((Sudden inspiration while watching videos. Tyvan, anyone?))
“Future googling man, am I ever going to get married?”
A joke. It was just a joke. Evan didn’t know what he was saying. He didn’t know what kind of heartache he was putting him through by asking such a simple question. After all, Evan was from the past; he didn’t have the knowledge that he had, or the memories he was plagued with as this Evan had yet to make them.
This wasn’t his Evan, and he needed to accept that. This Evan was meant for the Tyler of this timeline; a Tyler neither of them had yet to meet, and a Tyler he couldn’t personally know without breaking the space time continuum. Evan couldn’t possibly know what was going to happen to him, or the sad reality that the answer to his silly question was. He was merely making a joke; a dumb light hearted joke that was never meant to hit him like a knife to the chest, paired with an easy smile that only twisted it. He was just trying to tease him.
But it hurt, it hurt so very much. It hurt to know that this Evan was so blissfully unaware of the horror that he was going to put him through. It hurt to know that in a few short weeks after Tyler had long returned to the future, Evan was going to meet the him from this timeline in a crowded bar, and fall hopelessly in love.
It hurt to know that they were going to share their first kiss against the passenger seat door of his car outside Evan’s apartment building, and it hurt to know that he would invite him to move in with him but a few months later. It pained him to remember the long nights spent playing video games and laughing over pointless inside jokes; the nights when they drunkenly stumbled home from their dates hand in hand as they were much too tipsy to drive; the nights spent stealing kisses beneath the covers as fingers traced over ribs and toes brushed against shins.
This Evan had never experienced that, not yet. This Evan never gave him his heart in the form of a shiny silver ring and a promise to love him until death did them part. This wasn’t the Evan he was engaged to. This wasn’t the Evan that he fell so deeply in love with.
This wasn’t the Evan that he left for dead.
His Evan was long gone, and long devoured by undead that had yet to rise from the soil they were buried in. His Evan had screamed for help and called out his name so desperately, even after it was clear that Tyler wasn’t going to return for him and was choosing to save his own life instead. He had lost his Evan all because he was selfish, and now this Evan, this sweet innocent Evan with bright eyes and a hope for the future, was going to suffer the same fate.
He wanted to warn him but he couldn’t. He wanted to hunt down the Tyler from this timeline and warn him of the mistake they would regret for years to come if he chose to be selfish, but he couldn’t. If he influenced the past, then he’d mess up the future, and as he much as he wanted to alter the course of time and try to bring his own Evan back, he couldn’t. The only reason the apocalypse happened to begin with was because he fucked with time travel, and now he couldn’t fuck with it further out of fear of making things even worse. He missed his Evan, and he wanted to protect this one from himself, but he couldn’t. He just couldn’t. He was already playing a dangerous game just by talking to him, and he couldn’t risk making things even worse.
His Evan was gone and he needed to accept that. Karma had ripped his Evan away and he didn’t deserve to miss him, but he felt a hollow ache in his chest regardless, and regret ate away at his insides as he silently wished this Evan had asked him something else. He didn’t need the reminder that he could have married him, if only he had tried to save him. He thought about that enough as it was.
Playing with the silver band tightly wrapped around his ring finger, Tyler finally gave him an answer. “No, you’re going to die alone,” he said bluntly, and Evan laughed, mistaking it for a joke, and the sound echoed and rattled around in the empty hole inside his chest.
Lemme make this clear: I am open to many different Sauron/Melkor dynamics (how/when they got together, who initiates, how they act towards each other, even their personalities although I think there’s common traits we don’t seem to disagree on that much) because there are so many cool variations within the fandom. I’ll say right now though that I really don’t go for any sort of dom/sub or bdsm thing, I find it just unappealing and unrealistic; “how can you say that? it’s already set up in the whole ‘master and servant’ hierarchy!” cause I think psychologically there should and would be a big difference in how they treat others that they view less than themselves -aka torturing prisoners and giving orcs the whip- and how they treat each other, whom they (should) see as equals. I mean, come on, you really think Sauron would ever really be submissive? it’s Sauron, guys. with a threatening raise of the eyebrow Melkor would already be taking a few steps backwards. I feel like this is a thing common with villain ships, and it really shouldn’t be, ok? Just cause they’re baddies doesn’t mean they treat each other the same way they treat the people they don’t like. It’s for that reason that they wouldn’t. They think themselves above the lesser beings that they abuse for amusement. A divide in their mind, if you will, between work life and domestic life.
anyway. sorry. had to say that. you ship it the way you want, i’m just saying my preferences.
what I was starting to get at was, here’s how I ship them, my own personal headcanons, if you’re ever interested…
I’m really sorry for anyone who likes this blog, and I really wasn’t planning on ever actually deleting this blog, but it’s gotten to the point were it’s really taking over my life a lot. I spend way too many hours a day on tumblr, and it’s been distracting me from my actual life. I want to spend more time on my work, and more time developing relationships with people around me, and at this point the only way I can see being able to do that is removing this as a distraction.
This is making me really sad too, and hopefully I can make a new blog sometime and rejoin the tumblr fandom. If anyone wants to still keep in touch with me you can follow me on twitter or follow my main blog.
I love all you guys, and it’s been really fun! I’ll reblog this a few more times over the course of the day.
so it’s been about two weeks since i officially finished revamping my blog. i’m amazed at how many of you followed me over to my new blog. i have about a fourth of the followers i had on the other, but it makes me secure in the knowledge that all of you are still actively interested in having me on your dashboards. i’m floored by all of you, so here’s a little shoutout to all of you who have taken the time to talk to me, to write with me, or what have you! none of it goes unnoticed, and i thank you all so much. whether you’re a new follower or you’ve been following me since i first made this blog, it’s an honor to have you by my side as brienne continues to develop. –––– i look forward to another wonderful year with all of you! ** this is in alphabetical order and is not meant to upset anyone.
this is my best friend.
my actual, irl best friend who i enabled to make a podrick payne account way back in like. february or sometime. she ended up doing it, and then everything just kinda fell apart from there. it’s been a good 8 years of knowing you or whatever. here’s to another 50 more!
this people have been with me for a long, long time lmao. honestly, i can’t even imagine my blog at a time before i started talking to you regularly. it’s been so many months i can’t even remember anymore, but thanks for sticking with me. and making brienne’s life a living hell, you know.
to those who are my closest allies and best friends.
these are the people who talk to me on skype / various platforms every day or write with frequently and make my life the best. some of you have even gone so far as to follow me across multiple blogs. have no fear: brienne is my end goal. much love to you!
these are the people who i certainly haven’t spoken with / written with enough, or at all. that’s something i definitely would love to change –––– i’d like to write with all of you more please please please. xox thank you for following me over to this blog. i love all of you.(:
Although things can be easily muddled
and forgotten when a show goes on as long as this one has, the great thing
is the episodes are still out there on DVDs and streaming services to
rewatch when you get confused! Take season six, for example …
If perhaps you didn’t notice Cas
suggests it’s an interesting philosophical question
whether Sam is even Sam without his soul, and yet he figures it’s a better plan to
leave said soul in hell to be eternally tortured in perpetuity
because, eh, he’s already damaged? Mainly to preserve the bit of Sam walking around topside, even after realizing he has about as much conscience as the monsters and is a danger to everyone around him? DVDs!
If say, you are somehow under the
impression Cas didn’t pointedly decide not to ask the Winchesters for
help and then avoid all their questions about what was going on with
him and heaven by either disappearing or lying through his vessel’s
teeth? If you missed that as soon as they knew it was going
badly (because Crowley brought
it up) Dean offered any help they could give and was turned down
If it inexplicably went over your head that Cas’ attempt to
avert a second apocalypse by himself caused the equivalent of a third one to arrive on
the horizon? After killing two of his closest allies for doubting his reckless plan? After breaking the sanity of a third and holding a potential fix hostage against
trying to stop said plan? With a bonus spree of mass murder of both humans and
angels of his very own before unleashing the Leviathan? DVDs!
If all you can remember of that
conversation between Dean and Cas is Cas saying “I always come when
you call” and not that it’s done as a dishonest guilt trip exactly
one episode after we see Cas pointedly deciding not to come when
called? In the same season Dean directly says he spent days calling
Cas for help with no response about potentially homicidal soulless!Sam? DVDs!
If it’s as unfathomable to you as it was to Cas why the Winchesters won’t just trust him like he “deserves”? Every single lie he told and pointed evasion he made in the impressively long string that was just about every conversation they had in season six is helpfully preserved on those DVDs for you to watch over again and buy a clue!