i wanted to do something cool but i got bored

Help (Peter Parker x Reader)

Originally posted by diablito666

Word Count: 1019

Pairing: Peter Parker x Reader

AN: Hope you guys like it :) Sorry I haven’t posted in a while I’ve been sick and have like 4000 assignments due so life’s been fun. Also the new spidey clip and trailer got me so excited!I have a feeling they’re making Ned and Michelle’s characters really fricking cool and I love them already. Let me know what you guys think. Also I’ve been thinking of doing some Peter Quill imagines so if that’s something you guys want also let me know.

How on earth did you end up here in this mess? You were just a normal high school student who lived an average boring life, so how in the hell did you end up gripping for dear life onto the edge of the oscorp building?

You were just grabbing your morning coffee on your way to school when you felt some strangers hands grab you and lift you up into the air with them. Why did it have to be you that the villain chose to pick on? Screaming as you look down and notice how high in the air you really were, you squeezed your eyes shut in fright not wanting to see the height beneath you that would surely be the death of you.

Your grip on the edge of the building was slipping, you knew you couldn’t hold on any longer. As tears fell down your cheeks you knew this was it. This was the end for you. You were going to die. An ear piercing scream left your mouth as your grip finally failed, leaving you to free fall back towards the streets of New York city.

However before you could get close to the ground you feel your body being held by another stranger, however this one seemed to be saving you. Your head was buried into his chest as his arms wrapped themselves tightly around you, securing your body to his and making you feel safe. "I’ve got you.“ 

Those simple words were enough for your breathing to return back to normal and for the tears to stop falling down your face. His voice sounded younger than you expected, but that factor actually made you feel more at ease with the situation knowing this hero was just a kid like you. 

Suddenly the boy stopped swinging from his webs and landed you both safely on top of a random building, far away from the chaos being caused by the criminal who took you. Standing on your own two feet again you finally let out a breath you hadn’t realised you’d been holding in. Your proximity to the hero was still close like before, however neither of you did anything to change it. 

This gave you the opportunity to take in what the boy looked like, even though upon looking you noticed that his entire body was covered in a tight red and blue suit. His face was covered by a mask as well giving you nothing to identify him by. You admit that move is smart, to keep his identity a secret, yet at the same time you found yourself dying to know who the mysterious boy was behind the mask. 

Realising you hadn’t said a word to this stranger yet you decided now was probably the right time to thank him for saving your life. "Thank you, for saving me. If it weren’t for you i’d be dead on the ground right now.” The boy cleared his throat, trying to make his voice sound deeper than it really did but the attempt only made you stifle your laughter. "It’s not a big deal really, it’s what I do.“ 

Choosing to save the guy some embarrassment you decided to let the voice changing thing go, instead wanting to know the name to this mysterious superhero. "So what do they call you?” Crossing your arms you looked at the boys outfit once again, coming to the conclusion that the symbol of a spider on his chest might have something to do with his powers. "Well miss i’m your friendly neighbourhood Spider-man.“ 

Instantly taking a liking to his superhero name you nodded your head in approval. "The spider-guy…I like it." 

"If you don’t mind me asking, what do they call you?” You couldn’t tell because of his mask but you were almost certain the boy was wearing a smirk right now. “Y/N…my name is Y/N." 

"I wish I didn’t have to leave such a beautiful girl alone on top of this random building but I have some bad guys that urgently need to be stopped.” You couldn’t help but blush at his words, somehow this boy had made you feel special even if you weren’t the first girl he’d rescued. "Oh no I understand-please go save everyone’s lives spider-guy.“ 

He sends you a short nod before walking closer to the edge, ready to shoot out his web and jump off the side before you stopped him. "Wait!" 

His movements halted as he turned around to face you, obviously curious to what you had to say. You didn’t know where this courage came from, but you knew if you didn’t do this you’d regret it for the rest of your life. Walking straight up to him you slowly reached out and started lifting his mask up. Immediately the boy stopped your movements becoming protective over his identity. "What are you-" 

 "I’m not taking it all off just…just trust me? Okay?” Your eyes looked into this masked ones, reassuring the boy that your words were true. Still confused as to what you were doing the boy calmed his actions nevertheless and let you continue to lift up his mask just so that his lips were in your sight. 

Sending him a shy smile you decided it would be nicer to ask first, in case he had a girlfriend or something.  Gently grazing your thumb over his lips you shyly asked “can I?" Realising what you now implied the boy nervously nodded his head in approval. 

You wasted no time in placing your lips against his own, and to say it was the best kiss you’ve ever had wouldn’t be a lie. It was exciting yet also made you feel warm inside, like you had a connection with this stranger you’d only just met. Pulling away from the kiss you noticed how the boys lips still parted in shock making you smirk at his reaction. "Now you can go save the world spider-guy." With that you walked away leaving the hero standing there speechless and wanting to know more about this strange new girl he met called Y/N.

Being REALLY Vanilla -Reaction

Request - “BTS Reaction to their gf being very vanilla. Like not k i n k y at all? Tysmmmm” -Anon

Originally posted by ksjknj

Rap monster

“Baby can we try something new to night?" 

"I really don’t know…”

 I’m not gonna lie little Joonie seems to be pretty every other flavour but vanilla so he would probably be pretty sad/annoyed that he wasn’t getting everything he wanted out of the relationship.

Originally posted by fawnave


Lots of people say Jin would be really vanilla and I get that but I think sometimes he would want to do something a bit out there and would feel a little held back by what you want. 

Originally posted by imonaworldtour


He would be pretty unhappy with the situation, sometimes wanting to be a little different after a long day at the studio.

 "Baby can we do something a little more rough? Please, I need this" 

Originally posted by gotjhope


Boy can go from baby to baby daddy in 0.002 seconds, so he would be okay with the vanilla but would be sort of bored at the sex you two were having. It would probably become more sparse as he got more bored. 

Originally posted by sweaterpawsjimin


Jimin lives to please and it cool with you being so vanilla, but I’d definitely be lying if I told you he didn’t come out asking you for more sometimes.

 "Can we try ~? It’s okay if you really don’t want to but I would really like it" 

Originally posted by toughchim


Mmmaaannnn, tell me big boy Tae doesn’t look like a real kinky daddy, he would be unhappy with such a vanilla sex life - wanting to try new things all the time and coming to you with ideas… trying to get more out of the relationship. 

Originally posted by theking-or-thekid


 Kookie might be a bit more shy about coming to you with his worries about your vanilla sex life, even resorting to denying sex when you ask for it - it would get pretty bad, to the point you asked about it. Then he told you what he was thinking.

I Can’t Hate You (Bobby x Reader)

P.S this was requested by an anon. I hope you like this and it’s pretty intense so preapre yourselfs. Enjoy!


You met Bobby through mutual friends. One day your friend called you to come with her for dinner with her man and some other guys, since you had nothing to do you went with her. You wore your hair in a ponytail, with bold make up and cat eyeliner, whiel you chose to wear your loose light blue jean coloured dress with a pair of heels. When Bobby saw you he was intrigued, you were different, not just because of your foreign looks, but your personality. You were strong, you had an amazing aura, everybody could feel your presence, he got to see that when the guys touched a triggering subject which got you mad. After turning them down with sharp comments you got silent, but your silence was loud, everyone could feel how mad you were, the whole table got silent awkward as you checked your phone to distract yourself. He wasn’t used to meeting girls like you, you were a leader, he liked that.

The most suprising about you was when you got in a relationship with him. You hated PDA so you never really kissed or hugged him around friends, but behind closed doors you were like a different person. So comforting and sweet, you loved to cuddle and play around with him and showed a ton of affection. Also you were a fighter, you knew how to stand up for yourself and put on a good fight, you never cried or showed sadness when you fought with him, you were completely strong and calm. But of course there is a first time for everything.

Bobby had a lot in his plate. The group, his solo career, an image to uphold, sometimes it just gets too much. Bobby was a very chill boyfriend, he never really had an attitude, but when he did boy was it a strong one. You tried to call him to congratulate him for the m/v, but he didn’t pick up, so you called again, but he hanged up on you. That was weird, he has never done that, you tried to brush it off, thinking that he will call back eventually, but he didn’t. The whole day passed and he did not call or texted, although he had time to post on insta, which made you extremely mad, why was he ignoring you? You waited patiently for him to call back, it had been 2 days before you officially had enough. So you got off from work and went straight to his house. You knocked on the door and waited for him to open. Which he did, 20 minutes after, before he could even speak you walked in.

“Why have you been ignoring me?”

You asked him. Crossing your hands over your chest, tapping your foot against the well polished floor. He closed the door, he was extremely calm, it made you want to puch him straight in the nose.

“I was busy”

“busy doing what? choosing an instagram filter? I saw the posts Jiwon”

Using his real name meant only one thing. Danger, he should have already start digging a whole. Instead all he did was scoff and roll his eyes. What the hell? You are supposed to be mad, not him. You raised your eyebrow, waiting for him to explain.

“This is what you’ve been doing? Stalking me? That’s sad”

What? Was he really going down that rabbithole? He wants to play then you would show him. What he said did not really hit home, it  was still an insult though.

“Stalking? That’s what you want to call me wanting to know if you are alive?”

“I clearly am. At least did you like the pictures?”

He was arrogant. He didn’t even apologize for completely pushing you out of his life. Your anger was mixed with sadness, he had never talked to you this way.

“Is that all you have to say? I wanted to congratulate you”

“A text would be enough. I got shit to do, I can’t really keep up with your boring life”

His insults got stronger. He really did try to hurt you, it was not cool and definetely not acceptable.

“How dare you say such things? I was the one that helped you through everything”

“Well instead of helping me you could have taken the time to help yourself. Those two days you were playing detective you could have gone to the gym or work on your skin, or maybe work on becoming something better in your work place.”

Wow. You were shocked at what he said, it was like a punch straight to your heart. You were not skinny, you didn’t have perfect skin, you had a normal job, those were your biggest insecurities in the relationship. Bobby for you was perfect in every way, now he was putting you down in the worst way. You stared at him, until you saw his face going from angry to soft, that is when you felt the hot tears that streamed down your cheeks. You tried to wipe them off as you sniffled.


“Stay away from me!”

You yelled at him. It was the first time he saw you cry, it scared him, he really went too far. You got your bag you had thrown to the ground and run for the door.

“Baby please”

“Don’t you ever speak about me that way again. Actually don’t ever speak to me again”

You said meaning every word. He hurt you bad, you both knew that, leaving you two sad and upset. As soon as he saw you drive off he punched the doorframe, cussing loudly. How could he be so stupid? He let the stress get to him so much he couldn’t think straight. Until he saw your chin shake and the tears run down your beatifull face that was full of hurt, you looked so vunerable and broken at the time, it made him want to hug you, but he couldn’t cause he was the one that hurt you. He had to make this right, but how, what could make you forgive me. Was there such thing?


When you got to your apartment you threw yourself to your bed, finally able to let the sobs control you and cry all you want. Hearing the man that you love say such hurtfull things was the worst experience, you didn’t wish it to anyone. It was a stab in the heart, you hated him right now. You helped him, you’ve been there for him, you loved him for who he was, you have accepted him flaws and all. But no, that was not enough anymore. You heard your phone ringing, you got up and walked to your purse. Bobby’s picutre was on your screen, you threw the phone to the ground, breaking it. He was done for you, nothing could change what he said


It’s been a week since the incident. You have supposedly been doing fine, you went out with friends, you were working, you have people supporting you. But inside you were screaming, even when you were dressed to impress, make up done perfectly, not a hair out of place, you felt ugly. His words ringing in your head, you had tried to go to the gym more ofte, visited different spa’s for your skin and body, but the scar was deeper. You didn’t want to be good enough, you wanted to prove him wrong, that you were indeed beautiful. That’s what you thought, in reality you wanted to prove it to yourself.

Bobby was well aware from what was going on. Now he was the one lurking on your instagram posts, seeing you in tight clothes, sweating like crazy to the gym, group pictures with friends. It killed him to see you moving on with your life. He tried everything, sending flowers, calling you, messaging you, everything he possibly could. But now he had one more card up his sleeve, he drove to your place, thankfully your car was there which meant you were too. He took a deep breath and got out of his car and to your door, he had one chance and he better make it a good one. He knocked on your door, you thinking it was your girlfriend you opened the door, already dolled up and ready to go. But it was not your friend, it was your EX boyfriend. As soon as you laid eyes on him your face became harsher

“Go away. You’re not wanted here”

You said. Your voice colder than any ice, but he had to push through. He looked at you straight in your eyes

“Can I come in”


You replied instantly. He did this, he can’t come back now.

“Please princess”

You felt the pain in your chest when you heard what he called you. He used to call you that cause you were kinda ‘spoiled’ and picky about your stuff, also you loved to dress up and all that stuff so he called you princess to tease you or make you talk to him when you gave him the silent treatment. You know you should just close the door in his face, instead you moved to the side, your heels clicking at the floor. He walked in at the familiar apartment while you closed the door, taking a deep breath to control yourself.

“You look nice”

“Really? One week ago I was fat and had ugly skin though”

You fired back. Making him look down in shame, he deserved that, that’s why he didn’t say anything. He walked with you to the living room and sat down

“I wanted to apologize for what I said. I shouldn’t have said those harsh words, but I unfortunately can’t take them back. I let stress get to me and I hurt you, I made you feel bad about yourself, that’s not what boyfriends do. But please darling, you know I love you more than any other, please forgive me, I promise I will never ever hurt you again. I need you princess, i’m begging you”

You could see the tears in his eyes. You could feel his pain, but you could also feel yours, your lips became dry, so did your throat.

“Why should I do that? You already hurt me once, you showed what you were capable of. As soon as something got too much you turned to me. ME! the person that was your biggest fan, all I wanted was to congratulate you. You fucked up my life so… bad… i can’t”

You couldn’t talk anymore. Sobs were heard instead of words. you covered your face with your hands as you broke down. You couldn’t be strong anymore. He instantly wrapped his arms around you and let you cry it out, he hated himself. He looked at what he caused, he broke you, the strong woman he met was now crying

“What’s worse is that… I can’t hate you. I tried so hard but I can’t, why Jiwon?”

You questioned. He bit his lip, trying to control his tears, he didn’t deserve to cry, he had no place to act hurt, he caused this, he has to fix it. He took your face in his hands as you tried to calm down and control your sobs.

“I love you. That’s all I can say, please tell me to leave. Please tell me we are over. Tell you never want to see me again. Cause if you don’t I will keep trying. Say the words and i’ll be gone”

He was honest. You could see it in his eyes, you opened your mouth to say something but you couldn’t. You looked in his eyes and you saw how hurt he was, the tears that just waited to be released, the way he bit his lip so hard it would bleed.

“Please hug me”

You whimpered. He obeyed, hugging your broke form, he rubbed your back as he let you cry all you wanted

“Don’t leave. I want you here”

“Then i’ll stay. As long as you want me to”

Originally posted by yn-g

anonymous asked:

Is Andy at his house while filming that video? I’m just so interested on what his home looks like lol like I wonder if it’s decorated all cute or if he’s really messy haha

I would assume so, kind of seems like something you’d only do in the privacy of your home/yard 😂  rather than reciting a poem like a ham somewhere public.  He confessed to being pretty untidy 😂  like he leaves socks scattered around but he always talks about how organized Gael is so I’d bet the Clutterbuck household probably isn’t in total disarray. They certainly don’t seem like bland, boring people so I’m sure they’ve got some cool interior design elements. Probably big on holiday decorating too given their focus on family. I just want to know where Andy keeps all of his hats 😂

Not A Monster

Summary: With everything Dean and Sam have seen and hunted, is the case they come across something as simple as a guardian angel?
Characters: Unnamed characters, Dean Winchester, & Sam Winchester
Word Count: 584 [tags under the cut.]
Warnings: Language
Author’s Note: It’s not much right now and I’m not entirely too sure where this is going to go. Please let me know if you’re interested in reading more. 

The little girl giggled as her mother tucked her into bed. “You want me to look under the bed, sweetheart?”

“S’ok, mommy. My guardian angel will watch over me.” This wasn’t news to her mother, the little girl had been talking about having a guardian angel for several weeks.

With a hand running through her daughter’s curls, she smiled. “Are you sure?”

Another giggle poured from her mouth. “Yes, mommy.”

“I love you.”

“Love you mostest.” She snuggled deeper into her blankets as her mom shut the door.

If it would have been three weeks ago, the little girl would have cried, screaming about the monster under her bed that had an appetite for children. The parents tried everything they could think of to put the child’s fears to rest; monster spray, a special teddy bear that would watch over her while she slept, a magical blanket that hid her from sight, but nothing worked. And then one night, she didn’t cry or scream. She gave her parents a warm smile and kiss, saying that everything was ok now that her angel was there.

With the blankets under her chin, she waited, wide eyes glued to the dark corner of her room where her angel stayed; hidden in plain sight. A shift of the shadows as he emerged was the only sign he was there. He was quiet, unnaturally so, but it didn’t bother the little girl. Even his appearance, which most would cringe in horror at or turn away, a shudder of disgust running down their spine; the little girl thought he was perfect.

He sat on the edge of her bed and ran a finger down her nose. “You should be sleeping.”

Long eyelashes fluttered as she blinked rapidly, enjoying the brush of his cool skin. “I wanted to see you.”

“You’ve got a big day ahead of you, little one; sleep,” his voice was melodic, almost as if he were singing.

With a loud yawn, the little girl reached out and grabbed his ashen, bony hand. “You’ll stay here all night, right?”

The angel chuckled, gripping the smaller hand tight. “Do not be afraid, little one, I will keep watch.”

Originally posted by deangifsdaily

Dean tossed a beer across the table, which Sam effortlessly caught. “Tell me you have something, Sammy.”

“If you’re so damn bored, why don’t you do something helpful?”

“You mean something like research? Nah, that’s a nerd’s job,” he replied playfully.

With a roll of his eyes, Sam popped his beer open and took a drink before turning his attention back to the laptop. “You didn’t seem to mind researching the other night with that leggy redhead, Amie.”

“There’s a difference. Your kind of research is boring.”

Sam scoffed in fake irritation. That’s when a headline caught his attention. CHILD SAYS GUARDIAN ANGEL SAVED HER LIFE. He went on to read the article, and while hearing that children say they have a guardian angel isn’t groundbreaking news, there was this feeling that Sam couldn’t shake.

“Check this out.”

Dean dropped his elbows to the table as Sam slid the laptop across the table. After only reading the headline, Dean shook his head. “So what? Kid believes in angels, we’ve heard of stranger things.”

“Seriously, Dean?” Sam asked with a condescending tone. “Scroll down.”

There was a picture with the article that made Dean’s brows knit together. “The fuck is that?”

Sam shook his head as he leaned back, taking another drink before answering, “Not a goddamn clue.”


Keep reading

mewchim  asked:

november 5th ❤

november - what is your favorite food?

i mean ive already answered, but maybe something a little more serious: rice????????????????????????????? is the best. thanks.

05 - do you want to play a musical instrument?

ive played the piano for 2 yrs and i rlly liked playing it but i got also bored LMAOOOO i mean it wld be so cool to be a drummer?? i wanna be a drummer, man

🍑 send me your birthday! 🍑

anonymous asked:

ficathon prompt: sterek hogwarts au where stiles gets injured during a quidditch match and derek looks after him. would be awesome if you could throw allison into the fic as well as a friend or something!

Well, I gave it a try! I had to brush up on my Harry Potter knowledge, though - it’s been awhile. :)

Also be warned that Stiles gets a concussion here. :(

(6/10 prompts for my 1k followers thingy! And now I’m 400 followers past… oops.)

Stiles blinks his eyes open, gazing blearily upwards, and wonders if he’s gone to heaven.

“Stiles, can you hear me?” Derek Hale asks, a remarkably concerned expression on his face.

Holy fuck, does he have a pretty face. Stiles has never seen it so close up before, and he can practically hear angels singing in the background as he takes in Derek’s gorgeous eyes and perfect stubble. Heaven, indeed.

He’s about to say as much when someone else butts in.

“Oh my god, Stiles, I am so sorry!” Allison exclaims, dropping down next to him, still fully clad in her quidditch gear. “I was just aiming for your shoulder, and I thought you’d duck anyway, but – ”

“What?” Stiles croaks, moving his head to get a better look at her. However, the moment makes his vison swim and he lets out a pained groan, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Keep still,” Derek orders, moving Stiles’ head back into its previous position with surprising gentleness. “We need to wait for Madam McCall to get here to check you for spinal injuries.”

“Spinal injuries?” Stiles asks, opening his eyes again to shoot Derek a questioning look.

“You feel pretty far,” Derek explains, and Allison winces.

“What about the game?” Stiles asks, which, surprisingly enough, puts a fierce scowl on Derek’s face.

“It was cancelled as soon as I hit you in the head with the bludger,” Allison tells him, her lips pressed in a tight line. “It’s being counted as a draw.”

“Ugh,” Stiles groans. Well, there goes the Slytherin season record. Hopefully Cora won’t give him shit about it. Then again, he supposes getting to see her gorgeous brother up close instead of halfway across the great hall might make facing her wrath worth it.

Ah, the things he suffers through for his pathetic crush.

Keep reading

Tempus (ft. Suga)

A Suga scenario for THIS anon :)

Originally posted by jinkooks

You looked at the credits rolling down your television. Your head tilted from the confusing feeling of not knowing whether you found the movie good or not. It was more of an okay, you were a bit disappointed with the overused ending. The opinions were so good that it seriously could have been better.

‘Did you like it?’ asked Yoongi placing an arm around your waist to draw your attention. You turned to him and pursed your lips.

Keep reading


Art Improvement of 2014:
-Age 15-16
-Paint Tool Sai // Photoshop CC

January: This month, I was really experimenting with the black/white type compositions? I used a bunch of references and didn’t really know how arms or gravity worked.

February: I experimented with a lot of textures. This month was strictly limited to ‘sand textures’ which I used for almost every art piece I made. |D

March: MORE textures to hide the fact that i had no idea what I was doing with my coloring. //shot I didn’t really have a concept of mood lighting so I’d just color like normal then put textures on top of it when it was all done. Not the best method??

April: I decided to start practicing on lighting and such. This is the first picture where I decided to include the shadows that characters actually cast on the ground. whoa, revelations. |D The lighting was fun here too, and this was the first picture that I actually completed a background. owo

May: More ground shadows. Hiro’s first picture was released this month and I had to draw him! Nothing big this month since it was the end of school and finals and all that. There’s a lot of flaws in this one.

June: I saw How to Train Your Dragon 2 this month and was officially broken. I studied screen caps for shadows and emotions and such in faces and tried to replicate it.

July: This month was all about colors and big pictures pretty much. I had a lot of free time with it being Summer and all and most of my pictures were really loose-lined and not too cleaned up. The first thing that came to mind is what I drew, and I didn’t fix a lot of (or any) anatomical or technical errors.

August: Big, floofy hair. I studied a lot of Big Hero 6 artwork during this time period. I got more comfortable with drawing hair and definitely a lot more confident with hands. Thanks, Hiro!!

September: I tried to not cut off at their shoulders with every piece I drew. I wanted to incorporate hands as much as I could since I found a new love for drawing them. Anatomy was a weak point for me still since I didn’t practice it much. Simple poses, simple poses, but at least it was something different. I also got Photoshop during this time and completely stopped using Paint Tool Sai.

October: I read Blood of Olympus and sort of re-emerged myself into the PJatO fandom. I was introduced to new artists and such while doing so, so this time period was pretty cool! I wanted to work with background again as well as experiment with lighter colors.

November: I’m still trying to put more than two characters onto the same canvas!! It’s a challenge but it’s really fun! More characters means I need to think of more different poses so things don’t become boring. It was great practice!!

December: Ah, yes, here we are now. I guess I’m trying to combine a bunch of things together after slowly building it up all year. Poses, backgrounds, mood lighting, shading, bounce light, emotions. All those things that I’m probably (and hopefully) going to look back at next year and say 'lol you call that a background?’ But yeah, I’m still experimenting a lot and I’m still learning!!

>>Improvement of 2013<<

All art by me
Template made by hope-for-snow. Thank you<3

Okay, I can’t put a read more, so I’ll try to keep this short.
First off, you can probably see that modgryphon got a little bit of an upgrade, this is mostly due to real life changes, so I thought it would be appropriate. It’ll probably change some more in the future, so don’t be surprised if that happens!
Secondly, I’m sorry for the lack of Autumn updates, but I promise that I have something in the works, and I’m hoping you will all enjoy it, even if it won’t happen for a while.
And lastly, I’ve mentioned this before, but I’ve been playing a lot of video games lately (which is one reason why I haven’t updated Autumn, sorry!) specifically, I’ve been playing a lot of Pokken Tournament, as well as a little bit of Splatoon and Mario Kart 8. So, basically, if any of you people play those games or anything, I’d love to know! Sometime I would like to try and set up a game party or something like that with you guys if it’s a possibility.

TL;DR- mod got a new look again, Autumn will return with something cool, and I want to know if you play WiiU games so we can play together!

Save me please- Young Sirius Black

Don’t get me wrong, Robert Diggle is super nice. Super nice, but also super boring. Way too predictable too, Robert Diggle is.

“So you’re going to Hogsmeade with Diggle, huh?” James asked me the Friday before.

“Yeah, he asked me, he’s nice. It’s not a big deal.” I answered easily. James mumbled something then, and I thought it sounded a lot like to you.

That Hogsmeade Saturday however, was the longest day of my life. Diggle and I walked into Hogsmeade talking about the weather and Slughorn’s Draught of Peace essay. I tried to bring up the subject of Quidditch, to no avail. Diggle was not interested in the fact that the first goal I’d scored that season was by throwing the quaffle so hard at the Slytherin Keeper he fell through the goalposts with it. I tried to bring up my fellow sixth year Gryffindors next, desperately trying to grasp onto material to keep conversation going. I was a sentence into the story of how James and Sirius transfigured Adam Bones into Proffesor Mcgonagall to scare Peter before he stopped me by saying the thing that should’ve made me call the date off then, “I don’t much like those marauders. I think they’re immature.”

“I mean, of course they’re immature at times, that’s what makes them so great! They know how to be mature when they have to be, they help Lily and I with transfiguration all the time!” I said, very shocked.

“I guess I haven’t had enough up close interaction with them.”

“I guess not.” I had not been paying attention to where we were headed for awhile because Robert Diggle had caught me so off guard with his comment about four of my best friends, but I recoiled when I saw the door of Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop in front of me. I hated that place with every fiber in my body. Diggle put his hand on my back to guide me in, but I threw his hand off the small of my back, trying to be as polite as possible after that action by saying “I can walk by myself, thank you.” Okay, it wasn’t polite at all.

We sat at the corner of the pink, crowded shop. I gagged at the couple practically eating each others’ uvulas two feet from me. “They look like slugs. Sucking each other like that.” I said with a disgusted face. Diggle had made a movement like he was reaching for my hands that rested on the table, but looked like he panicked mid-movement because of my latest comment. I didn’t want him to hold my hands anyways. I’ve always had clammy hands, hands that were only accepted of by Lily Evans and Sirius Black.

Suffering through what felt like hours crushed into a secluded corner of a pink building that might have forced me into color-blindness, I managed to stumble out of the claustrophobia-inducing shop and breathe in and out in relief of seeing reality again without touching Robert Diggle the entire time. I have no idea why, but he seemed intimidated by me; it might’ve been because all I talked about was how couples could touch each other so much. I did all the talking jumping from story to story to keep myself entertained, Diggle never laughed at what I recounted though. “All right, are you ready for the real question?” I asked.

“I suppose so, what is it?” He looked very serious. I mean, of course he looked very serious, but I was joking.

“Do you ever laugh?” I asked.

He let out a stiff guffaw. “Of course,” he said, looking more stressed than ever.

“Right.” I said as we walked into the Three Broomsticks. Looking to my left I spotted the Marauders, Lily, Marlene, and Mary, probably having the time of their lives without me. I knew it was at least more fun than I was having.

“Wow, it’s crowded in here!” I said, but it was always crowded in the Three Broomsticks, and it wasn’t anymore crowded than usual. “Why don’t I find us a table while you get us drinks.” I told him as I gave him a few sickles to pay for both drinks, “Tell Rosie I said hi!” I yelled over my shoulder to quiet his protests to my paying as I feigned walking to the right, opposite where all my friends were.

When he finally got in line to get the drinks, I ran behind him and over to my friends. After scurrying stealthily to their table, I pressed my hands on the tabletop to announce my arrival.

“Y/N!” They all cried happily. “Have you finally come to join us love?” Sirius asked, grinning.

“Unfortunately, not for long.” I answered, taking the groan I knew would come from Sirius’ throat. “I need one of you to help me with something though.” This got his attention again.

“All right this date I’ve been on has been absolutely horrible. James I swear to Merlin I will hex the smug off your face if you keep doing that.” He immediately rearranged his facial features, a little intimidated, a lot amused. “He took me to Madam Puddifoot’s, which is a nightmare in itself, but he’s also so boring. He doesn’t want to talk about my awesome score at the Gryffindor/Slytherin match!”

“What?! That was so cool!” Remus said, Peter nodding enthusiastically beside him. James and Sirius looked incredulous, Lily, Mary, and Marlene didn’t seem to think that was the deal-breaker that I and the boys thought it was.

“I know, who wouldn’t want to talk about that? But most importantly, he doesn’t like the marauders, and I don’t like anyone who doesn’t like the marauders.”

“That’s honestly a really bad mantra to go by, I wouldn’t put your judgement in the hands of them.” Lily said dryly, earning at least three “hey"s.

“Whatever. I need to get out of this date, and I don’t have that much time left to talk to you guys before he goes looking for me. So can someone come save me please?” I asked, batting my eyelashes.

“Well, would you like me to swoop in, sweep you off your feet, and carry you away?” Sirius asked with a wink.

“You know I would hate that even if it wasn’t tactless for the situation.” I said matter-of-factly. Sirius chuckled.

“Can someone just run over there,” I pointed somewhere to the right of me, “and just act frantic and say something like: Y/N! Lily got piss drunk and needs you to make sure she doesn’t throw up all over herself! or Y/N! Marlene has this giant knot in her hair and needs your hair expertise to get it out! or Y/N! Mary decided to lick the pole by Scrivenshafts and needs you to get her off!” I mimed each scenario vividly with my hands, trying to tell them how important it was.

Lily, Marlene, and Mary all looked appalled at what I had said they’d done. “I can hold down liquor, Y/N,” Lily said.

“I could totally get a knot out of my hair. Or at least Mary could,” Marlene said after.

“Why would I ever lick a pole? These all sound like things you would need help with,” Mary finished.

“UGH!!!” I groaned, then saw Diggle dangerously close to the front of the line, looking out at the tables for me. “I really have to go now, one of you think of something and come save me soon please, or you’re all dead to me!” I yelled, running to the right and hiding behind people to stay out of Diggle’s line of sight. Finally, I spotted an empty table far enough from my friends that they couldn’t be seen and sat at it.

Diggle strutted to my table and placed our drinks on it. “So, did I miss anything?” He asked sweetly.

“Nah, defeated a troll while you were gone, that’s all.” I said, waving a satiric hand.

His eyes widened for a second, then he got up from his chair and put his hands on my shoulders, examining my body. Was he checking if I was okay? If he was, add stupid to the list of Robert Diggle’s flaws™. He could’ve also been using this moment to mentally undress me. If he was, add pervert to Robert Diggle’s list of flaws™.

Since he was so close to me I could admire that he was at least a little hot. Okay, he was a lot hot, not Sirius Black hot, but hot. Maybe he wasn’t Sirius Black hot in my mind because he had so many flaws. Maybe he wasn’t Sirius Black hot in my mind because he wasn’t Sirius Black. Shit. Okay, that’s it. Robert Diggle is not Sirius Black. That’s mostly my problem with him. Where is my savior?

Diggle kept looking me up and down, his eyes full of lust, mind-ravishing my curves. I pushed him, a little too forcefully to be polite, off of me and said, “I was joking, learn how to take one, Diggle.”

“Why don’t you call me Robert, Y/N? I call you by your first name!” He said, his perverted, boring, and smug face not nearly as cute as Sirius Black’s.

“Because, Diggle. I don’t know you or trust you enough to call you Robert.” I said. Where is my savior? They were all about to be dead to me.

“Oy! Y/N!” My savior had come in the form of Sirius Black.

“Sirius?” I tried to sound surprised.

“You call him by his first name?!” Diggle yelled in exasperation. I did not have the patience to answer him.

“Snivellus was insulting Lily again. We got him to go away of course, but she could use her best friend.” Sirius said.

“I have to go!” I yelled to Diggle.

“No you don’t!” Diggle said, “your friend is fine she has the rest of the Gryffindors!”

“Diggle, if you don’t understand how important my friends are to me then you don’t understand me. I have to go,” I said to him meaningfully, hoping Sirius’ excuse was acting, Snape was never good for Lily.

Once I was out of earshot of Diggle, I turned to Sirius and said, “Did Snape really come for Lily?”

Sirius smiled and it eased my worry. “No. He wouldn’t dare talk to her unless she was alone. You know that. He’s a spineless, greasy little coward. I just needed to have the best excuse possible for you, love.”

“Good. Thanks for saving me,” I said snaking my arms around his waist and pressing my body against his side. He put his arm around me and we walked like that back to our friends.

“You know what I realized when Diggle got way too physically close to me before I pushed him off?” I asked him.

“That you shouldn’t have gone on that date with him?” He said jokingly.

“No. I realized that ages before that.”

“So you realized you’re scary when you’re mad?”

“No my second realization was that I like you, Sirius.” I looked up at his face to measure his reaction, which looked like he had tried to hide his obvious elation.

“Hold on a second, Y/N I couldn’t hear you over Diggle’s humiliation. Honestly, someone needs to get him some aloe vera for that last burn. What was it that you were saying?” He cupped the arm that was around my shoulders to his ear, making me release him too.

“I like you, Sirius Black!” I said, louder than before.

“One more time. I need you to say it one more time.” We were now standing in front of our friends, and it was obvious what Sirius wanted.

I giggled. “SIRIUS ORION BLACK! I like you.” I said again, causing all of our friends to stop what they were doing and gasp.

“YOU NEVER TOLD ME,” Lily, Marlene, Mary, and surprisingly James shrieked.

“I just realized. And James?” I said laughing at him.

“I would like to think you would tell me these things.” He said with a dignified air.

“I am telling you.” I answered.

“Now that Prongs is done being a middle-aged woman, I would like to say something.” Sirius said. I turned my gaze toward him, feeding into his flair for dramatics. “I like you too, Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N.”

I smiled and jumped to my tippy toes, wrapping my arms around Sirius’ neck and kissing him for the first of many times to the sound of my friends cheering me on. As the kiss got deeper, Remus said “all right guys, get a room or something.” Laughing as we pulled away, I kept my arms around Sirius, put my heels on the floor again, and looked at Remus. “I’m serious, rent one here or something. We don’t want you two in our dorm tonight.”

The whole group laughed as Sirius said “For you Moony, anything.”

I think there’s something about the Hunger Games that makes it a very modern-feeling blockbuster franchise. Often you get a heroine in a movie like that and they’re just not cool characters. They’re kind of sappy or kind of boring. But Jennifer (Lawrence) perfectly embodies Katniss Everdeen and you can’t not be interested in that character. She’s so smart and so tough and so brave, but she’s also like, I’m really confused and I don’t know which guy I want to date but like … hold on dude. There’s more important things to do than think about dating. I’ve got to save the world right now. It’s very fresh and modern which I like, but it’s also super youth based. It’s a good set of films.
—  Lorde
I got my first novel rejection letter today! \(^_^)/

If you were following me in April you might remember at some point I decided to start writing a novel, and I posted daily wordcounts for awhile until I decided it was annoying you all and stopped doing that. 

I finished the thing around the end of June, I wasn’t super proud of it and actually hated most of it and thought it was boring and lame but it was a FINISHED THING and since I’ve never done the novel thing before I just wanted to get out there and so I submitted it to a publisher, just to see what they’d say.

So today I got a letter back from an editor and they declined my manuscript. And then something really cool happened that I didn’t expect, they gave me feedback on what didn’t work and why. Coming from a point where I strongly disliked the finished thing to begin with, I have a bunch of new ideas to rework it and have a better idea of what they’re looking for. 

Thank you all for liking those wordcount posts/replying to them with encouragement /messaging me with support while I was doing this, it really meant a lot. It’s been a great learning process and I’m going to incorporate a lot of these things into the second novel I started and also the reboot of this one. 

Yeah, I think there’s something about the Hunger Games that makes it a very modern-feeling blockbuster franchise. Often you get a heroine in a movie like that and they’re just not cool characters. They’re kind of sappy or kind of boring. But Jennifer (Lawrence) perfectly embodies Katniss Everdeen and you can’t not be interested in that character. She’s so smart and so tough and so brave, but she’s also like, I’m really confused and I don’t know which guy I want to date but like … hold on dude. There’s more important things to do than think about dating. I’ve got to save the world right now. It’s very fresh and modern which I like, but it’s also super youth based. It’s a good set of films.
—  Lorde.
Lorde Talks Surprises on the 'Mockingjay Part 1' Soundtrack
Lorde sat down with Billboard backstage at Lollapalooza to talk about her new gig curating The Hunger Games Mockingjay: Part 1 soundtrack. She couldn’t tell us much, but she hinted that we’d be super surprised by a few of her choices. “You’ll be like, what? I haven’t heard form them in ages… but in a great way.” Oh, and she’s definitely a fan. Read on. Billboard: Spearheading an entire soundtrack, especially for a film as hotly anticipated as Mockingjay, is a pretty tall order, especially for someone still early in their career. Lorde: Yeah, I was just saying that I literally watched the second film (2013’s Catching Fire) in a movie theater in New Zealand like a year ago. And now I get to curate the soundtrack. It’s crazy. How did it all come together? It came to me through my publisher, who is always bringing me really cool, weird opportunities. He was like, do you want to do the end credits song for the film? And I said, “Oh yeah that would be awesome. Um … what are they doing for their soundtrack, just out of interest?” And he was like, “I don’t know I can find it out.” I was really keen to curate it. I had this idea that it would be really cool and I think I know what is the right sound for the project. So they were really into it and it just started happening. It’s really been my baby, which is awesome. It’s so rewarding, but it blows my mind that this massive studio has just handed the reigns over to a 17-year-old. I’ve literally been doing it by myself, contacting every artist, sorting everything out. Can you tell us some other artists that are involved? I don’t know if I want to tell you anything yet! It’s very new. But there are some people on there that you’re going to be super surprised by. You’ll be like, what? I haven’t heard form them in ages… but in a great way. OK, we’ll stay in suspense. Was there anything specific about the Hunger Games series that attracted you to the project? Yeah, I think there’s something about the Hunger Games that makes it a very modern-feeling blockbuster franchise. Often you get a heroine in a movie like that and they’re just not cool characters. They’re kind of sappy or kind of boring. But Jennifer (Lawrence) perfectly embodies Katniss Everdeen and you can’t not be interested in that character. She’s so smart and so tough and so brave, but she’s also like, I’m really confused and I don’t know which guy I want to date but like … hold on dude. There’s more important things to do than think about dating. I’ve got to save the world right now. It’s very fresh and modern which I like, but it’s also super youth based. It’s a good set of films.  
Lorde Talks 'Mockingjay,' 'Weird Al' and New Music Backstage at Lollapalooza 2014

Pure Heroine, the haunting debut album that put Lorde on the international music map, is still less than 1 year old, but the raven-haired singer is carefully plotting some new moves. On July 31, one day before she hit the Lolla stage, word surfaced that Lorde is curating the soundtrack to Mockingjay Pt. 1, the next film in the epic Hunger Games franchise (set for release on Nov. 21).

The project will also find Lorde releasing her first original music since Pure Heronie hit the charts. What can we expect from Lorde’s cinematic endeavor, and what might this mean for more new projects — and new music — down the road? Billboard caught up with the teen queen after her triumphant Lollapalooza set to find out.

Keep reading

Definitive Guide of How Not To Interview

Dear World,

I was just thinking – that’s what I do when I travel.  And read. One of my favorite things to read is interviews with any kind of public figure.  When I read Vanity Fair I immediately turn to the Proust Questionnaire on the back page before I get to the smart-y pants journalism.  One thing I can’t stand- I’m sure you’re with me – is when you buy a magazine with your favorite so-and-so on the cover and can’t wait to dig in and you get…fluff.  The same old recycled PR.  The same old “everything in a positive light.”  I fall for it because every once in a while I read a really intimate, thoughtful interview with someone and so I’ll always take my chances.

I do understand that celebrities have an image to protect – that image sells their movie tickets and albums and as stupid as it sounds to you and me – there are people out there that would be REVOLTED to learn that maybe Julia Roberts isn’t the nicest person on earth full of light and love or that [insert name here rhymes with Ba-volta] isn’t straight and isn’t going to strut to their house in bell-bottoms and twirl them on the dance floor – thus those people will stop supporting the celebrity.  Also, celebrities have publicists – people who sit with them during interviews and make sure they do not get too personal, misquoted, or start to trust the journalist too much.  It’s not always the interviewer’s fault.

Which leads me to what I’m writing about here.  I do press – way less high profile – but all the time.  At least fifty times a year all over the country and some of the world. And I get asked the same questions OVER and OVER and OVER again.  I have a publicist.  The kind that gets me press.  Not the kind that watches over me like an overlord making sure I say the right thing. I have nothing to protect.  As a comedian and a not-celebrity one, not much is at stake if I say an outrageous thing or give a crazy opinion or let someone in too deep.  And yet – NO ONE takes advantage of this.  I mean, I want people to have boundaries.  Obviously let’s be polite and not ask people crazy, personal questions that could harm others but…. you get the idea.

In the interest of this not sounding like an ungrateful complaint – I put it to you this way. You, busy person who has a lot to read, don’t you want to read something interesting when you read a press article?  Do you really care how I got started in comedy? If I’m really drunk on Drunk History?  When I realized I was funny?  Who cares? Don’t you want to know something about me? Or a person?  

When I do press – usually the person interviewing me has a few weeks lead-time.  And I get the same questions.  Why go into a cool profession where you get to talk to performers and people with something to say or maybe just people who say normal things but in a funny way and then—-just throw it away with boring crap?


Unless this is someone’s first interview, the answer is out there. It’s on Wikipedia and I’ve talked about it on my podcast and I’ve answered it in hundreds of interviews all available online.  Oh, and I wrote about it in my book that came out in 2013.  If you only have ten minutes by phone to talk to someone, why waste two of them with this boring question? The answers are always the same. “I started doing open mics.” There are no other starts.  No answer will ever be as interesting as the plot of E.T. But also, it disengages your subject right away.  We are on the phone thinking, ‘Did they do no research? This is sort of a waste of time.’ Howard Stern, my favorite interviewer, if you listen to him, will incorporate boring facts IN his question. If you don’t have a research team like Howard, you do have Google and five minutes before you call someone. If you must conduct some background check type interview perhaps you could come armed with that answer and do something like this.

“So, I read that you got your start back in 1997 at the Green Street Grille – a bar in Somerville Massachusetts that Eugene Mirman turned into a comedy night –“

 And then ask the question from there.

If you must talk about this maybe it can go something like this, “So, I read that you got your start back in 1997 at the Green Street Grille – a bar in Somerville Massachusetts that Eugene Mirman turned into a comedy night – do you remember anything specific about that night? What outfit did you pick out to wear? Did you have a drink?  Did you invite people you knew?  What was your expectation going in?”

See how many different nuances and emotions can be evoked doing it that way?  We never would have gotten there if you didn’t do your research first and incorporate it in the question.

Some may argue, “No, I KNOW how you got your start but the people reading my newspaper don’t!” Again, incorporate it in your question and also assume the people reading your newspaper don’t give a fuck.  It’s not that interesting.


I actually have a request that my publicist sends people when we are setting up interviews – that under no circumstance do they ask me this.  Usually they ask anyway and it’s always dudes who want to know.  Here’s the answer.  What it’s like is we get asked that question a lot.  We don’t know what it’s like in one way because we have nothing to compare it too.  We haven’t ever been anything else in comedy.  Also, there is sexism in the WORLD so really what you are asking is what is it like to be a woman in a sexist society? It sucks. Please help us work towards equality on all levels. There are no stories of people yelling out “women aren’t funny” to me but because there is sexism in the world and I am a woman who is out in the world there ARE realities to being a woman on the road.  Pay wage stuff.  Cab drivers meant to get me home safe making me feel uncomfortable.  Needing extra security.  Blah blah.  

But why is this question in a ten-minute interview that is supposed to showcase how FUNNY I am in order to sell tickets? It’s a huge topic and very, very nuanced and political – so why…. again WHY do I need to go there when my male peers don’t in their little blurbs? Because whenever I’ve answered the question it’s bit me in the ass.  The articles always, ALWAYS become: HEADLINE: JEN KIRKMAN WHO IS AT THE FUN THEATRE THIS WEEK SAYS THERE IS SEXISM IN COMEDY. And then guess what happens to this woman in comedy? I get awful Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, comments from dudes telling me to lighten up, stop being a victim and on and on.  

Look.  Amongst ourselves women talk about this – and maybe sometimes in a more in-depth interview with another woman if it pertains to her subject.  But it’s a fucked question and on it’s face just asking it is a little insensitive of dudes and smells of just not getting it. And I think most interviewers would know not to ask a comic who isn’t white, “So, what’s it like to be a black comic?” You know you wouldn’t do it.  Don’t do it to women.  We don’t need to constantly be reminded that we are seen as “other.”  Just ask me about Donald Trump’s hair or Wolf Blitzer’s beard or something.  Let me make a joke.  The people reading your paper will laugh.  Then they will buy tickets to the show I’m doing as they got a really good idea of my spirit – instead of reading a symposium on sexism.


Yes. It’s a reality show. And it’s been around over a decade and on Comedy Central for three seasons. There is so much information out there about this show because hundreds of comedians, celebrities, and it’s creators are out there doing press for the show all of the time. This isn’t a question you need to ask me about.  I’ve answered it over a hundred times and I’m always floored to be asked it.  That goes for, “How did you get involved?” “Were you good at history?” These questions have been answered.  

Maybe another angle could be:  Don’t you feel bad for your friends in AA who can’t be on this show?  What do you do when you get home from the shoot?  What are some behind the scenes things we don’t see on camera that you’ve done?  When was the first time you got drunk in real life?  Have you ever done something really embarrassing when you were drunk? Have you ever had a drunken hookup? Have you ever regretted anything you’ve said when drunk?  Ever been drunk with your parents?   Trust me.  Those will get you good answers and you can lead into it with, “As a five time narrator for Drunk History – I know you actually get drunk every time on your drink of choice, wine – so tell me about drinking in general….”

Now you’re off and running to an interview where you might get an answer out of me that no one else has!


Really?  What…is my former boss and a bona-fide celebrity really like?  You think I’m going to give you some expose and you’ll run an article about ME with a headline about HER?  And you want me to what…talk shit?  Not gonna happen.  Also it’s rude.  She’s a person.  So the answer stands that she’s really like what people are like.  Complex and human.  She’s just like you except with more money and fame.  And besides my job was about writing for a TV show and getting work done by a certain time for the producers every day.  I wasn’t in her face all the time studying her every move, analyzing her private versus public persona.  That’s what my mom would do if she had the job.  But people who work in these jobs, we’re like nurses.  We don’t flinch at blood.  We’ve seen it all.  Nothing is special or that weird to us and we’re only going to normalize it for you with our boring answers of the reality of writing on a TV show is that you work a lot, have no life and eat lunch at your desk.


This is what I call A Limited Question Based on Only The Asker’s Version Of How It Works.  It’s like asking a basketball player, “When did you first know you could probably nail a three-pointer?” Who knows? Maybe that’s not how it happened.  Funny is hard to define.  Is it instinct? Science? Luck? A question that could illicit a funny answer and gets you into the same area:

 Did you ever think you were funny but you just weren’t there yet but had no idea? Do you think you made an ass of yourself?

A comedian would rather tell you about the time that she started taking anti-depressants in the 1990’s and thought she had a riveting take on how the side-effects are more depressing than depression. And bombed. Who wants to sit and talk about themselves saying things like, “Well, I always knew I was funny…” Blech.  Gross.  Also, sometimes people don’t do comedy because they think they’re funny.  I know. It’s hard to explain.  That’s why that question doesn’t really make sense – except to someone who doesn’t do comedy and didn’t bother to put any effort into his or her interview.


Maybe this is a good question for Keith Richards or people who play music influenced by the blues but it doesn’t quite work that way for comedy.  Besides, I thought Gallagher was the funniest comedian when I was young. The first comedy I saw on TV was The Muppet Show and The Carol Burnette Show.  Both, I’m sure influenced me, yet I’ve never gone on stage with or as a puppet and I didn’t pursue a career in sketch comedy.  So…. I suppose we can talk about what my favorite TV shows are growing up? Or maybe another question could be

What qualities do other comedians have that you admire?

 That way I can get into how much I admire my friend’s who stay positive, work hard, know how to travel, take risks on stage, have a good writing ethic, somehow manage to always have new material to work on, etc. A comedian’s influences change all of the time depending on where they are in their career – and unlike music, most comedians can’t quite take from other comics and build on it.  It would be too obvious and you’ll just be called a rip-off. It’s another one of those questions that someone who doesn’t do comedy asks – but with an authority that assumes EVERYONE HAS INFLUENCES IN THE LITERAL SENSE JUST GIVE ME A LIST OF NAMES. And now your readers are just reading a list of names. What’s interesting about that?


Well, it’s hard to say because I do my act for a living. I don’t do descriptions of my act for a living. I’m assuming you’ve seen it? No? Oh, so you did no research before the interview and would like me to provide another unfunny answer wherein I just describe my act.

Maybe you could watch some and form a hypothesis about what you think my act is about and you could ask a question based on that?

So, Jen, I watched your stand-up special and in it you talk about your personal life but you also have this odd little story about running into a guy who didn’t know what a lime was? Would you say you want your act to be more personal or was that lime story a sign of where you are going in the future?  Or do you equally love doing both – the personal and the observational and absurd?

This would spark – I don’t know, a thoughtful answer and perhaps discussion. If anyone wants to know what my act is like they can go to Twitter and learn that I’m some people’s Spirit Animal and other people think I suck. And that’s what can be so interesting about talking to a comedian.  You’re usually talking to a hyper self-aware person who while they may not sit around analyzing their own work – they definitely analyze the world around them. And we have a big world full of double rainbows, terrorism, plane crashes, iPhone updates that crash our phones, Steve Jobs movies, love, death, work, bad jobs, good jobs, pants that don’t fit, Climate Change, people still getting mad at sharks for biting them, God, atheism, blood moons, and the possibility of aliens. Why not just TALK to someone about subjects we all think about in the back of our minds?  And then your subject comes off interesting and people will want to buy whatever they’re selling – and what comedians are selling are themselves.  Help them out.  Don’t make them come off boring with your questions about how they knew they were funny.  If any comedian tells you they knew they were funny – please title your article, “I Talked To a Pompous Jackass.”

I look forward to doing more press – it’s a part of my job that I actually love.  But let’s all try to not bore the readers. Like I just did with this blog.