i was the only adult that did this

anonymous asked:

Not a writing related question but I've read the ask about bitter mom and you sad you will be only mom of a fur baby. You don't wanna have kids? I'm asking because I don't and people tell me that I should or that I will change my mind or that I will have them anyway because reasons -_- But I know I really don't want them, I never did and I'm adult. I really don't care what they think but it's annoying so I just wanted to know if you have to deal with it too.

I don’t want kids, never have. And yes, I used to deal with that all the time. Recently people have laid off it, mostly because I’m an enormous cunt. When people give me shit, I give them shit back. Eventually, they learn to fuck off.

May I suggest highly inappropriate sarcasm? Here are some examples:

You’re right. After all, if I don’t have kids, what the hell am I supposed to sacrifice to our dark Lord Satan?

Well, I mean, obviously I’m going to have a few kids, but only so I can get the ball rolling on my cult.

Um, wow, insensitive much? Everyone knows I can’t have kids. My butthole’s too small to push out a baby. (smarmy, arrogant laugh)

Oh I’ll get pregnant, don’t worry. Just waiting for God to grant me an immaculate conception. It’ll happen any day now, the voices told me so.

Wait… What are babies? Am I saying that right? Bay-bees? What is that? I’m sorry, I don’t follow.

Hope this helps <3

anonymous asked:

I was re listening to the beginning of Petals to the Metal, and it reminded me of the fact that Avi offers liquor to new initiates ( to help them adjust). Then I thought about Angus. I don't think he would give the 11 year old brandy, but I think the scene would be funny.

Ohhh, that’s a fun idea! I hope I did it justice!

~~~

If there was one benefit to operating the only transportation on and off of the Bureau of Balance base, in Avi’s mind, it was the opportunity to greet each and every new member personally.  It was good to have a friendly face around when a person had just discovered that there was a fake moon, that their destination was the organization that operated on the fake moon, and that standing on the fake moon gave them the worst hangover they’d ever experienced without even the benefit of getting to drink first.

People needed someone amicable to talk to while taking all of that in.  Avi had come to find that a flask of brandy was also pretty helpful.  Most of the time, anyway - Carey had tried to drop-kick him when he’d reached for the flask after her arrival.

Avi had brought some of his best for the new recruit, who he’d heard was a famous detective.  That was all Avi knew about the guy, really, except that he was being recruited because he was such a good detective that he’d been busy detecting what was going on with the Bureau behind their backs.  Instead of “taking him out” (suggested by both Carey and Killian, who Avi suspected were getting a little stir-crazy between assignments), Madame Director had decided to hire him instead.  She’d been adamant, so the detective must have been pretty impressive - the Bureau didn’t bother with direct recruitment like that often.  Generally they just encountered talented people and dragged them along.

He hadn’t met many detectives, but Avi had read some old mystery novels and all of the authors agreed that detectives like nothing more than some smokes, some drink, and some dramatic monologuing.  And while Avi didn’t really understand the appeal of a couple of those things, he knew that a good drink could fix a lot of things.

So Avi was really certain that he was ready to meet their newest member, until their newest member stepped outside of the orb and was barely half of Avi’s height.  He was wearing nice clothes like someone would expect to find on a schoolboy, which made sense because that was definitely a little boy.  That was a small child standing on the moonbase, with an expression like he hadn’t somehow gotten here by accident - awed and excited, and maybe a little woozy, but absolutely confident about where he was.  

The boy spotted Avi and gave him a big grin.  “Hello, sir!  My name is Angus McDonald, and I’m a detective here to… help you find what all of you are looking for!  Which I don’t exactly know yet, since I just got here.”

“Oh, uh, the name’s Avi.  And welcome to the Bureau?”  Not his strongest greeting, but he’d already grabbed his flask and started reaching out to offer it, and now he didn’t know what to do with his hands.  And he was still absorbing the fact that they now had a kid on their payroll.

“It’s very nice to meet you!  The Director said she would meet me here…”

“She should be on her way, then.  You can hang out here while you wait.”  Avi looked around - they didn’t even have any benches.  Why hadn’t they put any benches in here?  “I don’t guess you… want a drink.”

“Um,” Angus hesitantly looked between the flask that Avi was still partially holding out, and Avi’s uncertain expression.  “If it’s okay, sir, I’d rather not.  Some of the other detectives working on the last case I took on offered me some, and I don’t care for alcohol.”

Of course he didn’t.  He was ten.  “Right, right.  So, um.  How is it being a kid detective?”

“Pretty good!  I’m really good at it.  Um.  Should I be feeling strange right now?”

“Oh right!  Yeah, that’s a temporary thing.  Once you’re inoculated you’ll be fine.”

And just like that they were out of things to talk about.  Should he ask the kid about… sports?  School?  Did famous boy detectives even go to school?  Was he going to have a tutor or something now that he was living on the moon?

Avi heard the sound of heels hitting the tile behind him and breathed a quiet sigh of relief.  The Director must have been waiting for Angus to arrive to have gotten here so fast.  “Hello, ma’am, the new recruit has just arrived.”

“Excellent.”  She was smiling in a way that told Avi she absolutely meant that.  She was clearly delighted to see Angus.  The smile faltered just a little when she turned to tell Avi something else and spotted the flask he still hadn’t put away.  “Avi… please tell me you didn’t offer alcohol to a child?”

“Um.  No ma’am, of course not,” Avi said, quickly putting the flask away while the Director shook her head.  If he’d been paying closer attention, he would have noticed that, rather than the expected look of disapproval, she was struggling to hide a smile.

When the Director had escorted the new recruit from the hanger, Avi decided that he was the one who needed that drink.

anonymous asked:

Completely random, when you came out as trans did only some people know (like you told family but not your friends)? Because I have half my school calling me they/them pronouns and my name, and the other half calling me my dead name and she/her pronouns and I have no idea what the heck I'm doing with my life. Help.

I’m still not completely out. As I type this I’m with my grandparents who still use she/her and my birth name. I’m out at my church young adult group and to my closest friends and family members. And my friends and family are still having a difficult time with the new pronouns and name even though I came out in March.

Coming out isn’t a one time big event. It’s a process and in a way it never ends. I personally don’t like sudden huge change. If I did I would’ve come out six years sooner and not slowly changed my appearance and mannerisms over half a decade. It’s okay if not everyone knows. I’m most likely going to use my old pronouns for this semester with my professors just because it’s still a big change and I’d rather not have those conversations while dealing with coming out to more family, friends, and church members.

Come out on your own terms. It’s fine if you do it slowly. It’s fine if you want to be safe or even if you’re not quite ready. It’s okay that you’re not out to everyone. That’s completely normal, and good for you for having the courage to come out to people in the first place.

anonymous asked:

Diana Wryburn!

  • How I feel about this character I feel like she is the only rational adult in the whole series, I really appreciate her and what she does for the kids and what she did for Clary when she picked her sword and that she is one badass,strong af female and BOOOOY SHE BETTER LIVE OR IMMA THROW MORE THAN JUST A FIT

  • All the people I ship romantically with this character GWYN OMFG THIS IS LEGIT THE CUTEST/DORKIEST/UNEXPECTED SHIP

  • My non-romantic OTP for this character Her relationship with the Blackthorns and Emma, like she is the momma bear, do not bug her kids or you gonna get your hands chopped off

  • My unpopular opinion about this character I legit tought she was 35 not 28 wtf Cassie?

  • One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon. SHE BETTER LIVE AND BE GODDMAN HAPPY AND BOY PLEASE LET HER SLAP ZARA

    These are fun, send me more

anonymous asked:

Wait, I thought you were a fan of Rick and Morty? (I haven't looked at this blog in a long time.) I've only seen a few episodes, but it seems like a simple, harmless cartoon - albeit, with gross voice acting. Did I miss some event that changed its reputation? PS: I think I should mention that I know nothing about the writers or the fandom, so idk if I'm walking into a shitstorm here

not really, i used to like it but on reflection it’s really nothing special or outstanding especially when compared to adult swim’s best show xavier renegade angel. from what i’ve heard though it’s gone further downhill in recent times with much worse humour and even more fake deep writing

most people nowadays don’t like it though because of the idiot fanbase it cultivates (redditors)

How to spot & help someone dissociating.

To better understand how to respond to someone who has dissociated, it is helpful to know what dissociation looks like and how to assist someone in that state. The following responses are examples of dissociation[1]:

  • Staring vacantly into the distance,
  • Spacing out or being uninvolved with the present,
  • Being unable to focus, concentrate, and respond to instructions, and/or
  • Being unable to speak.

After being triggered into a dissociative state, an individual may seem confused or vague and ask questions such as:  “Where was I?” “What did I say?” or “What just happened?” Some survivors only discover as adults that they dissociate under stressful circumstances.

To support survivors who have been triggered and ensure that they do not leave when they are feeling disoriented or embarrassed, it is best to:

  • Orient survivors to the present by reminding them where they are and what was happening when they began to have trouble staying present.
  • Encourage slow breathing (inhale to the count of four and exhale to the count of six), and if possible, do this sitting up with their feet flat on the floor.
  • Remind survivors to keep their eyes open and to look around the room.
  • Encourage survivors to notice physical sensations (e.g., the feeling of their back on the chair and their feet touching the floor, or sensation of air on their face).

As survivors become more oriented and responsive:

  • Do not touch them.
  • Offer verbal reassurance in a calm voice.
  • Avoid asking complicated questions or giving complex instructions. Instead, ask simple questions to try to connect with the person (e.g., “Are you with me?” “Are you following me?” “Can you stay present with me?”)
  • Allow them the necessary time and space to regain their equilibrium (a quiet room may be helpful).
  • Normalize the experience. If the survivor has disclosed abuse prior to this incident, let him/her know that some settings may trigger flashbacks or emotional responses, but it is best not to ask for details of past abuse that may have contributed to being triggered. If prior abuse has not been disclosed, frame the normalizing comments in terms of anxiety that many people feel when in stressful situations.
  • Ask if someone else can help such a friend whom you can call.

The more we can de-mystify the manifestations of abuse and understand the mind and body’s response to trauma, the more we can assist survivors in their recovery.

I still don't know if he ever got his coffee.

I’m not 100% sure this even belongs here and I’ve posted this story elsewhere so some of you might have read it already.

Some background: I work in a rather specialized area of Forensics. Officially I’m employed by Police Scotland but they tend to let other law enforcement agencies, universities, etc borrow us from time to time. A lot of the time it’s for consulting work or guest lecturing but sometimes we’re sent to teach training courses.

About 18 months ago I was asked to lecture at a training course for some of the CID higher-ups in an English Police force. It was the first time I’d done anything like it and I was crapping myself.

I met with the conveners and other officials for dinner the night before my first day, and after dinner and drinks, I was dropped back at my hotel.

So to set the scene; it’s about 10pm, I’m all dressed up in my evening wear and I’m sitting at the bar in the hotel lounge. The place is dead, it’s just me and the barman so I’ve taken off my heels and am unraveling my hair having just ordered a hot chocolate. The barman asks if I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. Yes, of course I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. No I don’t mind waiting while you run to the kitchen.

So I’m sit there trying to trick my phone into connecting to the hotels WiFi when Angry Man walks in.

He stomped into the room and slammed his fist down on the bar about 3 ft from me and barked out one word:

“COFFEE”

I didn’t know it but apparently that attempt at communication was aimed at me; a fact I learned a moment later when Angry Man moved right up next to me, bent over me so his face was practically in mine and barked out again;

“COFFEE”.

In an attempt to get away from the screaming coffee man I slipped off the bar stool, putting it between the two of us. Extremely confused and more than a little terrified, it didn’t immediately occur to me that he thought I worked there, hell it wasn’t even registering that he wanted a coffee. He was just repeating it the same way a toddler does when they learn a new word but don’t entirely know what it means.

I’m going to blame the confusion, fear and tiredness for my completely moronic response, which was to parrot the word back at him.

Me: “Coffee?”

Angry Man: “COFFEE”

Then he slammed his fist down on the bar again. This time I noticed that he was actually throwing down money.

My brain suddenly came back online.

Me: “Oh. Eh, the barman should be back in a sec. H-”

Angry Man: “Get me a coffee. Now.”

Ooooh four new words. Progress.

Me: “I’m sorry, mate, I don’t work here.”

Angry man (shouting now) “You fucking lazy liar!! Do you think I’m fucking stupid?”

Yes, actually, but I’ll be keeping that to myself.

Angry Man: “Get off your fucking phone and get me a shitting coffee”

Me: “I really don’t-”

Cue rant about me being the only person in the lounge so of course I must work there and I was just being lazy and did I take him for an idiot. All while I’m slowly backing away from the bar so he can’t pin me between it and the bar stools. Then he throws in this:

Angry Man: “Do you have any idea who I am? Do you have any idea how important I am?”

I never got to find out how important this guy thought he was. Instead Angry Man’s Friend came wandering in.

He took one look at me; pretty much cornered by Angry Man who is now screaming about how he’ll make sure I never work again while I’m trying to calmly tell him to back off and he tries to intervene.

He took Angry Man by the shoulders and moved him back away from me while asking him what was going on.

Angry Man: “This stupid little whore is refusing to serve me”

Me: “I really don’t work here”

Angry Man’s Friend: “She doesn’t work here. Let’s just all try to calm down”

There was a few moments of Angry Man’s Friend trying to calm Angry Man while he ranted about getting me fired until two barman arrived, one of them with my hot chocolate. The presence of the three men distracted Angry Man enough for me to grab my shoes and escape with my chocolatey goodness.

As I left I could hear him demanding to speak to a manager.

The next day, after being introduced to a lecture theater full of high ranking CID Officers, I stood and walked to the podium only to be greeted by one guy in the audience laughing hysterically.

I just sort of froze trying to figure out the joke. Did I have food on my face? Was my shirt on inside out?

A quick check confirmed that, no. I’d managed to adult that morning.

A few other people began to chuckle as this guy struggled to get a hold of himself. As he regained control he pointed to his left.

Where a very red looking Angry Man was sitting.

I think it was the sheer relief that he wasn’t actually laughing at me that caused me to open my mouth and say to Angry Man;

“Oh did you get your coffee in the end?”

He walked out and I didn’t see him for the rest of the course.

100 Dialogue Prompts: Part 3

And we did it again, amigos! 

  1. “My sock is missing.”
  2. “I must say it can be rather therapeutic”
  3. “Shit, they spotted us. Quick, put your Obama mask on.”
  4. “You raided my village, killed my parents and slaughtered tens of innocent people. I was able to forgive you for all of that-tell myself it was in your nature. But then you did something heinous. Something beyond all possible hope of redemption. You killed my dog.”
  5. “What do you mean you accidentally assassinated the Pope!?”
  6. “I would love to give a fuck about you but sadly my last one went off to war and never returned”
  7. “If you think I’ll stop my quest for world domination for a bag of cookies, you are,,, right… Now, gimme that!”
  8. “What are you doing with that rubber duckie toy– OH DEAR GOD LORD HAVE MERCY”
  9. “I’m more afraid of myself than you.”
  10. “I already told you, there’s nothing we can do about the fights. We COULD if you stopped spoiling shows and books to everyone.”
  11. “You, my friend, are the most unnecessary when it comes to your excessively sassy attitude.”
  12. “I love you.” “…..What? OH APRIL FOOLS.”
  13. “What is this, a concert for ants???”
  14. “I made it! I’m in the list! This is being a great day since I remembered it’s a Thursday, not a Monday!”
  15. “It’s not that I don’t believe you. It’s just that, well, I’ve got a sink full of dishes and a cat to wash.”
  16. “When you said i had pretty eyes i thought you were complimenting me,not trying to buy them!”
  17. “The wolves eat tonight.”
  18. “Gee, thanks for nearly killing me because of ____!” “Listen up here, are you dead? You’d better be greateful you’re still alive tou little shit.”
  19. "When you said you could fly, this isn’t exactly what I had in mind.”
  20. “Sarah, I love you and all but hOW ON EARTH DO YOU KEEP SENDING OUR PETS TO SPACE?!”
  21. “Look, just because you kidnapped me doesn’t mean I’m going to marry you.”
  22. “How in God’s name did you even get up there?!”
  23. “I think I misplaced my right hand”
  24. “I did it! I got into university!” “That’s great! What course?” “Uh… Would it be a bad thing if I told you that… Dark magic and villainy?”
  25. “Well, it just so happens that I have been a homeless man for three years now. That must mean I’m the chosen one!”
  26. “Have your eyes always been that colour?”
  27. “I’m going to fight the sun!”
  28. “You can’t just run around punching people you don’t like, ____!”
  29. “I’m not into that kinda thing.”
  30. “Dude why did you eat all that cake on your own?”
  31. “I just wanted to know if we could use a plastic knife”
  32. “Uhhhh, guys? Don’t hate me, but I think I just released Satan”
  33. “Well, fine… Just wait a little bit before you do something stupid.” “…”
  34. “What do you mean there’s no bacon flavored ice cream!?”
  35. “What do you mean you’re my sister? I don’t have a sister!”
  36. “Why the hell do we need a duck to hunt Bigfoot?”
  37. “Oh, so you can do pink explosions too”
  38. “This isn’t my kitchen, is it?”
  39. “Ohhh, so THAT’S what you meant by ‘shooting starts’.”
  40. “ACHOO” “bless you” “Thank you, wait a minute I live alone”
  41. “Put my creepy cat in a different room? Don’t be silly! I don’t even have a cat!”
  42. “Katie, please stop shooting me with tranquilizer darts.”
  43. “Why did you think it was a good idea to only bring a potato to this heist?”
  44. “Okay, we make this promise now - nobody look at that fucking goat ever again.”
  45. “Sarah, why is the cat naked?”
  46. “Wait. You’re aroused?”
  47. “Why would that surprise you?”
  48. “It does on account of you being covered in blood. Wipe that smile off your face. You look like a cat in heat.”
  49. “okay so let me get this straight, you’re not actually my long lost twin…” “yes.” “…because you’re me from another dimension” “…yes.”
  50. “I’m sorry, but did that thing just talk?”
  51. “I thought we promised to never speak of that incident again!”
  52. "Sweetheart”“Yes dear”“Some of your morally challenged friends are trying to kidnap me again.”“And?”“And!?”“You’re a big girl, you can take care of yourself.”“Of course I can, but the gesture would have been nice!”
  53. “how many epilepsy pills can you take before you overdose?” “Just one or two.” “I’m gonna have to call you back.”
  54. “…I was GOING to ask why there’s a pink goo all over the kitchen floor but I think that can wait whilst I ask what the FUCK IS GOING ON?”
  55. “For the last time, can you stop calling that thing 'human’”
  56. “Okay, that is a seriously dodgy looking hat-are you certain you’re right about this?”
  57. “Really Darling, you can stop trying to scream, we’ve already espablished that no one cares and it’s giving you unflattering lines on your forehead.”
  58. “_______, why am I on the ceiling?”
  59. “What the heck happened while I was at the store?
  60. "What the actual fuck!” “I did warn-” “Yes I know you said you were crazy, but this…. This is…” “Just another Tuesday. Oh we’re late for tea!” “With who?!” “With the Queen of course, who else?”
  61. “Despreate times call for cows.”
  62. “Did you burn the last piece of toast again?”
  63. “You didn’t TELL me there’d be free food!”
  64. “Did Jesus really die for this bullshit?”
  65. “Do you want the apocalypse?!! Because that’s how you get the apocalypse!!!”
  66. “Goddamit, I’m dead again aren’t I? How the hell did I do it this time?”
  67. “Dude, no.”
  68. “I may be a horrible person, but at least I am an honest one.”
  69. “I told you, I dress to kill, now fetch me my fancy stilettos, mama’s gonna slay tonight!”
  70. “I left the room for 3 minutes and you really want to tell me you started a war with every single planet?” “Well, I told you 3 months ago to not leave me alone.” “And I told you I have to use the bathroom 3 months ago!”
  71. “Wow, only took 3 minutes to destroy the world.” “Let’s see if I can do it in 2!”
  72. “So… Wh-Why- How did you flush the duck down the toilet?”
  73. “dude. i liked that carpet. do you know how hard it is to wash bloodstains out of carpets.”
  74. “Don’t worry, it’s much worse than it looks.”
  75. “What are you doing ___?” “I’m camping.” “No you’re beside tree with a blank-” “CAMPING”
  76. “WHAT THE FUCK IS A DUCKPOTATO”
  77. “PUT THE PUPPY DOWN AND FIGHT ME LIKE A MAN!”
  78. “PLEASE DON’T HANG UP! YOU AND YOUR FAMILY ARE IN DANGER!”
  79. “What the hell kind of scream was that? And how did you make it?! ”
  80. “Hey, uhm… Hate to interrupt your conversation, but why the fuck is there a giraffe on the soup aisle”
  81. “You mean to tell me that somebody decided it was a good idea to cross plums and apricots, but nobody can figure out why my cat has RABBIT ears?”
  82. “Sorry but um… why is there a fox and a bear singing Ooh la la by Britney Spears on the balcony? And where is my chicken, Pudding?!”
  83. “Where did you get LIGHT-UP COMBAT BOOTS? THEY CHANGE COLOR?!”
  84. “So you’re telling me there was a genie trapped in that can of soup? And you accidentally ATE THE GENIE?!”
  85. “Listen…don’t take this the wrong way, but…I love the OTHER you better.”
  86. “Tell me why,  exactly, did you need the rubber chicken? ”
  87. “Look, I’m not a liar, alright?  And I ain’t overdramatic or hyperbolic or whatever else you wanna call me.  So when I say I would sell my soul for a pancake right now, I mean I will literally sell my soul for a pancake right now.  And maybe a million dollars.”
  88. “Wait a second, you’re telling me that….. YOU’VE BEEN DATING SATAN BEHIND MY BACK FOR FOUR WHOLE YEARS?!!!”
  89. “Well dad did say he would be gone for five days…what the hell? Let’s go to the corner store!”
  90. “Why did you buy 74 melons?!”
  91. “Where’s the toaster?” “It’s in the kitchen… Why do you have a fork?” “K, thanks.”
  92. “Death, out of all the things in this world, why are so afraid of ____?”
  93. “This floor is like my life; Cold and Hard.”
  94. “So you’re telling me that I am the only thing that is preventing a Third World War, right?” “Yeah, pretty much.”
  95. “I don’t know your name and you don’t know mine but I promise it will turn out okay.”
  96. “Little did you know, they were slowly turning into werewolves.”
  97. “Umm… I may have possibly accidentally blown up another planet”
  98. “I told you not to do that… now look, you’ve lost your hand!”
  99. “Every time you speak I literally die a little”
  100. “One baby soul please, Adult souls give me gas!”

“I need you, yes you (you should feel targeted), to come up with a new dialogue prompt for part 4 and leave it in the comments below. It’s fun and the first 100 replies will make the next list. As always, one prompt per amigo and don’t forget the doubles quotes “”. Pantoffel” (Click here for part 1 and here for part 2)

Fandom as a whole is not “minor-friendly”

Nor should it be.

If you want to live in a “Children of the Corn”-style bubble of innocence and purity, well, to me, that’s a startling approach to adolescence, but every generation’s got to find its own way to reject the one before, so: do as you will.  But you can’t bring the bubble to the party, kids.  Fandom, established media-style fandom, was by and for adults before some of your parents were born now.  You don’t get to show up and demand that everyone suddenly change their ways because you’re a minor and you want to enjoy the benefits of adult creative activity without the bits that make you uncomfortable.  If you think you’re old enough to be roaming the Internet unsupervised, then you also think you’re old enough to be working out your limits by experience, like everybody else, like I did when I was underage and lying about it online.  If you’re not old enough to be roaming the Internet unsupervised and you’re doing it anyway, then that’s on your parents, not on fandom.

If you were only reading fic rated G on AO3, if you had the various safe modes on other media enabled, you would be encountering very little disturbing material, anyway (at least in the crude way people tend to define “disturbing” these days; some of the most frankly horrifying art I have ever engaged with would have been rated PG at most under present systems, but none of that kind of work ever seems to draw your protests).  In the end, what you really want is to be able to seek out the edges of your little world, but be able to blame other people when you don’t like what you find.  Sorry.  Adolescence is when you get to stop expecting others to pad your world for you and start experiencing the actual consequences of the risks you take, including feeling appalled and revolted at what other people think and feel.

Now, ironically, fandom’s actually a fairly good place for such risk-taking, as, for the most part, you control whether you engage and you can choose the level of your engagement.   You can leave a site, blacklist something, stop reading an author, walk away from your computer.  Are there actual people (as opposed to works of art, which cannot engage with you unless you engage with them) who will take advantage of you in fandom?  Of course there are.  Unfortunately, such people are everywhere.  They will be there however “innocent” and “wholesome” the environment appears to be, superficially.  That’s evil for you.  There are abusers in elementary school.  There are abusers in scout troops.  There are abusers in houses of worship.  Shutting down adult creative activity because you happen to be in the vicinity isn’t going to change any of that.  It may help you avoid some of those icky feelings that you get when you think about sex (and you live in a rape culture, those feelings are actually understandable, even if your coping techniques are terrible), but no one, except maybe your parents, has a moral imperative to help you avoid those.  

In the end, you’re not my kid and you’re not my intended audience.  I’m under no obligation to imagine only healthy, wholesome relationships between people for your benefit.  Until you’re old enough to understand that the world is not exclusively made up of people whose responsibility it is to protect you from your own decisions, yes, you’re too young for established media fandom.  Fandom shouldn’t be “friendly” to you.  

Lyrics written by Namjoon

Because he didn’t only write “I’mma beat that p*ssy like you never ever felt before”

-“Having tight schedules Even tough i’m tired,I smile
Cause in a family called bangtan i’m a not an only child”
-Unpack Your Bags

-”I can be assigned to many places,
But why can’t I find the real me anywhere?”-
So 4 More

-”I don’t know whether I’ve lost the way
or whether from the beginning I was lost
even when I’m with someone, one corner of my heart is lonely”
-Adrift

-”This sea is too deep
Still, I’m lucky
Because even if I cry, no one would know”
-Whalien 52

-“Never be late to do what you wanna do right now
Because at one point of someday,
Everything you did
Would be exactly what you will be” -
O,RUL8,2?

-”Thank you for letting me be me
For helping me fly
For giving me wings
For straightening me out
For waking me from being suffocated
For waking me from a dream which was all I was living in" -SAVE ME

-”I just wanted to succeed
the words I tediously heard from others were only that
I thought I could catch the mirage known as happiness
but the me in front of my desk wasn’t happy even for a moment
Without my mom knowing, I put a sheet of white paper between the pages of my workbook
My identity that I wrote down matched to the drum and bass”
-Voice

-“The grown-ups confess
That we have it so easy
They say that we are happier than our portion
Then how do you explain my unhappiness?
There’s no conversation topics beside studying
Outside, there are so many kids like me,
Living the life of a puppet
Who will take responsibility?”
-N.O

-”Life isn’t about living along but living through
As you live through, you’ll disappear some day
If you keep spacing out, you’ll be swept away,
if you ain’t no got the guts, trust”
-Tomorrow 

-”I empty my drink but it gets filled with loneliness […]
All I did was color you in my white, blank paper
But then I realized, it already became a finished picture”
-Hold me tight

-”Hey you, who’s looking over the Han River
If we bump into each other while passing, would it be fate?
Or maybe we bumped into each other in our past life
Maybe we bumped into each other countless times”
-Reflection

-”My mother said the sea is blue
She said to let out your voice as far as you can
But what to do, it’s so dark and there are only different whales
speaking entirely different words”
-Whalien 52

-”The media and adults say we don’t have willpower
condemning us like stocks
Why are they killing us before we can even try
Why are you hanging your head and accepting it already?” -Dope

-”Life is more beautiful knowing that we’ve taken a loan on death
Even light is treasured more when there’s darkness
The sunshine appears after we’ve passed through the storm”
-Life

-”Let’s be happy, let’s be happy
Even if we live with these heavy words in our mouths every day
To be honest, I still don’t know
Why am I often lonely”
-Adrift

-“I’m living to understand the world, 
But why hasn’t this world tried to understand me”
-Always

-”Back then I thought this was a big place
But my ambition grew too big
That big house became too small now”
-Move

-“In the darkness,
People look happier than the day
Everyone else knows where they’re supposed to be
But only I walk without purpose”
-Reflection

-”Outside was a whole battlefield so I bring out the chopper
Every night inside me I quietly fight with myself
My heart pounds, my colleagues stab me in the back
While saying that I became a moron after joining a company”
-Awakening

-”It’s just one life
Who are you living for?
My heart stopped when I was nine or ten
Put your hand on your heart
and ask what you dream was
What is really was”
-O,RUL8,2?  

*This was Sarah for you daily Namnam appreciation

(cred to Lynn and papercrowns!)

4

Cont. here!
really sketched and unpolished comic I did while sick this morning about older Yuri and Otabek finding and adopting a stray kitten :3

 Please note that I only ship them as adults, in my mind they’d rather develop a healthy friendship over the years before getting into a romantic relationship, as I stated in my previous sketches

shoutout to the adhd people who did well in school for years but suddenly crashed and burned when the responsibilities outweighed their coping skills

shoutout to the adhd people who couldn’t finish college

shoutout to the adhd people who do great work but lose their jobs because of poor time managment

shoutout to the adhd people who don’t lose their jobs but can never advance because of their inconsistent performance

shoutout to the adhd people who want more work responsibilities but are afraid of what will happen when they inevitably make a careless mistake or their inattention leads something important to be forgotten

shoutout to the adhd people who have damaged their credit rating by forgetting to pay bills or return library books

shoutout to the adhd people who work their ass off every day but never know if the results will be stellar, average, or terrible

shoutout to the adhd people who have done just well enough to go most of their lives knowing something was wrong, but figuring they just needed to work harder to fix it.

About the new censorship filter

First and foremost: IT HAS BECOME VERY CLEAR TO ME THAT LGBT CONTENT IS NOT INTENTIONALLY BEING FILTERED OUT

I checked several LGBT related tags and the tags were still full of content with the filter on. I checked several porn tags, and they were totally empty. It’s legitimately meant to only filter adult content, anything else being marked as sensitive content is a bug and not done by design.

EDIT: STAFF HAS MADE AN OFFICIAL STATEMENT LEAVE ME ALONE IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH HOMOPHOBIA OR WHATEVER ELSE YALL HAVE YOUR G STRINGS IN A KNOT OVER. IT NEVER DID. WHINE ABOUT STAFF BEING INCOMPETENT SOMEWHERE ELSE I LITERALLY DO NOT CARE. Edit 2: Staff’s official statement since y'all can’t be bothered to find it yourselves- “Hi Tumblr— We’ve heard from a bunch of you that Safe Mode was filtering posts from the LGBTQ+ community even though they were completely innocuous and totally safe-for-work. Please know that was never our intention, and we appreciate you letting us know so quickly—and forcefully! We’re deeply sorry. Tumblr will always be a place where everyone is welcome and protected, so we want to explain what happened. The major issue was some Tumblrs had marked themselves as Adult/NSFW (now Explicit) as a courtesy to their fellow users, and their perfectly safe posts were getting marked sensitive unintentionally. That should never have happened. We’re sorry. We’re making some changes that should improve things: Changes to self-marked blogs What was happening: Because we consider Explicit blogs to be predominantly sensitive content, we were automatically marking all their posts as sensitive. That was too broad. What we fixed: Now each post is classified individually. As they should be. Changes to reblog chains What was happening: If an Explicit Tumblr reblogged a safe post, we were marking that reblog as sensitive. This was even happening to text posts. Which is silly. What we fixed: We changed the logic so that if the OP is safe, all its reblogs will also be safe. Changes to photosets What’s (still) happening: When you make a photo post, a computer algorithm classifies the image as safe or sensitive. It’s a machine so it’s not perfect. And the chances go up with photosets because there are multiple images. But out of an abundance of caution we keep posts marked sensitive until the OP requests a human review (by tapping the appeal button on their posts). What we’re working on: We plan to have photosets analyzed as a whole group, rather than as individual images. That should reduce the number of mistakes the machine makes. Safe Mode is supposed to make sure people aren’t surprised by things may not want to see—specifically, nudity. It might take some time to get it perfect, but we’re committed to getting there with your help. Our algorithms will keep getting smarter as you give feedback on misclassified posts, and as you share your concerns and suggestions. ❤️”

✰ * º ❛ even more popular text posts ask meme. ❜

‘  my kink is getting some fuckin sleep.  ’
‘  omg here goes your lil crybaby ass.  ’
‘  the beatles wouldn’t even fucking exist if big time rush hadn’t paved the path for them so shut the fuck up.  ’
‘  don’t start buddy. don’t you dare.  ’
‘  gay rights? true, as a gay, i am always right.  ’
‘  not to vent, but: fuck.  ’
‘  the worst pain is to make small talk with someone you once told everything to.  ’
‘  i think i accidentally break my own heart a lot.  ’
‘  sometimes ‘brb’ stands for ‘be ready bitch’ so you have to be careful.  ’
‘  i want to kiss you in a way that makes you not want to kiss anyone else ever again.  ’
‘  shout out to the people who are still friends with me even though i’m a fucking idiot.  ’
‘  it’s safe to assume that at any given moment i want to go back to bed.  ’
‘  i’m a big fan of anything that will help me chill the fuck out.  ’
‘  i don’t go through people’s pictures on their phone cause i wasn’t raised in the jungle.  ’
‘  i think we, as a people, just need to have a glass of water.  ’
‘  i don’t have enough black clothes.  ’
‘  sweetie, i could sleep for ten years and i’d still be tired.  ’
‘  i would sleep so much better with your arms wrapped around me.  ’
‘  me??? tired??? sleepy??? yes, constantly.  ’
‘  i’m pb&j – petty, bitter, and jealous.  ’
‘  the fact that sloths aren’t extinct somehow proves that if you go at your own pace and mind your own fucking business you too can succeed.  ’
‘  i wish i could be the person i want to be, but i’m too tired.  ’
‘  i always look sleep deprived. is that hot?  ’
‘  just because there’s always room for improvement doesn’t mean you’ll never be good enough.  ’
‘  my heart is a soft and sensitive mess.  ’
‘  all i want is a big garden and no responsibilities.  ’
‘  honestly someone not liking beyonce is a deal breaker and not for any political reasons, but just like you’re probably, definitely really boring.  ’
‘  hey guys, i’m a huge fan of genuine love and affection.  ’
‘  now i’m falling asleep and she’s calling a crab and he’s having a smoke and she’s kissing the crab.  ’
‘  i’ve been ever since i heard ‘lonely’ by akon at 9 years-old.  ’
‘  my new years resolution is to stop.  ’
‘  i’m irritated cause i’m not lovable in a romantic soulmate way.  ’
‘  i hate knowing that people that ruined parts of me still live and function like nothing ever happened.  ’
‘  i know i’m cute, but you can remind me.  ’
‘  hey, just wondering, but are you fucking kidding me????  ’
‘  i can’t wait to be in love with someone who is also deepfuck in love with me and we love each other forever n’ ever.  ’
‘  me? clingy? yes. please don’t leave me.  ’
‘  girlfriend application compatibility question: do you keep your depression pile on the bed or on the floor?  ’
‘  anything heart shaped is automatically 200% better. this is a fact.  ’
‘  today’s agenda: screaming into the abyss.  ’
‘  going from ‘today is a good day’ to ‘i hate my life’ takes me approximately 2.6 seconds.  ’
‘  everyone needs to wash their face and go to bed.  ’
‘  i’m worth so much more than the ways i’ve been treated.  ’
‘  hey, can i claim you guys as dependents on my taxes?  ’
‘  i really just ignore phone calls. like leave a message. i don’t check those either but like  ’
‘  i honestly just want to pack my bags and go travel the world and see and explore everything possible.  ’
‘  remember being little and thinking dandelions were fun or a pretty color or something and every adult in an 80 mile radius wouldn’t let you say that without screaming IT’S A WEED.  ’
‘  why did we just accept catdog?  ’
‘  my ‘stay in bed all day’ game’s too strong.  ’
‘  you deserve to be loved without having to hide the parts of yourself that you think are unlovable.  ’
‘  i always forget that i literally don’t owe anyone anything!  ’
‘  i wonder what it feels like to know what the fuck is going on.  ’
‘  honestly… us girls? us women? we always out here, knowin.  ’
‘  would an alien think i’m pretty?  ’
‘  i love boys, but only as a concept.  ’
‘  why do parents get mad when you sleep in all day? like i’m staying out of trouble and i’m not spending your money like what’s the issue here????  ’
‘  i identify as an inconvenience to the world.  ’
‘  i seriously regret telling anyone, anything, ever lmao  ’
‘  dating me is like dating a five year-old. i need all of your attention and i’m cranky if i haven’t had a nap.  ’
‘  i’m literally tired of myself.  ’
‘  don’t introduce me to ur parents unless you plan on marrying me because they’re going to love me and ask about me for the rest of your life lol  ’
‘  what the hell is a straight person? only straight thing i know about is the edge of my beloved sword.  ’
‘  i highly recommend never having feelings.  ’
‘  self care is going into a cornfield at night to get abducted by aliens.  ’
‘  staying up late with another human is such a weird thing like you get this special bond and a what-is-this feeling  ’
‘  do u ever feel like ur not even friends with ur friends?  ’
‘  um no offense but whom’st’ve going to loveth me?  ’
‘  date a girl who fucks everything up.  ’
‘  not all who mcfreakin wander are mcfreakin lost.  ’
‘  i may legally be an adult but don’t be fooled. i have no idea what i’m doing.  ’
‘  a fun and interesting fact about me is that i’m a fucking idiot.  ’
‘  you can start again anytime!  ’
‘  all you can do is learn your lesson. there’s no point in wishing you had did differently. the past is the past.  ’
‘  i can’t believe an angel like me has to suffer so much.  ’
‘  you’re all so obsessed with love and being loved. what about just going to sleep?  ’
‘  i’m smart, but i do dumb shit anyway.  ’
‘  tbh i never deal with my emotions. i just let them ravage my body and then go to bed and then i wake up and do it all over again.  ’
‘  first of all: i don’t know shit, so jot that down.  ’
‘  i’ll just ¯\ _(ツ)_/¯ my way through life.  ’
‘  i’m tired of things costing money.  ’
‘  don’t you hate it when you’re dead inside and run out of apps to refresh?  ’
‘  who cares? do better, move on.  ’
‘  i don’t need a significant other. just a significant income.  ’
‘  appreciation for everyone who’s ever talked to me bc i’m annoying and dumb.  ’
‘  thnks fr th mntl llnss.  ’
‘  what  hasn’t killed me has just made me overly sensitive and defensive.  ’
‘  i don’t know shit ya’ll!!!!! i’m just out here.  ’
‘  binge-watching is great until you run out of the show and have to start watching it weekly like some sort of medieval peasant.  ’
‘  i’m in the wrong realm and i think everyone can tell.  ’
‘  this might come as a shock but I’m Not Feelin too good my dudes.  ’
‘  i’m alive, but only ironically.  ’
‘  there she goes again being over dramatic and by she, i mean me.  ’
‘  do you ever feel like have tried Too Hard to a friend and now you have become That Obnoxious Weirdo?  ’
‘  lgbt: lasagna! garfield’s beloved treat.  ’
‘  my favorite phrase in the english language is ‘i shit you not.’  ’
‘  i’m a real boring bitch! a snoozer!  ’
‘  i honestly look so good lounging in an oversized t-shirt and no pants. when will someone experience the blessing of domestic living w/ me?  ’
‘  you don’t understand how hard it is to take a selfie when you’re ugly.  ’
‘  you son of a mumford!  ’
‘  hi, i’m here to ruin everything.  ’
‘  you can tell a lot about a person by looking at their hands. for example, if it’s a skeleton hand then they’re dead.  ’
‘  the year is 2020 and i am found guilty of treason against the united states for vague blogging that i hate someone and donald trump thought it was about him.  ’
‘  everybody calm down, we’re going to be fine! :))) we’ve weathered worse than this! :) :) :) :) really all this panic just seems like a huge overreaction imho   ’
‘  no beta readers. we publish our crap writing like men.  ’
‘  i need $$$$$ not feelings.  ’
‘  ‘idk imma see’ = i ain’t coming, never was coming, never considered it, never gave it a single thought, only remembered cause you asked again.  ’
‘  oops, i don’t care lol  ’
‘  why girls always crop the halo out of their selfies? stop being so modest. we know the truth.  ’
‘  maurice, you’re not gonna fucking believe this,  ’
‘  i always get told i look like a bitch bc i’m always glaring while i walk, but i’m not glaring, i’m squinting. i have sensitive eyes. they’re watering.  ’
‘  concept: it’s 3 am. candle lit room. a record is spinning. you’re kissing me. we have no worries in the world. we’re warm and content.  ’
‘  i need to go into the forest and scream for an hour and a half.  ’
‘  pls kill all men who yell at girls from cars.  ’
‘  life really isn’t what i expected it to be. less quicksand. almost no quicksand to be honest. lots of metaphorical quicksand tho.  ’
‘  i have a question for u: like are u done… like is it over?  ’
‘  we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive.  ’
‘  we all have that one person who ruins your day by being alive. for me, it’s myself.  ’
‘  whenever i see police i always try not to act suspicious and fail internally even though i never did anything wrong.  ’
‘  new years resolution: less bitter, more glitter.  ’

BTS as quotes from my sister
  • Jin: Bitch, I look good!
  • Yoongi: I honesty slept all day why am I like this
  • Hobi: I don't care if people are watching I'm gonna dance
  • Namjoon: The only thing I did was touch it! And it broke!
  • Jimin: My ass looks pretty damn good in these
  • Tae: I'm gonna buy a farm and take all the animals there and love them all
  • Kook: I did adult things today that involved talking to people
Sade Smols

I always scoffed at the local legend about the tiny people who lived in our town. That’s what the adults talked about when we were growing up - the little helpers who lived in the cracks and crevices of homes who scared away bugs and cleaned up crumbs. I never saw one. No one I knew did. But still, people talked about them as if they were there, like modern fairies.

This morning, I woke up to one sitting on my pillow, deftly cleaning a puddle of drool off my pillowcase.

He seemed as startled as I was.

“It’s okay,” he assured me.

I was surprised how loud and clear his voice was, as he was only four inches tall.

“I’m Sade Smols,” he said. “I’ve been cleaning here for the last six months.”

Keep reading

Humans are Space Orcs

I jumped onto the train for awhile now but now I have to contribute to it in some way.

Teens.

I ain’t talking about the stereotypical teens that adults always talk about, I’m talking about the dorks that still laugh at the iCUP joke.
But like…aliens don’t know how teens are because all they have heard from adults is how stupid and immature teens could be.
“Their rebellious and they won’t appreciate a single thing you do for them.” Human Rachel growled. “I wouldn’t want them as part of the crew.”
“But were you not a ‘teen’ once yourself?” Srytx gurgle, slightly confused.
“Exactly.” She huffed. “So I know how they work. Take it from me, teens aren’t what you want Srtyx.”
From the little warnings the adult humans have given the aliens makes them all worry as inevitably they are forced to harbor the human teens as well.
There were many things Gypr was afraid of, but this had his pelt flash blue in worry. If the humans were warning them about their own kin was not something that stirred well in his glands.
He shook his head and walked into the room that harbored the teens and two adults.
Some were as small as 4 ft while others simply towered over most adults. They all seemed dissinterested, some of the females talking in a corner while the males were being annoyingly loud. There were groups of mixed genders and others with only a single gender.
Gypr let our a shrill whistle between his fangs causing the humans present to turn to him. The two adults looked severely unconfortable which was understandable, his species did not give off peaceful vibes they were predatory by nature.
“Welcome humans,” Gypr announced. “Human adults will you please go in through that door they have a conference there for the human adults alone. Many of our other humans have said it is best to seperate the youth from them.”
The two adults nodded and turned to give biting glares at the teens. Some payed close attention while the other sniffed and turned away.
“Don’t cause trouble.” The human male growled before they both walked off into the room.
Gypr was slightly confused, they were not very friendly with each other.
As soon as the door closed, Gypr was able to see something…odd.
The loud teens from before continued to make and Crack jokes which eased some of the teens within the group. They positioned themselves to be more of a circle rather than the scattered mess they were in before.
The girls glanced around almost disinterested, but Gypr could see that they were looking for something.
Two teens stepped forward, one a male and the other a female.
The male bowed while the female gave a nod of her head.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you.” The male smiled when he rose.
“Sup dude.” The female echoed. “I’m Angel and this is my friend Stan, we were informed that you’d be helping us out till we moved onto another ship?”
“Yes of Course I am Gypr,” the alien hummed. “I was told by several humans that you do not obey simple rules, I must inform you that anyone that breaks the rules will be punished by the other humans as the captain sees fit.”
“Oh the adults told you that hu?” Human Angel snorted. “Of course they would, stupid ass adults don’t know what the hell their talking about.”
“What my friend means,” Stan interjected. “Is that we understand the implications given, and I assure you no one in our crew will step out of line.”
Gypr, slightly confused, nodded. He started to walk, knowing that the humans would follow.
“Hey Gypr,” Human angel raced to stand next to him. “I have a few questions, and I was hoping you’d be able to answer them.”
“Of course anything you need Human angel.”
Angel stood in front of him stopping them from moving any further.
“You are going to show us our rooms right?”
“That was the plan Human angel.”
“Are we going to be situated with any of the adults?”
“Yes unfortunately we do not have rooms for every single person, so we Andre forced to compromise. Their are ten people to a room Human angel.”
“Are we allowed to choose who we go with and who goes with the adults?”
“The captain nor the humans malentioned any rooming arrangements so I assume it is fine, unless situated otherwise. There are 30 of you we have two open rooms for 10 each but the others will be scattered with human adults.”
Gypr was expecting anger and fighting amongst the group. But Human angel and human Stan only nodded.
“Okay that’s good,” Human Stan grinned. “Are we forced to do any activities with adults?”
“No, adults mentioned that they would not get any work done with younglings like yourself in the immediate vicinity, so you will not interact with any adults unless you so desire.”
Gypr was surprised when about eight of the teens sobbed in relief, earning pats and hugs from their other humans. Gypr surprise and confusion must have shown as Human Stan came to explain.
“Some of us have had bad run in with adults, they treat us like kids and in turn brush us aside, however their are a few of us who have been wronged by adults and we wish to keep them as far apart as possible.” Human Stan explained. “Adults categorize us a certain way because they believe that they know what is best despite us being perfectly capable of making our own decisions. Not all of us are like that, but in my group we try our bests. Please exuse me and angel as we wish to comfort our friends.”
Human Stan bowed again before racing off to hold one of his shaking male friends.
“Human Angel, I was unaware that Human Adults did not treat all you’d fairly.” Gypr was slightly horrified.
Angel shrugged.
“Trust us, some of us were the same way. It took forever to realize what’s wrong with our crew, and we can’t really do much about it either. There are a lot of humans that do not understand the precious life that we hold and will often abuse it as they wish. It is not only human adults who do this, but Human elderly, teens and children as well.” Human Angel sighed miserably, a sound that Gypr was told teens do not make. “Everything is so jacked up Gypr, but we learn to deal with what we have. I promise you we will try our best to not cause any trouble but please note that if push comes to shove we will probably be yelling at the other human adults aboard. It is not out of rebellion but we are all tired of the way we are treated arena as such arguments happen.”
Gypr stood staring at her with his three eyes, he would need to update the manual on human teens.
He stood staring as the human teens eventually calmed each other down and we’re ready to start moving once again.
“You have not mentioned to called you only by name Human Angel and Human Stan, most other Humans are irritated by being called Human before their name.” Gypr rumbled as they stopped for lunch.
“Not all of us are like that.” Human Stan supplied. “But if it makes you feel more comfortable calling us that way, by all means go ahead. Just remember some human won’t always appreciate the way you speak.”
Gypr looked down as his meal, his pelt flashing green as he calmed himself.
Human teens were most mesmerizing.

Bts reaction to someone walking in on you two

Request: Hey I’m not sure if requests are open, but pretty please can I request bts reacting to getting walked in on by friends/parents while having sex? Like would they continue or lie or what? Thanks! ❤

A/N: Here I go. Keeping my promise. One reaction a day. I always keep my promises.- Li <3


Jin

As Jin was making gentle love to you and kissing you so sensually, you forgot where you are, Namjoon ran in the room as if his life depended on it. It all became still, you, Jin, Namjoon. Fast, Jin hid you under the blanket, keeping you under him. “Kim Namjoon I swear to fucking God I’ll starve you to death if first you don’t get out of here and second say anything ever about this.” Namjoon stuttering over his words could be heard and then the door closed. “Well, that was an experience,baby.”

Originally posted by bwiseoks

Yoongi

Yoongi was in the middle of thrusting so deeply in you, the satin scarf around your mouth wasn’t enough to hold in your screams. And then the door cracked and a little pig tailed girl studied the interesting position you two were in. “Sis, why are you two naked? Why are you biting a scarf?” Dom Yoongi went from 100 to 0 real quick. “Miya, baby, it’s…hard for me to explain it. Your good friend Yoongi can explain it.” you said, embarrassed af. Yoongi gave you the death look and turned to the girl. “It’s an adult way of showing love Miya. In two minutes I’ll be in your room and we can play with the dolls. I only have to finish playing with your sister first.” Dom Yoongi is back.

Originally posted by seokjins-wings

Namjoon

Jimin only wanted to take one of Namjoon Ryan’s to take a selca with it, not opening the door to you naked at the end of the room and Namjoon only in sweatpants, holding two paires of handcuffs. Jimin shakily tried to explain himself “I… only wanted to have a-“ Namjoon freezing cold eyes met Jimin’s making the boy feel extremely uncomfortable. “Leave Jimin. Now.” And Jimin did leave. Without saying anything else, while you looked scared at Namjoon. “Where was I?” said he while opening the first pair of handcuffs.  

Originally posted by https-km

Hoseok

Hobi is a puppy we all know that. So you were too. You were his baby, puppy and fuck princess. So when you two were fucking the last thing you wanted were intruders, but when your mother knocked on your door, both of you were so scared that she’ll come in that he pulled out of you, threw you your clothes while he was dressing himself, kissed you an apology and sat down next to you acting as if he was helping you with a math problem, so when your mother really came in, both of you smiled like the little puppies you were.

Originally posted by yourpinkpill

Jimin

Love making. That Jimin was the best at. Setting the mood, showing you unconditional love, showering you with compliments. So when Yoongi carelessly opened the door, Jimin suddenly got so sad. He quietly asked Yoongi to leave and the older boy suddenly felt so guilty. He knew how much Jimin prepared for this moment and Yoongi ruined it. So after that, Yoongi constantly apologized to Jimin and helped him create everything from the beginning so you’ll forget about the first embarrassing time and get a wonderful second. And both you and Jimin couldn’t be angry at such a nice gesture from the soft-harted rapper.

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin

Taehyung

Taehyung  is always playful the first 20 minutes before diving between your legs to have a taste of the sweetest dessert. Unlike others, Tae hates to be disrespected or disturbed while he was eating you out, by you or whoever. So when Jungkook kick opened the door while Tae was ravishing you, your lover got so irritated. While you try to hide yourself, Taehyung put his hand on your pelvis making it impossible for you to move, turned to Jungkook, with his saliva and your juices on his mouth and the look of a very angry animal in his eyes. “Leave. Leave Jungkook. Go sleep somewhere else.”

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin

Jungkook

Jungkook was in the middle of delivering one more delicious spank on your butt when Taehyung opened the door worried you were hurt. And the scene in front of him, oh god. You and your delicious naked body bent over Jungkook’s thighs, while he was delivering a spank. And honestly, Jungkook could careless about Taehyung. Tae was his bestfriend and one of Kook’s fantasies was a threesome. So he delivered the smack, making your embarrassed self moan. “I…didn’t mean to-“ stuttered Tae “Join in hyung. I’m just getting started with her.” Taehyung smirked and silently closed the door

Originally posted by theking-or-thekid


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I still don't know if he ever got his coffee

I’m not 100% sure this even belongs here and I’ve posted this story elsewhere so some of you might have read it already.

Some background: I work in a rather specialised area of Forensics. Officially I’m employed by Police Scotland but they tend to let other law enforcement agencies, universities, etc borrow us from time to time. A lot of the time it’s for consulting work or guest lecturing but sometimes we’re sent to teach training courses.

About 18 months ago I was asked to lecture at a training course for some of the CID higher-ups in an English Police force. It was the first time I’d done anything like it and I was crapping myself.

I met with the conveners and other officials for dinner the night before my first day, and after dinner and drinks, I was dropped back at my hotel.

So to set the scene; it’s about 10pm, I’m all dressed up in my evening wear and I’m sitting at the bar in the hotel lounge. The place is dead, it’s just me and the barman so I’ve taken off my heels and am unraveling my hair having just ordered a hot chocolate. The barman asks if I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. Yes, of course I want mini marshmallows on my hot chocolate. No I don’t mind waiting while you run to the kitchen.

So I’m sit there trying to trick my phone into connecting to the hotels WiFi when Angry Man walks in.

He stomped into the room and slammed his fist down on the bar about 3 ft from me and barked out one word:

“COFFEE”

I didn’t know it but apparently that attempt at communication was aimed at me; a fact I learned a moment later when Angry Man moved right up next to me, bent over me so his face was practically in mine and barked out again;

“COFFEE”.

In an attempt to get away from the screaming coffee man I slipped off the bar stool, putting it between the two of us. Extremely confused and more than a little terrified, it didn’t immediately occur to me that he thought I worked there, hell it wasn’t even registering that he wanted a coffee. He was just repeating it the same way a toddler does when they learn a new word but don’t entirely know what it means.

I’m going to blame the confusion, fear and tiredness for my completely moronic response, which was to parrot the word back at him.

Me: “Coffee?”

Angry Man: “COFFEE”

Then he slammed his fist down on the bar again. This time I noticed that he was actually throwing down money.

My brain suddenly came back online.

Me: “Oh. Eh, the barman should be back in a sec. H-”

Angry Man: “Get me a coffee. Now.”

Ooooh four new words. Progress.

Me: “I’m sorry, mate, I don’t work here.”

Angry man (shouting now) “You fucking lazy liar!! Do you think I’m fucking stupid?”

Yes, actually, but I’ll be keeping that to myself.

Angry Man: “Get off your fucking phone and get me a shitting coffee”

Me: “I really don’t-”

Cue rant about me being the only person in the lounge so of course I must work there and I was just being lazy and did I take him for an idiot. All while I’m slowly backing away from the bar so he can’t pin me between it and the bar stools. Then he throws in this:

Angry Man: “Do you have any idea who I am? Do you have any idea how important I am?”

I never got to find out how important this guy thought he was. Instead Angry Man’s Friend came wandering in.

He took one look at me; pretty much cornered by Angry Man who is now screaming about how he’ll make sure I never work again while I’m trying to calmly tell him to back off and he tries to intervene.

He took Angry Man by the shoulders and moved him back away from me while asking him what was going on.

Angry Man: “This stupid little whore is refusing to serve me”

Me: “I really don’t work here”

Angry Man’s Friend: “She doesn’t work here. Let’s just all try to calm down”

There was a few moments of Angry Man’s Friend trying to calm Angry Man while he ranted about getting me fired until two barman arrived, one of them with my hot chocolate. The presence of the three men distracted Angry Man enough for me to grab my shoes and escape with my chocolatey goodness.

As I left I could hear him demanding to speak to a manager.

The next day, after being introduced to a lecture theatre full of high ranking CID Officers, I stood and walked to the podium only to be greeted by one guy in the audience laughing hysterically.

I just sort of froze trying to figure out the joke. Did I have food on my face? Was my shirt on inside out?

A quick check confirmed that, no. I’d managed to adult that morning.

A few other people began to chuckle as this guy struggled to get a hold of himself. As he regained control he pointed to his left.

Where a very red looking Angry Man was sitting.

I think it was the sheer relief that he wasn’t actually laughing at me that caused me to open my mouth and say to Angry Man;

“Oh did you get your coffee in the end?”

He walked out and I didn’t see him for the rest of the course.