Medication and My Creativity
Summer of 2016 I wrote a book in a week.
Now that seems like it should have been a good thing but in reality it was the last straw because I knew something was very very wrong.
See writing a book, in a week or otherwise, should be a positive creative endeavour. Instead it was hell.
All I could do that week was write. I barely ate, I didn’t sleep, I did the bare minimum of what I should as a spouse and a parent and severely worried my family.
This wasn’t a new thing. I’d always gone through highs and lows but not normally this extreme.
After I came down from this high I went back to the mental health services and got assessed for Bi-polar and asked for a medication reviews.
I was reviewed and it was determined that I was not bi-polar but that I did have Emotionally Unstable Personality Disorder. Known more often as Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD.
They also recommended a medication Quetiapine to top up my antidepressants but that would also hopefully help “even me out”
I didn’t notice the effect at the time but I’ve been on Quetiapine for over a year now and I can now see the many benefits of being “evened out”
I don’t have the high highs but I also don’t have the lows and until the highs were gone for a long while I didn’t realise how deeply unpleasant they all were.
I feel calmer and better able to focus and most importantly is how it affected my creativity.
Since I have been medicated I have written over 100 fanfictions. Before medication I was lucky if I completed anything I wrote and only wrote very rarely.
The quality of my writing has only improved in the last year as well. Probably because I can write consistently and often instead of being dictated by my mood swings.
Being medicated, losing the extremes of my emotions, made me a better creator who was finally able to create consistently. Plus I get joy from my work even once it’s finished. Sure I like all creators can see all the warts and mistakes but I am also able to access the thought and emotion that made me create in the first place and still be pleased I created it at all. Whereas things created while in a high feel like it was made by an alien.
So being heavily medicated did make my emotions duller but that improved my creativity, not made it worse.
I am so so glad I asked for that review and assessment.