i was waiting for wow to come back

anonymous asked:

Hi there ! I'm just thrilled you uploaded a new work today because I LOVE your writing ~ don't let those "haters" take you down, you got this. ♥️

HOLY. Dee omg Enemy has me shaking. Shiiiittttt. Thanks for updating. You work is def worth the wait. I hope you feel better lovely! :)

holy shit enemy was SO FUCKING HOT OMFG IM DEAD RIP those were like all of my kinks exactly

Enemy has me shoooook!!! I love it omg

I LIVE ENEMY WOW IT WAS GREAT

BLESS YOU SERIOUSLY!!!💖 ENEMY WAS SOMEGOODSHHHITT💯💯💯 you are amazing sweetie😻

Great… Enemy was amazing and I am just sitting here like… I don’t know. Why do you ALWAYS hook me in and crave your stories!? Like always, one of the beat writers out there!

YOU JUST BLESSED US NOT ONLY BY COMING BACK BUT ALSO BY UPLOADING THE BEST FIC U EVER WROTE/I EVER READ SKKSNXLSSMD BITCH IM SO FUCKIGN HAPPY THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you all!!! 

hamilton songs renamed
  • alexander hamilton: that's my name, don't wear it out
  • aaron burr sir: HEY LOOK ORPHAN BUDDIES WE SHOULD BE FRIENDS
  • my shot: squad get hype™
  • the story of tonight: look how lit we are, everyone's gonna remember us
  • the schuyler sisters: feminism (and peggy)
  • farmer refuted: loyalists can kiss my ass
  • you'll be back: the 18th century equivalent of the angry break up song
  • right hand man: WE ARE OUTGUNNED OUTMANNED
  • a winter's ball: who knew the revolution was so slutty?
  • helpless: i'm literally so in love right now ahhhh
  • satisfied: WHAT THE HECK I GOTTA DOOOO TO BE WITH YOU
  • the story of tonight (reprise): very very very very drunk
  • wait for it: procrastination, the showtune
  • stay alive: I'M A GENERAL, WHEEEEE
  • ten duel commandments: okay, so we're doing this
  • meet me inside: alex has daddy issues™
  • that would be enough: you and i, and no one else
  • guns and ships: lafayette go fast like sanic
  • history has its eyes on you: dad wants son back
  • yorktown: the final battle, feat. HERCULES MULLIGAN
  • what comes next: awesome. wow.
  • dear theodosia: LOOK AT MY SON
  • non stop: i dare you to sing all the parts at once
  • what'd i miss: bonjour y'all
  • cabinet battle #1: the founding roast masters™
  • take a break: philip is a smol feat. comma placement
  • say no to this: HOE DON'T DO IT
  • the room where it happens: CLICK BOOM
  • schuyler defeated: this song is completely irrelevant
  • cabinet battle #2: we find out that jefferson was actually just lafayette this whole entire time
  • washington on your side: SOUTHERN MOTHERFUCKING DEMOCRATIC REPUBLICANS
  • one last time: dad has to leave™
  • i know him: john ayyydums?
  • the adams administration: SIT DOWN JOHN YOU FAT MOTHERFUCKER
  • we know: #exposed
  • hurricane: yeah, i'd pay for alex to be shipped to another continent too
  • the reynolds pamphlet: great googly moogly, everything's gone to shit
  • burn: cinnamon roll turns out to be a pyromaniac
  • blow us all away: alex gives shitty advice
  • stay alive (reprise): take the bullets out yo son
  • it's quiet uptown: try not to cry
  • the election of 1800: a breif break from sadness
  • your obedient servant: sarcasm level 10000000
  • best of wives and best of women: alex seriously you need to sleep
  • the world was wide enough: ya done fucked up ay ay ron
  • who lives who dies who tells your story: eliza hamilton is the true hero of the show
According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let’s shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can’t. I’ll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I’m excited. Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B’s. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That’s me! - Wave to us! We’ll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I’d make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I’m glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I’m not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don’t waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That’s why we don’t need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp… under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of… …9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it’s just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it’ll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as… Honey! - That girl was hot. - She’s my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we’re all cousins. - Right. You’re right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it’s done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you’ll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn’t know that. What’s the difference? You’ll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven’t had one day off in 27 million years. So you’ll just work us to death? We’ll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! “What’s the difference?” How can you say that? One job forever? That’s an insane choice to have to make. I’m relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We’re bees. We’re the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don’t know. But you know what I’m talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I’ve never seen them this close. They know what it’s like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don’t come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You’re monsters! You’re sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don’t know. Their day’s not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That’s more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It’s just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you’re wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren’t they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let’s have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I’d knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn’t it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We’re hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you’re not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We’re going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you’re interested in? - Well, there’s a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It’s a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn’t right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That’s a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son’s not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I’m not trying to be funny. You’re not funny! You’re going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You’re gonna be a stirrer? - No one’s listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I’m gonna get an ant tattoo! Let’s open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I’ll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody “dawg”! I’m so proud. - We’re starting work today! - Today’s the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal… - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them’s yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What’d you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What’s available? Restroom attendant’s open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you’re on. I’m sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey’s always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He’s dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That’s life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should… Barry? Barry! All right, we’ve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine… What happened to you? Where are you? - I’m going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You’re gonna die! You’re crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone’s feeling brave, there’s a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn’t that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck’s restricted. It’s OK, Lou. We’re gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy’s in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That’s awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let’s move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I’m out! I can’t believe I’m out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It’s got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It’s a little bit of magic. That’s amazing. Why do we do that? That’s pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I’m picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don’t we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You’re reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don’t know, but I’m loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It’s a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama’s little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don’t think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you’re about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There’s a bee in the car! - Do something! - I’m driving! - Hi, bee. - He’s back here! He’s going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don’t move, he won’t sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow… the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan’t fly in rain. Oan’t fly in rain. Oan’t fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don’t need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This… Drapes! That is diabolical. It’s fantastic. It’s got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What’s number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don’t go for that… …kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn’t talk to them. They’re out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they’re flabbergasted, can’t believe what I say. There’s the sun. Maybe that’s a way out. I don’t remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don’t kill him! You know I’m allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I’m just saying all life has value. You don’t know what he’s capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I’m not scared of him. It’s an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It’s a bee law. You’re not supposed to talk to a human. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’ve got to. Oh, I can’t do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can’t. How should I start it? “You like jazz?” No, that’s no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I’m sorry. - You’re talking. - Yes, I know. You’re talking! I’m so sorry. No, it’s OK. It’s fine. I know I’m dreaming. But I don’t recall going to bed. Well, I’m sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you’re a bee! I am. And I’m not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn’t for you… I had to thank you. It’s just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I’m talking with a bee. - Yeah. I’m talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I’m grateful. I’ll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. “Mama, Dada, honey.” You pick it up. - That’s very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn’t laugh, we’d cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway… Oan I… …get you something? - Like what? I don’t know. I mean… I don’t know. Ooffee? I don’t want to put you out. It’s no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It’s just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don’t be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn’t. - Have some. - No, I can’t. - Oome on! I’m trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don’t help. You look great! I don’t know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He’s making the tie in the cab as they’re flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, “Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?” Is that a bee joke? That’s the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don’t know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can’t do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look… There’s my hive right there. See it? You’re in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I’m right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It’s like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I’ll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it’s no trouble. Sorry I couldn’t finish it. If I did, I’d be up the rest of my life. Are you…? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then… I guess I’ll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again… for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but… Anyway… This can’t possibly work. He’s all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can’t believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don’t. - How’d you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I’m glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your “experience.” Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well… - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I’m not attracted to spiders. I know it’s the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can’t get by that face. So who is she? She’s… human. No, no. That’s a bee law. You wouldn’t break a bee law. - Her name’s Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She’s so nice. And she’s a florist! Oh, no! You’re dating a human florist! We’re not dating. You’re flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin’ stripey! And that’s not what they eat. That’s what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It’s bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up… Sit down! …really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We’re us. There’s us and there’s them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There’s no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He’s in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It’s been three days! Why aren’t you working? I’ve got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You’re barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father’s talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I’m talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I’ll catch up. Don’t be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We’re still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn’t respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don’t listen! I’m not listening to this. Sorry, I’ve gotta go. - Where are you going? - I’m meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can’t decide? Bye. I just hope she’s Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that’s every florist’s dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I’ve got one. How come you don’t fly everywhere? It’s exhausting. Why don’t you run everywhere? It’s faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That’s insane! You don’t have that? We have Hivo, but it’s a disease. It’s a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It’s usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It’s a bug. He’s not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic ‘N’ Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You’ve really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I’ll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don’t have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it’s hard to make it! There’s heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It’s organic. - It’s our-ganic! It’s just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don’t know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You’ve taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it’s on sale?! I’m getting to the bottom of this. I’m getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I’ll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You’re busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you’ll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who’s your supplier? I don’t understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You’re too late! It’s ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they’re on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You’re not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I’m going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I’m going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It’s your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I’m Oarl Kasell. But don’t kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they’re getting it. I mean, that honey’s ours. - Bees hang tight. - We’re all jammed in. It’s a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you’re out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don’t want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood’s about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I’d catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it’s pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee’s got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That’s the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. “They make the honey, and we make the money”? Oh, my! What’s going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn’t last too long. Do you know you’re in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That’s a man in women’s clothes! That’s a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There’s hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That’s a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That’s a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He’s been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn’t stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it’s true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That’s a killer. There’s only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive’s only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I’m Bob Bumble. - And I’m Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we’ll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we’re talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, “I’m a kid from the hive. I can’t do this”? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I’m from, we’d never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It’s a common name. Next week… He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots… Next week… Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They’re scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She’s 81. Honey, her backhand’s a joke! I’m not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I’m helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we’re really busy working. But it’s our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting… - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you’re three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that’s had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit’s a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I’m done with the humans, they won’t be able to say, “Honey, I’m home,” without paying a royalty! It’s an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It’s pretty big, isn’t it? I can’t believe how many humans don’t work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What’s the matter? - I don’t know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn’t the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you’re representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson… you’re representing all the bees of the world? I’m kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we’re ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man’s divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn’t some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there’s no trickery here. I’m just an ordinary bee. Honey’s pretty important to me. It’s important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we’re the little guys! I’m hoping that, after this is all over, you’ll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he’d dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don’t imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn’t hear you. - No. - No. Because you don’t free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They’re very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How’d you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that’s enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you’ve never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven’t. No, you haven’t. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I’m feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say… Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That’s not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you’re devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that’s ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn’t. But is this what it’s come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don’t have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn’t a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn’t someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You’re all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury’s on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I’m a florist. Right. Well, here’s to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn’t think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but… the battery. I didn’t want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There’s a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you’re quite a tennis player. I’m not much for the game myself. The ball’s a little grabby. That’s where I usually sit. Right… there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn’t really a special skill. You think I don’t see what you’re doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That’s just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I’m going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I’ve just about had it with your little mind games. - What’s that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that’s a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can’t seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I’m wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I’ve got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You’re bluffing. - Am I? Surf’s up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don’t even like honey! I don’t eat it! We need to talk! He’s just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I’ve met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you’re one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night… My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I’m sorry about all that. I know it’s got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn’t overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he’s considered one of the best lawyers… Yeah. Layton, you’ve gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it’s gonna be all over. Don’t worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don’t like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I’ll ask you what I think we’d all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We’re friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute… Are you her little… …bedbug? I’ve seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn’t your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but… - So those aren’t your real parents! - Oh, Barry… - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You’re an illegitimate bee, aren’t you, Benson? He’s denouncing bees! Don’t y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I’m going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don’t! It’s what he wants! Oh, I’m hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can’t treat them like equals! They’re striped savages! Stinging’s the only thing they know! It’s their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can’t feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I… I blew the whole case, didn’t I? It doesn’t matter. What matters is you’re alive. You could have died. I’d be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there’s a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can’t explain it. It was all… All adrenaline and then… and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I’m sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We’re just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don’t know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn’t sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don’t check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don’t smoke. Right. Bees don’t smoke. Bees don’t smoke! But some bees are smoking. That’s it! That’s our case! It is? It’s not over? Get dressed. I’ve gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you’ve done step correctly, you’re ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it’s interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don’t make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about… Your Honor, haven’t these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court’s valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I’m afraid I’m going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery’s motion. But you can’t! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It’s a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn’t hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, “Smoking or non?” Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He’s playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I’m OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won’t have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You’ll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery’s right? - What do you mean? We’ve been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we’ll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We’re all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He’ll have nauseous for a few hours, then he’ll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames… But it’s just a prance-about stage name! …unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan’t breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there’s gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We’ve never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We’re shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn’t believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What’s going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They’re home. They don’t know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn’t? It’s the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now… Now I can’t. I don’t understand why they’re not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They’re doing nothing. It’s amazing. Honey really changes people. You don’t have any idea what’s going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They’re all wilting. Doesn’t look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I’m gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn’t think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It’s notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That’s our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course… The human species? So if there’s no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn’t it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I’ll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry… sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They’ve moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It’s the last chance I’ll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I’m sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can’t do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That’s why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I’ve ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I’ve made it worse. Actually, it’s completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it’s greater than my previous ideas combined. I don’t want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they’ve got back here with what we’ve got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They’ve got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It’s real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I’m the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I’m getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let’s see what this baby’ll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic… …without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there’s no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It’s part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we’re lucky, we’ll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It’s got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we’ll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They’ll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I’d like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I’m in a real situation. - What’d you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don’t freak out! My entire species… What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I’m an attorney! - Who’s an attorney? Don’t move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One’s bald, one’s in a boat, they’re both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one’s flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What’s your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I’m a florist from New York. Where’s the pilot? He’s unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who’s that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It’s got giant wings, huge engines. I can’t fly a plane. - Why not? Isn’t John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We’re headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory… That’s Barry! …is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There’s a bee on that plane. I’m quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They’ve done enough damage. But isn’t he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn’t be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small… Haven’t we heard this a million times? “The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense.” - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We’re going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That’s why I want to get bees back to working together. That’s the bee way! We’re not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn’t so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we’re not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let’s get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I’d do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don’t have to yell. I’m not yelling! We’re in a lot of trouble. It’s very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It’s not a tone. I’m panicking! I can’t do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it’s my turn. How is the plane flying? I don’t know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let’s drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can’t see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It’s all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I’m feeling something. - What? - I don’t know. It’s strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We’re going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That’s it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I’m aiming at the flower! That’s a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This’s the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don’t be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we’re not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We’re the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we’re gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We’re bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You’ve earned this. Yeah! I’m a Pollen Jock! And it’s a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That’s our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now’s the time. I got a feeling we’ll be working late tonight! Here’s your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who’s next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don’t forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it’s all me. And I don’t see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I’m sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I’m late. He’s a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can’t get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You’re a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who’s next? All right, scramble, jocks! It’s time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let’s just stop for a second. Hold it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, everyone.Can we stop here? I’m not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that
—  The Bee Movie
Gay Relationship Starters

“Okay we literally cannot go out wearing the same thing so you’re changing- yes, you”

“It’s not a gay thing to want cats I just want eight okay”

“So when you meet my parents act like you just got off of RuPaul’s drag race”

“Every couple item online is for Ms. and Mr. this is such BULLSHIT”

“Can you imagine being so straight you have to color code your entire family”

“I’m big daddy junior and you’ll be little kitten boy”

“I think our neighbors JUST found out we weren’t brothers, we’ve known them for three years”

“It’s not gay it’s for art- now strip”

“Wow you’re gay, love you too”

“Gabe, or Gae, Gay bae, Gae Bae, wait come back”

“We are lacking in male lingerie so we’re going to start our own damn business for it”

“I think our cats a lesbian, she gets that from you”

“It’s so weird when people call us gay like it’s an insult?? Yeah we’re gay we’re literally gay don’t yell it it’s very obvious that we are GAY”

“Nobody can tell this is a boyfriend sweater because we’re both boyfriends and it PISSES ME OFF”

  • Me before encountering anti Kylo bs on my dash: Kylo Ren is a highly complex character and will most likely only grow in complexity as the trilogy goes on. We don't yet know much about his motivations for doing the terrible things he does, but the fact stands that he has gone too far down the dark path to come back without significant effort and suffering on his part. He can still find redemption, but it's extremely unlikely that he will have a traditionally happy ending the way many fans want him to. Even though he was manipulated by Snoke, many of his choices were still his own and the narrative as well as the audience will demand retribution for that.
  • Me after encountering anti Kylo bs on my dash: Wow I can't wait for the final shot of Episode IX to be Kylo Ren smiling as he's engulfed in a group hug from his polyamorous life partners Rey, Finn, and Poe, while the baby ewoks they've adopted dance around their feet and the two previous Trios all smile down on them from above
Mija  // Jeff Atkins

A/N: This took me forever, and it’s long as hell. Word count is like 2K.

Named after: The fact that I thought it was mad cute.


It had been eleven days since his parents caught you in the middle of…almost sex. Eleven days, and yes you were counting. Eleven days of hugs, hand holding, and everything else that just friends do. Eleven days of nothing. Eleven days since Jeff had at least, kissed you.

It was frustrating, mentally and sexually, the way he was treating you. He made you feel like you had the same sex appeal as the sweaty socks on his feet.

 That’s not to say you didn’t try talking to him about it. You tried on day three, and he brushed it off, as though you made it up in your head.


You stood next to the trunk of Jeff’s car, post-baseball practice, as he was taking off his cleats. He set his slides on the gravel in front of him and leaned back into your ride home.

“Jeff… ” you whined.

He paused for a moment, turning at your tone of voice. “What’s up babe?”

“Is there a reason we haven’t done anything since…you know” you bite your lip looking up at him, nervous for honestly whatever he was going to say.

 "What do you mean?“ He answers, his voice wavers and he turns back to his shoes immediately. More focused on untying his laces than on telling you why he’s suddenly acting like he’s considering becoming a priest.

 At least if he told you he was planning on becoming a man of the cloth you’d understand what was going on. Instead, it feels like…like he doesn’t even care like he’s not into you anymore. And that in itself scares the shit out of you.

 He’s not even looking in your general direction when you prompt him again,

“We haven’t even kissed-”

 The sound of his cleats hitting one another is enough to stop whatever you were going to say. Jeff continues along, clouding out the sound of your voice. As if he was going to die if he didn’t get the dirt off his cleats at that very moment.

 "Yes, we have.“ He asserts, his eyes still on the Nike swish.

 You roll your eyes at him, moving in front of your boyfriend. You grab his wrists to stop the clatter of his shoe wear. “When.” You ask, doing your best to try and make him listen to you.

 He huffs briefly, avoiding your face. “I don’t- I don’t know…listen, I have a test on Thursday and it’s freaking me out a bit so can we just talk about this later?”

 "C’mon…” you start.

 His head tilts to the side, his eyes finally meet yours and his shoulders drop. You knew in your gut the conversation was not going to fall in your favor.

 "Please?“ He enunciates. “Just let me get through this test”

 He pouts and you’re glad he at least still remembers how to make you agree to whatever he wants because you’re nodding. Letting go of his wrists and getting into the passenger seat.


Jeff got through the test, as well as a bunch of other excuses. He was stressed. He had a big game. He wasn’t in the mood.

 You tried again, today, on day twelve, but this time in front of his friends. You knew Jeff was a leader, and despite being apart of the jocks he didn’t really care what they thought. But you were desperate that the social setting it might just make a change.

 You were standing with the whole crew of them, Foley, Dempsey, De La Cruz, and a few more of the football and soccer players. Jeff’s arm was around your waist as you were talking to Justin about the chapters you both didn’t read for English class.

 The bell rang and you knew Jeff had lunch while you had the said class. You turned to him letting him know you had to go, hopeful he would kiss you like he normally did before saying bye. Instead, he nodded at you, with a nonchalant, “I’ll see you after school?” before returning to his conversation with Monty.

 You take a step back out of his grasp and didn’t answer. Jeff turns his head, waiting for your response only to see you fall into step with Justin who’s trying his best to act like he didn’t notice. It’s silent for a few seconds as you turn the corner.

 As you make your way down the hall, Justin bumps into you playfully. “I’m sure he’s just tired.” He offers, trying to dull the blow to your ego.

 "Now cheer up, I need someone to make fun of Mr.K with.“


“Wait they walked in?!” Clay earns himself a ‘shh’ from the librarian with his outburst.

“Yeah! And my dad leaves, but my mom is just standing there, telling me I have to talk to my grandmother in Puerto Rico right then and there!”

 "Wow…that sucks.“ The shy boy offers back.

 What started out as a tutoring session in the library after school with Clay, somehow spiraled into what Jeff considered the most awkward situation he’s ever been in.

 "And then! After Y/N leaves, my mom comes back into my room to sit me down and have ‘the talk’.”

 Jeff pinches the bridge of his nose and Clay is trying his best not to laugh. Truth be told he finds the whole thing hilarious. Jeff, let me change your dollar valentine to get girls Jeff, the founding fathers smoked weed Jeff, the boy who still has girls ready to drop everything for him to so much as look in their direction Jeff, is…embarrassed.

 Clay bites his tongue to hold back just how funny he thought this was and instead says, “I feel like you’re a little too old for the talk”

 Jeff nods eagerly.

 "Yeah, no. This wasn’t the birds and the bees talk, this was the ‘are you prepared to be a dad’ talk!“ he’s whisper yelling now, and trying to keep his voice down.


“Mamá, no necesitamos tener esta charla” he pleads to the woman sitting in his desk chair.

 “Mijo ni siquiera has escuchado lo que tengo que decir” she says, laughing at her son.

 “No te gusta ella” Jeff assumes.

 “Eres como tu abuela, más que dramática…I love Y/N, she’s family. Mija. I just want you to be careful. What happens if she gets pregnant?”

 “We are careful, trust me, Mamá. Is that all?”

 She laughs, her son redder than the time he swung and missed at his first tee-ball game.

 Nodding watching him as she gets up, she calls out to him as she leaves the room. “Y no cuando estamos en casa. Por favor.”

 Jeff groans loudly, as he falls back onto his bead, “Yes, yeah I got it”.


“The worst part?” he prompts the boy.

 Clay nods eagerly, trying to wipe the smug grin off of his face.

 "Now, every time I want to do anything with Y/N, I literally cannot not see my mom’s face.“ Jeff deadpans. He finally looks at Clay long enough to realize that his tutor thinks this is funny.

 "I’m glad you think this is a joke, Jensen”

 Clay let’s out just a piece of his laugh now, and Jeff slumps back into his seat way past annoyed.

 "I’m-“ Clay lets out another chuckle, "I’m sorry man, it’s pretty funny”

 "Great, now can you help me? Y/N’s fucking pissed at me. You should’ve seen her face today…“

 Jeff knows his strengths, baseball and girls, and his weaknesses, school, and you. He’s appealing to his highest power of sensitivity and awkward charm.

 "Poor Jeff. His girlfriend wants to have sex with him. Let’s make a go fund me for all your troubles.” Clay says in his best jock voice.

 "You’re the worst, you know that?“

 "I love you too, Mijo.” The smaller boy makes kissy faces at the jock and Jeff throws the first few drafts of his essay at Clay.

 “You’re Jeff Atkins. Right?” Clay asks rhetorically.

 Jeff nods, rolling his eyes. It’s the dumbest shit he’s ever heard and he knows Clay is pulling this Dumbledore wisdom straight out of his ass.

 “So put on your big boy pants, and act like it.”

 There’s a silence that settles between the boys as Jeff takes in what Clay said.

 “Now listen, I need your help. I think Hannah and I are going to…you know” the smaller boy whispers.


“So he hasn’t done anything?”

You were leaning on Hannah’s locker, waiting for Jeff to be finished his tutoring session, filling her in on everything that had happened in the past eleven days.

 "Nope!“

 "Wow…” she mumbles, mostly to herself.

 "Yeah, and he told me his mom talked to him about it…and it’s only gotten worse. I swear he’s going to break up with me.“

 The last part of your sentence pours out of you involuntarily, as your head hits the locker right next to Hannah’s.

 "He’s not going to break up with you.” she says, as comforting as she can.

 "You don’t know that!“

 She sighs, rolling her eyes as she looks at you.

 "Just get him a little…worked up. If he turns you down, you know. But I’d bet you ten bucks he won’t.”

 "I’m not making a bet about whether or not my boyfriend will have sex with me or not. That’s just sad.“

 "Fine. All I’m saying is, maybe instead of using your words, you should maybe give him some action. Pun intended.”

 You sigh staring at the smirk on Hannah’s face.

 "My parents are…out of town this week.“

 You can’t believe you’re agreeing to what Hannah was implying. Jeff was normally the dominant one in your sex life. Sure you were on top sometimes but he was the one with the experience. He was your first.

 "Even better! We’ll stop by the mall today, we can go shopping” her voice rising a couple octaves. “You can pick out whatever you think will get him going.”

 You raise your eyebrow, suspiciously. You knew she had work.

 "Fine, I was going anyways. I already took off work. I want to look good for me and Clays first time. Sue me.“ she throws in casually.


You walk into the library, Hannah right behind you trying to find both of your boys. You spot them at a table whispering frantically at one another.

 “Mijo!” Hannah starts a smile wide on her face.

 Jeff sighs, shaking his head. “You told her?” he questions.

 You turn instead to Clay as you lean over the table. “Clay, did he tell you?” Clay’s mouth drops trying to form a response, his hands gesturing to nothing in particular. “I thought so”, you concluded.

 Jeff rolls his eyes, clearing his throat. “Fine. Fine, we’re almost done, babe, right, tattle tale?” he asks looking back to Clay. Clay rolls his eyes at the name while nodding in agreement.

 “Actually, Hannah and I are…going to the mall. My house at 10 though. Don’t be late.”  You say to your boyfriend. Jeff knows your parents aren’t home this week. He’d been avoiding it for the past few days. “Actually- I kinda had plans with Clay-” Jeff improvs. “10. Atkins. I’m serious”.

 Jeff is looking at Clay like he was a lifeline. The boy smiles back at him, almost to taunt him. “Yeah mijo, go with her. Hannah and I kinda had plans.” He repeats Jeff’s words and now the baseball player may have to actually kick his ass.

Hannah laughs and you smile at Clay graciously, kiss your boyfriend’s cheek and make your way out. Hannah high fiving once you get out of the school doors.


It was 10 on the dot when the doorbell rang to your house.

CHORUS/THEATRE AU Prompts (based on my experiences)

• “We grab the same music folder, we look at each other and you sing ‘a heeaarrtt fuuulll of looove’ and I immediately walk away, taking the folder” au

• “I am very small, so you must hold me up while I work the strobe lights, you’re right, it would be easier if you just did it” au

• “Somehow we both said the ’M’ word and our theater teacher made us leave and we’re waiting to be cleansed before we can come back inside” au

• “Our teacher unknowingly hit the first note to 'Welcome to the Black Parade’ on piano and we both made noises of distress, clutching our hearts, and wow let’s be friends and cry together” au

• “I tripped backstage during oPENING NIGHT AND MADE A HUGE NOISE OH GOD I’M SO EMBARRASSED BUT YOU ONLY CARE IF I’M OKAY BLESS YOUR SOUL” au

• “We work on opposite ends of the stage, but can still see each other, so when there’s a musical number going on, we dab and whip to whatever song they’re singing and have a little dance competition going on” au

• (in relation to the one above) “We got caught doing this during a show and now we have to sit through a lecture on why it’s 'wrong’ and 'unprofessional’” au

• “There’s a dance number you never learned the second half of, so whenever you skip off stage I’m the one reprimanding you aND THIS IS A SHOW YOU CAN’T DO THAT” au

• “You’re new to stage crew and its opening night and you’re talking too loud, dude, the audience can hear you, dude- DUDE, I have no choice and headbutt you” au

• “I’m very easily frightened, so when I have to stand next to you, the most extroverted person in existence while we sing Jabberwocky, I’m dreading the day of our concert because I know you’re gonna scream at the top of your lungs I JUST KNOW IT” au

• “A set piece broke and I start muttering curses in French out of frustration, but I didn’t know it was your fault that it broke and now you’re scared of me” au

• “I find you crying after our last show and… there, there, it’ll be okay, no I don’t mind you crying on my shoulder, no this is fine, yes I’m sure” au

Retitling Hamilton songs
  • Alexander Hamilton: ALOHA BITCHES
  • Aaron Burr, Sir: Talk less, smile more
  • My Shot: LISTEN UP HOES
  • The Story of Tonight: Drunk college frat boys
  • The Schuyler Sisters: I'm lookin for a mind at work (and Peggy)
  • Farmer Refuted: GET WRECKED SEABURY *aaron burr facepalms*
  • You'll Be Back: Breakup anthem of the 16th century
  • Right Hand Man: We're kinda fucked here guys
  • A Winter's Ball: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  • Helpless: Awwww
  • Satisfied: ANGELICA my QUEEN
  • The Story of Tonight reprise: There's hope for our ass after all
  • Wait For It: Take me now lord
  • Stay Alive: I'M A GENERAL, WHEEEEEEE
  • Ten Duel Commandments: Dueling for Dummies (also FORESHADOWINNNNGGGGG)
  • Meet Me Inside: I'm notcha son
  • That Would Be Enough: Awwwwwwww :'(
  • Guns and Ships: EVERYONE GIVE IT UP FOR AMERICA'S FAVORITE FIGHTING FRENCHMAAAAAAAAAN
  • History Has It's Eyes on You: I fucked up once
  • Yorktown - The World Turned Upside Down: herCULES MULLIGAN
  • What Comes Next?: Breakup anthem of the 16th century (reprise)
  • Dear Theodosia: LOOK AT MY SON
  • Non-Stop: TOTAL EARGASM
  • What'd I Miss: The whole first act pal
  • Cabinet Battle 1: TURN AROUND BEND OVER I'LL SHOW YOU WHERE MY SHOE FITS
  • Take a Break: God dammit Alexander you need to chill
  • Say No To This: YOU NEEEEED TO CHILL JFC (but Maria's high note at the end is 🙌)
  • The Room Where It Happens: BANJO
  • Schuyler Defeated: The Schuyler Sisters (Reprise)
  • Cabinet Battle 2: Daddy's calling
  • Washington On Your Side: SOUTHERN MOTHERFUCKING DEMOCRATIC REPUBLICANS
  • One Last Time: God dammit G Wash you noble son of a bitch
  • I Know Him: Jesus Christ this will be fun!
  • The Adams Administration: SIDDOWN JOHN YOU FAT MOTHER-
  • We Know: ...we know but we don't really know what but WE KNOW
  • Hurricane: hoe don't do it
  • The Reynolds Pamphlet: OH MY GOD
  • Burn: Eliza my cinnamon roll doesn't deserve any of this
  • Blow Us All Away: PHILIP YOU'RE TOO YOUNG TO DIE
  • Stay Alive - Reprise: FUCK I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE
  • It's Quiet Uptown: GROSS SOBBING
  • The Election of 1800: You done crying? BACK TO POLITICS
  • Your Obedient Servant: Passive aggression game strong
  • Best of Wives and Best of Women: Awwwwwwwwww D':
  • The World Was Wide Enough: GROSS SOBBING
  • Who Lives, Who Dies, Who Tells Your Story: Eliza my queen cinnamon roll
Stress Cleaning (ALiL Deleted Scene)

Summary: (College!AU) In which you’re too stressed to get any schoolwork done so Bucky offers an alternative plan.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 2,370

A/N: An anon requested The reader is really stressed and Bucky helps her calm down. It’d be cool to see them clean the kitchen together and joke around. This occurs between “The Little Things (Part One)” and “The Little Things (Part Two)” I should be doing work and preparing for finals, but I was too stressed so I wrote this instead

“A Lesson in Love” Masterlist + Soundtrack

Originally posted by calif0rnia-lovers

You stare at your textbook, willing the words on the page to somehow become more interesting. When they don’t, you move the book from the table onto your lap in the hopes that this new angle will help you absorb what you’re reading. After you catch yourself skimming over the same paragraph for what is now the third time in a row, you slam the textbook closed in frustration.

Midterms are upon you and what you should be doing is studying for the exams you have this week. Unfortunately for you, your brain is not in compliance with this plan. It wants nothing to do with the study guides, outlines, and index cards you’ve created. You had hoped that switching gears and reading straight from your textbook might work, but that attempt failed just as badly as the rest.

You lean forward and rest your forehead on the edge of the cool, wooden table as hopelessness and frustration overwhelm your senses. The last thing you should be doing right now is nothing, and yet, nothing is all you can bring yourself to do.

“Hard at work I see.”

Keep reading

What went down in Dislocoeur
  • INTRO SEQUENCE
  • Ms. Bustier: in many fairy tales the prince breaks the spell by kissing the princess, can anyone tell me why?
  • Rose: BECAUSE DO THE SMOOCHY THING
  • Ms. Bustier: that's not really an answer
  • Max: technically this only applies to 87% of fairy tales
  • Ms. Bustier: there's no way that number is correct
  • Ms. Bustier: maybe like 7% or 8% at most
  • Rose: DO THE SMOOCHY THING
  • Ms. Bustier: yes Rose we got that
  • Rose: DO THE SMOOCHY THING DO THE SMOOCHY THING DO THE SMOOCHY THING
  • Ms. Bustier: who are you even talking to
  • Ms. Bustier: are you saying that in the imperative
  • Rose: pls do the smoochy thing :( #ladynoir
  • Adrien: well I just wrote this poem time to toss it in the garbage with the rest of the fandom
  • Marinette: hmm I wonder what that hot guy threw in the trash
  • Marinette: ooh it's a poem!
  • Marinette: "roses are red, violets are violet, poetry is f**king hard, do the smoochy thing pls"
  • Chloé: hmm why is Marinette looking through the garbage
  • Sabrina: did you know there's an entire fandom in there?
  • Chloé: wow she must be really desperate
  • Max: kk Kim it's time for you to run along this route and meet your crush on a bridge
  • Kim: why is her route so convoluted
  • Max: idk but if you meet her on that particular bridge and give her this particular jewel you've got a 87% chance of success
  • Kim: there's no way that number is correct
  • Kim: maybe like 7% or 8% at most
  • Marinette: I say go for it!
  • Kim: kk, running now
  • Alya: NO WAIT COME BACK
  • Alya: NEVER TAKE ROMANTIC ADVICE FROM MARINETTE
  • Marinette: now imma write a poem to Adrien
  • Chloé: and imma break the hearts of a buncha tweens
  • Chloé: hey tweens! you see how fabulous I am? well I'm never gonna date you
  • Chloé: do you see what you're missing out on
  • Chloé: well that was fun anyway I hope one of you gets akumatized now
  • Chloé: F**K ALL Y'ALL TO THE END OF THE WORLD AND BACK
  • Chloé: b**ch I'm out
  • Kim: *goes to bridge*
  • Kim: this is the Pont des Arts, right?
  • Kim: so where did all the locks go
  • Kim: it's just panes of plexiglass
  • Kim: this is way less romantic now
  • Chloé: hey Kim
  • Kim: hey Chloé lemme smash
  • Chloé: are you for real
  • Kim: I got you blue AND yellow
  • Chloé: you're as pathetic as that meme
  • Kim: she doesn't want blue and yellow
  • Chloé: look I've got a buncha tweens clamoring after me now
  • Chloé: so you're like fourth in line at best
  • Chloé: BYE
  • Kim: what has my life come to
  • Hawkmoth: wow this is even more sad than usual
  • Hawkmoth: like, I actually feel really sorry for you
  • Hawkmoth: so here have an incredibly cool transformation
  • Dislocoeur: now we're talkin
  • Dislocoeur: I've got a bow and arrows!
  • Dislocoeur: pew pew pew!
  • Marinette: and now it's POETRY TIME
  • Alya: whaddaya got
  • Marinette: "roses are nerds, poems are easy, lemme smash pls bc I think you're hot"
  • Alya: wot
  • Marinette: wow romance really isn't all that great when you're honest about it
  • Alya: wow and here I didn't think you'd ever have enough experience with romance to figure that out
  • Marinette: ooh sweet burn
  • Marinette: btw that flying guy just shot you with an arrow
  • Alya: yeah that's where the sweet burn came from
  • Alya: and now I'm suddenly tempted to go confront Nino in a rap battle
  • Marinette: YES DO IT
  • Marinette: ok Tikki let's kick that flying guy's butt
  • Dislocoeur: hey it's Ladybug!
  • Marinette: no not yet
  • Dislocoeur: oops sorry
  • Marinette: Tikki, spots on!
  • Dislocoeur: there we go!
  • Ladybug: welp running away now
  • Dislocoeur: pew pew pew!
  • Chat Noir: hey Ladybug I've got a confession to make
  • Ladybug: look I already know you love me ok?
  • Ladybug: please don't endanger us by confessing what's already incredibly obvious when there's a supervillain trying to shoot us
  • Dislocoeur: *shoots Chat Noir*
  • Ladybug: that one's on him
  • Dislocoeur: yeah kinda
  • Chat Noir: now imma kill you
  • Ladybug: why
  • Chat Noir: because hate always wins
  • Ladybug: citation needed
  • Chat Noir: citation: the US election
  • Ladybug: ok fair point
  • Chat Noir: you just accepted anecdotal evidence as proof of a general claim
  • Ladybug: oops you're right
  • Chat Noir: now prepare to die
  • Dislocoeur: *tracks down Chloé*
  • Chloé: wow and here I thought you couldn't get any more ridiculous
  • Dislocoeur: imma shoot you now
  • Chloé: and give me the ability to make even sweeter burns than usual?
  • Dislocoeur: wait nvm that's a terrible idea
  • Chloé: wow even as a villain you can't succeed in anything
  • Dislocoeur: hey Hawkmoth can you Tier 2 akumatize me?
  • Hawkmoth: sorry buddy you're on your own
  • Ladybug: I gotta figure out how to dehateify Chat Noir!
  • Brain ghost Ms. Bustier: the prince breaks the spell by kissing the princess
  • Brain ghost Rose: DO THE SMOOCHY THING
  • Ladybug: disclaimer—the following kiss is intended solely as a means of counteracting Dislocoeur's akuma-granted ability, and should not be interpreted in any romantic or otherwise non-platonic context
  • Ladybug and Chat Noir: *do the smoochy thing*
  • Rose: YES THIS IS PERFECT
  • Chat Noir: I don't remember any of that
  • Ladybug: good now end that f**ker
  • Chat Noir: *ends that f**ker*
  • Ladybug: well I guess we're done here
  • ROLL CREDITS
The Library

Summary: Reader is a book loving vampire. She finds Raphael’s hiding spot and she stays there, basically living there.

Characters: Reader, Raphael Santiago

Fandom: Shadowhunters (TV)

Word Count: 585

Disney Movie Writing Challenge, @that-was-not-supposed-to-happen 

Keep reading

His//Im Jaebum

Originally posted by jjaenyoung

Pairing: Jaebum x Reader

Genre: Smut

Summary:Jaebum becomes possessive over you after he becomes jealous.

Author’s Note: This is some pure ass smut enjoy

WARNING: dirty talk, slight daddy kink.

xoxo Sara


You got up early one morning with the intentions of getting ready and making yourself look presentable.  You were meeting an old friend for the first time today and you wanted to make sure you looked nice. You slid quietly out of your bed, doing your best not to wake up your boyfriend. You knew he would need as much sleep as he could get due to his busy schedule as of late, and you didn’t want to interrupt his dreams. You sat by your mirror and hummed softly as you did your makeup, entertaining yourself while managing to not wake him.

You got dressed and headed out of your room, making sure to close the door as lightly as you could behind you, when you heard him stir in your bed. You heard his soft groans that he let out every morning circle through your usually silent apartment, making you smile to yourself as you reached the living room. You heard the door to your room open.

Keep reading

In bed with... Johnny

MASTERLIST

Anon: Helloooo~ thank you for the making out with Johnny it was 😍😭👌👏👏 and i kind of went ⚰ But now I came in to ask if you please could do “in bed with… Johnny” too (i love killing my friend 😊) Thaanks in advance! ❤ Ps i still worship your blog

Everyone is so thirsty over Johnny I’m S H O O K but then again i really understand lol. Please don’t expect something like Hansol’s though, that was freaky as fuck and it was a special thing for my bIAS BECAUSE THERE’S NOTHING ON HIM AND I WANTED TO SWERVE PEOPLE

But yes, I hope y’all like it, this kind of style is going to be what the rest of them are like, smutty but not too explicit💟💟💟pls tell me if there are any typos bc i never proof read these and y’all are sometimes too nice you don’t tell me


In bed with… series:

Originally posted by jonginsbias

Originally posted by pawjohnny

Originally posted by withsuh

have 3 gifs of johnny bc he slayed this era and well yes it is johnny so treat yourself sorry this is actually crap thoough

Keep reading

based on this frickin hilarious video go watch it now (also on a03)

Derek gets a call from an unknown number at 10:27am. It happens sometimes, telemarketers, and quite often for the nannying agency that’s one digit off his mobile. Today is a new one.

“Hello, this is Derek.”

“Oh, hi. Okay. Hi, I’m Stiles,” comes a surprised voice from the other end.

“Hi Stiles.”

“So, Derek, this is going to sound strange, but I’m just about to go in for a job interview in three minutes, and I had to fill out this list of references and I was short a number so I wrote down a random one, then thought I should call it to see if it was real. And it is, it’s yours.”

“So you just wrote down a random number as a reference?” Derek asks, confused and also a little amused.

“Yes, that’s right. And look, I’m going in soon, and getting this job would be really great, and so would you mind if I keep your number on the list? They probably won’t call but I–”

“Go for it,” Derek interrupts. What’s the harm in it? He can cross off that he’s done his one nice thing for the day, and this Stiles is right, he probably won’t even get a call.

“Seriously? Ah, okay that’s amazing. Thank you.”

“What’s the job?” Derek asks, grabbing a pen and paper to write it down. He’s warming up to the idea of doing this fake reference thing. It’ll be a laugh if nothing else.

“So it’s an IT position with Saris and Fehr Legal. System maintenance, software security, a bunch of stuff really, but don’t worry about it too much, I just had you down as a personal reference?”

Stiles asks it like a question, showing some nerves, and Derek realises he’s essentially admitting he doesn’t know enough people who’d give him a positive reference.

“Oh well that’s easy enough then, I’ll just say that I’ve known you for years, talk about how you’re organized, trustworthy, etcetera,” Derek’s been a reference for some of his friends before, he knows the drill.

“Ah, yeah, sounds great. Wow. You sure about this?”

“It’s fine, Stiles. It’ll make my day more interesting at any rate.”

“Wow,” Stiles repeats, clearly surprised by Derek’s immediate cooperation. “So it’s Stiles Stilinski, not sure I gave you my last name.”

“No, you didn’t,” he says, writing down Stiles’ surname phonetically. “Mine’s Hale. Derek Hale.”

“Hale,” Stiles repeats, while Derek can hear the sound of a pen moving across paper through the phone. “Alright, I’ve got to go now but thanks so much, Derek. It means a lot.”

“You’re welcome,” Derek says, smiling at how relieved Stiles sounds. “Good luck for the interview.”

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

What would the vets and 104th say to their kids if they asked where babies come from

Mikasa: Ask your dad
Reiner: When a man and a woman love each other they do a special hug
Bertholdt: *Panics*
Annie: You’ll find out soon enough
Eren: Uhm… I … Vagina!
Jean: Out of mommy’s tummy
Marco: *Tells the story of the stork*
Sasha: There’s a guy who sells babies
Connie: They just appear
Historia: We go harvest them at the baby cave
Armin: *Sits down and actually explains the whole thing*
Ymir: *shrugs* who knows

Levi: *just bluntly explains the whole process*
Hanji: *gets out the flipchart* Well…
Erwin: Wait till you have that in class
Nanaba: Hey! wow! Did you see that bird!!!!!!!
Mike: I’ll tell you when you’re older
Moblit: *Runs and never comes back*

Me while listening to the heathers soundtrack for the first time
  • me during Beautiful: wow this is great and really funny.
  • me during Candy Store: wow for a song about some huge bitches this sounds really good.
  • me during Fight for me: I wish I could see the musical so I can see how they act out the songs.
  • me during Freeze your Brain: aww sad back story
  • me during Big Fun: haha this is funny- wait, did Heather almost get raped?
  • me during Dead Girl Walking: WOW THANKS FOR TELLING ABOUT HER ANGRY SEX THANKS. also you can pinpoint exactly when they climax
  • me during The Me Inside of Me: wait. what happened? did someone die? im confused
  • me during Blue: WOW. THIS IS. WOW. OKAY. AND THIS IS HAPPENING? HER 'FRIENDS' WONT EVEN HELP? WHAT but tbh it sounds good
  • me during Our Love Is God: wow this is actually sweet. I wish I said someone to worship me. I wish I had a love that is like god. this is beautiful and- FUCK HOLD ON NVM. YOU CAN HEAR HIM GOING CRAZY FUCK THIS MUSIC IS A MASTERPIECE
  • My during Dead Gay Son: 10/10 increadible anD THE DADS ARE GAY TOO? KILL ME OML
  • me during Seventeen: uhh, y'all cant come back from killing ppl. there is no more normal for you. also how did you get away with that?
  • me during Shine a Light: wow what the fuck is happening here. is a teacher really telling them her life story? fuck. miss you need to see a therapist.
  • me during Lifeboat: wow really good and relatable but whos singing???? I may never know
  • me during Shine A Light Reprise : fuCK NOW THATS HOW YOU DO A GODDAMN REPRISE 100/10 FUCK ME
  • me during Kindergarten Boyfriend: skip
  • me during Yo Girl: wow that escalated quickly also haha i get the joke jd ur clever
  • me during Meant to Be Yours: wow what a perf transition also character development has never been better
  • me during Dead Girl Walking Reprise: FCUK THESE PPL KNOW HOW TO WRITE AND PREFORM A REPRISE I CAN FEEL THE DRAMA ITS SO GOOOOOOOD. ALSO SYMBOLISM IS 10/10 LIKE THE
  • me during I Am Damaged: so... hes dead? and im crying? okay
  • me during Seventeen Reprise: EVERY SONG IS GOOD AND IM CRYING AND IM GONNA LISTEN TO IT AGAIN AND AND OKAY
TalesFromYourServer: It can only get better from here right? Holy wow this rant is almost as long as my night.

Alright folks, I just had to vent to some people who will understand my frustration. This is my first post and I am still red in the face so please forgive my possibly incoherent rambling. Also for the formatting, I’m currently sitting in a booth furiously typing this.

I work for a chain restaurant in a Midwestern city. These past two weeks have been an absolute nightmare, I’ve had to deal with more assholes than a port-o-potty at a taco Bell construction site. I don’t know what it is, but I’ve had nothing but jerks who complain about everything like “you didn’t tell me the burger would come with this weird sauce on it.” “Ma'am, it states it right there in the menu.” “Well I thought it meant ketchup.” Or “how could you bring my daughter a regular cherry Pepsi? She’s diabetic, she needs a diet.” Effff my life.

Anyways, that brings us to tonight. Two lovely ladies walk in and I go to greet them

Me: “hello, how a-”

B word 1: ”water. Ice. Lemon.” “Ok, and for y-”

B word 2: “water. Lemon. Absolutely no ice.”

I come back with their drinks and ask if they’re ready. They say no. I walk into the kitchen. 30 seconds later, expo tells me “table 42 pressed your call server button.” I go check on them,

Me: “you guys all set?”

B2: “Scoff no, it’s only been like one minute. I had a question.”

I answer her question, to which she replies with a disgusted face, “wow, that’s all you got? K, whatever.”

I give them a few more minutes to look over things and they order burgers, cooked well done.

When their food comes, B2 asks for a side of BBQ. Ok easy enough. I come back to her burger cut in half, and she begins to freak out at how raw her burger is. I ask if she wants an upcook, she says no because “I’ve already waited long enough.” B1 asks for a side of BBQ. Ok, wish I could have just grabbed them both at the same time. I come back and B2 throws her burger across the table and says her food is fucking disgusting and can’t eat it. At this point I’m annoyed and just look at her “well, what do you want me to do if you don’t want me to fix it?” I end up taking it back into the kitchen, and I kid you not, there’s not a single trace of pink anywhere in her burger. You could play hockey with it. So I just put it in the hot window for a minute to warm it up and bring the same burger out. She then proceeds to scarf down the whole thing. The manager comped her meal. After I told her, she said “yeah, like you should have.” At this point I just want them out so I drop off the check but ask if they want dessert or anything else. “Well since we’re not paying for the food, yeah we want dessert.” After their dessert I drop off the check again and B1 throws her military ID at me and says “I expect a discount for that too.” They pay and leave. Left me a wonderful note saying:

“Was a bitch (probably)

Talked too much (which I didn't​)

Didn’t ask about dessert (which I did)

Is an idiot (her der)

Talked about us (which they couldn’t have possibly heard because I was in the back office with my manager)

Stiffed.

Then immediately after that, I had a table which, after they had already eaten and paid, called another store in town to complain that I hadn’t given them a Monday night special price (that has been discontinued for months). Manager comes up to me and says "I just got off the phone with another manager and she told me we had guests in our dining room complaining about you?” She goes to talk to them and explain that the special is discontinued, which is exactly what I told them.

Stiffed.

Had a table transferred to me so the non-closer could go home. “Well you didn’t really do anything for us.”

Stiffed.

Then, our regulars who come in and “forget” every single week that we close at 11. I was prepared and strategically dropped off their check at 11:01 so they couldn’t order anything else like they always try to do. “Wait hold on, I wanted another beer. You didn’t even tell us about last call!”

"Sir, when you ordered that beer, it WAS last call.”

“Well we wanted more food.”

“Well I’m sorry about that, but we’re closed now.”

Stiffed.

Fucking A. Are people getting worse or am I?

5 days til vacation… 5 days til vacation…

Rant over.

By: babesuruncle

Never told us (Damian Wayne imagine)

Requested: Yes
Request:  Could you do something where Damian has been childhood sweethearts with the reader since like middle school and he doesn’t tell his brothers, and one day him and the reader are making out and the brothers walk in and are really confused and like, “WHAT?!” +  Damian invites reader over to help her with her math homework, she gets so happy after getting a problem right she tackles damian in a kiss, Tim walks in at the wrong time, Tim sprints outta the room yelling and Damian cHASES him down embarassd,
Summary: The family finds out that Damian has been dating someone for a while and hasn’t told them.
Word count: 500
Warning(s): none 

You and Damian had been together since the early days of middle school, in secret of course. You were now in high school. His family knew you, they all thought you were friends, you often came to the manor to do homework or get tutored and no one suspected a thing. To think that a group of detectives couldn’t tell was quite funny.

You were at the manor today yet again. You couldn’t understand how to do a couple of math problems so Damian of course, was there to help. Equation after equation, you just couldn’t fully get it. Damian was as calm as ever, explaining again and again, trying to make sure you understand it.

You were doing an equation, your boyfriend calmly observing as you do. Suddenly you jump up, sitting on Damians lap, and kissing his face all over, “Beloved?” He asks in utter shock. “I DID IT!” You yell, taking Damian’s lips into a heated kiss. He wraps his hands around your waist, smiling into the kiss, when his door suddenly opens. “What’s with all the commotion…Oh wow,” Tim says in shock before making a run for it. 

Damian quickly sits you on his bed, “Wait here Beloved,” before running after him.”You better come back here, Timothy!” Damian yells. Tim runs into the cave where everyone was working on something, Damian hot on his trail. “Damian and y/n are dating!”  Tim yells on the top of his lungs gathering shocked looks from everyone. “SHUT UP!” Damian yells before jumping full force in to Tim, causing them both to topple down onto the floor. The only thing that saved Tim from hitting his jaw, was his quick reflexes to put his hands in front of him.

Damian! Get off your brother!” Bruce scolds. “Wait, the demon spawn really has a girlfriend?” Jason asks in disbelief. “Y/n was loudly screaming, so I went to check on them and they were full on making out,” Tim says clapping his hands to rid them of the dust from the floor. “And you never told us?” Dick dramatically says, making a ‘woe is me’ pose on his chair. “We’ve been together for years,” Damian huffs, his nose to the sky.

Bruce had been quiet all this time, and Tim was the only one that noticed. “Why aren’t you saying anything Bruce?” He asks the older man. “I knew.” Gasps fill the air. “Damian has been much calmer ever since it started and she started coming over more often, it was obvious.” He explained. The boys didn’t understand how they hadn’t noticed because it truly was obvious.

Are you going to give him the talk?” Dick asks after a moment of silence with a wide grin, causing Damian to loudly groan and send a glare toward his eldest brother, before coming back to his room to you.

How did it go?” You ask setting down your phone that you were entertaining yourself with. Damian just rolls his eyes, “Those imbeciles are ridiculous!”


Masterlist
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With love,
-K

ANTIS: YAAAY KARAMEL IS OVER!!! LET’S STALK THE KARAMEL TAG TO SEE THE KREMLINS CRYING OVER THEIR DEAD SHIP!!

KARAMELS: Karamel will grow even stronger when Mon-El comes back next season! Their reunion will be epic!

ANTIS: He dead tho…

KARAMELS: Wow, his pod got sucked into a wormhole! I wonder if he ended up in the Phantom Zone or somewhere else… 

ANTIS: HE DEAD THO…

KARAMELS: Wait, he could be going straight to the 30th century to meet the Legion though! Remember they teased the Legion Flight Ring? I bet he will be already a full-on superhero when he comes back to Kara!

ANTIS: He dead tho. Also, Sup3rc0rp is rising!!11

KARAMELS: They also pretty much set in stone that Karamel is meant to be endgame… They had already given them a True Love’s Kiss…

ANTIS: Sup3rc0rp is endgame!!11

KARAMELS: …and now Kara finally told Mon-El she loves him, and that she should have said it before, and she gave him her mother’s necklace…

ANTIS: Sup3rc0rp is a slow burn!!11

KARAMELS: …and she will do everything in her power to get him back…

ANTIS: EARTH IS POISONOUS FOR DAXAMITES!!!111

KARAMELS: …and they will find a cure for him. If it’s not Team Supergirl or Team Flash, it will be the Legion! Can’t wait for season 3, it will be so good!!

ANTIS: HE DEAD THO!!!111

KARAMELS: