You know what? Fuck it. I’m sick of sitting passively by, listening to people ask “how do you know if you’ve never tried?” and tell me that no-one cares while you sit there with a shit-eating grin and say “this is a great debate we should do this more often”. A debate? My sexuality is a debate?! Fuck you. Telling me that I bring up great points when I’m giving you facts and you ask stupid fucking questions that I hear all the time is not a debate. It’s a chore.
And how DARE you? How dare you say to me that I need to be fixed, that I can be cured if only I could “find the right somebody”. “How do you know if you’ve never tried?” you ask me as though I haven’t tried. You assume I haven’t?
I destroyed great friendships because I tried to convince myself I had a crush on them. I tore myself apart in so many ways because I tried to tell myself that there was someone out there just for me. My life has been a living hell because I TRIED. Every goddamn fucking day, I’ve tried. And then you ask why I’m angry??
Fuck you. Of course I’m angry!! I’ve been sold this idea of love and romance and sex being the be all and end all of the universe every goddamn day of my life. Every single fucking thing I’ve watched, read, listened to - about him or about her. About how True Love saves the day. How they only live happily ever after when they’re married and riding off into the sunset staring longingly into each other’s eyes. And then I’m forced to endure sex scenes and romances that are so out of place that it jars me out of the narrative so utterly and completely while everyone else applauds and nods and agrees “Yes, they are so in love”. Then they point at a background character who hasn’t even got a goDDAMN FUCKING NAME and tell me “Look! There’s your representation! Be happy!!!” all the while writing fanfiction about that character passionately fucking another character because #OTP #loveislove
FUCK. YOU. Of course I’m going to be absolutely fucking livid! You give me representation and then take it away all in the same breath! I watch as characters who are asexual are cured of their medical condition and suddenly they are not asexual anymore! I watch as characters that have never expressed any interest in romance - who have been around 60, 70, over 100 fucking years!!! - are paired off in heterosexual relationships (as though there aren’t enough of them around). Characters who are made canonically asexual and then a couple of years later, a new writer doesn’t agree with that and rewrites the entire canon so the audience can relate to them more (as though they weren’t a fan favourite already). Characters who are made the butt of jokes, characters who are placed in the same bracket as incest, characters who we are very clearly meant to hate.
And if the canon doesn’t fuck them over, the fandom sure fucking does.
Pages and pages and pages of fanart and fanfiction all dedicated to shipping my representation with other characters, while I’m shoved aside and told “it doesn’t matter. It’s not a big deal, there’s no need to yell”.
No need to yell? And yet you’ll start entire so-called ‘fandom wars’ over Shiro/Keith and Keith/Lance? You’ll yell and get angry and start a riot when gay characters are made straight and I’m not allowed to do the same for asexual characters? How DARE you.
How very fucking dare you?
I am made to endure and put up with all this shit and then - on top of all of that - then you have the audacity to tell us we are not welcome in your safe spaces, that we don’t exist, that we’re seeking attention (because bringing attention to a sexuality is such a bad thing, right?). I have to sit and listen to you as you describe us as aliens - as emotionless, unfeeling robots. You tell us we are as far removed from human as you can get. I have been told that I’m not right, I’m broken, I’ll never be understood and nor should I be. I spent years telling myself those very same things before I even came across the word asexual, piling on depression and anxiety and loneliness. I don’t need someone who doesn’t even take the time to try to understand to tell me that I must have a medical condition or that I was sexually abused as a child or that I just need to “give it a chance”. I don’t need people telling me that “it sucks” that I’m aroace, that I’m “not normal”, or asking me what I’ll do when I’m old and have no-one to look after me. I don’t need it. I don’t.
I’m already told all this in a hundred thousand different ways every day when I walk outside and see a billboard featuring another ‘sex sells’ advert. Every day, when I watch TV and see yet another out of place romance. Every day, when I walk into a shop and a love song is playing over the speakers.
“How do you know if you’ve never tried?” How do YOU know?
I’ve had people ask me “isn’t it lonely?” They ask me how I’ll ever feel fulfilled if I never experience love and when I point at my friends, they laugh and say “no, I mean romantically” as if the way I love isn’t valid. Why is romance so much more fulfilling than platonic? “It just is,” they’ll reply as though that explains everything. It doesn’t.
They tell me how love is so amazing and great and then in the next sentence moan about their significant other or cry about how heartbroken, how depressed they are because their boyfriend/girlfriend broke up with them. “I’ll never love anyone ever again, I guess that makes me asexual” they say as they chat up their next partner and I grit my teeth and smile and nod because I’ll never understand so how can I judge?
So fuck you. I’m not going to just sit here and let you tell me that my representation doesn’t matter. Not when it took me 17 years to finally find asexuality. Not when it took others far longer. And definitely not when some go their whole life feeling broken or force themselves to do things they don’t want to just to try to fit in. We exist whether you understand us or not and we need our representation too.
Summary: Kyungsoo’s new apartment has some quirks. Like you, the ghost who still maintains the fact that the apartment is yours, not his. (Part 2/3) Scenario: fluff, angst, mentions of death, violence Word Count: 3,818 Part 1Part 3
Contrary to popular belief, they have occasionally watched things that were not Doctor Who. But even when it comes to television, Fitz and Jemma developed a ~system.
In the winter, they love to watch BBC’s Natural World. They bury themselves under a duvet and watch every new documentary enraptured, religiously whispering animal kingdom’s trivia to each other. They never eat during these, and they kindly pretend not to notice the quiet sniffling and seldom tears when a little penguin happens to be eaten by a seal, or when a lion cub nudges the side of its motionless mother.
After a stressful day at work, they watch Paranormal Files when they need to vent or bitch, Mythbusters if they need to feel vindicated and to see stuff being blown up (“Remember kids, the only difference between Science and screwing around is writing it down,” they scream along, while picturing the many ways they could stab their idiot SciOps coworkers in the eyeballs) and Dark Matters when they need to feel better about themselves (“It’s on the Science channel, Simmons. The science channel.”)
Lazy Sunday afternoons are for The Great British Bake Off. It’s a bloodbath. They get very passionate about GBBO (They don’t speak of Custardgate. Ever.) and one time Jemma shouted at their TV screen so loudly that the neightbor’s baby began to cry. She insists Fitz’s mum should be on the show, and actually scoffs every time someone screws up slow proofing dough products (“I’m telling you, Fitz, I will threaten your mother with your life if she doesn’t go next year.” “Dear God”).
When they’re feeling sweet or melancholic, they watch anything about space. From NASA missions to Interstellar and everything in between. Fitz is secretly bored by 2001: A Space Odissey, and Jemma doesn’t really like Star Wars (“Ugh, Parsecs are units of distance, Fitz, not time! You know who else made the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs? Every damn piece of junk ship that ever made the Kessel Run, that’s who!” “Piece of junk…!” “Han Solo is a joke, honestly” and maybe Fitz makes a sound that is closer to what a whale does as it dies when he squeaks “Respect him!”) but they make it work anyway.
Every Summer, they catch up on a tv series and Fitz always insists on junk food, during. 2012 was Battlestar Galactica (“You know who Adama reminds me of? Commander Gonzales” “Holy shit”), 2013 was Breaking Bad (“My crystal meth would be purer than his” “We’re not going to cook crystal meth, Simmons” “I’m not saying we should be producing illegal substances in our lab, Fitz. I’m just saying that if we wanted to, we’d be better drug lords than those two”), 2014 was Parks and Recreation (Jemma left right in the middle of season four, and he never watched the rest. It is speculated nobody could mention ‘Calzones’ around him but as nobody in their right mind would ever talk about calzones, the issue was moot). In 2015, Fitz doesn’t watch anything except for the same video feed, over and over again.
Lots of black today. So why didn’t I just use my ProMarkers to get a much more evenly filled out background? No one knows (me included). (And yep, that’s the edge of the paper to the left. Planning your drawing out properly, what’s that?!)
this is me hugging matthew gray gubler and it’s literally the best thing that ever happened to me.
I always loved criminal minds, even before I started to fade away.
i had really bad times in my life, I didnt smile at all and the only safe place I knew was music and tv shows, mostly criminal minds. I watched it like every day and every moment because they made me feel better, matthew made me feel better with his personality and weirdness! I saw myself in him, the real me, the girl I’ve always been but I was too scared about life to actually live.
after years as a fan I finally met him, I saw him in real life, the one that scared me so much I couldnt even breathe.
my heart was full of joy when I saw him and he is the best person in the entire world, matt has a precious heart and I cant love him more than Im doing right now.
I asked him if I could hug him and he said “oh yes sure!!!” and seconds later I was in his arms feeling happy.
after that moment my mom saw me and said “I’ve never seen you smiling this much in so long”.
THANK YOU GUBE
Your mental illness and/or disability DOES NOT make you immune to social prejudices and social norms. It does not make you immune to racism, sexism, and any other -isms. You CANNOT sit there going “well my mental illness makes this specific sexist/racist/etc comment confusing and I don’t understand it because I just don’t think that way”… fine, you may not ACTIVELY think that way, you may not REALIZE you think that way, but a mental illness is not a shield against your own privileges and acknowledging/working on the prejudices you PROBABLY have because you’ve STILL been raised in the society that perpetuates it EVERYWHERE.
So do NOT pull this crap where you humble-brag about how you just “don’t think that way” and imply that only neurotypicals can be affected by social influence OR that us other mentally ill people aren’t as good/pure/unprejudiced/”I don’t see color”/other bullshit as you think you are. You have these issues too. You know what mental illness and these things combined means? We have to work even HARDER. We have to fight our own depression, our own anxieties, the atypical ways our brains work in order to examine and improve our behavior and thought processes. The mentally ill are not magical. We are not immune to the world around us. The mentally ill are not automatically innocent and pure and child-like in their views of the world.
If you are involved with ANYTHING to do with society (and yes sitting at home on the internet still counts, all those oh-so-fun -isms exist online too, it’s not just ~the media~ or religion or whatever you’re pointing fingers to and saying “I’m not involved with THAT (ie not that religion, don’t watch TV, etc) so I don’t get those social messages every day” YES YOU DO. WE ALL DO.
Stop acting like your added difficulty in examining things like this means you don’t HAVE to because you’re not guilty of it. We all are. I’m sorry but we are. And you’re not endearing yourself to anyone when some one discusses sexism/racism/homophobia/etc and you talk about how your brain just “doesn’t work that way” and imply that you shouldn’t be considered “part of the problem” or something.
Mental illness makes personal growth a pain in the ass, it really does. It does not mean you’re “above” it. We aren’t.
Every day I check your blog you're blogging about a new show. #lifegoals
Hahahahahahahahahaha don’t call me out like that ohmygod.
But yeah, it’s mostly because I’m on a break from uni + there’s a cyclone going on here; I literally have nothing else to do. Also I watch shows really quickly? I skip pass all the boring bits and sometimes really only actually pay attention to the plots I’m into. And most of the shows I’ve been going through are kdramas that only have about 16 eps to them, so it goes by really quickly? :)
I’ve had Cognac for a few months now and I just want to talk about how much he’s helped me since I got him.
I have a chronic illness, and the past few years have been very hard to deal with. I have a very rare kidney disease called LPHS that came from severe organ trauma, and there isn’t any treatment for it. Nearly every day I deal with a constant fever, vomiting, blood in my urine, and intense back pain.
I’ve had to give up a lot of things because I got sick. I was forced to quit the military, drop out of school, and I was fired from several different jobs because I was sick so often. I’m doing better than I was when I was first diagnosed, but I still have a lot of issues to deal with.
I wanted a pet because I thought it might help somehow, and he really truly has. I can’t even say how much happier I am now because of Cognac.
It’s true that he’s not an easy pet to love, but that’s exactly what I needed. Hedgehogs obviously aren’t cuddly by nature, but slowly getting him to trust me has been the most rewarding experience I’ve ever had with an animal. He went from a hissing spikeball that regularly tried to stab me to the sweetest and most relaxed pet I’ve ever seen.
I spend hours with him every day. We watch tv, play video games, and read books while he cuddles on my chest. He’s there for me as a companion, but he’s also given me a lot of motivation when I’m in pain. I have trouble just cleaning my room, but I never hesitate when I have to clean out his enclosure or give him a bath. I struggled to get up for my doctor’s appointments, but when Cognac got sick I went to the vet even though it was the worst pain I’d been in all year. I gave up sewing years ago, but I’m getting back into it just so that I can make things for him.
Cognac gets me to do things for him that I could barely even do for myself. He’s the greatest thing to happen to me in a very long time, and I love him so much.
Hey! I’m doing a project for my university course on autism awareness! what advice would you give to parents of babies/ children who may have autism and are finding it hard? :)
The same advice I’d give to friends, family, and carers of autistic adults that are finding it hard.
Remember there is a reason.
There is a reason I’m jumping up and down. There is a reason I’m squealing in a high pitch that is making your head hurt. There is a reason I am waving my arms like wings. There is a reason I am flapping my hands like fans. There is a reason I am banging my head on my monitor. There is a reason I didn’t go into the bathroom when my body had to do its thing. There is a reason I am hiding behind you in the store. There is a reason I am hiding from you in the store. There is a reason I am running away from you in the store. There is a reason I am running toward you in the store. There is a reason you can’t change the TV show I watch every day. There is a reason you can’t take my favorite pillow even though it smells like six week old sweat. There is a reason you can’t get shoes on my feet. There is a reason you can’t get the shoes off my feet.
There is a reason.
Just like “NORMAL” people, there is a reason for our reactions and behaviors.
Your job as a carer is to find out what it is. Listen, watch, ask, and learn.
When I am jumping up and down and squealing and giggling, instead of trying to shush me and apologizing to the people around for the way I’m acting, look at where I’m looking/pointing. There is a reason.
When I am covering my eyes and crying and yelling incoherently, check the lights. Give me something to look at that is not what is currently in front of my face. Then ask what was bothering me. There is a reason.
When I am covering my ears and singing loudly in some chanting fashion, check the sounds in the area. Move me away from sirens, jackhammers, honking car horns, screaming people, etc. If those are not present, listen for softer sounds - humming, pencil tapping, whistling, low-level rumbling from cars outside. There is a reason.
When I run to/from people, ignoring traffic, obstacles, and safety, keep me safe. Then ask. There is a reason.
Just because YOU do not see a reason to act the way I do does not mean there isn’t one, it only means you aren’t me.
I was going to write something about how I watched every
televised Ali fight with my Dad, back in the day. About how he was like no
other fighter before him or after him. I was going to tell you to watch the
legendary interviews with Howard Cosell. About how they are a Master Class in a
type of humor that is uniquely American. I was going to say that he was one of
my earliest heroes and that his politics helped inform my politics. But I’m
grieving. Because a man that helped bring a boy and dad closer together is
gone. Thank you, Champ.
I’ve read a lot of negative reviews with regards to the reboot Fuller House.
I don’t know about you, but every day after school I would come home,
throw my backpack down and turn on channel 12. To be fair it was the
only channel we got. BUT, it had Full House, Saved By The Bell, and an
array of other wonderful (and often trashy) 90s TV. I watched it every
single day. In more ways then I ever imagined this show hits close to
home today then it ever did as a child. I simply love it.
So lets recap a little since they went off TV, now that 29 years have
passed and everyone has grown up. The first episode was all about
reintroducing the gang.
DJ’s husband was a fire fighter who passed away on the job, leaving
DJ with their three sons. Stephanie (aka DJ Tanner) is a DJ, and
traveling goddess. Danny and Rebeca are hosting a morning show in LA, I
don’t remember what Jesse is doing… but the twins are in collage. Joey
is in Las Vegas doing 10 shows a week. Steve is a divorced podiatrist
and still every bit in love with DJ. Kimmy is also divorced, (or will be
soonish?) a party planner and has a daughter of her own.
Everyone is moving on and DJ is staying in San Fran with her babes.
When the gang over hears her crying upstairs with Tommy, her youngest,
on the baby monitor EVERYONE offers to stay and help. Family. Stephanie
tells them no, that it’s her turn to step up and Kimmy offers her help
too. By the end of the episode, I had happy tears of nostalgia and love.
There were a couple of great moments, such as when Stephanie asked
where Michelle was and Danny says, “She’s in New York too busy with her
fashion empire, but she says hi.” Every cast member stairs into the
screen for a long moment giving the live audience and myself a good
laugh. Or when DJ’s middle child says, “I already know the bad words,
dumb, booger, and Donald Trump.”
The thing is, yes it might be a bit unrealistic, but the show pokes
fun at that. Everyone went on to do big things and honestly we want
nothing less from them. Sure it’s probably a bit unlikely but who
cares?! I don’t, I love that at the end of the day everyone did well for
themselves. There is something so American about dreaming big.
Television shows like Full House taught morels, talked about real family
issues, and at the end of it all, they were there for each other.
Basically, say what you want, I loved it.