i was playing around and then it came out like this

radiohead are such a feel good band.

like ppl always talk about how miserable they are and how gloomy their lyrics sound but when you have thousands of people singing along at the top of their lungs to a song that came out 20 years ago and is being played by a band that’s been around for 30 odd years and like every person in the field and on the stage and watching from their laptops around the world is smiling so wide their faces look like they’re gonna split open, that is what a feel good band is. and it’s radiohead. doesn’t matter what they sing about, it’s how it makes you feel.

There’s something about bomb fishing in Zelda that fills me with delight, and while I might be a terrible person for gleefully mass murdering cute fishes with explosives, at least I’m not the only terrible person out there lol.

When my mom came up to visit I made her try Breath of the Wild and she loved it. Hunting, horse taming, fighting evil goblins – she was totally hooked on all of it from the moment she picked up the controller. When she finally completes the Shrine challenge that gives her the bomb app on her Sheikah slate She. Goes. Nuts. 

Fighting with weapons is difficult for her because she doesn’t have much practice with the camera joystick and she gets turned around easily, but holy shit does she quickly master Bomb Bowling for Bokoblins. A couple hours later and she’s elevated fighting with explosives to an art-form.

And then she comes across a pond full of fish that evaded her earlier in the game. This giant evil smile unfurls across her face like she’s the Grinch about to steal Christmas and she whispers “I’m gonna go fishing.”

anonymous asked:

I was wondering how you guys came up with the site design, like did Vero layout what she wanted and then Oliver would wrasle with CSS until it looked nice? Or did Oliver design it using those SWEET DEGREE SKILLZ? (When I first started learning about HTML and CSS, I would look at the stylesheet for BCB because I really liked the way that Oliver was able to make stuff center and do that wavey stuff at the top with the links.)

Oliver: I’m self-taught when it comes to web design and PHP stuff. I spent most of my high school years learning and playing around with it and making lots of little sites and designs for myself and friends.

The rough way the BCB site was originally designed and is involved basically has me

  1. Sketching it out on paper
  2. Creating a rough mockup in Adobe Fireworks (now dead, but essential imo)
  3. Writing nice markup for it in TextEdit
  4. Writing the CSS in CSSEdit (now Espresso)

That’s basically it. If you want actual design inspiration advice, I can’t think of anything other than trying to think about and be aware of trends on the internet. Read old A List Apart articles. I dunno.

Back with another playlist for this “Reminiscent” series that I’m playing around with. This time, I bring to you pieces that may remind you of the soundtrack of BioShock Infinite. I actually find this soundtrack to be particularly fascinating to analyse, especially due to how distinctly American it sounds. More than anything, the soundtrack has a lot of similar feelings like that of Charles Ives’ music. If you enjoyed the original soundtrack, I would highly encourage you to check out Ives’ works!

I would also encourage you to find Stephen Foster’s music (known for classic American folksongs like “Oh! Susanna”, “Camptown Races”, and “Beautiful Dreamer”) which played a huge role in inspiring the composers of BioShock Infinite. You can also distinctly hear the influences of gospel music (seeing how they use “Will the Circle Be Broken” a few times at significant moments), jazz, slave songs, and more. Really, it’s a phenomenal range of the genres and pieces that came out of the United States in the nineteenth and twentieth centuries.

And considering this, the playlist is—to some degree—an homage to some of the great American composers (… and Dvořák). I mostly based this playlist off of “Lighter Than Air” (which is what you hear when you arrive at Columbia at the start of the game), though there are aspects that may gesture to other tracks. You may also find some pieces (like the first) were actually used in BioShock, further highlighting the importance of these works’ as influences.

Once again, I’m using Spotify as my primary way of making this playlist, but I have also included a list of the tracks featured with YouTube links for those who may not have access. I have yet again chosen not to add the performers’ names, due to the fact that they will defer on Spotify/YouTube, but you should be able to find them without issue.

  1. Solace” by Scott Joplin
  2. The Unanswered Question” by Charles Ives
  3. Piano Blues, No. 2” by Aaron Copland
  4. “String Quartet No. 12 in F Major, Op. 96, B. 179 - II. Lento” by Antonín Dvořák
  5. 3 Visions - II. Summerland” by William Grant Still
  6. A Commemoration Symphony ‘Stephen Collins Foster’” by Robert Russell Bennett
  7. Quiet City” by Aaron Copland
  8. Seven Anniversaries - I. For Aaron Copland” by Leonard Bernstein
  9. Violin Sonata No. 2 - I. Autumn” by Charles Ives
  10. Excursions, Op. 20 - II. In slow blues tempo” by Samuel Barber
  11. The Things Our Fathers Loved” by Charles Ives

Previous Playlist: Howl’s Moving Castle

I think I’m past being out of my mind disgusted with my roommate’s antics, I mean its still nasty but it’s not as shocking. But I just don’t get how she isn’t horrible sick all the time.

Last night she made a tray of sausages, it was sitting and cooling on the range when I came down for some water, so I pointed out that itd be cool if she could keep an eye on them and Lola (my kitty) cause she might be too tempted, she smiled and nodded.

Today I came out of my room and there was this terrible smell, like the electrical burner left on with burnt stuff on it or something? I ran around the whole house trying to figure out what it was, it seemed kinda dangerous, then I opened the oven and she had just up and put these cooked sausages, not wrapped or covered or anything, in the oven and called it good.

How is she not just incredibly ill all the time?? She plays it so dangerously with her food, at times making my life a living hell but outside of that, how to ableds live like this?? Having lived with her this long I can see her just letting them chill in there for a couple days….

shibolet3  asked:

Wait what con artist from 2014

I’d like to title this story “Swing And A Miss

Okay, so my high school had this program where seniors could leave school like a month and a half early and opt out of exams if they took on internships around the neighborhood, but not everyone wanted to/was eligible to do it. Back in like 2013, they had like 15 bored seniors stuck in the school, so the administration brought in this Professional Life Coach, left him in alone in a room with them for two hours to talk to them about like, self-esteem or some shit. All the kids were pulled out of their classes for this*, and later told the administration that they loved him, they really enjoyed the talk.

So, about a year later, we have a new principal. He’s supposed to set up an assembly for all the 11th and 12th graders, but he doesn’t know what to do. One of his coworkers mentions that there was a life coach that was a huge hit with the kids that didn’t do community study last year, so maybe he’d also be great for a larger audience. The principal basically thinks “okay, what the hell” and calls up and hires Jason C. Jean to come talk to the kids.

Now, it’s like, 10:30, maybe 11:00 in the morning, and two entire grades are getting shepherded to the main gymnasium, and no one wants to God damn be there. We ain’t got time for self esteem talks. We want to sleep. And this guy, watching us all drag our feet in and collapse into the bleachers was just like…offensively peppy. There’s a couple faculty members sitting behind him, the woman who suggested he be hired for this, the vice principals for the grades- but the principal himself kept getting calls so he was in and out the whole time.

Now, Mr. Jean was like…the chill “Just call me by my first name dude” history professor at college times 30. He was trying so fucking hard. I’m referring to him as ‘Mr. Jean’ in this story just to be disrespectful. So anyway, we all get in there, and he tells us right off the bat “You guys are totally allowed to be on your phones and laptops during this! I get it! It’s no problem, like really, I insist!” so while the faculty members are exchanging smiles that read ‘how do we kill that while respecting him’, all the kids are immediately pulling out their electronics and he’s starts his speech.

Now, again, I really wanna reiterate that he told us we could be on our phones- because when the news articles started coming out about this, I remember all these angry, annoying comments from old people like “Why the hell were the students on their phones in the first place! So disrespectful! These damn millennials and their social media!” like, they were completely ignoring the entire story and just focusing in on kids using the internet, and it Really Super Pissed Me Off, so. Again, we had permission for this (which also ended up being Mr. Jean’s fatal mistake).

So, he starts off this speech fairly normally, like ‘hi, I’m Jason, I’m a professional life coach and I wanna teach you kids about how to be The Best You!’ and like people were tuning him out and listening to varying degrees. Some kids (like myself) were kinda dozing off, and everyone was on twitter or facebook.

His approach to a self esteem speech seemed to be ‘let me tell you my entire life story for hours’ and like, at first I was like “I’m not really hearing this, I’m half dreaming right now” but the more I started making myself pay attention the more…bizarre and rambling his story got.

So like, for instance, he told us he drank a lot in high school. Like, a lot. But he didn’t use that as a ‘don’t drink or party too hard’ lesson, instead he was like “I was fourteen so I always called my parents to pick me up, and they weren’t mad because they knew it meant I could trust them. So remember, always tell your parents when you’re drinking!” and then it kinda got to a point where it sounded like he was encouraging partying and drinking and the like to the group of underage kids.

And then, he told us how he used to play baseball all the time when he was a kid, and at 16 reached a crossroads in his life where the Phillies wanted to draft him or he could go play football for Penn State. And he said he went with Penn State but later lost the scholarship for some reason and we’re like…really.

There was absolutely nothing coherent about anything he was saying- nothing that tied anything together, made a point, seemed like it had anything to do with an assembly on self esteem. He told us at one point he was making upwards of 7 million a year. He told us one time before college he was homeless. He told us he used to own a construction company and built his own branch of nightclubs himself, that he and his friend then ran. He told us he fought a shark and came out with no scars. He told us that he had less money now, because after surviving a work related accident- direct quote- “I fell almost 30 feet and I broke in half” - he decided to leave that industry and spend more time with his family.

So, yeah, I was pretty positive this was bullshit, but there were clearly kids in the room that were falling for it. But then he said something like…he and his friend got bored one day and started jarring up their own pasta sauce, and made a deal with wegmans or some store like that to start selling it, and now he has a pasta sauce empire. Like he spent 15 fucking minutes on this. The way he kept saying ‘pasta sauce’ was so annoying I was about to claw my ears out. But anyway, two girls in my grade wanted to find out what brand he was talking about, so they googled his name.

And then quietly gasped.

And then furiously started typing into their phones.

And remember- everyone, even though they were paying attention- was on twitter and facebook. All the sudden I see heads flying up and wide eyes and people whispering to each other. Mr. Jean doesn’t seem to notice the change and keeps rambling on, but I know something happened so I google him too and-

Okay so basically he’s 1) been arrested, 2) filed for bankruptcy like three times and 3) has been hailed as a ‘Swinger Guru’ by playboy.

EVERYONES SILENTLY FLIPPING OUT.

So by now, this is a fucking game- he still doesn’t notice anything wrong amongst the kids, so we’re all silently texting each other to fill each other in. Pulling up receipts. But still playing the part of politely intrigued audience members. The school faculty have no fucking idea what’s going on, until one of the students texts her mom, who happens to be the woman that convinced the principal to hire this guy. We see her check her phone, go wide-eyed, and she runs out of the fucking room presumably to either find the principal or hide in terror.

So Mr. Jean had been talking to random people intermittently throughout this speech, but we reach the ‘questions’ part of it. Everyone seems to silently agree that instead of just asking him anything outright, we should just see how good of a liar he was. So they’d be asking him stuff like ‘how much money did you make with ____ company’ and he’d give a ridiculously high number as people were sending each other reports of him filing for bankruptcy during that time. Or they asked him about his construction business which he said was great, and while he was talking about how great it was we were all reading his arrest report, from when a woman hired him to build her house, and he took her money and then like…just didn’t build anything. Wild. Someone asked him about his family and he’s extolling Christian virtues while we’re all on the website for his annual Swing Fest. People would ask him how he got certain jobs and he was making promises to hook kids up in interviews and shit. Everyone was loosing their God damn minds online and just barely holding it together in person. This man was so beyond full of shit- like, he was a God awful life coach but his dedication to lying was inspirational.

We eventually get to leave and everyone is yelling and cracking up and freaking out, all running to our classes to tell the teachers and the underclassmen everything, and the teachers are freaking out, alternating between horrified confusion and laughing hysterically. Before the school day even ended, someone had called a bunch of news stations. The principal was freaking out and denying he had anything to do with it, before calling some students to his office to see what exactly the kids had searched up on the guy…Because apparently teenagers can perform better background checks than school officials. It was all anyone could talk about for weeks.

A couple months after this, for my theater class’ showcase, I wrote and directed a skit called ‘Mason B. Mean’. It was a huge hit. The principal was in the audience. I’ve never seen a grown man look so dead inside. I made sure I was out of the room before he came up to congratulate the cast and everything. The next day, my theater teacher told me his only comment about the skit was a quiet, long-suffering “Why.” 😂😂

Annnnnnnnd that’s the time a Swinger Entrepreneur rambled on about pasta sauce and money in front of teenagers who knew how to use google for almost two hours.  

http://www.philly.com/philly/news/breaking/Montco_principal_apologizes_for_having_swinger_entrepreneur_speak_to_kids.html

→ plums & melons | 01

Originally posted by trash-for-bangtan

pairing → Jimin x Reader

☆ genre  →  smut, slight humor, drama || brother’s best friend!au 

warnings   → public indecency, dirty talk, a lot of teasing, jimin’s porn preferences, and boobs

☆ word count   → 6.3k

The long time running game between you and your brother’s best friend started when you noticed his fascination with boobs—yours specifically. It was never supposed to amount to more than harmless flirting and lingering glances, but now, one year later, Jimin was ready to change that.

alternatively: Jimin and you play a game. the loser is fucked. metaphorically. literally. all the above??

☆ a/n → i had to split this into 2 parts rip (& in this work of fiction, jimin’s penis isn’t a jelly bean) happy 3 months !!

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It’s a [Tinder] Date! (Part 3/3)

Summary: Thinking he needs to find a date, Natasha signs Steve up to Tinder. In Queens, Peter Parker does the same to you. It’s a match!

Word Count: 3,405

Part 1 Part 2

A/N: Almost a month later, but this fic is officially done :D I hope you all enjoy this fluffiness. 

Originally posted by mackievanstan


Work managed to distract you enough to not keep looking at the clock every five minutes. Despite part of your brain telling you that there was no way you had a date with Captain America, there was another part that couldn’t help but to hope this was true. And so, you found yourself daydreaming of showing up to the restaurant and seeing him there. What would you even say to him? What kind of greeting would you use? Would you address him as Captain, or maybe Mr. Rogers, or just Steve?

By the time you got home, you had a few outfit options in mind and made a beeline to the bathroom, taking a shower before you got started on getting ready.

Peter came around as you were choosing between four different outfits you had draped on your bed. He helped you picked the one that was form-fitting, waggling his eyebrows playfully.

“We gotta tease him,” he said.

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2

Mind Reader

Characters: Dean x Reader

Warnings: angst adjacent, smut, dirty talk, LOTS of language

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: I was looking through some REALLY old requests and I came across an idea from @jennalyncarrigan1230 from who knows how long ago. She pitched an idea that I have twisted and LOVE the outcome. I doubt she even remembers sending the ask, but her initial idea sparked this smutty goodness. This took on a life of its own. I haven’t wrote Dean smut or ANY smut in quite some time. This is officially DIRTY. Or at least by my standards it is. Hope you enjoy. ;) Italics & Bold indicate reader’s thoughts.  This has very little plot. Just the poor reader thinking her secret dirty thoughts about Dean only to have them be not so secret anymore.

Feedback Appreciated

Tags at the bottom

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food truck au 1/??

(inspired by my earlier post)

Anyone who knew Jack Zimmermann would laugh at the idea of him even being able to remember the login for his Twitter account.

No one, not even his parents, would ever suspect that he checked his feed every single morning.

Jack didn’t care much for social media; he was too private a person to ever want the world to know where he was or what he was eating at any given moment. In fact, he only followed three accounts: his mother’s, the official Falconers’, and that of Li’l Dicky’s Southern Comforts. The latter was the only one he actually cared about.

See, Jack Zimmermann had a deep, dark secret – he was in love with the mini apple pies that were sold daily at Li’l Dicky’s. It was the only dessert he ever indulged in on a regular basis, and said indulgences were a secret he would take to his grave.

Every morning, Li’l Dicky’s posted their location for the day. Jack knew the general schedule by heart at this point, but some days the truck switched things up, due to weather or construction or event catering, and Twitter was the only way for Jack to know if he would be able to get his apple pie fix.

It didn’t hurt that Eric Bittle, the owner of Li’l Dicky’s, smiled at Jack like the sun shined out of his ass every time he came by. But really, it was the pies Jack couldn’t enough of. Mostly. Probably.

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A Lesson in Love (The End)

Summary: (College!AU) In which you’re assigned to write a story about romance, a subject you know nothing about, and Bucky, a hopeless romantic, offers you his assistance.

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 2,898

A/N: This is it, y’all. We’ve finally reached the final part of the series and, because I’m a sentimental son of a gun, I’ll post a proper goodbye post to this story sometime in the next day or two.

“A Lesson in Love” Masterlist + Soundtrack

@avengerstories - Without you, there would be no ALiL. I can’t thank you enough for you endless support.

Originally posted by caps-bucky

You wake up early the next morning, eyes blinking wearily as you struggle to free yourself from the last remaining tendrils of slumber. It’s not a simple task, mostly because you’re still exhausted and all you want to do is fall go back to sleep.

But you can’t. Something woke you up and you need to figure out what it was.

As you begin to come to, so do your senses. A quick sweep around your surroundings lets you know that you’re not in your apartment and the feeling of someone wrapped around you is the only clue you need to figure out that you’re not alone. You turn your head slightly, nose catching the scent of antibacterial soap - a smell that your brain immediately connects to doctors and hospitals.

Hospitals.

The last bit of confusion about your current location fades away as your brain catches up with your senses. You’re with Bucky.

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10 Reasons I should play Isak in the US Skam Remake

1. Isak and I are virtually indistinguishable from one another. Never before have I so closely, intensely related to a fictional character. 

2. I can rock a snapback

3. I wrote, co-directed, and starred in a short film that won the Atlantic Youth Film Festival and went on to be featured at the Toronto International Film Festival High School Festival

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GjC3oncA6g8

4. REALLY want a blonde Isak? I’m game

5. I totally felt a Natural Connection™️ with Tarjei AND Henrik when I got to meet them 

6. Trying to be straight™️? ME

7. I can cry. I mean, CRY cry. Ugly cry (but still look good) 

8. Do you see that picture of me and my boy squad in front of a castle? Yeah. #boysquad 

9. I’ve acted in almost a dozen plays, both through school and independently, as well as three short films, so I know what I’m doing, but am definitely an unknown. 

10. Sitting on a bench? Sign me up

BONUS: I would do anything to play Isak Valtersen. Julie and Tarjei were able to expertly craft this phenomenal character that helped me grow as a person more than I ever thought a fictional character could. When I watch Skam, I see so much of myself in Isak. I took the exact same Gay Test as him. I laid awake for hours wondering if boys I liked, liked me back. I awkwardly came out to my friends when they heard it from other people first. I dated girls to prove to myself and people around me that I was straight. My first gay kiss was ripped right from a movie, only I was laying down like Sleeping Beauty and he got down on one knee and kissed me. I understand Isak because I am Isak. I’m the scared, lonely, angry closeted kid who makes other people guess who I like because it’s easier than telling them myself. I know US Skam won’t be able to replicate Julie and Tarjei’s Isak, because it never could. Nothing and nobody ever could. I don’t know if US Skam will be good; some remakes (The Office, Shameless) are amazing, others (Skins) are terrible. I hope US Skam is good, because I hope other people get to have characters they connect with the way I connect with Isak. I want to play Isak (or Isaac?) because I want to do for somewhat else what Tarjei did for me. I will always be grateful to him. I will never be able to thank him and Julie enough for Isak Valtersen. 


If anybody important ever sees this and wants to give me a chance, I’ll be eternally grateful to you as well. :) 

I Miss You (One Shot)

I Miss You: After weeks of being apart from your boyfriend, Bucky, the distance become a bit too much for you to handle.

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Warnings: Phone sex. Dirty talk. Mentions of past injuries. Graphic details of sex. Porn gifs are used. Super NSFW. (If you’re not comfy with phone sex or anything else listed, keep scrolling.)

A/N: I have no idea where this idea came from, but just know that it’s for a good cause! ;)

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our little family pt.6 | park jimin

Pairing: Father! Jimin + Reader

Genre: Fluff/Angst + parent au

Word Count: 6.1k

Summary: You were just a pre-school teacher, a simple dream that came true as you always adored children. But what you didn’t know, was how one child and her very special father would change you dream forever.

Parts: 1 2 3 4 5 6

AN: Ah…the final part. I just want to say thank you for all those who have read and stayed with me through this lovely journey of writing OLF and being super supportive of the story. I tried my absolute best to wrap it up in the nicest way possible (but just a tad disappointed with my writing :/ ) however again thank you so much and enjoy! 

You tied your messy hair up into a ponytail, attempting to get the small, distracting hairs out of your face as you started to take out things from the refrigerator to make Jieun and yourself some lunch.

Hearing small footsteps behind you and a voice call out your name, you turned around from the countertop to see Jieun standing in the middle of the kitchen, her hands rubbing her droopy eyes as she stared up at you, resembling that of a long, lost puppy.

A warm smile spread across your face as you exclaimed, “Hey, look at you, you’re up!” as you lifted the little girl into your arms and spun her around, eliciting small giggles from her mouth before setting her down on the kitchen countertop.

Your eyes glanced towards the time before looking back at Jieun, “Do you feel hungry? It’s almost lunch time.”

She nodded quickly, a big smile spreading across her face when she asked, “Can we eat cookies? I really liked your cookies last time!”

You giggled as you pinched her nose softly, “Uh-huh, you can’t eat cookies for lunch now, can you?! How about we make some macaroni and cheese and then we’ll bake cookies for snack time later? Does that sound like a good idea?”

Her eyes lit up at that as she grinned, “Mac and cheese?! That’s my favorite! Daddy makes it for me all the time.”

“Well then it’s up to you to pick who’s Mac and cheese you like better okay?” you teased, as she nodded happily before whispering to you, “I think you might win Ms. L/N. Daddy sometimes burns the cheese and it turns all black and gooey.”

You laughed at that before saying, “Well, I guess it’s time to teach him how to properly cook huh?”

“Or Ms.L/N could come live with us? Then you can cook delicious food for me and daddy!” Jieun exclaimed, an innocent smile on her face.

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36″ x 48″ (M)

word count: 3.6k

genre: smut; idol!verse

pairing: reader/taehyung

warning(s)/kink(s): intercrural sex (thigh fucking) + dirty talk + come play + size kink (?)

a/n: the title is a joke about canvas size, that of which is a large size for one lmao

masterlist

Originally posted by taehyungsource

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anonymous asked:

Going off the fighting with no pads+ live weapons+ sparring=death discussion, what would you suggest as an alternative? I'm working on a fantasy story where two of my characters are training in swordsmanship with the intention of becoming knights, but warfare is a lot different than using pads/dummies. What are ways I can have my characters realistically train for battle without mauling each other? Or should they just cross their fingers and hope they don't die on the battlefield in real combat?

Well, for starters, they use training weapons. These are are weapons that are essentially what they’d be using and are blunted. The character gets the effect of training with the weapon and practicing their techniques against another opponent without risk of fatal injury.

This is a long standing practice in all martial disciplines and it is much safer than letting beginners murder each other. You never get to touch a real sword until you’ve reached the end of your training. They’re expensive, dangerous, and most knights aren’t going to have the money to replace all the weapons they’ve destroyed during training.

You start with wood, then move up to metal, then move up to the real blades.

You also don’t have your knights learning to joust each other with real lances either. It’ll be blunted lances like the ones used at tournament, and will use those at all times except on the battlefield. They’ll only be allowed to joust other students when their performance is satisfactory, and they will practice with a dummy first. They’ll keep practicing with that dummy for the remainder of their existence, because it’s safer than practicing with another knight and they can fine hone their skills. Then, they move up to a hanging ring.

They don’t just put you on a horse, thrust a lance in your hands and hope for the best.

They’ll spar with padded armor. When they reach a point in their training where the time has come for them to wear armor, they’ll be using older suits rather than new ones. If they spar with live weapons at all, at any point, the rules of the duel will be to first blood and will be watched very closely by their training instructors.

Training happens in stages.

You practice the pieces of the technique, broken down. You learn the stance, then you learn what you’re doing with your hands. How to hold the weapon. Then, you learn how to move the weapon. Then, you practice the technique all together incorporating your whole body. Then, you practice that singular technique with another human (drilling), then, you learn other techniques, then you learn to connect all those techniques together, then you learn the defenses against those techniques, then you practice them with your partner, and then… then you spar.

In between these stages, you condition. You drill. You condition more. Drill more. Learn more techniques. Sparring becomes a reward. As you go up in rank, the targets you are allowed to hit in sparring expand. The more difficult techniques you learn. You may then advance to other weapons, or you’ll be doing most of them at the same time.

Round and round we go.

Practice with the sword before you hold the shield. Practice with the shield before you hold the sword. Learn to wield the sword with one hand. Then with two. Then with a shield. Learn horseback riding. Learn the staff. Learn the bow. Learn the knife.

Then, once you have a base and you are lucky, you will spar against different weapon types.

If he is confident in your abilities and you have the time, he may hold a melee or allow you, his trainee, to participate in one. Or you may do so while squiring to a knight, depending on your master. What is a melee? It is a practice battle, like a real one without the death (usually).

Or, you may not get any of this. Be thrown into battle up front and be forced to learn as we go.

There’s a target point for what you want to have, and then there’s what you get. A medieval knight or squire or even a page may very well be forced into battle long before they’re “ready”. A page’s training also depends heavily on who is fostering him/her and if they care.

Knights were not given the same training. The concept of training, armed warfare, and mass conflict as we understand it today didn’t exist. They were dependent on which local lord took them under his wing, funded them, and how invested he (and his arms master) was in their training. If they got a sadist for a teacher then they got a sadist for a teacher.

The problem with the romantic “live weapon” idea most people have is that “live weapons” will better prepare you for real combat. They don’t, because nothing compares for real combat. These characters may also see combat long before they become a knight, as they’ll be squired out first and their experiences depend on what their knightly master will be doing.

Knights are a training investment of fourteen years. You don’t waste that lightly. It also costs way too much to outfit them with real shit that they will then misuse and break. Especially not when you can just give them the sturdier, more reliable shit that many others have used before them.

The same is true for the horses. They get the training ponies with the hard mouths before they ever approach a warhorse. They need to prove themselves worthy of the substantial investment which comes with equipping them.

Yes, even the sadistic masters do this. The only difference is the mind games they play while it happens.

And, yes, with the first battle it will always be “hope for the best”. Anything else, they’re kidding themselves. Training is about getting you as prepared as you can be for the real thing, but it is not the real thing and no amount of live blades in a practice arena will change that.

Which is why you don’t do it.

Besides that, there’s the injury risk. Students who don’t know what they’re doing have a greater chance of injuring themselves and others. Injuries are costly. Training relies on consistency. If you’re stuck in your room with a twisted ankle, a bruised collarbone, nevermind a serious injury like a broken bone, then your training will lapse. A student needs to stay active in order to remain viable. If they’re not then its a waste of money, equipment, and other resources like food.

You’ve got to feed them, billet them, and everything in between. If you want shock troopers that’s what the peasants are for. A knight is an investment. You push your investment. You do not break them. They then repay you with their service.

A single soldier in the United States Military costs the taxpayers around a million dollars. Their training is also among the cheapest things the military can buy. In terms of resources in the Middle Ages, the feeding, training, and equipping of a knight costs far more than that.

Think about it. And maybe do some more research.

Otherwise, you’ve got a trainer going, “I want to blow through fourteen years and nine million dollars to soothe my students’ egos!”

No.

“Anything Goes” is a Hollywood creation. You train all combatants on the assumption they’ll be killed, you want to give them the tools to survive but they’ll probably die. For this reason, you need every single one. You can’t waste them on each other. That’s a major reason why tournaments came to exist, so you could have the war and the skill without the death.

-Michi

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Birthday Sex ~ Jimin

Originally posted by kpopidolaegyooo


Pairing: Jimin x Reader

Genre: Smut

Word Count: 1,528 Words

SMUT WARNING

As soon as the clock turned 12, Jimin was all over you. He pulled you into his arms and didn’t let go, wishing you a happy birthday and continued talking about how thankful he is for you.

“Jimin…” You whine, trying to pull away from his grasp. He ignored you and started bouncing the leg you were sitting on.

“Yah, listen to me.” He sighed and squeezed onto your hips. He definitely caught your full attention as soon as he started moving his leg.

You looked at him as he was biting his lip. You really had no idea that Jimin was just talking about treating you with birthday sex and taking you out for dinner later.

He stopped his leg and leaned in for a kiss, as soon as your lips touched you let out a soft moan. No matter how many times you kissed, the feeling of his lips never got old. They were so soft and plump, he looked so submissive when they were red and swollen and he was slightly panting. But this was about you tonight and Jimin was going to make sure you knew that even though it was your birthday, he was still in charge and was gonna treat you tonight.

As the kiss deepened, his hands went to your shirt and unbuttoned it, revealing your dark lace bra. He pulled away and smirked as you removed your shirt, “Mm.. such a good girl. Even on your birthday. Don’t you think you deserve a treat today?”

“Yes Jimin…”

He pulled you onto his lap and leaned forward and latched his lips onto your neck, sucking on the soft skin, leaving trails of his mark behind. You started grinding into him, trying to relieve some of the tension and get some kind of action going. As Jimin bit down onto the skin, you let out a small moan and moved slightly faster while grinding on him.

He’s always been confident while with you, you always let him know how good he is and it just boosts his ego. He pulled away and admired his work, his hands trailed to your hips and he held onto while you slightly pleasured you both on his lap. You unhooked your bra and threw it onto the floor, “Jimin… I need you.”

He picked you up and moved you to your bed. You laid back and he quickly got to pulling off your shorts and panties. He spread your legs open and slowly ran a finger over your entrance, you wetness slid out onto his finger, coating him already and he hadn’t even done anything yet.

His thumb slowly stroked your clit, “(Y/N), can you do what you did last time?”

You quickly nodded, needing Jimin to touch you in any way possible, to give you some relief.

He slid one finger into your opening and pushed it deep before curling it inside of you. You whimpered and pushed against his finger, making it go even deeper. Jimin curled it a few times before pulling it out, only to push another finger in. You prepared yourself as he slowly curled his fingers, getting you ready for the harsh, but amazing, fingering he was about to give you. He raised his eyebrows, asking if he was okay to go and you nodded.

He quickly curled his two fingers causing you to moan loudly. He used some strength and pounded you with his fingers. He pushed them in as deep as he could and curled them as fast as he could, right against that spot that always gets you going.

“Oh fuck! Jimin!” You cried as he quickly pulled his fingers out of you, a trail of your liquids following suit.

“There you go, baby!” He praised, watching as you squirted all over the sheets. He didn’t even mind the mess and pushed his fingers in again, curling then hard and fast. He kept this going longer this time and before he even pulled out his fingers, you squirted uncontrollably.

You whined as you felt the wetness soaking the sheets underneath you. The sensation was warm and you could feel Jimin was trying to move his fingers faster. As he finally pulled them out, you squirted more, and it landed on his shirt, soaking it in the process.

“Such a good girl.” He moaned out as he ran his fingers over your clit. You shivered and pulled on his hair.

“Jimin, your mouth… Please..!” You begged, spreading your legs open wide for him to see.

Without any warning he leans down and latches his plump lips onto your clit. You moan loudly and pull on his hair as he quickly licks your clit. Jimin was so skilled with his mouth and it was impossible to last for long. His arms hooked underneath your thighs and pulled you even closer to his mouth. He sucked harshly on your clit, and that had you coming in less than a minute.

He groaned against you, the vibrations making you even more sensitive as he licked up your cum. Even after that orgasm, he didn’t stop and kept licking from your entrance to your clit, not able to get enough of your taste.

“J-Jimin! Stop!” You whimper, trying to push him away with your shaky hands. He holds your legs in place as he continues to quickly lick over your clit. Your hands grab onto his black hair to try to steady yourself.

“Ah! Fuck!” You yelp and try to calm yourself as you felt the slight tingling sensation in the bottom of your stomach before releasing from his mouth again. He sucked on your clit and shook his head from left to right, causing you to jerk your hips up and for your eyes to water.

“Please Jimin… I can’t..!” You beg and he finally stops his abuse on your poor clit after sucking up all of your sweet cum.

“You taste so good baby, but i cant wait to see what we taste like together. You ready for my cock?” He asks while quickly undressing himself, giving you a moment to come down from your high.

“Yes.. Just please.. Hurry up!” You whine and quickly help him line himself up with your entrance. Your hands go to his back and pull him to you so he pushes into you. Your faces twist with pleasure as your walls clench around him, enveloping his cock in the wet warmness of your pussy.

“Shit (Y/N). Always so tight for my cock.” He grunts as he starts thrusting into you at a good pace. His skin slightly brushed against your clit everytime he thrust and you were getting close again.

“You like that (Y/N)?” He asks right after one particularly hard thrust.

“Yes! Yes! Please Jimin, don’t stop!” You beg and he smirks while pounding into you. Your walls clench before you let go.

Your walls clenched and released around him and your nails dragged down his back. Before you could even come down from your high, Jimin flipped you around and started thrusting into you from behind. The overstimulation made it hard to keep yourself up so he pulled you up by your hair. Your back was pressed against his chest and his hand was gripping your throat.

“You like that baby? When I fuck your little pussy and choke you? Huh?” He growls, slightly squeezing harder as he got closer to his high.

“Yes Jimin, I love it,” you choke out the words as your air was getting cut off. It added to the pleasure and rushed your body to reach its next orgasm. Jimin thrust one last time before releasing his hot seed into your throbbing pussy. You cried out as you tightened around him again, legs shaking from the intense orgasm. He let go of your throat and you gasped for air.

He slowly pulled out of you and collapsed onto the bed, “Holy shit babygirl. You okay?” He looked over at you laying on the side of him catching your breath.

You nodded and rolled over onto his chest, “My fucking legs Park Jimin. They’re sore as fuck.”

He laughed and played with some of your hair, admiring you in the process. “You were the one who said you wanted to fuck for your birthday.”

You pouted but leaned up and softly kissed him on the lips, “Thank you baby. That’s the best fuck we’ve ever had.”

He smiled and moved his hands down to your ass and softly squeezed, before rubbing it. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

“So we should prob-” You were cut off as Jimin’s hand harshly slapped your ass. He smirked as you yelped and quickly sat up.

“You’re always supposed to get your ass slapped on your birthday,” he said with a smug look on his face.

“No, not in my world.”

He laughed and pulled you back down and held you down with his left hand while his right hand rubbed your ass slowly.

“21 more to go.” He said, while his hand came down again, making you cry out in pain and pleasure.

“I fucking hate you Park Jimin!”

You Understand, Right?

Characters: Dean Winchester x Sister!Reader / Friend!Reader, Sam Winchester x Sister!Reader / Friend!Reader, Bobby, John

Length: 1663+ words

TW: Suicide. Depression. Abandonment. Dean being a jerk. 

A/N: Another word vomit that I did when I couldn’t sleep last week. I just had the idea in my head for the whole night, and I knew if I didn’t write it down, I wouldn’t be able to remember it the next morning. So, here it is! Feedback is encouraged!

MASTERLIST


The thing about the Winchester family was that they collect family like one would collect dolls. They have a lot of family around the State, any of them willing to do anything for the brothers. They always had a saying. 

Family doesn’t end in blood.

Except it does. They can say it as many times as they want, but there isn’t anything they wouldn’t do for the family. Their blood family. 

You were 4 when you were collected by John, and shipped off to Bobby’s. You were basically raised alongside the brothers from then on. Sam being a year older than you, and his brother, Dean, being 5 years older than you.

You were 5 when Dean ran out of breakfast. Bobby, and John were gone on a hunt, leaving 10 year-old Dean in charge. There was half a single granola bar left, and he looked uneasily between you and Sam, both of you had complained about being hungry. He gave you a strange look, and even though you were 5, you knew what it meant. Afterall, John gave you the same look when he told you why you can’t come home to your parents. It was also the same look that Bobby gave you when you asked about your parents. The look of guilt. You turned away, not being able to handle the fact that his decision had already been made when he was 4, and the responsibility of Sam’s livelihood was thrusted into his hands.

“Not hungry,” you mumbled, despite your roaring stomach. Sam’s eyes lit up with glee as he snatched the snack from his brother’s hand, and you can see Dean’s face visibly relax.

“Sammy’s my responsibility. You understand, right?” Dean asked, a hopeful smile on his face.

You gave him a nod, hopping off the chair, and went back to your bed, hoping you can sleep away the hunger. 

Keep reading

Stranded (Part 1)

where Y/N is sorry and Harry is angry.

Harry turned around as soon as he heard the bathroom door open. He could feel his eyes widening at the sight of you. With your blue floor length dress and hair up in a loose bun, you looked unquestionably breathtaking. You were heading for the celebration dinner of Harry’s movie, but Harry felt like he would be nothing there compared to the goddess standing in front of him. He couldn’t help it, he walked towards you with long strides, smashing his lips with yours and whispering,

“Baby, you look absolutely gorgeous.”

Your cheeks glowed with color as heat rushed up your neck. You smiled in gratitude before remarking,

“I think I should be the one saying that.”

Harry jokingly flipped his hair before replying,

“Yeah, I know, I’m very pretty.”

You two let out a laugh before your lips collided once more.

“How ‘bout we ditch the dinner an’ put on some of our own entertainment t’night?” he smirked, proud of his word play.

“Wish we could darling, but everyone’s gonna be there for you, yeah? Can’t leave them hanging.” You replied.

He hummed in response, well aware that he couldn’t ditch the party being thrown for him. You two headed out for the car parked outside. Your hands were tightly intertwined with Harry’s, and the two of you couldn’t have been more content at the moment.

Once you arrived at the destined place, the screams of the crowd and paparazzi increased in volume. The two of you were scurried out of the car by Harry’s event organizer. Harry wrapped an arm around your waist as the two of you headed towards the fancy restaurant.

Strutting towards the door, you two looked, and felt, like the ideal couple. However, your little bubble of happiness was soon burst apart as Harry started getting questioned by an interviewer. He seemed nice, and the pair of you didn’t mind.

Yet, soon the questions started getting directed towards you as well. Caught up in the blissful heaven of the situation, you barely noticed as you accidentally spilled out information about Harry working on his solo album.

Harry had previously decided to keep his solo music career a secret for the time being. Lots of conspiracies came along with the rumors, none of which Harry wanted to face. He had instructed you not to inform anyone about it either, and he knew that he could definitely trust you. You had gone to extremes to keep it a secret, there had been several times when it was so close to being revealed but you did one thing or other to safeguard your beloved boyfriend’s clandestine.

But this once, caught up in the happiness of the situation, and the feeling of being in Harry’s arms, you hadn’t even noticed the words tumbling out of your mouth. As soon as the words escaped you, the two of you immediately halted to a stop. Harry’s arm tightened around your waist warningly, to the point where it almost hurt. The interviewer was as shocked as could be, and continued on trying to dig out more details from either of you.

You tried to make it better, you really did, but the damage had been done.

Harry hurriedly excused you two from the press and continued walking towards the main hall. You knew he was mad, the tense way his shoulders were situated, was an obvious sign of that.

Once reality settled in, you felt like you could cry. You had revealed his secret, broken his trust. He had confided in you and trusted you to not tell a soul about something that he didn’t yet want to share.

However, before you could let out a word, Harry was whisked away by his manager, and you had been left alone to fend for yourself. Usually, Harry would be the one to hold your hand tightly and pull you along with him, but you knew that after this, the last thing he wanted was to be anywhere near you.

You were soon given company by Gigi, Eleanor and Cheryl. All of the boys were there to support Harry, and you felt horrible that you had messed up the night for him. You felt your heart ache when you saw that Harry had opted to take the seat farthest away from you at the dinner table. The night passed on with you barely touching your food and trying your best to be as social as you could in the given circumstances.

Harry was nowhere to be seen, probably he had gone somewhere with his friends, and Eleanor and Cheryl had went off to mingle with their own boyfriends, while Gigi had stayed with you. She claimed that she wanted your advice on some show that she was preparing for, but you knew that she felt bad for you. She knew what had happened, and didn’t want for you to be alone.

While you were grateful for the company that she provided, you hadn’t failed to notice Harry’s absence throughout the night. You knew that he was upset with you, but you didn’t think that he would actually ignore you the whole night through. As it was nearing midnight and Gigi was going on about her upcoming Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, a text message from Harry interrupted the both of you. Hope sprang through you as you looked down at your phone, but it was quick to die down as soon as you read the cold words that had been sent to you.

“We’re leaving.”

As you looked up, you saw Harry’s manager waving to you to come to the front door. You informed Gigi, who stood up with you.

“We’ll be leaving soon too. Just need to say goodbye to some people before we’re on our way.”

“Okay, thank you so much for today. I’ll see you soon.”

“Anytime, babe. I’m sure Harry will cool off soon. Just give him some time and space, yeah? Call me if you need anything.” She said, rubbing your arm comfortingly.

“Yeah, thank you, Gigi. I love you.”

The both of you hugged goodbye before you hurried off to where Harry’s manager was standing. She informed you that Harry was already in the car. Your heart sank a little, realizing that he was still mad. You hadn’t expected him to just forget about the whole thing, but you were hoping that his mood would be uplifted after spending some time with his friends.

Nonetheless, you knew that you had made a mistake and that you would have to pay the consequences now.

As you walked outside, you noticed the drizzle going on. It wasn’t much, but the dark clouds in the night sky made it obvious that it wasn’t long before it would start raining heavily. You opened the car door, and skid into the passenger seat. Harry already had the car started, and before you had time to buckle up your seat belt, he scurried off without a word. The tires of the car produced a sharp screech due to the force of the sudden turn.

You didn’t say anything, only adjusting yourself in your seat.

Harry continued driving towards the house that the both of you shared. But you couldn’t help but notice the death grip he had on the steering wheel. After a while, the awkward tension became too much and you felt like you were going to choke. You decided to face the consequences of your mistake as soon as possible, since procrastinating was clearly going to get you nowhere.

“Harry, I really am sorry about what happened-” You started, before he cut you off.

“Don’t Y/N, just don’t.”

He sounded so angry, unlike you had ever heard before. You had heard from a lot of people that Harry was the worst when angry. Though you had yet to encounter a seriously mad Harry, since he always made sure to control his temper around you.

It had started to rain harder outside, with heavy raindrops falling down on the wind screen. His knuckles had begun to turn whiter due to his extremely tight grip on the steering wheel. His face was set in a mad frown that was deadly to even look at.

“Harry, I promise that this wasn’t my intension. I was only answering their question and it just slipped out. I’m really sorry.”

“Sorry won’t cut it. I trusted you with my secret and you totally ruined it. I’m never telling you anything again. Now shut your mouth before I decide to kick you out of the car right now.”

This was so unlike him, the Harry that you knew would never, ever speak to you like how he just did.

Harry was known to be one of the most respectful people out there, and he had proved himself to you as a gentleman several times. Always treating you with intense care, feeding you chocolates during your period, opening the doors for you anywhere you went; he did everything to make sure that you were happy with him.

“Harry, please try to under-” Your sentence was left unfinished as the car halted to a stop.

“Get out.” He commanded.

“What?” Your voice was timid, compared to his. You had absolutely no idea about what Harry could do in his rage of anger, and you weren’t sure if you were ready to find out.

“Get out of the fucking car, Y/N. Or so help me I’ll do it myself.”

“Harry, it’s almost midnight and it’s raining so hard outside. Please don’t do this. I said I’m sorry.” You practically begged.

He wasn’t having any of it, though. In the blink of an eye, he unbuckled his seat belt and got out of the car. He threw open your side of the door and grabbed your wrists. You tried to resist his grip, and he almost threw you to the ground. Your ankle twisted due to the heels you were wearing, and a painful yelp came out of your mouth. You were lying there in pain, with a ruined dress, spoiled make-up and sore wrists.

You tried to refrain him one last time.

“Harry, please stop.”

He shrugged off your hold on his wrist and went over to the driver’s side. He proceeded to sit in and drive away, leaving you a crying and broken mess in the middle of the road with darkness surrounding you and rain water pouring down on you heavily.

To some outsider, it may have looked like a scene freshly out of some movie. To you though, it was like your world had been torn apart. Yes, you had made a mistake, a horrible one at that. Harry had trusted you with one of his most sacred secrets and as his significant other, it was your duty to protect it at all costs. However, you had gotten caught up in the blissful moment and gone ahead and done the exact opposite.

In spite of that, you didn’t think that you deserved to be thrown out so harshly; in the middle of the night with strangers lurking around and rain falling hard on you.

Yes, you had broken his trust and knew that it wasn’t going to be easy to gain it back, but he had done the exact same thing, maybe worse. Your boyfriend, the very guy who was supposed to keep you safe and protect you from all the harm in the world, was himself the guy who had thrown you out in the streets, with absolutely no concern of what could happen to you.

And as you sat broken in the right middle of the street, with black tears staining your face and wet hair matted to your forehead, dress ripped and ankle twisted, you couldn’t help but wonder if things would ever be alright between you two again.