summary: beverly doesn’t feel safe unless she’s in ben’s room.
a/n: so i’ve been really struggling to write something but i wanted to do something before i reverted to bad coping mechanisms. anyway !! this was supposed to be angsty but instead it isn’t that bad. also benverly is underrated because yall like to sleep on ben so enjoy this
i found that thinking of nice things when i tried to sleep at night wasn’t working anymore, my anxiety always saw the bad in everything. so instead i started creating creatures and monsters, (which i know i do a lot anyway, but this was with my eyes closed, not staring at paper holding a pen), and i added parts of myself into them, and instead thought about how they were safe in my mind and were mine, and also could do whatever they wanted. so i’d imagine them in this world (if they were here) and that was so soothing to me, to imagine them roaming around and doing literally whatever. taking a bath? climbing a tree? it was just interesting to imagine them doing random stuff lmao. and people interacting with them! and being able to defend themselves from horrible people. anyway here’s one of them, i have another who is a bit closer to me that i hope to draw soon. my girls 💚💚💚
Being nonbinary is nothing to be ashamed of. You don’t have to be bursting with pride, ready to shout it from the rooftops if that’s just not who you are, but nor should you have to hide it, keep it tucked away. It’s a part of you, big or small, and you shouldn’t have to worry about life being complicated because of it, or what other people may think.
You do you. Be nonbinary. Pin the flag to your wall, or just whisper it to yourself in the middle of the night. Lead rallying cries for nonbinary support groups, or just reblog nb posts on tumblr. Be nonbinary, whatever and however that means for you.
This is kind of random but I just got really stressed out and want to talk about something I feel is important.
If you have depression or any other mental illness/condition that affects your daily life and can make it hard to function, please try to at least brush your teeth. Bare minimum. When even that’s too much I sometimes will just swish around some mouthwash when I piss or something. Anything.
Depression really fucked up my mouth and now it hurts to eat/drink most things and my dental bills are high because of how neglectful I got during particularly bad episodes when I was younger. Teeth can’t repair or replace themselves, so take care of them as best you can. If not just for the health aspect of it, keeping up your dental hygiene could save you from a lot of financial stress in the future.
dean walks into the lakehouse’s bathroom. cas is there in the shower, perfectly fine but confused why dean is so shocked. dean joins him.
elsewhere, rowena is on a beach watching a gorgeous sunrise. the fiery rays of the sun in the sky do no justice to the lovely tones of her hair. she smiles at how easily fooled lucifer is. you’d think he’d have learned after last time, huh?
sam has decided to take a break from searching for jack. we see him wake up the next day with eileen in a hotel room and sneak out to get her breakfast in bed.
amara is raging. ‘really! so right after dean learns the lesson he needs, his mother flings herself into another dimension?! right when they’re to piece things together?!’ god is amused. amara decides she’s not too pleased about that and fwpps mary right back home.
dean and cas are still in the shower and showing no signs of going anywhere for now.
sam returns to the hotel room and is puzzled to see eileen gone. he turns at a sound in the hall and sees her approaching with a bag of bagels and coffee. they grin at their simultaneous breakfast in bed plans.
rowena grows her coven. everything she does, she does with grace and while looking fantastic. she doesn’t have to say a word to be dripping with sass.
god is mildly annoyed at amara’s ease of manipulating reality and decides to play along as well. he waves his hand and crowley is back for the sole reason he can choose his own relevant, non-pointless/meandering storyline.
dean has decided he loves this shower almost as much as he loves cas.
lucifer is cursing the whole “ever want to get out of the cage” idea because shit, this alternate universe sucks.
amara isn’t to be outdone. she brings back charlie.
rowena’s hair wins an emmy all on its own.
after breakfast, sam asks if eileen if she feels like going on a hunt. he’s been wanting to chase down these things called bu– “bucklemmings? yeah, I ran over a couple on my way to pick up the bagels,” she says with a casual sip of her coffee. “won’t be bothering anybody else again.” they high-five.
god resurrects benny. after he and amara bring back gabriel at the same time, they declare a truce.
dean and cas only get out of the shower in time to test out some newly-purchased bedsheets.
I’ve almost completely gone into autopilot. I watch myself sit in the corner of my room listening to loud, sad music for hours. Not moving. Not speaking. Not checking my phone. And for a while I thought it was healthy. A way for me to meditate. A way for me to recollect. But now that I’m laying on the floor with bloodshot eyes and bandages on my arm; I realize I was sadly mistaken.