i was so overwhelmed i almost cried

A SUMMARY OF WHAT HAPPENED AT DE IN KL

PS : THIS WAS MY FIRST EVER CONCERT SO EXPECT MAJOR PCD

Okay so here it goes


1. OKAY SO LIKE FIRST OF ALL THE CROWD WAS WILD AF I WAS LUCKY ENOUGH TO GET ROCK ZONE L AND YA GURL FUCKING SPRINTED TO GET THE FIRST ROW OKAY AND LIKE WHILE WAITING FOR SEVENTEEN TO APPEAR THEY PLAYED SEVENTEEN’S MVS AND WE FANCHANTED OUR LUNGS OUT AND IT WASN’T EVEN THE REAL PERFORMANCE YET BOI I LOVE MALAYSIAN CARATS


2. FIRST 15 MINUTES OF THE CONCERT WAS FUCKINF TORTURE BECAUSE I WASNT USED TO BEING MANHANDLED LIKE A RAG DOLL AND GETTINF SQUEEZED AGAINST BARRICADE WAS NOT FUN BUT AFTER A WHILE I GOT USED TO IT AND PUSHED BACK LMAO OK NOT SAY PUSH BACK MORE LIKE HELD ME GROUND IT WAS A WARZONE OUT THERE AND I WAS TRYNA KEEP MY TERRITORY. NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT WE HAD A LOT OF INTERNATIONAL FANSITES AT RZ L AND THEY KEPT PUSHING AND THIS FANSITE SMACKED ME IN THE BACK OF MY HEAD SO I ELBOWED HER AND SHE BACKED OFF SORRY NOT SORRY BUT DONT FUCKING TOUCH ME . BTW NOT ALL FANSITES ARE CIBAI OKAY I MET SOME REALLY NICE FANSITES MY ONLY PROBLEM ARE THE ONES WHO KEPT PUSHING AND SHOVING PEOPLE


3. THERE WAS THIS FANBOY WHO I BECAME FRIENDS WITH AND HE WAS SO FUNNY AND HE’S A HARDCORE MINGYU STAN LIKE ME SO WE TOOK TURNS YELLING OUT KIM MINGYU AND ISTG Y'ALL HE WAS THE MOST SAVAGE AND FUNNIEST PERSON EVER


4. IME SECURITY IS NOT A FUCKING JOKE YALL LIKE FANSITES WERE GETTING THEIR CAMERAS SNATCHED LEFT AND RIGHT AND WERE ESCORTED OUT OF THE VENUE. EASILY 5 FANSITES FROM RZ L WERE ESCORTED OUT.


5. OKAY BUT LIKE THE AMOUNT OF TIMES CHINA LINE CAME TO MY CAMERA WAS UNBELIEVABLE ESPECIALLY MINGHAO LIKE HE CAME TO THE FRONT OF MY CAMERA AND JUST STAYED THERE WHILE WAVING TO FANS AND I EASILY DIED RIGHT THERE AND THEN


6. SEUNGCHEOL WAS IN PAIN MY BABY WAS SUFFERING LIKE DURING BOOM BOOM HE KEPT CLUTCHING HIS KNEES AND ALL THE CARATS GOT SO WORRIED BUT HE KEPT PERFORMING UNTIL THE END OF THE CONCERT AND IF THAT ISN’T A DEDICATED LEADER THEN IDK WHAT IS


7. JEONGHAN CAME AND SAT ON THE STEPS RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME AND YA GURL IS SHOOKED


8. WOOZI CAME AND CROUCHED DOWN IN FRONT OF ME AND HE SMILED AND WAVED AT MY CAMERA AND LEGIT MY SOUL LEFT MY BODY HE IS THE MOST PURE SOUL EVER WE GOTTA PROTECT THIS BOY


9. MINGHAO THROWING WATER AT THE CROWD AND LEGIT I WAS SCREAMING LIKE A PSYCHO BECAUSE THAT WAS HOLY WATER THAT GOT THROWN AT US Y'ALL


10. MINGYU AND VERNON HUGGING AND JUMPING TO HYPE THE CROWD I WAS HYPED AS HELL


11. I MADE EYE CONTACT AT LEAST ONCE WITH ALL THE MEMBERS AND I LOOKED THROUGH MY PICS AND VIDS AND IF YOU ZOOM IN REALLY CLOSELY YOU CAN SEE SOME OF THEM LOOK AT MY CAMERA


12. DK’S ICONIC “ TUAN - TUAN DAN PUAN - PUAN ” FUCKING ICONIC SIA I CAN LISTEN TO THAT ON LOOP FOREVER


13. VERNON AND HOSHI HAD A HIGH NOTE BATTLE WITH THE CROWD AND VERNON LOST AND HE HAD TO DANCE AND THEN I’M THE ONE PLAYED AND HE DID JUJU ON THAT BEAT I CHOKED THAT WAS GOLD


14. THE ENDING MENT WHEN EACH MEMBER SPOKE INDIVIDUALLY SPOKE AND WHEN IT WAS SEUNGKWAN’S TURN , I STARTED CHANTING BOO SEUNGKWAN THEN PEOPLE BEHIND ME IN RZ L FOLLOWED AND WE WERE CHANTING SO LOUDLY THAT LIKE HALF THE MEMBERS ON STAGE TURNED TO LOOK AT US AND THEN SEUNGKWAN LOOKED AT US AND SAID HI AND WAVED WHILE SMILING AND IT WAS LIKE THE SUN SMILED AT ME OKAY IM SO PROUD I STARTED A TREND AHAHAHAHAHAH


15. MINGHAO’S TURN TO SPEAK IN THE ENDING MENT AND HE SPOKE IN CHINESE HIS NATIVE TONGUE AND THE CROWD WENT NUTS AND I COULD UNDERSTAND A BIT AND I YELLED MINGHAO WO AI NI AND BOI LOOKED AT ME AND SMILED AND MY PHONE ALMOST DROPPED RIGHT THERE AND THEN IF I WASNT GRIPPING ON TO IT SO TIGHTLY


16. SEVENTEEN’S MESSAGE TO CARATS HAD ME CRYING HARDER THAN I’VE EVER CRIED


17. SEVENTEEN GAVE MALAYSIAN CARATS A GIFT WHICH WAS THEM WITH THEIR BACKS TOWARDS US AND THEN THEY TURNED AROUND AND DID HEARTS WHILE YELLING “ AKU CINTA KAMU ” WHICH IS I LOVE YOU IN MALAY AND WE SCREAMED SO FUCKIBG LOUDLY IT WAS AMAZING


18. JOSHUA PROMISING TO RETURN TO MALAYSIA SOON JOSHUA I EXPECT YOU TO KEEP THAT PROMISE 😉


19. I CANT EXPRESS HOW PROUD I AM OF MALAYSIAN CARATS. HAFAL FANCHANTS. DIDN’T BOMBARD THEM AT THE AIRPORT AND KEPT AT A RESPECTFUL DISTANCE. DIDNT THROW OBJECTS AT THEM well except for this one girl who threw a wristband on stage and mingyu was shocked for like a second then he smiled at her but THANK GOD SHE DIDNT HIT HIM. I HONESTLY LOVE MALAYSIAN CARATS SO MUCH 💞💞


NOW ON TO THE PERFORMANCES


1. PRETTY U CARNIVAL VERSION IS SUCH A BLESSING LIKE WTH THAT SHIT WAS ADORABLE


2. THE VOCAL UNIT PERFORMANCES WERE SO EMOTIONAL AND DEEP I ACTUALLY TEARED UP WHEN THEY SANG WE GONNA MAKE IT SHINE AND HABIT


3. PERFORMANCE UNIT WAS ON ANOTHER LEVEL MAN LIKE SWIMMING FOOL IS MY SHIT AND THAT OMG REMIX AND HIGHLIGHT REMIX WAS LIT AS HELL someone said that performance unit weren’t singing they were lip syncing BOI HOW BOUT NO I’D LIKE TO SEE YOU TRY DANCE ENERGETICALLY AND SING AT THE SAME TIME


4. HIP HOP UNIT’S IF I REALLY FUCKED ME OVER ESPECIALLY MINGYU’S HIP THRUST BUT THE SHITTY THING ABOUT THE STADIUM WAS THAT THE SPOTLIGHT AND SPEAKERS IN THE WAY AND I COULDNT FULLY SEE THEIR HIP THRUSTS IM EMO


5. DWC WAS THE LOUDEST FANCHANT LEGIT EVERYONE SCREAMED AND I COULDNT BE ANY MORE PROUD TO BE A CARAT


6. SEEING MY I LIVE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR OWN 2 EYE SEEING BALLS IS LIFE CHANGING OKAY


Overall , I had a great time at the concert. It’s been 4 days since DE IN KL and my PCD is still terrible. I’m glad that seventeen was my first concert. It is without a doubt the greatest experience of my life so far :) I hope y'all who went for DE or is going for their future ones get to experience the joy I had. Love y'all 💞💞 - Lynna :)


UPDATE : OK YALL APPARENTLY HOSHI ALMOST CRIED BECAUSE HE WAS SO OVERWHELMED BY OUR LOVE FOR THEM AND LIKE THE MEMBERS SAID THAT WHEN THEY WERE BACKSTAGE , THEY COULD HEAR US SINGING AND ISTG I DONT THINK YALL UNDERSTAND THE LOVE I HAVE FOR THESE BOYS IM SOBBING RN

I need to watch the new episode about a thousand more times but here are some of the things I was thinking during the livestream.

  • It’s so clever how both first episodes weave together elements of their set genres (science fiction and fantasy) without it being too overwhelming or offputting for people not familiar with the tropes being used. The very first scene aside (queer interracial couple in bizarre Lego Land!) the fantasy elements were very subtle compared to what they could have been, and I think that was a very deliberate choice on Max’s part.
  • The opening graphics started and I almost cried.
  • The Todd-Susie parallel is so overt, right down to the music. There was someone in her house when there wasn’t in Todd’s, but she got no help anyway. She’s more assertive in her introductory scene which gives me hope, though there’s always the fascinating possibility that she’s faking her limp in the same way that Todd was faking his pararibulitis (and she gets injured for real in the final episode).
  • Vogel calling Amanda “boss” like yes, yes she is, and I hope that the rest of the Rowdies recognize this when they’re all reunited.
  • I’m an angst fucking gremlin and that Blackwing montage was the most painful thing I’ve seen in a long time, he got electrocuted and shot, the robot voice told him he was doing a terrible job, and he believes that he’s never getting out :’(
  • Farah stating that what Dirk has isn’t nice and isn’t helpful was the most profound thing in the entire episode and holy shit, it seems to be entirely accurate. Farah isn’t here for the universe’s bullshit. Farah has no time for this.
  • And I still maintain that a lot of this season is going to have Todd as the new Dirk, and Farah as the new Todd who needs convincing that this holistic schtick is the real deal.
  • Why didn’t Farah break the wall? Did she get enough of wall-breaing in season one?
  • Friedkin slapped an unconscious stroke victim and I’m fully ready to slap him in his gorgeous cheekbones.
  • Todd spending seven hours chasing a rabbit is probably meant to be a reference to fandom spending seven hours analysing a ten-second trailer clip. This is Max calling us the fuck out and we’re thriving.
  • I’m willing to bet actual fucking money that “I’m not going to kill you even though it feels like I should” is going to come back to bite Bart in the ass. We know that Susie is being set up to play a major role in the Mage’s army. We know that Bart was actually being told to pull the trigger. I think this is Bart beginning to break the universe because she strayed from her path.
  • Friedkin watching Dirk sleep is fucking ominous (out of all the Blackwing projects to be watching, why Dirk?) and I’m fully convinced that, after Dirk’s warning, Friedkin is going to blame him specifically if and when things go wrong.
  • Speaking of Dirk’s warning though. Was it an intuition? Or just Dirk lashing out and stating the fucking obvious? Because clearly it freaked Friedkin out (and Dirk calling him Mr. Friedkin was weirdly heartbreaking) and that make it slightly more bearable when they dragged him kicking and screaming from the room.
  • Dirk definitely knows Mona, I swear. His tone of voice when he says “what are you doing here?” sounds like he’s talking to a misplaced coffee mug, or a lost sock. This is all familiar to him.
  • The episode ends with Susie’s asshole son shooting people in the same way that Dorian was threatening to shoot Dirk and Todd. The parallel continues.
  • Please tell me that the 3000 pounds of dynamite is going to make an appearance later because I am here for the mystery squad blowing up the entire Blackwing facility.

In conclusion, the spawn could’ve been playing with matches on our unsafe townhouse balcony and I couldn’t have dragged myself away from the screen.

anonymous asked:

i loved that live show so much. phil is just so wonderful. do you have some favorite moments?

yeah :) he’s so lovely. it was all about little moments for me in this one, even though the longer stories he told from spain were so funny.

  • the fact he said he’s an introvert but also maybe an ambivert was interesting to me, as i’ve always sort of thought he’s just a classic introvert. but then he said something like ‘we’ haven’t figured out what i am, ‘i don’t think i fit in one of those boxes’ and i find that rly interesting too bc i guess it suggests that sometimes he draws energy from socializing and sometimes not, and also that he and dan (the ‘we’ there, i assume) have talked about it a lot and tried to figure it out together
  • it was so funny to hear him tell the story of the magician at the rooftop party and then say that he was so overwhelmed by it he almost cried … relatable honestly
  • he had such a specific ‘vision’ for his glitter (black-silver-blue-green) and the lady said he had one of the best ones of the night bc of it,,, what an icon honestly? just in general the idea of phil being so passionate about what he wanted it to look like, and that he was v comfortable wearing it even though it looked like a lot of the guys at that party didn’t choose to wear any (e.g. joe and caspar) … i love phil
  • i loved that he said he bought that t shirt bc he thinks it’s pretty and aesthetic, like i just love the image of him coming across something w muted purples and being like, this is rly pretty i wanna wear it :( cute
  • when he talked about how he wishes he was so into something like a fan community when he was younger so that he could’ve made friends, but then corrected to say he had the youtube community and added ‘i was friends with lots of youtubers’ i just got a bit overwhelmed w feelings,, phil rly had like a wide circle of those alternative emo-y (mostly queer) youtuber pals for the first several years he was posting and they were definitely his actual friends rather than mostly ‘work’ or professional colleagues. his use of the past tense when talking about, the fact that he didn’t say anything like ‘i had the youtube community and i still do’ and the fact that now pretty much none of his regular/voluntary social life seems to involve youtube pals is rly interesting to me. i wonder if he gets nostalgic for those old days sometimes, amidst being mostly super content that his life is pretty much just dan now (plus their occasional hangs w wirrony and perhaps other offline friends we don’t know about).  
  • the almost word-for-word reiteration of what dan said when asked about halloween baking (‘do you think i ever plan ahead?’) was startling. did they both plan to say that in advance to get us thinking about halloween baking but also not promise it??? are they just that in tune w each other that it was just sheer coincidence? crazy stuff. controversial opinion but i hope they skip halloween baking in favor of christmas baking bc i want some festive fluffy content in my life lololol
  • phil is terrible at spanish but i appreciate his enthusiasm. and also i appreciate that he identifies even a little bit as a ‘linguistics geek’ 
  • the mostly-unprompted tom daley mention at the end was Gold,, phil just saw ‘diver’ and immediately thought of tom daley lmao, guess he’s been on the mindddddd :-)
hypnotised (1)

pt 1, pt 2, pt 3

genre: angst
paring: baekhyun x reader


Sound of dripping water mixed with muffled TV in the background was the only sound surrounding both of you. The lights were off and you stared at the vanilla candles next to you with an uneasy feeling that had built up in your lower abdomen. You’ve never liked silence; and silence never was silent. It was tangling and creaky, leaving an unpleasant halo in the air. Sucking on your lower lip your hands trembled underneath white, wooden table. You felt his eyes on you, glowing in the darkness. His slim fingers tapped surface of the furniture and for a moment you thought that he is going to leave you without a word.

“I just don’t understand,” his pained whisper shook your heart with double force. “I thought we were happy, me and you” looking around your watered eyeballs glanced at his person.

“Because we were,” the smell of burned flambeau made your nose wrinkle. “We were and as you might have noticed it is in the past tense”

He slightly moved and emptied glass of whisky standing in front of him in one go. His ruffled, black hair looked oddly miserable while he sat in his grey t-shirt which you’ve bought him long time ago. Dark circles under his eyes showed his fatigue and your bony fingers almost reached out for him only to be stopped in a mid air.

“You know I love you,” his lips trembled and you felt tears leaking and dropping down your face. He searched for something, anything in you and when he spotted your anguish he stood up. “We are engaged, we have planned our future together” soft steps echoed in your ears before you could get up and leave. Baekhyun’s arms caged you from behind with comforting smell of his cologne.

“I know” your sigh was almost not audible when your shoulders shook with your quite sobs. “I’m sorry” you felt him kissing your crown of hair. It was too much. You needed to end it here, once and for all. “I can’t do it much longer”

“Why? Just tell me why” his presence was overwhelming, hovering above you as a hawk. “I need to know why

“It hurts!” he didn’t expect your outburst so he tightened his hold on your limbs and kept  you while you cried your eyes out. “Loving you hurts. I’m in constant pain, Baekhyun. I love you but all I gain from that is hate. I can’t go out, I can’t work because I’m being followed. How am I supposed to function? I’m so tired, tired of this flashing lifestyle and cameras. Sometimes I lay awake next to you and I feel as if my life has been sucked out of me, as if I was dying. It’s not your fault neither your career. I’m just… too weak for that” his chin rested upon your head and you could feel his tense body. “We don’t see each other for months and even when we are together we just don’t talk. We forgot ourselves, Baekhyun. It doesn’t work. We gave in” your hands shoot upwards and you faced him with a frown. “Maybe we did all of this too fast” he looked away, showing his hard jaw line and hidden neck veins. “I believe that we should stop this, now” without looking at him you started to fight with your engagement ring. You pulled it once, twice but it didn’t move so you cursed feeling new wetness on your cheeks. “Come on” your nails scarped skin around jewelry so hard that it almost broke.

“Stop. Stop it!”

Your head shot up. You’ve never heard him screaming, especially at you. His brown eyes shot deathly daggers at your person but underneath that anger there was raging love. His hands occupied your own and gently pulled the band off your digit. Silver metal with small, white diamond nested upon it rested on his open palm while both of you looked at it with different expressions. You suddenly remembered how he proposed to you; so simple yet so endearing. Just like him. Your throat let out terrible sound of your despair when he fisted his grip.

“It’s done”

Neither him or you moved. You could hear his heartbeats in the utter silence and you knew he could hear your heart breaking. Gulping you leaned over the table with sudden nausea. All of the facts hitting you like a waterfall.

“Sit down, you look pale” he guided you to the chair and sat you down as a child. “Do you want water?” when you nodded he went to pour it for you.

“Thank you” sipping cold liquid you felt as your whole body burned. “I’m fine. I just… I’m” you lost your words and your gaze fell upon his crouched form. He looked so young in the shadows. You tucked his hair behind his ear. It was silky and so familiar to touch that you had to back off. How could you survive without him? “Maybe you should go” it was for the sake of your sanity. He huffed and closed the distance between both of you.

“How about no?”

“Please, I’m not up to another argument” you ran your hands over your tresses and stared at his bare face with red eyes.

“I have an idea. I think we should try it” on his lips ghosted small smile but it vanished too quickly. Before you could replay he stood and left you in the kitchen. You followed him and you found yourself amused by his doings when he put his shoes on.

“So you are leaving?” your back tensed when he looked at you with a blank expression.  

“You’ve wanted me gone, right?” you managed to look unaffected by his cold voice and blinked away tears escaping your eyelids.

Yes, yes I have. Goodnight” he nodded and got out of your apartment.

Your whole person curled into itself so much that you could hear your bones cracking and screaming from pain - not only physical but emotional. You placed hand on your lips to prevent your soft screams of desperation from coming out.

Ding. Dong.      

Freezing you stared at the entry with unknown for you feeling.

Ding. Dong.

Your steps were cautious  and painfully slow but when you opened the door your heart leaped in your chest. And God, it hurt.  

“Hello, I thought that we could begin again. My name is Baekhyun and I love pizza with pineapple but I know that you hate it so you pluck it out and call me gross when I add it on my slice,” you gripped the frame so hard that your fingers almost broke. “I don’t mind staying on the corridor but I would be glad if you let me in. Both inside your apartment and into your life

You looked at him and with a heavy heart you decided. 

damage || park jimin (ii)

Park Jimin x reader

Summary: Jimin thinks that breaking up with you was for the best. You set out to prove him wrong.

Genre: angst/fluff

Words: 2650

part one 

(this is the final part)

Originally posted by mvssmedia


Jimin had gone to stay with Taehyung in his apartment. I didn’t really believe it was happening until he didn’t come home, and I got a text from Tae saying he was there. I lay on the bed, tears leaking out of my eyes and soaking the sheets as reality set in. He wouldn’t answer any texts or calls, and when I had replied to Taehyung he had simply told me not to come.

But the deep sadness he had left me with soon twisted into anger and desperation that had me outside Taehyung’s door anyway, my cheeks still sticky and my throat sore from crying.  I would not allow him to do this. It wasn’t his choice to make. Determined to speak to Jimin, I tried to enter as soon as the door opened, but Taehyung stopped me.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. He- he doesn’t want to see you.” His eyes were sympathetic and guilty as he took in my appearance, but he held firm through all my persuasion. He wouldn’t let me in.

I knew he was only doing what Jimin had told him to, and so I eventually nodded and left, my damp eyes cast to the floor as I walked.

The next time I came I burst into tears in front of Taehyung, desperation to see and feel Jimin again overwhelming me. I missed him more than I thought I could miss anyone. I took Tae’s hand, begging him to let me talk to Jimin, or even see him, my breath coming out in ragged gasps.

Taehyung shushed me gently, bringing me into him and rubbing my back until my cries had diminished to almost nothing, pressing his cheek to the top of my head. I could feel the guilt radiating off him as he apologised into my hair, his voice quiet and forlorn.

“No, I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” I whispered, sniffling and stepping away from him once I had composed myself, “I just- I have to see him. I have to get him to change his mind.” I said brokenly. I had never felt a desperation like this. He nodded sympathetically, but his eyes were still guilty, so I knew what his answer would be.

“He won’t let me… You know I would, I wish I could.” He whispered, and I nodded. I wasn’t going to give up. I sniffed and thanked him, promising to return.

As soon as Tae opened the door on the third day I knew something had changed. He wouldn’t meet my eyes, and was fiddling with his fingers and constantly glancing back into the apartment. I peered behind him before meeting his eyes worriedly.

“Tae,” I asked quickly, “what is it?” My thoughts immediately fell towards Jimin, concern rising in me.

“Y/N…” Tae started, his voice full of a pity that I couldn’t stand. I frowned.

“What?” I demanded nervously.

“Jimin told me and I thought you should know… he’s going to make the breakup public today.” He told me quietly, his eyes watching my face carefully for a reaction. I took a sharp intake of breath, hurt filling me instantly. I let my arms fall to my sides and my gaze drop to the floor, my chest caving in with the realisation that Jimin’s decision was final. A sense of helplessness choked up my throat.

“Y/N?” Tae’s tentative voice brought me back as I looked up to see his concerned expression.

“Yeah, yeah. Okay.” I spoke quietly, my voice shaking. “Thanks for telling me, Tae.”

I left the apartment and walked home in silence, my mind reeling at the thought of Jimin telling the entire world that he didn’t want to be with me anymore. I didn’t let the tears fall until I reached my bed, and then only few leaking out and onto my neck as I lay, unmoving. 

My heart weighed heavy in my stomach as it sunk in that Jimin had actually ended our relationship. My body felt crushed by heartbreak, my limbs heavy and my energy drained.

An overwhelming sense of defeat overtook me, and I tried to push it away, my mind running through other ways to fix this. But I came up empty, eventually sitting up and getting ready for work, my throat closed and my teeth clenched. I didn’t know what else I could do to get him to come back to me, and the thought that kept darting to the front of my mind was that maybe there was nothing else.

Later in the day, I noticed my phone suddenly blowing up with notifications, and I closed my eyes, knowing he had done it. Everyone knew that we had broken up. They knew he had given up on me. And although I knew it would only do me harm, I didn’t last long before I picked up my phone to read the mentions lighting it up continuously. I had to know what they were saying about me. I couldn’t drag my gaze from the words as I scrolled through messages and articles and photos.

It was so much worse than anything I had ever been sent before.

I took a choking breath in, my eyes stinging at the harsh insults and raw anger from fans. I continued to scroll, my fingers moving of their own accord, taking in everything they had to say about me, how I didn’t deserve Jimin anyway and how stupid I was to let him go. I only stopped when I felt a tear fall from my eye and onto my cheek, the moisture snapping me out of my own thoughts.

I hurriedly wiped the tear away, my head spinning as I suddenly realised this could give me a chance. This could prove to Jimin that I wasn’t better off without him, or at least give me an excuse to talk to him so I could get across what I needed to say. The hate would still continue, whether we kept dating or not, and there was nothing either of us could do.

This realisation had me stumbling up onto my feet, and hurriedly pulling on my shoes as I tried to collect my thoughts, knowing this could be the one chance I had to change Jimin’s mind. I left the house in the dying light of the day, hurrying towards Taehyung’s apartment with the words I had read still ringing in my ears.

Taehyung was surprised to see me, taking in my frown and desperate expression, his brows furrowing in confusion as I had already visited once that day.

“Y/N… what are you doing here?” He asked, and I took a deep breath, a sudden rush of determination causing me to clench my fists and look him directly in the eye with as much conviction as I could muster.

“I need to see Jimin.” I said confidently. He sighed, shaking his head.

“You know I can’t-“

“Kim Taehyung.” I surprised myself by growling, and his eyes widened. I stood as tall as I could, purpose filling me as I spoke with a threatening voice. “I’m going to talk to Jimin, and I’m going to talk to him now.” I took a step closer to him, and he backed up slightly. “So let me in.” He hesitated and I quickly grew impatient, my voice low and menacing. “Taehyung-” I began threatening and he immediately took a breath in, his eyes wide.

“Okay.” He said fearfully, raising his hands in defeat. He looked at me for a moment before sighing and nodding. “Okay.” He stepped aside and I immediately strode past him and to where I knew the spare room was.

I stopped outside the door, my heart racing at just the thought of seeing Jimin again. A flicker of doubt stopped me from walking in, as I wondered if this was the right thing to do.

But then I remembered what he had said; that he loved me but he blamed himself. I remembered every summer night we had spent together, laughing and kissing and loving; every hug we had shared, his hands in my hair and mine around his shoulders; his kisses, his voice, his smile, his laugh. I loved him. This was too good to let go. I opened the door.

I squinted as my eyes adjusted to the darkness filling the room, making out a bed and the figure of something on it. I turned on the light. A wave of emotion rushed through me immediately as I took in what was in front of me. Jimin lay on the bed, his spine curled and his knees up to his chest. His face was tucked into his legs as far as he could reach, as though he was trying to coil himself up so tightly he would disappear. His eyes were pained and red and they were opening now, squinting in the sudden brightness that had filled the room.

As his eyes adjusted he moved his gaze to the door, where I still stood, unable to move. He froze when he took in my figure, his eyes meeting mine in shock, his body uncurling as he hurriedly sat up.

“Y/N?” He asked, his voice and expression so wounded that it made me want to cry. He stood up shakily, but didn’t come any closer to me. “How-how did you get in?” He pointed to the door. “Tae was meant to- how did you-“

“Jimin.” I cut off his panicky rambling with a single word, his eyes going wide and his voice stopping immediately. Resolve filled me again, determined to use this opportunity to end all of this. I turned and shut the door before facing him calmly again.

“You need to go.” He said, trying to sound cold, but his voice only came out weak, and shaky. I shook my head.

“I’m not going anywhere. Just let me talk to you.” Maybe it was the determination in my voice, or his own resolve weakening, but he looked at me for a minute before nodding unsurely, waiting for me to speak. Relief flooded through me followed by panic, knowing I had to make the most of him being willing to hear me.

I hurriedly got out my phone with shaking hands, opening up the messages of hate I had received over the past day. When he saw what I was doing he shook his head, looking away.

“Y/N, please don’t show me anymore of that-“

“No, Jimin, look at it.” I held the screen up to him, forcing him to see the messages as I scrolled through them. He frowned as he took them in, like it physically pained him. “These were all sent to me today.” I told him and he immediately looked at me.

“What?” He spoke breathlessly. I nodded, giving him a watery smile.

“Don’t you see? Ending our relationship isn’t going to help anyone. These messages will continue, whether we are together or not.” I stepped closer to him, wanting nothing more than to hold him, and be with him. To my dismay he stepped back, looking at me warily.

I ignored the aching in my heart at seeing him so unwilling to even be near me and held up my phone again to show him, looking him in the eye and speaking softly, desperately trying to get through to him. “You breaking up with me did nothing.”

He looked between the phone and me for a moment, his face conflicted. But then he shook his head, and as his mouth opened I knew he was going to speak against me.

“But,” I stopped him from talking, taking a deep breath, “even if the hate had stopped, I would still be here.” I told him, my throat closing up. He shut his mouth.

I took a tentative step closer to him, and he didn’t move away. Our eyes stayed locked, his still showing his inner conflict as I reached out to him. I hesitantly took his hand, holding it gently between my two own, and instead of pulling it away from me as he had that night, he closed his eyes and seemed to lean into my touch, if unsurely.

“I don’t know what I did,” I tried to steady my voice, the lump in my throat growing, “to make you think I don’t love you enough to deal with things like this. But Jimin, baby,” my lips curled up slightly at the nickname, “you’re everything to me.” He opened his eyes to meet mine, and I saw that they were shining.

Given that he hadn’t pushed me away yet, I risked moving even closer to him, letting go of his hand only to cup his cheeks with my hands. He stiffened slightly at the touch but didn’t stop me, his gaze flickering around my face. I ignored the tear that slipped down my cheek, and how his eyes followed it down until it dripped off my face.

“I love you, and I need you,” I choked out, stroking his cheeks gently with my thumbs, “and you need to understand, that I would go through things so much worse than these comments if it meant I could be with you.” He looked into my eyes with such intensity that I almost looked away, but kept the contact in order to make sure he understood. “You are worth going through anything for.”

I sniffed, keeping the rest of my tears at bay as his hand came up to rest over mine on his face.

“So, come to your senses and be with me.” I demanded softly, and he closed his eyes again, tightening his grip on my hand. “I don’t care what any of them say. I only want you.” I whispered. “Be with me, Jimin.”

He opened his eyes, his face still frowning in pain. He shook his head, a tear falling from his lashes.

“You’ll always be in the public eye,” he said hoarsely, “you’ll keep getting hate.” I nodded. If that was what it took to be with Jimin, I would take all the hate in the world. He took in a shaky breath, meeting my eye and reaching up his hand to touch my cheek lightly. 

“If you have any doubts, leave this room now,” He murmured, “because I’m not going to be able to let you go again.” I shook my head, letting out a watery chuckle.

“If I’ve ever been sure of anything in my life, it’s this.” I told him, begging him to just accept what I was saying. He bit his lip, tilting his head at me with a small frown.

“Last chance.” He whispered, tracing my hairline with his fingers. His eyes tracked my skin, examining my face for any hesitation and I couldn’t take it anymore. I let out a sharp breath, took hold of the fabric of his shirt and tugged him towards me, pressing our lips together.

It was as if the wall he was using to block out his feelings and maintain control crumbled as soon as my lips met his. His mouth immediately moved against mine and his arms that had hung uselessly at his side were moving again, his hands on my waist and in my hair and pulling me as close to him as possible. He gave into me.

I kissed him desperately, falling into him and trying to communicate everything I hadn’t said to him through my touch. His lips tasted salty as both our tears mingled together between our skin. He took a ragged breath against my lips as we separated, and pressed his forehead against mine, his eyes closed. I cried against him, relief and fear and love flowing through me with an intensity I didn’t know I could feel.

“If you leave me again,” I sobbed, wrapping my arms around his neck and pushing my lips against his again, “I’ll kill you.” His hands came up to my cheeks, wiping away the tears there, and kissing me in between.

“I won’t, I won’t, I promise, I’m sorry.” He murmured shakily. “God, these past few days have been hell.” He admitted. “I wanted to do what was best for you, but I missed you so damn much.” I let out a watery laugh, my damp cheeks lifting into a real smile as I met his eyes.

“I definitely missed you more.” He shook his head, pulling me into a tight hug. I closed my eyes and felt him smile against the top of my head, murmuring softly into my hair.

“Not possible.”

I hugged him tighter, melting into his embrace, and knowing then and there, that we would be okay.

Taehyung’s rolling eyes and exasperated sighs as he told us to ‘finally get out of his house’ couldn’t hide the wide grin splitting his face as he saw us cuddled up together, laughing and talking softly. After we had hugged him and thanked him, we walked home in the cold night air, our hands linked.

An immeasurable feeling of joy and relief washing through my entire body as I relaxed into Jimin’s company at last, my muscles softening and my heart lifting slowly.

“I want to tell everyone we’re back together.” I told him later as we lay in each other’s embrace, my head in his neck and one of his legs wrapped over my body to pull me as close as possible.

I watched as he frowned unsurely, sighing and watching me carefully.

“Are you sure? I mean people will talk-“ I rolled my eyes playfully at him and cut him off by reaching up and pressing a kiss against his cheek, laughing as his eyes widened slightly. I cuddled into his side again, falling into his warmth and closing my eyes as I spoke with a content smile, no doubt that I was exactly where I was supposed to be.

“Let them talk.”


masterlist

Falling Apart II: Peter Parker

Word Count: 2.4k

Warning(s): Angst, a few swears

Request: So so many requests, I didn’t even count how many.

Pairing: Peter Parker x reader

A/N: Part one got 300+ notes and I’m amazed. I also got an overwhelming amount of requests for a part two, so here it is, I hope you all enjoy it

Note: Y/B/F/N means your best friend’s name

Part Ihttps://tommoholland2013.tumblr.com/post/163776193193/tommoholland2013


Four days had passed since Y/N confronted Peter.

Four.

Y/N had missed the first of the four days of school and almost missed the second day too. But her mother would not allow her to stay home and wallow in her self pity. Each night since the day she had confronted Peter, she had cried herself to sleep. Her inner demons now roamed freely within her, their torment worse than before. Her alarm had gone off, and she was now awake. She stared at the ceiling of her bedroom as she had done countless nights before. Her demons once silenced in sleep, began to spoke again.

You should never have trusted him.

He only told you he loved you because he felt sorry for you.

The day you revealed your emotions to him, he looked at you. A pathetic, desperate sad little girl. Who wouldn’t feel sorry for that?

You’re unbelievably stupid.

What, you thought you’d get your ‘happily ever after’? You truly are delusional.

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Four’s a Crowd (Park Jinyoung-Mark Tuan-Lim Jaebum Imagine)

A/N: Hey! So I want to make a quick apology to the anon who requested this. I’ve been extremely sick and because of it, I had no access to my phone or laptop but am now home and tried to get this done as fast as possible so it’s kinda messy which I’m sorry for. But hopefully you enjoy this. If it’s not what you wanted, I’ll rewrite it and try to not be days late xX



Anon asked: Hey can I have a smutty situation with Mark, Jinyoung and JB with overstimulation? You have tears in your eyes but they still keep going?

Originally posted by tuanisanangel

Keep reading

A Higher Education PT.5

Summary: Shawn and you are best friends at University. 

Word Count: 10,423

A/U: STIKE, yeah you all knew I was a shady bitch. Sorry, I led you to believe it was over but when I started pt.4 it was going to be so long. I thought I would have the next part up later yesterday but I was only at 2k when I posted it and clearly I did my think with word count so it took forever. Sorry for being an asshole but it was kinda funny. I PROMISE THIS IS THE LAST PART. 

Your name: submit What is this?


There was a light knock on the door and it woke me. Still exhausted from my crying I ached and refused to get up.

There was another knock a little longer and harder I knew whomever it was wanting me to answer but knew I probably was sleeping and felt bad for being rude.

Suddenly the idea of Brooke being drunk and loosing her keys came to my mind and I rolled over. She tapped on the door a little harder and a little longer now, not trying to be polite since the first two knocks didn’t work. Stumbling to the door with eyes almost shut I grumbled a little. When I was almost at the door the knock was loud and forceful making the smooth door shake a little. I unlocked the bolt and it stopped before I swung it open.

“Jesus Brooke,” I mumbled.

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Not What He Expected-Part 6

This is an A/B/O AU

So here it is, my FIRST A/B/O series featuring Alpha! Dean/ Omega! Reader (not Destiel). I am still a Samgirl to the very core of my being, but I thought it would be fun to try something different for a change.

You meet Dean Winchester in a bar when he attempts to come to your rescue after a drunk Alpha tries to take advantage of you.  He quickly realizes you’re not what he expected.  You’re a very independent Omega who is used to speaking her mind.  He’s all Alpha, but there is just something about you, an attraction that makes him want to know more…….

Part 1 (All parts are linked)

Master List

Text messages are in bold.

“God yes,” I groaned. “Can we go now?” I said as Dean kissed my neck. 

His mouth was so warm, and his scent surrounded me, making it hard for me to think.  All I knew was I wanted Dean more than I had ever wanted any man in my life, and I was about to jump his bones in plain sight on the steps of his brother’s place,

“Let’s just say bye to everyone and we can leave.  Watching you put Lisa in her place was a real turn-on.  You are one badass Omega, Y/N.” Dean said in a low voice.

“No offense, but Lisa is a total bimbo. What were you thinking?” I had to ask.

He had the good grace to blush a little. “She was easy to please and I didn’t have to work very hard.”

I stared in his eyes. “Are you sure you’re ready for me, Dean? I’m complicated, and if you want me, you’re gonna have to work for me.”

Dean’s eyes burned with heat, and he jumped off the steps so fast I almost fell out of his lap.  He grabbed my hand and practically dragged my through the backyard, stopping in front of Sam and Jess.

When I hugged Jess goodbye, she whispered a “thank you.” in my ear.

“For what?” I whispered back.

“It’s about time Dean had someone on his side.”  She told me, smiling.

We said the fastest goodbyes in history, and as he pulled me to the Impala, he grinned at me.“For the record, I’ve been ready since I saw you in the bar, Y/N.’

Keep reading

Thoughts on BnHA 140

I LITERALLY CRIED BY THE END OF THE CHAPTER ASDFGHJKL ITS SUCH A BLESSING. Really well worth the week long wait

So cUTE ASFDSDGK THE START OF THEIR BROTHERLY RELATIONSHIP. I’d like to know who his favorite hero is too…

I ALMOST FORGOT HOW AMAZING TAMAKI’S QUIRK IS AAAAAHHH 

I literally went HOLY SHIT while viewing this above panel. 

I’m so happy to see more Suneater action. No, way beyond happy. 

AND HIS DETERMINATION AND SURGE OF COURAGE IS WHOA. He’s doing so well :’))) Plus, as expected of one of the Big 3. 

MAN I’M SO OVERWHELMED WITH FEELS. His heart may be weak, according to Fat Gum, but he sure is doing a great job overcoming that weakness and fighting head on, partially with the power of the encouragement he received from Mirio. This really goes to show the depths of his bond with Mirio is. I can’t wait to see more of them. 

..You get extremely nervous right? But you never run, or just give up. And that makes me not want to lose to you either.

Personally I’m quite inspired and motivated myself by Tamaki’s hidden strength and Mirio’s words as a result of it. Hey, perhaps that’s part of how sunny he is? 

AND HERE’S THE BEST PART

IM CRYIIINNNGGG OUT OF HAPPINESS AND SATISFACTION AAAAHHH

The Weight

Requested by @typographystarter !

Originally posted by fakehoe


You hear a knock on your door and glance to the clock above the fireplace. It’s late. Too late for someone to be here.

Your heart rate picks up as you stand from the couch. “Y/N?” The voice is subtle through the door, but you know who it is.  

Shawn is standing on your front patio. His eyes are red and his hands continuously pull at his t shirt.

“I–I’m sorry it’s so late. I know you have class in the morn-”

“No it’s ok. Come in, please.” You take his hand, pulling him through the doorway. He walks straight to the kitchen, pouring himself a glass of water.

He knows your apartment like the back of his hand. Spending countless nights and mornings here, laughing and watching movies. The crying however, was something that never accompanied Shawn’s visits.

“Let’s go sit on the couch, ok?” You rub his back, leading him into the dimly lit room. His sniffling seems to echo, causing the pain in your chest to grow.

Shawn was strong. He was always strong for you, but it was harder to watch him like this then you ever expected.

You give him a moment to relax. He holds your hand tightly, trying to stop his shaking cries. “Shawn.. what happened?”

“God, I feel so stupid. I never wanted you to see me cry, but it’s gotten so hard, Y/N. The constant traveling. I miss my family. I miss you.. Maybe I should just quit.”

The person in front of you is almost unrecognizable. He’s not the strong boy you knew and loved like a best friend. He was broken and overwhelmed. Shawn lived his dream everyday, being lucky enough to make a career out of it. You hoped it would never get to a point where he’d need to be reminded why he loved it so much.

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soongyuz  asked:

46 + 51 + Jaebum? Angst with a side of fluff, maybe? Thank you! 💚

drabble prompts: “I need help because you’re making me go crazy.” [ 46 ] + “I’m so afraid of losing you.” [ 51 ]

distance | jaebum

“I can’t do this anymore Jaebum.” You whispered into the phone, voice so soft and quiet, he barely picked up the words you let out.

Silence, it was silent for a few seconds. Jaebum was processing the words and his mind was filled with so many worries, so many worries caused by six simple words.

“What… what do you mean baby?” He replied.

Tears were already filling in your eyes and you knew when you tried to speak, you’d spill everything. Taking in a deep breath, you tried your best to remain calm, “This… us.”

Jaebum furrowed his eyebrows together, unsure of your message. There was a feeling deep inside of him and he didn’t like it, he didn’t want to hear it, “Don’t say it.”

You pressed your lips together and kept on trying, trying to not break, trying to not let the tears slip through even more, “I need help because you’re making me go crazy.” You took in a deep shaky breath, trying to collect the swarms of thoughts your mind held, “I love you so much and you know that.”

“And I love you baby. I know I never say it enough, but trust me… I love you so much, so so so so much.” He cried, his voice almost breaking. Jaebum was scared, terrified even, you were his everything. The last thing he wanted was to break up… to say goodbye… to throw away all of the time spent on your relationship

“I know you do Jaebum, but… I just…” You paused to let the tears slip down your cheeks, you were feeling so overwhelmed with emotions. Part of you didn’t want to let him go but another part didn’t want to have to deal with long distance, it was too much. Everyday, the craving of his touch grew stronger… the craving of someone’s touch grew stronger, you knew ending it would benefit the both of you.

“I just can’t anymore. This long distance relationship, it’s hurting me too much. I know it’s so selfish of me but we need to br-”

“No.” Jaebum interrupted, his voice firm yet you could tell it was so close to breaking down, “Please… please, I’m so afraid of losing you.”

“FaceTime me baby, please, I need to see you. We need to talk this out.” He begged, he so desperately wanted you to change your mind. Jaebum didn’t want you to say those words that he’d been fearing of.

“I know our relationship is so selfish of me. I’m always on tour or busy and I hardly have any time to spend with you. I know it’s too much to ask of you to wait for me, but please… I can’t live without you.” He poured out, taken aback by his words. He was feeling so much and Jaebum was never great at expressing them, “Can you live without me?”

You wiped your tears away, even though it didn’t matter, the tears weren’t stopping and they wouldn’t stop for a while. You shook your head and gripped onto your phone even tighter, “I can’t live without you either Jaebum, this is why being so far away from you hurts!” You finally cried, letting out the bottle of sadness you tried so hard to keep in.

An abundant amount of tears spilled from your eyes and talking suddenly became the most difficult task for you, “I-I l-love you t-too much… I want to let you go, but I can’t.”

Tears slipped from Jaebum’s eyes, your outburst making his heart break. Guilt consumed him, the guilt of not making more time for you, guilt for not texting or calling as often as he could, all of it piling up.

“Hey, guess what? I love you too much too. I know things are hard right now, but we’ll figure it out I promise,” Jaebum began, trying his best to keep his composure and to not break into tears like you, “Let’s just talk okay? Talk it all out. I’ll even fly out to you to talk it all out if I have to, just please don’t leave me.”

You wiped the tears away from your eyes once again and nodded slowly, “I’ll hear you out, I shouldn’t give up on us so easily.”

A small smile of hope formed upon Jaebum’s lips, “Thank you baby, I’ll FaceTime you right now, okay? I love you.”

I’m literally so broke right now. I need new underwear, sports bra, bra, running shoes, shoes, sweatpants, sweatshirts, socks and make up.

I literally have running shoes from 2 years ago. I’m running 7 days a week and I’m in desperate need of running shoes. I have NO sweat pants/shirts. I have a pair a socks (rest are knee socks & tights). I have literally 1 bra and 3 sports bra and I do sports 7 days a WEEK AND IM ONLY ALLOWED TO USE THE WASHING MACHINE ON WEEKENDS. ONCE. I HAVE NO LIP LINER, IM ALMOST OUT ON MY BROW WIZ AND I NEED A NEW HIGHLIGHTER.

The whole money thing is so much stress on me. I wanna die. I literally cried because it was all so overwhelming for me

anonymous asked:

What was it like meeting lynz?

OH GOD OKAY… This is gonna be long

So like… I was the first one in the building to see her and they were only letting in one person at a time so it was JUST ME and a few people waiting at the door and like… The guy who owned the gallery smiled and opened the gate for me and put his arm out like he was inviting me in and I saw Lindsey laughing on the other side of the room with another lady and my stomach literally felt so weird I almost puked!!!!! My hands were really sweaty and my arms and chest went numb and I felt my face get hot and then I walked towards her and she instantly turned around and grinned at me and my heart was POUNDING SO FUCKING FAST

I was all like !!! HI !!!!!!! I GOT YOU STUFF!!!! And she smiled even bigger and thanked me like 3 times in Different Ways in one sentence and she smelled so fucking good like Rich Lady Perfume + vanilla but it wasn’t Gross and overpowering sdkhgdsg and then she took the flowers and went “I’m trying to hug you by the way!” because I was so overwhelmed I didn’t notice her arms were open slightly for me kdsjgs and she hugged me so tight :(( like… SO TIGHT and she squeezed me and rested her head on my shoulder and I almost cried but I made sure I didn’t omg 

I got a picture / video with her but it was REALLY BAD and I was too scared to go up again so after walking around and taking pictures for other people I went up to her a second time and asked for another one because it sucked so much and she was like YES OF COURSE! So she put her arm around me and we talked about bass and I told her how much I loved her and the whole time she had her head turned to the side and was smiling at me and didn’t break eye contact ONCE and she was commenting on little things I said and she CARESSED MY HAND and said it was really small so the Aerodyne was a really good bass for me :) She asked how I was doing with it, if I liked it ,etc etc

AND THEN NEAR THE END i went up to her a third time and said goodbye :) I told her I had such a good time but I had to drive 18 hours back home now and she was all OH MY GOD THATS RIGHTTTTT and she immediately grabbed me and hugged me again and told me it was so nice meeting me D; She signed my arm and squeezed it before she let go and smiled again and AHHH

But anyways… Lindsey is seriously the sweetest person I’ve ever met in my entire life and she truly cares about what each and every one of her fans has to say no matter how many people are there and she’s just so :((( i love her so much it was the best day of my life, really 

Stress-Relieved (AsaNoya)

AN: Just some angsty fluff from one of my favourite pairings in Haikyuu!! Sorry it’s kind of short!


Asahi honestly wasn’t sure what had just happened. One moment, he and Noya were both working on homework, and the next, books were flying, water bottles were being thrown, and Noya was yelling.

“This is so stupid!” 

Asahi watched with his mouth open as Noya grabbed his math book from its spot on the floor (where it had landed after Noya swiped everything off the table with his arm in a fit of rage), threw it as hard as he could to the ground, and stomped on it for good measure. Suddenly it was silent, save for Noya’s heavy breathing. 

Asahi looked at the younger boy; his face was red, his mouth trembled at the edges, and his entire body seemed as though it was vibrating.

“Um… are you, you know, okay?” Asahi asked gently, surprised by his boyfriend’s outburst. Noya had a temper and got angry sometimes, sure; but this was a little overboard, even for him.

Keep reading

A HIGHER EDUCATION - PART FIVE

Summary: Shawn and you are best friends at University. 

Word Count: 10,423

A/U: STIKE, yeah you all knew I was a shady bitch. Sorry, I led you to believe it was over but when I started pt.4 it was going to be so long. I thought I would have the next part up later yesterday but I was only at 2k when I posted it and clearly I did my think with word count so it took forever. Sorry for being an asshole but it was kinda funny. I PROMISE THIS IS THE LAST PART. 

Your name: submit What is this?


There was a light knock on the door and it woke me. Still exhausted from my crying I ached and refused to get up.

There was another knock a little longer and harder I knew whomever it was wanting me to answer but knew I probably was sleeping and felt bad for being rude.

Suddenly the idea of Brooke being drunk and loosing her keys came to my mind and I rolled over. She tapped on the door a little harder and a little longer now, not trying to be polite since the first two knocks didn’t work. Stumbling to the door with eyes almost shut I grumbled a little. When I was almost at the door the knock was loud and forceful making the smooth door shake a little. I unlocked the bolt and it stopped before I swung it open.

“Jesus Brooke,” I mumbled.

Keep reading

How much the PJO books mean to me as someone with ADHD
  • Hi I feel like no one has had a post like this so I'm gonna post one kinda long story and if anyone wants to add on saying what the PJO world means to them please feel free to reblog with your stories or you can message me with your story cuz I'd love to know:
  • So when I was in the seventh grade I had an english teacher (who was absolutely amazing btw) who assigned the class to all pick a fiction book to read and write a report on. She took us down to the library and I remember looking at all the books not having a single clue what book I wanted to pick. I despised reading. I was extremely slow and I could never comprehend what was on the page. I could read 5 pages of something and not tell you a single thing of what I just read. I walked around the library aimlessly trying to get away with just picking up a short book and getting the hell out of there when I saw the first book of the Percy Jackson series "The Lightning Thief." I remembered I had just seen the movie a couple weeks before and my friend had complained loudly that the movie was horrible compared to the book and she told me to read the books instead. I didn't know what she meant cuz I actually quite liked the movie. I decided to take her word for it and I picked up the book, not knowing what I was getting myself into. In the first few pages Percy had explained how he had ADHD and Dyslexia and how those learning disabilities had affected his academic life and social life. The more I read the book, the more I realized that, other than flipping letters and words around and not being able to read, his personality, traits and behaviors, the way he talked without thinking of consequences, the way he had trouble focusing on reading, the way he realized, as a demigod with ADHD, he saw too much, not too little, and how he was so fidgety and restless, constantly moving all the time just to pay attention, all of those things were basically describing my whole life. I started to recall memories of times my teachers told me to stop wiggling in my seat or to be quiet and pay attention, or how they would look in sympathy at me when they saw that I had trouble understanding and recalling what I read even though I definitely could read. I remembered that I was always frustrated when I couldn't understand something the first time I tried it. My sister excelled at piano when we were little and then I would get frustrated, slam the keys, and cry because I couldn't get it as fast. I remembered always being the "slow reader" and finishing last on readings when everybody had already moved on. My room (and my life tbh) was a disorganized mess. I realized while reading the book that I might have ADHD. I was 99% certain. I ended up doing so much research on it that I was convinced. I was even more convinced when I had basically devoured the first PJO series in two months, quicker than I ever read before and the most books Ive ever read in that amount of time. My parents were shocked at how I was all of sudden reading all the time. Finally in 11th grade when I became so overwhelmed with the amount of reading junior year required, I told my parents I wanted to get fully tested for ADHD. Thankfully they understood and told me they've suspected for a while I might have ADHD. When the psychologist who tested me finally told me I definitely was ADHD I almost cried. Not meaning to sound dramatic, but I felt like my whole life finally made sense. I was able to get accommodations in high school and now college. I finally knew that I wasn't dumber than my peers. In fact, the psychologist actually told me my IQ was slightly higher for someone my age which was actually common among kids with ADHD. This all became possible because I had picked up "The Lightning Thief" in 7th grade because my teacher forced me to. Since then, the PJO world has grown so much with so much representation for so many different kinds of kids from LGBT kids to people of color and to the disabled (I grew up with gay relatives and friends and it was nice for Rick to depict my type of family as normal. I also grew up as a mixed race girl with a physical disability and, unknowingly a mental one too so it was amazing to finally see people like me be main characters in his stories). I found myself relating to Percy, to Annabeth, to Thalia, Nico, Reyna (as a puerto rican who had trouble keeping friends), Leo(who was hispanic and super ADHD and loved cracking jokes to hide pain), Sadie Kane (as a semi white passing colored girl), and so many of his other characters. I finally found a world where I belonged and I'm never gonna give that up. I hope other kids like me have found themselves in these books as I know I definitely have.
  • Thanks for reading : ) I'd love to hear your stories so please reblog with them or message me or follow me and I'll be posting a lot more about my thoughts and theories on the PJO world.

anonymous asked:

Numb 8 have u ever cried bc u were so annoyed at someone (if ur still doin the ask meme thingy)

Andy: Yes. Actually it’s a pretty common thing with people who have ADD/ADHD. I literally used to sit in math class and get frustrated because my executive function wouldn’t allow me to sit and do the problem.

No matter how hard I tried, of my executive function was like ‘nah bruh’ then it would be almost impossible for me to complete something.

So the overwhelming stress pissed me off so much that sometimes I would burst into tears.