i went to go look at some of the beginning eps to try and make me feel better

Yuri on Ice 2017/02/11 all night event report

I’m back from the event and I’ll write a report before going to sleep, mostly because I’m sure I will not be able to decipher my scribbles when I wake up… It’s not the full talk show since you can’t record it and also I couldn’t possibly write down everything, but I tried to take note of most things, especially stuff that has never been mentioned elsewhere. In the end it became quite long so I guess I was able to get most of the stuff down…

Needless to say it’s my notes, so other people might write about parts I omitted, etc. To be honest quite a few of the things they said especially in the beginning, like what the seiyuu think about their characters, is something I’ve read so many times in interviews that I could almost answer in their place, lol… I was a bit disappointed that one of the questions that was answered is the one about Chris’ mysterious acquaintance, because actually Kubo answered that in Pash already (it’s in the Q&A part I’ll be translating later), and I hoped they would feature questions about stuff that hasn’t been explained yet. Well I guess not everybody reads interviews, but still…

Due to the format of the report you can find my comments here and there, mostly in brackets.
Under the cut because it’s long.

I forgot to mention something important: the ones participating in the talk show were Mitsurou Kubo, Toshiyuki Toyonaga (Yuuri), Junichi Suwabe (Victor), Kouki Uchiyama (Yurio).

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Carl Grimes - I Believe In You (Part 3 - final)

Originally posted by clutterbucky

Hi guys! So here is Part 3 of the Carl imagine I did that so many of you requested it! This is the last one, so I hope you enjoy! ♥

You can read the other ones here> Part 1 and Part 2

Summary: After having an argument with Carl, you still have to survive the rest of the day in Alexandria with Negan and his Saviors doing whatever they please (Based on ep 7x04 “Service”)

Warnings: just a savior being an asshole, as per usual

Word count: 1,758 (oh yeah) 


After the little scene with Carl at the garage, I was back at our house with Judith. She was one of the few people that I wanted to be around right now. I also could really use a talk with Michonne at the moment. She was always so understanding, like a second mom to me. I always went to her whenever me and Carl had problems, she always gave the best advices. But I just I realized I hadn’t seen her since this morning.

Sighing, I sat on the bed, with Judy on my lap. I was exhausted. Not only physically but just exhausted in general. I wanted this all over. I started daydreaming  of an alternative reality where none of this shit was happening. Me and Carl strolling through the streets of Alexandria, hand in hand, while Judith giggled happily next to us. Glenn and Maggie with their baby, Sasha and Abraham together, Rick and Michonne making pancakes at our kitchen, on a sunny sunday morning. And Negan didn’t even exist. I smiled to myself just thinking about it.

But all of that was never going to happen, never. It felt like a nightmare that I could never wake up from. Reality hurts like a bitch.

Suddenly, jolting me out of my thoughts, I heard three knocks on the door. It was Aaron telling me that Rick needed everyone at the church, that we had a problem with the guns. Oh, how exciting.

I placed Judith back on her crib and followed Aaron to the church. Everyone was sitting on the pews while Rick was standing up in front of a cross stained glass. I sat beside Aaron and Eric, who coincidentally were sitting right behind Carl. This day just keeps getting better and better, doesn’t it?

“I thought about hiding some of the guns, I did it before. But what if the Saviors find those guns? One of us dies. Or maybe more than that. We don’t have to like it, but we need to give ‘em over. A Glock 9 and a 22. That’s what they’re looking for. Who has it?” Rick announced staring at us, searching for some kind of answer in our expressions.

What? Someone stole the guns? What was happening?

“Someone has them. If we don’t find them they’re gonna kill Olivia.”

Of course. Of course someone would die. I sighed and just thought to myself that I wanted to punch the asshole that hid the goddamn guns.

We just stared at each other and no one said a word. Maybe the person that did it was too scared to admit.

“Let me put this to you as clearly as I can. I’m not in charge anymore,” Rick stated, looking down, “Negan is. Now who has the guns?”

As much as I knew that Rick was not the guy who called the shots anymore, it was still hard hearing him say it out loud. It made everything feel more real.

Again, we just stared at each other. I was beginning to think that this was just a misunderstanding and that nobody had really hidden any of the guns. Just as I was about to say that to Aaron, Eugene said from behind us:

“Not everyone is here.”

He was right, a lot of people were missing. Michonne, Spencer, Rosita…

Spencer. My mind immediately went to him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was the one who started all this mess. He had already done this before and I didn’t trust him one bit.

“Yeah, you’re right. Maybe we should search the houses then, see if we could find something?” I suggested, turning my head to look at Rick.

“Yeah…” he replied, thinking for a second, “maybe that could work.  Let’s go then.”

Nodding my head quickly, I got up and walked towards the church exit, with Aaron and Eric behind me. I said a quick bye to them and just as I was about to turn left and go back to my house, I heard a distant voice calling my name. I didn’t even need to look to know who it was.

“(Y/N), wait!” Carl shouted from behind me.

“What do you want?” I replied, slowing my pace and turning my body so I was able to face him.

“Can we talk, please?” He begged with a low voice.

“Yeah, I guess. But make it quick, we have work to do.”

I didn’t want him to think that everything was alright just because I agreed to talk to him. But I also didn’t want to fight with him anymore. I knew well enough that nowadays, staying in bad terms with someone you love was stupid. You never knew when it would be your last moment with them.

“I just… I’m sorry, okay? I’m sorry I was so stupid. But it’s hard for me, being so powerless, seeing them taking everything we fought so hard to have, and not being able to do anything to stop it. I promise I will try to control myself. At least near you, so I don’t put you in danger as well.”

I sighed and looked at him, trying to find my words. I knew this was very hard for him.

“I know how you feel, believe me I know. I know how brave you can be and how strong your personality is, how you don’t take shit from anyone. That’s who you are. And I love that, I really do. It’s one of my favorite things about you. But you can’t let this anger take the best of you everytime. It’s not worth it.”

“I know. You’re right, as always.” He said and I laughed. He always knew how to calm me down and how to make me less angry with him.

“Yes, sir. I am” I said playfully and stepped closer to him. “I’m sorry too.” I murmured, my smile fading.

“Sorry for what?” He asked, confused.

“I think I overreacted a little back there. I was stressed and anyway, it was too much to deal with all at once. I’m sorry I yelled at you.”

“It’s okay.” He smiled and put his hands around my waist, while I put my arms around his neck. Our noses almost touching. I was fully aware that we were almost kissing in the middle of the street, with a bunch of Saviors walking around us, but I couldn’t care less.

“Okay sheriff, we got work to do. We can finish this later.” I smirked and grabbed his hand, walking towards the houses so we could search some of them.

When we were about a block away from our house, I saw them. Two saviors going in and out, taking all kinds of things away. Our furniture, cushions, clothes and even our matress. I couldn’t believe it. Taking all our guns and medicine wasn’t enough?

I tried to ignore it but then I saw one of the men holding something in his hand that was reflecting the sunlight. Please no.

It was my necklace. The necklace Glenn brought to me from a run. It was all I had left from him.

It was still so fresh in my memory, me and him by the gates, just chatting about nothing in particular, until he asked what was the thing I missed the most besides my family. “My cat”, I answered laughing. And he laughed even more. He left saying he would try to bring a present to me. And later he came back with a silver necklace, with the little silhouette of a cat. He said it was for me to use it so I could remember both of them, not only my cat but Glenn too.

Before I could think properly I was already running towards the man.

“Hey! You’re not taking that!” I screamed at him, anger clear in my voice.

“Or what? You gonna stop me, little girl?” He said laughing, a gross smirk on his face.

“Why do you even need a necklace?”

“I don’t need it but a lady back at the Sanctuary might like it.” He replied, the creepy smirk still on his face.

“Please,” I begged, looking down, “just let me keep it. It’s all I have left” I couldn’t believe I was actually saying please to this fucker. But it was worth it.

“What was that, girl? You’re gonna have to say it again.” He said, stepping closer to me and stroking my face with his index finger. I held my breath and tried to hide how disgusted I was.

“Please.” I repeated, louder this time. It was humiliating.

He tossed the necklace at my face and leaned closer to me, eyeing me up and down.

Looking over his shoulder I could see Carl and Rick next to a tree, watching from afar. Probably making sure the man wouldn’t do anything to me. Carl had his arms crossed over his chest and a scowl on his face. It probably took everything in him to not come here and punch this son of a bitch right in the face. But I was glad he didn’t. That meant he was really serious about not being reckless anymore.

“Be careful, little girl. Be careful.”  he murmured next to my ear, sending shivers down my back.

He finally walked away and I ran back to Carl, looking for some sense of protection, hugging him tightly and burying my head in the crook of his neck. I inhaled his scent and immediately felt safe again.

“Are you okay? Did he say anything to you?” He asked, stroking my hair.

“No, no. I’m fine. I’m okay.” I answered, looking up at him and giving him a reassuring smile. At least I got my necklace back.

Carl and I went inside to check on Judith and by the time we were back, Negan and his men were already leaving. I leaned on Carl’s shoulder as I saw Daryl disappearing in the horizon, along with the trucks.

“We will get back at them, sooner or later. This is not our life.” Carl said, more to himself than to me. I looked up at him and clutched at the necklace in my hand, trying to hold on to the last piece of good memories I still had. From the friends we lost and from our life before all of this.

“We will. If there’s one thing that I learned with Glenn is that hope is the one thing they can’t take away from us. I believe in him. And I believe in you.


(A/N): There you go, guys! I hope this was what you were waiting for.
If you liked it, leave your feedback ♥
And requests are open, so request away!

Why NaruHina was canon from the start

The main reason people hate the Naruto ending is because of the pairings. Face it, everyone knew how Naruto was going to end, like how One Piece will end and how Hunter x Hunter will (has) ended.

All these shows revolve around a certain fundamental.

“Naruto” was about Naruto becoming Hokage.

“One Piece” about Luffy finding the One Piece.

“Hunter x Hunter” about Gon finding his dad.

The question you should be asking is not whether they’ll achieve their goals, but when.

Meanwhile, with Naruto, he has felt lonely from the beginning. His parents are dead, he had no friends and he was seen as the village’s monster. Naruto is the main character. The manga/anime has been about his journey; his growth and his happiness. If you don’t believe Naruto would have found a family, made amazing friends and earn the village’s respect at the end of the manga/anime (i.e. his happiness and growth) you have been delusional from the get-go. 

People are bitter because it was Hinata. But if you believe it wouldn’t have been her, (if Kishimoto did decide to fast forward into Naruto’s life with a partner and children) you are delusional, too. Hinata, the only kid his age, had acknowledged him from the get-go

 (ep. 1)

This is about a boy who has always felt lonely. He is not very bright, so he is called stupid. He is very loud, so he is called out for it. Then there is someone, his age, who has always been there when he was lonely (whether he knew or didn’t). Who has never called him stupid. Who has never called him out for being loud, if anything, rejoices. Because it’s him. It’s who Naruto is and Hinata accepts him with all his flaws. Naruto wants to be acknowledged, Hinata, his age, has always acknowledged him. He wants to be respected, Hinata, his age, has always respected him. 

Based on this, you can even say that Hinata is what Naruto has always wanted. She is the respect he craved for, the acknowledgement, the love and the acceptance in embodiment, and she has been there from the get-go.

The moment Hinata told him she thought of him as a proud failure, is a very important part of their development and the key to the inevitable NaruHina. 

Someone, his age, actually respected him. 

But the Last really hit this key factor to their relationship on its head. That moment when older-Naruto went into the classroom and saw Hinata writing his name, during a period when Naruto wasn't acknowledged by his peers, solidified the fact that Hinata is Naruto’s wishes and dreams in flesh and blood. She had acknowledged him when he had believed that no one gave enough of a damn about him, for Naruto to write down a name. 

It’s why her love-confession was important, why the flashbacks of Hinata, having been there for him, were important. Naruto had been looking to realize his dreams and wishes (i.e. respect, acknowledgement, even love) throughout the manga/anime, only to figure out that those dreams and wishes had manifested in one character. Hinata is Naruto’s dreams and wishes. She has, after all, always acknowledged, respected and accepted him. Yes, Iruka has always acknowledged Naruto, too, but Iruka is a father figure. Hinata is a love interest.

‘’In my eyes you are a proud failure! When I look at you, I get an intense feeling in my heart. Because you are not perfect.. Because you fail…You have the strength to get back up…I believe that’s what true strength is.’’ Hinata.

To perceive his failure and still accept him. To know he is not perfect and still respect him. She doesn’t accept and respect him despite those flaws, but with his flaws. 

“Oh yeah. She (Hinata) was always watching you.” –Sakura about Hinata to Naruto.

To have always been acknowledged by her, that even his peers noticed.

But this is not to say that NaruHina is only about Naruto.

“Naruto-kun…I have always been watching. I’ve always been watchingfor all these years. Why is that..?I don’t know why, but…When I look at Naruto-kun…I feel courage. I feel like that ifI try my best…Even I can do it. That I am worth something. That’s how I begin to feel.Naruto-kun…In the past, I was the only one looking. But right now…Youare…He’s finally watching me…In front of the person I admire so much…Ican’t look bad.”

I used to always cry and give upI made many wrong turns…But you…You helpedme find the right path. I always chased after you…I wanted to catch up to you…Iwanted to walk beside you all the time. I just wanted to be with you…You changed me! Your smile is what saved me! That is why I am not afraid todie protecting you!! Because…I love you…”

I want to tell you something about those bold parts. A few people believe that it’s unhealthy to find support with someone else, but why is support unhealthy, if it makes you a better person? Hinata, clear to the manga/anime, had always been afraid and weak-willed. This was a girl who felt as if she wasn’t worth a damn thing. To feel so wrongly about yourself, how could that be healthy? But then someone comes along—in this case Naruto—and he is not so very different from her, if anything, he knows her position and he aspires to be better.

Naruto is her role model.

She wanted to stand up against Neji.

She wanted to fight Pein.

She wanted to keep getting both physically and mentally stronger.

She wanted all those powerful and strong attributes, and Naruto made her believe that she could. See, he didn’t just tell her to change. Hinata had always wanted to change. It was because she saw someone prove that yes, even the weak-willed ones (like her) can became strong that she started fighting for her own dreams of becoming stronger. Afterwards, Naruto, became her dream. And why not? Why wouldn’t the person who is the embodiment of her hopes and dreams, who made her believe in herself, not become the person she wants to walk beside, forever? 

Or don’t tell me people actually believe there’s only one reason to love someone? 

You see, NaruHina’s relationship was founded on a mutual understanding, a budding friendship and eventually love. In my eyes, there is something inexplicable beautiful with finding a lasting home in a friend; one who understands, accepts, acknowledges and makes you a better person. They don’t pull you down, in some form of horrific, mental abuse, they lift you up. They are an anthem. Hinata told Naruto, in actions and in different, words: You are worth something (i.e. “you are a proud failure” defending him against Kiba, supporting him when no one else did, jumping in front Pein, trying to get Naruto out of his emotional stupor after Neji’s death even though she was dying inside etc.). Naruto proved to Hinata, in actions and in different words: You are worth something (i.e. “I never knew Hinata was this incredible”, liking people like her; meaning it’s okay to be ‘weird and plain looking, but also kind’, believing that she would win while she was fighting Neji, swearing to defeat Neji, because she’s worth it etc.)

NaruHina is love.

Oh, yes, you have every right to ship something else. You can ship NaruSaku, NaruSasu, SasuHina, etc. for all I care. I know what it’s like to have an abundance of ships and defending it with blood christening nails. But there are opinions and there are facts, and to have the nerve to say NaruHina wasn’t decided from the get-go, my dear, I have to break it down for you:

You are wrong.

A Sehun/Lu Han analysis - Overdose era & beyond

I was debating for the longest time whether I should write this monster of a post, considering how easily bored I am and how quickly I give up on… pretty much everything. It turned out to be not as long as I expected, but still long enough for me to lose my train of thoughts more than several times and end up rambling (most of this post is pure nonsense, you’ll see). It’s something I’ve been discussing with @hunhansguardian though, so I thought I’d still finish it for her, at least.

Boring disclaimers: Most of the graphic stuff are mine. Some are not. Don’t take anything away just to be safe. A big hug to those whose graphics I used instead of my own because I was too lazy to make them myself – you guys rock. Also, words are mine. I guess.

Warning: Kind of image heavy. Don’t use your phone’s browser.

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pup-and-potato  asked:

Hi, i just want to say to all those who think that there're hardly any cb moments in showtime, and that we shippers need to go super ninja just to see the moments.. then maybe you're blind and deaf too? bc chanbaek was everywhere in EXO ST. They hold conversations across the room, even without looking at each other... they complete each other's statements, answer each other's questions, make side comments and react to what the other is saying.. it went all throughout the 12 eps. so pls.

Tell ‘em girl, tell ‘em! I thought we were the only ones who noticed Baekyeol moments in pretty much every single episode. Be it up close or from afar, in the initial camera shot or uncaptured, their moments were literally scattered everywhere around the 12 episodes. The episode of Chanyeol’s birthday, everyone was complaining about how the Baekyeol in that episode was so scarce, and I was literally like what… are you kidding me. Although it was a sad-ish episode to us Baekyeol shippers, we got to see how attached Baekhyun truly is to Chanyeol. You could see how he wanted to grasp Chanyeol’s attention throughout the episode or at least what we were able to see of what they recorded that day.

-admin SFS

Lol, “deaf” and “blind”. Yet, it’s hard not to agree with you. If we exclude episode 7, every other episode had at least a couple of Baekyeol moments, sometimes way more.

Let me put some of the gifs/pics I saved. And I will add some of my thoughts too - at least about the first two episodes for now, because we haven’t analyzed them here before.

This is going to be long.

episode 1

Even though it was Chanyeol first who picked on Baekhyun saying Baekhyun resembles Lee Sung Mi, a middle-aged female comedian, look how nervous he was here. He even said “ears” himself like he wanted to beat Baekhyun to it, and thus soften the blow he knew was coming.

And this is something I caught quite recently. It was the moment when they all started talking about who is the most handsome in Exo, and Chanyeol said “Then I think…” and then Baekhyun gulped slightly and looked at him, and this secretive smile showed on his face, and Chanyeol was looking at him too, back and forth, and they locked eyes for a second or two, and I’m surprised nobody gifed that because it seemed really meaningful.

And Baekhyun’s face when Chanyeol has chosen Kai… He looked down and didn’t appear very happy (obviously).

As a result we had Sehun almost choking on his juice, which made me think. Especially since Chanyeol reaction to this was to laugh it off and telling him to grab a tissue. And I think Kai’s eyes wandered to Baekhyun for a split of a second too, but I can’t be sure because it was so quick. And then there was Kyungsoo choosing Baekhyun as the most handsome member right after that - almost like he wanted for him to feel better.

Idk. Maybe I’m reading too much into this. And maybe I don’t. But I’m really starting to think that everyone in Exo-K knows about Baekyeol, and probably most Exo-M members.

episode 2

This one was so full of Baekyeol goodness ♥.

Baekhyun and Chanyeol keeping close to each other.

Looking at snapbacks together:

Sitting next to each other in makchang restaurant.

In-sync (as usual).

When Kris asked Baekhyun to taste if the makchang was ready, Chanyeol immediately followed, and took a bite as well.

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Here we have Chanyeol being the perfect gentleman he is. Giving Baekhyun a soda, and upon noticing that Baekhyun was without a glass, fetching him one and pouring him a drink.

Keeping close again.

Chanyeol being generous and paying for the food, while pointing to Baekhyun to grab the tray. Trying to impress someone Yeollie?

Making sure they would sit facing each other.

They both took care of Tao. Chanyeol assured that Tao had a little fork, and Baekhyun fed him Tteokbokki.

Chanyeol was smiling at Baekhyun all the time, and not only when Baekhyun was being his adorable self like here:

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Since they had good view of each other, you could see how much Chanyeol was concentrating on Baekhyun. When he was speaking about eating all kinds of food next, it was as if he was speaking to Baekhyun alone.

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To sum this up: throughout this entire episode Baekyeol acted like a freaking couple.

And this was only the beginning.

-admin MTL

Hi everyone. I wanted to talk about to you about Supergirl’s last ep 2x06 “Changing” and especially on how and why Maggie reacted like that. I heard some of you say that you didn’t get why she said those things, who were even angry with her for rejecting our sweet baby gay Alex. Also heard RIP Sanvers … They aren’t done … Far from that. I have true faith in the storyline. So yeah I want to talk about that :D Buckle up cuz I’m gonna do a post explaining this with gifs  ♥ Don’t hesitate to comment it too ♥


So … Let’s start with the general overview of Alex’s story ^^ I’ll get to Maggie later.

TV is all about conflicts … angst. TV shows (and movies too actually) almost never do long-lasting, happy, perfect relationships. It’s all about challenges, misunderstandings, obstacles …

What are the steps … The storyline … The scenario of a story ?

First, there’s a starting position : Alex aka badass woman working with the DEO, protecting her sister, confident about herself. She found her place at the DEO with Hank and her sister.


[Please click on “Read more” ♥]

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We had it under our noses since the very beginning

Ok, so, I was listening to the opening again and I had a revelation.

Many have already noticed how the visuals of the OP have changed from episode 1 to episode 2 and at first I thought that maybe they were going to modify it a little more each passing week but that didn’t happened. Ever since ep. 2 the OP has been always the same.

At first I dismissed it as something akin to an animation error. Like, maybe they had the two versions ready but ended up liking the second version better but forgot to change it for ep 1 or something like that… or maybe there is deeper meaning to it all.

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Writing Love, One Letter at a Time.

At some point in my teens, I remember writing a suicide note. Or it may have been that I was planning to run away. In my mind, it felt like a suicide note.

It started with something like a “thank you” to my family and friends, but also that “I can no longer stay in this place. Something needs to change, I need to be heard. The walls are too high, the space is too small, I can’t breathe, I want to scream. I need a change of pace, some different scenery, I need a miracle, and I need it now.” By the time I was finished writing the note, I was terrified. Terrified that I had let it out, all this crazy stuff that had been living inside me. But in this odd way, I felt so much better. 

I’m pretty sure this is where my love/hate, obsession/addiction with writing started. It was like this light bulb went off. I wasn’t expecting to feel so free, so OK. Writing became my safe haven. Wherever I was, whatever I was going through, I could always spill it to a blank page. 

I’ve kept a journal from a very young age. Always documenting this and that, with whom and where. But it wasn’t until I felt that unbearable, make-you-want-to-scream, out of control, crazy feeling, that I realized what a blessing it truly was. 

Speaking of blessings, it would appear, judging from my blogs, Instagram, and twitter, that my life is just one big awesome blessing. It is. I have been very lucky. But it has a lot to do with the lens that I choose to/try to remember to see life through. Seeing the positive in the negative. The light in the dark. That the shitty times are necessary in order to really know and appreciate the good. Trusting in the unknown. Trusting that when things don’t go our way, when we get bad news, when we’re broken up with, when we don’t feel welcome in a group, it’s all life preparing us for what’s to come. I always try and highlight the positive. 

I’m sure there are some people reading this going, “Yea, but you’ve never been raped. You’ve never self-harmed. You’ve never lost a parent.” I haven't—but I have sat with people that have. And I know it’s not always that easy to just “look at the brighter side of things” and trust “everything happens for a reason.” I know that when you are going through something heavy, that advice is the last thing you want to hear. And so it’s equally important to sit with the energy these events can stir up. It’s OK to take as long as you need to recover, to be OK again. There is no amount of time in which you need to do so. It’s OK to feel sad, to feel depressed, to feel ashamed, or naive. It’s OK to want to sleep for days. It’s OK to want to just tell everything and everyone to just fuck off for a minute, while you freak out for a little bit. Life happens, your reaction to it is valid, and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. You are always allowed to feel how you feel. 

At the same time, it’s all about perspective. You can make a situation mean whatever you want it to mean. You can let it rule you and make you miserable, or, you can make peace with it, find forgiveness, and be done with it.

                        *                               *                               *

A little bit about me: I grew up with a brother seven years older, from a different father, and two parents who worked full-time jobs. I was dropped off at my grandma’s house a lot. I was never allowed to have sleepovers, rarely allowed to have friends over. I was allowed to be in Girl Scouts, which was pretty cool. I grew up playing soccer, had a quick stint in ice skating, and in junior high, I learned how to surf. As a kid, I got in trouble for the stupidest shit: Leaving handprints on walls, spilling food on the carpet, being too rough with the kitchen cabinets. I feel like, growing up in our house, I was always doing something wrong, and as a result of that, I can now be a super perfectionist. I also got in trouble, even when it wasn’t my fault—like when someone poured red curb paint in a circle on our driveway, and my dad handed me a bucket and some sort of cleaning solution and said, "Better get to it.” It took me five days to scrub it off with one of those handheld bristle brushes. To this day, I never found out who did it. 

I guess that’s what you get for being an unpopular kid. I’ve never been popular. Even now, I still don’t consider myself popular. 

When I was 5 years old, I became best friends with the girl who moved in next door. She was instantly popular. One day in elementary school, I remember asking if I could sit next to her at lunch. She kind of just shrugged as the table filled up around her with the cool kids. I was an outcast. I had freckles, and my mom liked to put rollers in my hair on the first day of school. I was long-limbed, pale, and awkward. When I started playing soccer in the 5th grade, there were some older girls on the team who always picked on me. One day, when I was dropped off early for practice, they started teasing me, pushing me around. I continued down toward the field, as they gave me the first and only wedgie I have ever received by another human. (Years later, those same girls tried to connect with me on Facebook and come to one of my shows. To that I say, “Suck it, b*tches.”)

High school was a little better. I was growing into my long-limbed, weird, little body. Plus, high school was where a couple different junior high schools merged, so I was excited to start a new chapter with different peers. I joined the surf team, and surfing became my identity. In my freshman year, the surf brand Roxy came to our school to interview our girls’ surf team for possible candidates to be a Roxy girl. One other girl and I were picked, and that was like someone finally cut me a break. I was kind of cool, and boys begin to look at me like I was pretty. But then I was made fun of by some of the other girls for being excited about being a Roxy girl, told I was “changing,” told I was becoming really “conceited.” I couldn’t win either way. I learned early on: You can’t make everyone happy. I wasn’t a Roxy model for very long, but I did get approached by a local, little modeling agency—so I became a model anyway. How’s that for some self-confidence? 

I’d say it was probably around this time, age 15 or 16, when I wrote that note I was talking about earlier. This was when I started managing my feelings, my thoughts, and hormones on paper. What a release, and a relief. It was then that I began writing love letters to myself. 

Modeling didn’t really go anywhere. After a couple castings in LA, I realized I didn’t really have what it took to be pretty and put together all the time. I started teaching myself how to play guitar. I would sit on the front porch and annoy my best friend—the one I met when I was 5 years old. I would pluck strings and try to make sense of the fret board. We would listen to Ani Difranco cassettes over and over. We would say, “She understands us” and "Where has she been our whole life?” I would write, and write, and write. I would stay up late, until 4 am, writing journal entries and poems. Eventually, when I could play chords, I would put my writing with the music. I became a songwriter, and I didn’t even realize it. 

In high school, I also worked at this awesome little pizza restaurant. My mom used to take me there as a kid, and she knew the owners. Hard to believe now, but back then my parents were strict, paranoid, and protective. The pizza place seemed like a safe place for their 15-year-old daughter to work. I ended up working there until I was 20. It was probably one of the best things to ever happen to me. I loved being around people, being of service—even if it was making someone an Italian sub. I liked knowing I was efficient and valuable to the “pizza team.” I liked being on a first-name basis with the regulars. I liked the feeling of community. 

At the pizza shop, I had an amazing boss. He taught me more about life than maybe anyone I’ve ever known. He was a bass player in a little jazz trio, so when I told him how I played guitar and wrote songs, he would give me 4-track recorders and distortion pedals to play with. He became one of my best friends, a mentor. He went through all my high school bullshit with me, from boys to rebelling against my parents. Some days, I would come into work so pissed off about who knows what, and he would take me out back, where there was this huge stucco wall. He’d hand me a Snapple bottled and be like, “Chuck it at the wall.” And then he would hand me another, and say “Again.” I would throw as many as I needed until I felt better. I will never forget that. I worked there until I was 20. I definitely have days when I really miss that stucco wall. 

I eventually quit modeling altogether. I realized I had better things to do with my time. The modeling wasn’t very fulfilling. (Eh, actually, what really happened was, after high school, one of my best friends and I went backpacking around Europe. When we got to Italy, we pretty much ate all of Italy. When I got home, I got put on time out because I had gained 10 pounds. I didn’t even care; heck, I didn’t even notice. And that’s when I knew me and modeling were done-zo.) 

I started to pursue music, and through some mutual friends, I met a guy who had a little studio out back behind his house. There we recorded my first 4-song demo (You can listen to it for free on my Soundcloud. I sold the little demo at the pizza place, and life was good. A couple years later, I ended up recording a 7-song EP, and then got an offer to go on tour with G. Love & Special Sauce, where I met my manager, who was with me for the past nine years. Within months, I was signed to Virgin Records, had a booking agent, and was on the road. 

Music was a career I never planned, dreamt of, or hoped for. Music found me. Nothing in my life had ever felt so right. 

                        *                               *                               *

Fast forward to now …

The past couple years have not been easy, but they have been so rich in life, in experience, I would not take them back for the world. Things could be better, things could be worse—such is life. 

I often think back to my childhood; being made fun of so much as a kid really toughened me up and prepared me for the future. I’m pretty much in a business based on popularity, largely based on interacting with people through social media. People can tear you down as much as they can build you up. I’ve been scrutinized for the people I’ve dated, I’ve pissed off managers and booking agents because of it. I’ve been embraced and praised by fans, and I’ve been told I suck. But one thing I am proud of is that in all of those moments, I always only root for love. Even if it meant pissing someone off, even if it meant someone thinking I was only dating someone just to get to the next level. Sure, I’ve made some terrible decisions, but that’s love for you. And, I’ve always believed in love. It’s burned me, it’s proposed to me, it’s broken up with me, it’s left me in the middle of my house bawling my eyes out. It’s caused ex-girlfriends and ex-boyfriends to freak the fuck out. It’s ruined friendships, it’s brought friendships closer together. It’s healed me, it’s inspired me to write some amazing songs. It’s always lifted me up, it keeps me going. It’s my light at the end of the tunnel. And it’s something you can NEVER give up on. 

And, if there is anything I have learned in this life, it’s that you gotta do you. Regardless of what that means: fighting for something, ending something, moving to a new town, telling the truth, being honest with your partner, your best friend, with your parents, with YOURSELF. Sometimes it seems like it might be easier and quieter to dig yourself into a hole. But it’s not. There is so much beauty out there, so many people out there to meet, so much more to live for, SO MUCH MORE than letting your fears and challenges win.

I recently parted with my manager, the one who has been with me for the past 9 years. It wasn’t easy. But in my heart, I knew it was the right choice. I didn’t know why, but I just knew. It was time for a change. I’ve met with many managers since then, and they have all given me great advice. But none seem eager to take me on. The last manager I met with, I was for sure he was my guy, but he came to the show, and he didn’t love it … How’s that for a reality check? 

It’s hard when life slaps you with some truth. It’s easy to feel like maybe I should give up, maybe I’m not good enough, maybe I’m getting too old to stay in the game. But that would be throwing away everything I have ever worked so hard for. And, let me tell you, I have worked my ass off. I haven’t been handed anything, no golden ticket, no easy way the top. There have been a lot of setbacks—but there also have been a lot of victories. I’m a fighter, an underdog. Giving up is not an option. It just means the perfect manager hasn’t come along yet. And while it can be frustrating, I try to see it as the Universe looking out for me. I will find the right manager. These things take time, and it will work out the way it’s supposed to. So, I’m using this down time to really focus on me, come up with a new plan, tune in and find out what I really want for my career and this next chapter of life. It doesn’t mean my career is over. It doesn’t mean my life is over. It’s just life. I get to choose what I want and where I want to go. I get to choose my own adventure. 

While my career is in somewhat of a holding pattern, my boyfriend proposed—so, he rules. He is probably one of the best things to ever happen to me. I have never met a man who fought for me like he does. He stayed by my side, even when I tried to push him away, even when I got super emotional—to the point where he looked at me like, “Is that the same girl who was just in the room 10 minutes ago?” He’s got so much patience, so much love to give, and he’s amazing. It took 31 years to meet him. I’m glad I didn’t settle. I didn’t know what I deserved until I met him. 

I was engaged once before, for 4 months, until my then-fiancé broke it off. I’ll admit, once that happened, I didn’t really fight for it. Normally when someone breaks up with someone, your initial reaction is to prove them wrong, win them back, list all the reasons why you are meant to be. But with him, I never did. I think I knew it was done. For a long time, I felt like it ruined me. It was like an old building being torn down. It destroyed my world. But when the dust settled, it was like a clean slate, and it left me feeling empowered. For that, I will always be grateful.  

Sometimes, when we are in something, we don’t see how toxic it actually can be. We see no other way. We don’t see how it gets better than it is. And sometimes it takes something so powerful, so devastating, so unbelievable, to get our attention. To get it through our heads that there is another way to live. There is another path waiting for us. And it’s filled with joy, and love, and people who care. 

                        *                               *                               *

I was inspired to write this because, this year, I am a part of To Write Love On Her Arms’ HEAVY AND LIGHT shows. We already played one last Saturday in Los Angeles, and there’s one more coming up on January 19 in Orlando. TWLOHA is all about this shit. Real life, ups and downs, being OK with not being OK, and knowing you are not alone. Life isn’t just pretty selfies, toned bodies, dogs, and cute kissy romantic pics. It’s snotty, depressed, heartbroken, unbearable feelings as well. I like honoring both. I like being proud of both. I like to feel like it’s nearly impossible for one to exist without the other. And I like to think that it’s OK to be human. 

I will leave you with one last thought, something that Jamie Tworkowski, founder of TWLOHA once shared with me. He said, “People have stories, they need to be heard, and everyone deserves to be surrounded by people who care about that story.” No matter how long or self-involved, however major or minor that story may be. Everyone deals with shit differently. People have feelings and those feelings are valid. Sometimes there is not a “wrong” or “right” story. We just all have our own experiences, and we should all be able to feel safe to share them, because at the end of the day, we could all learn a lot from each another. 

Thanks for reading this novel of a blog. It took me about a week to finish. My intention was to post it before the LA show, but I didn’t, and I think I know why … My mom sent me this pic yesterday:

We’ ll see ya Sunday the 19th, at the House of Blues in Orlando, FL. It’s going to be a special night, and I am stoked for be a part of it. 

xx TP 

                                                                                                

KneeJerk Review: 5.15 The Brothers Jones

After what felt like a week of really high anticipation we finally got The Brothers Jones. When there is that much buildup I always worry about being disappointed but that wasn’t the case at all with this one! It managed to avoid all the speculation I didn’t want to have happen and give me all the stuff I wanted!

We opened right in the thick of it with Henry and Cruella which both surprised and pleased me. I am glad they dispensed with any kind of explanation scene and jumped right into the action. Henry used his Author-sense to find the Apprentice! Whose unfinished business turns out to be Henry. He coped to being a bit shady with the truth in order to protect Henry from a difficult decision. Oh and BTW magic works different in the Underworld so forget what I told you before. Except the part about not writing events, that’s still a big no-no.

What I enjoyed most about this was the Apprentice giving Henry all the information but then telling him that in the end it had to be his choice. My mom totally parented that way. She laid out the options, taught us right from wrong and then trusted us to make the right decision. This is the opposite of what Emma did to Killian and I think it was a clear line that show was drawing about the right and wrong way to handle people. It was Henry’s hero test and one he passed with flying colors.

The Captain Swan healing scene came next and honestly I wasn’t ready. I think I just shut down my emotions cause I knew it was going to hurt. The “nursery” went completely unremarked upon which was sad but I am sure it will come back up eventually. When Killian rejected Emma’s kiss I may have whimpered a little bit. Killian said “I hate myself” about six different ways in that scene and it’s just so hard to watch. The fact that he recognized how much stronger Emma was against the Darkness and Emma turning right back around and trying to tell him that he was strong just nearly broke me. This is a conversation I have wanted them to have and I genuinely couldn’t believe that we got it on screen. This is why I love this ship because they get to be real and to develop and I am just really happy even though a lot of their scenes hurt.

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Review Magnus and Alec S01E04

I’m rather critical in this review, but then you guys should know that by now, I don’t shy away from voicing my opinion. I have the best for these two characters in mind and with that I look at the show. It’s a bit harsh at times, and over all the episode was lukewarm at best. Thank God for Malec. 

You can read my review below, It’s a long one since we had 20 minutes of Alec, Magnus and Malec in total! 

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Arrow 5x04 “Penance” Review: No Narrative Cohesion

Arrow’s 5x04 “Penance” was a sloppy, filler of an episode. The general lack of story sense was made all the worse by some rather disheartening out of character moments. As an episode that was hyped (not in the promo but elsewhere) as a strong Diggle/Oliver episode it was rather disappointing and that kind of failure to deliver isn’t going to help the feeling in part of the fandom as a serious disconnect with and disservice by the PR for this season. What sounded like a strong episode for core characters was decidedly unfavorable for our core: Oliver, Felicity and Diggle. The lack of narrative cohesion in “Penance” caused a speed bump in the S5 trajectory. The first episode was mediocre but the following two were better.

Now before you write me off thinking my negativity is designed to bring down your own positive outlook: It’s not. But this is what I do. If you have ever read a meta from me before you know the drill with me. I pull the story threads they give and see if it holds or it pulls apart. I equally point out the good as well as the bad. I think I’m pretty fair natured. I have not hidden the fact that I have not enjoyed S5’s PR. But I was also willing to wait and see the show before writing it off. I have not rage quit nor am I rage-watching. But we are four episodes in. I know that doesn’t seem like a lot; and it is and it isn’t. By we now nearly halfway through 5A. I think it’s okay to make some inferences at this point. Remember by this time last year the show had pretty much confirmed LL was in the grave. By 4x09 they had firmly nailed the lid on the coffin. All that said, read ahead if you’d like. I do discuss some things that I liked in the episode but there wasn’t much to discuss.

FELICITY

For all intents and purposes, I think it’s fair to say that Felicity’s storyline with Havenrock was pretty much wrapped up in a nice little bow this episode. They may make a reference or two but I would say the meat of the story is done. She confronted her guilt and talked to Rory. Felicity overcame her own issues about what working with Rory would mean to ask him to stay on the team. He stayed and they made amends and became friends over coffee.

I will say that both Emily and Joe did beautiful jobs in their scenes. Both of them are rather understated in their deliveries. Beautiful is the word that keeps coming to mind.

Yet I’m left feeling a little hollow because Felicity’s struggle has come to an emotional, albeit premature, close. At this point, they really have not portrayed Felicity as having PTSD at all. It come off as more overwhelming, but repressed, guilt. (I am not a doctor and I’m fairly certain a handful of psych courses does not an expert make but if anyone has any knowledge on this as either a doctor or counselor would you say she’s displayed clinical PTSD?)

If this really is the end of the main part of her Havenrock storyline: What was the point? The writers got an inordinate response to the storyline so they felt compelled to address Felicity Smoak’s haters while simultaneously using her to prop up another (masked) hero’s journey? I don’t know. I hope not. I hope Felicity will see more returns from such a dramatic and traumatic character moment than this. But Arrow pattern dictates (typically) three and done for female arcs. If it’s not quite 3 episodes, the arcs are at the very least hastily resolved and forgotten.

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Yuri on Ice ep 4 Commentary

I waited all morning for this episode to come out and I have mixed feelings about the episode, mainly because there were reused clips, which I understand that athletic routine means reusing animation…but…couldn’t they have at least tried to draw a new running scene….

On the other hand, I can see that the new skate scenes are within the series “standard.” I’ve come to see and accept the range of animation quality. The animation shines in the technicality of figure-skating (users who are knowledgeable in figure-skating can tell you all about that). 

If anyone finds it odd that I always start off with the bad tidbits first, it’s because I don’t want them to linger at the end or in the middle when I’m going through the good parts, and there are many…

Now….it’s time to begin…

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You And That Damn Tie (Ashton Irwin Smut)

A/N: Alright alright, I know it’s been a while so put down those pitch forks.. I know I say this all the time, but yes I am indeed extremely busy pretty much all the time. I do go to a prep school so the hw is a fucking huge overload, but I promise to try and do better at writing and posting on time! This one is technically requested, but all the anon said was a rough af Ashton so… HERE YA GO!!!

“Babe, are you ready to g—” I heard Ashton begin his sentence but never actually finish it. I was standing in front of the full length mirror hanging in our bedroom, applying the last of my makeup on. I giggled as I looked at him through the mirror, eyes wide and jaw dropped. After making sure my red lipstick looked fine, I turned around and slowly walked towards Ashton. “Babe,” I furrowed my eyebrows when he didn’t respond, “What’s with you?” He shook his head slightly before pulling me towards him by my hips. “You look so sexy, that’s what,” he smirked. I blushed and smiled up at him, snaking my arms around his neck and pulling his body against mine. I heard him suck in a breath as I stood on my tip toes, bringing my mouth closer to his ear. “Not as sexy as you though,” I whispered, trailing one hand down his front. He groaned softly but I pulled away, grabbing my purse and walking to the door. “Are you coming?” “Yeah,” he nodded weakly.

We got in the car and began to drive towards the middle of town. We were on our way to a nice restaurant to have dinner with Ashton’s band in order to celebrate the success of their new EP. I was wearing a sleek, one-shouldered black dress that came down to about mid-thigh with some gold heels. My eye makeup was smokey and my lips were tainted red. I had styled my hair into light curls that looked natural and sexily messy. I knew Ashton loved when I had it messy like that and I also knew that my ruby pout would drive him crazy like it always did. During the car ride I looked over at Ash to take in what he was wearing. He was wearing some nice dark jeans with a very crisp and clean button down shirt. Along with a cute patterned tie. He looked so damn sexy with that tie on and I struggled not to pull him closer to my body and lips with it. My eyes trailed to the streets in front of me and I noticed that we had just arrived. I unbuckled my seat belt and got ready to open the door to find Ashton running around the car to open my door for me. I got out, smiled, and grabbed his hand after he had closed the door behind me.

“You’re so cute you know that?” “I know,” he chuckled and sent me an over exaggerated wink. “Let’s just go inside you dork.”

We walked into the restaurant and I immediately spotted the boys at a booth in the back. Anyone could recognize Michael’s ever-changing hair from a mile away. I smiled as we walked up towards them, hand in hand. All of them were dressed nicely like Ashton and they all looked so handsome. “Damn Y/N, you clean up well,” Calum whistled. I laughed, scooting into the seat next to Ashton. “Why thank you Cal. You guys don’t look too bad yourselves,” I winked back at him, grabbing Ashton’s hand to interlock our fingers. Soon a waiter came to ask for our drinks and before I knew it we were all consumed in our small talk. Ashton, Michael, and Calum were all talking about some new game that they had found as I began to absentmindedly stir my drink around. “So Y/N, how’s life treating you?” Luke turned towards me, smiling. “Oh you know. The same ‘ole same ‘ole,” I shrugged, “Work, school, my life’s not nearly as interesting as you guys’.” He chuckled, taking a sip of his Coke and then turning his attention back to me before the waiter came to place our orders. “So how have you and Ashton been?” “Great,” I smiled, “Everything’s perfect.” “That’s really great Y/N. I’m so glad Ashton has someone like you in his life. Thank you for being so wonderful to Ash.” I blushed and grinned at him, before hugging him. “Thank you Luke. That means a lot.” He hugged me back and then pulled back smiling too. “Of course.” I nodded, before realizing that I really needed to go to the bathroom. I began to scoot over to my right a bit, causing Ashton to look up at me when my hip hit his. “Oh sorry babe! I just need to use the restroom a minute, pardon me.” I lightly lifted myself off of the booth seat, standing at an extremely awkward angle and proceeded to slide to the right. My bum hovered over Ashton’s lap as I shimmied to the opening of the booth. Suddenly I felt myself slip and my bum pressed into Ashton’s lap lightly, him releasing a quiet groan. “Shit sorry,” I whispered to him for fear of the other boys hearing. I quickly lifted my eyes to see that they were all too engaged in their conversation to notice Ashton and I or our strange behavior. I went to move out of Ashton’s lap, but felt his hands lock around my hips. “What are you doing?” He growled quietly in my ear. “I’m trying to get to the bathroom,” I replied. “Well stop moving your bum like that. You’re making me hard.”

I gasped at his confession and slowly nodded, before quickly moving out of the booth to find the restroom.

Once I had found and used the bathroom, I washed my hands and looked at myself in the mirror. My face wore a light blush and I noticed that my body was feeling a bit warmer than before. Ashton was getting hard because of my little slip and I found that extremely hot. I just wanted to drag him out of this restaurant by his tie and get him to fuck me senseless.

But of course I couldn’t do that.. Or could I? I smiled to myself in the mirror before reapplying my lipstick and fluffing my hair a bit. I pulled my dress up a bit to expose more of my legs, knowing that my tan skin drove Ashton crazy. This was going to be fun.

When I was done primping and prepping myself, I sauntered out of the bathroom and towards our table. Ashton looked up at me and I smiled, giving an innocent look before bending down to scoot back into my seat. As I bent down slightly, I turned to see Ashton’s eyes diverted down to my legs.. Score. My bum hovered over his lap for a seconds before I “accidentally” fell onto him. I heard him quietly groan and I let out a little gasp. “Oops! I’m sorry babe,” I spoke in an innocent tone before getting back up and finally making it into my seat. I smiled at the boys before pulling my drink towards me and wrapping my lips around the straw. I glanced over at Ashton who’s eyes seemed like they were trying to burn a hole in my head. I lightly smirked to myself before engaging in a conversation with Michael and Calum. Soon our waiter came with our food and we all began to eat. The food was fantastic, but I had other things on my mind. Holding my fork in one hand, I moved the other to rest on Ashton’s knee. He glanced over at me but I stayed engaged with my conversation with Calum, feigning innocence.

I felt Ashton lean over towards me. “You’re so fucking gonna get it when we get home.” ~ The End ~

I know this took forever & I’m sorry babes! And I can’t really be bothered to finish this one! I kind of lost all inspiration or motivation to lol.. Promise I’ll upload a bit more regularly soon! School’s almost done for me! :) :P Love you! - Alex <3

anonymous asked:

Hmmm how about an angsty one? if I remember straight somebody pointed out that Chloe has some scars on her wrists, maybe Max takes notice to them, and I guess your creativity will take over from there

Yeah I thought I noticed that too. Have some angst while we wait for Ep. 3, sorry for taking so damn long, lol. [TRIGGER WARNING for subtle self-harm implications]

Hands explored, breathing intensified, and lips met longingly. Two girls who thought they had changed in their five years of separation. But moments like these proved all wrong, proven false by these passionate moments.

Max had waited for this moment all day. Being practically drug from Blackwell, and all the way to Chloe’s place. Pulled upstairs and immediately pushed to the wall adjacent to the door.

She was at the mercy of Chloe. Her best friend turned girlfriend holding and kissing, all perfectly done with a hint of aggression that made each one of these sessions amazing. Max assumed Chloe’s aggressiveness came from the five years of radio silence, like this was her form of reprieve for it all.

Max knew better than to argue, not like she wanted to.

“Mmh, see what'cha were missing out on?” Chloe spoke quickly between breaths. She upheld her routine, and brought her lips back to Max’s before the brunette could even respond. The photographer merely melded into each touch, lifting her arms up from Chloe’s sides, to behind her neck.

Chloe pulled back and paused, “Oh? No smart-ass comments?” She taunted further.

Max’s daze turned to a glare, “Grow up.”

“Making out isn’t grown up?”

The brunette involuntarily gritted her teeth, “Mhn, don’t make me back up.”

“Playing hardball? Fine, why don’t we take this up a notch?” Chloe said. Her proposal came off as a demand. The punk took a step back, “Hoodie, off.” She pointed.

“Jacket, off.” Max countered.

Both articles of clothing came off in sync. Max bearing her pink top and Chloe bearing her white tank. Chloe removed her toque, letting her disheveled blue locks fall freely. She stepped back the anticipated Max, raising her right hand to pin the brunette down.

Max watched and waited. She shivered in delight as Chloe’s palm planted on her shoulder, forcing her back. Deep blue eyes wandered to the contact point, and immediately Max’s expression sank. Not willing to take in what she hadn’t noticed before.

‘Are those scars on her wrist?’

She came back to reality, but Chloe’s lips had already met her cheek, “Mnh, Chloe stop.” She sputtered, eyes still locked on the punk’s wrist.

“Don’t even try Max.”

“S-Seriously, stop. I-”

“You know you want to Caulfield.”

Max couldn’t handle it anymore. She performed a quick jerk that caused Chloe to stutter and lose her grip. The brunette sidestepped, and gave her girlfriend a weary glance, “There’s… there’s scars, on your wrist,”

The warmth and color drained from Chloe’s face, “That? It’s nothing.” She made a hasty move towards Max. Once again; the brunette sidestepped and continued to look on in worry.

“Chloe? It looks-”

“It’s fine, really. Just a scratch from something I did last week.” She spoke, internally cursing at how weak that answer sounded.

“They are scars, Che. I’m not blind.” The photographer stepped forward. She went to grasp for said wrist when Chloe jerked back, “I said its fine.”

“Let me see.”

“No!” The aqua-haired girl spoke -her tone an octave louder than she wanted. She could feel her resolve beginning to crumble, having completely forgotten about those damned scars in the first place, and the emotional baggage they brought on.

“Chloe, what’s going on? You know you can tell me.” The brunette reassured.

‘No use hiding it…’ Chloe met her gaze again, “Max, really you don’t.”

Max wasn’t sure what to say. Chloe always told her everything, even with the whole 'Didn’t call you for five years’ thing. She needed to think, and think fast.

And that’s when it hit her.

'The only way Chloe wouldn’t tell me is if… wait…’

“Are they… are they because of me?” Max’s voice ousted in a whisper. She internally begged those impending fears to not be confirmed.

“I was just being stupid.”

“You’re dodging the question.”

Chloe took a step to Max, “Dodging what? The fact that my Dad bites the dust, and my best friend abandons me?”

“I-”

“…I didn’t feel anymore. As bad as it was, I wanted to feel something, anything so I slit my wrists. You were the only one who really understood me.” Chloe’s tone slipped to a whisper Max strained to hear.

Max closed the gap between them, she tenderly took Chloe’s hand and sat next to her on her bed, “I know… I’m sorry and I know,” Max’s self-control slipped when Chloe cut her eye at her, “I fucked up. Royally.” She tightened her hold on Chloe’s hand, “But, I’m happy we’re here, together again.”

Chloe still didn’t look Max in the eye, a childish instinct she hated herself for holding onto, “It’s not that,”

“Well, then what? What is it? Chloe please, just tell me.” The photographer lowered her head to try and catch Chloe’s gaze.

“What if you left again,” The punk finally turned back, eyes shimmering, “But instead of five years, it’s forever? You know how destroyed I’d be? If this-” She held up their entwined hands, “-got taken away?”

Feeling stupid for not knowing what to say; Max wrapped Chloe in a tight hug, “I’m not gonna leave you, Chloe.”

'I’m not.’

“I promise that this time; you’ll come with me, no matter what anyone says.” Chloe ended the hug, edging the situation even more. Max avoided looking at her, instead facing down into her lap.

“I…I could be your bodyguard.”

Everything suddenly felt lighter, Max formed a small grin, “And we’d-”

“Have cars and boats and planes stashed all over?” Chloe finished the sentence.

“Of course.”

Chloe embraced Max this time, “Dude, I’m sorry.”

“Me too.” Max ceased their embrace with a small kiss to the punk’s cheek. Chloe in turn gave a sheepish grin, an awkward silence creeping into the room.

“You want to…”

Max licked her lips and leaned forward, “Definitely.” Their kissing resumed. More tender, and less lustful.

Neither of them argued.

3.08 - “Many Heads, One Tail”

!WARNING! This review contains spoilers. If you do not wish to be spoiled the events of the later AOS episode, then do not continue to read this post. You have been warned.


Hey y'all, sorry for the super late post, I’ve just been pretty slammed the last couple of days. But, I’m here now, so let’s begin…

Originally posted by joesdaily

So….A LOT happened in the episode…Like, I guess Rosalind isn’t evil? Or is she? I honestly don’t know anymore, guys. Really, the whole “you can trust me, but can you really? Of course you can, but can you??” thing is getting pretty tiresome with this show. I mean, it has gotten to the point where I’m not so sure I really care about what they do with Price; I am just so done with the mystery BS. My guess is she may actually be good at the core, but there is a dark side to her, which, she isn’t exactly the only one in AOS with skeletons. Oh well.

Originally posted by friendsromansbitches

Next, Will (shady) Daniels…So a lot of people have theories stating that Will is Hydra, and honestly, I’m partial to such an accusation. I particularly love what this person said in this post:

Ultimate Will Daniels Is Shady As All Hell Evidence
Alright my friends

here is the whole deal

I was making a huge post but then I fact checked quotes from tonight’s episode and look at this, look at fucking this

Cause I was thinking Will was some innocent dude unwillingly sacrificed and the Will who Jemma knew on the planet was some figment or possession of Hydra’s “leader on the other side” and not the same guy who originally went through (an old theory, revised with new info from tonight’s ep)

THIS IS NOT THE CASE

Jemma and Fitz, and all of us, and everyone, seems to have been operating on the assumption that people were being sacrificed to the portal, to be “””eaten””” or some nonsense by “Death” on the other side

But what does Gideon Malick say to Ward?

Well, he said a lot of things and they are all equally important but first off:

“Every generation has sent men through the portal hoping to save or at least serve our leader on the other side.”

Men were SENT, not sacrificed. And they were sent with a goal. To bring “IT” back. Or to SERVE “IT”. Not be taken by it, sacrificed to it. To serve “IT”. To bring “IT” back.

This makes more sense with what we saw of the old English dudes round the table too - all part of an ancient Hydra organization, choosing one of their own to go on the other side (supplies in tow) to try to get their leader back, even if it was a reluctant mission, it was an important one.

That means Will would have known.

Because I really fail to see any much way in which Will and his team could have been sent through the portal on a ruse, and been useful to this goal at all. They would have had to know about this in order to accomplish it. They weren’t sacrifices, so they weren’t ignorant. They were men meant to “bring back” or “serve”.

And what DID Will tell Jemma? He told her he was part of a secret organization within NASA. Will KNEW what he was a part of. He was a part of Hydra.

And Malick said “Hydra was founded with the sole purpose of engineering its return.”

So, you know … What did Malick say next?

“We’re closer than ever to the final chapter, we’re gonna write it ourselves.”

So Hydra KNOWS that they’re gonna be successful in getting their Inhuman leader back from the planet soon. They have a plan in place.

“You’re gonna help me learn how SHIELD was able to achieve something with the portal that Hydra in thousands of years has never been able to accomplish. They brought someone back.”

If Will’s purpose was to bring “IT” back from the other side, if he was serving “IT” all along, it makes complete sense that he would - another old theory that a lot of people had - purposefully stay behind in order to get Jemma to reopen the portal.

If he learned that SHIELD was going to be able to open the portal, then he had a perfect setup for SHIELD to open it again, more permanently, in such a way and manner that their “leader” could get taken back through.

And it makes sense to think that Will was working WITH the creepy Space Man “IT” on the planet, as “IT” is what trapped Jemma when she fell down the cave and landed her in Will’s arms in the first place.

But this is not a perfect theory, I’m just barely piecing this together in a sort of frantic state. So -

Factors Yet to Be Explained:

- clearly the portal has been opening regularly, but their precious leader hasn’t come through it on his own (and all their previous missions to return him have miserably failed). is something stopping him? is the portal just never held open long enough? is that why they had built the contraption Fitz used to keep it open long enough to control bringing someone back through? who KNOWS???

- does “IT” even want to be brought back? is “IT” killing/making go insane everyone else who has tried to come through to “bring back” or “serve” him? if Will was successful in serving “IT” then why him and no one else?  

- other things I am forgetting

- always the option that after 14 years stuck on the hell planet Will is disillusioned with his former bosses and no longer wants to be working for them, was actually trying to help, but a lot of evidence piles up against this - such as his lies, the Space Man trapping Jemma in his cave, the canyon widening, him restricting where she goes, etc. But it’s always an option.

PEOPLE WHO ARE BETTER AT THIS PLEASE THEORIZE AWAY

This basically sums all of my thoughts up on Will perfectly. So, ‘nuff said.

Originally posted by ollienotolly

Alright, and then last, but DEFINITELY not least: THE FITZSIMMONS KISS!!!!!!!

Originally posted by shaffylovespudding

Originally posted by yourreactiongifs

Originally posted by allthereactions

Three years guys. Three. Freaking. Years. This is the moment we’ve been waiting for since season one. And hell if it don’t beat all. 

This kiss was like the Beyonce of kisses. This kiss was like a messiah kiss. If you could name a God after a kiss, this would be the smooch (two smooches, actually) to name said God after. Like, holy hallelujah. This was everything I wanted in a Fitzsimmons kiss. It was angsty and painful, yet loving and passionate all at the same time. There are quite a bit of people complaining about how it wasn’t very “resolved”, but honestly, what wasn’t? They literally both confirmed that they love each other. By Jemma saying Fitz “dove through a hole in the universe” for her, she means that, yeah, Will did some meaningful shit for her, but so did Fitz. He isn’t irrelevant, is what she’s trying to convey. And then they kiss. At first, you can see that it’s a bit angry and frustrated. 

Originally posted by saralou23

Fitz is pissed. Simmons is pissed. They have a shit-ton of sexual tension going on so, naturally, the only way both of them feel that said tension can be expressed is by physically addressing it. Jemma looks taken aback in the beginning, but after Fitz breaks away, she seems to come to some kind of conclusion and she kisses him back:

Originally posted by strangeandquiet

 After a tender make-out sesh, their foreheads to the touchy-touchy (and my heart does the scream-screamy), and Simmons looks as though she’s on cloud nine, and is about to go in for another kiss when Fitz pulls away. “We’re cursed,” he says, and I think this was his way of saying, That kiss what bloody amazing which really sucks because how am I supposed to get over you now? How are we supposed to cope. You have a boyfriend out there, and yet you want to be with me, but you’re also confused. We can’t seem to figure this out and all I want is to be with you but I can’t because of Will. 

Elizabeth has actually said in a recent interview that the two lovebirds wanted the kisses to be bad, because then they could just drop the whole issue. But it was really good, so now what are they gonna do?

I know tons of you think that we didn’t get enough closure from this kiss, but I beg to differ. I mean, after years of those two shit-heads tip-toeing around each other, they finally talked about their feelings. That, to me, is a definite step up. And I can only imagine how Fitzsimmons packed the next episode’s going to be.

Originally posted by searching-forsomethingtrue

Also guys, I’m just gonna call it right now: I think Fitz (if not him and Simmons) is gonna get taken by Hydra to open the monolith. Because if you’ll notice in the promo for 3.09, there’s a part where it looks like Ward has the drop on FitzSimmons. Also, the name of the mid-season finale episode is Maveth, which translates to death, and was written on that cloth Fitz found in 3.01. So, I’m pretty sure the portal will be opened in the mid-season ep and “Death”, or, the “powerful Inhuman” that Hydra wants, will come into the world from their planet, and Fitz will make that possible. Maybe Hydra will use Jemma as leverage. Maybe Fitzsimmons will have some miraculous “oh my god I can’t believe we’re alive” sex. Who knows?

Originally posted by gameraboy

Alrighty, thats it for now. I’ll talk to you guys in two weeks!

You’ve just been S.H.I.E.L.D Busted!