i was gonna post this in the morning but i got bored

Back to School/Uni Tips!

I’m headed into my 3rd year of uni, so I thought I’d make a post sharing my tips on how to do well in school, not burn out, and keep your mental health relatively stable.

1. Snacks - seriously, don’t leave home without at least 2 substantial snacks in your bag. If you’re go-go-going all day and suddenly your sitting in a lecture about to crash cause you haven’t eaten anything all day, you’re gonna want snacks. Some suggestions: Cashews (they’re not super loud/crunchy, so they’re perfect for lecture snackin’), a granola bar, an apple, cherry tomatoes, trail mix.

2. Don’t buy the textbook before you go to your first class - I’ve worked at a university bookstore for 2 years, and every year, people end up buying 700$ worth of first year text books, and then they don’t even use them. Wait. and then wait some more. If there are required readings, then get the textbook, if your prof says there will be questions from the textbook on the exam, then get the textbook, but trust me, for 90% of first year classes (and a lot of other ones) you don’t need the textbook. SAVE YOUR WALLETS

3. Take notes efficiently - honestly the best way to take notes, is type up the lecture notes that are provided, BEFOREHAND, and then during lecture, fill in the blanks/add information/take down any important things your prof is saying as you go through the lecture on your laptop in a different color. This way you’re much less likely to miss any important information, you won’t be confused about what to take down, and you won’t fall into the trap of taking down notes that are already being provided to you. After class, or while making study notes, copy these notes out by hand to remember what you learned.

4. Keep it simple - pretty notes are GREAT if you have the time, but once you get to upper level uni, and you have 100 slides of notes to turn into study notes, you will not have the time to make your notes look aesthetically pleasing. Just get the info down so you can focus on learning it.

5. Have a designated study space - i did all of my highschool homework and studying in my bed, and 90% of the time, I ended up falling asleep. My bed wasn’t going to cut it for uni, so I got a cheap ikea desk, and it’s made me so much more organized and productive.

6. Take as much ‘you time’ as possible - take a bath. light candles. binge watch a tv show. veg out with a book for 4 hours if you have the time. do your makeup super special one day. get yourself that venti pumpkin spice latte with extra whip whenever you feel like it. Uni is a shitty time I’m not gonna lie. It’s stressful as f*ck, and whenever you can spare a couple hours or a couple dollars to TREAT YO SELF, do it.

7.  If you have anxiety, CUT THE COFFEE. caffeine is a huge trigger for anxiety. Caffeine takes away from your sleep, messes with your adrenalin systems, and can make you super paranoid and anxious all the time. 

8. If you think your in the wrong major, change it - I started in geology, and I HATED IT. Now I’m in psych and I love it. It is never too late for a change of program. If you think you’re doing something you don’t wanna do, or your not enjoying it, don’t do it.

9. For mornings you have to be ready and out the door, or if you’re a person who always runs late, have a getting-ready routine and get it down pat. Have a mental list of things you need to do, and things you need to remember, and find out how much time it takes you. Get up at 8am, shower, wash face/brush teeth, get dressed, do makeup, pack bag, remember keys, wallet, laptop, notebook, pen and train pass, have breakfast, put on shoes, leave by 9am.

10. Utilize your time in transit. - finish a reading, go over flashcards, read study notes, listen to an album you’ve been meaning to listen to, read a book, read some fanfic, idk but don’t just sit there unless just sitting there is what you need.

11. Find a hobby or passion that is separate from your school/uni life. Whether its playing sports, or running, reading, collecting plants, making scrapbooks, curating a refined taste in tea, having baths, writing in a journal, find something that if you’re bored with watching shows or studying, you can go do it, and enjoy it, and get your mind off all the other shit that’s going on in your life for awhile.

honorary-penderwicks  asked:

Here's a thing I just re-watched civil war and when tony says "you're done stay down" peter starts to get up and then grabs the side of his chest the same way I do when I go a little overboard while binding. I bet before that fight he had never done so much physically and I also bet that the suit didn't have a binder in it yet because tony didn't know so he wore it without thinking about the exertion. Anyways just another trans peter thought I had thanks

peter doesn’t usually like binding bc his breasts are small enough that if he wears a oversized shirts and enough layers you can hardly tell he isn’t totally flat chested, but he still brings his binder with him to berlin just in case.

and he wasn’t going to bind during the fight bc his homemade suit is super baggy, but then tony makes him such an awesome suit…. but it’s skin tight. but it’s so COOL. and he knows it’s dumb, he KNOWS that, but he decides to bind. he reasons it’ll be okay because of his advanced healing factor, and besides — he’s spider-man!! he’s like 100 percent sure that he’s gonna kick captain america’s butt without even trying, let alone enough to feel the effects of his binder. 97 percent sure.

but hours later he’s laying on the tarmac of the airport, tony has just flown off effectively benching him from the fight, and he can’t move. everytime he tries to sit up his ribs feel like they’re gonna crack, if they haven’t already. and suddenly he’s aware of how lightheaded he is. he’s going to pass out. shit, how did he not notice this before?? it must have been all the adrenaline?? he didn’t know, didn’t have the energy to even think about it. he tried to sit up one more time, and that’s what caused his vision to spot up and go black.

he wakes up in his hotel room, momentarily confused about his surroundings. but then he remembers he’s in berlin and he relaxes back into the bed. but then he remembers the fight, that giant ant dude (hah, oxymoron), he remembers mr. stark flying off, he remembers not being able to breathe. but he can breathe now…

he tries to bolt upright but a sharp pain in his side makes him hiss and fall back to the bed.

“well, good morning, moron. or should i say good afternoon,” tony says, sitting in the chair on the other end of the room. he looks bored, scrolling through his phone. he also looks way more beaten up than he did when peter last saw him.

“how long have i been out?” peter says. he wants to cry. tony has to know. he has to. he wonders how many others know.

“several hours. oxygen deprivation and two cracked ribs can sometimes have that effect. but don’t worry, your healing factor is off the charts, almost on par with caps. you’ll be all healed by morning, if not sooner.” he sounds kinda of interested, and in any other situation peter would be tripping over himself to talk science about all the mutations he got from the spider bite, but right now all he can think about is his chest.

“who found me?”

“natasha.”

“black widow?”

tony chuckles. “i forget that’s what she calls herself. how pretentious.”

peter laughs humorlessly and ends up coughing because it hurts. “she’s pretentious? have you met yourself?”

tony looks up from his phone then mumbles, “you and pepper would get along.”

“where is it?” peter says, looking up to the ceiling. he feels himself starting to cry, he hates it.

“where’s what? oh you mean that thing that was on your chest? that had to be cut off.”

and peter feels himself choke on a sob before he can stop himself, it sends a shooting pain up his side. “that was my only binder.”

tony whistles and peter looks to him blearily through the tears welling up in his eyes. once they make eye contact tony gestures to the table next to peter’s bed. confused, peter moves his head only to have his eyes widen. some tears overflow against his will.

on the table are four high quality binders, each a different color, two of them are short binders and the other two are modeled more like tank tops.

tony stands up and walks over to the end of peter’s bed. “natasha knows, just natasha and i. sorry about that, but it couldn’t really be helped. but if it makes you feel any better natasha couldn’t care less, and even if she did she wouldn’t tell anyone.” he rolls his eyes and scowls. “she’s good at keeping information to herself.”

peter’s kind of dazed. he didn’t expect this.

“do you care?”

tony shrugs. “i don’t care that you’re trans, what i do care about is your health. you can’t wear your binders when you fight, peter. c'mon you’re a smart kid, you have to know that.”

peter sighs, kind of relieved, kind of stunned, kind of happy, kind of sad, and very tired. “i don’t fight in binders, i only did it this time because of the new suit. it’s so tight… they would have seen.”

tony makes a “hmmm” noise as he thinks, then he abruptly claps his hands together and moves towards the door. “i’ll sort that out. but right now i have places to be. happy is right next door if you need anything, and even though your healing factor is incredible i still wouldn’t over exert yourself. good job out there, kid.”

peter says thanks, but tony is already making his way out the door. everything feels kind of surreal. he looks at the binders and smiles.

Suga Daddy: Part Two

Suga Daddy: Part 2

Word count: 6.9k

Genre: smut

Okay, I’m glad that some people liked this because I want to turn this into a series. This is pretty dirty so be warned. Anyway, on to the next part :)

part one


You were over at Taehyung’s, on the couch with him and Jimin watching a movie. Sadly, you weren’t paying too much attention to it because tomorrow you were trying out for a seniors dance showcase. It was a big deal for seniors, it was what they worked for all four years. This would be what they would perform for tons of people and entertainment scouters. Your school was known for helping dancers get jobs after this showcase at the end of the year.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

May I please request list form of cuddling with Monsta X? Thank you lovely!

Cuddling with Monsta X

Shownu: 

  • giant teddy bear + always warm + huge arms = the best cuddler on the planet !!
  • loves it when you put your head on his chest
  • plays with your hair, sometimes tries to braid it while you’re asleep
  • you wake up with your hair in a weird knot and he claims not to know what happened
  • cuddles anywhere ! and everywhere !
  • you’re laying in bed reading a book? cuddles
  • Watching a movie? cuddles 
  • Making dinner? turn the stove down because Shownu’s gonna wrap his arms around you and not let go
  • i see him being the type to sit you on the counter and wrap his arms around your waist and put his head on your chest so you’ll play with his hair

Originally posted by yoongisbigassforehead

Wonho:

  • a lot of posts I’ve seen hyper sexualize him but tbh he’s a lil squish
  • playful as heck
  • would tickle and poke you randomly to start a war when you’re cuddling in bed and you’re too close to falling asleep for his liking
  • because he’s actually a giant baby that gets bored easily
  • if you’ve ever seen fancams of him at fanmeets you’ll know what I mean 
  • runs his fingers through your hair and kisses your forehead
  • secretly loves being the little spoon/laying his head on your chest while you’re on your back
  • loves the feeling of your fingers in his hair and you lips on his forehead
  • even in the summer when it’s so hot you feel like your skin is on fire he demands to be cuddled

Originally posted by wonho-be-mine

Hyungwon:

  • this tol bean wouldn’t even be getting out of bed in the first place
  • so cuddles would be near constant
  • not super picky, will cuddle you however as long as you don’t make him get up
  • loves spooning because he can just completely cocoon you
  • but also loves having your head on his chest because its a little less suffocating when it’s hot
  • you can’t resist kissing his cute little face all over even when he threatens to push you out of bed/off the couch so he can have some peace
  • would cuddle the giant koala plushie he got from a fan instead
  • claims he’s joking, he’s not

Originally posted by hyungvon

Kihyun:

  • loves cuddling in bed and just talking
  • ideally you have dinner, take a bath together and get into bed a little early
  • so you can just face each other and talk about whatever while giving each other little eskimo kisses and he’s playing with your hair
  • gets annoyed if you don’t dry your hair first because you start sneezing and he complains that you wouldn’t have if you dried you hair
  • realistically his skincare routine takes so long you’re falling asleep before he even gets in bed
  • so five minutes into cuddling… you’re asleep
  • and he’s laying there rolling his eyes, wondering why you look so damn cute wearing his shirt

Originally posted by prettytae

Minhyuk:

  • literally a boa constrictor
  • wraps himself around you and won’t let go
  • hugs you tighter and tighter until you stop breathing
  • jk
  • but he’s clingy as heck when he cuddles, so you better not have any plans for the rest of the day if you’re cuddling in the morning
  • wakes you up the same way he does with Jooheon in that cute ass video, you know the one
  • except he doesn’t get off
  • he’ll just lay on top of you until you roll him off onto the floor
  • jumps back up and attacks you with kisses until you submit

Originally posted by wonhontology

Jooheon:

  • because he’s always working into the early hours of the morning he wouldn’t get much chance to cuddle with you while you’re still awake
  • so the days he does get with you he’d cherish and just transform into the biggest teddy bear
  • lets you snuggle up to him like a little koala *gif* and plays with your hair
  • kisses your head a lot and tells you how much he loves you
  • similar to Wonho, loves being the little spoon/you cuddling him
  • isn’t shy about it
  • comes home and flops onto your lap and buries his face in your stomach and just lays there with his arms around your waist and your hands work through his hair/rub his shoulders

Originally posted by wonhontology

I.M:

  • loves when you approach him first for cuddles, bc he’s a lil shy
  • thinks you’re the softest thing on the planet
  • completely envelops you in his arms
  • doesn’t even have to be laying down, you guys will be standing in the hallway just hugging each other for like 10 minutes before you realize you haven’t moved
  • refuses to let go of you and waddles while still holding you and drops onto the couch with you on top of him
  • you talk about how both of you days were and just lay there for a while enjoying each other’s company

Originally posted by altwonhoseok

So I haven’t posted anything substantial in like 50 years and I’m so sorry, I hope this makes up for it, I’ve been writing a lot of different things but I haven’t been able to finish any one thing because I’ve been getting pretty bad writer’s block..but I’m working through it! So hopefully I can keep this up again, all I can ask is please don’t spam my inbox asking for updates! It can make me feel pressured and actually is counterproductive …

You’re So Pretty...

Pairing: Bucky x reader

Summary: Bucky had a crush on you but he has lost his abilities to flirt like he could back in the day. So, he chooses a unique but adorable way to express his feelings.

A/N: so this is inspired by this really cute tumblr post where they read flash cards to ask someone out then they mess it up. YEAH. THAT WAS SUPER CUTE.ps, I was too tired to edit so look over the mistakes okay? hope you like it!

Warnings: swearing maybe?

Word Count: 1000 ish? Maybe under?

Originally posted by archieaddict

Crushes. oh those lovely sweet little time periods where you are attracted to someone. those butterflies, stealing glances, all the blushing; becomes too much to bear after a while. perhaps they called it crushes because they literally crushed you.

Bucky was in a turmoil. his crush on you had lasted way longer than he would have wanted and he was getting impatient. he couldn’t stop thinking about you! you were the only thing on his mind, the only thing he would fantasize about.

that day was no different. Bucky occupied the table with Steve in the common room. with his face resting in his hands he was looking around lazily while he waited for Steve to finish reading his newspaper. Steve always read the paper after they both had trained while Bucky would just laze around for a while. Bucky’s eyes suddenly fell on you and the boring room seemed to have gotten more brighter. you were laughing on something with Natasha, as you drank some water.

Bucky groaned internally, or he thought he did. Steve rolled up the newspaper and smacked him in the head with it.

‘ow!’ he rubbed his head. ‘what was that for?’ he furrowed his brows.

‘stop groaning and just go ask her out!’ Steve threw his arms in the air in exaggeration.

‘I-’

‘yeah, it’s getting out of hand. ask her out or I will do it for you.’ he crossed his arms.

‘oh, the hell you wont, punk.’ Bucky pointed a finger at him.

‘you know what?’ he quirked his brows. ‘go ask her right now, I dare you.’

‘the fuck I will.’ he stood up and turned to him again. ‘watch me, bitch.’

he strutted to you, till half way. then it dawned on him, what if you said no? what if you just wanted to be friends? WHAT IF YOU SAW HIM AS A BROTHER FIGURE?!

Steve was both enjoying and pitying the discomfort of his best friend.

‘good morning, sugar cube!’ you greeted Bucky and his stomach flipped. he wasn’t used to such sweet nicknames used for him. he especially loved this one you had invented, it was silly and lovely.

it was too late to back down now, the assassin had to make the move.

‘ good morning, doll.’ he managed to say casually. ‘so, um, how are you?’

‘great, worked out with Nat but still good.’ you said and earned a nudge in the ribs from the redhead. ‘sorry woman, but you tried to kill me there.’ you said and Bucky laughed while Natasha rolled her eyes.

‘whatever.’ she waved it off. ‘you wanted something, Barnes?’ she crossed her arms and leaned on the kitchen counter.

‘um, yeah, (y/n)-’ Bucky struggled with the words while Steve kept chanting ‘do it, do it damn it, say it buck, say it…’ in the background to himself. ‘can you help me with my phone?” he blurted out and Steve banged his hand on the table. you all looked in his direction and he blamed the news for his behaviour.

‘sure, tell me when.’ you smiled and left. Natasha shook her head at Bucky. ‘so close, dumbass.’ she said before following you. Bucky sighed and turned to Steve who gave him a “bitchface”.

Bucky was lying on his bed thinking about you would slip away from his hands like sand if he didn’t take any quick action. but what could he do!? he couldn’t think straight around you, having a full conversation was a thing of some other universe. he sighed and tossed in his bed. he was thinking of the many ways of expressing his feelings until his eyes fell on his notepad. he knew what he had to do.

‘can I tell her?’ Natasha whispered to Steve. all the avengers were enjoying a night off watching a film, more like fighting over what to watch but you can get the idea.

‘no.’ Steve shook his head. ‘Buck wouldn’t like that, he needs to do it on his own.’

‘i’ll tell her.’ she stomped her foot. she was tired of seeing Bucky looking at you like a love sick puppy.

‘do you want him to kill us all?’ he asked with a serious face. she groaned and sat back in his seat.

‘(y/n)!’ Bucky called out as he entered the room. all eyes including yours landed on him.

‘ooh, he’s gonna do it.’ Natasha whispered to Steve excitedly and got a grin in response.

‘Bucky, what are you doing?’ you stood up.

‘is he going crazy?’ tony theatrically whispered to Bruce. He slapped his shoulder in response.

‘don’t be ridiculous.’ Bruce said.

‘that’s it, he’s losing his mind.’ Sam shook his head. Bucky shot him a glare to shut him up. he didn’t want to beat up anyone right now.

‘I-I,’ he cleared his throat and looked in the flash cars he had prepared. everyone was confused as to what the former assassin was doing. he took a deep breath and smiled at you. ‘hey, (y/n) I just wanted to say that I like you. a lot and I cant say it’ he read the cards out loud. ‘so I was wondering if-’ he was fumbling with the cards as they all fell. ‘oh shit.’ he cursed and tried to pick them up. ‘you’re so pretty….’ he said in a meek voice and your heart melted.

‘OH MY GOD.’ you grinned and he looked at you. ‘that was so cute, I could fuck you on spot right now!’ you crossed your arms.

‘I don’t have a card for that…..’ he blinked. you shook your head on his adorableness and ran up to hug him. he melted in your embrace.

‘you’re so cute.’ you kissed his cheek and cupped his face.

‘so you’ll go out with me?’ he asked and you chuckled.

‘of course, sugar.’ you caressed his cheeks.

‘that’s my boy!!’ Steve hollered. ‘sugar cube to sugar, nice!’ he crossed his arms. all the avengers were soon to follow in the teasing game.

‘finally.’ Natasha sighed in relief.

TAGS: @melconnor2007, @yikesbuckster, @kenziecole-green

anonymous asked:

describe how each high school year by semester went for you

9th grade: We don’t call it a play date anymore, it is hanging out, hanging by our toes like wet lipped fruit bats, like jungle gym monkey kids. Young and swollen. Blood, immature blood, pink blood, fresh meat blood pepto bismol up the wazoo, and spit under my bed. Code names aren’t for spies, they’re for 14 year old girls with googley eyes, not that we needed them. Kevin and Grace, Ellie and Joshua, Paloma and Matt which is weird because I’m hot for him, and they kinda look like siblings. Pink shorts, black tights, Jimmy Eat World, pizza bagels and lucky charms under a fresh white linen morning like detergent sealed crust between my eyelids, you tore them open. I mean, not yet. But soon. I discover neon sex scenes, Sky Ferreira, and Skins and this is where the final hopscotch box stops; at the end of the subway platform. This is where I’m supposed to jump. Monkey balls fall on our heads as we walk home, and autumn leaves crunch like drum line snare beats. All godless girls with snakes and cherry lollipops and 9 millimeters pointed at our clits, Bend it Like Beckham under your itchy wool blankets, Alice’s mom thinks I’m cool, and I stay for dinner and crack some risky jokes like a fox among wolves. (I think he looks at me when I look away). Me and Hana FaceTime I take screenshots of her dancing with her cat. The girls who play soft ball in short shorts, the girls who call them sluts, the boys who watch. We dance through rainbows in the sprinklers on the way to the Homecoming dance and pretend we don’t care we don’t have dates. We’re floating in the cytoplasm, floating on the cotton candy overdose cause our parents drop us off at the bowling alley but we are too loyal to sneak out the back. We pool our money every Friday after school for the spring break road trip we’re going on when Hana gets a car, and one of us has lost our virginity, and none of us are scared of the dark.

Miss Budd yelled at me for not standing for the pledge of allegiance, and I was 4 years old again. My English teacher held me back, and held my hand, and gave me a safety pin for my missing button, and told me it would be. Okay.

10th grade: We were on the news that year. Cristo’s curls on KTLA, solemn, and not the boy cross eyed and high with his pants around his ankles. Suddenly we’re all standing up straight, suddenly we’re being told we can’t wear leggings because somebody posted a video of Penelope having sex with Max on Facebook. Suddenly we’re underground in the girls locker room (red varsity knee socks, Dina drowning the spider nests with Victoria’s Secret rose perfume, humid with shame and lesbian suspicion) holding our arms in front of our naked breasts, single file like ants for the syphilis test. The boys who drew penises in fire and salt on the soccer field grass, like druid frat boys, but not the boys who put gorilla glue in the classroom locks, and not the boys who wrote their hit list in the red pen on the back of Mr. Chan’s syllabus and ended up in court, who called in a bomb threat, just to get the test pushed back. We all took turns getting our ghosts exorcized in the principals office. It was pompeii and pandemonium, and nobody was safe, not even us girls sleeping wrapped in the dust of library encyclopedias. You moved away from me like I was illiciting the restless black dreams on your grandmas shitty air mattress. The sheets are clean enough, but this attic is haunted, you keep waking up in the middle of the night to your body sinking like a pirate ship caught by the Kraken, the floor gnawing at your bones again so you just. Got up. And slept somewhere else. My English teacher held me back, and told me I was a good writer but don’t be so angry, and I cried right there, and she gave me a kleenex from her Shakespeare tissue holder and I blew this stupid pain head first out of my nose. I never told you about that. Maybe if I had you would’ve felt bad for me and stayed a little longer. But you hung out with those buckwild kids under the spot by the willow tree, and it was easy. it was just snuffing out an annoyance. A mosquito licking the ruby of your earrings that you shooed away. Our birthstones were both rubies, you know, we were twin cancers with balmy skin and busted appendixes, the aliens took you once and the only explanation was a scar on your spine, and I reckon I should’ve known they’d come back for you.

(You are gonna tell your kids about these cherry cola years of golden suburbia, and midnight blue debauchery snapping teenage knees, and furrow your brow forgetting the name of the girl you spent the first two calling your best friend.) You cheered at football games. You got drunk with them at night, and you were bursting and missing teeth like a watermelon smile, you rubbed up against each other like cats they touched you in all the right places and you didn’t text me anymore. You went to sleepovers and posted photos on Instagram, I wasn’t invited, I thought this bullshit was supposed to stop happening in elementary school. All the things we thought would never happen, lockdown drills, fire drills, earthquake drills and we still weren’t prepared. It was. Pandemonium. It was. Chemical fires in Mr. Dow’s science class. And me and my plans were just. so fucking boring standing next to your cherry blossom hurricane. You didn’t wait for me after class anymore and I just. Looked so stupid trying to catch up. Blood, mature blood, cows blood in the manure for the roses to eat. Black blood, like storm sky, I dish out this milkshake I pick the scab and I lick the blood away. Thomas comes out and dubs himself the gay cliche, we walk home together on the yellow brick road, and we pray a tornado will land the school library on our corpses so we can die with those sparkly shoes on. Those ruby shoes on. The Fates gagged me with a pack of jolly ranchers. I got straight A’s while Rome was falling. Nobody has ever made me feel so small.

11th grade: New school. The kids talk different here. Depression in California is like getting a cold in mid-July. So ironic it’s almost insulting. I’m pretty sure it was raining all year, but don’t count on it, I lived sub-terrestrialy with my mothers tulip bulbs. Today’s Wednesday? I thought it was Friday? I thought yesterday was Sunday? Depression in California is like running after a rabbit in the woods. It doesn’t matter how sunny it is, you will suddenly look up and it’s night, and the trees are not your friends, even when they are as skinny and shaky as you. You will get stuck in the swamp, leave your shoes behind, and not even remember why you were out here in the first place.

Headache. Stomach ache. Lots of those, those are easy to fake. Menstrual cramps, vomiting, gut wrenching, kinda vomiting. A personal favorite. I got to get my hands dirty for that one, I got to reach for the gag reflex like a remote control and press fast forward and feel my arc capsizing, until the static buzzed and I was pale like southern gothic tragedy, I’m not bulimic I just don’t wanna go to school. Depression in California is like an abandoned zoo. Everything echoing animal shrieks. They set them free but the cages were empty long before that. I make some friends, nice ones who laugh at my jokes, and I feel like I should get a sticker for it, but I do more nervous shaking than laughing.

Depression in California is like a badly maintenanced carnival. We’ve gone around the ferris wheel 8 times now and nobody seems to notice. The cotton candy polluting my blood, running slow and globby while the kids below spin, the kids drop, the kids could die, but they just giggle hand in hand with smiling clowns who pump them full of teeth rotting sweets, the winking lights are blurry this far away, and it feels like eons before we’ll get back to the bottom. I’m out of tokens. I think I’m just gonna jump.  

12th grade: Trump won. I think I might like girls. My dad jokes about his own death so I know what it means to be angry now, like femurs forged from the goddamn ring of Isildur. Is this what’s normal now? Fucking boys who are oil slick and easy living, and lose my socks in their dorm rooms? Meet them for diner food and xans on the weekend, and everything just temporary? Is that just what everybody wants now? My brother got a green card marriage, but I guess he loves her for real now. We watch the Walking Dead until the streetlights glaze over our eyes, he asks me if I have a boyfriend, no. If I’ve had any since I last saw him, no. If no is my favorite word, yes. Thing is I’ve never been anyone’s girl cause I’ve got a volcano where I should have a stomach. I know what it is to live on the red planet. But I ignore all that and go to concerts that bleed beer and swoon for boys who drink the blood. I guess we’re used to falling off of things so we do it on purpose now. It’s not over but I know how it’s gonna end. Cracked skull, and police lights. And to the break of dawn on Brandon’s roof, boxers stained with mayonnaise, and Deadpool is probably his favorite movie or some dumb white boy shit like that. I’m not gonna cry when I leave for college, I’m gonna cry at the car rental watching the sun bleed out on the trees. I’m gonna cry in the knothole of an oak tree, hiding from the freshman mixer party in the woods I knew I shouldn’t have come to once the social anxiety starts clawing up soaked in the gallon of strawberry Crush I downed to calm myself down. You know, in some other parallel universe, my parents never divorced and we dispute where the sugar pantry should be at inopportune times, and I don’t straight jacket myself with the echoplex sound of my mother screaming over my dead body just to not inhale the chlorox under the sink. I was so bloody, I just wanted to be clean.

I thought it was like the 80’s, the rusty exhaust pipe of Matt’s car turning the snow black while he’s wasting time daydreaming of my piston pumping sloppy hips, and rumored things that happen in the backseat, and kicking cans in no particular direction, and first love sticky and first love stabbed into your kidney and you never really recover. I thought it was sixteen candles, and say anything, but it’s getting bloodshot squirrelly smoking hash in the disabled bathroom stall. It’s a personality disorder grown up from the ground like a mushroom that is poison to the touch, and thrown away birthday presents, and valentines day balloons stuck in the trees. It’s dropping the last slice of college acceptance celebration cake on the floor for your dogs breakfast, and cartoon rain puddles for eyes talking about how scary it is to drive on the freeway. Karina and Maddie rough housing like pit bulls in fifth period cause we don’t do shit in that class and pretending that we are not all gonna be strangers in 6 weeks before we. Before we. Please don’t make me say it out loud.

My English teacher held me back, and told me to make up the quiz I missed, and that was the only time I will ever be happy that some strangers just stay that way. And Daddy, I will miss you when you leave me, and Daddy I will meet you in the next life you just gotta wait for me ok?

I am not the kind of girl people have crushes on. I am the kind of girl who can survive 18 stealing food from parties, couch surfing, living like a lightning bolt. There one minute, and gone the next.

Best Friends? Part 3 || l.h.

Thank you to everyone who sent feedback and reblogged/liked part 2!

Again, get this part to 100 notes and part 4 will be posted!

“I was beginning to think you weren’t going to call.” You admit, holding the phone between your ear and shoulder as you reach for your laptop on the night stand beside your bed.

“I know, I’m sorry. There were fans that wanted to meet and get pictures with us, so we stayed behind for awhile.” Luke says, and you can hear some shuffling in the background.

“Is that (Y/N)?” Calum asks, his voice muffled from behind in the background. “None of your business. I’m going for a walk.” Luke tells him, and noise erupts all around in the back.

“Guys! Luke is on the phone with (Y/N)!” You hear Calum yell before the noise goes away in a second.

“Sorry, we’re on the bus because management forgot to get us rooms at a hotel.” Luke apologizes. “Why don’t you stay at your place?” You ask, remembering that he has a place not far from yours. “Sold that awhile ago, sweetheart. The only one who has one near here is Ash, and his is two hours away. Plus, we leave in two days for a festival somewhere.”

You frown a little. “I forgot you’re on tour right now.” You admit. Luke chuckles. “Yeah, we just stopped here for a few days to record.” He coughs, and you hear cars in the background.

“Are you actually taking a walk?” You ask, giggling. “Yes. The boys are too nosey, I can’t stay on the bus and talk to you. They’ll all be trying to listen in.” He says, laughing a little. You giggle some more, and then it’s quiet, only the sound of you and Luke’s breathing behind heard on the line.

“I missed hearing your laugh.” He finally says, and you squeeze your eyes shut, because yes, you missed hearing his laugh too. He sounds so vulnerable and it physically hurts to hear him like that; to hear him sound exactly like he did after Vegas happened.

“Too far?” He asks, snapping you out of your thoughts. “What? No! I was just thinking.” You say, opening your eyes again. “About what?” You sigh. “Remember in Vegas when I was hungry at like three in the morning?” Luke chuckles. “‘Course I do, sweetheart. We had literally just got done messing around and you just sat straight up and demanded pancakes.” You smile. “You ordered me room service and the waiter guy was all mad about it being three a.m..” You say. “You left right after you finished eating.” Luke says quietly, and you bite your lip. The conversation is getting too serious, too fast and you’re not ready for that.

“I’d give anything for pancakes right about now.” You tell him. Luke seems to catch on to how serious that conversation is getting, because he says, “remember how Ashton tried to break into Calum’s hotel room that night?” You grin, sitting up in bed. “Yes! I could never forget that. You asked him why he was trying to get in Calum’s room and he told you it was because he wanted to make love to Calum.” Luke laughs, a sweet sound in your ear.

“Those were his exact words too, you said it perfectly.” He murmurs. “They’re totally gay for each other, I don’t care what anyone else says. I saw it first-hand that night.” You comment, which starts up Luke’s laughter again.

“Wait, hold on. Do you wanna know what the best part about that trip to Vegas was?” You ask, making him pause. “My dick?” He asks, stifling laughter. “Oh, shut up.” You laugh, shaking your head even though he can’t see you. “What was the best part?” He asks, chuckling. “When Michael rolled all the mattresses out of the rooms and tried to play dominoes with them just because he was bored and management wouldn’t let you guys out yet.” You can hear Luke’s grin on the other end when you finish speaking.

“You helped him!” He accuses. “You have no proof of that, Mr. Hemmings.” You can practically see Luke rolling his eyes.

“Hey, (Y/N)?”

“Yeah?”

“Come open your front door.”

“… Why?”

“Just do it.”

You get out of bed slowly, holding the phone to your ear. “You sound like a fucking Nike commercial.” You tell him, because he does. Luke scoffs. “Hurry up, it’s cold out here.” He mutters. “You’re outside my house?” You ask, walking downstairs. Luke laughs a little.

“Just open the door, (Y/N).” You cautiously open it, afraid of something jumping out at you. But the only thing standing in front of you is Luke. He’s holding a medium sized grocery bag. He lifts it up a little when he sees you. He ends the call, and you do the same.

“Pancakes.” He explains. You glance down at the bag. “You brought me pancakes.” You state. He nods, a small smile on his face. “You said you would do anything for pancakes, and I was on my way over anyway, so I stopped and got some from McDonald’s.” He explains. You smile a little.

“You gonna let me in?” He asks, raising his eyebrows. You bite your lip. “I want to.” You admit, “but I think that’s a bad idea.” Luke chuckles. “Alright, well how about this: I’ll come in and we’ll eat pancakes and chat for a bit, and when we’re done with our pancakes, you can decide if you want me to leave or not.”

You consider this, then pull the door open wider so he can step inside. Luke grins, walking in and slipping off his shoes. He follows you upstairs to your bedroom and sits across from you. You both start eating your pancakes, staring at each other.

“You wanna talk about what happened or are we avoiding that subject until tomorrow?” Luke asks. You hesitate, mid-bite. “We can talk about it.” Luke puts down his plastic fork, licking his lips slightly.

“Alright, well. I fell in love with you, (Y/N).” He blurts out, causing your eyes to widen a bit. “I see we’re not holding anything back here.” You mumble, causing him to chuckle. “How long were you in love with me?” You ask quietly, putting your fork down. “I don’t remember exactly what day I realized I loved you, but it was before Vegas. A long time before that.” You bite your lip.

You never said anything.“

“Would you have told me if you were in love with me?”

“Okay, I see your point. I probably wouldn’t have told you, either.”

“Exactly.”

Luke takes another bite of his pancakes, blinking at you from a few feet away. You avoid his gaze, looking anywhere but at him.

“(Y/N), you don’t have to be shy with me. Say whatever you’re thinking. I’m not going to be mad.” He says, after a minute of silence. You swallow hard.

“I had no idea. And you acted like I did.” You whisper, meeting his eyes again. “I know, and that’s my fault. I take full blame for that. I was only upset.” Luke says softly, pushing his pancakes aside so that he can move over beside you. “Ashton said you were doing better without me.” You admit.

“So, you talked to Ash, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“I was doing good. Really good. But after awhile, I noticed how alone I felt. You were always around to make me feel less alone, and then suddenly, you just weren’t there anymore. I was surrounded by crowds every night and I’ve never felt more alone.”

You look over at him, frowning. “Do you still love me, Luke?” You ask. He bites his lip. “I can’t answer that, because I’m not totally sure. But the one thing that I am sure about is that I miss my best friend.” He says, and you sigh.

“Alright, you can stay. You’re sleeping in the guest room, though. And we’re going to talk more about this in the morning, I’m not done yet. I’m just too tired to talk more now.” You say, yawning. Luke grins, kissing your cheek before hopping off the bed. He takes the empty pancake containers and the McDonald’s bag downstairs and throws it away, then pops his head back into your room. Your lying down now, and your back is to him.

“Goodnight, (Y/N). See ya in the morning.” He says, pulling the door closed and going to the guest room across the hall. You squeeze your eyes shut and will yourself not to say anything back, because if you do, then he’ll hear the tears.

And it’s so stupid that you’re crying, you’re sure it is.

Because how ironic is it that you’re falling for him when he’s not falling for you anymore?

Friends (Part 3)

I’m surprised by the number of notes I got on the second part of Friends. Thank you so much for supporting this series. This is my first time posting my work on Tumblr so I’m still overwhelmed by the feedbacks I’ve received. So thank you again! I finished this part at 2 in the morning so just ignore the mistakes. I was too lazy to edit.

Remember to give me feedbacks HERE! And you are free to spam me with suggestions and requests for future stories! 

~Harry and you are friends with benefits and then you start to feel more than you should~

Pair: Harry Styles and reader.

Warning: sexual content and language.


Part 1

Part 2 

You hadn’t heard or seen anything related to Harry Styles for a month. You’d deleted all your social accounts and decided to live under a rock for while until you got over him. The last thing you needed at this point was to see articles and pictures of him and a pretty girl who wasn’t you. But you do had some mutual friends and since they didn’t know anything about your secret ‘relationship' sometimes they still talked about him in front of you. You knew you would never truly get over Harry unless you didn’t feel pain in your chest whenever his name was brought up in a casual conversation. 

“You need to stop being so pathetic!” your best friend, Lia, told you. That night when Harry left your house, you broke down and called Lia to tell her everything. She was so mad she wanted to go see him but you knew it would be a bad idea. After all you were the one who broke the agreement for having feelings for him.

“I know he’s Harry fucking Styles but you are Y/N fucking Y/L/N.”

“You mean a nobody?”

“I mean, a queen.”

You rolled your eyes and chuckled as Lia grabbed your upper arms and shook you slightly.

“Screw Harry Styles. I’m gonna find you a better man.”

“Lia, I’m not going out with anyone. This is a bad idea.”

“Trust me. He’s super nice. He’s my co-worker. He’s hot and he’s not famous.” Lia winked and made you laugh.

“Thanks L, but I’m not interested. I don’t even know the guy.”

“Just one date, please? If you don’t like him then say your goodbye and never see him again. But I’m totally positive that you’ll like him.”

You groaned. You had been friends with Lia for years and you knew for sure she would never stop whining about this unless you said yes. So you said yes, agreeing to go on a date with the stranger Lia set you up with. 

His name was Miles. Lia was right, he was one of the nicest people you had ever met. He was good looking. He loved reading books like you do. He even opened doors for you and drove you home safely. Although you weren’t exactly over Harry, to be honest, you thought about him often. But being with Miles was the most fun you’d had since the day Harry left. It didn’t feel the same but you felt a little bit better. So you decided to give you and Miles a chance and agreed to go on a second day with him. 

But as you thought that there might be a small chance for you to actually be happy, you got a phone call at 2 AM, 12 hours before your second date with Miles. You knew it was a bad idea to answer when you saw his name on the screen, but you decided to be a fool and pick up anyway.

“Pet…yeh still up?”

You closed your eyes and let out a heavy sigh. You missed his voice so much. You suddenly forgot that you’d been trying to get him out of your system and you felt like you could just welcome him back to ruin your life all over again.

“Why are you calling me at this hour?” You managed to stay sane because he clearly wasn’t. “Are you drunk?”

“I miss yeh.”

Yeah he was definitely drunk.

“We’re not doing this anymore,” you said, not knowing if you were telling him or yourself.

“No…Yeh get it wrong. M'not missing yeh ‘cause I’m horny…ugh…I’m kind of horny…but…” he said and laughed drunkenly. You closed your eyes, your eyebrows furrowed as you pressed your lips together.

“You cannot call me when you’re drunk and bored again. We’re over, Harry. Go to sleep,” you told him.

“We can never be over. Yeh know tha’,” Harry said almost out of breath.

“What do you want?”

“Can we please just…go back t’normal”

“What is normal, H? Tell me. Because i’m sure two friends fucking each other clearly isn’t.”

“We won’t have t’fuck. Let’s just be friends…”

“No H. I’m sorry.”

“Love-” You gathered all your strength and hung up before he could finish. You turned off your phone and put it in the drawer of your bedside table so you wouldn’t get weak and call him back. Then you ended up crying yourself back to sleep with the thoughts of Harry running through your mind.

… 

On your second date with Mile, you two went to see a movie then to a restaurant for dinner, after that he insisted on driving you home because he was a gentleman. The date went pretty well actually, but the problem was you couldn’t stop thinking about what Harry had said to you at 2 AM. You were still wondering if those were his drunken words or he was being honest saying he missed you. Either way, you wouldn’t go back to him, or at least that was what you’d been telling yourself.

“God…” you said almost out of breath as you Miles left sloppy kisses down your throat. You tossed your head back and your hands were messing up his beautiful dark hair. You had no idea why you were under him, letting him touch you and kiss you like that. The last thing you remembered was you saying good night to him in front of your house. You didn’t even have a clue how you ended making out with each other on the couch but you didn’t really care at the point. You felt awful for only wanting Miles tonight because you couldn’t stop thinking about Harry and not wanting to be alone with those thoughts. Your self-conscience was telling you to stop but you just ignored her.

“You’re beautiful…” Miles groaned against your hot skin, making you whimper. It felt good but it didn’t feel right. His hands were unfamiliar and you didn’t feel comfortable feeling his weight on top of you. 

Suddenly, you heard someone knocking on your front door. You and Miles stopped immediately as the person knocked more violently and loudly as if they wanted to break the door down. Miles got off you and you both sat up straight. He asked you if you were expecting someone and you said no as you adjusted your clothes and he did his. 

“Who is it?!” you asked in annoyance and went to the door to see who it was.

“Har-” Before the name could fully escape your lips, a drunken Harry wrapped his arms around you and showered your face with kisses.

“M’girl’s here!” he said excitedly before pulling you into a tight hug with his face buried in the crook of your neck. You were completely in shock by the action so you didn’t know how to react. Harry didn’t want to let you go and you received a shocked look from Miles who didn’t understand why that random guy just showed up out of nowhere and was holding his date like that. 

“Y/N!” Miles called out your name and it immediately got Harry’s attention. Harry pulled away from you and turned his head to his right. He was not pleased to see Miles in your living room. Not. At. All. 

“Y/N, Who the fuck is he?”


Part 4

Don’t forget to give me feedbacks/questions/requests/suggestions HERE! Or just stop by and say hi, it’d be nice! :)

It’s a Buck Girl Thing (3/?)

Based loosely on ‘It’s a Boy Girl Thing’ (2006)


Summary: You (female reader) pine after Steve Rogers whilst Bucky is being a little shit. One night after an argument on the rooftop you wake up in each other’s bodies.


Pairing: Steve x Reader


Word count: 2.5k


Warnings: Sexual content and swearing


A/N: Hey I’m sorry there’s not much happening in this chapter but it’s a sizeable chunk now so I thought I’d post it out to you! I hope it’s not too boring for you?

Also, I know I need a masterlist for this - hopefully it’s done for the next chapter…


PART 2

Originally posted by capsteverogers-things


You marched toward your old bedroom – it was high time you cleared this up because how could Bucky be so casual about all this, yet you found it so antagonising? Why did it seem like a punishment to you, but he was casually strolling around the kitchen, smirking and flirting and being his usual ass-self? This was not fair, and you were on a mission to set things straight.

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When it Rains || Chapter One

Genre: Angst, Fluff, (eventual) smut

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader, Jimin x Reader

Word count: 1479 words

A/N: This is my actual first fanfic I am posting on tumblr! Please enjoy it and message me your thoughts! There’s more parts in the works! Thank you for reading!

Originally posted by bwipsul

The sound of your alarm clock fills your ears as you pull the blanket over your face and keep your eyes tightly shut.

“Babe turn that shit off.” Jungkook loudly groans from beside you as he turns away from you and tries to go back to sleep. Sighing heavily, you rip the blanket away from your body and slam your hand down onto your phone, turning off the sound.

It was 6:00 AM. You had thirty minutes to get ready and get to work. “Dammit!” You harshly whisper to yourself and quickly pad to the bathroom. Flicking on the light, you frown, noticing the dark circles under your eyes.

You were up all night helping Jungkook with his homework. Well you were trying to at least since you didn’t really remember anything you learned from your junior year in college. Lucky for him, he didn’t have to be at school till nine. He didn’t have a job, says he only wants to focus on school for now. You had already graduated the previous year so you were currently the only one making income to pay for all the bills.

The two of you had met your senior year of college at a party actually. He was only a sophomore at the time. You had gotten drunk and slept with Jungkook, the biggest fuck boy on campus. You thought it would have ended there but you ended up falling in love with him. Sometimes you think he only stays with you for the place to live… And the sex. But sometimes you actually think he loves you too.

“Bye Jungkookie! I’ll see you this afternoon.” You say with a warm smile, putting your hand on the doorknob. That smile quickly fades when you don’t hear a reply back from him. It hurt you a bit every morning when he didn’t say bye. But you knew he was tired too. Opening the door, you exit the apartment and quietly close the door, careful not to wake him up.

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With All My Heart - Part 12

Word Count: 3635

Pairing: Jensen x Reader

Warnings: None

A/N: Thanks to @percywinchester27 for beta’ing 

Feedback and Constructive Criticism always appreciated

With All My Heart Masterlist


Over the next few weeks, Jared, your dad, and Jensen gradually moved all your stuff into Jensen’s house. Your mother made her peace with Jensen, just as you’d expected. She apologized for attacking him and they hugged it out. Now Jensen was her new favorite person, especially with how well he’d been taking care of you.

Days that weren’t spent moving were spent together trying to make every moment count. You’d been to several doctor’s appointments together, each one giving you great news every single time. You were making great progress, some would say better than expected. Most of your time was spent together either working on Jensen’s brewery, watching the sunset on the boat, dinner with Emma, her boy of the week, Jared, and Gen, or cuddling in bed or on the couch together. It didn’t really matter to you what you were doing as long as you were spending time together.

Now that shooting had resumed and Jensen was gone so much, the days felt like they were going on forever. Since you were healing and able now, you’d taken back manager duties from home to give you something to do. Begrudgingly, Jensen gave you the added task of doing paperwork for the brewery to keep you busy. You’d offered several times. He had refused. You begged. Jared came to bat for you, saying it was only logical, considering you’d be the one doing the purchasing of the beer for San Jac anyway, so you might as well just do all the paperwork. Bless Jared Padalecki and his logic for saving your sanity.

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Bound to Happen (Part 2), Lin-Manuel Miranda x Reader

Prompt: The chronicles of being Lin’s assistant to maybe something more.

Words: 1,078

Author’s Note: I wrote this at 2 AM with the West Wing playing on a loop in the distance. I hope you’re enjoying reading this as much as I am writing it! This moment came from S2, E7 ‘The Portland Trip’. I’m bouncing around the timeline to make it fit, but it’s making sense in my head. I’m thinking about cross-posting this on AO3?

Warnings: Burn so slow you could smoke ribs with it.

Askbox | Masterlist | Previous Chapter | Next Chapter


Your heels clicked rapidly against the concrete sidewalk as you weaved past bodies in your way. Your head stayed down to not call attention to yourself, as if your wine colored dress in the middle of the day wasn’t enough of an attention grabber.

Finally, you were met with the door of the Richard Rogers Theater, quickly ducking in just before you would have to pass a large group of men. You shed your overcoat - it was way too warm today to be wearing it out, but you enjoyed the coverage it gave you.

Making your way backstage, you brushed off compliments of anyone who you happened to pass, eyes set on one dressing room in particular.

I’m coming in, don’t be naked.” You called through the door, barely giving Lin time before you swung it open.

He was perched on his couch with his Play Station controller in his hand, eyes unmoving from Grand Theft Auto.

“Not naked.” He murmured, “Unfortunately.” He added with a smirk, pausing the game to give you attention. He shifted in his seat and you noticed that he was already in costume for the television appearance.

“I can only give you twenty minutes.” You reminded him, cracking open your purse to retrieve your memo pad.

“Well, I’d normally prefer more time for foreplay, but I’m sure we can make due with twenty minutes.” His smirk disappeared with your heated glare, “What I meant to say is that you look very beautiful in that dress you stole.”

“I didn’t steal it, I’m borrowing it.” Your arm moved to the back of the dress, ensuring the label was tucked away.

“You bought the dress with the intention of wearing it for one night and returning it the next. That’s stealing.” He informed you.

You huffed at his attitude today. While you were normally ready to go up to bat against his witty banter, you really wanted to save all of your energy for your date.

“I haven’t read the dictionary recently-”

Do people sit down and read the dictionary?

But-” You punctuated your interruption with a light punch to his arm, “That is not the definition of stealing.” You kick off your shoes to relieve your feet of the grip your unused heels had on them, “And if this date goes as planned, I won’t be wearing this dress all night.”

He groaned at the information as everyone was called onto the stage for their ‘pregame pep talk’. This mostly consisted of a choked up cast member rambling on about how far they’ve come and where they still have left to go.

You checked your watch and tip-toed towards the door, eyes meeting Lin’s for a second to ask ‘Can I go?’.

‘Get out of here,’ he mouthed, shooting you a thumbs up for luck. You really hoped you didn’t need it.

Your date lasted precisely forty minutes, and there was exactly zero movements to shed your expensive dress. You bolted so quickly with such a half-assed excuse that you were still able to catch the tail end of their performance outside a Radio Shack window display.

There was no volume, but you stood in awe of the performance as people brushed past you with no care as to what you were watching. You could hear Lin’s voice in your head, playing along as you deciphered the lyrics by reading his lips.

Without thinking, you mapped the course back to the Richard Rogers in your head, rushing up and over and few blocks to return to the theater.

They hadn’t arrived at the theater yet, but the doorman was nice enough to let you in after hours. How he was able to recognize you despite the extra layers of makeup and general aura of disappointment was beyond you. 

You sat onstage with your purse and coat perched next to you, twiddling your thumbs until the chaos that was the cast and crew of In the Heights clamored through the door.

They greeted you in kind, the post performance excitement still bubbling from each of them as they passed you to change out of costume. Lin was the last one through the door, the lightest of smiles gracing his lips.

Hey.” You called out, catching his attention away from Alex, who was quickly spitting out notes to an exhausted Lin who wouldn’t be able to retain any of it. Alex excused himself, much to the relief of Lin - they could go over that tomorrow when Lin had a fresh mind and a few hours of sleep under his belt.

“What time is it? You only left like an hour ago.” He stepped toward you as you stood from Abuela Claudia’s stoop, just outside his false bodega entrance.

“He sucked.” You admitted, “He was boring and rude and he sucked.

“I’m sorry.” He smiled, and you knew he wasn’t. “You deserve a good night out.”

“Yeah.” You sighed, glancing around the stage. For someone who spent nearly every waking moment at the theater, you hardly got to admire it from center stage. The dim lights were warm against your exposed skin, and the yellow tones of the stores made your heart swell. “Wasn’t meant to be.” You shrugged.

“I’m gonna-” He nodded to where the rest of the cast had disappeared as he gestured to his outfit, “Costume department will kill me if I forget to take this off.”

“Right. I just wanted to make sure everything went alright without me there.” He tilted his head and cringed a bit, as if to say ‘How did we survive?’. “I’ll call you in the morning for your lunch order.”

He watched you collect your bag and coat from the stoop, heels echoing through the empty theater as you crossed the stage towards the exit.

“Y/N.” You turned back just in time to see something unidentifiable flash across Lin’s face. It was gone before you could investigate further. “You look amazing in that dress.”

You thought so too this morning - now you couldn’t wait to toss it back on the rack at the nearest Macy’s.

“You should buy it for yourself.” He nodded once before turning on his heel, disappearing backstage without another word or a proper goodbye.

You stood for a moment, glancing at where he stood. With a sigh, you turned and exited the theater for the second time that day, your mind shifting around funds so you could keep the dress in your collection.

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Long Live - Chapter 6

Now we’re actually getting somewhere! 

Summary: Virgil was everything a future prince shouldn’t be. The quiet, antisocial kid at school who was the last person anyone ever expected to be the future leader of a faraway country. Luckily, that’s what Roman was there for.

Pairing: Prinxiety

Words: 1502

Tag List: @eternal-sanders @eternalsavvyskies @generalofthefangirlarmy @ireblogstuff-andineedalife @isnt-that-wizard @de-is-me @fander-berb @deadprinxietywalking @datonerougecookeh  @aaliyahadams1738 @hetaliagurl5 @ilovemyspoopydad @ai-logical @thegreatdot @protecterofalltheaus @fandomsandanythingelse @cutie5780 @bleebtheweeb @justanotherpurplebutterfly @wizxrdscorbus @imnotcrazy-i-swaer @thekwhale @worthless-dude @averaillisa @soulydyingalone @alright-cupid @gaysonofjafar @breckein-blog @kuwata-kun @waste-disposal-unit @swiggtyswag19 @lostgirlgwen @squashymoon-wink  @fandomsandnonsense7 @cutecatwhiskers @sandersandthesides @cleopolitian @mewsicalmiss @musicphanpie-b @wrendoesstuff @breannanyckole @alyrie @novagalaxy4real @prompty-writer @jordisama @broadwaytheanimatedseries @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @lizziepopanime @satisfied-sanders-sides @piko-blaster @save-the-spiral @dusk-lunari @heartsthetics @la-fandom-freak @irrelevantbutfabulous @cochroachkappa-blog @thestoryoferissur

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The playlist for Long Live can be found here!

Chapter 1 Chapter 2  Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 7

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Story of Another Us

Word Count: 3286

A/M: A story about the one who got away. I got inspired to write this from a prompt post with the quote: “I never should have let you go”. Also I think about the song Story of Another Us by 5sos a lot with this, so I’ll say it’s inspired a bit by it too cause I titled it and why not. It’s an awesome song. There is a Part Two to this, so I recommend you read it because it’s the conclusion of this story. And as always, hope you like it, tell me if you do Xx




You stared at your feet as you waited for the coach bus to pull up. You still had a ways to go to get home. One that was still a two hour bus ride away from where you stood. You waited alone looking carefully through the thick fog that surrounded the place to see if anyone was nearby. But no one showed up. The strong and cold moisture in the night air filled your nose and stuck to your skin and hair. You just hoped the bus would come soon. 

Luckily a moment later you saw something break through the fog. Headlights of the bus shone on you as the bus pulled up to the curb directly in front of you. You moved to the side watching as three people walked off, and saw as they quickly disappeared into the fog. 

“Getting on?”, The driver asked as he called for your attention. 

“Yeah” You answered, climbing up the steps. You asked him if this was the bus that went to your destination, and he nodded giving you a tired smile. His salt and pepper hair and beard aged the man, and you wondered how old he was. He seemed the age to retire, yet here he was driving a coach bus at 1 in the morning. 

I guess work isn’t done for everyone,  you thought to yourself.

You walked carefully down the narrow aisle of the bus, with your back pack on your back  you didn’t want to accidentally hit it on any chair or person. 

You looked to the people who were on the bus, all of them either sleeping or watching a  movie on their phone. You looked for an empty two seater to occupy, and found one three rows from the back. The back of the bus from what you could tell was completely empty. You rushed to it and sighed a sigh of relief. 

You were finally going home

You lazily rolled your head to look out the window. With the dark sky and thick fog you could barely tell what it looked like outside anymore, as the driver had driven away from your stop. 

You thought of what you wanted to do. Nap? Play a game on your phone? Watch a movie? Listen to music? 

You reached for your headphones in your pocket and unravelled it, as you planned to figure out what you wanted to do when you plugged it into your phone. But as you did, you heard your name be called by an unfamiliar voice across from where you sat. 

You were startled with surprise, not recognizing anyone on the bus or even know there was anyone in the seats behind you, you didn’t expect your name to be called. 

You turned around and in the seat behind yours, in the row across, you found a face you never thought you’d see again. One you hadn’t seen in years. 

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Vlogger Confessions

Youtuber AU where Simon is a daily vlogger and Baz has no idea what his roommate is always filming.

For @snowbaz-feda

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4]


Part 2

I don’t really care about the cameras anymore, I’m used to him talking around the flat.

I’ve been wondering what’s like, to see his vlogs. From what I can see, he always tries to be an optimistic person on camera, and film funny little things that he wants to share.

The problem now, is that he’s always here. I just got home from classes and he’s trying to open a letter, while also trying to vlog and it’s ridiculous.

He notices me, “Hey Baz can you uh… help me?” I roll my eyes, but I do before going to my bedroom.

The problem of him being here all the time, is because he keeps distracting me. If I’m in the living room, he starts talking to me or makes me go with him grab some scones, he’s addicted to the bloody thing.

**

It’s Saturday and Snow is doing a live show again, he asks me to say hello to everyone and I do. I would do anything, if he always rewarded me with his stupid smiles, like he’s doing right now.

“Do you want me to bring you scones on my way home?” He gives me an even bigger smile, when I ask him.

In the evening, I’m in my bed when I call him over.

“Need anything?” He says, with his laptop in one hand and then he starts to enter my bedroom, “Can I sit too? I need to edit.”

“You may not” I tell him but he doesn’t stop. To my disgrace, Snow has already learned that sometimes, I say things I don’t mean.

Having him in my bed, with only a few inches separating us, feels like torture. I keep glancing at him, because his mouth is slightly open. All I can do is imagine myself reach for him, turn his face in my direction and kiss him, then bite his lip to see what he would do.

“If Penny comes here tomorrow, can you ask her to bring my book?” This wasn’t what I wanted to ask, but I called him over so I had to say something.

Sometimes he lets me see him edit, like now. He’s fast cutting pieces and putting them together, in order for the final version. I’m in there sometimes, in the footage, he asked me if it was okay and I said I don’t mind really mind.

Perhaps tomorrow I can ask to see his videos, for some reason, Snow is still embarrassed about them.

**

I knock on his door and when I enter. He’s laying down on his bed, almost asleep editing a video. If I didn’t know better, I would say that he’s looking like this just to mess with me.

“Hey Baz” and he gives me a sleepy smile. I can feel myself beginning to blush.

“I can see that you’re busy, we can talk tomorrow.”

“No no, you can stay, I’ve just finished editing anyway.”

“Can I see it?” Because he just said that I can stay, and I’m feeling bold so I decide to sit on his bed to make my point, “Come on Snow, I appear in your videos, only fair you let me see them.”

He’s looking at me, like he’s trying to figure me out “Okay fine, I’ll show you today’s video, It’s not long so you won’t get bored.”

If only he knew how much I like listening to him, about random things. I even heard him complaining about me once, I almost laughed at how ridiculous it all was.

As soon as the vlog starts though, I know that this was a bad idea. He’s in bed, saying good morning to everyone, telling them that he’s gonna meet Penny later on and that they’re gonna go to the beach. I can’t stop looking at his chest, there’s a constellation of little moles painted there, that I desperately want to have a closer look.

When he’s about to leave the house, I appear in the vlog to give him his scones, he thanks me before leaving, and keeps talking about how such a nice roommate I am.

I glance at him and he’s blushing, but not taking his eyes off the screen. The rest of the vlog is just him and Penny, almost getting attacked by a seagull because they were eating fish and chips, and I laugh at that.

He’s laughing lightly by my side too, and I love how good this feels, feeling his body heat because our shoulders and legs are touching, and I have to restrain myself to not get closer to him.

When we finish, I ask to see another video, which takes him a few moments, but he chooses one called dragging my roommate outside, and I snort because I remember that day all too well.

He had a camera in one hand and was trying to convince me to go to the beach, to which I said no several times, so he just grabbed my hand and pulled me, until we were out of the building.

That was a good day, we grabbed some food and went to the pier. Snow wanted to make a timelapse of the sunset, so we just sat there talking and looking at the sea. The end result of the timelapse was actually quite good so I praise him for that. The video finishes with him in bed, saying he had a great time with me.

I’m looking at him and I realize that I’m falling in love with this moron, fuck. I’m falling for Simon and this is not going to end well.


(see my snowbaz fic masterlist)

The Gainer Sesh Part 1

*A sequel to The Fat Brother (Link)*

*Disclaimer* Fictional story. Intended for 18+ readers only. Smoking is bad for you.

One morning inside a garage, three 22 year old guys, Kurt, Darren and Campbell, are sitting in a circle.

“Yo guys” Darren, the ginger one, announced sheepishly as he took a hit.  “I’m gonna get some munchies.”

“Awesooome” blonde-haired Campbell said, extending the last syllable for a bit to long.

“There’s this box on the counter,” Darren kept talking even as he went to the kitchen in his parents’ house.

The heavy one, Kurt, took a quick hit and then asked quickly “What’s he talking about?” before exhaling.

“Must be nice living with mommy and daddy and not having to buy your own food” Campbell told him in a bored voice, drawing a line in pen through the maze on the back of a cereal box as he munched on some dry Coco Puffs.

“And here you are raiding the Bennett’s pantry” Kurt smirked at his friend as Darren came back with a brown box,  “What’s that?”

Darren opened the top flaps of the box.

“They’re cookies!” Darren proclaimed.  

The other two watched as the red haired one turned over the box to reveal one dozen chocolate chip cookies.

“I love chocolate chip,” Kurt started to salivate.  “But I can’t have that man I’m on a diet.”

“Ladies dig the dad bod anyway” Campbell said, snagging a cookie and biting into it.

The other guys laughed as a bit of chocolate covered his lips.

“Mmm, this is soooo good,” he declared, eyes lit up in culinary delight.

“Really?”  Darren asked, grabbing one for himself.  “I wonder where my parents got them.  Woah … this is the best cookie I’ve ever had. You sure you don’t want one, big guy?”

“I gotta leave” Kurt replied, trying to avoid eye contact with the box.  “I’ll have some later, don’t eat them all, okay?”

In fact, Kurt grabbed one as he headed out the door, and was glad he did as soon as his teeth sunk into the tasty treat. Afterwards however he felt guilty and despite his hunger pangs, resisted getting more food for breakfast. At 6’2” and 215 pounds, Kurt was definitely a bit chubby, but it was better than when his weight was north of 230. Kurt had always been skinny without too much muscle, carrying only 160 pounds for most of his young adult life. But due to some weird events 2 months ago, he had quickly ballooned up to obesity. Despite all this, because he was never naturally fat, he had managed to shed 15+ pounds.

The trio spent their day at work, occasionally licking their lips and thinking about the cookies at Darren’s house, totally unaware that they each carried 3 more pounds than they had when they awoke that morning.

They agreed to meet back in Darren’s garage at 5, and went to Little Caesars to grab 2 hot-and-readys.  Normally the time spent eating together would be full of conversation and good-natured teasing about Kurt’s weight.  All three, however, seemed a bit subdued as they ate their pizza.

Kurt broke the rather pensive post-meal silence.  

“Am I the only one who really wants another one of those cookies?” he asked.

“Shit I’m glad you brought it up” Darren replied.  “I’ve been thinking about those things all freaking day.  I don’t know what it is, it’s like I have to eat another one.”

“Yeah, same here,” Campbell concurred.  “Let’s break ‘em out.”

The cookies were brought to the table and each one reverently took one.  Quiet moans filled the kitchen as three sets of teeth sunk into the perfectly baked cookies, chocolate chips spurting out onto waiting tastebuds.

“So good,” Darren sighed.  

The conversation picked up, each guy back to his normal goofy self, talking about cars and college football.  They didn’t even realize that they were picking up another cookie until Campbell’s hand reached into the box to find it empty.

“Whoa,” he said, her tone turning serious.  “We just ate all the cookies.”

“What? No way!” Kurt denied, grabbing the box.  “Damn, they’re all gone.  I didn’t even realize it…”

Campbell placed one hand against the midsection of his Hawaiian shirt.  His stomach did feel uncomfortably round and a bit bloated, all evidence of cookie gluttony.

“Guys, we gotta be careful,” Darren warned.  “Good thing it was only a dozen”

“You’re right bro” Campbell agreed, his hand still lightly rubbing his overfull middle.  As much as he was loathe to admit it, though, he did find himself craving just one more.

That evening the boys ended up getting so buzzed they decided to just spend the night at Darren’s, with Kurt and Campbell sleeping in a sleeping bag in each corner of Darren’s room. One corner of their minds were still basking in the memory of those incredibly delicious cookies.  It was enough to keep them from realizing that each of their bodies was now 12 pounds heavier.

Kurt found it took a bit more effort to get his brother’s old 36’ jeans under his chunky ass, and there was definitely a greater feeling of relief when he undid the button.  A quick glance in the mirror was not enough to raise suspicions.  Kurt had shaggy brown hair, not a lot of muscle, blue eyes, and was thick all over.  At 6”2 and chubby 215 (when the day began), with most of his weight rounding his overfed gut, but also some fat chunking out his sagging chest, chunky legs, and wide ass.  He knew he had to be careful. He knew he was only a few pounds from transitioning from chubby and overweight to downright fat and obese.

Behind him, Darren grunted slightly and let out a sigh of relief as he undid the button on his jeans and pulled down the zipper.  At 5’11”, he had wavy red hair, blue eyes and very fair skin.  A strict gym regimen kept him at a toned and muscular 160.  He did his best to keep his pudgy youth a secret from others, the truth was that his metabolism wasn’t great so it was only by a strict diet and lots of time in the gym that he managed to keep his sexy slim figure.  With a very good looking face, he had gotten used to turning heads and wanted to keep it that way.

Lastly, Campbell struggled a bit to release the straining button on his shorts.  After stepping out of the shorts and undoing the front buttons of his Hawaiian shirt, he got visual confirmation of his bloated feeling.  His normally flat stomach pooched out slightly above his V line, a rather shocking sight on his usually slim frame.  The same height as Kurt, Campbell had never needed to worry about his weight.  He simply had a slim and toned build and it seemed that his weight had been pretty constant at 170 ever since he graduated from high school.  His laid back attitude, blonde hair, and piercing green eyes lent him a bit of a surfer look, and his thin waist and muscular pecs/arms certainly didn’t hurt.

All three climbed under their covers, closing their eyes and drifting off to sleep with a small voice in the back of their heads whispering, “More cookies…”

*******************
“You never said there was another box!” exclaimed Campbell.  

Neither of the other two replied as they all stood around the island counter, looking at the mysterious box that had seemingly appeared overnight.

“I-I-It wasn’t here last night,” Darren said incredulously, “My parents are supposed to be gone all week.”

They watched as Kurt slowly ripped open the seal and pulled the flaps open.

“More cookies,” he announced.  

The three guys gazed into the box, another dozen chocolate chip cookies staring back at them.

“Is that drool on your lip big guy?” Campbell asked, starting to laugh before his stomach unleashed a loud roar.

“Hungry much?” Darren smirked.  “Anyway, I have no idea how these got here.”

“Well … I dunno.  Does anyone really care that much?” Campbell asked, balling his fists to keep from reaching out and snagging one.

“Um, not really,” Kurt replied.  “I, uh, I need to take a leak.”

“Yeah, I gotta let the dog out,” Darren chimed in, his eyes straying back to the open box as he started walking down the hall.

Campbell left the kitchen right after the other two, but not before grabbing a cookie to take with him.

*******************

The guys ended up napping all morning, and by the time Darren said that he was going to shower and officially wake up for the day, only 6 cookies remained the box.

Kurt looked at Campbell as they both heard swearing coming from the upstairs bathroom.

“What’s going on?” Kurt asked, sleepily rubbing his eyes.

“I dunno,” Campbell yawned.  “Sounds like he stubbed his toe or something.”

The sight that greeted them when they arrived at the bathroom served to rouse them from their stupor.  There, standing on the scale in just a very tight pair of boxers, was a very upset Darren.

“I gained 24 pounds!” he shouted.  “184! I was 160 last time I weighed myself on Monday! How the hell does that happen?!”

“I’m sure the scale’s just broken,” Campbell said, but even as the words left his mouth he realized he was wrong.

A good look at his bud revealed that Darren was indeed looking heavier, about 24 pounds worth.  His cheeks had developed dimples and his neck was thicker. His boxers strained against his butt which rounded out way past his back, his blown-out thighs wider and rounder, filling out the legs of the boxer shorts completely.  Instead of flat abs, a frat-boyish gut was oozing over the stretched waistband.

“It’s the fucking cookies!” Kurt exclaimed.  

“Yeah, that must be it,” Campbell agreed, feeling excited that they had figured it out before he began to look down.

“Holy shit,” he whispered, with a look of horror in his fuller cheeks and feeling butterflies in the pit of his stomach.  

Kurt and Darren turned towards their friend. Campbell’s small t-shirt and boxer shorts hid nothing.  An even rounder belly with a thin happy trail and deep navel poked out of the 3” gap between the hem of the shirt and the waistband of the boxers.  He gently prodded his pudgy stomach in wonder, hands slowly sliding up to feel his softer pecs.

Kurt’s large fat stomach jiggled as lifted up his T-shirt and walked to the scale to join Campbell in inspecting the damage.  Since he was already big all over, his fatter stomach didn’t seem so out of place, but the overhang that was present a few weeks ago had returned. Substantial love handles popped out from his sides and oozed over the waistband of his tight boxers. His butt was huge and round enough to make any black woman jealous. As the screen lit up and flashed, Kurt lowered his arms to his sides. His T shirt remained in place, held up by his large moobs. The numbers 239 appeared on the screen.

“239,” he told them.  “24 pounds.  8 cookies.”

“Could it really be the cookies?” Darren wondered out loud.  “I mean, I ate like … 8 I think.  4 each day.”

Campbell approached the scale with trepidation, simply nodding to confirm his own gain when the scaled flashed “194” at him.

Then they all looked at each other, as if each had an identical thought. Running back down the hall, glancing at each other’s figures and noticing all jiggling that took place as they ran, they ventured to the kitchen.

They stopped in their track when an identical box could be seen on the counter once again.

“What do we do?” Darren whimpered, right hand cupping his chubby gut.

“I… I don’t know,” Kurt said.  “Should we open it to make sure…?”

His voice trailed off, even to his ears it was a pathetic attempt to simply get the cookies in his belly.  Maybe it was because the new pounds seemed to be messing with his appetite, but all he could think about was eating more cookies.

“Well, we should probably find out for sure if it is the cookies,” Campbell suggested.

“No shit it’s the cookies,” Darren snapped.  “And how do you suggest we ‘find out’, anyways?”

“Well, one of us could stand on the scale while we eat a cookie.”

“Not me, I’m fat enough already” Kurt backed away.

Campbell took a deep breath.  “I’ll take one for the team.”

A few minutes later the box was open and Campbell stood on the scale to get a baseline reading.

“Alright, we’ve weighed you three times and you’ve been 194 each time,” Kurt announced.  

Campbell stepped off the scale and took a cookie from the box.  As much as he was terrified by the thought of getting chubby, he couldn’t deny that he enjoyed the tingling sensation that warmed his body as she bit into the cookie.  As soon as it was gone, the pudgy blonde stepped back onto the scale.

“197,” Kurt read out loud, her eyes widening as he looked at Campbell’s tubby gut.  “So what do we do now?”

Campbell shrugged and grabbed another cookie.  “Well, I think we just gotta be very careful.  I don’t know who’s behind this, but I think it’s someone who has it out for us.”

“Maybe we can get a sample sent to a lab to see what’s in it,” Kurt mumbled through a mouthful of baked good.

“Mm-hmm,” Darren agreed, licking some chocolate off of his lips.  “Kurt should get us some clothes that will fit and then we’ll look for a lab to test it.”

“Sounds good,” Campbell said, small double chin visible as he chewed and then swallowed the last bite.  “I’ll just bag one of these… uh-oh.”

“Wait… is that box empty?” Kurt asked, a sprinkling of crumbs on his moobs.

“Did we just eat all those cookies?!” Darren screamed, eyes bugging out.

Campbell stepped back onto the scale.

206.

*To be continued*

2

((I’ve yet to sit down and properly think about how the toons take to illness, so I guess its about time I did. Also, no such thing as too many questions! I’m glad you can think up so many of ‘em, keeps the blog active. Headcanons under the cut! :3))

Please don’t tag as kin/me - Please don’t repost to other websites - Ask Before Dubbing - Please don’t remove caption - Reblogs appreciated! <3 ✮

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Baby Sitters (Daveed Diggs x Reader)

WOAH. omfg okay so I finally finished this. It took me forever but I finally did it. Now I can finish my other fics lol. Okay, so I hope you all enjoy this, it took me so long. As always send in requests if you have them. 

Pairing: Daveed Diggs x reader

Word Count: 5482

Summary: Reader is left in charge of babysitting Nala, Anthony and Jasmine’s puppy, for a week and Daveed comes to “help”.

Warnings: Cursing, smut, Nala (puppies should always be warnings)

MASTERLIST


“Yip! Yip!” Jasmine and Anthony’s new puppy, Nala, chirped as you walked into Jasmine’s apartment.

You bent down and Nala ran towards you, slipping on the hardwood floor. “Oh my god!” You picked the dog up when she was close to you. “Hi there, baby!” You said using a ‘baby’ voice. Nala kept yipping, and you almost started crying because of how adorable she was. “Who’s a good little girl? Who is it? It’s you!”

Anthony sat on the couch, laughing as you immersed yourself into a conversation with the dog, asking her how her day went and if her daddy was being nice to her.

“Daddy was being nice to someone.” Anthony mumbled into the glass of water in his hand, a huge smirk evident on his face.

“Oh, gross. The baby can hear you, ass-wipe.” You chastised.

“She’s a puppy.” Anthony argued. “She doesn’t understand what we’re saying yet.”

Both you and Jasmine gave Anthony a dirty look.

“My baby will not be learning your nasty language.” Jasmine said.

“But she can’t talk!”

“But she can understand! We will not be using inappropriate language as of today.”

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Distance

Originally posted by jengkook


Paring: Jungkook x reader
Genre: Fluff, online boyfriend!AU
Word Count: 3.2k

“God, I cannot wait to actually be able to interlock my hand with yours.”

Distance is only a test to see how far love can actually travel. But the distance gets tough when you not only live a whole country away, but your boyfriend is also an idol. Not forgetting to mention, you’ve never met him in person. 

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How to survive on minimal money

I’m so sick of reading all these “how to save money” articles that only tell you to stop buying a morning coffee that you don’t buy anyway because you can’t afford it in the fucking first place. 

ANYWAY, as a person who never seems to have any money, and nothing to show for my lack of money, here are my tips for people in similar situations so that you don’t die. 

1) Start a budget book. I bought mine about 3 years ago for £3 from WHSmith. When you get paid, write down how much money came into your account, then immediately deduct every single bill you have to pay from that amount. Now you know exactly how much money you have to spend for the rest of the month until the next pay day. Write down every single thing you buy and exactly how much it cost, including cash withdrawals. Yes it’s boring, but holy shit it will save your ass so many times knowing that you’ve already accounted for all your bills.

2) Stop shopping in Tesco/Sainsburys/Asda/Waitrose/etc etc. Just stop. Holy shit just stop it. Tesco sucks the life out of me just walking in there I swear to god. Switch to Aldi and/or Lidl. They’re cheap because they give you ONE option of each thing. One type of tinned chopped tomatoes. One type of washing up liquid. One type of ketchup etc etc you get the idea. Their toothpaste, shower gel and baby wipes are pretty damn good and cost about 50p. Like, for fuck sake stop paying £1 for one damn cabbage. YOU DONT NEED TO SPEND A WHOLE QUID ON A FUCKING CABBAGE. 

3) Aldi and Lidl post what their offers are going to be for that week on their websites. Read them before you go shopping then decide what you’re going to be eating for that week based around what’s on offer. Deals on diced chicken and microwave rice? BOOM you’ve got yourself a cheap ass curry to last you at least 2 meals. 

4) Pinterest is your friend. You can look up anything in the world. From budget meals to how to make your own washing powder (if you really wana risk that…I wouldn’t personally but you do you). 

5) Join a Facebook selling site. Find one that’s based where you live and turn on the notifications. You’d be shocked to know how many people give away free sofas and washing machines. Fucking LOADS. You never know what people might be chucking. 

6) If you drive, stop driving like an asshole. A happy car means less petrol usage and less repairs (I HAVE LEARNED THIS THE HARD WAY, TRUST ME THIS IS VALUABLE INFORMATION).

7) Turn your lights off when you’re not in a room. Turn your heating down and put on a jumper. Candles are effective ways of combating both of these things. Candles are your friends. Go to the poundshop and buy candles. You’d be surprised how quickly a small room heats up with a couple of lit candles. 

8) Stop going out. You can’t afford to go out. If you keep going out and then complaining that you’re skint, get off this list. This list is not for you. You’re a jerk. If you must drink some alcohol, buy a cheapo bottle of wine (Aldi does a banging white for £3.89 a bottle wayoooo) and roll around on the floor of your own house.

9) Sell all your stuff. I’m almost 100% sure that if you have a job, and you at one point lived with your parents, you will have stuff in your home now that you don’t need. I have a pair of Urbanears headphones 2 feet away from me right now that I got as a gift and I know I won’t use. No one watches DVDs anymore, so Music Magpie those dinosaurs. Don’t forget about that stuff. Sell it. Sell the shit out of it. 

10) I know I’m going back to the whole food shopping thing, but I think most of the time this is the only thing in our lives that we can really control how much we spend. Gonna get it all out of my system now, ready? Make a list of what you’re going to buy a stick to it. Try to buy ingredients that can be used across multiple meals. Take tinned soup to work for lunch instead of spending £8 a day on disappointing sandwiches in Pret. Cut out meat as much as you can. SLOW COOKERS ARE YOUR FRIENDS! I know we’re trying to save money here, not spend it, but buy ‘A Girl Called Jack’ by Jack Monroe and it will show you how to eat on fuck all money without eating supernoodles for 3 meals a day. I recommend the mixed bean goulash, it will give you the farts but it tastes awesome. If you do find yourself in Tesco in an emergency, take a stroll past the reduced isle. Best reduced stuff to get is always meat (put it in the freezer) and cheese. I have at least 2 loaves of bread from the reduced section in my freezer right now that cost me 6p each. FROZEN FOOD IS GOOD, ESPECIALLY VEGETABLES.

11) Change all your suppliers. Electricity. Gas. Internet. Whatever. Go to uswitch and do it. It’s really not that hard. Okay, internet is a fucking faff but gas and electric are not. You might already have the best deal but you wont know until you look so go look. 

12) Loyalty points are the bomb. Get a card for every god damn shop you’ve ever been in. It doesn’t cost you anything, so start saving up those bad boy points now. When I first moved into my flat, I bought all my home essentials (milk, clingfilm, washing up liquid etc etc) all on my Nectar points and what would have been a £70 shop was fucking FREEEE.

13) Lastly, before you buy anything, stop and ask yourself, “do I actually need this thing?” You already know the answer. You know it. You already know it. No. You fucking don’t. You don’t need that thing. I was in Wilkinsons like 2 weeks ago and I almost bought a new roasting dish because the one I already had was “too big”. How the fuck can a roasting dish be too big? So your food is a bit more spread out, big fucking deal. There, you see? I just saved myself £6 for a piece of shit I didn’t need. You don’t need those shoes. You don’t need a limited edition bluray copy of Blade Runner with director’s cut . You don’t need a new ironing board cover with Batman on it. You. Don’t. Fucking. Need. It.