i was gonna say i have i have 5 of the 9

About me tag thingy

I was tagged by @whatcha-gonna-do-about-it-huh and @criminal-navy-writings 1ST RULE: Tag 9 people you would like to know better
2ND RULE: BOLD the statements that are true!

APPEARANCE:
I am 5'7" or taller
I wear glasses
I have at least one tattoo
I have at least one piercing
I have blonde hair
I have brown eyes
I have short hair
My abs are at least somewhat defined
I have or have had braces

PERSONALITY:
I love meeting new people
People tell me that I’m funny

Helping others with their problems is a big priority for me
I enjoy physical challenges
I enjoy mental challenges
I’m playfully rude with people I know well
I started saying something ironically and now I can’t stop saying it
There is something I would change about my personality

ABILITY:
I can sing well
I can play an instrument
I can do over 30 pushups without stopping
I’m a fast runner
I can draw well
I have a good memory
I’m good at doing math in my head
I can hold my breath underwater for over a minute
I have beaten at least 2 people in arm wrestling
I know how to cook at least 3 meals from scratch
I know how to throw a proper punch

HOBBIES:
I enjoy playing sports
I’m on a sports team at my school or somewhere else
I’m in an orchestra or choir at my school or somewhere else
I have learned a new song in the past week
I work out at least once a week
I’ve gone for runs at least once a week in the warmer months
I have drawn something in the past month
I enjoy writing
FANDOMS ARE MY #1 PASSION
I do or have done martial arts

EXPERIENCES:
I have had my first kiss
I have had alcohol
I have scored the winning goal in a sports game
I have watched an entire season of a TV show in one sitting
I have been at an overnight event
I have been in a taxi
I have been in the hospital or ER in the past year (not for me, though)
I have beaten a video game in one day
I have visited another country
I have been to one of my favorite band’s concerts

RELATIONSHIPS:
I’m in a relationship
I have a crush on a celebrity
I have a crush on someone I know
I have been in at least 3 relationships
I have never been in a relationship
I have asked someone out or admitted my feelings to them
I get crushes easily
I have had a crush on someone for over a year
I have been in a relationship for at least a year
I have had feelings for a friend

MY LIFE:
I have at least one person I consider a “best friend”
I live close to my school
My parents are still together
I have at least one sibling
I live in the United States
There is snow right now where I live
I have hung out with a friend in the past month
I have a smartphone
I have at least 15 CDs
I share my room with someone

RANDOM SHIT:
I have breakdanced
I know a person named Jamie
I have had a teacher with a last name that’s hard to pronounce
I have dyed my hair
I’m listening to one song on repeat right now
I have punched someone in the past week
I know someone who has gone to jail
I have broken a bone
I have eaten a waffle today
I know what I want to do with my life
I speak at least 2 languages
I have made a new friend in the past year

I think everyone has done this but umm @gubl-oser @teatimewithtiya @stunudo

Top 13 Most Unfuckable Men in Dragon Age (according to me, a lesbian)

Honorable Mention: Oghren

I am not including Oghren on the official list for a couple reasons. Firstly, jokes about how gross Oghren is are basically everywhere. I can’t make a remotely original joke on this subject because they have all already been made. Secondly, I don’t want to subject anybody to actually thinking about fucking Oghren. And third, it’s no fun punching down. Nobody likes Oghren except me. And I get it. Oghren is a pretty cool character who was grossly mishandled by writers who think sexual assault, alcoholism and homophobia are hilarious jokes and not serious issues. Sorry about all this, Oghren. Enjoy your free pass from being mocked by a lesbian on the internet.

13. Zevran Arainai

Zevran is the least unfuckable man in Dragon Age because he wouldn’t make it weird. He’d give you a nice lay, do a good job, and then high-5 you afterwards. He’s nice-looking and experienced and would overall be an almost not-unpleasant experience. If there was a gun to my head and someone forcing me to pick a Dragon Age man to fuck, it would be Zevran.

12. RDP Sten

I say Realistic DAO Project Sten and not regular Sten because frankly RDP Sten is the true Sten. Honestly, look at this man. Assuming you didn’t die during intercourse, he’d make you breakfast the next morning, then reshackle your roof and do your taxes. RDP Sten would take care of you. RDP Sten would treat you right.

11. Justice

…as long as he gave Anders’ body a bath first, because wow he sure is a guy who lives in a sewer. Justice is a friendly Fade spirit curious about the mortal world and its many wonders. Fucking Justice would be a nice opportunity to show an otherworldly being a good time. Not to mention the novelty. Think of the puns you could make afterwards. “It was a spiritual experience.” “It was truly righteous.” “Justice isn’t easy–no, Justice is hard.”

10. Varric Tethras

Varric would be the ideal sugar daddy. He’d indulge you, buy you nice things, tell you stories, and when it’s time to go to bed, you’d just have to put up with him bringing his crossbow with him. Honestly, he probably wouldn’t even get to the sex. You’d have half your clothes off and then he’d start telling a story and three hours later he’s cried a little about his ex and fallen asleep cuddled up to his crossbow. Meanwhile, you are free to go back to your house with your money and jewelry. Ideal.

9. Alistair

Alistair is inexperienced, but a nice boy. You could show him a good time, and then pat him on the head and give him a cookie afterwards. He’s funny and nice and if you aren’t his first lay, it’ll probably be Morrigan and she would probably turn into a spider halfway through just to fuck with him. I’m willing to fuck him just to spare him that being his first time. Alistair might make it weird and try to give you a flower or something, but he’s young and easily dissuaded. Fucking Alistair would be acceptable and satisfying in some ways.

8. Iron Bull

He ugly, but otoh, monster dong, if you’re into that. Iron Bull wouldn’t make it weird emotionally, but he would definitely make it weird sexually. Assuming you survived, you would have a hell of a story. I would bring that up at every cocktail party I went to for the rest of my life. “I fucked a minotaur man,” I’d say, sipping my martini. “He had an eyepatch, and a dong the size of your forearm. I’m lucky to have survived.” The party guests gasp and fan themselves at the scandal.

7. Nathaniel Howe

I have no feelings either way about fucking Nathaniel Howe. I would show up, do the deed, and leave. Maybe give him a thumbs up, to be polite. My entire soul doesn’t rebel against the concept, but neither can I think of any benefits to fucking Nathaniel Howe.

6. Sebastian Vael

I wouldn’t hate to fuck Sebastian, and he seems nice, I guess. He’d be on par with Nate, except for the fact that he’s a devout fantasy Catholic. I’m morally opposed to fucking Catholics, because I don’t like Catholicism, and because I don’t want to deal with their ensuing guilt. I would tolerate fucking Sebastian.

5. Fenris

Fenris is objectively one of the best-looking men in Dragon Age, but oh lord, the canon romance path is so much. I’d do it just so I could touch his pretty hair, but I’d feel real bad about it. I like fenris. I don’t wanna cause him troubles. On the other hand, Isabela seems to manage it without much emotional fallout, so perhaps it would be alright. Fucking Fenris might be perfectly fine, but it might end terribly for all involved. As a lesbian I’m not gonna risk it.

4. Anders

Anders is a nasty sewer man who has no particularly attractive physical features to make up for it. He’d probably be an alright lay, but if you fucked him he’d definitely fall in love with you. Possibly he’d have already been in love with you for like three years. Then post-fuck he’d say a lot of weird stuff and ask to move into your house, and you’d be so worried about his eating habits and his stress that you’d be like “sure :)”, and then you’d have to change your name and flee the city to escape. Don’t fuck Anders.

3. Blackwall

I previously had Blackwall a spot higher, but then when I went to google a picture of him I realized he actually looks okay. Lumberjack aesth. Nice beard. Probably nice chest hair. Good muscles. But he’s also kind of a stinky old man who is kind of like your dad, and he would make his weird guilt issues your problem. I’d rather not, although I grant that if he was a couple decades younger he might be Acceptable.

2. Cullen

I would really hate to fuck Cullen. I find him morally repugnant, physically unimpressive, and overall vile. Not to mention that he seems like the kind of sexually inexperienced dude to just try inserting Tab A into Slot B with no foreplay–but then, would you really want foreplay from this guy? At least it would all be over within 5 minutes and then you could make your escape through the window.

1. Solas

Solas is the absolute most unfuckable man in Dragon Age. Not only is he bald, and a genocidal maniac, but he would also get weirdly hung up on you. Then he’d like, haunt your dreams. “Vhenaaaaaaan,” you hear every night forever, to your horror. “You’re not like other girls,” he says, before showing you a picture of his fursona, which is a wolf. I would rather do literally anything else but fuck Solas. I thank G-d every day that Solas is not real, and that I am in no danger of ever fucking him. Solas is the least fuckable man in Dragon Age.

WRITING PROMPTS

WRITING PROMPTS FOR DAYS
Feel free to request any of these for any character.

1. “Do you want me to leave?”
2. “I swear it won’t happen again.”
3. “I’m not jealous.”
4. “You can’t keep doing this.”
5. “I’m going to take care of you, okay?”
6. “You can’t die. Please don’t die.”
7. “You did what?!”
8. “Were you ever going to tell me?”
9. “Don’t ask me that.”
10. “I might have had a few shots.”
11. “What’s with the box?”
12. “Say it!”
13. “I could kiss you right now!”
14. “Are you done with that?”
15. “Are you still awake…?”
16. “Excuse you?”
17. “This is all your fault!”
18. “I shouldn’t be in love with you.”
19. “I could kill you right now!”
20. “Just admit I’m right.”
21. “That doesn’t even make sense.”
22. “That’s irrational.”
23. “Just pretend to be my date.”
24. “Are you really going to leave without asking me the question you’ve been dying to ask me?”
25. “When you love someone, you don’t just stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy… even then. Especially then!”
26. “I think I’ve been holding myself from falling in love with you all over again.”
27. “I’m not going to apologise for this. Not anymore.”
28. “That’s almost exactly the opposite of what I meant.”
29. “It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.”
30. “Can I sit here? The other tables are full.”
31. “You weren’t supposed to laugh!”
32. “This is, by far, the dumbest thing you’ve ever done.”
33. “I’m not going to stop poking you until you give me some attention.”
34. “These stars are nothing compared to the ones I’ve seen in your eyes.”
35. “Before I do this, I need you to know that I have always loved you.”
36. “Did I say that out loud?”
37. “Do you think they could have loved me?”
38. “Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.”
39. “How long have you been standing there?”
40. “Have I ever lied to you?”
41. “Have you lost your fucking mind?”
42. “His ego is so visible; I can almost watch it grow.”
43. “I am not losing you again!”
44. “I don’t know why I’m crying.”
45. “I had a nightmare about you and I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
46. “I just need to be alone right now.”
47. “When I picture myself happy… It’s with you.”
48. “I made a mistake.”
49. “I may be an idiot, but I’m your idiot.”
50. “I need you to forgive me.”
51. “I see the way you look at me when you think I’m not looking.”
52. “I think I’m in love with you and that scares me half to death.”
53. “I’m flirting with you.”
54. “I’m not good enough for you.”
55. “I fell in love with my best friend.”
56. “I’m sorry, what? I keep getting lost in your eyes.”
57. “I’m up to the challenge.”
58. “I’ve been in love with you my entire life. Ever since the day I first met you.”
59. “I’m yours.”
60. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to seduce me.”
61. “If you go anywhere near them, you’ll have to deal with me!”
62. “It’s okay to cry…”
63. “What do you mean? It’s exciting!”
64. “Talk to me.”
65. “Look at me—just breathe, okay?”
66. “Look, I don’t have much time, but I wanted to say I love you.”
67. “Oh my god! You’re in love with them!”
68. “Well, this is where I live.”
69. “We finish it the same way we started—together.”
70. “What are you afraid of?”
71. “You are the single best thing that has ever happened to me.”
72. “You deserve so much better.”
73. “You don’t have to stay.”
74. “You don’t know you the way I do.”
75. “You fainted, straight into my arms. You know, if you wanted my attention, you didn’t have to go to such extremes.”
76. “You need to wake up because I can’t do this without you.”
77. “You shouldn’t have even been there!”
78. “You weren’t supposed to hear that.”
79. “You’re safe now. I’ve got you.”
80. “Teach me?”
81. “We’re in the middle of a thunderstorm and you want to stop and feel the rain?”
82. “Looks like we’ll be stuck here for a while.”
83. “Just once.”
84. “I can’t believe you talked me into this.”
85. “It’s not what it looks like.”
86. “I got you a present.”
87. “Hey! I was gonna eat that!”
88. “See, now, what that so bad?”.”
89. “You’re the best part of me.”
90. “I don’t want to think about what I’d be like without you.”
91. “Can I hold your hand?”
92. “Let’s move in together.”
93. “It’s a real shame nobody asked for your opinion.”
94. “What time is it?”
95. “Just wait a second.”
96. “Here, let me.”
97. “You’re so cute when you pout like that.”
98. “Hold me back!’
99. “I don’t care what they said, it doesn’t mean shit!”
100. “I adore you.”

top 10 phan moments that make me wanna rip my heart out

yeah, just ten moments among hundreds, let it be part one or something. tell me what i’ve missed because i want more suffering in my life.

10) mind control.

i mean, i appreciate the subtlety. i crave those tiny moments that you only notice when someone points them out to you. but this! you can’t miss this one, this moment is shoved down our throats. this is so “i’m allowed to do that to you, to be in your personal space, and gaze into your eyes for no reason, just because i want to”. and phil’s face in that moment, so much joy and mischief, he claps his hands and gazes back.

9) chest touch.

drama queen howell strikes again, it hurts to rewatch it srsly, why is he so extra? but what is phil doing ladies and gents? he slaps his chest in the weirdest way possible, he brushes it, it’s like he wants to shove him but reassuringly and the movement happens so fast you have to pause for a second to comprehend it. that sweet gentle boy is so fond of dan’s unnecessary commentary and yeah, it completely distracts us from what dan is saying at that moment.

8) feel my heartbeat.

was that necessary, really? like, i don’t ask my friends to feel my heartbeat when i’m scared, that was such a “horror movie at first date” bullshit, that’s not what people do?? and when dan does feel that beautiful hummingbird heart, phil just covers his hand with his own palm because yes, you gotta feel it very close, no air between your hand and my chest. dan immediately looks into the camera to show us that yeah, i know you’re there, nothing strange, and makes a comment about phil dying. wow.

7) phil the delivery man.

i don’t know what to say. it’s so simple but why does phil have to make such an act of bringing dan his charger, why does he talk in that stupid voice?? they have a banter, and then phil FIXES DAN’S CHARGER FOR HIM, like what?? who asked you to do that? where’s my IT guy au (literally, he’s got glasses, look at him). and before he leaves he plays the piano that nerd, what an attention seeker, and then bows!! is he tipsy? did he have a pre-liveshow orgasm or something? dan laughs fondly and it’s all i need in the world.

6) child beer.

what’s happening and does it even matter. phil’s hiding on the floor, but why? to surprise us? eh whatever. so he’s got that magical japanese powdery stuff and he wants dan to taste it. the biggest problem for me here, ahem, i mean the thing that just kills me every time is that phil spends the whole time (eight minutes) on his knees and he looks so cute when he makes that beer, holds it close to the camera, and then lets the foam sit so dan can have the ultimate child beer experience.

it reminds me of that hot chocolate video, where he does something so trivial but he’s so gentle and loving about it. i still don’t understand why they didn’t do a simple taste test like bros, but phil had to make it for dan, he wanted to see his reaction. and then he tries it as well, touches the glass rim with his lips at the same place where dan’s mouth just was (gross).

and i just can’t ignore how that boy sneaks past dan’s room after that, he’s playful, he stops to say that he googled something and dan was wrong, and domesticity, i wanna die.

5) sleeping phil on tour.

i kinda wanna talk about the angle here because i don’t understand how it was filmed (camera is pretty static, dan’s hand reaches from the side, not behind), but i don’t know if it matters here. what matters is how gentle dan is. of course, he starts with classic nose tickling, which is what “messing with a sleeping friend” usually implies, but then he frees one strand of phil’s hair and just lets it fall. wow, fantastic prank, dan.

and let’s separately discuss that pout/kiss phil does after he opens his eyes. i know you want a slow mo replay, so here we go:

that’s what i call “im gonna stay asleep but i love you”. where’s the nearest cliff so i can fling myself into abyss?

4) the look.

context what context. why did they keep it? why did they put it on fullscreen instead of hiding in the corner? two full-length looks dan, really?? you know what he looks like, why do you have to examine him like that in front of us you slut. and it just passes, without acknowledgment, they just turn back at us simultaneously and I’M STILL DEAD at that moment, i don’t care what happens next.

3) snoot. proot. (i just filmed you doing that)

i don’t even care what it was. something about piano sounds or whatever, but this video haunts me. THERE’S SO MUCH TO IT. first, phil is lying on dan’s bed (at least in the official version it’s dan’s, not mutual), just chilling?? and dan’s working i guess. so they are not actually doing something together but it’s a cozy evening, why would they spend it in different rooms? dan says something, idk, and phil replies “yeah” in that deep voice I SWEAR i haven’t heard from him before. dan makes the sounds again, like can you believe he’s an actual dork in real life, it’s not an act, he’s actually the weirdest boy alive, and he so obviously doesn’t know he’s being filmed. because when phil says “i just filmed you doing that you’re so weird”, he’s so delighted, he laughs at himself, he turns around, his hair is pushed back omg they are both so sleepy and i rejoice. i think this video gives us a rare but fantastic insight in their everyday life, phil must be keeping so much silly videos like that on his google drive and we never get to see them BUT SOMEHOW he posts this one, probably because dan is cute and he wants everyone to know it.

2) you loved it. you wanna do it more.

so, yes. you know this one. where do i even begin?? they play this dragon quiz and then 1) phil says “you loved it” in the strangest voice, like the voice we never hear from him, it’s deeper and quieter, he looks at dan even though dan’s not looking back; 2) dan is looking down as if he’s fiddling with an ipad or something, it’s almost a bts moment, something they would usually edit out. AND THEN THREE SECONDS OF SILENCE while dan kinda processes what’s going on and phil still looks at him expectantly. seductive as fuck. and now this quiet “alright”, i’m just… dan looks like he’s gotten the hint, so he’s a little embarrassed and they share the softest laugh. 

the thing is, we know how often phil makes sexual innuendos and dan always reacts the same way: he looks into the camera, he throws a witty comment in, he puts it on display to show us that there’s no intimacy in that moment. but not this time. i don’t understand why they didn’t edit it out. i just… don’t.

1) pantless liveshow
this is the ultimate. this is the weirdest and the most awesome thing these two gave me and i’m not even sure what can top that. the moment when phil decides to grab the humidifier and show us, he looks at the screen, says “one second” and stands up very awkwardly while dan turns the laptop away from him and makes the weirdest “how you doing” face. 

WHAT THE FUCK. did they think we were so used to them weirdos that we wouldn’t even notice that shit? but fuck, they do it again, they want to show us the spray and dan goes “should i go get it? you have to do phil’s corner”. like, i can’t function, i honestly can’t. AND THE WORST PART is when dan returns and we can see him covering his legs with a blanket just too fast like it’s not that cold boy come on.

i have no explanation and i have every explanation. i don’t deserve all this suffering.

Things We Learnt From the First Wave of EW Coverage

1. Luke believed Ben Solo was the chosen one

[Luke] made a huge mistake in thinking that his nephew was the chosen one, so he invested everything he had in Kylo, much like Obi-Wan did with my character,” Hamill says. “And he is betrayed, with tragic consequences. Luke feels responsible for that. That’s the primary obstacle he has to rejoining the world and his place in the Jedi hierarchy, you know? It’s that guilt, that feeling that it’s his fault, that he didn’t detect the darkness in him until it was too late.”

LOL, what a mess.

2. Luke gives Rey a chilly reception - and forces her to confront her sense of abandonment afresh

Luke definitely does not give Rey the warm welcome he received when he went in search of Alec Guinness’ Ben Kenobi in 1977’s original Star Wars. She is warned. She is given an explanation. Nevertheless …“She’s so hopeful to everything,” Ridley says. “And obviously there’s a hint of, ‘What the hell?’”

This rejection hits Rey’s abandonment issues. Hard.

Luke’s brush-off makes Rey miss the gruff warmth of Han Solo, Ridley says, giving us a peek inside the head of her character: “’Oh my God, this other man that I lost within a couple days was somewhat of a father figure. Now he’s gone, and instead I’m with this grumpy guy on an island who doesn’t want me here.’” 

But Ridley says Rey is also placing huge expectations on Luke. She arrives on the island of Ahch-To, site of a primitive Jedi temple, not to become a hero herself, but to shove Skywalker back into the fight. “I don’t think one girl, who he doesn’t know, turning up with a lightsaber is gonna make him go, ‘Oh, s—, yeah, of course I’ll get back into the action,’” Ridley says.

Poor bb Rey.

3. Kylo is fascinated by Rey 

As we know, the young scavenger was ditched as a child on the hardscrabble junkyard world of Jakku by unknown parents and left for years to survive on her own. But lately, she has gotten accustomed to making fast friends, like BB-8, Finn, Chewbacca, and General Leia Organa. Even the murderous Kylo Ren became fascinated by her strength and resilience after kidnapping her.

No shit.

4.  Ahch-To is home to a quasi-nunnery populated by vaguely amphibious caretakers - and they merely tolerate Luke Skywalker’s presence 

They’re kind of these sort of fish-bird type aliens who live on the island,” Johnson says. “They’ve been there for thousands of years, and they essentially keep up the structures on the island. They’re all female, and I wanted them to feel like a remote sort of little nunnery,” Johnson says. “Neal Scanlan’s crew designed them, and costume designer Michael Kaplan made these working clothes that also reflected sort of a nun-like, spartan sort of existence.”They can communicate with Luke through what Johnson describes as “a blubbery sort of Scottish fish talk” but they’re not thrilled to have him hanging around. Johnson says they “tolerate” his presence.

Please let this be Black Narcissus with extra aliens.

5. We’ll learn more about Snoke’s nature and goals - but don’t expect his lifestory

Johnson says The Last Jedi will reveal more about Snoke and his goals, but his history will remain somewhat murky. “Similar to Rey’s parentage, Snoke is here to serve a function in the story. And a story is not a Wikipedia page,” the filmmaker says. “For example, in the original trilogy, we didn’t know anything about the Emperor except what Luke knew about him, that he’s the evil guy behind Vader. Then in the prequels, you knew everything about Palpatine because his rise to power was the story.” In The Last Jedi, Johnson says, “we’ll learn exactly as much about Snoke as we need to.”

Hahahaha at all the emptiness of the inane Snoke speculation.

6. Snoke is no puppet on a string 

Will we see Snoke performed as a real-life puppet? “No, it’s entirely a mo-cap performance,” Johnson says. “[Creature designer] Neal Scanlan built a maquette that we had on set for lighting reference and to give the actors a sense of what it was going to feel like. And then we scanned that and [Industrial Light & Magic] used that in their renderings, but Snoke will be an entirely CG creation.”

Don’t take anything for granted - least of all spoiler reports!

7. Finn starts out desperate to leave the fight and find Rey 

It got really real for him,” Boyega tells EW. “And he just wants to get away and not be involved. His intention in the first place was to go to the Outer Rim. He was always brought back [in The Force Awakens,], but this is his chance to get away and perhaps find Rey and go off together. He’s trying to do that at first.”

I have a funny feeling of deja-vu!

8. Rose is a true nobody

Poe Dameron is super cool. Finn’s super cool. Even though [Rose] is good at what she does, she’s not known,” Tran says. “She’s not cool. She’s this nobody, this background player, which is what makes her interesting. She’s not the best. She’s not royalty. She’s someone who is just like everyone else.”

Rose is a gearhead, a grease monkey, a behind-the-scenes jack-of-all-trades, while her sister Paige (played by Veronica Ngo) is the dynamic one — a Resistance gunner who fights on the front lines alongside Resistance luminaries like Poe Dameron, Oscar Isaac’s X-wing ace.

Rose - nobody or not - sounds pretty awesome, imho.

9. Rose and Finn drive each other forward - but people can struggle to live up to others’ expectations

Rose is starstruck by Finn: “He appreciates the adoration for a second, but when he meets her, Finn is trying to escape the whole war. He’s trying to leave,” Boyega says. “And she comes in and basically gives him a depiction of himself that wasn’t necessarily true.” But he likes the impression Rose has, the vision she has of him. A good guy. A brave guy. Seeing himself through her eyes gives the ex-Stormtrooper something to live up to. “It’s now an opportunity for him to be the best he can be. He has to make a decision, and Rose is there to help him make that choice.”

It shouldn’t be a spoiler to reveal that, yes, she helps Finn stay in the fight, although the urge to get out is still burning inside him.

Also… living up to Rose’s high expectations is not a task anyone can truly fulfill.

Colour me intrigued…

where adrien flirts
  • so adrien has a little problem: he likes marinette. like he really, honest-to-god likes her, and he doesn’t know what to do about it. his track record with girls isn’t so stellar. after he confessed his feelings to ladybug as chat noir, she calmly turned him down and admitted she liked someone else. so as nino would say, without a lady to tie him down, adrien agreste is single and ready to mingle
  • but he’s always been single?? and what does mingle even mean?? like, nino, what the hell, dude?? help a man out. 
  • so nino sits him down and explains how to get his crush. with his previous crush, nino tells him, adrien obviously didn’t do it right, and that’s why she turned him down (nino doesn’t know it was ladybug, and he just likes to think adrien was crushing on a supermodel who was totally out of even his league). 
  • nino: “you gotta flirt, man. the ladies love a dude who’s chill and cool and confident. you gotta rock it and own it. you got this.”
    adrien: “but how? every time I go to her, she looks at me, and I can’t… make my words work.”
    nino: “….you two are perfect for each other.”
    adrien: “what?”
    nino: “what?”
  • nino gives him an article with a few tips for flirting. this shouldn’t be too bad, and hey, it worked on alya, nino swears by it. so with 10 Flirting Techniques That Are Garunteed to Work on Women on his mind, adrien is determined to woo the ladies.
  • 1. set the stage with the “soft stare”: so all he had to do was stare at marinette as deeply as possible whenever they had a conversation while maintaining a calm and relaxed expression. marinette likes to stutter and stammer her ways through her words, and he couldn’t blame her, because he lost control when he tried to talk to her as well, and usually her antics made him smile and laugh. but according to the tips, he wasn’t allowed to.
  • it’s all good for a week or so, until nino pulls him aside and asks why he looks like he’s plotting how to murder marinette in her sleep like some type of serial killer every time he talks to her. 
  • he stops talking to her after that. alya tracks him down a few days later and whacks him upside the head for making her best friend cry by ignoring her. adrien goes back to talking to marinette as normally as possible after that because it’s better to talk to her as friends than invoke his “killer smile” while trying to flirt.
  • 2. be vague and leave her wanting more: adrien has this in the bag. he knows how to skirt around a topic, but that’s just because he has to make sure he kept his secret identity as a superhero of Paris a… secret. being vague is one of his best talents, it also helps with those stupid paparazzi who always follow him. the article offers some suggests: tell her you know a secret about her, tell her there’s something interesting about her and you can’t put your finger on it, tell her that’s she exactly your type but don’t tell her what you type actually is, etc. he spends most of the night plotting his exact words, and the next day, when he sees marinette, it just comes spilling out…
  • adrien: “i know your secret, marinette.”
    marinette: “…what?”
    well shit, adrien thought, the article didn’t tell him what happened after this.
    adrien: “…i know it. your secret… i knew there was something about you that i couldn’t put my finger on.”
    marinette: “…wait, so you know? ohmygodthiscan’tbehappening,ohmygod, how did you figure it out???”
  • adrien wasn’t sure what to do after this point, so like the article said, he leaves her wanting more and nopes the fuck outta there, cha-cha sliding out of the classroom and bolting down the hallway before she could catch him.
  • 3. the sensual look: once a girl is comfortable around you, give her a mischievous look that makes her think. the article (and nino) never really explain what the girl will think about, but adrien totally supports girl empowerment and helping those smart cookies get the best grades and brilliance recognition they deserve. if a mischievous smile is all it takes, then he’s more than happy to help.
  • he flashes her a quirky smirk in Madame Bustier’s lecture, marinette notices and freezes up. he thinks he did it wrong when nino just leans closer and says, “you broke marinette.”
  • adrien apologizes after class and swears he’ll never break her again. marinette just mumbles, “you can break me anytime.”
  • adrien thinks it’s counterproductive. 
  • 4. the surprise wink: whenever you pass her, just wink after you lock eyes, nino says, she won’t expect it and it’ll surprise her but give her the clear and distinct message that you are flirting with her. adrien wants marinette to know he likes her and wants to flirt with he rand wants to date her and just be with her, so he winks every time he gets. 
  • they see each other in class? wink he catches her eyes while they study for physics? wink they talk about madame bustier’s homework? wink she asks him for his opinion on her designs? wink 
  • at first, she giggles. after two weeks, she presents him with a bottle of over-the-counter artificial tears for his “eye twitch.” he stops winking after that and doesn’t talk to nino for the rest of the day.
  • 5. the playful bump: playful actions, like bumping, will definitely make a girl smile. 
  • adrien: “but nino, i could hurt her.”
    nino: “no, my dude, she knows you’re teasing.”
    adrien: “i don’t care if she knows. what if i knock her over?”
    nino: “no, you don’t do it hard, you just–”
    adrien: “what if she falls over and breaks her nose? i don’t wanna break her nose, nino. she has a cute nose.”
    nino: “adrien, you’re not gonna break her–”
    adrien: “niNO
  • 6. the understatement: understate the compliments you give her, okay, okay, adrien can do this. it’s simple.
  • adrien: “marinette, your eyes are blue… like avatar’s skin. just blue.. all over.. it’s great. not the brightest blue, but not the darkest. just blue. you have blue eyes, marinette.”
    marinette: *is speechless*
    nino: “…you nailed that, adrien.”
    adrien: “oh thanks, nino.”
  • 7. the double negative, “i don’t think you’re not beautiful”: 
    adrien: “but i do think she’s beautiful.”
    nino: “i know, you’re telling her that.”
    adrien: “but you just said i don’t think she’s beautiful?”
    nino: “no, no, you said you don’t think she’s not beautiful, so ergo you think she is beautiful.”
    adrien: “…grammar hurts my head, nino.”
    nino: “i know, my dude, i understand.”
  • 8. the sensual tease, tease her for liking you: okay, but adrien doesn’t know if marinette likes him like that? nino swears she does, and alya says so too, but it still makes him feel bad for teasing her. so he doesn’t tease her and just keeps doing stuff like he normally does, like walking her home from school and helping her study physics and giving her advice for her designs and keeping a stash of food for her on the mornings she runs late and he knows she didn’t have breakfast yet.
  • nino rolls his eyes, but adrien doesn’t care. his momma didn’t raise no hooligan. no, if he was going to flirt with marinette, at least he can be a gentleman about it.
  • 9. the moniker: giving her a cute nickname will let her know how special she is. adrien spends a week thinking about it, and nino gives him a few suggestions, but he doesn’t listen. if he’s giving marinette a nickname, it has to be something he does because it’ll let her know she’s special to him.
  • a few days later, he slips up and calls her “princess” because she’s pretty, sweet, smart, likes pink, and is a natural born leader just like a royal. marinette freezes when he calls her that, but she smiles and laughs eventually. she seems to like it, and he keeps doing it. it’s fitting, he supposes, for someone like her. marinette, his princess.
  • does that mean he gets to be her knight?
  • nino calls him a nerd.
  • 10. tell her how you feel: it’s the last step, and adrien agonizes over it for days. it can’t really be as simple as nino makes it out to be, but then again, his best friend has been dating a pretty sweet gal for months, so it obviously worked for him. adrien broods over it for a while, and alya warns him not to ignore marinette for days again, and he swears he isn’t. he’s just trying to find his courage. why oh why is it so much easier to face an akuma with certain death hanging over his head than tell a girl how he really feels?
  • marinette decides to take matters into her own hands, which he isn’t really surprised by because she usually is a head-strong, independent female. what he is surprised by is when ladybug swings into his bedroom window and transforms into marinette right before his very eyes.
  • marinette: “why are you ignoring me? did i do something wrong?”
    adrien: *adrien.exe has stopped working*
    marinette: “…adrien?”
    adrien: “…you’re… ladybug?!”
    marinette: “yeah, i know. you know. we’ve been over this–”
    adrien: “nononoNO, we most certainly haven’t.”
    marinette: *marinette.exe has stopped working*
    adrien: “…marinette?”
    marinette: “I… but you said you knew my secret.”
    adrien: “I WAS BEING VAGUE.”
    marinette: “WHY?!”
    adrien: “IVE BEEN FLIRTING WITH YOU.”
    marinette: “…you have?”
    adrien: “well, i was trying–”
  • plagg: *pops out of adrien’s pocket* “oh, are we trading secrets?”
    tikki: *pops out of marinette’s bag* “I think so?”
    plagg: *holds out paw to marinette* “fine. im plagg, i turn him into chat noir. nice to finally meet you. i’m glad you guys are finally telling each other, it’s been so tiring listening to him mooning over you. do you have any cheese?”
    marinette: “…you’re chat noir?”
    adrien: *dies*

so marinette and adrien are dating now, so in a way he thinks his plan worked? that doesn’t stop marinette from asking him how he thought he’d been flirting, so he tells her nino’s tips. she laughs for a week straight. that’s the last time he ever listens to nino.

an adrien version of this post. some people asked for an adrien version, it’s not directly a sequel, but still another au. just two nerds trying to flirt and failing spectacularly. 

Some hilarious writing prompts

Alright so a few days ago I decided to look for some hilarious text posts on tumblr and I laughed so much I just had to write some prompts! (is possible to be customized)
(Send me requests with 1/1+ prompt/s. I write about a lot of fandoms and also a lot of different things : one shots/scenarios/imagines/headcanons/chats/conversations/aesthetics/alomst anything) REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

*1. Do I look like I give a fuck?
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*2. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on you again for taking advantage of my compassionate and forgiving nature! HOw dare you.
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*3. Me? Overreacting? Probably.
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4. I used to be passive aggressive, but now I’m aggressively passive. Don’t mess with me kiddo. I’ll be right here. I’ll fucking forgive you.
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5. A: Whar are you doing?
B: Avoiding.
A: Avoiding what?
B: Everything.
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*6. This was impulsive. Probably shouldn’t have done it. WHO CARES?
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*7. You’re really cute and it’s ruining my life because I think about kissing you all the time.
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8. A: It’s okay, I’m not mad.
    A (5 mins later): Actually? You can go to Hell.
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9. I hate people who get personally offended when I’m in a bad mood, likeI’m not mad at you Susan (name), I’m mad at the world!
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10. A to A: Bitch, if you actually applied yourself in like…anything, you’d be dangerous ,damn my lazy ass.
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11. I don’t know what I’m feeling, but there’s a lot of it.
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12. Not to dictate your life, but drop your shitty friends.
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13. That sounds like responsibility and I want no part in it.
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14. Why am I better than everyone? Jesus, life’s hard.
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15. A: How do you make someone holy?
B: You beat the hell out of them.
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16. A: I’m amazed of how insignificant we actually are.
B: Not me, I’m important.
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17. If anyone can do it, then someone who isn’t me can do it.
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18. In the old days of one week ago things were different. Now look at us - slightly older than we were back then, other clothes and such.
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19. I’m not going to claim that I know everything, I’m simply going to act like it.
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*20. You have to “see it to believe it”, so as long as I’m not looking I don’t have to believe in anything.
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21. I’m visualising a powerful mystical energy at the moment.
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22. If I don’t learn anything from my mistakes then I don’t have to consider them mistakes in the first place.
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23. Why the hell is there always this one weak bitch in the group that isn’t down with murder? No offence though.
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24. A: If you ever feel stupid, or weak, or powerless, just remember that I, am not.
B: THanks.
A: You’re welcome.
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25. I wanna do dirty stuff with you like farming.
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26. A: What are you reading?
B: 10 tips for beutiful hair the Government doesn’t want you to know.
A: wHAT the fuck?
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27. A: I’m tired of these constant near-death experiences.
B: (opinional) don’t be a whiny bitch, bitch.
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28. Man, how many eye contact until date?
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29. God has a favourite comedy tv series and it’s called “my life”.
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30. Sometimes all you can say is “yikes” and then just on the fuck on.
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31. Why is everyone having their mid-life crisis at like 19?
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32. It’s a beutiful day to give me money, honey.
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33. Women aren’t complicated, you’re just dumb.
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34. Well this social situation isn’t going the way I acted it out in the shower.
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35. No offence, but my favourite hobby is staying hydrated and beautiful.
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36. I’m actually pretty cool if you give me like 5 tries to get it right.
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37. Today I’m feeling cloudy with a chance of sarcastic.
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38. Be prapared to add a cute emoji next to my name in your contacts list because you’re gonna love me.
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*39.A: Babe, I’m not grabbing your boob, I’m grabbing your heart.
B: That’s my right boob though.
A: Babe.
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40.Every machine is a smoke machine if you operate it wrong enough.
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41.What makes me feel like a failure the most is when I can’t remember the answet to a Harry Potter trivia question.
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42.I hate it when I’m really nice…And then people are just not that nice? Like what the fuck.
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43.Don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
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*44.Is your name candle? Because I wanna blow you.
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*45. So, was that just awkward eye contact, or were we checking eachother out?-

46.You know, having feelings is ruining my reputation of being a heartless bitch.
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47.My turn ons? Well I don’t know, maybe some fucking common sense.
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48.I may seem like an angry person on the surface, but deep inside I’m actually angrier.
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49.I ship me and that boat.
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50.Listen. I did mean to make you upset and I do think your opinions are shit. But you’re still my friend so it’s okay.
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51.Because my two moods are like glitter and death.
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*52.My kink is closing the fucking bathroom door, because no one wants to see you fucking pee!
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53.If I go to Hell I’m gonna constantly torture everyone by continuously asking if it’s hot in here or is it just me.
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54.Oh my God are you seeing this shit?
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55.Graduated top of my class from Hogwarts school of bitchcraft and misery.

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56.A (shows up at your door 10 years after we had an argument): aND ANOTHER THING

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57.I’ll betray all of you in the Hunger Games.

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58.Well, well, well, if it isn’t my old friend, the dawing realization that I fucked up real bad.

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59.I’m a screamer. Not sexually, just life in general.

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60.I’m not racist, I hate everyone equally.

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61.Tell me I’m cute or something, so I can roll my eyes at you, but then blush when I think about it later.

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62.You know when your hair is greasy and it makes you feel so bad about yourself? And your entire life. Everything is awful because my hair is greasy.

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63.True love is having a crush even when he got a haircut you know.

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64.Emotions? You know, I just push my tear back into my eye and tell it “Not now, you little bastard!”.

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65.Are we gonna hold hands, or what?

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66.My soul leaving my body, but with one of those slide whistle sound effects.

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67.A: I love you.

B: What if I got a bowl cut?

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68.I should really stop planning my future around being rich or famous…but I can’t.

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69.I’m aggressively thibking about having sex with you and trying to keep a straight face at the same time. Do you know hOW hard that is?

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70.My opinion is no.

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71.Did you fall from heaven, because so did Satan.

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72.What to hear a fairytale? Once upon a time you weren’t such a little bitch.

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73.Which is messier - my life or my hair?

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74.How can you face the problem when the problem is your face?

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75.Sometimes I wonder what it feels like to know wHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.

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76.Read a girl who dates books.

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77.My hands are cold let me put them in your pants.

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78.I’m sorry, you must be at least level 4 friend to unlock my tragic backstory.

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79.My therapist once told me that I have this obsession with seeking revenge…we’ll see about that.

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80.You have lips, I have lips…interesting.

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81.Do my dark undereye circles and unwashed hair turn you on?

/PART TWO/


/170715 ; a Temporary side note: please for the moment don’t send me requests with the numbers that have a (*). I’ve received so many requests with those, I’m starting to run out of ideas :D Thank you ! / - persuasivus

Wanna park and act like an a**hole? Enjoy paying thousands.

Years ago, I worked as a security officer in a high-traffic tourist area (graveyard shift).

One of my responsibilities was to make sure my building’s loading/unloading zone is kept clear because at all hours of the day we’ve got vehicles coming and going for people going to meetings, visitors, tourists, cabs, etc. The curb is painted white and marked in big bold letters ✶ LOADING AND UNLOADING ONLY ✶ NO PARKING ✶. At the end of the zone there was a single handicap parking stall painted bright blue.

Now the building I worked at was nearby a few large night clubs, so every Friday and Saturday the area would be crazy busy with drunken fighting, vomiting, occasional alleyway sex, etc. All night long there’d be cute girls milling around in skimpy outfits, so the job had its perks too.

Clubbers would take advantage of my building’s valet parking service and pay to park in our garage before heading out to one of the clubs across the street.

Some clubbers would think they could get away with parking in our loading zone all night. My coworkers and I would aggressively patrol the area in the earlier evening hours and advise as many people as we could so they’d leave and avoid getting a ticket. It was also better for us if they left, because when there were too many vehicles parked out front, traffic would become a complete clusterf*ck regardless of the time of day.

Most people would be grateful for the information and leave. Occasionally, some douche would laugh in our faces, say something about pigs or rent-a-cops or whatever and leave their car anyway. In those cases, we’d call our city’s parking enforcement and they’d get a $90 ticket for their troubles.

One Saturday night, after finished a round of patrols, I went to take a leak. On my way back out, I walked past Dispatch and my buddy calls me over to the surveillance bank.

“Hey bro, you got one out front.”

I turned to the grainy feed just in time to see a piece-of-junk ‘97 BMW sloppily parking in front of our building. I murmured that I’d go out and advise the driver, but before I could leave, the driver exited his vehicle.

My buddy and I watched in silence as the driver, a young black male adorned with flashy cheap bling, hiked his pants up at the crotch and blocked the path of a couple girls walking by. He started hitting on them in the slimiest way possible, even trying to grab their hands and asses at one point, staring shamelessly at their tits while he was schmoozing them. He took out his phone and shoved it at them, presumably asking for their numbers.

Eventually the girls were able to dodge his grabbers and ran off toward the club across the street. He repeated this routine several more times with various groups of girls walking by, even taking out a small bottle of vodka from his back pocket and offering swigs. With each rejection, he’d get angry and presumably cuss out the girls as they hurried off (our cameras didn’t pick up audio but this seemed a reasonable assumption).

I sighed and looked at my buddy.

“Well, I guess I’ll go talk to him.”

I made my way out to the front and approached him just as another group of girls ducked away from him. I called out to him. He turned and stared at me blankly.

“Hey, man, just wanted to let you know that this zone is for loading and unloading. Normally it’s not a big deal to park for a bit but if everyone does it on the weekends, traffic gets backed up pretty bad here.”

The douche looked at his vehicle, then at my badge.

“F*CKYOUB*TCHASSN☻☻☻☻I'LLF*CKYOUUP. PIGASSWANNABECOPMOTHAF*CKA.”

I looked at my watch. It was about 10:30PM. I continued my spiel.

“Parking enforcement here is pretty strict. You should move your vehicle or you might get ticketed–”

“F*CKYOUN☻☻☻☻SUCKMYD*CK. BETTERNOTTOUCHMYSHITN☻☻☻☻ILLF*CKYOUUPN☻☻☻☻.”

“Have a good night sir.”

He flipped me off and went across the street, where he was promptly denied entry for dress code violations. He cussed out the bouncer and wandered off down the block. I walked over to his vehicle and saw that it was parked crooked, the rear of the vehicle partially blocking the lane of traffic. Half of his vehicle was in the white zone, the other in the blue zone. I key’d up my radio.

“8million to dispatch.”

“8million, go ahead.”

“Can you call parking enforcement for this vehicle? Lemme know when you’re ready for the plate.”

Fifteen minutes later, the parking officer arrived. He looked at the vehicle and promptly issued a $90 ticket for parking in the white zone and a $900 ticket for parking in the blue zone without a permit.

I thanked the officer and went back inside to have a snack.

A couple hours later, two of the local cops stopped by to say hi. As Officer Morris and his partner walked over, Dispatch radio’d me.

“Hey 8million, is that Jones and Morris?”

“Sure is.”

“You gonna do what I think you’re gonna do?”

“Yep.”

Officer Jones and I lit up our cigarettes as Officer Morris looked on disapprovingly. We all smoked and chatted for a bit, then I casually motioned over my shoulder at the BMW.

“Hey, Jones, check out the parking job on that piece of shit.”

We all walked over to the corner and looked at the vehicle, the two tickets stuck on the windshield flapping in the wind. Officer Morris grabbed one of the tickets, read it over and looked at me.

“What’s the story here?”

I told them what happened and the driver’s response. Officer Jones and Morris looked at each other.

“8million, you got the time?”

“Yeah, it’s… 12:27AM.”

“Well it’s a whole new day now isn’t it?”

Officer Morris proceeded to write another $90 ticket for the white zone, then another $900 ticket for the blue zone. He paused for a moment after finishing the second one.

“Hey Jones, looks like this vehicle is parked more than twelve inches from the curb. What do you think?”

“Sounds about right.”

Officer Morris wrote another ticket for $120 and slapped it on the pile of tickets on the windshield. I shook both officer’s hands and they left to continue their patrols.

The next few hours of my shift went by fairly quickly. Around 5AM, Dispatch scared the hell out of me.

“HEY 8MILLION, ARE YOU STILL ON THAT CALL?”

“Negative, I just finished clearing it.”

“RESPOND TO DISPATCH ASAP.”

I ran down to the surveillance bank, where my coworkers were all gathered and laughing their asses off. Sunday was street cleaning day and the BMW was getting ticketed again by parking enforcement.

After that, we all stopped by Dispatch every 5-10 minutes to see if the owner had returned. Finally, at about 6AM, douchebag came stumbling up the block, looking completely worn out. His formerly-white t-shirt was stained and dirty and it looked like he’d lost at least one fight.

We watched in suspense as he looked at the pile of tickets crammed together on his windshield and slowly removed them. He stood there, pants sagging below his knees, shuffling through each ticket as if he were a toddler with a handful of Pokémon cards.

With a look of abject defeat on his face, he got into his vehicle and drove off. The whole room erupted in laughter and high-fives.

As the laughter died down, I picked up the office phone and started dialing. My coworkers eyed me curiously. I put the call on speaker just as the call connected.

“9-1-1, what is your emergency?”

“Yeah, hi, I’d like to report a possible drunk driver. I have the vehicle and driver description when you’re ready.”

anonymous asked:

100 ways to say I love you?

1. “Everything is gonna be okay”

2. “We can go outside if your having anxiety”

3. “i’m here if you need to talk”

4. “your really something aren’t you”

5. “I like you just the way you are”

6. “i worry about you”

7. “your my favorite”

8. “I believe in you”

9. “your important to me”

10. “i care”

11. “I was just thinking about you”

12. “i noticed

Keep reading

390 Prompts!!!!

1. “A wedding?”
2. “After everything you did, you’re asking ME to apologize for snapping at you ONCE?”
3. “Am I supposed to be scared of you?”
4. “Are you drunk?”
5. “Are you hitting on her for me?”
6. “Are you kidding me? We’re not ‘fine’!”
7. “Are you okay?” “Why do you ask?” “You’re wearing two different shoes.”
8. “Are you really taking his side against me?”
9. “At what point did you think that was a good idea?”
10. “Babe, you have a problem, please, let me help you.”
11. “Be my wife.”
12. “Before I do this, I need you to know that I have always loved you.”
13. “BOOM! That oughta show you not to mess with me!”
14. “But the carnival is right down the street! Can we please, please go!?”
15. “Can I kiss you?”
16. “Come back to bed.”
17. “Come on, let’s throw the dice, see what happens.”
18. “Come over here and make me.”
19. “Come with me.”
20. “Could you be happy here with me?”
21. “Crocs? Who hurt you so much in this life?”
22. “Damn. You clean up good.”
23. “Delete that immediately.”
24. “Did I just say that out loud?”
25. “Did I stutter?”
26. “Did you enjoy yourself last night?”
27. “Did you hear that?”
28. “Do you…well…I mean…I could give you a massage?”
29. “Do you ever stop eating?”
30. “Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they’d lock us up?”
31. “Do you ever think we should just stop this?”
32. Do you like me? Check yes or no.
33. “Do you need me to get anything from the store?”
34. “Do you think it’s possible that I…might be… pregnant?”
35. “Do you think she could have loved me?”
36. “Does he know about the baby?”
37. “Don’t fucking touch me!”
38. “Don’t say that. Not now.”
39. “Don’t say you love me.”
40. “Don’t you dare throw that snowba-, goddammit!”
41. “Don’t you ever do that again!”
42. “Either ask her out or I will do it for you!”
43. “Excuse me, I’m terribly lost. Can you help me?”
44. “Everyone deserves a second chance.”
45. “Everyone keeps telling me you’re the bad guy.”
46. “For some reason I’m attracted to you.”
47. “Frankly, I couldn’t care less.”
48. “Fuck…I feel I’ve been hit by a car.”
49. “Game’s over you son of a bitch! Tell me where she is!”
50. “Give me 5 bucks, I’ll explain later.”
51. “Go on then, tell me. Tell me you don’t love me.”
52. “Go then, leave! See if I care!”
53. “Guess who’s going to be a father?”
54. “H-How long have you been standing there?”
55. “Have I entered an alternate universe or did you really just crack a smile for me?”
56. “Have I ever lied to you?”
57. “Have you ever wanted to hate someone?”
58. “Have you lost your damn mind!?”
59. “He’s missing, not dead.”
60. “Hey! I was gonna eat that!”
61. “Hey, have you seen the..? Oh.”
62. “Hey, I’m with you, okay? Always.”
63. “His ego is so visible, I can almost watch it grow.”
64. “Hold me back!”
65. “Hold my hand dammit, we gotta make this look convincing!”
66. “How about we put the gun down and let’s talk about this?”
67. “How could anyone be that cruel?”
68. “How dare you!?”
69. “How long has it been?”
70. “I almost lost you.”
71. “I am not losing you again!”
72. “I beat you at Mario Kart and now you’re banishing me to the couch for the night?”
73. “I came here to explain what happened, and I’m not leaving until you listen.”
74. “I came home to a Nerf gun on the front porch and a note that says ‘Here is your weapon. I have one too. Loser cooks dinner. Good luck. xo’”
75. “I can manage on my own.”
76. “I can’t… I can’t lose you.”
77. “I can’t believe you talked me into this.”
78. “I can’t explain right now, but I need you to trust me.”
79. “I can’t get you out of my head.”
80. “I can’t let you do that.”
81. “I can’t start over again.”
82. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”
83. “I can’t swim!”
84. “I choose you.”
85. “I could never leave you, I love you too much!”
86. “I did a pregnancy test.”
87. “I didn’t ask for any of this!”
88. “I didn’t know you could cook.” “Oh, trust me I can’t.”
89. “I didn’t know you could sing.”
90. “I didn’t know you were so competitive.”
91. “I didn’t realize I needed your permission.”
92. “I didn’t think it was even possible for you to be so intelligent.”
93. “I don’t care what he said, it doesn’t mean jack squat.”
94. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”
95. “I don’t know why I’m crying.”
96. “I don’t snore, do I?” “Like a chainsaw.”
97. “I don’t want to have a baby.”
98. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
99. “I don’t want to let you down.”
100. “I got you a present.”
101. “I guess I was wrong about you. You’re not so bad after all.”
102. “I had a nightmare about you and just wanted to make sure you’re okay.”
103. “I had to see you again.”
104. “I hate you!” “No you don’t.”
105. “I hope one day you’re as happy as you’re pretending to be.”
106. “I just need you to do this one thing for me.”
107. “I just really need to have you here right now.”
108. “I just want this.”
109. “I just want to be alone right now.”
110. “I just wanted you to know that when I picture myself happy… it’s with you.”
111. “I know, but… I love him. You can’t give up on a person you love.”
112. "I know, but he’s your partner for this.”
113. “I know that you have reached a decision, but given that it is a stupid ass decision I have elected to ignore it”
114. “I love you.” “I know.”
115. “I love you. I’ve loved you since the moment I first laid eyes on you and – Oh, screw it!”
116. “I love you a lot, but please stop trying to cook me dinner, you suck.”
117. “I love you for you, don’t you dare think otherwise!”
118. “I love you more than anything in this world… which is why you have to stay here.”
119. “I love you, you asshole.”
120. “I made a mistake.”
121. “I may be an idiot but I’m your idiot.”
122. “I may despise you with the burning white hot intensity of a thousand suns, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”
123. “I may have… ripped my pants.”
124. “I miss her so damn much, and it’s killing me that she’s gone!”
125. “I need you to forgive me.”
126. “I never believed in soulmates until I met you.”
127. “I never learned how to whistle.”
128. “I never meant for anyone to get hurt!”
129. “I saw you staring at each other, I just wasn’t sure if it was sexual tension or murderous rage.”
130. "I see the way you look at me when you think I’m not looking.”
131. “I swear if you weren’t so attractive, I’d have punched you in the face nine times by now.”
132. “I swear it was an accident.”
133. “I swear it was like that when I found it!”
134. “I think I picked up your coffee by mistake.”
135. "I think I’m in love with you and that scares me to death.”
136. “I think we need to talk.”
137. “I think we should have another.”
138. “I think you’re just afraid to be happy.”
139. “I thought you were a dream come true.”
140. “I thought you were dead…”
141. “I trusted you!”
142. “I waited and waited, but you never came back.”
143. “I want my best friend back.”
144. “I want to go back to before….”
145. “I wasn’t going to wait around for you forever.”
146. “I wasn’t planning on asking you, but I’ve come to realize that life is short. Will you marry me?”
147. “I wish I could hate you.”
148. “I won’t give up if you won’t.”
149. “I won’t let you fall.”
150. “I-I can’t trust you anymore.”
151. “I’ll be right over.”
152. “I’ll sleep under the sheets, you sleep on top of them.”
153. "I’m flirting with you.”
154. “I’m freezing!”
155. “I’m laughing because you’re angry. I swear I didn’t do it!”
156. “I’m like 20% sure this plan will work. The other 80% means we could die horribly and violently, but honestly it’s a really solid plan.”
157. “I’m not good enough for you.”
158. “I’m not happy here.”
159. “I’m not surprised that you murdered him.”
160. “I’m not the only one who thinks that.”
161. “I’m only human!”
162. “I’m pregnant.”
163. “I’m sick of being USELESS.”
164. “I’m so happy you’re alive.”
165. “I’m so sorry! I will never doubt you again!”
166. “I’m so stupid to make the mistake of falling in love with my best friend.”
167. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know.”
168. “I’m sorry, but I can’t trust you anymore.”
169. “I’m sorry if this upsets you, but I’m going to marry her.”
170. “I’m sorry, run that by me again.”
171. "I’m sorry, what were you saying? I keep getting lost in your eyes.”
172. “I’m starting an idiot jar. Any time you do or say anything idiotic, you have to put at least a dollar in it—more depending on how stupid the thing that you said or did was.”
173. “I’m tired of being your secret.”
174. “I’m up to the challenge.”
175. “I’m yours.”
176. “I’ve been in love with you my entire life.”
177. “I’ve got good news and bad news.”
178. “I’ve moved on.”
179. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone before… and it scares the shit out of me.”
180. “I’ve seen the way you look at me when you think I can’t see you.”
181. “If he’s going to treat you like shit, I’m going to kick his ass.”
182. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you were trying to seduce me.”
183. “If I die, I’m going to haunt your ass.”
184. “If I ever see you anywhere near her, you’ll have to deal with me!”
185. “If my parents knew what I was doing, they’d kill me.”
186. “If this is love, love is easy.”
187. “If you die, I’m gonna kill you.”
188. “If you don’t want to talk about what happened, then say so. Don’t just lie and say it’s fine.”
189. “If you keep looking at me like that we won’t make it to a bed.”
190. “If you shove cake in my face this will be the worst wedding night of your life.”
191. “IF YOU USE UP ALL THE HOT WATER ONE MORE TIME, I’M GOING TO BAN YOU TO THE COUCH FOR A MONTH.”
192. “If you walk out right now, it’s over for us.”
193. “If you walk out that door, you’re no longer one of us. You’ll be one of them and that means I’ll treat you like one of them.”
194. “Is… is that even possible? Like, can we do this?”
195. “Is… that my picture in your wallet/as your home screen?”
196. “Is it really you?”
197. “Is it supposed to look like that? Are you sure?”
198. “Is that a challenge?”
199. “Is that an apology?”
200. “Is that real?”
201. “Is that what I think it is?”
202. “Is that what you’re doing? Trying to make me to hate you?”
203. “Is there a problem?”
204. “Is there a special reason, as to why you’re wearing my shirt?”
205. “Is there something you want to tell me?”
206. “It could be worse.”
207. “It made a difference to me.”
208. “It must be hard with your sense of direction, never being able to find your way to a decent pickup line.”
209. “It was just a dream.”
210. “It wasn’t supposed to happen like that.”
211. “It’s a hobby of mine to prove you wrong.”
212. “It’s all your fault.”
213. “It’s been fun. We’ve had a good run, but you parked in my spot. I’m going to have to kill you now.”
214. “IT’S NOT COMING OFF!”
215. “It’s not what it looks like…”
216. “It’s okay, I’m here for you.”
217. “It’s okay to cry…”
218. “Just leave me ALONE.”
219. “Just talk to me!”
220. “Keep your head up.”
221. “Kiss me.”
222. “Let him go! It’s me you want.”
223. “Let me buy you a drink?”
224. “Let’s do something wild and crazy!”
225. “Look at me - just breathe, okay?”
226. “Look at that. I’ve never seen your face get so red.”
227. “Look, I don’t have much time, but I wanted to say I love you.”
228. “Looks like we’ll be trapped for a while…”
229. “Make a wish.”
230. “Marry me?”
231. “May I have this dance?”
232. “Meet me at midnight. Alone.”
233. “Meet me on the bridge in an hour.”
234. “Meet me on the roof in ten minutes.”
235. “Mind if I cut in?”
236. “My parents asked about you.”
237. “No! I’m tired of doing what you say!”
238. “No one needs to know.”
239. “No one will ever hurt you again.”
240. “None of this makes sense.”
241. “None of that matters now.”
242. “Not a day will go by that I won’t think of you.”
243. “Oh, my God! You’re in love with her!”
244. “Please don’t argue. You have to leave right now, you aren’t safe here.”
245. “Please don’t cry.”
246. “Please don’t do this.”
247. “Please, don’t give up on me.”
248. “Please, don’t leave.”
249. “Please listen to me-”
250. “Please say something.”
251. “Please, take me instead!”
252. “Promise me you won’t let anything happen to him.”
253. “Promise me you’ll stay.”
254. “Remember our first date? When you took me to Starbucks and it took me 15 minutes just to choose a flavour of Frappuccino? I was never sure about anything, never. But I was so fucking sure about you!”
255. “Run, and don’t ever look back.”
256. “She’s been missing since Friday and you’re not worried?”
257. “She’s missing, not dead.”
258. “Shit, are you bleeding?!”
259. “Shopping? Do I have to go?”
260. “Shut up and kiss me.”
261. “Since when do you drive a motorcycle?”
262. “So? It’s not your problem so butt out.”
263. “So, I found this waterfall…”
264. “So there was an accident…”
265. “Somebody’s in love!”
266. “Sorry, I thought I was alone…”
267. “Stop taking pictures! I’m fucking stuck. Be useful and help me!!”
268. “Stop talking about love for a minute and help me with this bullet wound.”
269. “Stop talking about the past, I could be dead in a matter of hours… make me up a future.”
270. “Teach me how to play?”
271. “Tell me a secret.”
272. “Tell me again why I let you convince me that this was even remotely a good idea.”
273. “That came out wrong.”
274. “That guy at the bar keeps staring at you.”
275. “That is not coming in this house!”
276. “That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard!”
277. “The joke’s on them.”
278. “The paint’s supposed to go where?”
279. “The sign said not to push the button, so naturally I had to push it!”
280. “The skirt is supposed to be this short.”
281. “The three seconds rule doesn’t apply to sticky foods.”
282. “The way you flirt is shameful.”
283. “There are plenty of people out there who love you.” “Yeah, like who?” “Like me.”
284. “There’s no getting out of this. You ruined me.”
285. “There’s something I need to tell you.”
286. “Things don’t always turn out how they should.”
287. “This is… this is somewhere I never imagined I’d be.”
288. “This is by far the stupidest plan you’ve ever had. Of course I’m in.”
289. “This is so going on YouTube!”
290. “This isn’t just about you. It’s about what’s best for all of us.”
291. “Those things you said yesterday… Did you mean them?”
292. “Time’s up!”
293. “Twins? We’re…we’re having twins?!”
294. “W…Was that you making that noise?”
295. “Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”
296. “Wait, do you two know each other?”
297. “Wake up! Please, please wake up.”
298. “Walk it off!”
299. “Wanna bet?”
300. "Wanna dance?”
301. “We could be amazing!”
302. “We could’ve had it all.”
303. “We have to pretend to be married.”
304. “We missed our chance.”
305. “We’ll finish it the same way we started it…together.”
306. “We’re in the middle of a thunderstorm and you wanna stop and feel the rain?”
307. "Well….don’t keep me waiting”
308. “Well, this is awkward…”
309. “Well, this is where I live.”
310. “What are you afraid of?”
311. “What did I ever done to you?”
312. “What other hidden talents do you have?”
313. “What the hell are you doing here?! I told you I never wanted to see you again!”
314. “What the hell was that?!”
315. “What were you thinking?? Were you trying to get yourself killed?”
316. “When are you going to realize that I don’t care?”
317. “When I come back, that better be exactly where you found it!”
318. “When you love someone, you just don’t stop. Ever. Even when people roll their eyes or call you crazy… even then. Especially then!”
319. “Where did that cat come from?”
320. “Where did you find this?”
321. “Where did you learn to dance?”
322. “Where were you? Do you have any idea how worried I was?”
323. “Who brought pot brownies to the bake sale?!”
324. “Who gave you that black eye?!”
325. “Who’s gonna stop me? You?”
326. “Why are you baking muffins at three in the morning?”
327. “Why are you covered in mud?”
328. “Why are you dressed like that?”
329. “Why are you lying?”
330. “Why are you up so early?”
331. “Why can’t they see that they’re meant for each other?”
332. “Why can’t you see what you’re doing to me?”
333. “Why choose me?”
334. “Why do I even bother?”
335. “Why don’t they just kiss already?”
336. “Why don’t you say that to my face?”
337. “Why wouldn’t you come to me with your problems?”
338. “Will you just shut up for a moment so I can say something nice to you!”
339. “Will you please just give me a hand?”
340. “You are nothing like them.”
341. “You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
342. “You better have a good reason for waking me up at the ass-crack of dawn.”
343. “You braided his hair?”
344. “You broke what?!”
345. “You came back!”
346. “You can trust me.”
347. “You can’t just sit on the sidelines your whole life!”
348. “You can’t leave me in the dark. You have to tell me these things.”
349. "You can’t protect me.”
350. “You deserve so much better.”
351. “You did all of this for me?”
352. “You did this for me?”
353. “YOU DID WHAT?!”
354. “You didn’t tell me it was karaoke night…”
355. “You don’t have to stay.”
356. “You don’t know you the way I do.”
357. “You don’t need to protect me.”
358. “You fainted…straight into my arms. You know, if you wanted my attention you didn’t have to go to such extremes.”
359. “You got her pregnant?! What were you thinking?”
360. “You had me at ‘free pizza!’”
361. “You have no idea what I’ve done for you.”
362. “You have the most amazing eyes.”
363. “You have to make a choice.”
364. “You have to remember!”
365. “You haven’t even touched your food. What’s going on?”
366. “You heard me. Take. It. Off.”
367. “You know I wouldn’t do this if I had any other choice.”
368. “You know my name?”
369. “You know, it hurt when I realized that you’re not in love with me. But nothing can compare to the pain I felt when I saw you fall in love with him…”
370. “You know, it’s okay to cry.”
371. “You lied to me!”
372. ″You look beautiful.”
373. “You make me feel like I’m not good enough.”
374. “You need to leave. Right now.”
375. “You need to let her go.”
376. “You need to wake up because I can’t do this without you.”
377. “You never told me you had a fucking twin.”
378. “You say the nastiest things when you’re angry, so yes, I’m walking away from you now.”
379. “You shouldn’t have even been there!”
380. “You walked away. Not me.”
381. “You weren’t supposed to hear that.”
382. “You’ll be the death of me.”
383. “You’re hiding something from me.”
384. “You’re my one exception.”
385. “You’re not alone.”
386. “You’re safe now. I’ve got you.”
387. “You’re the only one I trust to do this.”
388. “You’re too good for me.”
389. “You’ve got to be kidding me!”
390. “You’ve only heard his side of the story. You never asked mine.”

instant gratification 02 (m)

Originally posted by theking-or-thekid

➾11.6k words
➾ lots of smut, some fluff, a little angst (just like this gif)
➾ warnings: pregnancy mention
➾ summary: the rules of becoming fuck buddies are as follows: no strings attached, don’t play jealousy games, and strictly no cuddling after sex. On a scale of how-fucked-are-you from one to ten, Jeon Jeongguk has you on a 9, in more ways than one.


Jeon Jeongguk, on top of being the nastiest fuckboy who just happens to have some good dick, is a childish brat. 

Parties are so not your thing, and you feel like a fish out of water in the midst of so many scantily clad girls and barely sober frat boys. You’ve been grabbed at least 5 times now, only managing to narrowly escape their clutches the last time, and you have to fight to keep your patience as you try and spot his big head in the overcrowded frat house. You wouldn’t be here if not for his not so thinly veiled threat over text.

Keep reading

Masterlist (Vol. 2)

Finally here is volume 2 of my mobile master list! I just wanted to thank you guys so much for everything, every single note, reblog and follow means the absolute world to me! Anyway enjoy and remember your feedback on any of my fics is always appreciated!

—————————————————————————————

Imagines-

High School AU
Introduction
Part 1 (Sweet Memories)

Steve Rogers (Captain America)- Total: 17
Over A Coffee Cup- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Amazed By You
Shock Confession- Part 1, Part 2
Similar Smiles- Part 1, Part 2
Who Told You?- Part 1, Part 2
Beautiful Soul
A Shy Situation
Nothing Like Her
Forever And Always
Senior Discount
Possibility- Part 1, Part 2
Somewhere Only We Know- Part 1, Part 2
Fallen
In Love- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
We Start Over- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11
In The Rain (Wanda Maximoff Award)
Best Mother Ever (Sam Wilson Award)

Bucky Barnes (Winter Soldier)- Total: 23
The Winter Guardian (Teaser)
We Must Be Killers
Who Do You Think You Are- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Definitely A Stark
Well This Is Awkward- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Dance With Me
Too Cute- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
Keep Your Eyes On Me
Half Alive- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5
American Beauty/American Psycho- Part 1, Part 2
Playmates
Taken From You
Brotherly Love
Jealousy
Scared
Can’t Believe
Demons
Comfort
Good For Me (Bucky Barnes Award)
A Little Bit Of Culture (Steve Rogers Award)
Stranded (Natasha Romanoff Award)
Saving You (T’Challa Award)
Don’t Touch Her (Wade Wilson Award)

Pietro Maximoff (Quicksilver)- Total: 6
Really?
You Little Tease
Stray
‘People of the Week’ Winner Request 1
Fallen
Freak

Sam Wilson (Falcon)- Total: 1
Cut It Out

Clint Barton (Hawkeye)- Total: 3
Little Details
Nesting
Mistakes

Tony Stark (Iron Man)- Total: 2
You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me
I Think I Love You (By Katie James)

Thor Odinson- Total: 3
Thunder Buddies
‘People of the Week’ Winner Request 1
Rainy Day (Peter Parker Award)

Loki Laufeyson- Total: 2
‘People of the Week’ Winner Request 3
What?

Vision- Total: 2
‘People of the Week’ Winner Request 4
Understanding Love (Clint Barton Award)

Peter Parker (Spider-Man)- Total: 2
Make Me
The Biggest Fanboy (Pietro Maximoff Award)

Howard Stark- Total: 1
Lost In War

Matt Murdock (Daredevil)- Total: 1
The Name’s Matt (By Katie James)

Johnny Storm (Human Torch)- Total: 1
Crash Landing- Part 1, Part 2

Dave Lizewski (Kick Ass)- Total: 1
You Had Me At Hello- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Phan (Dan x Phil)- Total: 1
New Year, New Chapter (By Katie James)

Severus Snape (Harry Potter- Total: 1
Always (By Katie James)

Daryl Dixon (The Walking Dead)- Total: 1
Scars (By Katie James)

—————————————————————————————

Drabbles-

Steve Rogers (Captain America)- Total: 33
Fight
Betrayed
She did the unthinkable and escaped.
He was seduced by the possibilities.
“Are you hitting on her for me?”
“The way you flirt is shameful.”
“Oh my god! You’re in love with him!”
“I’m flirting with you.”
“Well… don’t keep me waiting.”
“I can’t explain right now, but I really need you to trust me.”
“I may despise you with the burning hot intensity of the sun, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”
“If you die, I’m going to kill you!”
“Have you lost your damn mind!?”
“Oh you beautiful weirdo!”
“I’m missing something here, aren’t I?”
“How can you be so resentful?”
“Please just back the fuck off!”
“Aren’t you a bit… not… qualified?”
“You’re so small!”
“It killed me to see you with him.”
“You’re not getting rid of me that easy.”
“Your eyes are like stars.”
“Cuddle?”
“We’re not buying a dog.”
“It never gets easier.”
“Yell, scream, say something!”
“We’re not just friends and you fucking know it!”
“Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”
“I wish I could hate you.”
“Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”
“I love you, you asshole!”
“Come home with me.”
“I know this song.”

Bucky Barnes (Winter Soldier)- Total: 30
Mega Prompt Challenge
Fight
Trust
Guilt
Light
Regret
Stood up to them, regretted it.
“Oh you beautiful weirdo!”
“IF YOU USE UP ALL THE HOT WATER ONE MORE TIME IM GOING TO BAN YOU TO THE COUCH FOR A MONTH.”
“I think we should have another.”
“Do you think it’s possible that I…might be…pregnant?”
“Please, don’t turn him away again!”
“Please just back the fuck off!”
“If you’d ever show up, yes.”
“Your eyes are like the stars/”
“It killed me to see you with him.”
“Hello gorgeous, do I know you?”
“Don’t try, I’m not worth it.”
“You taste like heaven.”
“When’s the last time I said I love you?”
“I thought I could manage. I can’t. Not without you. Not ever, like that.”
“Suck my nonexistent dick!”
“I am in deeeeep shit!”
“Come home with me.”
“I can explain this.”
“I’d rather caress my asshole with a chainsaw.”
“Come home with me.”
“Don’t you ever do that again!”
“SO… you think I’m hot?”
“Don’t be an asshole. Asshole.”

Pietro Maximoff (Quicksilver)- Total: 17
Stood up to them, regretted it.
She did the unthinkable, and escaped.
“Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”
“A boy needs his father.”
“We accidentally got married in Vegas oops.”
“I waxed the floors, grab your fluffy socks!”
“Do you think it’s possible that I… might be pregnant?”
“If you die, I’m gonna kill you!”
“Please just back the fuck off!”
“He’s not agitated, he’s a jerk!”
“I can’t breathe.”
“Don’t touch me!”
“Hey. I’m with you, okay? Always.”
“Oh my god! You’re in love with him/her!”
“Suck my nonexistent dick!”
“I don’t know where she gets it from.”
“SO… you think I’m hot?”

Sam Wilson (Falcon)- Total: 2
“I’m missing something here, aren’t I?”
“You’re so cute!!!”

Clint Barton (Hawkeye)- Total: 5
“Your eyes are like stars.”
“Hello gorgeous, do I know you?”
“I am in deeeeep shit!”
“Suck my nonexistent dick!”
“I can explain this.”

Natasha Romanoff (Black Widow)- Total: 6
Betrayed
“Are you hitting on her for me?”
“Will you please just give me a hand?”
“I can’t believe you talked me into this.”
“Take my hand.”
“Where were you?”

Tony Stark (Iron Man)- Total: 4
Kiss
“Have you lost your damn mind?”
“You’re so small!”
“I’m in this for life.”

Bruce Banner (Hulk)- Total: 1
“I miss you.”

Thor Odinson- Total: 4
Sleep
“Your eyes are like stars.”
“We’re not buying a dog.”
“You’re so small!”

Loki Laufeyson- Total: 5
Regret
Survive
“You’re not getting rid of me that easy.”
“Use your words.”
“Don’t be an asshole. Asshole.”

Peter Parker- Total: 3
“I can arrange that.”
“How about if we-” “NO!”
“I broke your nose, and I’m sorry for that. But what you were doing wasn’t fair.” 

married part 5- h.s imagine

you can read part 4 here

You let out a scream as you ran around in the kitchen. Lucas turned the corner, laughing as he chased you. You panicked as you realized you hit a dead end. Lucas smirked as he inched closer to you. “Where you gonna go now, babe?”

You crossed your arm and gave a pout. “Not fair. You always win.” Lucas gave a chuckle as he placed his hands on your waist, pulling you closer against him. “I won a long time ago.”

Your cheeks blushed as you tilted your head up to connect your lips together with Lucas.

After your birthday last year, you vowed to get over Harry. You couldn’t pine after him anymore. It wasn’t fair to you or his marriage. Moving on from Harry was definitely a struggle and occasionally your mind would drift off to see how he was doing. You couldn’t lie and say you didn’t miss him because you did. Harry’s made no effort to contact you. You couldn’t blame him though. You knew that if he found out your feelings for him, your friendship would somehow fall apart and sure enough, it did.

You’ve been with Lucas for about three months now. You guys rekindled when you accidentally ran into him at the store. You apologized for never getting back in touch with him after your first date and the rest is history. Lucas was sweet. He was really sweet. Sometimes when you were with him, you didn’t think about Harry.

You pulled away from Lucas as your phone started to ring. Lucas let out a groan as he buried his face into the crook of your neck. “Ignore it.”

You chuckled as you pulled out your phone from your back pocket. You immediately knew who was calling without even having to look at the caller ID. “Niall’s being a little groomzilla. If I ignore him, I’m pretty sure he’ll find a way to hunt me down.”

Lucas rolled his eyes playfully before he pressed a kiss to your cheek. “It’s so hard when everyone wants to take my girl away from me” he joked before leaving you alone to answer the call.

You shook your head as you let out a chuckle before you answered your phone. “What’s wrong now, Niall?”

“The seating arrangement is all wrong!” Niall yelled from the other side, frustration laced in his voice.

You pulled your phone back from your ear, wincing at Niall’s booming voice. “Listen Horan, you better watch your tone with me or I won’t help with the wedding anymore!”

Niall gulped. “I’m sorry. Can you please help with the seating arrangement?” Niall begged into the phone. You smirked as you mentally praised yourself for having Niall wrapped around your finger. “I’ll be over soon.”


Since you and Harry cut ties, you and Niall have become closer. He was your blessing in disguise. You could never thank Niall enough for being there for you when you just really needed a shoulder to cry on. Niall managed to find a girl that was head over heels for him. He was absolutely in love with her. You would like to say you thought Niall marrying someone he’s only known for less than a year was absolutely crazy but you couldn’t. Emma was perfect for Niall. When you first met her, she welcomed you with open arms and you could see how much love Niall had for her. You knew in your heart that they were perfect for each other.

Niall sighed out of relief when he opened the door. His hair was a mess from the amount of times he’s run his hands through it out of frustration. “Niall, I see you’re looking as beautiful as ever.” you chuckled as you stepped into his apartment. You gave a quick hug to Emma who was sitting in the kitchen.

Niall quickly brought out a giant piece of paper. It was like some sort of blue print. It had circles drawn on it to represent the tables, a square to represent the dance floor, a rectangle to represent where the DJ was gonna be. It was the nightmare of every wedding. Niall sighed as he placed the paper in front of you. “We need your help deciding where to put who.” Niall explained.

Emma shrugged her shoulders as she took a sip of wine. “I say we let everyone sit where they’d like to. Who cares about assigned seating?” Niall placed his hand on his forehead before he smiled sweetly. “I told you, honey. If everyone decided to sit where they wanted to then it’ll be a big mess. Each table seats 10 people. What if someone wants to sit at a table that already has 10 people sitting there? They can’t just pull up a chair as they please cause that’ll mean one table will only have 9 guests. We are having assigned seats!”

You and Emma both looked at each other with wide eyes from Niall’s outburst. His breathing was hard as he stared at a sheet with everyone’s name on it. You cleared your throat, “I may need a glass of wine myself for this.”

You looked at who was next on the guest sheet. “Oh! Louis. So we can put him and Eleanor with Liam and Cheryl at table 7.” You quickly wrote Louis’s and Eleanor’s name down on the blue print. Niall nodded as he took a swig of his beer. “Make sure you write Freddie’s and Bear’s name down as well.” You nodded as you began to write. “Who’s next on the list?”

Emma grabbed the guest sheet. “Harry-” Emma paused, her eyes widening a bit as she cleared her throat. “Styles…” Niall and Emma stared at you with weary eyes. Emma’s met Harry a couple of times and she loved him. She thought he was the absolute gentleman and she couldn’t believe what happened between you and him. She never knew Harry was capable of such heartbreak.

Your eyes remained focused on the blue print. You tried to remain unfazed, “Ok. Let’s put him and Kimberly at table 7 as well.” You began to write Harry’s name down before Niall cleared his throat. “Actually Y/N. Kimberly isn’t attending the wedding.”

You sighed as you placed your pencil down. You smiled softly at Emma and Niall sitting in front of you. “It’s sweet of you guys to not invite her but I’ll be fine. Besides, I think Harry would be pretty upset knowing he couldn’t bring his own wife.”

Emma looked at her fiancé. Her eyes telling him to tell you the news they recently got. Niall nodded, he turned back to you. “Harry and Kimberly filed for a divorce last month, Y/N.” You let out a small gasp before Emma explained, “He told us two weeks ago when we met for dinner.”

Your eyes were staring at Harry’s name written down on the blue print in front of him. Your eyes softened as you thought about Harry was feeling all about this. For as long as you knew Harry, you knew how he looked down at getting a divorce. Coming from divorced parents himself, he always saw divorce as giving up. You quickly shook your head, grabbing your pencil again. “That’s unfortunate to hear. Who’s next on the list?”

Emma came around the kitchen counter and placed her hand on your arm softly. “Do you want to talk about it?” Niall nodded his head, reaching across the counter to place his hand on top of yours. “We’re here for you, Y/N.”

You smiled softly as you looked between the couple. “I’m fine, you guys. I promise.” You looked down. “It’s unfortunate Harry has to go through this. And I wish him nothing but the best.” You looked up at the couple. “Now who’s next?”

Emma and Niall exchanged a worried look before Niall sighed as he looked at the list. “Rory…Rory’s next.”


You sighed as you stared at your reflection in front of you. You ran your hands over your dress and smiled as you remembered the last time you wore this dress.

You thanked Harry as he handed you a glass of punch. Harry sat down on the chair next to you as he took in the scene around him. You and Harry went back to Holmes Chapel to celebrate Anne’s birthday. The backyard was filled with family and friends. The sun was about to set, fairy lights hung and music playing in the background. You laughed as you saw the younger kids dancing on the dance floor in the middle of the yard. Harry grabbed your hand and placed a gentle kiss on top of it. “I’m really happy you’re here, Y/N.”

You could feel your cheeks burning slightly as your eyes softened. “Of course, H. I would never miss Anne’s birthday. I adore her.”

Harry’s mouth opened to say something before one of your favorite songs bounced off the speakers. Harry instantly noticed the way your eyes sparkled and your smile widened as the “Photograph” started to play. Harry stood up and held his hand out to you. “May I have this dance?”

You giggled as you stood up, grabbing Harry’s hand. He led the two of you to the middle of the dance floor. You placed your arms around his neck as he placed his around your waist. Harry’s eyes were staring at you intently. “Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?” Harry whispered. You smiled as you looked down at your feet. “Shut up you goof.”

Harry smiled, placing his hand on your chin, tilting your head to look up at him. “You’re gorgeous, Y/N.”

You were interrupted by your thoughts as Lucas knocked on your door. “Are you ready, babe?” You grabbed your purse before you looked at your reflection once again. “Ready.” you whispered.

As the car was taking you and Lucas to where Niall’s and Emma’s rehearsal dinner was being held, your foot was tapping anxiously. You could feel your palms becoming sweaty as you inched closer and closer to the restaurant. Lucas placed his hand on your thigh. “Are you alright?”

You smiled nervously while shaking your head. “I’m fine.”

You weren’t. In a couple of minutes, you were going to be in the same room as Harry. You were going to finally see him after a year of cutting ties with each other. Would he say something to you? Should you say something to him? Was he going to bring up what happened that night? Is he going to talk about Kimberly?

As the car halted outside of the restaurant, you could feel yourself becoming nauseous. The restaurant looked great. It was closed for the event. You smiled at the small decorations scattered around the room. There were pictures of Niall and Emma throughout their relationship. Lucas gently kissed your cheek, “Good call on the photos.”

You let out a small shrug as you smiled. A slightly tipsy Niall and a sober Emma walked up to you and Lucas.

“Y/N!” the couple to be shouted, pulling you into a hug. You laughed as you hugged both of them. Emma leaned back. “Oh Y/N. We can’t thank you enough for helping with everything. I can sleep well tonight knowing everything is taken care of because of you.”

Niall nodded his head rapidly. “You were pretty much our wedding planner. Please. Let us pay you a little something for all the handwork you did.” He began to grab his wallet out of his pocket. You swatted at Niall’s arm, giving them a scowl.

“No! I could never take your money!” Niall was about to argue before you continued. “Niall, you’ve helped me so much for the past year. I can’t thank you enough. So think of this as me repaying you.” Niall’s eyes softened. He pulled you into another hug. “I told you everything would get better eventually” he whispered as he recalled the words he would say to you repeatedly during your falling out with Harry. You smiled as you squeezed Niall tighter in the hug. You pulled away and gave another hug to Emma.

The couple promised to meet with you and Lucas again before they went around to mingle with all of their friends and family. Lucas placed his hand on your waist. “I’m going to get us something to drink.” He said before he placed a kiss on your cheek and walking away.

As soon as Lucas walked away, you suddenly felt cold. You could feel eyes burning at the back of your head. You turned around slowly to see Harry standing across the room. He was staring at you with sadness in his eyes. You let out a shiver as it was the same look he gave you that night. You shook your head as you turned back around. You quickly walked away, wanting to get as far as you possibly could. You stepped out onto the restaurant patio. You let out a deep breath as you ran your hand through your hair.

“Y/N…”

You spun around to see Harry standing in front of you. You closed your eyes briefly, “Harry.”

Harry’s eyes softened as he took you in. “It’s so nice to see you again. You look beautiful.” You shook your head. You quickly murmured, “I can’t do this” before you pushed past Harry to go back inside.

“Are you happy?”

You halted as you turned back around. “What?”

Harry walked closer. “With him? Are you happy?” You looked at the ground before Harry continued, “Cause I’m a bloody mess without you.”

Your eyes filled with anger as you stepped closer to Harry. You poked him in the chest. “No! You can’t say things like that! You’re married!” Harry grabbed your hand, “I filed for a divorce!” Harry sighed as he glanced down before his eyes met yours. “What happened that night absolutely wrecked me, Y/N. For the rest of my life, I will always regret that night. I missed your fucking birthday, Y/N. I’ve never felt so disgusted with myself. I tried moving on. I tried being the best husband I could possibly could to Kimberly but I couldn’t. You! You were on my mind constantly! I couldn’t do a single thing without thinking about you! All I could see was you crying. All I could see was how much I hurt you. I will never be able to forgive myself. But Y/N. I fucking love you.”

By the end of Harry’s speech, the two of you had tears in your eyes. Harry wiped your eyes before he whispered, “I love you, Y/N.”

Harry’s eyes glanced between your eyes and lips. Suddenly he placed his lips on yours.


thank you guys so much for 2k followers! i created this blog because people like @harry-writings and @permanentcross & so much other amazing writers INSPIRED me to write things of my own! whenever i read something they wrote, i would remain in awe. i would constantly refresh their pages to see if they updated. knowing that people are doing the same to my own writing and even asking me for advice for their own blog makes me so…happy. and just so grateful. i love each and every one of you. THANK YOU ALL. 

you can find all my writing here

you can find part 6 here

I made a post about the whole live action Aladdin movie and my girl Naomi as Jasmine but I’m gonna make another one now that it’s official because Twitter is a mess rn and I’m really conflicted about it all.

Here we go:

1) I really love Naomi and if you follow me you know this, and I’ve been waiting of her to get some recognition like this for so long because she’s a really talented actress and she deserves success. I’m proud that she landed the role, she can definitely pull it off and I understand that she took the role because she’s not a big actress and this will definitely change her life but-

2) The cast for Aladdin should’ve been Middle Eastern. The animated film was based off of a Middle Eastern story and the movie itself starts with a song called ‘Arabian Nights.’ But apparently this wasn’t clear enough for Disney when they were casting for this movie. Disney sent out casting descriptions looking for actors and actresses of Middle Eastern and Indian descent. Apparently Disney doesn’t understand that poc aren’t interchangeable.

3) Honestly I blame Disney for all this. They should’ve known better.

4) Don’t come at my girl Naomi with bullshit like saying she isn’t pretty enough to be Jasmine or saying she isn’t a good actress because she is. I’ve been seeing a lot of backlash on all this and while I agree that Disney should’ve cast a Middle Eastern actress for Jasmine, I will not tolerate any slander for Naomi on any irrelevant shit like her looks or her acting. Naomi deserves better than that. 

5) While there is definitely a colourism problem when it comes to casting in Hollywood, don’t erase the fact that Naomi is a woc and don’t call her white just because she’s biracial.

6) This isn’t like the whole ScarJo thing with GITS and it isn’t whitewashing. It’s a whole different thing. Disney was the one looking for actors of Indian descent instead of just actors of Middle Eastern descent like they should have, and it’s really their fault that a Middle Eastern actress wasn’t cast. Naomi auditioned for a role that was asking for people of Indian descent like her, but Disney should’ve just held auditions for Middle Eastern actresses to be faithful to the source material instead of making it seem that poc are interchangeable.

7) Disney and the director (who is white) are mainly at fault here. Disney has done a lot of stuff like this I’m not surprised. Also, the director should’ve been Middle Eastern too.

8) I’m disappointed that my girl Naomi is gonna get a lot of hate for this role because I love her and she doesn’t deserve this mess. Again, Disney should’ve looked for a Middle Eastern actress. (WB and DC can y'all cast Naomi and save her from all this pls?)

9) On the other hand (no I’m not defending Disney, just adding some more facts on why Disney made this casting decision) the animated film took place in a fictional place called Agrabah and there were some Indian culture influences in the film (Jasmine’s palace being based off of the Taj Mahal) and although it took place in a Middle Eastern area, the film kinda blended stuff from other cultures and that lead to Disney being unclear about it all and looking Indian actors for these roles instead of just Middle Eastern actors.

10) We’ll have to see if they change the location of where the story takes place to explain why Jasmine is Indian while Aladdin is Middle Eastern. They could do that to justify the whole thing, but for the millionth time, Disney should’ve had the entire cast be Middle Eastern (I don’t know if Genie counts because that’ll just be voice work and he’s not human).

So yeah, I’m happy Naomi is finally getting big roles but I don’t want it to happen like this and it makes me sad. She deserves better, and there’s a Middle Eastern actress out there who could’ve had the opportunity for this role who also deserves better.

Please don’t send Naomi any hate tho. This is mainly Disney’s mistake.

uni prompts because why not

@not-just-any-fangirl and I were thinking…there are never enough uni prompts out there so we devised some of our own.  Go wild!


1)  “You found me crying in the computer lab because I just spent three hours writing up a lab and then it timed out and I lost everything please don’t judge me”

2)  “I stole your coffee cup and started writing on it and the coffee is spilling everywhere I know I look crazy but I just figured out how to solve the chem problem that’s been bugging me for days and I need to write it down before I forget I’ll buy you more later.”

3)  “Excuse you that is MY lab spot I don’t care that it’s unassigned or that you look like a college god I’ve been sitting there for four weeks now MOVE”

4)  “We’re in the same class and we have a research paper due and I see you eyeing the book I need look that is my book I will hit you so hard you’ll need reconstructive surgery to fix your pretty little face”

5)  “We were the only two in the study lounge and you were playing Paper Mario on the PlayStation the student union put up and you offered me the second control when you noticed I was about to throw my organic chem textbook out the window, thank and also I will kick your ass if you choose yoshi agaiN GOD DAMMIT”

6)  “You walked into the student lounge on our dorm floor and saw me cry-studying and walked out and now you’re back with coffee and a bag of chips and I’m seriously debating proposing to you with my ring pop.”

7)  "Were the two smartest people in the class and the teacher is cool and gives rewards for whoever answers the question correctly first, and we have different answers and you won’t admit I’m right wait how are you doing that no I’m not saying I’m wrong shut up”

8)  “I’m having a quiet freak out because the numbers on the lab sheet aren’t adding up and I see you trying to help me out by holding up your fingers but I don’t know if I add the fingers or you’re signaling two different numbers help.”

9)  “I ordered the wrong spice level in my wrap and now I’m crying as I eat it Bcus I’m not a punk ass bitch also do you know how expensive food is don’t you judge me”

10)  “I’m in line and I really really want this giant packet of cookies by the counter but I also feel judged next to your souvlaki dinner so I’m gonna try and stealthily grab-don’t you dare laugh at me.”

11)  “We live on the same floor and the dorm between ours always has REALLY loud sex so now we’re both in the main lounge at two am do you want this last bite of ice cream?”

12)  “I locked myself out of my dorm AGAIN and my roommate isn’t back until tomorrow and I don’t wanna call the RA to open the door because then I get charged can I please please ple a s e stay in your room until then.”

13)  “I kept getting harassed by some creepy person as I was trying to study and they’re picking up on my ‘fuck off vibes’ and I started to actually get scared and then you put a coffee in front of my face and called me babe and scared them away thank you please let me buy you a new on one oh you have a really cute smile when you’re shy”

14)  “I come to the library every day to 'study’ but really I’m just watching Netflix over your shoulder and I’m really invested in this series and the day we’re supposed to be watching the season finale you’re not there and I??? Feel personally betrayed??”

Married with Benefits (Part 9)

Summary: In order to not pay out-of-state tuition, you ask your friend, Steve Rogers, to marry you. Things, as always, never go as planned. (College AU)

Word Count: 988

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8

A/N: I know you all wanna scream :)

Originally posted by isthiscoinsidenceorasign

The next morning, Bucky gave you a death glare as you walked into the kitchen. You gave him an innocent smile, opening the pantry and finding the oatmeal exactly where Steve told you it’d be. Grabbing the container, you brought it down to the counter and began to prepare yourself some breakfast, all the while keenly aware of Bucky’s death glare.

Finally, you had had enough. “What? What, Bucky?”

“I barely got sleep,” he muttered, slurping up his milk.

You cringed. “I’m sorry, Buck. Really.”

Keep reading

Top 9 Most Fight-Able Characters in Mystic Messenger

(ranked by the likelihood of winning from least to most likely)

9. “Mary” Vanderwood, Secret Agent Murdermonster

Result: A swift and painful death

Are you shitting me? You’ll be goddamn eviscerated on the spot. Not to mention nobody will ever find your body. This is completely fucking unadvisable. DO NOT DO THIS unless you have a DEATH WISH and want to disappear from the world completely. Vanderwood is not to be messed with. They’ve killed many a worthy foe, and you will not be one of them. There’s not much else to say here. I don’t care who you are, you should not challenge Vanderwood. Say your prayers, fucker

8. Unknown/Saeran Choi, Total Edgelord

Result: Utter defeat, probably followed by torture + imprisonment

I don’t think you need me to tell you that this kid is fucking off his rocker. Let’s be real, he’s probably killed a few people, and he enjoyed every minute of it. You can bet your ass he’ll likely torture you after defeating you, too. And you know, some of you sick fucks will probably enjoy the whole damn ordeal. You’re probably the only ones who’d WANT to fight him just to have him fucking step on you. Well congratu-fucking-lations, you got what you wanted. He still beats your ass. The only reason Vanderwood beats him in this ranking is because it’s possible he’d keep you alive for fun, and some of you would enjoy that, so at least it’s a fuckin victory for somebody. Fuck.

7. Jaehee Kang, Smarter than the CEO

Result: Total annihilation + jail time

Do you see this face? This is the face of someone who has been repressing violent urges for fucking years for the sake of keeping her job. If she could snap Jumin’s neck, she would in a heartbeat. You do not want to give her a justifiable reason to unleash that utter fucking rage on your sorry ass. Did you forget she has a black belt in judo? She could beat my ass. She could beat your ass. She could beat anyone’s ass. I don’t care WHO you think you are. And after the fight? She’ll report you to the proper authorities, pick up a cup of coffee, and finish her daily tasks like nothing fucking happened. What a wild bitch. I fucking love her to death, tbh. And you know what? How dare you challenge her. She deals with enough shit in her life. I hope she beats your ass with a righteous fucking fury. Have fun in jail, dipshit.

6. God 707, Meme Lord Supreme

Result: Depends on your approach, but probably a failure

Honestly Seven’s about as fucking predictable as a lunch box full of wasps. What am I even supposed to say here? He’d probably imitate that shitty ass vine meme the first time you punch him and say “I can’t believe you’ve done this”, complete with a British accent, but when you keep hitting, it’ll confuse him. The element of surprise is probably your best bet, but you also have no fucking clue what he’ll do. He might beat the shit out of you. He might scamper away on his scrawny ass legs and proceed to hack into everything you once loved or held dear. He might lay down on the ground and let you kick the shit out of him. In the end, it depends on his mood. Is that reliable at all? Absolutely fucking not. So go for it, but I literally have no idea how it’s gonna turn out for you.

5. Zen/Hyun Ryu, A God Among Men

Result: You have a good chance of winning, but at what cost?

OK BEFORE YOU LOSE YOUR MIND LISTEN THE FUCK UP. Why is Zen higher up on the list, Nani??? you ask me, pouting, clutching your Zen body pillow(s) in agony. Zen had a bad past!! He’s not easy to fight, he was such a bad boy!! v//w//v He’s so tough and strong and he’s our knight in shining armor! Hey!! Good for you! But GUESS FUCKING WHAT!! If you’re female, he’ll probably forfeit to you immediately, unlike the barbarians before him on this list, so technically he’s easier to fight! He’d probably LET you beat the shit out of him if it made you feel better. It’s not even a fucking question of who would win if a woman challenged him, so we’re gonna move on.
Now, if you’re a GUY, he’d be more willing to square up, and my advice is go for his face. Pretty boy doesn’t like messing up his pretty mug, and if you play dirty, he’ll get scared real quick. His ponytail is a disadvantage for him, so yank it real hard. You have a better chance of beating him with perseverance, but if you let him get the upper hand, you’re deceased because he’s probably a heavy hitter. Also, you will incur the wrath of all his fangirls, and probably the angels above, and you will spend the rest of your life MISERABLE AND CURSED, so proceed with caution. If you can get away with it without anyone knowing your identity, you’re golden. Good luck, but also, why? do you even want to??

4. Jumin Han, Mistah Trussfund Kid (The CEO)

Result: Instant win, but your life will be RUINED

Honestly, I think certain RFA members would actually be very glad if someone handed Jumin’s ass to him, but good fucking luck accomplishing that without having your entire life destroyed. On a purely physical level, Jumin is no competition. He may be the tallest motherfucker around, but he’s never fought anyone before in his LIFE. You’d probably only have an issue here if you were short as shit, and even then, go for the knees, amirite? He’ll fall like a fucking oak tree, and then you can rip him a new one while he’s down. Easy peasy, right? WRONG. He’s got a horde of like 50 bodyguards that you have to sneak past or defeat first or something. And if you somehow make it to Jumin first, they’ll swarm your ass after you first start swinging and have you incapacitated in a few seconds. Are those first few swings worth it? Maybe. But he’s gonna sue your ass for everything you own. The whole world will know your name. If you don’t get jail time, you’ll wish you had. It will be an easier life than trying to live in the public. Zen and Jaehee might love you forever, though, so maybe they can pull a few favors for ya. You better pray they do. Good fuckin luck out there, champ.

3. Yoosung Kim, Small Child

Result: Victory, but with a catch

Look into this child’s eyes. Look me in the eyes. Tell me that Yoosung isn’t a fucking pansy. You can’t, can you? It’s because Yoosung is a fucking pansy. This kid would be down for the count after exactly one (1) punch. He might enjoy it a little too, which’ll be awkward as shit for both of you. HOWEVER. If you trigger his Yandere side, which is bullshit but whatever, he might put up more of a fight. How do you do this, you may ask? Insult Rika. or MC. (Probably Rika tho). Something inside him will snap, and then he’ll be trickier to handle. He’ll probably play dirty when he’s like this, so expect to get shanked or bitten or something. It doesn’t change the fact that his scrawny ass can’t fight for shit, so you’ll still probably win, but not without a few injuries yourself. Hurting Yoosung is probably the moral equivalent to kicking a puppy. If you can be ok with yourself after that, then I mean, go for it.

2. Rika, the Antichrist

Result: Certain victory, but extremely dangerous

Look, maybe I should’ve put her lower on the list considering she’s got an entire cult following her every order. But, honest to God, you would be morally obligated to fight her. Please beat the shit out of her. Physically, her scrawny ass could do nothing to stop you. She’s ruined the lives of her friends, as well as countless other people, because of her deranged and, quite frankly, selfish desires. Basically, she’s a little bitch. I don’t know how you’ll do it, but god damn, you’ll be everyone’s hero. The downside to this is that she might sick Saeran on you, which is gonna be a pain in your ass, and Yoosung might hate you forever, but I think you can live with that, right? Do us all a favor. Fight Rika.

1. Jihyun Kim/V, aka Flower Angel Sunshine Man

Result: Total Victory, but you’re basically Satan

BEFORE YOU SEND ME ANON HATE, REMEMBER: this is a list based on how likely you are to win. And V? V would let anyone beat him. He probably thinks he deserves it. He might defend himself a little, but he couldn’t bring himself to hurt you. Your victory would be almost immediate. There is no catch to V. You’d just win. But you’re a fucking monster for it. And you know what? I’ll beat the shit out of you if you hurt this man. So don’t even think about it, asshole.

Haven Craft’s Tips for Beginner Witches, Part One

Tips for Beginner Witches

Let’s start with this – I am not the witch Pope. I cannot speak for the witchcraft community as a whole; only for my own tradition.

5 Things I Believe Beginner Witches Should Ask Themselves

Note that the answers to these things will change, but that a firm grasp of the answers at any point in your practice may be helpful to you. I recommend actually writing your answers down, and every now and again check back and see if your stance has shifted.

1. Is magick real?

If yes, then what do you mean when you say, “Magick is real”. (Do you mean that you can effect reality with your will, intent, and energy? Do you mean like, Harry Potter real? What will disappoint you to realize might not be probable? What will inspire you to realize you can accomplish?)

2. Where are your lines? (What do you firmly believe is true/false, right/wrong? Violence, doing harm, controlling others, etc. Would you punch someone if they threatened a friend? Would you curse someone if they threatened a friend? What would you do, if your coven head told you it was right but you felt it was wrong?)

3. What are you looking for in a magickal path? (Pro Tip – no one has all the answers and there is no one right way.)

4. What are you prepared to do in order to accomplish your goals? (How many spoons do you have to give this practice? Can you devote one night a week, are you going to randomly pick stuff up on Tumblr, are you going to leave society to pursue your studies under a waterfall, etc.)


I recommend that no one make any oaths or vows in their first year of practice. Get to know yourself, how you feel about magick, and what you actually want to do before you do any big commitments. (Historic anecdote – this is what the original year and a day was for.) More strident, but still personal, recommendation: if someone tries to get you to oath to them within your first week of being a witch, run.


Things People Should Tell Beginner Witches, But Often Don’t

1. Don’t be afraid to change your mind.

2. Don’t throw good energy after bad by continuing to do something that isn’t right for you.

3. Don’t be afraid to continue your education, even if that means learning something that was right for you before is no longer right for you.

4. There is no one right way to do this. There is no Witch Pope - there is no dogmatic enforcement of the path to being a witch.

5. There are absolutely as many assholes in Paganism and witchcraft as there are anywhere else. Don’t think that these people are all spiritually enlightened beings who mean you well and who will give good advice.

6. Yahoo Answers is not your friend. You have the internet – which has access to both all of human information and all of human misinformation. Look for credible sources. Anything that seems too easy or too good to be true probably is. Work on critical thinking.

7. Try Scholar.Google.Com over “this article says so on Patheos.com.” Seriously, recently an article on there claimed Friday the 13th was a sacred holiday in goddess centered pre-Christian Paganism before the patriarchy ruined it. There is no historical validation for that, but a bunch of witches reblogged it. (Things you learn from scholarly sources rather than the latest poorly edited Llewellyn mess: the Burning Times didn’t happen, different kinds of Pagans warred amongst themselves long before Christianity came onto the scene, there was no great unified Pagan religion before Christianity, and Gerald Gardner was probably lying about almost everything he said.)


You Should Probably Learn the Difference Between Paganism, Wicca, and Witchcraft

What is Paganism?

Pagan is an umbrella term for a member of a religious, spiritual, or cultural community, other than those of the main world religions, so:

Non-Abrahamic – it is not Christian, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, or Mormon

Non-Eastern – it is not Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism, Sufism, or Sikhism

Theistic – The belief in some kind of divine power, which is sometimes polytheistic (a belief in more than one god), but not always

Some Pagans practice witchcraft – others do not.

This definition isn’t quite right, though it’s in hugely common usage, because there are Abrahamic and Eastern persons who consider themselves Pagan. Keep in mind that there will be exceptions to this definition and that those exceptions are valid.

There are also secular Pagans, so it isn’t even always Theistic. I know – it’s complicated. Though this is the largely accepted Academic definition, it doesn’t really work when applied to the real world, if you’re considering someone saying, “I’m Pagan” as a self-identifying definition, which I do. 

Wicca

Wicca is a religion. Most people consider Wicca as falling under the Paganism umbrella, although not all Pagans are Wiccan. Not all Wiccans are witches, and not all witches are Wiccan.

Wiccan is generally defined as:

Dualistic – There is a God and a Goddess

Pacifistic – Wicca has a rede that requires Wiccan do no harm to themselves or others, though not all Wiccans (such as those who follow Doreen Valiente’s suggested guidelines) are Pacifistic, so there are definitely exceptions to this

Earth-based – Having a respect for and acknowledgment of the powers of the Earth

Witchcraft

The spiritual or secular art, craft, and/or practice of the witch, defined many ways by many different people.

A witch is a witch who says they are one.

Again, there is no witch Pope and no witchy excommunication because you define yourself as a witch differently than someone else does.

Yes, male identifying and/or presenting persons can be witches.


Pagan and Witch Fallacies

There are certain ideas that most beginners in the witchcraft community will encounter over and over again. I’m going to run down some things – with the reminder, again, that I can only speak for my personal tradition.

1. “You should remove all negative influences from your life! You should purge all negative feelings! Be positive all the time!” Not everything that is negative is bad. Not everything negative can be avoided – we can’t all just quit our jobs and live in a witch shack in the mountains. We have to endure negative things, both because it is healthier to experience the full range of human emotion rather than to ignore a large chunk of it, and because it isn’t possible. What we should do is stop victim blaming witches who are going through hard times and stop telling witches they can’t be angry when they encounter something that should be angering.

2. “But, tradition!” Just because an affluent white guy in the 1400-1600s said something, doesn’t mean you should do it. We don’t follow their medicinal advice anymore; we don’t have to follow their magickal advice either. Seriously, I don’t care if tradition says a trans woman shouldn’t be in a sky clad ritual – that’s bullshit. We don’t put leeches on our bodies anymore – let’s leave the past nonsense where it belongs.

3. “We have to make sure everyone feels included and welcome!” Not if they abuse the welcome of others, we do not. The problem with making some people feel included and welcome is that you make their victims feel excluded and unwelcome because you’ve made them unsafe.

4. “We have to support each other and love each other and be a positive force in people’s lives.” Okay, yes, in small doses, this is a great aim. It doesn’t work for everyone (some witches are spite and malice fueled and they are still witches), but okay, it’s a nice idea. Until it becomes ableist or demands free emotional labor from people, which it often does.

5. “We have to educate them!” Okay, it’s great that there is this effort in the community to educate others. But if you don’t have the spoons or if it seems like they’re using the demand for their own education as a way to still have access to a community they are abusing, then no, you have no obligation to put their education over your well being. None. They have access to Google (even if they have to go to a library to use it.)

6. “You have to earn your right to be a witch.” No, no you don’t. Seriously, though, from whom? Dusty white men in graves? A Llewellyn author who couldn’t fact check themselves out of a paper bag? Again – no witch Pope. I’m just gonna keep pointing out the lack of a witch Pope until people get it.

7. “You have to be ________ rank, degree, etc. to have an opinion on this topic.” Yeah, okay, I’ll be sure to wave my certificate in your face before having an opinion on my own tradition. No. Your opinion may be an uneducated one and you may be corrected for it, but that doesn’t mean that you didn’t have the right to it before you completed your O levels at Hogwarts.

8. As a corollary to above, “This is just my opinion and you can’t be mad at me for it!” People absolutely have a right to their opinions. And everyone else the right to decide those opinions make them an asshole.

9. “I’m super special and powerful because xyz, which means I get to tell you what to do.” People only get to tell you what to do if you let them. Sometimes, that’s an exchange we willingly make, but other times, people will feel they have the right to tell you what to do because they are a hereditary witch or because they’ve been practicing longer. Just remember – their position doesn’t trump your humanity and you don’t have to kiss the feet of someone who kicks you.

10. “The person really wants _____ from you, and you should help them on their path. Helping them on their path helps you on yours!” Just because someone wants something from you, doesn’t mean they get it. Being a witch doesn’t take away your right to say no.  


Please remember that you don’t have to earn your right to be here. This one is tricky on some level – to be the respected person in your community, you need to put in your time. However, in order to be part of a group you don’t need to give the High Priest a blow job (seriously, run).

You don’t have to earn admission to witchcraft, but you do have to earn specific positions and other people’s trust. If you teach people not to trust you through your actions, they won’t trust you.

High School In Review (so far)+ Some Tips!!!

Hello everyone! I’m Niva and I am a student of the High School class of 2019.

Now I’ve been in high school for 2 years now, so I think that can give some pretty solid advice to ya little upcoming freshman and any person who is still struggling in high school. So buckle up ya seat belts and put on some shades, cause we’re about to take a LONG ride

I know there are tons of freshman advice videos and posts out here on tumblr dot com, so I’m gonna try and make mine unique

*Note: My HS experience is unique; your may not need any of these tips, so who knows. Also, this post contains profanity. I don’t know if y’all care, it just seems that the studyblr community are all these sweet angels who attend church every Sunday and read the Bible in their spare time.

~=+=~FRESHMAN AND SOPHOMORE YEAR~=+=~

my freshman overview: Look, this year was hardest compared to my sophomore year. One class literally ruined my life, my dudes. {humble brag} Throughout my entire life from PreK to 8th Grade, I had gotten straight A’s on all my report cards. My freshman year, I decided to take AP World History and BOY did it crush me. I made a C in the class first semester and a B in the second semester. Now, it was not the teacher at fault. In fact, I LOVED the teacher. I just was not interested in that class at all and the work matched with me being in Marching Band nearly sent me to my death bed. I’m not trying to scare you, I’m just being 100% legit. This is also a PSA to all freshman offered to take APWH: This is one of the harder AP courses, and I wish one of my teachers had told me this before I decided to take the class (they probably did and I ignored them). This also was my first year in marching band and I’m telling you right now, if you’re wondering whether or not you should do marching band, do it. Even if you just do it for one year, it’s fuckin worth it mate. 

my sophomore overview: This year was SIGNIFICANTLY easier. During my freshman year, the way the schedule was set up was an A/B schedule; your schedule would alternate. On A days, you’d have these 4 classes and on B day, another 4. My sophomore year, they changed that and it was a bit easier for me. Not that I didn’t like the A/B schedule (I loved it), it was just a lot easier to manage classes. I only had one AP class this year, because I couldn’t take AP Lang because of schedule conflicts. ANTYWAYS, AP Gov is one of the easiest classes I took. My teacher was extremely chill and put a curve on every test and quiz, so that’s mainly why I didn’t fail. Marching band was much easier to handle since I already had experience. This was also the year I quit TSA (technology student association) and VEX Robotics, due to scheduling conflicts with band. And, to be quite honest, neither of the clubs were fun lmao. Literature class was annoying, because I got stuck in a class that DIDNT WANNA DO ANYTHING. They didn’t wanna read along, read at all, do projects, breathe, etc. (if you need tips on how to handle a trash class, just ask and I might make a post on that lol). Chemistry was purgatory, not hell, just purgatory. It was hard but not too hard that I didn’t pass. Math has never been hard for me so nothing really changed with that class. This year I brought back my streak of All A’s, so this school year was the best of the two in my eyes.

~=+=~The TIPS~=+=~

1. Normally, freshman don’t take AP classes, but if you are, be prepared. Depending on the class subject, you’re gonna have to do a hell of a lot more than just read the chapters once and do one page of notes. Try to always be ahead of the class and start some sort of study group. 

2. You’re best friend does not need to be your project partner all of the time. Seriously. If you have friends like mine, you will sit on your phone looking at memes on twitter for a long ass time before you ever start your project. Try doing a solo project every once in a while.

3. Don’t randomly join clubs. I was offered to join BETA Club and I didn’t wanna do it, so I didn’t. Don’t do clubs cause it looks nice cause 90% of the time, that one club won’t affect anything.

4. Save money. If you’re in marching band, dear god, save your money. School might as well be charging you to breathe. Everything cost SO MUCH MONEY. If you need to, set up a secret money jar so your parents don’t hijack your money.

5. Make new friends. Unlike most people apparently, I didn’t lose any friends. I do talk to certain people less because of class schedules, but we’re still friends. There is a small ass chance you’re gonna get caught in a class full of upperclassmen and no friends, and I had that situation. It’s not fun. Eventually, you’ll make a friend in that class, so don’t panic. But, anyways, new school, why not make new friends?

6. Don’t? Switch? Lunch? Tables? Okay, I don’t mean that someone’s gonna like sucker punch you out of your seat like in the movies. I mean like if we’re 5 months into the school year, don’t just randomly change your table, because …just don’t do it.

7. Don’t be that person who purposely gets on the teacher’s nerves to make class harder.

8. If you hate one of your teachers, suck it up buttercup. You have a choice of passing or failing, don’t let a teacher ruin an A in class for you.

9. Try and be on the other side of drama. It’s much more fun to watch drama go down, that to actually be involved in it.

10. Be early (if you can). I ride the bus, so I have no choice. But, there is legit no reasons for you to be walking into the class 10 minutes late, because you thought you could sleep an extra 5 mins.

11. I know your literature class is getting boring. This is probably your 7th consecutive year of learning the difference between a simile and a metaphor. I don’t know why they continue to reteach that stuff, but they do. All I can say is utilize what their teaching in some way, so that you don’t feel like the class is completely useless.

12. We all have that one class that you just do nothing in. Take advantage of that and get work done. I don’t have a “study hall” class so, any time you have to do work, use it.

13. Go to at least some of the school events. You can get relatively free food. 

14. Look, I could not care less if you skip school. But, don’t do it often and if you can, don’t do it ever. 

15. If you’re gonna eat in class, don’t eat something obvious like Lays Chips or a whole orange

16. Make friends with your teacher. Don’t be like creepy, but like, don’t have a bad relationship with your teacher.

17. Sophomore year, start thinking about college. You may think it’s too early, but it’s not. At least have an idea of what you want to major in.

18. If you can, get your permit as soon as you turn 15. Please don’t be like me. I still cannot drive and getting from Point A to Point B is harder than the VESPR Theory.

19. Disrespectful classmates are just an opportunity for you to get special privileges in class. If you’re class is disruptive and you’re just a sweet little angel, the teacher will most likely be more lenient with you. My teacher literally gave me a 100 on a project I turned in a day late (supposed to be 5 points off) because literally me and this other girl were the only ones who turned the project in.

20. Do your homework the day you get it. I don’t give a damn if it’s due in two days or two months, do it right then and right there.

21. In your language class, please try. Nobody likes the kid who doesn’t participate. If the teacher asks,  ¿Como estas?, you better fuckin say ¿Bien, y tu? back.

22. If you’re in a situation like mine, you’re gonna have a class you didn’t sign up for, yet somehow you got it. Just deal with it. If you can’t change your schedule, that’s all you can do. Just do the assignments and hope you pass.

23. Okay, most schools don’t have a “popular” group. But all schools definitely have the Prep group. You know, those kids. If you’re not one of them, just ignore them. If you are one of them, stop being so goddang stuck up and realise that you have an annoying voice. If you are not sure if you are a prep, you most likely are not.

24. My school doesn’t use lockers purely based on the fact that it would take too long for kids to get to them and back to class since my school is so big. So, if you also do not have lockers, make sure your bookbag can handle one full school year. I cannot stress this enough. You don’t wanna walk around school with a 15lb bookbag and only one functional strap.

25. Eat the school food. It’s honestly not as bad as the internet makes it. Like…eat ya pizza and enjoy it.

26. If your single and you want a relationship, please do not get a crush on random people like me. Someone would let me borrow a pencil and I would fantasize about a wedding for the next 2 days. I know it’s hard being lonely, but being in a relationship won’t get you a college scholarship.

27. Don’t drink a lot during school. There’s gonna be a teacher with a restriction on the bathroom because for some reason, they think bladders have a specific schedule to follow.

28. Don’t be that freshman that dates every senior in sight. If you have a relationship with a senior and it lasts, great. I’ve seen it happen, but 90% of the time it does not. 

29. Likewise, if you have a friend that’s running you up the wall with their problems, specifically relationship problems. Find a way to distance yourself from them, or even better, get them help from someone else.

30. If you have Type 4 hair (or type 3, it depends), you gotta do your hair at least 3 days in advance, especially if your hair is short. I don’t know a single person with kinky hair who can wake up and just simply throw their hair up.

31. Look, man. Just look here. Look at me in my eyes and listen. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, IF YOU ARE GONNA HAVE SEX USE A CONDOM! USE A CONDOM OR DONT HAVE SEX AT ALL. I’m not speaking from personal experience, but I many of girls have gotten pregnant at my school

32. If you’re gonna do drugs, don’t. Don’t be stupid. Especially if you’re in a school club or sport. You are subject to random drug tests at all times. 

33. Try not to let people affect the way you dress. Wear what you want.

34. Something about you is gonna change. Your personality, your look, your aesthetic. Whatever changes, don’t be stuck up. Nobody likes stuck up people; not even stuck up people like stuck up people.

35. You know those posts that are like “Grades don’t determine intelligence?” Yeah, well they don’t determine your intelligence, but they can determine where you get into college (if you wanna go) and how you’re seen and perceived by teachers. At least, try to pass.

36. If you can, take the ACT or SAT or whatever standardized test you have for your schools. I had an opportunity to take the SAT in 4th, 7th, and 8th grade for $35…and I didn’t take it once. I heavily regret it. Mainly I didn’t take it, because, at the time, it was hard for my mother to pay for it when we had much bigger problems, but like, if you have the opportunity and the funds to take those tests, take them.

37. Don’t rely on quality points. In my school (they’ve gotten rid of this now though), if you’re in an AP class you got 10 extra points and if you were in an Honors/PreAP class, you got 5 points. Colleges look at your grades without the points. The only purpose for these quality points is so that kids in CP classes don’t get valedictorian or some shit idk

38. If you’re in America, you’re gonna have somebody walking around school in a Trump shirt. By all means, beat their ass, but know the consequences. Also, if you’re gonna talk about politics with somebody, please know at least the bare minimum. At least know what the Hillary email scandal is before you try and defend her. Same goes for my friends across the pond. You see someone supporting Theresa May, beat their ass, know the consequences, and learn politics.

39. Actually? Check? Your? Grades? I know so many people who just don’t know what they’re grades are. Know you’re grades so you always know where you stand.

40. I wanna say class rank does not matter, but if you’re anything like me, you’re gonna obsess over it for a while. I know you wanna be in the Top 5, but if you’re no where near it, you’re gonna have to work EXTREMELY HARDER THAN NORMAL. Try not to make a huge deal out of it, unless you’re aiming for Valedictorian.

41. Moisturize ya self. Don’t nobody like ashy knees and elbows. Invest in some lotion.

42. Listen. We all hate dress code. But just follow it. You can’t do anything about it. Just wait til the weekend to wear your spaghetti strap shirt and ripped jeans. And if you wear leggings and you have a wide hip and butt area, you are definitely going to be called out. If you’re not sure if you’re breaking dress code with what your wearing, bring an extra shirt and jeans just in case.

43. Go the fuck to sleep. Don’t be up at ass o’clock in the morning doing who-knows-what on the internet. I know from experience. You may think you can survive 8 hours of school with 2 hours of sleep, but as the day goes on, you’re not gonna want do anything at all, but sleep. But hey, if 2 hours of sleep works for, go ahead. It’s not healthy but I can’t regulate your life.

44. If you walk in the wrong class, everyone will forget about it after the a good 2 days. Literally nobody cared that much. Just walk out and forget about it.

45. If you have a phone, get your friends numbers/contacts/emails. You’re gonna need them for homework sooner or later.

46. To all those uber religious people out there, drop the clean act. If you hear somebody say “fuck”, get over it. I don’t know how else to say it. Teachers cannot stop somebody from cursing completely. People are gonna have sex, people are gonna cuss, people are gonna be inappropriate, and all you can do is focus on yourself.

47. Wear deodorant. You will be surprised at the amount of people who don’t. 

48. Studyblr is fun. Studyblr is nice. That being said, studyblr is not the end of the world. If you don’t have a bullet journal, just use the calendar in your phone or have an online bujo. Don’t let studyblr take up 90% of your study time, because scrolling through the studyblr tag is not studying.

49. Don’t be that kid that walks around with fucking surround sound speakers on their back. Wtf, like invest in some headphones my guy.

50. Never buy a 1 inch binder. Always 2 inch and above, unless you know for sure you only need a 1 inch.

51. You are gonna have a set of people you absolutely hate that for some reason, you cannot get away from them. The best you can do is ignore them.

52. If you’re required to take a Fitness class and you are a festively plump child or an unhealthy/unfit person such as myself, you are going to be embarrassed at some point. Look. I cannot give you advice that’s gonna raise your self-esteem, but I can tell you that if you don’t pay attention to anyone else, it’s much easier to get through that class. The fitness gram pacer test doesn’t last forever. Likewise, don’t treat fitness class like the fucking Olympics. The coach asked for 10 pushups not 100.

53. Extra Credit is your friend. Even if you have a 100 in a class, extra credit doesn’t hurt.

54. Do not walk slow in the hallway, please. I like getting to class on time. If you plan on having a conversation in the hallway, only do it if you walk and talk at a reasonable speed.

55. If you ride the bus, get up at least 45 minutes before the bus gets there. I don’t have a big morning routine, so half of the time in the morning, I just scroll through twitter. Wake up early enough to get everything done.

56. C’s get degrees, my friend, but C’s don’t get scholarships.

57. If you wear AXE Body Spray or any perfume/cologne, I want you to know that your smell occupies the entirety of the hallway you’re on. Please, use only a small amount of fragrance, because not only do they most likely stink, some kids have asthma and some kids are allergic to fragrances. Just refrain from wearing strange smelling spays.

58. If you’re a theatre kid or sport kid, don’t be completely set on becoming a professional singer/actor/athlete. Have a Plan B. The last thing counselors wanna hear when they ask you what you want to be when you grow up, is a NBA Player.

59. To all my shy people out there, that speech you have to give doesn’t last forever. In fact, it may only last 3 minutes. In my literature class, we were required to recite lines from Romeo and Juliet, for some odd reason, and I made such a big deal out of something that barely affected my grades.

60. For this last and FINAL tip of this post, don’t give up. I didn’t wanna be generic, but here the fuck! I! am!!! When I took AP World History, part of the reason I ‘failed’ was because I just stopped trying. I would make low C’s on the test and just think, “Well I didn’t pass, might as well just give up.” Well, no shit you didn’t read the chapter. If you’re trying all you’ve got and you’re just not making it, talk to the teacher. That’s one thing I regret from my freshman year. I just gave up. I didn’t try and get help because I felt that getting help meant that I was stupid. It doesn’t. It just means you’re smarter for trying to get a good grade.

WELL THAT’S ALL FOLKS! Sorry if my cursing doesn’t fit your aesthetic, too bad. I can probably think of 40 more tips to make this 100, but I didn’t want this post to be extremely long (lol good job on that). Anyways, if you ever want any help, feel free to message me, but I’m not that good at text conversations or conversations in general so I’m your last resort.

TO THE UPCOMING FRESHMAN: Have a great first year of high school! You’re about to enter a new life where the teachers are more serious and, yes, coloring still somehow counts as a grade.

TO THE UPCOMING SOPHOMORES: I know. You’ve only been here one year and your tired. Have hope. You’re one year closer to that diploma.