i was working on this coloring for more than 2 hours

Random joke magic items

Here’s a list of random joke items to use for fun in your campaign. I’d recommend adding them to treasure hoards rather than subbing normal items for them.
Anyway here they are:

1. Ace of Spades - An ace of spades from a standard card deck. No matter where you store it on your body, you will always be able to find it in your right sleeve afterwards.

2. Amulet of Extra Amulet Slot - This amulet allows you to gain the benefit from two magical amulets rather than one. It cannot be further enchanted.

3. Amulet of Feather Fall - When worn, this amulet turns into a feather and falls to the ground.

4. Amulet of Unbreaking Bones - Con-man says you can’t break any bones. Really, he means other’s bones. -100% damage against skeletons.

5. Amulet of weather detection - yells that it is or is not raining.

6. Anti-Matches - A box of matches. Striking one will make it begin to drip water from the tip while the match shrivels away. The amount of water a match releases is about enough to fill a tablespoon.

7. Arrow of Euarere - A silver arrow, suspended on a string. It always points to the person holding the string.

8. Arrow of Slaying, The - This magical arrow is capable of killing a creature.

9. Artist’s Bludgeon, The - Inanimate objects hit with this bludgeon will receive no damage; they will however change color.

10. Attentive Guardsman’s Pike - These ornate and deadly-looking ceremonial pikes are reach weapons and appear to weigh at least 20 lbs, not counting the weight of the fluttering banners that can be unfurled for parade use. Constructed of shadowstuff, they weigh one pound, and inflict only a single point of damage on an attack, being almost entirely for show, although they also have the unique property of remaining in place when set (although unable to support more than 20 lbs), allowing a ‘resting his eyes’ guardsman to prop it up and leave it standing under its own power, while his hand sags off of it.

11. Attentive Guardsman’s Tabard - A dozen of these tabards were fashioned for palace guardsmen in the Empire of Sard, 250 miles from the nearest enemy. The bearer is placed under a glamour that causes him to appear alert and awake, even if his eyes are closed and he is snoring lightly.

12. Axe of Big Numbers - This axe shouts “Big numbers baby, come on!” whenever it is swung, but always deals 1 damage or less.

13. Axe of Empathy - Every time you hit something with this +5 greataxe, you get dealt an equal amount of damage. Both you and the thing you hit are then healed the amount of damage dealt by the axe, even if either are dead. The Axe hopes you have learned your lesson.

14. Axe of Pain - The axe is always moaning and groaning with pain.

15. Bag of Faerie Gold - This sack appears to be full of gold coins and jewels. When one attempts to spend them, however, the glamour on them soon vanishes, revealing them to be nothing but leaves and pebbles. Obviously, most shopkeepers will not be happy about this, and no amount of ‘we didn’t know, I swear!’ will change their mind.

16. Bag of Holding - This item functions as a normal backpack, however when attempting to retrieve an item, a calm female voice tells them there is a wait time of 4d10 minutes before they can retrieve their item (actual time is stated time plus 6d6 additional minutes). During this wait, the bag plays either annoying muzak or advertisements for the bag’s creator’s other products/services. Upon attempting to retrieve an item, there is a chance that the wrong item is retrieved, or that the intended item is simply missing. Obtaining the original item requires an additional 4d10+6d6 minutes and has only a 5% chance of success.

17. Bag of Trading - You can take one thing out of the bag for each object you put in the bag. However, you have no control over what you get, and there are no trade-backs. Past research seems to imply there’s some sort of correlation to what gets you what, but it’s extremely convoluted and far from understood.

18. Bag of Trick - This bag operates like a Bag of Tricks, except it only works once a week and produces a rat each time it is used.

19. Bag of Unholding - Quite a large backpack but even the smallest item doesn’t fit.

20. Bagpipe of Stealth - Grants the user invisibility as long as it is being played.

21. Ball of Eyes - A snow-globe filled with miniature eyeballs. When shaken, it grants the user a blurry, jittery vision of some future event.

22. Banana Walkie-Talkies - There exist two, and only two, of these items in the world. One of which is possessed by a cranky and lonely half-orc. It appears to be an innocuous wooden banana with a coat of faded yellow paint. When an end (doesn’t matter which one) is placed against your ear, you can hear a ringing followed by a click and a half-orc yelling at you for waking him up at this ungodly hour. If you drop the banana or “hang up,” the call ends. If you stay and listen, the half-orc will yell at you, call out obscenities, and start going on about his daily problems and mishaps in his love life. Every so often (2% chance/day), the banana will ring while you are sleeping and the half-orc will want to talk to you about his problems.

23. Barrel of Holding - This large wooden barrel measuring √(12/π) feet in diameter and 5 feet in height can hold up to 15 cubic feet of matter.

24. Beam Sword of Severed Nerves - A beam sword. It cannot cut anything but nerve strings. Will pass through any other material leaving no harm.

25. Belt of Pants - This belt creates illusory pants on the wearer. The wearer can suppress the illusion at will

26. Belt of Tightening - Every time you put this belt on, all of your clothes permanently shrink a fraction of a millimeter. The effect is compound.

27. Belt of Unbathed Breath - When worn around the waist, allows the user to breathe underwater. Does not function when wet.

28. Boogie Skeleton - This pile of bones is small, such as one that might be obtained from a bird or a toad, though it can look as though it came from any creature. When a song is sung or played in the vicinity of the skeleton, it begins to dance appropriately. As soon as the music stops, it collapses into the pile of bones again. The skeleton, when dancing, can be no larger than Diminutive.

29. Book of Canon - A book that automatically transforms into a copy of the sacred text of any religion, translated into the language the user is most familiar with.

30. Book of Confusion - The letters in this book always appear to be upside down, even if viewed from different directions at the same time. The book is a bad novel about zombies.

31. Book of Curses - When opened, the book verbally berates anyone in the immediate vicinity, calling into question their combat ability, intellect, personal hygiene, lineage and profession of their mothers, and other delightful insults. Once closed the book continues shouting (although it is muffled) until placed inside a bag or some other similar container for 1d4+1 minutes and ignored. Replying to the book in any other way causes the insults to get louder and more childish the more time you spend replying to it.

32. Book of Exalted Deeds - Contains a listing of some of the finest houses ever sold and the specifics of the titles to the properties.

33. Boots of Blinding Speed - The wearer’s speed is doubled, and they are blinded.

34. Boots of Levitation - These boots levitate a few inches off the ground when not worn.

35. Boots of Stylishness - Knee high black boots that are always clean and shiny. They never take in water, thus feet are always dry.

36. Boots of Teleportation - Allows the player to teleport wherever they like, but don’t carry the wearer with them when activated; the boots teleport just fine, though.

37. Boots of Walking - The wearer of the boots cannot run, nor can he take a double move action, and takes a -5 to Tumble checks. These boots are made for walkin’, and that’s just what they’ll do.

38. Bottle of Air - It’s a bottle. Full of air. Congratulations.

39. Bottomless Beer Mug - Any liquid poured into this mug treats the bottom as incorporeal, but solid objects don’t.

40. Bowl of Comfortable Warmth - Any liquid in the bowl will feel comfortably warm, so icy cold water will feel like it’s a bit over room temperature. Do note, however, that it’s still icy cold water, it just feels warmer.

50. Breastplate of Secret Detection - If the wearer of this breastplate gains a piece of information that is somehow connected to the concealment of a hidden conspiracy or plot, a live and still wet red herring forms on the inside of the armor.

51. Bullying Gloves - At random intervals, these gloves instil the wearer with a near-irresistible urge to hit themselves.

52. Bunyan’s Belt - When worn, causes an enormous, bushy black beard to appear on the wearer’s face.

53. Cape of Resistance - When this item is placed on any living thing it somehow manages to fall off, untie itself, slip past the owner’s neck entirely, or otherwise avoid being worn.

54. Case of the Litigator - Translates any document placed in the case into legal jargon; non-reversible. Does not confer the ability to understand legal jargon.

55. Cat of Schrodinger - When this cat is not being observed in any way it is both dead and alive. When something observes it, it suddenly becomes either dead or alive with a 50% chance of either.

56. Chair of Steadiness - This chair can be moved but cannot be tipped over by anything less than a DC 35 Strength check.

57. Charles - This small, unremarkable figurine of a gnome refuses to be called anything but Charles. No other name will leave the lips of the speaker. It has no other powers.

58. Chime of Interruption - This instrument can be struck once every round, which takes a standard action. On any round the chime is activated the user may ready one action without spending an action to do so.

59. Chime of Opening - Commonly affixed to or near doors, when pressed it emits a sound on the interior of the owner’s home to let them know guests have arrived.

60. Chime of Opening (Alternate) - When struck against a solid surface, this chime emits a loud click, and opens along its length, to reveal a tiny compartment adequate to conceal a single 'smoke’ worth of pipeweed or a blowgun needle. When the compartment is closed, it is seamless and can be detected only with a DC 20 Search check. If hit with an instrument such as a small mallet, it chimes.

61. Cloak of Billowing - This black and silver cloak will always billow dramatically behind the wearer, it has no other effects.

62. Cloak of Displacement, Minor - This item appears to be a normal cloak, but when worn by a character its magical properties distort and warp reality. When any attack is made against the wearer the cloak has a 20% chance of falling off, no matter how it is secured.

63. Compacting hammer - The force imparted by it is multiplied, but is spread around the surface of a struck object facing inward.

64. Cymbal of Symbols - This musical instrument enables the user to comprehend dead languages, but only while they are deafened by noise.

65. Dagger of Told Secrets - A simple-looking dagger. If used to backstab someone to death, it will whisper your most embarrassing secret to that person.

66. Dagger of unnatural sharpness - The blade is exceptionally sharp to your touch. It confers no combat bonuses but can be used as a normal dagger for fighting or crafting, but the user seems to always cut himself in minor ways when using it.

67. Dagger of Untold Secrets - A simple looking dagger. If used to backstab someone to death, it will whisper the most embarrassing secret of that person to you.

68. Decanter of Endless Sorrow - A pewter flask that produces limitless alcohol when held to their lips by someone who is troubled. It gets them drunk but they never feel any better.

69. Diadem of Brothaurity - When wearing this headpiece, you are as elegant and well-spoken as a famous diplomat or regent, but you can’t stop calling everyone bro.

70. Enchanted Book of Collected Stories - Opening this will cause miniature creatures/people to pour out and perform a chapter from the book much like a theater.

71. Focusing Ring - The digit on which this ring is worn can be viewed in extremely high definition from a great distance.

72. Gloves of Tinkering - Wearing the gloves will make you able to almost repair any broken item. However, you will always end up with pieces from the item that don’t seem to fit anywhere.

73. Glowing sword of orc detection - When it gets orc blood on it the sword glows.

74. Good Luck ring - Gives your enemies good luck!

75. Greater Staff of Random Summoning - Summons a random creature at a random place. You could be summoning a giant Ogre on the other side of the globe for all you know.

76. Helm of Awareness, The - The wearer is acutely aware of the fact that they are wearing this helmet and that it has a magical effect. - All you need to do to make this work as a DM is frequently remind the player that the helm is magical while they are wearing it but be evasive about exactly what it does.

77. Hoarder’s Wand - Does nothing but for some reason you think it might be important later in your quest.

78. Hood of Offensive Facades - This hood will change your identity in the eyes of others to the appearance of the person they most personally dislike.

79. Hood Of Worrisome Facades - This hood will change your identity in the eyes of others, however the identity used will be random.

80. Indestructible Notebook of Memories - This otherwise normal notepad of normal notepad size cannot be damaged or destroyed, and anything written in it cannot be obscured or defaced. It also has unlimited pages despite its finite size. However, the data it holds only lasts as long as the writer independently remembers it, and decays in exact proportion to the relevant memories. Remember who and when, but not where? Then the words describing the location in that particular entry are the only ones gone.

81. Intransigent Rod - When the button on this artifact is pressed in, the holder’s opinions solidify and they become impossible to convince.

82. Key to anywhere - opens any door into a closet with a water bucket that falls and hits the player’s head. Inside this closet is the treasure of true adventurers. If opened with a key, it opens a closet…

83. Lunch Box of Delicious Unfulfillment - This lunch box will hold whatever food you desire. However you will never get full and the food will deliver no nourishment.

84. Mask of Concealment - Hides the wearer’s face and conceals everything from them by blocking their eyes! Bonus points for requiring a strength check or a time limit to expire to be removed.

85. Mattress of Poverty, The - No matter how you fluff this gorgeous, thick, mattress, you will always sleep on the thin part of it.

86. Mug O’ Dissatisfaction - A mug that always produces a steaming hot cup of coffee or tea when tapped on the bottom. It conjures the opposite of what the tapper prefers, so if you like tea you get coffee and vice versa. Handing the full mug to another person will make the drink in it transform to the opposite of that person’s preferences.

87. Murder Dagger - All damage it would deal is instead replaced by the target being harassed by crows for that many hours.

88. Needle Of Learned Compromise - This needle will create beautiful tattoos of any design, however they hurt a tiny bit more. When used to sew it is entirely normal.

89. Portable Dark Tavern Corner - Consisting of two wooden boards connected by a hinge, this artifact draws those nearby into assuming it is a perfect spot to conduct seedy business.

90. Potion of fire breathing - For the length of time that the potion is in effect, every breath out is on fire, whether you want it to be or not.

91. Potion of Quelchment - Cures thirst when consumed

92. Ring of Fire Detection - becomes warm when placed into Fire.

93. Ring of First Impression - Wearing the ring will make you able to perform a perfect handshake with the hand wearing it.

94. Ring of Stoneskin - Turns your skin, muscles, and organs into stone! Character is now a stationary statue. Can’t be reversed until someone takes the ring off.

95. Rope of Entanglement - Becomes entangled when left in a pack

96. Sack of Hive Eggs - Crushing one of the numerous tiny eggs will cause the thoughts of everybody in the proximity to merge. Everybody can hear what you think and you can hear everybody.

97. Shirt of fire protection - this shirt is sopping wet.

98. Shoes of the Restless Traveler - These shoes allow their user to run for miles without feeling fatigue, but if they try to do anything else with it (walk, sit down, jump), they will instantly trip

99. Sword of Parrying - Parries every attack, swinging it yourself will force it to “parry” your opponent’s weapon/attack even though he/she/it is defenseless.

100. Torch of Night Vision - grants bearer Night Vision while lit.

101. Vorpal Grindstone - It can “sharpen” any object to become vorpal. Any object.

102. Wand of command - Lets your character be controlled after saying the command word!

103. Wand of Create Wand of Create Wand - Creates a Wand of Create Wand. Consumes original Wand.

104. Wand of Pigeon Summoning - summons 1d20 pigeons everyday. On a 20 it breaks and summons a giant pigeon god (can be the size of Godzilla or like 5 pigeons.) Giant pigeon god should be in the mid 20s for CR, but is uninterested in attacking, and will simply fly away when summoned.

105. Water Hat, The - A small red hat, when worn, causes water to pour from the wearer’s fingers at the speed and pressure of a kitchen faucet at half power.

106. Wineskin of the Eternal Primary - This wineskin never runs out of water, but even the tiniest sip makes you have to go potty, like, super bad. Right now.

Fun animal facts I have learned being a zoo docent

1. There are several ways to classify the large cats, one of the more useful ones is into the roaring cats (tigers, lions) and the purring cats (bobcats, lynxes). The puma (also known as the mountain lion) is the largest cat that purrs. I’ve heard it up close, it’s amazing. A cheetah’s purr sounds like an idling motorcycle engine.

2. Kangaroos cannot move their legs independently of each other, they have to move them in sync - when they’re on land. When they’re swimming, they can move them separately. Hopping is their most efficient way to move - a walking kangaroo is awkward as hell. They swing both legs forward using their tail as a third leg to prop up while their legs swing.

3. People often think that flamingoes’ knees bend the wrong way. They don’t - the joint you’re seeing in the middle of their leg isn’t their knee, it’s their ankle. Their knee is up by their body, and it bends the same way ours does.

4. Giraffes only sleep 1-2 hours a day.

5. Bald eagles’ vocalizations are not what you expect. When you see a flying bald eagle in the movies and hear that majestic caw sound? That isn’t an eagle, it’s been dubbed over with another bird, usually a red-tailed hawk. Bald eagles actually sound…not majestic. Kind of like if a kitten could be a bird.

6. Elephants are one of only a handful of animals that can pass the mirror test - in other words, they can recognize their own reflection (and not think it’s another animal, as dogs and cats usually do). They tested this by placing a chalk mark on an elephant’s forehead and then showing it a mirror. The elephant investigated the mark on its own forehead, indicating it knew that it was looking at itself.  The only animals that pass this test are the higher primates, the higher cetaceans (orcas, dolphines), elephants, and weirdly, magpies.

7. One-fifth of all the known mammal species are bats.

8. A kangaroo mother can have three joeys simultaneously at different stages of development: an embryo in her womb (kangaroos can do what’s called embryonic diapause which means sort of putting the development on pause until she’s ready for it to develop further), a joey in her pouch attached to one nipple, and a joey out of the pouch on the ground who nurses from the other one. The amazing thing? Each of her nipples make different formulations of milk for each joey’s different nutritional needs.

9. Bonobos, our closest genetic relative (they are more closely related to us than they are to either chimps or gorillas) are almost entirely non-aggressive, matriarchal, and use sex to solve all their problems. They engage in both same and opposite sex interactions, non-penetrative sex (oral, rubbing, manual) and with any age. That’s an interesting area to work in, lemme tell you.

10. Tortoises have super loud sex. Like, really loud.

11. All grizzlies are brown bears, but not all brown bears are grizzlies (grizzlies are a sub-categorization of the brown bear).

12. Reindeer are the only deer species where both males and females grow antlers. The males shed theirs the beginning of December, the females shed theirs in the spring. So all of Santa’s reindeer are girls, heh. I love telling little kids that.

13. If a rhinoceros knocks off its horn, it grows back faster than you’d expect. One of ours, Rosie, has knocked hers off twice.

14. Gorillas get crushes on each other. And on the humans that take care of them. Male gorillas also masturbate. I don’t know if the females do, I’ve never seen it. Sometimes it’s like a soap opera up in there.

15. Langur monkeys are silvery-gray in color - their babies are bright orange. Like Cheeto orange, I do not exaggerate.

16. Polar bear fur is not white, it’s transparent, like fiber optics. Also, their skin is black.

december 31st, 2015, 10:23 pm: i saw you for the first time. you were talking to a girl and i could tell that you were capturing her with every syllable that left your mouth. and i knew why: you were beautiful and bright, and i was drawn to you even then, like the planets are drawn to the sun.

december 31st, 2015, 11:58 pm: we met standing in line for the bathroom. you introduced yourself, and asked for my name, smiling when i gave it. “lovely,” you murmured, and repeated it a few more times, rolling the letters around in your mouth like a new food.

january 1st, 2016, 12:05 am: i could still feel you on me, your lips, minutes, hours, months later. the clock had struck midnight and you just grabbed me, didn’t ask if it was okay until it was over. you were laughing, brushing it off, all teeth and well-kissed lips, but i knew i saw you blushing. 

january 21st, 2016, 1:12 pm: you got my number through the mutual friend that threw the party. i still don’t know how you got my address. i didn’t remember telling you. you couldn’t tell me, either.

february 14th, 2016, 9:12 pm: you took me out to dinner and bought me chocolate and roses. it was all so cliche, and i loved every second of it. when you kissed me good night, i swore i could feel the rest of my life, pressed right up against my lips.

february 26th, 2016, 11:33 pm: we made it official. i remember how you asked me, how shy you got, like you didn’t know what the answer would be.

march 17th, 2016, 5:43 pm: we spent the day at the saint patrick’s day parade, and you filled yourself with beer and kissed me hard against the bar bathroom door. i drove you home and that was the first time you told me you loved me.

march 18th, 2016, 9:24 am: you called me and told me you loved me again. “i want to make sure that you know i still mean it when i’m sober,” you said.

march 24th, 2016, 1:09 pm: i met your parents at easter brunch. you had demanded i come with you, and i was glad i did. your mother was kind and beautiful, and your father was warm and handsome, just like i knew they’d be. after we’d eaten, your mother got me alone. “he’s never brought a girl home before,” she told me, “normally he isn’t very open about who he’s dating. but you, you’re different. don’t read into this, but i think he may really think you’re special.”

april 12th, 2016, 8:31 pm: you saw me naked for the first time, and you kissed every inch of my skin. i’d never felt that much love from anybody before that night, and i haven’t since. not even you could replicate those few hours.

may 5th, 2016, 4:57 pm: we fought for the first time. i ran into my ex at the grocery store and wanted to chat for a few minutes. you didn’t. when we got in the car, you told me that if i was still in love with somebody else i could just leave, and i told you that you should trust me and not be so insecure about our relationship. we screamed the whole way home and you slammed the car door when i dropped you off. i almost crashed three times on the drive home.

may 6th, 2016, 8:03 am: you came by with flowers and breakfast. “I’m sorry,” you told me, “you just mean so much to me, and the thought of you ever being anyone else’s makes me sick.” i smiled, “but you don’t have to worry about that now. i’m yours.”

june 16th, 2016, 10:51 pm: for my birthday you took me out to dinner and gave me a beautiful necklace with a silver chain and pearl pendant. we drank expensive wine and stumbled back to my place and fucked. i had never been fucked before, not like this. i woke up the next morning with bite marks on my neck and hickeys all the way down my stomach, but you were gone. “had to run,” you’d written on a post it note, “i love you.”

june 18th, 2016, 2: 41 pm: i hadn’t seen you since my birthday and you weren’t picking up when i’d call.

june 19th, 2016, 3:13 am: “ had to run,” the post it note had said. maybe you were running from me. i couldn’t tell if it was the 3 am darkness talking or the part of me that already knew.

july 1st, 2016, 4:01 am: i looked over at you, sleeping in the darkness beside me. when we were together, things felt perfectly normal. but now, i could feel the shifts. “are we falling apart?” i whispered to you, and although i hadn’t expected an answer, the silence broke my heart all the same.

july 4th, 2016, 6:47 pm: we were at a barbecue and i saw you across the crowd, talking to a girl. i saw the way she was drinking up every word that escaped from between your lips, and that’s when i knew. that’s when i knew you weren’t mine anymore.
july 21st, 2016, 7:08 pm: i brought it up to you. “i think we’re starting to grow apart,” i said, “there’s a distance between us that wasn’t here before.” you reassured me that it was all in my head, but i didn’t hear it in your voice. i didn’t see it in your eyes. you knew it was there, too, but unlike me, you weren’t trying to do anything to stop it.

august 10th, 2016, 11:37 pm: i lay awake and thought about what your mother said, all these months later. “don’t read into this.” but of course i did. i couldn’t help myself. fuck, i loved you so much.
august 15th, 2016, 1:12 pm: you invited me over and i discovered that the key you’d given me no longer worked. “i had the locks changed,” you said, “i’ll get you a new one.” it was a lie, and i knew it. you didn’t get me a new key.

september 8th, 2016, 2:00 pm: i caught you cheating. in a desperate attempt to revive the romance we’d had at the beginning of our relationship, i bought dinner and brought it to your place. when you finally opened the door, i saw it written all over your face; the way your eyes widened, the way your jaw dropped, the way your cheeks drained of color. i heard it in the stammer of your voice, the sharp intake of your breath, the grinding of your teeth. when the girl walked up behind you, half naked, asking who it was at the door, i already knew. “how could you?” i whispered, and you just opened and closed your mouth. the girl pieced it together and started screaming. she hadn’t known. i left the food at the doorstep.

september 10th, 2016, 1:49 am: you never called after that, never came by, never reached out, but it wasn’t like we’d needed to confirm anything. i knew it was over, but it took every ounce of willpower i had not to go back to your place and find out why, why everything.

september 27th, 2016, 6:20 pm: i kept finding myself huddled in a ball; in my bedroom, in my kitchen, in my shower. not crying, or yelling. just huddled, clutching my body close to myself, staring. still not understanding.

october 31st 2016, 9:01 pm: i spent halloween haunted by the ghost of you. your face was around every corner. i could still feel your touch trickling down my spine. that night, i lost it. the anger surged through the sadness and bubbled to the surface. i screamed until my throat was raw, screamed at nothing, about nothing, for no reason other than i was too full.

november 10th, 2016, 2:17 am: you called me when you were drunk and i answered. i listened to you ramble, vomiting up apology after apology. near the end, you told me you loved me. “call me tomorrow when you’re sober if you still love me,” i said.  you didn’t. 

november 25th, 2016, 7:15 pm: i went out on a date with somebody new. they didn’t pull me in like you did, but for a few hours, i forgot about you and i felt okay. i drank myself to sleep that night so i wouldn’t have to think about you. the next morning, the hangover hurt more than you did. it was a start.

december 24th, 2016, 8:12 pm: i was spending christmas with my family, and i was doing great until my aunt asked about you. i told her you cheated, but i was doing okay, and then i excused myself and threw up the appetizers into the toilet. i called you then, and when you picked up, i let out a sob. “you ruined me, you fuck,” i croaked, “and you can’t even apologize. not when you’re sober, at least.” there were a few seconds of silence, and then you hung up. i still hope that it ruined your christmas.

december 31st, 2016, 10:23 pm: i saw you for the first time in months across the crowd. it made me sick to know that even after all that had happened, you were still the most beautiful person in the room to me.

december 31st, 2016, 11:55 pm: you found me in the kitchen. “i wanted to tell you i’m sorry,” you yelled over the music, “and i miss you.” and in those final moments of the year, i thought about it. i thought about letting you back in. the countdown started, and you moved closer to me. and i.. i pushed you away. i turned away from you and said, “no. i can’t.” and i walked out of the room.

january 1st, 2017, 12:05 am: i have forgotten how you felt against me, your lips. and for the first time, i am finally okay with that.

—  a year in review -c.h. // instagram: @evanescent.love (via @poeticaffinity)
Study tips! - 2017

Hi guys! These are the tips that I have for now, the truth is that they work quite a bit at the time of studying and I hope they do the same for you.

1.      Make summaries and/or schemas:

I’m a girl more of summaries than schemes (concept maps, or mind maps), but any of these are good to analyze, understand and remember better what one is studying at the time. I know that many people, like me, have the problem to put what they were studied in either of these two methods, for example, I’m not very good with the schemes, therefore I support more on summaries and to make them as small as possible, carefully not to forget anything about what I am summarizing; This is why I want to advise you that no matter how difficult and complicated it seem any of these methods, try it. Eventually, you will handled the way to do it and you’ll not realize when you will be all experts.

2.      Uses colors:

Yes, I won’t deny it, I’m 100% a girl of colors. I feel incomplete, weird, as if something will miss me when my notes do not have color, at least highlight my titles, I need it, it’s something that is a part of me.

Careful! Use colors doesn’t mean that our notes are freshly come out from a fairy oven and it looks like a rainbow, no. Use them, but sparingly, as fair and necessary to put your notes look cute and you can difference the titles of the rest, or the term of its meaning… and of course the most important thing, that are organized and clean so that when it comes the time for studying, you can understand everything.

More than for aesthetics, I occupy the colors in order to have a more dynamic vision in my notebook, allowing me to better understand, memorize better and above all to find what I want more easily. However, I won’t deny that I also like to have my notes beautiful and colorful, I say, who don’t like to have their notes organized and beautiful? To nobody.

3.      Organize your time:

Sometimes when we sit at our study site we spend hours on the same subject, without advancing in others that also we have to study, so to avoid these types of mishaps that make our work to study more heavy, because it leaves all for after, we must organize our time of study. Some occupy the “bullet journal" method for studies, others, the timer. I used the timer until I met a wonderful applications that help you concentrate and at the same time, takes your time. For example, we have a well known application called “Forest” which is available for both IOS and Android, with the difference that in Android you can download the free version, which in IOS is not yet available, but there are other applications that are similar to “Forest” that are free, such as “Be Focused”, an application that also helps you manage your time , where you can save time and designate them for return to them whenever you want, you also have the option to have breaks. The only difference between “Forest” and “Be Focused” is that the first you have the option of listening to sound of fund for greater concentration, while the second handles you only the time, without the option of background music. These two earlier applications are part of many more that you can find both Android and IOS (if you want, later I will let a post with a list of applications to study that I personally find the best of them).

To organize your time, you must rely on what you are studying, because it all depends on the amount of content. For example, in biology is usually much content, concepts or terms to memorize and understand, so I left a full hour to study everything and make sure that I understood. If the content is very complicated, I can add a couple of more minutes, but without passing me in the hour and a half, because you have to keep in mind that there are more to study.

4.       Explains what you studied:

That’s right, explain in your own words what you studied. This may be by voice or video recorder, the idea is that once you’ve explained everything in your own words you can hear the audio, and ensure that you’ve understood all or at least the vast majority. So you will see your failings and strengthen your weaknesses., correct your mistakes and learn from them. Personally, I recorded my voice explaining the best that I can what I’ve understood, and if I’ve doubts about having it explained well or have covered all, I send the audio to my friends or classmates, that way I can have a second opinion and make sure I have done well.

5.       Record your classes if possible:

If you need to take notes in a class, but for various reasons, are a - b or c, you can’t be able to complete them, I recommend that you carefully get your cellphone and begin to record the class quietly, and when you will be already at home can play the audio and complete your notes without missing anything.

Although, to tell the truth, I recommend over talking to your classmates and ask for

permission from the Professor, and then record the class, both in audio as an image. If the teacher still not authorized it (because it’s supposed to record the classes within an establishment is not allowed), can get a little rebellious and record, put your cellphone somewhere in the room where it isn’t seen. Sometimes be a little rebellious is not bad, it all depends on the reason why you are, right?

Carefull! This doesn’t mean that you don’t take notes in class or not pay attention because you are recording, if you don’t understand the class less you will do it through an audio or video, where you don’t have the support of your present teacher.

6.      Creates memory cards (flashcards):

Although it seems typical, they are quite effective. There is the option of to make them yourself or you can download any application that can make them, as for example Quizlet, an application that is available both IOS and Android. This will help to quickly memorize definitions of concepts, or important dates, people and their works, etc.

7.      Transfer your notes in order, rewrite:

If you are one of the people who, like me, prefer to make a draft of his notes, and then pass them in clean (rewrite them), you’ll know that this tip really works. I won’t deny that it is more work, but everything has its reward, isn’t it?

Personally I’m of people who have better visual memory, which read and write helps me to memorize better. Thus I memorize and order my notes, both at the same time. In addition, it said that rewrite is equivalent to five readings, I don’t know if that is true, but I at least feel that I memorize best rewritting, well in my time to study I remember things I’ve written and I can understand them better.

8.       Listen to music to concentrate:

The truth is that this tip is pretty ambiguous and personal, because it depends on each person. Many people can’t concentrate with noise, so they only can study in complete silence, and others simply cannot withstand be studying with so much silence. I’m of people who are in the middle.

For me is inevitable listen classical, instrumental music, rain, nature or just a relaxing study melody sounds. It helps me enough to concentrate and accompany me at the time of study. There are a variety of videos on YouTube with relaxing music, classical or instrumental music, or sounds of nature to study, as well as on Spotify playlists that are pretty good.

Personally, I listen to music when I do exercises such as mathematics or physics, and as for readings or review, normally I do without music or with one that does not have too much rhythm, as sounds of rain, wind, etc., to be able to concentrate.

9.      Search material of support:

If you feel that you still don’t understand the subject, either because it is very difficult or because you don’t understand your teacher, you can’t stay still and do nothing. You have to auto-teach you, learn and learn any other way what you are passing in classes.

For example, looking for videos that teach you what you are going through, search exercises online, Power Point presentations, PDF documents to help you supplement your notes or your knowledge. There are many channels on YouTube that can help you to study, as also pages with books, exercises, and documents about what you’re going. The idea is to find supporting material that will help you to understand what you’re learning in class, so to be able to reinforce.

10.   Stay away from your social networks:

I know that many of us it has happened that from being studying we went from one second to another to be checking our Instagram account. Best for these cases is to put the cell phone as far as possible, if needed elsewhere in your home (obviously, if you’re studying at home), and in airplane mode so that nothing interrupts your time of study. Now, to avoid entering your networks through the computer or laptop that you are using at the time of study, you can download applications that will block certain pages by a certain time, and once activated cannot be it reversed, yes or Yes you should spend that time so that the pages are unlocked. These applications exist for both Windows and Mac.

11.  Uses Post-it (sticky notes):

These help me to write down something that perhaps the teacher said in class and would not have seeing completely with the theme that we’re passing, or be any possible question test, any dimension, a concept that I don’t know.

12.  If you have any doubts, questions, ask:

As they say the teachers, or at least of my school, “There no are silly questions, only fools who don’t ask”. So, if you have doubts, ask. No matter if you make a mistake, you must solve all your doubts because that will help you better understand what you are seeing. If you are in classes and you don’t understand, ask, solve all your doubts with the professor, because once you get home to study you won’t understand almost nothing, if it is that it is absolutely nothing, by not having asked.

If you’re at home or out of classes, studying, grab your cell and ask your classmates. The idea is to clear your concern in one way or another.

Personally, I really like to be able to solve my doubts with my classmates, because in addition to answer all my questions, we can exchange notes, complementing our notes, we can learn new techniques to solve exercises, etc.

13.   Review constantly:

I know that the work of reviewing every day is quite heavy, but it works. It’s truth. At least in my experience constantly review has helped me be able to memorize better what are passing to me in classes, since the constant review helps to retain longer the lessons learned, and a day before the test it doesn’t need to study too hard, ‘cause everything I learned it was be engraved on the head, and just only a small study session will need. Therefore I recommend that when you get arrive home after school review your notes at least 15 minutes that day, and everyday, in that way you will retain in your head more time what they are seeing.

14.   Gets emails from your professors/teachers:

In my case, some of my teachers send us documents PDF or PPTs we use during their classes, to study and reinforce what we saw, as well as complement our notes. Course, I recommend that if you are still in school, you can put on agree with your classmates and create an email as a group so that way you will not have problem in contacting your teacher. This is ‘cause in some schools have problems for contact their professors outside the establishment, and there are some schools that are quite strict in that area. If you’re in university, I don’t think that will be a problem to contact you through your personal email.

Carefull! Teachers are not always so cool, or so nice, to give you their mail, some of they put many excuses since in some schools the teacher-student ethics is fairly strict with contact outside the establishment, so they are usually quite reluctant to give them, especially if the teacher is handsome, so you have to prove that you are really interested in the material support and not in him, or in harass him (even while actually are haha, the key is prove otherwise 😉).

15.  Lean on your textbooks:

Many times in our schools deliver us books of the subjects that we will see that year (either whether we should buy them or they are delivered by the same school), and either that the professor uses them little or nothing within classes, we must have in mind that the book yes serves us and helps, or at least the vast majority of them because it is a support material that contains descriptions, images and vocabulary, and to answer key in some, that helps us to know in what we were wrong (for example, the books of mathematics, following exercise can confirm your answer with the solution key), this can serve when you are studying for a test, and also the test obviously. So it is best to always bear in mind that texts that give schools if you serve, independent of whether the teachers based their class in them or not, there will always be material that will help you to complement what you taught the teacher in class.

16.  Have a fixed study site:

To study well and be able to focus without any impediment, we need a fixed and comfortable place. This place has to be clean, orderly, and as much as possible wide (extended desktop), so we can have all our scope and not deconcentrate us to go for something that you need or miss. The best thing is study in a desk in your room, or in the table of dining room of your house, but is completely forbidden study in bed, as to be overly comfortable us enters laziness and sleep, interrupting our study session, and practically ensuring a long nap.


17.  Keep a schedule of fixed study:

Personally, I’m kind of people who aren’t very organized when it comes to schedules or events. Simply plans and me not get along very well, but I don’t deny that for a time I tried it, being constant in my moment of planning what to do later (in my bullet journal) and I found it quite beneficial. Apart from planning everything and organize my time, and comply with what I should do of course, I could see the progress of my studies, but as I said the plans and I don’t we get along very well. But that doesn’t prevent that recommend you organize your time, plan what to do, and between that define a time of day that is dedicated only to study. It can be in the afternoon after school, can be in the morning before going to school, or can be at night before going to bed, no matter the time, what matters is that you should defined a time to study and you can’t move that time, this will help to discipline your brain and accustom him that in this period of the day must be aware, attentive and concentrated to absorb everything, of course without forgetting small breaks in the study session. Over time you’ll see the results, giving you features that you do better absorb the information, that in that period of time your brain will be more attentive to what he reads or exercises, so you can understand much better than before.

+ Bonus: Organize your times.
For this, the best is do the technique of bullet journal, you can also go to the planner, but personally I like the BJ more, although like I said, I didn’t last long because a I’m really bad in planning constantly, but during the time I did it worked perfect, so I recommend that even if you are just as bad planning constantly, like me, try it. Who knows? Perhaps you become experts in the bullet journal.

Regards! 😄✌💕

{Photos: Pinterest and Google]

40 Study Tips & Tricks

I thought to write down the “script” to one of my most viewed videos, with 40 study tips & tricks. It’s easier to read them and pass on the word!

Organization Tips:

1. Incorporate homework and classes in you daily planner – that will give you an overall glimpse of how your week will be about and how much time you need to spend in your studying sessions!

2. Color coordinate classes – be it notes, your planner, your textbooks or binders, pick a unique color for each class and work around the hues of that color to get more organized!

3. Make your own syllabus – if your professor doesn’t provide a syllabus for your class, try to make one before the school year working around your given textbooks or other given material.

4. Make study guides – make a study guide from your syllabus and draw before each topic two boxes: one for a midtest and one for the final test. When you have one of these tests, check the boxes when you’ve finished studying the chapter so you won’t miss anything!

5. Reference your material throughout – most of the times, we students work with in-class notes, textbooks and a syllabus. Since we get small bits of information here and there it’s important to reference every page throughout all your material so you can quickly access your information without having to flip endlessly through pages!

6. Keep a dashboard nearby – Whenever you use a notebook or a binder, make a dashboard on the first page with post it notes so you can quickly scribble any questions, homework or page numbers. When you get home, you just need to open your dashboard and attend those notes.

7. Print any tests, exercises and exams you can find – keep those in the end of your binder. These are perfect to practice before exams and tests because they really reflect what you will be tested about. Set an alarm clock for the deadline and start working on those!

8. Condense – organization disappears when you have too many of everything. Working with more than one planner in your life will make everything chaotic. If you think you need a second planner because you don’t have enough space to write in the first one, it’s because you don’t have available time as well. Don’t fool yourself and set achievable goals!

9. Customize your textbooks – most of the times, textbooks are formal books where information is hard to come by. Make your own tabs and write every chapter on them so they stick out – flag any charts, tables or graphics. Everything needs to be incredibly accessible!

10 Print a special planning sheet before finals: Organizing your studying by chapters and/or topics before finals is tremendously important since it lets you organize the amount of time you dedicate to each subject,

Study Sessions and Time Management

11. Save at least one afternoon or one morning a week for intensive studying. These is your “life-saver” – when you get so full of homework and projects that you can’t incorporate them into your daily academic routine, one free afternoon to organize your school life will really come in handy! Make an appointment with yourself!

12. Prepare in advance – although most professors may not ask you to prepare a class in advance, if you have the means to, go ahead. Grab a sheet and make a summary of the chapter your class will be about. Write the major topics and key information and take that guide to class. When your professor repeats previously studied information, you will be able to understand everything much better!

13. Never leave something behind – Even if you have a more light class, where professors don’t request homework or any side projects, don’t let that fool you! Be disciplined and be your own professors! Make your own projects and learn everything you can so you can nail those finals when they arrive.

14. Write your questions – most of the time, in a heavy study session, we come up with tons of questions and sometimes we just leave them behind. Write them down in your dashboard or a small notebook and ask your professors (personally or via e-mail). You can also ask your schoolmates in a facebook group created for that purpose!

15. Set an alarm clock and reward yourself – even if you study during an entire afternoon your studying will be pointless if you don’t take regular breaks. Set an alarm clock for one hour/one hour and a half and then take a 15 minute break. Never study for more than 2 hours straight! Even if you don’t notice, you’ll get less and less focused.

16. . Make a list – before each study session I like to grab my notepad and write down everything that I need to do before my session ends: the chapters I need to read, the pages I need to go through and the homework I need to complete. Sometimes I even write theses lists when I’m in college so I’ll have more determination to complete those tasks once I get home.

17 Work on the least interesting thing first. There are always classes or projects that we like the least – and those are the ones that we need to tackle first. You will start your studying session concentrated, which will let you go through the worst tasks faster.

18 Print, print, print. try to print everything you can and never study from your computer. Having your PDF files printed at hand will let you concentrate better, highlight and write some notes in the margins. You can take these everywhere with you and even turn them into small guides for future classes!

19. If you finish ahead, don’t quit. Perhaps the time you’ve saved for your study session has come to an end way before you have planned. That doesn’t mean you should stop right now – Take that time to review what you’ve learned so far or prepare other classes ahead of time!

20. Study in an organized space – make your own studying corner – bring everything you will need, from textbooks, binders and notebooks, to a cup of coffee and your computer. Keep them neatily organized on your desk so everything is at hand and on sight. Put on some soft background music (links down below) and adjust the lightning.

In class notes

21. If your professor provides PowerPoint slides before each class, print them (six or four per page) and bring them to class. Write in the margins and more throughout information in the back so it’s all condensed and tight. This is where you’ll take your notes. If you prefer to write on lined paper, think about copying some ruled paper to the back of your printed slides.

22. If your professor asks you to prepare your class in advance, try to make a small guide for each class. Open the comments column in MSWord and print the pages with that column. When you go to class, incorporate the in-class notes in that column, next to the relevant information so everything is nice and condensed.

23 If you are in a information-heavy class, try to adopt the Cornell method, which is the best, in my opinion, when you need to be a fast writer. There’s a video right here on how to use this method.

24. If you are in a bits-and-pieces class, which is that kind of class where the professor just gives a few key points and then gives practical examples or makes you work in group, try to adopt the box method – you can draw these boxes yourself or make them with post it notes – these are way more visual and perfect to memorize information.

25. Write in-class flashcards – if you don’t have flashcards around, make tiny flashcards on the top of your notes, where you cover the definitions you’ve written with the name of the definition. Each time you open your notes, try to remember the hidden definition. Automatic studying, every time!

26. Participate in class – nothing better than to be actively involved in your class discussion. For most of us, shy creatures, participating can be dreadful – but once you get out of your box, you’ll see how participating really makes you understand the subject!

27. If you have any questions during class, raise your hand and ask them. If your professor doesn’t like being interrupted, write them down and approach them in the end of the class. Sometimes, the little things we don’t understand are exactly the ones that come up on the final exam!

28. Ask for examples. Examples are probably the thing that makes your brain connect the information faster. If your professor isn’t keen on providing examples, suggest your own and see if your answer comes up right. Sometimes, examples are the thing that really makes us understand our material and our definitions, since they transform formal information into relatable events.

29. Sit at the front. It sounds too straightforward but sitting at the front really makes wonders. You won’t get distracted by what you classmates are doing, you will focus on the professor, who is right in front of you and you will resist the temptation of going to Facebook and Instagram during a boring presentation.

30. Write a brief summary at the end of the class. During those five minutes where everyone is dismissed and leaving the room, write a brief summary of that classes’ key points in the back of a page – this is fundamental in the Cornell method but can be used in any other method as well.

Finals Guide

31 Skim through your material two times: at first, you should start by studying your material starting from the end. The last lessons will be fresh in your memory and it’s very important to reinforce your knowledge on these while you can. In the second reading, you should start from the beginning, as usual. It’s important to make these two readings so you can go through the information in a much more flexible way.

 32. Make a mindmap of each chapter. A mindmap is a chart that relates key words and important information, making it easy to understand the relationship and hierarchy between such key words. Use colors and images to memorize your material better. Oh, and don’t forget to check out my video on how to make mindmaps!

33. Read each of the titles and try to say out loud its contents, explaining each concept and the relationship between them. Imagine you are the teacher and are lecturing that subject to a crowd. If you skip any of the subjects, do it all over again. The more you repeat, the better you will memorize.

34. It’s time for some flash cards!  Write the topic or the title on one side and the meaning or the explanation on the other. Try to cover as many topics or titles as you can and go through your cards while memorizing as best as you can each of the concepts. Try to do it backwards if you have time to do so!

35. On the day before the exam, skim through your mindmaps and flash cards again and always try to study while talking. Saying your content out loud will force your brain to relate information in a much more cohesive way and you’ll memorize everything much better.

36. Read the entire exam from top to bottom. Underline or circle any important words that you think will be crucial in you answer. After that, calculate how much time you should spend answering each question: this simple calculation will take only twenty seconds and will help you organize your time. Try to save five minutes at the end for revisions.

37. If you are solving a written exam and not multiple choice, try as much as possible to organize each answer in a structured way, saving two lines just to present your line of thought and writing each different argument in a different paragraph. Draft a conclusion at the end to underline the centre of your answer. Sometimes softly underlining some keywords is important to make your professor notice that you’ve correctly given importance to certain concepts.

38. Use these symbols for each question: one dot if you aren’t sure of the answer, two dots if you are sure of your answer and a circle if you are completely unaware of your answer. Start by answering any question with two dots; after those are all answered, go on through the two dots question. Leave the circle questions to the end – and ALWAYS answer them! Even if you don’t know what they’re about, who knows if you will be able to come up with something right?

39. Review your test one final time – many times, we make a lot of mistakes under stress and now is when you should spot them and amend them. This can be the difference between a B and an A!

40. Don’t take this too seriously – school is an important aspect of our lives but it isn’t everything. Failure comes many times and these failures can even drive you away from something that was simply not meant to be. Don’t stress out because everyone goes through the same!

An Escort’s Favorite Products and Their Hoe Uses

For those that have asked about my self-care regimen, here are my favorite products and their uses! I’ll definitely update this as I get more escorting experience and my product selection grows. 

Body

I have sensitive, weird skin. I’m allergic to almost all BBW products. Here are the things I love! 

  • Aloe Vera Baby Oil - Shaving the cooch
  • Tend Skin - Prevents razor burn after shaving the cooch
  • Neutrogena Body Clear Scrub - Exfoliates and gets rid of random bumps
  • Aveeno Therapeutic Shave Gel - For a soft, super close shave on your legs
  • Lollia Perfumed Shower Gel - All of their scents smell amazing and they leave behind a muted scent. Plus, it’s very thick so a little bit goes a long way. Seriously, a quarter sized dollop is enough to get foamy suds over your entire body!
  • Lollia Hand Creme - Will give you the smoothest, softest hands ever. Especially important for touching wieners. 
  • Intimore Intimate Wash - My favorite wash for cleaning the vag. ALL of their varieties are safe for sensitive skin and they have great uses. The Therapeutic wash is great if you’ve been fucked raw. Very soothing!
  • Lush Sugar Scrub - Great for exfoliating, it leaves your skin very bright and radiant and it is supposed to reduce the appearance of cellulite!
  • Nip + Fab Glycolic Fix Extreme Pads - I use these to get rid of weird bumps or razor burn on my legs after shaving. Will literally clear up those weird clear bumps that aren’t quite whiteheads or pimples. 
  • Kiehl’s Soy Milk & Honey Whipped Body Butter - Will leave your entire body smoother than a baby’s butt and the scent is very light. Super hydrating. I use this every night after a hot bath. I also use this to moisturize my cooch. YES, YOU CAN AND SHOULD MOISTURIZE YOUR COOCH. It’s okay! Try it!
  • Sally Hansen Airbrush Legs - It’s like foundation for your legs! It comes in either a squeeze bottle or mist. I use the squeeze bottle more because the mist WILL STAIN your bathroom tile or toilet, if you prop your leg on it to spray. 
  • St. Tropez Express Bronzing Mousse with Mitt - I used this for the first time last night because my spray tan was wearing off. It gives a really natural tan and you only have to leave it on 1-3 hours, depending on how dark you want to go, before rinsing! I left mine on for a little less than two hours and I have a nice, NATURAL looking tan glow! 

Hair

I’m a light ashy blonde with frizzy, unmanageable hair. Here are my top picks for products. 

  • Batiste Dry Shampoo - Absolute BEST dry shampoo and it’s super affordable. Very fine powder. It comes in a bunch of varities, I like the sleek and shine the most. 
  • AG Hair Cosmetics Sterling Silver Shampoo - Great purple shampoo for blondes. 
  • Davines Alchemic Conditioner - They have different formulas for different hair colors. I use the purple conditioner for blondes and it’s a great purple mask that tones and deep conditions. 
  • Kerastase Shampoo & Conditioner - Comes in a ton of varities. I use the ones for damaged hair and frizzy hair. BEST shampoo and conditioners I have ever used. It doesn’t take much product and every product does what it says it will. 
  • Kerastase Fluidissime Blow Dry Spray - For frizzy or curly hair. It gives heat protection, shine and smoothness. I use this when I want my hair to be super straight or I want to style it after blow drying. 
  • Kerastase L’ncroyable Blow Dry - Most amazing blow dry lotion ever. Seriously. Now my most used product. 
  • Kerastase Ciment Thermique - Protecting blow dry lotion for damaged/colored hair. 
  • Davines Melu Serum - For disguising split ends. Also adds shine. 
  • Davines Minu Mask - Illuminating hair mask used to add back shine and dimension
  • Carol’s Daughter Monoi Mask - Great for softness and hydration. Smells amazing. Probably my favorite mask. 
  • Kerastase Masqueintense - Second favorite hair mask. It’s ultra smoothing and revitalizes your hair. 
  • Kerastase Elixir Ultime - Great hair oil! Lighter than Morrocanoil with the same benefits, though the smell isn’t as nice. 
  • Shu Uemura Straight Forward - Great blowdry spray oil. It really does cut down the amount of time it takes to blow out your hair. I use this with the Kerastase Incredible Blowdy. 

Skin Care

I have sensitive, combination skin. I used to get random hormonal acne. 

  • Glamglow ThirstyMud - Great for hydration and smells amazing. You can use it as rinse off or a sleeping mask.
  • Glamglow Flashmud - Brightening, revitalizing mask. I use this on my butt to help get rid of a few blemish scars. No, I am not joking. Yes, it is actually working. 
  • Glamglow Thirstycleanse - Amazing mud cleanser for whenever my skin is feeling a little dry or needs some nourishment. 
  • Glamglow Supercleanse - My favorite cleanser ever. It’s a mud-oil dual pump and it takes off every BIT of make up and keeps your skin super clear! Plus, it’s not drying!
  • Peter Thomas Roth BHA 2% Acne Wash - For if I feel a breakout coming on. One bottle will likely last you over a year. 
  • Peter Thomas Roth Blemish Buffing Beads - Great for body acne.
  • Glamglow Fizzy Lip - Great exfoliating lip scrub, plus you get twice as much product as most other lip scrubs. 
  • Glamglow Wet Lip - Intense softening lip treatment. You should definitely be using both of these to get seductive, soft, kissable lips! 
  • Sunday Riley Luna Sleeping Oil - I use this at night before bed. It’s anti-aging, moisturizing, clarifying, fights wrinkles and reduces pore size. 
  • Sunday Riley Good Genes Serum - I use this in the morning and it makes my skin look superb. Best skin product I’ve ever had. It brightens, exfoliates, gives radiance and evens out hyperpigmentation. 
  • Clarins HydraQuench Intensive Serum Bi-Phase - I use this serum as my moisturizer and it keeps my skin super nourished! It doesn’t clog up your pores and hydrates your dry areas. Definitely the best moisturizer I’ve ever used.
SDCC Steven Universe Panel Highlights

I thought I’d summarize some details on the San Diego Comic Con panel for anyone who wants it.

The panel at SDCC opened with a live singing of the theme song.

Zach Callison is the moderator. He introduced the guests: Michaela Dietz (Amethyst), Deedee Magno Hall (Pearl), Estelle (Garnet), AJ Michalka (Stevonnie), and of course Rebecca Sugar. He gives her congrats on the Emmy nomination (which is for “Mr. Greg” if you didn’t know). Then he asks the other cast members some questions. This is all paraphrased, not direct quoting.

Zach to Michaela: What Amethyst quotes do you use most in daily life?

Michaela says that when she wakes up, she makes noises that sound like her Gem is cracked. Then she says maybe she should change her answer to “womp womp.”

Zach breaks in with “Which way to the baby war?” as his favorite.

Zach to Deedee: What songs do you sing around the house?

She responds “Which do I NOT sing?” She likes “Love Like You” in the shower. “Steven and the Stevens” when she’s doing dishes, and “Peace and Love” a lot lately. Her kids are learning the songs on piano and ukulele, so there’s lots of SU tunes happening in her house.

Zach to Estelle: How has the popularity of the show affected your music career?

Estelle basically says a new generation of people are noticing her music and realizing she is the singer on songs they encounter in the wild. Zach says he grew up on “American Boy.” ;)

Zach to AJ: How has Stevonnie changed since their first appearance?

She says Stevonnie has learned a lot, and has more confidence now.

Then the cast does a great little line read of the scene when Stevonnie first appears, beginning with them barging in with “Pretty cool right?” The voice actors all say their parts and perform it slightly differently, which is cute. Then they do a version of “Here Comes a Thought” with Estelle and AJ!

Zach to Rebecca: What’s next on Steven Universe?

(Of course she laughs.)

Rebecca says the show has recently had so many huge events, so there will be lots of fallout, like a roller coaster from here on out. Then they show a clip. It’s sort of like a trailer. It’s all about Lapis’s conflictedness not wanting to get caught in another war, Homeworld’s future actions, Pearl being unable to properly explain the context of everything even though she wants to, and Greg not knowing his place in all this.

Zach says he hadn’t seen it yet.

Then they talk a bit about the Save the Light game coming out. A trailer for the game pops up and it includes footage that hasn’t been seen. Including a new character: Squaridot, a Peridot from Homeworld.

Rebecca was very involved in the making of the game. She says having a console game is a dream come true because they could do so much more than with the small mobile game, Attack the Light. There are Fusions and original characters, and the mechanics are relationship-based, and Greg is a player character who can play guitar. She likes that Squaridot is a Peridot who hasn’t made the kind of progress that Peridot has made. They segue to say Shelby Rabara (Peridot’s voice actor) is taking over social media for the week.

Then they talk about the Art and Origins book being out, and how there’s a SDCC-exclusive version. Launching also is the podcast, a 10-episode production, about the production of the show. McKenzie Atwood is the host. Rebecca and Steven were Episode 1–I’ve already heard this (and I seem to recall there wasn’t really a lot of new info except that the Gem writing in the Kindergarten will say who each section belongs to if you can read it, and that a lot of Ishtar imagery was used, including the 7 lions and the stars). Rebecca did episode 1 of the podcast with her brother, and says she wishes she could do everything with Steven. Zach and Grace are Episode 2.  

They talk about how the soundtrack Volume 1 is out, and announce that a vinyl version is out in fall! A limited-run Stronger than You and Love Like You vinyl single is out for SDCC.

Then they play a name-the-song game with SU cosplayers. They complimented a Pearl cosplayer’s cool spear too. They read lyrics, tell what song it’s from, and if the player gets it right, they win a vinyl single. Quiz songs included “Love Like You,” “Wailing Stone,” “Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart,” “Steven and the Stevens,” “It’s Over, Isn’t It,” “What’s the Use of Feeling (Blue),” and “Comet.” Most people got them right, but if they got it wrong they got to try another one.

Then there’s a Q&A, which I’m paraphrasing the 12 questions:

1. Audience member: Fluorite is a polyamorous relationship, right? What inspired it?

Rebecca said she went to an LGBTQ center in Long Beach and chatted about what stuff they really wanted to see. Poly relationships came up. (So yes, that’s confirmed, though in my opinion it really didn’t have to be since they were pretty clear about it!)

2. Audience member: Fan theories–do they influence you or do you have a master plan?

Rebecca says she loves fan theories, but they work way further in the future, so no, they really don’t influence what the story does. She has loved reading the theories about the trial, because some are onto something, and some are like way off. Zach says the good stuff gets downvoted a lot.

3. Audience member: Says a favorite character of theirs is Rainbow Quartz, and wants to know will we see a version of her with Steven?

Rebecca says of course she can’t give spoilers, but that Rainbow Quartz 2.0 would inevitably be different. Then she quickly says, “Forget I said that.”

4. Audience member: How old is Lion? Have we seen all his powers?

Rebecca says it’s a good question and can’t say exactly. The episode “Buddy’s Book” gives a hint at the general time when Rose was spending time with seven lions. That’s a gauge for how old Lion is. She implies that Lion does have more to show us about what he can do.

5. Audience member: Regarding the “Off Colors” episode, which Off Color do you relate to?

Rebecca immediately says “Rhodonite, the neurotic.” Then Zach says he relates to Padparadscha because he’ll trail off in the middle of a sentence. Deedee says she relates to that too.

6. Audience member: On writing music for the show–any challenges?

Rebecca says it’s very challenging–they’re given no extra time to work on the songs. “Mr. Greg” was most challenging of course. Zach is glad the Emmys recognized Rebecca’s extra hours. He said he had a hard time when his voice changed. “Puberty is a thing,” he says, while talking about some songs he struggled with.

7. Audience member: Will there be a Blu-Ray?

Rebecca would like it. Making it happen will take more moments like this (the panel, people showing up for the show).

8. Audience member: Did Yellow Diamond shatter Pink Diamond?

Dude.

Zach: “We won’t tell anyone what you say Rebecca.”

Rebecca just says she’s really excited about the next run because it was a chance to do a real murder mystery.

9. Audience member: What inspired you to use gems/rocks?

Rebecca: “Aesthetic! It’d look cool!” But she learned a lot about myths. Smoky Quartz was fun to learn about gem trivia for, building important symbolism into their character. Estelle said gems are just really pretty, that’s enough of a reason.

10. Audience member: How often do you write a song and then build an episode around it or vice versa?

Rebecca says it depends. Character stories will need a song when dialogue just isn’t enough. “Here Comes a Thought” was unusual since it came before the episode. She wanted it to be a tool to teach kids about mindfulness meditation.

11. Audience member: Do you anticipate what’s going to be popular on your show?

Rebecca says on the inside they focus on loving what they’re making. Team ideas that are spur of the moment seem to catch on most with the fans too. They discuss Padparadscha’s immense popularity. Sapphires are sort of Zelda-like, Rebecca says, and she wanted one who reminded her of Peach. Lamar Abrams came up with the idea of making her hair kinda look like a crown to increase the feeling that she has a matching vibe.

12. Audience member: On Lars’ development: was it planned initially?

Rebecca says it happened naturally. He’s one of the oldest characters in the show, and she was drawing him in college. Lars-n-Sadie comics are older than SU. (This was already known but apparently some people didn’t know they predate the show.) So of course they were always going to be important. (Zach says Lars was important in the pilot for calling Steven names.)

tips for high school freshman:

1. i know, i know. this is terrifying. you’re going to be dealing with many huge changes. but change is good. remember that.

2. try not to blend in. i know its easier but you wanna make some friends, right? you probably want to make good relationships with teachers too. stand out. be remembered in the best ways possible.

3. work hard. strive to be the best. stay up late studying, take notes, ask questions, stay after class, do whatever you can to achieve you’re goals. prove to yourself and everyone around you that you are capable of amazing things.

4. participate. speak your thoughts in group discussions. join clubs. play sports. don’t be afraid. you deserve to be noticed and listened to.

5. stay organized. use planners, label everything, color code, make files on your laptop, don’t keep unnecessary tabs open, and make sure you’re not a mess too.

6. try and make friends. i know how difficult its going to be but you’ll need them. talk to the people on your cross country team, talk to the art kids in first period, talk to the weird kid sitting next to you in assembly. just try and make friends. you need people, no matter how much it seems like you don’t. you will not be able to survive this alone.

7. study. make flashcards, copy notes, use quizlet, i dont care just study. your phone can wait an hour or two.

8. make sure your bag is fully stocked. y’know like extra change, deodorant, hand cream, pads, chapstick, etc. you never know what could happen.

9. its okay if you don’t talk to your old friends anymore. you’ll be okay. so will they. but if you ever find yourself needing to talk to someone, don’t hesitate to text them. they will listen.

10. take a warm shower every night. wash your hair twice a week. drink a glass of milk every morning and a glass of water every night. have a cup of tea while studying/doing homework. reward yourself with an episode of your favorite show. self care is important.

11. make sure to read and write daily. prioritize it.

12. don’t be afraid to express yourself. if your school has a strong arts program, use it. paint, sculpt, draw. find inspiration and create.

13. stay focused and don’t stray from your expectations.

14. find ways to stay motivated. decorate your desk, buy cute notebooks, imagine how far you’ll go by doing well in school.

15. mentally make a daily schedule to follow. repetition is comforting. while everything around you is changing faster than you can blink, take comfort in the fact that your morning routine stays the same.

16. school comes first, but try to make time for your friends. both old and new. you deserve to have some fun. but don’t feel bad if you’d rather stay home with a tub of ice-cream and a season of some netflix series.

17. there will be bad days. days when it seems like you can’t get out of bed. days when it seems like stress is the only thing you’re feeling. days when you just want to give up. but you have to fight through it. have a cup of tea. read that old book you love. watch some netflix. take a break. it’ll all be okay.

18. they’ll also be days when you miss your old life with every bone in your body. on these days, text your old friends. maybe schedule to hang out. or maybe look at old pictures and videos and reminece on all the fun times you had together. don’t feel sad for too long. many more joyous memories will be created.

19. time heals everything. when days are gloomy and your heart is a lil heavy, remember that there is nothing that the passage of time cannot fix.

20. try to finish all your homework before dark. open the windows. welcome the fresh air and let the sunlight motivate you.

21. spend time with your family. you only have so much time left with them before college, don’t waste it. put down your phone, and just enjoy their presence. 

22. relativity is everything. i know it seems like one thing is the end of the world, but take a moment to zoom out. you’ll realize that some things are not big as they seem.

23. be fearless. take big steps. this is your time.

—  throughout my freshman year i wrote tips down to help myself. i hope this helps others as well.
Someone: Why are you still into that fandom when you don’t like that show anymore? - Me: Have a seat, this may take a while...

This is all from a fandom that had our ship for 2 years. #LookWhatWe’veDone

Lexa was the one for her.” “Lexa was her soulmate.” “Lexa was the love of her life.” “Clarke will never love anyone the way she loved Lexa.” “Clarke will always be grieving Lexa.” - Eliza Taylor (Clarke Griffin herself). Clexa didn’t just kiss, they didn’t hook up, they made love. Doesn’t get more canon than that :) 

It’s more than a fandom, it’s the lgbtq community. Multiple full size billboards were put up, bringing attention to the “Bury your gays” trope. Unlike others who only think about themselves, we actually did something positive in the real world to benefit the lgbtq community, we helped raise over $162,500 in charity for the Trevor Project. We got the television industry to recognize their use of tropes and inspired The Lexa Pledge by showrunners to do right by their LGBT audience. We got “LGBT Fans Deserve Better” trending worldwide, staying in the top 10 for hours with over 276K tweets.

We trended worldwide 55 times in the weeks following Lexa’s death. Fans from all around the globe were devastated. “Lexa Deserved Better” spread across the world with hundreds of fans sharing their pictures from more than 200 cities and over 55 countries.

We dominate in the polls, there’s no other way to describe our 47 poll wins so far, and 7 more polls we’re currently leading. Did I mention we only had our ship for a total of 15 episodes, plus the fact that alot of these polls were won with “half our ship dead” as haters like to point out… just shows how powerful Clexakru is because we continue to win even with fandoms teaming up against us Lol It’s been nearly a full year since Lexa died and we’re still winning polls :D

Me: Okay Google, what is “extra”? - Google: The Clexa Fandom.

Yes, we legit made up an entirely new character, Elyza Lex, and ship her with Alycia’s character on Fear, Alicia Clark, to make our spinoff ship Lexark and dubbed the show “Queer the Walking Dead”. Working with the Clexa material we got in the short time span, we built an empire on fanfics, fanart, comics, etc, created by some of the most talented fans. Plus all of the character social media accounts, if you’re not following @confusedlexa on Twitter you are seriously missing out :D Meanwhile we made Jason Rottenassberg’s follower count drop faster than The Loo ratings. The outrage at The Loo isn’t just limited to our fandom, it’s shown by the many articles written labeling The Loo as one of the worst shows of 2016. It’s days before the season premier and the public is still dragging the show, it’s won polls for Biggest Disappointment”, “Show You Gave Up On”, and more… talk about karma ;) Eliza’s openly asked fans for Clexa fic recs and admitted that her mother has a Lexark picture in her home. We really couldn’t have a more dedicated Captain of the Bitanic, a year later she’s still the biggest Clexa shipper <3 As if that wasn’t enough, how many characters have such an iconic look that they got their own SnapChat filter and Sims makeup? And to top it all off, we have a star, a real star in the sky!

With just 2 brief mentions, we made Costia into more than just a name, we brought her to life, unofficially decided to cast Nathalie Emmanuel for the role, and headcanon Lexa’s first love as a beautiful sapphic woman of color

We have Elycia, Eliza & Alycia, BFF’s in real life. Without them, we wouldn’t have Clexa. Alycia’s moved on to a better show, like many other cast members have done. Eliza will move on to bigger and better things as well when The Loo gets cancelled and she’ll finally be free from all the … “shit” ;)

Clarke Griffin, Wanheda, The Ambassador of the 13th clan, Klark kom Skaikru, Fleimkepa, Leader of the ungrateful sky brats <3 “You bring them justice.” “I know you’re just trying to help.” - Lexa to Clarke“Clarke elevates herself… she’s special.” - Lexa to Titus about Clarke. Lexa was the only person who never berated, belittled, or blamed Clarke.

Lexa, Heda, The Commander of the 12 clans, Leksa kom Trikru, Soulmate of Clarke Griffin, also known as Alexandria Woods in fanfics <3 “I want you!”, “I love you.”- Clarke to Lexa. “We loved her.”- Aden to Clarke about Lexa. The girl who was taught “love is weakness”, was loved by many.

*Those great Clarke and Lexa gifs were made by @amgirl01

This is just too amazing not to include, check out @miselizasjane Grounders trailer. Things like that are why I’m so into this fandom and always will beI have other wlw ships, some of them I really love and have shipped for years, some more recently. But none of them mean more to me than Clexa, I’ll always be Clexakru, because it’s about so much more than just a ship or a show.

 #ClexaIsLegendary #We’reStillHere #NoOtherFandomCouldEver 

*Credit to - @lgbtfansdb / @lgbtvdb-why-it-matters / @lexadeservedbetter-ww  / @thecatsbian / @clexarikleimt / @clexacon / @luxysims / @clexasource / @debnamcelery (twitter) 

Sexting (Jimin smut)

Originally posted by minblush


Summary: On a lonely night, you decide to sign up for an anonymous sexting site. Of course you are matched with the notorious fuckboy you’re constantly trying to avoid. Park fucking Jimin.

Themes: Sexting, Fuckboy Jimin, College AU.

Pairing: You x Jimin

Word Count: 4k

This fic contains: Explicit and graphic depictions of smut, sex over the phone, swearing. 


ENTER USERNAME:

Cleopatra123

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING FOR?

Male/Female

WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

I’d rather not say/enter here:

WHAT ARE YOU INTERESTED IN?

Decent conversation/making friends/finding a language buddy/other

PLEASE INDICATE YOUR AGE PREFERANCE:

19-24

CLICK ‘CHAT’ TO BE MATCHED WITH A PARTNER!

YOU HAVE BEEN MATCHED WITH ‘THOR562’.

THOR562: 21 years old- Seoul, South Korea- also interested in ‘other’.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO CHAT?

Yes/No

YOU ARE NOW IN A CHAT WITH THOR562, ENJOY!


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From The Dining Table

13 Hours Later.

When she woke up, she was still alone.

Initially, she’d forgotten all about the night before. The first thing she noticed was the strange buzzing sound of the thermostat in the corner, which was obviously not working at all because the room was freezing. The chilly air nipped at her cheeks, and she snuggled further into the mattress as she tucked her head into the comforter with a soft whimper, trying to ignore the buzzing in her head.

Her eyes were still stinging from her tears the night before mixed with the lack of sleep. She’d managed to finally drift off at around four in the morning, but she couldn’t tell by the window whether it was eight in the morning or two in the afternoon.

Their screams from the night before still echoed in the walls.

She slid the covers off of her head and opened her eyes slowly, staring at the pale yellow motel ceiling. It was the color of Easter yellow, she’d decided, and it reminded her of chocolate and gardens and everything happy. It reminded her of some distant life where she probably would have done something to be proud of.

The ache in her chest resonated throughout her entire body, and her head was pounding to the rhythm of her heart—it was the only way she could be sure it was still beating.

She felt like someone had torn it out of her chest.

She turned onto her side and looked at the space in the bed beside her, clutching onto the soft material of the comforter until her knuckles turned white. Waking up on her own wasn’t new to her—she’d done it time and time again in the past two years, so much that she’d become numb to the loneliness that came with it. But this time was different…

This time, she knew he wasn’t coming back.

She suddenly felt a tear roll down her face, and just like that, she couldn’t get him out of her head.

He was everywhere.

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How to Schedule Your Study Time

I’ve been asked multiple times to make a post about how to schedule your study time, so here it is! This is a little bit different of a schedule because it’s over mid-semester break (Easter break for most), but it still works.

Step 1: Write down everything you need to do.

Get out a piece of notebook paper or open a new document on your computer and unleash your brain’s to-do list. Write everything down from classes, work, events, and extracurriculars to your work outs, meals, showers, and sleep. Nothing is too small to be written on the list, so if you need to remember to shave your legs, write that down!!

Step 2: Assign each task an estimated amount of time it’ll take to complete.

This part is really crucial for me because it takes my organization a step further to help me achieve my studying and planning goals. It also gives me a reality check – sometimes I’m so ambitious I try to bite off more than I can chew. If I know from the beginning that I most likely won’t achieve everything I need to do, I won’t be as disappointed come the end of my planning and studying. It also tells me I probably need to pick it up during the week and stop procrastinating…

Step 3: Open up Excel, create a table on another computer program, or grab a piece of paper.

Next we’ll make the calendar with a readout of our obligations. I generally use Excel or a piece of paper, but I find that excel works best because I can edit future events easier if I didn’t quite complete a task I planned for.

Have the first column for times, then a column following for each day you want to plan. It helps to have the time column skinnier with the days’ columns wider so text can fit in easily. I leave two rows per hour (therefore one line is equal to one half hour) so I can plan for events or tasks that won’t be taking up whole hours.

Step 4: Designate a color for each of your scheduled categories.

These colors are the same as in my planner:

  • Purple: Anatomy & Physiology
  • Pink: Genetics
  • Blue: Beverage Management
  • Orange: Economics
  • Red: Work
  • Green: Extracurriculars
  • Black: Personal (showers, meals, sleep, relaxation, etc.)
  • Yellow: Travel

I enter in all of my class, work, event, and extracurricular times first – things I can’t miss. These are important to put into your schedule first because you can easily schedule studying around them. 

Step 5: Once all of your obligations are plugged into your schedule, it’s time to fill in your studying.

This is where the required times for your tasks help a great deal! It’s easy to spot an hour block here or there and plug in a 45 minute or hour task… something that may be a little hard for some when they’re just going through their day and have a block. I know whenever I get an hour block I try to nap or rest as much as possible, but this frequently puts me behind. :(

Also, it may help you to pull out your planner and see what exams, quizzes, or assignments are coming up soon. You should rank these at a higher priority and complete these sooner rather than later to ensure you complete them.

I also group lesser tasks; for example, on Thursday night at 11:00 PM I grouped two homework assignments because they really shouldn’t take that long and they’re on the computer at the same time, etc. It’s just easier for me to get them done at the same time. Just like if you need to go to a few different stores, try to go to them all in one trip. It’ll save you time, money, and gas!

Step 6: As you’re adding tasks to your schedule, make sure you’re crossing them off your list you made. You don’t want to miss anything or add something twice!

This is pretty self-explanatory but also important! Make sure you’re adding everything and not missing anything. 

Step 7: Make sure to schedule enough sleep during your night as well as time to eat/relax.

This is the most important step of them all! Without recharging your smart little brain and body, how are you going to have the fuel to move on? Also, try snacking on fruits and veggies and drinking water when you’re studying. I’m one to love candy when I’m studying and it’s hard to say “no” to my precious chocolate and skittles, but I know they’ll just bring my metabolism and energy down. Drinking a lot of water helps too because that means more bathroom breaks – which means more study breaks! ;)

I hope you found this post helpful. If you’d like to see other posts about my studying tips and tricks, please share this post and leave me a message about what I can improve or what you’d like some advice on. Happy studying! – grxeek

like real people do p.2 | jungkook

summary: the feelings for your friends with benefits are changing. months pass, and you feel your gut telling you that you want more. you’re just not sure if he feels the same.

college student!reader, friends with benefits!jungkook

piece 1, piece 2, piece 3

this component is based off russ’s cherry hill

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For work reasons, I regularly have to stand up in front of a bunch of people I have never met before, and talk to them. Usually it’s about fifteen people, but at conference time my seminars have upwards of seventy-five people or more in the audience.

For years, public speaking was not my favorite thing; I dreaded it more than anything else in the world. But I love it now, and I’ve been told I’m good at it, so I’m gonna share some tips. 

  1. Freak out. Go ahead. Give yourself permission to panic about having to stand up in front of a bunch of people and give a speech. Go. Panic, scream, cry, complain to the world. Just get it out of your system - really get it all out in one go. You can have anywhere from ten minutes to three hours, depending on how close this due date is. But however long you take, know that when you’re done freaking out, that’s it - it’s work time now.
  2. Make an outline. Write down the main points you want to cover. Dates, theories, equations, all of the Big Stuff. Write them all down in the beginning, so you won’t forget them later.
  3. Once the Big Stuff is written down, start filling in details: what’s important about this date, explain this theory, what’s the application for this equation. If it seems relevant, give examples (but limit it to one or two easy examples per item; overfilling with examples can lead to your audience forgetting what you were talking about)
  4. If you are making a PowerPoint - start transferring that outline into your slides. Don’t worry about design, format, animations, none of that right now. It shouldn’t be pretty at the beginning, all you need is your information on the slides. Make sure your slides are simple and not stuffed with information. Font size should be at least 28 for every bit of text - if you need to shrink it down to fit your information on, move it to the next slide or user fewer words.
  5. Write your speech in bullet points. Resist the urge to write it out word-for-word. If you write it out word-for-word and practice from that and nothing else, one of two things is probably going to happen: you will recite the speech as you have written and it will come across as a recitation rather than a presentation, or you will forget a word somewhere in the middle and stumble over yourself. Writing your speech in bullet points lets you fill in the transitions as you’re practicing; your flow will be more even and natural when you’re speaking, and you won’t get caught up in what the next word is supposed to be.
  6. Practice. Practice, practice, practice. Do not, under any circumstances, wing it. If you wing it, you will feel unprepared, so you will come across as unprepared, and you will probably forget important details or be surprised when a particular slide shows up. Practice until you are tired of your topic, practice until you want to murder your topic and bury it out in the back.
  7. There’s nothing worse than being in the middle of a sentence and realizing you have no more air left. When you’re practicing, make note of where you should breathe.
  8. Practice with an audience that can interact with you (your dog is a loving and supportive friend, but your dog can’t tell that you’re talking too fast). You need to give your speech to someone who will give you honest feedback - it can be an audience of one. Make it clear to them how you want their help: do you want them to critique your content, your presentation skills, or both.
  9. Preparation is equally as important as practicing. Check your PowerPoint - are all your animations working correctly? Is everything spelled right? Do you have legible notecards written in a way that will help you? Do you have an outfit planned (you want to look nice, but you also want to be comfortable)?
  10. Three days before, stop tweaking it. Stop making major changes. Go ahead and change the wording, but do not add any new content (and do not remove content unless it really is garbage). Up until now you’ve been practicing with a certain set of content, and throwing new content in at the last minute can unsettle your pacing and structure - it’s information you haven’t had nearly as much time as practice.
  11. One day before, leave it alone completely. It’s locked. Done. It’ll be what it’ll be. 24 hours before your speech is not the time to making any kind of adjustments to it. You’ve practiced what you have, you know you can rock what you have, so you’re going to give what you have.
  12. If steps 9 and 10 have both failed for any number of reasons (which is fine! happens to me all the time), then this is the rule you need to pay attention to. For the love of everything you find holy, do not make changes to your speech right before you give it. This has the same effect as winging it, and all the practice you’ve done will be for nothing.
  13. Get a good night’s sleep. Be hydrated. Eat breakfast (but not a super big special breakfast that might upset your stomach; eat your normal breakfast, even if that’s toaster pastries and a can of soda). Dress in layers, so you can remove or add a layer as necessary and not be freezing or sweating up there.
  14. Go first, if you have the option. Seriously. Volunteer to go first. You’ll get it out of the way, and you’ll be done. More importantly, you won’t be watching everyone else’s presentations/speeches while worrying about your own - that’s a super easy way to psych yourself out. So go first, or at least go early.

Other tips!

  1. Watch stand-up comedy. What stand-up comedy teaches you is timing, pacing, and audience interaction. Stand-up comics stand in front of people and talk to them for a living - they just happen to be funny when they do it. Study them for timing and pacing: where do they pause, for how long, how do they transition two wildly different topics together, etc. Stand-up comics are great at handling unpredictable audiences.
  2. PowerPoint animations: never use slide transitions, and the only animation you should ever use is “appear.” The “appear” animation controls what’s on the slide at any given time and is helpful for both you and the audience (though don’t make stuff disappear once it’s already on the slide). You won’t rush over yourself trying to move on to the next topic, because the next topic isn’t visible yet.
  3. Also on PowerPoint: know where your slides end. Create a little circle or square in the bottom corner that’s just a shade or two darker than the background color, and have it be the last thing to appear on the slide. Your audience won’t notice it, but it’ll be an indicator for you that the slide’s over and you’re moving on.
  4. If it’s speech with a time limit, have a buddy keep time by holding up a piece of paper with how much time you have remaining. Since you’ve practiced, you should know about how long your speech is, but you may speed up or slow down in front of people and you need to know about that. Be clear with them up front about what they need to tell you: you don’t want to be suddenly blindsided with 2:00 LEFT, but neither do you want to be warned every five minutes.
  5. Have a buddy give you signals. I talk super fast in front of people, so I always have someone in the back of the room to give me the “slow down” hand signal. You may also get really quiet, and you need someone to tell you to speak up. If at all possible, you want to adjust your speed or volume before someone in the audience points it out to you, which can interrupt your rhythm and train of thought.
  6. If you talk with your hands, talk with your hands. If you want to stand still, stand still. If you like jokes, tell jokes. If you need Star Trek references, make them. Let yourself be yourself. You’re already in an uncomfortable situation, and trying to silence something fundamental about who you are is going to make it so much worse. Be yourself in front of a crowd - you will be a lot more interesting, and a lot more fun (and have a lot more fun), than everyone else who’s trying to be as flat as possible.

If you have any questions or want some extra advice or anything, I’m happy to help!

I was doing you a favor by playing the long game...

I too was playing yet another long game by holding on to this for so long.

SO I had read earlier today the owner of a previous job of mine passed away. This was a place that tried to screw me pretty hard and I took some pro revenge on. It drug up some angry old feelings, so why not take an equal dose of catharsis?

WARNING: This is a doozy so strap in if you dare, no TL;DR it wouldn’t do justice.

So this takes place almost a decade ago. I was working as a department manager for a fairly large privately owned pest control company. Their color scheme was black and yellow, much like the taxi’s the owner’s dad used to drive. Since the taxi industry would be around for ever(hello Uber/Lyft) so would this pest control company, (this is important later) or so the owner used to parrot constantly. My job was to over see the techs doing treatments and set their stops and generally manage assorted insect control services, inventory, payroll for that dept, etc etc. I had taken the job from the owners son who took it from the previous manager who they demoted and yet stayed in the dept…this is important later. The owners son was a late 30’s early 40’s man child. I mean if he had dialed it back a few degrees he would have been an awesome guy, but anytime booze was involved he was a mess. If it was weed, he turned into the stereo typical obnoxious stoner making nothing but bad Jamaican accented jokes. He also hit on anything younger than him that moved…while being married w a pregnant wife. But I digress, the owner was a piece of work too, old Jewish guy who was as racist as he was old, not with any kind of seething hatred. Just a “this is the way it is” type attitude. My fave line of his, “The sky is blue, Ch#@ks know math, N@&ers are lazy, Jews know gold. What else is new” Like it was the most clever thing of all time. Finally now on to the revenge and need for such.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

I need some tips on getting through high school and also how to get good grades when you're depressed and just don't care about anything anymore.

Hi Anon,

Here are some awesome ways to beat school blues:

College needs:

Food

Helpful sites:

High school needs:

Mental health resources:

Misc resources:

Motivation:

Music/Sound:

School resources:

Stress relief:

Studying/school help:

English/History:

Foreign Languages:

Geography:

Math/Science:

Study Needs:

TIPS:

  1. Remember that today’s day in age is different from how it was back then. So don’t stress about school too much.High school students today have the anxiety of what a mental patient in the insane asylum had in the 50s. Here’s also a thing to show how times have changed.
  2. Prioritize. List what needs to get done first and when. Sometimes getting the bigger/harder tasks is easier than conquering the smaller/easier tasks.
  3. Set times when certain projects need to be done and stick to that deadline.
  4. Turn your phone off or give it to your parents while doing work/studying. I know that we live in the age of technology and literally everything is at the touch of our fingertips. Honestly though you can wait on what your favorite celebrity has to say or if your crush liked your instagram photo. You’ll be more involved in that than you are into your work.
  5. If you have trouble in a certain subject and there is no assigned seating, take advantage of the front. I guarantee you’ll learn more.
  6. Ask your teacher what exactly you’ll need to know. If you’re taking notes during the year, write in the margins whether or not it will be tested. It will be easier to know what you will be tested on.
  7. Save your exams. Half the time your teachers use the same questions (or questions similar) from your exams on your midterms or finals.
  8. Don’t try to do homework straight afterschool if you can’t, despite what everyone says. Give yourself an hour, and try to get some exercise in. I find it stops me getting bored of sitting down. Not to mention helps me concentrate better.
  9. Don’t just read the material, write it, draw it, recite it, quiz yourself on it! Until you have the material down.
  10. Join clubs, sports, or organizations! You’re guaranteed to find friends in there. You’ll already have common interests. Start with that and go with the flow.
  11. College kids: If you don’t have assigned seating, and you have been sitting in the same seat for 2 weeks. That is you assigned seat now. Don’t move or you’ll screw everyone up and they will hate you.
  12. Color code things, such as your notes. If you want to see how I color code my notes message me and I’ll be happy to show you
  13. Be kind to one another.

I hope that helps!

Best,

Lena

The Nanny

A/N: I know, a new series. But I just needed a new idea. Anyways this is the first part to what I’m hoping to be a 6 part series. Let me know what you guys think

Word count: 2,000 something words

Warnings: Mentions of a house fire, minor death not graphic

Summary: When Bucky Barnes hired a Nanny, he thought he was going to hire someone to take care of the kid. But when she starts, he knows that she is more than just a Nanny

The Nanny MasterList

“Looking for a full time Nanny. Must be able to work late and be able to take care of both a kid and a dog. I am willing to provide a room for you to sleep in. In interested please Email me your resume at jbbarnes6412@gmail.com

Thank you,
J. Barnes”

As you read what seemed like the millionth job ad, you copied the listed email address into the empty email box.

Dear Mr. Barnes,
Below I have attached my resume. I hope I am a good fit for what you are looking for. My hours are flexible and I love dogs almost as much as I love kids.

Sincerely,
Y/N Y/L/N

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Hi there! Sorry if this seems silly, but your style is a big inspiration to me, and i've started first year in animation. I was wondering would you have any tips for it? :) we're being taught a good bit, but it's a bit overwhelming trying to figure out a way to make anatomy and perspective work. If you don't have tips thanks anyway, and again, love your work!

Ahhh thank you so much your words mean a ton seriously thank you.

ALRIGHT WELL ILL DO MY BEST

First of all. Welcome to animation. You’re gonna lose your mind. Because animation tends to do that. You’ve probably already figured that out. Most people dont end up level headed after working 40+ hours on something that stays on screen for 1-5 seconds. It’s alright. No biggie. OKAY SO

I’m not the best at teaching things. But I know resources that are.
FIND PDFS IF YOU CAN OF THE FOLLOWING BOOKS:


The pdf’s are actually pretty widely available. do a little gaggling you’ll find em trust me. AND READ THEM. i personally enjoyed all of em.

NEXT:

  • 11 Second club: list of animation exercises <—- YOU SEE THIS?
    YOU SEE THAT LIST OF THINGS TO ANIMATE? DO ALL OF THOSE THINGS. ALL OF THEM. dont just read it and scroll thru it and go “kay”, bookmark it, and move on. NO. Every week. Animate one of those things. Get feedback on each of those things. Feedback from your teachers, from your friends, from your peers, from your dog, from a rubber duck. Then make changes. THEN CONTINUE TO ANIMATE ALL THOSE THINGS.

  • PINTEREST BOARD STRAIGHT FROM THE ART GODS THEMSELVES: Character Design Reference <—-goodness where do i start with this. Everything is here. Character sheets. Color keys, Stylization, illustration, reference for animation, anatomy, the kitchen sink, VIS DEV OF THE KITCHEN SINK. This is how I check to see how far I am from being industry ready. This is how I keep myself motivated. This is how I surround my self with art that is much better than what I produce so that I keep improving. Do studies of the things here. Pick a character sheet, do a study of it, and throw that study away and burn it. Then do another. No drawing is precious. Frames, drawings, sketches, all temporary. With good reason.
  • AUTODESK MAYA, 3DS MAX AND MORE: free for students.
    You see that? Free. Like. FREE FREE. As in, this is how you get maya as a student. This is how you have access to a two thousand dollar program and learn how to use it. If you havent yet, get it. Maya animates cg stuff. Get to it kiddo.

———-

  • General tips:
  • Arcs. Many times the reason your animation isnt working is because your arcs are broken. Find them. Fix them. ARC THE CRAP OUT OF YOUR ANIMATION.
  • Nothing is precious. Animation is essentially a slaughter fest of drawings/frames that dont work. Kill all of them. Distance yourself from your drawings like a warlord hellbent on taking over the goddamn universe and embrace it. If you like a frame that much you can turn it into an illustration later. You’ll be better off for it.
  • Learn 2 storyboard. You’d be surprised how well learning how to frame a shot helps with your animation. Heck, sometimes when I storyboard I animate out my key drawings on accident but IT WORKS AND ITS GREAT. Good framing can help a shot loadsss.
  • Dont be afraid of 3D tools to help. Maya, google sketchup, heck even blender, if you cant figure out how to move something thru space chuck a sizable equivalent model into 3d and move it in space and use it to help. It’s not cheating it’s being practical.
  • DO GESTURE AND FIGURE DRAWING EARLY, OFTEN, AND WILLINGLY. Build up a library of poses and work out all the kinks of anatomy while sketching so when it comes to actually animating youve already worked out all the details. And kick fore-shortening’s butt into the next dimension.
  • Finally, for goodness sake enjoy yourself. Not many people can create life and summon a living, breathing character without giving birth first so freaking enjoy it and GET STUFF MOVING YA CHUMP I BELIEVE IN YA
The Seven Days of Hell - LWTM #1

Imagine: Living with the Marauders and when that time of the month comes around, no one knows what to do. Well, except Sirius. He has a plan. Plus, this gif of Sirius.

Originally posted by helloimaginesgalore

Sirius walked into the kitchen, clutching a calendar and a cigarette. He was in scarlet and gold pajama pants, a pair of your rainbow colored toe socks, hair tousled and wand tucked behind his ear. Remus sat at the kitchen table, clutching the Daily Prophet and a cup of coffee. James sat in another chair, eyes closed. Peter sat across from him, lazily levitating the pepper shaker into the air and moving it up and down, occasionally sprinkling some in James Potter’s hair. 

“It is the first day of the seven days of hell,” Sirius announced, holding the calendar up and pointing to the date. The block had ‘the flood begins’ in red marker in James’ handwriting inside it. Remus put the paper down and took a sip of his coffee, staring at Sirius with raised eyebrows. James’ eyes shot open. Peter lowered the pepper shaker. Sirius spoke again, “I fear while this day will be full of terrible, treacherous trials, it will not be the worst of them. Tomorrow, I feel, will be the most intense battle of these seven days of dangerous conflicts. Today, we will prepare ourselves secretly, while also making the day more tolerable for our dearest Y/N.” 

“And how to you propose we do that, Pads?” Remus asked. 

“Ah, Moony, my skeptical mate, I have been up all night preparing,” Sirius answered, tapping the calendar with his wand and making it vanish. “In my eight hours of debate with myself on how to go about this correctly, I have decided the best way to accomplish a twelve hour truce with the bleeding, brooding beast is simply breakfast in bed.”

“Well,” James piped up. “I think that’s a great plan, Sirius. But, I must say that the best way to start off this genius plan is not to call Y/N a bleeding, brooding beast.” 

“My apologies, Prongs,” Sirius said with a smug smirk. “A moment of weakness, my friend, a moment of fear. Now, since this is my wonderfully thought out, foolproof, perfect plan, I’ve decided that I’m captain of this operation. So, with that being said - Moony, get on the eggs! Peter, there’s fresh oranges in the cupboard. Make our girl the best glass of O.J. she’ll ever taste! Prongs, the bacon, boy! Get to work!” 

Remus stood up, depositing his coffee cup in the sink, and moving towards the stove, “And just what will you be doing, Padfoot?” 

“What will I be doing?” Sirius asked incredulously. “I, Moony, will be making the most perfectly toasted, precisely buttered toast for our dearest housemate!” 

With this being said and orders being distributed, the kitchen was launched into a chaos of shuffling feet, sizzling grease, and Sirius marching around with his toast, barking orders at everyone. In twenty minutes, Y/N’s breakfast was done and plated wonderfully. Sirius had prepared a cute wooden tray with a sky blue plate filled with eggs, bacon, and toast upon it. On it also sat a glass of orange juice and tucked under the plate was a chocolate frog, courtesy of Remus. Beside her plate was a small bowl of sliced strawberries and a fork wrapped in a napkin. 

Sirius, James, Peter, and Remus all stood huddled around it, contemplating. Peter let out a sigh, “Do you think this is enough? For a truce?” 

“It has to be,” Sirius answered. “Anything else would be far too much of a risk. It wouldn’t be thought through. Not foolproof.” 

With a shaky breath, James hoisted the tray into the air with his wand, “I’ll go first.” 

“Thank you for your sacrifice, James,” Sirius nodded, following him up the stairs. They walked in a straight, tense line. James, then Sirius, Peter behind him, and Remus taking up the rear. They reached the door much faster than any of them would’ve liked. 

“She likes you the best Moony,” Peter hissed. “You knock.” 

“Oh, absolutely not,” Remus replied hastily with a grin. “She definitely fancies James.”

With a small squeak, James raised his hand to the door and knocked thrice. They all stood outside awaiting a response. Seconds later, they received one. A sleepy voice on the inside croaked out, “Come in.” 

Peter pushed open the door and James strutted through, hoisting your food through the door and over to you, allowing it to land gently in your lap. The orange juice barely sloshed. Remus spoke first as Y/N gawked silently at them. He grinned, “This is our offering, O’ Bloody One.” 

Sirius’ eyes went wide and he kicked Remus in the shin. But, you were laughing. The tension in the room fell and the boys all slumped with relief. You smiled down at your breakfast and back up at the Marauders. “You boys are so sweet.” 

“Anything for our girl,” Sirius grinned. 

Silence filled the room like a gas and the boys just stood there, watching you chomp down on bacon. After two pieces, you rolled your eyes, “Well c’mon then, loves. Are we not going to have a lovely breakfast and make fun of the muggle television this morning?” 

With grunts and giggled, the boys all snuggled into your king size bed. James inched in beside you, snaking arm arm around your waist. Sirius plopped a pillow down on your legs, laying horizontally across the bed, head on your legs. Peter filed in on your other side, laying his head on your shoulder. Remus placed himself in the space between James and Sirius, sticking a pillow on James’ stomach and leaning against it, sprawling his legs out across Sirius’ torso. James turned on the TV with a click of a button. 

A blonde newswoman appeared on the screen pointing at what appeared to be a cold front. You grinned to yourself as James pressed a kiss to your cheek and Sirius started giggling about the misspelling of the word front on the screen. 

“What kind of word is ‘fornt’?” he asked, laughing. 

Faking your period had to be one of the best things you’d ever done.

LWTM #2: https://sleekeazyz.tumblr.com/post/161009704193/the-black-cat-flu-lwtm-2