i went to hell but i came back... ;d

Medication and My Creativity

Summer of 2016 I wrote a book in a week.

Now that seems like it should have been a good thing but in reality it was the last straw because I knew something was very very wrong.

See writing a book, in a week or otherwise, should be a positive creative endeavour. Instead it was hell.

All I could do that week was write. I barely ate, I didn’t sleep, I did the bare minimum of what I should as a spouse and a parent and severely worried my family.

This wasn’t a new thing. I’d always gone through highs and lows but not normally this extreme.

After I came down from this high I went back to the mental health services and got assessed for Bi-polar and asked for a medication reviews.

I was reviewed and it was determined that I was not bi-polar but that I did have Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. Known more often as Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD.

They also recommended a medication Quetiapine to top up my antidepressants but that would also hopefully help “even me out”

I didn’t notice the effect at the time but I’ve been on Quetiapine for over a year now and I can now see the many benefits of being “evened out”

I don’t have the high highs but I also don’t have the lows and until the highs were gone for a long while I didn’t realise how deeply unpleasant they all were.

I feel calmer and better able to focus and most importantly is how it affected my creativity.

Since I have been medicated I have written over 100 fanfictions. Before medication I was lucky if I completed anything I wrote and only wrote very rarely.

The quality of my writing has only improved in the last year as well. Probably because I can write consistently and often instead of being dictated by my mood swings.

Being medicated, losing the extremes of my emotions, made me a better creator who was finally able to create consistently. Plus I get joy from my work even once it’s finished. Sure I like all creators can see all the warts and mistakes but I am also able to access the thought and emotion that made me create in the first place and still be pleased I created it at all. Whereas things created while in a high feel like it was made by an alien.

So being heavily medicated did make my emotions duller but that improved my creativity, not made it worse.

I am so so glad I asked for that review and assessment.

“Girl, you know I like you”

Isaac takes you a blacklight party (exactly like in episode 3x16) in Derek’s loft to spend some time with you. His plan works out until some creep decides to dance a little too close to you for Isaac’s liking. Jealously might make everything even worse. 

Warning: NFSW - Smut (can be skipped, marked from the start to the ending), cursing, mentions of injuries 
Inspired by Teen Wolf ‘3x16′ blacklight party 
Based on this request (x
Isaac Lahey x Reader 

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syoish  asked:

Hi yeah so longtime reader of your Leila Potter stories. I've been reading them since the first one came out and I only recently started reading your rewrite and holy hell. Your writing has improved so fucking much since the first one and now. I went back and reread a few chapters of the original just to compare and just.. wow. I'm so excited about you rewriting it because honestly Draco/Leila is my biggest Draco ship to the point that I can't ship him with anyone else.

D'awwwwww! Thanks for letting me know! I think I’ve grown as an author too…or at least I’ve tried to grow! :)

Wrong Initials (Alex Gaskarth Smut and fluff)

“Did you get me the usual?” You asked your boyfriend of four years, Alex Gaskarth, on the phone.

“No,” he laughed, “No Taco Bell this time. Sorry baby, but I decided to make dinner this time all for you!” You could sense the excitement in his voice. It was adorable.

“Aww baby! You didn’t have to make dinner. I’m sure you’re exhausted since you just got off of a nine hour flight,” you turned down the street that you two lived on together.

“I wanted to do something special for my woman!” He said in a deep, southern accent which made you laugh uncontrollably.

“Okay don’t make me go off the road, casanova. I’m pulling into the driveway. See you in a minute!” You turned off the ignition.

“Wokay. Wuv you,” he mocked Scooby-Doo.

You hung up and laughed. “I can’t believe I’m in love with this idiot.”
When you opened up the door to your home, the smell of champagne and meatloaf, two of your favorite things, filled the room.

“Oh my god, meatloaf and champagne?!” You wrapped your arms around Alex’s neck as he kissed your hands repeatedly.

“Surprise baby!” He whipped around and picked you up off of the floor. Your legs wrapped around his waist as you started kissing his neck.

You stopped kissing him and looked deeply into his eyes.

“What?” Alex smiled.

You shook your head and looked down. “I love you. I’ve never loved anyone more than you and nobody will ever love you more.” You kissed the side of his neck once more before he groaned and led you to the bedroom.

“Wait!” You yelled causing Alex to stop in his tracks. “What about the meatloaf?”

Alex giggled, “it’s only in the oven to keep it warm. Don’t worry fatty,” he joked making you slap his arm. “Just kidding!” He winced in defense.

He continued to carry you to the bedroom when you reached behind you to turn the doorknob. He let you down and pressed you against the wall.

“I’ve missed you so much, Y/N,” he started sucking your neck making you shiver under the slightest touch.

“Baby no teasing please,” you moaned.
Alex obeyed your orders and grabbed your shoulders, moving you to the bed. Alex started to rip off your shirt and you reached forward, mocking his motions.

“Be nice to this shirt. It’s new,” he referred to the new Glamour Kills t-shirt he was wearing.

“Do you want to have sex or not?” You stopped all movements.

Alex forcefully pulled your head into his and pinned you on the bed. He unbuttoned your jeans and slid down his boxers and jeans as well.

“Are you ready?” Alex kissed down your chest and kissed each nipple making you grip the sheets beneath you.

“Yes,” you nodded up and down. You couldn’t help but notice his length popping up and rubbing against your folds before he slowly entered you.

“Holy shit, baby,” he pulled back out and back in again, tipping his head back and his mouth open.

“Alex! Ahh, baby,” your hands gripped his back, for sure leaving marks.

Alex sped up his pace and pulled your hair a little making you moan out in both pain and pleasure.

“I’m c-close Y/N,” he took your hand and pinned it above your head, intertwining his fingers in yours.

“Me too, A-Alex,” you closed your eyes and cried out as you let your release go which triggered his as well.

You both rode out your highs before putting on your clothes (well boxers and underwear). You went to go put on one of Alex’s oversized shirts when Alex stopped you.

“What?” You furrowed your eyebrows.

“I have a surprise for you,” he smiled.

“Another? What the hell is it Alex?” You sat down on the edge of the bed as he went inside the closet and came out with a small dark purple gift bag with black tissue paper peeking out.
You looked up at Alex who was grinning so wide as he handed it to you.

“You didn’t have to d-,”

“Yes I did,” Alex interrupted, “open it!” He laughed.

You did as he said and pulled out a custom made Baltimore Ravens jersey with all of the players’ signatures. You started to tear up when he pointed to the back. You flipped the jersey over only to notice three initials…three wrong initials.

“Alex, this isn’t my—,”

“Think about it,” he walked over to the dresser with his back turned to you. You looked back down at the jersey trying to think as hard as you could when you saw Alex come back your way.
You didn’t pay much attention until it clicked. It finally clicked…he was proposing to you.
You started to cry when Alex knelt down with the most beautiful ring you ever imagined.

“Y/F/N, will you please make me the happiest gentleman in the galaxy and become Mrs. Gaskarth?”

“Yes! Fucking yes a million times!” You both stood up simultaneously and you jumped into his arms.

“Oh and by the way,” Alex started, “nobody will ever love you as much as I do.”
Ta da! Hope you enjoyed it fuck-imma-whore! Feedback is welcome!

Fallen Angel

A Frat!Niall Smutty One Shot

“‘A fuckin’ fallen angel, is what you are. On your knees but you damn sure aren’t praying. You’re choking on my cock, instead.’”

Rebloggable Masterlist || More Niall Writing

Requested: “Can you write a frat Niall one shot where Niall is extremely cocky and y/n can’t stand him but he wins her over and gets a blowjob from her and is talking dirty and cocky as she sucks him off?”

(4.0K words)

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Delta Gams and Delta Chis were supposed to get along, but you and Niall were never quite the people to follow protocol. He, in your eyes, was a jerk - cocky, conceited, and most definitely not charming. Although the hatred wasn’t reciprocal, Niall didn’t seem to mind that you couldn’t stand him. In fact, he kind of liked it. All he wanted to do was win you over, and you would hate to admit that he did just that.

[A/N]: I really enjoyed writing this one, and I hope this is what you were asking for! Feedback is appreciated and I’d be more than happy to write another one shot if this isn’t what you wanted!! Thanks for reading! Also this is my longest one shot to date, I believe

The beginning of the school year reminded me of one thing; how much I hate the football team. The manager was okay, and the quarterback could be sweet from time to time, but every other player was a real prick.

Cheerleaders are supposed to like the football players, to fall in love with them and one day come back to the college reunion parading around with a giant ring on the cheerleader’s finger, raving about their honeymoon in Ibiza. That, however, was a far cry from my personal experience. 

My main problem was with Niall Horan. Okay, sure, he was hot as hell, but he damn well knew it. He knew how attractive he was and had used it to win over every single girl on my team. He knew all the girls on campus were putty in his hands, and he had dated just about half the school. The only respectable thing about him was that he never talked about it. He might have fucked the majority of the girls from my sorority, but he kept everything quiet. All I know was that the cheerleaders couldn’t get the hell over him so we could talk about something other than his blonde hair and bright smile during halftime.

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continued from here


“What?” He said through a breath. Drax? Honestly, he didn’t know what went through that man’s brain sometimes. “Flark-” He said frowning. He’d done a number on the older man… “What the hell Drax…” He rummaged around the room until he came back with two rags, a wet and dry one.

“Head forward, pressure here-” Peter said lightly touching the mans nose. “Gotta stop the bleeding, though hold this against your nose to catch the blood.” He said handing over the dry rag. “I can get you pains meds too.” He took the wet rag and started to gently dab at his face, trying to soothe and clean the skin. “I’ll talk to him- he needs to know this isn’t okay.”