i was trying something completely different but

PSA to new (and old) langblrs.

Many of you have probably encountered and been sold the old “Learn X language in X months/weeks” lie and for those of you who have recently taken on the task of learning a language; it is a lot harder than all these companies, ego-driven (cough benny lewis) people and adverts will have you believe.

A language learing journey is not something that you complete in a few months - think about your native language. I am 21 years old and I still encounter English words every few weeks that I’ve never seen before; why would it be different for a target language? We spent the first year of our life purely taking in language and not producing any at all; most of us didn’t achieve our current level of writing ability until finishing high school.

I’m not trying to dissuade you or say that language learning takes 16 years (it doesn’t) but don’t be misled by these people who are shoving overly-optimistic lies down your throat. It took me 1.5 years to get to B2 level and it will probably take me another 2 years to get to C1, and lord knows about C2. Language learning is really, really hard (there are some people who spend years in their target country and can never get the grasp of it; it’s not easy) and youneed to be in it for the long run.

But I promise you, it is worth it, every milestone you reach brings you indescribable joy and the years of effort will be worth it.

my family: “something’s different with you. you seem happier. you’re smiling more. it’s good. it’s great. keep it up.”

yes my life’s on the right track. i’m getting an apartment. i’m going to grad school. i’m working full time. i go to the gym now. i have healthy hobbies and supportive friends. i’m trying to be more positive. i escaped an abusive environment and opened up that intimate part to some of my family so yes. i’m happier! i really truly am

7

When I was reading The Hidden Oracle I realized something I’m not sure how to put it into words, it’s so easy to explain it in spanish but I have a hard time explaining in english, but I’m gonna try my best. 

Trials of Apollo is a complete new saga, it’s different than Heroes of Olympus because that saga was more connected to PJO. But TOA? It’s a new beginning, it’s for a new generation of kids, it’s the start of another era, Percy and his friends, the original campers, they are no longer at camp, it’s the time of a new generation of campers, inside the book and outside the book. 

Reading TOA is a bittersweet experience and I can say the reason of that is all the small explanations Riordan had to add to the books, we know who is Paul, we know Tyson is a cyclops and Percy’s brother and we definitely know who Annabeth is, but the new readers? The ones whose first touch to the Riordan world is this book? They have no idea of any of that. They are the new campers, they are the ones who are gonna grow with Meg and Lester and Kayla and Austin and the new batch of campers the same way we did with Percy and Annabeth and Clarisse and Silena and the others.

Having Percy at the start and the end of this book is Riordan’s way of Percy passing the torch to Lester. This is not his story anymore, he has grown up, he is off to college, his era of being a hero is done. Percy is now on his way to becoming a legend and it’s Lester and Meg’s turn to be the heroes. Sure, Percy is not going to disappear off the saga, it’s Riordan we are talking about and Percy is his third son, but his role is the same role Chiron had on the PJO saga Percy is the mentor now, no longer the kid who needed help.  And for me, a girl who sees Percy as my hero, Percy who helped me when I needed someone the most? Is absolutely heartbreaking but at the same time I can’t help but feel happy for all the new kids who are gonna have Lester as his Hero. Because this is just not a new saga, this is a new saga filled with all types of representation to little kids who are gonna read this and see that some campers have two dads, maybe just like them, or look! Apollo likes boys and girls! just like me! All the representation this book has and this saga is going to have just makes my heart so incredibly full and warm. 

And this is why reading Trials of Apollo is so bittersweet to me.

i think part of the reason people love dan + phil so much (not even talking romantically, just them collabing or doing something together) is because they have such chemistry. like dan’s sarcasm works with phil’s happy ramblings. phil’s cheerful, vibrant persona works with dan’s “edgy” dark aesthetic. dan’s soft, pretty dimples works with phil’s sharp, godlike cheekbones. phil’s excitement to try anything once works with dan’s relatable, cautious nature. dan’s discussions into existential topics like death works with phil’s encouragement to remember how special you are. they’re like yin and yang, completely different and yet exactly the same, and i love it.

how I stay focused while I study/do my homework!

It’s one thing to start homework and studying, but to stay focused is another thing. Here are some things that work for me!

  • Before I start anything, I tidy up my room! 
    • I know I won’t be able to stay focused if my room isn’t clean, so before I even sit down I make sure everything is in it’s place. I keep my room pretty neat, so this takes about 15 minutes. If I didn’t do this my OCD would kick in and I’d find myself getting up every 5 minutes to put something away.
  • Grab everything I need
    • Again, before starting anything I make sure I have everything in arm’s distance. I make sure I have pens, pencils, calculator, books, etc. I hate when I’m in my groove and then have to get up to find something.
  • Keep a drink near by
    • I usually have something to sip on, tea, juice, water, etc. When I feel myself starting to fidget, I just take a quick drink and I’m ready to go again. Plus, it’s so important to stay hydrated!! 
  • Take a break!
    • When I feel myself really starting to fidget I take a break. I go talk to someone in my family, pet my dog, check instagram, go into my kitchen and eat a snack, doodle, anything really. If I do work for an hour straight, I usually take about a 10 minute break. After this, it’s right back to work!
  • Light a candle 
    • I always have a candle lit or have my diffuser with my essential oils going. My favorite is lavender! When I smell a good smell it keeps my alert and focused.
  • Music?
    • I know many people aren’t too sure of this and like to study in silence, but me personally I like to have music playing in the background VERY low. I find that silence is more distracting. But if you like silence, then go for it! Whatever works for you.
  • Planning, planning, planning!
    • I always plan out my study schedule/assignments. This is a little bit less stressful. For example, I have physics assignments about every week with 10 questions, so each day I try to do about 1-3 problems (doesn’t seem like too much, but depending on the topic they can take me about 15 minutes each).
    • I always set a stopping point so I have an endpoint and I’m not just doing work aimlessly, like copying my biology notes. Instead of just going until I feel like stopping, I’ll set an endpoint, like the end of the powerpoint or a slide number, this way I know how much I have to do. 
    • Planning everything out is also better in the long run. I set little due dates for myself (that aren’t real) to help me stay on top of my assignments. Oh, and it is so nice when it’s the day before the assignments due and you aren’t even worried because you had it completed two days ago. 
    • It’s easier to do a little each day than to cram everything the day before. I know after 3 hours of studying/doing the assignment I’m not even paying attention, I’m just going through the motions of doing work. 
  • Take a deep breath!! You’ve got this ♡ 

So this is somethings that I do! If you would like to try them out I would love to know how they work for you! Everyone is different, so stick to what works for you! Thanks for reading :) x

OKAY LISTEN:
Instead of basing Prince Lotor on the original Voltron series please imagine the potential he has to be a good-ass villain or an unexpectedly sympathetic villain. For example,

- Lotor starts out by simply spying on Voltron, trying to locate their weaknesses and he notices Lance’s insecurities about being on the team and how he feels useless
- Lotor then decides to take advantage of said insecurities and somehow, possibly through Galra-Altean magic bullshit, get Lance to abandon Voltron
- He offers Lance attention, care, and affection, and Lance takes it, bitter about his former teammates
- Lance is sent a video message of his teammates, how they’re all worried about him and that, yes of course they need him
- Lance kicks ass and escapes Lotor

THERES LOTS OF OPPORTUNITIES HERE AS WELL! SUCH AS:

- LANCE HAVING A GODDAMN ARC
- Lotor realizing how similar he is to Lance in the feeing of uselessness and insecurities in general and either becomes an ally or fights him with everything he’s got to try to prove his worth like Lance tries to do
- Possible klance moments? Something along the lines of “We need you!… I need you.” or something
- Did I mention that Lance would actually show more depth of emotion??
- Possible bisexual or gay characters with Lotor possibly falling for Lance or Lance thinking Lotor is actually kind of pretty/handsome even though he’s a guy

I know Lotor was an asshole in the original series, but Pidge was a boy and a gremlin and Allura was… almost completely different.
Let Lotor be altered. VLD is a reboot, after all. Not a copy.

i’m going to be straight up with this. when you’re in college, especially around exams/midterms, there seems like there’s no time to do everything you need to accomplish, much less care for yourself. i’ve devised a list of five small, relatively quick ways to get in some self care time during those weeks where you barely have enough time to catch your breath.

i. get some sunshine

set down your pens, close your notebook momentarily, and step outside your building. taking a break from your studies and getting a breath of fresh air can be so motivating! take a small break from your study session in the library. you don’t have to make it an hour long endeavor: just step outside for 30 seconds, a minute, five, however long you feel like, and take a minute to breathe. bonus points if you leave your technology at your desk.

ii. drink some water

this may seem trivial, but you would be surprised by how often you forget to hydrate. it doesn’t have to be a tall glass or an entire water bottle, but take some time to travel to the water fountain and take a sip! not only will you get a small break from your activity, but you’ll get a refreshing pick me up! throw in a healthy snack! here’s a masterpost of some cheap + low maintenance power snacks worthy of a college student’s affection.

iii. take a quick shower

showering helps relieve tension, and help you sleep better! turn on your favorite song and stay in the shower for as long as you have the time to devote to it. wash the stress from the day off or just stand under the warm water. whatever you decide to do, it is sure to be relaxing and refreshing so you can get back to doing all of the amazing work you’re doing! even if you don’t wash your hair or your body, taking a moment to relax and breathe can really help you with your activities for the rest of the day.

iv. clean/organize your desk

personally, i clean/organize when i’m stressed out. if this is something that helps calm you down, go for it! if this is not necessarily a go to stress relieving practice for you, take a look at your study space. have you been in the library all day? throw away any trash leftover from your midday snack, and recycle any papers you might not need anymore! has it been a few weeks since you cleaned off your desk or reorganized your stationery? take five minutes and tidy up your study space! a change of pace can be so helpful when it comes to finding your motivation to continue working.

v. take a short nap

i know what you’re thinking: this is a slippery slope. it can be, but knowing when you really do need a nap is part of being an adult! i try my hardest not to take naps unless absolutely necessary, but sometimes i do need to unplug, close my notebooks, and crawl into bed to recharge. don’t write off naps as an act you can never indulge in. if you have a bad night and don’t get enough sleep, your productivity will be affected. science shows that you should nap for either 45 or 90 minutes so you don’t screw your rhythms up! regardless of whether or not you are the royalty of napping, or someone who tries their hardest to refrain from napping, remember that naps are more than okay sometimes, and that sleep is a necessity if you want to be the best student you can be!

i can’t say this enough: taking time for yourself, especially in college, is so important. when you feel better about yourself, you have more time to devote to studying and doing the things you love! try to make a habit of doing a self care activity, be it one i mentioned above or something completely different, for at least 10 minutes every day. you will feel refreshed, motivated, and prepared to continue your studies! i am wishing everyone the best of luck! as always, if you have questions or suggestions, please send me an ask.

Happy Birthday Hailey

It’s the wonderful @victuurificrec aka Hailey’s birthday today! She does an incredible amount for the fandom and if you don’t know her blog, I suggest you definitely check it out asap. She puts a huge amount of effort into everything that she does and she’s been an incredible supporter of my fic for a long time. So to say thank you and Happy Birthday to Hailey, here’s a little birthday themed Viktuuri ficlet to show my appreciation. 

Happy Birthday! xx



“So, you’re telling me that all this panic is just because you can’t decide what to get Viktor for his birthday?” Phichit asked disbelievingly.

Yuuri groaned, resting his head in his free hand as he clutched his phone with the other. It was stupid, he knew. Calling Phichit in a panic after almost a full week of constant worrying and doubt over something that Viktor probably wouldn’t even care much about but he couldn’t help himself.

“I’ve been living with him for a year Phichit. We’ve been together for even longer. Last year he told me he didn’t really celebrate much but this year it’s different. We’ve been together too long for me to not give him something, I just don’t know what.”

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Sniper Lance!

I really love these types of headcanons! Just…anything involving any type of badass Lance. Thank you @plouffe-dans-leau for suggesting this, I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to actually get to it.

•Lance pretty much grew up in a gun range.

•his father and uncle were snipers and took Lance to the gun range as a way of bonding.

•turns out Lance is a natural, and his father and uncle teach him everything they know. They can’t help but be proud of their little son/nephew.

•and as the years go by, Lance just keeps getting better. But he also wanted to fight, like his father and uncle.

•so he signs up for the garrison, hoping to learn to be a trained fighter pilot and make his family proud.

•of course than he gets whisked away by a giant robot lion to fight in a galactic war.

•when the bayard turned into a type of rifle, Lance was so happy, but it was very different from what he was used to ( which is a lot! His father made sure to train him in practically every gun he could.) so when no one was using it, which was a lot harder than originally thought, Lance practices with it relentlessly to get a better handle on it.

•and Lance realizes how much he misses his family. On Earth, he knew that he could always call or Skype, even when he would be able to deploy, he still would have some contact.

•but out in space, he can’t even send a letter to them letting him know he’s ok. (Doesn’t stop him from writing them though.)

•when Pidge makes the comment about him not being the sharpshooter, it definitely shakes his confidence. All his life his father and uncle have told him what a sharpshooter he is, how he’s better than some of the men they’ve worked with. But what if thy were just saying that because he was family (they weren’t. They literally think he’s one of the best.) and it slips in with every other insecurity about his position on the team.

•hearing Shiro call him their sharpshooter does lift his spirits, and helps him regain some confidence in his skill.

•the only people who know about Lance’s crazy skills are Hunk and Coran.
•Hunk has known Lance since they were kids so Hunk heard all about Lance’s skills from Lance’s family.
•Coran accidentally walked in on Lance when he was doing a casual long range training, (in other words, Lance was on a very high level on the training deck and kicking ass.)

•but of course, none of the others really believe that Lance is this trained shooter who could probably pin a fly to the wall with a butter knife with precise accuracy. (He’s like crazy good)

•great, now all I can think about is how his uncle wouldn’t just stick with just guns, he would practice with bow and arrows as well, and Lance just knocking them dead with his crazy accuracy. He’s pretty good with throwing daggers as well, but he’s better with bows and guns.

•Lance joined the archery team. Took them all the way to nationals ( is that something archery does? Not exactly sure.)

Wow, this took a completely different turn than I thought. But now just think about how, during a diplomatic mission, they’re challenged by some nobleman of that planet, either to try and discredit them or to distract them and the other nobles from some nefarious plot. And pretty much only one of them can compete in the nobleman’s choice of contest. Archery. Of course Hunk, the pure ray of sunshine that he is, immediately tells Shiro to choice Lance to do this. Shiro is a bit apprehensive about it at first, not sure how well Lance is with a bow like he is with a gun, but he agrees and lets Lance compete, even though there are some nay-sayers(cough cough-Keith and Pidge-cough). Anyways, the contest is that both contestants must start at a certain distance from the target and with each hit, they have to move farther back, first person to miss the target loses. So they get underway, and Lance is just slaying the nobleman, who is starting to struggle. But Lance sees something is off, and immediately puts two and two together, so instead of the next arrow hitting the target, Lance takes out the Assassin trying to take out one of the royal family.(which Is even farther away from the target, Lance got like eagle eyes, nothing gets past him) of course, there is some panic when this happens but once everyone pieces it together, the nobleman is arrested and Lance didn’t just save a planet’s monarchy, he proved to his entire team that he really is their sharpshooter.


Wow, this got way longer than I thought. I just love these au/headcanons so much! So, if you guys have any questions pertaining to this ^ or to any other au’s I have made, or if you want to give me an idea for an au, please feel free to send an ask! I’m always looking for new ideas for au’s! Again, thank you @plouffe-dans-leau for sending the idea!

I don’t know if anyone even knows what’s going on in Turkey, but we are faced with probably one of the worst possible democratical challenges in Turkey’s history. I voted, I had to go through so much stuff to be able to vote in this referendum, because I live abroad. Today, I don’t want to leave my bed, I don’t want to go outside, I don’t want to eat, I don’t want to study and to be honest, I don’t want to exist at all. Half of the country voted against the change, not that it would even mean anything will get better. It could’ve just postponed it getting worse. But with mere 1% they won the referendum. There has been so much fraud in this election, so I personally don’t even believe that we actually lost at all, but that’s besides the point for now. I don’t want to see my beautiful country, the incredible people that has to live under these circumstances to suffer anymore. And I felt like I did everything I could’ve done. But that’s never the case. So whether you’re feeling miserable because of Brexit, Trump or the Turkish Referendum or something completely different, all I ask from you is to get out of bed. I know it’s hard, believe me. But we won’t be able to help if we don’t try. So please just go out and do something nice. Go volunteer, donate if you can, help the little kids with their homeworks so they can get the education they deserve, read and learn yourselves, study hard, learn new languages and gain new perspectives, try to understand other beliefs, discuss about it, just do anything in your power to make the world a better and a more understanding place. Because it’s so easy to wallow in self pity and wish everything had gone differently. But to make a difference you have to start from somewhere, however little it may be.

doing this can be hard on it’s own without things like depression, anxiety, etc. weighing you down so some of these tips will be general and others more specific to certain disorders or situations.


staying focused:

easier for some than others, depending on your particular illness. these tips will remain a little vague but take them at the intensity you need.

  • have a routine
    • it doesn’t have to be followed perfectly each and every day and it doesn’t have to be a super detailed plan either. write down somewhere (word document, sheet of loose leaf) what you want your days to look like. for example, on thursdays i only have one class and it’s later in the day so i will plan to wake up at ___ and do ____ until my class starts then, after class, i will ___… so on and so forth. once you get into the swing of things, it will be a lot easier to stay on track.
  • sticky notes, everywhere
    • if you can never seem to remember what you have due next week or what you’re supposed to be doing that very second, write it down on a post it and stick it somewhere you’ll see it often. 
  • make a weekly/daily study schedule
    • sit down at your laptop or take out a sheet of paper and schedule out when you want to start completing what assignment. it’s easier to do things when you have a set idea on what you’re actually going to be doing day to day. this is different from planning a routine. a routine will say “start studying at 9 a.m.” but your study plan will say “study history/math/etc.” i usually set up a small week calendar and do bullet points with what i have start doing on what day and when that’s due.
  • let your friends know when you have something you’re supposed to be doing.
    • if you try to make plans or try spending the day on your phone, it’s good to have someone who will catch you and remind you that, “hey, aren’t you supposed to be doing ___ right now?”
  • go to a quiet study environment
    • this could be the library, a café, anywhere really that you find to be designated for studying when you bring your stuff with you. give yourself no other option other than doing what you’re supposed to be doing.
  • make a study playlist
    • find music that pumps you up or keeps you relaxed and ready to study. there’s also a lot of different apps you can try for background noise if you don’t want to listen to music.
  • try different techniques
    • if you find it helpful to use a pomodoro timer so you stay more on track, do it! do some research into other study techniques that you might not know much about and test them out during a relaxed study session. 

staying motivated:

  • have purpose
    • this one is tough for those who have trouble seeing or wanting a future for themselves. for you, i’d say have the mindset of wanting to do something not because your studies will take you to, say, your dream career but they’ll put you in a better position once you get to your future. it seems unsure and unstable but focusing on something that could propel you forward can really do some good. 
  • work with friends!
    • having someone motivated around can certainly rub off on you. take a dedicated friend with you to the library to help you and keep you motivated when you start slacking off or feeling like you’re “done with your work.” if you have no one to go with, again going to a study environment like the library can be quite motivating on it’s own. try setting a timer for the minimum time you have to stay and challenge yourself to stay past the time.
  • reward yourself
    • work can be tough and exhausting, make sure at the end of the day you do something nice for yourself. this can motivate you to push yourself during your studies to get this reward. it’s easy to say “well, i sort of did something today so i should get something” but you have to get around that and know that if you’re doing it all the time even when you don’t do the work, it’s no longer a reward. try choosing something you wouldn’t have on hand like starbucks or a visit to your favorite store. 
  • make it into a game
    • similar to rewarding yourself, try doing this to make things more entertaining. like timing yourself in the library, see how long you can stay (within a reasonable amount) and how much you can get done. do flashcards with a friend in the same class as you and turn it into a trivia game to see who can get the most right. you might as well make it fun if you can!

remember to always keep your mental health and yourself in mind before all else. school can wait so make sure you’re taking care of yourself but any assignment or any course. also, talk to the disability services at your school and see what they can do for you. best of luck!

20 QUESTIONS - JBB

{synopsis} a game of 20 questions leads to something much more scandalous 

{warnings} cursing, praise kink, hair pulling, name calling (positive only), some biting/marking, highkey dom!reader, highkey sub!bucky, cursing, slow love making, thigh riding, dirty talk, filthy porn basically, some angst if you squint, unprotected sex

{pairing} bucky x fem!reader

{word count} 3663

   Bucky Barnes was something. From his thick thighs to his crystal blue eyes, that boy gave you countless reasons to stick your hands down your panties at night. You and him had been friends for a while, and you didn’t want to ruin anything because of your little crush. But at the same time, you did. It seemed worth it; completely abolishing the friendship you had kindled just for one night with the soldier in your bed. You wanted to ravish him; completely ruin him as his baby blues and flushed cheeks and plump lips looked up at you, begging for more. So, you decided to act on your desires.

   You and the man in question sat on a couch in the living quarter’s common room, watching a recently released horror movie. You sat in tight, black boy shorts and a large flannel, Bucky in his usual dark jeans and white t-shirt. You traced patterns on your thighs as your eyes scanned his body, taking in every detail. His broad shoulders looked irresistible underneath his tight shirt, his biceps and forearms sinfully muscular. You wondered how easily they could pin you against a wall. You slowly sucked your bottom lip in your teeth as you eyed his thighs; the thick limbs made you hornier than nothing else. His attention was on the screen, though his hands were up to something else. His left, the bionic one closest to you, was rubbing the couch cushion. The metal digits glared in the light of the television, but you saw how his pointer and middle finger rubbed small circles in the plush surface, the light amount of pressure he was adding causing the cushion to sink in just a bit in the trail of his fingers. You mentally growled, scowling at his oblivious face. Maybe your staring hadn’t been as secretive as you had hoped. But, you knew the game he was playing, you weren’t stupid.

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Someone once asked me, “how do you get over someone the universe didn’t let you be with?”
And it took me awhile to be able to put the right words together to answer.
People have a tendency to want things they can’t have - that includes people too, so it’s no surprise when you end up falling for someone who you’re not supposed to be with and by not supposed to be with I mean you try everything you can to your best ability to make it work but it won’t because let’s face it, you can’t force fate and if it isn’t meant to be - it won’t be. But that doesn’t mean it won’t hurt like hell, I know. Having to accept the fact you can’t be with someone you’re completely in love with is one of the hardest things you’ll ever experience, however I’ll tell you one thing - you probably won’t listen because I mean, I didn’t listen when someone told it to me, but please for the love of god try your hardest to reframe from changing yourself in order to attempt to fit their idea of perfect. You are not the problem. Repeat that to yourself a million times if you have to. Reframe from dying your hair a different colour, don’t change your favourite make up routine because you think he’d like something different, don’t buy the dress you think he’d like more. Do not change yourself just because you don’t feel enough, it’ll only make you feel worse. There is someone out there who you will be more than enough for, wait for them. Do not change yourself to fit someone else because once the universe takes them away to keep you on your destined path - he won’t be there anymore, all you’ll have is you. And that’s a pretty lonely experience if you don’t even know who the hell you are.
—  Excerpt of a book I’ll never write

anonymous asked:

Hello! I really like your blog. Can I ask to write about how RFA + Saeran forgot about MC's birthday and missed it? If it's possible from their viewpoint.

Oh boy, that got so long, these are basically mini-fics, I’m just too lazy to take it out of the topics lolol. Hope you enjoy it! ^^


   RFA + Saeran forgetting MC’s birthday

Zen

  • His new musical debuted that night, after it was over, he ran to the dressing room looking for you, but… you weren’t there?
  • He asked the staff if you were still in your seat, they said they didn’t even see you that night.
  • “Oh, she must be with Jaehee.” He texted both of you, none of you texted back. Weird…
  • He called you, nothing. He called Jaehee, she answered, but there was some loud music playing. “Jaehee, is MC with you?”
  • “WHAT??? ZEN, WHERE ARE YOU??? ARE YOU OUTSIDE???” she was yelling
  • “Outside where, Jaehee? Outside the theatre?” “WHAT??? ZEN, MC IS WORRIED, AREN’T YOU COMING???” he heard Yoosung yelling  “BOO, WHAT KIND OF BOYFRIEND MISSES HER OWN GIRLFRIEND’S BIRTHDAY PARTY???YOU’RE MISSING IT, PRETTY BOY, THIS PARTAAAAY IS CRAZY” he sounded drunk
  • Then it hit him… SHIT! It was today! Your birthday!!! How could he forget that?
  • He saw you in the morning, you sounded so excited, but you were always so bubbly, he didn’t even notice you were especially excited that day. Oh god… just remembering your beautiful smile made his heart sink in guilty. Why didn’t you say anything?
  • “Wake up, Zen! She’s not like you to be bragging about her own  birthday!” he thought. Yes, you were nothing like him at all, you were so sweet, so selfless… he was a selfish workaholic who abandoned her girlfriend in her first birthday with you! Ugh… he was the worst boyfriend ever!
  • His colleagues invited him to an after party, he declined. He needed to know where your party was happening… Calling you would be the most embarrassing and hurtful thing he could ever do!
  • Calling Jaehee seemed hopeless. Yoosung? Yeah, obviously not!  Seven would tease him for not knowing where the party was. There was only one person discreet enough he could call… but it was Jumin fucking Han! God… asking that jerk a favor made him feel sick, but it was for MC… he would do anything for his precious girlfriend.
  •  Jumin answered quickly, the music wasn’t too loud, he was probably a little away from the crowd, that antisocial freak! No…  he needed to ask him a favor, it wasn’t the time to cuss him out. “Where are you? MC is concerned” he said in a monotone tone.
  •  “I need to ask you something, but you have to promise me you won’t say anything! If you say something, I swear I’ll…” “You’re about to ask me a favor, yet you’re threatening me? How bold…” “LISTEN, YOU JERK! I get it, I’m an asshole, ok? I screwed up her birthday! You have no idea how much I regret it… I…” no, he could not do that talking with Jumin, pull yourself together! “I need to know the address of the party…”
  •  “Are you serious? You really don’t know?” “Don’t make me feel worse, dude! I can do that by myself!” “I’m not doing it on purpose, I’m just reminding you of your irresponsibility… did you even get her a present?” “DUUUUUUDE! I TOLD YOU I COULD MAKE MYSELF FEEL WORSE! OH GOD!”
  •  “Zen, pull yourself together, please. This is quite embarrassing for me too… think objectively, what can you do right now? There must be something…” Zen thought for a few seconds… there was something he could do!
  • “Hey, jerk! I thought of something! Tell me the address and I’ll take care of everything else! I just need a prop I saw backstage and…” “What do I get in return?” “DUDE, ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?”
  •  “I’m a business man, I need to know what will be my gain on this.” He could almost see the smirk on that son of a bitch’s face. “Fine! There’s something I can do along with my… surprise for MC. Give me the address and see for yourself.” “But…” “Just trust me on this one, ok? Now here’s what you need to do…”
  • You were dancing with Seven, he was making silly moves to make you laugh and distract you from your concern about your boyfriend.
  • Were you mad? Nah, why would you? It was his career after all… I mean, should you be mad about your boyfriend forgetting your birthday? The first one with you as a couple? Even if he couldn’t ditch work, he saw you in the morning, he should had said something! A day has fucking 24 hours, Zen! Calling you wouldn’t take more than a few minutes, for fuck’s sake. Yep, you were mad.
  • Seven stepped away from you a little, you looked like you were gonna punch someone. Then, he stared at the little stage on the nightclub, you followed his gaze and… what was Jumin doing up there?
  • “Is this thing on? Is it? Okay…” he said in the microphone, then he cleared his throat and took a piece of paper from his pocket “Yes, good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We gathered here today to celebrate our dear friend, MC’s birthday tonight.” A blue light showed up to your face as people applauded you, what was Jumin doing? This was so embarrassing…
  • “I sincerely hope it was a day of joy for you, MC, that you received all the love and affection from your friends and family. And… I hope you’re prepared right now… for the ultimate demonstration of love from your boyfriend.” You could hear people making “uuuhh…” sounds. “He made me say this tacky speech and, to quote him, ‘I apologize for being late, I’m selfish and I care too much about my image, that’s why I didn’t even consider not doing that musical today. However… to show you how much I love you and how sorry I am, I’m letting go of my image today, I’m even letting go of my pride and letting a jerk read my apologize for you.’ Oh… I’m, I’m the jerk right now. Interesting… anyway, enjoy your boyfriend’s gift, MC!” he got off the stage still muttering “How ungrateful…”
  •  The nightclub staff carried a huge cake to the stage. Oh god… you knew where this was going, oh no… Yep. Your boyfriend came out of the cake wearing only underwear with a decorative bow on it and… freaking cat ears on his head.
  • Seven was laughing hard, Jaehee was feeling bold after a couple of drinks and took a lot of pictures, Yoosung was passed out on the corner and didn’t see anything, Jumin kept his head low trying not to let everybody see him chuckling, and you… were still a little mad, but it was impossible not to feel happy to see him (and maybe a little turned on)
  • So you just went up on that stage and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, he whispered “happy birthday” and you smiled softly, it was impossible not to smile right now.

Yoosung

  •  “Yoosung, I let your green shirt on the hanger, oh, and be careful when you go to the bathroom, I think there’s something wrong with the lock… The roast beef is on the oven, don’t touch it! I’ll just go to the convenience store and see if they have that sauce we liked the other day, ok?”
  • “Mmmmhmm” he mumbled, staring at his laptop’s screen. You couldn’t bother wondering if he was really listening, you were in such a hurry to get everything done.
  • He didn’t know why you were running everywhere, it was just dinner! What was so special about this one?
  •  He was just worried about this quest, there were so many rare items available right then.
  • He was done a few minutes later, he stretched his arms and let out a yawn. “MC?” you didn’t answer. “MC? Are you in the bathroom? I’m coming in…” he entered and the door closed behind him.
  • He yelped, scared. He tried to open the door a few times and got more and more tense as he realized he was really trapped inside the bathroom. His phone was on his bedroom. Shit…
  • He heard the living room’s door being open.  “MC? MC, is that you?”
  • “Yoosung? Where are you?” “I’m trapped in the bathroom, I think there’s something wrong with the lock” “Yes, I know” “You knew? Why didn’t you tell me?”
  • “ I told you, Yoosung! You didn’t hear anything I said before I left?” “Where were you, anyways?” You sighed deeply. “Nevermind, Yoosung, let me call a locksmith and try to get you out of here before the night is completely ruined!”
  • Wow, you really sounded frustrated, this dinner was that important to you? Why?
  • “Oh, don’t worry, MC!  I can always cook some fried rice really quick like I normally do.” “Well, isn’t that the point? Doing something different because tonight is special?”
  • “Oh, sure…” Why is tonight special? Think, Yoosung, think! “Yes, tonight is a very special day…for… us?”
  • You glared at the door as you could actually see him. “Yoosung? What day is today?” “Today? T-Today? Hum… Friday?”
  • “I knew it! I knew you weren’t listening to me earlier, I knew you didn’t know what day is today! Gosh, I’m so stupid! My friends tried to drag me to this bar, but no, I insisted on spending my birthday with my boyfriend!” OH FUCK!
  • M-MC! It’s today! Yeah!” “Yes, you could at least notice the presents that came, but you were too busy with that fucking game all day, right?” You were freaking terrifying when you swore, he was shivering
  • “MC, I don’t even know how to proper apologize right now, I’m so sorry! I… bought your present months ago and I guess I just… forgot?”
  • “Yes, Yoosung, you forget everything around you when you play that game! Seriously… I… I can’t believe the only way to make you listen to me is with  you locked up like this… this is so… fucked up!” Another swear, another shiver! But what you said gave him an idea. “So… keep me like this…” “What?”
  •  “Seriously, keep me like this! We can call the locksmith tomorrow morning. I don’t have my phone or computer with me, so all I can focus is your voice now. Tell me everything and I’ll listen.” “What are you saying? This is weird!”
  • “So let’s do it as a game! How about that: for every year of your life, you tell me something I should know about you? Silly things or meaningful things, you tell me everything and I’ll listen!” You were still hesitating, but… your boyfriend listening to you all night long? That was… sort of fun… you took a deep breath and sat in front of the bathroom door. You could not see each other, but that was better, so you wouldn’t feel embarrassed telling him… very intimate things. “Okay… fact number one about me…”
  • It was morning when you finished, you both were laughing because you told him funny things about you in high school. “Hey, MC?” “Yes, Yoosung?”  “I know I’m late, but… happy birthday!” “Thank you, Yoosung… now let’s get you out of there” your voice got back to the sweet tone he loved so much, he knew he had to do a lot to make it up to you, but now… he was just relieved you didn’t sound mad, and he learned so much about you, this would be really useful later…
  • As soon as he was released, he rushed over you and planted a firm and passionate kiss in your lips, you’ve never seen him like this! “Thanks for your services, sir. Now if you’ll excuse us, I have to make my girlfriend’s dream number 18 come true!” he paid the guy, took your hand and leaded you to the bedroom.

Jaehee

  • She would never! I mean, NEVER EVER forget your birthday! As soon as you started dating, she marked the date on her calendar, she was prepared for this day months ago!
  • You probably knew she was planning everything, so it hit her. You KNEW, it would be no surprise for you at all! She never saw your surprised face before, she would love to see your eyes widening, your mouth opening in a gasp and then turning into a smile for her… oh… it must be so adorable!
  • You always complimented her diligence, her ability to plan something at every detail, but now… she just wanted not to be like that, at least for one day, your day… she had to surprise you somehow!
  • So she thought… what if she pretended to forget your birthday? And when the day was almost ending, she would surprise you with something very romantic and special? It would be so bold and unexpected of her, she couldn’t wait to show you this side of her!
  • It was harder than she thought. When the day came, she kept holding back all the hugs she wanted to give you, the urge to say “Happy Birthday! I love you!”. God… you were looking at her as if you were expecting something! Those puppy eyes, ugh… somebody save her!
  • But she kept going through, it would all be worthy for both of you at the end of the day.   “Jaehee, is there something you wanna say to me?” “Hum… you’re doing a good work today, MC!” “Jaehee, you have nothing to give me today?” “Oh yeah, I have you to give this receipt from the milk distributor, you forgot to sign here.” This was fucking torture!
  • You two closed the cafe in complete silence, she noticed you weren’t as excited as you were that morning. Your smile disappeared from your face as soon as the last customer left.     
  • “So,MC, ready to head home?” “Oh, I… already have plans for tonight.” WHAT? “Oh… you do?” “Yeah, I’m gonna get some drinks with some friends.” “N-No! You can’t!” she said in a high and surprised tone. “Why not?”
  • “W-Well, because you… didn’t you say you were trying to quit drinking?” “I think you’re mistaking me with Zen, Jaehee…” SHIT!
  • “I’ll be back soon, you don’t have to wait me awake if you don’t want to.” Oh… your passive-aggressive tone, it gave her the creeps everytime you acted like that.
  • “Well, can I… can I go with you?” “Oh, it’s just a silly thing with some girls from college, I don’t think you would enjoy that much…  but you’re more than welcome to come.” Yeah, you definitely didn’t want her to join you, you were PISSED
  • “So… I’ll go home just to take a shower and change, ok?” Oh no, the surprise! Time to move, Jaehee! “MC, YOU CAN’T GO!” you looked at her, surprised. Noticing you got a little scared, she lowered her voice “P-Please… don’t go…”
  • “Why not?” Think of something! Quick! “W-well, b-be-e-cause… I… I…  I don’t like your friends, MC!” “What?” “Yes, you… act different after you see them, you get… immature and… annoying!” you could not believe this! Neither could she, what was she doing? When did everything get so out of control?
  • “Annoying?” you scoffed “Wow, okay… thanks for the note, Jaehee! I’ll… well, sorry to disappoint you, but I’ll go get annoying and immature with my friends  tonight, at least they don’t forget my fucking birthday!” and you stormed out of the cafe. She was just… speechless, she could not think of a reaction right now.
  • She thanked God for the fact that the house you shared was not far from the cafe, she could reach you without a problem.
  •  And she got home just in time to see the face she was craving so much to see, but… the tears weren’t a part of her fantasy. “MC? I… I’m so sorry. I… tried to make you a surprise, I thought it would be even surprising  if I pretended I forgot your birthday, but now I see it was so childish of me. I’m really sorry, MC! I don’t hate your friends, I just said that to keep you away from the house, I think they’re great just like you, they’re funny and creative and… bold, like you! And… definitely not like me… I’m-”
  • You interrupted her with a intense yet sweet kiss, she was took by surprise, but quickly catched up with you. “Don’t talk about yourself like this, especially on my birthday…” “Yes, of course, MC, I’ll just say sweet things from now on…”
  • “You should start with a ‘Happy Birthday!’” you both laughed through your tears, you two looked so dork, it was so cute…

Jumin

  • He didn’t really forgot, he just… miscalculated how long that business trip would last.
  • At least that’s what he told Zen over the phone when he called very angry and judgemental about missing his “so called precious girlfriend”. Jumin didn’t want to hear anything of this, mainly because he knew Zen was… ugh… right…
  • He wanted to call you, but was he really ready to listen your sad voice? Would he be able to handle it? His emotions were still a mysterious field, even if you were helping him through. But the things you said and did affected him on a very unpredictable way, so… calling you seemed reckless right now.
  • He would miss it, it was already set. He wouldn’t make in time. All that was left was trying to get you the most thoughtful and amazing gift and take some days off from work to make it up to you. Would it be enough?
  • But then… he saw the photos in the chatroom. MC and the other RFA members at a bar, it would be a cute friend’s photo if Zen WEREN’T THAT CLOSE TO YOU, WITH HIS ARM AROUND YOUR SHOULDER!!!
  • Jumin let out a low groan… this wasn’t right! It was supposed to be his arm around your shoulder… and probably not in that commoner’s bar. You deserved so much better on your birthday! You deserved… a better boyfriend…
  • He caught himself on his private jet, telling the pilot to get there asap. It was a good weather, this wouldn’t take long.
  • And it really didn’t, but now there was another problem… Driver Kim was not picking up his calls! What was he doing? Oh right… Jumin gave him some days off since he was on this business trip, only because MC insisted he needed some rest… he would feel aroused about all this irony if this wasn’t gettin in the way of something so important.
  • He took a cab, this driver didn’t feel reliable, but he was desperate. And the guy guaranteed he could get him to his destination in the shortest amount of time.
  • He just saw the light and heard a loud bang on the side of the cab… then everything got dark.
  • Zen gave you a ride to the hospital on his bike. He was mad, but tried to stay collected to not make you feel more nervous. Jaehee, Seven and Yoosung were already there. Zen and Jaehee wanted to go with you, you insisted on going alone and Seven convinced everybody this was the best right then.   
  • “Don’t talk! Don’t even try using your smothering words to make me forget what you did, Jumin Han! What were you thinking? Are you insane?” Silence… “ANSWER ME!”
  • “You… said you didn’t want me to talk…” he said with his usual calm tone, but in the inside he was terrified, you seemed… not like yourself at all. “Jumin, I swear to God I’ll slap this handsome face of yours and give this hospital a reason to keep you here for a while, don’t test me right now!” you were so scary! And sexy… no, FOCUS, JUMIN!
  •  “I didn’t want to miss your birthday, it didn’t seem right…” “So what? How getting on an unlicensed cab fit into this? Oh my god… do you have any idea how panicked I got when the hospital called me?” you were trying to compose yourself “Why did you get back? I was ok with your business trip getting longer than planned…” “I… saw the photo in the chatroom, you and… Zen…” oh, he should not have mentioned that, you were losing it again.
  • “Zen? You were worried about Zen? Oh my god, Jumin! What the fuck is wrong with you? What were you thinking? Seriously, I want to know how your brain works! Did you really think I was cheating on you?”
  • “I WASN’T THINKING, MC! I was… I don’t know what’s gotten into me, I saw the photo and I just knew I had to be there with you. That’s what happens, I don’t… think when it’s about you, I just… feel.”
  • “Jumin, I made myself very clear about using sweet talk right now…” “But it’s the truth, I swear! MC, I love you, I want to be with you at every special moment of your life.” “And do you think this is a special moment? You in a hospital bed making me feel so terrified of losing you? On my fucking birthday, Jumin?” your voice was breaking, and then came the tears.
  •  “I’m sorry for making you worry, MC. I was childish and imprudent, and I should do better when it concerns you, us… I’m… really sorry… and this feels completely inappropriate, but… happy birthday…” you sighed heavily and gave up, being angry wouldn’t take you anywhere. Your boyfriend was alive, just a few scratches here and there, and you were together! You curled up to him on the bed, then you just… talked.
  • “Did you really came here on Zen’s bike? Did you wear a helmet? Did you… put your arms around him?” “Jumin, Zen is the least of your problems right now, just wait till we get home.” again… so terrifyingly sexy… it felt strange hearing these things instead of saying it for once.

Saeyoung

  • You two were not on speaking terms right now, it was a pretty bad fight, although now he didn’t really remember how and why it started. It was something about one of his pranks? About him going too far? Yes, it was something like this…
  • Anyways, he didn’t feel like apologizing, you were probably overreacting, soon you would come to your senses and talk to him again.
  • But this was taking too long, he haven’t heard from you for almost a week, were you that mad? The RFA members were refusing to talk about this, this was between you two, he should solve this if it was bothering him so much.
  • He got out of his office for the first time in three days and heard someone in the living room. It was you? Were you finally back? Hum, no… it was Saeran. And he was… wrapping this box on a shiny red wrapper?
  • “Hey bro, whachu doing?” “What do you think I’m doing? Wrapping this gift, you fool! MC’s favorite color is red, right?” “Yes, it is… is this for MC?” “No, is for the pope… of course it is for her!”
  • “Why?” “Quit shitting around and go get ready, we’re gonna be late!” “Late for what, Saeran? What’s going on?” “MC’s party! Seriously, did you bang your head or something?” “Party, why is she having a party?” he felt a little hurt you were throwing parties while you two were fighting like that.
  • “Wait… did you really forget?”  “What? What did I forget?” “Holy fuck! You really forgot your girlfriend’s birthday!” “What? No, I didn’t! Her birthday is in a few months, bro!” “Hum, no ‘bro’, it’s today!”. Saeyoung scoffed: “No, it isn’t! Come on… I checked every information about her when we met, there’s no way I would forget the day she was born!” “Well, check again, you probably messed up the informations in your stupid brain.” He was starting to get mad at Saeran for doubting him, he was the one messing it up! So he went to check your background history  and yes, your birthday was… your birthday was… shit! TODAY!
  • “Oh Lord! Oh Lord! Oh Lord!” he started panicking and running in the house. How could he forget? He was so adamant about you apologizing he didn’t even notice that day was coming? What a selfish asshole he was! “Oh my God, Saeran! I’m so screwed!” “Yep…”
  • “Don’t ‘yep’ me! Help me! I need to do something!” “Exactly, YOU need to, don’t get me involved in this, you were the one who screwed up, just apologize to her already!” “This isn’t enough! I, Saeyoung Choi, need to come up with something as special and amazing as my lady. And you were gonna help me! This is a mission for the Choi boys!” “I asked you a million times not to call us that…”
  • He came with a plan and headed with his brother to your place. When he got there, he noticed it wasn’t a big party, it was more like an intimate reunion with RFA and your closest friends. Hum… he was expecting something big as his surprise, but this would do, anyways.
  • Saeran cleared his throat and gathered everybody’s attention. “MC, my brother is an asshole and he wants to ‘apologize’. Enjoy this freak show and happy birthday!” he said in a monotone tone as turning the music on.
  • And then Saeyoung came out of your bedroom lip syncing “Birthday” by Katy Perry in a full cosplay of her. Nobody was in shock because, well… they already knew your boyfriend, you got embarrassed when you looked at your parents watching that. When he finished, people weren’t sure if they should clap or not.
  • “I’m so sorry, MC! I’m such a prick for not talking to you and there’s nothing I could say right now to make it up to you, so I did this. If I can’t be mature enough, at least I can make you laugh, and… I believe it was the great american artist Katy Perry who said ‘So make a wish! I’ll make it like your birthday every day!’. Happy birthday, MC! I love you!”
  • “Oh, Saeyoung…” you were crying and leaned to him, he was waiting for a kiss, but you went to his ear and whispered: “Got you!” He looked at you puzzled as Zen and Yoosung unrolled a banner where it could read “You got pranked, brah!”
  • “MC, what’s happening?” “I was mad at you because of that bad prank you pulled on me last week, so I decided to take some revenge. I told everybody to come here today to pretend it was my birthday, so it would look like you forgot it.” “But your background history…  the date…” “Saeran took care of this for me. You’re not the only hacker in the family, right?” he looked at Saeran, he just raised his glass with a smirk. “Oh, and putting Katy Perry as one of my interests was his idea too. I had no idea you were going to show up like this… guess he knows you a little better than I do”
  • “Oh… my… God! I… I… ” he looked shocked, almost hurt, now you were wondering if you went too far… but the truth was… he was so happy you and his brother were getting along, even teaming up to make something for him, even if it was to make him look like a fool, he didn’t mind, he was just… really happy “I LOVE YOU TWO SO MUCH!” and he pulled you and Saeran in a tight hug.

Saeran

  • “Shit! Shit! Shit!” he was cursing and pacing back and forth ever since he saw the calendar, it was today! How could he forget?
  • Truth be told, he had one of his episodes last night, when that happened, he would lost his sense of time and place. This would be even worse when you weren’t around to calm him down, and why weren’t you around? Oh yeah, you were planning your birthday party, yeah, that one he refused to help with because ‘it was lame’ as he told you over the phone. Oh god…He was the worst, wasn’t he?
  • He got out of his bedroom and went looking for Saeyoung, but all he found was a note. “Helping MC, party starts at 9 pm at her place, don’t be late! P.S.: Call her, bro. Love, Saeyoung” he rolled his eyes, but this was kind of useful. Except for that piece of advice about calling you. How could he? He didn’t talk to you all day and you would notice right away the reason the disappeared, and you would be worried, his brother would hear about this and they both would feel guilty for leaving him alone and… he hated to see your concerned expression, it was too much painful.
  • At least he bought a nice gift, it was a simple bracelet, but he knew you should have it when he saw you looking at it that day you two went to shopping. Now he just needed to take a quick shower and find some decent clothes. He still had time, right? WRONG!
  • It was already 10 pm! How could he lost notion of time  that much? He felt like shit! Your place was pretty far from Saeyoung’s bunker, it would take at least a half hour to get there by train. What about by car?
  • He went to the garage and took one of his brother’s car, Saeyoung woudn’t like this, but he didn’t give a shit right now. It was all about you!
  • He was a little rusty from driving, but still knew the basics, like… stopping and… most important, accelerating! And boy, did he speed it up
  • He muttered a “fuck! What now?” when he saw the police car reflected on the rearview mirror. Yeah, he knew he had to stop, this guy wouldn’t get off his back.  
  • “Documents, sir?” “Shit! I don’t… I don’t have it right now!” “Sir, are you aware that you were much faster than the speed limit?” “Yeah, look… I’m just trying to make it to my girlfriend’s party, I’m pretty late and…” “Sir, I’m gonna have to ask you to get out of the car…” “What? Fuck! No!” “Sir, please… I don’t want to use force!” “Well, I don’t want to use force either, so just get the fuck away!” “Sir, calm down a little and…” “No! Don’t tell me what to do, your asshole! I know my rights!” “So you know you have the right to remain silent, you are arrested for contempt of authority, just come with me calmly or I’ll charge you for resisting to prison too.” FUCK! He didn’t even mind about this, all he could think of was you… and how disappointed you would be right now
  • You and Saeyoung came to the police station, neither of you said anything, you two were too scared. Saeran could not have a criminal record, nobody should know about this, what if his father found out? That’s what you two were thinking, but were too scared to say it out loud. “Me and Jumin are taking care of this, don’t worry, nobody will know a thing. At least I managed to not let him get locked up, so he’s in the interrogation room. Go talk to him but make it quick, okay?” you nodded, you didn’t know what to say
  • He took a quick glance at you and lowered his head, he could not look you in the eye right now. “I… I know you’re mad, ok? I’m sorry! I was just… trying to get to your place, I didn’t know I was so late, you know what happen when I have… those panic attacks, and… I should’ve called you, my stupid brother was fucking right, I can’t believe it! I feel so shitty right now, MC! I can’t believe I’m putting you to this on your own birthday, I’m such a piece of shit! I… I… don’t deserve you at all. I’m…”
  • You interrupted him with a hug. He was handcuffed, but oh did he want to hug you back… even if he knew he didn’t deserve it… “I was so worried about you…” were you… crying? Oh no… “You can’t do this to me, Saeran! That cop had a gun! What if he… oh, I don’t even want to say it!” Wait! Weren’t you mad? You were… worried…? For him?
  • “A – Aren’t you… mad?” “Of course I’m mad! But I’m more relieved to see you’re ok, I love you so much! You know that?”
  • “Yes, of course I know, MC. And I hate to see you like this because of me, you should be smiling today, no, not just today, everyday!” “So don’t get into trouble because of me, you dork!” oh, you called him dork, you were calming down… “I won’t, I swear! Me being safe will be your birthday gift! This and… this.” He pointed to the little box in his pocket. “They took everything from me, but I woudn’t let they take this… Happy Birthday, MC! I mean… as happy as can be…”
  • You laughed and took the box out of his pocket, you opened, looked at him and kissed him in a sloppy and desperate way. “Okay, break it off you two! This isn’t a motel room!” The cop interrupted getting in the room. “You must know some important people, fella. You’re getting away with a clean file.” “So I’m free to go?” “Yep, let me just get you out of these handcuffs and you can escort your lady.”
  • “Oh, he better do much more than escort me when we’re out of here. Oh, and don’t feel too comfortable about getting rid of these handcuffs, you’ll be back to them as soon as we get home, maybe I have a pair that matches my new bracelet?” the look in your eyes… he could tell you weren’t kidding. This was a huge turn on, but he wasn’t really used to you playing this role, so he wasn’t sure what to expect… “Can you keep me arrested here for tonight, officer? I feel I’ll be safer around here.
Meta: Down in the Muck - Mr Ketch, Dean and Masculine Hunting Identities

In the past eleven seasons, SPN has mainly depicted American hunters as blue-collar workers with a very traditional view of masculinity. John Winchester with his giant machete, his penis truck and his Playboys was a perfect embodiment of said hunting culture. The British Men of Letters differ radically from this concept both in terms of socioeconomic status and in their sense of masculinity.

When Mick approaches Wally in First Blood, the latter tells him, “You can take your offer and you can shove it up your ass. I’m sure it won’t be too painful,  what with those soft hands of yours, right?“ The homophobic and misogynist implications here are obvious - Wally deems Mick too “effeminate”.

Mr Ketch is a slightly different case than Mick. In the latest episode, we see him actively try to refashion himself as an “American style” hunter in order to recruit Dean. Something which despite his own assessment really doesn’t go down to well.

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anonymous asked:

Something I've been confused about for months is the people saying that Cursed Child is a queerbait. I only guess I don't understand the term properly because I thought it meant that writers teasing that a character was gay and then not delivering? Albus/Scorpius were close but it wasn't like they were definitely hinted as being gay and then it was pulled away? There's something I'm missing? I thought you would be ok to ask and explain if you knew?

I must stress that this really is my own personal opinion; I’m really not trying to upset anyone with my train of thought on this…it’s really just how I see it from my own perspective.

Albus, Scorpius and Scorbus really deserves its own post - but I’m going to deviate slightly, because the issue with the ‘queerbait’ in Cursed Child for me isn’t completely about Albus and Scorpius.  

Their relationship, whether romantic or brotp, is beautifully written, and depicts two teenage boys in a very different fashion to what we saw in the original series (e.g. Harry and Ron’s brotp).  It’s beautiful, it’s kind, it’s caring and it’s loving.  And it’s perfectly fine if it did evolve into Scorbus, but it’s also equally fine for it to be a deep friendship between two people without any romantic or sexual element.

The issue with queerbaiting and the Potter franchise is complicated.  I lived through Section 28 - and there is no way on this planet that anyone could’ve written an explicitly queer character in those first few books back in the late 90s.  I fully appreciate that Harry Potter is of its time - and its time is a moment when the UK was very uneasy with the issue of sexuality, particularly representations that were aimed at children.

However, the end of Harry Potter came at a time where there was a huge social shift.   Our society came on leaps and bounds between the 1990s and the 2000s.   As the series was wrapping up, we had legislation to protect us, civil partnerships - and then incredibly, recently, we gained marriage rights.  

That’s all brilliant - but it dates Potter horribly.  You read it now, you look at it and think, “Wow, there’s no queer representation in here at all.”  But y’know, I’m sure we’re all mature enough to look at the front and say, “Ah, published in 1997!  No wonder!”

But Cursed Child was published in 2016.  Cursed Child was published years after JK told us Dumbledore was gay.  Cursed Child was published years after this:

…but yet again, we’ve gone through a whole book without a single character who is clearly queer.

The issue, as I see it, isn’t so much that people are solely disappointed/sad/upset/angry that Scorbus wasn’t a thing…but that they as queer fans nodded their heads during those early years and said, “It’s ok, there’s nothing JK could’ve done - she couldn’t have written us some representation in the books; her hands were tied.”

…but now? 

If I was being generous, I suppose there’s an argument that any Potter book is going to sell in huge numbers.  The play was less certain, and perhaps they were advised against featuring any queer characters lest it affect how the play was received.  Perhaps.

I also suppose there’s an argument that JK has stated that she sees Dumbledore as gay, and there’s a Fantastic Beasts series in the pipeline, and it could be that she’s decided to write her queer representation in that instead.

But at the end of the day, there’s an awful lot of queer kids who grew up with the series who felt they had to nod their heads and say, “It’s ok, I understand why you can’t show me,” - and that was hard enough in 1997, frightfully difficult in 2007…but doing so in 2017 feels ridiculous.

So, to answer your question, it’s not really that Albus and Scorpius were coded as queer and then turned out not to be (admittedly, they are certainly coded very differently to a lot of male brotp pairings that we see in the media, which possibly made it more difficult…at times it did feel as if there was more to it than just a friendship)…

…but it’s almost that the franchise sort of whispered that us queer kids were part of it, and we all secretly understood why it couldn’t say it out loud…but right at the moment that it was given a platform and a golden opportunity to prove it stood with us, it backed out.

i. I absolutely cannot stand the snares of your hands,
or how I catch myself on your barbed wire mouth,
when I choke on your gasoline voice,
or cut myself on your switchblade fingers.
I loathe these weapons of yours more than I loathe the actual tangible knifes you keep hidden under your sleeves.
I hate that somebody did something so awful to you that you were forced to wear hatred as a second skin.
I hate myself more that I wasn’t there to shield you from it.


ii. I wonder how different our lives would be if we had been switched.
Me: Andrew.
You: Aaron.
Me: Given up on.
You: Kept.
Would everything turn out the same? Would we have led completely different lives? Would we be broken again? Made whole?
(Would she have hit you, too?)
(Would he have used me, too?)


iii. I hear the way people talk about you when you’re not there.
Like you’re this awful thing.
Like they’ve taken a bite out of you and realized you’ve gone bad in the middle.
When they speak, they’re trying to get the taste of you out of their mouths,
Spitting and spitting until there’s nothing left to expel.
Sometimes I want to say something.
Sometimes I want to argue.
But we come from the same batch, after all.
How can I argue when I taste just as bad as you do?


iv. I went to the Circle K around the corner one night and bought myself a pack of cigarettes: the same brand you use.
I stood outside and popped one in my mouth,
lit it with unpracticed hands.
I had seen you do this so often,
I thought maybe it would come almost naturally, like I had been the one catching fire to things all these years instead of you.
But the weight of it felt so wrong between my fingers,
the motions unfitting for me,
the taste acidic and raw and awful.
It reminded me too much of him—of that stray dog that follows you around all day—and less like you,
less like home.
I’m trying to understand this. I’m trying to be okay with you-and-him.
But there are some things that people shouldn’t get in the way of. This was one of them.
The box cost $7.89 and screamed your name. I didn’t even hesitate when I threw it away.


v. Every once and a while I’ll dream about that night.
Sometimes it’s me instead of you, or I can’t move at all and I’m forced to watch, or I beat him over and over but he keeps getting back up.
Either way, the entire time you’re just laughing.
Like I told a joke and you think it’s the funniest thing in the world.
I’m beating him to death and sloshing his blood around and you’re laughing like you’re at a comedy show.
Whenever I wake up from those dreams, I never want to sleep ever again.


vi. I never understand our fights.
Normal people throw around words they don’t mean and slam doors they would usually leave ajar.
But us?
We fight like our lives are on the line.
We fight like it’s a race and there’s only one winner.
You leave me aching and I leave you waterlogged.
We become such ferocious animals, all sharp teeth and heavy claws, ripping and tearing without a care to give.
The entire world comes to a stop when we have even the slightest disagreement,
a spotlight shining down to showcase our own personal brand of hate.
I sometimes wonder if that’s us making up for lost time.
All those years we never got to spend fighting like brothers.
Maybe we’re finally making up for that.
Maybe we’re trying to meet our quota before our time is up.
Before we can’t fight anymore.


vii. One time when you weren’t looking, I stole one of your pills.
I saved it for when you wouldn’t be around and swallowed it dry, felt it run down my throat.
I thought that if they made you smile all the time, maybe they’d make me smile, too.
But all I felt was this hallow ache in my chest,
like something bad had grabbed hold of me from the inside.
I was used to flying high, higher than most people would dream to go,
But this was just wrong on so many levels.
It lasted only four hours before I started to wind down, but that was one of the longest four hours of my life.
I wasn’t happy. But I smiled anyway. I couldn’t stop. My cheeks hurt after.
I think I understood you a little better after that day.


viii. I voted to name your cat Sir Fat Cat McCatterson. And I’m not even sorry.


ix. (I’m sorry.)


x. I love you.

—  Ten Things Aaron Wants To Tell Andrew (But Never Will)