i was gonna say i have i have 5 of the 9

Top 12 Most Unfuckable Men in Dragon Age (according to lesbians)

12. Zevran Arainai

Zevran is the least unfuckable man in Dragon Age because he wouldn’t make it weird. He’d give you a nice lay, do a good job, and then high-5 you afterwards. He’s nice-looking and experienced and would overall be an almost not-unpleasant experience. If there was a gun to my head and someone forcing me to pick a Dragon Age man to fuck, it would be Zevran.

11. RDP Sten

I say Realistic DAO Project Sten and not regular Sten because frankly RDP Sten is the true Sten. Honestly, look at this man. Assuming you didn’t die during intercourse, he’d make you breakfast the next morning, then reshackle your roof and do your taxes. RDP Sten would take care of you. RDP Sten would treat you right.

10. Justice

…as long as he gave Anders’ body a bath first, because wow he sure is a guy who lives in a sewer. Justice is a friendly Fade spirit curious about the mortal world and its many wonders. Fucking Justice would be a nice opportunity to show an otherworldly being a good time. Not to mention the novelty. Think of the puns you could make afterwards. “It was a spiritual experience.” “It was truly righteous.” “Justice isn’t easy–no, Justice is hard.”

9. Alistair

Alistair is inexperienced, but a nice boy. You could show him a good time, and then pat him on the head and give him a cookie afterwards. He’s funny and nice and if you aren’t his first lay, it’ll probably be Morrigan and she would probably turn into a spider halfway through just to fuck with him. I’m willing to fuck him just to spare him that being his first time. Alistair might make it weird and try to give you a flower or something, but he’s young and easily dissuaded. Fucking Alistair would be acceptable and satisfying in some ways.

8. Iron Bull

He ugly, but otoh, monster dong, if you’re into that. Iron Bull wouldn’t make it weird emotionally, but he would definitely make it weird sexually. Assuming you survived, you would have a hell of a story. I would bring that up at every cocktail party I went to for the rest of my life. “I fucked a minotaur man,” I’d say, sipping my martini. “He had an eyepatch, and a dong the size of your forearm. I’m lucky to have survived.” The party guests gasp and fan themselves at the scandal.

7. Nathaniel Howe

I have no feelings either way about fucking Nathaniel Howe. I would show up, do the deed, and leave. Maybe give him a thumbs up, to be polite. My entire soul doesn’t rebel against the concept, but neither can I think of any benefits to fucking Nathaniel Howe.

6. Sebastian Vael

I wouldn’t hate to fuck Sebastian, and he seems nice, I guess. He’d be on par with Nate, except for the fact that he’s a devout fantasy Catholic. I’m morally opposed to fucking Catholics, because I don’t like Catholicism, and because I don’t want to deal with their ensuing guilt. I would tolerate fucking Sebastian.

5. Fenris

Fenris is objectively one of the best-looking men in Dragon Age, but oh lord, the canon romance path is so much. I’d do it just so I could touch his pretty hair, but I’d feel real bad about it. I like fenris. I don’t wanna cause him troubles. On the other hand, Isabela seems to manage it without much emotional fallout, so perhaps it would be alright. Fucking Fenris might be perfectly fine, but it might end terribly for all involved. As a lesbian I’m not gonna risk it.

4. Anders

Anders is a nasty sewer man who has no particularly attractive physical features to make up for it. He’d probably be an alright lay, but if you fucked him he’d definitely fall in love with you. Possibly he’d have already been in love with you for like three years. Then post-fuck he’d say a lot of weird stuff and ask to move into your house, and you’d be so worried about his eating habits and his stress that you’d be like “sure :)”, and then you’d have to change your name and flee the city to escape. Don’t fuck Anders.

3. Blackwall

I previously had Blackwall a spot higher, but then when I went to google a picture of him I realized he actually looks okay. Lumberjack aesth. Nice beard. Probably nice chest hair. Good muscles. But he’s also kind of a stinky old man who is kind of like your dad, and he would make his weird guilt issues your problem. I’d rather not, although I grant that if he was a couple decades younger he might be Acceptable.

2. Cullen

I would really hate to fuck Cullen. I find him morally repugnant, physically unimpressive, and overall pathetic and vile. Not to mention that he seems like the kind of sexually inexperienced dude to just try inserting Tab A into Slot B with no foreplay–but then, would you really want foreplay from this guy? At least it would all be over within 5 minutes and then you could make your escape through the window.

1. Solas

Solas is the absolute most unfuckable man in Dragon Age. Not only is he bald, and a genocidal maniac, but he would also get weirdly hung up on you. Then he’d like, haunt your dreams. “Vhenaaaaaaan,” you hear every night forever, to your horror. “You’re not like other girls,” he says, before showing you a picture of his fursona, which is a wolf. I would rather do literally anything else but fuck Solas. I thank G-d every day that Solas is not real, and that I am in no danger of ever fucking him. Solas is the least fuckable man in Dragon Age.

where adrien flirts
  • so adrien has a little problem: he likes marinette. like he really, honest-to-god likes her, and he doesn’t know what to do about it. his track record with girls isn’t so stellar. after he confessed his feelings to ladybug as chat noir, she calmly turned him down and admitted she liked someone else. so as nino would say, without a lady to tie him down, adrien agreste is single and ready to mingle
  • but he’s always been single?? and what does mingle even mean?? like, nino, what the hell, dude?? help a man out. 
  • so nino sits him down and explains how to get his crush. with his previous crush, nino tells him, adrien obviously didn’t do it right, and that’s why she turned him down (nino doesn’t know it was ladybug, and he just likes to think adrien was crushing on a supermodel who was totally out of even his league). 
  • nino: “you gotta flirt, man. the ladies love a dude who’s chill and cool and confident. you gotta rock it and own it. you got this.”
    adrien: “but how? every time I go to her, she looks at me, and I can’t… make my words work.”
    nino: “….you two are perfect for each other.”
    adrien: “what?”
    nino: “what?”
  • nino gives him an article with a few tips for flirting. this shouldn’t be too bad, and hey, it worked on alya, nino swears by it. so with 10 Flirting Techniques That Are Garunteed to Work on Women on his mind, adrien is determined to woo the ladies.
  • 1. set the stage with the “soft stare”: so all he had to do was stare at marinette as deeply as possible whenever they had a conversation while maintaining a calm and relaxed expression. marinette likes to stutter and stammer her ways through her words, and he couldn’t blame her, because he lost control when he tried to talk to her as well, and usually her antics made him smile and laugh. but according to the tips, he wasn’t allowed to.
  • it’s all good for a week or so, until nino pulls him aside and asks why he looks like he’s plotting how to murder marinette in her sleep like some type of serial killer every time he talks to her. 
  • he stops talking to her after that. alya tracks him down a few days later and whacks him upside the head for making her best friend cry by ignoring her. adrien goes back to talking to marinette as normally as possible after that because it’s better to talk to her as friends than invoke his “killer smile” while trying to flirt.
  • 2. be vague and leave her wanting more: adrien has this in the bag. he knows how to skirt around a topic, but that’s just because he has to make sure he kept his secret identity as a superhero of Paris a… secret. being vague is one of his best talents, it also helps with those stupid paparazzi who always follow him. the article offers some suggests: tell her you know a secret about her, tell her there’s something interesting about her and you can’t put your finger on it, tell her that’s she exactly your type but don’t tell her what you type actually is, etc. he spends most of the night plotting his exact words, and the next day, when he sees marinette, it just comes spilling out…
  • adrien: “i know your secret, marinette.”
    marinette: “…what?”
    well shit, adrien thought, the article didn’t tell him what happened after this.
    adrien: “…i know it. your secret… i knew there was something about you that i couldn’t put my finger on.”
    marinette: “…wait, so you know? ohmygodthiscan’tbehappening,ohmygod, how did you figure it out???”
  • adrien wasn’t sure what to do after this point, so like the article said, he leaves her wanting more and nopes the fuck outta there, cha-cha sliding out of the classroom and bolting down the hallway before she could catch him.
  • 3. the sensual look: once a girl is comfortable around you, give her a mischievous look that makes her think. the article (and nino) never really explain what the girl will think about, but adrien totally supports girl empowerment and helping those smart cookies get the best grades and brilliance recognition they deserve. if a mischievous smile is all it takes, then he’s more than happy to help.
  • he flashes her a quirky smirk in Madame Bustier’s lecture, marinette notices and freezes up. he thinks he did it wrong when nino just leans closer and says, “you broke marinette.”
  • adrien apologizes after class and swears he’ll never break her again. marinette just mumbles, “you can break me anytime.”
  • adrien thinks it’s counterproductive. 
  • 4. the surprise wink: whenever you pass her, just wink after you lock eyes, nino says, she won’t expect it and it’ll surprise her but give her the clear and distinct message that you are flirting with her. adrien wants marinette to know he likes her and wants to flirt with he rand wants to date her and just be with her, so he winks every time he gets. 
  • they see each other in class? wink he catches her eyes while they study for physics? wink they talk about madame bustier’s homework? wink she asks him for his opinion on her designs? wink 
  • at first, she giggles. after two weeks, she presents him with a bottle of over-the-counter artificial tears for his “eye twitch.” he stops winking after that and doesn’t talk to nino for the rest of the day.
  • 5. the playful bump: playful actions, like bumping, will definitely make a girl smile. 
  • adrien: “but nino, i could hurt her.”
    nino: “no, my dude, she knows you’re teasing.”
    adrien: “i don’t care if she knows. what if i knock her over?”
    nino: “no, you don’t do it hard, you just–”
    adrien: “what if she falls over and breaks her nose? i don’t wanna break her nose, nino. she has a cute nose.”
    nino: “adrien, you’re not gonna break her–”
    adrien: “niNO
  • 6. the understatement: understate the compliments you give her, okay, okay, adrien can do this. it’s simple.
  • adrien: “marinette, your eyes are blue… like avatar’s skin. just blue.. all over.. it’s great. not the brightest blue, but not the darkest. just blue. you have blue eyes, marinette.”
    marinette: *is speechless*
    nino: “…you nailed that, adrien.”
    adrien: “oh thanks, nino.”
  • 7. the double negative, “i don’t think you’re not beautiful”: 
    adrien: “but i do think she’s beautiful.”
    nino: “i know, you’re telling her that.”
    adrien: “but you just said i don’t think she’s beautiful?”
    nino: “no, no, you said you don’t think she’s not beautiful, so ergo you think she is beautiful.”
    adrien: “…grammar hurts my head, nino.”
    nino: “i know, my dude, i understand.”
  • 8. the sensual tease, tease her for liking you: okay, but adrien doesn’t know if marinette likes him like that? nino swears she does, and alya says so too, but it still makes him feel bad for teasing her. so he doesn’t tease her and just keeps doing stuff like he normally does, like walking her home from school and helping her study physics and giving her advice for her designs and keeping a stash of food for her on the mornings she runs late and he knows she didn’t have breakfast yet.
  • nino rolls his eyes, but adrien doesn’t care. his momma didn’t raise no hooligan. no, if he was going to flirt with marinette, at least he can be a gentleman about it.
  • 9. the moniker: giving her a cute nickname will let her know how special she is. adrien spends a week thinking about it, and nino gives him a few suggestions, but he doesn’t listen. if he’s giving marinette a nickname, it has to be something he does because it’ll let her know she’s special to him.
  • a few days later, he slips up and calls her “princess” because she’s pretty, sweet, smart, likes pink, and is a natural born leader just like a royal. marinette freezes when he calls her that, but she smiles and laughs eventually. she seems to like it, and he keeps doing it. it’s fitting, he supposes, for someone like her. marinette, his princess.
  • does that mean he gets to be her knight?
  • nino calls him a nerd.
  • 10. tell her how you feel: it’s the last step, and adrien agonizes over it for days. it can’t really be as simple as nino makes it out to be, but then again, his best friend has been dating a pretty sweet gal for months, so it obviously worked for him. adrien broods over it for a while, and alya warns him not to ignore marinette for days again, and he swears he isn’t. he’s just trying to find his courage. why oh why is it so much easier to face an akuma with certain death hanging over his head than tell a girl how he really feels?
  • marinette decides to take matters into her own hands, which he isn’t really surprised by because she usually is a head-strong, independent female. what he is surprised by is when ladybug swings into his bedroom window and transforms into marinette right before his very eyes.
  • marinette: “why are you ignoring me? did i do something wrong?”
    adrien: *adrien.exe has stopped working*
    marinette: “…adrien?”
    adrien: “…you’re… ladybug?!”
    marinette: “yeah, i know. you know. we’ve been over this–”
    adrien: “nononoNO, we most certainly haven’t.”
    marinette: *marinette.exe has stopped working*
    adrien: “…marinette?”
    marinette: “I… but you said you knew my secret.”
    adrien: “I WAS BEING VAGUE.”
    marinette: “WHY?!”
    adrien: “IVE BEEN FLIRTING WITH YOU.”
    marinette: “…you have?”
    adrien: “well, i was trying–”
  • plagg: *pops out of adrien’s pocket* “oh, are we trading secrets?”
    tikki: *pops out of marinette’s bag* “I think so?”
    plagg: *holds out paw to marinette* “fine. im plagg, i turn him into chat noir. nice to finally meet you. i’m glad you guys are finally telling each other, it’s been so tiring listening to him mooning over you. do you have any cheese?”
    marinette: “…you’re chat noir?”
    adrien: *dies*

so marinette and adrien are dating now, so in a way he thinks his plan worked? that doesn’t stop marinette from asking him how he thought he’d been flirting, so he tells her nino’s tips. she laughs for a week straight. that’s the last time he ever listens to nino.

an adrien version of this post. some people asked for an adrien version, it’s not directly a sequel, but still another au. just two nerds trying to flirt and failing spectacularly. 

Wanna park and act like an a**hole? Enjoy paying thousands.

Years ago, I worked as a security officer in a high-traffic tourist area (graveyard shift).

One of my responsibilities was to make sure my building’s loading/unloading zone is kept clear because at all hours of the day we’ve got vehicles coming and going for people going to meetings, visitors, tourists, cabs, etc. The curb is painted white and marked in big bold letters ✶ LOADING AND UNLOADING ONLY ✶ NO PARKING ✶. At the end of the zone there was a single handicap parking stall painted bright blue.

Now the building I worked at was nearby a few large night clubs, so every Friday and Saturday the area would be crazy busy with drunken fighting, vomiting, occasional alleyway sex, etc. All night long there’d be cute girls milling around in skimpy outfits, so the job had its perks too.

Clubbers would take advantage of my building’s valet parking service and pay to park in our garage before heading out to one of the clubs across the street.

Some clubbers would think they could get away with parking in our loading zone all night. My coworkers and I would aggressively patrol the area in the earlier evening hours and advise as many people as we could so they’d leave and avoid getting a ticket. It was also better for us if they left, because when there were too many vehicles parked out front, traffic would become a complete clusterf*ck regardless of the time of day.

Most people would be grateful for the information and leave. Occasionally, some douche would laugh in our faces, say something about pigs or rent-a-cops or whatever and leave their car anyway. In those cases, we’d call our city’s parking enforcement and they’d get a $90 ticket for their troubles.

One Saturday night, after finished a round of patrols, I went to take a leak. On my way back out, I walked past Dispatch and my buddy calls me over to the surveillance bank.

“Hey bro, you got one out front.”

I turned to the grainy feed just in time to see a piece-of-junk ‘97 BMW sloppily parking in front of our building. I murmured that I’d go out and advise the driver, but before I could leave, the driver exited his vehicle.

My buddy and I watched in silence as the driver, a young black male adorned with flashy cheap bling, hiked his pants up at the crotch and blocked the path of a couple girls walking by. He started hitting on them in the slimiest way possible, even trying to grab their hands and asses at one point, staring shamelessly at their tits while he was schmoozing them. He took out his phone and shoved it at them, presumably asking for their numbers.

Eventually the girls were able to dodge his grabbers and ran off toward the club across the street. He repeated this routine several more times with various groups of girls walking by, even taking out a small bottle of vodka from his back pocket and offering swigs. With each rejection, he’d get angry and presumably cuss out the girls as they hurried off (our cameras didn’t pick up audio but this seemed a reasonable assumption).

I sighed and looked at my buddy.

“Well, I guess I’ll go talk to him.”

I made my way out to the front and approached him just as another group of girls ducked away from him. I called out to him. He turned and stared at me blankly.

“Hey, man, just wanted to let you know that this zone is for loading and unloading. Normally it’s not a big deal to park for a bit but if everyone does it on the weekends, traffic gets backed up pretty bad here.”

The douche looked at his vehicle, then at my badge.

“F*CKYOUB*TCHASSN☻☻☻☻I'LLF*CKYOUUP. PIGASSWANNABECOPMOTHAF*CKA.”

I looked at my watch. It was about 10:30PM. I continued my spiel.

“Parking enforcement here is pretty strict. You should move your vehicle or you might get ticketed–”

“F*CKYOUN☻☻☻☻SUCKMYD*CK. BETTERNOTTOUCHMYSHITN☻☻☻☻ILLF*CKYOUUPN☻☻☻☻.”

“Have a good night sir.”

He flipped me off and went across the street, where he was promptly denied entry for dress code violations. He cussed out the bouncer and wandered off down the block. I walked over to his vehicle and saw that it was parked crooked, the rear of the vehicle partially blocking the lane of traffic. Half of his vehicle was in the white zone, the other in the blue zone. I key’d up my radio.

“8million to dispatch.”

“8million, go ahead.”

“Can you call parking enforcement for this vehicle? Lemme know when you’re ready for the plate.”

Fifteen minutes later, the parking officer arrived. He looked at the vehicle and promptly issued a $90 ticket for parking in the white zone and a $900 ticket for parking in the blue zone without a permit.

I thanked the officer and went back inside to have a snack.

A couple hours later, two of the local cops stopped by to say hi. As Officer Morris and his partner walked over, Dispatch radio’d me.

“Hey 8million, is that Jones and Morris?”

“Sure is.”

“You gonna do what I think you’re gonna do?”

“Yep.”

Officer Jones and I lit up our cigarettes as Officer Morris looked on disapprovingly. We all smoked and chatted for a bit, then I casually motioned over my shoulder at the BMW.

“Hey, Jones, check out the parking job on that piece of shit.”

We all walked over to the corner and looked at the vehicle, the two tickets stuck on the windshield flapping in the wind. Officer Morris grabbed one of the tickets, read it over and looked at me.

“What’s the story here?”

I told them what happened and the driver’s response. Officer Jones and Morris looked at each other.

“8million, you got the time?”

“Yeah, it’s… 12:27AM.”

“Well it’s a whole new day now isn’t it?”

Officer Morris proceeded to write another $90 ticket for the white zone, then another $900 ticket for the blue zone. He paused for a moment after finishing the second one.

“Hey Jones, looks like this vehicle is parked more than twelve inches from the curb. What do you think?”

“Sounds about right.”

Officer Morris wrote another ticket for $120 and slapped it on the pile of tickets on the windshield. I shook both officer’s hands and they left to continue their patrols.

The next few hours of my shift went by fairly quickly. Around 5AM, Dispatch scared the hell out of me.

“HEY 8MILLION, ARE YOU STILL ON THAT CALL?”

“Negative, I just finished clearing it.”

“RESPOND TO DISPATCH ASAP.”

I ran down to the surveillance bank, where my coworkers were all gathered and laughing their asses off. Sunday was street cleaning day and the BMW was getting ticketed again by parking enforcement.

After that, we all stopped by Dispatch every 5-10 minutes to see if the owner had returned. Finally, at about 6AM, douchebag came stumbling up the block, looking completely worn out. His formerly-white t-shirt was stained and dirty and it looked like he’d lost at least one fight.

We watched in suspense as he looked at the pile of tickets crammed together on his windshield and slowly removed them. He stood there, pants sagging below his knees, shuffling through each ticket as if he were a toddler with a handful of Pokémon cards.

With a look of abject defeat on his face, he got into his vehicle and drove off. The whole room erupted in laughter and high-fives.

As the laughter died down, I picked up the office phone and started dialing. My coworkers eyed me curiously. I put the call on speaker just as the call connected.

“9-1-1, what is your emergency?”

“Yeah, hi, I’d like to report a possible drunk driver. I have the vehicle and driver description when you’re ready.”

Haven Craft’s Tips for Beginner Witches, Part One

Tips for Beginner Witches

Let’s start with this – I am not the witch Pope. I cannot speak for the witchcraft community as a whole; only for my own tradition.

5 Things I Believe Beginner Witches Should Ask Themselves

Note that the answers to these things will change, but that a firm grasp of the answers at any point in your practice may be helpful to you. I recommend actually writing your answers down, and every now and again check back and see if your stance has shifted.

1. Is magick real?

If yes, then what do you mean when you say, “Magick is real”. (Do you mean that you can effect reality with your will, intent, and energy? Do you mean like, Harry Potter real? What will disappoint you to realize might not be probable? What will inspire you to realize you can accomplish?)

2. Where are your lines? (What do you firmly believe is true/false, right/wrong? Violence, doing harm, controlling others, etc. Would you punch someone if they threatened a friend? Would you curse someone if they threatened a friend? What would you do, if your coven head told you it was right but you felt it was wrong?)

3. What are you looking for in a magickal path? (Pro Tip – no one has all the answers and there is no one right way.)

4. What are you prepared to do in order to accomplish your goals? (How many spoons do you have to give this practice? Can you devote one night a week, are you going to randomly pick stuff up on Tumblr, are you going to leave society to pursue your studies under a waterfall, etc.)


I recommend that no one make any oaths or vows in their first year of practice. Get to know yourself, how you feel about magick, and what you actually want to do before you do any big commitments. (Historic anecdote – this is what the original year and a day was for.) More strident, but still personal, recommendation: if someone tries to get you to oath to them within your first week of being a witch, run.


Things People Should Tell Beginner Witches, But Often Don’t

1. Don’t be afraid to change your mind.

2. Don’t throw good energy after bad by continuing to do something that isn’t right for you.

3. Don’t be afraid to continue your education, even if that means learning something that was right for you before is no longer right for you.

4. There is no one right way to do this. There is no Witch Pope - there is no dogmatic enforcement of the path to being a witch.

5. There are absolutely as many assholes in Paganism and witchcraft as there are anywhere else. Don’t think that these people are all spiritually enlightened beings who mean you well and who will give good advice.

6. Yahoo Answers is not your friend. You have the internet – which has access to both all of human information and all of human misinformation. Look for credible sources. Anything that seems too easy or too good to be true probably is. Work on critical thinking.

7. Try Scholar.Google.Com over “this article says so on Patheos.com.” Seriously, recently an article on there claimed Friday the 13th was a sacred holiday in goddess centered pre-Christian Paganism before the patriarchy ruined it. There is no historical validation for that, but a bunch of witches reblogged it. (Things you learn from scholarly sources rather than the latest poorly edited Llewellyn mess: the Burning Times didn’t happen, different kinds of Pagans warred amongst themselves long before Christianity came onto the scene, there was no great unified Pagan religion before Christianity, and Gerald Gardner was probably lying about almost everything he said.)


You Should Probably Learn the Difference Between Paganism, Wicca, and Witchcraft

What is Paganism?

Pagan is an umbrella term for a member of a religious, spiritual, or cultural community, other than those of the main world religions, so:

Non-Abrahamic – it is not Christian, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, or Mormon

Non-Eastern – it is not Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism, Sufism, or Sikhism

Theistic – The belief in some kind of divine power, which is sometimes polytheistic (a belief in more than one god), but not always

Some Pagans practice witchcraft – others do not.

This definition isn’t quite right, though it’s in hugely common usage, because there are Abrahamic and Eastern persons who consider themselves Pagan. Keep in mind that there will be exceptions to this definition and that those exceptions are valid.

There are also secular Pagans, so it isn’t even always Theistic. I know – it’s complicated. Though this is the largely accepted Academic definition, it doesn’t really work when applied to the real world, if you’re considering someone saying, “I’m Pagan” as a self-identifying definition, which I do. 

Wicca

Wicca is a religion. Most people consider Wicca as falling under the Paganism umbrella, although not all Pagans are Wiccan. Not all Wiccans are witches, and not all witches are Wiccan.

Wiccan is generally defined as:

Dualistic – There is a God and a Goddess

Pacifistic – Wicca has a rede that requires Wiccan do no harm to themselves or others, though not all Wiccans (such as those who follow Doreen Valiente’s suggested guidelines) are Pacifistic, so there are definitely exceptions to this

Earth-based – Having a respect for and acknowledgment of the powers of the Earth

Witchcraft

The spiritual or secular art, craft, and/or practice of the witch, defined many ways by many different people.

A witch is a witch who says they are one.

Again, there is no witch Pope and no witchy excommunication because you define yourself as a witch differently than someone else does.

Yes, male identifying and/or presenting persons can be witches.


Pagan and Witch Fallacies

There are certain ideas that most beginners in the witchcraft community will encounter over and over again. I’m going to run down some things – with the reminder, again, that I can only speak for my personal tradition.

1. “You should remove all negative influences from your life! You should purge all negative feelings! Be positive all the time!” Not everything that is negative is bad. Not everything negative can be avoided – we can’t all just quit our jobs and live in a witch shack in the mountains. We have to endure negative things, both because it is healthier to experience the full range of human emotion rather than to ignore a large chunk of it, and because it isn’t possible. What we should do is stop victim blaming witches who are going through hard times and stop telling witches they can’t be angry when they encounter something that should be angering.

2. “But, tradition!” Just because an affluent white guy in the 1400-1600s said something, doesn’t mean you should do it. We don’t follow their medicinal advice anymore; we don’t have to follow their magickal advice either. Seriously, I don’t care if tradition says a trans woman shouldn’t be in a sky clad ritual – that’s bullshit. We don’t put leeches on our bodies anymore – let’s leave the past nonsense where it belongs.

3. “We have to make sure everyone feels included and welcome!” Not if they abuse the welcome of others, we do not. The problem with making some people feel included and welcome is that you make their victims feel excluded and unwelcome because you’ve made them unsafe.

4. “We have to support each other and love each other and be a positive force in people’s lives.” Okay, yes, in small doses, this is a great aim. It doesn’t work for everyone (some witches are spite and malice fueled and they are still witches), but okay, it’s a nice idea. Until it becomes ableist or demands free emotional labor from people, which it often does.

5. “We have to educate them!” Okay, it’s great that there is this effort in the community to educate others. But if you don’t have the spoons or if it seems like they’re using the demand for their own education as a way to still have access to a community they are abusing, then no, you have no obligation to put their education over your well being. None. They have access to Google (even if they have to go to a library to use it.)

6. “You have to earn your right to be a witch.” No, no you don’t. Seriously, though, from whom? Dusty white men in graves? A Llewellyn author who couldn’t fact check themselves out of a paper bag? Again – no witch Pope. I’m just gonna keep pointing out the lack of a witch Pope until people get it.

7. “You have to be ________ rank, degree, etc. to have an opinion on this topic.” Yeah, okay, I’ll be sure to wave my certificate in your face before having an opinion on my own tradition. No. Your opinion may be an uneducated one and you may be corrected for it, but that doesn’t mean that you didn’t have the right to it before you completed your O levels at Hogwarts.

8. As a corollary to above, “This is just my opinion and you can’t be mad at me for it!” People absolutely have a right to their opinions. And everyone else the right to decide those opinions make them an asshole.

9. “I’m super special and powerful because xyz, which means I get to tell you what to do.” People only get to tell you what to do if you let them. Sometimes, that’s an exchange we willingly make, but other times, people will feel they have the right to tell you what to do because they are a hereditary witch or because they’ve been practicing longer. Just remember – their position doesn’t trump your humanity and you don’t have to kiss the feet of someone who kicks you.

10. “The person really wants _____ from you, and you should help them on their path. Helping them on their path helps you on yours!” Just because someone wants something from you, doesn’t mean they get it. Being a witch doesn’t take away your right to say no.  


Please remember that you don’t have to earn your right to be here. This one is tricky on some level – to be the respected person in your community, you need to put in your time. However, in order to be part of a group you don’t need to give the High Priest a blow job (seriously, run).

You don’t have to earn admission to witchcraft, but you do have to earn specific positions and other people’s trust. If you teach people not to trust you through your actions, they won’t trust you.

Top 9 Most Fight-Able Characters in Mystic Messenger

(ranked by the likelihood of winning from least to most likely)

9. “Mary” Vanderwood, Secret Agent Murdermonster

Result: A swift and painful death

Are you shitting me? You’ll be goddamn eviscerated on the spot. Not to mention nobody will ever find your body. This is completely fucking unadvisable. DO NOT DO THIS unless you have a DEATH WISH and want to disappear from the world completely. Vanderwood is not to be messed with. They’ve killed many a worthy foe, and you will not be one of them. There’s not much else to say here. I don’t care who you are, you should not challenge Vanderwood. Say your prayers, fucker

8. Unknown/Saeran Choi, Total Edgelord

Result: Utter defeat, probably followed by torture + imprisonment

I don’t think you need me to tell you that this kid is fucking off his rocker. Let’s be real, he’s probably killed a few people, and he enjoyed every minute of it. You can bet your ass he’ll likely torture you after defeating you, too. And you know, some of you sick fucks will probably enjoy the whole damn ordeal. You’re probably the only ones who’d WANT to fight him just to have him fucking step on you. Well congratu-fucking-lations, you got what you wanted. He still beats your ass. The only reason Vanderwood beats him in this ranking is because it’s possible he’d keep you alive for fun, and some of you would enjoy that, so at least it’s a fuckin victory for somebody. Fuck.

7. Jaehee Kang, Smarter than the CEO

Result: Total annihilation + jail time

Do you see this face? This is the face of someone who has been repressing violent urges for fucking years for the sake of keeping her job. If she could snap Jumin’s neck, she would in a heartbeat. You do not want to give her a justifiable reason to unleash that utter fucking rage on your sorry ass. Did you forget she has a black belt in judo? She could beat my ass. She could beat your ass. She could beat anyone’s ass. I don’t care WHO you think you are. And after the fight? She’ll report you to the proper authorities, pick up a cup of coffee, and finish her daily tasks like nothing fucking happened. What a wild bitch. I fucking love her to death, tbh. And you know what? How dare you challenge her. She deals with enough shit in her life. I hope she beats your ass with a righteous fucking fury. Have fun in jail, dipshit.

6. God 707, Meme Lord Supreme

Result: Depends on your approach, but probably a failure

Honestly Seven’s about as fucking predictable as a lunch box full of wasps. What am I even supposed to say here? He’d probably imitate that shitty ass vine meme the first time you punch him and say “I can’t believe you’ve done this”, complete with a British accent, but when you keep hitting, it’ll confuse him. The element of surprise is probably your best bet, but you also have no fucking clue what he’ll do. He might beat the shit out of you. He might scamper away on his scrawny ass legs and proceed to hack into everything you once loved or held dear. He might lay down on the ground and let you kick the shit out of him. In the end, it depends on his mood. Is that reliable at all? Absolutely fucking not. So go for it, but I literally have no idea how it’s gonna turn out for you.

5. Zen/Hyun Ryu, A God Among Men

Result: You have a good chance of winning, but at what cost?

OK BEFORE YOU LOSE YOUR MIND LISTEN THE FUCK UP. Why is Zen higher up on the list, Nani??? you ask me, pouting, clutching your Zen body pillow(s) in agony. Zen had a bad past!! He’s not easy to fight, he was such a bad boy!! v//w//v He’s so tough and strong and he’s our knight in shining armor! Hey!! Good for you! But GUESS FUCKING WHAT!! If you’re female, he’ll probably forfeit to you immediately, unlike the barbarians before him on this list, so technically he’s easier to fight! He’d probably LET you beat the shit out of him if it made you feel better. It’s not even a fucking question of who would win if a woman challenged him, so we’re gonna move on.
Now, if you’re a GUY, he’d be more willing to square up, and my advice is go for his face. Pretty boy doesn’t like messing up his pretty mug, and if you play dirty, he’ll get scared real quick. His ponytail is a disadvantage for him, so yank it real hard. You have a better chance of beating him with perseverance, but if you let him get the upper hand, you’re deceased because he’s probably a heavy hitter. Also, you will incur the wrath of all his fangirls, and probably the angels above, and you will spend the rest of your life MISERABLE AND CURSED, so proceed with caution. If you can get away with it without anyone knowing your identity, you’re golden. Good luck, but also, why? do you even want to??

4. Jumin Han, Mistah Trussfund Kid (The CEO)

Result: Instant win, but your life will be RUINED

Honestly, I think certain RFA members would actually be very glad if someone handed Jumin’s ass to him, but good fucking luck accomplishing that without having your entire life destroyed. On a purely physical level, Jumin is no competition. He may be the tallest motherfucker around, but he’s never fought anyone before in his LIFE. You’d probably only have an issue here if you were short as shit, and even then, go for the knees, amirite? He’ll fall like a fucking oak tree, and then you can rip him a new one while he’s down. Easy peasy, right? WRONG. He’s got a horde of like 50 bodyguards that you have to sneak past or defeat first or something. And if you somehow make it to Jumin first, they’ll swarm your ass after you first start swinging and have you incapacitated in a few seconds. Are those first few swings worth it? Maybe. But he’s gonna sue your ass for everything you own. The whole world will know your name. If you don’t get jail time, you’ll wish you had. It will be an easier life than trying to live in the public. Zen and Jaehee might love you forever, though, so maybe they can pull a few favors for ya. You better pray they do. Good fuckin luck out there, champ.

3. Yoosung Kim, Small Child

Result: Victory, but with a catch

Look into this child’s eyes. Look me in the eyes. Tell me that Yoosung isn’t a fucking pansy. You can’t, can you? It’s because Yoosung is a fucking pansy. This kid would be down for the count after exactly one (1) punch. He might enjoy it a little too, which’ll be awkward as shit for both of you. HOWEVER. If you trigger his Yandere side, which is bullshit but whatever, he might put up more of a fight. How do you do this, you may ask? Insult Rika. or MC. (Probably Rika tho). Something inside him will snap, and then he’ll be trickier to handle. He’ll probably play dirty when he’s like this, so expect to get shanked or bitten or something. It doesn’t change the fact that his scrawny ass can’t fight for shit, so you’ll still probably win, but not without a few injuries yourself. Hurting Yoosung is probably the moral equivalent to kicking a puppy. If you can be ok with yourself after that, then I mean, go for it.

2. Rika, the Antichrist

Result: Certain victory, but extremely dangerous

Look, maybe I should’ve put her lower on the list considering she’s got an entire cult following her every order. But, honest to God, you would be morally obligated to fight her. Please beat the shit out of her. Physically, her scrawny ass could do nothing to stop you. She’s ruined the lives of her friends, as well as countless other people, because of her deranged and, quite frankly, selfish desires. Basically, she’s a little bitch. I don’t know how you’ll do it, but god damn, you’ll be everyone’s hero. The downside to this is that she might sick Saeran on you, which is gonna be a pain in your ass, and Yoosung might hate you forever, but I think you can live with that, right? Do us all a favor. Fight Rika.

1. Jihyun Kim/V, aka Flower Angel Sunshine Man

Result: Total Victory, but you’re basically Satan

BEFORE YOU SEND ME ANON HATE, REMEMBER: this is a list based on how likely you are to win. And V? V would let anyone beat him. He probably thinks he deserves it. He might defend himself a little, but he couldn’t bring himself to hurt you. Your victory would be almost immediate. There is no catch to V. You’d just win. But you’re a fucking monster for it. And you know what? I’ll beat the shit out of you if you hurt this man. So don’t even think about it, asshole.

Masterlist (Vol. 2)

Finally here is volume 2 of my mobile master list! I just wanted to thank you guys so much for everything, every single note, reblog and follow means the absolute world to me! Anyway enjoy and remember your feedback on any of my fics is always appreciated!

—————————————————————————————

Imagines-

High School AU
Introduction
Part 1 (Sweet Memories)

Steve Rogers (Captain America)- Total: 17
Over A Coffee Cup- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Amazed By You
Shock Confession- Part 1, Part 2
Similar Smiles- Part 1, Part 2
Who Told You?- Part 1, Part 2
Beautiful Soul
A Shy Situation
Nothing Like Her
Forever And Always
Senior Discount
Possibility- Part 1, Part 2
Somewhere Only We Know- Part 1, Part 2
Fallen
In Love- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
We Start Over- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10, Part 11
In The Rain (Wanda Maximoff Award)
Best Mother Ever (Sam Wilson Award)

Bucky Barnes (Winter Soldier)- Total: 23
The Winter Guardian (Teaser)
We Must Be Killers
Who Do You Think You Are- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Definitely A Stark
Well This Is Awkward- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3
Dance With Me
Too Cute- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4
Keep Your Eyes On Me
Half Alive- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5
American Beauty/American Psycho- Part 1, Part 2
Playmates
Taken From You
Brotherly Love
Jealousy
Scared
Can’t Believe
Demons
Comfort
Good For Me (Bucky Barnes Award)
A Little Bit Of Culture (Steve Rogers Award)
Stranded (Natasha Romanoff Award)
Saving You (T’Challa Award)
Don’t Touch Her (Wade Wilson Award)

Pietro Maximoff (Quicksilver)- Total: 6
Really?
You Little Tease
Stray
‘People of the Week’ Winner Request 1
Fallen
Freak

Sam Wilson (Falcon)- Total: 1
Cut It Out

Clint Barton (Hawkeye)- Total: 3
Little Details
Nesting
Mistakes

Tony Stark (Iron Man)- Total: 2
You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me
I Think I Love You (By Katie James)

Thor Odinson- Total: 3
Thunder Buddies
‘People of the Week’ Winner Request 1
Rainy Day (Peter Parker Award)

Loki Laufeyson- Total: 2
‘People of the Week’ Winner Request 3
What?

Vision- Total: 2
‘People of the Week’ Winner Request 4
Understanding Love (Clint Barton Award)

Peter Parker (Spider-Man)- Total: 2
Make Me
The Biggest Fanboy (Pietro Maximoff Award)

Howard Stark- Total: 1
Lost In War

Matt Murdock (Daredevil)- Total: 1
The Name’s Matt (By Katie James)

Johnny Storm (Human Torch)- Total: 1
Crash Landing- Part 1, Part 2

Dave Lizewski (Kick Ass)- Total: 1
You Had Me At Hello- Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Phan (Dan x Phil)- Total: 1
New Year, New Chapter (By Katie James)

Severus Snape (Harry Potter- Total: 1
Always (By Katie James)

Daryl Dixon (The Walking Dead)- Total: 1
Scars (By Katie James)

—————————————————————————————

Drabbles-

Steve Rogers (Captain America)- Total: 33
Fight
Betrayed
She did the unthinkable and escaped.
He was seduced by the possibilities.
“Are you hitting on her for me?”
“The way you flirt is shameful.”
“Oh my god! You’re in love with him!”
“I’m flirting with you.”
“Well… don’t keep me waiting.”
“I can’t explain right now, but I really need you to trust me.”
“I may despise you with the burning hot intensity of the sun, but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you.”
“If you die, I’m going to kill you!”
“Have you lost your damn mind!?”
“Oh you beautiful weirdo!”
“I’m missing something here, aren’t I?”
“How can you be so resentful?”
“Please just back the fuck off!”
“Aren’t you a bit… not… qualified?”
“You’re so small!”
“It killed me to see you with him.”
“You’re not getting rid of me that easy.”
“Your eyes are like stars.”
“Cuddle?”
“We’re not buying a dog.”
“It never gets easier.”
“Yell, scream, say something!”
“We’re not just friends and you fucking know it!”
“Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”
“I wish I could hate you.”
“Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”
“I love you, you asshole!”
“Come home with me.”
“I know this song.”

Bucky Barnes (Winter Soldier)- Total: 30
Mega Prompt Challenge
Fight
Trust
Guilt
Light
Regret
Stood up to them, regretted it.
“Oh you beautiful weirdo!”
“IF YOU USE UP ALL THE HOT WATER ONE MORE TIME IM GOING TO BAN YOU TO THE COUCH FOR A MONTH.”
“I think we should have another.”
“Do you think it’s possible that I…might be…pregnant?”
“Please, don’t turn him away again!”
“Please just back the fuck off!”
“If you’d ever show up, yes.”
“Your eyes are like the stars/”
“It killed me to see you with him.”
“Hello gorgeous, do I know you?”
“Don’t try, I’m not worth it.”
“You taste like heaven.”
“When’s the last time I said I love you?”
“I thought I could manage. I can’t. Not without you. Not ever, like that.”
“Suck my nonexistent dick!”
“I am in deeeeep shit!”
“Come home with me.”
“I can explain this.”
“I’d rather caress my asshole with a chainsaw.”
“Come home with me.”
“Don’t you ever do that again!”
“SO… you think I’m hot?”
“Don’t be an asshole. Asshole.”

Pietro Maximoff (Quicksilver)- Total: 17
Stood up to them, regretted it.
She did the unthinkable, and escaped.
“Wait a minute. Are you jealous?”
“A boy needs his father.”
“We accidentally got married in Vegas oops.”
“I waxed the floors, grab your fluffy socks!”
“Do you think it’s possible that I… might be pregnant?”
“If you die, I’m gonna kill you!”
“Please just back the fuck off!”
“He’s not agitated, he’s a jerk!”
“I can’t breathe.”
“Don’t touch me!”
“Hey. I’m with you, okay? Always.”
“Oh my god! You’re in love with him/her!”
“Suck my nonexistent dick!”
“I don’t know where she gets it from.”
“SO… you think I’m hot?”

Sam Wilson (Falcon)- Total: 2
“I’m missing something here, aren’t I?”
“You’re so cute!!!”

Clint Barton (Hawkeye)- Total: 5
“Your eyes are like stars.”
“Hello gorgeous, do I know you?”
“I am in deeeeep shit!”
“Suck my nonexistent dick!”
“I can explain this.”

Natasha Romanoff (Black Widow)- Total: 6
Betrayed
“Are you hitting on her for me?”
“Will you please just give me a hand?”
“I can’t believe you talked me into this.”
“Take my hand.”
“Where were you?”

Tony Stark (Iron Man)- Total: 4
Kiss
“Have you lost your damn mind?”
“You’re so small!”
“I’m in this for life.”

Bruce Banner (Hulk)- Total: 1
“I miss you.”

Thor Odinson- Total: 4
Sleep
“Your eyes are like stars.”
“We’re not buying a dog.”
“You’re so small!”

Loki Laufeyson- Total: 5
Regret
Survive
“You’re not getting rid of me that easy.”
“Use your words.”
“Don’t be an asshole. Asshole.”

Peter Parker- Total: 3
“I can arrange that.”
“How about if we-” “NO!”
“I broke your nose, and I’m sorry for that. But what you were doing wasn’t fair.” 

anonymous asked:

Hi love! What would you say the top ten sterek fics you've ever read are?

This was REALLY HARD. Mainly bc it’s hard to choose only 10. Because I’m leaving off some great fics (which is why there are more than 10 on here :3)! And some I get mixed up bc I read them so long ago and near each other. (You can always browse my fave fic list here) But I’ve narrowed it to this list. These are the fics that really left impressions on me. They’re all amazing and deserve to be read and loved!!! So…have a TOP 27 FAVE STEREK FICS list :DDDD

1. Cry Havoc by ladyblahblah

In Beacon Hills, the two-year war that’s been raging between werewolves and hunters has begun spilling over onto the civilian population. Meanwhile, in Boston, when the tattoo on Stiles Stilinski’s back is damaged on a late-night hunt he begins to have dreams that lead him across the country, drawn by an inexplicable conviction that he’s needed there. When he discovers that Derek Hale began the war after his mate was killed, Stiles finds himself being offered a strange deal: figure out how to bring the alpha’s mate back, and peace talks can begin.

2. Where the Inevitable Isn’t by Survivah

Stiles has a magical thingamajig that’s supposed to get him out of danger. Trouble is, it took him really, really far out of danger. Like, to the point where he isn’t in the same universe anymore.

“A part of Stiles had been thinking that he’d come home, and just go, ‘hey, Derek, are we mates and you just haven’t said anything about it?’ and Derek would reply, ‘now you mention it, we are indeed! Now come to my bedchamber, where we will have super hot sex and then cuddle after!’”

3. Pack Up; Don’t Stray by the_deep_magic

AU – Werewolves are an enslaved underclass, collared and tagged by human masters. Detective Stilinski’s on duty the night they bring in an untagged stray.

4. Our Memories Are Numbered by rufflefeather

Stiles’ Jeep grinds to a halt, he sees someone running through the rain, he’s not expecting it to be Derek. He’s not expecting a Derek without any memories either, or an Alpha pack that’s coming for all of them. He probably should’ve, because lately nothing goes the way he expects.

5. Ad Astra Per Tentaculum by morganoconner

Space contains a multitude of different species, and Derek has seen and helped a lot of them in his time taking down branches of the slave-trade organization. But this is the first time he’s seen an Aloshrivnik. It’s not the tentacles that draw him in; it’s the goddamn eyes that stare at him without backing down.

“Stiles,” it says to him. “My name is Stiles.”

6. Part of My Melody by hayesgeneration

Derek is a professional classical musician who has found himself lost without a muse, without goal and without even a hint of spark. He’s almost settled nearly contently (if not slightly unwillingly) on having to live his life as a recluse, when his sister finally grows tired of his antics, giving him a Christmas ultimatum.

7. Littlest Alpha by triedunture

Derek and Stiles have taken out the Alpha Pack and pretty much saved the world. Okay, the town. Okay, their remaining friends. But the Alphas left something behind: a baby. And this baby is an Alpha too. Derek is determined to take care of the abandoned child, and Stiles is stuck going along for the ride.

But Stiles doesn’t expect the ride to include seeing another side of Derek, or to find another way to say “family.”

8. Holding Your Own Weight by zjofierose

Stiles Stilinski is the best trapeze artist west of the Mississippi, but that doesn’t do him much good without a catcher. Enter one quiet roughneck who calls himself Derek and knows maybe a little too much about circus arts for someone who was hired to schlep tents. But Derek has his secrets, and so does the new girl, Allison. Who’s being hunted and who’s being haunted, and will Stiles ever be able to convince Derek to help him fly again?

Keep reading

VLD Theory: Altea and the Alteans

Alright, so,, we all know that there are a few plot holes and a lot of unanswered questions when it comes to the Alteans and the Galra. Like: 

  • If Alteans are such a peaceful species, what requires them to have training droids who are not only set for Altean child combatants, but whose child setting is enough to take down 5 garrison-experienced humans in less than a minute flat? 
  • Why build Voltron, the most powerful weapon in the universe, in the first place, especially if during the time of its construction, the Galra and the Alteans were at peace?
  • How did the war even start? It’s not like the Galra and the Alteans had a distant kind of peace–they worked together to defend the universe. Where did that go?
  • How deep does the connection with the Galra even run? We know that they were close enough to create Voltron together, and that its creation wasn’t a secret kept between just Zarkon and Alfor. Allura even refers to a time when she traveled through Galran transportation hubs. Just how far back do they go?

Well I think I picked up on something within the new info given to us in season 2, and my thought process while answering all these questions relies strongly on this speculation. So sit back folks because this is gonna be a Lot.

They key to all of this is that I believe that in season 2, during Shiro’s escapades in the Black Lion, the destroyed planet we see is none other than Altea itself.

Keep reading

The Lord of the Wedding Rings: The Return of the King - iguana’s 2017 HELLsinki Worlds recap

This is it guys, the last big competition before the Olympics. So much potential for great skates, great disasters and great distress; this competition did not fail to deliver. Nor did the announcers, who were screaming out names and scores as if it were a wrestling match. And it was, in one way or another. Albeit a sparklier one. For a brief couple of days, we thought Javier Fernandez was gonna win his 3rd consecutive World title and I almost had those memes ready but at the same time I knew coming from behind like a wrecking ball was Yuzuru Hanyu’s specialty. To nobody’s surprise Evgenia Medvedeva broke a record; to everyone’s surprise, she only broke it in the long program. Meanwhile, Wenjing Sui and Cong Han’s blues for koolk brought the pairs crown back to China and Tessa Virtue and Scott Moir purple rained on Gabriella Papadakis and Guillaume Cizeron’s parade. Let’s start the recap!

Keep reading

Dreams do come true.

So I always told my dad “I’ll get a 9-5 desk job and do art on the side” whenever he tried to guilt me for getting an art degree and ask what I was gonna do for work when I graduated.
I got a graphic design job, loved it, but I had a lot of trouble keeping up with the system they had in place. Didn’t work for three months, threw my application everywhere, and eventually applied to be a car salesperson as a joke. I got a call back to schedule an interview and panicked, because I have literally zero sales experience.
When I got to the dealership I had forgotten who called me, which was bad, but the guy was super nice. He picks my resume up off his desk and says, “I see you have photography listed as a skill here. How in depth are you with that?”
Me: “I went to school for it, sir.”
Him: “Is that so? Because (nearby dealership) happens to be looking for a photographer, and I bet (GM) would like you. Let’s give him a call.”
Now I’m a vehicle photographer / webmaster for a car dealership.

TL;DR got an art degree, got a job, got hours cut to zero, didn’t work for months, applied to be a car salesperson as a joke, and they hired me as their photographer / webmaster.

I’m here to tell you that dreams do come true, and please list that seemingly unrelated skill on your resume because you don’t know who’s looking for it.

anonymous asked:

Ok so imagine in the spn world there's a "french men of letters" any headcanons as a french xD ?

Hi anon ^^

I LOVE YOUR QUESTION!! OMG, I’m gonna have so much fin with this one xD Ok, let’s go!

1) Richelieu founded the French Men of Letters in 1635, the same year as the Académie Française (French Academy). They were the biggest and best well kept secret of the French kingdom, then of the French Republic. They work on their own, have “carte blanche” but secretly receive money from the French government because they are useful to the nation. They never appear on any register though.

2) Working during the French Revolution was a pain in the ass but things got better with Napoleon who gave The Men of Letters an unlimited funding after his troops were attacked by a bunch of demons in 1804.

3) Gustave Eiffel was a Man of Letters and so were the Chevalier d’Eon, Marie Curie (poor Pierre never knew about his wife’s activities), Madame Yvonne de Gaulle (wife of General de Gaulle) even if they all denied these allegations.

4) The top of the Eiffel Tower (built by Gustave Eiffel, what a coincidence…) is an observation post that is used by the MOL to spot any suspect/paranormal activity happening in the French capital city. The top of Notre-Dame de la Garde, a famous church in Marseille, is also an observation spot.

5) Rumors says that The MOL’s HQ is located in an abandoned subway station on Line 10 of the Paris subway, Mabillon, or in the complex network of underground tunnels right below the Paris Opéra.

6) The Phantom of the Opera wasn’t a legend. The French Men of Letters helped hunters to catch him in 1881. Gaston Leroux, the son of a hunter, wrote the whole story in 1910, inspired by the stories told by his dad.

7) Only a few members of the organization know about the location of a gate of hell, somewhere on the French territory. In 1999, the gate of hell was almost opened but the MOL prevented the worse. The brief opening “only” caused a series of cyclones over the country.

8) The Cafés are the biggest information network of the French Men of Letters. They are their eyes and ears and the French “garçons” are the best informants you could hope for. The Cafés being replaced by Starbucks coffees and hipsters bars are currently a big problem.

9) The French MOL stopped the big vampire invasion of 1992. You’ve never heard about it? It’s normal, it’s because they stopped it, silly.

10) The Parisians Men of Letters are hated by the rest of the French Men of Letters because the Paris Division is just a bunch of “pretentious assholes” but the Paris Division doesn’t care because they despise the other Men of Letters anyway. They are better than the others and they know it. Please. The rivalry was temporarily set aside during the previously mentioned 1992 vampire invasion because they had to collaborate on this big problem.

11) At 12:00, everybody stops their work/hunt/whatever because it’s lunch. We are not savages.

12) The Parisian MOL are often late to MOL meetings because the local trains are always late and because the traffic on the Périphérique (a belt highway around Paris) is just terrible.

13) The MOL are on strike at least twice a year because “we can’t work in these conditions!! I mean, look at the Brits and all the stuff they have!! It’s an absolute scandal!!”. These strikes granted, among other things, a new Nespresso coffee machine, a high speed internet connection in MOL’s bunkers around the country, two weeks of paid vacations, a grenade launcher per employee and new silver bullets.

14) In July 2006, the French MOL briefly stopped their diplomatic relations with the Italian Men of Letters after the World Cup Finale because of the Zidane/Materazzi incident . It was Materazzi’s fault anyway, a position that wasn’t shared by the Italian branch, hence a brief cold in the relation that was put to an end in early August of the same year when a bunch of demons were causing troubles at the French-Italian border.

15) The vault of the French Men of Letters contains object such as a possessed apple, the one that terrified Annecy in 1585, the armor of Joan of Arc, a letter by Victor Hugo to a newspaper revealing the existence of the Men of letters and that was intercepted just in time (nice try Vic), the body of a Korrigan and of the Beast of Gévaudan, a gun by Casimir Lefaucheux, french gunsmith, that has the same property as The Colt (unfortunately, there is no more bullet left). Not to forget the body of the shape shifter that briefly replaced Marie-Antoinette in 1782.

16) They heard about the Winchesters but thank fuck, the elder one is afraid of flying and will never come to France. The last thing the MOL needs are these guys in the streets of Paris or Lyon (we have enough problems, thank you very much). There’s no space to park the Impala anyway.

I think we are gonna stop there! Thanks again xD

twitter

pairing: lin x reader

prompt: twitter war/their love story (told through twitter tho)

warnings: mentions of sex, swearing?

words: 1,528

a/n: bc i fell in love with hamilbye’s chicken nugget fic (no like seriously it’s the cutest thing i’ve read in my entire life this isn’t even half as good but i hope you like it anyways :)



February 22, 2016 - 7:40 p.m.

@Lin_Manuel:

I don’t understand how people can be so narrow-minded. The world is your oyster. Be open to different interpretations and explanations.

@Y/N:

Got berated by some dude with a ponytail today because I asked why Alexander Hamilton was on the $10

@Y/N:

But thank u for the history lesson. I thought he was our fourth president

@Y/N:

I’m not sure how I passed APUSH


March 30, 2016 - 11:09 p.m.

@Lin_Manuel:

I just saw a video of @Y/N singing a Regina Spector song at a concert and I don’t think I’ve ever been more in love in my life

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N pls be on the mixtape

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel: i don’t know enough about “the first secretary of treasury who happens to be a badass” and 20 more minutes of things that disqualifies me from this but thx!!

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N *finger guns*


You snickered to yourself at this. It’s not like you were actually pissed or anything. And you couldn’t deny that his play was amazing. He just was a little extra sometimes.


April 19, 2016 - 4:03 a.m.

@Lin_Manuel:

I’m tired someone help me

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel go to bed

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N wow1!!1!! Didn’t think of that one!!

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel you asked for help :)

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N how can I repay you for this great suggestion

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel an apology

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N what’d I do this time

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel for keeping me up

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N post notifs for bae?! <3 luv u

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel you wish. i’m writing new music about the “narrow-mindedness of some people”

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N what’s it called? “I got a 2 on the APUSH exam”?

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel I’m leaning more towards “I rhymed sun with son


April 22, 2016 - 5:55 p.m.

@Y/N:

I’m ordering chinese food and I need an honest opinion on the chicken: sweet or sour?

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N definitely sweet

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel wrong

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N IT’S AN OPINION


April 30, 2016 - 6:59 a.m.

@Lin_Miranda:

Thought I rode next to @Y/N on the subway this morning. It turned out to be a loud man

@Y/N:

Thought I saw @Lin_Miranda at the subway station yesterday. Turned out to be just a rat

@livelovelin:

@Y/N @Lin_Miranda this has progressed from silly flirting to relentless savagery and i’m concerned


May 1, 2016 - 12:09 p.m.

@hamiltonorsomething:

@Lin_Miranda what happened with u and @Y/N ?

@Lin_Miranda:

@hamiltonorsomething ask her!

@Y/N:

@hamiltonorsomething nothing he’s just annoying

@Lin_Miranda:

@Y/N @hamiltonorsomething I think you meant amazing, energetic, handsome, compassionate… shall I continue?

@Y/N:

@Lin_Miranda not unless you’re describing a dog

@hamiltonorsomething:

@Lin_Miranda @Y/N woOf


May 5, 2016 - 11:21 p.m.

@Lin_Manuel:

Found out @Y/N was at the show tonight. Care to explain?

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel my best friend treated me with tickets for my birthday. It was her gag gift.

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N did you thank her

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel yeah

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N is ur friend cute

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel yeah

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N am I cute

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel well…

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N :///////

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N did u like the show

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel yeah

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N did u get the flowers I sent to you office for your birthday

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel yeah :)

@hamforham:

@Lin_Miranda you bought @Y/N flowers??!!

@Lin_Miranda:

@hamforham @Y/N ¯\_(ツ)_/¯


May 23, 2016 - 7:03 a.m.

@Y/N:

I was doing a crossword puzzle and the clue was “snakelike fish” @Lin_Manuel any ideas? Three letters with an L…

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N sure! Are you positive it doesn’t happen to have the same about of letters as your name?

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel, no. that was 4 down: long reigning queen.

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N I thought that was 8 across: savage

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel how do u go from asshole to friend in .00293 seconds

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N (it’s probably eel)


July 4, 2016 - 7:08 p.m.

@Lin_Manuel:

Bit of a crazy fourth.
My aunt: That’s your 3rd plate
My sister: That’s your 3rd husband 

@Y/N

@Lin_Manuel: I SCREAMED

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N sounds like you in bed!

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel like you’d know that

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N um you have cooties…


August 8, 2016 - 5:09 p.m.

@Lin_Manuel:

I’m debating whether to wear the gold or the silver bow tie tonight. Gold is the color of winners, but silver is dashing.

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel go with the silver and come second for a change

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N trust me, you’ll always come first in my heart

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N and literally

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel I’m avoiding you all night.


August 8, 2016 - 7:12 p.m.

@baldlin:

should i be concerned that there are no photos of @Lin_Manuel and @Y/N at the show yet

@Lin_Manuel:

@baldlin probably not. Seeing as she’s sitting next to me right now. (She looks really pretty. But don’t tell her I said that.)

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel I’m next to you, dork


August 11, 2016 - 8:05 p.m.

@Y/N:

I’m not sure whether to watch the Lion King or the Little Mermaid

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N you’re joking, right? The Little Mermaid is obvi the way to go

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel just bc you said that I’m gonna watch the Lion King

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N :(

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel I’ll watch the little mermaid with you a different day

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N how’s this weekend sound?

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel did u just ask me on a date…
over twitter…
in front of all ur fans…

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N I mean we’ll have to sit on other sides of the room so I don’t catch your cooties but yeah

@Y/N: 

@Lin_Manuel text me the deets, dork


August 13, 2016 - 8:20 a.m.

@linterallyscreaming:

@Y/N how was the date with @Lin_Manuel ?

@Y/N:

@linternallyscreaming if I’m being honest… :) he’s the reason we have safety warnings on everything.

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N @linternallyscreaming says the girl who literally broke my bed last night

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel THAT IS OUT OF CONTEXT


August 30, 2016 - 9:30 p.m.

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N are you from France bc madamn

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel are you from Africa bc Kenya not


September 13, 2016 - 7:06 a.m.

@Lin_Manuel:

Good morning! 
Okay so @Y/N went home and then brought me back coffee this morning and she put salt in it instead of sugar. I’m still not sure if it was on purpose or not

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel next time it will be on purpose.

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N next time just make it at my place.


September 15, 2016 - 2:02 a.m.

@Lin_Manuel:

People who make your heart smile are so important in the world


October 8, 2016 - 1:07 a.m.

@Y/N:

Okay so you know that feeling when you almost drop something but like rlly quick catch it and everyone is like OHHHH
You’re gonna find someone who makes you feel like that all the time


October 26, 2016 - 3:09 p.m. 

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N looks fire in her latest shoot

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel you have to say that we’re dating


October 30, 2016 - 6:47 p.m.

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N wrote a song about you today

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel what’s it called

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N “she didn’t know APUSH but she knew me”


November 22, 2016 - 10:08 a.m.

@Y/N:

Just left @Lin_Manuel at the airport. His flight was at 8, I just didn’t want to leave him yet.


November 22, 2016 - 3:25 p.m.

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N landed. Please don’t make me cry.

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N too late

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N the security guard just asked if I was okay and I explained to him out lives for the past 40 minutes.

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N it hasn’t even been 24 hours and life sucks without you.

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel life sucks without u :’(

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N I love you

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel you’re okay

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel jk I love you too


November 29, 2016 - 9:06 p.m.

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel wrote a song about you today

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N what’s it called

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel “I miss you please come home”

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N just started crying in the cab. I’ll be home soon.


December 3, 2016 - 8:56 p.m.

@Lin_Manuel:

I hope you all got your Hamilton Mixtape! It’s got some really talented people and so really cool stuff!

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel remember when you asked me to be on the mixtape

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N remember when you asked why Hamilton was on the ten dolla


December 7, 2016 - 4:51 p.m.

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N picked me up at the airport with a dog in the backseat. I don’t know who I was more excited to see.

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel I think we both know who you were more excited to see

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N the dog?


December 19, 2016 - 1:19 p.m.

@Lin_Manuel:

I’ve almost spoiled @Y/N ‘s Christmas gift four times. I need self control.

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel tell me

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N DONT DO THIS TO ME


December 24, 2016 - 2:05 p.m.

@Lin_Manuel:

I don’t know if I’m more excited to have a girlfriend for Christmas because of the chance to kiss under the mistletoe

@Lin_Manuel:

(There is LOTS of mistletoe in our house)

@Lin_Manuel:

Or if because it means I get to eat extra cookie dough she’s baking rn


January 15, 2017 - 9:00 a.m.

@Lin_Manuel:

You’re so pretty I can’t look directly at you.
You’re an eclipse.
Good morning.

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel i’m right next to you, dork

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N how’d I get so lucky

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel it was honestly the rant about Hamilton last year

@Lin_Manuel:

@Y/N love me anyways?

@Y/N:

@Lin_Manuel love you always.

***Can you believe we have to go through a 3 month hiatus until we get new episodes again? What to do on Mondays from now on? Well, I know it is not the same but how about reading some amazing Malec fics? Because there simply can’t be enough Malec love out there and somehow it makes the wait to see these two back on our screens a bit more bearable if you ask me.

Anyway, I hope you gonna enjoy this 4th edition as much as the previous ones. Again, a huge thank you to everyone who left notes and/or told me how much they enjoyed these recs. It’s very much appreciated, so yes, if you want me to continue doing this, let me know, okay? Have fun reading!***


KISS WITH A FIST by @clockworkswans [ M | AU | 225k | WIP | Kiss With A Fist universe #1 ]

When agent Alec Lightwood is given his first kill hit, he doesn’t expect much trouble. Of course, he also doesn’t expect it to be a cheerful assassin who lands him in a whole load of trouble.
Enter Magnus Bane: an assassin turned thief who reluctantly teams up with Alec - and The Clave - after he pisses off a very important and powerful crime boss, Valentine Morgenstern.
In a world of violence and unjust laws, can the two put aside their differences and work together?
Aka: in which Alec is sent to kill Magnus, doesn’t, and then really wishes he had. (but not really).


WILD LIFE by @crazyellephantrambles [ not rated | AU | 69k | complete ]

Alec Lightwood likes to go on road trips. He doesn’t pick up hitchhikers. But the one time he does, it’s Magnus. He’s in for an adventure or maybe even fall in love.


ANYTHING by @baneismyexistence [ M | 36.2k | complete | Anything verse #1 ]

Magnus would do anything for Alec, and Alec doesn’t know what to do with that.


EVERYTHING by @baneismyexistence [ M | 70k | complete | Anything verse #2 ]

With Valentine still at large, a crisis threatens to split the Shadow World in two, testing the loyalties of everyone on both sides of the line. But choosing between duty and honor, family and love is never easy, especially when war is on the horizon.


AND YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN MINE TOO by @magicandarchery [ E | AU | 10.4k | WIP ]

New graduates and best friends Magnus and Alec have both graduated from the University of Idris with top honors. Graduation and family expectations, however, carved out two very different paths for their lives.

Making the age-old promise on graduation night to get married if they were still single by thirty had been an easy agreement to make. There was no chance it would, or even could, ever possibly happen. It simply wasn’t legal.

When Magnus coincidentally re-enters Alec’s life eight years later, each are confronted with the unsettled reality of their lives, and the rekindling of long-buried feelings for the other. They decide to reinstate the promise they had made as motivation to get back into the dating scene.

But can they push aside their own feelings for each other as they go on this journey of finding true love?

Or: the “Single by 30” Malec AU that nobody asked for.


STAR WARS: A SEARCH FOR JUSTICE by @sweetillusionketz [ M | AU | 9.8k | WIP ]

After the MORTAL WAR that wiped out the JEDI ORDER and the reconstruction of THE CLAVE to govern the galaxy, military force, THE CIRCLE, has been monitoring planets for any trace of remaining intergalactic terrorism and obliterating possible threats under the name of peace. Each strike leaves death and destruction behind.

Former Senator, General Luke Garroway, leads the DOWNWORLDER RESISTANCE, a counterpoint to the Circle, in hope of finding enough evidence of abuse of power to dismantle the organisation and restore real peace and justice to the galaxy.

In order to do so, Luke has sent Izzy Lightwood, his most daring pilot, and the mysterious Magnus Bane to search for survivors of the last attack…


FANTASY by @theonetruenorth [ E | PWP | 3.5k | complete | Shadowhunters Headcanons #20 ]

“Mhmm,” Magnus hummed as they broke apart and he rocked his hips minutely, the slight movement enough to make them both shiver. “This is getting dangerously close to one of my fantasies, so maybe we should stop, if you don’t want this to go any further.”

“What fantasy?” Alec murmured, craning his neck up again to brush his lips against Magnus’ but the warlock teasingly moved just out of reach.

“Well,” Magnus started, looking at Alec through half-closed eyes and with a hint of a smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth, “I have never had sex inside the Institute.”


BLUE EXTRAVAGANCE by Hobbit69 [ E | AU | 27.8k | complete | Blue Steel Series #5 ]

When Detective Alexander Lightwood-Bane is called to the site of a bizarre murder, he doesn’t expect to recognize the victim, but that’s exactly what happens. Alec met the wealthy entrepreneur at an event with his husband, the flamboyant and enormously wealthy Magnus Lightwood-Bane. When a second victim is found, Alec and his partner, Jace Herondale, realize that their killer has a “type.” Unfortunately, Magnus just so happens to fit that type.


IT’S TIME TO LOSE YOUR VIRGINITY, BROTHER DEAREST by @themagnusbane [ E | AU | 83.4k | complete ]

Magnus Bane is a famous stripper, used to pretty boys falling in love with him after one dance. The feeling is hardly ever mutual. But when he meets the freshly turned twenty-one year old Alec lightwood, he can’t take his eyes off him, and they find themselves in love quicker than they expected.


WE CAN SOLVE THIS TOGETHER by @softshumjr [ E | AU | 58.9k | WIP ]

Alec and Magnus have been friends since high school. They both love each other but are afraid to say anything because they believe the other one doesn’t feel the same way and it’ll ruin their friendship.

Alec and Jace are working on an overdose case and are stuck. Can Magnus be the one to help them solve the case?


UNKISS ME by @sweetillusionketz [ G | AU | 11.3k | complete ]

Magnus Bane loved New York. I mean, what other city in the world held Christmas raves?

He especially loved it when he managed to convince Ragnor and Catarina to join him. Spending time with your chosen family during the holidays was the best thing in the world.

The only thing that could make it even better, however, would be getting to know that very attractive stranger that just wouldn’t take his eyes off Magnus. Tall, dark and handsome was just what Magnus wanted to end his amazing night.

All he needed was an opportunity and it came, in the form of a well-placed mistletoe.


MERRY CHRISTMAS, DOCTOR LIGHTWOOD by @softdaddario [ T | AU | 3.1k | complete ]

Magnus Bane agreed to volunteer at a children’s hospital on Christmas Eve, wanting to help make sure the kids got the most wonderful evening. Turned out the kids weren’t the only one who were gonna have a merry Christmas, Magnus realised when he met the young Doctor Lightwood during his time at the hospital.


MERRY CHRISTMAS, ALEXANDER by @slaymemakoto [ E | PWP | 1.8k | complete ]

A one shot in which Alec gets the living daylights fucked out of him and Magnus is sure that everyone in the building is aware of exactly what Christmas Eve activities the pair are indulging in.


JUST WHAT I NEED by @alyxhavok [ T | 3.6k | complete ]

Magnus has a surprise for Alec, and the rest of his family…


YOU PROTECTED ME by @everydayisonfire [ E | PWP | 3k | complete ]

Post Winter-finale.
Inspired by this:

“anyways magnus totally had alec’s omamori with him that’s how he managed to be safe”


IT’S CLOSE TO MIDNIGHT, AND SOMETHING EVIL’S LURKING IN THE DARK by @lightwoodlesbians [ G | AU | 1.8k | complete ]

or, the ’i sneaked into this huge house party for some free alcohol but you asked me how i knew the host and the first excuse i could think of was that i’m dating their sibling, so i basically just lied to you about going out with you’ au


LET’S PLAY by @laurenkmyers [ E | 2.5k | complete ]

Malec’s first date gets sexy. Expect semi-public pool table sex.


IF YOU CAN’T FIND THE ONE BEING HUSTLED IN THE POOL HALL… by @quitemagicalbane [ G | 328 | complete ]

“Make the shot then.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
“Okay.”
“Okay, so make it.”


THUNDER’S GETTING LOUDER by @spanglepup [ E | 6.4k | complete | The Boundless Saga #3 ]

For once in his life, Alec decides to take something for himself. He forgets that everything comes with a cost.


THE IMPORTANCE OF PANCAKES by @lecrit [ T | 2.2k | complete ]

Based on the prompt: “I would like a cute Alec and Magnus day in where they cuddle and talk a bit about the future and a second scene where it’s the future and they have their two sons”


WAKE ME GENTLY by @ithilien-writes [ E | 1.7k | complete ]

Magnus rarely (if ever) wakes before Alec, but this time he has… intentions.


FIRST TIME ALEC TOPS by @theonetruenorth [ E | 1.9k | complete | Shadowhunters Headcanons #9 ]

Somehow, they end up with Alec flat on his back and Magnus straddling him, his hands cradling Alec’s jaw while his tongue explores the nephilim’s mouth. It’s a slow, lazy, and unhurried kiss. The kind of kiss that says ‘there isn’t anywhere else I would rather be right now’ and ‘I want to explore every inch of your body’ and ‘I love you’.


CHAIN YOU UP by WholockedHunter [ E | 3.6k | complete ]

Magnus and Alec are having some kinky sex …


CAN’T TAKE MY EYES OFF OF YOU by @deepbutdazzlingdarkness [ E | PWP | 2.1k | complete | The Thirst Is Real #3 ]

If Magnus were more alert, he probably would’ve recognized the obvious signs of someone being in the loft: the boots by the front door, the leather jacket laying on the couch, the empty wine glass sitting on his drink cart, but as it is, he doesn’t notice anything off until he’s standing right in front of his bedroom door and realizes the light is on.


I NEED YOU SO MUCH CLOSER by @deepbutdazzlingdarkness [ E | 5.2k | complete | The Thirst Is Real #4 ]

Work has been keeping Alec and Magnus apart for a couple of weeks and once they finally see each other again, Alec can barely control himself.

AKA the first time they have sex at the Institute. Also the first time they say “I love you”.


DANCE IN THE DARK by @deepbutdazzlingdarkness [ E | 2.7k | complete | The Thirst Is Real #5 ]

After a particularly hard day at work, Magnus helps Alec relieve some tension.


NO PLACE FOR A HERO by @one100suns [ M | 20.4k | complete | Battle Scars #3 ]

For Magnus and Alec, navigating their relationship is hard enough without outside forces trying to tear them a part. Quite literally in some cases.


PRESSED UP AGAINST YOU, EVERYTHING IS OKAY by @matsdaddario [ E | 3.6k | complete | Lovely Firsts #2 ]

It’s new, this feeling like even though everything is falling apart that this part of his world makes sense. He likes it, wants to keep it.

“Hi,” he breathes. Magnus stands in front of him, and Alec can’t help himself, doesn’t want to stop himself, from leaning down that little bit to capture Magnus’s mouth with his own.


I SEE FIRE by @lecrit [ M | AU | 12.1k | complete ]

There was one simple and unique rule about being friends with Magnus and Alec: never, ever, no matter the circumstances, not even if you were drunk as an armada of skunks, engage into a debate about pop culture with either of them, and especially not the both of them.


TRUST ME by @sweetillusionketz [ T | AU | 18.5k | complete ]

Magnus Bane has a problem with that arrogant brat that keeps showing his face to every important street race in the city. Damn Jace Lightwood and his annoying habit of winning even though he’s just a stupid high school boy. That’s insulting.

Fuck Jace. But more importantly, fuck his sweet looking older brother, who just happen to not have the slightest idea of who Magnus is. If everything goes according to plan, Magnus will have put Jace back to his insignificant place and gotten lucky with a gorgeous oblivious guy.

Perfect plan is perfect. Nothing could go wrong.

Sex Worker's Guide: Red Flags & Translation (especially for Newbies)

This guide is more useful for Sugar babies but other branches of the industry should still be aware of these lines. I’ve compiled a list of common things I’ve heard/read on POT’s profiles or have had clients/SD’s message me, and I’ve taken the liberty of sharing “the translation” and footnotes attached.

•"No hookers, prostitutes, whores, etc"
-You need to run as fast as your pretty heels can you carry you away from this guy. The word “hooker” was intentionally chosen to discourage SB’s to ask for allowance.
-This is the oldest trick in the book by old pervy men. He hopes that he’ll tap into your insecurity of being seen as a whore so you’ll feel ashamed when you bring up HIS side of the MUTUALLY beneficial arrangement.

•"You wouldn’t buy a car without test driving it, would you?“
GURRRRRL, you’re not a car. You’re a human being. He’s gotten his “test drive” to check out his “merchandise” when you granted him the privilege of a meet and greet. Don’t fall for this. He’s gonna ghost on you after sleeping with you as many times as he can. You get to view a house before buying, not live in it.

•"I don’t believe in allowances but I’m generous. I want to show you fine dining, and experiences you wouldn’t be able to experience otherwise.“
-Roughly translates to “I’m gonna spend just a few bucks more than I would on normal courtship habits I would for women twice your age. You should feel so honored to be able to eat a steak meal now that it should be enough to get you on both your knees.”
-Ladies, the money he spends on a 5 star dinner isn’t for YOU. It’s expenses he’s spending on HIMSELF because HE gets to show off a hot woman like yourself at said restaurant. You’re not getting paid. You’re simply giving your service away for free.

•"I’m young, unlike the other guys on here. I don’t need to pay for sex.“
Group A: Young millennial men deluded into thinking they offer something so spectacular that women in need of money will drop their financial needs to cater to the ego of a kid.
Group B: (ages 29+): I’m not that young but I don’t want to admit it. I probably spend way too much money on hair dyes or gym regimens in an attempt to fool myself that I’m just as good looking as the women I’m messaging on here.

•"I will send/bring your allowance next week (some other time), I promise.”
-It really means “I promise you ain’t seeing a penny out of me but I’m gonna say the most genuine sounding lines so I can bring you to my hotel room.”.
-Any wealthy man should be able to access his OWN money before the designated date of intimacy. Always remember, no money, no honey.

•"I’m generous in other ways… ;)“
-"I’ve had the fortune of having exceptionally skilled sex partners in the past who’ve convinced me my dick is God’s gift to women. Unfortunately, I failed to realize women fake it much more often than I’d like to admit.”

•He just requests your photos without even so much as an introduction.
-He’s 9/10 a photo collector. Ignore him.
-If he’s the 1/10 that isn’t a photo collector, he’s gonna be an asshole. Can you imagine if a man in real life just went up to you and pulled down your shirt without saying anything? Ignore him too.

•"I thought part of our arrangement was that you’re at my beck and call. Why do you take so long to respond to my messages?“
-Unless you agreed to have an EXCLUSIVE arrangement, he’s trying to squeeze as much out of you as he can.
-Remember ladies, he’s buying a SERVICE. A service that is limited to the set days you BOTH agreed to. That’s it. He is buying you as a service, not a girlfriend. Gently remind him of that.

•"Cmon, I’ve been paying you/seeing you for awhile now. You can at least trust me with your real name, school, work, etc.”
-Any variation of that is a SERIOUS red flag. I’ve had clients of years try to guilt me. I’ve always either smiled then tell them I don’t feel comfortable or I flat out lie about facts.
-There’s a chance he just wants to connect with you but there’s a much higher chance of him blackmailing you in the future. These are powerful men who got to where they are by being cunning and having upper hands. Don’t think you’ll be spared if you ever accidentally upset him.
-The biggest thing I must say is: YOU DON’T OWE YOUR CLIENTS/SD’S JACKSHIT except the service they paid for. Your own personal life is NOT inclusive in your service. Keep it separate.

•If on a meet and greet he asks or tells you to go to his hotel room or somewhere private.
-Never go until the arrangement has been made. By made, I mean the cash or funds have already been paid to you.
-Semi-common for them to lure young girls and rape them.

I’m sure there are many more that I can’t remember now. I might make a part two depending on if people find this useful. Feel free to comment more red flags you’ve experience. Make that money. 💸💸💸 Stay safe, ladies. 👍🏻
Heights

Originally posted by wonderlandgirlforever

Peter Parker x Shy/Scared Reader

Summary: Even though Peter’s been busy with saving the world, you’ve been feeling neglected and unwanted. He notices and decides to do something fun to cheer you up. 

Word Count: 2,453 (my longest one so far, holla)

Warnings: heights, panic attack, language, fluff, sad stuff. Let me know if I missed any. 

A/N: Alrrright guys, hopefully this turns out okay. I was thinking about making this into a series depending on how much you guys dig it. If you do, then I will post all about what I’m going to do for the series to see if you guys are interested. Sound good? As always, feedback is definitely appreciated. I never get any, so I don’t know what I’m doing wrong or right. Enjoy!


Ever since Peter told you he was the big ‘ol Spiderman, it felt like your guys’ weekly hangouts and movie nights were coming to an end. Of course you understand that he’s saving the world and stopping the bad guys, but it leaves you worried and afraid for his well being. He always seems distracted around you and it fills you with a darkness. Telling Peter would make you seem selfish, so you bury it, hoping it won’t poke its way through. 

Being the shy, reserved, person you are, you definitely had difficulty talking to Peter, especially since you’ve always had a never ending crush on him. After a while of trying to ask him if he could hang out, you stopped. It wasn’t worth the pain of going through to only be rejected once again. 

However, what you didn’t know was that Peter noticed you putting up your walls again. He didn’t want to lose you and decided he was definitely going to do something about it. Starting tonight

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After reading a crap ton of supercorp fanfics, I’ve decided to come up with a top 10 list of my all time favorites.

The stories that are completed says total chapters and the ones that are in progress say current chapters. 

If you want to know why each one is my favorite, you can shoot me a message and I’ll answer. 

I hope you read some of these if you haven’t already. All of these authors are brilliant writers and deserve the signal boost. 

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Dialogue Prompt List 2

You can use these for your own stories, or you can request one for me to do. If there’s any specific stories you want me to do with the prompts you choose, let me know in the request.
If you do choose to do one of these prompts, tag me in it so I can read it!


1. “I feel like I’m losing my damn mind.”

2. “Gah! Why are you so cold? Get off of me you icicle!”

3. “Marry me?”

4. “God, I was so worried!” “I was only gone for five minutes!”

5. “Please don’t shut me out.”

6. “I can’t believe you haven’t noticed. I’m screaming for someone to notice, to help me, and yet no one does!”

7. “Who the hell do you think you are?”

8. “This is going to hurt, I’m so sorry.”

9. “Who did this to you?”

10. “I’m gonna kill him!”

11. “Cuddle me you weirdo.”

12. “I’m pregnant.”

13. “Are you…crying? You? Mister/Miss, ‘I don’t cry, I’m tough as hell’?”
“Oh shut up, we all have our weaknesses!”

14. “You’re part of the family now, don’t ever think you’re not.”

15. “Breathe, can you do that for me?”

16. “I’m a burden to you!”

17. “I’m better off dead.” “You’re better off alive, with me.”

18. “You’re beautiful, and if anyone says that you’re not, know that they’re damn well wrong.”

19. “You’re warm, s'great for cuddling.”

20. “Send help, the kids are out of control!”

21. “C'mere you sexy thing!”

22. “I, um, might’ve gone a little bit overboard on the shopping.” “A little bit?!”

23. “You did this all for me?” “No, I did this for Jeffrey across the street. Yes I did this for you!”

24. “What the hell is happening to me?”

25. “You aren’t dreaming, look, I’m here, this is real.”

26. “There’s so much blood, it won’t come off!”

27. “Woah, slow down, what’s going on?”

28. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

29. “You mess with her/him, you mess with me.”

30. “That’s it, you’re staying here until I can get this sorted.” “But I–” “No buts!”

31. “I don’t want to sleep alone tonight.”

32. “I love you, you know that right?”

33. “I’m coming to get you, stay there.”

34. “Okay, so don’t freak out, but I got flour everywhere…”

35. “Is it supposed to look like that?” “I think so?” “Is that a question or a statement?”

36. “Woah, I never knew you had a tattoo!”

37. “Are you safe?” “I-I don’t know.”

38. “S/he deserves better than me.”

39. “We’re more than just friends and you know it.”

40. “It’s me! It’s me! Calm down, baby, please.”

41. “What have you been doing? Actually, don’t answer that, I don’t want to know.”

42. “Is the movie too scary? I can stop it if you want and we could watch something else.”

44. “Touch her again, and I’ll kill you.” “Will you? Because last time I checked, petty threats don’t do shit, ____. They just piss me off more.”

45. “You don’t mess with my family.”

46. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

47. “Please don’t leave me.”

48. “Did you just slap my ass?” “Actually, I firmly grasped it.” “Did you just quote Spongebob?

49. “Beautiful.”

50. “Let her/him go, please! I’m the one you want!” “Oh really now? What can you do for me?”

51. “I’ve got you, you’re safe now.”

52. “And you didn’t think to tell me about this until now?” “I didn’t think it was that important…”

53. “I can’t carry on this way anymore, I can’t live like this.”

54. “You know if you wanted sex, you could’ve just asked.”

55. “Stop freaking out, you’re making me freak out! And I’m the level headed one of the house!”

56. “Please don’t do this, your family needs you, your friends need you, I need you.”

57. “You can’t hide from me!”

58. “Well this is a nice change of scenery.” “_____, we’re in a prison cell.” “I was being sarcastic.”

59. “How sweet, sacrificing yourself for her, when did you get a heart?”

60. “Um, I don’t think that what you’re doing is legal, so if you could just let me go, that would be great.”

61. “I thought you said you knew where we were going.”
“Yeah I lied.”

62. “Shit, you’re freezing, let’s get you warmed up, alright?”

63. “What happened to me?”

64. “I’m not letting you sleep on the floor, get up here.”

65. “It’s not like I’m some broken vase that you can just glue back together and then expect that everything will be okay again! It doesn’t work like that!”

66. “Everything I’ve done is for you, you’re the only thing in the world that matters to me.”

67. “Are you seriously stuck right now?” “Don’t just stand there! Help me!”

68. “I can’t do the things that you can do.”

69. “Please don’t post that, no!” “Oops, too late.”

70. “What game is that?”

71. “I said create a distraction, not this!”

72. “We’re in public, stop that.”

73. “I had some food from your fridge, I hope you don’t mind.”

74. “Hand over the girl.” “That’s not gonna happen in your lifetime.”

75. “Can you stop poking me?!” “I’m not poking you.”

76. “I’ve already told you this, we’re not killing anyone!”

77. “I’m about seventy five percent sure that this bridge won’t break.”
“Only seventy five?!”

78. “I need you to be my girlfriend for about five minutes.”

79. “I don’t need protecting!”

80. “You know they’re going to use the things you love against you.”

81. “It’s locked!” “You mean we’re stuck in here?”

82. “Shut up.” “I didn’t say anything.” “I don’t care, shut up.”

83. “Hey! I was watching that!”

84. “I thought they’d killed you, I’m glad I thought wrong.”

85. “Not now, I’m busy.”
“But it’s been so long!”

2

DISCLAIMER: this is gonna be a long post, I apologise in advance.

So yesterday this post came up on my fb timeline, written by someone who’s business is connecting grooms to riders in need. I thought I could move past it without saying something but I can’t.

I am a groom. I love my job. I also love my horses. I would give anything for them, they are my life. In my current job, when I was full time, I started work at 8am. We stopped for tea at 11am, lunch at 1pm and then we did evening yard chores at 3pm till finishing time which ranges from 5-6pm. I got a day and a half off work each week, getting paid more than minimum wage per hour and 6 weeks paid holidays. I was “on the books” aka I paid taxes on my wages, I was a “legal” worker. I’ve been in this job for 2 years and 2 months and I’m very happy.

In my very first job as a groom I was 18 - I had no idea really what to expect. My days started at 7:30am. I was allowed 10 minutes for breakfast once the 16 horses were all hayed, fed and mucked out by me. Then it was straight back to work till 6? 7? 8? 9? In the evening - I never knew when I’d finish up, it depended entirely on the whim of my rider. If he decided that he wanted to ride a horse at half 7 I had to be there to groom them, tack up, leg my rider up, put up jumps and then when he was finished and gone home I’d untack, wash off and feed everyone their dinner and then clean all the tack for the next morning before I could go inside for my own dinner. I was supposed to get 1 day off a week but that very rarely happened. If I wanted to take 2/3 days off to go home I’d have to work ¾ weeks in a row to “earn” those days off. Even then I would be bombarded with texts of “where is this” and “what does this one get fed” while I was away from work.

On show days I would get up at 3am and if I was very lucky I would be in bed by 11pm. But only if I worked my ass off and went without food for the entire day.

I was paid €200 a week regardless of how many hours I had worked.

I lasted 6 months in that job. I came away with depression and anxiety that I still suffer from. “But why didn’t you just leave?! How could anyone work in those conditions?! It’s not fair!” Because people like the person who wrote that fb post were telling me it was “normal”. You aren’t a “proper” groom if you complain, if you take days off, if you’re “watching the clock”. What fucking bullshit.

Are you telling me young grooms getting into the profession should be “happy” and “feel privileged” to work with these amazing animals when they’re getting no sleep, no free time to themselves, no holidays, terrible pay? “But they’re getting accommodation included!” Yeah I had accommodation included too - it had no heating, was overrun with mice and I had one plug in radiator to keep myself warm. But oh yes that definitely made up for my lack of wages.

So for anyone deciding whether or not they want to be a groom I have this advice for you.

Being a groom is like having any other job. You have the right to know your working hours, you have the right to days off and you have the goddamn right to AT LEAST minimum wage per hour. You are a human being, you are not a robot. It is not normal to be treated like dirt, it is not ok for you to feel abused or unappreciated, you are not something that can just be thrown away. Stand up for yourself. If your job isn’t up to scratch then leave, get the hell outta there because there are jobs out there like my current one where you will be a valued member of a team and you will still be able to live your life.

Horses are my everything - without them I don’t know who’d I’d be. But that doesn’t mean I don’t enjoy my days off when I get to relax and switch off. That doesn’t make me any less of a groom, it means I’m looking after both my physical and mental health. You can still be a great groom and be paid proper wages, you can still be a great groom and take days off, and you most definitely can be a great groom and know your working hours.

Jikook smutty fic recs

Hi everyone! So after my post recommending my fave jikook fics, I received a couple of requests for a smutty version of those recommendations. Althought most of the fics i suggested did contain a smutty part at some point in the story, and the fact that I don’t tend to read fic just for the smut (even if a lil smut is good. u know what i mean, u gotta earn it), i figured i would still be able to recommend some of my faves to you fellas

This will be kinda personal choices tho’, you’ll figure out i tend to prefer top!jk and bottom!jm and that i may or may not have some kinks

So yeah here are some of the great smutty fics I’ve read recently! As always, I’ll tend to suggest more recent fics, while incorporating classics because yeah

They are mostly Porn without plot/Plot what plot because that’s what i consider a smutty fic right?

* - spicy

** - hella spicey

*** - see you in hell

1. If i get in, i might just drown, by fatal (cumrich). *** One shot, 12k, complete. “fucking jimin has always been jeongguk’s favourite hobby. ruts just made it that much more special.” ((Ok so this is the ultimate one. Just go read the tags and you’ll understand. Just thinking about it is a sin. Also go read milk and honey by the same author if you liked it, it’s sort of the continuation!))

2. Underdressed and oversexed, by gangbang. * (hey look my fave author) Two chapters, 24k, not completed. “jungkook just needs the money. it’s kind of unfortunate jimin happens to be the porn star he’s jacked off to for the past three years.” ((Again, all is in the tags. Pornstar AU. Lots of dirty talk. A lil’ bit of plot, but not so much. The 2nd chapter is my fave))

3. Help you out, by snowflakechim. Two chapters, 6k, completed. * “Jimin is stressing over the end of the semester. Jungkook is more than willing to help.” ((Ok so this one is pretty short, but it’s in two chapters and really there is no plot lol. Ft. Jeonlous, and dirty talk.))

4. Entertain us, by NightsBurning. One shot, 10k, complete. *** “Jimin sometimes feels like the pressure is getting too much. His band members are all far too willing to help him out with relieving some stress, though.” ((Okay so this one… not only jikook, OT7. Sharing is caring. A true classic. Extra extra smutty. Just thinking about it make me embarrassed all over again. Go read it if you haven’t already.))

5. Primal, by Rose_gold715. One shot, 6k, complete. ** ”Jimin goes into heat and Jungkook sees Jimin’s unguarded, unrestrained Omega side for the first time.” ((ABO dynamics extremely well-written. + jeonlous. What there more to ask ? If it’s your thing i mean. you could try it w/ this one))

6. Stupid Batteries, by Zelupsi. One shot, 2k, complete. * “Jimin gets stuck on an alpha knotting dildo, and Jungkook ends up there to save the day.” ((Another ABO dynamics while we’re at it. + I found it quite funny so yeah but i can’t quite remember if the smut is that great))

7. For_Yoongi.avi, by strangedesires. One shot, 3k, complete. * ““Record yourselves for me,” Yoongi had said against Jimin’s lips after leaving the comfort of their shared bed.(OR: Jeongguk takes it upon himself to record himself and Jimin for Yoongi, and he gets a bit too comfortable with the power he has in Yoongi’s absence).” ((Starts with Jikook only, ends w/ sugaminkook. I did not think it was my thing either. But it was. And it’s gonna be for u too. Go read it. Dirty talk + dom/sub undertones.))

8. Backseat, by nomilkonlysuga (Umekozaru). ** One shot, 7k, complete. “Yoongi is possessive. Jimin is his. Jungkook is his. With the small difference that Jungkook can’t keep his fucking hands to himself, apparently. Punishment ensues.” ((Ok so this one is hella good. Trust me and go read it right now. Starts w/ a long long jikook. Then sorta turns into sugakookmin again, but you’re iniciated by now. Seriously it’s so good, it redefined my standarts for smut. Dirty talk, dom/sub undertones, do i even have to tag those? all my recommandations have it by now welp And a bit of an exhibitionist kink + cars))

9. Just a little bit more, by Levetrate. * 2 chapters, 4k, complete. “He hadn’t meant to say it, it just kind of happened.” ((Ok so the overuse of italics and bigger letters is hella annoying in this one, but i couldn’t not include a daddy kink one. It’s hella strong in this one, if you’re into that))

10. Detained, by PARKCHlM. One shot, 3k, complete. * “Park Jimin is a brat, but Officer Jeon is always there to put him in his place.” ((So to conclude this list, here’s what we all lowkey wanted since the legendary RUN BTS with the assclap : officer JK and prisoner JM having hate sex.))

So this concludes my smutty recommandations for you guys today! I felt so stupid and embarrased doing this but hey, still took me hella long time. I hope you enjoyed it!

If you have any other fic recs that are not included in this post or my previous one, please send it to me and i’ll gladly read it! And if you have any particular requests, don’t hesitate to message me about it!

See ya soon sinners’

Ten Years (Part 8)

Summary: AU. When a major account is on the line at work, reader is forced to revisit some old connections at her ten year high school reunion for a chance at success. Will she let the past consume her, or will she see the future in her grasp?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Word Count: 3,475 (minus the flashback) (yes I need to stop)

Warnings: language, sarcasm, fluff, mentions of past cheating, drinking, potentially anxious situations, confrontation, crying (every chapter has the same warnings because I’m melodramatic)

A/N: Tags are closed. I rewrote this whole damn thing again, and I’m an angsty bag of trash today, so it’s completely reflected here. I kept asking myself out loud, “Why are you like this?”

Part: 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 -

Originally posted by sebjpeg

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