i watched two of his movies last night like

Scratches

Summary: You leave scratches on Calum’s back during sex and the next morning all the guys see.

Warnings: Smut

You sat on the couch next to your boyfriend Calum, only half watching the movie on tv. You two tried to spend as much time together when he was home from tour, especially nights alone like this. However, this one was a little on the boring side and you were starting to get antsy. 

“Babe, are you as bored as I am?” Calum asked, as if he could read your mind.

“Yes,” you replied, “This is the last time I let you pick the movie.” 

Calum laughed and asked, “How about we ditch this movie and to bed?” The sparkle in his deep brown eyes told you he was not talking about sleeping.

“You had me at ditch the movie,” you answered, jumping up. Calum grabbed your hand and lead to back to the bed room. When you stepped through the door, he swept you up bridal style and carried you over to the bed. You giggled softly as he lowered you onto the sheets.

Calum pulled off his shirt before crawling on top of you. You ran your hands down his toned chest and abs, easily your favorite part of his body. Okay maybe second favorite. His warm lips connected to yours, igniting that spark inside you always felt when you kissed him.

His hands slipped under your shirt, helping you take it off. Since you had just been hanging out at home, you hadn’t been wear a bra. Calum smirked at your bear chest, running his hand over them, as he pressed his lips to your neck. He let his tongue trace a line from your jaw to your collar bone then kissed his way back up. 

You ran your hands through his wild dark hair, as his moved lower and lower down your body. You nudged his chin up, to gain access to his neck. You kissed and sucked on the soft skin as he slipped his hands down your pants. He began to rub you over your underwear, making your core ache. You moaned against his neck as he slipped a finger into you. 

“I love when you get so wet for me babe,” Calum mused, as he pumped his finger in and out of you. You ran your fingers down his back, knowing he loved how it felt when your nails scraped against his skin. It told him he was doing a good job.

“Calum I need you,” You whined, desperate for more of him.

“Your wish is my command,” he smirked, unbuttoning his pants. His bulge was straining against his boxers as he pulled off your pants and underwear. “You’re so sexy y/n,” He purred, removing the final piece of clothing. He lined himself at your entrance, rubbing his tip teasing over your core.

“Calum please,” you begged, aching for him to be inside you. 

Calum chuckled softly, “Sorry babe, you know how i love to see you beg.” With that he pushed his length inside you. You gasped, no matter how many times you slept with Calum you could never quite prepare for his thickness. After giving you a second to adjust, he began to rock his hips back and forth. He gripped you hims, allowing himself to get into a rhythm. 

You dug your fingers into his back as he hit your sweet spot deep inside you. He moved so smoothly and so quickly it made your stomach knot up with pleasure. He nipped at your neck again, eliciting breathy moans from your lips.

Calum reached running his rough finger over your clit. You hissed, clawing at his back as he rubbed quick circles over your sensitive bud. Calums hips rocked harder into you, finally pushing you to climax.

“Shit Calum,” you moaned, desperately scratching down his back. Seconds later Calum hit his high, releasing himself inside you.

“Fuck,” he groan tilting his back, as he rode it out. When you were both finished, he pulled out and rolled next to you. He wrapped you up in blankets and peppered kisses all over your face, causing you to giggle.

“I love you y/n,” he said cuddling against you.

“I love you more,” you replied before you both drifted off to sleep.

***

The next morning you woke before Calum. You smiled, loving how the rising sun seemed to make his skin glow. You slipped out of bed, pulling on some soft shorts and one of his big tees, before tiptoeing into the kitchen. You decided to surprise Calum with some pancakes, which were his favorite. You were just about done when walked in with sweatpants hanging low on his hips and a hint of sleepiness in his eyes.

“Morning babe,” he said coming up behind you and wrapping his arms around you. He kissed your cheek and took in a deep breath. “Mmm pancakes, you’re the best.” 

“You know it,” you smiled, “Grab a plate they’re ready.” Calum set the table and you loaded the plates with pancakes. As always you made way too many, but hopefully Calum was really hungry. 

You  two ate in a comfortable silence, the warm pancakes filling your empty stomach. You were just about finished when there was a knock at the door. The two of you exchanged a confused glance, wondering who it could be at this hour. Since your were finished, you said you would get it.

“Good morning!” a voice shouted as soon as you swung the door open. Three familiar faces were standing in front of you. It was Calum’s band mates, Luke, Michael and Ashton.

“Uh hey guys, I wasn’t expecting to see you,” You said, wondering why they were here.

“Yeah well we woke up and there was no food in the house and we were kind of hoping you made some breakfast,” Ashton admitted. 

“And it smells like you did,” Michael said eagerly. You laughed, knowing they must be desperate if they drove all the way over here.

“Well come in,” You said stepping aside, “Calum and I were just eating. They guys followed you back to the kitchen. You pulled out more plates as the guys joined Calum at the table. 

“Its a good thing you guys came honestly because I made way too much,” you said piling on pancakes on their plates.

“Don’t worry y/n, well take care of that,” Luke replied. You set the food down in front of them as Calum got up to bring his plate to the sink.

“Holy shit Calum,” Michael said with a full mouth. 

“What?” he asked, turning around. It was then you noticed the long red lines all over his back as a result of last night.

“Your back,” Ashton giggled. Calum eyes widened as he realized what they meant. 

“I guess you two had a good time last night,” Michael teased, causing your cheeks to turn red. 

“I didn’t know you were so aggressive y/n,” Luke laughed. The rest of them joined in the laughter, tossing out some more jokes at yours and Calum’s expense.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah,” Calum fired back, “Just shut up and eat your pancakes.” 

a/n: okay sorry this ending is so lame im mad tired rn and couldn’t think of how to end it and i felt like it was already to long so yay for abrupt endings.

Late night talks & cigarettes

pairing: calum x reader

word count: 1,018

i was trying to sleep just now and couldn’t get this lil entry of calum’s out of my head.. so i got to imagining things and this happened

enjoy xx


Of course, Calum wanted to spend his last night before you left to go back to university. And after watching endless movies in his hotel room together, you ended up falling asleep in each other’s arms.

Sure, you two have cuddled before, you were best friends. Things like this weren’t that uncommon between you two, since over the years of your friendship you had gotten so comfortable around each other. But halfway through the night, you began to stir, drawing your arms closer to you in attempts to bring Calum’s torso closer to you.

One thing was wrong: Calum wasn’t there.

This realization took you a while to comprehend, for you were still half asleep, but when you sat up and blinked your eyes a few times and fully realized he wasn’t there, you began to panic–this was his hotel room. Had your embarrassing snoring kept him up, so he left to go sleep in Michael’s room next door? 

You yawned, sitting up in the bed a little straighter, when you noticed the door to the hotel room’s balcony was slightly open, catching a glimpse of Calum sitting out there.

Swinging your legs over the side of the bed, you slowly walked over to the open door, sticking your head out. Calum was sitting, with his journal open in his lap, staring out at the night sky with a cigarette between his fingers. 

You knew you shouldn’t read his personal journal entries, but it was only 4 lines written across the top. Squinting your eyes and trying to decipher his handwriting, you finally were able to make out:

and you’ll move on
and fall in love with another brain
another soul
and i’ll still be here
waiting

The cryptic writing intrigued you, and you wanted to know what the hell it was about.

“Cal?”

Your voice spooked him, and instantly he grabbed the journal and held it so you couldn’t see the small entry written at the top of the page. “Y/N? What are you doing up so late?”

“I should be asking you that.” You said, taking a seat in another chair on the balcony. “Whatcha writing about at this time?”

“Nothing important.” He stated, shutting it.

“Oh, come on Calum. You never share anything you write in that book with me. I’m your best friend, just read me one thing.”

“No.” He stated firmly. “It’s not something you should be reading.”

“Fine.” You said, crossing your arms in front of your chest and watching as he took another drag from the cigarette. “I know what you wrote anyways.”

“You do?” He asked, raising an eyebrow. You nodded. “How?”

“I’m a sly bitch.” You said, grinning wildly. “Talk to me about it. What does it mean?”

“Nothing you should know about. It’s private, you shouldn’t have read it anyways.” He told you.

You sighed. “Will you at least tell me who it’s about?”

“I’m sure she knows damn well who it’s about.”

“What if she’s a dumbass?”

“You aren’t a dumbass, Y/N.”

The second he said it, he knew he fucked up. Your eyes just widened, not knowing what to say. “It’s…it’s about me?”

He swallowed the lump in his throat. “Would it be so terrible if it was?”

“But,” You started to say, getting lost again. “I don’t get it.”

“Oh, for crying out loud, Y/N. You’re leaving in 8 hours and you won’t see me for another 9 months. You’re going to move on, figure out your life because you’re so fucking smart and actually studying to get a degree and after that you’ll get some great job and fall in love with some smart doctor and where will I be? In a studio, writing songs about you and me and more importantly how I’m going to be alone. I’ll be alone and you’ll be living your life with your doctor husband but I’ll just be waiting, Y/N. Because I’m really the dumbass that can’t gather up the courage to actually do something about this and instead of sharing my feelings towards you, I’m just going to shut my damn mouth and wait on the sidelines and hope the universe cuts into my life and changes things for me.”

You stared at him, his dark brown eyes staring right back at you, a terrified look glossing over his eyes. He was scared to see how you would react, and most likely scared of being denied. 

“You won’t be waiting, Calum.” You told him softly, reaching out and grabbing his hand. 

“Oh really, because I’m pretty sure–”

“Calum, would you shut the hell up and realize what I’m trying to say here.” He stared at you and shut his mouth, silently urging you to continue. “You won’t be waiting because I’m right here. And if you really don’t want me to leave, I won’t. I’d rather be with you because honestly, I don’t know how you didn’t see how fucking in love I am with you.”

“Y-You love me?” He asked, sitting up straighter, as if he was getting more excited.

“All the other guys know, I have no idea how you didn’t realize it sooner.” You said, a dry laugh escaping your lips. “I don’t want anyone else, Calum. Not some smart, rich doctor. I want you, the weird kid who writes songs in his free time and is secretly an extremely amazing poet, in my opinion. I really wish you would share more of what you write in this thing.” You said, taking the journal gingerly in your hands.

“Just for the record, I love you too.” He mumbled, taking another drag of his cigarette before putting it out in the ash tray.

“I think that goes without saying.” You laughed.

He smiled brightly at you, his eyes looking gorgeous in the moonlight. “Y’know, if you wanna read a thing or two in here,” He said, taking the journal and flipping through the pages. “There’s this one entry from a few days ago…” 

I watched Night at the Museum 3 and oh gosh it made me tear up a little I felt a bit like it was the end of an era, it was extremely funny though.

I mainly watched it for Rami Malek as Ahkmenrah because I love him a lot and I was happy that he basically had twice as much screen time compared to the last two movies combined although I still wish there was more (I basically want an Ahkmenrah movie I love him that much)

I’m a girl and I like a boy. He makes my heart nearly stop every time I see him. The first time we kissed I couldn’t get enough oxygen to my brain. It’s a serious crush, people.

He’s funny and sweet and nerdy and cute and tall and smart and pretty much my dream man.

Two days ago he told me he just wanted to be friends because he is still getting over his ex-girlfriend. For the last two days I’ve been mulling this over and I have come to a conclusion.

I am going to be the best friend this boy has ever had.

I am going to hang out with him, I’m going to support him, I’m going to bro out with him, I’m going to watch movies with him, I’m going to go on adventures with him, I’m going to talk late into the night with him.

I’m going to do everything I wanted when I told a boy who liked me that I just wanted to be friends. I’m going to be his friend.

I’m going to spite every boy in the world who called a girl a bitch because she just wanted to be friends with him. I’m going to prove every boy wrong who said that girls don’t like good guys because she didn’t want to start anything with him. I’m going to show every boy who’s been a “friend zoned” dick because he couldn’t put aside his own desires to be there for a girl as a friend that it is possible.

I’m not going to mope around or pine for him. I’m not going to hate him or trash talk him. I’m not going to generalize the male gender because I feel burned by one boy.

I’m just going to be the best friend this boy has ever had.

3

The packing continues and the first round of goodbyes has begun.

The timeline I’m currently looking at is to be on a plane on October 9th, which is less than two weeks away! That’s the ideal scenario. I’m waiting for my biopsy result on Monday so I can schedule part three of tongue growth removal. Will it never end?

I visited my grandparents yesterday for my grandpa’s “80-something” birthday. That was his response when he was asked how old he is. He couldn’t care less - he just wants the cake. Look, he even wore his fancy party hat!

I’ve been soaking up family time like a sponge. My sister and I camped out in my bed last night watching scary movies and pretending not to be scared. Ok, she pretended; I watched with a blanket over my eyes.

I still have heart palpitations when I think about saying goodbye to my nephews. I see those munchkins five days a week so their absence will be felt.

But I’m so very excited for this next chapter. I’m letting the excitement propel me through the sadness of goodbye. Acknowledging it’s there, but letting the silver lining soften the blow: to see Phil and actually live in the same country (house!) as my husband. Groundbreaking, isn’t it?!

I’ll be living in Rugby, England for those that asked!

2

Dean Winchester Smut- And….CUT!


A/N- My idea for this is all wrapped up and in pieces, so that would be why i didnt do it last night. Anyway, here’s some smut to start off my posting of, well, more smut today :) Enjoy ya’ll, and credit to gif owner. (I was worried for like 5 minuted bc you guys weren’t requesting then i remembered that I closed them)


     Cuddled up to Dean’s side, the soft blanket came over the two of you, your legs on his lap. The movie had been dragging on, you never actually wanted to sit on the couch and watch a movie, but Dean did, so you did. 


        The scene went from the babysitter watching the kids to a fairly graphic sex scene with the father she worked for. “The mom should fire her.” You laughed, looking up at Dean. Completely glued to the screen, Dean’s hand was mindlessly running up and down your leg. 


     Smirking, you figured he hadn’t heard you anyway. Sitting up, you pulled his face with your hands, kissing his lips slowly. Dean kissed you back immediately, his hands going from your legs to your sides, pulling you up to sit on his lap and straddle him. You kissed him a little harder, lightly biting then pulling on his bottom lip. 


    Earning a groan from his mouth, you began to grind slowly on his clothed cock. Groaning into your lips, Dean bucked his hips  up, a silent ‘please’. “Patience, baby..” You spoke breathlessly into his mouth, moving to kiss his jaw. Dean’s hands gripped your ribs harshly, controlling your grinding. 


       Reaching your hands down, you grabbed his shirt, pulling it over his head.Running your hands down his exposed abdomen, you started to kiss his collar bone, savouring his sweet skin. Warm hands grabbed the back of your shirt, pulling it over your head. Dean’s hands wandered, finding the clasp of your bra and taking it off your chest. 


     His greedy hands came to your breasts, slowly rubbing them. Taking your left nipple in his fingers, Dean rubbed it, suckinging on the other one. Your head went back as you moaned, feeling your wet core leak through your shorts. Dean sucked and kissed your breasts, a silent praise to your body. Lifting up slightly, you pulled your shorts and panties down, letting them fall off the couch. 


     Before returning to straddle him, you unbuckled his jeans, you pulled them down with his boxers, his erection standing against his stomach, leaking pre cum. Leaning down, you licked him from base to tip quickly, teasing him. Pulling away as he groaned, you smiled up to him, quickly taking him in completely.


   Impatient, you bobbed your head a limited amount of times before pulling off his cock, his face turning to shere confusion. Pulling yourself up, you straddled him again, lining him up with your hole. “Fuck…” Dean moaned, his hands on your hips. Sliding onto him , you gasped, his size a large change from the normal emptiness. You began to grind down, moving your hips back and forth. “F-fuck don’t stop.” Dean moaned, his head on the back of the couch. “I didn’t plan on it…” You moaned, your breathing heavy. Holding his shoulders, you started to thrust faster, your chest bouncing. 


      Dean’s hands moved to grope your breasts, playing with your nipples. Groaning deeply on your chest, Dean sent vibrations through your body, causing you to clench tightly around him, your cum running down his shaft. “Oh my- Fuck-” You screamed, riding out your high. Dean held your hips again, bucking his hips into you. “Fuck- Y/N- I love you…” Dean moaned loudly.  

EXCLUSIVE: Zach Galifianakis Says Donald Trump Has 'Mind of an 11-Year-Old,' Doesn't Want Him on 'Between Two Ferns'

While Zach Galifianakis made headlines last week for having presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton on Between Two Ferns, the comedian says he has no plans to invite her opponent, Donald Trump, onto the Funny or Die talk show.

“Interview Donald Trump? I don’t know if he would get it,” Galifianakis told ET’s Sophie Schillaci at the Hollywood premiere of his new movie, Masterminds, on Monday. “He has, like, the mind of an 11-year-old.”

WATCH: Hillary Clinton Almost Instantly Regrets Between Two Ferns Interview With Zach Galifianakis

The Hangover star says the aspiring politician – who hosted Saturday Night Live last November – probably wouldn’t get the gag. “I don’t really think he would understand what’s going on,” he explained. “And plus, I would feel like it would um …we don’t have much in common.”

Not missing a chance to make a joke, Galifianakis quipped, “I bet his breath stinks.”

WATCH: Zach Galifianakis Asks Brad Pitt About Jennifer Aniston’s ‘Friends’ on Between Two Ferns

“By the way, I met him and I know his breath stinks,” he added. “So do his sons.”

During Monday night’s presidential debate, Trump made it a point to call out his longtime feud with Rosie O'Donnell, after Clinton made reference to sexist and misogynistic comments he’s reportedly made in the past.

Insisting that he’s only made remarks about the former View co-host and no other women, Trump touted, “I think everybody would agree that she deserves it, and nobody feels sorry for her.”

https://t.co/EvxYa7A4bL — the 5 mins orange anus can’t seem to get over — tell the truth - shame the donald #ImWithHer

— Rosie (@Rosie)

September 27, 2016

O'Donnell, along with several celebrities, responded to Trump’s comment, and also shared a clip from The View where she slammed him. “The five [minutes] orange an** can’t seem to get over,” she tweeted. “Tell the truth – shame the Donald #ImWithHer.”

Galifianakis interviewed President Barack Obama in March 2014, and ET spoke with Between Two Ferns director Scott Aukerman about what it was like having the commander in chief on the show. “We shot [the episode] the way we always shoot them, where it’s very experimental and anything can kind of happen,” Aukerman explained. “[Obama is a] really funny guy. I mean we’ve had some really funny people on the show but there’s just something magnetic about him when he gets on screen …He definitely had a lot of slams that he wanted to inflict upon Zach. He was ready. He was locked and loaded.”

Aukerman said that the Obama administration was “really hands off” about the interview, and gave the crew the creative freedom they needed to make it a hilarious episode. “They really wanted it to be like a normal episode of Between Two Ferns, which means Zach insulting [Obama] and getting really strange,” he noted. “They fully embraced that.”

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