i was there for your somniloquy

And It Burns, Burns, Burns ...
This is actually a preview just because I have no idea where this is heading quite yet but I still wanted to publish something for you guys. I’ve also put the links to the other parts just in case you want to read them. Also I incorporated “Somniloquy” so that has been officially wrapped up as a teaser but I of course had to tweak a few things to make this make sense. Well I hope what I’ve written so far is something that BKers enjoy and you know I always look forward to comments :)

The links to the previous parts:

http://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/134700408935/a-woman-possessed-pt1

http://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/134907393240/euphoria-pt-2

http://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/140812635565/yours-pt-3

http://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/141040792730/fiending-pt-4

http://zalrb.tumblr.com/post/144318482825/mercy-pt-5

All right people to tag: @katreinabennett @bonkai-diaries @malachaibennett @wasabicakes @misslilmel @darkbonkai @sobeyondtwisted @bonkaimonluv @jordanjanellejoy @bonkai-is-life @youareatypo @bonkaicoven @writeturnlove @bonkais-witchywoo @bonkais-aurora-borealis @humbu-bumbu @tvtaughtmehowtofeel @mysticfalls-originals @queensfelicity @tasha-sews @sunnydrive92 @much-lemons @l0nd0ninnit @iddieforkai @ecksnohhs @offlinebonkai @beccacupcakes @kissmebluesexyvioletsme @lisaluvslife

“I didn’t think you’d show.”

“I said I would,” said Bonnie. ‘I’ve never lied to you, Jer.”

    He looked up at her, his eyebrows furrowed, his expression pained and angry. Bonnie’s lips parted at seeing the shine in his eyes.

    “Jer…”

    “You’ve never lied to me?” he repeated.

    “Jeremy.”

    “Our last night together, what do you call that? Our last few days together?”

    “I didn’t want to ruin—”

    “Yeah, you’d said that. Your exact words, ‘If I told you the truth, it would’ve changed our last days together and I didn’t want it to change. We were happy.’ I remember, Bonnie.”

Bonnie opened her mouth to say something but Jeremy shook his head and turned away from her. She sighed.They were in the Salvatore living room, Jeremy on the sofa, Bonnie standing in front of the fireplace where they’d shared their first kiss after she’d been resurrected from the Other Side. That night didn’t even feel like a memory of her own but one implanted from someone else’s life. It paled in comparison to the immediacy of Kai’s lingering touch. There was still a phantom ache between her thighs from when Kai rocked into her only an hour before, her body still hummed from the feel of his lips skimming her skin. Guilt overcame Bonnie, making her own eyes shine, her throat was blocked with a disgust too profound to utter and she sat down next to Jeremy, putting her hand to her forehead.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered, her voice thick and choked. “I didn’t want this. I didn’t want … …” She swallowed hard. “At the time I thought it was the best thing for us. At the time what mattered was us being together, being happy.”

“I would’ve rathered you be alive.”

“There was nothing you could’ve done.”

“That doesn’t matter, I would’ve tried. You took away my choice to try,” said Jeremy, his voice rising. “You took away my goodbye.”

Bonnie turned sharply toward him. “We said goodbye.”

You said goodbye. I didn’t — I —” Abruptly Jeremy stood up. He put his hands on his neck, gritting his teeth in frustration, and walked over to the bar across the room. He started taking out the crystal to pour himself a drink. “I was left. I didn’t get to say anything, I didn’t get to feel anything, I couldn’t even process, I… I didn’t get to—”

It happened against Bonnie’s better judgement, Jeremy’s words faded in her ears, turning completely mute as a vision consumed her. All she could see was the memory of her hitched on the bar, her fist shattering the glass as Kai’s lips found their way between her legs. Even the sofa she was now sitting on struck her with the image of her mounted on the couch they broke earlier that day, she ached with the remembrance of his thrusts and the hedonistic euphoria they brought her to; the urge to press her thighs together sharpened the ache and Bonnie clenched her jaw. The way Kai’s tongue could suspend all thought, the way his touch could make her seethe with wanting — it obliterated everything from mind even if he wasn’t with her, even if she was with someone she loved and loved dearly. His power burned her with a rage that showed no prejudice and with excruciating swiftness she was swallowed whole by a many-shaded hatred; a hatred for Kai that was familiar and yet seemingly more intense, for she’d just discovered a new depth to his hold on her, a hold that made her beg for his presence and for his destruction simultaneously; a hatred for herself for being weak, for allowing the devil to slither into her mind and lay claim to her body; a hatred for…

Bonnie stared at Jeremy as he took a sip of whiskey, her insides writhing with a volatility she could barely contain. She stood up from the couch. “Well it’s getting late, I think I’m just going to —”

“Yeah I know,” said Jeremy bitterly. His voice was loud. “Never mind that you just got here. You’re going to go home or to the library, have to meet up with Caroline or Damon or Elena, you have an early class or you need to call your mom —”

Bonnie felt herself harden with indignation. “What’s the matter with you?”

“Funny since I’ve been asking myself the same thing about you since I came back home.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking ab—”

“I thought you just said you never lied to me,” said Jeremy. “Come on, Bon, you know exactly what I’m talking about. I haven’t seen you since I got back, even if by miracle we’re in the same house, I come into a room and you leave it.”

Bonnie shook her head. “That isn’t true.”

“You’re doing it right now!”

“There’s no conspiracy, Jeremy. I just have to go.”

Where? Where do you have to go that’s so important? I haven’t seen you in months.”

“And whose fault is that?” snapped Bonnie. Jeremy lowered the glass from his lips and looked at her. She closed her eyes and sighed. “I’m not doing this right now.” She turned toward the foyer.

“Well when are we going to do it? Stop running away!”

Bonnie whirled around. “Don’t talk to me about running away!”

“Is that what this is, you’re mad at me?”

Bonnie couldn’t help it and started yelling, the turmoil within her churning in her gut, souring her heart with a venomous tilt; past anger and current guilt scratching at her throat. “And why would I be mad at you? Because I was in a prison world for months and when I finally got out, when I finally wasn’t dead anymore, you couldn’t drop by and see how I was doing? You couldn’t even return one of my dozen messages? You couldn’t email? YOU COULDN’T EVEN SEND A DAMN TEXT?”

Jeremy stormed toward her. “Just like how you couldn’t even tell me that you were going to die?”

“I did tell—”

“Minutes before you died, that doesn’t count! Like that is … that’s just so …” Jeremy gesticulated wildly. “Do you know how much that messes up a person?! Like completely fucks up?”

“I can guarantee not as much as being stuck in a prison world with literally no one else around you for months only to claw yourself out of it and not hear from the one person you thought would be by your side, the one person you loved more than anyone, more than anything, the minute you made it out alive!”

“I tried to get you out. I got Kai to —”

Jeremy stopped talking and regarded Bonnie closely, his eyes searching her face, his jaw tightened. “What was that look?”

“What look?”

“I said Kai’s name and you…”

“I what? You brought up the man who terrorized me in a literal hell dimension, I’m going to have a look on my face, Jeremy.”

“But it was guilty. And embarrassed. The same look I had when…”

Bonnie narrowed her eyes. “When what? When you cheated on me with Anna?”

“Is that’s what’s happening?” said Jeremy quietly.

“Nothing is happening,” said Bonnie. “I tried to kill Kai. Twice. Maybe that’s what you’re picking up on from my so-called look.”

“You’re answering these questions pretty quickly.”

“And what, you’d prefer me to take my time so it looks like I’m not trying to hide anything?”

“Who said anything about you trying to hide something?”

“You did,” said Bonnie. “You said it without saying anything, don’t forget that I know you.”

“And I know you,” said Jeremy. “I know when you’re keeping something from me.”

“Oh please, you didn’t know I was going to die last year until I told you I was going to die. Or the year before that for that matter.”

“Do you really think that throwing in my face all the times you’ve successfully kept something from me is really helping your case right now? And I thought you never lied to me.”

“Keeping you safe by withholding information isn’t the same thing as lying.”

“Is that what you told yourself? Is that what you’re telling yourself now?”

“I don’t have any reason to tell myself anything, not then and especially not now. I don’t even know why we’re talking about Kai.”

“Because I asked Elena about him and she was being just as cagey as you’re being right now.”

“Elena? What godforsaken reason would make you go to Elena—”

“Because I heard you groan his name,” said Jeremy; the hostility in his voice at odds with the crumple of his forehead. “When I was at your house I heard it.”  

“Just because —”

“You’re never around. You don’t pick up when I call, when Elena calls. Most nights no one knows where the hell you are.”

“That doesn’t mean —”

“Don’t lie. Stop lying! I deserve to know—”

“You deserve to know? What makes you think you deserve to know anything anymore?”

“Because I love you! I will never stop loving you. That gives me the right to —”

“You love me? You abandoned me!”

“Stop avoiding the question! Just tell me!”

Bonnie shook her head, running her fingers through her hair. “Jeremy, stop it.”

“No! Why do I feel like, like, you’re gone? What happened to you?” Jeremy stared at her. “Who happened to you?  Who is Kai to you?”

“I can’t go through another one of these.”

“Why not? Why can’t you answer me?”  Jeremy looked at Bonnie, his shining eyes finally giving way to ready tears. “Are you in love with him?” His voice was barely a whisper.

“It’s not as mundane as that,” said another voice.

Swiftly, Bonnie and Jeremy turned around and their eyes landed on Kai standing in the entryway to the living room, his hands tucked in his jean pockets. No one said anything for a beat, the house screaming with a pregnant silence and then without warning, Bonnie threw her hand up and the chandelier wrenched away from the ceiling. Kai used his speed and moved from where he stood so that the chandelier crashed down onto the floor instead of onto his head. He slammed Bonnie against a wall.

“NO!” Jeremy shouted.

Kai’s hands squeezed Bonnie beneath the shoulders and pain shot through her arms. He was ripping her apart, magic tearing away from her veins, splitting from her blood and siphoning into his own. Yet even now, Bonnie’s eyes fluttered slightly at the pleasure that tinted the brutality of the process; it felt like somehow Kai was giving in as much as he was taking out. There was something penetrative about the sensation that it elicited a stifled moan from Bonnie’s lips. And she saw it. The glint in his eye, the slight curve at the corner of his mouth; saw the carnal satisfaction that clouded his expression.

“UGH.”

Bonnie pushed Kai backward, using her magic as a force to send him across the room. She turned toward the bar, a sharp knife lay on the surface in case anyone wanted their drink with a twist. She pointed her hand toward it.

Modus!”

The knife flew in the air, hurtling toward Kai at a lethal speed. He caught it in his hand just as it looked like the knife would slide cleanly through his eye. He threw it back toward Bonnie who managed to duck so that the blade punctured the wall behind her.

Jeremy kept shouting. “STOP. BONNIE.”

Kai charged toward Bonnie who blew him back a second time so that he collided into the couch that skidded a few feet down the living room.

Jeremy’s chest constricted with a nervousness that felt alive in him. His hand twitched, his eyes keened, his entire body began attuning itself to the battle in front of him. They were surfacing. His hunter senses. They would be what would save Bonnie from Kai. But even as Jeremy thought it, he knew. This wasn’t a battle. It wasn’t even a fight. It was a lover’s quarrel. And the fear that flooded him was a fear for himself, not for Bonnie, but for his disappearing place in her heart. There was an intimacy to the violence he couldn’t quite explain to himself, an intimacy that incensed him with a jealousy he wasn’t accustomed to; there was energy between Bonnie and Kai, a viscera that was unique, that invaded a room, that was … wrong. It all felt so completely, fundamentally wrong — corrupted. There was an excitement between them, and Jeremy could sense the ripeness of arousal, over this, over mutual destruction. It thoroughly unnerved him but he was envious of it. Of what was theirs and theirs alone.  

Bonnie looked at the fireplace. “Incendia.”

Fire billowed out onto the carpet, blazing a trail toward the couch. Jeremy lept back. “BONNIE.”

The wildness in her eyes startled him but not as much as the pleasure etched in her features, at the desire that darkened her gaze as she watched the fire, as she watched Kai. Her breathing quickened, sweat dappled her chest and she ran her fingers across her glistening skin, her eyes boring into Kai’s from across the room as she let out another stifled moan.

Jeremy felt the air shift and was devastated by the eroticism of the tension around him, panicked about the fire that the other two people in the room saw fit to play with. He started to cough.

“Bonnie, put it out!”

The flames consumed materials quickly, licking the fabric of the sofa so that Kai had to rush back to the centre of the living room, back to Bonnie. When he reached her, he brought her to the ground, twisting so that he ended up above her. Quickly Bonnie reached up and dragged her nails down his cheek, four long scratch marks bloodied his face, causing him to cry out in frustrated pain, before his skin healed entirely. He grabbed Bonnie’s wrists and pinned them to the floor above her head, bringing his face closer to hers so that their lips were a breath away from each other.

“At my mercy,” he whispered.

Bonnie didn’t say anything in response but held Kai’s gaze, her eyes fixed on his as the flames around them grew hotter, climbed even higher. A recklessness had unlocked in her the minute she saw Kai in the archway and she gave way to the power that that freedom unleashed, a freedom that Kai inspired in her — the freedom to consume. She would consume the living room, the house, she would consume Kai, undo him completely because having him at her mercy — something in her contracted at the thought.

Bonnie shifted her hips and watched as Kai instinctively closed his eyes, his grasp on her wrists tightening. She bent her legs, opening herself up to him so that when she started squirming, she felt his hardness as it intensified with each circle of her movements. His lips parted to release panting and he started to push into her, urging her. Bonnie grinned. It wouldn’t be enough for him. Nothing was ever enough for him. He —  

A yell. A piece of wood. Through Kai’s stomach.

Bonnie yelled. “JEREMY.”  

Immediately, the flames extinguished.

Kai looked down at the makeshift stake through his stomach and in one fluid motion, pulled it out of his torso with a pained growl and whirled around, grabbing Jeremy by the throat, roaring so that his veins darkened and his fangs descended.    

Bonnie screamed. “Kai if you kill him, I —”

Kai paused.

Frantically, she stood up and ran to the wall, pulling out the knife. She held it to her neck. “I’ll slit my throat. I swear to God.”

Kai turned sharply toward her, his eyes wide and intense.

“Or maybe that isn’t good enough,” said Bonnie. “I will find a vampire to drain me dry.”

Bonnie felt the intensity in Kai’s eyes shiver through her as it turned both savage and fearful.

“To drink me,” said Bonnie, enunciating every word. “To gorge on my blood until there’s nothing left.”

ENOUGH.” Kai released Jeremy from his grasp, shoving him to the side.

Jeremy wheezed, gasping for breath as he massaged his throat. Bonnie was willing to die for him. Again. And yet he knew that wasn’t the point. It had little if anything to do with him. As that realization struck him, shattering him, he caught Bonnie’s eye, her expression devastated. She could see it; he was ruined. By her. By Kai. By her and Kai. She had completely forgotten that he was in the room, bearing witness to what she and Kai were, she had forgotten about everything except for what she and Kai were, nothing else was real.   

“What are you doing to me?” she whispered. “Why did you come here? You knew, you had to know that I would never forgive you for this!”

Kai looked at her, his expression unabashed and vaguely malicious. “I was counting on it.”

Bonnie gritted her teeth, clenching her fists and then slapped him hard, the impact so sharp it spiderwebbed glass.

People who fall in love don’t paint with mud. Where is your passion? Our teacher always asked. You give up and start to make a mess or realize the mess is whatever you’ve been making.
—  Kelli Anne Noftle, excerpted from “What We’re Making: The First Coat”
vimeo

Poet/Singer-Songwriter Kelli Anne Noftle reads the poem “Seatbelts Off” from her first published collection of poetry “I Was There For Your Somniloquy.” A brief reading that is well worth the watch and listen.