Came back to the theatre and went to the screen, my seat was 7th row from the front

The girl next to me was wearing the Long T! Yeyy
Fan: are you Mikaze Ai’s fan?
Me: Yes~ Shoutan’s fan? ✨
Fan: Hai sou desu (yes that’s correct)
Me: Yatta! XD
Fan: Yatta ^^ Yoroshiku onegaishimasu
Me: Yoroshiku onegaishimasu~

I asked her name, she’s Yukina.

The screen was showing the Live logo and then changed to the goods

Not long after it showed the venue!!!!

Ahh!! It was beautiful!! All monochrome
Part of the stage set was decorated with their character colours

We were saying how amazing it looks and she said it’s very QN-like ✨

She was like “yabai yabai!!”
I’m so glad a Shoutan, and a vocal fan is next to me!!
For the past lives I’ve been to, apart from Shoutan’s Osaka live(sat with a friend)
Every stranger I’ve sat next to are SO quiet!
Yeyy! It’s gna be fun! XD

We both freaked out

Keep reading

Home Again| 18

Originally posted by andupinda

-Jay’s POV-

“She’s so cute! Seulgi! Look over here!” Jessi screamed. We all went out for pizza and the guys invited Jessi, Flowsik, and Swings. Jessi had Seulgi by the cheeks.

“Yah! Jessi don’t squeeze the life out of my child!” “Sorry it’s just she’s so adorable! Seulgi-ah, what’s my name?” Jessi asked. “Hyun ju unni.” She answered. A smile appeared on my face seeing Seulgi happy. I want to be there for her. I know I fucked up in the past. I know I wasn’t there when she was born, when she said her first words, both Korean and English. I wasn’t there when, Y/N taught her English and Korean. I wasn’t there when she took her first steps. But I can’t miss anymore moments. I need to be there for her. She’s still young. I can baby her for 11 more years. I want to be a father. I want to be her father. And I’ll do anything that’s necessary for me to be in her life. 

-Y/N’s POV-

I ran around downtown Seoul three times. I was tired but I can’t stop looking. She could be out there, unprotected, not safe. She could be- Stop it, Y/N! Get yourself together! You’re very strong. You can do this. Just don’t picture the bad. Just picture the good. Just picture being back in the states. Being there with Seulgi wrapped tightly in your arms. Everything will be okay. You’ll be fine. It’ll get better. Just be calm. Calm down and relax a bit. I took a deep breath in and let it out. I rushed back home and began to call people I knew around here and asked if they saw her. 

Every one of them said no. I dropped to my knees and began to sob as I realized I can’t find her. There’s no point in calling the police. They won’t help. I just know it. Could she be with Jay? No no no. They don’t know each other well. I doubt she would ever go with him. The only thing she knows about him is his name and that he’s her father. Nothing else. So there’s no way. Where could she be? She doesn’t even know a lot of places in Seoul! I hope she’s okay. I can’t live if something bad ever happen to here. 

-Jay’s POV-

We spent the whole day together. After the pizza, Seulgi and I went to see three different movies at the cinema. They were all so long, I couldn’t even believe it. They were all animated movies. Her eyes were glued to the screen to the whole time. Except the last 30 minutes of the third movie. She fell asleep in my lap. I didn’t want to take her home. I wanted her to stay with me, but I can’t do that. Y/N’s probably worried sick about her. I have to bring her home. I don’t want any more trouble with Y/N. I carried her out of the cinema and and began to walk toward Steph’s apartment. “Daddy! I don’t want to go home yet. Mommy is just going to call you names and blame you for everything wrong in her life. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t believe her. I want to stay with you! She’ll make me move back to the states.” 

She’s moving back to the states? “Seulgi, when is your mom moving back?” “I don’t know. She hasn’t said yet. She and Aunt Steph were arguing about it earlier.” I sighed and mentally cursed myself. 

“Daddy? You won’t let her take me back, right?” “No, honey. I won’t. You’ll stay right here in Seoul. But Daddy needs to talk to Y/N- I mean your Mommy. Okay?” She nodded. She put her head back on my shoulder and closed her eyes. “Go to sleep right now. You’ll be home in a few minutes.” She hummed in agreement. I continued walking to Steph’s apartment. 

Once I got to the doorstep, I could hear the faint sobbing of someone. It’s probably, Y/N. I wouldn’t blame her for crying right now. She thinks Seulgi is lost when she’s right here. I knocked on the door twice and waited for it to open. 

-Y/N’s POV-

I heard the knocking at the door. Maybe it’s someone who heard my sobbing. I stood up on my own two feet and walked to the door. I unlocked and opened it. I looked up and saw, him holding her. Before I could say anything he cut me off. “Can I put her to bed?” He asked. I moved out of the way and let him in. “Down the hall, second door to the right.” I added and he nodded. I followed him down the hall and watched him lay her down on her bed, but she wouldn’t let go.

“Daddy! Don’t go! Stay with me tonight!” 

Did she call him, daddy? “Princess, you know I can’t do that. Maybe next time.” He explained. She folded her arms and stuck out her bottom lip. “Don’t you pout! Either way you are as cute as ever. Stop pouting or I’ll tickle you.” “No! Anything but tickles!” 

His hands went directly to her sides and started their tickling attack. I didn’t know how I was feeling. It was mixture of sadness, confusion, and…happiness. “DADDY STOP! I’LL STOP POUTING! JUST STOP THE TICKLES!” His hands quickly stopped and went to his side. 

“And be a good girl for your mommy. She does a lot for you. No more running away. Give me mommy’s phone.” 

“No! I want to keep it!” She resisted. 

“Do you want more tickles?” He asked. 

“No daddy.” She said reaching into her pocket and pulling out, my phone. She she really did take it. 

“Good girl.” He added standing up. He glanced over to me then back at her. “I have to get going now. Good night, honey. Sweet dreams.” He kissed the top of her forehead. I couldn’t take it. I walked back into the living room and began to pace. 

“I brought her back. I’m just glad she’s safe. Here’s your phone. Please don’t be mad at her, it’s my fault. If I would have stopped you all those years ago. Things would be different. I don’t blame you for wanting to hide her from me. I’m gonna get going.” He handed me my phone and opened the front door. 

“Jay wait!” 


“Stay with her. She really wants you to. I don’t mind.” I looked down. I couldn’t look at him. “If you would like me to leave I can. I don’t want to stay to make you uncomfortable in your own home. But let me tell you something. Don’t move back to the states. I really really don’t want you to go back. Things have changed for me. I want them to stay like this. I want to be in her life. I want to be her father. Not some replace you find in the states. Think about your choices here. Seulgi doesn’t want to leave Korea, please don’t make her. I’ll get going. Have a nice night, Y/N.” 

He opened the door, walked out and closed it behind him. “Daddy?” Seulgi called out. I walked to her room. “He left. I had other stuff to do.” 

“You’re lying! He told me he had everything finished! Why can’t he just be here?” 

“Seulgi, I’m sorry but-” 

“But what?! Why can’t you just love him like he loves you?!” She screamed at me. “Do you know how much it hurts to see your face when I know what I did to him?!” 

I covered my mouth and realized what I said. I rushed out of her room and closed the door. I didn’t mean to snap like that. I’m a terrible mother. I walked into the living room and slumped on the couch. 

Am I the bad guy here? Should I be the one apologizing? I heard my phone go off. Who’s calling? Now is not a good time. I grabbed it and saw the caller ID. Mom?


“My little Y/N. How’s Korea? Why do you sound sad?”

“I don’t know what to do Mom.” I said trying to hold in my sobs. 

“Sweetheart are you crying? Did Stephanie say something?” She asked. “Am I a bad mother?” 

“What?! No! No! You’re a good mother. Who told you weren’t? Do I need to come to Korea? You know I will.”

“I know you will, but everything’s okay. I got in under control.” I lied. “Okay, well don’t answer the phone crying next time. Or I will take the next flight to Seoul, okay?” 

“Yes Mom. I love you. Bye.” I hung up and wiped away the tears that had almost escaped. 

I am the bad guy. 

It’s been a hella long time since one of these were released into the world. How was it? Sorry for any mistakes. I hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading. 


27-28th March 2017

Its been a stressful few days at college. Some people need to understand that hearing “you look like a living zombie” as soon as you walk in is NOT going to improve the fed-up, tired, bitchy mood I woke up with that day.

I did feel pretty bad for everyone later on though. I can be a pain to deal with when I’m being a “mardy bum”.
Or so I have been told.

I used drawing in my sketchbook as a de-stress tactic that day. Seems to help. Would recommend.

Oh yeah, I went to the cinema with the family too, to see ‘Kong’. I got really bored during the trailers so just started drawing my bro (first pic). The film was better than I thought. I recommend this also

How I met Johnny Bondy at LOLLAPALOOZA BRAZIL.

My friend and I arrived early and somehow managed to stay in the front row at the CATB gig, the show was amazing, they seemed to be very happy and impressed by the fact that so many people in the audience shouted the choruses of the songs. Van hurt his fingers on the steel strings of the guitar at some point, so you can see how seriously he takes it all. Bondy was in green pants with a few small flowers, which attracted a lot of attention.

When the show ended, my friend and I went different ways, she went to see Melanie Martinez and I went to see Two Door Cinema Club, so I got alone at the festival.
When the Two Door Cinema Club gig ended, I walked to the other stage to watch The Weeknd. On the way, suddently I saw walking alone, quietly in front of me a guy with the same green pants that Bondy wore, and I thought “No, it can not be him.” So I started to walk by his side, and then I looked, it was really him.
I pulled him by the arm and said “Bondy?” I was so shocked that I was calm all the time. He said HI and laughed, and I hugged him, (ordinary Brazilian mania : hugging people), so we greeted each other, I told him if he had seen me in the front row, and he asked if I had enjoyed the show, I asked for a photo and he said “Of course”.

Then I asked him what he was doing there, alone, walking in the middle of 100 thousand people, he said he was going to find a friend. And we talked for a few more minutes.
Then I thought it was better to let him go, I did not want to be inconvenient, so I yelled “LET’S WATCH THE WEEKND” and I ran away like crazy. (???????)

You see, I’ve been listening to CATB for two years, Bondy always had an inexplicable connection with me, he was always my favorite, and finding him like that, in the middle of nowhere, just me and him, nobody recognized him, just me, it’s an incredible small universe. I’m very happy, he was very kind and smiling all the time, he is a true legend.
So all I have to tell you is to not give up on your dreams, who knows one day, walking around, you find your biggest idol?

I just got back from cinema, my sisters and I went to watch “Beauty and the Beast” here are main impressions 🎬:
1.Move one the rest of great cast, because Dan Stevens is star of this movie, what a performance he deliver out there, like wow💙
2.CINEMATOGRPHY IS MAGIC, like it is one of the most beautiful I’ve ever saw 🌹
3. No …one is HOT like Luke Evans, like he was eye candy 🔥
4. THE DANCE WAS LIFE, like it was better than original😻
5.Ema was born for this role💋
Movie it’s just beautiful 💛

Seventeen Reaction: Describing you to other members

Request:  How would the other Seventeen members describe you to the others? (If you want do all the rest, just do the hip pop team) Sorry for any bother!

A/N: I actually already did this for S.Coups and Wonwoo as well as Woozi and Joshua: You can find this here: 

Describing you to other members 

Hi there! Sorry to bother but I really loved the ‘scoups, woozi, Joshua (and someone else I can’t remember) bragging about their s/o to the other members’ and I was wondering if you could maybe do it with the rest of seventeen? Thanks ❤️

@squishyminyoongi now I would usually only do 4/5 members or a unit but since I made you wait so long (sorry >_<) I’ll make an exception <3 

I hope this fulfills both your requests!


Originally posted by dazzlingkai

Jeonghan would be very proud to call you his to the point where talking about you would almost become like bragging. ‘You know that new dance? Y/N is really good at it.’ ‘You like that flavour of ice cream? So does Y/N.’ ‘Have you seen Y/N’s new SM post? Damn… I mean how lucky am I?’ he would gush.


Originally posted by kittykatkwon

I feel like Jun would be very smug, after all why shouldn’t be he be when he was with someone like you? If ever you achieved something or made him proud, whether it was something small or a big deal, the boys would know about it instantly. ‘Did you guys see Y/N’s new haircut? Her hair always looks so pretty, the hairdressers always say they could be a model, don’t you guys think?’


Originally posted by infinitblaq

Why describe you to the other members when he could show them? Oh you uploaded a new photo? Better make sure everyone’s seen it! You upload a dance cover? Best believe every single member has to like it! I mean, you’re already his phone wallpaper so they could see how gorgeous you were but god help them if they looked too long, that was when the wrath of Hoshi is unleashed.


Originally posted by junhuitherealvampire

Classic gushy boyfriend. ‘Honestly guys I can’t wait for you to meet Y/N, she’s honestly so sweet and funny and kind. Not to mention beautiful. She has this look that just makes me melt sometimes and when she laughs, she has this little way her nose crinkles and urgh she’s just so adorable. I know you guys are gonna love her.’ 


Originally posted by visual-17

He would describe you to the boys in a way that complimented your personality and talents. ‘I dunno guys I just really like her. There’s just something completely different about her, she’s not like an idol; she’s real. She can lighten a room with just her smile and when she looks at me my heart beats so fast I’m going to explode…’ Woozi: ‘Mingyu you’re blushing!’ ‘Am I???’


Originally posted by wonyeols

‘Guys you’re never gonna believe what happened today! Y/N complimented my hair! I’m never going to change it again… gosh she’s so sweet…’ He would come home after every date with you babbling to the others about how wonderful you were and how you made him feel. ‘I wonder if she thinks of me like I think of her, well she is very thoughtful…’


Originally posted by fabulous-girl-here

You made him a little nervous to the point where he’d just babble to the other boys about how amazing you were to him. ‘Did I tell you how good Y/N looked on our date the other day? She was wearing this outfit that just made her look so beautiful and her hair just seemed to flow so perfectly and the way she walked towards me with this shy smile, I thought I was going to faint honestly…’


Originally posted by i-wonwoo

He would be such a sweetheart I think, constantly writing raps about you and just generally being thankful to have you in his life. ‘You know guys, I’m really thankful to have Y/N. She just makes all my hard work worth it, you know? When she tells me she likes a rap or compliments me on my dances or outfits I feel like she really gets it you know? I hope she stays with me for a long time…’


Originally posted by satanteen17

If Dino had told the boys a story about you once, he had told it a thousand times. ‘Guys did I tell you about the time me and Y/N went to the cinema and-’ ‘Yes.’ ‘Ok, well the other day Y/N and I went to Han River and there was-’ ‘We know Dino.’ ‘Last weekend Y/N and I went to get ice cream and-’ ‘you laughed so hard you dropped yours and ended up sharing hers. We know!!’

I fell in love with The Beauty and The Beast

So today I went to the cinema and now I’m full of feels, I want to watch it again

Every detail about this movie was really beautiful and touching

Belle’s past and Beast’s past, the new songs and the classic songs, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

And what really enchanted me was (I know it will sound corny) the way Beast’s eyes light up everytime he looks at Belle

anonymous asked:

ohh do you have some of the quotes and references to sexuality that johnny makes in his book please?


  • ‘They were lively nights, and I sat on the floor, watching and listening to handsome men and pretty women rocking as the night got more raucous and the bottle caps flew off.’ (p. 14)
  • ‘If it’s not exactly 100 per cent true that ‘clothes maketh the man,’ then it’s definitely a fact that clothes can maketh the man look a bit more interesting to girls and to other boys too.’ (p. 26)
  • ‘Marc Bolan became my idol. I collected every poster and photo of him I could find, usually from girls’ magazines like Jackie, and I went to the cinema to see his film Born to Boogie. Like George Best and Bruce Lee, Marc Bolan was small, audacious and good-looking, but best of all he was a pop star who played the guitar.’ (p. 28 - 29)
  • ‘Buying ‘Jeepster’ as my first record was a total fluke. It could have worked out differently had it not been for the picture of Bolan and Mickey Finn on the label.’ (p. 29)
  • ‘My friend Tony was a beautiful creature, another Bowie fan, with a blonde Ziggy haircut, high cheekbones, and green eyes like a Siamese cat. He wore red Oxford bags with white platforms and a black harrington jacket. Tony was three years older than me and was the first guy I knew who was openly gay.’ (p. 43 - 44)
  • ‘We were together a lot, and it got some people talking, which didn’t bother me at all - we had a lot of things in common and plenty to talk about. The two of us were in Piccadilly Gardens one Saturday afternoon just after I’d had my hair cut. We were waiting at the bus stop when two big uglies with north Manchester accents came over and started making cooing noises and blowing kisses. I looked at Tony’s face as he continued talking to me, and I could see he was aware of the situation. ‘Eh,’ said one of the lads, ‘are you queers?’ They were obviously up for a fight. I readied myself for the inevitable as Tony continued to talk to me with his back to the goons and appeared to be ignoring their remarks until one pushed him in the back and said, ‘Eh, y’fuckin’ queer.’ With that, Tony grabbed my head and kissed me on the lips for what seemed like a very long time, then spun around and attacked the biggest of the two with really hard punches to the face until the lad went on to his knees. He then grabbed the other guy, who was backing off, punched him very hard in the face and threw him down into the road full of traffic. I thought the guy was going to be killed, and as we ran off towards the train station Tony turned to me and said, ‘That was nice’ and then, laughing, he added, ‘Don’t worry, I won’t do it again.’
    On the train home in my platforms and Budgie jacket, I looked at Tony and thought about ‘All The Young Dudes’: ‘Now Lucy looks sweet ‘cause he dresses like a queen. But he can kick like a mule, it’s a real mean team.’ I loved the song, and there was no doubting it, pop music was for me and my friends.’ (p. 44 - 45)
  • ‘John’s hair was always tinted some shade of blue, red or green, and unusually for the times he was very ‘out’ as a young gay man, in a way that was brave and inspiring.’ (p. 123)
  • ‘[The Smiths, for their first gig] also planned to do a song by the girl group The Cookies, called ‘I Want a Boy for My Birthday’, which I realised would send out a message that not only didn’t bother me but which I was fairly amused by and quite excited about.’ (p. 132 - 133)
    (You can listen to a demo of I Want a Boy for My Birthday that Morrissey and Johnny recorded in Johnny’s bedroom in 1982 here!)
  • ‘Morrissey had suggested that for the gig we invite his friend James Maker to introduce us. I didn’t know James, but I thought that being introduced for our first show sounded good, and when I discovered that he would be wearing high-heeled stiletto shoes while he did it, I liked the idea even more.’ (p. 136)
  • ‘I stood with Marilyn, the so-called gender-bending pop prince, who was on before us. I couldn’t work out if he was nervous or aloof; he seemed to be both. We were looking at each other, but we didn’t speak. Maybe he thought we were provincial nobodies. I couldn’t tell. What I did know was that his record wasn’t very good but he looked totally gorgeous.’ (p. 188)
  • ‘I liked living in Earls Court. It was good being able to walk around the streets at all hours, and it was good that I liked being around Australians and gay guys too, as Earls Court in 1984 was swarming with backpacks and leather vests.’ (p. 201)
  • ‘There was a whole generation of American boys who were dissatisfied with the model of masculinity they had been expected to conform to and that was irrelevant and totally out of date. They saw in the British bands a way of being that was anti-macho and pro-androgyny, where the question of whether you were gay or straight didn’t matter at all.’ (p. 222 - 223)
  • ‘[Billy Bragg] came to my studio and liked the track [Johnny had been working on], and over the next few days we made the single ‘Sexuality’, with me producing. It was a great pop song with brilliant lyrics.’ (p. 310)

I think there are actually a few more, but those are the ones I tabbed!

Choosing Recovery

This is a huge thing for me to admit so I hope you don’t think I’m lying when I say that choosing recovery is the BEST decision I have ever made. In just a couple of weeks my world has been flipped upside down.

• Now that I’m eating more it means that I’m not thinking about food 100% of the time which means that I have time to think about other things.
• I’ve been able to start catching up with schoolwork because my brain is now able to handle working in short bursts (15 mins work then 15 mins break usually).
• My exams start in just under 50 days and I actually think I’ll be able to sit them.
• My concentration is slowly getting better. I went to the cinema yesterday and was able to sit through a WHOLE FILM. WITHOUT MOVING.
• Not only did I go to the cinema, but I went to the cinema with my Nan, and our relationship is slowly but surely starting to improve now that I’m not lying to her about food all the time.
• I was bloated for two weeks straight because my body couldn’t digest food properly and continuing to increase was the last thing I wanted to do but you wanna know what happened when I increased some more? I WOKE UP THIS MORNING AND BAM. NO BLOAT.
• ^ I still have a long way to go in terms of food but I’m getting there.
• I’m learning to accept that my scars are fading but I am not.
• I used to lie down in bed at night and every single one of my muscles would feel sore and achy but that’s more or less gone.
• I’ve also stopped feeling like I’m gonna faint every single time I stand up.
• My knuckles aren’t red and sore.
• It’s been sunny here in the UK for the past couple of weeks and I don’t want to say that it’s a sign or anything, but…
• My mood has improved so much.
• I’m talking to my mum a lot more and I feel like I’m getting to know an entirely new person.
• I’m proving so many people wrong.

If there’s even a tiny part of you that thinks you might someday possibly maybe want to attempt recovery then P L E A S E listen to it. Even if your illness is screaming and crying and fighting, that small voice is still there and worth paying attention to. It’s not easy. Trust me when I say that it’s not, but it’s worth it. You are beautiful and strong and inspiring and unique and you deserve every piece of happiness that this world has to offer. You’ve been put on this earth to do so much more than this. You’ve been put on this earth to do more than destroy yourself. I know that it’s scary. I know that the thought of your safety net being taken away terrifies you to no end and you don’t know how you could possibly live without your eating disorder, but trust me when I say that as long as you’re living with your eating disorder, you’re not living at all.

People think that living with an eating disorder is hard but I have to disagree. Living with an eating disorder is easy. You don’t have to worry about making decisions because it’s all set out for you. Your eating disorder literally gives you a step-by-step guide on how to live your life. What to wear, how to act, what to say, what to eat, who to be, and the list goes on. What’s not included in this guide is how to socialise, how to laugh, how to sing to your favourite song, how to dance in your underwear, how to travel or how to feel happiness and contentment. The guide strips you of all of this and what are you left with? Nothing. You’re literally left with nothing but misery.

I know that recovery is scary, but what’s scarier is living your life stuck in the claws of something that only wants to kill you. It’s not your friend. It doesn’t want to make you feel better. You’ve lived with this for long enough and now you’re strong enough to break away from it. Sorry to break it to you, but if you’re sitting around waiting for the right time to recover then you’re waiting for a train that’s never going to come. Only YOU can make the decision to recover. Nobody is going to make it for you. Either you get stronger or your eating disorder does. This is a choice that your eating disorder can’t make for you. You have to accept that you are worth something more, and then make the decision to set yourself free.