Lower Fi/Fe Clash
Sometimes I find it difficult whenever my INTP friend and I (an ISTJ) clash when it comes to our beliefs about dealing with the world. Due to his inferior Fe, he has a hard time distinguishing which emotions are his and which are obtained from other people. So whenever I rant to him, he feels burdened and drained, enough for him to attempt to tell me to stop it. I, being another low Fi user, saw that as an insult because I interpreted that as him wanting to erase a part of me. I had this belief that when I complain to someone, it would mean I trust that person to listen to what made a big impact on my day and sometimes, to be able to comfort me and provide a solution for it.
The other side of this conflict is that it bothers me more than it bothers him. Being an Fi user, I tend to mull over personal things much longer to the point that I couldn’t sleep properly when it matters too much to me, especially that it’s his birthday today. I hated having to have a disagreement before such a day which should have been happy. But for him, he didn’t really mind. He just said it in the heat of the moment because he felt very drained and he didn’t like any more “bad vibes”, as he described it.
I find it confusing sometimes when he hides his true emotions and pretends to be someone else instead of presenting his true self even to his close friends. He told me he has this belief that no one would accept his true self at all, because it’s not something pretty to look at. But I always think to myself, “How would you know if you didn’t even try? Why hide yourself instead of being proud of it?” It’s as if he doesn’t have enough trust in his friends and in himself that yes, there would be acceptance that would come, only if you find the right people. I don’t know how else to convince him of realizing that, because from what I learned from dealing with him, he has to realize it himself. It’s quite interesting that we both have our time when it comes to processing emotions. The only difference is I need alone time to process it for myself, but for him, another experience must prove the assumptions true before he’d believe in it.
Note: We had much more conflicts over the Fi/Fe views (pretty much all of our disagreements and misunderstandings are centered on that, honestly) but I just wanted to share an example and I’m wondering if other people experience the same thing. XD