Sweet and Sour
When Keith came home and opened the freezer he expected to find his tub of ice cream untouched.
What he wasn’t expecting was the large tub of chocolate ice cream to be empty and containing the severed head of his room mate’s girlfriend.
Just as Keith made the discovery, his room mate, Lance, walked into the kitchen like he had done absolutely nothing wrong.
“Lance, what’s this in the freezer.” Keith asked calmly trying hid best to hide his emotions from him.
The taller man took a look at what Keith meant and chuckled nervously. “Oh, that’s your ice cream. But I wouldn’t touch it just yet if I were you, I brought cupcakes home from the bakery and it really is best to eat them while warm.” He didn’t give Keith an opportunity to decline and instead went about unloading the boxes of the blue and red frosted cakes from his ‘Save the whales’ for life bag.
Keith rose an eyebrow sitting across from him at the little round table fiddeling with the red and white checked table cloth, that Lance insisted gave the kitchen a homely feel, Keith just thought it looked tacky.
“So…” Keith asked leaning back on his chair as casually as he could after my discovery, “do anything interesting today, perhaps with your girlfriend?”
Lance paused for a moment visibly tensing at my words before managing to catch himself. “Oh no erm… Lilly is kinda sick at the moment so dont expect to see her for a little while.” He hurried to say placing a cupcake on a plate in front of Keith.
What he did in the freezer aside Lance sure is one hell of a baker, one upside of living with someone who owns a bakery Is Keith gets plenty of treats.
Keith took a bite and emidietly knew something was wrong. The cake almost tasted like meat…
Keith looked down and saw what could only be part of a woman’s finger sticking out of the centre of the cake.
Keith spat out the bite and glared at Lance.
“What the hell is wrong with you!” Keith yelled causing the taller man to jump in fright.
“What! Keith what’s wrong?!” He asked sounding honestly concerned.
“What’s the matter…WHATS THE MATTER!” Keith snap grabbing him by the shirt and pulling him close to him. “I’ll tell you what the matter is! You just fed me your girlfriend!”
Lance paled glancing at his own plate “oh…”
“You know I’m a vegetarian dude!” Keith shout a little louder this time. “Honestly, we’ve lived together for almost three years now and you go and feed me meat!”
“I’m so sorry… I must of given you mine by mistake” Lance gave Keith that cute little innocent smile that under any other circumstances proberly would of made him melt thanks to those large blue puppy dog eyes.
But not this time.
“It’s not just the cake Lance! I saw my ice cream too! You promised you wouldn’t eat it this time!”
Lance looked down shamefully a small sniff escaping him making Keith almost regret yelling so much. He let go his shirt and took a few steps away.
“Look i didn’t get upset when you took my pasta off the stove to boil the mailmans organs, or when you left your exboyfriends body on the couch for like a week because you were too lazy to go out and buy a new saw. But I have to draw the line somewhere and that’s when you eat my ice cream to put your girlfriends head in the freezer. I’m just asking for you not to eat my food. Ok?”
Lance nodded shyly not meeting Keith’s gaze.
“Cause I fucking swear Lance next time it happens I’m just going to toss the body parts to the cats and leave you to clean up the mess they make.”
Lance nodded again with a small smile. “Swear jar.” He chuckled quietly.
Keith rolled his eyes but couldn’t suppress the laugh anymore. “Ok anything you say” He pulled out a few coins and dropped them in the old jam jar on the counter.
Keith smiled thinking to himself
‘Lance isn’t always an easy person to live with. But then again I guess I deserve it for falling in love with a serial killer.’