Hey everyone! So, as most of you already know, today marks one year since the first ever Sanders Sides video! From one relatively short video, and the series which followed, there came an entire world, filled with art, writing, and some of the kindest people I’ve ever met. In order to celebrate this, I’ve written this fic. Expect large amounts of reminiscing and a couple of self-deprecating remarks from Virgil. Hope you all enjoy!
I was thinking the other day that I should probably write more about my life here, since every photo I take has some kind of a story behind it. I guess I have had a gazillion different kinds of blogs during my lifetime, so I have mostly kept this place just filling up with photos. I’ve also been awfully busy living my life but lately I feel that it will just slip through my fingers if I don’t write anything down. During my first year in London (ca 3 years ago) I would fill up lots of diaries, draw and paint a lot, go running in the park and go out in the evenings A LOT. But then I started working and was also trying to juggle coursework on top of it, so I sort of lost myself within all that. And the only real creative aspect I focused on was photography, with the occasional poem here and there.
On Saturday I went back to Greenwich and Blackheath and felt this flow of memories roll over me. I always get slightly nostalgic when I go to Greenwich Park since I used to go running there almost every morning.
This is how it would normally look like. Not even kidding.
Then at some point I decided to move on the other side of town, right next to Wembley Stadium and I am still not sure why. This area has such a strange vibe but in a way I enjoy the feeling that it is not fully developed yet, that there are these cool super cheap Caribbean food places and really cheap shops. Every now and then somebody also gets stabbed around this area, but most of the time it’s pretty safe. Weirdly, I am starting to become nostalgic even about this area. Never would have thought. It’s lovely in its roughness.
Sunrise with fog.
I feel like I am living a double life since I work in East London and take this hour long commute every morning. If I’m lucky enough to get a seat I actually quite like it. I tend to read something or just prepare myself for a day of communication. I’m a bit grumpy in the mornings and tend to avoid conversation. It’s awkward enough being crammed together on the train.
East London on the other hand is so vibrant and full of life and wonder that it never stops to amaze me.
These are all taken around the Brick Lane area.
And now I feel that the end of an era is approaching since I plan to pack all my stuff (send most of it to Estonia). Stay back home for a few weeks. And then move to Holland. I’m not sure for how long, but I will probably have to change the subtle title of this blog. I always felt that calling myself a photographer will sound slightly pretentious, but yeah it seemed just more coherent. I could also call myself a Poet (NOT pretentious at all) or an Ethnologist or Folklorist or Psychologist or Wanderer or Miss Lost Marbles, but all that would sound a bit untrue. I guess I have all that layered up inside me and I am just looking for my place in the world. I am working on a Poetry book though. I have some plans in the field of Visual Anthropology. Plus I’ve definitely lost my marbles. Oh and there might be an Photography Exhibition too. But at the same time I have this silly finno-ugric feel, that I should not say too much to not jinx it all.
All I really think about lately is my island summer home and how I want to lay between juniper bushes and not think of anything at all.
I mean look at it. This place has pretty much shaped my whole subconscious.
So I set off to work early armed with my new companion. How beautiful was the mist. Parked up and crossed the road to take a peek at Rugeley iconic towers. Feels a bit nostalgic as they won’t be there much longer, pause and inhale the peace.
Drove a little further on, how different can two sides of a road look?
Then it hit me. I am so grateful, for everything and everyone in my life who have shaped me into this crazy, excitable woman I am, and all those that continue to help, love and inspire me.
Untitled by atomic turquoise I’m feeling so nostalgic, for everything, the beauty and the pain, all of it, just aching to be filled, to be remembered. I’ve moved around a good bit over these past few years. I’ve met so may amazing people, seen so many amazing things, so many crazy experiences. Sometimes its so hard to be happy in the present.
This photo was taken in Wilmington, NC, at sunrise one morning at my favorite spot on Wrightsville Beach, when I was living alone in my simple, happy little trailer by the sea, and on the drive home I’d stopped at the farmer’s market and bought three sunflowers, and I’d kept them in that big blue jar on the kitchen table. Simple beautiful things.
“With outdoor shoots and radio shows, it turned night time in the blink of an eye. Today, we’re back home to spend the night in Osakaー!”
“At Shimokitazawa’s ‘Mintei’.”
“When I came up to Tokyo in my 2nd year of high school, I transferred from Osaka to a high school in Tokyo. I’d take the train each morning from Shimokitazawa to school, and there were many times that I took the train wrongly and ended up late…Somehow, it made me happy to go to Shimokitazawa after such a long while. I am feeling a tinsy bit nostalgic. We completed a naturally cool poster.”
“TOWER RECORDS × SCANDAL“NO MUSIC, NO Sisters?” click”
Some Valentine’s Day thoughts on Emma’s Pink Dress
So I woke up this morning to see that this old meta of mine regarding Emma’s pink “date dress” was back in circulation.
Rereading it I was reminded just how much I love that dress.
And because it’s Valentine’s Day weekend and I’m feeling a bit romantic, and nostalgic, I want to share a with you a quote about Emma’s femininity from an interview Jennifer Morrison gave way back in February 2012 (X) :
So often in movies and TV a beauty look is so over-the-top glam that’s it’s incongruous with a character.
That’s always my first thing with my characters— I always want it to suit the reality of that person’s life. With Emma, that was a big conversation.We really felt like because she is so tough and is so rough around the edges, we wanted there to be a softness to her somehow. The implication that if she had grown up in a fairy-tale is that she would have been a very different person. We wanted the core of her to represent something softer and more feminine.“
That explains the princess hair.
"Yeah. The idea was that there was a bit of a wave. I let it air-dry and then they give it a bit of soft curl. There’s always a pretty extensive process that goes into those choices.”
According to JMO Emma’s look that was conceived back in S1 was intended to reflect that, AT HER CORE, she was a soft and feminine person. That’s the reasoning behind the choices that were made with Emma’s hair and make-up when the show first began.
And that quote ties in beautifully with another interview in which JMO talked about that pink dress she wore on her first date with Hook - a dress she said reflected the way Hook made her feel (X) :
“This is the first time that Emma is wearing something that is softer and gentler and sweeter and romantic,” she said.
“To me, that was really important because I wanted it to be symbolic of something very different than the other times that we’ve seen her on a date,” Morrison remarked of Emma’s varied romantic past. “Now she really likes this guy and she’s really genuine about it… and the fact that she feels safe enough and inspired to express that part of herself to him was a really important thing to show.”
Emma Swan IS the Ugly Duckling.
That is her fairy tale persona. And her journey since S1 has been one of transformation. She went from a gruff, walls up, loner, to a woman who has grown more and more comfortable demonstrating her immense capacity to be warm, vulnerable, and open to giving and receiving love - first with Henry, then her parents…and now Hook.
No wonder Jen loves that pink “date dress” so much. It represents something so beautiful for the character she’s lovingly created in Emma Swan. Jennifer described the dress as “softer and gentler and sweeter and romantic” and said that Hook made her feel safe enough to share those parts of herself. For the first time since we’d met her, Emma Swan she felt comfortable to embrace and express a core aspect of her personality that she had been keeping hidden under all that leather armor since S1 - her softness.
And it’s been amazing to watch her journey of self discovery - as she feels more and more comfortable in her own skin we see those downy grey feathers fall away as the complex woman that is Emma Swan emerges.
When I first saw the dress I thought it was pretty - and a surprising choice. I was fairly excited to see her in something so different but I didn’t give it much thought. It was only after I read Jen’s thoughts on it, and placed it in the context of how she’s spoken about Emma since 2012, that I truly understood the reasoning behind the wardrobe choice. It was Jen’s insight into her character that made me fall in love with that dress! And now I smile every time I see it.
(Personal note: My own wardrobe is pretty similar to Emma’s - most days I can be found in jeans and riding boots, I own lots of shear sweaters (most often grey) and I’ve even got a tan leather jacket just like hers. I don’t wear much that would be called “girly”. In fact, the last time I wore a dress my 6 year old son asked me what my “costume” was! But after writing this I’m feeling inspired to dig the one pink thing I own out of my closet this weekend to wear on Valentine’s Day - not for my husband, but for me!)
It’s Ooba Mina, aka Minarun, part of AKB48’s Umeda Team B and SKE48’s Team KII.
During the latest Big Re-Formation, it was decided for me to transfer to SKE48 and to become Team KII’s vice leader.
I’m now going to write my very honest feelings.
I felt so bewildered by such a huge change that is the transfer. But I tried not to show those feelings on stage.
However, as I was sitting on stage, watching the announcements of the following Teams, I suddenly started to perceive AKB48 so very far…
That made me realize my transfer very intensely, and perceiving that distance made me feel nervous.
Once the Big Re-Formation was over, as I was talking about my concurrency until now, about AKB, and about my future self with Ichikawa Miori-chan, Umeda Ayaka-san and the staff, I spontaneously started to cry. Though the tears were not because I don’t want this transfer, but because I was touched by something like nostalgic feelings…
Then I wasn’t able to understand what I should’ve done, what was the right choice to make…
Which is why I decided to stop thinking for that day.
This morning I woke up and I kind of talked so much that I came unable to understand anything anymore.
I mailed the new manager Shinobu-san. After surely thinking about me, she replied soon with a very kind mail. And it’s thanks to that mail, that I became able to put a bit of order to my feelings.
AKB48 is a great Team. Something that can’t cease to exist. So much that even just being part of it is something to be proud about. I spent almost 5 years in AKB48. I’ve been depending a lot on it.
I know it’s late to recognize it now, but… it’s amazing how, just by being in AKB, I was given the chance to go through a lot of experiences and get a lot of different work.
From now on I’ll be an SKE48 member.
But it’s already almost a year that, being in SKE48, I was able to ge to know so many great and impressive things about it.
Thanks to that, I myself was able to change and gained a lot of confidence. I learned to do things with all my might, to keep on pursuing dreams, to be considerate.
Then there’s the presence of fans, that allowed me to obtain a treasure - the Nagoya Dome’s scenere, the voices and faces - that I will never forget, and keep supporting everything with all they have!
SKE48 has such powerful and encouraging fans. So there’s nothing I’m afraid of.
On the contrary, I love the group so much I feel so passionate, wishing for us to go higher and higher!
There’s a long future ahead.
And I’ll transfer to the SKE48 who has this future. I’ll never get such a wonderful chance ever again.
Especially because this is my life, I’m going to challenge with all my energy!
I’m still very grateful for all that changed thanks to my concurrency. I believe I’ll be able to change even more after the transfer.
And I’m going to work hard, together with SKE, so that I’ll be of some help for the 48 Group.
SKE48’s fans, I’m not originary of Nagoya nor anything else, but… please keep taking care of me!
People who support me… I’m sorry I keep causing you worry… But it’s better than nothing, right? I kind of feel you’d think that way lol
I’m like this but, please, follow me! I won’t regret this. It’s both for me and for you.
My activity will be focused in Nagoya (well, I’ll come to Tokyo once in a while), but still please, keep supporting me!
Ah, the post is written terribly. Sorry!
I discussed a lot with the agency’s manager, we agreed it’s also good my future dreams!
Ooba will do her best(*^^*)！
What will happen in the future? I’m excited to know it!
When I Know What I Need (15.5K, explicit, lirry, payneston, stayneston) Liam can’t stop thinking about Ben Winston, and Harry knows just how to make his dreams come true. This was posted in the beginning of January and I didn’t write anything longer or pornier all year. I’m nostalgic about this fic–one of my favorite pairings written for one of my favorite authors in what now feels like a simpler fandom era.
The Answer is Niall (2.7K, explicit, nouis, nourry, houis) They’re watching This is Us again when Louis decides to get closer to Niall. Harry, coincidentally, has the same idea. I’m kind of cheating putting this on the list, because I wrote an earlier version in 2013. But I did clean it up and expand it a bit for the ao3 this year.
Words With Friends (800w, haylor, g) Harry rings Taylor the morning after the 2013 VMAs. Another story written earlier but posted in 2014.
Something to Fall Back On (2.2k, ot5 + ben, pg) It’s 2011. In an alternate universe where One Direction is struggling, Ben Winston offers the boys a different kind of opportunity. This is the story about Ben’s secret boyband underground sex ring. Basically a chance for me to make lots of jokes about imaginary failed boyband One Direction.
Lift (lilo, 4K, explicit) Liam and Louis try to get to the fifth floor. This was a combo of two tropes: stuck-in-a-lift and sex pollen. I love writing pairings where there’s some kind of conflict going on, and with 1D having such a lovey-dovey canon, xfactor lilo is one of the few places to find it.
Tower (ziam, 5K, g) As usual Zayn is unreachable: a fairy tale. Speaking of conflict, finding one was my main challenge in writing this fic. I didn’t want the story to end as soon as Liam extracted Zayn from the tower, but postponing that happy ending in a convincing way was a struggle.
Split (ziall, niallcest, 5.6K, explicit) Niall likes Niall. So does Zayn. The culmination of an obsession with Zayn/Niall/Niall that began long ago. I was fascinated with Niall’s complicated personality, and how the gentle sweetness of ziall as a ship would play out if Niall became simultaneously more assertive and more reserved.
One Hundred Per Cent (niam, 5.7K, explicit) Liam is 100% not gay, but Niall has a plan. Or, five times Niall came up with a ridiculous excuse for him to have sex with Liam and one time aliens did. This was my first time writing niam, and the quickest and the most fun tropegate story for me to write. I understand now why people love writing five times fic!
Wild (lirry, 9K, explicit) ‘He might not be virtuous, he might not be wise, but he would not allow any man to make him his toy.' A werewolf story set in Regency Cheshire. I realized at a certain point with this story that I was basically rewriting my debate au, but with added dubcon and Harry pov. Of all the fics I wrote for tropegate, this and Split are my favorites.
short tumblr ficlets and nonsense:
ziam reincarnation fic (1.2K) ziam fall in love during: prehistory, alexander’s invasions, medieval europe, the age of sail, xfactor.