I know its not my busy but its been driving me nuts for months. I used to look up to you because you and ichi had been together for so long and looked like you had all ur shit together, then i found out later that things had ended. I say looked up because I had been with my husband for a long time like you guys, and I'm always waiting for that point when I'll think to myself that this is forever. Dont get me wrong I am so happy for you and shane, but i am so curious as to what happened.
Haha. It’s okay.
We met when I was 15 and we were together until I was 25. When I met him I was just a child and I really didn’t know what I wanted in a relationship.
I was just fooling myself, almost our whole relationship. There was a two year long stretch I tried so hard to make it work… but my ex was uncommitted to putting in anything to us. He didn’t (and doesn’t) have any ambition to go anywhere in his life, and when dating him I felt more like a mother than a girlfriend. It was honestly the worst. But how was I supposed to know? I hadn’t known it any other way. He was my only boyfriend. I honestly thought, “well I’m his girlfriend, I’m here to support him” thinking what I was doing was my job.
I remember times when I would flee to my blog and say “he’s been sleeping in until 3 and he still doesn’t have a job” and Anons would message me like “yo….. dump his ass” and I’d say “I just want to try a bit harder to make him change.”
But you can’t change people. You can’t make people mature. They can only do that for themselves. And to me, he is still… the 17 year old that I met when I was a teenager.
In before someone close to me reads this, I wasn’t a saint in all this. There was a period of time in our relationship where I was seeing other people. I told my ex about it at the time, and of course he didn’t like it, but he just… let it happen, and I kept going on with it. Of course, the things I did were awful, and I should have known better. But back then, both of us were awful to eachother.
The last two years of our relationship I didn’t see anyone else. I remember near around the end of our relationship I was giving him “by the end of the month” ultimatums….. – in the 10 years we were together, he had never taken me on a date…. so I would say, “please take me on a date by the end of the month, or we’re through”. I did that probably 3 or 4 months.
It’s so stupid when I think back to it. I did some awful things to him, but I can’t believe what I endured, either. We were awful to each other.
My new relationship is …….. I don’t want to say it’s perfect but it’s really wonderful. We do things for eachother. We compliment eachother every day. Shane is very driven is get a good education and a good job. We like doing things together, and he really appreciates the things I do for him. And he likes my cooking! My ex would only say a simple “thanks” whenever I made him something lol.
I’m really happy. At age 26 I finally fell in love. I loved my ex, but I don’t think I was truly in love with him.
So hmmm. I don’t know. Things are not what they seem, especially when people seem they have it all together, or its too good to be true…. I tried so hard in that relationship, but in the back of my mind always, there’d be a voice saying “this is fake this is fake this is fake ”…. but just keep up the facade a little longer, because you are in too deep to ever leave now.
The longer you wait, the harder it is to leave. Hell. I bought a house with this man. It has been *rough*. I’ve been living with my ex for almost a year and a half now, and it has been *ROUGH*.
This is a lot a lot a lot of personal information, and years down the road I might say “maybe I shouldn’t have done that…” but for now, I’m over it. I hope that clears some things up. Ha ha.