y'all talk up naps way too much. i just fell asleep on the couch for an hour & i feel like i was shoved out of this dimension into a hellscape where i spent every moment facing unbearable torture only to land on my ass back on Earth in 2017 with little to no memory of what happened
two things in 12x10 that don't get enough acknowlegment: 1. the way Cas reacts when Sam calls benjamin's vessel his "friend", acting shifty and glancing towards dean. 2. Dean trying to call Cas but only waiting for two rings (Dean generally being impatient when Cas could be in danger) while Cas feels the need to search for his phone right afterwards.. perhaps sensing some longing? Also, i know Cas uses the phone to be more human but i do miss Dean's emotional prayers lol.
Tbh there has been so much Destiel this season… some parts that in the past might have been meta-d over for weeks just kinda were like “oh yeah, #married, as usual”!
“She’s not just his vessel, she’s more than that” “She’s his…friend” “Yeah…”
And all this #married nonsense while Dean is berating Cas for not being as careful as he reckons Benjamin was, putting himself in needless danger:
How Dean starts out pissy because Cas put himself in danger in order to save him, how Cas isn’t having ANY of his shit, and Dean just can’t help himself worrying straight back about Cas the moment he is out his line of sight…
Cue: acting like actual husbands so much so that the bad guy susses it out in 5 seconds flat and proceeds to use it against them BOTH.
Then as soon as shit hits the ACTUAL fan, Dean is all “OMG CAS MIGHT BE IN DANGER I MUST RUN TO HIM AND TREAT HIM LIKE A BABY BIRD AND PUT MYSELF RIGHT BACK IN DANGER FOR HIM EVEN THOUGH THIS IS EXACTLY WHY I WAS PISSED AT HIM BECAUSE ITS OK FOR ME TO DO IT FOR HIM BUT NOT FOR HIM TO DO IT FOR ME BECAUSE ITS LOVE OK I DONT MAKE THE RULES”.
And Sam knows ok?
Sorry, yeah, this episode gives me all the Destiel feels.
I’m not even sure what this episode even is if not a massive “LOOK AT HOW ROMANTICALLY WE ARE WRITING THESE TWO JFC HAVE YOU LATCHED ON YET?!” from the writers to the general audience…
But yeah, they still have a ways to go to hammer it home, you know, cos they’re just bros and Dean is apparently straight, lol, I’m not gonna even go there on this post. As if 11 years of them doing this over and over again isn’t enough they have to actually spell it out, but I imagine that is what they’ll do in season 13, once we have seen Dean grieving like a widow much more blatantly than ever before, they kinda have to at this point or all this ‘relatively’ subtle stuff is for nothing. I say relatively cos for us it is blatant but eh, apparently not to everyone.
My sisters been sending your (amazingly) written metas, but I'm still confused as to what "Performance!Dean" is. Could you explain? ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Hi! Thank you!
Performing!Dean is a tag that many of us use to explain the way that Dean portrays himself to the outside world, suppressing parts of himself that he doesn’t think should be outwardly shown.
It’s a form of SUBLIMATION (a psychological term meaning to repress emotions / a part of oneself), a term which he actually uses in 12x05.
It’s a great example. The writers KNOW that we associate Dean’s love of pie with women / being comfortable / the home and family feeling, and cake with the repressed side of him (it is repeatedly used in this context, Dean really wanting it but never allowing himself to have it or just nibbling at the edges). It’s quite a famously known concept.
So… when Sam asks Dean if he wants pie and Dean says no, which basically never happens, when Sam then looks so DONE and starts talking about how Mary is gone and… (the implication being he is about to mention Cas being gone too)… then Dean says nope nope I am FINE and Sam FINALLY calls Dean out on it, saying “Dean, it’s called SUBLIMATION”.
And Dean finally relents and says “Yeah, its kinda my thing”. (And then later in the diner he is seen to have eaten a whole slice of cake in front of Sam and no-one makes a big deal out of it….)
WE ALL SCREAMED. DEAN ACTUALLY IN THE SCRIPT, OUT LOUD, HAS SAID THAT HE SUBLIMATES.
Because THIS is Dabb again taking what has been IN THE SCRIPT and in the show for 12 years and building on it, making it BLATANT. Because we are building to endgame now, SPN isn’t likely to last past season 13-14, so the character arcs that were set up in season 1 (and 4 for Cas) need to be tied up, so we, the audience NEED it to be made obvious when it has just been in the subtext. THAT IS WHY SO MUCH IS SO BLATANT THIS SEASON. Ie Performing!Dean, Destiel, Sam and the MoL story, Mary being the catalyst for Dean’s self acceptance arc and Sam’s self forgiveness arc around Lucifer (which I think will be much more blatant next season re: Jack as his mirror).
With Performing!Dean it started to be made a bit more obvious since Sam told Dean that he was ‘kind of butch’ and people probably thought he was ‘overcompensating’ in season 2 but it still stayed subtext, Dean checking out a few guys here and there, only really getting with women when he was having his ‘I’m going to go to Hell and need comfort’ or ‘Sam is dead, Cas left’ moments or since he met Cas, whenever Cas had left, making Dean feel crappy and rejected or had just DIED, using it as a coping mechanism, even blatantly role playing in season 9 after he feels so bad about kicking Cas out of the bunker etc to the point that in 12x18 it is so blatant that this is what it is about, they even have Dean saying outloud that he is settling for Sam’s omelette mere seconds after clearly having settled for the waitress because she wasn’t what he reallywanted on top of all the other give aways…
Anyway, it’s not just about his sexuality or feelings for Cas, there are many other aspects too, and those are the ones that are cemented in seasons 1-3. Most of these seem all to stem from John and if you see snippets from John’s journal it makes sense.
John says he is proud of Dean when he kills monsters, womanises, drinks etc etc. So guess what a young impressionable Dean learned was the best way to act in life?
Now, over the years bits have come out here and there. Every time we see Dean with a sexual partner he has been the submissive one, he is clearly an extremely giving lover and very caring. He is not a dude bro womaniser at heart, he cares for all the women he sleeps with enough to be kind and gentle with them, even the waitress in 12x18 who really he doesn’t REALLY CARE about, she’s just a coping mechanism, but he is still extremely sweet with her.
He drinks for years of course, he is a functioning alcoholic for most of the show, but lately he has switched to coffee… unless something really bad is going down. Like when we saw the empty bottle in his room in 12x19…
He listens to old rock music because it reminds him of his mom and dad, not because he is a real metal head. Yeah absolutely he loves it too I’m sure, but really it’s the emotional pull. And we haven’t heard him do so since 12x07. Just saying. He also admits to liking Taylor Swift in season 10, after firstly saying HELL NO, same with the cucumber water in 12x07. It’s not the music or the water or whatever as such, that is absolutely NOT what we are saying is making us feel Dean is bisexual or has a hidden side to himself, its the fact that he HIDES it first then admits to it afterwards, that is the essence of Performing!Dean.
When Sam drinks the cucumber water, no-one batted an eyelid, that means nothing to us, because Sam is super comfortable with who he is in THIS respect, even though he carries guilt etc, but that is another subject. But because Dean made a huge deal about how uncool and basically unmanly it was, after all we know of him over the years, THEN went and drank it anyway, saying “shut up” when Sam is like “seriously?!” THAT is where the Performing!Dean meta comes from. And Sam is the same as us, he doesn’t care if Dean is bi, or if he likes Taylor Swift or cucumber water or WHATEVER, what he DOES care about is the fact that Dean feels the need to hide it from him.
There are so many small points along the series that point to a lot of Dean’s persona being fake or exaggerated and how sometimes Sam knows and sometimes he doesn’t, it would be funny if it wasn’t tragic.
Deep down Dean Winchester is a soft, kind and generous soul who just wants to be loved and to help people.
WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT WE SAW IN 12x11. THIS IS THE EXPOSITION EPISODE FOR PERFORMING!DEAN AND THE CORE OF THIS WHOLE SEASON BECAUSE THE WHOLE SEASON HAS BEEN ABOUT THIS, WHICH IS WHY 12x22 IS THE CHARACTER LED FINALE, BECAUSE IT IS WHERE THIS FINALLY COMES DOWN.
So yeah, the fact of the matter is that Performing!Dean has been there all along, since the PILOT, over the years it has been showed to us that it exists then some of the walls have started coming down. If anyone dares to tell me that Performing!Dean isn’t a thing (which I was told earlier this season, lmao) then I will kindly point them towards 12x11 and 12x22.
Also, let us not forget that even though 12x11 was mostly an exposition for Performing!Dean when he lost his memories, again harking back to the HEART is the person, NOT their memories theme of the season, we also were given the golden snippet that DEAN RODE LARRY BEFORE HE GOT WACKED WITH MAGIC. This is to show us that Dean’s walls are coming down this season. When Sam called him up on it in a way that seemed to be taking the piss, Dean, rather than attempt to deny or tell him to shut up actually embraced it and gloated about how GOOD he was at it. ATTA BOY DEAN!
With the resurrection of Mary and Dean’s near - complete death experience it seems that Dean got to the point in season 12 where he just didn’t want to hide from himself anymore and so let these walls down further, there were small snippets of this in nearly EVERY episode.
12x11 was the exposition for casual viewers to see this side of him more clearly (in the same way that 12x19 was for Dean and Cas’s clearly more than platonic relationship, which will not be built on with HUGE LEGO BRICKS since Cas died), and now with the grenade launcher as a metaphor, Dean literally blew down his walls in 12x22. The culmination of this story was his confrontation with Mary where he explains WHY he always had this facade, because he had a shitty childhood, had to be a parent to Sam and that it wasn’t FAIR and he didn’t cope with it well at all.
So. There we have it. Performing!Dean is REAL, it was there ALL ALONG, we were RIGHT in seeing it because it is confirmed in 12x11 and then addressedandto some extent dismantled in 12x22, and the meta idea that the grenade launcher is associated with Performing!Dean was ALSO used.
I don’t expect Dean to suddenly act completely differently now, he won’t, there are just some aspects of him that will be slightly more obvious or he won’t hide certain parts of himself. He still isn’t completely done with this, as Jensen himself said that there will be more of this to come in season 13…
I expect him to perhaps once or twice order a slice of cake or an ice cream sundae, to listen to the radio and not turn it over if a pop song comes on, to be more open with his feelings towards his family (and yeah, Destiel is a part of this for sure), a nice turn around but also not jarring, because it’s just a PART of Dean, not his whole self, a lot of what we see is really fully him, so it’s not that he is going to completely radically change!
Anyway, its all very exciting as the metaphorical death of Performing!Dean is just a part of what most of us see as a positive endgame for TFW and it is all looking pretty good so far :D
I’m posting these again because I lost the original post and because I’m still committed to making sure @taylorswift sees these cookies that @purelyjamie and I spent literally 13 hours making. Yes, it truly took 13 hours. I am not making this up.
So once again, here are the Squad Cookies! Featuring Taylor, Olivia & Meredith, Ed, @karliekloss, @lordemusic, Lily, Gigi, Selena, Ellie, Serayah, Cara, and Martha!
HAPPY FRIDAY SURPRISE! This is one of my original writings, unrequested, just me. You may also notice it’s a 13 Reasons Why character……That’s because, when I open my request box…
13 Reasons Why character requests will be taken!
(once I open my requests again)
The reader is kind of an outcast so fair warning : much self-loathing and dramatic loneliness. Gender neutral reader as well.
The music seemed to echo through the crowded house as you pushed your way through the crowd. You decided, on a whim really, that you should at least attend one party during your High School career. It didn’t help that everyone of your friends was begging you to tag along. It was really just one friend, one of the few one you had made at Liberty High.
“L/N!” You turned your head and smiled at Jeff, who was walking into the kitchen when he saw you. His bright eyes were wide with excitement and the high of social interaction. His extroverted lifestyle made your friendship even more outlandish. You were awkward, shy, and above all else, totally unworthy of Jeff’s attention. Let alone his friendship. As pointed out by almost everyone at school, you were odd to say the least. When people saw you and Jeff exchange, they’d stare at you for minutes after; as if trying to reason through what they saw.
“Atkins,” you shouted back, trying to sound as enthused as he had. His blue-green eyes flickered from your eyes to your apparel, making you slightly self-conscious. As he walked closer to you, you felt your heartbeat start to increase.
“You look great, Y/N,” he whispered in your ear, “really good.” Your cheek enflamed at his words and you were left with no idea how to respond. The effect he had on you was overwhelming at times, but you down played it with joking in return. Though sometimes, like this moment for instance, it was hard to dish it out. He pulled away from you, just enough to met your gaze while still remaining close to you.
“T-Thanks, Jeff,” you stuttered out. He grinned at you brightly, his deep dimples showing on his slender cheeks. With his familiar smile, a sense of ease washed over you. You were no longer at a noisy party, you were just with Jeff in that moment.
“I’m glad I was able to convince you to come,” he said over the loud music. “I was worried you weren’t going to show.” Now it was your turn to grin.
“How could I say no to Jeff Atkins?” A light pink blush rose to his face, bringing out the color of his eyes even more. You were gaining your edge back. Your relationship with Jeff always consisted of teasing flirtations and jokes, and trying to help out Clay. The two boys became your closest friends at school, despite the shock of Jeff’s teammates. You often found yourself thinking about how strange it was to be, someone like you, but be so close to someone like Jeff.
You didn’t have a set label at school, despite the gossip you’d pick up on sometimes. People would try to figure you out; maybe you were gay and felt isolated? Perhaps they’re an outcast? Or the emo loner? These titles would loom over your head like rain clouds at school. It didn’t help that you hardly spoke up in class, or spoke to anyone at all. Hanging out in the library with Clay was your only social outlet. Later on, through Clay’s tutoring of him, you met Jeff. Jeff didn’t care about the things whispered by the others, he saw you as you; unique.
A warm hand on your fore arm shook you from your thoughts of darker days turned bright. You looked up at met Jeff’s eyes once more. His face was full of concern.
“You alright? You spaced out a little.” You nodded quickly, breaking the eye contact between the two of you.
“I’m fine,” you said trying to play it off. Jeff was having none of it, he knew you too well. He leaned closer to you, making you meet his eyes again.
“What’s wrong?” You placed a careful hand on his broad chest and pushed him away a little. He looked at your hand and back to you face, still waiting for a real answer.
“Really, I’m fine, Jeff. Go off with your friends and play beer pong or whatever cliche high school party game of choice.” A soft smile crept onto both of your faces at your sarcasm, but Jeff’s faded soon after it’s appearance.
“You’re my friend too,” he whispered. You just shook your head and gave him a shy smile.
“Go have fun,” you said brightly, “I’ll be fine.” Jeff gave you a hesitant look until your pushed a little ways away. You let out a small chuckle.
“Go,” you said once more. He smiled and let out a sigh.
“You leave me with no choice,” he said walking backwards towards the living room. “But I will come back for you!” With that, Jeff disappeared into the crowd behind him. You watched until you could no longer see his brown hair above the crowd. You turned back to the counter full of food before you. More people were starting to file into the kitchen so you quickly grabbed a cup of some drink and left. As you walked out, your ran into the one and only Bryce Walker.
“Y/N, who pegged you as a party person?” You swallowed hard as his question. You knew better than to become friendly with Bryce. Anyone who did tended to fall head-first into trouble.
“Yeah, Jeff wanted me to come,” you tried to push past him as you answered his question. He was quick as he blocked your way with one of his arms.
“How do you and Jeff know each other again? It just seems like an unlikely pairing, the two of you?” You raised your eyebrows at him and tried to escape him once more; to no avail.
“We met through a mutual friend,” you hissed, but Bryce didn’t take the hint.
“How does someone like you keep Jeff Atkins around?” He grew closer to you as he spoke. “You’re just…and he’s the star-member of the baseball team. You must do favors, right? Would you mind doing one for me?” You tensed as he grew closer, his almost predatory eyes watching you like a hawk. The couple that had been standing behind you moved, freeing up space so you could back away from Bryce. You turned away from him and darted out of the kitchen the other way. Tears were forming in your eyes as you rounded the corner into the living room. When you glanced up, your eyes met with Jeff’s. The smile on his face faded when he saw you and he walked away from his conversation with Sheri. He headed towards you, his eyebrows furrowed.
“Y/N, what happened?” His hands went to your upper arms, but you shook them free. Jeff watched worriedly as you struggled to find the right words.
“I’m leaving Jeff. I’ll see you around.” You pushed past him, despite his protests, and out of the door. The outside air was cold against your skin, but you needed to go home. Get away from everything; but Bryce’s words echoed in your skull like the music through the house. Why would Jeff want to hang out with you? The favors Bryce referenced never happened, but to be around someone like you without such ‘favors’ must be horrendous.
You shook your head at the thought, trying to focus on walking home. You watched as your shoes hit the sidewalk over and over again; not even hearing the car driving alongside the path. When you did hear it, you didn’t look up, just ignored it. Until the driver spoke up.
“Y/N! Please get in the car,” Jeff shouted, “it’s cold.” You looked over and met his eyes. His face was filled with concern and you wondered why he even looked at you at all. You looked back down at your feet and continued walking. The car stopped, causing you to look up as Jeff opened the door. He ran towards you, catching up to you in a matter of seconds. His hands grabbed your shoulders, stopping your walk. You turned to face him and his gaze softened when he noticed the tears.
“Y/N,” his voice was quiet when he addressed you now. Instead of waiting for an explanation, Jeff just pulled you to him and wrapped his arms over your shoulders. Your arms hung loosely at your sides, until you felt the need for affection. Your arms snaked around Jeff’s waist, trying to hold him as tightly as he was holding you.
“You’re too good for me,” you choked out through tears. Jeff remained quiet, waiting for you to tell him more.
“I’m so unlikeable, I’m not even close to how friendly you are. People stare at me, wondering how a loser like me can be friends with someone like you. They just stare, judging and it’s just…” You trailed off, burying your face into Jeff’s chest.
“Are you nuts? You’re too good for me,” he whispered and you pulled away from him. “You’re beyond any label anyone could put on you and that’s amazing. People see me, they think ‘jock’ but when they stare at you,” his hand traveled up to your cheek.
“They see someone so complex they don’t even know what to say. Now that’s amazing.” His thumb traced over your cheekbone as he stared into your eyes. “I love that about you.”
Jeff’s eyes glanced from your eyes to your lips, as if thinking about the impossible. Your feelings rushed towards the surface, feelings you didn’t even realized you had. You stepped closer to him, hands resting on his chest softly.
“You gonna push me away again?” His voice carried a soft, teasing tone to it when he spoke. You smiled up at him shyly, your whole body fluttering with anticipation.
“No,” you whispered as your heart sped up in your chest. His hand still caressed your cheek, while his other moved to your waist to pull you closer. It felt like it was all happening in slow motion. The noise of the party drowned out as you became immersed in the feeling of Jeff’s lips on yours. The loathing thoughts in your head melted away, leaving you with a warmth you felt only with him. His hands pulled you closer, closing any gap between the two of you. Your hands curled in the soft material of his shirt, causing a grin to spread on his pink lips.
“Ya know what the shirt is made of?” Jeff asked as he pulled his lips away from yours. You caught your breath and hummed when you felt his lips land on your cheek. He kissed his way all over your face until your finally replied.
“I don’t know, what is it made of?” Jeff pulled away, a smug grin on his lips.
“Boyfriend material.” You stared at him for a long moment until finally giving into the laughter. You slumped your head against his shoulder, trying to stop your fit of giggles. If anyone could turn a horrible night around, it had to be Jeff.
“That was a really dumb, well timed joke, Atkins.” You lifted your head and met his eyes, which held pure amusement within them.
“If it made you smile it was far from dumb.” You felt a blush rise to your cheeks and smiled at Jeff.
“Now what do you say we get out of the cold and away from the prying eyes of half the student body?” You nodded at his offer, causing yet another grin to spread across his lips. He let go of your briefly, only to wrap a strong arm over your shoulders to lead you to his car.
“So where to?” You smiled and shrugged; for it didn’t matter where you went. As long as your were with Jeff, nothing seemed to matter at all. Not even a label.
Haha just continuing the fic rec trend, do u know any matsuhana fic recs?
(I somehow headcanon Mattsun to be quite a bookworm in his free time…) This is a part of what I have in my bookmarks, most of them are on the shorter side sadly, but they’re nontheless a good read ~ please enjoy.
hang out fall in love - Teen and up. Kind of a magical AU? Mattsun is a witchdoctor, Makki has a medical practice. Hanamaki doesn’t think highly of voodoo at all. :’D very amusing, good humor.
Try Before You Buy - NSFW Explicit. Pretend relationship to get free wedding cake samples? Check. Actually ending up finding out you really like each other? Check. Very nicely written. This is the rare bottom Mattsun. ö_ö
it’s cold out here - Mature. This is possibly my favourite MatsuHana fic? … I can’t say why and I can’t tell you much about it, it’s just… to quote the summary: “Seijoh’s parties are always a mess, but this one takes the cake.” Not meant in a humorous way. (I think it should be more like ‘Makki is a mess and Mattsun takes care of him’) Highly recommend. It’s kind of different from the usual Matsuhana with less humor. Refreshing.
poolside - Teen and up. Another one that’s very high up on my personal list. Aged up. Mattsun is a teacher at seijou, Makki comes back for a visit(?).
boiled frogs - Explicit. WARNING. This one deals with emotional abuse. I don’t recommend for you to read if you can’t take it. It was rough to read in some parts but I did enjoy it. Has a happy end! Chapters say 12/13 but once again only the epilogue seems to be missing. Story itself is finished. Mattsuns boyfriend is an ass. Poor (pining) Makki wants to help but how do you help someone who’s conviced everything is fine?
something of a disaster - Teen and up. Probably for the insults? :D Because that’s kind of pure fluff. It’s Mattsun’s Birthday! And Makki even made a cake! Birthday wishes and insults. Cute and short.
Down For You - Teen and up. MedStudent!Makki locks himself out of his apartment at 3 in the morning right before an exam and now he’s desperate. Neighbour Bartender!Mattsun works odd hours and happens witness it, then decides to keep him company. Very cute. Poor Makki. I feel your stress.
Face The Sun - Teen and up. Sequel to Down For You. The day of receiving the results for his exam, Makki cashes in on the promised ice cream. Both fics are very cute.
surprise, surprise - Teen and up. Last but not least another one of my personal faves. Mattsun surprises Makki with a short trip for his birthday. A skiing trip to be precise. Contains dorks, snow, nosy annoying Oikawa and creampuffs. Ofc. Very very sweet, nicely written.
that’s it for now. :3 I hope you find something you enjoy reading. I love the meme-team. I wish there was more lengthy fic for them as the main couple.