i was thinking about this today and decided to waste some time

27 Dress Code Violations

@jilychallenge 04/2017 | @bantasticbeasts vs @anxiouspotter

Muggle AUs | “i get dress coded so you give me your jacket and we protest unfair regulations for girls together/you sass the teacher about how distracted you are by my shoulders”

Word Count: 2500

special shoutout to @jiilys. solidarity, sister

AO3


i.

She walks into English fifteen minutes late, wearing both a deeply unflattering smock and a scowl. Neither are an especially new look on her.

“Vector,” she says under her breath, as an answer to Mary McDonald’s unspoken question. It’s the answer to every question in the room. Ms Vector is notorious among them all for her very strict adherence to the school’s dress code.

“Yes, Miss Evans’ entrance was very exciting, but I’ll have your attention back to the lesson now, please,” says Ms McGonagall. James snaps back to attention. It’s for the best.

ii.

“Here,” James says, shrugging off his jacket and thrusting it toward Lily. She gives him this look like, fuck off, and James has to bite his tongue to stop from aggravating her. “They’re doing uniform checks up the hall. Just put it on.”

Evans gives him a very strange look, and it takes him a second to realise that it’s neutral.

She looks good in his jacket.

iii. 

Every third dress code violation results in a lunch time detention. It’s only October, and Lily’s already had six. She doesn’t look at James as she takes the seat three ahead and one to the left of him.

iv.

There’s a thump from somewhere in the back of the classroom, and McGonagall isn’t planning on looking up - it sounds like it came from the general vicinity of Potter and Black, and that’s certainly not a situation she wants to engage with - but the entire class is already turned around to see what the fuss is.

She strides down the aisle between the desks, and is about three years past surprised to find James Potter lying on the floor, gazing at the ceiling, glasses knocked aside.

“Am I boring you so much that you decided to take a nap?” she asks, and James gives this wicked smile, and here we go–

“Sorry, Miss, I can’t get up. It’s Evans’ shoulders - they’re overwhelming me. I simply can’t do anything until she covers them up. Sirius, tell me when it’s safe.”

He’s a funny boy, she’ll give him that. “Potter, get up. This is hardly the time for foolishness.”

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little spoon

To save money while attending college in NYC, Stiles and Derek decide to rent one tiny apartment together. With one bed.

*whispers* I have no idea if any of this is realistic. Don’t judge me.

You guys know by now that practically everything I write is so so fluffy, but this is just like, a whole other level. A little over 4k words of enemies-to-lovers, bed-sharing, & cuddling. ;)  

on ao3

*

The thing is, Stiles is pretty sure he can’t afford to breathe the air in New York City, let alone rent an apartment there. But it’s also been his lifelong dream to go to NYU, same as his mom, and he’s just gotten his acceptance letter in the mail along with a hefty scholarship offer. So he has a bit of a conundrum on his hands.

Enter Derek, who has a (relatively) dirt cheap apartment in Queens.

Okay, so Derek calls it an “apartment.” Stiles calls it an “attic closet.”

It’s nothing but a narrow bed, a foot or so of walking space between that and the wall, and a lone shelf by the door to hold the microwave and all of Derek’s possessions that can’t fit under the bed. There’s not even enough room to open the door all the way; the edge of the door hits the edge of the bed, and then you have to shimmy into the room.

The sad thing is that Stiles can’t even afford that.

He can, however, afford half of it.

“So you’re going to share a bed,” Scott says, looking concerned.

“Yes,” Stiles says.

“No,” Derek says at the same time.

Scott looks more concerned.

Stiles sighs. “Okay, so it’s like this. Derek’s going to be doing the whole normal person schedule, up at the buttcrack of dawn” (Derek rolls his eyes) “and out working and studying and stuff all day and back in bed asleep by 11 pm, and I’m going to be taking all evening classes and working the night shift!”

“We won’t actually ever be in the same place at the same time,” Derek clarifies. “He gets it during the day; I get it at night.”

“Because we can’t stand each other,” Stiles adds, in case Scott is thinking of getting his hopes up that this whole roommates thing is going to be some kind of bromance.

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Sex Tape (M)

Pairing: Jimin x Reader
Genre: Smut
Word count: 1.9k 

part two: peaches and cream. part three: toys.

Summary: “Well, it’s my last day home.” He said, stating the obvious as you came closer to him. You nodded, silently urging him to continue before he bent over and picked a box up off of the ground which you didn’t even look at. Your eyes were too focused on his face as he continued to smirk, “I just want to remember it, that’s all.” 


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Taken for Granted (pt 3)

As Namjoon closed the door behind him, he stood by the entrance, snickering to himself. “Her? Liking me? Wahh” he said silently to himself. He wasn’t sure what it was he was feeling now, but he couldn’t stop smiling. “As if I’d like her?” he said again to himself.

“Hyung what are you doing by yourself there?” Jungkook asked curiously.

“Huh? Oh nothing” Namjoon said, flustered.


(One week later)

“Hey guys, Y/N isn’t coming today! Looks like it’s just us tonight” Jin said, filling his voice through the dorm.

“Awh, whyyy” Taehyung asked, coming out of the living room.

“She said she’s sick” Jin said with a frown.

“Let’s go there then! We can bring her food” Taehyung said, excitedly.

“Yah, if she’s sick she should just rest. She can’t be taking care of you guys too” Jin scolded.

Taehyung walked back to the living room with his head held down. He was looking forward to watching the movie you two had discussed a few weeks ago, but it looks like it would have to wait another week. 

Namjoon meanwhile, listened to everything silently from the dining table. “That’s weird, she never falls sick…” he said to himself. 

“What’s that? Couldn’t hear you” Hoseok said, sitting across from him,

“oh, no it’s nothing” Namjoon said.

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Pyramid Scheme scammer ends up paying in the end!

(very long story)

About 6 or 7 years ago, I was trying to enlist into the military. I ended up not joining but that’s a story for another time. At this point, I was led to believe I was about 4 months away from leaving for Boot camp. I was running out of savings, and needing a part time job for some spending cash while I waited around.

So I did what any enterprising 20something would do, and searched craigslist for jobs. I normally hate sales jobs, especially those based on commissions, but figured it would be a great way to earn some extra cash short term. Found a few job listings that looked promising, and put out some applications. A few days later I received a call from David. He was opening up a new store and needed associates. He liked my resume and asked if I’d be available for an interview on Friday morning. I was very up front with him, and let him know that the distance was a bit more than I’d normally drive for a retail job, and asked what he was offering for an hourly rate, to see if it was worth the drive. He told me that they were planning on offering an hourly rate in the mid teens, along with commission. Seemed like an ok deal, so I agreed to be there Friday at 8am.

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anonymous asked:

"When girls and women are taught self defence (and I mean literally taught. Most women have had at least one class in school on it) we are taught that hitting is the absolute LAST resort. Realistically? If a man has actually punched us? 90%+ of women are fucked already. There is no defence against someone stronger than you hitting you." So can a woman who gets punched can actually defend herself or not?

Women aren’t made of porcelain.

We’re not some separate species, or utterly different physically from men. The concept of “woman” is a societal one. It changes based on socialization, and changes based on the society’s belief on what a woman is. It’s a nebulous concept, with no solid value when hitching one’s identity to it and the same is true for men. Societal constructs like masculinity and femininity are linked heavily to societal expectations and how we’re raised. When someone says, “a woman can’t” when a “man can” most of the time they’re referring to societal expectations taken as fact. These beliefs often have nothing to do with reality, and you only have to look at the vast differences in the United States when it comes to stereotyping women of different ethnicity, various cultures, or income levels just to see how shallow those ideas are.

There are female soldiers, female police officers, female martial artists of every stripe, and the warriors are countless going back generations. You can, in fact, find them if you look. This is before we get to athletes and all the other non-combat positions women occupy today that society said, “impossible!” just a few decades ago.

This is why understanding the effects of socialization is so important. When it comes to learning, what you believe will decide what you are.

Here’s the truth: no one takes a punch well when they’re mentally unprepared for it.

Here’s the other: most people (men included) aren’t trained to take hits.

Notice that you’re instructor told you, “Don’t piss off men. You’re helpless if they decide to physically assault you.”

They did not teach you what it looks like when a punch is incoming, or what the change over looks like. Good self-defense teaches you to be aware of your surroundings and learn to determine when danger is potentially incoming. You can’t respond when you don’t know its coming, and you can’t prepare for it, physically or mentally, when taken by surprise. The first moments of a real fight are crucial. Those seconds it takes to recognize danger and react to it when you’re already in the middle of being hit is too late. You’ve lost the initiative, you’re playing catch up, and that’s a terrible position to be in when you’re trained. It’s pretty much almost always unrecoverable if you’re not.

It has nothing to do with being a man, and its disingenuous from a self-defense perspective to focus entirely on them. While far more likely, men are not the only ones who can or will hit you. Women aren’t any safer, and can be just as predatory.

The problem with these self-defense classes is if you’re really serious about learning to defend yourself then you need to train for it. Good professionals worth their salt will always tell you that you need to be training in some martial art, and practicing the techniques you learned in your self-defense course constantly so that they become embedded in your muscle memory.

When I was forced into one these high school self-defense courses, my seventeen year old martial artist self thought they were stupid and overall pretty pointless, and they didn’t come at us with any of the above bullshit about getting punched. Girls who’ve done an hour of self-defense five years ago aren’t going to be able to perform jiujutsu throws, they’ll be lucky if they remember the bear hug escapes or how to roll the wrist against the thumb and tug if someone tries to take you were you don’t want to go (and then not know what to do once they’ve gotten free because they never practice running). Forget punching, they won’t remember how to do that.

If you aren’t practicing to the point where it becomes second nature, with the added benefit of learning self-defense techniques that are exceedingly easy to memorize (believe it or not, not all self-defense programs will teach these), and doesn’t come with the caveat that if you’re serious you need more education then they’re pretty worthless.

All your class seems to have taught you is how to be a willing victim, and that’s the worst kind of self defense.

“If someone attacks you, you can do nothing so just give up.”

That’s tantamount to admitting that they didn’t really teach you anything, and don’t want you to think they did. You’re not even in exactly the same place you were before you took that class. Mentally, you’re worse off.

If you don’t believe you can, then you won’t and it’s simple as that.

It should come as no surprise to anyone that when it comes to self-defense, you get what you pay for.

Taught is not not taught, the vast majority of high schools don’t have classes. They have one hour a year (maybe) devoted to it (usually P.E.), and sometimes its not even required. If you’re lucky, it’s a seminar of a few days. If you’re really lucky, they’ll bring in one of the female (or male) police officers from a local precinct who specializes in the police’s self-defense training they give the public. However, you are not guaranteed to have a professional, or even just a local officer. Often, it’s just the PE teacher who took a three month course. What girls get in high school depends heavily on what waivers the school is willing to sign and how much liability they’re willing to take on. It also depends on who is doing the hiring, who they are hiring, and whether they actually care.

Believe it or not, there are plenty of people out there who think women don’t need to learn self-defense and don’t want to waste the school’s already limited resources on hiring someone for a few hours. Especially when you can’t learn much self-defense in a few hours, and almost none of it is lasting.

If you’re from a country other than America, it might be different, but if you’re referring American education then its important to remember you’re experiences (whatever they were) aren’t universal. No, really. Education varies heavily from district to district, and can be vastly different within single cities depending on where you live, this is before we get to county versus county, and that’s before we get to the differences between the states. In America, public education heavily dependent on money and property values. The higher the house value, the richer the district, then the better the education. Its important to know, that when it comes to education, segregation is economic. America and Americans have no real true standard for education or education value. What you get depends on where you live, and often on parental involvement.

You can’t learn self-defense in an hour or two. You will be fucked up by shitty instructors, sexist instructors, and negligent instructors. If you are not doing your own research and taking control of learning to defend yourself then you are likely to get one of the above. If you look at self-defense as all being the same, that combat is an innate skill set possessed by only one side of the human species, if you honestly believe on some level you are inferior to men (and if you’re young, white, female, and WASP, you better believe you’ve been conditioned by society at large to see yourself that way) and that there’s no point in even trying, you will be fucked.

Combat is a learned skill.

It is not innate. You have to learn it. It is not inherently masculine. If you are a woman learning to fight, you’re not actually all that special or standout. There are plenty of women out there learning to fight. However, you’ve got to go looking for it. It won’t be handed to you.

One of the most empowering aspects in learning to fight is taking control of your own safety. You are no longer reliant on the charity or uncertainty of those around you, and that certainty will drive off most predators. Predators don’t want a real fight, they aren’t looking. 9/10, they want victims who are vulnerable and go down easy. So, whether you’re male or female, and you’re worried about your safety then head to your local police precinct, find a seminar, and that’ll point you toward freedom.

So, TLDR:

Women can take punches but not if they’re not prepared for it and whoever was teaching you is a shithead.

Don’t let their idiocy turn you into a willing victim.

This post is a public service announcement, not martial arts training.

Go get some.

-Michi

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Locked Away

By reddit user Pippinacious

Six months. That’s how long almost half of the new hire last when they become social workers. Some will tell you it’s the pay, others will tell you it’s the stress, still others will complain about poor training or case overload or the broken system. But that’s all bullshit. The reason they quit is always the same; the kids.

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According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Ooh, black and yellow! Let’s shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Ooming! Hang on a second. Hello? - Barry? - Adam? - Oan you believe this is happening? - I can’t. I’ll pick you up. Looking sharp. Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those. Sorry. I’m excited. Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, son. A perfect report card, all B’s. Very proud. Ma! I got a thing going here. - You got lint on your fuzz. - Ow! That’s me! - Wave to us! We’ll be in row 118,000. - Bye! Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house! - Hey, Adam. - Hey, Barry. - Is that fuzz gel? - A little. Special day, graduation. Never thought I’d make it. Three days grade school, three days high school. Those were awkward. Three days college. I’m glad I took a day and hitchhiked around the hive. You did come back different. - Hi, Barry. - Artie, growing a mustache? Looks good. - Hear about Frankie? - Yeah. - You going to the funeral? - No, I’m not going. Everybody knows, sting someone, you die. Don’t waste it on a squirrel. Such a hothead. I guess he could have just gotten out of the way. I love this incorporating an amusement park into our day. That’s why we don’t need vacations. Boy, quite a bit of pomp… under the circumstances. - Well, Adam, today we are men. - We are! - Bee-men. - Amen! Hallelujah! Students, faculty, distinguished bees, please welcome Dean Buzzwell. Welcome, New Hive Oity graduating class of… …9:15. That concludes our ceremonies. And begins your career at Honex Industries! Will we pick ourjob today? I heard it’s just orientation. Heads up! Here we go. Keep your hands and antennas inside the tram at all times. - Wonder what it’ll be like? - A little scary. Welcome to Honex, a division of Honesco and a part of the Hexagon Group. This is it! Wow. Wow. We know that you, as a bee, have worked your whole life to get to the point where you can work for your whole life. Honey begins when our valiant Pollen Jocks bring the nectar to the hive. Our top-secret formula is automatically color-corrected, scent-adjusted and bubble-contoured into this soothing sweet syrup with its distinctive golden glow you know as… Honey! - That girl was hot. - She’s my cousin! - She is? - Yes, we’re all cousins. - Right. You’re right. - At Honex, we constantly strive to improve every aspect of bee existence. These bees are stress-testing a new helmet technology. - What do you think he makes? - Not enough. Here we have our latest advancement, the Krelman. - What does that do? - Oatches that little strand of honey that hangs after you pour it. Saves us millions. Oan anyone work on the Krelman? Of course. Most bee jobs are small ones. But bees know that every small job, if it’s done well, means a lot. But choose carefully because you’ll stay in the job you pick for the rest of your life. The same job the rest of your life? I didn’t know that. What’s the difference? You’ll be happy to know that bees, as a species, haven’t had one day off in 27 million years. So you’ll just work us to death? We’ll sure try. Wow! That blew my mind! “What’s the difference?” How can you say that? One job forever? That’s an insane choice to have to make. I’m relieved. Now we only have to make one decision in life. But, Adam, how could they never have told us that? Why would you question anything? We’re bees. We’re the most perfectly functioning society on Earth. You ever think maybe things work a little too well here? Like what? Give me one example. I don’t know. But you know what I’m talking about. Please clear the gate. Royal Nectar Force on approach. Wait a second. Oheck it out. - Hey, those are Pollen Jocks! - Wow. I’ve never seen them this close. They know what it’s like outside the hive. Yeah, but some don’t come back. - Hey, Jocks! - Hi, Jocks! You guys did great! You’re monsters! You’re sky freaks! I love it! I love it! - I wonder where they were. - I don’t know. Their day’s not planned. Outside the hive, flying who knows where, doing who knows what. You can'tjust decide to be a Pollen Jock. You have to be bred for that. Right. Look. That’s more pollen than you and I will see in a lifetime. It’s just a status symbol. Bees make too much of it. Perhaps. Unless you’re wearing it and the ladies see you wearing it. Those ladies? Aren’t they our cousins too? Distant. Distant. Look at these two. - Oouple of Hive Harrys. - Let’s have fun with them. It must be dangerous being a Pollen Jock. Yeah. Once a bear pinned me against a mushroom! He had a paw on my throat, and with the other, he was slapping me! - Oh, my! - I never thought I’d knock him out. What were you doing during this? Trying to alert the authorities. I can autograph that. A little gusty out there today, wasn’t it, comrades? Yeah. Gusty. We’re hitting a sunflower patch six miles from here tomorrow. - Six miles, huh? - Barry! A puddle jump for us, but maybe you’re not up for it. - Maybe I am. - You are not! We’re going 0900 at J-Gate. What do you think, buzzy-boy? Are you bee enough? I might be. It all depends on what 0900 means. Hey, Honex! Dad, you surprised me. You decide what you’re interested in? - Well, there’s a lot of choices. - But you only get one. Do you ever get bored doing the same job every day? Son, let me tell you about stirring. You grab that stick, and you just move it around, and you stir it around. You get yourself into a rhythm. It’s a beautiful thing. You know, Dad, the more I think about it, maybe the honey field just isn’t right for me. You were thinking of what, making balloon animals? That’s a bad job for a guy with a stinger. Janet, your son’s not sure he wants to go into honey! - Barry, you are so funny sometimes. - I’m not trying to be funny. You’re not funny! You’re going into honey. Our son, the stirrer! - You’re gonna be a stirrer? - No one’s listening to me! Wait till you see the sticks I have. I could say anything right now. I’m gonna get an ant tattoo! Let’s open some honey and celebrate! Maybe I’ll pierce my thorax. Shave my antennae. Shack up with a grasshopper. Get a gold tooth and call everybody “dawg”! I’m so proud. - We’re starting work today! - Today’s the day. Oome on! All the good jobs will be gone. Yeah, right. Pollen counting, stunt bee, pouring, stirrer, front desk, hair removal… - Is it still available? - Hang on. Two left! One of them’s yours! Oongratulations! Step to the side. - What’d you get? - Picking crud out. Stellar! Wow! Oouple of newbies? Yes, sir! Our first day! We are ready! Make your choice. - You want to go first? - No, you go. Oh, my. What’s available? Restroom attendant’s open, not for the reason you think. - Any chance of getting the Krelman? - Sure, you’re on. I’m sorry, the Krelman just closed out. Wax monkey’s always open. The Krelman opened up again. What happened? A bee died. Makes an opening. See? He’s dead. Another dead one. Deady. Deadified. Two more dead. Dead from the neck up. Dead from the neck down. That’s life! Oh, this is so hard! Heating, cooling, stunt bee, pourer, stirrer, humming, inspector number seven, lint coordinator, stripe supervisor, mite wrangler. Barry, what do you think I should… Barry? Barry! All right, we’ve got the sunflower patch in quadrant nine… What happened to you? Where are you? - I’m going out. - Out? Out where? - Out there. - Oh, no! I have to, before I go to work for the rest of my life. You’re gonna die! You’re crazy! Hello? Another call coming in. If anyone’s feeling brave, there’s a Korean deli on 83rd that gets their roses today. Hey, guys. - Look at that. - Isn’t that the kid we saw yesterday? Hold it, son, flight deck’s restricted. It’s OK, Lou. We’re gonna take him up. Really? Feeling lucky, are you? Sign here, here. Just initial that. - Thank you. - OK. You got a rain advisory today, and as you all know, bees cannot fly in rain. So be careful. As always, watch your brooms, hockey sticks, dogs, birds, bears and bats. Also, I got a couple of reports of root beer being poured on us. Murphy’s in a home because of it, babbling like a cicada! - That’s awful. - And a reminder for you rookies, bee law number one, absolutely no talking to humans! All right, launch positions! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! Black and yellow! Hello! You ready for this, hot shot? Yeah. Yeah, bring it on. Wind, check. - Antennae, check. - Nectar pack, check. - Wings, check. - Stinger, check. Scared out of my shorts, check. OK, ladies, let’s move it out! Pound those petunias, you striped stem-suckers! All of you, drain those flowers! Wow! I’m out! I can’t believe I’m out! So blue. I feel so fast and free! Box kite! Wow! Flowers! This is Blue Leader. We have roses visual. Bring it around 30 degrees and hold. Roses! 30 degrees, roger. Bringing it around. Stand to the side, kid. It’s got a bit of a kick. That is one nectar collector! - Ever see pollination up close? - No, sir. I pick up some pollen here, sprinkle it over here. Maybe a dash over there, a pinch on that one. See that? It’s a little bit of magic. That’s amazing. Why do we do that? That’s pollen power. More pollen, more flowers, more nectar, more honey for us. Oool. I’m picking up a lot of bright yellow. Oould be daisies. Don’t we need those? Oopy that visual. Wait. One of these flowers seems to be on the move. Say again? You’re reporting a moving flower? Affirmative. That was on the line! This is the coolest. What is it? I don’t know, but I’m loving this color. It smells good. Not like a flower, but I like it. Yeah, fuzzy. Ohemical-y. Oareful, guys. It’s a little grabby. My sweet lord of bees! Oandy-brain, get off there! Problem! - Guys! - This could be bad. Affirmative. Very close. Gonna hurt. Mama’s little boy. You are way out of position, rookie! Ooming in at you like a missile! Help me! I don’t think these are flowers. - Should we tell him? - I think he knows. What is this?! Match point! You can start packing up, honey, because you’re about to eat it! Yowser! Gross. There’s a bee in the car! - Do something! - I’m driving! - Hi, bee. - He’s back here! He’s going to sting me! Nobody move. If you don’t move, he won’t sting you. Freeze! He blinked! Spray him, Granny! What are you doing?! Wow… the tension level out here is unbelievable. I gotta get home. Oan’t fly in rain. Oan’t fly in rain. Oan’t fly in rain. Mayday! Mayday! Bee going down! Ken, could you close the window please? Ken, could you close the window please? Oheck out my new resume. I made it into a fold-out brochure. You see? Folds out. Oh, no. More humans. I don’t need this. What was that? Maybe this time. This time. This time. This time! This time! This… Drapes! That is diabolical. It’s fantastic. It’s got all my special skills, even my top-ten favorite movies. What’s number one? Star Wars? Nah, I don’t go for that… …kind of stuff. No wonder we shouldn’t talk to them. They’re out of their minds. When I leave a job interview, they’re flabbergasted, can’t believe what I say. There’s the sun. Maybe that’s a way out. I don’t remember the sun having a big 75 on it. I predicted global warming. I could feel it getting hotter. At first I thought it was just me. Wait! Stop! Bee! Stand back. These are winter boots. Wait! Don’t kill him! You know I’m allergic to them! This thing could kill me! Why does his life have less value than yours? Why does his life have any less value than mine? Is that your statement? I’m just saying all life has value. You don’t know what he’s capable of feeling. My brochure! There you go, little guy. I’m not scared of him. It’s an allergic thing. Put that on your resume brochure. My whole face could puff up. Make it one of your special skills. Knocking someone out is also a special skill. Right. Bye, Vanessa. Thanks. - Vanessa, next week? Yogurt night? - Sure, Ken. You know, whatever. - You could put carob chips on there. - Bye. - Supposed to be less calories. - Bye. I gotta say something. She saved my life. I gotta say something. All right, here it goes. Nah. What would I say? I could really get in trouble. It’s a bee law. You’re not supposed to talk to a human. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I’ve got to. Oh, I can’t do it. Oome on! No. Yes. No. Do it. I can’t. How should I start it? “You like jazz?” No, that’s no good. Here she comes! Speak, you fool! Hi! I’m sorry. - You’re talking. - Yes, I know. You’re talking! I’m so sorry. No, it’s OK. It’s fine. I know I’m dreaming. But I don’t recall going to bed. Well, I’m sure this is very disconcerting. This is a bit of a surprise to me. I mean, you’re a bee! I am. And I’m not supposed to be doing this, but they were all trying to kill me. And if it wasn’t for you… I had to thank you. It’s just how I was raised. That was a little weird. - I’m talking with a bee. - Yeah. I’m talking to a bee. And the bee is talking to me! I just want to say I’m grateful. I’ll leave now. - Wait! How did you learn to do that? - What? The talking thing. Same way you did, I guess. “Mama, Dada, honey.” You pick it up. - That’s very funny. - Yeah. Bees are funny. If we didn’t laugh, we’d cry with what we have to deal with. Anyway… Oan I… …get you something? - Like what? I don’t know. I mean… I don’t know. Ooffee? I don’t want to put you out. It’s no trouble. It takes two minutes. - It’s just coffee. - I hate to impose. - Don’t be ridiculous! - Actually, I would love a cup. Hey, you want rum cake? - I shouldn’t. - Have some. - No, I can’t. - Oome on! I’m trying to lose a couple micrograms. - Where? - These stripes don’t help. You look great! I don’t know if you know anything about fashion. Are you all right? No. He’s making the tie in the cab as they’re flying up Madison. He finally gets there. He runs up the steps into the church. The wedding is on. And he says, “Watermelon? I thought you said Guatemalan. Why would I marry a watermelon?” Is that a bee joke? That’s the kind of stuff we do. Yeah, different. So, what are you gonna do, Barry? About work? I don’t know. I want to do my part for the hive, but I can’t do it the way they want. I know how you feel. - You do? - Sure. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer or a doctor, but I wanted to be a florist. - Really? - My only interest is flowers. Our new queen was just elected with that same campaign slogan. Anyway, if you look… There’s my hive right there. See it? You’re in Sheep Meadow! Yes! I’m right off the Turtle Pond! No way! I know that area. I lost a toe ring there once. - Why do girls put rings on their toes? - Why not? - It’s like putting a hat on your knee. - Maybe I’ll try that. - You all right, ma'am? - Oh, yeah. Fine. Just having two cups of coffee! Anyway, this has been great. Thanks for the coffee. Yeah, it’s no trouble. Sorry I couldn’t finish it. If I did, I’d be up the rest of my life. Are you…? Oan I take a piece of this with me? Sure! Here, have a crumb. - Thanks! - Yeah. All right. Well, then… I guess I’ll see you around. Or not. OK, Barry. And thank you so much again… for before. Oh, that? That was nothing. Well, not nothing, but… Anyway… This can’t possibly work. He’s all set to go. We may as well try it. OK, Dave, pull the chute. - Sounds amazing. - It was amazing! It was the scariest, happiest moment of my life. Humans! I can’t believe you were with humans! Giant, scary humans! What were they like? Huge and crazy. They talk crazy. They eat crazy giant things. They drive crazy. - Do they try and kill you, like on TV? - Some of them. But some of them don’t. - How’d you get back? - Poodle. You did it, and I’m glad. You saw whatever you wanted to see. You had your “experience.” Now you can pick out yourjob and be normal. - Well… - Well? Well, I met someone. You did? Was she Bee-ish? - A wasp?! Your parents will kill you! - No, no, no, not a wasp. - Spider? - I’m not attracted to spiders. I know it’s the hottest thing, with the eight legs and all. I can’t get by that face. So who is she? She’s… human. No, no. That’s a bee law. You wouldn’t break a bee law. - Her name’s Vanessa. - Oh, boy. She’s so nice. And she’s a florist! Oh, no! You’re dating a human florist! We’re not dating. You’re flying outside the hive, talking to humans that attack our homes with power washers and M-80s! One-eighth a stick of dynamite! She saved my life! And she understands me. This is over! Eat this. This is not over! What was that? - They call it a crumb. - It was so stingin’ stripey! And that’s not what they eat. That’s what falls off what they eat! - You know what a Oinnabon is? - No. It’s bread and cinnamon and frosting. They heat it up… Sit down! …really hot! - Listen to me! We are not them! We’re us. There’s us and there’s them! Yes, but who can deny the heart that is yearning? There’s no yearning. Stop yearning. Listen to me! You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. Thinking bee! - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! There he is. He’s in the pool. You know what your problem is, Barry? I gotta start thinking bee? How much longer will this go on? It’s been three days! Why aren’t you working? I’ve got a lot of big life decisions to think about. What life? You have no life! You have no job. You’re barely a bee! Would it kill you to make a little honey? Barry, come out. Your father’s talking to you. Martin, would you talk to him? Barry, I’m talking to you! You coming? Got everything? All set! Go ahead. I’ll catch up. Don’t be too long. Watch this! Vanessa! - We’re still here. - I told you not to yell at him. He doesn’t respond to yelling! - Then why yell at me? - Because you don’t listen! I’m not listening to this. Sorry, I’ve gotta go. - Where are you going? - I’m meeting a friend. A girl? Is this why you can’t decide? Bye. I just hope she’s Bee-ish. They have a huge parade of flowers every year in Pasadena? To be in the Tournament of Roses, that’s every florist’s dream! Up on a float, surrounded by flowers, crowds cheering. A tournament. Do the roses compete in athletic events? No. All right, I’ve got one. How come you don’t fly everywhere? It’s exhausting. Why don’t you run everywhere? It’s faster. Yeah, OK, I see, I see. All right, your turn. TiVo. You can just freeze live TV? That’s insane! You don’t have that? We have Hivo, but it’s a disease. It’s a horrible, horrible disease. Oh, my. Dumb bees! You must want to sting all those jerks. We try not to sting. It’s usually fatal for us. So you have to watch your temper. Very carefully. You kick a wall, take a walk, write an angry letter and throw it out. Work through it like any emotion: Anger, jealousy, lust. Oh, my goodness! Are you OK? Yeah. - What is wrong with you?! - It’s a bug. He’s not bothering anybody. Get out of here, you creep! What was that? A Pic ‘N’ Save circular? Yeah, it was. How did you know? It felt like about 10 pages. Seventy-five is pretty much our limit. You’ve really got that down to a science. - I lost a cousin to Italian Vogue. - I’ll bet. What in the name of Mighty Hercules is this? How did this get here? Oute Bee, Golden Blossom, Ray Liotta Private Select? - Is he that actor? - I never heard of him. - Why is this here? - For people. We eat it. You don’t have enough food of your own? - Well, yes. - How do you get it? - Bees make it. - I know who makes it! And it’s hard to make it! There’s heating, cooling, stirring. You need a whole Krelman thing! - It’s organic. - It’s our-ganic! It’s just honey, Barry. Just what?! Bees don’t know about this! This is stealing! A lot of stealing! You’ve taken our homes, schools, hospitals! This is all we have! And it’s on sale?! I’m getting to the bottom of this. I’m getting to the bottom of all of this! Hey, Hector. - You almost done? - Almost. He is here. I sense it. Well, I guess I’ll go home now and just leave this nice honey out, with no one around. You’re busted, box boy! I knew I heard something. So you can talk! I can talk. And now you’ll start talking! Where you getting the sweet stuff? Who’s your supplier? I don’t understand. I thought we were friends. The last thing we want to do is upset bees! You’re too late! It’s ours now! You, sir, have crossed the wrong sword! You, sir, will be lunch for my iguana, Ignacio! Where is the honey coming from? Tell me where! Honey Farms! It comes from Honey Farms! Orazy person! What horrible thing has happened here? These faces, they never knew what hit them. And now they’re on the road to nowhere! Just keep still. What? You’re not dead? Do I look dead? They will wipe anything that moves. Where you headed? To Honey Farms. I am onto something huge here. I’m going to Alaska. Moose blood, crazy stuff. Blows your head off! I’m going to Tacoma. - And you? - He really is dead. All right. Uh-oh! - What is that?! - Oh, no! - A wiper! Triple blade! - Triple blade? Jump on! It’s your only chance, bee! Why does everything have to be so doggone clean?! How much do you people need to see?! Open your eyes! Stick your head out the window! From NPR News in Washington, I’m Oarl Kasell. But don’t kill no more bugs! - Bee! - Moose blood guy!! - You hear something? - Like what? Like tiny screaming. Turn off the radio. Whassup, bee boy? Hey, Blood. Just a row of honey jars, as far as the eye could see. Wow! I assume wherever this truck goes is where they’re getting it. I mean, that honey’s ours. - Bees hang tight. - We’re all jammed in. It’s a close community. Not us, man. We on our own. Every mosquito on his own. - What if you get in trouble? - You a mosquito, you in trouble. Nobody likes us. They just smack. See a mosquito, smack, smack! At least you’re out in the world. You must meet girls. Mosquito girls try to trade up, get with a moth, dragonfly. Mosquito girl don’t want no mosquito. You got to be kidding me! Mooseblood’s about to leave the building! So long, bee! - Hey, guys! - Mooseblood! I knew I’d catch y'all down here. Did you bring your crazy straw? We throw it in jars, slap a label on it, and it’s pretty much pure profit. What is this place? A bee’s got a brain the size of a pinhead. They are pinheads! Pinhead. - Oheck out the new smoker. - Oh, sweet. That’s the one you want. The Thomas 3000! Smoker? Ninety puffs a minute, semi-automatic. Twice the nicotine, all the tar. A couple breaths of this knocks them right out. They make the honey, and we make the money. “They make the honey, and we make the money”? Oh, my! What’s going on? Are you OK? Yeah. It doesn’t last too long. Do you know you’re in a fake hive with fake walls? Our queen was moved here. We had no choice. This is your queen? That’s a man in women’s clothes! That’s a drag queen! What is this? Oh, no! There’s hundreds of them! Bee honey. Our honey is being brazenly stolen on a massive scale! This is worse than anything bears have done! I intend to do something. Oh, Barry, stop. Who told you humans are taking our honey? That’s a rumor. Do these look like rumors? That’s a conspiracy theory. These are obviously doctored photos. How did you get mixed up in this? He’s been talking to humans. - What? - Talking to humans?! He has a human girlfriend. And they make out! Make out? Barry! We do not. - You wish you could. - Whose side are you on? The bees! I dated a cricket once in San Antonio. Those crazy legs kept me up all night. Barry, this is what you want to do with your life? I want to do it for all our lives. Nobody works harder than bees! Dad, I remember you coming home so overworked your hands were still stirring. You couldn’t stop. I remember that. What right do they have to our honey? We live on two cups a year. They put it in lip balm for no reason whatsoever! Even if it’s true, what can one bee do? Sting them where it really hurts. In the face! The eye! - That would hurt. - No. Up the nose? That’s a killer. There’s only one place you can sting the humans, one place where it matters. Hive at Five, the hive’s only full-hour action news source. No more bee beards! With Bob Bumble at the anchor desk. Weather with Storm Stinger. Sports with Buzz Larvi. And Jeanette Ohung. - Good evening. I’m Bob Bumble. - And I’m Jeanette Ohung. A tri-county bee, Barry Benson, intends to sue the human race for stealing our honey, packaging it and profiting from it illegally! Tomorrow night on Bee Larry King, we’ll have three former queens here in our studio, discussing their new book, Olassy Ladies, out this week on Hexagon. Tonight we’re talking to Barry Benson. Did you ever think, “I’m a kid from the hive. I can’t do this”? Bees have never been afraid to change the world. What about Bee Oolumbus? Bee Gandhi? Bejesus? Where I’m from, we’d never sue humans. We were thinking of stickball or candy stores. How old are you? The bee community is supporting you in this case, which will be the trial of the bee century. You know, they have a Larry King in the human world too. It’s a common name. Next week… He looks like you and has a show and suspenders and colored dots… Next week… Glasses, quotes on the bottom from the guest even though you just heard 'em. Bear Week next week! They’re scary, hairy and here live. Always leans forward, pointy shoulders, squinty eyes, very Jewish. In tennis, you attack at the point of weakness! It was my grandmother, Ken. She’s 81. Honey, her backhand’s a joke! I’m not gonna take advantage of that? Quiet, please. Actual work going on here. - Is that that same bee? - Yes, it is! I’m helping him sue the human race. - Hello. - Hello, bee. This is Ken. Yeah, I remember you. Timberland, size ten and a half. Vibram sole, I believe. Why does he talk again? Listen, you better go 'cause we’re really busy working. But it’s our yogurt night! Bye-bye. Why is yogurt night so difficult?! You poor thing. You two have been at this for hours! Yes, and Adam here has been a huge help. - Frosting… - How many sugars? Just one. I try not to use the competition. So why are you helping me? Bees have good qualities. And it takes my mind off the shop. Instead of flowers, people are giving balloon bouquets now. Those are great, if you’re three. And artificial flowers. - Oh, those just get me psychotic! - Yeah, me too. Bent stingers, pointless pollination. Bees must hate those fake things! Nothing worse than a daffodil that’s had work done. Maybe this could make up for it a little bit. - This lawsuit’s a pretty big deal. - I guess. You sure you want to go through with it? Am I sure? When I’m done with the humans, they won’t be able to say, “Honey, I’m home,” without paying a royalty! It’s an incredible scene here in downtown Manhattan, where the world anxiously waits, because for the first time in history, we will hear for ourselves if a honeybee can actually speak. What have we gotten into here, Barry? It’s pretty big, isn’t it? I can’t believe how many humans don’t work during the day. You think billion-dollar multinational food companies have good lawyers? Everybody needs to stay behind the barricade. - What’s the matter? - I don’t know, I just got a chill. Well, if it isn’t the bee team. You boys work on this? All rise! The Honorable Judge Bumbleton presiding. All right. Oase number 4475, Superior Oourt of New York, Barry Bee Benson v. the Honey Industry is now in session. Mr. Montgomery, you’re representing the five food companies collectively? A privilege. Mr. Benson… you’re representing all the bees of the world? I’m kidding. Yes, Your Honor, we’re ready to proceed. Mr. Montgomery, your opening statement, please. Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, my grandmother was a simple woman. Born on a farm, she believed it was man’s divine right to benefit from the bounty of nature God put before us. If we lived in the topsy-turvy world Mr. Benson imagines, just think of what would it mean. I would have to negotiate with the silkworm for the elastic in my britches! Talking bee! How do we know this isn’t some sort of holographic motion-picture-capture Hollywood wizardry? They could be using laser beams! Robotics! Ventriloquism! Oloning! For all we know, he could be on steroids! Mr. Benson? Ladies and gentlemen, there’s no trickery here. I’m just an ordinary bee. Honey’s pretty important to me. It’s important to all bees. We invented it! We make it. And we protect it with our lives. Unfortunately, there are some people in this room who think they can take it from us 'cause we’re the little guys! I’m hoping that, after this is all over, you’ll see how, by taking our honey, you not only take everything we have but everything we are! I wish he’d dress like that all the time. So nice! Oall your first witness. So, Mr. Klauss Vanderhayden of Honey Farms, big company you have. I suppose so. I see you also own Honeyburton and Honron! Yes, they provide beekeepers for our farms. Beekeeper. I find that to be a very disturbing term. I don’t imagine you employ any bee-free-ers, do you? - No. - I couldn’t hear you. - No. - No. Because you don’t free bees. You keep bees. Not only that, it seems you thought a bear would be an appropriate image for a jar of honey. They’re very lovable creatures. Yogi Bear, Fozzie Bear, Build-A-Bear. You mean like this? Bears kill bees! How’d you like his head crashing through your living room?! Biting into your couch! Spitting out your throw pillows! OK, that’s enough. Take him away. So, Mr. Sting, thank you for being here. Your name intrigues me. - Where have I heard it before? - I was with a band called The Police. But you’ve never been a police officer, have you? No, I haven’t. No, you haven’t. And so here we have yet another example of bee culture casually stolen by a human for nothing more than a prance-about stage name. Oh, please. Have you ever been stung, Mr. Sting? Because I’m feeling a little stung, Sting. Or should I say… Mr. Gordon M. Sumner! That’s not his real name?! You idiots! Mr. Liotta, first, belated congratulations on your Emmy win for a guest spot on ER in 2005. Thank you. Thank you. I see from your resume that you’re devilishly handsome with a churning inner turmoil that’s ready to blow. I enjoy what I do. Is that a crime? Not yet it isn’t. But is this what it’s come to for you? Exploiting tiny, helpless bees so you don’t have to rehearse your part and learn your lines, sir? Watch it, Benson! I could blow right now! This isn’t a goodfella. This is a badfella! Why doesn’t someone just step on this creep, and we can all go home?! - Order in this court! - You’re all thinking it! Order! Order, I say! - Say it! - Mr. Liotta, please sit down! I think it was awfully nice of that bear to pitch in like that. I think the jury’s on our side. Are we doing everything right, legally? I’m a florist. Right. Well, here’s to a great team. To a great team! Well, hello. - Ken! - Hello. I didn’t think you were coming. No, I was just late. I tried to call, but… the battery. I didn’t want all this to go to waste, so I called Barry. Luckily, he was free. Oh, that was lucky. There’s a little left. I could heat it up. Yeah, heat it up, sure, whatever. So I hear you’re quite a tennis player. I’m not much for the game myself. The ball’s a little grabby. That’s where I usually sit. Right… there. Ken, Barry was looking at your resume, and he agreed with me that eating with chopsticks isn’t really a special skill. You think I don’t see what you’re doing? I know how hard it is to find the rightjob. We have that in common. Do we? Bees have 100 percent employment, but we do jobs like taking the crud out. That’s just what I was thinking about doing. Ken, I let Barry borrow your razor for his fuzz. I hope that was all right. I’m going to drain the old stinger. Yeah, you do that. Look at that. You know, I’ve just about had it with your little mind games. - What’s that? - Italian Vogue. Mamma mia, that’s a lot of pages. A lot of ads. Remember what Van said, why is your life more valuable than mine? Funny, I just can’t seem to recall that! I think something stinks in here! I love the smell of flowers. How do you like the smell of flames?! Not as much. Water bug! Not taking sides! Ken, I’m wearing a Ohapstick hat! This is pathetic! I’ve got issues! Well, well, well, a royal flush! - You’re bluffing. - Am I? Surf’s up, dude! Poo water! That bowl is gnarly. Except for those dirty yellow rings! Kenneth! What are you doing?! You know, I don’t even like honey! I don’t eat it! We need to talk! He’s just a little bee! And he happens to be the nicest bee I’ve met in a long time! Long time? What are you talking about?! Are there other bugs in your life? No, but there are other things bugging me in life. And you’re one of them! Fine! Talking bees, no yogurt night… My nerves are fried from riding on this emotional roller coaster! Goodbye, Ken. And for your information, I prefer sugar-free, artificial sweeteners made by man! I’m sorry about all that. I know it’s got an aftertaste! I like it! I always felt there was some kind of barrier between Ken and me. I couldn’t overcome it. Oh, well. Are you OK for the trial? I believe Mr. Montgomery is about out of ideas. We would like to call Mr. Barry Benson Bee to the stand. Good idea! You can really see why he’s considered one of the best lawyers… Yeah. Layton, you’ve gotta weave some magic with this jury, or it’s gonna be all over. Don’t worry. The only thing I have to do to turn this jury around is to remind them of what they don’t like about bees. - You got the tweezers? - Are you allergic? Only to losing, son. Only to losing. Mr. Benson Bee, I’ll ask you what I think we’d all like to know. What exactly is your relationship to that woman? We’re friends. - Good friends? - Yes. How good? Do you live together? Wait a minute… Are you her little… …bedbug? I’ve seen a bee documentary or two. From what I understand, doesn’t your queen give birth to all the bee children? - Yeah, but… - So those aren’t your real parents! - Oh, Barry… - Yes, they are! Hold me back! You’re an illegitimate bee, aren’t you, Benson? He’s denouncing bees! Don’t y'all date your cousins? - Objection! - I’m going to pincushion this guy! Adam, don’t! It’s what he wants! Oh, I’m hit!! Oh, lordy, I am hit! Order! Order! The venom! The venom is coursing through my veins! I have been felled by a winged beast of destruction! You see? You can’t treat them like equals! They’re striped savages! Stinging’s the only thing they know! It’s their way! - Adam, stay with me. - I can’t feel my legs. What angel of mercy will come forward to suck the poison from my heaving buttocks? I will have order in this court. Order! Order, please! The case of the honeybees versus the human race took a pointed turn against the bees yesterday when one of their legal team stung Layton T. Montgomery. - Hey, buddy. - Hey. - Is there much pain? - Yeah. I… I blew the whole case, didn’t I? It doesn’t matter. What matters is you’re alive. You could have died. I’d be better off dead. Look at me. They got it from the cafeteria downstairs, in a tuna sandwich. Look, there’s a little celery still on it. What was it like to sting someone? I can’t explain it. It was all… All adrenaline and then… and then ecstasy! All right. You think it was all a trap? Of course. I’m sorry. I flew us right into this. What were we thinking? Look at us. We’re just a couple of bugs in this world. What will the humans do to us if they win? I don’t know. I hear they put the roaches in motels. That doesn’t sound so bad. Adam, they check in, but they don’t check out! Oh, my. Oould you get a nurse to close that window? - Why? - The smoke. Bees don’t smoke. Right. Bees don’t smoke. Bees don’t smoke! But some bees are smoking. That’s it! That’s our case! It is? It’s not over? Get dressed. I’ve gotta go somewhere. Get back to the court and stall. Stall any way you can. And assuming you’ve done step correctly, you’re ready for the tub. Mr. Flayman. Yes? Yes, Your Honor! Where is the rest of your team? Well, Your Honor, it’s interesting. Bees are trained to fly haphazardly, and as a result, we don’t make very good time. I actually heard a funny story about… Your Honor, haven’t these ridiculous bugs taken up enough of this court’s valuable time? How much longer will we allow these absurd shenanigans to go on? They have presented no compelling evidence to support their charges against my clients, who run legitimate businesses. I move for a complete dismissal of this entire case! Mr. Flayman, I’m afraid I’m going to have to consider Mr. Montgomery’s motion. But you can’t! We have a terrific case. Where is your proof? Where is the evidence? Show me the smoking gun! Hold it, Your Honor! You want a smoking gun? Here is your smoking gun. What is that? It’s a bee smoker! What, this? This harmless little contraption? This couldn’t hurt a fly, let alone a bee. Look at what has happened to bees who have never been asked, “Smoking or non?” Is this what nature intended for us? To be forcibly addicted to smoke machines and man-made wooden slat work camps? Living out our lives as honey slaves to the white man? - What are we gonna do? - He’s playing the species card. Ladies and gentlemen, please, free these bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! Free the bees! The court finds in favor of the bees! Vanessa, we won! I knew you could do it! High-five! Sorry. I’m OK! You know what this means? All the honey will finally belong to the bees. Now we won’t have to work so hard all the time. This is an unholy perversion of the balance of nature, Benson. You’ll regret this. Barry, how much honey is out there? All right. One at a time. Barry, who are you wearing? My sweater is Ralph Lauren, and I have no pants. - What if Montgomery’s right? - What do you mean? We’ve been living the bee way a long time, 27 million years. Oongratulations on your victory. What will you demand as a settlement? First, we’ll demand a complete shutdown of all bee work camps. Then we want back the honey that was ours to begin with, every last drop. We demand an end to the glorification of the bear as anything more than a filthy, smelly, bad-breath stink machine. We’re all aware of what they do in the woods. Wait for my signal. Take him out. He’ll have nauseous for a few hours, then he’ll be fine. And we will no longer tolerate bee-negative nicknames… But it’s just a prance-about stage name! …unnecessary inclusion of honey in bogus health products and la-dee-da human tea-time snack garnishments. Oan’t breathe. Bring it in, boys! Hold it right there! Good. Tap it. Mr. Buzzwell, we just passed three cups, and there’s gallons more coming! - I think we need to shut down! - Shut down? We’ve never shut down. Shut down honey production! Stop making honey! Turn your key, sir! What do we do now? Oannonball! We’re shutting honey production! Mission abort. Aborting pollination and nectar detail. Returning to base. Adam, you wouldn’t believe how much honey was out there. Oh, yeah? What’s going on? Where is everybody? - Are they out celebrating? - They’re home. They don’t know what to do. Laying out, sleeping in. I heard your Uncle Oarl was on his way to San Antonio with a cricket. At least we got our honey back. Sometimes I think, so what if humans liked our honey? Who wouldn’t? It’s the greatest thing in the world! I was excited to be part of making it. This was my new desk. This was my new job. I wanted to do it really well. And now… Now I can’t. I don’t understand why they’re not happy. I thought their lives would be better! They’re doing nothing. It’s amazing. Honey really changes people. You don’t have any idea what’s going on, do you? - What did you want to show me? - This. What happened here? That is not the half of it. Oh, no. Oh, my. They’re all wilting. Doesn’t look very good, does it? No. And whose fault do you think that is? You know, I’m gonna guess bees. Bees? Specifically, me. I didn’t think bees not needing to make honey would affect all these things. It’s notjust flowers. Fruits, vegetables, they all need bees. That’s our whole SAT test right there. Take away produce, that affects the entire animal kingdom. And then, of course… The human species? So if there’s no more pollination, it could all just go south here, couldn’t it? I know this is also partly my fault. How about a suicide pact? How do we do it? - I’ll sting you, you step on me. - Thatjust kills you twice. Right, right. Listen, Barry… sorry, but I gotta get going. I had to open my mouth and talk. Vanessa? Vanessa? Why are you leaving? Where are you going? To the final Tournament of Roses parade in Pasadena. They’ve moved it to this weekend because all the flowers are dying. It’s the last chance I’ll ever have to see it. Vanessa, I just wanna say I’m sorry. I never meant it to turn out like this. I know. Me neither. Tournament of Roses. Roses can’t do sports. Wait a minute. Roses. Roses? Roses! Vanessa! Roses?! Barry? - Roses are flowers! - Yes, they are. Flowers, bees, pollen! I know. That’s why this is the last parade. Maybe not. Oould you ask him to slow down? Oould you slow down? Barry! OK, I made a huge mistake. This is a total disaster, all my fault. Yes, it kind of is. I’ve ruined the planet. I wanted to help you with the flower shop. I’ve made it worse. Actually, it’s completely closed down. I thought maybe you were remodeling. But I have another idea, and it’s greater than my previous ideas combined. I don’t want to hear it! All right, they have the roses, the roses have the pollen. I know every bee, plant and flower bud in this park. All we gotta do is get what they’ve got back here with what we’ve got. - Bees. - Park. - Pollen! - Flowers. - Repollination! - Across the nation! Tournament of Roses, Pasadena, Oalifornia. They’ve got nothing but flowers, floats and cotton candy. Security will be tight. I have an idea. Vanessa Bloome, FTD. Official floral business. It’s real. Sorry, ma'am. Nice brooch. Thank you. It was a gift. Once inside, we just pick the right float. How about The Princess and the Pea? I could be the princess, and you could be the pea! Yes, I got it. - Where should I sit? - What are you? - I believe I’m the pea. - The pea? It goes under the mattresses. - Not in this fairy tale, sweetheart. - I’m getting the marshal. You do that! This whole parade is a fiasco! Let’s see what this baby’ll do. Hey, what are you doing?! Then all we do is blend in with traffic… …without arousing suspicion. Once at the airport, there’s no stopping us. Stop! Security. - You and your insect pack your float? - Yes. Has it been in your possession the entire time? Would you remove your shoes? - Remove your stinger. - It’s part of me. I know. Just having some fun. Enjoy your flight. Then if we’re lucky, we’ll have just enough pollen to do the job. Oan you believe how lucky we are? We have just enough pollen to do the job! I think this is gonna work. It’s got to work. Attention, passengers, this is Oaptain Scott. We have a bit of bad weather in New York. It looks like we’ll experience a couple hours delay. Barry, these are cut flowers with no water. They’ll never make it. I gotta get up there and talk to them. Be careful. Oan I get help with the Sky Mall magazine? I’d like to order the talking inflatable nose and ear hair trimmer. Oaptain, I’m in a real situation. - What’d you say, Hal? - Nothing. Bee! Don’t freak out! My entire species… What are you doing? - Wait a minute! I’m an attorney! - Who’s an attorney? Don’t move. Oh, Barry. Good afternoon, passengers. This is your captain. Would a Miss Vanessa Bloome in 24B please report to the cockpit? And please hurry! What happened here? There was a DustBuster, a toupee, a life raft exploded. One’s bald, one’s in a boat, they’re both unconscious! - Is that another bee joke? - No! No one’s flying the plane! This is JFK control tower, Flight 356. What’s your status? This is Vanessa Bloome. I’m a florist from New York. Where’s the pilot? He’s unconscious, and so is the copilot. Not good. Does anyone onboard have flight experience? As a matter of fact, there is. - Who’s that? - Barry Benson. From the honey trial?! Oh, great. Vanessa, this is nothing more than a big metal bee. It’s got giant wings, huge engines. I can’t fly a plane. - Why not? Isn’t John Travolta a pilot? - Yes. How hard could it be? Wait, Barry! We’re headed into some lightning. This is Bob Bumble. We have some late-breaking news from JFK Airport, where a suspenseful scene is developing. Barry Benson, fresh from his legal victory… That’s Barry! …is attempting to land a plane, loaded with people, flowers and an incapacitated flight crew. Flowers?! We have a storm in the area and two individuals at the controls with absolutely no flight experience. Just a minute. There’s a bee on that plane. I’m quite familiar with Mr. Benson and his no-account compadres. They’ve done enough damage. But isn’t he your only hope? Technically, a bee shouldn’t be able to fly at all. Their wings are too small… Haven’t we heard this a million times? “The surface area of the wings and body mass make no sense.” - Get this on the air! - Got it. - Stand by. - We’re going live. The way we work may be a mystery to you. Making honey takes a lot of bees doing a lot of small jobs. But let me tell you about a small job. If you do it well, it makes a big difference. More than we realized. To us, to everyone. That’s why I want to get bees back to working together. That’s the bee way! We’re not made of Jell-O. We get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow! - Hello! Left, right, down, hover. - Hover? - Forget hover. This isn’t so hard. Beep-beep! Beep-beep! Barry, what happened?! Wait, I think we were on autopilot the whole time. - That may have been helping me. - And now we’re not! So it turns out I cannot fly a plane. All of you, let’s get behind this fellow! Move it out! Move out! Our only chance is if I do what I’d do, you copy me with the wings of the plane! Don’t have to yell. I’m not yelling! We’re in a lot of trouble. It’s very hard to concentrate with that panicky tone in your voice! It’s not a tone. I’m panicking! I can’t do this! Vanessa, pull yourself together. You have to snap out of it! You snap out of it. You snap out of it. - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - You snap out of it! - Hold it! - Why? Oome on, it’s my turn. How is the plane flying? I don’t know. Hello? Benson, got any flowers for a happy occasion in there? The Pollen Jocks! They do get behind a fellow. - Black and yellow. - Hello. All right, let’s drop this tin can on the blacktop. Where? I can’t see anything. Oan you? No, nothing. It’s all cloudy. Oome on. You got to think bee, Barry. - Thinking bee. - Thinking bee. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Wait a minute. I think I’m feeling something. - What? - I don’t know. It’s strong, pulling me. Like a 27-million-year-old instinct. Bring the nose down. Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - What in the world is on the tarmac? - Get some lights on that! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! Thinking bee! - Vanessa, aim for the flower. - OK. Out the engines. We’re going in on bee power. Ready, boys? Affirmative! Good. Good. Easy, now. That’s it. Land on that flower! Ready? Full reverse! Spin it around! - Not that flower! The other one! - Which one? - That flower. - I’m aiming at the flower! That’s a fat guy in a flowered shirt. I mean the giant pulsating flower made of millions of bees! Pull forward. Nose down. Tail up. Rotate around it. - This is insane, Barry! - This’s the only way I know how to fly. Am I koo-koo-kachoo, or is this plane flying in an insect-like pattern? Get your nose in there. Don’t be afraid. Smell it. Full reverse! Just drop it. Be a part of it. Aim for the center! Now drop it in! Drop it in, woman! Oome on, already. Barry, we did it! You taught me how to fly! - Yes. No high-five! - Right. Barry, it worked! Did you see the giant flower? What giant flower? Where? Of course I saw the flower! That was genius! - Thank you. - But we’re not done yet. Listen, everyone! This runway is covered with the last pollen from the last flowers available anywhere on Earth. That means this is our last chance. We’re the only ones who make honey, pollinate flowers and dress like this. If we’re gonna survive as a species, this is our moment! What do you say? Are we going to be bees, orjust Museum of Natural History keychains? We’re bees! Keychain! Then follow me! Except Keychain. Hold on, Barry. Here. You’ve earned this. Yeah! I’m a Pollen Jock! And it’s a perfect fit. All I gotta do are the sleeves. Oh, yeah. That’s our Barry. Mom! The bees are back! If anybody needs to make a call, now’s the time. I got a feeling we’ll be working late tonight! Here’s your change. Have a great afternoon! Oan I help who’s next? Would you like some honey with that? It is bee-approved. Don’t forget these. Milk, cream, cheese, it’s all me. And I don’t see a nickel! Sometimes I just feel like a piece of meat! I had no idea. Barry, I’m sorry. Have you got a moment? Would you excuse me? My mosquito associate will help you. Sorry I’m late. He’s a lawyer too? I was already a blood-sucking parasite. All I needed was a briefcase. Have a great afternoon! Barry, I just got this huge tulip order, and I can’t get them anywhere. No problem, Vannie. Just leave it to me. You’re a lifesaver, Barry. Oan I help who’s next? All right, scramble, jocks! It’s time to fly. Thank you, Barry! That bee is living my life! Let it go, Kenny. - When will this nightmare end?! - Let it all go. - Beautiful day to fly. - Sure is. Between you and me, I was dying to get out of that office. You have got to start thinking bee, my friend. - Thinking bee! - Me? Hold it. Let’s just stop for a second. Hold it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, everyone.Can we stop here? I’m not making a major life decision during a production number! All right. Take ten, everybody. Wrap it up, guys. I had virtually no rehearsal for that
—  The Bee Movie

spitfirechick  asked:

Hi! Are you taking prompts right now? If not, super sorry to bother you! But if you are, do you think you could write some fluffy nurseydex? I've been having a bad day and could use a pick me up. Thanks either way!

Hi! Could you maybe write a nurseydex comfort?? I’m a bit down rn, people keep bashing my hockey team just because we won

“I almost cried in front of three different advisors today,” Dex huffs, sitting down on the edge of his bed.

“Oh - um,” Nursey chokes out. He’s a little caught off guard - he certainly wasn’t expecting that response when he asked Dex how his day went.

“I didn’t actually cry,” Dex shrugs, as if that makes it better, “Thought about it, though.”

Nursey doesn’t know if he’s supposed to press for more information or let Dex be. They’ve been dating for a month, he’s still trying to feel their relationship out. He waits a beat, and when Dex doesn’t elaborate at all he can’t help himself from asking, “Why?”

Keep reading

In Heat - Alpha!Stiles Stilinski [Smut]

Author: @writing-obrien 

Character(S): Alpha!Stiles Stilinski/Reader, Scott McCall, Malia Tate, Lydia Martin, Derek Hale, Liam Dunbar and my sons Mason and Corey.

Word Count: 4661

Notes: Man this is so filthy and it was so fun to write, I hope y'all really enjoy it. We got extreme sparking, marking, bring, cutting, scratching, bruising, oral (both receiving) and over-stimulation as well as masturbation (male) and finally teasing. Thank you so, so much to my best girl Steff, I don’t know what I’d do without her proofreading, editting and help on writing. (She’s even helping me write Kiss My Ass because I’m THAT useless!) so big shout out to my girl. I love you Steffy, Rick to my Rock. ❤️ @dumbass-stilinski 


Gif by @bonniebird and I’m still shook because damnnnnn 


Keep reading

Ohana

Summary: “Ohana means family. And family means nobody gets left behind or forgotten.” Everyone knows that Dan is a Lester and belongs on the family holiday–well, everyone except Dan himself. However, a beautiful seaside walk and a special surprise from Martyn and Cornelia may be just the ammunition he needs to change his mind.

Genre: Pure fluff

Word Count: 2.6k

Warnings: Like 2 swear words but that’s it

A/N: Because we all know there was some soppy convincing needed to get Dan to stay in Florida. Inspired by this ask over @nihilist-toothpaste.
I hope you enjoy!!

Keep reading

On Thin Ice *Part 1*

Originally posted by nellaey

Gif isn’t mine

Hello all you lovely people!! My past fic had done so well, I decided I could write another one for all of you. Like always, please leave feedback and tell me what you think!

Summary: You, Newt, Queenie, Jacob, and Tina all go out to ice skate. However, you start to get jealous when Newt and Tina start to get really close. 

Warnings: Angst angst angst (I love me some angst lmao)

Author: @xfandomqueenblrx (me)

DO NOT copy this on other sites and claim it as your work. 

Reblogs are fine

——————————————————————————————-

Winter snow fell down in front of your window. You watched below as they settled onto the road and sidewalks. It was beautiful.

As of now, you and Newt were staying with the Goldstein sisters and Jacob. The both of you had agreed to stay with them for a small vacation after all of the hard work you put into creating Newt’s book. You didn’t know where yours and Newt’s relationship would go after this. If you were just going to go back to England and stay there, or if you were going to stay with Newt and continue traveling with him. 

It was hard to think about leaving him, but then again, he might not want you around.

He might just take someone else who is equally interested in fantastic beasts like you.

Maybe Tina. 

You loved the Goldstein sisters with all your heart. They took you and Newt in the last time you were in New York, and they even let you stay with them for your small vacation. You were grateful for the amount of hospitality they extended towards you and Newt, but you couldn’t help but be jealous of one of the sisters… Tina.

Newt and Tina had a special connection that nobody could deny. You and Newt were close, but you wouldn’t be so close if it weren’t for the amount of time you spent traveling with him. However, Tina has only known Newt for a couple of months, and she has already gained access to Newt’s case and his emotions. Meanwhile, it took you several months to be able to discover all of Newt’s case and even more time to really figure out his emotions. 

Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be. If anything, Tina probably deserves Newt more, and it’s not like he had any feelings for you anyways. 

“Honey, are you ok?” Queenie’s voice suddenly broke through your thoughts.

You turned away from the window you were looking out of to look at Queenie. Her mouth was set into a gentle frown, her face showing signs of worry.

She reached out to you and touched your shoulder. “Now, don’t be thinking those negative thoughts, ok? You deserve love too, hun.” 

Gently, you shrugged off her hand and stood up. You smiled a little bit and hugged her. She was so caring and so gentle. What would you do without her?

“Thanks Queenie. You’re so sweet.” You separated yourself from her and held onto her shoulders. “I’m just a little confused and all, but I’ll be ok.”

She smiled and gave you another hug before walking off to the kitchen. You sat down on the couch and started to think once more.

“We’re all going ice skating today, do you want to come?” Queenie’s voice coming from the kitchen.

“Oh, yeah of course. I don’t have any skates though, so I can just sit and watch.”

Queenie came back into the room with two steaming cups of hot chocolate. “No, no, no, I have an extra pair of skates that I’ve grown out of that you can use. It’ll be fun, I promise!”

You chuckled a little bit at Queenie’s cheerfulness. Suddenly, a loud crash and stomping noises could be heard from behind the guest room’s door. Newt and Tina crashed out of the room, hand in hand and laughing. They looked at you and Queenie on the couch.

“Queenie, you should have seen it! The erumpent got out of her enclosure and was chasing Newt all over the place!” Tina managed to laugh out.

Newt chuckled nervously, looking at you. You weren’t laughing, though. You were looking at Newt’s and Tina’s hands entwined together. You shouldn’t be jealous, it was really nothing. Yet, you couldn’t help but feel a little jealous looking at them.

“Ah, yes, she just got out when I was trying to feed her. Tina found it quite comical.” Newt looked down at his shoes, trying to think why you looked so sad.

There was a loud silence filling the room. You were thinking of Newt and Tina, while Queenie was listening to the barrage of thoughts swarming through Newt’s head. 

“Sorry if we were loud, um, Y/n… are you coming ice skating with us?” Tina asked.

“Oh, yeah I am. I think it’s gonna be fun.”

Another long period of silence filled the room. Newt let go of Tina’s hand and stood there awkwardly. 

Queenie stood up and smoothed out her dress. “Well, I’m gonna go get ready now. Y/n, why don’t you come with me to try the skates on?”

“Sure.” You followed Queenie out of the room, all the while Newt watching the two of you leave while Tina also started to walk towards her room.

Newt stood there for a little bit, perplexed by why you looked so distressed before. He cared about you and seeing you like that really hurt him.

Deciding not to worry to much about it, he walked back into the guest room to start getting ready for tonight.


You had all just left the Goldstein’s apartment and picked up Jacob from his bakery. The cold wind nipped at your skin as you neared the skating rink.

Jacob and Queenie were walking in front of you, hand in hand and looking as adorable as ever. Meanwhile, Newt and Tina were walking behind you, laughing at each other’s stories and jokes. Leaving you as the fifth wheel.

Whatever, you weren’t going to waste this night moping about because of your feelings. Tonight you were going to live a little and have some fun learning how to ice skate, no matter how hard it may be.

Finally, you arrived at the rink. There were a few other couples skating around along with some kids. You sat down on one of the benches and started to get the skates on. 

“Have you ever skated before?” You jumped a little when you heard Newt’s voice. You hadn’t even heard him sit down next to you.

“Never, but I’m hoping I can get the hang of it.”

“I bet you’ll do fine. You can always hold on to me if you need help.” You looked towards Newt to see a shy smile placed on his face. You smiled back and stood up on your skates, immediately wobbling and almost falling over until you felt Newt’s hands on the small of your back holding you up.

“I didn’t think you’d need help until you actually got onto the ice.” You could literally hear the smugness in his voice.

“Well I’m sorry I’ve never tried these torture devices on before.”

“Oh, so now they’re torture devices? Are you saying your feet already hurt when you haven’t even skated yet?”

You laughed and turned towards Newt on your wobbly feet. “Yes, quite frankly, they-”

“Newt, are you coming or not?” Tina yelled out. She was already on the ice along with Queenie and Jacob.

“O-oh, yes, I’m just finishing lacing up!” Newt looked at you. Once again, there was that sad look placed on your face.

“Are you ok? You seem to be quite distant lately, love.”

You shot your head up at that. You didn’t think he noticed anything, well you definitely hoped he wouldn’t notice anything. It was nice to know that he cared, though.

You smiled softly,”Yea, I’m fine, thank you for asking. Now, could you help me onto the ice?”

Newt smiled back before taking your hand and leading you towards the ice. Once you were there, you just stood there for a second before walking on carefully. Newt showed you how to start skating around and he also showed you how to stop. You had fallen multiple times attempting to stop. It was so much fun being able to just laugh at yourself slipping all over the place, and now you were even starting to get the hang of things.

“Ok, now just follow me. You can do it.” Newt was skating backwards in front of you so he could watch you and see if you were doing well enough on your own. 

You continued skating until Tina came around and skated right beside you.

“Hey Newt, you want to take some laps around? I’m sure Y/n can do well enough on her own.” You frowned a little bit at that.

“Alright.”

And with that, they both skated away, Tina grabbing onto Newt’s hand and whispering something into his ear. Totally leaving you where you were.

You skated around for a little bit, before stopping because your feet hurt. You could hear Queenie laughing at a joke Jacob said. Newt and Tina were still doing laps around the rink, hand in hand. There goes that nagging feeling in your head again. 

Deciding that it was time to get up again, you stood up and skated onto the ice. However, you didn’t realize that someone was already coming up fast from behind you. That person was not able to stop in time before colliding into you, making you both fall over.

You let out a grunt before crashing onto the ice and right onto your elbows. 

“I-I’m so so sorry, I didn’t see you coming onto the ice!”

You looked back to the person who hit you. It was a kid who looked extremely scared. 

You smiled nervously. She didn’t know you were coming onto the ice, it wasn’t her fault.

“It’s ok, I guess I should also watch out for people.” You pushed yourself up and off the ice, all of a sudden feeling a harsh sting coming from your elbow. You grit your teeth and looked down at the ice. There, where you fell were two large droplets of blood. Another drop soon joining them.

You skated off of the ice and sat down at a bench to take a look at your elbows. Both of them had been badly scratched and it hurt when you stretched your arms out. You attempted to put some pressure on them with your hands but hissed and let go when they stung. 

Queenie and Jacob were coming off of the ice to ask you why you sat down when they saw your bloody hands and elbows.

“Oh, sweetie, what on earth happened?” 

“It was nothing, I-I just fell.” Suddenly, a loud laugh was heard from the distance. You looked up and saw Newt and Tina still skating, Tina laughing loudly at something Newt said. They hadn’t even noticed anything wrong or that you had gotten off the ice… they were undisturbed.

Tears started to fill your eyes. You felt unwanted and jealous all at the same time, a dangerous combination of emotions. Quickly, you untied your skates and put on your shoes.

Jacob put a hand on your shoulder, noticing how quickly you were trying to wrap things up. 

“You okay kiddo? We can get some bandages for you and clean you up.”

Now you felt like you were ruining they’re night. You shouldn’t be burdening them like this.

Queenie looked at you sympathetically. She could hear all of your thoughts and she hated how you were putting yourself down so much. “Honey, no, you’re not burdening us. You got hurt and it’s not your fault.”

“N-no, I’m just going to go back to the apartment. I’ll see y-you guys later.” You looked up once more to see that Newt and Tina were still skating around, and they had even begun twirling each other on the ice.

Another wave of tears hit you hard. You grabbed your skates and ran out of the rink as quickly as you could, avoiding Queenie and Jacob’s yells for you to come back. 

——————————————————————————————- 

Ok, I actually feel pretty good about this one. I hope you guys like it too :)

Here’s part 2 !!

anonymous asked:

MC jokingly puts a gift wrapping bow on her head and tells the RFA that she's their present when they ask her if she got them a present for their birthday how would they react of they weren't dating mc but had a huge crush on her?

Gah. I’m sososo sorry for not writing recently D:

b u t hope you enjoy ^~^

–R.I.


MC as a Birthday Present ♡

Yoosung 

  • (March 12th)
  • Everyone had been busy on his birthday…except you
  • (He was quite bittersweet about it. He was happy to spend time with you but… but… why didn’t anyone make time for him on his birthday?!?!)
  • So you decided to take him out to a LOLOL con, surprising him with tickets– WHICH WERE SUPPOSED TO BE SOLD OUT, SO HE WAS REALLY SHOCKED
  • He almost cried tears of joy when you showed him the tickets upon meeting up, and jumped to hug you reaaaaally tightly
  • …only to realize what he was doing
  • “Wahhh!!! I’m so sorry, MC, I got a bit too excited…” he apologized, his cheeks so red that it rivaled Seven’s hair. He inched away from you, feeling ashamed of himself
  • After all, he was a strong believer in only acting intimately with your significant other!! More importantly… he really, really liked you… It was kinda embarrassing to act so bold…
  • But you laughed it off, and dragged him by the hand to lead him into the convention center
  • There was SO MUCH MERCH
  • all of which he couldn’t buy
  • He hadn’t been prepared for this, after all…
  • You noticed his teary eyes as he stared hopelessly at everything… and ended up buying him a few charms
  • He also spent about half an hour following cosplayers of his favourite character, and you had to push him towards them
  • Needless to say, it wasted a lot of time but hey, whatever, it’s his birthday
  • When it was time to go home, he honestly didn’t wanna go back… He wanted to spend more time with you. Nervously, he asked, “H-hey, MC… wanna come over to my place? B-BUT NOT FOR ANYTHING BAD, it’s just getting late and you shouldn’t go home alone… a-and I want to spend more time with you…”
  • The last of his words came out as a whisper, his hands covering his cheeks in embarrassment
  • He asked so cutely though. Of course you followed him home :D
  • When you reached the apartment, though, he couldn’t unlock the door for some reason, so he ended up asking you to try. As you did, he began to say, “Uhm, thank you for today. It’s really the best gift I’ve ever received…”
  • You paused in your movement, a small laugh escaping your lips. “But that’s not even my gift! Jumin got the tickets… Hmm, I do feel bad I couldn’t properly prepare a present, but…”
  • You took out a gift-wrapping bow and placed it on your head. “But you could have me instead~?” you joked
  • His heart was going W I L D, gosh what are you doing to this poor boy!?!
  • His eyes narrowed with determination as he grasped at your shoulder. “I’d want you,” he said quietly. “That would be the best gift in the worl–”
  • “HEY, HANDS OFF!” The door flung open, revealing a mad, glaring Zen. “I know it’s your birthday, but there’s a limit to how selfish you can be!”
  • Yoosung gaped at the interior of his apartment, decorated with streamers and banners and presents. Jaehee offered a sheepish smile, “Surprise? Well… Zen kind of ruined it…”
  • Yoosung quickly removed his hand from your shoulder, already regretting his bold actions from before. “I-I WASN’T DOING ANYTHING TO MC!!”
  • With an irritated look, Zen crossed his arms intimidatingly, his muscles bulging, a sadistic smile upon his face. “I think it’s time for some birthday punches, don’t you?”

Zen

  • (April 1st)
  • “Do they seriously think we don’t notice them?” Zen sighed, pressing his face into his hands. “Grrr, I thought I’d finally be able to have some alone time with you…”
  • You tilted your head, “Alone time…?”
  • His cheeks flushed red as he tried to cover up his mistake, “N-no! But I mean, it’s just, I’ve hung out with everyone else separately before and uhm, I was just excited to hang out with the new member too?” Despite his acting skills, he found it difficult to act and well, essentially lie, to you…
  • “It’s okay, we can still do whatever you had planned… I’m sure they’ll tire of us soon,” you offered a gentle smile, easing him of his worries. He nodded in consideration of that, and returned the smile.
  • Unfortunately for the both of you, they didn’t get tired of you. In fact, they had somehow managed to prank Zen at every street you guys crossed…
  • There was an entire street that suddenly advertised cats and had cat fur outfits on display, making Zen sneeze the entire time… then there were bouquets of flowers thrown at Zen which wasn’t bad, except that they were wrapped with catnip which attracted seemingly HUNDREDS of cats??! …not to mention random flour flying through the air, landing near the two of you…
  • “They’re such children!” Zen fumed, narrowing his eyes. Despite the glare, he still looked handsome, captivating all the women (and even men) around him. Whispers spread amongst the crowd, and there was suddenly a mob sent after them after someone screamed “It’s Zen the actor!!”
  • (run omg)
  • You spent the entire day running from pranks and fans, finally taking a break in a dark alleyway… wait, dark? The two of you stared up at the stars overhead. Well, that was a birthday wasted.
  • Zen plopped on a trashcan, sighing heavily. “I’m sorry you had to go through that because of me… It must’ve been really annoying for you… ugh, and this had to happen even after you so graciously offered me your entire day to spend with me. I’m so sorry…”
  • He looked so guilty even though it wasn’t his fault, you felt your heart aching for him. Pranks like this happened year after year, the pranks of April Fool’s Day preceding birthday wishes.
  • “Cheer up, Zen! I don’t really have anything to give you right now, but… you can do anything you want with me!” you beamed.
  • He stammered, “W-wait, anything I want…?”
  • Control the beast. Control the beast. COntrolcontrolcontrolcontr-
  • “Yep! If you want someone to clean up your house- since you live alone, or tend to your every need for a day, I’m here!” you said with determination, pointing to yourself.
  • Zen let out a deep breath. Haha, riiight…
  • He buried his face into his hands. Goddammit, you were just too cute.

Jaehee

  • (December 28th)
  • She hadn’t expected anyone to do anything for her birthday O_O
  • “MC, th-thank you for doing this,” she murmured softly, cheeks flushing a light pink as she gazed at you with nothing but gratefulness in her eyes (much to your disappointment, that is)
  • “You don’t have to thank me~” you grinned, swinging an arm around her cheekily. “I love you after  all~”
  • She brought a hand to her lips as she let out a soft chuckle, murmuring to herself quietly, “So this is what it’s like having a best friend… It’s nice to be cared for.”
  • Choosing not to comment on that, you laced your fingers through hers, gently tugging at her hand to drag her towards the train station. “Come on!” you exclaimed with excitement
  • The two of you sat next to each other on the train, your head resting on her shoulder as you shared your music with her, the pair of earbuds connecting the both of you. The train moved quickly towards the mountains, every bump on the tracks causing the two of you to press closer to each other. Although you didn’t mind, a light blush coloured Jaehee’s cheeks
  • She shyly stared at your reflection in the window, watching as you gradually nodded off. She gently stroked your hair, soothing you to sleep…
  • You woke up just in time for your stop, pouting at Jaehee for not waking you up earlier. The two of you arrived near the peak of a mountain just as the sun began to set. 
  • “Waaaahhh, I lost so many hours of being able to talk to you by falling asleep!! Why didn’t you wake me?! I wanted to spend all of your birthday with youuuu…” you groaned. Your cute antics made her laugh, and you found yourself smiling with her, noticing how delighted she looked.
  • Her soft, gentle gaze made you blush a bit, and you quietly walked beside her on the mountain trail. It was a silent walk, albeit not uncomfortable. Soon, you neared the warm red-orange hues of the sun, finding an opening behind the trees.
  • From where the two of you stood, you could see all the way below the mountain… the surrounding forest of colourful leaves, the stream flowing into the glacial lake… all under a pinkish-purple sky with rays of light raining upon the view.
  • It was mesmerizing, and you reached for her hand, grasping it tightly as you admired the natural scenery together…
  • While it only lasted a few minutes, it had been a beautiful experience for both of you.
  • “Thank you, MC… It’s really nice to see something like this, especially since I’m cooped up in the office most of my days. Although, it does make me appreciate today even more… I’m glad I got to experience it with you. Oh… you don’t happen to have another gift, do you? Haha, I feel like I’ve already received so much from you,” Jaehee murmured, blushing slightly.
  • You fidgeted with your fingers, then pointed at the ribbon in your hair. “I actually wore this b-because I don’t really have a gift… all I can offer is myself…” 
  • Although she stared at you with a lost expression, inside, her heart was H A M M E R I N G. Even more than it does for Zen!!
  • Her fingers trembling, she gently pulled you into a hug, thinking to herself, ‘MC’s too cute and innocent… oh, I really don’t want anyone else to see her like this… I just… want her all to myself…’

Jumin

  • (October 5th)
  • Why.
  • The one word repeated itself in your mind over and over again like a mantra, beads of sweat rolling down your face as you tried to maintain a smile.
  • There you were, sitting across from none other than Jumin Han in a high-class… EMPTY banquet hall. He had reserved the entire place just for the two of you.
  • “J-Jumin… today is your birthday… shouldn’t I be treating you?” you asked him nervously, eyes shifting as you felt awkward in the empty vicinity.
  • He cocked his head in confusion, “Am I not allowed to take you out somewhere of my choosing on my birthday?” (sigh, he just doesn’t know how to express that he wants to spend time with you)
  • “Well… when you put it like that…” you frowned, still feeling  extremely awkward and guilty.
  • “Then there’s no problem, is there?” he chuckled in amusement, a brief twinkle in his eyes.
  • Luckily for you, the tension simmered down to nothing as the hours stretched on and the conversation flowed through.
  • The sky was still a fair azure blue when the two of you stepped out, despite the nearing autumn. “Jumin, I still don’t think it’s right that you’re treating me when it’s your birthday… Let me make it up to you, pretty please?” you jut out your lower lip slightly, staring up at him with pleading eyes.
  • “Hm… what do you have in mind?”
  • You smiled in relief, then instructed Driver Kim where to go in whispers, making sure Jumin wouldn’t find out. “Hehe~ It’ll be a quick drive. Put this on, I don’t want you to find out where we’re headed!” You handed him a black blindfold, and his breath hitched.
  • ‘What I wouldn’t give to tie that around MC’s eyes and—‘ he caught himself, shaking off the perverse thought. Instead, he offered a strained smile as he let MC put it on him, shivering slightly from the feeling of her fingers in his hair.
  • The duration of the ride was fairly quiet, as you kept whispering details of the location to Driver Kim. When you led Jumin out of the car, laughter and music found its way to his ears. He furrowed his eyebrows, not quite recognizing these sounds. You finally removed the blindfold from his eyes, allowing him to see the festival you’d brought him to.
  • His eyes widened, “This is…?”
  • “A fireworks festival to celebrate the full moon! It lasts the whole week, and I’m just glad I could bring you here… I just thought it’d be nice to try something new,” you explained, blushing shyly at the end.
  • Jumin felt an overwhelming adoration for you welling up in his chest. He had never been to a (commoner’s) festival before… let alone celebrate his birthday in any other way than a fancy dinner…
  • As excited as you were to drag him around the booths, he ended up dragging you around, his curiosity getting the best of him as he took interest in each stall, feeling amazed by everything.
  • …It was almost sad to see that, by the end of the festival, he still hadn’t won a single thing from any of the game booths. His lips were curled into a permanent pout, eyebrows furrowed in determination to shoot at the stuffed cat.
  • BAM!
  • His mock-bullet flew towards the cat! …and knocked off its bow instead.
  • The old man managing the stall shook his head in pity, “You’ve got some terrible aim there, young lad… Tell ya what, I’ll just give this bow to you. Try again next time, buddy.”
  • Jumin stared at the bow with a frown, wondering what the hell he was even supposed to do with it. He turned his back on it, stomping off like a kid. (Zen: hah, what a sore loser!)
  • You chased after him, grabbing the bow before you left. He seemed to be heading back to the car where Driver Kim was waiting, and you grabbed his arm before he crossed the road. “Jumiiin, it’s the first thing you’ve won from a festival, shouldn’t you cherish it more?”
  • He scoffed, “I have no use for it. Keep it.”
  • “Hmmm. Theeen, since I don’t have a gift for you today…” You clipped the bow to the front of your shirt. “You could have me instead? Hahaha~ Just kiddi-”
  • His face had neared yours in the middle of your sentence, eyes dark with desire at your words.
  • “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, MC…” he said huskily, staring into your eyes like he was about to devour you.
  • Your cheeks flushed red at his words, backing away slightly. At that moment, Driver Kim pulled up to the curb and you just L EA PED inside.
  • Startled, Jumin stares after you, bursting out into laughter. Secretly, he thought to himself, ‘MC never fails to amuse me… If she was mine… would we able to spend time like this all the time? Hm.’

Seven

  • (June 11th)
  • “No.”
  • “Yes.”
  • “I said NO, dammit, don’t get another duck!”
  • Seven pouted as he turned his head towards you, his hands still operating the claw machine. “But MC, all of the prizes are just sooo cute!!”
  • “There’s no difference,” you deadpanned.
  • He gasped, HORRIFIED that you would say that! “This one is smiling! And this one has sunglasses! And this one has its tongue sticking out… and this one has a wink… What do you mean, there’s no difference? I’m disappointed in you, MC, tsk tsk.”
  • Before you could even begin to protest, he winked, “Besides, it’s MY birthday after all. And you’re my slave for the day~”
  • At that, you shut up. How did this happen again?
  • Ah, right. It all started when you had jokingly—ahem, let me say it louder for the redhead in the back, JOKINGLY said that you’d be Seven’s birthday gift.
  • -Flashback-
  • Your bedroom door swung open and CRASHED to the floor, awaking you immediately. “GoOd morning, MC, it’s my BIRTHDAY!” Seven yelled, blowing into a toy trumpet as he waltzed around your room. It was 7 in the morning. jfc seven, NO.
  • Not long after you got dressed, he began pestering you for a gift. Truth to be told, you had no idea that it was his birthday, so you didn’t have anything prepared… (He’s a hacker, he keeps all his personal info to himself! It honestly wasn’t your fault)
  • You rolled your eyes, taking a red pen and drawing a ribbon on your wrist. “Well, you could always have me as your present instead…”
  • His eyes shone, and you already regretted letting those words leave your mouth.
  • Back to present time, you were walking around the arcade, holding all of Seven’s prizes in large bags… 
  • Grumbling, you muttered, “I still don’t know why I have to do this…”
  • He paused in his steps, cocking his head to face you as he smirked, “Would you have preferred to be a different kind of slave for me, hmm, MC~?”
  • Cue the jaw dropping.
  • And the blush ;)
365 Days of Journaling

This year I am comitted to journaling every day. To make sure I am inspired to write I’ve compiled a list of prompts using journaling prompts, list prompts and self-discovery questions. Feel free to use!

365 Days of Journaling

1. Your New Year’s Resolutions.

2. Personal fact file.

3. Review of 2014

4. How can you treat yourself more gently this year? Things you could lighten up on yourself about?

5. List 5 simple activities to nurture yourself.

6. What do you need to stop worrying about?

7. Secret

8. What do you repeatedly re-evaluate? Can you let it go?

9. List things you should be proud of.

10. What negative phrases do you say about your body? Can you replace them with positive affirmations about your body?

11. List 10 things your body does that is amazing.

12. How are you sleeping?

13. Friendship

14. In my heart I know the one way I can nurture my bod more this year is ___.

15. What makes you feel loved and cared for?

16. How does social media affect you?

17. List your greatest comforts.

18. Book Review

19. Design your outdoor area/garden.

20. Who do you want to surround yourself with this year?

21. An artist that inspires you.

22. List current and future goals and dreams.

23. What’s something you do differently to other people?

24. List what you are grateful for.

25. What’s something you want to do but haven’t?

26. Imagination.

27. List things you do to procrastinate.

28. Do you feel worthy of nurturing and gentle care? How does it feel for you to say ‘I am deserving of loving care. I take time to take care of myself?’

29. List words that touch your soul.

30. I wish animals could…… If they could, then…..

31. Has your greatest fear come true?

32. Never have I ever list.

33. What’s holding you back?

34. List dream jobs.

35. Favourite recipe.

36. List fictional characters with whom you have fallen in love.

37. Focus.

38. I am inspired by…

39. Your favourite flower?

40. Movie Review.

41. ‘If I won the lottery’ list.

42. In this moment are you happy?

43. Hope.

44. List things you like to do when you’re sick.

45. Have you been the kind of friend you want as a friend?

  1. 46.  ‘If I ruled the world’ list.

47. Words to live by.

48. I wish I had one more chance to….. Then I would…..

49. 5 things you want in a relationship.

50. My overused words and phrases.

51. Dream.

52. Recipe for a perfect weekend.

53. Make a table, 10 things you love and hate about your body.

54. List your greatest achievements.

55. Doodle here.

56. What’s your happiest childhood memory?

57. In ten years from now where would you like to be?

58. What’s your perfect trip?

59. When have you felt most passionate?

60. Your skills.

61. I wish I could forget the time I ….. because….

62. Book Review.

63. Believe.

64. If not now – when?

65. Is it possible to know, without a doubt, what is good and what is evil?

66. Do you feel like you’ve lived this day before?

67. Write a letter, Dear Past Me.

68. What would you wish for if a genie granted you 3 wishes?

69. The most disappointed I’ve ever been…

70. What scares you?

71. Mystery.

72. 10 television shows.

73. Nobody knows that I…

74. Your favourite scent?

75. Do you cope with stress? How?

76. List your essentials.

77. Plan a romantic evening.

78. Your saddest memory?

79. What’s the difference between being alive and truly living?

80. Mistake.

81. I wish I had a million… Then I would…

82. List books.

83. Decide upon a three course meal.

84. If we learn from mistakes why are we so frightened of making them?

85. What’s something you’ve learnt today?

86. What was your favourite school subject?

87. 10 celeb crushes.

88. The most fun I’ve ever had…

89. What are you looking forward to?

90. List places you want to go.

91. Laughter.

92. Describe each day of the week as if it was a person?

93. Are you a worrier?

94. The tattoos you have?

95. 10 things to do before your next birthday. (95)

96. Who was your best friend?

97. List favourite quotes.

98. Favourite colour combos.

99. Movie review.

100. Who do you admire?

101. I wish I could learn….. because…..

102. Look through a magazine – what images stand out?

103. The biggest lie I’ve ever told is…

104. Favourite animation.

105. Something out of reach…

106. A mistake you won’t make again?

107. Wisdom.

108. List things that feel like home.

109. I am…

110. I’m not very good at…

111. List things you want to be known for.

112. What was your favourite toy?

113. Your character traits.

114. Pause.

115. Describe your dream job.

116. Write a letter, Dear Future Me.

117. Make an A-Z list of things that you want to do.

118. Write about your first job?

119. Adventure.

120. List of websites.

121. Ways to waste time…

122. Table of Do’s and Don’ts

123. Your make-up bag?

124. What’s the most outrageous thing you’ve ever done?

125. What makes you miserable?

126. Energy.

127. Things you find beautiful?

128. There’s no excuse for…

129. The most terrifying moment of my life was…

130. What was your first car?Design your bedroom.

131. In 25 years will you be proud of the things you did or regret the things you didn’t do?

132. Write a mantra.

133. Your bucket list.

134. Proud.

135. A-Z list of words to describe you.

136. What makes you unique?

137. Your next tattoo?

138. Lyrics of meaning.

139. Movie review.

140. Collection of jokes.

141. What happiness means to you?

142. Doodle here.

143. Simple.

144. List 3 things that went right or wrong today.

145. How do you deal with anger?

146. Are you forgiving?

147. Things I always did with my dad when I was young…

148. List things that remind me of a my childhood.

149. Favourite emotion?

150. What is magic?

151. Which is worse, failing or never trying?

152. When do you make excuses?

153. Unique.

154. List bad habits.

155. Childhood games.

156. List family traditions.

157. Something you overheard today.

158. Choose a poem.

159. List things that motivate you.

160. Grace.

161. Get a map and plan a route.

162. Qualities you look for in a boyfriend?

163. Your pet.

164. Your definition of beauty.

165. Plan a perfect date.

166. List things that happened on the day you were born.

167. Myth.

168. List of questions.

169. Your perfume?

170. HTML colour codes.

171. List pet peeves.

172. Robert Frost write a poem titled The Road Not Taken.  Name a road you’ve always wanted to travel.  Where do you hope it takes you, and what might you see on the way?

173. Hug.

174. Ways to relax…

175. Your favourite albums?

176. Authors whose work you enjoy.

177. The worst nightmare you’ve ever had?

178. 5 things you can’t live without?

179. Every child deserves…

180. What would you change about the world?

181. List things to collect.

182. Plan an exercise routine.

183. I wish I had enough money to……

184. Cocktail recipe.

185. List summer goals.

186. Best advice given.

187. Religion.

188. Your favourite piece of classical music.

189. Your talents?

190. What 5 traits do people first notice when they meet you for the first time?

191. List of 10 boy names.

192. Designer inspiration.

193. How much will power do you have?

194. Your favourite place and why?

195. Place your playlist on shuffle, write the lyrics to first song played.

196. List people you love.

197. Think back to the toys of your childhood.

198. Choose some scenery.

199. Favourite days of the year.

200. Today’s horoscope.

201. I wish everyone loved……

202. Advice to your best friend.

203. What does your sleeping position say about you?

204. Is there a heaven?

205. Things I always did with my mam when I was young…

206. Who would you like to thank for something they did for you in the past?

207. Favourite holiday.

208. Design something.

209. What did you buy today?

210. Favourite colour palette.

211. Are you competitive?

212. Create a pattern.

213. Your pet.

214. Find a new poem.

215. Independent.

216. What does love mean to you?

217. Ten ways to improve yourself.

218. Miracle.

219. Your karaoke song.

220. Here is what others see me as …

221. Your favourite weather.

222. What is your personal secret to happiness?

223. What does real success in life mean to you?

224. Things that happened ten years ago today…

225. Vision.

226. Your blog.

227. Your favourite season.

228. Honestly.

229. Mission in life…

230. In three words, describe your life.

231. Dreams for someday…

232. What do you think of the saying YOLO?

233. Best advice received.

234. What are means to you?

235. Most valued idea.

236. Most fun day ever.

237. Are you brave?

238. Happiest moment lately.

239. Who am I really?

240. Yesterday, I was…

241. What kind of day are you having, and why?

242. Your wedding song?

243. In what areas are you optimistic, and in what areas are you pessimistic?

244. Describe your life in colour.

245. What do you see in the mirror?

246. Future.

247. Interior design inspiration.

248. Success.

249. The headlines today are…

250. Write down today’s stresses.

251. What is your earliest memory of home?

252. Qualities you look for in a friend?

253. A promise I must make myself.

254. Cloud.

255. Something you learnt the hard way?

256. Urgent challenges.

257. What would your superpower be?

258. Lost.

259. How much self-control do you have?

260. Who do you talk to when you have a problem?

261. Paint a picture.

262. Where would you like to be lost?

263. How old were you four years ago? Describe some things you can do now that you could not do then.

264. Book review.

265.  Choose a religion.

266. List of things to photograph.

267. A place you relax.

268. Favourite family photo.

269. Describe how university was for you?

270. A photo that makes you happy.

271. Complete.  

272. Use a newspaper for inspiration today.

273. Your house rules?

274. When I am old I will…

275. Who or what has had a strong influence in your life?

276. Write about climbing.

277. What’s the meaning of your name?

278. Make an emotional graph whilst listening to a song.

279. Doodle here

280. List places you would not visit.

281. What other profession would you do?

282. Power.

283. What does it feel like to be wrong?

284. Would you jump out of a plane?

285. What have you won?

286. Favourite brands.

287. Where do you feel most comfortable?

288. A woman who inspires you.

289. Which is least important to you–money, power, fame–and why?

290. Describe a dream that you had recently. Provide as many details as possible.

291. Why is it important to be honest?

292. A ridiculous law held in your country.

293. Why do you work where you work?

294. What’s your least favourite mode of transportation?

295. Place your playlist on shuffle and write the first ten songs that are played.

296. Where do you people watch?

297. Collect some wallpaper.

298. Movie Review

299. Draw optical illusions.

300. If you were an animal, what animal would you be?

301. What headline really got to you today?

302. Write about a difficult time in your life when you showed strength.

303. Best lesson you’ve ever learnt?

304. Something expensive you won’t buy yourself.

305. What historical events happened the year you were born?

306. Legend.

307. Does Never Never Land really exist?

308. Favourite candles.

309. List of fictional places you wish you could visit.

310. Do you look after yourself?

311. Seven things I love to do.

312. How does the weather effect you?

313. What do you think of animal testing?

314. Escape.

315. List five things you would buy if money wasn’t an object?

316. If you were a doctor, what kind of doctor would you be?

317. Open up a random book to page 33, and take the first sentence at the top of the page and start writing from it.

318. A-Z list of words that mean something to you.

319. Sometimes I pretend to be.

320. Describe your relationship with your grandparents.

321. As a writer, my dream come true would be…

322. List 3 things that went right today.

323. Trace your hand, write words on how you feel today inside.

324. Favourite superhero?

325. I promise to…

326. What effect does music have on you?

327. What can you see out of your window right now?

328. Name one thing you have always been good at doing.

329. What is your favourite form of exercise?

330. A festival you would like to experience?

331. The problem with being me is that…

332. Today’s fashion inspiration.

333. Families are important because…

334. Are you doing what you believe in or what you believe you should be doing?

335. What era inspires you?

336. A myth or legend that intrigues you.

337. What really moves you?

338. Take a walk, what did you think about?

339. What must I do tomorrow?

340. What’s making you mad today?

341. Write a letter to your future daughter about growing up.

342. List of 10 girl’s names.

343. Write down something no one knows about you.

344. Give yourself a pep talk?

345. When I was a child I didn’t realise that…

346. Your starsign.

347. List of your firsts.

348. What would you tell your future self to stay more positive?

349. Book Review

350. Words that mean something to you.

351. List of things you look forward to.

352. Was today a good day?

353. Something that helped to shape your outlook to life?

354. Write a description of a winter’s scene.

355. Your Christmas shopping list?

356. Events to remember this year…

357. What did Christmas mean to you as a child?

358. What does Christmas mean to you now?

359. How was your Christmas?

360. What’s great about today?

361. Would you change anything about this year?

362. What are you proud of achieving this year?

363. What I learnt this year…

364. Words to describe 2014.

365. What are your resolutions for the upcoming year?

Friday Night I (M)

Jimin x Reader x Jungkook

Prologue

Warnings: Oral (giving and receiving), voyeurism, exhibitionism, rough, daddy kink… (i think that’s it)

Word Count: 3,058

Summary: A simple game of truth or dare has taken a sharp left at some point, and you were perfectly okay with that.


“Jungkook, truth or dare?” he asked. The maknae’s ears perked up, and he wasted no time answering.

“Dare.” he looked at you and winked, as if he knew what was about to happen.

“Hmm.. Okay Jungkookie, I dare you to try to make y/n moan in under 30 seconds.” why are you their guinea pig? Oh yea, because you’re the only girl here. You stared at Taehuyng in disbelief, and you heard Jimin muttering a string of profanities under his breath. “Oh, and you can’t use your hands.”

Jungkook didn’t seem to be phased by this, and beckoned you over with two fingers, his gaze darkening as you decided to go to him. He patted his lap, and you sat in it, looking around and feeling somewhat shy about having an audience, but another part of you enjoyed it. You downed the rest of your drink and set it down before you turned to face Jungkook. He grabbed your hips with strength you didn’t know he had, and leaned in towards your neck.

“Start the time.” he told Taehyung, who had his phone out. As soon as Taehyung pressed ‘start’, you felt Jungkook’s soft lips on your neck, his tongue coming out to lick a strip up from your shoulder to your jaw. You were already worked up from the lapdance and your kiss with taehyung, and you felt heat pool within you once again. That’s when you suddenly felt him grab your hair and pull back, forcing you to expose more of your neck. He bit down hard at the same time, and you couldn’t help the strangled moan that tumbled out of your mouth. He pulled back at the sound, a look of triumph and lust in his eyes as he smirked down at you and licked his lips. “I guess you like it rough then, I’ll remember that.”

Confused, you pushed yourself off of his lap and went back to your spot, now frustrated, embarrassed and way too turned on to care about this game anymore. You poured yourself another drink as you waited for the next question.

“Jimin, truth or dare?”

“Dare.” he said immediately. What was with everyone today? I guess they don’t want to be exposed like Hoseok. Jungkook thought for a moment, and you kind of hoped that this dare included you.

“I dare you to have 7 minutes in heaven with y/n,” he said with a sly grin. You choked on the drink you had in your mouth and looked a Jungkook, not expecting him to have said that, given your earlier confession. Though you were shocked, you couldn’t help but feel slightly happy that it was with Jimin. Jungkook whispered something to Jin, and he nodded in response before standing up and walking towards the hallway. He looked over his shoulder and told you to follow him as he continued to walk. You hesitantly got up after Jimin looked at you, and followed Jin to a room at the end of the short hallway. He opened the door for the two of you and as soon as you stepped inside, you heard the door close and lock. What? Did he just lock us in? And why does it lock from the outside? As you were trying to come up with reasons as to why Jin would need a room that locked from the outside, Jimin cleared his throat and you turned to look at him.

“Come here,” he says as he pats the spot next to him on the bed. You look around the room for the first time, and realize you’ve never been in here. You’ve visited this house many times over the years, but you had never seen the inside of Jin’s room before. The walls were a pale grey, with black furniture and dark floors. There was a king sized bed in the middle of the room, draped in beautiful blood-red sheets. You walked towards the bed and sat down next to Jimin who looked at you, an unreadable expression on his face. He turns to you and smirks, “so, what am I doing to you in your fantasies kitten?”

His question threw you off, and you weren’t sure how to answer him. You had been friends for some time, but no one knew about your feelings until tonight. You had hoped that they would forget about it, but you realized that you’d never live this down. You fought with yourself, wondering if you should give in to him or if you should avoid the situation. Before you could make your decision, you felt him move closer, his breath fanning across the side of your face.

“Tell me kitten, I want to make you feel good” he whispered. You felt a shiver run through you as he moved his hand on top of your thigh, squeezing firmly. You stayed silent, but you didn’t pull away, giving him the go ahead to continue. Jimin moved his lips to your neck, noticing the mark Jungkook had left on you and bit down on the spot. Before you could control yourself you moaned at the feeling, and his tongue followed, soothing the slight sting. His hand moved up your thigh and closer to where you wanted him, his fingers slipping in between your legs as his hand continues to move towards you centre. When he was right where you wanted him, he moved his hand away and to the button of your shorts, “tell me if you want to stop.”

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Realtalk: Beauty and the Beast

((Spoilers: DUH))

Okay, but jokes about bad CGI wolves aside, Disney’s latest live action remake just served to remind me what didn’t work in the last few films. Keep in mind this is all my opinion and you don’t have to agree to any of it.

I could appreciate the effort they took in better explaining the lore. The classic film implied Beast could be as young as 11 when the curse took effect for them to be wasting away for “ten years” (as stated in the original Be Our Guest), and a lot of people were left puzzling as to how exactly an entire town failed to notice the ominous castle sitting on their outskirts for all those years. But as with all the other remakes Disney also attempted to flesh out the characters, usually in the form of a heavy backstory, and this is where they always seem to fall flat for me.

This is the main problem I have with live action: they seem to struggle in deciding which tone they want to run with. Do they want to prove they can play with darker and more sombre themes? Those poignant backstories and frequent deaths in the families would suggest so. But then they turn right around and try to emulate the cartoon almost frame for frame. Suddenly the action sequences, one-liners, and visual gags look too hammy and out of place, especially when juxtaposed with the aforementioned Dark Subjects. This isn’t helped by the uncanny valley characters at all.

I’m sure some kids out there find all of this enjoyable and see no problem with the new films (though personally if I saw that CG Lumiere as a child I would have run screaming out of the theatre), but all I could think as I watched Beast tear through the tower pining and singing his heart out was:

“Holy shit Disney, you should remake Hunchback of Notre Dame.”

Think about it: they could play with dark themes all they wanted and it wouldn’t feel out of place at all. The animated film was already one of Disney’s heaviest, in fact I feel it’s been swept under the rug as a result of its heavier tone. The characters themselves are some of Disney’s most subdued and wouldn’t be terribly difficult to translate into live action without changing too much, and they could go nuts with the special effects and locations all they want because it’s got everything.

Medieval city? Check. Tall, ominous towers? Check. Spectacular views for breaking out into song? Check. Political/social commentary still relevant today? Check. Vibrant/fictional locales to pour their CGI budget into? Check. They’ve got one of the best villains in that movie, whether you love to hate him or just … love … him … if you’re one of those weirdos.

But that brings up another point: if they did rework it, I want them to go really dark with it. I’m talking taking cues from their friends in Germany and Der Glöckner von Notre Dame, a musical that managed to preserve a majority of the film while also capturing the weight of the original novel.

Don’t try to redeem Frollo like you did with Maleficent. Preserve all the slimy, misguided, despicable facets of his personality. Don’t gloss over the political commentary of gypsies in Paris, and highlight Clopin’s juxtaposed sides as a result–willing to do whatever it takes to survive even if it means stealing and murdering. We already have one of the most badass women out there in Esmeralda, and finally one who isn’t a damned princess that needs her sparkly dress. Give Phoebus a bigger role, give us time to really see the conflict between his role in society and his moral compass. Focus on Quasimodo’s internal struggle, torn between his curiosity and love for the outside world, but also his blind loyalty and affection to the one man who raised him his entire life.

And for f**k’s sake those gargoyles better be hallucinations to illustrate the toll a lifetime of solitude has taken on the poor guy or I am going to flip some heavy Medieval tables.

And finally Esmeralda dies. No-one gets the girl. Phoebus fails at his job, people get hurt as a result, and he can’t even save the love of his life. And Quasimodo is left utterly broken hearted and alone, with neither his father figure or his friends by his side. The movie ends as the stage play did: with our hunchback carrying the gyspy in his arms in a sad nod to the iconic “Sanctuary!” scene, walking away into the dark unknown, presumably to die as he did in the novel, with Esmeralda in his arms. A sombre Clopin, knocked back down to a beggar (if not dead as well during the seige), narrates the closing scene.

Because life sucks and that’s what you get for attempting to turn a Victor Hugo Novel into anything less than a tragedy.

TL;DR: Disney remake HoND. I double-dog-dare you.

(Oh my god I have not drawn these guys in literal ages. It felt so weird!)

Game’s on!

Reader x Klaus Mikaelson

(NOT MY GIF)

Imagine: Klaus gets super jealous over you and you decide to punish, in a very hot way, him for almost murdering your best friend Stefan.

*requested

*smut, so read carefully

Word Count: 1577

“I’m sick of this, Klaus!” You yelled, the anger spreading through your every cell. “You treat me like I’m your property, like I am a fucking toy. Get this into your head: I’m not!”

“Y/N…”

“Wait, I’m not finished yet! You have no right to hurt my friends because you’re jealous.”

“You have no right to seduce your friends to win a bloody argument!”

The fight he had brought up started a week ago, when you went to a party alongside Elena, Bonnie and Caroline. It was at Whitmore College, you were still settling and getting used to being away from Mystic Falls. And, surely, from your boyfriend as well. The blonde thought it would be a good idea, to get out and have some fun. She did not let you say no to it.

Hours later you were there, the music was loud and people were drunk, an extremely perfect inviroment to unwind a little. Your mind was so heavy, missing Klaus, worrying about Silas… Sometimes you felt like you could not handle this much pressure. That was when Stefan showed up, he wanted to check if everything was okay. You were all alone, since Caroline disappeared with a guy named Jesse and Damon stole Elena away. The younger Salvatore and you ended up talking, which lead to you pouring your heart out to him. Both of you were very good friends and doing that felt good. He placed his arm around your shoulders and you let your head fall against his chest. It was a very bad time to do that, though, because Klaus had just arrived looking for you. He went nuts about it and almost ripped your best friend’s heart out. God, you felt so angry at him. And now, after he spotted you with Michael, a college friend, he started with that crap again.

“I wasn’t seducing anyone! Iwas just talking, like normal people do.”

“You were touching him and smiling. The smile that gets me crazy over you! I can’t picture the idea of you using that smile with other guys, they might fall for you and…”

“Sit!“ You raised an eyebrow and pushed him to your bed. “Now listen to me: I love you and there’s no other man in this world who can make me feel like you do. Got it?”

He grinned and allowed his right hand to rest on your waist.

“God, you’re sexy when you’re all bossy, love.”

“I’m just trying to make you understand, but I honestly think you deserve a punishment for making me so mad.”

“Well, I can’t disagree with you. What do you have in mind to make your powerful boyfriend suffer?”

“First, lie down.” Klaus looked at you, the smirk still on his face. “I said: lie down! Right now!”

You pushed him harshly and he fell on his back, glancing at you with expectation. 

“Now, rule number one: you are not allowed to touch me. Just watch.”

The Mikaelson nodded, agreeing with your terms. You put a soft song to play and started to sway your hips, lightly, looking directly at him. Slowly, you unbuttoned your shirt, rubbing your hands through your body. Finally, you ran out of buttons and showed the black lacy bra you had on. Klaus tightened in the bed, motioning to stand up. You knew he was tempted, but, at the same time, you wanted him to beg. Beg for your sex.

“I remember saying for you lie down! Now I have to tie you up.”

“But…”

“Shush! Don’t say a word until I say so.”

Your lips hovered over his, your noses brushed each other, but you did not kiss him. He grunted when you backed away, leaving his wrists tied up with your shirt and giggling. His eyes followed your every movement, especially when you took off your skirt, revealing a sexy black thong, matching your bra. Klaus loved to see you wearing lingerie sets and you would not waste an opportunity to drive him over the edge. 

“Y/N, this is not funny! Look how hard you got me!”

“Tsk, your commander did not allowed you to say anything yet.” You slip off from your underpants and gently rubbed it against his nose. “Can you smell my arousal, honey? Oh well, I know you do. Still, be aware that you will not taste it. At least not now.”

“Love, I don’t believe this is a fair game.”

“You agreed to play, though. Live up to your promise and I assure you’ll end up satisfied.”

“Next time we play this, I’m in charge. I’m a bloody alpha, not any mutt you can boss around.”

“Keep talking like that and you’ll end up with no pussy today. And mine is, oh, all juicy.”

You laughed as you heard him growl. Klaus had a short temper and, heck, you enjoyed so much to play with his feelings. Biting your lower lip, you touched your clit, tracing figure eights on it. Your boyfriend’s eyes widened as you sat in front of him, still rubbing the soft nub. The other hand grabbed a boob and you realised you were still wearing a bra. You pushed it down a little, stroking your nipple and letting out girlish moans.

“This feels so fucking good, oh…”

“Y/N, if you don’t sit on my face right now so I can help you with that… Fuck, I don’t know what I’m going to do to you.”

“I guess you already know, sweetie.” You smiled, sticking your wet fingers inside his mouth. “Only you can make me get like this. Look at the sheets, all dirty with my juices…”

“I’m going crazy over here. My dick is so hard for you, babe, help me out a little.”

“Oh, my poor Nik. I’m going to give you treat. Tell me, do you want me to suck your cock or ride it?”

“Is this a trick question?” His blue eyes looked at you so deeply, you almost felt your skin burn. “I want to feel your pretty pussy clenching around my thick cock.”

You sighed, nodding and taking off his trousers and tearing up his shirt, leaving only his blue boxers on. His hard length could be seen miles away and you almost felt sorry for him, it was probably hurting a lot. Klaus’ body was claiming to feel your soft hands and, without hesitation, you went for it, pumping softly his dick and hearing his groans fill the room.

“You’ll be so screwed when this game is over.”

“Is fair when you do it, but no when I’m in charge?” You questioned him, finally sinking down on his dick. The Mikaelson closed his eyes whilst you moaned. "Niklaus Mikaelson, you need boundaries. Someone to put on your place. No Elijah, no Mikael. Me! I’m the one who’s going to set you straight.“

It was the breaking point to the man under you, he tore the shirt locking his wrists and grasped your butt, slapping it and increasing the movements’ velocity. Next morning you could bet you would be sore.

Fuck, Klaus!“ You reached your clit, stroking it.

"You love my cock inside your pretty pink pussy, don’t you?”

You hummed, nodding, unable to answer properly, and digging your nails on his chest. The only sound echoing was of your hips clapping and the strangled noises both of you were making. His large hands cupped your breasts, stroking gently your nipples. You did not think it was possible to feel this amount of pleasure.

“Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck…” You squeaked, heavy breathing and punching his chest. “I’m going to fucking cum around you!”

“Come on, kitten, show me what you got.”

You took a deep breath, the numbing feeling starting to crawl up your body. By this point, it was not about dominating him anymore, you just wanted the tension built up on your stomach released. Klaus angled his hips, finding a sweet spot inside you, which made you huff and grunt.

At last, since your body could not withstand any more of that pressure, you felt your mind levitate. Your toes curled up and you clutched his hair tightly, almost ripping a lock off. Klaus came right afterwards, in hot spurts inside of you and squeezing your waist so strongly you knew it would leave a bruise behind. When the thrilling sensation left, you smiled, satisfied and cuddled on his chest, his unique scent invading your nostrils.

“You’re such a complicated person, Y/N.”

“I am?” You did not look at him, just kept drawing imaginary figures on his chest. 

“Yes, even though that is exactly why I love you.”

“I love you too, sweetheart. However, don’t think that means I’m not angry with for you trying to kill my friends.”

“I’m truly sorry, love, I just… I’m scared one day I might lose you.”

You shook your head, giggling.

“I’m really upset you didn’t realise, by now, you’re stuck with me forever. Well, forever if one day you decide to turn me.”

“That’s up only to you, darling.”

Y/N Y/L/N!” Caroline cried, covering her eyes. “What did we agreed about bringing boys in?”

Ops?”

“Oh, come on!”

“Give us a minute and we’ll fix everything.”

Klaus and you laughed at the blonde, leaving the bed and getting dressed. You sighed, getting lost on your boyfriend putting on his trousers. He raised his eyesight, staring at you and making you blush.

“If you keep looking at me like that, I won’t be able to leave.”

“Urgh! I’m still listening.”

“We’re almost done, Care. Don’t worry.”

One more laugh, one more kiss and he was gone, taking a piece of your heart alongside him.

staying productive during the summer ☀️

hello! i only recently made this studyblr but today i just decided to go ahead and make a post! i thought this particular post would be relevant now because the summer is about to start or has already started for many of us. so, here are some ideas on staying productive during the summer:

work on all your summer assignments

this one’s kind of obvious. if you don’t want to spend the last week/day of the summer frantically doing ALL your summer work, do a little bit each day. to help get myself organized, i printed out some calendars (see picture) and broke down my summer assignments so that way, i only have a little bit to do each day.

prepare for next year

it would be a good idea to see what you can do to help your future self do less work next year. for example: as an ib student, i am planning on using the summer between my junior and senior year to write notes for ib chem and ib bio for multiple reasons, but also because i won’t have to waste time doing that next year. as you can see, i also used my calendar system for this by assigning a section or two to cover each day!

s l e e p

although you can’t really “catch up” on the hours of sleep you missed during the school year, you can still get enough sleep each day! relax! you can go to bed early or late, but you should be sure to get at least 8 hours of sleep! try not to sleep too much, though, because you won’t feel too good when you wake up.

clean!

if you’re anything like me, then after finals your room looks like a tornado hit it!!! now, whether this is or isn’t true, i think it would still be a good idea to do some cleaning. clean your room, organize your closet, donate old clothes, reorganize your desk drawers, rearrange your bookshelf…you will definitely feel so much better after you’re done.

do something cool

why don’t you spend some time during the summer volunteering or picking up a new skill or hobby? you can learn a new language, learn some new recipes, learn to code, learn to draw realistically–you can learn anything!

but don’t forget:

actually have fun

while i believe it is very important to be productive during the summer and get  work done, it’s also important for you to spend time doing things you enjoy: read, draw/paint, watch tv shows, movies, documentaries, hang out with your friends, play video games, play with your pets, go to the beach, visit an amusement park! 

take care of yourself

  • work out a couple times a week. make or listen to a playlist while you work out, find an exercise buddy, and just devote some of your time to exercise! exercising has many benefits!!! it will make you feel good and fresh!
  • take care of your body. put on face masks, hair masks, moisturize…
  • honestly, just do what relaxes you! pamper yourself, you deserve it!
Guilty Pleasure (4)

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5

Description: You and Baekhyun are best friends and you’ve lived together for three years now. It’s no news to you that Baekhyun sleeps around, but you do too…so what happens when he wants to be with someone as experienced as him?

Genre: Smut / Angst (sorry for any errors I’m like half asleep. And sorry it took so long, finals are kicking my ass rip)

Word Count: 2,139

Pairing: Byun Baekhyun x Reader (feat. Lay)

Author: Admin Xiufairy

Originally posted by baehkkyun

You knew exactly what kind of game he was playing. Baekhyun had never been this loud when with a girl. He was attempting to make you uncomfortable, maybe, or possibly trying to show you what you’d lost. You refused to let him be right.

The following night you brought Yixing over to spend the night. Maybe it was cruel to use him in your game but your mind was so clouded with anger because he had slept with another girl when claiming that he was in love with you.

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