i was the only one from a different school

3

So….harry potter au???

Ok first of all I KNOW. The Smiths dont live in…europe. They are from usa and in a au where they are wizards theres not way they could ever get near hogwarts. Theres the american school for wizards called ilvermorny. BUT GUESS WHAT- i dont care.

In ilvermorny things are super different and i made this au thinking HOW FUNNY it could be to see the Smiths goin to Ollivanders for a new wand for Morty (Cuz…the last one got lost or broke idk) and Rick only goes with them just to make fun of how weak and shitty those wands are. Btw imagine Rick becoming Mortys teacher against the dark arts lmao. You know Rick hates Hogwarts with all his heart but he just wants to be with Morty and make his life miserable so yeah. I have so many ideas with this shitty au.  And yeah in my version of this… Jerry is a muggle, Rick a Slytherin, Morty Hufflepuff, Beth Revenclaw and Summer is Gryffindor (Btw Rick probably doesnt believe in all that bs and hates being labeled as a Slytherin but deep down he knows….)

Why I Love Connor Murphy (and why his character isn’t an innocent one)

Hello y’all, I’ve seen Too Much discourse in the DEH fandom recently on the part of people liking Connor and not liking Alana and Zoe enough, so here’s some of my thoughts on the matter (in no perfectly organized order) as well as some headcanons that I have which are supported by evidence in the show.

Connor Murphy was clearly a deeply fucked up kid. Signs of different mental illnesses should have been abundantly clear to his parents from the get-go, but they obviously weren’t (outward violent aggression towards teachers, isolation of himself from other peers, etc.) Connor was clearly crying for help in the only way that he could, through violence, and it’s clear that his dad was resistant to putting him into therapy. Then, (I’m assuming in middle school/early high school) he got into hard drugs (which ones we’re never explicitly told) and attempted suicide. Finally, after that, he goes to rehab, but the ride isn’t over yet. 

Zoe mentions him banging on her door threatening to kill her for ‘no reason.’ so we can assume some things.

1. Connor was either high or mid-manic episode.
2. He did not have full control of his actions.

This, of course, could never excuse abusive behavior, but it does explain it and gives room for us to assume that this was before rehab. After rehab, he comes back to school, and I’m going to assume that though he had gotten better, he wasn’t quite good enough. He started self medicating with pot and other less harmful/addictive drugs (”I don’t want you going to school high, Connor.” the way this line is delivered makes me assume that Mrs. Murphy knows Connor smokes pot and cares but only in the context of school.) to try and calm his depression/bipolar/psychotic NOS (I believe he was schizophrenic.)

Connor Murphy was not excusable in his actions, but I love him because he was a tragic character who reminds me of myself. And besides, none of the characters in this show are perfect.

Now, getting to Connor’s mental state during the week that he killed himself:

Very up and down, we see him being nice to Evan (signing his cast, laughing with him, etc.) in one scene, but in the next he sees Zoe’s name and instantly becomes extremely paranoid/panicked because he thinks that Evan is out to get him. He’s constantly worried about being labeled a “freak” (due to constant bullying from almost everyone.) And he keeps the note for two days in his pocket (not at school) and kills himself with it still there. 

Connor Murphy was mentally ill and his mom was the only one who gave very much of a shit about it (Zoe did too, I think, but she didn’t know how to deal with it.) and that’s all, Connor Murphy deserves our love not because he was a good or nice character, but because he had the potential to be. 

I mean, imagine if he had been properly rehabilitated and continued therapy? 

Why I Stopped Posting Pictures of my Top Surgery Results

On December 14th 2015, after many years of waiting, I had top surgery. Like many people in the years leading up to my surgery I scoured the internet for photos for people who had had surgery with my surgeon. Being in Canada and mostly only operating in one province I wasn’t surprised to not find a whole lot. 

I also looked for results from other people of colour, other South Asian people, and people with body types similar to mine. Unfortunately, I didn’t find much. I found that the spaces dedicated to surgery results weremainly dominated by white, slim, and muscular folks. 

I was frustrated because I knew that that my results would look drastically different than theirs. Despite my best efforts I found myself feeling frustrated with other POC. I knew that slim, muscular white people would be celebrated and get more traction than POC but there was so little out there. I didn’t need the posts or Youtube videos to be popular I just needed them to exist. I thought I understood why those results weren’t as out there, and partially I did, but now I really get it. 

When I first saw my post-op chest eight days after surgery I was elated. My partner took a couple pictures of that moment and I happily posted them on the internet (even if I felt a little self-conscious). In the days and weeks following my reveal I kept posting updated pictures though I was more and more hesitant to do so each time. Every time I did I got negative feedback about my results, weight,and body shape; reblogs, messages from anonymous people on Tumblr, and comments on Facebook posts (almost exclusively from other trans folks) left me feeling shitty about my body and results. 

Before those comments I felt good about my results and while I had issues with my hips and stomach and lack of muscles I was working to feel better about myself and my body.  So I stopped posting about my results. When one type of body is the only type celebrated in a community anyone who looks different is going to feel excluded and self-conscious - when they are then met with negative comments it’s no wonder they stop posting. It’s not a coincidence that it is hard to find top surgery results from non-thin, muscular, white people.


Does posting these pictures mean that I am over my body image problems: hell no. In fact, I have been feeling pretty self-conscious for the last little while (thanks grad school for meaning I’m too busy and poor to work out or always eat right) but I want to share my results. While I know that I’m not plus sized and don’t really consider myself fat (and benefit in society because of that) I’m also don’t super thin or cut. I want other people who look like me to know that there are other people like them in this community. I want to fight the dominance of white people in these spaces by being present. 

I know that I’m opening myself up to those comments again but I hope that people reading this will realize this it is not okay to make negative comments about others people bodies - even when those people aren’t super thin, muscular and white. 

The Void Inside Me (NSFW 18+)

A/N: This idea was sprouted by one of those ads we’re the two people are texting about something really agnsty or suspenseful and you have to download the app to see the whole story. I loved the idea so much and thought no one would be more suited for it than Void. I want to thank @writing-obrien for seriously helping me out with this when I was completely stumped. Also @celestial-writing because this fic would not be finished if it weren’t for her motivating me to push through up until the very end. And @sarcasticallystilinski too for all her feedback. I think they all edited this at some point too so thank you beautiful babes, I love you all more than most. Lastly, Koneko is Japanese for kitten so says google translater. I’m sorry if I got that wrong.

Warnings: Smut; choking.

Word Count: 6860

|Masterlist|

Originally posted by teendeucalion

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Teacher liked to get too close to my friends in secondary, ended up quitting.

Well, this is my story. I’m a male, 26 yo currently. I was in secondary in grade 10th at that time (not sure how it works in other countries, here in grade 10th students are 15-16 yo).

We had an English teacher, male of about 40. He liked getting too close to girls. I was 15 at that time and I was friends with many of the girls in my classroom.

Well, it happened that my friend, lets call her J, told me that the teacher (let’s call him W) liked getting too close to her, hugged her and liked touching her (not sexually but with sexual connotations) and made her feel uncomfortable. Of course, I did not like that at all. J, then told me that W used to make her kind of indirect-sexual propositions. J was scared because of that, but she did not tell her parents or any adult. I was not going to speak for her, but I had to do something about it.

I was one of the best students in the class, in most of the subjects. I didn’t like W, but anyways, he kinda liked me for being a good student. I started researching and I found out that J was not the only girl that W molested. There were some others who had the same problem.

I was talking with my friend over the phone one night and we came up with an idea. We would write a kind of newspaper article, where we would say all the things the teacher used to say or to do with the girls. We would not put names or something. It would be anonymous. Just W’s name. So I did write a beautiful article where I narrated what I found out. I said that W liked touching girls, that he made sexual propositions to them, etc. and if they did not believe what I wrote, they could ask all girls.

In my town, at that time, it was not common having a computer. So I went to a cybercafe (probably the only one in the town at that time) and I made a word file with the article. I printed it, afraid of being discovered by the place’s owner (in these small towns everybody knows everybody), but nothing happened. I went to a different place to make copies from the article. The store’s owner did not realize anything either.

I was quite afraid, but excited for what would come. We went to the school, had clases as usual, and before the class ended for lunch break, J and I asked permission to go to the bathroom. I gave her about three copies of the article so she would put them in the girls bathroom and I went to the guys’ one. I pasted them inside the cubicles, in the walls.

So break time came, all students went out from their classrooms and many of them went to the bathrooms. It was like watching an explosion. All students started gathering in the bathrooms. It was all a mess, everybody was talking about the articles found there. Some teachers went to see what happened, collected all papers and, I guess, went to the school director with the news.

W, was (obviously) mad at what happen. Filed a report at the police station, and went looking for information on who did that. The ones who new about it were about 5 people but none of us said anything. After the scandal, some other girls decided to talk and it seems that W molested quite a bunch of girls in the school. An investigation went on and teacher decided to quit during the investigation. Not sure if he was found guilty of anything else than just molesting girls, never saw him again.

I was freaked out cuz I thought they would find out it was me who wrote that. W actually went to the classroom, that same day, with a victim-like attitude saying that all was false, and that he suspected that the ones who wrote that were some enemies he had from outside the school because it was quite well written (it seems he thought we were stupid students not able to write that). Who would think that one of the best students, one of the most respectable ones would write that kind of thing?

I must admit that it could have been handled differently, but we were just teenagers and teenagers always think stupidly. Anyways, I don’t regret it. Teachers learned that it was not good business to play with girls like that.

2

Angie Thomas’ debut novel follows 16-year-old Starr Carter, who lives in a gang-ravaged neighborhood but goes to school at Williamson Prep, where she’s only one of a handful of black kids. One day, she’s in the car with her friend Khalil when he is shot and killed by a cop. The case becomes national news, putting the dichotomy in Starr’s life into even greater relief.

Thomas tells NPR’s Lulu Garcia-Navarro that, like Starr, she grew up in two very different worlds. “I went to a mostly white, upper-class private college … but I was from a neighborhood that is known for all of the wrong reasons and, for lack of better words, we will call it the hood. So I knew I had to fight against the stereotype of being a ghetto girl, and I had to fight even harder to show that I was intelligent and that I was capable of being there, just like my counterparts.”

Listen to our interview here: ‘The Hate U Give’ Explores Racism And Police Violence

Tell me about the one who loved him - A Sirius Black Imagine

Originally posted by sensualkisses

‘Professor Lupin? Er - I mean, Remus?’ asked Harry.

Remus looked at the young boy. His heart would always burst when he saw the young man. Each day he’d grow was a day he looked more like his father.

‘Yes Harry?’ replied Remus.

Harry sat at the table with his former professor. The Weasleys house was uncommonly quiet, he was not used for them not being there.

‘I was wondering… Sirius earlier, he said something about er… somebody he wanted to see for a very long time. Do you reckon who would that be?’

Remus’ face became serious.

‘I’ll take that as a yes, then’ said Harry, noticing Remus’s sudden expression.

Remus tried to smile to the young boy.

‘Who’s that person, then?’

‘He shouldn’t go… he’s going to make himself found’ Remus sighed.

‘Is that person could turn him in? We have to stop him!’ shouted Harry, getting up in a hurry.

‘Sit down, Harry… she won’t put him in danger, of that I’m sure. He’d just better leave the past where it is. I’ll try to find him later, put a stop to that.’

Harry sat down again, with more questions in his mind.

‘She?’ said Harry.

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Imagine Charles trying to recruit you

Charles Xavier x Reader, my first time to be gentle.

“Allow me to explain myself, please.” The handsome man in the wheelchair, who parked himself in front of the table you sat at, smiled softly at you. 

You quickly closed the book you were doing research on and hurried away from the table, rushing to the clerk’s desk to return the book.

“Thanks, have a good day,” you smiled warmly at the woman and rushed toward the exit.

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I intern at a school that’s about a 25 minute walk away from my home. I use landmarks to remember the way there and back, but one landmark is very different from the rest.

I always turn when I see an old, abandoned car inspection place. Sometimes there are cars there, but only occasionally. All the doors are locked with heavy padlocks, the windows are all barred, some broken. Theres always a sort of subtle unease that seeps into you, penetrating to your very soul.

I personally am convinced it’s haunted. Perhaps there was a car crash there, some teenager turning to quickly and slamming into it. Who knows? But people have claimed to smell bubblegum there for no apparent reason, and this same scent is one I smelled yesterday whilst walking to my internship.

And all I can really say on the matter is that this is some @sixpenceee shit.

How to become a good student (again) 3: Yearn for friendship - not worship; not debasement

Hello, fellow ex-good student!

‘tis done! This beast just got longer and longer, so I decided to cut it down a bit for the sake of readability. But let me know if there’s something that was too vague - the nuance might have got lost in the editing process.

Alright, let’s get down to business (to defeat! The Huns!)! So, if you’re an ex-good student, I’m pretty sure that you know this static in your head, right? Whenever you really need to do something but you just can’t get up and do it, so you keep procrastinating even though you hate it and keep scrolling and scrolling or gaming and gaming and feel more and more guilty?

Well, it might not be the most immediate analogy, but for this post I want you to consider that what connects you and your subject of study is essentially a relationship and that this static is (among other things) an indicator of how screwed up your relationship is. Just like with real people, your relationships with subjects can either

  • prosper and bear fruit (me & Creative Writing)
  • become cold and distant (me & French)
  • or, worst of all, turn sour and actively harmful. (me & PE, back in school)

Now, nobody likes to hear that they’re relationship-ing wrong. And it is true that different approaches work for different people. But here are the counter-productive relationships that I’ve personally ended up in and I’m gonna show you how I got into and out of them, so you can try to do the same. Maybe it’ll help you lift that static from your head.

Side-Note: Always remember that, since your subjects are just that (subjects), and not real people, you are the only one who can actually mend these relationships and, conversely, you are the one who screwed them up in the first place (probably with good intentions, though).

So, we’ll take them in this order:

1) Overeager Debasement

2) Undereager Debasement

3) Worship


(Oh, and in case you wanna catch up:

Masterpost 

Part 1

Part 2)


1) Overeager Debasement

What is it?

The desire to do everything, perfectly, at the same time, right now. Not to limit yourself to just one field of study, but to master them all, to reign supreme above knowledge, to keep your mind wide open to new possibilities, similarities and contradictions.
You overvalue your own capacities and undervalue the needs and difficulties of your subject.
(also refer to the first post for this)

How did you get here?

(read picture from right to left)

So. Many. Possible. Reasons.

  • it’s a cage. The idea of doing just one thing for the rest of your life scares you and you feel imprisoned at the thought of it
  • you know that you could be outstanding if you applied yourself
  • you know that you could be even more outstanding if you became accomplished in multiple fields
  • you want to find connections between fields nobody’s ever considered before
  • you feel like you’ve wasted your last few years and need to catch up to others
  • you’re afraid that you’re not good enough
  • you’re afraid of being ignorant
  • you’re arrogant

No matter the reason (I’ve gone through them all), people caught in this state of mind shovel more and more onto their plate.
And then wonder why they can’t swallow it all.

What do you think you’re doing?

A labour of love, most likely. You think you love languages and sciences and athletics and programming and cooking and hanging out with friends and being alone and so you just want to do it all!
You don’t want to limit yourself! You don’t want to lose any time! But there’s just so much and you have so little energy and ugh, if only I wasn’t destined for greatness, then I could relax like other little people, but no, I need to keep pushing! In every! Direction! At the same! Time!

I know your delusion. I’ve been there. You imagine yourself to be that one perfect friend who gets up at 6am, watches the sun rise, does yoga, eats a healthy breakfast, goes for a quick run, comes back home, answers all correspondence, is artistic for a few hours, then scientific for a few hours, then social for a few hours and ends the day with tiny masterpieces in each area, goes out with friends or family to grab a healthy dinner and goes to sleep, happy and balanced :)

Well, you know what, my starry-eyed friend?

What are you actually doing?

You’re the mental equivalent of a social butterfly.
You’re being fucking disrespectful.

You’re always on the run and never able to really commit to anything, because you’ve already scheduled something else afterwards. You’re shallow, deluded, that one friend that always comes in running, screaming “Besties  ~ ♥” and everyone shifts uncomfortably in their seats and smiles a painful smile and humours you, because they know you mean well, but they also know that you know nothing about them. 
You’ve never been there for them ever, but always expect them to be there for you. Whenever they want to talk about themselves, you nod and then proceed to about yourself and your plans and “ohmygosh, this is so nice, we need to meet more often ~ ♥ “. But at least you mean well, so they’ve agreed to keep it simple and on the “The weather is nice today”-level with you. 

But here you are, wondering why you’re not making any progress.
Mysterious.

So what do I do?

Well, you need to go from this:

To this:

How? More on that below.


2) Undereager Debasement

What is it?

This stage is what happens when you notice that your lofty ideals from Overeager Debasement cannot be fulfilled. You turn bitter, hateful, cold. You think you’re a failure, you think you were too soft. Instead of wanting to be friends with everyone, you now want to rule over everyone, fuck what they want.

You’re burnt out. You’re done. You just want to get through these stupid classes and catch a goddamn break, goddamnit.

And you WILL get through. You’re too proud to do anything else. But you don’t really care about any of it.
You just want to make it.

How did you get here?

If you were a good student, you probably heard at some point or another that you were “different” and that your complex and mysterious ways were not understandable and definitely not achievable for your average classmate.

Most people who tell you this mean well. A few want to make fun of you, but most actually do mean it as a compliment. But they don’t know how dangerous it is to hear it again and again, because regardless of whether it’s true or not, you start to believe it.
You start to believe that somehow, you have a higher calling, a higher standard. And you start to long for that day when your high standards will be met - when you will go to that one mysterious class where everyone is just as eager as you are, where the “Oh, captain, my captain!”-teacher will spark a fire in your brain that will never go out and when your ominous “gifts” can finally be put to good use for the prosperous future of mankind.


And you work.

And work.

And the class never comes.

You feel the weight on your shoulders when teachers talk of “high expectations”, you feel it crush you a little bit every time your friends tease you about your genuine fear that you might not get an A, that you might lose it all, that your “gifts” could disappear and you’ll be stranded and useless and you put in the hours, you work your ass off to keep that high standard, all in the hope of having that one miraculous class that never comes.

I realized that that class would never come when I entered university.

University, I’d told myself, would be my Arcadia, my Eden, my academic paradise where all my hard work would be rewarded!
Instead, I only found more drudgery, more incompetent professors, more disinterested students and even more bureacracy. To say that I was “disappointed” would be putting it very lightly.

I became disoriented and disenchanted. I realized that I could get through most classes with half-assed effort, I was hardly ever challenged, I floated along and hated every second of it. I blamed my boring teachers, the imperfect system, the teachers who had given me hope only for me to watch it crash and go up in flames.

What do you think you’re doing?

Being badass, cool and detached, most likely.

You dream of yourself as a master and your subjects as slaves. They bow to your will, they dance to your tune, you command them with the snap of a finger.

“Look, you slave of the system”, you say, lying on a velvet sofa, “Look, at how it hardly takes any effort for me to pass these classes! Look at how I spend my time doing things I actually like and that are actually worth it, unlike these stupidly easy classes taught by stupidly incompetent professors in a stupidly screwed-up system! Look at me, being edgy and drowning in self-hatred because I can physically feel myself gliding off the rails that made me so “special” and becoming one of the average people in the masses, haha. Ha. Ha. Screw academia, but still give me good grades, amirite?”

I know your delusion. I’ve been there. You imagine yourself to be that one perfect friend that never studies for classes, comes for three lectures per semester and still manages to get perfect grades because everything you do in school is, like, so five years ago. That one friend who has read all the classics in their spare time, has conquered and enslaved all the knowledge actually worth knowing, will quote obscure Polish philosophers you’ve never heard of and plays the piano with a perfect pitch. They’re the wisest, most culture-non-conforming people you know - they’ve been up until 5am, wandering the streets and drinking vodka from a bottle while forcefully pentrating the mysteries of the universe all by themselves until they finally fall asleep on a park bench and awake with an epiphany about Klein bottles.
They’re “special”.

What are you actually doing?

Caring more about appearing “special” than actually trying to be “special”, that’s what you’re doing.

But, look, what made you so “special” and “different” in the first place was not a “calling” or “gifts” or the fact that you wrote good grades and were destined for greatness.

Here’s a handy chart I’ll use later - you were lucky enough to fall into the green zone, lucky enough to be born with an innate respect and a love for learning. That’s what made you “special”. That’s what made you succeed. Not pressure, not warped ideals and certainly not the fear of failure.


But somewhere along the way you forgot that and only focussed on the results. You started to believe yourself to be so special that everybody else should cater to you.
The fancy titles, the awe-struck looks, the “You’re so amazing”s and the “The genius of a decade”, the planned Nobel prize speech and the prestige, the dream others had lovingly created for you and you had slowly absorbed and warped as your own? It got to you. Hell, it got to me.
And it became more important than learning itself.
Somewhere along the way, you and I, we became an arrogant and lazy assholes.

You looked down on your easy courses and homework and instead of recognising how lucky you are, doing it in a minute and a half and then putting in the extra work on top to dig deeper and to maybe contribute something of value and fun, you threw it aside with a snide remark as beneath you.
Of course it wasn’t fun. Of course it wasn’t challenging. You never even tried to make it either.

(And don’t get me wrong: I honestly do think that the education system as it is right now needs MAJOR reforms. But right now? It is what it is. And instead of making the best of it and doing what you once loved so much, you succumbed to societal pressures you found yourself unable to fulfill and said “meh”.
You cared so much about the fame and the title that the relationship itself didn’t matter.)

But this isn’t the master-slave relationship you imagine it to be.
It’s a trophy-friendship. Once upon a time, you got on really well with this person and other people loved your friendship. You fell in love with the ideal, with their connections, their money, their prestige, their name on a CV, and you stuck around just for that.
You valiantly ignore the reality of the state of things between you two
and take them out only when absolutely needed, only when things are this close to falling apart and so you keep walking a fine, fine line.
Whenever a deadline approaches, you shower them with attention and love and, gingerly, they open up to you and you see a depth and complexity to them that astounds you and makes you think “Imagine! Imagine how much more I could have seen if only I’d started earlier?”
But the moment the crisis has passed, you toss them aside once again.

Because this is enough to make your name.
You may not remember much about these nights or about the person at all, but the only thing that counts is that it will fulfill your “special” prophecy and make you a legend, right?

Well, always remember this:
(read picture from right to left)

You’re not “special” if you made it to university. You’re not “special” if you’ve made your name. 
It comes down to a simple choice: do you value appearances over integrity or the other way round? Do you dare to look like a fumbling idiot again when you start something new? Is the “appearing like an idiot”-part more important to you than the “learning/creating something new”-part? 
Have a think about it.

3) Worship

“Alright”, you’ll say, “Alright. I get it. So I’ll treat my “friends”/subjects with respect and integrity and I’ll take all the time and concentration I can bestow upon them, just as I would upon real friends. But do you want me to be like, uh - like…

What is it?

“…like one of those anime characters that lives only for their dream and gets up at like 6am, does the thing, talks about the thing, breathes the thing, goes to bed, dreams of the thing and then wakes up at 6am to do the thing?”

(Google: Did you mean Hinata Shouyou?

Yes, yes, I did, google.)

Well, no, I don’t want you to do that. See, that’s the other extreme and unless you’re an anime character, chances are that it won’t work out for you. 

How did you get here?

Personally, I was caught in this trap for a loooooong time. Anime offered me a new way of relating to my passions that neither my family nor my school had ever shown me: unabashed obsession.
I wanted to be perfect. I wanted to be obsessed. I wanted to give myself up to a higher ideal, something above human consciousness, something that would endure. I wanted to, well, get up at 6am, do the thing, talk about the thing, breathe the thing and so on - “the thing” in question being, of course, studying. I made elaborate plans, complicated lists, study-plans that shift on a daily basis and cover all grounds, I wanted to study for two hours before school, wanted to repeat lessons, wanted to give myself up to knowledge, made cool covers for my notebooks, made mock exams for my friends to use, planned to focus on each continent for a month and study it, planned to listen to one new composer each day, planned to go to the museum every week, planned to analyze Sherlock Holmes and think just like him, planned to - you get the idea.

I wanted to be like this:

What do you think you’re doing?

Being but a humble servant to the eternal workings of truth. Knowing thou art unworthy, yet suffering the perfection of study.

I wanted to go from 0 to 100, I wanted knowledge and wisdom to transform and deliver me, I wanted to feel enlightened, I wanted to feel my brain burning, pushing frontiers and breaking through to new horizons, I wanted to elevate myself to touch even the lowest levels of truth.
I wanted to do something noble, something worthwhile, something that could never be critisized and would always be valued, something with eternal meaning that would echo through the ages and I wanted to be even the tiniest cog in the machinery of mind.

What are you actually doing?

Being, quite simply, an idiot.

This is one of my favourite quotes (David Wong):

“There are two ways to dehumanize someone: by dismissing them, and by idolizing them.” 

The same goes for studying. As shown above, studying won’t work out if you do not treat your subjects with respect. Conversely, studying also won’t work if you continue to idolize it as work beyond all work and reproach, as the only true calling, as the realm of the genii and by self-flagellating yourself and repeating “I’m but a humble servant in your kingdom of reason and will never reach where you are, but will spend all my time trying to reach you.” 

Why? Because by saying “I’ll never reach you or be worthy of you”, you’ve already sealed your fate. Some students (no matter how well they actually perform) are stuck thinking that they are stupid and incapable of doing well. Others think that the trick is in the preparation and they undergo complicated rituals of finding exactly the right study spot, exactly the right study drink, exactly the right study time, etc. in the hope of channeling the connection between their godly subject and themselves, but it never turns out quite as glamorous as they’d hoped (once again, speaking from experience).

This is because you cannot force a true friendship if you think yourself unworthy of it. It will always be worship. 

And why are you worshipping?
Because it takes the pressure right off of you
. This always annoyed me about some of my fellow students. They treated becoming a good student as this miraculous and unlikely event that only happens to the #blessed.
I insisted that “no”, it could be done. “Yes”, it was hard work, but ultimately absolutely doable. But now that I’ve been in their shoes? I understand.
Admitting that you could have done it anytime implies failure on your part for not having done it. By saying “Oh no, it is so very complex and divine and a lowly worm like me could never hope to crawl in its shadows”, you shift the focus away from yourself and onto the thing itself. 

But this is a synthetic, manufactured relationship with a partner that does not even exist. It is, at its heart, a kyaa  ~ I hope senpai notices me! (๑♡⌓♡๑) - kind of relationship. It’s idolizing not a person’s true character, but their appearance, their aesthetic and the values that they represent for you. It’s not really listening to what they’re saying, but warping their words so they fit into your perfect idea of them.
Just, unlike with undereage debasement, you do not play pretend that everything’s fine and secretly hate the other person deep down - you honestly idolize them to heaven and back, so you could never possible reach them.
You’re using them to fill in the holes in your own personality.

And that … just isn’t fun? I dunno about you, but treating studying as something that must be done perfectly with exactly the right pen and the perfect face-mask after the right smoothie and in the right lighting by a window overgrown with ivy and with perfect concentration from the first moment and unwavering, knightly passion and exact planning from 6am to bedtime all because I know deep down that I will not be able to fulfill these ideals and thus don’t have to feel bad about not reaching them just … isn’t for me. I don’t like my relationships to be all overstructured and “perfect” and high maintenance like that.

I want my friendships and my studying to be authentic. And that means that sometimes it’s messy and sometimes it’s hard and sometimes it’s quoting Keats while lying on the floor at 2am in the morning and chugging milk out of a carton, but it’s real.
I truly do understand this longing to make studying look pretty and like a magical realm, because when you’re in the flow that’s really what it feels like. But the beauty comes along with the practice, not the other way round.

No, but honestly - what do I DO then?


Y’remember Hippogriffs from Harry Potter? That’s how I imagine my subjects. Approach them carefully, honestly, maintaining eye contact and as equals and they will respect you. This scene:

This scene is what I’m talking about. 
If you were in a worship-state, you would only admire them from afar, gushing over how beautiful they are, but sad that they would never deign to even look in your general direction. (think of all the subjects you thought would be way too difficult for you)
If you were in a debasement-state, you’d either try to make friends with all the hippogriffs, hopping from one to the other and forming no bond with either or you’d “tsk” disdainfully and try to force them to obey you against their will. (*cough* Malfoy *cough*)

If, however, you’re in the green, there will be mutual respect between you and you will be able to fly.

So what does it mean to be in the green? 
It means not to do any of the above, obviously, so 

  • take your time for and invest brainpower into each and every one of your subjects - be a good friend. Be there. Listen. Even if they have crazy ideas at 4am in the morning. 
  • appreciate your subjects and know that they are more than the teacher who tries to get you to know them. Sometimes, some people just have a really shitty PR department (especially maths)
  • don’t think too much or too little of yourself. You can do amazing things, but that does not give you the license not to do amazing things anymore, rest on your laurels and expect others to applaud you for it. 

  • some relationships take longer than others to build, but getting to understand someone who puzzled you from the first moment and challenged your beliefs will improve your own personality as well
    (side-eye at PE. Yes, I love you now, you crazy athletic bastard)
  • do it for the sake of the relationship itself, because you enjoy their company. Results are presents which, although very much appreciated, should not be the main motivator to keep you going.
    This essentially means that you should think of studying as hanging out with a friend - already makes it seem so much more inviting and way less daunting, does it not?

    (Logic and I, being saltmates. Real friends judge other people together)
  • be aware that all friendships go through rocky patches and some subjects might take a while to warm up to you or you to them. But if you think that it’s worth it, then you gotta power through that. If you don’t think it’s worth it, you gotta be brave enough to say good-bye. 


Look, what I’m actually saying is … be Souma Yukihira from Food Wars.

Food Wars is a crazy and at times pretty pervy manga/anime, but I’ll be damned if it isn’t also one of the best pieces of fiction I’ve ever consumed and if Souma isn’t one of the most admirable main characters I’ve ever encountered.  

The relationship between him and cooking is filled with trust, love and equality. He trusts his cooking skills, because he knows that they have spent a long time together - cooking won’t let him down and he won’t ever let cooking down by stopping to look for ways to improve.

That doesn’t mean, however, that he’s always deadly serious - he loves to play around with cooking and to try ridiculous new things. He never forgets the joy that even the simplest form of cooking brings him. 

There’s one great episode where he puts his life as a chef on the line and someone fearfully asks him what he’d do if he lost. He shrugs and says he could become a lawyer or a teacher or something. So while he loves cooking profoundly, he does not worship it and he knows that there are other relationships he could build up if he had to. He just …doesn’t want to, because cooking is his bff. 

He loves to take on challenges to see how far he and cooking have come -

- and he takes challenges very seriously -


- but takes it even more seriously if he loses -

- and nonetheless knows that they are stronger for the challenges they have faced together. 

So, yes, this is what it means to be in the green. Cherish your friendships, hang out together, be honest, funny, clever, curious and you. 

You’ll be surprised at how much fun the two of you will have, now that all the pretensions and pressures are gone. 

Just …hang out and have fun.

(and maybe watch Food Wars!, because damn, Souma is the MVP of my inspirational heroes)

Have a great day and I’ll see you in the next (and hopefully shorter) part 4 :)

2

My school didn’t have a drama department. I was one of the lucky four children who got to travel twice a week to another school, because our school could only afford one taxi. Now, if I was at one of these private schools, how many more people would have been on a drama course? Undoubtedly there is a difference between people with money having access to the arts that people from working-class backgrounds don’t have, but that’s not their fault. I’m not taking anything away from these brilliant actors who are doing great stuff in Hollywood. A lot of them are my friends.

Detention | Reggie Mantle

Originally posted by riverdalesource

Pairing: Reggie Mantle x Reader

Description: A bad day leads to you getting detention and getting close to the last person you’d ever thought you would.

Warnings: there’s a swear or two in there fo’sho.

Word Count: 1977

A/N: this isn’t the greatest and trying to write reggie was different but here we are. lemme know what you think. i also just added everyone from my usual tagslist bc i remembered this time. ok cool. 

Trouble wasn’t something you found yourself in often. You were the good student with the highest grades, never truant and had a reputation for being nice and polite to everyone. It was one of the reasons why everyone enjoyed your company. You were usually the nicest, friendliest and most positive person around school. There’d only been one time you’d ever gotten into trouble and that was in second grade when you’d stole Jughead’s hat off his head because you thought it was cool and put it on your own. He’d cried because you’d refused to give him it back so the teacher yelled at you, gave you a timeout and made you gave the hat back.

That was the only time in your whole sixteen years of age.

Up until today.

It had been a particularly bad morning. First the stupid alarm hadn’t gone off making you half an hour late then the moment you stepped outside mother nature decided to work against you and send a mass of rainfall. There had been no time for the bus so you’d ran all the way to school getting splashed by the passing cars on the road. By the time you got to school you were drenched, late and in the worst mood possible. Your usual happy smile was nowhere to be seen. Instead, you stormed into the classroom, threw your books down on the desk and sat yourself in your seat with a huff, arms crossed over your chest.

Keep reading

Ong Seongwoo; brother’s best friend

Member: Seongwoo // Wanna One

Genre: Fluff

Request: Can I request scenario with Seongwoo where he’s your older brother’s best friend? Like he’s known you since you were in middle school so he’s like a second brother but now you’re going to start university and he starts to notice you’re not the same little girl anymore

A/N: tHANK YOU FOR REQUESTING THIS BC DAMN I’M SO HYPE TO WRECK LEAH’S WHOLE LIFE

Originally posted by 080717

  • damn that gif has my booty poppin
  • alright let’s do this shit
  • seongwoo is your older brother's handsome af best friend
  • so two have known each other since your cringy middle school years
  • yeah he even caught you dying your bangs with kool-aid one time
  • your life almost ended right then and there
  • it didn’t really matter though tbh because he just saw you as his best friend’s dorky kid sister
  • but you’d always had a giant crush on him
  • I mean look at him??? who wouldn’t
  • you turned down all your countless not really suitors because you KnEw deep down that oNe DaY seongwoo would fall madly in love with you
  • spoiler alert: it never happened
  • as you grew older, you matured and your crush subsided
  • not completely though
  • your heartbeat would still speed up every time he got a little too close, or playfully teased you
  • eventually you reach your second year of high school
  • seongwoo and your brother, daniel though you call him euigeon to piss him off, are long off to college
  • seongwoo still visits the house frequently, as daniel hasn’t moved out yet
  • you and seongwoo have gotten a little closer to the point where you consider him like family 
  • family that you have a huge crush on
  • but by now you know he doesn’t see you the way you see him
  • you get asked out by the cute guy in your chemistry class, bae jinyoung, and for the first time, you accept
  • he’s definitely handsome - he was voted most handsome for freshman superlatives until park jihoon transferred 
  • he’s also pretty popular with the girls
  • seongwoo finds out from your brother and teases you endlessly about your first boyfriend
  • but one time your friend describes how they feel about their boyfriend, and you realize something is wrong because
  • you don’t feel that way about jinyoung
  • you test it out, but he doesn’t give you the feeling he should
  • he doesn’t give you the feeling seongwoo did
  • when you break up with jinyoung, he’s surprisingly okay with it
  • you found out later this is because he had developed a crush on an older transfer student from china
  • fast forward two years later, and you haven’t seen seongwoo in at least a year, ever since daniel finally moved out
  • for your high school graduation, daniel, of course, comes to support his lil sis
  • and can you guess who he brings with him
  • that’s right
  • the pope
  • wait what,,, I mean seongwoo
  • and he’s definitely gotten more mature and handsome
  • what what you don’t realize is
  • so have you
  • when seongwoo spots you in your cap, gown, heels, and makeup, he does a double take
  • you look completely different from when he last saw you
  • and suddenly he realizes this little girl he’s always known??
  • she isn’t a little girl anymore
  • well he’s shook
  • and he’s wondering like,, why is he getting flustered over his best friend’s little sister??
  • the one who wore only boy’s clothes until 8th grade and dyed her hair with kool-aid in middle school???
  • no of course he couldn’t be attracted to you
  • but then he catches you laughing at something daniel says and his heart is all like “!!!”
  • and he’s like ‘maybe I’m sick??? yes!! that’s totally it I probably have a cold there is no other explanation’
  • after the summer, you end up going to the same college as the two of them
  • and you meet up with them on a regular basis
  • sometimes daniel can’t make it, so it’s just you and seongwoo
  • and you two get mistaken for a couple way too often
  • you’re always the one to deny it first, thinking it makes him uncomfortable when that happens
  • he doesn’t really know why, but he wishes you wouldn’t be so adamant about it
  • daniel starts disappearing more and more often with shady excuses, so you and seongwoo hang out alone more often than you do with daniel
  • one day, daniel slips away again and you’re getting really suspicious now because:
  • “did he just say,,, he had to wash his cats?”
  • “yeah,,,”
  • “didn’t he say he had to wash them last week??”
  • “he could be very conscious of his cats’ hygiene needs,”
  • “seongwoo,,, he washes his cats like every two months,,,”
  • “,,,that is suspicious indeed”
  • and so next time he flakes on meeting up, you two decide to secretly follow him
  • he’s pretty clueless, so he leads you right to where his destination is
  • and boy oh boy
  • your big brother seems to have a little crush
  • or a big crush
  • that happens to be mutual
  • basically, you catch him making out with one of your close friends on the campus lawn
  • both of their faces turn bright red when you step out from behind a tree and confront them
  • “so… secretly dating one of my friends huh?”
  • “y-y/n~ please don’t be mad~” 
  • “well, tbh,,, I don’t really have the right to be mad”
  • and they’re all like “??? what”
  • “actually,,, I’m dating jaehwan,”
  • daniel is shook
  • “jaehwan? kim jaehwan? from the soccer team?”
  • seongwoo is like 99.98% sure he’s sick again because like,,, his chest is tight all of a sudden??? and his throat feels like it’s closing
  • he’s like ‘why am I feeling sick so much recently I was always fine before’
  • later, back at their apartment, when daniel mentions jaehwan and you, seongwoo rolls his eyes like a 12 y/o boy
  • “they can date or whatever, I don’t care what she does or who she dates”
  • well that sounds an awful lot like he does care, daniel notices
  • and he smirks
  • “bro you jealous”
  • “whaT??? jealous?? of who??”
  • what, ong seoNGWOO?? jeaLOUS?? ofc not never
  • “of jaehwan, dumbass”
  • “why would I be jealous of jaehwan lmao”
  • “maybe because you like my sister”
  • “uM NO SHE DOESN’T MAKE ME BLUSH I’M JUST SICK”
  • “,,,, i never said she did”
  • #seongwoo #exposed
  • “so she makes you blush then huh”
  • “sHUt tHe F–”
  • surprisingly, daniel is actually hella chill about it
  • or maybe not surprisingly
  • daniel’s pretty chill tbh
  • so basically he becomes you and seongwoo’s biggest shipper and secret matchmaker
  • for instance seongwoo conveniently becomes your assigned tutor when you’re failing your math class
  • and wOW when you need a ride, daniel convEniENTLY can’t make it, but sEoNgwoO certainly can :))))
  • and cOnVEniENTLY you and seongwoo find yourself locked in a classroom one night, after you had to retrieve your misplaced textbook
  • certainly not the work of someone whose name starts with d and ends with aniel
  • you’re like “but the janitor knew we were gonna be in here??? how did we get locked in??”
  • and he’s like “,,,, dunno" 
  • cue awkward avoidance of eye contact
  • after many unanswered calls to daniel, seongwoo suggests you let it be
  • after all, it’s not like daniel will pick up
  • “,, what does that mean?”
  • “whAT I JUST MEANT HE’S PROBABLY WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND”
  • and after about ten minutes of occasional small talk (but mostly awkward silence), seongwoo decides to ask a question he really doesn’t want to know the answer to 
  • “so,,, how are you and ,,, jaehwan?”
  • “what about him??”
  • “isn’t he your boyfriend?
  • “oh hahaha,, I just said that to get back at daniel for lying to me”
  • “wait so,,, you guys aren’t actually together?”
  • you’re like: “nope”
  • and he’s like ‘this is my chance!!
  • “y/n?”
  • “hm?”
  • he waits until you look up from your phone
  • and then bOOM, he plants one right on your mouth
  • you almost die right then and there because !! ong seongwoo is kissing you !!
  • and you can feel the smile on his lips when you recover from the shock and start kissing him back
  •  and wow this is better than any kiss you’ve ever had before
  • seongwoo moves his hand to behind your neck, pulling you closer
  • when you finally break apart bc you need to breathe
  • though sacrificing air for kissing seongwoo is something you wouldn’t be against
  • seongwoo swallows and finally says: “I like you”
  • and you’re trying not to scREAM bc like
  • “I’ve waited way too long to hear that,”
  • like the dumbass seongwoo is i say, as I sigh over how dreamy he is, he’s clueless
  • “wait what??”
  • “I’ve had a crush on you since middle school, seongwoo”
  • and daniel chooses this moment to violently swing the door open and shout “i kNEW IT”
  • yeah he gets his ass beat
  • #worthit
Animation... Tips?

Someone asked about this a little while ago (on a tumblr msg), and I’ve been chewing on it.  I want to say first that I’m not an instructor, and I’m not super good at explaining things.  If you want some really good animation resources I highly recommend these two books:

Cartoon Animation - Preston Blair
The Animator’s Survival Kit - Richard Williams

They are both very good (and they’re on amazon for way less than I bought them for!) , but if you can only get one, and you have no animation experience, I suggest the second. It’s absolutely huge and has a very detailed explanations and diagrams for basically everything you could think of, starting from the very basic of animation principles.  

Soooo animation tips? I guess the first and most important thing I learned when I went to school, is that more drawings don’t necessarily make better animations.  I always thought that was basically it.  The difference between beautiful feature films, and not so great Saturday morning cartoons? More drawings.  Right? That might be part of it, that’s what makes it smoother, but it’s not the secret.  The most important parts of making an animation look good are:

1. poses.
2. timing.

In other words, what you draw and how you get there: They should be interesting! Spending time on that is more important than spending time on making lots of frames. 

Now…. I started writing up a bunch of stuff about keyframes, breakdowns, squash and stretch…. and it’s just this giant rabbit hole of explanations.  And I’m sure there are a lot of YouTube videos that already exist and are great for all of those things.  So… short version:  are you making short silly GIFs?  Then you want to see how few frames you can get away with and still have it look okay.  If you put your poses too far apart, they will look like your character is teleporting. If you make them too similar and / or close together, it will be boring.

This is 5 frames:

lil unicorn guy: 5 frames is the minimum for a “boiling line” that looks good (the kind of line style that you see in Ed, Edd n Eddy, for example). The heart and the eye are wobbling around just enough to be interesting, and the tail is the one piece that’s really moving.  If the whole drawing was done with a boiling line, it would probably look better, but that is so much more work and this looks okay!

This is 2 frames:

cutiefly toot toot: the body moves a little bit (but doesn’t change), the wings move a bit more, and the feet don’t move at all, they’re like an anchor.  it’s only two frames! but it looks okay too.

This is 27 frames (but don’t freak out):

hugs wolves: so the bodies don’t move. pink tail: 8 frames.  purple tail: 9 frames. heart: 5 frames.  the moving parts all move a little bit differently in terms of distance and frame count. They don’t start and stop exactly the same time. That variation makes it interesting. But when you break it down, there aren’t actually that many different drawings to it.

TL;DR: Don’t move everything the same amount. Variety is interesting! See how few drawings you can get away with. Or not! If you don’t want to. And most importantly, just make stuff, even if you don’t think it looks good.

I don't think a lot of people realize this

But the stripes (or lack of) on the Senshi’s first fuku actually correspond to their school uniforms! The number isn’t random at all.

Usagi and Ami’s Juuban Middle School uniforms have two stripes (three in the manga), so so do their Sailor fuku.

Mako’s uniform, while different, also has two stripes. However, they’re much closer together, which carries over to her uniform.

Minako and Rei, on the other hand, only have one stripe on both their fukus.

On the Outer Senshi side, there are no stripes whatsoever. This is because the uniforms from Mugen Academy that Haruka, Michiru, and Hotaru wear are stripeless. Setsuna, on the other hand, doesn’t even wear a uniform (being a college student and all).

Once they all upgrade to their Super forms, they all have a single stripe on their collars (resembling Venus’s the most), giving them a more unified appearance. Anyway, this is just a small tidbit that I thought people would like to know! 

Sibling Abuse in ACOTAR

I am writing this post to deal with the misconceptions about what constitutes sibling abuse in the ACOTAR fandom. When replying to this post, it is very important to keep the discussion polite and respectful. Please also consider that the trivializing and belittling of this subject can have a negative impact on survivors of this abuse who are reading your comments. I would also request that we leave other characters out of these discussions, especially if they have no bearing on the topic. When using information from one of my sources, I will use a number that I assigned to that source. A separate post with information from different articles will be posted and tagged “sibling abuse sources”, and labeled by the same numbers. I will also be using direct quotes from ACOTAR. I am writing this post in between different school and regular work, so I did not have time to detail the parental abuse (mostly in the form of neglect) also found in ACOTAR. I will only touch on it and its tie to the sibling abuse. If needed, I will do a post on other familial abuse later. I am a survivor of familial abuse – both parental and sibling. Unlike Feyre, the abuse I suffered was physical as well. When reading this post remember that I have a lot of experience with this topic, and that others who read it and your comments may too.

           Family violence is awful in all its forms, but is usually depicted inaccurately with men as just perpetrators and women solely as victims of abusive family acts. This study’s findings indicate that there are no gender differences related to surviving sibling abuse or perpetrating emotional and physical abuse among siblings (3). There are three factors to consider when defining sibling abuse - perception, intent, and severity. Perception refers to how each sibling sees the interaction. If one sibling involved in the sibling relationship views the behavior as abusive, there is a dynamic beyond normal sibling rivalry (3). Intent refers to what a sibling hoped to accomplish through an action or behavior. When sibling abuse is present, the intent of the perpetrating sibling is primarily to cause harm. Severity is related to the duration and intensity of the sibling behavior. As severity increases there is greater chance that the sibling relationship is abusive. Perception, intent, and severity exist within three primary categories of sibling abuse: psychological, physical, and sexual (3). Psychological abuse is typically not recognized by parents and is often dismissed as normal sibling rivalry. This type of abuse includes belittling, intimidation, provocation, destroying possessions, and torturing/killing pets. Psychological abuse is different from “normal” behavior based on consistency and intensity. Examples would include words and actions expressing degradation and contempt that have an impact on the sense of well-being (insecurity and self-esteem) of a sibling, such as daily harassing statements like, “No one in this family cares about you and we would all be happier if you were dead” (3).

           The most prominent perpetrator of sibling abuse in ACOTAR is Nesta. There are numerous words and actions found in the beginning of ACOTAR that support this statement. One of the most prominent instances, was this exchange between the sisters, “What do you know?” Nesta breathed. “You’re just a half-wild beast with the nerve to bark orders at all hours of the day and night. Keep it up, and someday—someday, Feyre, you’ll have no one left to remember you, or to care that you ever existed.” She stormed off, Elain darting after her, cooing her sympathy. They slammed the door to the bedroom hard enough to rattle the dishes. I’d heard the words before—and knew she only repeated them because I’d flinched that first time she spat them. They still burned anyway.” The last insult she told Feyre is almost identical to the example given by Source 3, “No one in this family cares about you and we would all be happier if you were dead”. The text shows that Nesta had said similar hurtful statements before, and said them knowing that they emotionally hurt Feyre. By analyzing this exchange with the three aspects of sibling abuse in mind, this exchange is clearly psychologically abusive. Feyre clearly perceives this as a verbal/emotional attack, and the words Nesta use greatly wounds Feyre emotionally. Nesta’s intent in this situation is also clear – she is seeking to hurt Feyre. Nesta is looking to wound Feyre for her disapproving of Nesta’s possible marriage proposal. Nesta uses this specific phrase because she has used it in the past and knew it had hurt Feyre’s feelings. The last aspect of sibling abuse, severity, is also evidenced by this exchange. Nesta has used almost those exact words to hurt Feyre before, and she actively looks for ways to wound Feyre emotionally, as evidenced by more quotes found from the book.

           More exchanges that reek of abuse found in ACOTAR include, “… so you can have enough time to paint your glorious masterpieces.” She sneered at the pillar of foxglove I’d painted along the edge of the table…” In this quote from Nesta, she is knowingly and purposefully mocking the only activity Feyre enjoys – painting. Her sneering at Feyre’s work also highlights just how sarcastic Nesta’s words are when she called Feyre’s painting masterpieces. Sarcasm on its own is not abuse, but when paired with Nesta’s actions (like trying to hurt Feyre’s self-esteem and pride of her artwork) shows that Nesta has the intent to emotionally wound Feyre. And Nesta succeeds in her attempt to belittle Feyre’s art, “I drowned the urge to cover up the painting with my hand. Maybe tomorrow I’d just scrape it off the table altogether.” Nesta’s next psychological abuse tactic is to humiliate Feyre in front of their father and other sister by exposing Feyre’s sexual activity and trying to use it to shame her. “She added with a small smile, “At least I don’t have to resort to rutting in the hay with Isaac Hale like an animal.” My father let out an embarrassed cough, looking to his cot by the fire. He’d never said a word against Nesta, from either fear or guilt, and apparently, he wasn’t going to start now, even if this was the first he was hearing of Isaac.” The role their father plays in allowing and propagating the abuse will be discussed later, but is seen in this quote. It is also interesting his potential “fear” of Nesta. This is an example of an abuser humiliating their victim to elicit shame in the target of their attacks. As will be discussed later, lowering a victim’s self-worth and increasing their shame is a tactic to gain power over them. Sex shaming an individual on its own, while hurtful, is not only abusive. But when the other factors of the situation are considered, it adds to the narrative of daily abuse Nesta bestows on Feyre. When analyzing this situation with the three sibling abuse factors, perception, intent, and severity, it is easy to see that Nesta is being abusive again in the text.

Siblings who resort to bullying view it as a means to exert power, often in response to the fact that they have been victimized by parents, older siblings, or someone outside the family (1). The aggression of the perpetrators can be a means of getting back at a favored child and releasing the anger stemming from their own abuse or an attempt to claim a sense of mastery over the trauma of their own abuse or situation. The aggression can also be a form of mimicry that is reinforced by other aggressors in the family (1).

The whole power dynamic of Feyre’s family is entirely turned upside down. The father no longer has control or power over his children, and they are left to grapple for it between each other. His lack of control is seen not only in how he never tells his children what to do or reprimands them for their treatment of each other, but also in the ways Nesta looks to use his painfully injured leg against him, “His simply carved cane was propped up against his chair—a cane he’d made for himself … and that Nesta was sometimes prone to leaving far out of his reach.” Nesta is malicious in her behavior towards him, and while it is understandable for her to be angry and hurt by his negligence, it does not give her the right to lash out at him and Feyre. No human is perfect, so occasional outbursts would be understood, but her consistent and calculated actions against the members of her family show that the situation they have grown up in has affected her enough to use abuse tactics to try to regain power in the situation. The following quote from the book is another instance of her seeking to claim power from the others, “From beside my father, Nesta snorted. Not surprising. Any bit of praise for anyone—me, Elain, other villagers—usually resulted in her dismissal. And any word from our father usually resulted in her ridicule as well.” Anything that could help lift Feyre’s sense of self-esteem is instantly destroyed by Nesta. Nesta is almost certainly in pain, and she is looking to make sure everyone not only stays that way – but hurts more than her. Some might argue that Feyre is the one with the most power in the family, since she is the only provider and source of food and money. There might be credence to this, if it weren’t for two things. First, Feyre would never withhold food, or money for survival necessities, from her family in order to control them. Second, it is possible that one of the reasons Nesta resents Feyre is because she is the sole provider (Nesta could change this by trying to help support the family, but doesn’t) and used psychological means of taking any power that Feyre might have. An example of this can be seen in the following exchange between the sisters, “Nesta picked at her long, neat nails. “I hate chopping wood. I always get splinters.” She glanced up from beneath her dark lashes. Of all of us, Nesta looked the most like our mother—especially when she wanted something. “Besides, Feyre,” she said with a pout, “you’re so much better at it! It takes you half the time it takes me. Your hands are suited for it—they’re already so rough.”” Nesta will eventually chop the wood, but she did not do it prior to the book starting when Feyre originally asked her to, and most likely only does it to try to curry some favor with Feyre before they head to the market, which will be addressed later. In this exchange, Nesta is using what, at first glance, looks to be a compliment, but is really intended to insult Feyre. First, Nesta offered an excuse not to contribute to the family’s survival, then she compliments Feyre’s ability to chop wood, and followed it up with a compliment that Feyre had an affinity for wood chopping – since her hands were rough. This is, of course, an insult since Nesta believes that manual labor which impacts the hands is a task only poor people – people lesser than her – should do. Her belief is evidenced by the perfectly kept state of her own hands and fingers. Feyre, the provider, theoretically should be able to demand help from her family. But she at most offers empty threats, since she promised her mother that she would care for them no matter what. If Nesta did not chop the wood, Feyre would have eventually done it. This is a fact that Nesta knows and exploits. That is why Feyre does more than the bulk of the work needed for the family’s survival. These, along with other exchanges in the book, show that Nesta is using psychological abuse to claim power from her family.

           Several studies over the past three decades found data which shows that sibling abuse is pandemic and can have fatal results. One study found that as many as 40% of children in the United States engage in physical aggression against siblings, and as many as 85% engage in verbal aggression against siblings on a regular basis (1). Many factors, such as the severity and intent of an act by one sibling and the emotional impact of that act on another sibling, is used when determining if an interaction is abusive. Negative sibling relationships are characterized by fear, shame, and hopelessness. Negative relationships indicate that some form of abuse is occurring (1). Examples include ridicule, which involves both words and actions that express contempt and degradation, which deprives the victim of a sense of self-worth. The sibling who can exacerbate fear gains control in the relationship through minimizing the other’s self-esteem (1). Emotional abuse includes numerous and often cruel forms of abuse, such as belittling, intimidation, scorn, provocation, destroying possessions, and torturing/killing pets.

As discussed earlier, Nesta is looking to gain control from the other family members through contempt, degradation, belittlement, scorn, and goading. This is evidenced yet again in the following excerpt, “My sisters had gone quiet, and I looked up in time to see Nesta crinkle her nose with a sniff. She picked at my cloak. “You stink like a pig covered in its own filth. Can’t you at least try to pretend that you’re not an ignorant peasant?” I didn’t let the sting and ache show. I’d been too young to learn more than the basics of manners and reading and writing when our family had fallen into misfortune, and she’d never let me forget it.” Nesta is belittling how Feyre provides for the family by insulting her appearance after hunting and bringing home food. She is also purposefully picking at Feyre’s insecurity – the fact that she was never able to learn to read and other skills the upper/middle class have in their society. Examining this interaction with the three factors of sibling abuse in mind, Nesta is yet again abusive. Perception – Feyre feels the “sting and ache” that Nesta’s words create in her. She is emotionally hurt by her sister yet again. Intent- Nesta is looking to undermine Feyre’s accomplishment in killing a deer and looking to use a known insecurity to hurt Feyre more. Severity – the text states that Nesta has used illiteracy, manual labor, and lack of education to mock Feyre before, and this is yet again another instance of her calculating what the best words to wound Feyre are in that situation. Yet another example of Nesta finding ways to exert control on her family members is seen here, ““Take those disgusting clothes off.” I took my time, swallowing the words I wanted to bark back at her.” Some might argue that Feyre is abusive as well, and while it is important to keep in mind that all interactions are seen from Feyre’s perspective and might be biased, Feyre’s intent is also very clear. After Nesta negatively orders her to disrobe, she feels the insult in the order, but tries to keep her anger inside her and not lash out. That is not a commonly found trait in abusers, and Nesta certainly doesn’t display it. When angered, Nesta instantly lashes out, and looks to find ways to severely hurt those who she is upset with.

The family environment is an important factor in sibling abuse because sibling abuse often is a reflection of behavior that has been witnessed or experienced within the family. The family is an interdependent unit, and the actions of one family member have an impact on all the other members. Conflict over the number of emotional and material resources available, and how parents handle it, heightens stress among siblings. Children are at greater risk of sibling abuse if their parents are unavailable to meet the children’s needs and are unable to help them to resolve sibling tensions (1). Experts on sibling abuse have proposed that maladaptive parental behavior and dysfunctional family structures play key roles in fueling sibling abuse. In a study conducted by Wiehe (1997), the normalization of abuse by parents was found to be a key factor in the severity and frequency of abuse between siblings (1). It’s been proved that an abused child may inflict abuse on a sibling because they are modeling the actions of their parents.  Some victims of severe sibling abuse have reported that their family environments were toxic. Wiehe (2000) reported that some victims have “described the atmosphere in their home as a ‘battleground.’ A culture of violence developed for all family members living in this culture”. Raised in such an environment, children learn to survive through intimidation and cruelty. Families who live in chaos are at risk of sibling abuse. Chaotic and disorganized families move from crisis to crisis, and it seems that no one has control. Parental stress and overburdened caretakers are two factors that result in the assignment of parental responsibilities and tasks to children. It has been shown that there is a strong link between lack of parental supervision and the frequency and severity of sibling abuse (1).

The father in ACOTAR is neglectful to the point of abuse, which will be discussed in a different post in the future. His emotional unavailability, inability to / lack of trying to provide for the family, and refusal to protect the siblings from each other all display his neglectful abuse. The chaotic situations the family endures – losing their mother, losing their fortune, moving to a hovel, watching their father beat, living without parents who provide for them – all deeply impact the sisters. All of them are hurting, and this leads some of them to turn to abuse to deal with the issues. “But at least Nesta didn’t fill our heads with useless talk of regaining our wealth, like my father. No, she just spent whatever money I didn’t hide from her, and rarely bothered to acknowledge my father’s limping presence at all. Some days, I couldn’t tell which of us was the most wretched and bitter.” The losses this family has faced has brought them all low and filled them with pain, but it seems only Feyre is looking to actively improve their situation.

Some families promote the development of alliances at the expense of other family members. When this happens, an unhealthy triangle develops in the family structure. Triangles are not always bad. However, when rigid rules and patterns are established in the triangle, problems may arise. When this type of triangle exists in a family, resolution of emotional problems is often prevented (1). 

There is an unhealthy trio in the house – and Feyre got the short end of it. Nesta and Elain are the most bonded, and Nesta actively looks to undermine and cause Feyre pain. Instead of Elain trying to heal the rift between the other two sisters, she takes Nesta’s side – even though Nesta is predominantly cruel. This unhealthy partnership, the support of an abusive individual, and neglectfulness to the point of abuse along with the father, all show that Elain is not innocent when it comes to sibling abuse. Textual evidence of this will be provided and analyzed in a different post. Nesta also psychologically abuses Elain – but to a much lesser extent than Feyre. This again, will be covered in a different post. This post has grown too long, and so it will continue to mostly focus on the sibling dynamic between Nesta and Feyre.

           According to the National Family Violence Survey, the rates of sibling abuse “make the high rates of other forms of family violence, such as parents abusing children or spouses abusing each other, seem modest by comparison”. Even with the high incident rates, sibling abuse is the least reported and researched form of abuse (4). Emotional abuse may include verbal intimidation or name calling, degradation, insults, and threatening or completing acts of violence (4). The differences between sibling violence and abuse are that violence showed reciprocal aggression between siblings, and abuse was a result of one sibling exerting power over the other. Capsi defined sibling abuse as, “unidirectional hostility where one sibling seeks to overpower the other via a reign of terror and intimidation and reflects an asymmetrical power arrangement” (4). When assessing psychological abuse, questions related to emotional aggression can be used. These include, “what is happening that hurts your feelings?” and intent “[insert example from student’s story], did this happen accidently or on purpose? What tells you that it was ‘on purpose’?” Questions such as these will likely elicit concrete descriptions of the behavior between children (4).

           There is another source of power found within families – money and material items. Feyre is the provider of the family, the one who risks her life to hunt and bring back game. The animals can be used for a few purposes, for instance, some parts will be used for food, and other parts sold for money. Feyre, the main/only real source of income for the family should be able to decide how the money is spent. This right is undeserved and should be revoked if the provider is selfish and wasteful with the family’s funds. The book shows that Feyre is neither. Instead, her sisters are the selfish ones when it comes to money:

“I’d love a new cloak,” Elain said at last with a sigh, at the same moment Nesta rose and declared: “I need a new pair of boots.””

“I kept quiet, knowing better than to get in the middle of one of their arguments, but I glanced at Nesta’s still-shiny pair by the door. Beside hers, my too-small boots were falling apart at the seams, held together only by fraying laces.”

“She drew out the two syllables of my name—fay-ruh—into the most hideous whine I’d ever endured, and Nesta loudly clicked her tongue before ordering her to shut up.”

“I drowned them out as they began quarreling over who would get the money the hide would fetch tomorrow…”

           Why should either Elain or Nesta be given the funds the hides would earn? Neither of them hunted the animals. If they weren’t being selfish, they would be discussing the ways to use the money to best provide for the family – every member. Instead, they bicker over which one of their unhelpful and lazy selves should spend the money for their own individual benefit. Clothing is of course a necessity, but Feyre’s clothes are in far worse a state than their own, partly due to her physical activities she performs to provide for them. Since she is the youngest, it is also likely, though not specifically stated, that she got the hand-me-downs over the years as many younger siblings do, especially in poor households. Yet the siblings who did not earn the money argue over how they will spend it. Many abusers are willfully ignorant of their selfish behavior and how it affects others. Other abusers, as is likely in Nesta’s case, also selfishly seek to use money they have or haven’t earned as a power ploy. Nesta, who constantly points out Feyre’s shabby and poor appearance, has no doubt noticed the differences between their apparel. She certainly knows that Feyre’s are in a worse state, but still seeks to better her own wardrobe at the cost of her sister. Though Feyre earned the money, Nesta is trying to take away Feyre’s power to use it.

Physical and emotional sibling violence are one of the most common forms of violence against children and the consequences of physical and emotional sibling abuse can affect children and adults. Research has found children and adolescents who have experienced sibling violence to have experienced mental health, loneliness, psychological problems, and poor peer interaction and behavioral problems (2). Violence against a child, regardless of, is still violence against a child, unfortunately sibling violence has been mostly ignored in child welfare. Children and teenagers who had experienced sibling aggression reported higher mental health issues than children who had not experienced sibling abuse. Children who were victims, and perpetrators, of sibling abuse were found to be more likely to end up in abusive romantic relationships later in life (2). Both the victims and the perpetrators of emotional sibling abuse tend to have significantly lower levels of self-esteem as adults than do nonvictims (1).

The unhealthy dynamic that Feyre and Nesta grew up with was rife with the possibilities to become a selfish and psychologically unhealthy individual. Nesta had considered an engagement, which implies a prior attachment/relationship, with a man who would most likely be abusive. Feyre did end up in love with a romantically abusive partner, Tamlin. Tamlin was not just abusive towards her, but also arguably to Lucien. All sisters were unlucky enough to live in a situation that can create abusers, but only one sister did not show any indications of being abusive – Feyre. Unfortunately, she was romantically involved with an abuser, but thankfully got out and found someone who would not abuse her for the first time in her life.  

Almost all interaction between Feyre and Nesta in the beginning of ACOTAR is Nesta trying to emotionally hurt Feyre and purposefully lower her self-esteem. When reading the book, it is important to remember that Nesta has been treating Feyre that way for years – not just the few days the readers see. Feyre has been living in a hostile environment, one that Nesta inflames, for years. She has suffered emotional and mental trauma at the hands of Nesta’s psychological abuse.  

Abuse is abuse. Siblings are fully capable of abusing each other, and do so in ACOTAR. Nesta’s later actions in no way erase her abusive behavior. Future actions do not change past ones, but can begin to try to make up for it. Some abusers can and will look to protect their victims from outside threats and dangers besides themselves. Some abusers will love and care for their victims. Some abusers will do nice and kind things for their victims. Some abusers will even change their behavior. But none of it, none of it, will in any way lessen or erase their current or past abuse. Some readers don’t think Nesta did anything wrong. Some don’t want an apology from Nesta, and think it would be out of character, in that sense, they would be right. It is out of character for abusers to apologize for their behavior. But that does not mean the abusers don’t need to, or shouldn’t, apologize for their actions. Or be held accountable for them.

In order for an abuser to deserve forgiveness they need to recognize their actions as wrong. They then need to meaningfully apologize. Lastly, abusers would need to change their behavior and keep it that way. Then they would not fit the criteria for an abuser any longer. Simply stopping abusive actions do not undo abuse, erase it, or mean a person no longer deserved the title of abuser.

Nesta was an abusive sibling. The fact is that she actively sought out ways to hurt her sisters continually on a daily basis for years. The problem isn’t just that she wasn’t unconcerned with other’s feelings, it was that she calculated ways to hurt them. Whether she still is, or is not abusive is not what is being discussed in this post. Nesta’s character is an excellent opportunity for the author to show how an abuser can grow and change and be redeemed.

Personally, I will never enjoy reading about Nesta’s character. Many of her actions in ACOTAR are nearly identical to many of my brother’s. Her treatment of Feyre is very similar to some of the ways he treated me. I can’t read parts of the book with Nesta’s character and not be reminded of my brother. It is certainly possible for Nesta to grow and change, like my brother could, but even if they do, I would still not want to read about, or associate, with them. Many readers who have not suffered through sibling abuse will have no problem reading and enjoying Nesta’s character, and there is no problem with that. The problem is only when readers erase negative aspects of a character, and claim there were no misdeeds done by characters they like.

There is nothing wrong with liking a strong, willful, sarcastic, uncaring character. There is nothing wrong with liking a morally gray character. Or a villain. Many do, including myself. The situation only changes to being not okay when people refuse to acknowledge a character’s misdeeds and mistreatment of others. Everyone can have problematic faves, the only problem arises when fans refuse to acknowledge their fave’s problematic behavior. We are all capable of critical thinking and liking complex things. There is no reason to blindly pretend a character has no flaws, or that the flaws aren’t harmful to others. We can still love characters, flaws and all.

Again, I ask that only polite discussion takes place on the subjects of abuse in the fandom. There is no reason to write words that can be construed as hurtful to people who have suffered sibling, and other, abuse in the past. Please remember that survivors could be reading anything you post and say. I am tagging everyone who liked/reblogged a post I saw earlier stating there was no sibling abuse in ACOTAR. I am not looking to call anyone out, but only to shed light on a very prevalent and harmful form of abuse that has been swept under the rug far too many times.

@highfaelucien @nyx-morana @sonerdyandhappy @highladystarfall @sarcastic-catastrophe @pterkvinsky @emaurie @pterodactylichexameter @bluevanillakittykat @wrydtoyourmother @that-greeky-girl @casualbookfox @shamelessyaoishipper @dont-cry-fireheart @valamerys @bookdork6 @bookworm1018 @accidental-rambler @foxboyandflowergirl @extreme-introvert @midnight-charm @acourtoftears @wherewildflowersprosper @liiilyevans @vague-af @blogtealdeal @feyre-cursebreaker @rowan-buzzard-whitethorn @court-of-wildfire @decaffeinatedcoffeethings @christina-dh @readerofthewilderwest @never-not-a-fangirl @wordwitch-of-prythian @emdig2001 @pksuburban @shadowcarnation @my-name-is-fireheart @justbooklover @supervintagebookworm @cassianandfenrysaremyboyos @wingspanmatters @greenfire2908art @wearejustdustbetweenthestars @midnightbeast @sxcxhxyx @imthepinkstarburst @ericatheweirdo @eyes-s @a-court-of-feels @she-wrote-her-way-out @shadowthepiratecat @fantasycourts @that-one-lightning-queen @just-another-random-book-blogger @azargetfreaky @someholyh2o @dorica117 @abookandacoffee @rufousnmacska @tea-at-fijve @tbhfangirl19 @fictionalcharactersaremyreality @chocolateauthoress @acourtofstarsanddreams @over300books @karlisreadingcorner @study-read-repeat @eliseroseblack @lovebooks23 @miladyaelin @blunt-truthofit @liryenenderea @hollow-kingdom @rebornasqueen @jnlmangum @sassycoconut @salvaterre @starrydawn6559 @mm23219 @shittakemushrooms-blog @theneptuneviolin @booklover0602 @bellatrixship @literarynonsense @highladyofidris @aster-lane @awkwardbuckytrash @akwodino @elains @padmeamidala242 @schmayschmay @feryearcherons @pegblinity @readinglikewildfire @somebodymagical @ashowott @im-choking-on-my-halo @theravenclawwitchling @callmeladytypewriter @booknerdswiftie @motherofmajesticflapflaps @sammsy @lysassndra @secretjasmine @rattlebag @cuddles-and-chocolate-cake @crystaldophinpotato @yeahimabitawkward222 @aangrynarwhal @captain-book-lover @really-bloody-tired @tiara2155sr @z-oglow21 @aevoit @its-perfectly-abnormal @mystic-imagination @noperage @propshophannah @mynamestartswithaz @accidental-rambler @agalathynius01 @randomno1 @adiposesherlock @sparkleywonderful @borganmert @r–a-n–d-o–m @elidexlorcan @elentiyariddle @awkwardfan563 @jsoifu @eoyai @alienathedreamer @mlecbane @micmac21 @theinconsistentblogg @amandamartinez3568 @klarolinebellarkestydia @tothestarswhoanswered @tired-and-annoyed @sparkpegasus12 @aeteater @allaboutthefandom @dave-and-kurt-trash @wintercovrt @bookstore-babe @trisdawn @manonxblackbeakheir @ibluedragon2003 @jegglefizzogg @dshammout @hpshattermegames @princevvhitethorn @pleasedftbaforever @allhailqueenmaas @eviesamos @badwolf1967221b @reincarnationchance @faith8993 @qwackycoincoin 

I always thought racial healing would come from inclusion.  Acceptance.  Love.

I’m a Democrat, a proud defender of the first amendment and a staunch supporter in true equality.

The very notion that you would drive one race out of school, even if only for a day, is how you make wounds deeper, not promote healing.   It’s how you restart segregation.  If you start talking about running people off campus because they look different than you, you make things worse for your cause and you become no better than the racists who were doing that for years.

Fascism isn’t the answer.

2

My school didn’t have a drama department. I was one of the lucky four children who got to travel twice a week to another school, because our school could only afford one taxi. Now, if I was at one of these private schools, how many more people would have been on a drama course? Undoubtedly there is a difference between people with money having access to the arts that people from working-class backgrounds don’t have, but that’s not their fault. I’m not taking anything away from these brilliant actors who are doing great stuff in Hollywood. A lot of them are my friends.

hi! i’m starting university next year and i’m really worried because i have to commute by train and bus more than an hour a day :’( my school is only like a 10 min walk from my house so i’m worried about getting tired or not having enough time to study, what should i do?


Hey there! There are like heaps of things that you can do on a long commute in order to be more productive, and they don’t even have to be things related to studying! I’m making this post a generalised one about what to do in different time blocks. 


Short Sessions (<30 minutes)

  • Read ahead on your lecture slides. It takes 20-30 minutes to read through the slides for a lecture, but this way you’re able to circle areas that you might find confusing ahead of time. When you get to the lecture, write down explanations in your own words so that when you revise this in two months’ time, you won’t have any missing info.
  • Catch up on sleep! It doesn’t have to all be uni work. Sleep and taking care of yourself is important so that you can concentrate in class. Twenty minutes is all you need for a power nap to refresh your mind. Just remember to set an alarm so that you don’t miss your stop!
  • For health science students, go through your clinic routine. Time management, flow, and better flow; trying to improve your clinical performance can be difficult if you don’t think about what order you’ll be tackling things like entrance testing. Short bus rides can be a great time for you to reflect on the order of testing; try and imagine yourself actually doing the testing
  • Preview additional readings by reading the abstract. If you’re strapped for time, reading through the abstract of any journal articles in science usually summarises all the main points you need, particularly for those where original research has been done. Reviews or papers which create definitions for different conditions are often also summarised - not through the abstract, but through the tables spread throughout the paper. Usually all the text is devoted to explaining how they got to making those tables, so you can skip them if need be. 
  • Reply to emails and send any questions you might have. It actually can take around 10 minutes to send an email to your professor because of wording and introductions and explanations. So I find that short bus trips are a great time for doing any sort of communication.
  • Along those lines, catch up with your friends as well! I’m often so busy that I can’t meet up with my high school friends in person, so we all have a group chat that we still keep in touch in.
  • Make a study plan - you only need around 10-15 minutes to plan out your whole week. Having a plan written down and allocating a set time to do each task will make you a lot more productive than just saying that you’ll ‘study’ on Friday night. 
  • If you’re at home and have a short break you can also clean up your desk/house or do chores - at least have organised chaos so that you have a clear mind.

Medium Sessions (30 minutes to 2 hours)

  • Type up your study notes. Granted, this takes a bit longer, but you’ll still be able to get a good chunk of it done, meaning that you’ll be able to relax a bit more when you get home. On that note, get your tutorial questions done as well!
  • Complete additional readings. If you skim the abstract and have a bit more time on your hands, it’s also good to read the results and discussion as they talk about other authors’ findings as well as the benefits and limitations of the present study, which are important in your learning. 
  • Doing tutorial questions. Often math tutorial problem sets will take you around 2-3 hours to complete all the questions because of the difficulty, so if you do them on the trip to and from uni, you can usually get it done in one day. 

Long Sessions (>2 hours)

Might as well talk about long study sessions too at your study place of choice!

  • Get essays and assignment done! You can’t really get stuck into writing essays unless you have at least a good chunk of time. It’s a good idea to get the outline ready in one of the shorter breaks you have though!
  • Study for exams! Long periods are the best time to cover the most difficult subjects or concepts, or just to churn through a lot of different topics. 

MY STUDY TIPS

Please see my #optomstudies tag or my study tips directory (web only) for the full list of study tips + see my kpop vocab lists + stationery + bujo spreads! ^_^

WHAT I WISH I’D KNOWN BEFORE UNIVERSITY STUDY TIPS SERIES
0 Choosing a Degree , 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 , 6 , 7 , 8 , 9 , 10-1 , 10-2 , 11 Adapting to Uni Study , 12 Using Textbooks in Uni , 13 Dealing with Lazy Group Members , 14 Staying Productive (No Matter How Much Time You Have!)