i went dancing for the first time in like two months

I’m still trying to figure out
When my love burned up
When my ability to trust died

Was it being 11 and being ignored by the girl I spilled my secrets to
(The first time I thought about what my funeral would be like)


Was it when I was 14 and being told to stop talking about my happiness after a slow dance
(to the boy I wrote songs for: you don’t deserve my poetry)


Was it when I was 16 and at the summer of lifetime where I was utterly forgotten 
(I went nearly a week without speaking to anyone)


Was it when I was 17 and kissed the girl I believed I was in love with and was ignored for two months
(It wasn’t love, it wasn’t)


Was it when I was 18 and my secret places invaded by strangers who broadcasted it to the world
(I still don’t know who told)

Or was it now, this very moment, sitting in college alone and lonely
(I don’t reach out because I don’t want to get hurt)

It wasn’t just a single moment of heartache, it was a multitude 
That transformed girl who trusted easily into a broken scared shell

—  I am just the broken pieces of my mistakes by Abby S
7

3-18-17

Part 2: 

I finally ate a lobster roll and we bought a lot at Costco. 

Since I stayed in town I went with my Mom to the GiGi’s Gala tonight and I’m glad I did. Sam said I’m like a brother to him, he asked Julia to Prom, we got to dance, and the speech was very timely. 

I went years without wearing a suit and now I’ve worn in 3 times in the last 6 months. However, this was the first happy occasion so that’s good. A few days ago my Grandpa gave me two pairs of Florsheim wingtips that were practically new and I got to bust them out tonight. I also almost never take selfies but felt compelled to. 

Being home has been really nice. I haven’t been productive as I should have been, but I’ve been able to see a good portion of my family and some friends. I know people do genuinely care about me, but reminders are always nice to get. 

I’m nervous about going back to Carbondale tomorrow. Life has been relatively normal here: I’ve hung out with Ben, skated, taken care of Dandy, run errands with my grandparents, seen my family and pets. But, obviously, I’ve felt an absence. When I get there tomorrow all of those things won’t disappear, but I’ll be without them and Allison. It’s going to be really really uncomfortable and I can’t say I’m looking forward to it.