i wanted to make it in color but it looked ugly

So this is a totally useless rant, but as a skinny girl, I’m getting extra, extra tired of fat-shaming.

I work for a corsetier at a Renaissance Faire. We sell corsets. Not flimsy bullshit costume corsets; like real, durable, waist-training corsets. Today a woman came in with her boyfriend, so I helped her pick out a corset and try it on. While her boyfriend—who was decidedly enthused about the whole corset thing—sat watching me lace her in, he told me, grinning, “Of all the good jobs at the Renaissance Faire, I think you have the best.”

I shrugged in agreement. “I touch butts and reach down cleavage all day; I mean…” Because we like to be a bit rakish at the Faire, and, y’know, it’s true. Tying people into corsets pretty much invariably requires getting handsy.

The couple laughed at that, and the boyfriend said, “That’s the job I would want!” But then he chuckled again and said, offhand, “Or maybe not; while we were looking at the racks, there were some pretty big sizes on there!”

Our sizes are all done in inches, and the biggest we make is a 46. And you’d better believe our large sizes sell. For a second I wasn’t sure what to say to the guy’s comment, but I answered him casually. “We get a lot of beautiful big ladies in here.” Because we do. “We make corsets for real women, not Barbie dolls,” I added. Wasn’t trying to be smart, just kind of tossed it out there because that’s the line we like to use when people ask about larger sizes, and because, again, we do.

The boyfriend went quiet at that; I didn’t think anything of it, I just kept on lacing. A moment later, he said, a little awkwardly (but sincerely enough), “Didn’t mean to be offensive.”

I quickly smiled and brushed it off, said he wasn’t, said I was just saying. (Don’t want to make the customers uncomfortable, you know?) And that was the end of it. His comment had rubbed me the wrong way, but it wasn’t a big deal. Now, I wear a 20-inch corset. I’m a few cup sizes short of being one of the Barbie dolls. Like his girlfriend, I’m one of the “hot chicks”; he doesn’t have to worry about offending me by implying that I wouldn’t be fun to poke and pull at.

Honestly though, of all the people I fit sexy technically-undergarments to in a day, fat girls are maybe my favorite people to lace up. Because they are just so damn happy that we have stuff that fits them. They are so damn happy that the corsets we make in their sizes are all the same pretty, shiny colors and cool flower/dragon/skull/etc. prints that the smaller corsets are, not ugly beige and boring “granny” colors. They are so goddamn happy that at least one (of several on the grounds) corset shop carries things that they can wear, that they actually want to wear, and that they look fucking awesome in. This is only my second season working, and we’ve fit 60+ inch waists and double-K busts. The only people we’ve ever had to tell sorry, we don’t have anything that fits them, are twelve-year-old kids.

It’s half-wonderful, half-heartbreaking how excited those women get. Women who say with sad smiles, when we ask if they want to get fitted, “Oh, no, you don’t have anything that fits me,” and then are stunned when we’re 300% confident that yes we do, and we have options. Women who can’t stop smiling and looking at themselves in the mirror after we’ve got them laced in.

I had a lady last week whose waist I measured (cinching the tape tight, as per procedure) at 41 inches—honestly not all that big. So she picked out a 41-inch corset to try on. I could tell halfway through getting her laced that it was going to be a bit big for her, so I mentioned it and said she might do better to try a smaller size. She started crying on the spot. She was so overwhelmed; she couldn’t believe someone had just told her that a 41 was too big. She told me about how hard clothes shopping was for her, how her mother would tell her she needed an XXXL instead of an XXL, how she had recently lost weight but still couldn’t wear certain colors because they didn’t fit or she wasn’t confident enough.

She did end up getting her corset, and after I checked her out she asked if she could give me a hug, so we ended up standing there hugging each other for a minute. While we did, I told her, “Do not ever let anyone tell you any bullshit. You are gorgeous.” She said, “I have a new boyfriend and he keeps telling me that.” I told her he was right, and to just keep telling herself she’s gorgeous; it was okay if she didn’t always believe it, but to keep telling herself anyway. (That’s how I talked myself through shit when I had bad anxiety.)

We all know fat-shaming is bad. The stupidity, fatphobia, and misogyny of it has pissed me off since I first became aware of it. But working with clothing, especially as figure-hugging and precise as corsets, has given me a new perspective on it—how much it affects people and just how shitty it is. Like, what does it say that I had a grown, only average-big woman crying into my shoulder because she was so overjoyed not to be the uppermost extremity of what a manufacturer can clothe?

My job rocks and it’s really rewarding, but sometimes it highlights some of the ugliest shit about society. I’m so glad I work at a shop that’s not bullshit about body types and operates with more people in mind than just scrawny white chicks like me. The fat women I work with are a ton of fun to lace up, and they’re so much more than their size—they’re cool, they’re smart, they’re funny, they’re sweet, they’re great to talk to, and yes, they’re hot. I’m so damn done with them getting short-changed and shamed by petty fucks who refuse to make them nice clothes, who refuse to even try to work for them, who refuse to consider them pretty. This whole rant was useless and won’t get read, but I had to vent because it’s been driving me nuts.

So actually, screw you, random dude. Fat girls are the highlight of my job.

anonymous asked:

*shyly whispers* do u think u could do another Greek Mythology story~

“Your tapestries are so fine,” the merchant says in wonder, “that you must be blessed by the goddess Athena.”

Arachne tosses her head, braided hair falling over her shoulder like an obsidian waterfall, “What’s Athena got to do with it? My hands wove these, not hers.”

The merchant blanches and looks to the sky, as if expecting Zeus himself to smite them for blasphemy. Personally, she thinks the king of the gods has better thing to do with his time. “Ah,” he says weakly, “I suppose.”

He pays her for her wares and she leaves, almost immediately bumping into a hunched old woman with grey eyes. “Do you not owe Athena thanks for your talent?” she croaks, gnarled hands curled over a cane.

Arachne is not stupid, but she is foolish. They will tell tales of it. She looks into those grey eyes and declares, “Athena should thank me, since my talents earn her so much praise.”

She pushes past her and keeps walking, ignoring the goddess in humans skin as she disappears into the crowd.

They will tell tales of her hubris. They will all be true.

~

The next day she bumps into the same old woman at the market. Everything goes downhill from there.

“Know your place, mortal,” Athena says, grey eyes narrowed. There is a crowd around them, and Arachne could save herself, could walk away unscathed, and all she has to do is say her weaving is inferior to that of a goddess.

She will not lie.

“I do,” she says coolly, “and in this matter, it is above you.”

She is not honest as a virtue, but as a vice.

Athena challengers her to a weaving contest. She accepts.

~

Gods are not so hard to find, if you know where to look.

“It’s a volcano,” the baker repeats, looking down at her coins, as if he feels guilty for taking money from someone who’s clearly not all there.

She grabs her bag of sweet breads and adds it to her pack before swinging it over her shoulders, “Yes, I know. Half a day’s walk, you said?”

“A volcano,” he insists, as if she did not hear him perfectly well the first dozen times.

“Thank you for your help,” she says. He’s shaking his head at her, but she knows what she’s doing.

She walks. She grows hungry, but does not touch the bread she paid for, and walks some more. The sun’s begun to set by the time she makes it to the base of the volcano. It’s tall, impossibly large, and for a moment the promise of defeat threatens to overwhelm her.

But Arachne does not believe in defeat, in loss. They will tell tales of her hubris. Those tales will be true.

She ties a scarf around her braids then hikes her skirt up and ties the material so it falls only to her thighs. She fits work roughened hands into the divots of cooled magma and begins her slow ascent.

~

The muscles in her legs and arms shake, and her hunger pains are almost as distracting. Her once white dress is dirt smeared and torn and sweat makes her itch as it covers her body and drips down her back.

“What are you doing?”

Arachne turns her head and bites back a scream, looking into one giant eye. The cyclops holds easily to the volcano’s edges, even though her hands are torn and bleeding. She swallows and says, “I heard you like honeyed bread. Is it true?”

The creature tilts his head to the side, baring his long fanged teeth at her. She thinks he might be smiling. “You’ve been climbing for hours. What do you want?”

“Is it true?” she repeats, refusing to flinch.

“Yes,” he says, looking at her the same way the baker had, “it’s true.”

“There’s some sweet bread in my pack, baked this morning,” she says, “it should still be soft.”

His hands are big enough and strong enough that it could probably squeeze her head like a grape. Instead he gently undoes her pack and reaches inside. The honey buns look comically small in his large hands, and he swallows half of them in one bite. He licks his fingers clean when he’s done, and his smile is just as terrifying the second time around. “I am Brontes. Why are you climbing my master’s volcano?”

“I’m the weaver Arachne,” she takes a deep breath, “I need your master’s help.”

~

They tell tales of Hephaestus’s ugliness.

They are not true.

He’s got a broad, angular face and short brown hair. His eyes are like amber set into his face, and his arms are huge, and he’s rippling muscle from the waist up. He has legs only to his knees. From there down his legs are bronze gears and golden wire, replacements for the legs destroyed when Hera threw him from Mount Olympus.

“Had your look, girl?” he asks, voice rough like he’s always a moment away from breaking into a coughing fit.

“Yes,” she says, and doesn’t turn away, keeps looking.

His lips quirk up at the corners, so it was the right move. The heat is even more oppressive inside the volcano, and all around him cyclopses work, forging oddly shaped metal that she can’t hope to understand. “You’ve gone to an awful lot of trouble to find me, girl. What do you want?”

She slides her pack off her shoulders and holds it out to the god, “I have a gift for your wife. I have woven her a cloak.”

He raises an eyebrow and doesn’t reach for the bag, “You believe something made with mortal hands could be worthy of the goddess of beauty?”

They will tell tales of her hubris.

“Yes.”

They will all be true.

With a gust of wind the oppressive heat of the volcano is swept away, leaving her chilled. In its place stands a woman – more than a woman. Aphrodite has skin like the copper of her husband’s machines and hair dark and thick and long. Her eyes are deepest, richest brown, piercing in their intelligence. People don’t tell tales of Aphrodite’s cleverness. That is because people are stupid.

“Let’s see it then,” she says, reaching inside the pack and pulling the cloak from its depths.

It unrolls beautifully. It’s made from the finest silks, and it shimmers in the light from the forges. The hem of the cloak is sea foam, speaking of Aphrodite’s beginning, and up along the cloak is intricate patterns it tells of her life, of her marriage and her worshippers and escapades, all with the detail of the most experienced artist and the reverence of her most devoted followers.

Her lips part in surprise and she slides it on, twirling like a child. “Gorgeous,” Hephaestus says, though Arachne knows he does not speak of the cloak. She doesn’t take offense.

The goddess smiles and Arachne’s heart pounds in her chest. She does her best to ignore it – Aphrodite is the goddess of love, after all. It is only expected. “Very well,” the goddess says, “you have my attention.”

Arachne swallows. Aphrodite’s attention is a heavy thing. “I have offended Athena,” she says, “She has challenged me to a weaving contest.”

Their faces somber. Hephaestus rubs the edge of a sleeve between his fingers and says, “Athena will lose such a contest, if judged fairly. She does not take loss well.”

“I know,” she says, “you are friendly with Hades, are you not?”

There are no tales of their friendship. But she’s staking her life on its existence, because why wouldn’t it exist – both of them even tempered, both shunned by Olympus, both happily married.

Gods hate being made to feel lesser. It is why they say Persephone was kidnapped, why they say Aphrodite cheats with Ares. It is why Athena will crush her when Arachne wins the weaving contest.

“Clever girl,” Hephaestus says, smiling.

Aphrodite stares at her reflection in a convenient piece of polished silver. Arachne assumes Hephaestus left if lying there for that express purpose. “Very well!” the goddess says, not looking at her, “when Athena sends you to the underworld, we will entrench upon our uncle for your release.” She turns on her heel and points a finger at her. Arachne blushes for no reason she can think of. “In return, you will weave me a gown, one equal to my own beauty.”

A gown as exquisite as the goddess of beauty. An impossible task.

They will tell tales of her hubris.

“I accept.”

They will all be true.

~

The contest goes as expected. Athena’s tapestry is lovely, but Arachne’s is lovelier.

The goddess’s face goes red in rage, and her grey eyes narrow. Arachne stands tall, ready to accept the death blow coming for her.

The blow comes.

Death does not.

~

She is an insect. Even if she can make it back to Hephaestus’s volcano, even if they can help her, they will not know it is her. She has no hope left, no course of action, she should just give up. But –

She doesn’t believe in defeat, in loss.

It was a terribly long journey on foot, that first time. It is even longer this time, although now she has eight legs instead of two. She makes it to the volcano, and creeps in between crevices, until she finds out a hollowed room, one with a sliver of sunlight and plenty of bugs to keep her fed.

Athena’s cruel joke of allowing her to weave will be her downfall. Her silk comes out a golden yellow color – it will look exquisite against Aphrodite’s copper skin.

~

It takes seven years for her to complete it. She hasn’t left this room in the volcano in all that time, and as soon as it’s done she scurries out back toward the village. She’s a large insect, but not that large.

She arrives just as the sun begins to rise, and leaves before the first rays have even touched the earth, her prize tied to her back with her own silk.

Arachne doesn’t return to her room. Instead she goes to the more popular parts of the volcano, hurries and runs around terrifying stomping feet until she finds who she’s looking for and scurries up his leg and onto his shoulder.

“Huh,” Brontes looks onto his shoulder and blinks. “What on earth are you?”

She cautiously skitters down his arm, waiting. He bends closer and lightly touches her back. “Is – is that a piece of a honey bun?”

She looks up at him, waiting. It’s her only chance, if he doesn’t remember, if he doesn’t understand –

His face slowly fills with a cautious kind of wonder. “Arachne?”  She jumps in place, being unable to nod, and Brontes cautiously cradles her in his massive hands, “We must find the Master immediately!”

She jumps down, landing in front of him and running forward. “Wait!” he calls, and she makes sure he’s running after her before skittering back to her corner of the cave. It’s almost too small for him to enter but he squeezes inside and breathes, “Oh.” He stares for several moments, and Arachne climbs her web and waits. Brontes shakes himself out of his reverie and uses his powerful wings to bellow, “MISTRESS APHRODITE!”

There’s that same breeze and she’s in the crevice with them, “What was so important, Brontes, that you had to yell?”

Arachne sees the exact moment that the goddess sees the gown, golden yellow and glimmering, made entirely of spider silk. “Beautiful,” she says, reaching out a hand to brush down the bodice. Her head then snaps up, “Brontes, where’s Arachne?”

She warms at that, that Aphrodite knew it was her weaving even though she hasn’t been seen in seven years.

They’ve told tales of her hubris.

They are all true.

Brontes points at the web, and Aphrodite steps over and holds out her hands. Arachne crawls onto the goddess’s palms. “Athena is more powerful than I am, I cannot undo her work,” she says, “but I know someone who can.”

Then they are in front of a river. A handsome young man stands there waiting with a boat. “Goddess Aphrodite,” he says, “we weren’t expecting you.”

“Thanatos,” she returns, “I need to see Persephone.”

The man’s face stays cool, and for a moment Arachne fears they will be refused and she will be stuck in this form forever. Then he smiles and says, “My lady is of course available for her favored niece.” He holds out a hand to help her onto the boat, “Please come with me.”

~

Arachne weaves a dress for Hades’s wife as a thank you, and returns to her volcano.

“I can take you somewhere else,” Aphrodite says, “you don’t have to hide here.”

Arachne pauses at her loom. She has lived in this volcano for seven years. It’s her home. “Would you like me to leave?” she asks instead.

Aphrodite scoffs, “Of course not! How could I dress myself without you here?” She’s wearing the spider silk dress Arachne spun for her, and she’s working on another for the goddess now. Aphrodite runs a gentle finger down Arachne’s cheek and for a moment she forgets to breathe. “You are the finest weaver to ever exist.”

She looks up at the goddess, “Then as the god of crafts and goddess of beautiful things, where else would I belong besides with you and Hephaestus?”

To declare your company equal to that of gods is the height of arrogance and blasphemy.

They tell tales of her hubris.

“An excellent point,” Aphrodite murmurs, and tucks a stray braid behind Arachne’s ear.

They are all true.

gods and monsters series part iii

hrt appreciation post here we go

(it’s long so prepare or scroll really fast if you wanna pass it)

me, 1993, wtf is a gender i wear diapers for god sakes 

late 90s, rockin some shades and some crazy sweaters even though i live in FL (still do that to this day)

time jump to… early 2000s, flexin and loving dogs (still doing that to this day wassup somethings never change)

oh wow here comes Middle School™ and the emo phase begins (sadly no pics during the emo phase)

oh shit what up 2008 scene phase yes that is a STAY BRUTAL™ sweater) 

then ya boy calmed down a bit and stopped giving a fuck about impressing ppl (idk why I thought being scene was impressive dont ask)

ya boy graduated HS and was free to do whatever to his hair so colors were everywhere but also was the time when his self worth was at his lowest and was dressing and looking how he thought people would want so he could get them to like him (ew right?) 

ya boy got his very first mohawk and rocked that shit for a few years

dis is some pics of the year he starts questioning his gender identity and after 6 months of research and “soul searching” decides to start HRT

yo boy is SIX MONTHS ON T !!! and starting to grow facial hair B)

YO BOY IS ONE (1) YR ON T AND JUST HAD TOP SURGERY! but also shaved his head a few months back and feels hella ugly lol 

fwd and we are now 1.5 years on T ! Hair is finally coming in and he’s look decent these days.

WHOOOA LONG HAIR WHO DIS!!! YA BOYS TWO (2) YEARS ON T !!! and 1 YR POST OP! Feeling amazing tbh

ooo shit we winding down now yall

ya boy is Two (2) years and 3 months on T and thankful every day that his blood work came back with the all clear to start T, thankful for his support group and friends/family that love and support him (shout out to my sister), thankful for how well he’s transitioned even though it was long and hard on the mental state a lot of the time, he pushed through and came out the other end smiling and happy in his skin. Thankful every day that he can afford to start on HRT, thankful every day for all the support he gets online from kind words to donations that helped afford top surgery + donations I got when he was filing for the name change as well. 

I’m posting this in hopes that it helps anyone who needs it. I’m a huge believer in doing things for yourself and making sure your happiness/comfort is always first before someone else’s. I hope it gives inspiration and motivation to those who are scared to transition in fear of what their families will think, in fear of how they will transition, fear of all the nerve wracking things that comes with HRT. Hoping that it shows you, that while HRT isn’t an over night fix, that takes time and a lot of hard days but in the end, you come out on top. It’s still a struggle some days but nothing compared to the days when I was pre-T. 

Feel free to message me if you have any questions about HRT with T and I’m happy to answer to the best of my ability!

My name is NIkk and I’m non binary! He/him pronouns =)

9

I want you to know that I’m not mad. I’m just sorry. About everything. I don’t want you to get hurt at all. And I don’t wanna lose you. Just make sure you heat up some real food. Not just Eggos. And I want you to eat all the peas, even if they’re mushy and gross. And… I will be home soon.

i love florist aus, but my family’s owned a flower shop for like 40-ish years and i’ve grown up around, involved and working in it…. and it makes them hard to enjoy sometimes lmao.

  • i have been around flowers all my life and i know more about flower meanings from fanfictions
  • god, stop…. no, those flowers don’t go together….
  • that’s not how you keep that plant alive
  • that’S NOT HOW MUCH THAT SHOULD COST
  • stop romanticizing carnations cause carnations suck and they’re cheap as fuck and they’re most often used for FUNERALS regardless of color please stop
  • long stemmed roses are similar and only one step up from carnations
  • you can’t just slap any old shit together.  you have 3 main types of flowers in any arrangement: the ‘show’ flower, ‘filler’ flowers and ‘accent’ flowers.  plus add something green you heathens.
  • everyone??? hates yellow for some reason??? actually i can give props to fanfic for that cause they show off yellows more than i actually sell them…. which is a shame i love yellow flowers.
  • i fucking hate all my customers i WOULD NEVER DATE ANY OF MY CUSTOMERS THEY’RE THE FUCKING WORST
  • it’s the worst when they come into the store and buy all this loose shit and be like ‘i’m gunna make my own :)’ like fuck you…. i could make that ratty shit look GOOD for less than you’re spending but OKAY I GUESS.  (then it looks like shit when they post pics on facebook.  and they claim credit for making but NOT WHERE THEY GOT THE FUCKING FLOWERS)
  • there is this one old bitch we get every year, comes in for vase arrangements for her husband’s grave…. sad, but i HATE HER.  she tries to stand over our shoulders and boss and bully us and has us change the flowers used like 12 times and no matter what we make her she’s a fucking cunt acts like its not what she ordered so she can get a discount.  fuck you, you old bitch.  i made this arrangement 74583754 times you’re not getting shit.
  • why would you draw a bouquet before you make it… they’re flowers, just make it and if it looks bad take it apart???  they’re not glued there forever.
  • you WILL have skills on wrapping and bow making even if you don’t desire or think you need these skills
  • catch me in the shop blasting screaming angry metal when no one else is there (i think the flowers like it too)
  • Me: -fists the stems of a bunch of roses- Person: “doesn’t that hurt??? the thorns.”  Me; “they have learned to fear their god c:” (protip: it doesn’t hurt after a while my hands are SO ROUGH)
  • no one likes hanging around in the greenhouse as much as you think they do
  • a leaf cut is like a paper cut only the devil himself comes to rub salt in it
  • sweetie, i know it’s ur special wedding day but stop YELLING AT ME cause you picked out these ugly ass flowers i TRIED to talk you out of it and i did what i could with them, okay?!
  • the only joy i get is when children come into the shop to buy things….
  • but not when moms bring their brat ass children who want to mangle all the fucking flowers
  • this job has made me hate everyone around me
Drarry Headcanons
  • Draco pining for Harry since sixth year
  • Like he just needs someone to save him, to care for him, who better than the savior of the entire wizarding world?
  • Three years after the war finally ends, and Harry’s Auror work leads him to St. Mungo’s where Draco is a healer
  • And when did Draco get so attractive ???
  • Harry finds himself going back several times a week with increasingly frail excuses to see him
  • “Er, I got a paper cut and I forgot the healing charm.”
  • “You do realize bandages exist, right Potter?”
  • Finally he goes “fuck it, I didn’t die to keep these feelings to myself” and asks him on a date
  • This goes on for a while, and things are super good for both of them
  • They finally begin to feel normal again
  • Harry eventually wants to come out to his family (the Weasleys, Andromeda, Teddy who’s far too young to understand but he’ll be damned if he keeps a single secret from that child)
  • Draco wants to come out too, but his family is so torn apart
  • So they do it together, hand-in-hand, at a Weasley family gathering and when they finally convince Andy and Narcissa to meet
  • They move in together a few months later and have a guest bedroom for Merlin-knows who will stay with them
  • The longer they stay together, the more time Andy leaves Teddy alone with them, secretly testing them as parents
  • That room eventually becomes Teddy’s room, full of warmth and color and so, so many pictures of Remus and Tonks
  • And they heal together, mending the scars they both hide beneath the surface
  • Draco eventually decides he wants his Dark Mark hidden, as instead of a reminder of his past mistakes, it becomes a trigger for horrible anxiety, so he goes and gets the constellations of his family tattooed over it
  • Harry gets a tattoo of Canis Major, complete with twinkling Sirius star on the same day
  • He would end up with a full moon, a rack of antlers, and a lily flower on his body as well
  • They take even bigger roles in Teddy’s life, as a cousin to Draco and godson to Harry
  • Teddy loves the zoo, and they have weekly trips there, but once its raining so they go to the animal shelter instead
  • Draco falls in love with every single cat, but they immediately make Harry sneeze
  • Teddy becomes attached to a large black dog, but to Harry it looks a bit too much like another one
  • Draco literally refuses to leave without rescuing at least one animal
  • They eventually decide to adopt two sphynx cats they find on the muggle internet because they’re hypoallergenic and many people consider them to be ugly, but they fit so well into their strange family
  • Draco thinks they look absolutely regal and wants to name them after constellations, but Harry’s having none of it
  • A few months later, Harry stops in the middle of a Quidditch game they’re playing with Teddy
  • “Draco, will you marry me?”
  • It’s so random that Draco nearly falls off his broom in shock, but he says yes an instant later, and the game continues
  • After the wedding, in which Teddy is the most adorable ring bearer to grace the earth, his hair matching their colors of emerald and gold, Andromeda approaches them with the idea of the two of them adopting Teddy as their own
  • It’d be so much easier for the two of them to keep up with him and raise him into modern society, and she just wants to step back and be a grandmother more than a parent
  • When Draco enthusiastically agrees to it, Harry can’t help but break down in tears
  • After living his whole life without a family, after everyone he’s lost, and after all he’s fought for, he can finally just live and be happy
  • Harry and Draco Malfoy-Potter and their Son Teddy Remus Lupin along with their two cats, Dobby and Colin, grow old together because for fuck’s sake these three deserve to be happy
The Minyard-Josten Pros’ Coming Out

Or, That Time Andrew Got Pissed And Posted The Video That Broke The Internet

  • Years down the line, our boys are both pros and Neil is getting annoyed at all the press conferences that get derailed by either the Josten-Minyard rivalry or whether he is or isn’t in a committed relationship as some gossip magazines have been implying
  • he’s not allowed to deal with it, though
    • he’s actually not allowed to say anything to the press that his coach and PR team haven’t approved of
    • he calls it bullshit
    • he only ever antagonized a dangerous yakuza criminal once
    • people really can’t let anything go, in this sport

Keep reading

I think one of the things that white feminism / terf feminism misses completely about WOC is that there is a difference between being sexualized and being found attractive and how that affects women of color as a result.

White women in the media are both sexualized and viewed as ideal and conventionally attractive, white women tend to take a position that pushes back on all forms of the male gaze which includes both sexualization, and being viewed as conventionally attractive.

Which is fine because of their dominant position as the apple of men’s eye they’re never going to doubt themselves as the most attractive species (even when it’s unwanted and generally unfavorable, and comes with a strict set of rules and beauty standards, because even if a white girl feels ugly, internal racism is still going to make her value herself higher than brown girls) but generally when white women reject beauty standards, they have enough support that it doesn’t adversely affect their mental well-being.

Now onto WOC. The system is completely different, woc are considered play things and sexual objects in a way that is unparalleled by their white counterparts. White women don’t /want/ to feel beautiful woc never /got/ to. And that matters, in a world where beauty, especially for women, determines worth, when women of color were never considered beautiful in the first place, their self worth is nonexistent.

So when woc say things like “I want to feel beautiful” a lot of white women mistake that for “I want to look good for men” which can be true if you’re white (even though everyone should be allowed to feel attractive in whatever way they want)

But with women of color the meaning shifts to more like “I want to feel like I have value, I want to feel loved and respected and to be attractive. Eurocentric beauty standards have never fit me, and with those being all the media I ever consumed, they’ve cemented themselves in my brain, I deserve to be desirable in a non inherently sexual way.”

And white women literally can’t empathize with this, which is okay! But there has to be an understanding that feminism isn’t one size fits all in which white women are the proxy.

anonymous asked:

Hi! Would you mind if i'd ask you.. have you got some kind of tips about how a watermark should be to look pretty but still visible enough? I'm so afraid to put it on my drawings because it kinda ruins them xD but still is necessary... I haven't ant idea how i should "design" it.. a font, handwriting, with opacity down, place it in corners or on the lineart,, ecc(sorry for my bad english).

That’s a very valid concern.  Unfortunately, the more visible/large/annoying the signature, the more protected your art will be.  I die a little inside whenever I have to cover up something I spent hours (or even days) on.  But I’d rather have it look kind of annoying instead of having someone else take credit for it, or worse, having someone SELLING IT illegally behind my back.

Having experienced (and having watched my fellow artist friends experience) various forms of art theft, I’ve come up with a few tricks to making it difficult for my signature to be removed.  I don’t have a set, “official” watermark; I experiment and play around with different looks depending on what the picture looks like.  You can try any of these ideas and see what works for you.  ^_^


~QUICK WATERMARK TUTORIAL~


Make it legible.  Fancy fonts are pretty, but can be hard to read.  Your main goal is that EVERYONE can read it, even people whose primary language is not English or those who have a different alphabet/lettering/symbols.


Place it somewhere that cannot be cropped out, such as near the heads or towards the middle of the picture


Place your signature/watermark where will be difficult to erase or cover up, such as an area with shading, or over a pattern


The safest location is on top of a character.  It looks ugly, but at least you can’t really sell merchandise of someone else’s art if there’s a giant signature across the way.

If your picture is black and white, be careful.  Someone might take it and try to color it, then pass it off as their own work.  Put your watermark on top of the lineart to make it more difficult to steal, preferably an area with lots of lines, such as hair or clothing wrinkles.

Be especially careful with pictures that can be easily made into merchandise (pins, mugs, stickers, bags, phone cases, etc), such as the one above.  Make the signature large and have it protect all visible characters, like a big unsightly shield.  XD


DO NOT’s:   (aka, some of my old mistakes)

Do not place it close to the edges/corners where it can be cropped. 


Don’t make it too tiny, and don’t lower the layer opacity too much.

Note:  If you do not want your art reposted/uploaded onto different websites/accounts by other people, I highly recommend adding to your watermark:  “Do not edit or redistribute.”  It’s not always enough to deter some reposters, but at least sometimes fans will call them out on it and say, “Hey, this artist doesn’t allow this picture to be uploaded onto different sites, you should remove it.”

That’s all for now, I hope it helps!!!  Good luck with your artwork and thank you for your message!!!  <3

I’ve compiled a list of bughead fanfiction I’ve really liked for everyone in the bughead fam! don’t worry if your fic isn’t on here! this is a pretty small list(i read a lot) and i’ll probably make a p2, hope you enjoy xox. 

  • all in english.
  • most of the fics are on ao3 and some on tumblr. 
  • non completed fics will have *.  

smut 

  • you taste like strawberries by aplaceformyshipstoanchor -  Betty gets a job waitressing at Pop’s Diner and Jughead has no problem watching her work. When a situation at work gets sticky, Jughead has no problem helping Betty clean up. 
  • goldilocks by lusterrdust -  Her hair just does something to him.
  • touch me, tease me by lusterrdust -  Jughead is enamored with her, her blonde hair spilling over them like a lustrous curtain and enhancing the sounds of their breathing. He wants to declare his eternal love. He wants to pour out sonnets and ballads and write novels about every freckle on her skin, every blue shade in her eye. He wants to trace his fingers over every inch of her body until there’s no part he hasn’t memorized.
  • friends with benefits by heytherejones * 
  • third time’s the charm by septemberbeauty13 - “Oh God, get a room!” Cheryl said in passing, pushing past them to get to her locker. That was enough to push Betty into a fit of giggles, burying her head into Jughead’s chest. “You know,” Jughead whispered. “I don’t normally take advice from redheads but this is sound advice.”or Jughead and Betty try very hard to get a room. 
  • resplendent by lusterrdust - A bright light all her own, his shadows are drenched in her radiance. 
  • three words by lusterrdust - Betty is an addiction Jughead never wants to be rid of. 
  • stars by lusterrdust - Despite the gritty, gravelly exterior he presents to the world, Jughead is the epitome of sweet toward her. He’s tender and considerate and just the right amount of reticent to be endearing. And though she loves that about him, Betty’s not in the mood for slow and sweet. 
  • in distance by lusterrdust -  It’s the little things he notices that make him ache for her to come back home. 
  • camp stories by jugandbettsdetectiveagency -  Betty and Jughead end up sharing a tent when the core four go camping. 
  • close calls and getting caught by wordsonpages1 - four times Betty and Jug didn’t get caught doing inappropriate *things* and then the one time they did. 
  • up close and personal (part 1, part 2) by wordsonpages1 
  • they suck at being quiet by heytherejones

angst 

  • fall in light by sylwrites - She moved to New York to find herself, but as the saying goes: wherever you go, there you are. 
  • hotdog by burgerheadjones - “Easy, Hotdog! He’s family.” How Hotdog becomes Betty and Jughead’s family in every sense. Or, where we trace the life of Hotdog with Bughead.
  • the stacks by malmo722 * - After a senior prank goes wrong, River Vixen Betty Cooper is forced to complete community service at the Riverdale Public Library with high school outcast, Jughead Jones. Romance ensues. 
  • the unexpected by spxcewvlker - "She loved that she had found peace in his arms, and comfort in his glittering blue eyes. She loved him.“ In which Jughead helps Betty with her anxiety. 
  • beanie boy by bugheadandjughead * -  “You were lonely, homeless, broken. I just gave you a place to stay.” Beanie Boy Jughead and Good Girl Betty are in it together… until romantic feelings for each other bloom between them.
  • self conclusion by nopleasestayhere - Betty Cooper is sitting at the edge of a cliff, thinking about jumping, when Jughead Jones comes to do the same thing. Betty tries to talk him down. He gives her 48 hours to change his mind. Can they help each other? 
  • drown by lusterrdust - Loss… injustice…unfairness… it’s the ugly truth of life. There doesn’t have to be a reason or a person to blame. Sometimes, misfortune just is. 
  • i’ll wait for you by AGirlNamedWhiskey * - Betty Cooper just wanted to survive her Senior year, but after being coerced into covering an underground racing competition, against a rival school, she knew her life would never be the same. Especially, when she meets the infamous street racer, Jughead Jones. 
  • space and time by agirlnamedwhiskey * - After their abrupt breakup, Jughead Jones is on a mission to win back Betty Cooper. 
  • living with betty cooper by believe_that_you_can_my_friend  - Jughead Jones, facing the reality of having nowhere to stay anymore after the Drive-In gets shut down, finds temporary shelter at the Blue & Gold office. But what happens when an upset Betty Cooper catches him on the act? 
  • red sunrise by lusterrdust -  Lifting her hand up, her thumb twirls the band on her ring finger until the diamond digs into her pinky. She pushes the jewel against the skin until it stings, redirecting her emotional pain into the physical.

fluff 

  • once upon a coffee shop by javajunkie * -  Betty works at a coffee shop where Jughead is a regular customer. 
  • your eyes look like coming home by ariquitecontrary - Betty Cooper and Jughead Jones who have both seen the world in color since they met each other when they were two years old. Everyone always says that they’re so lucky to have met when they were so young, that they have their whole lives to be together and in love. There’s just one teeny tiny problem. Betty and Jughead hate each other. 
  • foldin’ clothes by birdlovesafish -  Jughead contemplates he and Betty’s situation and he does laundry. 
  • it happened one starry night by one_starry_night 
  • skin to skin by burgerheadjones * - Jughead Jones doesn’t know how the crimson crescents ended up on his palms.Betty Cooper is clueless when it comes to the messages on her arms.Soulmate AU where all the little marks and injuries belonging to Betty and Jughead start finding themselves on each other’s skin. 
  • drop in the ocean by lusterrdust - She can feel the tickle and scrape of coarse sand against their bare legs, but pays it no mind. Her focus is consumed with her boyfriend’s touch and the trail of heat his fingers leave against her skin. 
  • the exception to the rule by ShirlyGallagher 
  • do you believe in fate? by Jennimisk * - Is there such a thing as a coincidence? Or do we create our own reality because of the choices we make and the people that we let into our lives? Regardless of what you believe, sometimes you just need to be open to what the universe is throwing your way.This is a non-canon AU work based on Jughead and Betty during their college years. They have no prior relationship before meeting in Rome, Italy. 
  • dry run by Naoko Asakura - She drew a line and offered to let him cross it. 
  • lost and found by lusterrdust - Maybe as a seventeen-year-old, sneaking kisses with the blonde he’d been in love with at the time—maybe he’d had a thought or two of her as a mother; a boy’s fantasy of the blissful domesticity he never had. 
  • red lipstick by lusterrdust -  She pulls the passenger mirror down and wipes her red lipstick off, smudging the color across her skin and marking it in a way that reminds Jughead of bee stung lips after a kiss. 
  • to the first of many by jugandbettsdetectiveagency - Betty’s first Mother’s Day begins with a not-so-welcome wake up from Hot Dog. 
  • first apartment by peacelovebughead - A short series of one-shots of Bughead in their first apartment

series

  • break free and run by sylwrites - A Bughead college AU set in Boston; featuring Veronica and Betty as roommates, and Jughead living off campus with his dad. 
  • fall in light by sylwrites * 
  • like home by lusterrdust * 
  • bizarre love triangle by ficmuse * - When Jughead stumbles upon the yearbook from the Class of 1991, secrets are revealed that will forever alter how the teens of Riverdale view their parents.
Writing Antagonists: (Aka, Your Villains and Bad Guys)

The antagonist is often either one of the most fun things to write, or the most dreaded. But either way, they are a key element of the story, and that cannot be ignored. So, let’s talk about how to make a really great antagonist.

You may have in the past met a writer or teacher or whomever who insists on using the words “protagonist and antagonist” over words like “hero and villain.” Personally, I am not so stingy about it, I feel that I know what you mean anyway so it doesn’t really matter- what there is a legitimate reason as to why you should at least try to think of your villain as your antagonist instead.

And that reason is connotation. Well, denotation too, really- villain and antagonist aren’t completely the same thing, but I’m bringing it down to connotation. 

Simply said, when you think of the word “villain”, you’ll think something like “that’s the bad guy in the story.” And when you think of the “antagonist”, you probably think “that’s a fancy word for villain, aka the bad guy in the story.”

But antagonist isn’t just a fancy word. It’s a fancy concept. It means “the guy that opposes the good guy.” That can be on any argument or view. When writing your antagonist is to remember that nothing is black/white, good/bad thinking, and that includes your antagonist.

Let’s map out the steps to making a complex villain- aka, an antagonist.

First, remember that your antagonist (usually) is a person, just like your protagonist. It might help to develop them outside of their intentions first, and put a person to the upcoming reputation.

Background:

Chances are, your antagonist didn’t just rise up out of the ground ready to kill. They came from somewhere. Your readers don’t even have to know everything about your antag’s backstory, but you do, if you want to really understand them. It often holds the key reason as to why your antagonist is where they are. The drive behind anger, revenge, change, or pleasing someone else can come from the events in their background.

Why do they hold the beliefs they hold? Were they raised that way? Were they taught by some mentor figure? Were they cover from a reality they couldn’t bear? Are they trying to please someone, or get revenge on someone who displeased them? The answer should be in their background.

Motives/Beliefs:

Remember, every villain is a hero in their own mind. They believe that what they are doing is necessary, even if they recognize that it is unpleasant. What are they fighting for? Why does it matter to them so much, that they are willing to overlook all the harm they do?

“The Greater Good”: This is one of the more common and understandable villain motives. They believe that what they are doing now is paving the way to a better future. But keep in mind that what your antag views as a “better future” may be very, very different than the average opinion. Maybe a “better future” for them is a genocidal purge or the world ending in flames. Who knows.

That’s not the only type of motive. Be creative. Work with the information you established in your character’s background to find the most reasonable motive.

Tipping Point:

This is going to be related to your background and motive in an interesting way. Think of your antagonist as a character who has already completed their Character Arc and reached a negative end. Look at the points of change on the character arc- the ones that push your character farther down their path. What are those events? Those are the tipping points that prompted your character towards becoming they way they are now- those key moments where your character had a choice, and they chose to become bitter, hateful, vengeful, cold, or other negative things.

These could be the deaths of loved ones, the promptings of a mentor, or a moment of injustice that made them realize that the world isn’t always kind.

Personality/Actions:

This is the part where you develop them outside of their intentions. How do they behave? 

It’s tempting to just say that your villain is a villain because they torture and kill people. But those are not the only things that make a villain a scary or serious threat. Some characters might jump to violence easier than others. Some might be more into psychological torment. Some might actually seem really charming or persuasive, which is frightening in it’s own way- they might actually be tricky enough to confuse you into making bad decisions on your own. Think about your character’s background again. What makes the most sense for them as a person?

Presentation:

This is how your antagonist comes across to others. Keep in mind that your reader and your other characters don’t know your antagonist like you do. How does this person present to the world? 

-Are they open to discussion/negotiation?

-Are they open about their intentions?

-How quick are they to violence?

-What are their methods of war?

-When you meet them, are they charismatic, quiet, charming, vulgar? Do they have a sense of humor, or are they stoic?

-Do they seem to enjoy what they are doing, or do they express regrets even as they do it?

Moral Complexity:

What are they willing to do to achieve their goals? Do they have weaknesses in their personal lives?

1. Do they have noble ends behind their controversial means?

2. Is there a line even they won’t cross?

3. Do they have someone/something that they care about?

4. Do they prefer to do the killing/torturing etc themselves or do they just give the order?

Remember that if your antagonist does have any of these moral weaknesses, they are not going to want to show it. One has to keep up intimidating appearances, after all. 

Speaking of appearances…

Appearance:

This part is here to tell you what not to do. There are certain appearances that are getting really old with villains.

1. Dressing in all black. Why do they even do that? It’s time to stop associating black with “bad” and white with “good”. It just isn’t like that, so stop making villains all dark and stuff.

2. Scars. I think scars are pretty cool, don’t get me wrong. But if there is no relevant reason for it to be there, don’t talk about it all the time. That goes for all characters, not just villains. Like the color black, scars are not just a villain thing. Everyone has them. Don’t associate them with “bad.”

3. Sexy. I get the idea that making a villain attractive makes them harder to hate, but that can be kind of a cop out of actual complexity. Again, if there is no legitimate reason to make your villain sexy, then don’t. It’s not necessary.

4. Ugly. I hesitate to call any traits inherently ugly, but if you’re striving to make your character unpleasant looking just because they’re bad, then once again, you are associating feature=evil, which is not creative at best and seriously socially harmful at worst. 

Basically, your villains should be just as diverse as anyone else. You don’t need stereotypes to make them scary. Sometimes it’s scarier than anything else to just have an average person. It sort of adds to the idea that anyone could be a villain. And that’s pretty frightening.

Key Point:

- Complicate your villains. They’re not just Evil McEvilpants. 

That’s it for now, but like anything else in writing, antagonists have a lot of possibility and exceptions. But that was your basic rundown on the things to consider when making a complicated antagonist. 

~Penemue

blue orchids

hanahaki & soulmate au (reposted)

pairing: jungkook | reader
genre: angst and a sprinkle of fluff
word count: 18.748
warnings: implied smut
disclaimer: I do not own the hanahaki disease concept.

I am immensely thankful for the talented people who have created art / edits for this story: x, x, x, x, x, x ♡ also, make sure to read moonlight (drabble from jimin’s pov) and home after rain (short sequel) after reading this story. enjoy!


You were eighteen years old when Jimin’s name showed up on your hand.

The day is fresh and clear in your memory: early December, the winds stronger than ever as they threatened to pierce through the windows of your room, hints of snowflake dancing in the air as the first snowfall augured an even sharper winter. There was a smile on your face that didn’t match the unrelenting coldness of the month, and even though the night was falling and the air felt icy on the tips of your fingers, there was only warmth in your chest as you went through the pictures of your phone.

Pictures of you and Jimin drinking hot chocolate, of clumsy iceskating, of funny faces that made you laugh out loud in the quietness of your bedroom. The feeling sparking in your chest could be considered somewhat dangerous— after all, you were just a girl that didn’t have any marks on her skin, a girl whose fate was yet to be decided. Something as enigmatic as love could be a treacherous thing, too risky for someone that couldn’t decide their destiny on their own.

Keep reading

anonymous asked:

Yo could you share some of your headcanons for the deh kiddos :O ?! I'm really curious!!

*cracks knuckles* HEADCANONS UNDER THE CUT (these are generally feel-good and going off of a Connor Lived And Everything Gets Better AU set of ten [+ one extra] headcanons for the kids where they’re all friends)

Keep reading

9

“I have to work harder than anyone else to make it! I’ll never catch up otherwise…! I want to be like you…! Like you. The strongest hero.”

Dedicated to @noxtics
Happy super belated Birthday Zimah-san (°◡°♡)

Viktor and Yuuri are a blame-it-on-the-dog couple.

As usual, it works one of two ways.

Someone farts and no one wants to cop to it.

“Must have been Makkachin,” Yuuri says, not even looking up from his phone. Makkachin is in the kitchen and hasn’t left in ten minutes.

“What have we been feeding you Makkachin?” Viktor asks, and Makkachin hops into the room with tongue lolling and ears aflutter. Viktor rubs him behind the ears and coos, “What a smelly dog,” while side-eyeing Yuuri with a smirk. Yuuri kicks him.

On the other hand:

“Do you like this shirt?” Yuuri asks, standing in front of the mirror. It’s a sweater of a not entirely flattering yellow color, and about a size too big. It’s also made with some kind of speckled yarn that makes it look almost flea bitten. “My mother sent it to me. She said one of the ladies in town knitted it for me, which is sweet, but I just…I think it makes me look weird?”

“Well, as you know darling, I think you look good in everything.” Viktor crosses his ankles and clucks his tongue for Makkachin; Makka hops up onto the bed and curls up over Viktor’s knees. “But oh, what’s that Makkachin? You think that shirt makes Yuuri look like a molting canary? That’s so rude, Makkachin.” 

Yuuri exaggerates a gasp. “That’s so mean, Makkachin! You mean you don’t like this sweater that Tanaka-san made me out of the goodness of her heart because she’s worried I’ll freeze to death in Russia? How could you!”

“That’s no way to talk to one of your fathers,” Viktor says, rubbing Makkachin behind the ears. ‘What’s that? You’d rather see Yuuri in that awful blue necktie than this sweater? Makkachin!”

Yuuri crosses the room and kisses Makkachin’s muzzle. “Shh, he’s whispering something to me. What? Oh, okay. Makkachin wants me to tell you that he thinks you’re a fashion snob.” Yuuri crawls onto the bed and straddles Viktor’s thighs, brushes the hair away from his face, and kisses his nose. “Isn’t that the meanest thing you’ve ever heard? Your dog is a bully.”

“Oh, so he’s my dog right now?” Viktor mumbles against Yuuri’s cheek, kissing noisily.

“Yes? He’s your dog when he says mean things and he’s my dog when he says nice things.”

Viktor leans around Yuuri’s shoulder and pats Makkachin’s head again, then moves his hands up underneath Yuuri’s sweater. “Makkachin says you should just take the ugly sweater off.”

Yuuri laughs and tilts his head back, lets Viktor nuzzle his face there. “I think Makkachin should leave the bedroom, now.”

Viktor bounces his knees to get Makkachin off the bed, rolls Yuuri over and physically removes the sweater himself.

Yuuri finds it at the back of their closet months later, during a round of spring cleaning.

“Makkachin says that it’s still the ugliest sweater he’s ever seen,” Viktor tells him, and gets swat with it in the face with it for his trouble.

csongkijung  asked:

hi- I was wondering if u had any process gifs of your background art? like how do you go about adding the textures? is it at the final stage that you do it? I'm also interested in working as a bg artist after I graduate and you're a really big source of inspiration!

hello! i dont have any process gifs but i put together a little tut for you, i feel like im overdue for a proper one :8) i want to make a more in depth tutorial on background painting (maybe a video?!!?!) but for right now i’ll just address your questions on texture if that’s okay!

here is an ultra basic bg we’re gonna spruce up. keep in mind i’m not going to talk about lighting and composition really so, try to put that out of your mind for now. anyway, there is no texture or edge difference in this yet. everything is smooth and samey (but there is a little bit of atmospheric perspective in the color). the most important thing at this stage is that every unique shape or plane is on its own layer. this is because all texture and lighting will be clipped to the corresponding layer.

sorry this is kind of ugly but this is how i arrange my layers LOL. everything is arranged on planes. i think of it like cut paper stacked on top of each other.

make a clipping mask for the texture you’ll put on each shape. i talk a bit about clipping masks and how to use them here. normally i’d have a clipping mask for texture, shadow, and light, so it can get a little crazy when you have a lot of layers but it’s invaluable for experimenting and getting things just right.

ALRIGHT SO LETS TALK ABOUT ACTUAL TEXTURE. i think about texture as having two functions: 1. to draw the viewer’s eye to where you want it to be, and 2. to describe the material/feel of objects. for our very first texture, we’re going to put some snow on the front tree. im using a variety of brushes, please check my FAQ for a full list. since i want the viewer to focus mostly on the front tree, i’m going to put the most texture on it. to answer your question about when i add texture, i usually just kind of follow my intuition and use it when i feel it’s needed. i will almost definitely go back and add/take away throughout the process of the image. a lot of things change and it’s cool to change your mind throughout. i don’t really follow solid “steps” for every piece, they’re always different for me!

now i am just continuing to add texture here and there. the middle ground trees get a bit of snow, but it’s subdued enough to not be the focal point. as well, i added some texture to the snow because i wanted the front plane to be the one you look at the most. everything behind the middle ground trees is wholly untouched. now we have a nice contrast between smooth/textured going on! and contrast/opposites is the key to guiding a viewer’s eye.

after all that i decided at last minute that the front plane could use some texture to differentiate it. but looking at it now, i’d probably go back and rethink it. that’s life.

finally! i added some color corrections and some gradients to push back the mountains and trees. i also added some falling snow and an overall paper texture to simulate a snowy feel without having to paint it all. the paper texture is behind the front plane, again to push everything behind it back. i would be very careful about putting a texture over everything, it can really flatten everything or make it look fake/gimmicky. clip it to shapes or erase where necessary.

lastly, a short word about more contrast. here, i am trying to push the contrast between soft and sharp. the only difference between this image and the last step is that i blurred and sharpened some planes. there are multiple ways to think about this, but for me, the photographic approach is easiest to understand and it’s just how i like my art to look. basically, i try to always make my focal point sharp and in focus, and blur other elements.

this felt a bit all over the place….sorry!! but, i hope it helped. i would like to do more in-depth tutorials in the future so please hang with me til then. thanks for the ask!!

alien emoji rating

I really like aliens so I’ll go ahead and rate my little boys

Apple:

He looks cute and kind of nice, this shows that aliens do come in piece, the gradient effect gives a 3 D  S P A C E  P I N B A L L feel which is a nice touch. 4/5. He’s really nice, someone give him live stock for his planet.

Goolge:

I’m not sure Google is aware of the popular conception of aliens, but maybe they know something we don’t???? The colors are flat, something that in most cases is not bad, but this time it is, he seeks intelligent life yet he looks as he has no life at all. 1/5.

Microsoft:

He’s conventionally attractive and happy for some reaon, I’d let him make patterns in my crops, the T H I C C lines are not the best idea but the glow in his eyes are perfect. Not the best desing choices but I can deal with it. 3/5.

Samsung:

Isn’t this the most visually pleasing gradient ever made by human kind? But not for this guy, he looks like he’s dying cuz can’t breath our oxygen, poor fellow, also his face looks strange, he might as well be Mr. Burns. 3/5. Looks really smug and I bet this kid thinks he’s the smartest guy in the class.

LG:

Straight out of the uncanny valley, the face you’d expect to see from a badly written creepypasta edited over an old photo that’s supposed to possess you, looks scary, creepy and offsetting but not in the nice way aliens are supposed to look. Please deport him to his planet. 0/5. Save your children from LG cellphones.

HTC:

Look at this guy, like LOOK at This gUY!! His cute smile, this lime boy looks so mischievous, probably on space Santa’s naughty children list. The lines, the colors and the E D G E S are so pleasing to the eyes. 5/5. I’d let this guy invade my planet any day and eradicate all sentient matter without hesitation.

Facebook:

He’s scary, creepy and offsetting in the nice way aliens are supposed to be, the soulless eyes and the grey color blend so nice together making him intimidating and also hypnotizing. 5/5. Please take me away with you and use me as a guinea pig for your nefastus plots. 

Messenger:

The colors looks like he’s from a flash animation and his face of utter disgust makes him unpleasant, I’ll take him with my leader because I don’t wanna deal with him. 3/5. You might be ugly, but you’re the designated emoji for most of my chats.

Twitter:

He’s minimalistic and cute, this grey buddy is my friend, please hug him and treat him nicely, he just want diplomatic relations with our planet, give him love and natural resources, he deserves them. 4/5.

Mozilla:

This guy is not an alien, he’s a light outlet. He’s nice and is probably that one cousin they sit with you on family gatherings, not because you get along, but because they want you to keep him from doing something stupid like breaking a bowl or causing a nuclear holocaust. 2/5. Sorry Kyle, I’m not your baby sister.

cute couple things — p.p.

summary : extended dating peter would include… ft. a bunch of random thoughts i had about peter being a cute soft boyfriend !!!

  • reads your favorite books and memorizes lines from them that he can sneak into conversations to make you smile :)
  • it’s v hard for him to not look at you when he’s with you he just always wants to be looking at your face
    • “it’s, like, really hard to stop staring at you”
    • “huh?”
    • “you’re so pretty i can’t stop looking wow”
  • lights up !!!! when you walk into a room even if he’s just seen you two minutes ago and you were only in the bathroom for like a second
  • kisses you all of your face whenever he can just infinite amounts of kisses pressed across your cheeks and your nose and your eyelids 
  • he doesn’t really do nicknames like he’s not a darling sort of person
  • if he’s gonna call you anything it’ll probably be babe/baby/pretty girl or something of that sort
  •  (i started the pretty girl trend on the low don’t @ me)
  • sometimes you call him bro and he gets so offended 
    • “listen,,, peter,,, bro,,,,”
    • y/NNNN i’m not bro!!!!!!”
    • “k bro”
    • “you’re the worst” 
  • his face resembles that of a disgruntled pouty kitten whenever you call him bro
  • in school he taps his cheek lightly while facing away from you until you give him a kiss there and does that periodically throughout the day until MJ throws a pencil at him
    • “peter enough she’s kissed you like fifty times in the past twenty minutes haven’t you had enough”
    • “it’s never enough”
  • hands down gives the best hugs ever!!!! sweetest, softest, warmest hugs that you never wanna leave and they leave you a blushy mess for hours
  • nerd who tells you that you’re prettier than any star in the sky
  • will fight for your honor even if it means getting punched in the nose by one of flash’s bigger friends because flash won’t take on peter himself
    • “fuck peter why would you even call flash a giant dick??? like i know he is one but why would you ever you know his friend is like some sort of mutant tree”
    • “he said your butt was nice i can’t just let that sort of comment slide babe it’s unacceptable”
  • always knows he can rant to you about science bc you actually listen!!! and you care!! and you ask questions and you make him SO HAPPy!!
  • asks for permission to do everything
    • “hey would it be cool if i held your hand right now”
    • “yes of course”
    • “oh awesome!”
  • you send him selfies and his replies vary but they’re usually along the lines of
    • “oh my gosh you’re so cute i’m coming over”
    • “i love you you angel let me kiss you tomorrow”
    • “wow i have a real liFE ethereal as the love of my life i love the world”
  • sends a goodnight/goodmorning text every day with each heart emoji he can find 
  • his entire recently used section is just different colored hearts and rainbows and sparkles because he uses emojis obnoxiously
  • he’s convinced that the worst thing in the world is having to leave you after a long day of hanging out on a saturday or something
  • will 10/10 complain for hours to may about going home because he’s not with you anymore and he’s clingy
  • you’re his best friend and he’s not afraid to scream about it
    • “my best friend is dating me!!!!!!! i’m so lucky i love them so much” 
    • “peter we know”
    • “well now you know just a little extra all right?”
  • wishes you were able to fall asleep in his arms more often but you’re still young and he’s like oh well we have forever to do that
  • you insult each other all the time basically but??? you both love it banter is everything
      • “penis parKER flash is clever tbh”
      • “you’re such a little shit i’m actually going to fight you”
      • “seriously i dare you put your fists up now”
  • if you post a selfie and he doesn’t like it right away you’ll text him seven times in a row hinting that he should go like and comment 
  • texts at four am about random conspiracy theories or weird facts that only you two would find interesting 
  • shoulders = pillows on the train/bus most of the time
  • he is such a slut for having his hair played with ngl
  • it makes him so happy n calm he could lie like that, with your fingers just raking through his hair, for hours on end
  • he’s never felt more at home than when you’re sitting with him at his kitchen table eating mushy mac and cheese that he tried to make himself because may wasn’t home to help him out as you playfully make fun of him for ruining pasta
  • listens to ed sheeran songs with you because he’s an ed lover honestly and every song makes him think of you
  • hand massages when you’re cramping up after long tests or in class essays that leave you super stressed n anxious (fuck u ruby thx for the idea that murdered me n my soft spirit)
  • knows how to settle you nerves better than anyone else and vice versa
  • puts his hands on your cheeks before he kisses you 
  • you always joke about spidey in class and no one gets what you’re saying but he does and freaks out
    • “that’s a sticky situation”
    • “y/n” 
    • “don’t worry i found that on the web
    • y/n
    • “do you think spiders are men
    • “oh my gOD”
  • he doesn’t care at all if you take one of his sweaters or all of his sweaters he just gives zero fucks you could take them all and he’d love you for it 
    • “here take this one too”
    • “peter i have too many and it’s almost april”
    • “but you’d look so cute in this one” then he pouts and you’re a goner
  • peter writes you tiny notes in class that are his weird thoughts and ramblings and feelings but you save them all and put them in a memory box
    • there was one and it said here’s a concept : you have a bright future ahead of you, and i’m there. i like that concept.
      • you did, too
  • watches every cheesy romantic movie on netflix with you not just because you want to, but because he does too and he can’t help it that’s just how it is 
  • matching ugly christmas sweaters at christmastime because peter parker is an annoying headass and refuseS to go anywhere without one during the holiday season and if he’s wearing one he’s making you match
  • super spidey strength allows him to give you piggy back rides all throughout manhattan when you guys head to the city 
  • makes you kiss him in the rain even though there’s water up your nose and your hair is matted to your forehead 
  • one text makes your heart go !!!!!!!!! because that’s your boy!!!!! and you love him so much because he’s a lovely beautiful person that deserves the world !!!!!
  • making out is rarely super fast n intense like it’s still intense but you go slowly and you can make out for hours without a c are in the world
  • makes sure his hair looks nice before he goes out on a date with you
  • tells you that he loves you and that he’s happy you’re a part of his life as often as he can manage 
  • just wants to love you unconditionally forever
  • texts you at 11:11 every night and says something cheesy as fuck like “you’re my wish tonight babe” or “11:11 is always for you” and sometimes he’ll @ you on snap and you’re like wow we’re That couple 
  • but honestly???? you don’t care that much he’s so cute
  • knows your order at every restaurant/fast food chain/coffee shop imaginable and if he happens to pass by a mcdonalds or dunkin donuts while he’s swinging around queens he tries to pick something up for you 
  • you love his eyes you could probably get lost in them they’re gorgeous
    • “peter your eyes are so lovely i hate you”
    • “aw i love you more babe you say the sweetest things to me”
  • you think his smile is the prettiest thing ever
  • and when his face scrunches up when he’s super happY???? amazing you kiss him immediately everywhere and he gets so flustered and he giggles and tries to squirm away but not really
  • cause he loves it
  • and he loveS YOU
  • i love my boyfriend goodnight to all

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