Sometimes I still get these urges to contact you.
It feels like pure desperation… Like my skin is crawling and my eyes are burning and I just want you back in my life so badly….
And I don’t know why? Where these sudden urges come from?
Why do I still do this, even after all this time?!
It’s like I'm getting out, I'm almost clear…. and then suddenly I feel like I would do absolutely anything just to have you back in my life again.
Even for a single moment…. Just to see you, talk to you - ANYTHING!
It’s like I don’t WANT to be out, I still want to be in love with you because in my mind, loving you equates to happiness and I just want that back… just for one second.
But I have to remind myself it’s not healthy.
Loving you is not like it used to be - it's not real anymore.
It’s not happy, it’s not positive…. and it’s gone and I can’t go back.
All I can do is put the phone down, blink back the tears … and keep moving forward.
Constantly bickering with Harrison on who Tom loves more.
Always winning these fights
“Sorry mate, but have you seen her? She’s absolutely stunning.”
Having all sorts of adventures with Tom and Harrison
Because let’s face it, wherever Tom goes, Harrison follows.
But never really minding because as long as Tom is around, so are you.
Tom always making sure that you’re okay.
“You sure, love? Okay. I just want to make sure my girl is happy.”
Him wrapping his arms around you every chance he gets.
Calling you every kind of cute nickname in the book because he can never just pick one.
“Babe, love, doll, sweetie, beautiful, gorgeous, cutie, honey,” All of them.
Sometimes finding himself just staring at you because he can not believe how lucky he is to have you.
Having to break up Tom and Harrison’s arguments on who loves you more.
“Enough, you two. I swear you guys are like little kids fighting over a toy, and I am NOT a toy.”
“Course you’re not, babe. But, I do love you more than Haz.”
“I know you do. Why do you think I’m with you.”
Tom leaving you with little notes that he placed everywhere.
“Hey babe, I love you!”
“Did you know you’re amazing?”
“You’re my girl, don’t ever forget.”
“Call me when you find this!”
“I could stare you forever.”
“You’re the first and last person on my mind.”
“I miss you.”
Tom begging you to go with him everywhere because he just doesn’t want to leave you.
“Please come with me.”
“No, Tom. I have to work-”
“-but, I’m Spiderman. You don’t have to work.”
“Did you just seriously use that line on me?”
“Did it work?”
“Absolutely not, you dork. I love you, I do but I promise I’ll come visit. Okay?”
“Fine, but you better.”
Always, always feeling guilty because you know that sometimes he gets a little bit of anxiety and stressed and you seem to be the only remedy.
Flying out on the next flight possible.
And immediately all the stress and anxious thoughts are thrown out the window the minute he sees you.
Him always whispering in your ear, “Thank you.”
Always reassuring him that he’s earned all the success in his life.
Sometimes feeling a little scared that he’ll forget you with his oncoming fame.
Tom reading you like a book and breaking these thoughts from your head.
“You do know that I love you right? And that I wouldn’t be here without you. I’d be a wreck if I ever lost you. Don’t ever think for one second that I could make it without you.”
Feeling reassured until the next time you felt scared.
Tom always going above and beyond in his gifts for you on birthdays, anniversaries, and just because he want to’s.
Him surprising you with a vacation to a place you’ve always wanted to visit.
Following him basically anywhere and everywhere because he will literally get on his hands and knees to beg.
Forcing you to play basketball with him even though you know that there’s a reason why you’re not a pro basketball player.
But always seeming to win.
Knowing that he lets you.
But never questioning it because it was his way of spending time with you.
Spending time with his family.
Because in a way, they’re your second family.
Tom’s mother commenting on how happy she is that Tom has found himself a wonderful girl.
His father agreeing one hundred percent and cracking jokes as to when they should expect the wedding.
His brothers always teasing Tom about how much you have him wrapped around your finger.
Blushing because you would never want him to be “whipped”, but it’s nice to know that you have that power.
Tom clapping back with, “At least I’ve got a girlfriend.”
Laughing when they’d all get into a wrestling match.
“If I win, [Y/N] is mine!”
“No, if I win, [Y/N] mine!”
“Bloody Hell! You gits think you’re actually going to win? [Y/N] will always be mine, whether or not I do lose.”
Going to the gym with him.
Getting distracted because by God those muscles should be illegal.
Him knowing it and teasing you about it.
Always getting back at him by doing anything and everything that shows of your figure.
Tom throwing down his weights and attacking you with kisses.
Him always being respectful of your boundaries.
Never pushing you to do things you don’t want to do.
You loving him for it.
Knowing that you will eventually let him but just not right now because you’re not ready.
And him being perfectly okay with that.
Sparring with him.
Tom being beyond impressed at your skills.
Telling you everyday how much he loves you.
Begging him to take you to go get icecream even though he can’t really have any.
Scolding him when he says, “fuck it,” and gets himself some.
“You’re trainer is going to be pissed.”
Shaking your head and enjoying your icecream date with him.
Taking Tess out for walks together.
Taking a million pictures of her because she’s just so damn cute.
Lazy days with Tess
Cuddling the poor dog into suffocation until she can’t take it anymore and leaves.
Leaving you two clinging onto each other.
Tom leaving trails of kisses along your forehead.
Holding you tight.
Falling asleep in each other’s arms.
Waking up in the middle of night, panicking because your parents are going to freak out.
Tom shooting out of bed to get you home.
Him trying to help you sneak into your house without your parents waking up.
Him mumbling that the two of you should just move out together.
Telling him that it would be a good idea but to talk about it later.
Tom always gushing about you in interviews.
Always being his plus one to the films you want to see.
Introducing you to your favorite actors.
Getting embarrassed when Robert Downey Jr. finally gets to meet you.
“SO, this is the girl you never shut up about? It’s about damn time I finally meet her. [Y/N], it’s so lovely to meet you. I feel like I practically know you with the amount of stuff Tom has told me about you.”
Also getting a little embarrassed but not as embarrassed as when fans stop you on the streets.
Getting panicky because you’re just waiting for the hate.
But being surprised when it’s nothing but love and awe.
Agreeing to take pictures with them and asking to take one of them so you can put it on Instagram as well.
Speaking of Instagram, Tom is forever posting sly pictures of you.
You are literally all over his page.
But, it’s okay because he is all over yours.
You’ve been trending on #couplegoals for days.
Threatening Tom with his life if he doesn’t stop posting the selfies you send him.
Him not caring.
“I’ll take my chances, babe.”
Getting him back on snapchat with the crazy filters.
Agreeing to tone down the embarrassing pictures.
But one or two always comes leaking out and you are forever mortified.
Starting a prank war.
You always seeming to have better pranks.
Feeling bad and deciding to call it off but not before Tom gets you really good.
Laying out under the stars and talking about the future.
Telling each other that as long as you have each other, the future can bring whatever it wants.
Tom surprising you with a promise ring.
“We’re both still really young and I know a lot of people our age are getting married but I just can’t imagine getting married at this moment. But at least with this, it’s a promise that you will have my last name, just not right now.”
You accepting it because there is not a damn soul on this earth aside from Tom that you could see yourself with.
i’ve always been made of iron fists and i guess at this point, i’m just looking for somebody to be soft with me. i’m just looking for somebody to say look: i know you’re mad right now but tomorrow you’ll get over it and i’ll still love you and you’ll still love me and that means everything. what i’m saying is i know i always make it seem like i’m angry but anger has always been a defense mechanism when i’m really hurting.
did you know that almost every time i’m screaming during the night, i drive home crying? did you know that i’m afraid to reach out to my friends because i think they’ll go running? did you know that i stopped blaming myself, i started realizing that people are afraid to show emotions in a world where people always brush them off.
so here’s what i’m going to do: i’m going to start saying thank you more. i’m going to tell people how much i appreciate them. i’m going to say i love you, because i’ve lost too many people without them even realizing how much i do. i’m going to start asking how are you more. i’m going to keep crying because nothing good comes out of hiding your feelings and i don’t care anymore who judges me for it. i’m going to take down my guard and show others that i’m struggling and that’s okay. because i know you probably are too.
what i’m saying is hurt manifests itself in different ways and just because people don’t show hurt in the way you’re used to doesn’t mean they don’t feel it. what i’m saying is check up on your friends. many of them are good at hiding their true feelings.