i was a teenage

It was toxic. Our relationship was toxic. We loved each other but it was a constant back and forth from bliss to pain and pain to bliss. We couldn’t be the people who we wanted to be. We were too tied up to each other. It didn’t help that we also had to hide from everyone. It was getting harder and harder to breathe. It was suffocating. Our love was real but maybe, it was just not the right time. We needed to love ourselves first. Maybe, one day, we will meet again and never let each other go.
“Happy Birthday, Mish.”

His phone has been ringing all morning, or blowing up with texts, or pinging with Twitter notifications; and he ignores them all, because every time his birthday rolls around—what he really likes to do is wake up slowly and spend the coming hours just talking with his children.

West’s imagination is unparalleled, and the things Maison will say can make him laugh—or make him cry in a matter of moments. It’s his favorite thing in the world, so even though he appreciates all the well wishes, he’ll ignore them for now, because his family is waiting for him, and he already makes them wait enough throughout the year.

But then his phone vibrates.

He couldn’t decide on which ringtone to use, and no song seemed to be good enough, and eventually—Misha felt silly trying so hard to pick just the right tune for every time Jensen called, so he finally settled on setting everything to “vibrate” which in the end, seemed the most fitting of all.

When he and Jensen talk, it tends to be quiet, hushed, tamed in comparison to the world around them. It’s always more feeling than sound—so now, whenever Misha sees is phone buzzing over and over, he knows it can only be one person, and that person always warrants an answer.


“Hey! There he is! Happy birthday, man!”

Misha smiles deeply before settling down on the couch. “Thank you, Jensen.”

“What ya up to? Any big plans?”

Misha is shaking his head while looking down at his knee—absent mindedly rubbing his hand over it. “Nah—just having dinner with the family, and then maybe play some board games or something.”

“That sounds nice” Jensen says sincerely, and—with a little envy too.

They have often talked about how those calm family moments are their favorites, where everything can just be simple and normal without the hustle and bustle of cameras and fans. Jensen doesn’t get as many of those times as Misha does, and he knows it breaks the man’s heart.

“How’s work?” Misha asks, changing the subject so Jensen doesn’t start to get sad.

“Oh—same ol’, same ol’. Bob’s got a bug up his ass because it’s supposed to rain soon, so they’re switching around the schedule to try and accommodate.”

Misha groans with empathy before shutting his eyes, feeling really sorry for Jensen. Nothing makes Bob angrier than changing the days for shooting; and he’ll be an absolute chore to deal with now, so Jensen and Jared will have to try and behave themselves … which is a feat in and of itself. “Good luck with that one.”

Jensen snorts but doesn’t say anything in response.

“So …” Misha begins after another beat, really wishing he could read Jensen’s face. Silence is much easier on him when those green eyes are visible. “What are you doing now?”

Jensen inhales deeply, grumbling a little at the end, and Misha can already tell that he’s lying down—just by the sound. “I’m in my trailer, waiting for them to call me to set. It should be any minute now.”

Aw, and you decided to call me while you waited? How sweet” Misha teases.

“I always call you on your birthday. You know that” and the man is so serious, it makes Misha warm up inside. He’s always caught off guard when Jensen is genuinely affectionate towards him … even after all these years.

“Yeah—I know. I was just messing around.”

“Oh—hold on” Jensen mumbles, and then he hears his friend calling out to the distance, saying something like “I’ll be right out” but Misha can’t tell for certain. “That’s my cue” his friend starts back, directly into the receiver.
“Okay, well—thank you again for the call. I really appreciate it.”

Jensen smiles—Misha can feel it against his ear. “Of course, man.”

After that, Misha is opening his mouth to say “goodbye” and to tell Jensen that he’ll talk to him when he gets to Vancouver in a couple of days, but the other man is cutting in before he gets the chance.

“So, I’ll call you again tonight … like, before you go to bed?”

Misha chuckles awkwardly to himself, blushing and unsure of what to say—and also, unsure why this call has been getting him so flustered in the first place. “Yeah, sure, that’s fine with me – but, won’t you be tired from filming?”

A long pause makes his cheeks burn even brighter. “Yeah, but—that’s not the point…” Jensen whispers, as if he’s blushing now too, “we always talk on the night of your birthday.”

His mouth opens slightly, and then closes again, because he’s suddenly trying to remember if that’s true or not. “We do?” he finally asks.

And Jensen’s voice sounds more strained than ever when it tumbles back across the line. “Well … yeah. I always call you … and … then, ya know. We talk … until one of us falls asleep.” His words taper at the end until they’re almost silent.

It makes Misha grin ear to ear. “Oh” he mutters happily, having it all rush back to him now. They have done that, quite a few times actually—and not just on his birthday; but he does recall that his birthday has brought it about more consistently than any other day in recent memory.

“I …” and now Jensen sounds really embarrassed, “I sorta thought it was our thing … like, a tradition.”

“Oh … well, I …”

“But if you can’t, or just want to sleep or whatever, that’s cool. I’m not gonna keep you up if you don’t wanna talk—it’s fine. I just—.”

Jensen” Misha blurts, rolling his eyes up to stare at the ceiling. “I would love to talk to you tonight—until I fall asleep. That sounds … well, it sounds like the perfect way to end my birthday.”

A light chuckle is followed by a sigh of relief, and once again, Misha really wishes he could see the man’s face. “Okay—cool. Well, I need to get to set, but … I’ll call you tonight, okay?”

Misha grins, already eager for when he gets to listen to that deep, rugged voice again. “Okay.”

“Happy birthday, Mish” Jensen says one last time.

“Thank you, Jensen … I miss you.”

A quiet second passes before that obvious smile seeps back through the phone. “Not as much as I miss you … old man.”

Jensen’s following laugh is booming, and the intoxicating joy vibrates throughout Misha’s whole body—all the way around until it leaves his heart buzzing, electrified, beating double time and brilliant. “Not too old for you, I hope” he finally says, just before Jensen gears up to say goodbye.

The other man quiets, and Misha can all but see him shaking his head. “Never too old for me, Mish. Not in a million years.”


also…… if you’re over 18 and attacking minors…. it’s just not a good look….

I hit 1.9k+ followers??

I genuinely don’t know how this happened. I love you all, you’re all lovely and so brilliant and I wish you all the best in whatever you are doing. Thank you so so much for following me, it means the absolute world.


isak: *gets pissy*
even: *has never been more delighted in his life*