Insecurity | Part Two
Pairing: Jungkook x Reader
Word Count: 2.075
A/N: honestly, my emotions are all over the place. you guys have sent me SO MUCH love in the last 24 hours and I don’t know how I can thank every single one of you. this feedback I’m getting is incredible and my head just won’t accept the thought of people enjoying my writing that much that my phone won’t stop buzzing from all the notifications I’m getting. I’m so thankful and jfc I’m starting to ramble so enjoy the second part!
please don’t hate it omg
“I think we should take a break”, he mumbled, giving you one last glance before leaving out of your front door.
As soon as the door closed and you heard his car drive away, you crashed down onto the wooden floor. Tears streamed down your face and sobs erupted through your body uncontrollably. Your whole body started shaking and your lungs stung from the lack of air you were getting.
He just left. You opened up to him, telling him about your biggest insecurities and he capped it all off by destroying your self-esteem completely, simply turning around and leaving you there. Like some toy, he never even wanted in the first place.
He had told you minutes before that argument how much he loved you, had caressed your face and body, showing his love to you. But one wrong word from you had turned the loving Jungkook into a cruel monster, you had never seen before.
You were laying on the floor, curling up into a ball and holding your hands close to your chest, sobbing and shaking, not being able to think straight. You loved him with every inch of your body and he had tossed you away.
Slowly, you grabbed your phone from your back pocket and dialed his number. Holding your phone in you shaky hands, you tried to calm yourself down while you were waiting for him to pick up.
After three times only reaching his voicemail, you decided to try it one last time before giving up. It was about to go back to his voicemail when you heard someone pick up. “Hello?”
You frowned. That wasn’t Jungkook’s voice. “Uhm- hi, it’s (Y/N). I-is Jungkook there?”, you asked hesitantly, trying to oppress your sobs.
“Oh hi (Y/N)! It’s Tae”, he giggled and you heard him shuffle. “No, actually he just came home, left his stuff and said he needed to go for a run. Wasn’t he supposed to sleep over at yours tonight?”
Your lips started trembling and you had to bite the inner side of your cheek so you wouldn’t cry in front of Taehyung. Jungkook didn’t even tell his best friend that he had just broken up with you. He had plainly left.
“Uhm no, we had a change of plans”, you whispered and crawled over to your couch. “Thanks for letting me know though”, you immediately hung up, tossed your phone away and screaming into your pillow, letting all your tears flow and sobs shake you.
Later that night, you had hardly made it into bed, you decided that it was best to distract you with a new show. You had looked through social media, having your laptop on your lap, searching for a new show to watch that you didn’t know yet. On Twitter someone had recommended Bel Ami so you clicked on the first episode and started watching.
That’s when you saw her. Stunning as always she appeared on the screen. With her angelic, yet sexy voice she made your heart cramp and tears well up in your heart. You quickly shut your laptop down and glanced at your reflection on the dark screen. Your face was puffy and your hair a complete mess. Sitting there in your worn out pajamas didn’t really help your appearance and you clenched your hands to fists after pushing your laptop off the bed.
Self-doubt and hatred was all you were feeling in that moment. Your broken heart pounded hard in your chest, feeling as if knifes dug into it with every beat. Pictures of you and Jungkook flashed back into your mind, followed by imaginary scenes you could see Jungkook and IU in, fitting together perfectly unlike you two.
That night you fell asleep on a completely soaked pillow, laying on your worn out tears, clenching onto the stuffed animal Jungkook had bought you for your first anniversary. He used to take it with him to the dorm whenever you didn’t need it and sleep with it, so you could cuddle with it and have his scent around you while he was gone. It still smelled like him.
It had been a month since Jungkook and IU were spending almost every day together for “We Got Married”. Even though you knew you shouldn’t, you had to watch every single episode.
You hadn’t left the house ever since the show started. You had tried to call Jungkook the week that was left before he started filming but he hadn’t picked up once. The only thing that you had heard from him was a simple text, saying that you should stop contacting him.
Speaking truthfully that wasn’t even the worst way he could have hurt you. The fact that him and IU were extremely close with each other as soon as the show started, hurt you way more. They kept flirting, randomly touching each other and sharing intimate glances. Everybody loved them, just like you predicted. And they seemed to like each other. Even after filming was over, they would upload pictures together on social media, commenting with heart emojis or sweet quotes. It was too much for you.
One day, Taehyung called out of nowhere, asking how you were doing.
Putting the TV on silent you still glanced at the screen. “Fine what about you?”, you asked in return, the lie coming off your tongue easier than you thought.
There was a short silence on the other end before you heard him sigh. “(Y/N), what’s going on between you and Jungkook?”
You felt a lump form in your throat and swallowed hard. “Nothing Tae, we’re fine”, you fake chuckled to make him stop worrying. “Why do you keep insisting that something’s up?”
You wanted to know. No, you needed to know if he had told them. If he at least cared enough to tell his own best friends or if you had to do it, at last.
“You’re not fine. Something happened and we all know. I mean, we know that something happened but we don’t know what. Jungkook won’t talk to us about it”, he chuckled first and then huffed. “He told us after the meeting about “We Got Married” that he’d be sleeping over at your place during all filming time. He didn’t want you to feel neglected just because he took part in that show. He said he’d try to stay as untouchable for IU as possible because he’d know you would watch the show and would get hurt seeing him being touchy with her.”
When suddenly your neck started getting wet, you noticed how tears were dripping down your chin. Jungkook had cared. He wanted to be respectful towards you. Why did he change his mind then?
“So now tell me, why did he change his mind, sleeps here at the dorm every night and is all over IU?”, Taehyung asked with concern in his voice. “And you don’t even seem to be bothered?”
You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. They needed to know. The boys were also your family. They worried about you just like they worried about their maknae.
“So he didn’t tell you, huh?”, you sighed as your voice started trembling. The show was playing in the background and Jungkook had just pecked IU’s cheeks, making her giggle and lean onto him.
“Tell us what?”, you heard Hoseok in the background. Everyone had been listening and you hadn’t even noticed.
“H-he broke up with me”, you whispered. “About a week before the show started.”
You glanced at the TV screen and witnessed them both cuddling up together at a bonfire they had started. Sobs escaped your lips and you quickly covered your mouth.
“He did what? (Y/N) Are you crying?”, you heard Jin exclaim upset. “Gosh, you should have told us! I can’t believe Jungkook didn’t even mention it.”
“We’re coming over, you shouldn’t have to deal with this on your own”, Jimin said in the background. “Did he say why?”
You nodded, unable to respond. The memories were too painful.
“(Y/N)?”, Taehyung asked. “Maybe you misunderstood him…”, even he didn’t sound convinced by his own words. “He loved you so much, I don’t understand.”
“I didn’t misunderstand, Tae”, you sobbed and shook your head. “Apparently I’m not confident enough for him.”
“Okay that’s it, we’re coming over”, you heard Namjoon say before Taehyung hung up and your sobs took over your body.
You nuzzled your head into the crook of his neck, inhaling his scent and feeling goosebumps appear all over your body. His eyes were fixated on the screen in front of him but his one hand gently stroke your back, as he placed a soft kiss on your temple.
“You should get some sleep jagi, it’s already 2am”, he whispered and looked away from his work for a second to glance at you concerned.
“Yah, I’m fine. I’d rather be here with you than alone at home”, you hummed back and wrapped your arms around his torso, making yourself more comfortable on his lap.
He chuckled slightly and lifted your chin up, so he could look into your eyes. “Do you still get nightmares?”, he asked softly, stroking your cheek with his thumb.
You nodded and looked down. “I know I shouldn’t, it’s been months now. But I can already ignore those insecurities during the day”, you started explaining, slight pride audible in your voice. “As soon as I’m alone though, especially during the night, it all comes back. His words dig like knifes into my heart and I can’t stop it.”
His eyes held your gaze and his hands wandered down to your waist. “I don’t understand how such a beautiful girl like you can think so less of herself. Jungkook is an idiot for even thinking that you’re not worth his attention, that you’re not worth being loved like you deserve”, pain flickered in his eyes and you cupped his face with your hands.
“Don’t”, you whispered. “You helped me regaining my strength. You helped me getting out of that hole of misery and self hatred. You helped me getting confident, even though I still have a long journey ahead”, you smirked a little. “You’re a genius but nobody can make one feel like a bomb ass bitch over night. It takes some time.”
He grinned at your words and pecked your lips. “Enough of that butt kissing, it’s alright, you can stay here”, he sheepishly said and reattached your lips, letting his tongue slide into your mouth. His grip tightened around your waist, pulling you closer and making you rub against his crotch. A soft moan escaped his lips and you instantly threw your hands up to mess with his hair, tugging at the ends.
His hands wandered down to your butt, giving it a tight squeeze, making you moan into his mouth this time. He smirked and you let your hands glide down his chest, down to his jeans, stroking over his clothed crotch. He inhaled a sharp breath, hissing slightly and deepening the kiss.
As your hands were about to unbutton his jeans, one of his hands shot forward and stopped you. “What’s wrong?”, you asked, slightly out of breath from the makeout session.
“I can’t”, he shook his head, an irritated but determined look on his face. “We’ll wait until you’re fully over him (Y/N). I already feel bad enough for betraying Jungkook like that.”
You glanced at him and were speechless. “Betray like what? He was the one who gave me up, you’re not betraying him. You’re taking your chance.”
He rubbed his neck, while playing with your fingers. “I love you (Y/N). I’ve loved you since I first laid my eyes on you. I never told anyone because it was so obvious that you only had eyes for Jungkook. Now that I have my chance with you, I don’t want to mess it up okay? I know that you’re partly over him but I don’t want you to regret anything. We’ll wait until you’re sure that you want to be with me, even though Jungkook is back.”
Your gaze turned soft and you placed both of your hands around his face, making him look at you. “You’re the best thing that could have ever happened to me Yoongi”, sealing those words with a kiss, you wondered how in earth you deserved to be loved by this beautiful men when your feelings were still not fully in control.