i was gutted

Letting Go

I have curled myself
around the sadness
like a cat
full of cream
it is curdling
in my gut

I have twisted my tears
into vinegar
because wine
tastes too soft
it is stinging
my eyes clear

I have cut off my hair
as penance
because I am full
of injury
it is burning
in my hands

I have hidden myself
inside this closet
because it is dark
and I cannot
see the destruction
I am choking
on the smoke

I dumped 400 dollars into ebay this weekend. My new job makes me incredibly nervous. Or maybe it’s the caffeine. Suffering is a real thing, the craziest shit happens to people and it makes me upset. I simultaneously ache and numb, I feel both panicked and indifferent. I feel like a child with no sense of wonder. Time is an inescapable fuse. Society is broken. We are all trapped here. Who will inherit my belongings when I die? Where is the vulture that will gnaw on my corpse? Money is pointless if you don’t spend it. Art is still beautiful even when no one is there to observe it. Please tell my polar insides that it’s okay to reconcile.

I shouldn’t do this because I’m terrible at all forms of roleplaying and as a rule I tend to only want to do ships that I’ve written out like this in actual groups, but…………….here’s a list of m/f ships I’ve been working on for a while that I rly wanna do and if u wanna do one (or more) with me please please please im me, I will be absolutely ecstatic~~~~~

TO DATE THE SLYTHERIN PRINCE [DRACO MALFOY]

summary: in which no matter what, you refuse to love anyone else other than draco malfoy.

a/n: this has been in my drafts for ages and only now do i finally have the guts to post it! hope you enjoy it :-)

When the whole school learned that the two of you were dating, saying that they were surprised by the news was an understatement. Well, who would expect that someone like him would fall for someone like you? Him, who was practically considered as the Slytherin Prince, while you, who was a fierce yet sweet Y/H.

Yep, you were a Y/H. Not to mention that you were a half-blood too.

Honestly, some people would still look at the two of you like you were aliens. They gawked and weren’t even hiding the fact that they did — it sometimes drove you nuts. Draco, on the other hand, would smile smugly and place an arm around your shoulders, pulling you closer to his side while his eyes lingered on those boys who would look at you differently.

Some first years who had crushes on your boyfriend would either sigh or squel whenever you walked passed them with Draco beside you, his hands holding your books for you even though you already told him not to. The said students would wish that they were in your position, while some rooted for the two of you.

You see, you and Draco had a lot of differences. One of them was the obvious; having two different houses. He was considered as the bad boy, you were considered as the good girl; he came from a rich and well known family, you came from muggles who weren’t rich nor poor; he had these gray eyes, you had y/e/c; and he was mostly hated, you were mostly loved.

That’s why when the news spread, Hermione had to make you repeat your sentence over and over again just to be sure she was hearing it right.

“Wait, so you’re dating the Draco Malfoy?” she exclaimed with wide eyes.

You simply nodded and carried on eating. It wasn’t a big deal anyway, right? What was wrong about dating him? You, out of all the people, of course did know what they thought of Draco Malfoy — the rich snob, the bully, the jerk, the son of Lucius Malfoy who was once a follower of Voldemort, and the Slytherin who hated Harry Potter.

You weren’t oblivious to those facts, but the people didn’t know how loving and caring Draco was. You fell in love with him because one time when you were running late to class and accidentally knocked him down, he was the one who apologized and picked up your books. When he saw you crying one time alone at the top of the cliff, he offered his ears to you and listened as you poured your heart out. And when he saw you inside the library, studying a lesson that you couldn’t understand, Draco sat by your side, teaching you even though you didn’t ask for help.

So when he suddenly asked you if you wanted to come with him at Hogsmeade the next weekend, you didn’t hesitate to say yes. He was more than pleased by your answer, of course, and even said that: “You won’t regret it, Y/N.”, in which you replied with a roll of your eyes.

But what entertained most of the student body about your relationship is that you are both players for your houses’ Quidditch team. Draco Malfoy was the Slytherin Seeker, while you were one of the Y/N Chasers. They found it entertaining whenever you were already on the field and Draco purposely annoys you by suddenly flying past your way in incredible speed. Sometimes you would get revenge by throwing the Quaffle in his direction when a teammate was behind him.

Your teammates were more than annoyed whenever Y/H was going up against Slytherin because of this.

“Y/L/N!” the captain of your team would yell in a high pitched voice as you crossed the three hoops. “Focus, will you? And stop messing with Malfoy!”

But you would just laugh and fly away from him, in deep pursuit for the quaffle once again.

Though just like any other relationships, you and Draco had your downfalls. The thing you two most fought about is how he always insults muggles and muggleborn students, calling them mudblood or calling the pure bloods who liked the said students blood traitors. You would always hit him in the stomach or arm whenever he sneers at Harry Potter or throw an unpleasant remark towards Hermione and Ron. Draco would just look at you then, rolling his eyes and muttering several curses under his breath that drove you to be even angrier than before.

“You know, if I didn’t know better, I would have thought that you preferred to be with Potter than your boyfriend!” he once yelled in an argument, his tone full of jealousy.

With that line, you just closed your eyes and sighed.

You always knew Draco had some deep insecurities about Harry Potter, and if you say something that might sound like you do prefer him over Draco, you knew you would regret it afterwards.

So to cause no more drama, you would suddenly pull him in a tight hug, in which he would always bury his head on your shoulder, stroking his blonde hair as you both murmur a bunch of “sorry’s” to each other.

And that’s why you loved each other dearly. No matter how much of a jerk Draco Malfoy might be, if you could have any person to love over and over again, you would definitely, no doubt in your mind, pick him.

Coruscant Nights 2: Street of Shadows by Michael Reaves

  • i’ve been going through these books mostly content with how mediocre they are
  • but boy was this a turn for the worse
  • spoilers ahead but you don’t really want to read this book so here we go
  • first off: typho, my poor guy
    • this book treats him so badly by the book
    • it has him hopelessly and silently in love with padme for years
    • then he decides he needs to get revenge on her killer
    • he doesn’t really get any personality outside of these two traits
    • goes on a quest to track down her murder, somehow ends up at darth vader through a completely illogical chain of events
    • he and vader have an angst fest over padme
    • as vader’s killing him
    • then it’s rip typho, who deserved so much better
  • next: aurra sing
    • “Fear me, Jedi! I am Aurra Sing, Nashtah, scourge of your kind! I haunt your darkest dreams! I drink Jedi blood; I nest in their guts! Your nightmares now have a name, hierophant, and that name is Aurra Sing!”
    • how did anyone ever write that line of dialogue seriously
    • how
    • and then she dies too, gets slapped in a scifi cement mixer and that’s goodbye aurra
  • and the love triangle
    • it was so bad
    • girl a loves boy, boy is entirely oblivious, girl b is ~super hot~ and everyone thinks she’s sleeping with any dude she interacts with
      • seriously, the entire book’s mystery hinges on her being so hot that a jealous wife goes and threatens her business partner because the wife thinks girl b is sleeping with her husband? and then the wife’s droid murders the business partner to make her feel better?
      • idk it was a weird and unsatisfying mystery
    • and then girl a leaves the organization they’re a part of because girl b decides to join too?
    • laranth deserved better. and dejah most certainly deserved better writing. so did baroness umber
  • i’m having trouble thinking of any redeeming characteristics for the book
    • it’s hard
50 days of Eurovision - Day 1

As soon as I saw this under the Eurovision tag, I knew I had to do it. 50 days of Eurovision challenges, brought to us by Eurovision Fan Blog. Their first challenge is to share a video of our favourite act from last year’s Eurovision. I was so gutted by last year’s results that I have to share my joint favourites, none of which qualify. (Many tears - OF BLOOD - were wept!)

First of all, Jüri. I was so distraught at his result that I am even considering putting “Jüri didn’t deserve last” on my headstone.

Secondly, the pure Balkan fire brought to us by Bosnia and Herzegovina, one of my favourite countries at the contest. They’d just returned, only to crash out in the semis and then leave ESC again indefinitely. I live for this kind of song, the kind that wears tradition and origin on its sleeve.


And lastly, but never least, Queen Kaliopi who once again moved me to my core with an epic performance of equal parts sincerity and power, only for the juries to keep her out of the final. 

Parts of Speech by Flamingmuse

Title: Parts of speech

Author: @flamingmuse

Summary: For Blaine, love is a verb.

Read on AO3

I thought I had read all of Flamingmuse’s fics a long time ago, but a couple of weeks ago, @klaineship2​ recommended me this little snipped and I was so happy when I realised that I a) had not read it before and b) it’s perfect.

I usually get Kurt, but I don’t always understand Blaine, and I love it when I get “insights” in what Blaine is thinking. Here’s more or less what I said on AO3, which sums up my feelings about this fic: Wow, what a punch in the gut. I can’t believe that you wrote this before the breakup. The meta about Kurt and Blaine’s different way of showing love is so accurate it hurts. And know that I’ve said it before, but you do write the best canon!Blaine (=in Blaine’s head) I’ve ever read. So gorgeous and heartbreaking.

Oh, and it has a Kurt centric companion fic too, which is equally good: A Joy Shared

anonymous asked:

Sorry but Gemma gets Larry comments on her IG and Twitter all the time. The incident clearly set people off this afternoon. Ignoring it would have been ideal. But now she's doubling down. Literally hours after this great news about Harry's solo career. I guess I don't know if it's connected of course, but the timing is a little bit of a kick in the gut.

I don’t think it has any connection at all. I think she just decided to do that today, maybe she’s in a mood or something, but I really don’t think it has anything to do with Harry or his career at all 

transviktor  asked:

i feel you so bad on that str8 people thing. i was at a nice dinner with one "auntie" that gossiped with my mom today that how supposedly kaczyński (one of our most conservative politicians, pretty much trump but less significant) is gay, because of course every bad person everyone hates is secretly gay (of course its not true). she always talks sht about gay people and is bigoted in every way and my mom just smiles and nods instead of saying anything because she doesnt want to kill the vibe.

ughhhfh yeah its THE WORST like when im w my straight friends it KILLS me inside when they start saying that shit and i usually just…go kinda quiet but i also dont have the guts to say anything?? bc i dont wanna ruin the vibe as u said….like one on one my friend actually is p good listening to me but when im outnumbered i just..cant say shit lmao

anonymous asked:

Dear person I like

Dear Zach,

I absolute hate your fucking guts. (Which is stupid because you’ve given me absolutely no reason to dislike you.)

I used to think you were kind of full of yourself. You’re incredibly smart and everyone knew that (and you knew that everyone knew). Once I got to know you throughout the past year I figured out that wasn’t the whole story and I felt kinda guilty for making assumptions.

You’re still just as stupidly smart (but you still seemed convinced that I’m going to “beat” you in class rankings, but you’re always more concerned with grades and stuff like that than I am, but at least now you know it’s because that’s how I cope with stress - by shutting down to the point where I don’t know how to care about much anymore) and there are times when you come across as being full of yourself. And you’re still a sarcastic little shit. 

I like when we’re talking about more serious things. Like the stress of school, or how we both like staying up at night because it’s the one time of day when it’s quiet and calm. 

I could talk about all the things I like about you. The only thing appearance-wise that would show up on a top 5 list though would be your eyes. Because it should be illegal how blue they are but that’s beside the point. (But seriously please stop looking me in the eye like that when we talk because it’s not fair)

But my god I feel like I’ve liked you long enough and I’m getting tired of it. 

We used to text all the time. A couple weeks ago we stopped and part of me is glad. It’s actually quite liberating to not feel obligated to text back. But the other part of me misses it. (I keep trying to tell that part of myself to shut up)

I remember when I first told one of my friends that I liked you, she asked if you knew. And I just laughed because why would I tell you? Why would I want to?

I kinda still feel that way, but I’ve been tempted to a few times in the past few months mostly because I feel like I’m going to go insane having to be around you at school and I just need some closure. Or maybe part of me hopes that once you know, I could get over you sooner.

So I guess I shouldn’t say I hate you, I just hate having a crush on you.

Disdainfully yours,
Gabrielle

P.S. you know not everything has to be a competition…you’re allowed to make mistakes, you can’t be perfect all the time.
P.P.S. you would probably call me a hypocrite for telling you that because you have absolutely no qualms about calling me out on things ^^

Send me a “Dear …”

anonymous asked:

(Part 2) I did push him back which I know I shouldn't have done but it was only to prove that he wouldn't like it I didn't think he would get so angry and then hit me back then he started saying I always play the victim and if I didn't take everything to heart so much then he never would have got angry enough in the first place and idk whether he's right or if I should listen to my gut (he's hit me a few times in the past but only when I've done something to make him angry) I'm really confused

He shouldn’t be hitting you full stop, its so wrong omg. Don’t listen to him, his trying to make you look the bad one when its him in the wrong, I wouldn’t stand for that at all xx

carrie fisher isn’t just princess leia. carrie fisher isn’t just an actress we all admire from a famous series of movies made a long time ago in a galaxy far far away. carrie fisher isn’t just another name on the list of shitty things 2016 has done to people i admire.

carrie fisher is a woman who struggled with addiction and mental illness and never sugar coated it - she spoke honestly, openly, about every ugly truth, and made me so much less ashamed of the things i struggle with in my daily life.

carrie fisher is a woman who fought back against body shaming and misogyny, against agesim, who looked at critics and said “yes, i am a woman who has aged, and had children, and struggled with depression and addiction and my body has changed, so you can just shut the fuck up and deal with it”, and it was absolutely beautiful.

carrie fisher is a woman who was placed in the role of “princess” but didn’t conform to the typical hollywood idea of what a princess should be. she’s loud, brash, crass, and unapologetic for being so.

she’s an idol and an inspiration and she’s a woman who saved my life many times just by being who she was and never shying away from it or feeling the need to say sorry. carrie fisher is so much and more and i cannot begin to stomach the thought of 2016 taking her away from me, from her family, from the rest of the world and those of us who love her so dearly.

i love you, space momma. we all do. keep fighting the good fight.