i was waiting for this one to come out

baby, my baby | 04

Originally posted by kookmin

“Raise my child, just for twelve months”

◇ pairing: jungkook | reader
◇ genre: angst, fluff. parents au
◇ word count:  k
◇ author’s note: i will be updating this series every friday evening, 11~12pm korean time! i really hope you enjoy!

part one  ↠ ↠ part three part four part five (coming next week!)

Keep reading

Remember Patty?

That’s the new girl. She knows a lot of the rules already, got her name picked out and everything. Patty, come over here, say hi! Make her feel welcome, yeah? Oh, a couple of you might know her from that party right after New Year's - y'know, when Danger Dude was off his head and wanted to dive into the river? Yeah, Patty was one of the people trying to hold him back. She also punched Yellow’s ex in the face. So basically, she’s a handy gal to have around, ain’t that right Patty? Ha, yeah she’s good people. Oh, could you ple-ah-I mean - do you mind grabbing me some chips from the table? Thanks Patty. See what I mean? Good people.

Okay, thanks for being cool guys. I know most of you were at that party - Ginger, I know it was you who punched Yellow’s ex. We all do. But Patty - she just introduced herself, told me those stories like I wasn’t there, so I had to play along. I’m not the only one getting - y'know - vibes, right? Aw man, she’s coming back. Have any of you seen her around before? No-one’s heard of her? Does nobody remember Patty?

No? Thank god. Because I sure as hell don’t.


anonymous asked:

i just came by this blog ohmy gosh thank you so much for this blog and updating with all the latest black panther stuff it seems like all the other big marvel blogs just post stuff abt the "bigger" movies like spiderman and guardians of the glaaxy and whatnot and that makes me kind of sad because i've been waiting so long for a movie with black representation

Hey, you’re welcome! I think one of the main reasons the bigger blogs don’t post about Black Panther (updates or edits) right now is because not a lot of information is out yet, since the movie doesn’t come out until February. And yeah, the biggest part of the movie I’m also concerned about is the representation and Marvel doing it properly without screwing up.

But I’m glad you’re enjoying this blog! It’s not as well-known as the bigger marvel blogs but hopefully the exclusive BP content will convince you to stay ;)

I'm not breaking rules for you
  • Me: How are you?
  • Customer: Good how are you?
  • Me: Not bad. Do you have a rewards card?
  • Customer: I do, but I don't have it on me.
  • Me: Ok. Just give me a minute and I can look it up.
  • Me: *scans items, grabs paper and pen to take down phone number* Alrighty, what's your phone number?
  • Customer: *gives me number*
  • Me: *looks up number and comes back* There wasn't one under that number, could it be under a different one?
  • Customer: Try XXX-X...no wait, XXX-XXXX *said super fast while I'm still crossing out the number she decided not to give*
  • Me: Can you repeat that?
  • Customer: *rolls her eyes and looks at me like I'm stupid* XXX-XXXX, or it might be under XXX-XXXX
  • Me: *looks up those two numbers with no success* It wasn't under those either.
  • Customer: Ugh, don't you just have one you can scan for me?
  • Me: No, I don't, sorry. We're not allowed to do scan our own cards for customers.
  • Customer: They do it for me at other stores all the time
  • Me: Well, they're not supposed to. We can get in trouble for that.
  • Customer: So what am I supposed to do?
  • Me: You can ask another customer to use theirs, I just can't use mine.
  • Customer: Well there's nobody else here. Ugh, I guess I'll just pay for it then.
  • Me: Ok. Sorry about that.

anonymous asked:

Honestly, people arguing that Elriel shouldn't happen because Azriel deserves a mate irks me. I am not saying that I don't respect their right to not ship it, but come on... no one had a problem in ACoMaF when Azriel was waiting for centuries for Mor and was unhappy without a mating bond. The argument is not about Azriel finding a mate at all; it is about the fandom treating Elriel like less of an individual because of a bond that wasn't created out of love. The bond has worked in other cases...

(PART 2) because we actually saw the ships that were revealed to have a mating bond falling in love and developing an honest and supportive relationship. Bottom line, the fandom cares only about Azriel and Lucien and there are few people who acually consider Elain’s feelings in this equation. And it’s sad considering that at the same time they are complaining about the treatment of female characters.

You raise some good points, friend! I will be the first to admit that Elain is not my favorite and Azriel very much IS my favorite, so I do tend to swing the pendulum in his direction every time these conversations arise. However you’re right, Elain is BY NO MEANS obligated to Lucien, and this is reiterated several times in canon. And the point you bring up about how the fandom viewed Azriel when Moriel was still an option versus how they treat Azriel with Elriel on the table now IS pretty interesting, I’ve never considered that! I’ll have to think on it some more :) overall I just hope we see our babies happy and content and loved to the fullest.

EDIT: your drop about Elain being viewed as less of an individual post-bond is ON POINT. We should do better - myself included!

I’ve decided.

I’m going back to bed.

When I wake up in like a month or two, all my work will have done itself and my anxiety will have fucked off.

Who wants to come with me? I’m an excellent cuddler.

Mystic Messenger~Pregnant~Zen Pt.2

I turned around and I saw him holding the stick, I wiped my mouth and stood up to look at the test..

The word ‘pregnant’ was shown


“Congratulations MC!” He exclaimed “I can’t wait until everyone in the RFA knows!” He took out his phone but before he could put in his pin I snatched it from his hands

“No! Not yet Luciel, I already feel bad since Zen wasn’t the first one to know, I don’t want him to be more upset just because the entire RFA knows the news before him.”

“Okay, fine… So, how are you planning on telling him?”

“I.. I don’t know yet…”

“When is he coming home anyways?”


“So tell him tonight” he sighs, flopping down the couch while covering his eyes with his left arm
Luciel stayed here for another 2 hours until he got a call from his boss and left.

I went to the living room and went on Netflix, after 3 and a half movies later before I realized I didn’t know where the stick was. I frantically looked around, lifting pillows up and trowing them down as I heard the front door unlock.

“Babe, I’m home~” I hear a familiar voice sing, I panicked and looked around the room with wide eyes. WHERE THE FUCK DID LUCIEL LEAVE IT?!

When I couldn’t see where he left it, I quickly ran to the entrance where Zen greeted me with his bright smile, dropped his luggage and hugged me.

“I missed you so much babe” He whispers to me while tightening his arms around my waist.

“I missed you too Hyun”

He connected his lips to mine for a few seconds then parted, he took off his jacket and trew it where his bag was and connected he connected our lips once again, he quickly guided our bodies to the couch where he pushed me down and pinned me down.

“You have no Idea how much I misses you, how much I missed this” he says in between kisses

I tried to free myself so I can look for it, but he’d be curious on why I’ll push him away, so I didn’t. He opened his eyes as he guides his hands to the hem of my shirt and lifting it off, until he paused for a moment, his eyes widening.

I looked up to see the stick ontop of one of the pillows, well shit

He slowly lifted his body off mine, reaching the test and bringing it closer to his face

“Babe, your Pregnant?”


Sweet features

Request from Anonymous: Can you please make another scenario/imagine of Christian Yu and the girl is a model that he work with for a music video. Sorry for my broken english i hope you understand it and thank you sm before

Christian was waiting for the leading lady to come on set and she was late. One hour late to be exact. He was getting frustrated because this meant he was now lost for time. “When is she going to get here?” he asked the other guys. “Don’t worry, she’ll get here,” someone from the set yelled out. Christian took out his phone and began scrolling through Instagram. He rested his elbows on the chair before seeing a shadow cast over his phone. Christian looked up and saw the leading lady. She looked even better in person. “I’m so sorry for being late! My taxi driver took a wrong turn and we ended on the other side of town,” she frantically apologised. Christian stood up from the chair and reached out to shook her hand, “that’s okay, I’m gla-I mean, we’re glad you’re here. I’m Christian”. She shook his hand before realising his role, “Oh Christian Yu? You’re the director for this music video, right?” Christian smiled as he ran his fingers through his hair. 


“Okay, cut! I think we got it. Break time,” Christian called out. Everyone started to spread across the studio and Christian could see the leading lady trying to get off the steps. No one seemed to realised she needed help. “Can I lend a hand?” Christian reached his hands out to meet hers and guided her down the steps. “Thanks Christian. These heels look good but they are a pain to stand in,” she complained as she sat down in a chair. “You should take it off. We’re done with that scene and the next one is just you lying on the bed”. She smiled at him and kicked off the heels. She leaned back into the chair and let out a loud sigh. “Long day?” Christian asked. “Yeah, before this I had an audition and tomorrow night I’ll be flying out to Malaysia”. “At least you love what you’re doing, right? She simply nodded and closed her eyes. Christian examined her facial features and how beautiful she looked with minimal makeup, that dress and the way her hair flowed pass her shoulders. She looked like the girl next door. Christian have worked with models before and most of them acted liked divas. Demanding this and that. But this girl was different. Then she interrupted his train of thoughts, “I’m starving. How’s the catering here?” she asked. Christian pointed her to the table, “We have some pizzas, noodles and some fried chicken, I think. I wasn’t in charge of catering so don’t blame me for the lack of options”. She laughed at him before getting up and made her way to the table barefoot. Christian followed suit. 

Christian saw her grabbed two slices of pizza and loaded the other half of the plate with noodles. She saw him looking at her choices. “Don’t judge me. I haven’t eaten anything since breakfast,” she told him. Christian took a plate for himself and filled his plate with a bit of everything, “Now I won’t judge you, if you don’t judge me. This is my cheat meal”. She laughed as she handed him a water bottle. Christian and her went back to the chairs and began eating. 

“So what made you choose directing as a career,” she asked. Christian swallowed his food, “I used to be on a completely different career path but I realised it wasn’t for me so I changed it. I’ve always loved editing and shooting but it was more a hobby before. Now I turned that hobby into a career”. “Interesting. I’m like you too. Modelling wasn’t my first career choice. I used to sing,” she told him. Christian let out a quiet gasp, “Singing? I used to sing too!” She smiled at him as she ate the last piece of the pizza. Before Christian could ask her about it, the other guys came up to him and let him know that they were running behind schedule. “Oh shit, I’m sorry. Let me run to the bathroom first,” she apologised again.

“Just relax, okay?” Christian told her as she got ready for the next scene. The scene involved her lying on the bed with rose petals surrounding her. “Can we get more petals please,” Christian called out to the others. He gave her an okay sign before heading back to the director’s chair. 


The music began to echo throughout the set and Christian focused on the screen. He was mesmerised by her image on the screen. The way her eyes flutter, her gentle hand movements and the backdrop of the white bedsheet illuminated all her facial features. “Oi, Christian, we’ve been filming this scene for the past 10 minutes!” someone from the set called out. It was the producer. Christian’s train of thoughts was interrupted again and he ran his hands through his hair to try and hide his embarrassment. “Oh, sorry. I just wanted to um get it right the first time. We should move on to the window scene,” he told them. 

The window scene consisted of her sitting by a fake window sill and looking towards the projection. The projection was a looped clip of people crossing the Shibuya crossing in Tokyo. She came to sit down next to his chair while the others changed the set. “I think the producer is mad at you at the moment,” she told him as she giggled softly. “Nah, he’s harmless. He has a date tomorrow morning so I’m guessing that’s why he is impatient with me,” Christian explained. Christian looked at her and her eyes were different. They looked sad even though minutes earlier, she looked so relaxed and happy. “Something wrong?” he asked her. Now he interrupted her train of thoughts. “Oh nothing is wrong. Just that you bought up dating and I just kinda, you know..” her voice trailed off. “Boyfriend problems?” he turned to her. She let out a small huff, “Maybe if I had a boyfriend but no, my career won’t allow me. I just want to grow successfully first before settling down. But sometimes, when I come back to my hotel, I just feel empty”. Christian saw the sadness behind her eyes grow even bigger. He wanted to make her forget being sad so he took out his phone and started recording her on Snapchat. “What are you doing, Christian?” she asked, “This isn’t part of the music video”. Christian changed the camera view and now it was facing the front. “Just wanted to see how this filter looked on us”. Christian and the girl were swiping across the several filters and making faces with it. Christian took a photo of each one. These moments were then interrupted because she had to go back on set. Christian was yet again mesmerised by her features. She was looking out towards the projection and he couldn’t help but to think what was she thinking at the time. 


“Well I think it’s time for bed,” she told Christian, as she walked out of the changing room. It was nearly 2am in the morning when she finished filming her scenes. It would have ended earlier, but Christian kept on forgetting to yell out ‘cut’. He was lost in her presence whenever he saw her on the screen. “Do you want a lift back to your hotel? Don’t want any taxi drivers taking you to the wrong side of the city,” he joked. She smiled, “Um if it’s not too much trouble. I don’t know Seoul very well..” Christian picked up his bags and gestured her to follow him, “No trouble. I insist anyway”. 

During the car ride, Christian and her talked about their previous careers. “You don’t regret changing careers?” she asked him. “No, I’ve never been happier with where I am at the moment”. She smiled as she looked out the window. The streets of Seoul in the early mornings were so peaceful and quiet. She let out a soft sigh when they arrived in front of her hotel. Christian put the car in park and turned off the engine. “So thanks for the ride, Christian,” she told him as she took off her seat belt. Christian wanted time to stop right now. He just wanted to drive all night with her in the passenger seat. Just the two of them. “Yeah, no worries,” he said, quietly. “When you’re done with the music video, I’d like to see it. I’ve seen your previous works and all looked great”. Christian again, brushed her hands through his hair before turning to her. “You’ll be the first person to see the final product, I promise”. 

With that, she got out of the car before waving him goodbye. Christian made sure she entered the hotel doors safely before taking out his phone and going through the photos he took of them earlier. He smiled each time he swiped left. Once he got to the last photo, his heart sank a little. He looked at the hotel doors and were having mixed thoughts. Should he just go in and ask the front desk for her? Or should he message her on Instagram? His hands were already on the door handle but then there was a knock on the window. He looked out and saw the hotel’s doorman. “Excuse me Sir, but you’re not allow to park in this spot. It’s for the shuttle buses”. Christian apologised before turning the car engine on and began to drive back to his home. 

chickennuggetnoodles  asked:

My annoyance with the twin theory is why did Yana wait for this moment to show stronger signs of the twins? (We've had hints in the past, but arguably the lastest chapter is the strongest) What does the delay signal? Is it that BB is coming to it's last arcs? From Ciel's point of view it's been what two years since he was rescued? (I think he's celebrated his birthday twice?) Either way this twin (if there is one) better have a good reason for showing up now!

Yeah, the appearance of the twin could mean that the manga is slowly coming to its end. It will definitely be a huge turning point if this theory turns out to be true and if the twin is ‘alive’. So I can understand that Yana waited a long time for it to be revealed.

It’s actually been nearly four years since our Ciel made the contract with Sebastian. So that is indeed a long time for the twin to wait for his appearance. But there may be a reason in the story for why it took so long. For all we know the twin should have died on that day when Ciel made a contract and it’s possible that he did. So if UT or whoever brought him back as a Bizarre Doll now, it’s understandable that this couldn’t be done right away since it wasn’t possible back then. We saw UT’s progress with his Bizarre Dolls and only recently he seemed to be more successful (e.g. Agares). It may not even be UT who ‘revived’ the twin. And if someone else copied his methods they could only do so after UT’s Bizarre Dolls appeared.

So that could explain why the twin may only appear now after such a long time. ;)

acecosmos  asked:


ALSO it comes out on the same day as my grade’s field trip which I am thankfully not going on so that makes it even better :000


And nice dude! Can`t wait for the first episode to air, I`m excited for what has changed and what they are all up to!

I’m coming to the conclusion that, as much as I thought I hated it, I’d rather be the person who passes in and out of other people’s lives than be the stationary one whose life they pass through. It feels really terrible to meet someone interesting whose company I enjoy and have to wait and see if I’m worth enough to them to come back and visit me again at some point. Maybe I’m just a clingy motherfucker, despite all my attempts at passing as cold, callous, and unattached. I love meeting other travelers and having hours of deep soul-baring conversation, and I hate the emotional fallout afterwards when we part ways and I go back to being alone, shackled to routine and lacking personal transportation. The higher you get, the harder you fall afterwards, I suppose. Sigh. 

sansurina  asked:

Once you get this, you have to say five things you like about yourself, publicly. Then you have to send this to ten of your favourite followers (non-negotiable, positivity is cool) 💋

((Wait, ten of your favourite followers? Dont tell me one of my senpais noticed me?????????))

Originally posted by nyanpasuminasan

But okay uhm… Five things I like about myself??? Oh shit that is hard to come up with lmao let’s see…

  1. I like my English skills. Like honestly I still don’t know how it comes out, but I have been complimented multiple times, including when I translated to tourists while the guide spoke in my language.
  2. I like my art works I create in class. Obviously not all, but when I take my all I like how they end up. Favourites are watercolors!!
  3. I like my eyes… even if they’re brown which is super comon, I think they have something dreamy?? I don’t know how to explain. My mother always told me how my eyes shine more than others and how my eyelashes are on point lmao
  4. I like my freckles! They usually are more visible in Summer because of the hot weather, and I don’t even have a lot of them, but I like the lil dots ahaha
  5. I enjoy how I design my ocs and the worlds I create for them. oBVIOUSLY I don’t post them because Im a lazy one, but I have like 5 drafts of my original universes just laying here????? Ohwell hahahah

And that is all! I am going to work now, probably ((if I don’t forget aaaa)) I’ll send this to 10 people I love ♥

shoutout to george, fred, and especially ron weasley for realizing that harry was stuck in abusive and unhealthy household and, in spite of the massive trouble they knew they could get in, taking immediate steps to personally see him removed from that environment, something no adult in harry’s life did.

I need more Baze and Chirrut origin stories asap please and thank you


A nesspaula comic I made a bit late for valentines day


Keiynan Lonsdale, who stars in The Flash on The CW, came out as liking girls and guys in a lovely Instagram post a few days ago. He wrote:

I like to change my hair, I like to take risks with how I dress, I like girls, & I like guys (yes), I like growing, I like learning, I like who I am and I really like who I’m becoming. Spent way too many years hating myself, thinking I was less valuable because I was different.. which is just untrue. A couple years ago I was able to accept myself, & it saved my life, but now I’ve gotten to a new road block & I feel kind of lost. I gotta take the next step & actually embrace who I am, which is pretty exciting. Not faking shit anymore, not apologising for falling in love with people no matter their gender. I’ve become bored of being insecure, ashamed, scared… no one should feel like that about themselves, especially when there is so much good life to live. Ya know more & more I see so many young people being their best / truest selves, it’s fucking inspiring… so what have I been waiting for!? Who knows. Everyone in their own time. I hope we can all learn to embrace who we are & not judge people who aren’t exactly the same as us. The truth is we are all family, we’re all one. Just love. Keiy. ❤

Welcome to the family, Keiy. ❤ (via the Huffington Post)


Legolas reports back to his father.

I can’t sleep rn so let’s talk about all the levels on which Welcome to the Madness is great

- The whole skating routine is so punk rock, so fresh and unconventional, and so Yuri. He’s really expressing himself, no holds barred, and it’s gorgeous and mesmerizing.

- But when you figure all of that, and then add in that he’s skating to Otabek’s music – like Beka is his inspiration, someone who synergizes with him creatively, and the whole routine, from the outfits to the choreography, is their joint creation – I’m just like *clutches chest* *wheezes profusely*

- There’s so many more dynamics to Yuri and Otabek’s relationship and interactions now than were in the show. I don’t have enough capacity for coherent thought right now to break them down, and that should probably wait for a full scan to come out. But how wonderfully they work together, and complement each other, and play off each other after like a WEEK of friendship is the stuff that shipper dreams are made of.

- But for one thing, they are both so cool and nonchalant about that whole sexy af performance, that they have to be incredibly comfortable with each other to pull it off with such ease.

- Everyone who thought Otabek was nothing but a quiet shy guy is IN FOR SOME SURPRISES WHOO BOY. I love him to bits either way – as the cool bad boy on a bike, or as the super-cool club DJ, or as the super-super-cool-super-extra-finger-lickin-good boy. But now he has quite a bit of depth, and every new detail we learn just makes us love him more 👍

- It’s not that often that I’ve been part of a fandom that has allowed me to see my favorite ship become canon right before my eyes. This journey over the past several months has been so beyond awesome, and for all its flaws the YOI fandom is really nothing short of amazing. I am quite certain that we made this happen by showing our support and love for Otayuri ever since that fateful day of Episode 10.

- Finally, now all the haters/anti-shippers can literally go suck it (and by “it” I mean Yuri’s index finger) ☝️☝️☝️👅👅👅

The night starts with a big, spicy Philly cheese steak. It’s about 6pm. I’ve been wanting to try the cheese steak from this corny, 50’s retro place for a long time. I gobble down the big greasy bowl of meat, hot sauce, and cheese, then head to the coffee shop for my weekly draw group. A little after I get home, about 10pm, a stomach ache comes on. “Damn, guess spicy foods are out.” I’ve been getting stomach aches every time I have spicy Thai or hot wings. I google search about spice pain- possible stomach ulcer? “I guess I have been stressed lately, but no more than usual I don’t think…” File under “Will investigate further later.“ According to the comments on this health website, a glass of milk will help. Gulp one down, go to bed.

Wrestle to sleep for about an hour. Realize the ache is just over the required pain threshold to keep you from sleeping. Do some work on my comic, more tired, but stomach worse. Will play batman until I fall asleep. I feel like I’m just running in circles… How many times have I failed this mission? Batman, batman, stomach now hurts too bad to enjoy an active task like video games. Deliriously tired. Would be great to sleep through the rest of this abdominal temper tantrum. Try the old “hot shower will make you sleep” trick. Take some Pepto-Bismol, and some generic acetaminophen. Out of the shower, hurts to walk around now, and to lie down. Guess I’ll have to wait it out with my eyes open. Call and leave my Doc a message, maybe will get a spot in there tomorrow. Need to get that ulcer discovered… Time to enjoy a passive task like watching TV. Breaking Bad feels like the right mixture of funny and painful, just like me and my burning spice belly. Damn, I can’t even enjoy that part where during Hank’s interrogation of that meth head, Wendy, she accuses Hank of trying to buy sexual services from her on behalf of an underage “football player” (a misunderstanding involving Walter Jr. from a few episodes before). Oh hell. Time to look up what time emergency medical clinics open. Guess I’ll have to pay out of pocket since I can’t wait for my Doc tomorrow.  It’s about 4am now. Earliest clinic opens at 8. Now hungry again, but can’t eat what with all the pain. One hour down. Man, this is really starting to hurt. Can I really wait 3 more hours? Sitting is starting to hurt as much as lying and standing. And I’m still not enjoying TV. Okay, I’ve come to a decision…. 

“Hey, Kayla, my stomach still hurts, I’m thinking about driving to the ER, do you wanna come?” “Oh! Ya, sure. What time is it?” “It’s 5:30”. I  call the hospital “Hey, I’ve had a pretty bad stomach ache all night, I’m thinking of coming by.” Operator: *long pause* “Haha, well, okay! We’re open all night, so just come on in.” 

Driving with a stomach ache is not so bad, because you’re already hunched over. Wish Kayla could drive, but she doesn’t really know how, probably would have a panic attack and would definitely crash. Interesting that they have ER parking, I wonder how many ER patients drive themselves here… All bodily positions hurt my insides now, signing in to this place sucks. Give Kayla half the paperwork to fill out, glad she’s here, or this would be really boring. Man, they sure take a long time for someone trying to get into an empty emergency room… Signing in with a nurse, she ask me my height and I say “ ‘5’’8”, but I notice she puts down “ ‘5’’7”… They want to look at my pee, they always want to see my pee. I pee, no blood, so whatever that tells them means I’m getting an ultrasound first. Then a young nurse named Ken, a cool Asian dude with screws through both ears, squirts so much morphine into my IV that I lean back and audibly say “oh my god.” I feel it ripple like a shock wave from my arm down to the ends of my body. My belly is feeling alright now. 

The ultrasound technician tells me that babies are the least common thing she uses ultrasounds for. My joke has fallen flat. Back in the room, the doctor and his manila folder tell me “Good news! No gallstones, there are kidney stones inside your kidneys, but since they are inside, you shouldn’t be feeling the pain from those.” “Wait, does that mean I have to pee those stones out at some poin–” It is not discussed again. Seeing that neither organ has the appropriate stones, Doc would “rather not expose me to more radiation than necessary” and is working on discharging me. But, “I won’t leave here without a diagnosis.” 

In I go to the CT scan tube. That hot squish of contrast dye spreading through my veins. “Okay, we’re moving you into a room upstairs.” Says a hippy technician. Upstairs in my sweet and swanky single with couch, a person I’m pretty sure is just a businessman disguised in medical scrubs types on a computer. He takes down my answers to what seem like pre-surgery questions. “Do you have anybody specific on file in the event you are medically unable to yield consent  for yourself?” This, combined fact that they won’t feed me, makes me wonder what it is I’m going into surgery for. I saw this same thing about a year and a half ago with the whole brain debacle, but that’s a story for another time. Several medical people dip in, sprinkle breadcrumbs of information; it’s like a game show challenge that combines a scavenger hunt with a jigsaw puzzle. You have to gather the pieces of information from their hiding places, then assemble them in the correct order to reveal an answer. A tech comes in and spoils the game, “You seem to have a lot of questions, so I just want to make sure, you know you have appendicitis right? We’re about to take it out.” “Thank god,” I think. “It’s not the spicy foods. Spicy foods are still in.” Downstairs, in pre-op, I complain to my plain-clothes surgeon about how analog tests like pressing on my stomach are remarkably inaccurate, since a doctor’s subjective interpretation of my poor description of say, “the pain is slightly higher” can rule out appendicitis, the same appendicitis that a machine might spot an hour later. I tell him that I almost got sent home. My surgeon tells me he’s been doing analogue tests for 30 years, and not to worry about it. I start to tell him how “my deadpan reaction to pain also causes a lot of people to misdiagnose me, that a lot of people laugh when I describe how I’m in pai–”, but he walks away in the middle to get dressed for surgery. The operating room has big TVs and lights, it looks like a set, and I consider the possibility of fake hospitals as the anesthesia takes the wheel.

In the recovery area, the nurse tells me how big, inflamed appendixes can be agitated by spicy foods, foods high in fat, and dense foods like heavy cheese. I see an image of a spotlit cheese steak appear in a black void. Nurse feeds me ice chips and tells me she craves ice chips when she’s dehydrated. I suggest that she only craves ice chips because she works in a hospital, that ice chips are too unsatisfying a thing to crave at random, and that most people would just crave water. She agrees. Back upstairs in my room, it is now 8pm, and it has been 26 hours since I’ve eaten. I’ve been hydrated only through IV’s. The driest mouth and the clearest pee. Because the lingering anesthetic can cause nausea and vomiting, they will only give me jello. I go nuts on the jello. They continue to give me every jello I ask for, one at a time, like a test. Way past where I though the cutoff point would be, the nurse tells me “That’s it! There’s no more jello! You ate all the jello on this floor.” You’re damn right I did, you’re damn right….